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bananxjin · 4 years ago

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Trophy Wife || 5-1

↦ Coworker!Seokjin x Reader

↦ WC: 6,349

↦ Drama || Angst || Fluff || Slow Burn

↦ Trigger Warnings: Insecurity, Verbal abuse, Intrusive thoughts?

↦ Tagged: @lysannnnaa, @vanillanjin

↦ Summary: You thought you knew what you wanted – You were sure you knew what you wanted. You thought the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage with your fiance, Touru Kim; the love of your life, the future father of your children, and the man of your dreams, but things happen. Events begin to unfold, and the relationship falls apart. You see the true colors of your husband-to-be, and you realize that maybe he’s not what you built him up to be. With everything laid out in front of you, you knew the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage.

Just not with Touru.

(A/N: Uuuhhh, I’m no chef, and I have no experience cooking for someone who’s sick. Everything I’ve written is purely for entertainment, and never take my “advice” on uuhhh.... anything. On an unrelated note, this chapter is for @bangtanlalaland for kicking my ass into gear and convincing me to post this <3 Ily sweets!)

✨ Masterlist ✨

“Ah! Fuck…” “Oh my god, are you okay?” “Ugh. Yeah, I’m fine.” “Please be really careful! I don’t want you to hurt yourself!” “I said I’m fine, Jin!” “Next time you can take this side, and I’ll walk backwards!”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not made of glass, Jin. It’s not going to kill me if I get a few cuts and scrapes.” You reminded him, slowly hauling the dark wood bookshelf up another step.

The two of you had been at it for the last couple of hours, packing the heavy furniture into the back of his roommates truck and bringing it over to his new place. Although the apartment he’d been living in with his roommates was so nice, he insisted, “It gets old living with people after a while, ya know?” Then shyly added on as an after thought, “And I’m getting real sick of Hobi’s one night stands every other week.” Which turned you both into blushing messes. You’d decided not to ask anymore questions.

You explained your car-less situation to Jin the night before, and he was more than happy to accommodate your needs. Not only coming to pick you up, but being kind enough to wait until Touru had left for work. Really left. As in making Jin wait an additional two hours after Touru had pulled off your street. Just out of sheer paranoia that somehow, he’d catch you in your web lies. Jin didn’t complain about the wait, he was just happy to have the extra set of hands to get the work done.

No, Jin didn’t need to question why you were being so funny about Touru. He liked to think he’d connected the dots pretty well after watching your reactions when talking about him and his family. Touru’s just a jealous guy, and he gets that; he’s gotta protect you. You’re his gorgeous fiancee after all, and he didn’t want to lose you. Of course, that didn’t do anything to deter Jin’s major crush on you, but he understood.

“Okay, swing it to the left.” You huffed, “As far as you can swing it.” Jin complied, waddling to the far corner of the hallway. You struggled to pull it through without nicking the doorframe nor the bookcase. You were almost worried it wouldn’t fit through the doorway, but with enough determination and another push, you two somehow managed to squeeze it into his bedroom. “Okay. Where are we setting this baby?”

“Over here.” Now taking control, he wiggled his way around to the other side of the room. With your help maneuvering the bookshelf upright, it now sat nice and pretty right next to his closet. “Ah, there we go! That looks wonderful.” He said, dusting his hands on his jeans. “Are you okay? Let me see your hand, that sounded painful!” He exclaimed, taking your left wrist between his hands. You just rolled your eyes again. A dramatic groan passed your lips. “I’m fine, dad.”

“Don’t sass me.” He mockingly warned, smiling at you before he was drawn back to your arm, checking it at every angle to make sure there was no scratching or bruising. “Seriously. You nearly crushed your arm between that giant behemoth and the wall. I just don’t want you getting hurt because of me.”

“If anything, I’d get hurt from being careless. You don’t need to worry so much.” You slid your arm out of his hold before playfully booping him on the nose with the same hand, causing him to smile at you. “Why don’t you set your bed frame up, and I’ll go put your food away.” You suggested, nodding towards his bare mattress leaning against the wall.

“Sounds good. It shouldn’t take me too long!” He chirped happily. “After that, we just have the futon and my clothes left. Then we should be done.” You smiled and nodded at him.

“Well if you need me, I will be in the kitchen!” You gave him a brief smile before disappearing around the corner to make your grand exit back down the L-shaped staircase. You pulled your phone out of the back pocket of your jeans once you got to the bottom, quickly reading through your texts before you got started.

You: “Okay, I’m getting on the train now. Yuna said she’ll meet me at the station.”

You: “I should be home by fiveish tonight. Lmk if your work schedule changes. I love you!”

Touru: “❤” Touru: “Did Yuna pick you up?” Touru: “Hello?” Touru: “You need to start leaving your ringer on so you can text me back /:” Touru: “Alright. I’ll be on my lunch break in two hours. Talk to you then.”

You also noticed the four consecutive missed calls, but you knew better than to call him back at this point. You sighed and sent a quick apology, telling him you’ve been busy moving all morning, then got to work stocking Jin’s new kitchen.

You had to remind yourself that Touru’s always been like this, and it’s not because he knew you were actually with Jin. With your mind and hands preoccupied, the anxiety had actually settled for the morning and most of the afternoon, chatting it up with Jin and offering interior design advice when asked. You can’t be upset when you’re busy, right? Now that you were alone with nothing but a box of perishables and a couple kitchen utensils, you couldn’t think about anything but your fiance.

You kept telling yourself that Touru’s always been the overbearing type, and you’re getting worked up over nothing. It felt like you’re always reminding yourself of your fiance’s little quirks these days, and yet, you continue to put yourself in situations like this one. Situations where you’re going behind his back, and thus kicking his overbearing ways into overdrive, so could you really blame him? On the other hand, you shouldn’t have to choose between your friend and your fiance. It’s not like you even had anything to hide, you’re not doing anything that would make you unfaithful.

Maybe you should take a step back and try to see it from his eyes.

You did lie to him so you could help Jin today.

You sighed, imagining what Touru would say -- How Touru would react if he knew where you really were. Touru’s never been the violent type, but you had a sneaking suspicion that he very well may knock Jin on his ass if he ever found out about today, but not before tearing into you. Although you don’t think he’d ever lay a hand on you, thinking about it still put you on edge.

Why couldn’t you just stand your ground with him? You knew Touru had his own friends. Or at least you’re pretty sure he still had his own friends. These days, he doesn’t go out with them much. Back when he was in high school, he had a whole slew of people he hung around with. Several of the girls in his group would flock to him, but you didn’t remember getting jealous all too often. Maybe a little insecure, and you’d end up bickering about that, but he’d end up reassuring you in the end.

You haven’t reassured him in a bit.

You pursed your lips at the nagging thought, hopping on your tiptoes so you could reach one of the high shelves. It’s not like reassuring did either of you any good when it came to Jin, though. It’s like his name could come up, and the air in the room would change at the drop of a dime. You’ve reminded Touru several times you only love him, but you’re always met with, “I know, but…”

But…

It’s always ‘but’.

“But you see him everyday.” “But you talk about him all the time.” “But are you sure he doesn’t like you?” “But I saw you with him when I picked you up.” “But sometimes you act like you like him more than a friend.”

But, but, but, but, but!

The excuses just kept coming and coming, and it was starting to get exhausting having to defend yourself all the time. It was starting to scare you, really. There’ve been several sleepless nights where you’ve lied there contemplating your relationship. The stability especially. If Touru felt like he couldn’t trust you, then what was the point? And why wouldn’t he talk to you about it instead of his sister, or whoever?

You once tried to ask him why he wasn’t worried about any of your other male coworkers when you brought them up, but that started another argument. “I don’t know, should I be worried, (Y/n)?!” He yelled. “It’s starting to feel like you enjoy spending your time with them more than you enjoy spending your time with me!”

To which you blatantly pointed out that all five of his closest assistants were women, and he really does spend more time at work than he ever does with you, but he was offended that you’d even mention that. “They’re all married and would never look at me like that! They actually have some respect for my relationship!” He’d retorted. “Do I have to remind you how tiresome my career is? Do you think I enjoy sitting down and looking at numbers and spreadsheets everyday? Or going to meetings and discussing the same numbers with corporate? Day in and day out?” He yelled. “I do what I have to do so I can take care of us, (Y/n). To pay for this fucking house and give us a good life and pay for that fucking wedding!” As if his work schedule was the problem. You ended up walking away after a while because you didn’t want him to see you cry. You crying amidst an argument never ended well.

Like he had any right yelling at you about money problems…

You took a deep breath to calm yourself down, reminding yourself that it was just another rough patch. Especially now that it felt like your wedding was just over the horizon, it was taking a toll on both of you. You had a long road ahead as the two of you were getting ready to start your lives together.

It’s fine; it’s completely normal. All couples go through this stage. Especially couples who’ve been together as long as you two have.

You stepped away from the counter after stocking the last few boxes so you could stretch, arching your back until it cracked in just the right spot, causing you to moan out.

“Ooh, that feels so good…” “Hey--”

You yelped, turning towards Jin who was leaning against the archway of the kitchen with a soft smile on his face. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.” He chuckled when you playfully scowled at him. “I’m done with the bed. We can go get the futon if you’re ready.”

And so you guys headed back out, taking the elevator to the garage, and hauling the futon back up to the third floor. Unfortunately for you both, the futon didn’t come apart, so it would have to go up in one piece. You worried for a moment you might have to carry it up all those flights of stairs, but you two managed to stand it upright and just barely shove it in the elevator with you.

Although it was a tight squeeze and definitely took some work, you and Jin made it work. Perhaps the only downside was being squished chest to chest with your coworker. He gave himself a double chin trying to look down at you with a goofy smile. “We’re like three peas in a pod, huh?” He giggled. “Just you, me, and this stupid couch that Yoongi insisted I took.”

You smiled at his faux frustration with his friend. “Let’s just hope the elevator doesn’t break down on us now. I’m not sure how long I could stand here with that metal piece jabbing me in the leg like this.”

“Ah, if it comes to that, I’ll find a way to switch sides with ya. Then It can jab me in the leg.” He winked.

True to his word, Jin insisted he be the one that would walk the furniture backwards this time. The futon wasn’t nearly as heavy as the bookshelf had been, but you were starting to get worn out. You made the poor decision of wearing a wool sweater today. You thought you would still get cold despite all the moving, but all you could focus on now was how uncomfortable you felt with the cold, damp fabric laying against your back.

Finally dropping the futon off in it’s designated spot, you straightened your back and shook out your sweater a bit in an attempt to dry it. “Thank god we’re done with the furniture, huh?” Jin giggled, plopping down on the couch to take a breather. You smiled, opting to sit on the arm instead of sitting right beside him. “It’s a nice little workout.”

He nodded in agreement. “Hey, I wanted to thank you again for helping me. I know you didn’t have to do this, but…” He cleared his throat. “I really appreciate it. And I hope it didn’t cause too many problems between you and your fiance.”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head. “Hey, don’t sweat it. It’s what friends are for.” He smiled shyly and looked away from you. “Okay. There’s like, five boxes of clothes downstairs, I think. We can haul those upstairs and then I’ll run ya home, okay?” He groaned as he stood up off the couch.

You smiled. “Sounds good! Actually, if you want-- Ah!”

The tip of your boot caught on the busted leg of the futon as you moved towards the door, causing you to trip, but Jin jumped forward to catch you. His arms wrapped around your waist in a protective hold while your hands immediately jutted out to grasp his biceps for safety. “Yah! What did I tell you about being careful!?”

You chuckled in relief as you looked up at him. “Thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Any words you meant to say had died on your tongue as you finally caught his eye. The way he gazed at you with hooded eyes and parted lips was reminiscent of the way he’d watched you in the stockroom that night. The way he’d made you shiver with want. The way his fingertips burned on your skin, or how you longed for him to kiss you. You could feel the way both yours and his chest were rising and falling in sync. The way his warm breath brushed against your lips each time he exhaled.

It seems God’s given you a second chance.

You couldn’t help but notice his flushed cheeks, or how his hair was sticking every which way. Probably from tousling it one too many times. Your fingers tingled with a burning desire to reach up and fix it for him. Brush it back behind his ear, feel the silky strands along your fingertips. Anything just so you could touch him a little more, but you didn’t move a muscle.

His eyes shift for a moment, brows furrowing in concentration as his pupils trace out the shape of your face, memorizing every freckle, line, and detail. Even after such a long day's work, you still managed to look beautiful as ever. He loved how bright your cheeks looked in the sunset glow. His eyes trailed down to your lips, entranced by their shape and in the way they’re parted. He wanted to believe he was the reason you were blushing; wanted to believe so badly that you wanted to kiss him just as bad as he wanted to kiss you.

You grew the tiniest bit insecure beneath his gaze feeling very much aware of how gross you may look despite the cold weather outside. You’d give anything to know what he was thinking right now, but your voice was lost on you. You were too wrapped up in Jin -- Both literally and figuratively to think about anything other than him.

Jin. Jin. Jin...

Your eyes lingered on his lips for a moment before you’re reaching out to hold his cheek in the palm of your hand. To your surprise, he leaned his cheek further into your touch, letting his eyes drift close. “You’re so warm.” He breathed against your skin. You could just faintly feel the movement of his lips against your hand as he spoke.

“You are, too.” You rasped. “You’re really warm… Are you shivering?” You ask in a hushed tone, voice laced with concern.

Jin tried, and failed to suppress a chuckle. “I thought we were having a moment, and now you’re worried about me.”

Your hand that’d been pressed to his cheek was now pressed to his forehead. “You’re feverish.” You shook your head, taking him by the arm and dragging him back to the couch. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice sooner.”

“(Y/n), you really don’t have to worry. It’s not a big deal--” But it was too late. You’d already rushed to the bathroom, digging through the singular box that read “Bathroom supplies” but you came up empty.

“Where’s your medicine?” You hollered. “I don’t have any. I don’t usually get sick.” Jin yelled back, nearly hacking up a lung as a result. Okay, maybe he was worse than he thought.

“God, I thought you were smarter than that, Jin.” You sighed, heading towards the stairwell. “You left the linen box upstairs, right?” He nodded, but you were already heading up, not even heeding him a second glance. He felt a wave of guilt wash over him suddenly when another thought crossed his mind. Oh no, what if she’s angry at me?

Your footsteps echoed in the stairwell as you reappeared in the living room carrying his king size comforter. “(Y/n), I’m really sorry. You really don’t have to do this for me--”

“Why are you apologizing to me?” You asked as you pulled him up a bit so you could drape the comforter around his body. “You’re the one that got sick.”

“Yeah, but you’re trying to take care of me--” “It’s because I care about you, dummy.”

You said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and that shut him up real quick. Jin watched you absently as he continued to mull over your words. He knew you cared about him; you cared about him the same way he cared about you, but actually hearing you voice it out loud was making his heart race. He felt something akin to when your plane first takes off, and you feel that little tickle in the pit of your belly. Except this time, the girl he liked told him she cared about him. And that tickle was by no means little.

“Good thing I unpacked your kitchen earlier, huh?” You laughed from the other side of the wall, breaking Jin out of his trance. “I mean, I’m glad your milk isn’t spoiled, but now I know where everything is hidden because I’m the one that put it there.” You giggled.

He smiled at the thought. You and him moving all his shit into his new apartment had felt so domestic. Yeah, you did know where everything was now, didn’t you? He was weirdly happy about that. He could just barely see you around the corner, standing at the oven stirring something in a small pot. You danced around his kitchen collecting whatever you needed, humming a little tune to yourself as you did so.

You looked so natural standing in his space. Like you were meant to be there, and Jin wondered for a moment if this is what things would be like if you two were a couple. Earlier, you’d gotten a little bit too warm from constantly moving around, and he watched the way you’d effortlessly thrown your hair into a ponytail and shoved the sleeves of your sweater up. It was such a normal, human thing to do, but seeing you do it had him swooning.

‘She looks so cute in that sweater…’

‘It only makes me wish she’d wear my sweaters like that.’

He blushed at the thought and snuggled further beneath his blanket, pulling it up around his cheeks. It was still a stressful day, and both of you definitely had your moments of frustration, but having you around made everything so much easier. You guys were talking about Christmas on the way over, and you told him a little more about your mom and what it was like growing up in a town like this. He loved it. He felt like such a starved man, and the only thing that would fulfill his hunger; his only saving grace was you. Learning more and more about you. Oh, he thrived on it.

He knew it was wrong and incredibly selfish of him. To ask you to do something like this on one of your days off when you probably could’ve spent it with Touru. Hell, you could’ve spent it working on something you’d enjoy much more, but he couldn’t help himself. He craved you. He wanted to be wrapped up in a blanket made purely of (Y/n) and never have to leave. But that was all a pipe dream. He didn’t have the heart to come in between your relationship. No matter how jealous he might be of Touru, or how much he may have disliked him…

The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.

“Sorry it took me so long.” You sighed, carrying a steaming bowl with both hands as you sat beside him. You placed the bowl on your knee and blew on the spoonful of soup.

“Open up!” You smiled, holding the spoon out to Jin, which only made him blush more. “I-I can feed myself, you know!” He stuttered, but you just shrugged. “C’mon. Humor me.”

He complied with you just this once, refusing to look you in the eye as you dipped the spoon into his mouth. He thought he knew what he was expecting, but it seemed you were just filled with surprises as the liquid that touched his tongue tasted like anything but chicken noodle soup.

“Ugh! Hot!” “Ah, I’m sorry! I thought it was cool enough--” “No, no! It’s so spicy!” He cried while taking deep breaths, desperately trying to cool his mouth off. You set the bowl down and ran off to retrieve a glass of water, which he nearly chugged half of in one gulp. “Oh my god, what did you put in that?”

“It’s chicken noodle soup with spicy chili peppers.” You said. “Well… In this case, chicken noodle soup with chili powder, black pepper, and hot sauce. You didn’t have any fresh chili’s so I had to make do.”

Jin swallowed another mouthful of water before setting it off to the side. “My mom used to make spicy soup for me anytime I got sick. It may not taste the greatest, but it’ll break that fever of yours and clear those sinuses right up!” You said cheerfully as you sat next to Jin once again, pulling the soup into your lap. Jin was quick to take the bowl away from you so he could feed himself at his own pace.

“Th-thank you.” He mumbled, preparing his poor tongue for another dreadful spoonful. “I can’t guarantee I’ll finish all of it…”

“Oh, that’s okay! You don’t have to! Just enough until you feel yourself sweating.” You giggled, taking his water cup to refill it. “You probably have to do this for Touru too, don’t you?” He sounded guilty, and maybe a little too jealous, but you didn’t seem to notice. You just shook your head no. “I would! But Touru goes to the doctor if he even so much as sneezes too many times. He won’t allow himself to get sick.”

Huh. Jin hums. Wimp.

“Why are you doing all of this for me?” “I already told you it’s because I care about you.” He cleared his throat. “No, I know that. I mean… You don’t gain anything from helping me like this. Not with moving and especially not taking care of me.”

You rolled your eyes. “God. Does everybody have to expect something in return when they do favors for people?”

“No, no I didn’t mean it like that!” You shook your head. “Sorry, I wasn’t directing that towards you.” You sighed. “It just reminded me of something my mother-in-law said a couple years ago. It… Really pissed my mom off.”

Jin frowned. “What’d she say?” You shrugged. “She asked Touru if he was sure about me. Because I can’t give him anything other than children.” Your voice was almost a whisper, looking down as you picked at your nails so you wouldn’t have to look Jin in the eye. “Mom and I weren’t very financially sound while I was growing up, and I think Touru’s mom looks down on us for that.”

“She said that in front of you?” “In front of my mom.” You corrected him. You shrugged. “It’s whatever, ya know? I don’t care what his parents think about me. He loves me…”

Jin swiped at the corner of his mouth with his thumb, “Touru at least stood up for you though, didn’t he?”

“Not really, I don’t think.” You answered honestly. “If he did, he didn’t tell me. Then again, he doesn’t really speak out against his parents. I mean, I get it. He’s inheriting his father's company in a couple of years. He needs to stay on their good side and all…”

Jin took a deep breath, trying to carefully construe his next words, but he was coming up empty. What could he possibly say that didn’t make him sound angry? Infuriated? Not just with Touru’s parents, but Touru himself. You’re supposed to be the love of his life; how could he ever stand for anyone to treat you that way, especially his own parents. Jin could only hope Touru wasn’t treating you the same way.

“It all evens out, though! I mean, my mom can’t stand him, so… Anyway!” You chirped, breaking the intensity of the conversation. “To answer your question: I don’t need a reason to do nice things for you, or anyone really. If I’m doing something for you, it’s only because I care about you.” You giggled. “There is no ulterior motive and I don’t expect anything in return, okay?”

Jin watched you sadly as you took the bowl from him. He knew you were hurting, so why wouldn’t you lean on him for support? “Let’s get you into bed, yeah? You’ve done plenty of work today, and you need the rest.” You wrapped an arm around his bundled up waist. Despite the spicy soup and giant blanket, you could still feel his body was shivering beneath the thick fabric. It was nearing six o’clock at this point, but you still wanted to stop by the corner store to grab Jin some medicine before you left.

Touru will be fine with leftovers. It’s one night, it won’t kill him.

With you by his side and a heavy blanket to boot, Jin waddled up the stairs carefully as he could not to trip you up. “She’s wrong, you know?” Jin mumbled under a shaky breath, “Touru’s mom.” You smiled at him. “Oh yeah?” He nodded. “So wrong.”

You guys made it halfway up the second flight of stairs before Jin added, “Touru’s a really lucky guy, you know?” You blushed. Hearing such kind words from Jin wasn’t uncommon, but your heart still screamed with joy every time he complimented you or offered you words of support.

“What am I saying?” He tsked himself, “Of course you know, you’re the wonderful woman he’s marrying after all.”

Jin...

You faltered a bit, but Jin was quick to grab your arm, steadying you. You quietly thanked him as you shuffled into the room in front of you, arm in arm. He smiled as you guided him to lay down. Your hands shook just the tiniest bit as you took the king size blanket from him so you could throw it over his form. He kept smiling, eyes never straying from your face. “I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you.” He cooed softly.

You swallowed thickly as you tucked the blanket around him before sitting on the bed beside him.

‘Don’t do this to me, Jin. It’s unfair.’

It was much darker in his room with only the hall light to illuminate your view. He closed his eyes as you felt his forehead again, gently dragging your hand up so you could push his hair off his face. He didn’t feel as warm as he did earlier, but you were still worried about him. “I’m going to get you some medication before I head out for the night. Is there anything else you need?” You whispered. Jin frowned and sat up, but you were quick to push him back down.

“It’s getting dark out. I really should--” “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Jin. I’d rather you stayed in bed.” You frowned. “But I’m worried about your safety.” He frowned back, but you shook your head. “I take the train back and forth all the time. I’ll be fine.” You reassured him. “Do you want anything else?”

He shook his head no. “You’ve already done more than enough for me, (Y/n). I’ll be okay.” You smiled softly, running your fingers through his hair again. It felt soft and fluffy. You silently wished you and Jin had met under different circumstances. You hoped that in another life, you two were able to enjoy a life of domestic bliss together. Maybe it was selfish of you to feel this way, but right now, you wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with him and run your fingers through his hair all night. Just talking and cuddling with him until the two of you would finally fell asleep in each other's arms.

But he’s not yours. And you’re not his, you reminded yourself.

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight knowing I didn’t do as much as I could to help you.” You whispered. Your eyes fall on his plump lips again. His gorgeous lips which were always smiling for you, even now when he’s not feeling his best.

Whoever ends up marrying Jin is going to be the luckiest person in the world.

Hopefully he’ll end up with someone who makes him as happy as he makes others.

You hesitated for a moment before leaning in, pressing a tender kiss to his forehead. “I’ll leave the bag on your doorknob, okay?” You whispered, leaning in close to his ear.

Jin shifted a bit under your weight, nodding stiffly.

“Y-yeah.” He stuttered, “That’s fine.” You nodded, gazing longingly at the beautiful tuft of hair splayed out over his pillow. Just one more time, you bargained, slowly dragging your fingers through his silky stands. Jin closed his eyes, dozing off to the feeling of your fingers running through his hair. The two of you sat there in each other's company, silently hoping for another opportunity like this in your future, never quite telling the other that you’d rather spend the rest of your nights together, just like this.

The next time Jin would open his eyes again, you’d be gone.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!”

Your calves burned as you raced down the street, feeling like the very bones that carried you may collapse underneath your weight, but you needed to get home as soon as possible. The sun had gone down over an hour ago, your train ended up arriving half an hour late due to maintenance, and your phone died before you even got to the train station, but you didn’t need your phone to tell you how royally fucked you were.

“Where the hell have you been?!” Touru demanded the second you got through the front door. You dropped your bag and keys on the table, trying to take a second to catch your breath before staking your defense. The bright red numbers on your oven caught your eye almost immediately.

7:42 PM. Nearly two hours after Touru got home from work.

“I was--” You coughed, “with Yuna--” “There’s no way you were still helping Yuna this late at night!” You shook your head no, “I’m sorry. Yuna took me out for dinner as a thank you.” You lied. “I meant to text you, but my phone died, and the train…”

You finally met Touru’s angry glare. You knew there was nothing you could say to calm him down. Nothing that would make it better, so you backed down. You couldn’t handle it when he looked at you like that -- Like there was a raging fire in his eyes, and you were the cause of it. It hurt you too much; brought you to the brink of tears, but you refused to cry in front of him. Instead, you crossed your hands in front of yourself and hung your head in shame. “I’m really sorry…”

Touru scowled at you. “Well big thanks for the heads up! I’m glad I got my own takeout seeing as how you had no intention of making dinner tonight!” He shouted, angrily bumping his shoulder into yours as he walked past you. You stood stiff as a board in the middle of the kitchen, listening to his angry footsteps clamber across the hardwood floor until finally the bedroom door was slammed shut.

You felt like a limp noodle as you finally found the strength to move your legs. Kicking your shoes off near the sliding glass door and dragging your feet to the living room. You didn’t have the strength nor the patience to face Touru a second time tonight. You laid the blanket out on the couch and hooked your phone up on the charger. You kicked your leggings off and unhooked your bra, tossing it to the corner of the room.

At least the sweater is dry now.

You snuggled underneath the blanket, watching with squinted eyes as your phone turns back on. Your throat felt dry, and your eyes stung as the tears began to cloud your vision. You laid your phone screen down on the couch and tried furiously to rub them away.

You lied to Touru, and now you’re suffering the consequences. You were in the wrong, and you have no right to cry.

The negative thoughts just flooded in, one after the other, scolding you, berating you, reminding you that you fucked up. How could you act like you’re the victim? You couldn’t stop them no matter how much you wanted to, and it only made you cry harder. Even with your knuckles shoved into your eyes, pleading with yourself to calm down, the tears continued to flow effortlessly, drenching your cheeks and creating a small wet spot on the fabric beneath your face.

You tried to cocoon yourself in the featherlight quilt to suppress the full body shakes that just kept rolling over you. Even shoving your body closer to the back of the couch, trying to bury yourself against the cushions, but nothing worked. You choked on your hiccup, and it was what finally forced you to get up and get a drink of water. Anything to calm you down because if Touru knew how upset you were, how hard you were crying now, things would be so much worse.

With nothing but the oven lights accompanying you in the kitchen, you filled your glass and gulped down a full glass of water, then another. It was enough to stabilize your breathing again, but you were still shaking a bit. You cleaned the glass and took a moment to splash some cold water on your face before heading back to the couch.

You took a deep breath as you laid back down, reassuring yourself that tonight was just a stroke of bad luck, and you shouldn’t let it bother you. That’s easier said than done though, especially when you’re going to bed on an empty stomach and a broken heart. You checked your phone before setting it aside for the night.

Jin: “Thank you for the goodies bag, and thank you for being such a good friend to me! I’m feeling much better now thanks to you! Did you get home alright? Jin: I’m going to assume you did, and you’re all tucked up into bed now 💕 Sleep well tonight, okay?”

A new wave of tears washed over you as you read Jin’s messages over and over. A strange feeling settled in the pit of your stomach. Something unwanted, but not quite like nausea. You typed out a response, but quickly deleted it. You did this several more times, before deciding you just wouldn’t respond. Nothing felt right to say. Part of you really, really wished you would’ve stayed at his apartment with him. What was one more lie gonna hurt? You could’ve said Yuna moved way out of town, and it was too late to take the trains. All of that just so you’d have the opportunity to talk to Jin just a little bit longer. Just to avoid this emotional downfall. Just to fall asleep feeling comforted by someone else’s warmth. Comforted in knowing they cared about you as much as you cared about them.

Quit being so selfish. You shouldn’t go running off into another man’s arms just because you had a disagreement with your fiance.

You ignored the intrusive thoughts, telling yourself you’re allowed to indulge in these selfish wants in the name of anger. As long as you didn’t act on anything, you’d be safe. You wiped your hand over your cheeks one last time before wrapping yourself up in the blanket and closing your eyes for the night. You fell asleep imagining you were being held in Jin’s embrace.

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