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punkchestnuts · 2 years ago

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the product of immense work, part 3 chapter 1

He does in fact bring her to his favorite café. It’s a small Filipino café owned by this lesbian couple who recognized him almost immediately when he came there for the second time. Their drinks were a little too sweet for his taste and the pastries a little heavy (their rice cakes were heavy, but God were they tasty), but the place gave an easy atmosphere. He’s been going to the café for a while now and he’s never seen the place crowded. That’s why it’s one of the places he likes going to whenever he feels unmotivated at home or it was suffocating at the office. But he also knows the place enough to know that most of the customers there are regulars and they visit the place as frequently as he does.

The couple never complains and in fact, is close to every single one of their customers.

The place is small, but is decorated in such a way that’s cozy and very conducive to work. There are plants everywhere, from the potted plants he doesn’t know the name to on the floor to the plants hanging from the ceiling in macrame knots. Each table had a little potted succulent.

The walls are decorated with local artwork and photographs from places he assumes are from the Philippines. There are also furnishings and other craftwork that are clearly homemade.

Leon likes how cozy everything is and it’s the atmosphere more than the menu that he comes back to. Also, because he’s a big fan of coffee, he likes the free barako coffee they serve at the café. There’s a small counter with a big percolator on top that brews the coffee, and it just emits this wonderful smell around the café.

He brings Hilal there not only because it’s his favorite place and she had asked him to, but also because she’s sure to appreciate the place like he does. (He’s overheard some of the conversations she’s had with Kim, and he knows that she’d like to visit some places in Southeast Asia as well.)

True enough when they get there, Hilal looks at the café with the same awe that Yildiz displayed when he took them to that flower café last Saturday. Hilal is more subdued in her excitement and he watches her silently, enjoying how her blue eyes seem to sparkle at every awesome thing she looks at.

One of the owners is at the counter. Her name is Hera and she has long black hair that she always keeps over one shoulder and has very beautiful tan skin. She’s wearing a white crop top under the apron with their café’s logo on it. She likes to man the counter once in a while, on top of everything she does for the café. Leon knows her to be a little nosy too and that’s why she’s looking back and forth between Hilal and Leon when they approach.

When they place their orders, Hera asks for her name.

“Leon has been coming here for years and has never ever brought anyone with him. You’re kind of the first, and forgive me for being intrigued,” she says with a wink.

He sees Hilal adjust her head scarf and assumes she’s uncomfortable with the attention. (He doesn’t know it’s an attempt to hide the flush in her cheeks, but he’s also busy trying not to get flustered to notice.)

“Hera,” he reprimands instead and tries to send a warning through a half-hearted glare. The Filipina just chuckles.

“Hilal. My name is Hilal.”

Hera smiles at her and writes her name down on a cup. “Thank you. That’s a really beautiful name. What does it mean?”

“It means crescent moon. My family is from Turkey and I was named after our flag,” Hilal answers. Leon remembers Mr. Cevdet explaining the origins of his daughters name the first day they met them. The man looked very proud of himself, and it’s clear now that Hilal is proud of her name as well.

Hera smiles. “That’s beautiful. Mine’s Hera, it’s short for Hiraya. It means dreams and well wishes. My parents were trying for a long time to have a kid before they had me.”

Hilal smiles. “I think that’s beautiful name too.”

“She asks everyone new about their names and what they mean,” Leon says, taking his wallet out to pay. Hilal is about to take her own purse out when he places the payment on the counter first. “It’s a good trick to get people to come back.”

Hilal glares at him momentarily before Hera chuckles. “So what if I do? I asked him what his name meant too, and I honestly thought ‘Leon’ was a little boring but maybe there was a reason to it.”

Hilal laughs. “’Son of a lion’ is a good meaning for a name.”

“Maybe, but predictable. Our names are so disappointingly gender normal.” Hera tuts and hands Leon a receipt.

Hilal laughs, “I can’t disagree with that.”

Hera smiles. “We’ll bring your orders in a while. You guys can take a seat wherever. Máhal!” she shouts towards the kitchen.

They take a seat a little further away from the counter and is a decent distance away from the other customers.

“So this is your favorite place?” Hilal asks after they’ve settled down. The table they occupy has the succulent with a small flower. He doesn’t know what it’s called but Hilal thinks it’s cute.

He nods. “Yeah, they have unlimited coffee. How can I say no that?” He gestures towards the percolator near the counter.

“Oh wow, no wonder it smells so good in here.” She chuckles. “I see the appeal of the place,” she adds. “I didn’t really expect you to like something like this. But then again, it’s doesn’t really surprise me. I’m glad you brought me here.”

“I found it when I first moved into the city,” he tells her. “I think I was a week in my new apartment and school didn’t officially start for a few weeks. I got bored doing nothing and since I wasn’t familiar with the city just yet, I decided to go exploring a bit.”

Hilal leans in just a little, clearly interested in hearing the story. “I used to live somewhere close here so it was a little easy to find this place and I’m glad I did. Hera and her girlfriend, Mábel greeted me so enthusiastically when I walked in that I had half the mind to turn back away.”

“Did you? Hera, at least, has a personality that can be intimidating for people.”

“She does, doesn’t she? But no, I didn’t. I braved it and ordered their house special. Mábel is in charge of the kitchen and Hera does almost everything. But mostly she likes to talk to the customers and make sure they’re doing okay. She gave me my drink and asked me what my name meant, and I ended up staying for a few hours.”

“And to think you almost left it. I get why you’ve been coming back. It’s really cozy.”

Leon nods. “Yeah, it’s kind of hard not to, when they lowkey won’t let you.” He says this as Mábel walks out from behind the counter with their drinks. Mábel, unlike her girlfriend, has short cropped hair that’s dyed in a shocking pink. She has tattoos lined up against her arms, all the more obvious with the tank top she’s wearing under the apron.

She places the drinks on their table and smiles brightly at Hilal. “Welcome. Let us know what else you need, and I hope you enjoy the drinks. Don’t worry though, all our ingredients are halal and kosher.” She has the audacity to wink at Hilal and she turns to Leon and doesn’t even hide it when she whispers: “She’s so pretty!”

“Thank you, Mábel,” he just nods.

Hilal enjoys the drink and Leon is happy that she finds it to her taste. It’s so worth it when she smiles at him so brightly after taking a sip from her own coffee.

Conversation seems to flow easier after that. He’s seeing a different side to Hilal that he’s never expected to see. He’s had a suspicion of what kind of girl Hilal has grown up into, and he’s happy to have it confirmed. He’s also happy that she’s more. He can’t really help fall more in love with her than ever.

She’s been telling him some stories of her younger brother Mehmet and showing him some of the pictures and videos Azize sends her. He has to admit, he’s a pretty cute kid and he kind of wishes he could meet him. He must be adorable when it gets Hilal smile and laugh so carelessly.

“He’s so smart, too,” she gushes. “I taught him to read you know,” she adds proudly, smiling at Leon with her bright blue eyes. “Like you used to do with me back then.”

He laughs. “I hope you did a better job than I did. I barely knew what I was doing.”

“It didn’t feel like it. I can read just fine now.”

“Of course, you do, but that’s thanks to your being an avid reader. Reading only gets better the more times you do it.”

“No, I think I had a pretty good teacher,” she disagrees, giving him a look that told him she won’t let himself downplay himself. “He gave me this thick book to read when I was kid. I told myself I had to get better just so I can read the book perfectly. He told me we’d talk about it once we got to see each other again.”

“And did you?” Leon asks although he knows the answer to do that.

“No, we never got to.”

Leon hums. “It’s better that way. He sounds like a creep.”

She bursts into laughter and slaps at his arm. “Why would you think that?”

He laughs with her and doesn’t mind the sting on his arm. “Am I wrong though? Who gives a kid a philosophy book that talks about Eros and love?”

“You, apparently,” she says in exasperation. “And it’s a good book. Even if it took me a while to understand it.”

“And did you like it?”

She shrugs. “The book is okay. I was kind of happy when I read it at first. It at least talked about a subject that I was already familiar with so it made it easier. I liked how it made the concept of love so easy to comprehend when in reality, it isn’t. But yeah, it did kind of make me wonder why you’d give a book like that to me when I was a kid who barely understood what love is.”

“Trust me, I don’t know either. I just remember liking the book and I thought that maybe you’d like it too.”

Hilal laughs all of a sudden. “You know, when I grew older, I thought that it meant something. Some part of my brain couldn’t let go of that stupid crush I had you when I was a kid.”

He laughs too. “Well, I am a pretty unforgettable guy.”

She slaps his arms again with another laugh. “Seriously. You don’t even sound surprised. I just basically told you I had a crush on you when I was a kid.”

“I’m not,” he admits. “Yildiz told me at the flower café.”

She huffs. “Help me Allah that I don’t kill her when I get home.”

He chuckles at her. “It’s not bad. It’s a little cute actually.”

She cocks a brow at him. “Of course you find it cute.”

“Well, it doesn’t bother me. I used to think you didn’t like me that much when were kids and that’s why you didn’t like being alone with me. It’s funny now, when you think about it.”

“Easy for you to say when you’re not the one who had the one-sided crush.”

Leon laughs and wants to die a little. And Hilal isn’t the one with the one-sided love.

“So, which part of the book did you like?” he asks, before he gets sad about the idea again.

“Will you judge me if I told you I liked the part about the soulmates best?”

"No, and I'm not surprised. It's one of the main reasons why people like the Symposium and it is one of the more memorable things he's written."

"Yeah, I guess it was nice to read something so romantic: the idea of having someone destined for you." She shrugs.

He shakes his head with a smile. "Depressing? Yes. Romantic? Not so much.” Hilal gives him an intrigued look. “The idea gives someone the comfort that they won't be alone in the end, and yes, we're a little scared of being alone. But it's not fair for people to wait around until their soulmate shows up. You never know when that is and for all you know, it could be years on years, or you’ve already met them, or they’re at other parts of the world you can’t reach."

She nods in understanding. "That's true. When you put it that way, it’s a little depressing. But at least, you don't think that anyone can't be happy unless they meet their soulmate?"

He shakes his head again. “No, I don’t think that. That’s why it’s a little depressing to think that there is someone pre-destined for you because as romantic as it is, the sadder it gets the longer you wait. It’s as if your happiness is dependent on the arrival of your soulmate. I also don’t think it’s fair for anyone to test their significant others just to see if they’re the ones they’re looking for. I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to keep waiting around when they could just live in the moment and enjoy what life and other possibilities can offer them.”

She huffs in amusement. "In other words, you think the idea of soulmates is bullshit."

He laughs. "Yeah, kind of. I believe that people don't get to choose who they fall in love with. I doubt any god has anything to do with the feelings and actions of humans. But people do get to decide who they'll stay with. If there are soulmates, then it's something that we decide rather than something we wait for to be validated."

"Only people can know what makes them happy."

"Exactly."

She chuckles. "Anyone who ends up marrying you will be very lucky then."

"How do you say that?”

"Well, you talk about love and decisions as if you’ve had to make a few hard choices. That gives me the feeling that you’re not someone to give up on your partner so easily and you'll definitely make the effort in a relationship.”

Leon used to think so too. But he feels like an imposter when she says it now that he’s not going to be doing anything with his newly found feelings for her. Right now, he’s forcing himself not to get transfixed with the way she keeps trying to tame the stray hairs that’s escaped from her scarf. It’s so cute.

"Well, I try to,” is what he settles for. “Love isn't just feeling in the moment. It's also a lot of work and effort. In fact, it also says that in the Symposium: 'Love is the product of immense work.'"

She lets out another laugh. "Socrates isn't so full of bullshit then.”

"Yeah, he has some good points. But that’s also why he got sentenced to death in the end.” He leans back against the chair he’s sitting on. Their drinks have been empty for a while now and he wonders if he should get a refill.

“And what about you?" he asks instead.

"Me? On whether I believe in soulmates?"

He shrugs. "Yes and no. Up to you."

She doesn’t say anything for a while, clearly thinking about her answer. She’s tinkering with a rolled-up tissue when she begins to speak.

"I think it's a little complicated from my perspective. I can't see love as something that you choose for yourself. It's a luxury.” She smiles a sorrowful smile that speaks a collective history of mistreatment and violence.

“I don't mean to be too political about it, but I'm a Muslim and a woman. Those are things I can’t separate myself from no matter how objective I try to be. We used to not have a voice in deciding a lot of things, including who to marry. Although times have changed and Muslim women are given more of a choice in that regard, there are still so many things that I find a little troubling. At least, for myself.

Now when I think about soulmates and whether they exist, on the one hand, I agree with you that it takes away my agency and it’s no better than the system that’s robbed my sisters of their own choice. On the other hand, I don’t want to be in conflict with my own faith. There’s the belief that Allah has someone planned for me. I embrace that and it comforts me to be reminded of Allah’s love for me and that I’m being looked after. But really, how am I to reconcile those two?

What’s more, is that there are so many people in the world. Will Allah let me have a soulmate that isn’t Muslim? What if the person I fall in love with, the person I choose to stay with, is not of the same faith? Does that mean I’m wrong in falling in love, that I should be trusting others to marry me off instead? What if he does decide that my soulmate is non-Muslim? Does that mean he’s wrong?

Despite the developments, Muslim women can’t marry outside of their religion even if Muslim men can. That means my choices, as a woman, are limited but Muslim men aren’t.

And even if I do decide to be in a relationship with a non-Muslim, we won’t be able to get married not unless one of us converts to the other’s religion, which I’ll never do no matter how much I love them.”

Leon can’t help but chuckle. "You make it sound as if there aren't any suitable Muslim men for you."

She scoffs at him again. “I don’t mean it that way and I’m being hypothetical, what happens then? My parents want me to marry for love and while they tell me I can have anyone I want, I know they won’t accept it if I do want to marry a non-Muslim. Do I just forget about my feelings? Do I just not meet people who happen to be predominantly practicing a different religion? It’s a little frustrating.”

“You sound more than just a little frustrated, Hilal,” he teases and she glares at him momentarily. “Right, I apologize. But,” he thinks about the question a little more before proceeding. He could be potentially shooting himself on the foot here. “Have you fallen in love before? With a non-Muslim?”

Hilal falls silent again and continues to play with the ball of tissue. “I have,” she says after a few beats. She meets his eye with an audible exhale. “He’s also from Istanbul and we met in university. He was raised a Muslim.” She purses her lips. “But he’s an atheist.”

There’s a sadness to her words and Leon understands that the relationship hadn’t gone anywhere. He won’t make assumptions as to what happened, but he knows that it hurt her. It clearly still hurts her now. He can’t blame her for her faith, and he can’t blame the other guy for his beliefs as well. “It seems you’ve had to make a few hard decisions as well,” he says.

She huffs. “It seems so.”

He's not a fool to imagine that she’d have the same feelings for him as he has for her. Even if she does, her faith is important to her. He’d never ask her to choose. He accepted the hopelessness of his situationbut it stings all the same realizing the gravity of it.

He’s a Christian himself. He grew up in a household that gave importance to that aspect of their lives. Unlike the general idea about philosophers, Leon isn’t an atheist. He still believes in his mother’s faith and he prays. He’s not devout, that’s for sure, and he doesn’t remember the last Sunday service he attended. He’s read the bible and he tries to be nuanced about understanding it. But when it comes down to it, he knows he won’t convert either. Despite his misgivings and issues with religion, he still believes.

“Then,” he says. “I hope the right guy for you is either Muslim or is willing to convert for you.”

She gives him a small smile at his attempt to alleviate the conversation. “Would you call that romantic or stupid?”

“As the most esteemed Jane Austen once said, ‘We are all fools in love.’”

Hilal finally gives a laugh. “Leon, why are you like this?”

...

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