#books that make me sooo sad that its a debut novel because i want to read more from the author

[haveyoureadthistransbook]

Baby Butch by Lou Conradi

goodreads

Berlin, Spätsommer 2015: Während in Heidenau und Freital rassistische Mobs Geflüchtete angreifen, plant Steph, eine technikbegeisterte, linksradikale Butch, für ihre Ex und beste Freundin Maria ein Kind auszutragen. Der Plan scheint aufzugehen: Steph ist schwanger! Die Vorfreude hält allerdings nicht lange - Während Steph mit Freund*innen in Heidenau demonstriert, gerät Marias Leben aus den Fugen: Ihr Partner macht Schluss, sie muss aus der gemeinsamen Wohnung raus und weiß überhaupt nicht mehr, ob sie unter diesen Umständen noch Mutter werden will. Von da an häufen sich die Probleme und Steph muss sich neben der Schwangerschaft noch einigen anderen Schwierigkeiten stellen. Eine transfeindliche WG ertragen, depressive Freund*innen unterstützen und gleichzeitig herausfinden, was man selbst fühlt und sich wünscht, ist gar nicht so einfach. Der Roman verfolgt eine Gruppe von queeren Menschen in Berlin und ihre alltäglichen und außergewöhnlichen Probleme, Beziehungsgeflechte und Existenzängste. Was hat das Einhorn mit der Jungfrau Maria zu tun und Feminismus mit Waffenexporten? Gibt es die unbefleckte Empfängnis wirklich, hilft BDSM gegen Polizeigewalt und was können trans Menschen erwidern, wenn sie mal wieder gefragt werden: "Was bist du?"

Mod opinion: This book slaps so hard, if you speak german & like butches & leftists & antifa & trans people you should read it!

[la-knight]

BOOKS I (RE)READ IN 2018: FURTHERMORE BY TAHEREH MAFI

"Alice Alexis Queensmeadow, 12, rates three things most important: Mother, who wouldn’t miss her; magic and color, which seem to elude her; and Father, who always loved her. Father disappeared from Ferenwood with only a ruler, almost three years ago. But she will have to travel through the mythical, dangerous land of Furthermore, where down can be up, paper is alive, and left can be both right and very, very wrong. Her only companion is Oliver whose own magic is based in lies and deceit. Alice must first find herself—and hold fast to the magic of love in the face of loss." "Red was ruby, green was fluorescent, yellow was simply incandescent. Color was life. Color was everything. Color, you see, was the universal sign of magic." "Love, it turned out, could both hurt and heal." "Narrow-mindedness will only get you as far as Nowhere, and once you're there, you're lost forever.” "Alice was an odd girl, even for Ferenwood, where the sun occasionally rained and the colors were brighter than usual and magic was as common as a frowning parent." "Making magic is far more interesting than making sense." So I actually read this book a few months ago and then recently reread it via audio so I could remember all the details for this review. I was first introduced to Tahereh Mafi’s work through her book Shatter Me, her debut novel. Ironically, it wasn’t through any of the ways I normally hear about books - Booktube, Goodreads, my best friend, Booklr - but from my husband’s aunt. She runs - or used to run, not sure if she’s still doing it - a book review blog. And she posted a review of Shatter Me and I was like, “What a weird, interesting writing style, lemme check this out.” At this point the entire Shatter Me Trilogy plus novellas had been published and I devoured all of them (still need to review those, too). So when I heard Tahereh Mafi was writing a middle grade book, I got super excited! Especially because this was during a time when I was too stressed out to read any YA, since most of the YA I like involves having to save the world and all the stress that entails. I need to lay out some trigger warnings real quick: the main character, Alice? Her mom is incredibly abusive, both emotionally and physically. It’s treated as not such a big deal in the book, which is honestly the story’s only real flaw, but it’s bad. It took me seven tries and resorting to an audiobook (and even with a fantastic narrator, that short audiobook took me almost a month to get through) because the abuse was so bad. So:

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE OF A CHILD BY THEIR PARENT

Let’s get started, yo! First of all, the setting. OMG. See, I love tthis thing called Victorian fairy tales, which is something you can find in books like Mary Poppins - these super fantastical bits of whimsy that just warm your heart and make you grin because they’re so creative and fun. In the Mary Poppins books, you can jump into chalk drawings and go to a circus amidst the stars and make friends with a woman who sells living candy-cane horses. In Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland series, there are shadow balls and talking phonographs. And in Furthermore, there’s light raining down from the sky in literal drops, sticks of magic you use like money, and forests full of invisible berries. The way the world is put together and described, so full of color and imagination, is awesome and beautiful and I could picture it perfectly. It reminded me in all the best ways of books like The Phantom Tollbooth (one of my favorites). But I wouldn’t want to live there, because Ferenwood is full of colorism and ick. Alice, the female lead, is an albino in a world where color is important and the darker you are, the more magical you’re considered to be. So Alice gets treated like garbage. 

Also I think Alice may be autistic, but I don’t know if she’s deliberately coded autistic or if Tahereh Mafi did it by accident while trying to make Alice eccentric, but she comes across as autistic. I’ve actually begun to pay more attention to that sort of the thing in recent years, being autistic myself, and I see it a lot - authors giving their characters autistic characteristics, often without meaning to. I just touch on it here because Alice is already treated badly for being albino, but she’s also considered a freak because of the way she behaves - like an autistic preteen. And I wonder if Tahereh Mafi did that on purpose as a sort of commentary or not, because while Alice is treated badly by the people of Ferenwood for her behavior, the Narrator (who is an actual character in the story; love when that happens) always sides with Alice in this regard. The storyline is sweet and I love it. Alice tries to compete in the magical testing all the preteens do on their twelfth birthday, and so she dances. And her dancing is magical but it’s not Magical, you know? So she fails the test. Well, turns out a boy who passed the test the year before, Oliver (the brat), needs Alice’s help fulfilling a quest - rescuing Alice’s missing dad. So they go on a quest together, although Alice hates Oliver (and rightly so, he’s rude). They go to a dozen different and cool places, all of which are dangerous and all of which are different. I wish we could’ve spent more time in those places but I understand why we didn’t. The only annoying thing is there’s an origami fox on the cover but it only pops up in one of the worlds for like two pages and then it’s gone and I thought we could spend more time both in that world and with that creature since it ended up on the cover. But alas, not. I understand why - middle grade is often cursed to be short, especially if it’s the author’s first MG novel ever. Once you get big and bad like Rick Riordan you can start tossing out gihugic tomes like Son of Neptune or Blood of Olympus on the regular. Oliver’s reason for needing Alice was one I didn’t see coming, nor was her magical talent - a talent they hint at throughout the book but never explain until near the end, at the perfect moment. I thought it was an interesting commentary on how young girls perceive themselves, that Alice hates this marvelous, amazing talent she has of bringing color into the world from nothing...because she can’t use it to change how she looks. Society has trained her already, by the age of twelve, to discount something incredible about herself because she can’t use it to make herself into what society wants her to be. That’s pretty impressive for a book this short. I loved some of the more deliberate messages in the work - the thing I mentioned about society’s pressures on young girls, and also that it’s okay to tell boys to screw off if they’re mean to you, and to have hope and to look for second chances (Alice thinks she only has one chance to pass the test and believes her life is over when she fails, only to find out she can try again the next year). I love all of that, and the lyrical and whimsical quality of the prose, and the world building is so creative and also makes me a bit hungry (people eat magic in this book, among other things; I wonder what it tastes like). Now...let’s talk about the abuse. That’s my biggest issue with the book. Alice’s mother is a total bitch. And not in a cool, kickass way like the lady in the show Empire. She’s vicious, she’s cruel, and she’s abusive. Alice knows - and the Narrator confirms - that she turned bad when her husband went missing, and apparently the worry for him and the strain of raising four kids on her own is making her hard and sad, but I don’t give a shit. I was hoping Tahereh Mafi would’ve gone all Hansel and Gretel on this lady and when Alice comes home with her dad, the wife’s dead or something. She beats Alice (at one point she beat Alice for chasing a boy out of the place where she was sleeping, even though he kept staring at her in her sleeping clothes, because apparently the boy - Oliver - had the right to break into their barn at 3AM and ogle Alice???), she verbally abuses Alice, she sends her to bed regularly without dinner, is constantly criticizing, won’t hug her or kiss her, and - this one really got me, for some reason - forces her to do illegal things. Those invisible berries I mentioned? Alice can find them and bring back whole baskets because of her magical gift, and so her mom sends her out to pick them all the time. If she brings home enough, her mom smiles. If she doesn’t, her mom yells and calls her names and sometimes beats her. Guess what? Picking those berries is illegal. We don’t find this out until much later in the book, but it is. The thing I didn’t like about the berries is that Oliver, who’s thirteen, is less concerned about Alice’s mother beating her for not picking enough contraband berries and instead focuses on how her ability to find the berries in the first place means Alice has really impressive magic. NOBODY seems to care how much Alice is being abused, not even the Narrator. The Narrator sympathizes with Alice’s hurt feelings and despair over her missing Father, but it’s never objectively stated that her mom is abusing her AND SHE IS. Yeah, her mom is sooo glad to have her back after Alice almost dies on her trip with Oliver, but so what? My roommate’s mom is so abusive that my roommate’s clergy leaders, doctors, and psychological therapist all said my roommate needed to cut ties with said mom, even though my roommate’s mom has also exhibited the same kind of “oh baby I’m so sorry, I love you so much” bullshit. That’s what abusers do. So I hate Alice’s mom. She literally makes her daughter feel like if she doesn’t risk her life numerous times AND bring her father back, there is no chance her mother will ever love her. And if she pulls that stuff off (which she does), then MAYBE her mother will love her. Nuh-uh. Nope. Hate that bitch. Other than that, I really loved this book. The characters felt real (Alice is me, but without my anger), Even the ones I didn’t like were still REAL, and well-drawn. The world building and word choice is fantastic. Basically, if you can get past the evil mom, read this book. World Building: 1 star Realism: 1 star Word Choice: 1 star Plot: 1 star Characterization: 1 star - ¼ star because Oliver Newbanks is an obnoxious little creep - 1 star because the mom is AN ABUSIVE EVIL BITCH - ¼ star because NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THAT +½ star because Alice is amazing and has a genius brain and I love her Total score: 4/5 stars Would I Buy It: Yes! I own it and loved it enough I got the sequel for Christmas (in...2017...I've been sitting on this review for months...)! Would I Recommend: yes, but with trigger warnings. Again, highly abusive evil bitch mom who somehow doesn’t die.

[astralbooks]

October Book & Comic Haul

a couple of really good books came out this month! it was my birthday this month so i got some things then, also it was comic con this weekend just gone so i got some art zines there too (which totally count as books shhhhh)

i’ve already read a lot of these because right now i’m doing quite well at keeping my physical tbr as small as physically possible  : D

i’ll go through them from the bottom of the pile upwards

this is an art zine for the webcomic Heartstopper by Alice Oseman, which serves as a prequel to her debut novel Solitaire. the comic follows two students as an all-boys grammar school in england realise that they like each other. i ordered my zine the second time they went on sale (i heard they sold out in around 15 minutes !!!) and it’s sooo pretty. my photography skills really do not do it justice lmao. if you haven’t read the webcomic, i highly recommend it !!

i love Night Vale a lot okay. this novel focuses on one of Carlos’ scientists, a woman called Nilanjana, who investigates the Joyous Congregation of the Smiling God. this novel answers one of the podcast’s biggest questions: what exactly is the Smiling God? this was a fun read, and Carlos was in it quite a lot which i really appreciated

this is the third issue in an independent comic series. i supported the kickstarter for this issue because i really enjoyed the first two, but i need to reread them before i read this one. i believe it’s about a coffee shop in cardiff (i’m not sure if it’s actually cardiff but i’m leaning towards cardiff) in a world where dnd style creatures exist and are treated as normal. i think the owner of the coffee shop is a legendary demon in hiding. i’m not sure as i can’t quite remember what happened in the first two issues, but it’s pretty cool!

this is an artbook by pearlesqued full of characters for her upcoming comic series. i already had a bookmark with one of her characters from may con, and i honestly love her artstyle. i will definitely be checking out her comic when it happens

the bunnies say things like ‘we’re all going to die’ while looking cute, and the foxes are adorable

i found this at a charity shop (i love charity shops, those things can be absolute treasure troves). i’ve been meaning to pick this book up for a few years now so this was a great find! this is a lesbian retelling of Cinderella, and i will definitely be getting to it soon. the cover is gorgeous as well !!

this is one of the books that my brother got for me for my birthday. i watched the anime earlier this year and i’ve already read the first two volumes. this series is about a princess who is forced to abandon her pampered lifestyle and becomes a competent fighter who is determined to make the world a better place. there are also reincarnated dragon warriors and one of the best found families i’ve ever seen. if any of that sounds interesting i highly recommend checking this series out. fun fact: the blond boy on this cover does not appear at all in this volume

i bought the first two volumes of this series myself when getting other things for other reasons from amazon because there were cheap copies available. i watched the anime last december and really enjoyed it so i wanted to read the manga. 12 assassins are drafted into a year 11 class at an elite private school. their target is the 13th student, but one of the assassins decides that she is going to protect her instead. this is such a fun series! plus, you know the ‘bury your gays’ trope? this series is the opposite of that. nobody is straight and nobody dies, even when they really really should have done

my brother got me volume 2 for my birthday, and i bought volume 1 for myself. i watched the anime last summer (i am spotting a theme here) and loved it, so wanted to read the manga. it’s a wacky slice of life series. the anime is one of the very few pieces of media that has succeeded at making me cry (it was from happiness and i will love it for that forever) it’s great and i highly recommend it to everyone!

i got this on kindle because i have limited space, and clearly all my money is going towards manga. i was happy when John Green announced he was releasing another book, because i’ve enjoyed all his other books and he’s a cool person in general. this book didn’t disappoint. i appreciated its representation of anxiety and ocd (which Green himself suffers from), and was impressed with the depiction of living with the death of a parent. the protagonist, Aza, lost her father a few years prior to the book’s start. i lost my father when i was 12, so i am familiar with how that felt then and how it feels now. i think that John Green did a very good job

not pictured:

it’s on goodreads so it counts as a book. i enjoyed listening to this. however, i listened to most of it while walking around town, and when The Dead Line was suddenly very sad i may have made some people a bit worried as i did not keep reactions off of my face. i made sure not to listen to The House of the Dead until i got home because i at least had some warning about that one

this book is very big which is why it’s not pictured. i’ve kinda temporarily stolen it from my brother (he said i could borrow it. he didn’t say for how long). it’s pretty cool. i’ve flicked through it and it’s set out like an actual history book. it doesn’t mention the rift as much as it really should, but while that’s slightly annoying i understand why they’ve done it

i just recieved an e-arc of this novel !!!!! it’s about an all-girl starship pirate crew, which already sounds amazing. if i pick this up before thursday morning then yell at me because i have an exam that i should really be prioritising, but i will be reading this one within the week

summary:

this is why i’m broke lmao

seriously the few books on this list that i haven’t already read, i’m really looking forward to doing so. i just need to actually revise for my exam first haha