#books by Kaija Rayne

[kaija-rayne-author]

Hi, I'm in the middle of creating a list of books by autistic authors with more than one central/significant autistic character. It is on Goodreads right now, and I was thinking about also making a twitter thread to find more upcoming works, especially by authors of colour. The goal is to showcase books where there is more than one Autistic character who is central to the work. E.g. protagonist and love interest(s), multiple pov characters, mother and kids, main character and their community, a supervillain and their archnemesis... anything where the primary relationships, plot and narrative force comes from multiple autistic people. This is kind of a complicated question, because I remember seeing on twitter that you sort of accidentally wrote Rhian as autistic but as far as I know this is not on-page or stated elsewhere. In SoulBound, I really loved how Rhian relates to him by talking about how it felt for her when she first learned to shadowmelt and then they hold hands and ground themselves together, and although I'm not sure if you meant it this way, the way they communicate feels very neurodivergent to me. Would you say that both Rhian and Lynn are autistic, although with Rhian it is not explicity named on page, or is Lynn the only autistic character although Rhian possibly has some autistic traits, as a reflection of you as an author?

As a separate question, if you think that SoulBound does meet the specifications, would you be comfortable with it being added to the list? I know that visibility can be tricky and vulnerable to put on the page or be open about, and that sometimes people prefer to keep things not publicly labelled in a specific way, so I would only want to add SoulBound if you agreed.

Thanks so much! Please feel free to message me directly if you have any questions.

I'm not sure if you understand how happy getting this made me. I cried happy tears. I often feel like I'm just throwing my brain babies into an empty void because I never see them on lists, or people talking about them, and I'm never gonna get my magic Unicorn for hitting 50 reviews on Amazon 😅🦄.

I get why, people don't often like to talk about books with certain types of content, but as the author, it's miserable to just not know which characters people loved, what things they enjoy about my work, or if something meant something to someone. I hear absolutely nothing about my work, and when I look, there's very little. TBH, I learned to stop looking. This is possibly the first time someone wanted to add them to a goodreads list.

I live in desperate hope for fanfic or fanart. The idea of someone loving something I created so much that it inspired them to create is just mind-boggling. It's definitely author goals for me.

My heart projects mean so very much to me and one of the reasons I write and share what I write is because an author's words have absolutely kept me breathing through hard times. There have been nights where if I didn't have another author's words to cling to, I probably wouldn't have seen the dawn.

If I and my work can be that hand in the dark telling people like me that there's still beauty and hope in the world... then publishing as a poverty stricken author has meaning and is worth it. Of course, it would be really nice if my books or patreon made me a living wage. I could write so many more books if I didn't have to worry so much about affording the basics! At the end of the day, I'm a pretty decent writer and I deeply wish I could afford to do it more often.

So, thank you so very much. You made my day ❤ (maybe my month).

Now to your question.

Rhian has always been autistic/ADHD, from the very first moment she marched into my head and demanded to be written. She's written with some of my stims and autistic ways of thinking, her ADHD manifests like mine does. I did downplay that a bit with her character for reasons, but she absolutely is. I was extremely hesitant to label her such on page because of her profession. There are some rather common assumptions people make about someone who murders people. Even if she's sanctioned by a God, she's still a murderer.

It's always, 'the shooter was autistic or mentally ill'. When 3% of violent crime is committed by mentally ill and neurodivergent people, and 97% of it by regular neurotypical people, it's a fraught subject. I didn't want to add to that incorrect and painful prejudice. It already harms enough people. I don't mind answering here, because there's space to explain my reasoning.

Y'know, I'd just written the handholding scene when I said I'd accidentally outed Rhian as autistic on Twitter 🤣. It was just so obvious in that scene. I didn't label it specifically because of prejudice, but I figured people who needed to see it would likely be able to.

Kai has ADHD. I tried to depict that in him by how he's always on the go, and with his temper. A lot of ADHDers have quick tempers that can get away from us. I did my best to keep him just ADHD for variety, but he's neurodivergent too. He may have some autistic traits simply because I'm autistic.

With Lynn... I showed a lot of my personal autistic and ADHD traits that I rarely let anyone see. It was hard to write for me because, well, people are already really awful to autistic/ADHD folks, and I didn't want to add to that with my depiction. Yet, at the same time, I wanted to let people see that rep. We need actual rep of what autistic people are really like. It's a part of most autistic/ADHD folks lives. Meltdowns aren't an automatic part of being autistic/ADHD. Something has to push us to that, usually traumatic or overwhelming stuff. But they do happen, and maybe by showing Lynn's meltdown, it helps someone.

I agonized for a while after writing Soulbound about whether I should take the meltdown scene out or not.

The handholding scene really just felt perfect to me because it's how I would react. Little steps toward intimacy. I absolutely meant that scene to read as two NDs grounding themselves together and also showing unequivocally the step they were taking, together. I think with intimacy, especially physical intimacy, the way autistic/ADHD folks do things isn't really shown much. I wanted to show it.

I mean, there's still a lot of people who infantilize us and think we couldn't possibly be interested in sex and romance, when in many cases, it's the exact opposite of the truth. Many of us do indeed want to have those things. It's just way harder for us to find it.

I'm very comfy with you adding my work to your list. Honestly, I'm thrilled, awed, and honoured. Thanks again. Not all of my work has multiple NDs, but most of it does.

So for ease of reference:

Ace Assassin series

Rhian (Risk, Rhi): autistic, ADHD, OCD, high anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic attacks, chronic severe depression, CPTSD. Also demisexual, grey aromantic, bisexual, genderfluid non-binary, submissive if she can trust who she's with. Can switch to Top but it’s not her preference.

Alkaios (Kai): ADHD, anxiety, depression, CPTSD, abandonment & trust issues. Also pansexual, allosexual, alloromantic, genderqueer, polyamorous, kinky, Dominant but can switch with Lynn, no one else.

Lachlan (Lynn): autistic, ADHD, OCD, high anxiety, suicidal ideation, depression, CPTSD, self-harming behavior. Also bisexual, genderqueer, kinky, Dominant but can switch, polyamorous, allosexual, alloromantic.

Ilavanian Dreams series (repub 2023/2024?)

Tormaëline (Maël, Maëlcolm): Autistic, ADHD, prone to dark depressive episodes and lying to himself, self-harming behavior in a variety of ways. Pansexual, demisexual, aromantic, gender-fluid, polyamorous, kinky, Dominant but can switch with someone he deeply trusts.

Cameron (Cam, Tànaiste): Autistic (different flavour than his brother), depression, periods of deep melancholy, pansexual, demisexual, alloromantic, polyamorous, kinky, Dominant but can switch with Li.

Carnelian (Li, Selinas): Autistic, depression, panic attacks/anxiety disorder, CPTSD w/heavy trauma from what was done to xyr and how xie grew up. Gender neutral non-binary, pansexual, grey aromantic, polyamorous, kinky, Dominant but can either switch or pretend to with a client.

Astrophilos (Los): ADHD, chronic severe depression with suicidal ideation. Genderfluid non-binary, though he doesn't really feel the need to display it or fuss about it. Pansexual, kinky, polyamorous, allosexual, grey aromantic, Dominant but can switch with Maël.

Kataniya (Kat, Kitten): Autistic/ADHD, severe chronic depression, anxiety, CPTSD, suicidal thoughts, DID, cleithrophobia, claustrophobia, pathological need for freedom. Bisexual for now, (she's still young so still figuring herself out). Gender non-conforming, demisexual, alloromantic, kinky, polyamorous, submissive.

Maikke (Mai): Anxiety with panic attacks, CPTSD, lost memories, gender non-conforming, allosexual, demi-romantic, pansexual, polyamorous, kinky, switch.

Mothmen:

Shea: Autistic, ADHD, depression, PTSD, bisexual, alloromantic, polyamorous, kinky, switch.

Jai: Autistic, depression, generational trauma, CPTSD, pansexual, demi-romantic, polyamorous, Dominant

Ryan: ADHD, PTSD, kinky, bisexual, polyamorous, switch, demi-romantic

Unreleased books:

Sanctuary Heart (2023?)

Amon-Ea: Autistic, chronic illness, chronic pain, demisexual, agender, alloromantic, depression, social anxiety. There's no sex in this one. It's the one I wrote for sex-neg folks who wanted to read my work. (There's only one ND character who drives the plot in this one, there may be more stories in the series depending on reader reaction. If so, a rescued sea person and Amon-ea's brother are also ND.)

Faerie Glamour (2024?): current WIP

Liadhain (LEE-ah-thane): autistic/ADHD, chronic pain, chronic illness, demisexual, bisexual, grey aromantic, polyamorous.

Ruaidhri (RUR-ee): ADHD, anxiety, depression, claustrophobia. Allosexual, pansexual, grey-aromantic, polyamorous.

Finnvarr, Finn (Fin): Autistic, chronic severe depression, social anxiety, CPTSD. Bisexual, demisexual, grey aromantic, polyamorous, trust issues the size of mount fiji.

There's a few more ND characters, but I'm still working on this one.

That's most of the main characters. If you have any questions please feel free to ask! I sorta threw a lot of info at you. Oops. 😅

For anyone interested in reading about the adventures of my brain babies, here's some links. These will take you to the first chapter in each book so you can see if my writing voice works for you. Please remember to be careful about the content warnings.

I'm so freaking terrible at self-promo 🥴.

Links to first chapters of my books

Bloodbound is the series starter for Ace Assassin

Prelude of Bloodbound

Mothmen is a standalone novella based on the urban legend about mothman.

Sample of Mothmen

Ilavani is the series starter for Ilavanian Dreams.

First chapter of Ilavani

Note that Ilavani is still down for a new cover. It's almost finished and depending on how much life throws at me, I hope to have it back out this year.

[kaija-rayne-author]

If any of all y'all have read my books, I'd really love some asks about them. I'm in a really sad headspace about having to put my writing on hold to survive.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Spoilers for Tevinter Nights and today's reveal on upcoming DA4 companions. Educational review of The Wigmaker/Lucanis Dellamorte character.

I'm happy that I called Neve Gallus and Lace Harding as companions in DA4. Neve looks amazing!

Really really wish I'd been wrong about Lucanishit Dellamorte.

The story 'The Wigmaker' in Tevinter Nights of the so called 'mage-killer' (who would actually be Marius or Tessa thank you very much) was one of the most poorly characterized pieces of crap I've ever read in my entire 12 years as an editor.

And trust me, please, when I say I've had to edit some real stinkers.

Agree with me or not, I honestly don't care. I know I'm right. Why?

Because there's science behind what works in writing good characters, good settings, good (insert a part of a story).

Editors like me exist to gently (or sometimes not so gently) smack an author over the head with the 'no, that's a ridiculous idea, perhaps tweak it to this instead' stick. And that character was ridiculous on so many levels.

I've already had people get rudely in my face for sharing a personal (and professional) opinion about Lucanishit today.

Reading is subjective. But what that actually means, is that what I like in a story, and what another person likes in a story will be different.

It's not a statement on professional quality of the story in question. That's a completely different topic.

It's very possible to enjoy a story with bad any of the above. Especially if you love reading and weren't foolish enough to become an editor like me.

Word to the wise, if you love reading? Don't become an editor. You end up developing all these pesky standards and knowledge about how story works (and how it doesn't).

It's even possible to enjoy a story that's poorly written or edited. But that enjoyment, which, yes, is absolutely subjective, is still not the same as whether the character, story, setting, or writing are actually good in the professional sense.

I have several NYT bestselling clients. I've worked in and around trad pub and indie pub for more than a decade. How story works is absolutely one of my AuDHD special interests, and as such, I've studied the nuts and bolts of it like I do any of my special interests. I'm not talking out of my ass here.

The fact is that some things work in writing, and some things don't. Some things work in particular types of stories, and some things don't. It's just the nature of the beast.

Seriously. Without being pissed off at me for disliking a story you may have liked? Think about it and read my professional issues with the character.

Something I feel we, as writers, need to constantly be doing is improving our craft. It always surprises me how many writers just get pissy and attack rather than taking the opportunity to engage in free education.

Because when an experienced professional of any sort breaks something down like this, that's what we're doing. Offering free education. (Tips are very much appreciated.)

This critique is based on the story 'The Wigmaker' in Tevinter Nights where we first meet Lucanis. I really hope the Lucanis we get in game will be different.

In the entirety of the DA series (books, games, comics, everything) have you ever seen an Antivan Crow act like such a chuny, emo edgelord? Nope.

A supposed Antivan Crow strutting around like some arrogant, badly imagined, assassin version of Harry Dresden just doesn't work.

Crows are wraiths. Shadows. The whole point is that no one sees them coming!

They don't advertise like Lucanishit does. Which is why I'd rather hoped it would be his cousin Illario chosen as the romanceable companion. He actually knows how to blend in. Illario spends a lot of the story rightfully calling Lucanis on his bullshit methods.

The first of many editorial hiccups in 'The Wigmaker' is that you really are very unlikely to shove a sword through a wall like that. And a supposedly experienced assassin would probably know that?

Even modern walls have studs and often solid insulation and wires in them.

But we're talking medieval like walls, which tended to be stone or lathe and plaster. Those walls are basically a sandwich of wooden lathes with stone/gravel fill in the middle, then plaster on top. You are not shoving a sword through one. You can barely drill through one with a power drill! Even if you did manage to? It would very likely ruin the blade.

Also, that would not be the shape of the wound if you actually did manage to shove your sword through one of those walls without breaking it and into someone's hand. Because hands have these weird things called bones in them.

Fan art has Crows as more flashy, sure, but in the series itself? The most you see is skin tight clothing and dangerous eyes.

Going up to an innkeeper and bloody advertising that you're a crow? WTAF is that? Lucanishit is supposed to be the grandson of Caterina Dellamorte, First Talon to the Antivan Crows.

A black leather trenchcoat? Really? Really really? And that's just points off on the style factor. Those things became the mark of try-hards a long time ago.

Do you have any idea how noisy those coats are? How much unnecessary weight it would put on a person who is supposed to move silently and unseen? Do you have any clue how noisy those things would be when you took a flying leap like Lucanishit did in 'The Wigmaker?' (Think loud leather wings). How much wind drag there'd be wearing something so ridiculous on a contract? Any clue how hard it would be to reach your weapons under something like that? Ugh. The devil is most certainly in the details, peeps.

Okay, so moving past the utterly ridiculous sartorial choices this so called master assassin wears, he and Illario are loudly talking about being Crows on their way to the mark.

Assassins and Assassination are illegal, y'know? At least Illario tried to blend in. For which Lucanis mocked him.

They get into position, which for some reason is during a hoity toity Tevinter party rather than when the mark was, y'know, alone.

Lucanis does some incredibly unrealistic, noisy acrobatics to get some keys. That by itself I could let slide, rule of cool exists.

But he does it in that ridiculous leather trenchcoat. I don't care how unlikely people are to look up (humans really don't look up very often unless we train ourselves to do so) a giant bat like person flopping around doing acrobatics would be kinda hard to miss.

Then we move on to some murders.

Now, it's part of almost every assassin's creed that you don't harm the innocent or the servants in taking out a mark. It's mentioned a few times about the Crows. Because, again, they're supposed to be the bogeyman in the dark you never see coming.

Lucanis murders a couple of paid guards and doesn't bother to make it clean or hide the bodies.

Finally, we're into the mark's inner sanctum. There's some particularly ghoulish stuff that the mark is guilty of, so I could see why it might annoy someone.

But there they are, two Antivan Crows in a secluded area near the Mark. That, if there were any actual assassins around would've been the end of the story.

But instead of killing the mark and disappearing like any crow should, Lucanis instead decides to make the veil thin enough to allow demons to easily come through.

Into a party of drunk Tevinter mages.

So now instead of a clean, fast kill, we have around 250 possessed mages and enslaved elves. And I think I read somewhere that elves feel being demon possessed is a fate worse than death.

Obviously, this is chaos. Red lyrium somehow acts like red lyrium never has in series, which I could let go because rule of cool.

Lucanishit then proceeds to fight a weird demon possessed mark. (I would point out that in that situation it would've been the demon that killed the mark, not Lucanis.)

But yes, eventually, after torturing red-lyrium Shelob, he pokes it enough to kill it. Which in DA canon doesn't always dispatch the demon back beyond the veil.

Not even gonna go into what intentionally thinning the veil there would do. Aren't people trying to stop that?

Then Lucanis and Illario escape.

Leaving some 248 demon possessed creatures behind at a city estate in the middle of Vyrantium.

Now, like them or not, the nobility are usually the ones who have the resources to hire the crows. So Lucanis has just taken out a large portion of potentially paying clients. That alone would likely be enough to have him removed as a crow in a very final fashion.

And what exactly do y'all think would happen when those demon possessed inevitability get out of the estate?

Innocent people of Vyrantium would be slaughtered. Demons would replicate themselves and further thin the veil.

And it would be the commoners and enslaved people harmed most. Because magisters have the resources to protect themselves from demons.

There is absolutely no mention of Lucanis sticking around to clean up his mess. None.

This is not a good story on the professional level. There are major problems with it.

The writing itself is snappy and catchy. The action is fast enough that if you don't rub two brain cells together, it could be entertaining.

But my editor brain is always on. I literally cannot turn it off anymore.

My eyeballs rolled so much during this story that I'm surprised they didn't fall out and land on the floor.

From everything we know about crow culture from Zevran, from short stories and comics, from the games and bits of Lore, Lucanishit is just so badly characterized it's actually shocking that the same author wrote what is one of my favourite stories in Tevinter nights, which is 'Eight Little Talons' and which also features the crows as crows should be characterized.

I honestly think the only saving of that character for me in the upcoming game will be if someone who has actually read the Dragon Age lore on the Antivan Crows did the writing for him.

I don't even care that he looks a bit like Keanu Reeves, who is one of my all time favourite actors, nor that assassins tend to be some of my favourite classes to play.

Not even that I was really looking forward to playing a Crow again.

Man, if only Viago wasn't with Teia I'd have paid body parts for him as the companion crow (or Teia for that matter). And my polyamorous heart would've exploded in happiness to have them as a team you could potentially be in a polyam relationship with.

If that subtle, wickedly clever old Caterina Dellamorte, Lucanis and Illario's grandmother, who has kept hold of her position as First Talon for so long, saw her grandson acting like that she'd probably do what she did to Emil. (Which, in case you haven't read it, was smash his head in with a heavy handled cane then stab him to death.)

What the hell happened? Were they smoking the Harry Dresden smoke a bit heavily when they wrote 'The Wigmaker?' Some other kind of smoke? Were the editors drunk?

I swear. These things are part of why I keep saying that Bioware needs better developmental and diversity editors.

And no, I'm not talking about me. I would love to get into writing and editing for games. (Side-eyes the last year in the gaming industry. I think?)

But I don't write about Dragon Age and other games in hopes of landing a job. I do it to get these thoughts out of my head. And because I just love gaming. I've been doing it for over 30 years.

But they certainly need somebody.