#Ilavanian Dreams

[kaija-rayne-author]

Hi, I'm in the middle of creating a list of books by autistic authors with more than one central/significant autistic character. It is on Goodreads right now, and I was thinking about also making a twitter thread to find more upcoming works, especially by authors of colour. The goal is to showcase books where there is more than one Autistic character who is central to the work. E.g. protagonist and love interest(s), multiple pov characters, mother and kids, main character and their community, a supervillain and their archnemesis... anything where the primary relationships, plot and narrative force comes from multiple autistic people. This is kind of a complicated question, because I remember seeing on twitter that you sort of accidentally wrote Rhian as autistic but as far as I know this is not on-page or stated elsewhere. In SoulBound, I really loved how Rhian relates to him by talking about how it felt for her when she first learned to shadowmelt and then they hold hands and ground themselves together, and although I'm not sure if you meant it this way, the way they communicate feels very neurodivergent to me. Would you say that both Rhian and Lynn are autistic, although with Rhian it is not explicity named on page, or is Lynn the only autistic character although Rhian possibly has some autistic traits, as a reflection of you as an author?

As a separate question, if you think that SoulBound does meet the specifications, would you be comfortable with it being added to the list? I know that visibility can be tricky and vulnerable to put on the page or be open about, and that sometimes people prefer to keep things not publicly labelled in a specific way, so I would only want to add SoulBound if you agreed.

Thanks so much! Please feel free to message me directly if you have any questions.

I'm not sure if you understand how happy getting this made me. I cried happy tears. I often feel like I'm just throwing my brain babies into an empty void because I never see them on lists, or people talking about them, and I'm never gonna get my magic Unicorn for hitting 50 reviews on Amazon 😅🦄.

I get why, people don't often like to talk about books with certain types of content, but as the author, it's miserable to just not know which characters people loved, what things they enjoy about my work, or if something meant something to someone. I hear absolutely nothing about my work, and when I look, there's very little. TBH, I learned to stop looking. This is possibly the first time someone wanted to add them to a goodreads list.

I live in desperate hope for fanfic or fanart. The idea of someone loving something I created so much that it inspired them to create is just mind-boggling. It's definitely author goals for me.

My heart projects mean so very much to me and one of the reasons I write and share what I write is because an author's words have absolutely kept me breathing through hard times. There have been nights where if I didn't have another author's words to cling to, I probably wouldn't have seen the dawn.

If I and my work can be that hand in the dark telling people like me that there's still beauty and hope in the world... then publishing as a poverty stricken author has meaning and is worth it. Of course, it would be really nice if my books or patreon made me a living wage. I could write so many more books if I didn't have to worry so much about affording the basics! At the end of the day, I'm a pretty decent writer and I deeply wish I could afford to do it more often.

So, thank you so very much. You made my day ❤ (maybe my month).

Now to your question.

Rhian has always been autistic/ADHD, from the very first moment she marched into my head and demanded to be written. She's written with some of my stims and autistic ways of thinking, her ADHD manifests like mine does. I did downplay that a bit with her character for reasons, but she absolutely is. I was extremely hesitant to label her such on page because of her profession. There are some rather common assumptions people make about someone who murders people. Even if she's sanctioned by a God, she's still a murderer.

It's always, 'the shooter was autistic or mentally ill'. When 3% of violent crime is committed by mentally ill and neurodivergent people, and 97% of it by regular neurotypical people, it's a fraught subject. I didn't want to add to that incorrect and painful prejudice. It already harms enough people. I don't mind answering here, because there's space to explain my reasoning.

Y'know, I'd just written the handholding scene when I said I'd accidentally outed Rhian as autistic on Twitter 🤣. It was just so obvious in that scene. I didn't label it specifically because of prejudice, but I figured people who needed to see it would likely be able to.

Kai has ADHD. I tried to depict that in him by how he's always on the go, and with his temper. A lot of ADHDers have quick tempers that can get away from us. I did my best to keep him just ADHD for variety, but he's neurodivergent too. He may have some autistic traits simply because I'm autistic.

With Lynn... I showed a lot of my personal autistic and ADHD traits that I rarely let anyone see. It was hard to write for me because, well, people are already really awful to autistic/ADHD folks, and I didn't want to add to that with my depiction. Yet, at the same time, I wanted to let people see that rep. We need actual rep of what autistic people are really like. It's a part of most autistic/ADHD folks lives. Meltdowns aren't an automatic part of being autistic/ADHD. Something has to push us to that, usually traumatic or overwhelming stuff. But they do happen, and maybe by showing Lynn's meltdown, it helps someone.

I agonized for a while after writing Soulbound about whether I should take the meltdown scene out or not.

The handholding scene really just felt perfect to me because it's how I would react. Little steps toward intimacy. I absolutely meant that scene to read as two NDs grounding themselves together and also showing unequivocally the step they were taking, together. I think with intimacy, especially physical intimacy, the way autistic/ADHD folks do things isn't really shown much. I wanted to show it.

I mean, there's still a lot of people who infantilize us and think we couldn't possibly be interested in sex and romance, when in many cases, it's the exact opposite of the truth. Many of us do indeed want to have those things. It's just way harder for us to find it.

I'm very comfy with you adding my work to your list. Honestly, I'm thrilled, awed, and honoured. Thanks again. Not all of my work has multiple NDs, but most of it does.

So for ease of reference:

Ace Assassin series

Rhian (Risk, Rhi): autistic, ADHD, OCD, high anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic attacks, chronic severe depression, CPTSD. Also demisexual, grey aromantic, bisexual, genderfluid non-binary, submissive if she can trust who she's with. Can switch to Top but it’s not her preference.

Alkaios (Kai): ADHD, anxiety, depression, CPTSD, abandonment & trust issues. Also pansexual, allosexual, alloromantic, genderqueer, polyamorous, kinky, Dominant but can switch with Lynn, no one else.

Lachlan (Lynn): autistic, ADHD, OCD, high anxiety, suicidal ideation, depression, CPTSD, self-harming behavior. Also bisexual, genderqueer, kinky, Dominant but can switch, polyamorous, allosexual, alloromantic.

Ilavanian Dreams series (repub 2023/2024?)

Tormaëline (Maël, Maëlcolm): Autistic, ADHD, prone to dark depressive episodes and lying to himself, self-harming behavior in a variety of ways. Pansexual, demisexual, aromantic, gender-fluid, polyamorous, kinky, Dominant but can switch with someone he deeply trusts.

Cameron (Cam, Tànaiste): Autistic (different flavour than his brother), depression, periods of deep melancholy, pansexual, demisexual, alloromantic, polyamorous, kinky, Dominant but can switch with Li.

Carnelian (Li, Selinas): Autistic, depression, panic attacks/anxiety disorder, CPTSD w/heavy trauma from what was done to xyr and how xie grew up. Gender neutral non-binary, pansexual, grey aromantic, polyamorous, kinky, Dominant but can either switch or pretend to with a client.

Astrophilos (Los): ADHD, chronic severe depression with suicidal ideation. Genderfluid non-binary, though he doesn't really feel the need to display it or fuss about it. Pansexual, kinky, polyamorous, allosexual, grey aromantic, Dominant but can switch with Maël.

Kataniya (Kat, Kitten): Autistic/ADHD, severe chronic depression, anxiety, CPTSD, suicidal thoughts, DID, cleithrophobia, claustrophobia, pathological need for freedom. Bisexual for now, (she's still young so still figuring herself out). Gender non-conforming, demisexual, alloromantic, kinky, polyamorous, submissive.

Maikke (Mai): Anxiety with panic attacks, CPTSD, lost memories, gender non-conforming, allosexual, demi-romantic, pansexual, polyamorous, kinky, switch.

Mothmen:

Shea: Autistic, ADHD, depression, PTSD, bisexual, alloromantic, polyamorous, kinky, switch.

Jai: Autistic, depression, generational trauma, CPTSD, pansexual, demi-romantic, polyamorous, Dominant

Ryan: ADHD, PTSD, kinky, bisexual, polyamorous, switch, demi-romantic

Unreleased books:

Sanctuary Heart (2023?)

Amon-Ea: Autistic, chronic illness, chronic pain, demisexual, agender, alloromantic, depression, social anxiety. There's no sex in this one. It's the one I wrote for sex-neg folks who wanted to read my work. (There's only one ND character who drives the plot in this one, there may be more stories in the series depending on reader reaction. If so, a rescued sea person and Amon-ea's brother are also ND.)

Faerie Glamour (2024?): current WIP

Liadhain (LEE-ah-thane): autistic/ADHD, chronic pain, chronic illness, demisexual, bisexual, grey aromantic, polyamorous.

Ruaidhri (RUR-ee): ADHD, anxiety, depression, claustrophobia. Allosexual, pansexual, grey-aromantic, polyamorous.

Finnvarr, Finn (Fin): Autistic, chronic severe depression, social anxiety, CPTSD. Bisexual, demisexual, grey aromantic, polyamorous, trust issues the size of mount fiji.

There's a few more ND characters, but I'm still working on this one.

That's most of the main characters. If you have any questions please feel free to ask! I sorta threw a lot of info at you. Oops. 😅

For anyone interested in reading about the adventures of my brain babies, here's some links. These will take you to the first chapter in each book so you can see if my writing voice works for you. Please remember to be careful about the content warnings.

I'm so freaking terrible at self-promo 🥴.

Links to first chapters of my books

Bloodbound is the series starter for Ace Assassin

Prelude of Bloodbound

Mothmen is a standalone novella based on the urban legend about mothman.

Sample of Mothmen

Ilavani is the series starter for Ilavanian Dreams.

First chapter of Ilavani

Note that Ilavani is still down for a new cover. It's almost finished and depending on how much life throws at me, I hope to have it back out this year.

[elisawinther]

Science Fantasy. Polyamory, Accurate Kink, Genetic Modification, Mixed-race Autistic MC, it's queer AF & I love it.

Check out this wonderful author and her wonderful book!!!