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spiltscribbles · 3 years ago

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this night seems so long!

~Notes: I’m reposting this and i’m still not happy with it :S rip XS

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It is pleasant, indeed, while the summer lasts

with the mild pheasants' song ...

but now I feel the northern wind's blast—

its severe weather strong.

Alas! Alas! This night seems so long!

And I, because of my momentous wrong

now grieve, mourn and fast.

TS Eliot

The late summer chill seeps through the creeping windows into the flat that they once called home— the feebly standing, slowly disintegrating haven that was painted with laughter before lies, with hopeful kisses before hesitant touches. The cold burrows itself into Sirius’s bones and coats his every thought and nests deep inside of him until he’s more frost than man.

But then he sees Remus— beautiful and golden and perfect Remus— padding out their bedroom clad in Sirius’s oversized jumper that swallows his hands whole, and that familiarly gentle smile that makes his eyes glitter once his soft gaze rests on Sirius, and his sleep supple skin tastes like the things too beautiful to name. He tastes like Remus— like sunlight and parchment and whispered laughter and raspy groans and that’s all Sirius ever wants, has ever wanted.

“It’s September first.” He says once Sirius finally unlatches from his neck, red faced and pleased, and Sirius swears that Ganymede has nothing on him. That if he could he’d restructure every celestial star from above to follow the precise slope of his nose, and the pedal soft curve of his cheek, and the path of his jawline to temple. For everyone to worship him in ways he’s always deserved.

“We’ve made it another month,” Sirius retorts, mixes the splash of milk with the sugar in Remus’s Earl Gray, which is a travesty and a point of teasing throughout their whole relationship since they were nothing but lads. Sirius blames Remus’s beverage faux pas— including his preferential nature to black coffee—to being raised by a Frenchman for a mother, and Remus always counters that if Sirius was any more bloody English he’d be afraid that Queen Elizabeth would poach him for her next husband. Which of course always ended the argument because then Lily would laugh from besides him, and Sirius would glare along with James— both hating it when Remus and Lily’s Muggle references go over their heads like a second language they couldn’t speak.

But Lily’s not here, and neither is James. They’re tucked away in another safe house— the fourth in a calendar year, and they’re both going a bit mad if the letter Lily sent him only a few weeks ago is anything to go by. And Sirius aches for the both of them, aches for baby Harry— his one year old God son who he loves like nothing else. And how could he not? He’s Lily’s bright eyes set into James’s open face, has James’s warm, brown complexion but inherited Lily’s freckles too. He’s Sirius’s God son, and there’s a mad man after him, and sometimes it feels like Sirius’s brain is a mushy, muddled stew melting out of his scalp when he’s forced to contemplate on it for too long— to contemplate on how little Harry seems incapable of escaping the danger— because it goes back to the same name over and over again. The name of someone Sirius refuses to ever let himself contemplate for longer than a breath.

“Aye,” Remus says in that lilting, Welsh bread accent of his before he takes a slow sip and Sirius is left to study the sweep of his long lashes against his fine bones and how less than a fortnight ago that face Sirius adores so endlessly came home caked in mud and blood that was only partially Remus’s own and Sirius wasn’t allowed to ask what happened while he cleaned the cuts and kissed the healed pink skin with gentle reverence. “Maybe 82 will be our year Paddy.” Remus says with such raw yearning that it blows the wind out of Sirius like he’s just taken a bludger to the gut. And he feels so stupid and thankful all at once. Because of course those idl contemplations are nothing but ridiculous fodder. Of course Remus would never— could never.

“Yeah moony,” he says quietly. “Maybe it will.”

Sirius steps forwards, and he kisses him and Remus breathes out like he’s been holding it for a long while, and then his fingers slide into Sirius’s overgrown hair and tugs, and they’re lost in one another for the rest of the morning.

Three days later Remus leaves again under demands that he won’t ever disclose to Sirius— penance for the trust Sirius broke as a schoolboy with a prank that proved near deadly— and a week after that the Order gets news that the Prewettss were compromised, that it took five of those Death Eater bastards to finish them off, and that their older sister with seven kids of her own can’t bare to hold a public wake.

The cold gets worse, and Sirius doesn’t know where to step to avoid another avalanche; is afraid that with every move he takes, a landmine is waiting to blast.

The bare branches of the elderly tree outside their flat knocks against the partition that once bathed them in spilt sunlight and stolen serenity and careful comfort. It scrapes against the glass like the fingers of an inferi, accentuated by the sound of the whistling wind, crooning like the menacing melody by a milky eyed, haggard looking banshee. And everything is unmoving, everything is still— petrified for a moment in frozen history.

And Sirius feels his insides collapse when he remembers that he’ll never hear Gideon’s laughter or see Fabian sat next to Benjy again. It’s a generation lost, Sirius thinks morbidly, the way he always gets when Remus isn’t home and he’s tossing back shots of Fire-Whiskey like it’s what keeps his veins pumping life. A generation of them that’s being killed off one by one, a generation of Hogwarts graduates being obliterated and there’s not an end in sight and Sirius wants to scream. He wants to fight them with his bare hands. He wants to ravage each of their hideouts and use them as target practice for his unforgivables and he wants to run, God he wants to run. He wants James and Lily and Harry to come with him, wants to steel Remus in the middle of the night before he knows what’s even happening. He wants to escape it all and hold onto his family with a iron grip that can only be severed through death.

Sirius wants it so much that it begins to ache, to twist in his stomach and weep within the hollows of his bones.

But then the branches knock against the window once more, and he’s brought back to a reality the makes even idyllic daydreams like that something treacherous and awful. So he pours himself another finger and raises the glass to fallen friends and pretends that the throbbing in his heart is something that can be spelled away if he only works hard enough.

Remus comes home a week later and Sirius feigns that the sight of his lover doesn’t make Sirius picture Marlene’s twisted face of agony and Dorcas’s limp body at the feet of this dark wizard that has destroyed everything Sirius has ever known and tainted everything he has ever loved.

The safe house is sparsely decorated, save for the candle Lily’s always got burning and the succulent she keeps on a shelf besides a small portrait of Harry, tucked between one of her and James on their wedding day, and another of the five of them at their Hogwarts graduation.

It’s no home, especially not one for a baby that’s as curious and boisterous as little Harry. It’s a prison at best. still packed boxes strewn about the ground, and a tension permeating the air and it’s awful. But Sirius manages to forget about it when he glances to his right and sees a giggling Harry bouncing happily on Remus’s lap, and Remus is glowing in a way Sirius hasn’t seen for edging on a year. The stiffness threaded through his shoulders has dissipated and his smile is wide and he’s dotingly kissing Harry’s chocolate splattered cheek while James and Lily roll their eyes fondly from across the breakfast spread. And Sirius thinks that if this is all he sees for the rest of his life he would thank every God and every spirit above.

“Uncle Moony, you better be convincing Harry that if he doesn’t eat his berries that the boogie man will come and munch on his toes tonight,” Lily scolds half heartedly, which makes James drop a kiss to the crown of her head before topping off her tea.

“No toes, mommy! No toes!” Harry babbles in that in-between state of gargling and speech that is as precious as it is incomprehensible.

“Saucy boy,” Sirius chuckles, tousling Harry’s already hopelessly disheveled hair and kissing the corner of Remus’s lips that taste like hazelnut and blueberries and a bit like sunlight too. And he thinks that this is what happiness feels like— He’s nearly forgot.

“I’ll get’m washed up, shall I?” Remus says as he rises swiftly from his seat, Harry clapping excitedly.

“Good man,” James winks and Lily blows him a kiss. Remus looks down at Sirius, a brow cocked slightly.

“I’ll be up in a minute, yeah? Just wanted to help these plonkers with the dishes.”

Remus grins brightly and nods, and then, he stilts— like in hesitation— before kissing Sirius’s temple, promptly shuffling off and humming Harry an old French lullaby that he knows Hope once sang him when he was a boy.

And Sirius’s heart feels so full, so fragile, And Sirius hates that he didn’t tell him I love you, is afraid that the space of time that they’ll get to say that to one another is rapidly dwindling.

“We’re finishing up all the kinks in the plan,” James says, saddling up besides Sirius, handing him a sponge and keeping the dishcloth in his own. “You still want to act as secret keeper?”

“Course you daft wanker,” Sirius bristles. “I’d do anything for you lot.”

“I know,” James says unflinchingly. “You and Moony are the best friends a bloke can ask for.”

And God that hurts like nothing else, so Sirius doesn’t even try to retort in any meaningful sort of way. “Don’t forget Wormyy.”

James laughs. “Would never dare.”

And then silence drops over them like a heavy quilt threatening to smother them to death. And Sirius scrapes off the grime from the dishes and pretends that the plate isn’t still scratched and battered even once the debris is gone. And he swallows down the lump in his throat when he remembers that Remus is leaving again in a matter of hours.

Remus is still curved around Sirius like a blessing stroked to life with heavenly colors the morning after he gets back. Sirius wraps his arms around him, squeezes tightly and berries his head into his neck, wanting to feel him, to smell him all over. And as they lie down in that heap in the bed Sirius has always called theirs, but Remus has only ever referred to as Sirius’s, he sobs.

“Don’t go Remus, don’t leave me anymore. Just stay here, stay with me. I love you so much that I’m afraid I’ll crack with it and I know you don’t— that you can’t feel the exact same way— but please, just don’t leave us. Stay here, stay and love me too.”

Remus’s even breaths never falter, and he never flutters his eyes open, but Sirius has known him for nearly half his life, and he knows it like he knows his own name that Remus is awake and simply doesn’t answer him.

What Sirius doesn’t know is what that means.

They’re sitting on either end of the couch now.

Sirius is pretending to fill out a crossword but is actually trying to decode a letter they had been able to intercept between McNair and a lower ranking Death Eater about some assignation that was meant to be held in the wee hours of October seventh. But every few minutes his eyes wander to Remus, to how he’s curled up with a book of poetry in one hand and his blanket swathed around him. His fringe is hanging in limp curls and the circles beneath his eyes are only that much more prominent, that much more sickly. And his gaze is large and fragile in a way Sirius has never seen. And he wants to slide the novel out of Remus’s hands and he wants to kiss away his frown, and he wants to lock his fingers through the holes in his green sweater and he wants Remus in every way imaginable, to tell him I love you and I love you and I love you so much its like I’m dying. He wants to kiss the inside of his elbow and the knot of his ankle and beneath his naval too. He wants him and knows that he’ll never stop wanting him, and is sure that this— this love— will prove his Achilles’ Heal, and Remus is Patroclus destined to leave him first and Sirius is destined to wallow in ruin.

Sirius wants to beg him to stay here, to stay with him, to love him like he knows he does.

But Sirius simply does not— Does not tell him any of that.

They haven’t spoken to one another with words for days now, and it feels pathetic and hopeless— the way they only regard one another with stiff lips and cautious glances in the daylight, but that doesn’t stop them still clutching for one another once the sun dips into the horizon. Like if they can convince themselves that the sex is still miraculous that they still love each other too. As if their bodies aren’t just vessels, aren’t just sacks of skin and bone. And it feels like they’re both giving up on one another and holding on to each other with equal fervency. And Sirius doesn’t know anything any more.

It’s pathetic and it’s painful and it’s pointless. It’s so obviously over, it’s been over for nearly half a year, but they’ve always been cowards when it came to one another. And Sirius doesn’t think that will ever change.

So he only settles deeper into the couch, and he keeps the Shakespeare in Remus’s grasp, and he moves his free hand to deftly clutch around one of Remus’s cold feet, and he squeezes and Remus freezes, and they both breathe for the first time in far too long. But then Remus pulls away, and Sirius lets go before he can feel the sting of rejection and they go back to pretending to go on.

Remus is gone the next morning for a council with Dumbledore, so Sirius wanders the flat like a ghost with no direction, no idea what’s next.

He decides to tidy up the space, like it matters, like anything is normal. And when he reaches for the empty mug on Remus’s nightstand, he sees that his book of poetry is still open, and he lifts it to glance at the sonnet written their in black and white…

When my love swears that she is made of truth

I do believe her, though I know she lies,

That she might think me some untutor’d youth,

Unlearned in the world’s false subtleties.

And Sirius throws it hard against the wall before he can read another word.

Remus is preparing for another mission for reconnaissance, tells Sirius that night over their curry take away. And it feels like the world is dissolving right in front of Sirius’s eyes, like his lungs have forgotten how to breathe during those interludes where Remus leaves without a trace— only starting up again when he returns smelling of blood and fear and the outdoors. And Sirius hates everything so much— Is afraid that he hates Remus most of all some days, even if he’s the one person he can’t fathom existing without.

The sky breaks open that night and rain pellets down like the bullets from the Muggle films that Remus loved showing him, before the war, and before his disappearing act, and before it felt like a knife was plunged into Sirius’s chest every time he looked at him— and the only worst thing than this would be if he stopped seeing Remus all together, because he knows it like the innate way he knew how to move his lips against Remus’s on that feted day towards the start of seventh year— that the knife would simply be pulled out and he’d bleed to death bit by bit.

It hurts like nothing else loving him, but Sirius can’t fathom a world where he does not. Where he doesn’t get to trace the consolation of freckles dusting his high cheekbones, where he doesn’t get to kiss the singular mole at the nape of his neck that’s ordinarily covered up by his thick jumpers. A world where they don’t intwine in the ways that lovers are want to do.

Sirius loves Remus even if he knows it’s fruitless because there’s a war destroying the world and there’s a spy in the order and Remus is the only one who’s brilliant in a reserved way and cunning when he wants to be and the only one who knows how to properly keep a secret from his friends like it’s a second skin that he wears as effortlessly as a cloak.

And God.

Remus is sitting besides him now, a pinky’s breath away from his perch on the sofa.

There are words that writhe in Sirius’s throat, clacking against his teeth, begging to spill out. He wants to tell Remus he loves him, that he’d forgive him anything. He wants to tell him that Remus can Avada Kedavra him in the cold morning light and Sirius would still only see him bathed in an etherial glow, but can’t see him doing that to their dearest friends, to Harry who is sacred and should always be protected. He wants to beg him to just speak, to tell Sirius the truth, to tell Sirius he still loves him. Beg Remus to run away with him. To go off to Prague or Cordova or maybe even the states, to say sod it to the whole damn war and just spend their days and nights tangled up with naked limbs and sweaty sheets.

And he thinks he will, thinks that the burning sensation of want within him is too furious to tempt down anymore.

But then the dying sun shimmers through the window, unspools in Remus’s honey curls and twinkles in his butterscotch eyes that were once always dancing with a quiet humor that enthralled Sirius to him like a drifter to a prophet. And it’s not healthy, this vigil he’s always held for him— especially now, especially with his suspicions that James begrudgingly agrees with and Lily fumingly does not— but Sirius’s never been one for self preservation, has never known how to let a scab heal over naturally. He has to poke and prod until it scars, until it becomes a indelible part of him.

They stay there like that for either a minute or hour more, and when Sirius sees that Remus finally has enough of their staring match, he begins to move away, and it is Sirius— with a quick hand and desperate need— who presses him back down to the cushions with a hot mouth and wandering palms and he pretends that all he feels at the sound of the whimper Remus lets out is pleasure and not pain from his heart chipping that much more.

And this is vacant of words too. This is just instincts and moans and intuition of knowing another’s body and pleasure points and wants for half a decade now.

They make it to the bedroom and Sirius refuses to be gentle, refuses to deprive himself of anything, and Remus is matching him with every thrust.

When they kiss its wet, and Sirius knows its the tears leaking out their eyes, and he knows in that unspoken, understanding way that this is the final time. That when Remus leaves later tonight, he’ll stay gone, that he won’t ever sleep besides Sirius again, won’t ever hold him like this. Sirius will never get to see him in the splendid, golden hours of morning and never get to run away with him after all. So Sirius blunders Remus’s mouth with his hard tongue, and he relishes the way Remus bites on his bottom lip until he tastes blood. And he throws them onto the mattress and they wrestle together in the sheets, scratching and pulling and canting obscenely. And when Sirius kisses his protruding collar bone it’s I’m saying I love you, and when Remus sucks on the hinge of Sirius’s jaw it feels like an apology. And when Sirius squeezes the scar on his inner thigh where the very first bite mark lies mangled and knotted in his skin, he’s begging him one last time to stay, and when Remus tells him in a voice that’s tenuous and tender and filled with sorrow, “Fuck me” the syllables slot together in a different formation that sound like “I’m already gone.”

They’re having parallel conversations and they’re not speaking and it’s the end.

So Sirius bucks against him and Remus wraps his long, long legs around Sirius’s narrow waste, and Sirius codes his fingers with the lube they’ve always kept in his nightstand and is fast when he plunges them into that ring of tight, tight muscle, when he stretches and scissors and slicks him open, spurred on by Remus’s gargled words begging him. “Now Sirius, now, now. Do it now.”

So he doesn’t bother with any of the rest of it. He barely sheaths himself half way before he has to stop, has to catch his breath, to re acclimate himself to the pressure. But then he hears Remus whimper and he surges forwards and doesn’t let up this vicious rhythm that he hears pulsing in his fucking ears. And it’s graceless and it’s hard and it’s a bit rushed but it’s what they need. And when Remus tosses back his head— features twisted up with emotion— Sirius berries his face into his neck and he feels his tears intermingling with Remus’s own and Remus’s loud pleads for him to go rougher, to stay longer, to keep fucking into him. So Sirius listens because there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for Remus— even now— and he focusses on his hand circling Remus’s length, on pumping it with a tight fist and a bit of a twist, the way Remus has always preferred it. And he hears Remus croaking out an “I’ve always loved you,” and even if those words are too late, too little, too hollow, they still work to bring him off the edge, and Sirius thrusts deeper only twice more before he’s releasing himself into him— into the love of his life— quickly followed by Remus’s own cock whimpering out it’s own climax. And it feels like the ending to the story Sirius never wanted to stop being told.

But before he can pull out his overstimulated prick from Remus’s arse, Remus just squeezes him with his legs, eyes fluttering shut while he rests his arms around Sirius’s broad shoulders. “Just stay.” he asks. “Stay until I have to go.”

And the sound of him— so desperate so pliant so tired— breaks the rest of his heart so much so that Sirius feels the remains splintering in his lungs and shattering open his ribcage with a sob he never lets out until Remus is gone.

“Anything you want Moony. Whatever you ask.”

And Remus’s lips twitch up into the best approximation of a smile that he’s given Sirius in far too long, and Sirius rests his head against Remus’s chest, and kisses the freckles that he was so elated to find their the first time they had done this. And he takes in deep the scent of cinnamon and citrus and sunlight that’s always clung to his skin, and he thinks that this is the first time they’re letting each other feel hopeless together.

The cold has turned over to a blizzard, and it seizes the flat once more the next morning.

Remus is gone and Sirius is left alone and nothing is right.

So he grabs the floo powder from the beautiful, ceramic container Hope had gifted Remus when he first moved into the flat the summer after their seventh year, and he finds James waiting for him on the other side, and he’s never taken in just how exhausted and terrified and sad his brother is looking these days.

“Wotcher, Pads.” James says, sipping on his tea with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and nothing is alright, nothing will probably ever be alright again.

“Hiya, Prongsie,” Sirius says, hearing just how threadbare his voice sounds in the quiet of the Potter cottage.

“So just a morning call? Or would you like me to fetch Haz for you?”

Sirius swallows the lump in his throat and forces himself to speak. “James I love you more than life, love Lily and the sprog just as much— But—“ he chokes up right then before ramming forwards. “I can’t— I can’t be the—“

“I know,” James interrupts, a thin, forgiving smile on his face. “Pete’ll have to do, but I’d still rather it you.”

“I’m so sorry James.”

“Me too.”

~My Wolfstar FIC Masterlist

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #SIRIUSXREMUS #REMUSXSIRIUS #WOLFSTAR FLUFF #MARAUDERS #HARRY POTTER SERIES #THE HARRY POTTER SERIES #SPILT INK #DELETE LATER #TBH #LOL

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svnarintaro · 4 years ago

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forgiveness is a virtue..

read part one here

authors note: an anon asked,, so THOU SHALL RECIEVE,, also i hope y'all like fluff cause i can't write another angst for a while, i gotta stop crying for a while

synopsis: after kendo called out shinsou for being a grade a jerk, he goes off and gets immensely jealous, and he hopes and prays that he will be able to make amends

words: 1.3k

warnings: !quirkless au! and fluff

!f*ckboy! hitoshi shinsou x reader

��okay we have to put operation: bring back soft boi back into play todoroki.” kaminari was becoming crazy, he was in todoroki’s house trying to convince him to help cheer up shinsou. the poor boy had his heart torn to shreds by his crush’s best friend, he was absolutely miserable cause he was so sure he screwed up a relationship with you before he could ever start. “keep it down denki, my dad is home right now, that’s why you had to get in through my window,” todoroki mentally cursed at denki for having the worst timing imaginable. “i’m sorry dude but i really and worried about shinsou lately.. i just want to be there for him, cause i honestly think he really liked them..” the two boys were solemn without the missing person in their little trio. “so how exactly can we get remotely close to her friends without killing us?” in full honesty they were both deadly afraid of kendo. “we gotta pray to whatever higher power up there cause there is a high chance we are going to be found dead in a ditch if we aren’t smart about it.”

you on the other hand knew what happend that day, you knew how to crack at monoma for him to tell you the truth, but you just wanted to talk things out with him, you wanted the shinsou you knew back. you just wanted shinsou. “kendo i’m not mad at you at all, i understand where you’re coming from but you can’t hit people that aren’t close to you..” you hated that the two of them fought. “in her defence y/n he was in a two foot radius of kendo, i think that was close enough.” you decided to end your mini lecture then and there,”i can’t stay mad at you guys for too long~” your best friends were smiling like fools. “but do you think that he is okay? i haven’t heard any news about him from anyone.. i’m really worried about him.” oh how you just wanted to see him, you didnt even want to talk, you just wanted to see him happy, even if the source of his happiness was not you. “it has been like a week, he will go back to school sooner or later.” kendo reassured you, as much as she hated the guy she had to admit that he made you really happy. she looked at monoma and mouthed the words ‘we have to fix this.’

monoma remembered that he was in the same english class as one of shinsou’s friends and he was starting to regret saying yes to helping kendo. ‘i really have to go around talking to a peasant now? oh the things i do for those two..’ he continued to walk towards a certain boy. “hey.. you, benki or whatever do you have a minute?” denki looked up from his current napping position, “yeah no i will not let you borrow my- OH MY GOSH YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH THAT SCARY GIRL,” denki created a significant amount of distance between him and monoma. “for your information she is more than just scary, but other than that do you know where that nuisance shinsou is? if not proceed to never interact with me if it is not necessary.” denki was slow to decode the big words but he got the picture, “wait, i don’t know where he is, but i do know how to get him to show up somewhere.” and with that the two started scheming.

you on the other hand had no luck seeing shinsou walk through the door of your chemistry class, the guy in front of you noticed that you were in a little distress, “so shinsou didn’t come again? so you wouldn’t mind if i sat with you right now?” you were weary but you needed to get your mind off of this whole shinsou situation, “it’s okay if you don’t want to, i just saw that you were kinda lonely lately.. oh my name is yuki.” the boy in front of you brightly smiled, “no it’s fine here you can sit across from me.. just thank you for trying to cheer me up.” you were happy that there was someone considerate enough to hang out with you. however shinsou was around the corner witnessing yuki get super up close and personal, ‘who does he think he is, y/n is my seat mate.’ gritting his teeth in annoyance.

you got a text from an unknown number that made your blood run cold, school was over, and the sun was down. the text read, ‘hi, this boy in the park named monoma passed out on the bench can you pick him up.’ and you were getting you jacket on and bolted towards the park. you knew that he made stupid dumb decisions ever since you met him, ‘if he doesn’t end up alive i’m throwing a fit,’ you thought. you hoped that you weren’t too late.

“SHOOT SHE’S FREAKING FAST I SEE HER COMING AROUND THE CORNER” kaminari complained as he saw you coming towards the park, he was the one to text you about monoma. they just needed to get you to get to the park but they didn’t know that you would come to the park but they underestimated your speed. “it’s okay we got it done.” todoroki assured denki that it was okay, kendo and monoma gave them the thumbs up to indicate that they were done and all they needed to do was hide, “i feel like you guys only keep me around because of my dad’s money..” “todo i like having you around but we gotta boogie outta here cause toshi toshi’s gotta shine right now.”

the moment you got to the park you noticed the trail of candles leading to a small gazebo that was at the park, and you were going to walk away but you saw that there was a note with your name on it that wrote “y/n please follow the path,” ‘okay what is going on here,’ you thought as you walked forward, following the candle lit path. and once you met the end you looked up to see shinsou. he was in black ripped jeans and a write t-shirt, the gazebo was decorated with white fairy lights, making shinsou look like a prince in the lighting. shinsou turned to see you here, in font of him, he had the wind knocked out of his lungs just by seeing your face, “y/n..” he slowly walked towards you and continued to talk.

“i know that i resorted to go back to my old ways.. i know that i could never be good for you, i know that i was..” he breathed in to stop himself from crying. “scared, i was scared of you not feeling the same way that i felt about you and in the end i hurt you. i hate myself for doing that, and i know that i have no right to come up in front of you and tell you that i like you when i have no actions to make up for it.” you were in tears, what he was saying was absolutely beautiful. “there is no words that can express how much you mean to me, and i hope that you know that, i know that forgiveness is a formidable virtue that is invaluable and you don’t have to accept anything.” you took a step forward, “shinsou, i know that you think that you aren’t good enough for me.. but the fact that you changed, the fact that you want me to forgive you.. it shows that you changed for the better.” you were now in arms reach of him. “now if you want my forgiveness, then please..” you wrapped your ars around him, taking in his warm scent, “please don’t go, toshi.. please don’t go, i want you to stay.” shinsou cupped your cheeks in his hands, his eyes shined as if his whole world was in his hands, you were his world. “y/n is it okay if i.. courted you?” you smile, and grabbed the outside of his hand, you felt his warmth and nodded.

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sanchoyo · 3 years ago

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danny phantom, season 3, episodes 7-13 thoughts! cannot believe im finishing this series so fast. ...cannot believe it ended like that...uh. one of the weirdest finales to a show I think I've seen, it really stood out against the rest of the series, and not in a good way, in my opinion. I paused to yell in caps lock...several times, I think, out of anger... BUT. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO.

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-the fentons putting the kids to Work in the lab, with NO SAFETY GEAR. AT ALL. THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AND ARE TIRED!!! and when jack asked how danny his day was and danny tried to say it was bad jack cut him off :( for the 400th time, i am stealing these kids.

-maddie and jack IMMEDIATELY SELLING THEIR LAB AND WORK FOR A LOT OF MONEY. and danny cant get into the portal anymore, oh no!!! he could always just steal vlads I Guess.

-THEY ARE VLADS NEW NEIGHBOR. OH MY GOD. this is a sitcom format. a butler came with the new mansion. i would absolutely try a kiwi fudge milkshake, why is the butler disgusted.

-the..guys in white bought the lab to shoot a missile. into the ghost zone thru the portal. bro i hate these guys

-jazz straight up setting her new bedroom up in the library. i am very very jealous

-"RATED E, FOR ENTRAILS"

-I like how the 14 year olds very quickly realize if the giw destroy the ghost zone itll destroy OUR ZONE because its just. like. the other side of the quarter so to speak. and the giw, a fully funded government agency, didnt consider that...(or worse, are willing to risk that anyway...)

-a...graphic novel version of the constitution? what in the world have you been READING SAM

-'cool, I always wanted to be called a meddling kid!' scooby doo reference...

-can they keep the butler. I love him.

-ecto latte....I also want to try that. is ectoplasm edible...

-YESS I KNEW DANNY WOULD USE VLAD'S PORTAL. vindicated.

-DANNY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK JOHNNY NICELY. STEALING HIS BIKE IS SO SO RUDE.

-youngblood is also into astronaut stuff, thats really cute. and him being like 'phantom, dude!! :D' ALL EXCITED. THATS ADORABLE.

-the slapstick comedy of the giw slipping and falling and running into shit in the lab. is funny, but also, because this lab has NOOO safety codes in practice. god its a wonder dannys the only one to have died here...

-JOHNNY, SKULKER AND YOUNGBLOOD HELPING DANNY!!! I keep saying it but the other ghosts helping him. is my fav thing in the world. and, it's a really good thing the missile in the real world was harmless...otherwise the fentons wouldn't have had a home/lab to come back to...

-WULF WANTED POSTER!!! we havent seen wulfy in so long :( very funny the box ghost is offended by how much these ghosts are wanted for. first off, what do ghosts even DO WITH MONEY. does the ghost zone have its own currency??? what are ghosts BUYING

-the box ghost is So Funny, im so glad hes still got his bubble wrap. u are VERY wanted in THIS house box ghost. you are SO scary king. dont give up on ur dreams

-this needs to be a meme format. I made a transparent version, very very messily, for future use.

-this is a Fellow and a Friend

-box ghost accidentally bringing lunch for everyone, and giving people at the mall free shoes. SHOES ARE SO EXPENSIVE, ID BE SO GRATEFUL. helpful king. i feel SO bad for him lmao, he's putting in SO much effort. he wants the evil aesthetic So bad but hes Just Too Silly. I understand your plight, box ghost....

-oh my god. pandoras BOX. 'THOSE OF US IN THE BOX TRADE' HOW MANY ARE IN THIS BOX TRADE. I WANT IN. pandora is a multi-armed ghost goddess and i love her.

-SKULKER WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM THE EVIL UNICORN?? YOURE A HUNTER!! JUST SHOOT IT!!!!!!! JUST HUNT IT!!!

-box ghost...where did you get the cowboy hat. I respect it, i just want to know

-JAZZ COMING IN WITH THE BAZOOKA TO FIGHT THE 10 HEADED DRAGON!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest of the fentons I Guess

-ignoring the sam/danny moments. I simple do not see them.

-...why doesnt danny just fly over the maze. or do the whole 'real world people act as ghosts in the ghost zone' and turn back!!! I know its just to show off the ghost greek monster designs. but STILL.

-danny being like. um. hi pandora. i found your box. >< polite...PANDORA IS SO GIANT. GIANT GHOST WOMAN. SHES GOING TO BEAT BOX GHOSTS ASS. another ghost thats nice to danny to add to the list :) and HER FORCING BOX GHOST TO APOLOGIZE. and having sandwiches with danny after making box ghost clean up. I LOVE HER.

-DANNYS 'BEWARE' AT THE END JAKHDJFKN

-okay, when dash pulled out danny's seat and was calling him buddy, for half a second I was like 'this is a prank, hes gonna pull it back' BUT THEN FRIGHT KNIGHT MY BELOVED IS BACK. AND EVERYONE STARTS CHANTING FOR DANNY TO BEAT HIS ASS WITH GHOST POWERS AND DANNY DOES WAY TOO EASILY, and im like, yup, this is a dream LMAO

-danny is getting an A+ in science :) my smart son

-DANNY WAKING UP FROM THE DREAM RIGHT BEFORE KISSING SAM AND BEING LIKE 'that was a dream...no, a NIGHTMARE!' same. not to be a hater but, shouldve been val. maybe I am a hater

-...danny running and checking the 'tapes'...why is his whole house constantly being recorded. hes been in ghost form/fights plenty of times in his house. does he have to run and wipe the tapes after?? every single time?? god

-letting this image speak for itself

-this is SO cursed

-NOCTURN'S DESIGN FUCKS SO HARD. the Venice mask vibes. also his space pattern not moving while the rest of his animation does is big chowder vibes. but this guy is basically the sandman but Evil, huh. I love dream plots. also, nocturn's design feels very similar to clockwork, like, red eyes and a scar over the same eye, but also just the purple, and the Cosmic Vibes. I want to see them fight. anyway nocturn's va was also avatar roku AND alfred in several batman cartoons.

-the 'sleepwalkers' designs were super cute in shape (kinda remind me of oogie boogie! pillow-cased shaped, which is appropriate for the 'king of dreams's minions) until I looked closer at their eyes. why do they look sewn shut!! (they open their eyes a few times, so they aren't, but they look like it...)

-I like how this show has been pretty consistent (with a few exceptions) about a Ghost Being Huge (or getting larger) = Very Powerful

-2 months of summer camping??? wtf, do camping things usually take that long?? I've never been to a camping...thing like that. but isnt that basically their entire summer??

-'the entirety of nature is your bathroom!' and thats why I do no camping despite loving nature LMAO.

-sam, at least TRY TO BE NICE TO THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHARING A CABIN WITH. also, the amount of times people in this show have their SHOES ON THE BED!!! IM DISGUSTED

-swamp creature Is A Ghost. Big Foot is a Ghost. starting to think in this universe, every single cryptid or legend is a Ghost Actually

-paulina crying not only because star is missing, but because SHE FORGOT HER SUNBLOCK AND SHE BURNS SO EASILY!!!! okay girlfriends

-ghost cops are the real monsters at the camp. i.......I mean. fair. no one missed you walker

-WULF!!!!!!!!!!! WULF IS BACK!!!!!!!! MY FRIEND WULF :D MI AMAS VIN!!!!! kaj danny lernis Esperanto :)

-'relax kid, we arent here to do any harm' *immediately shoots danny* yeah. ghost cops. and also danny bringing walker 'wulf' and walker IMMEDIATELY SUCKING DANNY IN A THERMOS. FUCK OFF

-haha walker Bald. and haha walker Frozen Now

-the fenton thermos can...reverse its polarity to close portals? okay

-LIBERA MIA AMIKO. :")

-ohhh they end the ep with them star gazing, thats pretty cute...

-dani is back! ...with a new voice actress? wiki says AnnaSophia was in 3 diff movies in 2007 when this aired, so she was probably too busy... (including, bridge to terabithia aka the movie that ripped my heart out that I mentioned in the first ep Dani was in...kinda wanna rewatch it now)

-shes still scared of vlad, who's still being creepy and spying on her. 'shes hardly going to come home to daddy!' I WONDER WHY. also does vlad's cat look more evil than last time? love the concept of him going shopping for cats and being like 'give me your most EVILEST looking cat, please, so I can pet it in my spinny chair dramatically!' ...oh god white cat hair on his black suit. I have a black cat and her hair is still way too noticeable..

-vlad has a big 'valerie' button in his office. can he be pressing that button every episode, thanks

-'theres a GIRL called dani phantom?' yeah valerie. no relation, obviously, even with her looking EXACTLY like danny. so sad valerie just wants to help her dad and her get out of the place theyre in now and vlad using her. ill MAUL HIM

-dani having to STEAL FOOD. :( and valerie immediately being like oh poor kid :(( and trying to help her!!! and then dani immediately helping valerie!! this episode is starting SO well

-...and then valerie catching her. DAMN IT. and being surprised dani knew danny?? HELLO VALERIE I KNOW YOURE SMARTER THAN THIS. I AM SO SORRY THEY WROTE YOU THIS WAY. I STILL LOVE AND BELIEVE IN U !!!

-valerie lying her ASS off for a chance at gettin danny. ok <3 also 'they couldnt catch a ghost if it was living under their own roof' JSDHKJHNK

-danny. why dont you just tell valerie!! this would be so much easier if he was direct. there is NO way valerie would hurt danny (fenton) she'd be HORRIFIED. esp since she got on board helping dani!!

*is held* :)

-look at valerie and danny. flying together. about to go beat vlads ass together <333

-DANI SCREAMING AS VLAD IS MELTING HER. WHAT THE FUCCCK

-...fucking vlad convincing valerie hes a good dude with his stupid duplication. FUCK. DANNY JUST TELL H E R

-jesus christ how many times has danny had to watch loved ones die. even if she didnt stay perma-dead. glad they fixed her...

-valerie and dani pranking danny when he came out, oh :( cute...them havin fun and laughing together...babies

-BUT THEYRE JUST LETTING DANI LEAVE, AGAIN??? SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY STEALING FOOD. CHRIST GIVE HER A PLACE TO LIVE. OR A FAMILY. actually, I think it'd be really cute if, since danny isnt ready to out himself, dani went and lived with valerie?? dunno if her dad would have the money but,, it'd be a cute concept. big sis valerie...

-'tomorrow, it's game on!' 'and ill be ready to play!' THE FLIRTING....DANNY/VALERIE REAL

-oh my god,, valerie found out about vlad in the end. But he doesn’t know she knows!!! the DRAMA!!! HOLY SHIT THAT ENDING.

-this episode was. SO Much and probably one of my favorites out of s3. (I mean, there has been a gross lack of valerie this whole season, so thats not a hard choice to make...)

-FINALE EPISODE TIME.

-the title screen looks different! so no title card...

-vlad has his own fucked up satellite that looks like him?? okay. why does the animation look so different?? are they mixing cg in?? for what. anyway, vlad and the gang in SPACE. danny is 100% living his astronaut dreams rn

-'defeating frostbite' YOU BETTER NOT HAVE. YOU STOLE HIS COOL MAP. FUCK YOU VLAD

-wait oh my god. vlad is the final series boss, isn't he. I half expected a fake out, for another boss to show up midway, and for him to finally have to have a real truce with danny for this ep. ITS THE FINALE. VLAD FEELS SO UNDERWHELMING.

-And it's like-- his character isn't bad, i just feel like..he has more potential! they WANT him to seem like some smart super evil genius, but the way he's written makes that SO hard to believe...but the solid backstory and design is THERE and its FRUSTRATING.

-...DANNY CALLING VLAD OUT SAYING HE NEEDS THERAPY LMAOO THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING.

-my grandpa technus is in the finale too :) 'well look on the bright side, at least im not downloading them illegally!' he says while stealing dvds. feels like hes calling me out. im watching this series on a bootleg website lmao. anyway, him turning the tech into a transformer. love that

-mASters BLASters sTOp diSAsterS shut the fuck up. you will never be valerie or danny. bite chomp kill. violence

-like this if u crie everytiem

-my god the 3d/cgi mixed in looks SO BAD IT DIDNT AGE WELL AT ALL

-the white stripe in dannys hair kinda rules tho. did he just KILL HIS GHOST HALF??? 'revert his human half back to normal' UM. you ever unkill yourself. why are his friends/jazz so mad about it, he'll be in a lot less danger!! christ. they can still hunt ghosts!! as humans!! if they want to!! hes 14 if he wanted to be normal. let him. vlads stupid little team has things COVERED apparently. why are they acting like this. jazz would never act like this. is this fake whats going ON

-oh my god jack was in a college band. vlad was also in the band. what did instruments they play. i didnt need that headline to tell me they sucked, but i want to KNOW MORE REGARDLESS

-valerie was here for 0.3 seconds.

-sam calling danny selfish. the audacity. no one is stopping YOU from hunting ghosts, girl. valerie does it!!

-I'm halfway through the episode and incredibly underwhelmed so far.

-why would they send jack and 3 teens to space to destroy the asteroid. why not professional astronauts. not even the 3 teens that have already been to space this episode...

-jack getting beat up by teenagers. ON TV. IN SPACE. I GUESS. I GUESS EVERYONE AGREED TO SEND JACK BECAUSE..VLAD SAID SO? we know it was to embarrass jack, but why would everyone agree. why didnt any other space program Do More or whatever, they sent like, 3 rockets/missiles tops?? no way

-danny attempting to punch vlad in the face. i WISH HE WOULDVE LANDED THAT HIT.

-vlad outed himself on live tv, on purpose? and BLASTED AT THE TEENAGERS HE HIRED. LMAO. HES HOLDING THE WORLD HOSTAGE, MAKING THEM PAY HIM BILLIONS TO STOP THE STUPID ASTROID. THATS YOUR GRAND PLAN??? REALLY. REALLY. im like. lmfao

-jack just now, on the last episode GETTING TOLD HE MADE VLAD A GHOST. THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED WAY SOONER. jack's reaction was one of the only times in this entire show hes seemed human. 'an old friend? no. you? yes.' GET HIS ASSSS ACTUALLY. HE STRAIGHT UP LEFT VLAD IN SPACE. GOD DAMN. that is a Murder! I mean, I guess vlad could fly back to earth, but...I mean, he'll have to, right? no food in space. (that we KNOW of...)

-'thE WHolE EArtH, INTangiBLe?!' oh my god.

-...the white strand of hair somehow still had ghost dna, I guess, and getting blasted turned him back into phantom. I GUESS. I GUESS.

-the fentons being the first to clap for danny despite not knowing hes phantom...that was sweet. and very sudden character development, not at all gradual over the course of time or episodes like it probably should have been...

-sam and danny kissing. IT SHOULDVE BEEN VALERIE, BUT OKAY, I GUESS. also, its a little underwhelming, considering theyve kissed already...

-ALL of the ghosts being ready to beat danny's ass? really. no they wouldn't, they've worked together before, and some of those ghosts are friendly!! cringe. why is the last ep written like this. I mean they came thru at the last minute but. was really cringing for a minute there, why did they write it like that

-valerie is there for another 0.3 seconds! ....she should've been more involved. dani is also there! for also like 0.3 seconds. almost fast enough to miss. (btw, I think shes still homeless at this point, are, we going to...do ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINS OF THE SHOW)

-the cgi smoke or whatever it is. this whole post is me saying the cgi is bad, but IT IS.

-'danny or should we say. DAAANNNNY.' this is like the 3rd or 4th time hes been outed damn, but to the whole world, again. and valerie saw, and is just. an extra in the bg clapping. bro im so mad.

-TUCKER IS THE NEW MAYOR? WHAT THE FUCK?? HES 14.

-i think. this is still linked to the dream ep a few times ago. hes still dreaming. this is a plot a 14 year old would write. this feels like a bad fanfic. so much got rushed, and not tied up. vlad wasnt really even the villain this episode, a fucking. non-being asteroid was.

-they kiss again. ok. sure. whatever at this point.

-VLAD IS NOW A FREE-ROAMING SPACE NOMAD. I GUESS. THATS. SURE. WHATEVER. THE END, I GUESS. cannot believe I'm saying this, but: they did vlad dirty.

-IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN, MAKE HIM A VILLAIN!!! DON'T MAKE IT A METEOR!!! STOP BEING WISHY WASHY WHO WANTS TO SEE DANNY VS ASTEROID!!! I didnt even WANT vlad to be the final villain because his character is SO back and forth (esp this season.) but he has done some FUCKED UP SHIT AND I WANTED THE WRITERS TO DOUBLE DOWN, PERSONALLY, IF THEY HAD TO MAKE HIM THE FINAL BOSS. the cabin ep where he basically held danny and maddie hostage? FUCKED. THE DANI THING? FUCKED. FUCKING COMMIT AND MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SCARY OR HAVE HIM FUCK OFF AND AGREE TO A TRUCE!! WHAT IS THIS DYING IN SPACE NONSENSE. (and, he will (fully) die out there, right? still half human, still needs food and water. I imagine he'll like, slowly half-die but this time his human side is dying. will he come back 100% ghost? we dONT KNOW. WE DONT GET TO SEE, ITS PLAYED LIKE SOME FUNNY THING AT THE END, THEN THATS IT!!! WHAT!!!)

-I don't know how to articulate how FRUSTRATING THAT IS. having him basically out himself and ''hold the world hostage'' does not track at all in my brain. like. he's always been scary because he is HUMAN, TOO. like, if he was 100% ghost, he'd be LESS scary, but vlad MASTERS has more power and influence than vlad PLASMIUS because of his position as mayor, his money, too, and his (supposed, s3 made me doubt it) intelligence/manipulation skills, and his being in good graces with jack made it HARD FOR DANNY. him outing himself for,, money and to 'control the world' i guess?? MONEY WAS NEVER HIS LIKE, MAIN GOAL. yeah obv he likes money and is materialistic and values his Rich Life, but hes got billions, the end goal? 1. getting maddie (and or danny as his son, but to me he always treated that as secondary) 2. ruining jack. this feels like they wanted to say 'oh he just wants POWER' which is. HMM?? OKAY?? obv he /does/ want power (usually over certain ppl, tho), but seeing him try to get it like this FELT WEIRD SOMEHOW. weird like the ep where he tried and failed to take over various historical civilizations, because like,, how is that realistically going to do anything for him?? just, being in that time forever and never seeing maddie aka Goal #1 again?? HELLO??? this was like that, but worse

-this was such a weird ending to an entire show. why did season 3 only have 13 episodes?? why did it feel so weirdly paced?? WHY WAS THE ENDING LIKE THAT. I think. I am going to pretend I did not see that. fucked up, dudes. I'm like...hm. I shouldn't have watched that because now I'm mad. valerie sweetie im SO sorry you shouldve been more present. it felt like..if they knew this season was going to be short, and the last season, they should've spent more time wrapping up EVERYONE'S plot lines for the entire season. imagine how cool it wouldve been if every single ep of season 3 was working towards something, a big, nice wrap up at the end, with nothing feeling TOO rushed because they'd been heading towards the End for the whole season....

I will probably end up writing a follow up full series thoughts post. In a couple of days so I can sit with my thoughts. BUT. overall, I really liked the show! (ignoring the finale and some of the moments that aged pretty poorly...) it was charming and a fun concept and very fun to watch in general :) and I am pretending the finale didnt happen <3 and I’m gonna dive RIGHT into the dp tags and mix fanart and posts in my queue, very excited to run and look at that 🏃🏻 (and, of course, make more fanart myself hehe >:3)

#dp thoughts #danny phantom #sanchoyorambles

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sweet-xoxo-thatcares · 4 years ago

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Coraline, I miss you.

You know what's funny,

This is the first time, in a long time,

Where I actually didn't cry by the end of our story.

Like I was shocked for a moment, like:

"Why do I feel ok?"

"Why am I not angry or sad?"

"Or ready to toss myself out of a window?"

It’s because we've already died once. I've accepted this death.

My soul has felt like this, twice maybe nearly three times....ok maybe 16 if you’re including childhood. Heartbreak don't phase me no more. It’s required when falling in love with someone like you. Someone who has ripped through people so many times as the same had been done to you as a child.

But Jesus rose again each time.

He has gotten me through every hell hole with you.

I shall fear no evil.

No longer do I fear the love in my heart for you either.

I dont have to do anything. I dont have to say anything.

I can just be here, chilling, living my life, as I should.

Helping myself to a pack of gummy worms

That I forgot was on the floor.

And there’s nothing you can do about it.

Im not choosing to be bitter.

Im not choosing to be scared that my ex lovers might kidnap me, kill me, or break my heart again in the future.

(I might have these thoughts in the back of my head...)

But for what? Because of the past?

I know who they are and I know my God.

"God is bigger than the boogie man"

He will protect me from Peter Pan, Captain Hook, and his crew of theives.

Im not crying in pain anymore.

My wounds are sealed.

It’s finally been done.

Even though im still in love with you, yet left me with none in return.

I know you still burn a secret torch for me.

And you’ll probably be the last to know as you still say to yourself “its just lust”

But i did the same thing, holding myself back because I thought it was just lust and look at where it got me.

Stuck playing with you, and sipping vodka at pity parties whenever you or she called it quits.

And I'll probably be there once they realizes how to escape from the prism of prisons that they (one person; my ftm) had forced themselves into to survive their childhood:

1st- their insecurity and battle of mind

2nd- their complex view on sex, marriage, and commitment

And finally 3rd; childhood trauma.

Jay you gotta heal from your mother and your father's wounds that they gave you. Emotionally and physically.

Because the scars that you bare now, can pass on to your children if you don't grieve properly.

Showing emotion is not weak. Yes, you are going to be vulnerable. But it takes strength to show where your wounds are to somebody that you trust.

I'm sorry I lied about my involvement with Calvin to try and make you feel jealous. We're just work buddies, nothing more. It was to get back at you for making me feel jealous on purpose in Franken----, I had a feeling that you were doing it for attention from me and her, because you wanted to see how I would react. So instead, that day (and the day at the target/mall) I gave you the cold shoulder and ignored you every time you attempted to get a reaction out of me. Because I knew you were being sly and sadistic to me, you felt a dry spell between us and wanted to know if I was being mischievous or did I actually stop being interested in you?

I know its confusing, because by this point usually you would say something argumentative like "well, how do you know all that?"

And then I would say, "Clearly, its simple. I know you. Jay-Jaiden-Jocelyn. Because clearly you operate on entirely different plane of view than I. You think like 3-4 different people at a time, and that my friend sounds exhausting.

That repepetive pounding in your head is from, your father still infiltrating your mind. The one who abused you the most.

I saw this that night we got into it at your apartment. You got in my face, poked me in my chest as you said "Now you have to make the asshole."

You made the energy in the room feel cold. And I knew it wasn't you.

It was your father. You became your father's energy. You replicated that.

Because your body remembers.

You, Jay, might not remember.

But the other people in line for your spot in your mind do,

Remembers all too well. They keep your secrets safe within you.

Once the council figured out that I knew,

they got scared and tormented me for it.

Na, knows it too.

She's playing mind games on you.

But you can't see it physically.

I couldn't see it either at first.

Until I got home everytime and reflected back at what happened

In reverse.

Everything is inverted.

This whole time I thought it was you that was evil.

But its really been her.

She's been using your mind against you.

All because of cheating on her with other people over the years. It hurt her deeply. She grew numb, cold, and distant. That’s why she wants another. Because you were always looking outside from her to seek pleasure and attention.

She used to be serving, and submissive to you, but now she’s outsmarted you. She knows that you will always play outside, so she gave you a leash. Thus, a leash for herself to gift you, so she could seek her benefits elsewhere too.

She said she always felt like she needed to take care of someone or something to feel better. I think you’re still in delusion about everything staying together with her.

She said she was gonna ask me to move in with y'all! Of course I was next to have a leash. I was her next project to take care of.

I needed to get out of there. Before she had me hip to her bosom just like you.

A girl with mommy issues.

I was next on her guest list.

She knows the key is to my heart. And the only way to get instant access is my...... “peaches.” SHE WANTED EXCLUSIVE ACCESS TO MA’ PEACHES!

OF COURSE I RANN!

And I’m glad I did. Cause’ then you and I would have been stuck on that boat for awhile. Like her two light skinned boyfriend/girlfriends.

I know it sounds like I have commitment issues, but tbh she was way too controlling of a girlfriend to begin with. And I see why, but still...

I know it might take awhile before you actually find this.

But please know, my intention was to help you.

But at least I found out before its too late.

That I can't.

You can't save someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with their environment. I can see you’re both hurting, but I have to let you both learn what's been going on on your own.

Only you can break down the walls that your mind built yourself within.

That damn rabbit hole. I didn’t want you to fall in.

But I can see now that you already did.

And I accept that I’ve lost you. My best friend.

But you’ll come back when you are ready.

But I can't say that I’ll be the same person by the time you come back.

Because we always do.

I love them, and thats it, thats the end of it.

And I finally know its alright to feel peace

After I’ve already done all that I could.

What happened. Happened. And its up to me now to carry my own weight and pack my saddlebag for my next adventure

-✈️You’re looking at your new Flight Attendant.

P.S. I’m earning my badges as I go. And Tumblr, I’m just venting while my therapist is on my vacation and I’m waiting to come out to my parents until I move to have a decent, stable home in New York or Connecticut somewhere...wherever...damn...imma be 25 next year wtf

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aristotlefms · 4 years ago

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GREETINGS , angel . i am praying that the graphic doesn’t look horrible but if it does ? please pretend it doesnt . for those i haven’t gotten a chance to introduce myself to , im gianna ╱ gi . im nineteen and well ? absolute trash . asdj . im so excited for this group and even more excited to bring you your scarlet , aristotle wolff . random headcanons and more about his background has been on my mind for days and im just so excited to share them all with you ... hopefully it’ll get him to leave me alone asdfg . i did write this at 4 in the morning so ??? if it’s gross that’s why . enough rambling though , below the cut you’ll find everything you need to know about him .. ENJOY .

STATS . here , please read for the basics .

PINTEREST . here .

CHARACTER INFLUENCES . lip gallagher , charlie st cloud , daemon black , hardin scott .

SOUNDTRACK . numb to the feeling , chase atlantic . faith , the weeknd . feel , phora . i fall apart , post malone . she wonders why , astrus . gang over luv , brent faiyaz . wicked games , the weeknd . ivy , frank ocean . gangstas , pop smoke . demons and angels , a boogie wit da hoodie .

AESTHETICS .

pearly whites concealing sad hues , collar bones painted with hikceys , a destined path carved by hands that are not his own , a contagious laughter floating in the night sky , the memory of emerald hues haunting his dreams , the lingering taste of bitter whiskey , calloused digits against soft skin , footsteps against hardwood floor in the dead of the night , a tattoo needle against his skin whispering he’s alive over and over again , a soft scent of cologne and cigarette smoke clinging to his clothes , abandoned promises that weigh heavy on his shoulders , moans spilling of pleasure coming from the backseat of an expensive car , black rimmed sunglasses to hide bloodshot hues , his heart beating in his ears , a never ending grief .

DOING EVERYTHING I CAN TO FEEL SOMETHING .

CARELESS , how many times have you heard that ari ? i’d tell you to count on your fingers , but you might run out . enlighten me , disagree . tell me you’re just CURIOUS . what ? i know your LOUD MOUTH is resisting the urge . i know you want to say that your honeyed hues always reflected a world full of not sorrow , but infinite opportunities . possibilities and limits without boundaries . boundaries you pushed at every given chance , DETERMINED some would say . but me ? i would say , you’re your father’s son . a spitting image right down to curly locks and a crooked smile . that assertiveness in your heart ? it was gifted by masculine hands that had once fought the WAR of the streets a never ending battle for dominance between gang violence and a mother that had a sadness so great she spent her days forgetting her own name . it’s okay , i know you didn’t know . and he was never around to ask , the office was his home and the building were family pictures clung to the walls was the stranger . but he did love you , affection shown in the form of absence so you’d never know what it is like to merely survive .

and i know you want them , ANSWERS , i mean . but when you ask me about your mother , i don’t have anything you’ll want to hear . your first words , were mama , but it was not mama who was there to witness it . that’s the reality of your relationship with her . and i know you’re still ANGRY . her absence was willingly , and i know you have a hard time FORGIVING especially when it comes to her . but truth is , she never wanted to be someone’s mother , and it made her feel guilty . she had plans . and all of them consisted of tan lines and gossip over wine , none of them included your sweet whispers of i love you . but her not wanting to be a mother doesn’t make her a bad person , she was once present . she once tried . and i don’t mean to make excuses , NOTHING could excuse it . but she knew . she knew she could never be what you needed her to be , so she ran from it and you . could not deal with how badly it ate at her . and when she got pregnant a second time and your baby brother came 11 months after you , she told herself that it was for YOU . that if she could give you one thing that was worth anything , it was someone to keep you company . it was IRRESPONSIBLE, but you know a lot about that , don’t you ? that wasn’t a jab . just a reminder of the many situations where your good intentions came back to bite you . that doesn’t change the fact that i’m sorry , i’m sorry she was never there .

your baby brother , he was a GIFT . i know you know that . he was more then company , wasn’t he ? you guys shared BLOOD but it was not just blood that bonded you . IRISH TWINS , that’s the official term . siblings born less than 12 months apart . and when you were little , that’s what everyone referred to the two of you as . twins you were never the type of person to believe in cheesy things such as soulmates . when girls would intertwine their fingers with yours and purr how the two of you were meant to be together , you had to hold back laughter . but the older you got , the more you began to realize that you and dustin ? you guys split from the same soul . it was the day you also realized that soulmates aren’t just the romantic cliche in the movies you grew up believing them to be . you couldn’t help but felt guilty , for once belittling someone for believing in it . because you swore , that everyone deserve to have a bond like you and your brother .

your nanny , she was in for it . chasing two boys around the house who could run before they could walk . close your eyes and REMEMBER it , the way yous once laughed with one another . mornings with syrup dripping on your chins . wrestling in the living room despite the warning from miss bailey that one of you will get hurt ( which one of you always did ) . outsiders might say you two brought out the worst in each other ( mrs. burke did when she refused to have the both of you in her class ) , but anyone who really knew you knew how good for each other you were . mischievous , but aren’t that what brothers for ? built in partner in crimes ? best friends for life . you guys were inseparable , so inseparable that by the end of secondary school it was granted that you were put in different classes to allow room for others . you DIDN’T mind , even if you did declare how idiotic it was to your mother over the phone . you had friends . a lot of friends . but friends that were just your friends ? that was new . and you never really knew how to feel about it .

high school , it changed your life . i know you’ll say for the worst , but please don’t forget about all of the good that came out of it . the teachers ? they were stuck between loving and hating you . and some ? didn’t get a chance to do either with how much you skipped their class . you kept your grades up only to continue playing hockey grades were the only thing that your dad actually checked . you enjoyed the social scene , and by social scene i mean getting too drunk at house parties and being rowdy in the bleachers . when you looked to your right , you had a whole CREW of friends who somehow stumbled into your life . and when you looked to your left , you had your brother . you sought out EXCITEMENT , anything to get your heart racing . you were IMPULSIVE . you took your injustice out by developing a CANTANKEROUS attitude that got you into fights left and right ( on and off the ice ) . high school is when you got your first job , sixteen and tired of hearing your father complain about you needing more responsibility of course this had been after you and your brother got caught smoking . your legs landed you at rainbow point with a confident grin and TROUBLE in your eyes .

BECAUSE EVERYTHING I DO FEELS LIKE NOTHING

it was good , you struggled but you were happy . my CARELESS child with light dancing around you . you couldn’t be touched , you were immortal . it reflected in your actions , teenagers huh ? but we all know there can’t be good without the bad , and for you i wish the bad had been a broken ankle or failed SAT’S . but it wasn’t . the bad was ripping you to pieces , beyond repair . i know it haunts you , the accident . the realization when you’re eyes focused on the road and saw a blue truck headed towards you , you hate the color blue . you forgot too , that dustin had taken off his seat belt to retrieve the phone you knocked out of his hands because he was getting on your nerves . it only hitting you when hues opened back up and a gaping hole the size of a body remained . you still don’t understand how it could be , that you had absolutely no scratches . but your brother ? he no longer had air in his lungs .

you’re lost , you want to sob like a child with hands wrapped around you whispering it’s going to be okay . but it won’t be . and you never realized how lonely your house was , and how distant your parents were . now your home town reminds you of secrets whispered in the dark and talks about the future that no longer exists for your brother . you left after that summer , in the beginning you missed holidays because you couldn’t bare the sight of an untouched room . and that empty seat right beside you dug it’s claws into your chest until you could no longer breathe . you HATE your home town , and the house you grew up in . and if you could choose , you’d never go back . so why do you ? it’s because of the missed calls on your phone from the ones you call friends . you feel OBLIGATED . it’s one of the only emotions you feel , besides guilt and grief . you really do try , to move on . to feel more . but it’s hard for you . so you hide behind spontaneous adventures and the bottom of a whiskey bottle . you flash pearly whites and roll around in sheets with women you could never love like they love you . you ink your body with permanent ink because it’s the only permanent thing you’ll ever have . you have to remind yourself that you’re alive , you’re alive because sometimes you forget . but what’ll you never forget ? is that , you did this that reality hits you when you’re at your weakest . it’s the one that screams at you until tears hang in honeyed hues and just healed wounds are ripped open by your favorite punching bag the mirror . but that’s okay , isn’t it ? because when the sun rises , you’ll go out and replace it . and you’ll pretend that you’re fine .

#rainbowintro #tw: mention of car accident #tw: mention of addiction #if i missed any triggers please let me know #a connections page will be up soon !!

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polar-stars · 5 years ago

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Some Incorrect Quote Madness

[Lola pays Takayuki to get rid of a hornet nest]

Lola: I put some tools he needs, and if he chooses correctly he will conquer it.

Kimiko : And if he doesn’t?

Lola : He will die.

Ayano: I’m gonna say the s word.

Ayano: Shit.

Kei: WHAT THE FUUUCK DONT SAY THAT!

Takayuki: STOP FUCKING SWEARING!

Suzume: How can I put this… Murder.. it’s just not cool!

Akio: I agree, Hojo-san, ok? No one is saying murder is cool, okay?

Shigeo: I’ll take [rips ninja star out of a fresh corpse] that!

Akio: …OK, maybe him, a little bit…

Suzume, wanders after Shigeo: Hey now, that’s enough, mister!

Kimiko: You suck.

Masashi: Insubordination!

Kimiko: Sir, you suck, Sir.

Shigeo: Aren’t you sugar and spice and everything nice.

Suzume: Well, aren’t you rudeness and sarcasm and everything… uh…

Shigeo: No, go on. You find something that rhymes with sarcasm and makes sense, and I’ll take the fall tonight.

Kimiko: I’ve been feeling kind of sluggish lately.

Hiraku: I like slugs.

[confronted by an angry, bellowing bull]

Hideyoshi, whispering: I’ve got a plan.

Daisuke: What is it?

Hideyoshi: Uh, well… uh, you… pet him.

Daisuke: Yeah…

Hideyoshi: And I’ll… RUN.

Daisuke: Oh, well, thanks a lot!

Shigeo: You look happy. Let me guess, your sandwich fell on the floor at the restaurant, and they gave it to you for free.

Kimiko: No. Can you do that? Why doesn’t everyone just drop their sandwiches on the floor?

Shigeo: I was trying to insult you.

Kimiko: And instead you gave me an amazing life-hack.

Suzume: If a guy calls you ‘princess’ in a condescending matter, assert your newly appointed royal status and have him beheaded.

Hiroshi: I love your heart shaped sunglasses, they’re very festive.

Hideyoshi: I’m in love.

Hiroshi: With who?

Hideyoshi: Myself.

Kiyoko, to Masashi: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Momo, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever?

Shigeo: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Noboru: Look, I am going to be frank.

Hiraku: Okay, can I still be Hiraku?

Lola: Me, I’m a person of action. You have to act first and apologize later. Like I have learned to do.

Mona: You never apologize.

Lola: I would if I had ever been wrong.

Hideyoshi: Alcohol tastes better when you’re underage because the secret ingredient is crime.

Suzume: What do you want? You want to kill me?

Shigeo: You really think I’m that boring? I’m a person of far more vision than simple murder.

Chieko: Boy, Kawashima, I’d love to tell you what I think of you. But I’m too much of a lady to use that kind of language in public.

Hideyoshi: I appreciate that.

Chieko: BUT WAIT TILL I GET YOU HOME!

Suzume: [throws shoe at Shigeo]

Shigeo: HOW DID YOU GET YOUR SHOE OFF THAT FAST?

Takayuki: They don’t call her Fast Shoe Off Suzu for nothin’.

Suzume: No one calls me that.

Takayuki: They should.

Kaori: I know we’ve always had this unspoken rivalry.

Kimiko: It’s not a rivalry, you’re just always mean to me. And it’s not unspoken, you talk about it all the time.

Hiraku: When have I done anything rash or irresponsible?

Noboru: I keep a list. It’s alphabetized.

Kazuo: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?

Takayuki: I’m a knife.

Suzume, from across the room: He’s a little spoon.

Hideyoshi: We have fun, don’t we?

Chieko: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

Noboru: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Shigeo: Hey, Yukihira, how tall are you?

Kimiko: See, Hayama-san, the way this whole friendship thing works is you have to tell each other the deep stuff.

Kaori: The deep stuff? Uh oh. Like what?

Kimiko: Like… what’s your favorite color?

Kaori: Now you’ve stepped over the line.

Suzume: Before you say no-

Noboru: No.

Suzume: But I haven’t even told you yet.

Noboru: I’m sticking with no.

Umino: Hello, Boss. Make anybody cry today? Shigeo: Sadly, no, but it’s only 4:30.

Takayuki: Sorry, I lost my cool for a second.

Lola: You can’t lose something you never had.

Hiraku: Am I right, Eizan?

Shigeo: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.

Yasu: It’s hard being the mom friend sometimes, but I love my friends and that’s what matters-

Hideyoshi: Ibusaki! I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything!

Hiraku, to Kimiko: First of all, you’re throwing too many big words at me. Because I don’t understand them, I’m gonna take them as disrespect.

Masashi, to Shigeo: We don’t use bad words in this house.

Kei, in the distance: FUCK!

Mika: Please. Picking locks is my specialty.

Mika: [throws brick through window]

Mika: Okay, let’s go!

Hiroshi:

Yamada: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Umino: Strong.

Koharu: Weak.

Shigeo: You’re an idiot, that’s what you are.

Emi: So, what’s that Yoshida Koharu like? Itsuki: If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a lovechild, that kid would be afraid of Yoshida-senpai.

Suzume: Must you always attack me with words?

Shigeo: You want me to use rocks?

Kiyoko: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.

Noboru: Please never become a surgeon.

Shigeo: Yukihira can’t read a book.

Hiraku: I can read a book!

Shigeo: Name three books you’ve read.

Hiraku: Boogie Bear, Boogie Bear II and Boogie Bear III: The Return of Boogie Bear.

Ran: We’re not going to burn it.

Takayuki: Come on, Ran-san. You never let me burn anything.

Itsuki: I’m going to die!

Emi: Think positive, Itsuki!

Itsuki: I’m going to die quickly!

Yamada: Bro, I want to live in your socks.

Umino: What the fuck, bro?

Yamada: So I can be with you every step of the way.

Umino: [close to tears] Bro?

Yamada: Bro.

Hiroshi: Kawashima, be charming, but not too charming.

Hideyoshi: That’s like asking Superman not to be too super.

Kei: But still, isn’t that taking advantage of people?

Etsuya: I see nothing wrong with taking advantage of the stupid.

Shigeo: That’s why we have stupid people.

A Random: Sorry, are you in charge here?

Lola: I’m Nakiri Lola, I’m in charge everywhere.

Itsuki: [holding his breath]

Emi, timing: Holy crap, 4 minutes!

Itsuki: [exhales] The trick is not caring if you live or die.

Suzume: It’s moments like these that I’ll never forget.

Noboru: With a good therapist, hopefully I will.

Kimiko: Lola just created a group chat called Nakiri Lola’s Surprise Party and then left the group

Hideyoshi: I’m feeling a lot of emotions…but mostly respect

Kimiko: You know, money can’t buy you happiness.

Shigeo: No. But it can buy me a jet ski and I’ve never seen anybody looking sad on one of those.

Daisuke, looking at the camera after Hideyoshi does something stupid: Do you ever look at your best friend who you've known your whole life, been through thick and thin, shared your whole life with them, and think, "I'd just love to fucking knock you out?"

Kiyoko: Ran-chan, how do I get revenge on people who've betrayed me?

Ran: Oh, Kiyoko-san, the best revenge is letting go and living well!

Kiyoko:

Kiyoko: Shigeo-kun, how do I--

Hideyoshi: As your best friend-

Yasu: Chi-chan’s my best friend.

Hideyoshi: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND

Suzume: I love this picture of our friends, we look so happy!

Akio: Where's Hiraku-sama?

Suzume: We hadn't met him yet, that's why we were so happy.

Akio: I did a bad thing, a bad, bad terrible thing!

Shigeo: Does it affect me?

Akio: No...

Shigeo: Then suffer in silence.

#Fooling Around #Shokugeki no Kimiko Stuffz

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the-truth-will-light-the-sky · 6 years ago

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The Chocobros on the Dance Floor

Who among them dances like Kenny Crow, though?

Noctis - The Awkward Prince

Noctis likes listening to music as it gets his blood pumping.

He would subtly bob his head to the beat but if he’s feeling really into it, expect him to sway a bit to the song, an unconscious biting of his lips ensues, much to the bros’ endless teasing.

When it comes to dancing however, don’t ask the prince to dance if you’re not on his posse.

Stranger? No thanks.

But if the bros start dancing, initiated by Prompto, followed by a very good dancer named Gladio, expect Noctis to dance a bit.

The prince doesn’t have a particular dance style, expect him to sway his body from side to side and raising his hands in the air if he feels like it.

Dancing with the bros does not require the best dance moves nor coordination. It’s only pure craziness.

When someone he likes is suddenly thrust into the dance scene beside him, at first Noct goes from having fun to being shy.

But when his crush starts laughing as they dance to the beat, being their usual self, Noct would gain confidence and start dancing with them.

Bold is rarely the word for the prince when it comes to things like this, but if he’s feeling extra brave, he’d hold his crush’s waist as he dances with them, a playful smile decorating his lips.

A younger Noct wouldn’t dare do the, um, grind, but mind you, with enough signals from his crush, he’d be down with it. Nothing dirty, just losing himself in the feeling of holding his dear one close and inhaling the sweet scent of them.

By the end of the night, Noct is hooked.

Don’t try to put V in the dance scene, however, if you do not want to make a mess of the Prince.

Prompto - The Energy Bunny

Prompto, despite looking like a shy and clumsy chocobo, is actually a killer on the dance floor.

Not a killer, of course. But he’s gonna slay anyone who challenges him to a dance off.

Sunshine Kid’s energy and dance moves are the best around. He likes dancing to keep his blood pumping, plus it gives him an extra boost of happiness.

Prompto loves watching those choreography videos on Nextube and he’d try to imitate the steps with success.

He’s not all about the dance moves however, because Prompto’s charisma is infectious.

He’d be all smiles as he dances, but he’d get very much into it too that he’d look like a total badass of the dance floor.

But he’s not doing this to look cool, though. Sunshine Kid just loves to dance. His fave goofy moves? Why, the Kenny Crow dance of course! Followed by the cowboy bounce and the running man. He ain’t Sunshine Kid without being a goofball, of course.

If he’s only listening to the music, a.k.a. watching his friends dance as he gobbles down on spicy food and chugging down a cold drink, he’d bob his as he’d tap his fingers on the floor.

Expect his feet to tap to the beat too. It’s like his body can’t contain itself that he has to dance it all out.

He’s the one who initiates the dancing. He won’t be too confident to try and dance on the dance floor at first. He’d dance by the corner or by the table all by his lonesome…for a few seconds. He’d then drag Noct or whoever it is that is fortunate or unfortunate enough to be in near proximity.

If he spotted his crush in the crowd, Sunshine Kid is nowhere to be seen.

The bros would eventually find him stress eating by their table or pretending to be busy taking photos to avoid talking to that person.

And let’s not forget the selfies. By the end of the night, expect lots of selfies with the bros and all the people he’s made friends with. And lots of stolen shots. That’s Prompto for ya.

Gladiolus - A Vision on the Dance Floor

Gladio likes any kind of music. So if someone plays some really good beats, expect him to really try and rock to it.

He’s confident in his dancing. He doesn’t have any dance moves in his pockets like Prompto, but boy, can this man dance.

The way Gladiolus carries himself as he busts a groove makes it look as if he’s doing some sort of photo shoot.

He is not shy to dance either in a reserved fashion like swaying his body from side to side, or from going full on with his dancing.

This guy’s energy is hard to match, only at par with Sunshine Kid himself.

Gladio is open to dancing with a stranger, given that they’re nice and all. If they’re jerks, expect him to walk away with an irritated scowl.

He’s the kind of guy who would boldly ask someone to dance with him or with his friends if they’re alone or too shy.

He won’t be overpowering; in fact, he’d be very friendly with them. He’d strike up a really good conversation as they dance with ease.

The bros are not surprised if the big guy ends up making friends, or having a number written on his arm or his hand.

If Gladio sees his crush in the dance floor, he’ll call out to them.

He’s very happy to find them as he’s having fun and is willing to do his best to make them feel the same way.

He doesn’t dance to impress, but if that is what will take for his crush to really notice how, ripped, uh, good-looking he is, then by all means, he would.

Gladio is the kind who would talk about different things to anyone while dancing. From nonsensical things and jokes to deep philosophical things like do you think the stars stare back at us and all that.

Ignis - The Suave One

Ignis prefers to listen to music, thank you very much.

He’d be that friend who seem to have their butts glued to the seat and would make up every excuse not to dance.

‘I’m too drunk’ (he’s drinking Ebony; in fact, none of the bros drink liquor anyway in precaution to avoiding any mischief), or ‘I sprained my foot, ah, ankle’, ‘My glasses are too foggy’, ‘Cor is in the crowd’ (gasp) and such.

The bros would leave him to his lonesome.

Ignis is very happy to be left alone. He fishes out his phone and begins playing King’s Knight. The bros are missing out on the level up bonus on a Friday night. Iggy smirks.

He’d find his foot tapping to the beat and he’s cool with that. Ignis Scientia likes listening to whatever makes him feel better, no matter the genre.

The only time you can find Ignis on the dance floor is if he is avoiding someone.

There was one time when a lady bumped into his seat and asked if he wanted to dance. She was very beautiful, yes, but he found that from a corner of the bar that a man as big and fearsome as Gladio was glaring at him as if he was throwing daggers at Iggy in the dark. Ignis excused himself with regret but peace goes first before romance. A sad affair, really.

Gladio is the first to sense if something was amiss and would call out to Iggy to join the bros in the dance floor.

Prompto’s incessant dance moves proven to make Ignis Scientia laugh and Noct’s annoying teases would push the Master Tactician to bust a few moves of his own.

Ignis can dance. His spatula can attest to that.

If anyone can catch Iggy dancing, consider yourself blessed.

Ignis looks so damn sexy as he dances. He’d push his glasses up and dances effortlessly it’s almost criminal. AND THAT SMIRK.

Once Ignis’ apple of his eye is suddenly in the room, Ignis would halt any tomfoolery and act the mature one in the group (he already is, but, multiply that twice).

He’ll see if this person would look at him as his friends would dance about. If they did, he would look away as if he himself wasn’t staring at them in the first place.

It works, of course. Ignis finds himself talking to this person but keeping everything about him mysterious.

He’s not touchy, though, so don’t expect him to grab you out of nowhere and start swaying those hips. He’s a gentleman.

At the end of the night, Ignis Scientia has gotten almost everyone smitten with him.

Noct gives him the stink eye from the back of the car. Remind him not to bring Specs to the dance club again.

V - The Closeted Dancer

The lady above is Veritas Lux Seculum in her typical battle gear. I finally made her own GIF! I made a character model for her in FFXV Comrades and I’m so happy to have made her first GIF! Of course it had to be the goofy one, ha!

She’s almost always sitting by the table with Iggy, discussing matters and even jokes. Iggy approves.

But then Prompto would drag her away to the dance floor and would make her laugh with his cowboy and running man dance moves.

Gladio joins in the moment he sees this and would try and joke about, raising V’s hands in the air to ease her nervousness.

Veritas is too cautious and reserved most of the time, so a little dance wouldn’t hurt.

Once she sees that everyone is having fun, she’d let loose a little bit.

Immortals aren’t boring on the dance floor. They’re adorable!

This barely 5′ short tall lady starts by swaying her body to the beat and similar to Noct, she would raise her hands in the air, just losing herself to the groove.

But if the mood finally strikes, she would drop all facades and dance to her heart’s content.

She’s not afraid to go disco or latin or hiphop or anything. Sunshine Kid challenges her to imitate his moves and she complies but throws in a bit of her take to it.

V is the kind of person who would laugh as she dances and likes to engage in conversation like Gladio.

Her usual dance partner is Prompto and she’s always down to being a goofball with him.

Their fun energy is infectious that even Noct starts dancing with them.

If V looks at the Prince however, he’d look away.

V loves dancing with her friends, but if Ravus suddenly calls her, expect her to excuse herself and head outside the club to talk.

The only way to get her back is to say that Gladio has had too much to drink (of course not). They only want their best mate to stay for the fun.

Here’s the playlist I’ve been listening to as I wrote this down, if anyone is curious. I don’t really stick to a particular style, as long as it keeps the blood pumping, it’s a go. *please don’t judge me, haha!’

‘Bust A Move’ by Young MC,

‘Ice, Ice Baby’ Glee Version,

Uptown Girl by Billy Joel,

U Can’t Touch This by MC Hammer,

‘Let’s Groove Tonight’ and ‘Boogie Wonderland’ by Earth, Wind & Fire

‘The Water Dance’ by Chris Porter feat. Pitbull

‘Manolo’ by Trip Lee and Lecrae

‘Kiss’ Prince’s version

‘Uptown Funk’ by Bruno Mars

‘Fever’ by Peggy Lee

‘Sexy Boy’ by Air

‘No Problem’ by Lil Scrappy

‘Lovefool’ by The Cardigans

‘I’m Too Sexy’ by Right Said Fred

‘Let’s Get It’ by Jordyn Carter

‘I Hate Myself For Loving You’ by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts,

’Sway’ Michael Buble version

‘Come On Eileen’ by Dexys Midnight Runners,

‘Footloose’ by Kenny Loggins,

‘WTF’ by Missy Elliott feat. Pharrell Williams,

‘Love Never Felt So Good’ by Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake,

‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’ by The Clash,

’Sexy Back’ by Justin Timberlake,

‘Anaconda’ by Nicki Minaj,

‘Fooled Around And Fell In Love’ by Elvin Bishop

I know I have a lot more, but I really can’t remember. Haha! If y’all have any song suggestions, let me know! I need more music in my life. X

#noctis lucis caelum #ignis scientia #prompto argentum #gladiolus amicitia #final fantasy xv #ffxv #ffxv headcanons #ffxv chocobros #Chocobro shenanigans #dancing chocobros #FF15 Headcanons #the truth will light the sky #msy the truth will light the sky #veritas lux seculum #noctis headcanon #prompto headcanon #ignis headcanon #gladio headcanon

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doomedandstoned · 5 years ago

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GURT Are Rowdier Than Ever In ‘Bongs of Praise’

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

Artwork by Mark Williams

I have a certain London band blasting out of my Bose speakers as I write this, and for some reason my cat will not leave me alone. Oh, she's been fed, but I'll be doggone if she isn't trying to communicate the way I do, by dancing her tiny little fingers all over the keyboard. I'd like to think this is in response to the new album 'Bongs of Praise' (2019) by GURT. After all, the thunderous sludge quartet has long been known for their feline affections, dating back to that 2012 split with Dopefight in which they dropped the epic single, "Dudes with Beards with Cats." Then again, perhaps they were just being ironic.

Whatever the case, if a record is good enough for my cat, it's good enough for me. Although how she can curl up and nap so soundly while a song like "Rolling Stoned" is spinning is beyond me. GURT has always made me want to jump, hollar, maybe throw my clothes across the room, anything but sit motionless. Certainly GURT is a great way to get work. These fingers fly when "Weed it and Weep" or "Squidgy Black Thing" is streaming.

Whether we're talking about the tango-like feel of "One Hit Wonder," the doom-punk stomp of "The Joint of No Return," or the southern-stoner spirit of "Marijuanarmchair," GURT is nothing if not reliable for its titanic sound. It blasts right through my apathy, stirring up something deep within my belly (whether that's inspiration or last night's dinner is up for debate). Hell, it really got me jump-started this week and I'm sure it will more than do the trick for you.

Gareth Kelly's vocals hold up strong on GURT's third record. Out of all the singers in the sludge world, his pipes are distinctly recognizable. Then there's Rich William's searing guitar leads, which makes every song a joy to discover. But GURT just wouldn't be GURT without that driving rhythm section, Bill Jacobs (drums) and David Blakemore (bass) really bringing on the hurt. Bongs of Praise adds a little something special to the mix with medieval sounding wind instruments and a chorus in the title track, which closes the album.

Whether you come to GURT for the catharsis, humor, or just something to bring your sky-high buzz a little more down to earth, Bongs of Praise will not disappoint. There's still time, by the way, to pre-order the record on CD and vinyl via When Planets Collide before it's wide release on Friday, September 6th. Until then, you can listen to it all from edge to center, side A and side B, right here on our bitchin' lil blog!

Give ear...

Some Buzz

GURT take the blues and groove of '70s rock and drag it backwards through the swamps of Louisiana. The drums are thunderous, the vocals demonic and the guitars down-tuned, down-tempo and down right sexy. This is not doom, this is not sludge, this is GURT. Since their genesis in 2010, the band have laced up their boots and stomped over everything you thought you might have known about them and the beloved conventions of metal. GURT collide their barbaric sound with lines of funk and tongue in cheek lyricism to mould what has been hailed as “party doom.” Their full throttle approach is like a fairground waltzer ride that is so fun that you can forgive the consequent whiplash.

In 2014 they unleashed their debut album, 'Horrendosaurus,' through independent label, When Planets Collide: Presents. Showcasing their quirkiness in all its glory, the record is as hysterically comical as it is brutal. Members Gareth Kelly on vocals, Rich Williams on guitar, David Blakemore on bass guitar and Bill Jacobs on drums, frankly talk inevitable death and utter nonsense, issuing a sentence punishable by boogie. The record took them on a European tour with Dopethrone, returning home to a packed out audience to open Bloodstock’s second stage.

The following year, GURT released the 'DIYMCA' EP, in honour of their roots. Here, they questioned a journalist’s motives (‘8 Out Of 10 Cunts’) and realised that they should stick to the gin rather than the ‘Scrump’. The EP catapulted the band on their first UK headline tour, and back to Europe with good friends, Diesel King. Their second record, 'SKULLOSSUS,' was born in 2017. Menacing to its core, it explores darker shades of doom sludge. Presenting a theatrical performance, the band’s sound swelled in size as they toyed with their repertoire; adding rip roaring, guttural vocals, psychedelic rhythms and all the adoration of a classic rock 'n' roll riff.

GURT’s wicked sense of humour bubbles at the surface of their latest release, 'Bongs of Praise' (2019). Paying tribute to the stoner rock community, the record pokes fun with song titles "Weed It and Weep," "Rolling Stoned," and "Jazz Cabbage." Without any sense of irony, the band deliver sleaze in the best possible way. As a true family unit, GURT have released three split EPs with Dopefight, Trippy Wicked, and LIMB.

With the opportunity to etch their names into London’s most iconic venues, GURT have opened up for heavy metal American’s Red Fang at The Black Heart, NOLA legends EyeHateGod at the Underworld, and classic band PIST.ON at the O2 Academy Islington. Relentlessly touring the UK and beyond, the band have found themselves on the road with Widows and Pist, as well as sharing the stage with the likes of Weedeater, Red Fang, Black Tusk, Valient Thorr, Cough and Naam. In their own right they have cast their hypnotic savagery to the crowds of Bloodstock, Desertfest, Riffolution (UK) as well as Stonerhead (Salzburg) and 2019’s Monospace Fest (Paris).

If you even tried to put GURT into a box, they would claw at the walls and kick their way out of it. Then steamroller over you at the sheer injustice. GURT throw all of the insane and humoured thoughts from their brains at the wall and somehow it just sticks, making enormous tracks that are downright filthy. Play them loud and play them proud. If you’re going to piss off your neighbours, have GURT be your accomplists.

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#D&S Debuts #GURT #London #England #Doom #Sludge #Metal #Punk Rock #Stoner Rock #Doomed & Stoned

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harrysdimples · 6 years ago

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just gonna leave my thoughts about the 1975′s new album, a brief inquiry into online relationships, here bc I’m that type of dumbass that will forget what I thought of it 10 mins after i listen to it kksjsaknskas (this is me listening to the leak btw and obviously I will buy the album when it comes out on friday)

give yourself a try: ?? 10/10 excellent single choice. loves it so much!! the exact techno 80s guitar I needed to live my best life. sign of the times??? le gasp. so just giiiiIIIiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIveeeeeeeee yourself a tryyyyyyyyy....thank u matty for inspiring my self love once more

TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME: THE FUCKING BOP OF THE CENTURY. genuinely on blast 24/7. what a TUUUUUUUUNE. love this with my whole heart and is the wholesome bop I needed. just pop perfection. LAV IT. the video warmed my soul. thank u to whatever god gave me the chance to boogie along to this when I make my breakfast n tea

how to draw / petrichor: why does this intro sound like beginning of a john lewis christmas advert? I mean I’m not complaining, take me to winter wonderland pls. wonderful xylophone usage. this is a veryyyyyy long intro. OH WOW this vocoder i love. not entirely sure what matty is saying but you know ? I dig it. OOFT OK WE TAKING IT SOFT TECHNO IM HERE FOR IT. this feels like a song that if u put on in the background you’d be really productive. ok we’re nearly 4 mins in and not much has happened. im here for these oddly distant computer sounds. hmmmmm not sure how to feel about this. feels like I might be dreaming about 80% of this song but I’m not entirely sure what to think about this. oh the piano at the end pls I love. was this just supposed to be an interlude or?........

love it if we made it: I actually did not like this at all on first listen when it was released as a single but MAN after the video and the genius video I am HERE. FOR. IT. thank YOU matty my KING for this woke af song. we stan. 2 real sometimes tbh. AND I’D LOVE IT IF WE MADE IT. the ultimate headbanging in your car song.

be my mistake: oh.........bitch am I in for a ride with this guitar?.......shit. fuckin hell I’m tearin up already. MATTY JESUS CHRIST. I literally just got chills all over my body. this is like.......a sadder slower version of somebody else if that were possible. I’m literally crying oh wow???? this is so fucking beautiful holy wow. so simple yet so powerful. I am absolutely in love with this. possibly my favourite 1975 song ever and that’s saying something. I feel the urge to lie in the dark at 3am and listen to this song with headphones on & just cry. wow. I am literally in awe. this is one of the most sonically perfect songs I’ve ever heard holy shit. thank you. wow.

sincerity is scary: I’m still emotionally recovering from be my mistake jeez louise but I absolutely LOVE this song too. the mv for this was *italian chef kiss* and the entire message behind this song is so ! bloody ! important ! this three song stretch of love it if we made it / be my mistake / sincerity is scary is grammy worthy within itself. I will FIGHT the recording academy if this doesn’t get an aoty nomination. and this song better be fuCKIN recognised istg

I like america & america likes me: this vocoder......yes bitch. I have chills again. maybe that’s just cause I’m cold. OH THAT BEAT DROP?? YES??? yeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeesssssss bitch. this is lit??? vocoder is a personal peeve of mine in songs but this pops off? I’ll need to look up what the lyrics are for a lot of this bc I have no clue what he’s sayin 60% of the time in this song. long fade out but im here for it

the man who married a robot: this intro??? MEMES WHOMST??? I am ? wow ? I don’t know what’s going on rn but I’m going with it. this is supposed to be a deeper meaning of a reflection of society but I cannot take this siri voice seriously. confidentiality issues and porn issues with your computer is 2 real. I’m ? this was an eye opening interlude type thing. THE VIOLINS YES PLS. this is giving me those apple launch adverts for new phones background music realness. sad wanking?? here for it and harry approved

inside your mind: these violins??? oooooOOOOooooh this piano??? OKAY BITCH???? that low note ok wow???? these lyrics are slightly stalkerish but u know. oh okay we’re taking it there??? I see. this is a very nice orchestral accompaniment. 10/10 on vocals thank u. this shredding on the guitar in the back? im assuming this is supposed 2 be self aware creepiness & thank god for that. showing how fucked males are as a gender. seeing females as a vessel for their own personal pleasure and then when they either don’t get that or have used them for what they need, turn to violence as the natural consequence of his actions.

it’s not living (if it’s not with you): a vibey song that I needed. I’m lovin it. feels like it could be part of an 80s coming of age film, like ferris bueller’s day off or sixteen candles. the chorus absolutely SLAPS and thank you for this bop. an amazing song for a long car journey/road trip. 10/10 would recommend listening

surrounded by heads and bodies: oh........no........I thought I was safe after be my mistake but APPARENTLY NOT. these harmonies are heavenly. feel like this is what you hear as you are being lifted into heaven to calm you down. has that whimsical/ethereal vibe and I absolutely love it with matty’s voice. the lyrics are fuckin sad :( I am hurting. my hort :( will be adding this to my sleepy time playlist on spotify of songs that lull me to sweet dreams, I look forward to falling asleep to this (and I mean that in the best way possible)

mine: this flute? hm. oh......no.....another piano my heart is too fragile for this please no. this is so pretty :( oh no I am tearing up. pleaSE I LOVE THIS. SAXOPHONE AHHHHHH MY FAVE. JAZZY????? ALL I COULD EVER WANT PLEASE THANK YOUUUUUUU. I am IN LOVE WITH THIS. lookin back on 2009? was it really raining all the time? oh this is so melancholy and I love it :( this is the type of song u slow dance to at a wedding. OHHHHH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. please I am so emotionally fragile this is a lot for my overly emotional heart to handle. you are just fine!!! because I know you are mine!!! someone stab me in the chest please!!! when will I receive love!!!! a contender for my fave on the album

I couldn’t be more in love: judging by the title if this is another slow song I’m going to bawl my eyes out. oh fuCK. this is......sad........I am..........sad. matty’s voice oh my god????? my love.....I need to be held. baby I’ll rely on all the things i did BECAUSE I’LL GIVE YOU ALL THE YEARS OF MY LIFE FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF I AM SWAN DIVING OFF A CLIFF. THIS CHOIR??? RIP MY SOUL FROM MY BODY THANKS. I am thIS close from having an emotional breakdown. and this bloody guitar solo just solidified that for me okay wow I was not nearly emotionally prepared enough for this album. THAT KEY CHANGE BITCH?????? I am so sad but I’m having a musical eargasm. wow I loved that.

I always wanna die (sometimes): (that’s a fat mood) oh no I really am going to cry during this song. oh. fuck. holy fuck this is genuinely a situation I’ve been in before and I don’t know what to do with myself.

I had to stop and listen after the first verse because this song hit me so much. wow. this is a masterpiece. the bridge is absolutely beautiful. one of the most meaningful songs I’ve ever listened to. god listening to this song after I’ve gone through is making me so emotional. and matty’s vocals are the most angelic thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t even know how to describe this song because it’s just that good. just wow. so fucking beautiful and the best closer to an album I’ve heard since hs1. I just love this with my entire being.

overall rating: 10. my favourite album of 2018 by far. just beautifully crafted and a genuine piece of art. this is the band’s best album. I need to go process what I just heard but wow. just so beautiful and I’m thankful my ears were so blessed to hear this. faves from the album are def mine, be my mistake, tootime and I always wanna die (sometimes)

#the 1975 #okay time to go cry for two hours after listening to this #album review

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soriseerakyra · 7 years ago

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Tentative Engagements

Request for @my-fucking-world-13

It feels like being ripped apart. That’s the best way for you to describe it. Your throat is raw and you’ve lost the ability to scream. He’d been doing this to you for a week, or at least it felt that way. You still had no idea what he wanted, if you did you would have given it to him without a fight.

A part of you blamed the Resistance for this. Of course, they weren’t the evil force going around destroying people’s villages, capturing and torturing people, but they were the ones apparently going around and hiding information in these villages. Their attempts to keep information out of the hands of the First Order was putting people who wanted no part of this conflict at risk.

You let out a sigh as you try to relax, but the metal table you were locked into was more than uncomfortable. Aside from the cuffs on your wrists and your ankles, there was a metal piece jutting out of the table, pushing gently on your spine, making it so that you had to maintain an unnatural arch to your body. Your toes and fingers are numbed, the tightness of the cuffs limiting the blood flow. You weren’t sure how long you would have until your limbs officially gave out.

Luckily for you, it seemed like you wouldn’t have to endure the pain of your limbs for too much longer. Your torturer had returned; the hiss of the cell door opening and his robes billowing behind him.

He doesn’t say anything as he begins to pace around the room. Your eyes lazily follow his steps, his pacing is almost frantic; an irritated step to his gait. He’s mumbling to himself, hands clenching and reacting in a twitchy manner, it’s almost like he doesn’t know you’re here.

Almost.

The moment you lift your body up to adjust yourself, his masked faced snaps to you, and the pacing stops. You wish you could see his eyes, that way you could rationalize to yourself that he isn’t a monster, maybe your heart would slow down when you realized that he was just as human as you were and not some boogie man.

“You’ve deceived me.” He starts looking at you with a cock of his masked head.

It takes a while for your tired, abused brain to makes sense of what the strange man is saying, but after a few moments you manage to force out a mumbled, “What?”

“You’ve caused me to waste all of this time on you, and now the resistance is gone.”

‘Of course, they are,’ you thought bitterly, ‘They never stick around to face the consequences.’

Curious, that’s the only word you can use to describe the tilt of the head he gives you. As if you had done something that he hadn’t been expecting. A wave of realization washes over you as the haze of your mind clears up, the memory of him reading your thoughts appearing.

‘He heard me’

“I heard you.”

Your eyes stare at him lazily, if you had been well you would imagine they would appear bucked with worry, but as your situation continues to deteriorate, these slightly hooded eyes are the best that you can manage.

He doesn’t say anything, likely realizing that you honestly have no information to provide to him, and from the hue of your thoughts, would not have hid anything from him if you did.

He stares you down again, watching as those hazy eyes of yours begin to shut. He tries to probe your thoughts, but realizes there are none. You’ve slipped away, not dead, but unconscious.

He backs away from the table, perhaps he was hasty in his interrogation of you.

***

There is a coolness washing through your belly as you begin to open your eyes. A gloved white hand invades your vision as you begin to swallow, realizing that water is being poured into your mouth. The hand pulls itself away and your gaze follows the appendage back to the hosts body.

She doesn’t have a name tag and majority of her face is covered, but the white uniform and the gloved hands tell you that she is a medical officer.

She places the cup down next to her, a clacking letting you know that there is a table next to you. You realize that you are laying back, staring into the bright lights of the ceiling, a position that is much easier on your back than the previous upright had been, although there was still the issue of the protrusion of metal resting in your back.

She places a hand on your forehead pulling at the skin, examining your eyes with a clinical gaze. A strange thought bubbles up in your mind, a desire for her to move her hand from your forehead to rest on your cheek, so that you can feel a bit of warmth, a bit of affection. It leaves a feeling of dread collecting in your stomach, being desperate for human touch is not something that is good. It’s a sign that your loosing yourself.

“It will take a while, sir, but her levels of dehydration are already decreasing,” the woman above you says suddenly, as she lets go of your skin.

Its only then that you are made aware of the other presence in the room and hear the thundering of his boots.

He doesn’t respond and he leaves, the door hissing open and closed.

The doctor looked into her eyes again, gaze empty as she continued to examine you, pulling gently at your skin. When she’s finished with her poking and prodding she heads to the door herself, she pauses before she leaves.

“You’re lucky, I don’t think you’re going to die here.”

The door hisses, opens and closes once again.

You sit there in silence. Normally, you would probably mull over the words, maybe take them as a sign of hope. But you couldn’t help but think what the actuality of the situation would be. If you didn’t die here, you would most likely be made into a slave, so while not physically dying, a spiritual death may be eminent.

***

You’d probably be tortured for this, although it was no fault of your own. You stare down at your wrist which is now hanging limply at your side again, as the table was positioned up right.

The creases of your eyes burn as hot tears begin to well up, no matter how you tried, when you slipped your hand back into the cuff it just wouldn’t stay. You were thin, too thin, and you imagined that your other wrist would fall out of the other cuff rather soon as well. If that happened, you aren’t sure that you’d be able to keep yourself up right, they would definitely think that you were trying to escape.

“Damn them,” you hiss to yourself. Part of it is directed at the First Order and the monster that keeps you imprisoned here, but majority of it is aimed at the resistance. If they had never come to your village, your lazy, fruitful, now decimated village, you wouldn’t be in this situation. You wouldn’t have been captured, or tortured, or interrogated, or dying. You’d still be in your mother’s shop, sewing and weaving gowns and jewelry. You’d be eating your fathers cooking, trying to outrun your brother through the forests. You’d be happy.

The door hisses and you can’t hold the sob that rocks through your body when he steps in the room. When he steps in he immediately pauses, seeing your sobbing form.

“I didn’t,” you start weakly with a shake of your head. The water you’d been given helped to keep you awake, helped you stop feeling like you were completely dying, but the lack of food made you weak. “I didn’t try to leave.”

He doesn’t say anything to you, instead walks toward you.

You close your eyes, letting your fear consume you. ‘I hate them so much.’

The footsteps pause in front of you and as much as you can, you try to prepare your mind for the vicious probing that you’d been used to.

Instead, a new sensation runs through your body; leather against your skin. Your arm is lifted in a rather delicate touch, and you take the chance to open your eyes. His masked face is there, in front of you, but he seems not to be looking at you, but at your abused wrist.

His thumb rubs at the bruised skin there, examining it. The touch was not particularly gentle, although you doubted that would have mattered, and your skin begin to break; thin from the lack of nutrients. The burning sensation runs through your arm causing you to let out a rather pathetic gasp of pain.

The moment that your lips part in pain he snaps his attention to your face, and you are sure that he’s looking into your eyes, even if you can’t see them. Unceremoniously, he lets go of your arm and it falls against the metal table with a thump. You let out a scream, as a small cracking sound rings through your ears. The tears are falling heavily now, not with fear but in pain, as your arm hangs even more limply at your side.

It seems as though causing you pain was not his intention. At your screech of pain his body instinctively rocks back slightly, weight shifting to his heels. He hesitates for a moment, observing you as your cries dial back into small whimpers.

He raises his hand in front of your face but before you can let out a plead for him not to hurt you, vision goes black.

***

You’re warm, warmer than you have been in a long time. There is something soft behind your head, almost soft enough to be a pillow. Your fingers begin to move, feeling at the soft fabric.

Your eyes snap open when you realize that your both of your eyes are down by your sides, unrestrained.

The room is dark even though the lights are on. The walls a sterile dark gray color, the sheets pitch black, with furniture all corresponding with a shade along the spectrum of these two colors.

You bite your lip to suppress a moan of pain as you sit up. You’re alone in this room. There is a constant hum running through the room, and in some way, it’s comforting. There is no sound in the interrogation room; sensory deprivation is key in torture.

Next to you there is a night stand, and you almost can’t contain the joy that runs through your form, as on top of the nightstand lies a tray of fruit. You aren’t sure what they are, you hadn’t seen anything like this grown on your planet nor in the markets. Still, you pick up a purplish green fruit and bite into its rind. A sigh of pleasure runs through you as the sweetness of the juice runs over your tongue.

‘Heaven’

It doesn’t take long for you to finish the tray. When you’re finished and put the tray down on the table there is almost an immediate hissing from a room beyond the one that you are in.

Fear runs through you, and you find yourself huddling down underneath the sheets. You can’t hear any footsteps and you doubt that you would be able to, the anxiety building in your chest is causing your heart to thud like a hammer in your chest and the sound echoes in your ears.

The door to the bedroom opens and you shut your eyes, waiting for your captor to reveal himself to you.

But nothing happens.

Soft whirring runs through your ears and for a moment you feel brave enough to peek from beneath the safety of your sheets. As you sit up your able to catch the back of a protocol droid removing the tray of fruit that was left for you. A quick glance to the table beside you and you see that where the tray once laid, sits glasses and pitcher of water.

Your panic recedes, albeit temporary.

***

It’s strange to you how personally impersonal this room is. There are no trinkets, no keepsakes, nothing that indicated at life outside of the First Order. Everything in here seemed to be standard issue, aside from the size of the rather large bed you had been resting on. Yet, the furniture, the walls, the sheets of the bed, were black. Clearly someone took the time to have all of this personalized.

That’s not the only thing that you have discovered either. There are small fist size dents that litter the walls, randomly, most likely done in fits of rage. They reminded you of the tantrums you used to have as child, when you would kick at the various objects in your room, leaving small scuffs. Little reminders of your inability to control your temper. You had managed to grow out of such a phase, but this person clearly hasn’t.

You stand, wobbly kneed, in front of the small window that occupied the room. It gave a view of the large snow-covered planet. You wished the view you were given was that of your village, the green of the forests and the deep blue of the rivers, but the snow was a welcome change to the drab black that you’d been surrounded by for the past week.

Suddenly a sound you hadn’t heard before rings through your ears. The familiar hiss of the room door opening, was followed by heavy decisive footsteps. Panic rises in you, and you begin to try to hurry your way to the bed, so you can hide. In your haste however, your still weak knees give out. Your kneecaps make contact with the floor sending a violent shock of pain up your spine. Tears pool instantly at the corners of your eyes and screech of pain rips from your lips with them.

At the moment, the owner of the room decides to step in. The door hisses and reveals to you the masked man, the one who had tortured you to this point.

You both stay there for a moment in relative silence, save for your quiet mewls of pain.

He begins to move forward and you move back slightly, but it doesn’t stop him.

“I haven’t touched anything,” you manage to squeeze out through your tears.

He remains wordless and instead he comes to your side, kneeling next to you. His arm wraps around your back and the other hooks itself at the bend of your knees. Quickly you’re pulled against his chest and heaved into the air. You look up at his masked face with wide confused eyes.

Strong arms cradle you against his chest and he takes long strides to hurry you to the bed. You’re put down surprisingly gently.

“You’re still hurt,” He states flatly, or at least what you think is flatly. His voice is distorted through his mask and so it is hard to tell how he said it. “Why did you get up?”

You don’t answer, still staring up at him warily, with wide eyes. He cocks his head.

“The view isn’t going to change from that window,” he starts. “It’s always going to be snow. Don’t get up until you’re better.”

With slight spin, he disappears behind the one door that you hadn’t been able to open in the room.

It takes about thirty seconds of quiet before you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

It takes ten minutes for your shoulders to relax from their tense position. The stinging pain in your knee begins to subside and you work your way beneath the sheets.

You are up for another hour before sleep starts to overcome you. It doesn’t seem like he’ll be coming out soon. He’d been silent since entering the small room.

Your eyes start to feel heavy and you are overcome with sleep.

***

There is a man in bed with you. Heart pounding your hand slowly comes up to quiet your rapid startled breathing. Thick dark hair frames the pale face. His full lips seem to be drawn in a perpetual pout, and his eyebrows are drawn together in slight agitation. His body is twitching, it’s a tell-tale sign of a nightmare or at least a bad dream.

You stare at the man, unmoving. You know who it is, even if his appearance is not what you expected. You waver for a moment, would it be best to simply return to sleep, or would he find your presence bothersome if he awoke and saw that you were in his bed? Surely, he can’t have minded too much, he is the one who put you here the first place.

“Be silent,” rumbles from his lips. The deepness of his voice causes you to startle, but you aren’t afraid as there is nothing that signifies anger, merely drowsiness. “You are so loud.”

You blink confusedly for a second, before realizing that your thoughts and questions must have disturbed him.

“Sorry,” You mumble as a dark brown eye opens to study you in the dark. You decide it would be best to simply close your eyes and go back to sleep. Clearly, he wasn’t going to throw you out or force you to sleep on the ground.

You end up turning your back to him and you fall asleep dreaming that you weren’t stuck on some isolated world in the unknown regions, but instead back on your parent’s homestead.

***

He’s interesting? Is that the right word for it? You aren’t sure, but it’s what you have decided to settle upon, anything else would be rude. Majority of the day you are alone; you wager he must be out looking for the map that he had been interrogating you about. Whatever it leads to must be important.

He’s often angry when he returns, that much you know not because he tells you or displays it you toward anyway, but on the occasion that you poke your head out of his quarters, there is of an announcement that runs through the entire base calling for the tell-tale combination of repair technician and janitors, and occasionally for a medical officer if there happened to be an officer that had been in the path of his rage. It seemed he had a habit of destroying things when he was angry.

Yet, despite the rage he often displayed, you have learned to not allow it to scare you. Perhaps because apart of you had become stronger as a result of your torture by his hand, a part of you no longer feared pain the way you once had. However, it was more likely it was because he tended to avoid you like the plague. In fact, aside from the small room he kept you out of, this felt more like your room than it did his. He was rarely there, as he was in the midst of search for that map. When he did return, he often stormed into his quarters, cape flowing behind him with an angry gust of wind making it whip behind him like it was full of life, until the tail of robes would flit helplessly on the ground. He’d remove his mask angrily and sometimes stare at the face plate, before slamming in down onto one of the counters. Sometimes he would acknowledge your presence by flashing those dark eyes at you, but mostly he would go and lock himself into the small room until he would stalk out and join you in the bed.

Today, was no different he walked in and slammed the mask down, but he paused today. Lingering with a slight sway to his body. Your brows furrow as you observe him. You’d seen that sway many times before. Your father often got it when he worked himself to the bone and he was so tired he could barely stand. You had no doubt that the man had been working himself rabid, as there were days when he did not return.

You open your mouth to say something, anything, the familiar visage causing a wave of sympathy to rise up in your body before you can help it. But he doesn’t give you the opportunity to offer the words, instead he storms into your shared bed room, the door hissing shut behind him rather violently. You jump at the sound, your throat clenching in slight surprise.

It’s quiet for a moment as you sit unmoving on the couch. Then a scream of frustration rocks through your ears. His loud bellow causes the room to shake slightly, and it feels like you are being squeezed. His anger seems to subside rather quickly and you were able to relax.

He didn’t come out though and you wondered if he had screamed himself to sleep, much in the way a child would have.

Curiosity washes over you as you stand from your position on the couch. You pad as quietly as you can over to the door. It opens for you and as you step in quietly. You find him deep in thought sitting on the edge of the bed.

He glances up at you, watching your every move rather warily as you approach him.

“If you’re stressed, I can help,” you start meekly, waiting for his response. When he doesn’t give you one you continue. “My mother used to show me the way to get someone to relax. She said it would make it easier for them to sleep too.”

He looks at you skeptically, “Why would you want to help me?”

“Self-preservation,” You say honestly, and though you know you should walk it back and say something a little more inconspicuous, you can’t bring yourself to hide the truth.

And you find it slightly ironic that your honesty seemed to be the best response. A slight chuckle runs through the lanky man. He nods his head at you, wordlessly giving you his consent.

You quickly shuffle behind the man and your hands are quickly attached to his shoulders.

Its awkward. You quickly realize that you are rubbing the shoulders of a man that is virtually a stranger, one who tortured you, and, for all intents and purposes, is holding you hostage in his room. Not only that but the thick fabric of his tunic is hard and isn’t allowing you to actually rub his shoulders, so instead of a massage the only thing that you are doing is bunching up the fabric and causing your fingers to ache.

‘It’s not like I can ask him to take his shirt off’ you think to yourself with a grimace as you continue to rub.

You can feel him tense under your touch and you remove your hands from him quickly. He sits forward after a moment. And to your slight surprise he leans forward and pulls the clothing from his form, revealing the pale expanse of his back. You’re slightly surprised that he’s so accommodating, but you more surprised that it’s human skin under the garment. You aren’t sure what you were expecting to see, but it’s just a back. It was well muscled, that was perhaps surprising as well, the dark robes that he wore made him look thinner and lankier than he actually was, but it was still just a back. There were no scars from blaster fire or any other type of weapon, it was just a rather a pale flawless expanse of skin.

“Well?” He questions flatly.

“Sorry,” you say realizing you were staring at him.

Your hands find their way to rest on the top of his shoulders. The warmth of his skin shocks you. You bite your lip in embarrassment as you realize a part of you still thought that he wasn’t actually human, that he was nothing more than a high functioning droid, even after you’d seen his face.

Your thumbs press into his skin, feeling the tense stiffness of his muscles. Your dig your fingers deep into his shoulders and press your thumbs into his back, digging into the muscle there. He groans slightly when you hit a knot that is particularly tight and your hands are off of him in an instant.

“It’s fine,” Instantly realizing that you thought he was going to hurt you because of the noise he had made.

Your hands find their way back to his shoulders and you begin rubbing again, albeit slightly gentler than before, even if he had said that it wasn’t a big deal you didn’t want to take any chances, in case a part of him wanted to change his mind.

This goes on for some time, you don’t know for how long, and it is almost impossible to tell time while in this dark room, you just know that eventually his eyes close and you swear that he has fallen asleep, but you keep rubbing anyway.

“Will you do something for me?” he questions suddenly.

You blink at the question, slightly surprised that he is asking instead of just taking what he wants, “Okay.”

“Laydown,” he commands, and you tense at the words as panic runs through you. You don’t know if it’s the look on your face or the thoughts running through your mind, but he looks rather offended at your terror. “Just do it.”

Reluctantly, you scoot away from him, into the middle of the bed and lay back on the pillows. He stands from his position on the bed and he looks at you with analytical black eyes. You close your eyes, not wanting to watch what would happen next.

You feel the bed dip under his weight, and you exhale out heavily, trying to calm your nerves. You almost let out a screech when his body presses against yours, his slightly wide frame engulfing you completely. However, once he is on top of you he doesn’t move except to position his head over your heart and presses his ear against your chest cavity.

You open your eyes only to have your vision blocked by a mop of dark inky black hair. You notice that his body is getting slightly heavier with each passing breath and you realize that he is using you as some sort of person sized pillow. The panic and tension leaves your body almost instantly, although there is a slight annoyance that you won’t be able to move until he’s had his rest.

You maneuver your free hand and you find that it rests rather comfortably on the area right beneath his shoulder blades. Your face is heated by the rather intimate position, but soon you find yourself getting sleepy as well. The rhythmic breathing of his sleep pattern has put you in a rather hypnotized state and you’re soon surrounded in darkness.

He sleeps with his ear to your heart every night, he says it puts his mind at ease.

***

Something horrible has happened and you are lucky to be alive. You realize that as you watch the various officers around you sit crying and rocking themselves in comfort. Only a few souls made it to the transports you realize as you pull away from the base that is slowly exploding in front of you. There is no way that the entire planet was able to evacuate. It’s a shame really. You realize that you probably only escaped with your life because you were in the commander’s quarters, which of course were strategically positioned close enough to an emergency exit. No one blinked twice when you shuffled your way on to the tiny ship, you were invisible right now, while they were searching for their friends.

Your own eyes quickly scanned the tiny transport for your “roommate” fruitlessly, as you know it would be unlikely for him to be in such a place. He had left the room in a hurry, storming out muttering something about the girl he had brought back with him waking up. That had been the last time you’d seen the man, and you’d be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t worried.

It doesn’t take long before your transport lands in the docking bay of a star destroyer, but you aren’t allowed to go anywhere. Apparently, this is just a temporary holding area.

“We’re going to be transferred to the Eclipse, the Supreme Leader’s ship.” A blonde comm officer tells you trying to keep herself from busting out into tears again.

You didn’t know what that meant, Supreme Leader that is, wasn’t Kylo the leader? He is the one with the strange powers after all.

Time passes in what feels like seconds.

“It’s huge,” you mutter to yourself. And a part of you thought that huge was a bit of an understatement, you had never seen a ship this size. Never fathomed that ships could be that size. It was so dark too, almost as black as the space that surrounded it.

You quickly docked and were forced to de board and wait.

“You there!” A voice calls and you turn to see an officer looking at you rather sternly. “What is your business on this ship.”

You aren’t sure what to say. You didn’t have any business on this ship, you were just there for…What were you here for? If you had any sense perhaps it would have been best try and commandeer the transport, at least that way you could pretended that you were still just a prisoner.

“I’m here for Kylo Ren,” You say after a moment and the officer looked like he was prepared to call someone to have you “escorted” out of here.

He doesn’t say anything and just raises a dark eyebrow at you rather skeptically. There was no one to validate your account, you slowly begin to realize, you never actually left your-no, his room, you only had your words to try and mitigate your safety.

He opens his mouth to say something and you are sure that he is going to toss you out or call a guard or someone, but it doesn’t happen. Instead you watch with strange fascination as his eyes go wide with fear. You knew that look, knew the twitch of pain that went through your mind when it was being invaded by someone. Had Kylo done the same thing to him?

“I-I’m to bring you to the supreme leader.” He says with a slightly stunned gaze.

That title again, who was that?

“Follow me,” he says in a clipped tone. He starts with long strides over to an elevator and you are quick to follow behind the man.

He stops at what you assume to be the top floor and he beckons you once again to follow him. He leads you to a large black door but this time, he steps to the side and simply motions with his head for you to move forward. You meet his gaze nervously but he averts his eyes from you when he catches your gaze. Were you going to die?

The thought sends a wave of nervousness to your belly and apart of you begins to feel like you’re going to vomit.

“Closer.”

You know better than to look back at the officer who had escorted you up to the level, you are familiar enough with Kylo Ren being in your head that you can tell when a voice is talking to you and you alone. So, this is what the officer had been afraid of earlier, why he had turned so pale and looked so worried when he heard the voice. You understood him.

It was rough, and gravely, but not in the comforting way a father or grandfathers voice may have been. This was different, it was deep and dark.

“Don’t keep me waiting, child.”

Is it strange that a voice makes you want to crumble in on yourself? When Kylo was in your head, your fear never came from what he sounded like, it came from what you knew he could do to you. This was something different. The presence in your mind sent shivers down your spine in a way that you never knew could happen. Strangely, being strapped to the interrogation table seemed more favorable than entering the room right now, but you did it anyway.

The dark doors hiss open and your eyes are overcome with the red of the room that is before you. It’s partly because the color is so unexpected. You had seen First Order banners with a slight red hue on them, but the facilities that you had been a part of had been either some sort of gray or black. This was the first hint of color that you had seen since you had been captured.

The walls weren’t the only thing that was red though. If you moved your eyes quickly enough, the guards that lined wall would likely have blended into the background. They were fierce looking, and although they weren’t moving, you knew they were watching.

However, you barely had time consider them, there was someone (something?) sitting in a throne waiting for you. You know that this is the voice that was calling you. His face is clearly disfigured, the stringy flesh on the left side dipping lower than the rest, and a slightly bulging blue eye. Strange face aside, what intrigued you most was the slightly gaudy golden robe that he sported. It seemed strange to see him in such a loud color, especially when everyone else seemed to have their color palette restricted to such dark colors.

“So, you’re his pet,” he states with an examining eye. You can’t help but feel small under the scrutiny that he is giving you. “Don’t tell me he hasn’t taught you any manners girl, kneel.”

You move to assume the position requested of you but apparently you were too slow, your knees slam to the ground. You mutter a silent thankful prayer that your body had been healed from the ordeal that you had already been put through as a sting of pain shoots through your body.

He looks at you with narrowed eyes as he leans forward, eyes looking over your form in a scrutinizing fashion.

“That child,” he says after a moment, and you can swear you can see him shake his head in a disappointed way. “He’s allowed his father to corrupt him.”

You look with a confused gaze, what did that have to do with you?

“Taking in street rats, must be an inherited trait.”

“I’m not a street rat,” you think with furrowed eyebrows. But your hand quickly slaps to your mouth as your voice continues to echo in the chamber and you realize that the words has slipped from your mouth.

“Oh?” He says with a smirk looking at you rather amusedly, “There is some fire there after all.”

You don’t respond to the slight tease, knowing that if you did or said something that he didn’t like he wouldn’t just leave the room in a huff the way that Kylo did, it is more likely that he would kill you were you knelt.

“What makes you think that I won’t kill you either way?” He questions with a snide tone.

You are left blinking with wide eyes, ‘I didn’t even feel his presence there.’ You think to yourself. Whenever Kylo was in your mind you could at least feel him lurking, a slight pressure to let you know that you were being watched. With this Supreme Leader however, you could feel no such thing.

“Hmm,” he muses. “I wonder what his reaction would be if I were to simply snap your neck right now. How would that affect him?”

“I don’t think he cares about me that much, sir” You say quickly, instincts of self-preservation kicking in. “I-I mean Supreme Leader.”

He takes a deep breath and exhales with a rather sinister smile crossing his face at your use of his title. “It’s true that you may think so,” he says with a nodding sigh. “But I know his thoughts, and there is an ever-present worry there. A distraction, one could say.”

“I promise you I’m nothing of the sort, if he worries for me it’s because he thinks of me as his prisoner to do with as he wishes.” You’re sure he can hear the begging in your tone because it echoes in your mind. You swallow hoping that he would find your rather pathetic tone convincing.

It’s silent for a moment, and you are waiting in a state of panic as something is telling you that if he wanted to kill you he wouldn’t need to use his hands to do so. But your life never ends, you don’t fall unconscious.

“He’ll need a nurse,” he says after a moment. “Most are too afraid to touch, him. You’ll do it. After that blaster shot to the stomach, the boy can barely walk.”

‘Blaster Shot?’ You question to yourself.

He laughs, “You didn’t know? He was on the brink of death not too long ago, a girl with the resistance nearly killed him.”

At the word Resistance, your mouth turns down into a frown, of course they tried to kill him. If the girl had been successful what would have happened to you? He was your only lifeline at this point, and the resistance almost took that from you too.

He laughs and you quickly look back at his rather startling gaze realizing that he had been reading your thoughts.

“Go child,” he says with a dismissive hand, “When he is better perhaps I will reevaluate your usefulness then.”

***

It feels strange just to sit there at his bedside and watch him. He looks different when he sleeps, almost helpless. He isn’t squirming like he usually does when he sleeps and a small part of you is happy that he for once is getting a good night sleep.

Your eyes drift over his form and a scowl runs over your features at the black strips that hides the red puffy skin of his new scars. Whoever this girl was she really had almost killed him, any deeper and who knows how much damage she could have done to him. However, that was not really the worst injury that he had sustained.

Your hand drifts slowly down to the blanket and you pull it back to revel the thick black bandage wrapped around his waist. The bacta tank had done most of the work, but it would be your job to make sure that he doesn’t reopen or strain the wound. Your fingers run over the damaged area, the wound had spread as a result of him hitting the wound and fighting with the woman. If he hadn’t been found when he was he probably would have died.

Absently your fingers begin to rub over the bandage. How badly must it hurt? The medical officer who gave you the basic rundown of how to care for him had told you that the wound had likely come from a bow caster, a weapon that could kill a Stormtrooper in a single shot. How strong did he have to be not only to survive such a thing?

A hand snaps to your wrist and is pulled away from the wound. Your eyes snap up to meet dark angry ones.

“You’re awake,” you say with surprise filling your voice.

His eyes narrow at your words but he doesn’t say anything. You swallow thickly, “Are you in pain?”

You try to pull your arm away from him, so you can get him the pain killers that were left for him by the medical officer. He, however, doesn’t want to let you go.

“You’re alive,” He says in a quiet tone, but the way that he is looking at you know that he is slightly surprised about your presence.

“For now,” you say as a joke slightly the image of Snoke running through your mind. “So are you.”

“For now,” He says in return.

You pull slightly on your hand, “I need to get your medicine so you don’t feel any pain.”

“I don’t need it.”

“Don’t your wounds hurt?” You question in slight surprise.

“Yes.”

“Then let me help you.” You move to stand but you are pulled back. The back of your knees hit the edge of his bed and your body falls into his mattress.

He quickly maneuvers himself and is on top of you before you can say anything in protest. His large warm hand comes up to cover your mouth. A whimper escapes your mouth as his weight presses against you.

“Shh,” he hushes. He slowly removes his hand.

“You’re going to hurt yourself,” you plead.

“I’m fine,” he says plainly.

“But-”

“Be quiet,” he says rather stonily as he lowers himself on top of you.

You let out a sigh as he rests his head on your chest. He lets out a breath as his tense form begins to relax on yours. It reminds you of when he previously rested on you. He moves his head to rest over your heart the same way that he had done back in his room.

“I didn’t know that you were hurt,” you say quietly. “I didn’t even know that you had gone to fight.”

He doesn’t respond and allows you to continue.

“Thinking about it now the first thing that I thought of was ‘what’s going to happen to me’ if you died.”

“It’s a good thought to have,” he says rather quickly, his deep voice humming through your chest. “Snoke would have had you killed I weren’t here.”

“Would you have preferred that?” It’s a question you don’t mean to ask, and it comes off a little needier than it should, and apart of you already know the answer. His body stiffens on top of yours for a moment, and he lifts himself up to look into to your eyes, He stares for a good moment, as if he is trying to decide something, and under such intense scrutiny you begin to feel your face flush causing you to avert your eyes.

“No,” he says when he’s finished causing you to cut your eyes back at him in slight surprise. “You bring me comfort.”

“Oh.”

It’s all you can think to say because you aren’t sure what your response should be. You cared for Kylo in the fact that without him you would probably be dead, even though he was the one putting you in danger in the first place. And after months of being basically cut off from everyone and everything that you had ever known, he had become your one lifeline. So, while you may have brought him comfort what is it that he brought you? Stability? Safety? Sanity? A combination of all three?

Your hands find themselves on the bare skin of his back much like they usually do when he does this and rub a gentle hand over the smooth, now scared, skin there. You can physically feel him begin to relax as he begins to fall asleep. You feel strange having the two of you intertwined like this but you quickly adjust.

He wasn’t the only one who found times like this comforting.

***

Something strange is happening. There are moments where he seems to leave the world around him. Since he first began walking around there are times when he looks off into space. Like he is seeing someone that isn’t there. You can swear that sometimes you can hear him talking to someone.

You write it off, there are things about the force that you are sure that you won’t ever understand and are likely not meant to understand. And you would have been content to keep it that way until you saw who he was talking to.

You hadn’t given much thought to knocking when entering Kylo’s quarters because they were yours as well. You wished you’d learned to keep your manners, maybe that way you wouldn’t have felt so hurt by the sight.

It was hard to describe it actually. You knew that she wasn’t there but you could see her as well as you could see Kylo. Their hands were touching, gently, like they were uncertain that the other was more than a dream. You can see a tear run down the girls face as he takes a deep breath in. Its rather intimate, and you can’t keep a frown of displeasure from curling across your face.

Their moment was broken rather quickly however, when they both snap their heads over looking at something that only they can see. He flinches at whatever it is and he is almost forced out of whatever trance it is that he was in.

“Who was that?” Your question comes off more biting that you mean it too.

He whips his head to look at you, dark hair sticking to his forehead as if his experience had taken a lot out of him.

“No one,” he says quickly standing and turning away from.

“That was the Jedi girl wasn’t?” You question already knowing the answer. “The one who hurt you.”

He doesn’t respond.

“She’s just going to hurt you again,” you say with a flat tone. “She thinks you’re the bad guy.”

“She’s going to come, and she’s going to turn to my side.” He says in a rather decisive tone.

You bite your lip in frustration, feeling that there would be an argument occurring.

“I just don’t want you to get your hopes up,” you say rather dejectedly. “We both know the harm that the resistance can cause.”

“What does it matter?” He asks you with a furrowed brow.

‘I don’t want to be replaced,’ Is the thought that runs through your mind. It startles you slightly. Is it something that’s been secretly building up inside you? Maybe. But who could blame you? You spend almost all of your time with him, he listens to your heart to fall asleep, and you had been there watching over his recovery from injuries inflicted by the girl whom he wanted to coerce over to his side. Even he must know somewhere that this isn’t going to go well.

“It doesn’t,” you lie.

He looks at you with slight distrust in his gaze, he knows your lying, he doesn’t even have to go into your mind to figure that out. By now, you aren’t sure if you would be able to successfully lie to him if you wanted to anyway.

You don’t talk for hours after that, relegated to the separate corners of the room, you sit in silence. It’s a strange thing, the silence you are experiencing. It’s not that the two of you were particularly talkative any way shape or form, but this was different. It was tense almost angry silence. The girl isn’t even here yet and she is already ruining things.

“I have to go,” he says standing up abruptly. He takes long strides to the door. You are still slightly frustrated with him but you don’t want him to think that you are angry.

“Be safe,” you murmur quietly, having an inkling of where he is going. He pauses at the doorway. He turns to look back at you slightly, eyes raking over your form. He doesn’t say anything but he does give you a slight nod before he leaves.

You sit idly alone now, unsure of what to do with yourself. There was nothing to particularly distract you from you worry, after all you were technically a civilian so this military ship was not meant for you to enjoy.

‘What if she hurts him again?’ You think to yourself and then a much darker thought comes, ‘What if she does turn?’ What happens if what he believes comes true. Does she then get to share his bed, take your place, and once again put your life in a precarious position.

‘He’s made it clear that he has no intention to hurt me, though, at least not any more than he already has, so what will he do with me?’

A part of you thinks back to your planet, back to your small village. You hadn’t thought about it in a while, because the reality of what likely happened there had been too hard for you to cope with. The truth was you knew what the First Order did to the people whom they suspected of hiding resistance fighters and that there was probably no home left for you to go back to. A part of you wants to yell at yourself, for being so foolish and actually wanting to stay with the man that likely ordered the execution of everyone you have ever known.

However, what happened to you now was certainly a matter of self-preservation. Again, what happens if you are no longer useful to Kylo Ren? Would you be doomed to live a short life hunted by the scavengers and raiders who had no doubt come to pick apart your village. Or would he be generous and drop you off on some core world where you would be able to make a life for yourself and forget about the trauma that has been inflicted on you. You grimace at options, knowing that there are a million scenarios in between the two that are likely to happen. What’s best is to simply make sure that you remain useful to him, that he deems as not only a confidant, but someone he needs. That was the only way to truly guarantee your safety.

Your thoughts are broken by a shrill alarm ringing through the air. The noise is almost piercing in its timbre and you quickly slap your hands over your ears to protect them.

‘What’s going-’

You don’t get to finish the thought as something slams into the ship. The impact of it throws you across the room and into a wall head first. Almost instantly a shock of pain runs through your body, but you slip into unconsciousness before you can even get a scream out.

***

You can feel him standing over you, it’s something that you have gotten good at, reading when Kylo is in the room.

So, when you open your eyes, you aren’t surprised to see him sitting rather dejectedly at your side. You are surprised, however, to be in such a stark white room. There is the familiar sound of rhythmic beeping and the continuous hum of droids hovering about the room. You’re in the medical bay, that much is clear, but why?

“You got hurt when the rebels attacked.”

You shift your orbs to meet Kylo’s dark brown ones and you look at him rather surprised, “They attacked…but how? You have the bigger ship.”

“One of them launched her ship at us like a torpedo and it ripped through the ship. You hit your head and the smoke inhalation didn’t help either.”

“Oh,” you say taking in the information. “Did you get them? The resistance I mean.”

He tenses at the question and you know better than to prod, clearly something had happened that caused the rest of the resistance to get away, a failure that he would be more than reluctant to talk about.

You take the silence as an opportunity to examine him, “You look different.”

At your statement, he blinks slightly and asks, “Do you dislike it?”

You think for a moment, the cape was certainly different than the robes that he usually wore, but its openness of it made him seem more confident, is that not a positive?

“I don’t mind it,” you say responding with a smile, although something tells you he might not have actually cared and was just asking to be polite. “I’m curious what prompted the change though.”

Is there a way to look reluctant and cocky at the same time? You wouldn’t have thought so but he does it.

“Snoke is dead.”

It’s only three words, but your mind struggles to comprehend what he’s saying. When you met the man, he seemed like something that would be un-killable, but to here he had been disposed of is more than shocking.

There is a smirk on his face as you watch his words sink into your mind. You look at him with wide, slightly disbelieving, eyes. “You killed him?”

“The girl killed, Snoke,” he says quickly. That doesn’t sound right though, his eyes flick off and up to the left quickly before he returns his gaze to you and you know that he is lying.

“So, she didn’t turn then.”

His lips pull down at the joy that slips into your voice but he gives you a curt nod of confirmation, “Yes.”

You pause and your eyes take in his form again. There is an air of new confidence in his body language, and though his eyes are doing well to conceal it however, there is slight tinge of nervousness in his dark eyes.

“You’re the Supreme Leader.”

“I am.”

You stare at him in slight awe, but as with a hint of worry as well, “Are you going to get rid of me now? You don’t need me anymore.”

His dark brow furrows at your question, as if it is silly for you be asking, “I’ve already told, you bring me comfort. Unless you wish to return to you home.”

You quickly shake your head at the suggestion, “I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.”

“What?”

“Being away from you,” You say truthfully. “I’m not the same person I was before you took me, and I’m not sure I’d be able to go on with my life the way I was. You’ve become a constant for me, so in some ways you bring me comfort too.”

While what you said is true, you can’t help but feel a little bad for deceiving him. While what you said is true, in that you aren’t sure what life would be like without him, it’s not the primary reason that you wish to stay.

He blinks rapidly for a moment and his brow furrowed as if he just realized something. His eyes are slightly glassy with appears to be tears. Before you can comment, he stands rather abruptly and leaves you alone.

***

“You know you can talk to me, don’t you?” You say looking at the newly minted leader as he stared at his reflection in the long mirror. It had been weeks since Snoke’s death and he had taken the opportunity to ascended the position of Supreme Leader.

But he was lonely, you could tell it in the way that he walked and in the bitterness of the tone that he used when he was talking to others around him. You could tell he was lonely, because you were lonely too. With his ascendency, you were now able to enjoy a freedom that had you never would have expected to have. Your own lavish rooms and droids to attend to your every need. It was a lifestyle that you were still adjusting too, and one that you weren’t too sure that you wanted. Having this new freedom, meant that you were away from Kylo, which meant that you were away from the only person that you had some semblance of a relationship with, and there weren’t, any in the First Order who were willing to drop everything for you just so you could have someone to talk to.

You imagined that being the leader meant that he was going through some of the same things that you were experiencing but on an even larger scale. You know how torn and emotional the man is inside, and now that the man is the one giving orders instead of taking them, he is forced to stew in his own thoughts, in his own rejection and loneliness. You didn’t know much about his past, and a part of you felt that you didn’t need to, you could read what was happening on his face.

Once you realized the reason for his slightly dejected mood, it was clear what it was your position would be in this new world, and why someone like him was seduced by Snoke in the first place. He was a needy little boy in many ways, and he needed constant reassurance that he isn’t and would never be alone. You could do that, rather easily, and it you wouldn’t even be forcing yourself. Still, you needed to be careful off your thoughts and actions, you didn’t want to push it too far, otherwise you would end up like Snoke, or worse Hux.

You take the opportunity to come closer to him and you take his hand in yours and squeeze gently hoping to drive home the point that you were trying to make. “You don’t have to force yourself to be alone. I can help.”

He watches through the mirror as you take his large gloved hand in yours and press it against your cheek, you lean into the palm slightly, and he can’t help but let his thumb run gently across the bone of your cheek causing a smile to run across your face.

“It can be just the two of us, like it used to be. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, we can do anything you want, but you don’t have to be alone.”

“I’m not strong with the Force so I can’t understand everything, but I’m human and I understand a little about loneliness.”

Shock isn’t one of the emotions that you can see that you have ever seen Kylo experience, and you aren’t sure if the slight widening of his eyes counts as such a thing, but he does seem slightly surprised at your words.

He turns to face you fully, the hand on your cheek no longer needing to be held up by your own, “Do you mean that?”

“I’ve never lied to you, not even when you had me strapped to that table.”

He searches your eyes for a second, as if he is looking for something, and when he satisfied, he does something that shocks you. The hand slips from your cheek and buries itself into the hair at the nape of your neck, angling it up slightly, and the other arm comes to wrap around your waist. He leans down and presses his lips hotly against yours in an ardent meeting of your lips. You’ve been kissed before, but never with so much need, it almost scares you how much emotion is poured into this kiss, but you can’t help but respond in a similar manner.

He pulls away from you and presses his forehead against yours while keeping his eyes closed, as if he is already reliving the moment in his head. Your hand comes up to trace the now healed scars that run up and down the side if his face, he shivers slightly at your touch. His eyes open to meet yours and you’re slightly startled by the amount of resolve that is present in his eyes.

“We’re the only two people that matter then,” he says it as a statement, but his tone makes it comes off as a question.

You nod, with a slight bit of hesitation, “Yes, just us.”

#Kylo #kylo ren #kylo x reader #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren imagine

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prixmiumarchive · 7 years ago

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Rosemary, Verbena, Winona :D

Rosemary: what cartoons did you grow up with?

I watched reruns of things that came on Cartoon Network mostly. The first show I remember really “discovering” that had a major impact on my life was the Sailor Moon dub. After that, it was Digimon which was the first show I had Higher Than Original Rating headcanons for. The Lion King was the first film I saw in theaters and I was really into it.

Verbena: playlist for your life?

Wow this is an ambitious question. I guess I’ll go with things that have been most important lately? Other than the DCTV and Expanse OSTs which I listen to a lot. I’m gonna pick like 10 in no particular order.

1. Hoodie - Hey Violet - I’m obsessed with this song for some reason? My friend @thethirteenthhouse made me this great playlist of music recs recently, and I got to this one and just listened to it like 200 times this month. I’d heard of the band before, but listening to this song made me start listening to that album a lot. Also, like fuck, the aesthetic of their music videos gets to me (although I don’t know why because it feels very idealized high-school-y at times and I am sort of horrified by high school now more than I was as a teenager lol). Link to the video.

Favorite Lyric: I can’t keep your love / I can’t keep your kiss / Gave you everything and all I got was this --

2. Praying - Kesha - I already talked about this song in my last ask from this ask meme. I just fell in love with this song the first time I heard it, and it has never faded. I just think it is such a powerful and important message about forgiveness and moving on and what to do if what something did to you was unforgivable. It is beautiful because it never equivocates about what it’s about, and the way Kesha performs it is just so raw and honest. It reminds me of several fictional characters I love which is often high on my criteria list for reasons to like something, but this song is also deeply personal for me.

I guess I talk about it less than I used to, but a lot of my life story so far (and, you know, more uncomfortably what feels like a lack of one) stems from the aftermath of a very short-lived but life-altering and worldview-shattering relationship with a boy in high school. Then more recently, the first hope I’d had of that kind of realigning itself and healing in terms of a romantic prospect was pretty casually and quietly shattered in a way that, in some sense, hurts more badly than abuse and coercion at the hands of what I now recognize was a disturbed and neglected teenager. I’m angrier about this more recent experience even if it was technically “less” abusive. It was a stronger break in trust that was negotiated and given, so I’m still this boiling kind of pissed off when I think about it, which is a mood I think really shines in this song and its performance.

This song just.... grapples with this really complicated feeling of caring about someone who abused you but learning to do so in a way that is no longer justifying, no longer equivocating, no longer excusing, and no longer hoping that it will ‘get better’ with you in the picture. It is acknowledging that you have a right to your experience and to tell whatever truth about it you want because you know the truth and won’t let them trick you out of your own perception anymore. It acknowledges that maybe you loved this person, maybe you currently love or currently hate them, but you can still find a way - either way - to wish the best for them and not to let a wish for vengeance make you bitter. This song is bitter and vengeful, but it is also triumphant. The revenge it seeks is simply in being honest about an experience and the person someone currently is. It doesn’t demonize or dehumanize the abuser, which might seem like a kindness undeserved, but it is an important kindness for the sake of one’s own humanity and one’s own perception of other people going forward. It doesn’t let the person get a cop-out because they were a monster. It doesn’t let them hide behind a boogie-man mask. It lashes out in a way that is perhaps even more frowned upon because it doesn’t excuse a person’s (or a man’s, let’s be honest about the context but it could apply to women too) villainous and wicked actions because of something innate to them which cannot be changed. It allows for the possibility of forgiveness, for change, and therefore insists that it is the abuser’s job to take responsibility and to change their ways, and at the same time it does not place the onus on the abused to be the one who enacts or grants that forgiveness. It just just one of the most powerful things I’ve ever heard on coping with being an abuse survivor of abuse that, at the time, felt voluntary or asked-for, and I love it with all my heart. It will probably be one of my favorite songs forever. This video is also the bomb.

Favorite Lyric #1: I’ll bring thunder / I’ll bring rain / When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

Favorite Lyric #2: Sometimes, I pray for you at night / Someday, may you’ll see the light / Oh, some say in life you’re gonna get what you give / But some things only God can forgive

3. Break My Heart - Hey Violet (again, sorry for patterns) - This song feels like a silly favorite when I’m not in the right mood for it. It’s a break-up song, so the literal interpretation of the lyrics is pretty exclusively for fictional characters for me, but it also feels like this song that speaks to a certain kind of frustration and anger that I feel sometimes that it touches in a way that other songs don’t. It’s cathartic. It’s fun and sort of punk-pop-y in a way that makes me feel like I’m letting it out without hurting anything.

Personally, I can’t help that it reminds me of a relationship that was more platonic than romantic but which was really complicated and blurry for a while, then was nonexistent. This relationship has since healed back into something that is kind of doable. I’m glad it didn’t end forever, but I also fear that it’ll never feel as big and real as it once did. I love the person I’m talking about dearly, but it’s still a part of my history in the past couple of years that also colors my emotional health and worldview, so yeah. Also the night I realized we were probably going to have to let Rudy go back (which we did), I listened to this song over and over to block out or at least buffer the absolute tidal wave of misery that seemed relentless a few weeks ago.

On a relating-it-to-characters or just aspirational things for myself, I also think that it’s really cool that it sort of has this dissonance between its sound and its content. It also seems like it has a speaker/singer who’s not being entirely honest with the person she’s addressing. It has this very puffed-up kind of vibe that seems a little childish, endearing, defiant attitude of “Well fine, if you want to go ahead,” that is clearly not entirely genuine but that is no less a little bit brave. Even the ways in which this attitude seems doomed when looked at from an objective and calm standpoint are part of what make it a bit precious. Basically, it’s this steeling oneself, ripping the bandaid off, fake-it-til-you-make-it anthem for me and fictional people whose angst I find cathartic. Also this is the video that made me think all of Hey Violet’s stuff was probably not for People My Age, but I still love it. Kind of has this Sofia Coppola vibe to me without all her bullshit? That heart-shaped pinata and the baseball bat bit is like one of my favorite Aesthetic things I’ve seen ever. Also I love how she literally looks like she’s sobbing sometimes and it matches up with the sound of her vibrato.

Favorite Lyric: It’s like a test, it’s like a game / To see how much I can take / I’m curious to live and learn / So light me up and let me burn / Tell me you’ve never loved me / Tell me that it wasn’t real / Just say you found somebody else / I want to know the way it feels / Tell me you’ve never loved me / Tell me it was just a lie / I want to feel the pain / I want to see the light

4. Fuqboi - Hey Violet (let’s finish with them I guess, haha) - This song needs to be required listening/reading for every single girl on the planet who is even slightly romantically oriented toward boys/men. It is hilarious, but it has some really stinging truths about boys/men who are the products of their culture/toxic masculinity/etc. It’s really fun to feel like you’re insulting and condemning the right subsection of men without writing off men who are willing to grow, learn, empathize, and feel unfairly in a way that only furthers a stereotype and agenda of painting men as heartless and entirely useless and incapable of the previously-listed things. That kind of “misandry” literally has become, in my opinion, almost a movement that does only deepen the mire of toxic masculinity. This, however, is exactly the right type of #misandry that is cathartic and beautiful and fun. A lyric video here that maybe contains one or two errors.

Favorite Lyric: There’s this cute guy down my street / I always wanted to meet / So I went creeping around on his socials / In all the selfies he takes, his head is tilted the same / Oh yeah, and his favorite hashtag is #beastmode

5. She Used to be Mine - Sara Bareilles - This song is much more melancholy than the songs on this list so far. It’s hopeful but kind of feels a bit more like a self-pity song. That’s not to say that the lyrics themselves are self-pitying in their conclusion. Lately, my job is kind of hurting me, and my best friend’s job worries me on her behalf, so I really relate to it even though the Waitress references occasionally make it highly specific. It also is a really beautiful song, I think, about the transition between being, like, in your early 20s and feeling enchanted by adulthood and the challenges of it even if they hurt and then getting in your late-20s and beyond and feeling a little bit afraid of the loss of youth and stuff. Here’s a lyric video.

Favorite Lyric: It’s not easy to know / I’m not anything like I used to be / Although it’s true / I was never attention’s sweet center / But I still remember that girl / She’s imperfect, but she tries / She is good, but she lies / She is hard on herself / She is broken and won’t ask for help / She is messy, but she’s kind / She is lonely most of the time / She is all of this mixed up and based in a beautiful pie / She is gone, but she used to be mine

The songs after the above on this list are less deeply personal (and Hoodie just is because I feel it so viscerally even though I don’t super relate to it - maybe it’s envy of people who can) and more, like, “this reminds me of a fandom thing” right now or “this sounds cool” so the tone will change.

6. Haunted Heart - WILD - Some random song I found on spotify that is #reylo and several other shippy vibes. It’s more ambient than anything else, but it can literally apply to a lot o fictional relationships we obsess over. Lyric video.

Favorite Lyric: As the shadows dance across the room / I pretend that in the dark it’s you / It’s all I have

7. Go - Grimes ft. Blood Diamonds - Honestly this song has been lowkey in my head for days, and I wanted an excuse and reminder to listen to it again. I just recently fell down another fiction/fandom rabbit hole in The Expanse, and the only part I could hear in my head was the chorus before the dub-steppy drop, but my brain for some reason was summoning and suggesting it as a song that would fit my vibe about this show. Sure enough, I am feeling it for The Expanse, and it makes me wish I could still make fanvids. The actual verse lyrics are more Miller @/Julie than anything else I’ve seen so far, so if you ship that a lot then maybe this is even more your song for this than it is mine, but for me what I like about it is the sense of this personal connection being very important but kind of interrupted by all of this noise. Maybe that’s me reading too much into the design of the song, but I love that the chorus cuts itself off until its last repetition. “When I go can I go with--” and then finally “--you?” Audio video here.

I don’t need to do a favorite lyric because it’s got so few but it’s the way they parse “When I go can I go with you?” through the music.

8. Let Me Go - Hailee Steinfeld, Alesso (ft. Florida Georgia Line) - I honestly feel a bit conflicted by how much I like this song given that it’s got heavy involvement from bro-country artists Florida Georgia Line, but I like what I like. As far as an association goes, it’s like my sort of heartbreaking Lauriver song honestly. I really like the idea that they could have been happy together, might’ve been soulmates in another world as is implied, but that it’s sort of irrevocably fractured in DCTV Earth 1. Now, if only they had let me have that, Olicity, and Merlance, I would have been happy forever. Lyric video.

Favorite Lyric: Chased that high too far, too fast / Picket white fence but we paint it black

9. The Night We Met - Lord Huron - The first time I saw some lyrics to this song it was on this edit for this sort of maybe American Civil War Era fandom I have never identified or known what the heck it was. But when I saw them, I had to know what this song was, and I knew we’d be in love forever. And indeed, I love this song. It’s just so simple and sort of that new-folksy thing that my kind of a hipster ass loves. I love it for fandom and shippy reasons because it touches on one of those hard-to-quantify and only slightly less-hard-to-qualify things that I love fanfiction and headcanon to tackle. That thing is this messy, awful (and awesome - we’re focusing on the word awe here, sublimnity) feeling that comes from having loved someone in an intimate, sexual way but then watching that totally and completely vulnerable bond erode into something where you can no longer touch that person in any sense of the word. It’s a terrible topic full of angst but it’s so much a human thing that happens and I love it. (Of course, in my fanfiction and roleplay and shit, I want it fixed, but give me all of it.) It also does that thing with unconventional but technically comprehensible syntax that I love.

Favorite Lyric: Take me back to the night we met / And then I can tell myself what the hell I’m supposed to do / And then I can tell myself not to ride along with you / I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you / Take me back to the night we met

10. Ophelia - The Lumineers - On the topic of folksy-or-something feeling music that feels like it’s touching on weird, underbelly human emotions that no one knows how to describe or wrestle with, there’s this song. It is one of those songs that makes you want to dance in the rain life throws at you. It sounds happy or melancholy depending on when you’re listening to it and what you’re bringing to it, and that is probably why it has been on Spotify’s “Your Top Songs” compilation it makes for me at year’s end for two years in a row. And gosh the instrumentation. I know nothing about instrumentation technically speaking, but gosh. It feels like going to church, driving down a country road, being in a bar, and crying your heart out in a bathtub all at once. This is probably the most playlist-for-life song on here because it is just really one of those songs that it feels like you could carry in your pocket to soundtrack a lot of moments in your life when you’re quiet, observant, and just paying attention to it. It’s not really about anything, but it kind of feels like it’s about everything. Lyric video.

Favorite Lyric: And I don’t feel nothing at all / And you can’t feel nothing small

Winona: favorite quote?

I actually answered this one earlier, but let’s see if I can come up with another answer. My friend @morethanprinceofcats did a cute thing I forgot to do where she talked about text posts that come to her mind and sort of get stuck in her head, and I’ve got those too.

One I really should refer to more often is this one: http://burninglianyu.tumblr.com/post/169380411461/angel-ani-setheverman-what-is-the-january

And for the part of me that occasionally wants to become a surreal, non-human entity that dwells in the space before the alarm clock goes off and never has to move past it, this one: http://burninglianyu.tumblr.com/post/167821073666/sarah531-the-first-time-i-ever-heard-take-me-to

Oh, and I have no idea how it didn’t come to mind earlier but, like, the entire novel Lolita by Vladmir Nabokov? I always feel like there is a certain kind of shame-narrative attached to genuinely liking that book. Sometimes it’s for good reason like people who are using it to romanticize CSA beyond what the book already does as a means of justification. However, when I think the text is really read honestly and compassionately it does a lot of those things that I was saying above the song “Praying” does for me. It does so in absolutely gorgeous prose that certainly is worthy of a murderer with a fancy prose style.

I think I love it because of the way it shows the villain as protagonist and gives him this beautiful way with words that forces you to understand his point of view while conscience and even the foreword charges you never to condone it. I also think that its aesthetic quality and attention to detail of, I guess, mid-century (1900s) America and the trappings of suburbia and the places that live alongside interstates just enchants me. There’s something about that part of the description that reminds me of feeling some kind of visceral mix of pleasure and discomfort that comes from just existing in the summertime for me on a day spent outside. It reminds me of something and some time I lived through in the last 90s that I think has since passed into oblivion -- the experience of living in an America before the internet and cell phones’ prevalence or something. Suburban anonymity and the creepiness of that but also the strange, transient beauty of plastic, neon, and trying to get anywhere in a car across this absurdly big country.

The quote that came to mind this time was this one (warning for mention of child sexual abuse):

We had been everywhere. We had really seen nothing. And I catch myself thinking today that our long journey had only defiled with a sinuous trail of slime the lovely, trustful, dreamy, enormous country that by then, in retrospect, was no more to us than a collection of dog-eared maps, ruined tour books, old tires, and her sobs in the night — every night, every night — the moment I feigned sleep.

Basically it just encapsulates that vibe I was talking about for me except, of course, for the banal horror of that list item.

Also, pairing the words “rust and stardust.”

#answered #tumblr games #csa mention #/#//#me #reylo #the expanse #lauriver #arrow #music #long post #lolita #pleasantfanandstudent

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gatorfruit-moved · 7 years ago

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for the send numbers ask... i literally wanna know everything about you. just do all the ones you're ok with doing 💜

scghumaeca oh my god

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I honestly have no idea, probably Mack

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Outgoing but anxious lmao

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Probably Denny, I haven’t seen him for awhile and I think he’s going to be at our environmental conference. I need to talk to him about internships.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I guess, I’m kinda cold outwardly sometimes and bad at conversations

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Probably yeah, I’d get yelled at though

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

I usually like bigger guys but I think that’s the dyspohria talking. With girls I tend to like short sweet girls.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

God probably not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

A girl I like

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Kinda??? I make dirty jokes but sometimes I get super dysphoric cuz my bottom dysphoria is BAD

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Mack last night, sad shit oof

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Will you both be home at normal times?”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Oof I don’t really keep favorite songs lmao. I like Hurt, Splash Mountain, (Fuck A) Silver Lining, This Is Home, and I Am Shit

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

God yeah

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Not really

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Last summer I became friends with the boys lmao

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I haven’t kissed anyone

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Of course, it’s unrealistic for there to be nothing

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No, I haven’t seen him for like 6 years

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Eh, I’m not a fan of baths in general

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I don’t know my new ones but my old ones were the worst

21. What are you bad habits?

Over and undereating, biting nails, drinking too much caffeine, self deprecation, there’s a lot

22. Where would you like to travel?

The Netherlands, Mexico, basically everywhere

23. Do you have trust issues?

Oh god yeah I do

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Seeing the dove in the morning I guess

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Hips, chest, groin basically

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Lie there for awhile and scroll through tumblr

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Darker tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Mack

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

I don’t have any ex’s

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Hell yeah, I wanna get married so bad

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

For a lil tiny one lmao, I need a haircut

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

gchueirmqo idk, I don’t get celebrity crushes

33. Spell your name with your chin.

I am on my laptop rip. Zscxott paeris aretghur kajhor. Hey pretty close.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I’m in marching band, I’m joining a men’s roller derby team, I would play hockey if I could, I might be joining wrestling but I’m afraid of getting shit from people

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

I mean music is in tv shows??? I listen to more music than I do watch tv but there’s the stories I get invested in on tv. But I also play music. I have no clue.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Uh, yeah. ofc

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Wow, riveting.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

I don’t really have one??? Idk I like people who make me feel safe cuz I never do.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I like some of the newer GAP clothes, Market District is a good hangout place

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Go to Harvard and major in Biology.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Usually but one person did fuck me over that I don’t fuck with anymore

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Probably pissed off

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Not often, I zone out easily

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Outer space, the ocean kinda freaks me out

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Mostly just Mack

46. What are you paranoid about?

Everything in the world

47. Have you ever been high?

No I’ve smoked like twice and it just gave me anxiety

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Another no, I don’t like the taste of alcohol but I had like half a mike’s

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Eh, not really

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black and white

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Yeah, often

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wanna be cis dude

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I don’t wear makeup but Lush has nice foundation

54. Favourite store?

No idea, Market District and GAP like the other question but it’s really not a thing for me

55. Favourite blog?

Oh lord idk

56. Favourite colour?

Violet, rust red

57. Favourite food?

Wedding soup

58. Last thing you ate?

I just ate a bunch of walnuts

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Uh, lunch, spicy chicken strips

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I’ve won a ton of academic ones because I’m super competitive. There’s a band one I won, there’s hockey intramurals I destroyed in, pickleball during gym too.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I haven’t even had a detention

62. Been arrested? For what?

No but I’ve gotten yelled at by cops for no reason

63. Ever been in love?

I don’t really know. Platonically yeah

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Haven’t had one

65. Are you hungry right now?

No, I just ate

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I don’t really talk to anyone on tumblr

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Yeah, King of the Hill

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Mack

71. Craving something? What?

Mmmmmmmmmm t. And steak.

72. What colour are your towels?

Blue, tan, white, they’re all covered in hair dye too

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Like three full sized ones, a few smaller ones

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

A ton

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

^^^

75. Favourite animal?

Hyena

76. What colour is your underwear?

The ones I’m wearing rn are greeeeen

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Cookie dough or cake batter. Any sorta baked good flavors

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Black, it’s my annie cast shirt

80. What colour pants?

I’m not wearing pants

81. Favourite tv show?

King of the Hill and almost any old cartoon.

82. Favourite movie?

COCO BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Either Regina or Gretchen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Any of the sharks probably, I haven’t seen the movie for awhile

87. First person you talked to today?

Ms. Meyer

88. Last person you talked to today?

Dustin I think

89. Name a person you hate?

Alexa

90. Name a person you love?

Platonically, Mack

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

MMMMMMMM ALEXA

92. In a fight with someone?

Yeah

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Like two pairs

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Six or seven I think

95. Last movie you watched?

Infinity War

96. Favourite actress?

I don’t really keep track of actors/actresses, probably Meryl Streep

97. Favourite actor?

Tom Holland cuz fuck man he didn’t have to kill me but he did

98. Do you tan a lot?

Not like going out to tan but whenever I’m in the sun, which is often, I tan really easily

99. Have any pets?

Yeah four dogs and a uromastyx

100. How are you feeling?

Eh, ok. I lost my voice so it’s deeper than usual which is nice.

101. Do you type fast?

I guess? I just took a test and I’m 67 WPM.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Yeah a lot

103. Can you spell well?

Not out loud. I tend to skip some words since I’m better at math than language arts, I’ve got a numerical and art brain

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Opa, Cadmium, friends from shows

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yeah I host one every year

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Uh I highly fucking doubt it

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yeah it was fun, I miss it

108. What should you be doing?

Probably working on my finals

109. Is something irritating you right now?

My mom

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Oof yeah

111. Do you have trust issues?

Yeah really bad

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Probably Mack

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Boogie, pietje, there’s a lot

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yeah I’m from PA.

115. Do you play the Wii?

Not often

116. Are you listening to music right now?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Hell yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Another hell yeah

119. Favourite book?

I really like When the Moon Was Ours but I’m not done with it yet, I haven’t gotten many chances to read it

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Not at all

121. Are you mean?

I mean jokingly yeah

122. Is cheating ever okay?

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Oh god no, I’m a dirty nature boy

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

125. Do you believe in true love?

Honestly I have no idea

126. Are you currently bored?

Kinda, it’s the depression lmao

127. What makes you happy?

Animals, people I get along with, tea

128. Would you change your name?

Legally yeah lmao

129. What your zodiac sign?

Aquarius sun, sagittarius moon, gemini rising, aquarius venus, aries mars, and capricorn mercury.

130. Do you like subway?

Yeah, meatball subs boi

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Idk honestly

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Mack

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love but I guess this avoids the stress of falling out of it.”

134. Can you count to one million?

Yeah

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Idk man, I don’t usually tell lies and when I do I honestly forget about them

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed

137. How tall are you?

A little over 5’6”

138. Curly or Straight hair?

I’ve got wavy hair

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Dirty blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

September or October

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Not at all

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

Tea

146. Was today a good day?

I felt accepted by some people I usually don’t, but there was some other stressful shit so it’s kind of a neutral day

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Shoot for the moon; if you miss you will die in outer space, which is cool” - Katya Zamolodchikova

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Eh, idk. I’m not a huge believer in the supernatural.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“It must make you sad,” Lian said, in a way that wasn’t warm enough to sound kind or sharp enough to sounds mean. “What happened with your mother

I included the whole paragraph cuz continuity. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thanks, this was a fucking adventure

#questions

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