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hannahlovesluca · 1 year ago

Text

FFI

| ver - ….

| HEAVILY inspired by: In Another Life - BokuAka

| song: Mr. Loverman

A tremendous amount of time had passed since Y/N stepped foot into that damned hospital.

It was but a gloomy location in their mind, a place they did not like, but a place they had to go to. Y/N’s loved ones had insisted that they complete an internship at a local hospital, with the intention of enhancing their resume for future use.

Frequently, though, Y/N would have differing opinions with their parents, displeased with the recommendations they had provided them. Nevertheless, in the end, they would encourage them to fulfill the assigned responsibility, and somehow, they would complete it.

They didn't make much effort to inquire about the location to register for something, casually asking people without much interest or concern. They had no intention to care at the moment or in the foreseeable future. Y/N felt dissatisfied with his current situation and the activity they were engaged in. They were wasting their time seeking something they had no desire for.

A frail assistant nurse indicated the direction by pointing down the gloomy hall, guiding Y/N to another desk where they could gather additional information about the topic. Appreciatively, they expressed gratitude to the rather small nurse and proceeded further.

Y/N shut their eyes and exhaled, unconsciously wavering in movement, reopening their eyes just in the right moment to deftly evade crashing into someone.

It was just a random person, nothing special.

They moved in a circular motion around the male, expressing their apology in a straightforward manner before proceeding. A voice behind them reassured, "Don't worry about it," but it gradually diminished as Y/N carried on ahead.

Y/N knew they didn’t want this, they knew that they were going to be miserable.

Y/N stood motionless, choosing not to move any further as their legs declined to carry them. Despite the continuous flow of people passing by them in the corridors, nobody paid any attention to them. They lingered there, exhibiting hesitation, disinterest, and apathy.

Emotionless, others would say.

A different individual approached with gradually decreasing speed until coming to a complete stop, capturing Y/N’s attention as they encroached in their personal bubble.

Y/N could perceive their hand extending towards them from their side vision.

"Ah, you are able to move," he grinned at Y/N, his vibrant purple gaze meeting their own. It was the very person Y/N had nearly collided with before... Maybe he had stayed in the hallway observing as Y/N transitioned from a quick stride to an abrupt halt. They comprehended how this could be disconcerting for certain individuals.

Y/N sincerely inquired if there was any issue with their presence in that particular location.

"No, I don't believe so," he lowered his hand by his side, questioning their sudden halt and expressing concern for their well-being.

“I’m alright. I was just pondering.”

“Of what?”

A bombarder. How exhilarating.

“After my experience at this hospital, I have come to the realization that I no longer wish to continue seeking medical assistance here.”

“Were you sick or something?”

Y/N gazed at the stranger, informing him that they were not ill, yet somehow, felt sick the longer they stayed. Despite their cold response, it did not appear to dampen the male’s cheerful demeanor.

"I have the same opinion about this location, to be honest," He took a momentary break. "So, I assume you’ll be leaving in the near future?"

"Yes," Y/N adjusted their position, inclining towards the direction they had arrived from.

They had no desire to remain in their current location. His sole purpose was to depart. They believed they would inform their parents that the hospital staff were too preoccupied with other matters to attend to them. Without even sparing a glance towards the male, they began their journey. "Farewell.”

“Wait!”

Y/N shifted, annoyed. “Yes?”

“Whats your name?”

Why was he interested in learning their name? When would he have any need for it in the future? Y/N considered the possibility that the stranger might be a patient at the hospital, and they definitely didn't want to make acquaintances with someone who was unwell, especially since they already had very few friends.

“I don’t see why that would be necessary.”

The man sitting opposite them successfully concealed the expression of offense that nearly appeared on his face. He responded, "I get it. Just so you know, my name is Luca."

Y/N glanced tiredly towards Luca, acknowledged him with a nod, and proceeded on their path until they exited the building.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

It had been two weeks since Y/N last went to the hospital, and to their disappointment, they found themself walking along the same directionless route towards the same dreaded medical facility. They couldn't bear their parents' constant demands, but they were at least somewhat relieved to be away from home.

Y/N walked into the establishment and exchanged greetings with the lady stationed at the reception, as was their habit. They promptly made their way up the stairs leading to the section of the hospital they had come close to reaching a long time ago. Within a few minutes, they could see the information desk ahead, and surprisingly, they decided to approach it this time.

Y/N engaged in conversation with a petite lady, and after a few minutes had gone by, Y/N retreated from the desk, clutching a few documents. They proceeded down the corridor, letting out a deep sigh, determined to return home quickly.

“Hey! It’s you!”

Oh God.

Y/N couldn’t forget that voice. They let out another sigh, this time feeling even more weighed down. They shifted their gaze in the opposite direction.

“Luca.”

“Emotionless one!” Luca grinned at his own joke.

“Do not call me that.”

"I remember you mentioning that you would never come back to this place." His tone conveyed an unusual sense of enthusiasm.

“That was never directly stated.”

“It was implied!”

“It was, in fact, implied.” Y/N stated, coldly.

Luca maintained a constant smile on his face, despite his weary eyelids contradicting his cheerful countenance.

Why do I consistently encounter peculiar individuals?

“So… why’re you here?” Luca asks, his cheerful façade never once faltering.

"Whats brought you here again?"

Y/N’s lips twisted to one side as they responded, "I could ask the same from you..."

Arching thick, blonde eyebrows above a tinge of purple, he confidently stated, “Actually, I am meant to be present at this location.”

Y/N let out a yawn. "Are you an intern?"

"No need to worry, patient." His smile was disconcerting.

The H/C-ette frowned quietly, acknowledging their own lack of sensitivity.

Luca let out a chuckle and reassured, "You're mistaken; there's nothing to be concerned about."

Despite wearing regular, informal attire, there was an undeniable sense of unwellness about him upon closer inspection. He appeared noticeably paler than the rest of the individuals navigating the hallways, and his eyes were adorned with tired, dark circles.

Y/N took it upon themselves to not stare.

"I know that you won't inquire, so I'll inform you instead. Based on the information I've been given, the doctors refer to my condition as... FFI?" Luca crossed his arms, projecting an aura of casualness. "Fatal Familial Insomnia, if my memory serves me right?"

Y/N felt a chilling sensation travel up their back. The illness mentioned was completely unfamiliar to them. It caused enough concern for them to express their thoughts.

“I’d rather not know any more.”

"I'm sorry, but even if you asked, I wouldn't be able to provide an answer." A chuckle followed. "All I can tell you is that I don't sleep as well as I used to." What would normally be difficult for someone to admit, he said effortlessly, accompanied by that familiar smile.

Y/N couldn't resist the urge to almost return a smile, with their lips barely moving. They gazed towards Luca, directly at him this time. "Do you come here daily?"

"Absolutely! I have been coming here for around…. four weeks now." He blinked slowly.

"I understand," Y/N acknowledged with a single nod. A brief moment passed without any conversation, and the ensuing silence quickly turned uncomfortable. "Well, it's time for me to leave now."

Exclude him, keep him away. He is unwell.

"Wait, just a moment-."

Y/N’s teeth tightened. "I really need to leave, Luca." They began walking away.

Please, do not persist.

Luca humbly requested, "Please, lend me your ears." With his hands resting by his side, he respectfully bowed. "It will only take a moment."

Y/N, although straightforward, possessed compassion. They exhaled forcefully and pivoted around. "Whats the matter? I’m pressed for time."

Witnessing a glimmer of excitement in Luca’s eyes, Y/N straightened their posture and reached into their pocket. Retrieving a phone, much to Y/N’s dismay, Luca inquired about obtaining their phone number.

What should they do? What should they say? Y/N didn't see anything remarkable about Luca. Why did the frail one suddenly develop an affinity for them? Y/N wished to distance themself, discard the paperwork, and never return to that hospital. However, for some inexplicable and bothersome reason, Y/! struggled to refuse Luca. They made an effort to resist, they really did, but they simply couldn't.

"I... I'm not really a person who texts often," Y/N whispered. They glanced at Luca’s phone, unable to meet his gaze. "I'm usually occupied with work, so it might not be a wise decision to try and stay in touch with me."

He observed as Luca’s fingers wrapped around the phone, and his own hand gradually retreated.

"But," Y/N surprised themself with that single utterance. The sight of Luca’s hand, which had halted abruptly, remained in his vision. "Perhaps I can manage to spare some moments for conversation occasionally," they implied. Lifting their head, their gaze eventually intersected with Luca’s, where he observed a gleam in those distinctive purple eyes.

He quickly inputted his number and then passed the phone to Luca, with the name field left blank.

"Thank you," he exclaimed, brimming with enthusiasm, while he proceeded to input the name for his new contact. Y/N attentively observed Luca’s movements as he silently formed the words and typed them into the device.

"E-m-o-t-i-o-n-l-e-s-s—o-n-e." Luca was about to save the contact until Y/N interrupted.

"You don't need to include that," they exhaled wearily. "It's...Y/N."

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

As the sun descended, painting the sky with a vibrant, fiery orange hue, Y/N found themself seated on their bed, laptop resting on their lap, fingers moving swiftly as they scrolled and typed.

“FFI.” Y/N muttered to themselves.

The page was successfully loaded. Y/N immediately immersed themself in the text.

"(FFI) is an exceptionally uncommon genetic prion disorder that affects the brain and is inherited in an autosomal dominant manner... FFI currently lacks a known remedy and manifests as an increasingly severe sleep disorder, resulting in hallucinations, delirium, and confusion similar to dementia..."

Y/N pressed their thin lips together until they formed an even thinner line. For a while, their fingers remained rigid as they repeatedly read the opening paragraph.

Y/N kept reading, contemplating the words in front of them. "So, there is no cure," they murmured. They continued reading out loud, "Every person afflicted with this illness inevitably succumbs to it within a year or less."

They gently touched his face. "Of course." Y/N placed their head on their hand, with their chin supported by their palm.

I’m curious if Luca is aware of all of this. Surely, he must have researched about it at some stage, correct? It was the logical thing to do, given that he was the one experiencing the mentioned illness.

They thought back to the bags under Luca’s purple eyes.

“All I can tell you is that I don't sleep as well as I used to.”

Y/N let out a rapid breath through their nostrils, emitting a noise resembling amusement. They educated themselves about the indications and blinked softly, placing a hand on their mouth. Y/N shut down their laptop and reclined on the bed. They gazed at the ceiling, contemplating.

“What did I get myself into?"

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

New iMessage!

Originating from Luca, this message was sent on July 29th at 11:56 PM.

"Hi there! Hope this isn’t a bad time for you!"

Y/N raised their head from their pillow and extended a hand to grasp the vibrating phone. The intense light made them narrow their eyes while reading the message. Silently, they deliberated whether or not to reply. They blinked tiredly and glided their fingers along the edges of the phone, a display of exhaustion that they couldn't resist. Y/N observed as the screen turned off, prompting them to place the phone back on the nightstand, opting to disregard the message.

They struggled to fall asleep for approximately an hour after receiving the text, but eventually drifted off.

During the remaining hour they were awake, Y/N did not receive any further messages.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

The following day, Y/N chose to remain at home. They spent most of the day in their room and stayed awake for at least two hours before finally picking up their phone.

They glanced at the message Luca had sent the previous night. Y/N's thumb hesitated over the keyboard, contemplating what to write.

From: Y/N (Sent at 4:43pm)

[Hi.]

Luca:

[Hiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!]

[You must’ve been asleep when I texted last night!]

Y/N was astonished. They had never experienced such a prompt reply before.

Y/N:

[Yeah, I was.]

Luca:

[How are you?]

Y/N:

[I'm okay... Just catching up on some track things...]

Luca:

[TRACK?! You like track too?! WE HAVE TO RUN TOGETHER SOON.]

Y/N winced slightly and narrowed their eyes at their phone screen. Luca was an extremely lively texter. It was challenging for Y/N to match his energy, and they believed this would be a lasting arrangement.

Y/N:

[Why not? Will they even let you out of the hospital?]

Luca reluctantly agrees, stating that he is still capable of moving around and reaching his destinations. The only issue he is facing is insomnia, preventing him from getting proper sleep.

Y/N frowned. The text messages from Luca were filled with ignorance, and Y/N could sense it. Did Luca truly believe that his hospital admission was solely due to difficulty sleeping? Y/N was well aware of the specific illness he had, so why was Luca so cheerful about it? Why didn't he grasp the seriousness of his own condition?

It seemed as if Luca was intentionally pretending to be foolish; it was highly likely.

Y/N:

[Then I guess I'll see you at the hospital around a week from now. I know a track we can go to...]

Luca:

[A WEEK?!]

Y/N:

[I can reschedule if that’s too far from now...]

Luca:

[It’s all good! I got time.]

I got time. Y/N heard the words repeat in their mind, as though they had been uttered out loud. Y/N looked at the display screen and furrowed their brow in slight confusion. Did Luca possess knowledge about the life expectancy of individuals with his ailment? Was he simply pretending to be foolish? Y/N wondered about the true nature of Luca’s character.

Y/N’s indifference transformed into curiosity, which ultimately led them to become closer to their new friend.

Y/N:

[Nice.]

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

"Y/N!"

Y/N hadn't seen Luca for another two weeks, but this time he stood outside the hospital, keeping a distance of several meters from the entrance.

Y/N glanced away from their mobile device and quickly put it inside their coat pocket as the enthusiastic hospital patient walked towards them. Without any delay, Luca stood before Y/N, filled with anticipation to reach the track.

"I haven't left the hospital for weeks." He observed his surroundings. The weather was unusually cold, occasionally accompanied by a gentle wind that made the autumn leaves rustle in the trees. With determination, he carefully observed every detail with his penetrating purple eyes.

Luca placed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, causing his shoulders to stoop. An exhale produced a cloud of smoke from his mouth. He appeared even paler than previously, and the dark circles beneath his eyes were more prominent. Luca seemed extremely fatigued, yet he remained enthusiastic about heading to the track.

Y/N didn't have an opportunity to say a word before Luca swiftly turned his head towards them, focusing all his attention on them.

Y/N indicated down the road, stating that the track was approximately ten minutes away.

In response, Luca enthusiastically started walking ahead, urging Y/N to keep up with him at a faster pace, regardless of their preference.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

The noise made by their athletic shoes on the crimson running path evoked vivid memories, prompting Y/N to pause and reflect on the past, almost as if this act could transport them back to the days when they used to run daily after school. After some time, Y/N reopened their eyes, let out a deep breath, and resumed running alongside Luca.

Y/N and Luca had an unspoken understanding between them. Their relationship was peculiar, to say the least. Y/N would respond to his inquiries with a detached and emotionless manner, yet Luca valued these responses and would enthusiastically respond. He appeared to be unfazed by any offense. Luca was unlike anyone Y/N had encountered before.

Luca's persistent and energetic nature set him apart from others, as he refused to let go of situations that most people would distance themselves from. This behavior was rather disconcerting, causing Y/N to slightly withdraw and display a frown.

Luca's voice overflowed with excitement as he exclaimed, "This brings back nostalgic memories." With unrelenting determination, he continued running at the same speed. Although his mind was eager to keep pushing forward, his physical endurance was lacking.

Luca's increased speed left Y/N impressed, but their admiration was short-lived when Luca abruptly halted.

Luca gazed into the distance from the racetrack, his face reflecting his state of confusion. After a brief pause, he uttered softly.

"Do you think... They don't actually exist, do they?" He uttered the words with hesitation.

Y/N looked over towards the spot where Luca was focused but saw nobody else present. It was just the two of them on the track. Y/N was feeling a slight discomfort.

"They do not actually exist." They had to push themselves to utter the simple five-word phrase.

Luca silently gestured acceptance with an "Okay," before taking a few steps backwards. "Is it possible for us to continue running?"

"Certainly," Y/N affirmed with a single nod, and that was sufficient reassurance for Luca as they both resumed their sprint.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

During their journey back from the track, Y/N consented to Luca staying overnight at their place.

Unknowingly, Y/N mentioned that their parents were away, which triggered Luca to desperately plead for an extended stay until Y/N gave in. Typically, Y/N would become annoyed by Luca's incessant nagging, but the sight of Luca's beaming smile whenever they agreed to something made all of Y/N's frustration vanish from their mind.

Within minutes, they swiftly arrived at Y/N's house, moving at a quicker pace than usual. Despite the additional jacket provided by Y/N, Luca, the frail individual, trembled like a helpless creature. Once indoors, Luca breathed out, acknowledging the warmth, and promptly removed his shoes, causing a slight shiver.

Y/N proceeded ahead, indicating the direction of their room.

Luca walked quickly behind, once again taking note of his surroundings, as he had found someone else's interior quite intriguing. The arrangement of objects, orderly and precisely positioned, imparted a cozy ambiance to Y/N's house. It brought back memories of his own home.

Luca almost collided with Y/N as they paused to enter their assigned room.

"Feel free to choose any spot." They settled onto the bed and crossed one leg over the other, reaching for their laptop to power it on.

"Is the bed okay?" Luca removed Y/N's jacket.

"I said any spot would do."

After those words, Luca immediately sat down on the mattress and accidentally hit his head against Y/N's shoulder, causing them to recoil and make a sound of discomfort. Y/N moved slightly to create more space for the visitor, but Luca was still in close proximity, close enough for their arms to make contact. Y/N let out a tired sigh as they asked Luca if he wanted to watch a movie.

Luca hunched over and inserted his hands into the pocket of his hood. "Sure, anything will do." He focused his intense purple gaze on the screen.

"Alright." Y/N accessed the first film stored in their computer's memory. They moved the laptop aside and began playing it.

"What's it called?" Luca looked at them with confusion evident in his expression.

“The Lake House.”

“How long is it?”

“An hour and a half.”

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N was brought back to reality by the sound of rain hitting hard against the window. They quickly glanced around, feeling tired but quickly calming down once they regained their memory. They had dozed off for a short moment, with their arms crossed and their head resting on a thick bunch of pillows. After exerting much effort, they sat up to observe Luca.

The movie had been going on for more than an hour and was coming to an end. Luca was lying on his side, curled up and tightly holding onto the blanket, using the last remnants of his strength. His eyes were halfway closed and fixed on the screen, his face showing no emotions. It almost seemed as if he was asleep.

"Luca?" Y/N asked in a drowsy voice.

Y/N's gaze met Luca's as his purple eyes slowly moved to the side. He turned his head weakly, shifting his body along with it.

"I apologize. I've seen this movie so many times that I actually dozed off." Y/N ran a hand down their face in exhaustion.

No need to apologize," Luca replied with a smile. "It's your place. Sleep if you want to."

"But not if I have a visitor."

"It's alright. I'm not just any visitor, we're friends," Luca reassured, his head tilting to the side as he focused back on the movie. "You were asleep for about an hour."

Y/N let out a sigh, feeling envious. They massaged the back of their neck.

"I wish I could sleep like you."

A sense of guilt rose within Y/N's chest. They realized how impolite it was to easily fall asleep in front of someone who struggled with it.

"I apologize for being insensitive," they thought, furrowing their brow.

"Don't worry about it," Luca said, shifting as he laid down and playfully kicking Y/N with his leg. "The movie kept me company. It's really good, although a bit confusing. I'll have to watch it again."

It was peculiar. Luca was an odd individual. He appeared unaffected by many things, and was straightforward about others, uttering sentences without much contemplation. Y/N doubted they would invite Luca over again, so hearing him say 'I'll have to watch it again,' didn't sit well with them.

Y/N pursed their lips and decided to change the subject. "Are you feeling tired?"

"Exhausted," Luca honestly replied.

"For now, close your eyes." With considerable effort, Y/N swung their legs out of bed and stood up. "I'll fetch us some water." They hurriedly left the room, leaving Luca alone.

After a few seconds, they returned to find Luca in a completely different position in bed. He was lying on his back, resting his head on Y/N's pillows. His hands were placed on his stomach, with a light pink blanket partially covering him but slipping off enough to expose his torso. His head was slumped to the side, facing away from Y/N and resting against the bed.

Y/N would have thought that Luca was already fast asleep if they didn't know any better. They approached the bedside quietly, and the room was dimly lit by the soft orange glow of the lamp.

They placed the drinks on the bedside table and cautiously climbed into bed, trying not to disturb the other. Y/N lay on their back and stared at the ceiling.

They remained silent for what felt like an eternity before Y/N finally broke the silence and spoke up.

"How does it feel to be unable to sleep?"

Luca's response was delayed.

"It feels terrible."

He turned his head towards Y/N and continued, "During the day, I struggle to keep my eyes open, and at night, I can't seem to close them." He chuckled slightly.

Y/N then asked, "Does it make you frustrated?" Luca replied, "In the beginning, yes, when I didn't understand why. But now, I've come to terms with it."

He reached up to run his fingers through his messy hair and added, "Although I do miss sleeping and dreaming."

Y/N observed Luca closely, paying attention to each word he spoke. Luca continued, "I used to have vivid dreams, especially before important track competitions."

He laughed again, this time louder, and said, "I would dream about stumbling, and then I'd wake up angry, continuously convincing myself that I was the best."

Y/N's E/C eyes sought an honest response from Luca as they asked, "Do you still believe that you are the best?"

He responded with a smile, letting out a sigh. Luca then closed his eyes, placing one hand on his temple, clearly displaying his fatigue and weariness through his movements.

Y/N fell quiet and intertwined their fingers on their abdomen, allowing their head to rest on the pillow. From that point on, neither of them uttered a word, concluding the discussion.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N had been lying awake in bed for two hours since they last spoke to each other. Unbeknownst to Luca, they observed him quietly with slightly closed eyes, using their lashes as a cover to conceal their wakefulness. Although tired, Y/N still couldn't sleep due to their genuine fascination with Luca.

Luca would remain motionless for a considerable amount of time, tilting his head to the side and placing one hand on his stomach while the other rested at his side. Y/N would perceive this as a state of rest and would almost believe it until Luca abruptly jolted awake, interrupting his futile attempt at relaxation.

In the beginning, Y/N didn't pay much attention to it. Luca would flinch and quickly return to reality, as if waking up from a nightmare. However, Y/N knew that this was not possible due to Luca's condition. It made Y/N feel sorry for him.

Three times, Luca abruptly woke up, and each time, he covered his eyes and let out a quiet sigh. Y/N chose not to react to those moments, hoping to spare their visitor from the embarrassment of witnessing it. They planned to close their eyes and go back to sleep afterwards. However, after feeling the mattress shake for the fourth time, they opened their eyes.

Y/N propped themselves up on their elbows and whispered, "Luca."

Startled, Luca quickly turned towards them. His face showed a mix of shock and exhaustion. "Y/N? I'm–"

"Don't." Y/N's voice was barely audible as they moved closer to Luca and then laid back down on their back, with pillows supporting their slightly elevated head. "Don't apologize."

Feeling somewhat embarrassed, Luca looked away and rubbed his arms.

"Please come," Y/N gestured to their visitor.

Luca redirected his attention towards Y/N, meeting their gaze with a puzzled expression, unsure of the intended meaning behind their words.

"I asked you to come," they motioned for Luca to approach. "Come here." Y/N extended their arm, as if preparing for an embrace.

Luca hesitantly complied, moving closer to Y/N and resting against them, finding a comfortable position within the curve of their arm. Despite being larger in size, he fit perfectly.

Luca's head rested on Y/N's shoulder while Y/N cautiously wrapped their arm around his broad shoulders.

No words were exchanged between them.

Minutes passed, and gradually, Y/N felt Luca relax against them, exhaustion finally taking over. His head drooped onto their shoulder, and his hands rested on their stomach. He was making an effort, striving to get some rest that would help him through the following day, and Y/N wanted to assist.

As much as they resisted the idea, Y/N had a strong desire to provide support.

Why?

Y/N observed one of Luca's hands twitch involuntarily, causing him distress. They reached out slowly, enclosing his trembling hand with their own, their four fingers fitting perfectly into Luca's palm. Within seconds, his hand became steady again.

Y/N took a quiet breath. Their gaze was fixed on Luca, observing the gentle rise and fall of his chest accompanying each life-sustaining inhalation. His breathing was measured, resembling that of a peacefully slumbering individual. Pressing their lips together, Y/N leaned back against the pillows. They tilted their head sideways, facing Luca's direction. Inhaling, they detected a faint scent reminiscent of the medical facility he is stationed at.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N arrived at the hospital once again that week, with their hands tucked into their jacket pockets and their nose buried in a dark blue knit scarf to shield them from the cold weather.

This had become a daily routine for Y/N ever since Luca had visited their home two months ago. Even if Y/N didn't physically go to the hospital, they would still spend their days messaging Luca.

They walked into the hospital, exhaling through their nose, and greeted the woman at the front desk before taking off their scarf. Knowing exactly where to go, Y/N climbed the familiar steps, exchanged hellos with familiar faces, and turned the familiar corner that led to Luca's room.

However, this time they noticed another person sitting outside the room. Y/N observed the small male for a moment, realizing that he was engrossed in a handheld device and unlikely to notice them.

Instead of proceeding directly to Luca's room as they would normally do, Y/N hesitated upon hearing two voices emanating from inside. While one belonged to Luca, they couldn't identify the second voice.

Y/N paused and decided it would be impolite to interrupt Luca's conversation. Therefore, they approached the seating area and sat one chair away from the stranger.

Y/N gently tapped their fingers against their trousers in a calm manner.

“Here for Luca?” Y/N asks softly.

“Indeed,” replied the other person softly, with a cheerful expression, mentioning that his friend also intended to see him. "Are you both friends of Luca's?"

"Yes. Long-time friends." He powered down his mobile device, grinning at Y/N.

Y/N reclined in their chair, acknowledging the situation with a nod. They suppressed their curiosity, choosing to withhold the majority of their inquiries.

"Can I ask your name?" Y/N attempted to find out.

He adjusted his glasses and observed Y/N while his hair, a mix of dark gray and blue, framed his face.

"Ike Eveland."

"Y/N L/N." They sensed a pleasant atmosphere around Ike, as his manner of speaking exuded serenity.

Y/N sighed with a sense of relief, happy to have met someone new. However, their attempt to relax in the seat was interrupted by an unexpected voice that startled them shortly after Ike finished speaking.

"Yo, Ike. Who are you talking to?" A tall man emerged from Luca's room, sporting hair in shades of purple, pink, and yellow. His facial expression exuded sincerity, and his eyes darted between Ike, Y/N, and back to Ike.

"This is Y/N. I just met them," he replied candidly and cheerfully.

"Y/N?" Luca's voice echoed from the room this time. Y/N didn't need to see his face to sense his excitement. "They're here? Are they really here?"

"I am..." Y/N began to rise from their seat to enter the room, but Luca stood at the door within seconds, his eyes widened in surprise. He appeared thinner than before, wearing a loosely fitted hoodie. Over the past two months, he had likely shed more than twenty pounds.

Y/N expressed concern. "Please go back to bed."

Luca didn't let them finish their sentence before enveloping Y/N in a sudden embrace. "I didn't think you'd make it today." Despite his weight loss, his arms still possessed strength as he squeezed Y/N tightly, almost suffocating them.

Y/N frowned. "I told you I would..." they whispered against Luca's shoulder.

"What's this?" The taller man with purple hair gestured toward Y/N. "I come to visit and I'm hardly acknowledged, but when they're around, they get all the attention?"

Luca moved back to confront his smiling companion. "Oh, be quiet!" He subsequently directed his focus towards Y/N. "Meet Shu, someone I consider a best friend."

He tilted his head to one side. "Pleased to meet you, Y/N." He chuckled.

Y/N gave a single nod in acknowledgement of Shu's words, yet they were unsure of how to reply. Their only response was, "I appreciate your kind words," as they attempted to guide Luca back to his room.

"Woah! Wait!" Luca objected, remaining steadfast where he stood. "We were actually discussing the idea of going outside."

"Actually, I mentioned it as a mere suggestion, but he became extremely enthusiastic," Shu admitted while nervously rubbing the back of his head. "Consequently, we had planned to leave the room briefly, maybe for a couple of minutes."

"I have been confined in here forever! It’s been days since I last stepped outside," Luca's voice conveyed unease. Y/N had noticed that Luca had a dislike for being confined indoors during the short period they had known him. It might be beneficial to take him outside for a while and see if it improves his mood.

Y/N gazed down the corridor and suggested heading towards the garden located at the rear.

After a single statement, an implicit consensus was reached by all individuals. Shu initiated his movement down the hallway, with Luca following closely behind. Y/N proceeded after, aware of Ike's proximity. While walking, Y/N fixated on the rear views of the two men ahead. Both appeared to possess similar stature, yet it dawned on Y/N that Luca appeared slightly more diminutive.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N and Ike occupied a bench together for quite some time, while Luca and Shu engaged in their enthusiastic conversation, gesticulating with animated gestures. Y/N couldn't help but find it peculiar that Luca, who was actually unwell among them, was the one moving around. Perplexed, Y/N furrowed their brow and let out a deep sigh, their gaze fixed downwards. They focused their intense gaze on their knees until Ike broke the silence.

"You don’t like this either, do you?"

Y/N raised their head and glanced towards their side. They observed the individual with gray and blue hair intently for a considerable amount of time. Ike prevented them from having an opportunity to reply.

"I also dislike witnessing his distressed state. That is the reason why I didn’t want to come. But, Shu's persistence compelled me into coming.”Ike's genuine concern indicated that he sincerely meant every word he uttered.

"When did you and Luca become friends?" Y/N raised their head with a subtle curiosity.

"Two years in December," he replied with a lack of enthusiasm. "I had the chance to become acquainted with him thanks to the presence of Shu, Vox, and Mysta. But, when Mysta left, it destroyed Luca."

Luca's laughter, which seemed to be coming from nowhere, echoed across the garden in order to disprove Ike's claim.

Y/N's lips almost curved into a smile as they asked, "So, if I can inquire, how are you processing everything that has happened?”

"I'm..." Ike pondered for a moment, his lips pursing. "I'm handling it okay, or at least I believe I am. I'm attempting to distance myself. It's another reason why I avoided seeing Luca." He glanced downward, allowing his hair to cascade over his face. "There's something about Luca that doesn't feel right to me.”

Y/N appeared perplexed and mildly surprised as a facial expression formed on their face. "Is there a problem with him? Did he do something?"

"To the best of my understanding, he has not. However, even if he did, that is not the point I was trying to make," Ike said, using his sleeve to rub his nose. "Whether you have never encountered Luca before or have not seen him in a span of ten days, ten weeks, ten months, or ten years, any interaction with him, no matter how small, will serve as a reminder of his genuine goodness as a person."

Y/N gazed at Ike, unable to utter a word.

"He possesses authenticity, kindness, and an inherent innocence akin to that of a child; however, these are the very qualities that render him... endearing, in my opinion. He has the ability to captivate your attention. In addition, he demonstrates admiration for others while simultaneously proclaiming his own superiority in all endeavors.”

Y/N shifted their gaze gradually, observing Luca and Shu as they emerged once again in the far-off vicinity. They seemed engrossed in the ongoing dialogue they were engaged in, remaining absorbed.

"Shu appears content at the moment. However, in the past, he was not." Ike softly uttered these words. Y/N glanced at him, but he gazed into the distance, his eyes fixed on nothing specific. Y/N blinked and refocused their attention on Shu and Luca.

“Five weeks ago, he was in ruins. He had no desire to communicate with anyone other than me and Vox. I was the only one who offered my companionship to him." While speaking, he maintained his fixed gaze. "That was when he discovered the illness. However, the past month has been no different for him. He was hesitant to attend today's gathering as well. It's never easy to hear that someone you care about is unwell, especially when the disease is incurable. And as for Vox? He adamantly refused to join us. Luca meant a lot to him, like a younger sibling."

Luca and Shu engaged in an enthusiastic conversation, positioned away from anyone who could hear them.

“Luca's appearance is gradually changing, becoming less similar to his previous self.” Ike pauses.

“Previously, he had a bigger physique and was larger than Shu, but now he is the smaller one. Shu has taken on the role of being bigger and heavier than Luca.” Ike keeps his head down.

Y/N pressed their lips tightly, gazing downwards and observing Ike's intertwined fingers. He fidgeted with them anxiously, revealing what his expression refrained from displaying.

Y/N presumed that Luca had already initiated the process of luring Ike back into his schemes. Although it was a regrettable action, Y/N understood that Luca didn't have any deliberate intentions. By simply engaging in a conversation with Luca, anyone would instantly become a part of his lively mischief once more.

Y/N was aware of this. A similar incident occurred to them approximately two and a half months ago. Had they anticipated that sending simple text messages would result in frequent trips to the hospital, they would never have given out their phone number.

This was not their intention or desire. Y/N hoped for friends who were in good health and with whom they could have regular conversations, rather than having to devote personal and emotional time to a single sick friend. Y/N felt a lump in their throat and nervously intertwined their hands, gently rubbing one thumb against the other. They struggled to divert their gaze from Luca, finding it challenging to do so. With a heavy heart, they uttered their words.

"I regret having ever crossed paths with him."

At that very moment, a refreshing gust of wind swept through the garden while Luca tightly grasped onto his neck, securing the warmth with a dark blue knitted scarf.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

With time passing, Shu and Ike realized that they needed to return home. Shu temporarily said goodbye to Luca, while Ike descended the stairs to leave the building.

After approximately four minutes, Shu eventually exited the room, unintentionally disregarding the initial plan of leaving. He bid farewell and quickly departed, fully aware that if he didn't increase his pace, he would need to invest additional time in catching up with Ike, who tended to wander aimlessly.

Y/N stood next to Luca's bed, casting a quick glance towards the open doorway that led to the hallway.

"Shu shares many similarities with you."

Luca objected, sitting straight in bed, stating that he is actually quite relaxed in contrast to himself. He laughed and tiredly massaged his face.

Luca's laughter caught Y/N's attention, leading them to glance back at him. Y/N was completely taken aback by this unexpected response, but they acted nonchalant and could only muster a simple acknowledgment of "I understand."

Luca looked at Y/N with a sense of awe, questioning why they were still standing. He enthusiastically encouraged them to sit down by gently tapping the vacant spot next to him.

"No, it's fine. I was actually contemplating leaving soon, too-"

"What? How come?" His voice displayed evident disappointment. "You've barely been here for about thirty minutes."

Y/N furrowed their brow. "It’ss been more than three hours."

"That's identical!" Luca approached Y/N, who was standing nearby, while remaining seated in bed. "I barely talked to you, so it shouldn't count!"

Y/N subtly moved backward, asking "What shouldn’t?"

"The three hours!" He expressed his growing frustration. "I struggle with accurately estimating time as well, in case you haven't noticed. Occasionally, three hours seems to stretch into seven hours. However, there are also instances when three hours feel as short as seven minutes. Although I may not be as mentally agile as before, the timeless adage 'Time flies when you're having fun' still holds true for me even now."

"So... Three hours is not a significant amount of time," Y/N whispered.

"That's right!" Luca's eyes once again sparkled with excitement.

Y/N refrained from making eye contact with Luca. "I understand, but I have to leave." They intentionally avoided glancing towards Luca. "If it were solely my decision, I would stay. But, there is something important I need to handle, but I promise to come see you tomorrow."

Luca remained silent, maintaining a tight-lipped expression as he reclined onto his bed. It was clear that he had numerous thoughts racing through his mind, yet he chose to suppress them and shifted his position, turning away from Y/N.

They were astonished. Y/N had no previous knowledge of Luca's ability to quickly become sulky. They glanced around with a frown, realizing it would be wiser to depart.

"I will...talk to you tomorrow."

"Would you like your scarf back?" The unexpected inquiry was posed by Luca, who clung firmly to the scarf, despite having posed the question himself.

Y/N observed him while pulling their jacket closed. "Yes... I do."

Luca woke up in despair and sat upright in his bed, gradually stretching his arm towards his neck in order to remove the cozy fabric wrapped around it. He proceeded with caution, as the mere idea of taking it off seemed to exacerbate his suffering more swiftly than the illness's progression.

"…But, you can hold onto it for now."

Luca was taken aback by the words, causing him to stop and gaze at Y/N. His hands reacted by becoming tense, then relaxed, and eventually settled on his neck. "Really?" he asked in surprise.

"Yes," Y/N responded with a barely noticeable smile. "Luca, please hold onto it."

They felt like they couldn't stay any longer in the room, so they turned their back and departed, convinced that another second would have made it impossible for them to leave.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N awoke abruptly that very evening, as their choked cries jolted them out of slumber. They jerked in alarm, swiftly sitting upright, clasping their hand tightly against their mouth to stifle the nearly hysterical noises emerging from within. Their breathing was labored, their pulse racing faster than normal; Y/N could sense their heart thumping in their throat, making swallowing arduous.

It was the fifth instance that month when Y/N had to forcibly wake up from yet another nightmare. The nightmares were so distressing that they caused intense nausea, compelling Y/N to sit up in bed and take deep, slow breaths to regain composure. It was their routine to cool down this way, as they raised their hands to rub their eyes before anxiously surveying their surroundings in the bedroom.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N shifted their gaze towards the desk located next to their bed, where their phone rested. With a brief moment of hesitation, they extended their hand and retrieved the device. As the screen illuminated, a text message from Luca awaited their attention.

‘Have a good night's sleep, Y/N.' The message was sent precisely two hours earlier.

Y/N tremblingly swiped their phone screen and unlocked it.

From: Y/N

[You there?]

Luca:

[Yeah! I thought you were asleep?]

Y/N:

[Nightmare.]

Luca:

[Nightmare? How bad?]

Y/N

[Enough to wake me up.]

Luca:

[Are you okay? We can talk longer if you need!!]

Y/N:

[No, it’s fine.]

They pressed send and waited for the small arcs to appear on the lower left side of the screen. Rather, they were greeted with secrecy. They didn't get a response, and neither did they see any indications of one.

Y/N frowned and left their phone screen to darken and discolour. They clutched it in their trembling hands and closed their eyes, hoping to fall asleep again. It was difficult, however, because every time they tried to sleep, the unsettling fear of having the same dream jolted them awake. Y/N sighed softly and covered their face.

The phone vibrated against Y/N's brow. They winced and drew their palm away from the phone to look at it.

Luca:

[Look out your window!]

"What?" Y/N swung their legs off the bed and walked over to the window. "This can't be true," they exclaimed as they opened the blinds and peered downwards.

Luca stood outside at night, wearing a dark blue knitted scarf around his neck, along with a jacket, sweatpants, and slippers. He glanced upwards, smiled, and enthusiastically waved towards Y/N.

Y/N's eyes grew larger with surprise. They quickly retreated from the windowsill and hurried downstairs to the front door. They swung it open and found Luca approaching with a cheerful expression and a trembling gait.

"Can I enter?"

"No! No, we are-"

"Why not?"

"We're immediately returning to the hospital. I'm taking you back," Y/N declared as they extended their arms and urged Luca to move away.

Luca adamantly refused, exclaiming, "Absolutely not!" He forcefully pushed Y/N backward as a way of emphasizing his point. He further explained, "I just left from there.”

Y/N acknowledged that their words sounded somewhat resentful, but they had no alternative except to reveal the truth to Luca by stating, "Your health is deteriorating, and you require proper medical care."

Luca pushed Y/N’s hands away and expressed his inability to sleep, questioning why it was such a significant matter.

"It's not just that!" They applied greater pressure to their arms, causing Luca to retreat. "You've already experienced two panic attacks this week, and your hallucinations are progressively worsening. Right now, my house is not a suitable place for you to be."

Luca responded naively, expressing that he experiences panic attacks in your absence and tries to reassure by mentioning that his hallucinations are not overly distressing.

Y/N's jaw tightened as they concealed their annoyance with a calm expression. "Quit pretending that this isn't a significant matter... You might not perceive it that way, but I..." They halted briefly and extended their arms for another push. "Let's just leave."

"I have no desire to," Luca tightly clasped Y/N's hands within his own.

"Luca, quit."

"I have no desire to return!"

"How were you able to leave without being noticed?"

"They ignore me, I can easily slip away without them noticing."

Y/N forcefully pulled back their hands and gazed at Luca. Despite feeling enraged, Y/N understood that Luca wouldn't leave unless they allowed him inside their house. Y/N swallowed nervously.

"Fine, then. Come in." Y/N moved to the side.

Luca's eyes sparkled with recognition as he eagerly entered Y/N's house. Taking off his slippers, he stood by the entrance, waiting for his companion to follow. Y/N entered and closed the door behind them both.

"You picked the ideal evening," Y/N expressed with bitterness while they struggled to ascend the staircase. "My parents are not present."

Luca exclaimed, "I wouldn't have been that loud," as he hurriedly followed them.

Y/N breathed out exasperatedly, expressing her commitment to return Luca to the hospital no later than seven o'clock in the morning.

"Okay! Just picture their expressions when they see me coming from outside. Imagine the astonishment on their faces when they realize I'm not even inside my room." Luca expressed immense joy.

Y/N went into their room and closed the door after Luca, stating their intention to immediately go to bed.

"But I thought you had that bad dream?” Luca positioned himself beside Y/N's bed.

"I did..." They stopped briefly. "...Is that the reason you’re here? The dream?"

“You said you were fine… it was obvious you weren’t.”

Y/N couldn't find the right words to express themselves. They met Luca's eyes and then immediately glanced downwards. Their shirt was gently pulled by a weak hand. "Okay," they said, extending their hand to switch on the lamp placed on their bedside table.

“What was it? I mean, the dream.”

Y/N settled on the bed and draped a sheet over their body. They handed the pale pink one to Luca, recalling his previous affection for it when he last visited. Luca took it and draped it around his own form. Afterwards, he gazed at Y/N, anticipating their reaponse.

They let out a sigh of distress. "I felt like I was suffocating." As they fiddled with the tiny lint balls clinging to their bedsheet, they continued, "It was a suffocating sensation, like being consumed by a thick, dark substance resembling tar. I struggled desperately to break free, but I felt completely powerless. I had become so feeble that breathing had become a challenging task. Only my face was visible above the suffocating substance." Y/N tilted their head back, using their finger to tap on their chin as they illustrated the situation.

“I faced difficulties and encountered a great struggle. However, eventually, I became immobilized. Despite my efforts to shout, I couldn't produce any sound, as there was no one around to hear me.” Y/N shrugged, indicating indifference. “The liquid started to enter my mouth and nose, and it was only when I started suffocating that I managed to wake myself up."

Y/N remained silent and wrapped themselves in the sheets encompassing them. They shifted their gaze towards the window, observing the moon cautiously.

Luca adjusted his position in the chair and moved closer to Y/N, holding onto the blanket that had been provided to him.

Y/N stayed in position, expecting Luca to honor his need for personal space by sitting a distance away. However, much to Y/N's surprise, Luca rested his head on Y/N's shoulder and put one arm around them.

Y/N felt uneasy as they wriggled uncomfortably. They questioned, "What is your intention?"

"To comfort you?" Luca responded, raising his head. "Isn’t that what humans do when another is sad?"

Y/N observed him closely. "Don’t speak as if you aren’t one yourself..."

Luca chuckled softly and rested his head on Y/N's shoulder. There was a brief silence between them, and the room became filled with the muffled noises from outside.

"Hey,"

"What?"

“Can we watch The Lake House?”

"No," responded Y/N, shaking their head.

Luca expressed his dissatisfaction by grumbling silently.

“Why not?”

"I’ve seen it like ten times."

"If you’ve already seen it ten times, why not watch it for the eleventh?"

“I would like to get some sleep since it's already three in the morning. If we watch the entire movie, it will be five o'clock. After that, I will have to accompany you to the hospital before the doctors realize you're not there and become extremely worried.”

Luca couldn't help but chuckle, causing a smile to curve his lips. He pondered, "Could it be that they’ve already discovered the truth?"

"If that were to happen, it would be a burden."

Luca chuckles, “They’d probably turn my room upside down trying to find me.”

“I wouldn’t want to be the one cleaning that.”

Luca turned his head to face Y/N and noted, "You’re so direct. Why?”

"I... I'm unsure," Y/N took a deep breath. "It's just my personality. Occasionally, I perceive myself as humorous, yet others never find my jokes amusing."

Luca emitted a snorting sound in response, questioning, "Have you ever attempted to tell a joke?"

Y/N appeared puzzled. “Yes… When I said I wouldn’t want to clean up that mess…”

Luca burst into laughter, tilting his head back. "Is that what you consider a joke?"

"You're making too much noise, please lower your volume," Y/N gently nudged their guest. However, this action only caused Luca to burst into even greater laughter. Y/N's expression turned irritated as they pressed their lips together, but their frustration quickly dissipated as they couldn't help but chuckle along with Luca.

Y/N attempted to conceal their smile as they remarked, "Well, you're currently finding amusement... Therefore, I suppose I possess a decent ability to evoke laughter."

Luca observed them briefly. "Yes, but unfortunately, it was for all the incorrect motives." His laughter diminished, just as Y/N's did. "You know... I don’t think I have ever seen you laughing or smiling, to be honest."

Y/N raised one shoulder, indifferently, before taking hold of their phone. "Now you have," they remarked.

Luca glanced at the mobile device's display. He inquired, "Whats that for?"

Y/N set their phone down and gradually leaned back, placing the back of their head against their pillow, while Luca accompanied them by keeping his arm around.

The situation is peculiar. They gazed at the ceiling and let out a breath. What is the reason for allowing him to behave this way?

Y/N's head tilted sideways, facing Luca.

"I hope you don't have any objections to me sleeping," they murmured quietly.

"No, you’re fine."

"I only hope it's not impolite-"

"It's not," Luca voluntarily tightened his grip around Y/N, pulling them closer to his side.

"Alright," they said while shutting their eyes. "Have a good night." Y/N brought their arms closer, enveloping themselves with the bed sheets.

Afterwards, there was a profound silence that engulfed them. Y/N had closed their eyes and attempted to plunge into a profound slumber, but discovered that doing so was not as swift as they had anticipated. They maintained a regulated and steady breathing pattern, giving the illusion of being fast asleep while actually veering between the realm of wakefulness and the realm of dreams.

Silence enveloped the room, and subsequently, a sound broke the stillness. It was a delicate, soft sound, reminiscent of someone cautiously adjusting their arm so as not to disturb another's slumber.

Y/N stayed in a fake sleeping pose, believing that it required more energy to open their eyes and look around than to remain inactive. Therefore, they persisted in striving for sleep, with no expectations regarding the surrounding noise.

They were extremely surprised when they experienced a gentle feeling on their forehead. When they sensed the unfamiliar touch, they had to use all their strength to avoid reacting with a startle.

They were fingers, tentative and uncertain, lightly skimming over Y/N's forehead to sweep aside a stray strand of hair.

With eyes shut, Y/N absorbed the sensation at hand. The reluctance emanated strongly in every gesture executed by Luca's hand.

Luca was filled with fear at the thought of waking up Y/N, to the extent that his hands would shake slightly every time he gently brushed away Y/N's hair from their face.

Y/N's heart rate started increasing gradually and slowly. Their hands twitched momentarily, prompting them to move closer and lean into Luca's touch. Unfortunately, this had an unintended consequence as Luca quickly pulled their hand away. Y/N then relaxed, maintaining the pretense of being asleep.

After noticing Y/N's movement, Luca remained completely still. He was determined not to disturb them and so they both remained silent for several minutes. Y/N assumed that Luca would remain quiet for the remainder of the night, so they redirected their attention to falling asleep. They maintained their position and began feeling themselves drift into slumber...

"I’m sorry." The utterance was barely audible, and it was spoken unexpectedly. It seemed as though Luca was speaking to himself.

Y/N remained motionless and quiet.

"... It was never my intention to involve you in my problems, my life..."

Luca took in as much air as possible. Y/N sensed their chest lifting. It was almost as if they could perceive the frown in his tone of speech.

"I’m aware that I can be difficult to handle. I know that I am a hopeless case. I understand that you are aware of this as well... Nevertheless, you continue to support me."

After a brief pause, he resumed speaking. His voice quivered softly.

"So... I-" Luca pauses, “thank you.”

Luca remained silent following that statement, gently placing his cheek on top of Y/N's head to avoid disturbing their sleep.

However, Y/N was unable to sleep. The words spoken by Luca continued to haunt them, replaying incessantly in their thoughts.

They took a swallow, trying to alleviate the lump that had formed in their throat.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Following that evening, circumstances continuously worsened.

Y/N quickly looked out of the window and immediately got dressed, grabbed their bag, and slung it over their shoulder. They hurried downstairs, put on their shoes, and swiftly left the house, following their usual route to the hospital. The sky above was filled with thick and rapidly gathering clouds, creating a gloomy atmosphere along Y/N's path. To protect themselves from the strong winds, they zipped up their jacket and continued moving forward. Y/N was aware that a storm was approaching and that Luca would require their presence.

Luca had not returned to Y/N's home for one month and sixteen days when he was taken back to the hospital. The medical staff, aware of his tendency to sneak out, kept a close watch on him. His condition had deteriorated unexpectedly. Previously, he would typically lose several pounds per week, but after sneaking out, his weight loss became alarming. Within a little over a month, Luca's weight dropped from 150 pounds to a mere 97 pounds, based on their last measurement. Apart from the distressing weight loss, his deteriorating condition made it increasingly challenging for him to walk, move, and communicate.

Y/N expressed a deep sense of concern upon entering the hospital. They moved quickly and continuously along the familiar route, until a familiar face caught their attention.

Y/N came to a halt in front of Luca's room and asked, “Shu?”

The man with vibrant, multi-colored hair lifted his gaze from his hands and forced a smile. "Hi there - Y/N, correct? It's been a while."

"Yes, I'm-," They shifted their gaze, "Is there somebody inside?" Without waiting for Shu's reply, he peered into Luca's room. As expected, he spotted Ike occupying the chair beside Luca's hospital bed. Ike had his back towards the door, while Luca appeared completely engrossed in their conversation.

"Would Ike be okay with me going in?"

Shu gently massaged his chin using his hand. "Negative." He reclined in his seat. "Please have a seat. It's been a long time since Ike and Luca had a conversation, so it might be best if you give them some space."

Taking a deep breath, Y/N remained where they were for a moment before settling themselves in the vacant chair beside Shu.

"You look anxious." Shu glanced at Y/N with a sideways glance.

"I am. A storm is approaching. Luca doesn't handle storms very well..."

"Ah..." Shu gazed upwards at the ceiling, as if hoping to catch a glimpse of the drifting clouds. "I hadn't realized." Gradually, he tilted his head downwards and crossed his arms. "I never would’ve guessed you knew that about him. He keeps it a secret."

Y/N redirected their gaze towards Shu. “Has he ever been okay with them?”

“I don't believe so. He would become anxious and suspicious whenever there was a storm, but that was the extent of it. At this point they probably give him panic attacks.”

Y/N glanced downwards. "Yes, he does. Storms set them off."

Shu emitted a grunting sound and had no further comments on the matter. Y/N believed it was best to remain silent as well. They intertwined their fingers and averted their gaze, waiting for the imminent sound of thunder. They would need to close Luca's blinds and distract him from it somehow, perhaps by showing him a movie or engaging him in a game that would swiftly alleviate his anxiety. Y/N briskly massaged the back of their neck and shut their eyes.

"Ninety-seven pounds, for fuck's sake."

Y/N's eyes opened in surprise as they looked towards Shu, who was staring angrily at something non-specific.

"Could you please repeat that?"

"Ninety-seven pounds, correct? That's how much we weighs now? Sorry, I usually don’t curse."

Y/N's spirits instantly plummeted as soon as they comprehended the subject of Shu's conversation. "Affirmative."

He cursed vehemently without holding back.

Y/N winced and averted their gaze. They had only interacted with Shu on one occasion, and their conversation was minimal. Feeling uncertain about how to handle the situation, they chose to stay quiet. Anxious about Shu's potential response, they nervously twisted their fingers and pressed their lips together.

"Everything about this is incredibly frustrating. Why on earth did he have to experience this? And at such a young age, too?" He muttered these words quietly, expressing his frustration towards the situation. "He's not even twenty five yet.."

Y/N bowed their head.

“It’s unfair.”

"Such is life," Shu concurred with the statement. "Yet... We find ourselves in these situations.”

Shu angrily massaged his elbow and let out a resigned sigh.

"I won’t be coming back to see him. I’ve changed my mind.I can’t see him like this anymore.." He shifted his gaze towards Y/N. "From now on, you will be his companion. I cannot comprehend the method, but being in your presence helps him to calm down."

Y/N avoided making eye contact. Concealing their true emotions, Shu’s words had impacted them far more profoundly than they could have anticipated. A profound feeling of discomfort settled in their stomach, intensifying and tormenting them, compelling them to feel nauseous. However, they managed to suppress their urge to vomit and maintained their calm demeanor, just as they had been practicing ever since their first encounter with Luca.

Y/N raised their hand to vigorously massage the back of their neck, causing uneasiness to concentrate on a particular spot, as a means to distract themselves from the agonizing pain that seemed as if it would engulf their emotions. With a slow blink, they shut their eyes while maintaining a calm and hushed breath.

Shu, who was deeply immersed in his own troubles, was oblivious to the sorrows of Y/N. Eventually, he compelled himself to rise and started rhythmically tapping his fingers against his trousers.

"Keep doing whatever the fuck you’re doing," he uttered in a hushed tone.

Y/N indicated agreement with a nod.

"Absolutely. I wouldn't be able to stop, even if I tried."

Shu couldn't help but let out a mocking laugh.

"Yes... Isn't that the terrifying part..." He touched his chin and walked down the corridor with determination. "Stay connected with me, Y/N."

"Yes, definitely." They echoed the identical statement, realizing the challenge of expressing their thoughts in words at that moment. They observed Shu moving farther away, gradually fading into a vague figure in their sight. Standing close to the staircase, he now appeared as a tall and slender purple figure. Though he was anticipating Ike's arrival, Y/N questioned why he didn't wait for him in the chair where he had been seated earlier.

At that moment, while Y/N nibbled their lower lip, they glanced over and noticed Ike tilting his head towards Luca. It wasn't exactly a formal bow, but rather a gesture of tenderness, as affectionate as Ike could manage, which wasn't very much.

He pressed his forehead against Luca's shoulder, causing him to burst into laughter. Luca softly replied to Ike, nodded, and smiled.

He constantly wore a smile on his face.

Upon witnessing this, Ike immediately stood up and lowered his head, positioning his hands by his side. He couldn't bear to spend even another moment in Luca's presence, so he swiftly departed the room. Maintaining a lowered head, Ike deliberately avoided any eye contact with Y/N, pretending not to notice their presence. Within a matter of seconds, Ike had already moved down the corridor and started descending the stairs, completely disregarding Shu along the way.

Shu displayed no signs of surprise whatsoever. He simply bid farewell to the staring Y/N and proceeded to accompany his little companion downstairs.

With some hesitation, Y/N mustered the energy to give a faint wave in response before they were beckoned by a voice coming from the room they knew all too well.

Their focus was directed towards Luca, who was enthusiastically sitting up in bed with a smile on his face.

Y/N had a nearly reciprocated smile, but it was hindered by the thunder that announced itself from the sky. Luca's smile vanished abruptly as his eyes widened, transitioning from partially closed to fully open. He clutched onto the light pink blanket that surrounded him, his hands tightening around it.

Y/N hastened forward, heading directly into the room. They moved the chair aside and located Luca lying on one side of the bed.

In an effort to soothe himself, Luca ran his delicate, trembling fingers through his blond hair, but the intensity of the next thunderous roar startled him, causing the bed to tremble as he flinched sharply.

"Fuck," he uttered in a terrified voice, which faltered.

Y/N reassured Luca, speaking in a soothing and unhurried manner, while clutching his hand tenderly. Despite the coldness and occasional tremors, they expressed confidence in his ability to overcome the situation, as he had done countless times before.

Luca struggled to articulate his thoughts as he gazed wide-eyed at the hospital room floor.

Luca's breathing became labored as he pleaded, "Please, Y/N, don't..."

“Hm?”

"Do’t leave..."

“I will never leave your side, Luca.” They drew nearer, grasping Luca's hand with their other hand. "Let's take deep breaths together."

Luca vigorously nodded and compelled himself to follow Y/N's wishes, as was his usual response. Y/N was the sole individual capable of helping him endure those distressing times, without a doubt.

Luca's desperate cries reverberated through the room while the window was bombarded by intense raindrops. Y/N was relieved to have arrived just in time, as it had been one of Luca's most severe episodes.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

"Hey, Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"When do you think it’ll snow?"

"Hm... Snowfall occurs unpredictably."

"Do you believe that it’s likely to snow in the near future? Or in January?"

"I hope so, Japan could use some snow every now and then."

"Yes... Yes. I want to step outside and stand in the snow when it does...”

Y/N positioned themselves in a seated position next to Luca's bed, with their legs crossed. When Luca spoke those words, they glanced up at him, hoping to make eye contact, but unfortunately, he had averted his gaze, leaving Y/N without any purple eyes to meet. Luca had turned his head away.

He gazed out at the white clouds covering the sky, captivated by the way it made everything appear devoid of color. These days, which Luca referred to as "Christmas Days," made him more interested in the outside world than in his restricted life at the hospital. Taking a deep breath, Luca's exhale filled the confined space, while his hands gripped the wrinkled bedsheets.

"Are you certain you’ll be able to manage yourself in this weather?"

"I believe so."

Y/N chose not to mention that Luca would likely lose the ability to walk before any snowfall, so they remained quiet. They gently rubbed their hands together and tilted their head to one side.

"I suppose it is possible... As long as your health has improved."

Luca sneered. The sound he made was barely audible.

"I am. Please stop bringing that up. That was in the past."

"I do understand, however, it was not good."

"It's been approved," Luca commented, tilting his head as the pillow folded beneath his neck. He gazed at Y/N with eyes weighed down by exhaustion. Despite his noticeably paler complexion and slight weight loss, he maintained a smile on his lips. "I'm all right at the moment."

Y/N couldn't resist returning his smile as they rested their chin on their hand and chuckled.

"Or at least as good as one can be."

Luca fixed his gaze on Y/N with intensity. His lips trembled as he struggled to articulate his thoughts.

"Be quiet," he said, causing a louder burst of laughter to escape his lips, shaking his body while he reclined in bed. "I appear... Terrible, I'm aware."

Y/N discovered themselves joining in his laughter, and their subtle giggles resonated louder than Luca's sincere laughter.

"You don't appear terrible. You look like Luca," They attempted to conceal their smirk by covering it with their hand, but it remained noticeable through the spaces between their fingers.

Luca extended his hand, attempting to casually brush away Y/N's hand. He struggled to accurately target it but persisted nonetheless.

"Please, don’t hide that."

"Hide what?"

"That smile."

"Why? It's not something special-"

"I hardly ever witness it." Luca's fingers brushed against Y/N's knuckles. This gesture prompted Y/N to withdraw their hand from covering their mouth gradually and place it on their chin instead. They gazed affectionately at Luca.

Luca focused his gaze straight ahead, fully captivated, as he tried to capture a mental image of something he knew he might never witness again. Numerous thoughts raced through his mind, yet only three words dominated his thoughts, the ones he believed would be most fitting to express to Y/N. Despite his intention to utter them, he found himself doing something entirely different. Without realizing it, his hand instinctively reached out and clasped onto Y/N's hand, causing both of them to abruptly react. The expression in Luca's eyes grew wider in surprise.

"I assumed you would... Keep it raised-"

Y/N stifled a laugh and acknowledged that the situation had taken them by surprise.

"I did not intend... to..."

"It's fine," they reassured as their thumb gently caressed Luca's knuckles. "I am now."

Luca gazed at Y/N once more, this time in silence and with a sense of captivation. He stared for a longer duration before diverting his gaze upwards, downwards, and finally averted his eyes elsewhere. Avoiding direct confrontation, he shifted his head towards the window, unable to confront Y/N.

Y/N stopped speaking, pressing their lips together meekly. Their gaze fixated on the disheveled blend of blonde and grey hair that covered Luca's head as they observed from behind. Moving downward, their E/C eyes scrutinized his fading complexion, noticing how his veins protruded noticeably beneath his skin whenever he made any movement. Y/N shifted their attention to Luca's arm, specifically the one connected to the hand they were currently holding.

They examined the tiny needle embedded in Luca’s forearm, observed the slender tube connected to it, and traced its path to the intravenous fluid bag suspended above their head.

Y/N's smile vanished completely.

Since Luca experienced his last panic attack, it has become increasingly challenging for them to manage their speech, physical gestures, and activities. Even something as effortless as swallowing has become problematic for Luca. Despite numerous unsuccessful endeavors to retain or ingest food, the nurses determined that the most suitable solution for providing nourishment to Luca was through a tube.

During the six-day period, Y/N observed that Luca could only consume tiny treats such as grapes, ice cubes, and chocolate-coated slim pretzels. Apart from these items, Luca struggled to tolerate any other type of food. Consequently, his only option remained to lie down and accept whatever nutrients were provided through the intravenous liquid.

As they glanced back at Luca, they felt a sense of relief knowing that he was still focused on the window. Y/N had been lost in thought for a while, and during that time, Luca had carefully covered himself with the pink blanket, stopping just below his chin. Only his arm was visible as it grasped onto Y/N's hand. Luca's breathing was calm, and his hand would occasionally tremble, prompting Y/N to gently squeeze it in return. This silent exchange between them served as their way of communicating.

Y/N conveyed to Luca that everything would be fine, providing comfort regardless of their circumstances.

Both of them found it more convenient to trust in that falsehood rather than to acknowledge the reality of what lay ahead.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Luca was the only one who noticed that it had started snowing for the first time that year on the extremely cold day of January 9th at 10:02 PM. However, he never took it upon himself to say anything.

Y/N didn't notice the heavy snowfall outside until they shifted their gaze from the laptop screen. The sight of the snow excited them, and they eagerly wanted to share it with Luca. However, when they turned to face Luca, they were met with a tired expression instead of the enthusiastic reaction they expected.

Y/N displayed a displeased expression on their face.

"Luca, do you see it?"

Luca shifted his gaze from the laptop screen to focus on Y/N.

"What is it...?"

"The snow? It's snowing outside."

Luca glanced out the window once again, only to see that snow was indeed coming down in large flakes. However, this sight did not captivate Luca's interest. To be honest, it had no impact on him whatsoever. He responded with a weak shrug and returned his attention to the movie he had already seen thirty times.

Y/N was truly puzzled.

"I believed that you were anticipating the arrival of snow. I believed that it was something you desired..."

Luca's eyelids began to close and then abruptly opened once more as he emitted a faint noise.

"I... see it everyday."

At that moment, Y/N suddenly understood and her lips separated to express it. Luca had been affected by his hallucinations to such an extent that he mistook the snow outside for another illusion. They inhaled deeply in surprise.

"Luca, it's not a hallucination. It’s real.”

Luca shifted his gaze towards the window once more, his eyes filled with a strong desire that Y/N found unbearable to witness. Exhausted, Luca made a small effort to raise himself slightly in order to gain a clearer view outside. A sense of curiosity had arisen within him, as he yearned to determine the authenticity of what he was seeing. It frustrated him how challenging it had become to distinguish between reality and illusion.

"I’ll show you," Y/N rose from their chair and approached the windowsill. At that spot, they slightly separated the glass. In a split second, a powerful, freezing gust of wind burst into the room, instantly extracting warmth from everything it came into contact with.

Luca felt a sensation of unease, causing his skin to tingle and tiny bumps to form on his smooth complexion. Putting in considerable effort, he covered himself with the pink blanket.

Y/N closed the window promptly and collected a sufficient amount of snow from its edge to display to Luca. They hurried towards him, holding the quickly melting snow in their palms. Luca extended his own hands eagerly, hoping to confirm its authenticity.

Y/N handed Luca a compacted ball of snow, urging him to observe. Luca was amazed, gazing at the small, melting mass in his hand. He gently touched it with his finger, causing it to disintegrate into tiny snowflakes. The warmth of his palm caused them to dissolve, leaving only a small puddle.

Luca let out a sudden sound of surprise. His eyes expanded to their fullest extent in astonishment.

Y/N lets a small smile adorn their face.

"T-take me.....outside..!"

Luca whispered, Y/N observed Luca's appearance carefully. He resembled that of a skeleton covered by a blanket. "You shiver even when the room temperature reaches seventy degrees, Luca. It’s nine degrees outside."

"Y/N, please." Y/N pursed their lips tightly and shook their head again. It was challenging for them to refuse Luca, but it was necessary.

"I am unable to..."

"Why?" asked Luca, feeling discouraged as his frown grew more pronounced.

"The adverse climate conditions can pose harm to you and it is essential for you to take necessary precautions for your safety."

Luca's expression shifted from disappointment to disbelief as he looked at Y/N, questioning their statement.

Y/N took a deep breath, yet they were unable to utter a single word. They observed Luca cautiously, uncertain of what his forthcoming words would be.

"I am currently o-on death row, where I a-am struggling to communicate, walk, e-e-at, and sleep. The least of your concerns should be my well-being and the p-possibility of me getting sick."

"Luca," they stuttered, their voice trembling with cold, "I know that I won't survive much longer. Despite that, please let me to experience this."

Y/N's gaze was locked with Luca's, and they discovered that they couldn't avert their eyes. Luca's eyes conveyed a message that surpassed his verbal expressions. They conveyed what his words failed to articulate.

Y/N glanced downwards and averted their gaze from Luca, before redirecting their attention towards the window.

“…The furthest we can go is the window.”

"I have no objections to that." And in an instant, Luca's smile returned.

Y/N let out a sigh, feeling exasperated by how quickly they had succumbed to Luca's pleading. However, upon reflecting on the situation, they realized that they couldn't be held accountable for their actions. They didn't want to be the person who turned someone away when they had almost nothing left.

Y/N couldn't resist finding Luca's smile charming, despite how unwell he appeared while wearing it.

"Let's go..." Y/N extended their hand to assist Luca in standing up. They encouraged him to keep the blanket around himself, but Luca insisted on leaving it behind. Holding onto the IV stand with one hand and Y/N’s hand with the other, Luca limped towards the window. Y/N noticed Luca’s freezing cold hands, intensifying their worry. However, despite their concern, Y/N persisted in guiding them towards the window at a deliberate and unhurried speed until they ultimately reached their destination.

Luca removed his hand from Y/N’s and placed it on the windowsill after they arrived. The harsh and cold air struck Luca forcefully when another blast of wind entered the hospital room. Despite this, Luca remained unfazed, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath, embracing the stinging sensation of the winter air entering his lungs. As he exhaled, a visible cloud of smoke escaped from his mouth. Luca tilted his head out of the window a little, leaving it in that position while snowflakes descended around him.

Y/N pulled Luca back inside, urging him not to engage in the action. They anticipated some form of protest from Luca but was met with silence instead. Surprisingly, Luca obediently complied and extended his entire arm outwards, observing as each individual snowflake gracefully passed around his limb, avoiding contact with him as if they had no desire to touch him. Occasionally, a few snowflakes would land on his arm, prompting Luca to swiftly retract his hand in an attempt to examine the intricate patterns on them. He would carefully examine the snowflakes for a considerable amount of time until they eventually melted, leaving nothing more than a droplet on his arm. Subsequently, he would proceed to repeat this exact process, paying little to no attention to the biting cold that enveloped him.

Y/N observed Luca with fascination as he displayed childlike behavior, completely engrossed in an activity and unwilling to stop, repeating it incessantly without needing anyone's instructions. Y/N furrowed their brows and shifted their gaze away from Luca, directing it towards the outside. The all too familiar feeling of dread began to well up inside Y/N, something they desperately wished to suppress. They placed their hand on the windowsill and gripped it tightly, causing their knuckles to turn pale.

Y/N often found themself in moments of silence with Luca, which happened more frequently than they desired. While Luca’s speaking abilities had declined, he still remained the more talkative one between them. Therefore, whenever Luca fell silent, Y/N felt an uncomfortable sense of unease settle within them. Y/N desperately wanted to escape this feeling and the silence, so they quickly searched their mind for any words that came to them. They yearned for something, anything, to say to Luca, just to free themself from the dreadful sensation that loomed over them.

"You know... I never asked," Y/N uttered, gazing into the horizon. "What is it about the snow that captivates you, Luca?"

They patiently awaited a response, yet none was granted to them. Feeling uneasy, they voiced their thoughts once more.

"I think it's a bit cliché considering your current situation," they remarked in an effort to lighten the atmosphere, trying to inject some humor into the conversation. However, their words failed to have any effect as Luca remained silent. Y/N felt a deep frown forming on their face as they turned their head to examine Luca’s expression, instantly regretting their decision.

Luca expressed his sorrow quietly, shedding large tears that flowed down his face abundantly. The hand that held him up against the windowsill quivered constantly, while his other hand shivered in the frigid darkness. A few snowflakes had landed on his outstretched arm, but they resisted melting. They chose to stay there, considering Luca as their companion until they eventually melted or dropped off.

Y/N gazed at Luca, attempting to utter words, yet discovering that they were incapable of articulating even a single simple word. Recognizing this limitation, Y/N chose to take initiative and offer solace, but even this was beyond their ability. Their limbs and eyes were paralyzed, and all they could do was observe the sorrowful spectacle unfolding before them.

Y/N restrained themself and refrained from speaking, keeping their thoughts to himself.

Take action... do something…

Y/N’s physical responsiveness was nonexistent.

They could only observe as the tears cascaded more rapidly, descending onto his hospital gown and the floor. The radiance from the external source gleamed on Luca’s teardrops, illuminating his face softly. Gradually, Luca retracted his hand and allowed it to rest by his side. He lowered his head and attempted to manage his weeping as best as he could, but this proved to be quite challenging as he began to sob uncontrollably, causing his entire body to tremble.

After taking a brief pause to compose himself, Luca managed to utter a pair of uncomplicated words, his lips trembling.

"Why... me..?"

Y/N gazed ahead while their thoughts sought for words. They discovered a few and uttered them spontaneously.

"Life is unfair."

Luca lifted his icy and weak hand to clean the disarray on his countenance. "I wanted to do.. so much..."

"I understand," Y/N clenched their hand into a fist, internally reprimanding themselves for their current lack of emotion in their tone.

Luca stepped away from the window, prompting Y/N to swiftly shut it, ensuring the chilling night breeze stayed outside throughout the rest of the night. Y/N then extended their hand and grasped Luca's arm, assisting him in returning to the bed.

Luca returned to his customary posture and enveloped himself with the cozy pink blanket after they had arrived. Then, he averted his gaze from Y/N and attentively observed the window, seemingly disregarding his guest—or at least that's what Y/N presumed. Shortly after Y/N had begun to feel restless, Luca broke the silence by speaking up.

"Y/N..?"

"Can I help you?" Luca had their complete focus.

After a brief pause, he eventually found the courage to express his thoughts. He said, "I would prefer if you no longer come to see me."

Y/N narrowed their eyes to understand his words, leaning forward in surprise. "What?"

"Please, don’t visit…. me.. any-more..."

"No," Y/N rose from their chair.

“I- please-”

"That’s not possible anymore, Luca," Y/N responded, feeling a sudden chill run down their spine, making the hair on the back of their neck stand up.

"Could you please, Y/N..."

"I'm sticking with my refusal." They marched to the opposite side of the bed, positioning themselves to have a clear view of Luca's face. Upon observing this, Luca shifted his gaze and moved away gradually. Y/N's eyes grew wider as their emotions became ensnared in a peculiar blend of apprehension and anger.

"Luca, can you explain the significance of this?"

Luca chose not to reply. He stayed in his current position and solely adjusted his hand to once more wipe his face.

"Respond to me."

Luca sucked on his teeth while pulling the blanket up to cover everything except his chin. After a while, he eventually responded.

"I don’t.. want you t-to become at-attached..b-because I don’t.. have much longer.. left..."

Y/N almost chuckled. "Why do you assume that I’m already attached to you? I never stated such a thing."

Luca shifted his focus onto Y/N in this instance. A grimace appeared on his flushed face.

"Please be quiet, Y/N..." He took a deep breath, feeling frustrated with both himself and the worsening of his speech difficulty, but he carried on. "I understand... You despise hospitals. So, don't... try to convince me now that you... have been visiting here daily just because... you wanted to."

Y/N found themselves devoid of any further words. With their mouth slightly agape, they fixated their gaze upon Luca, appearing as if they intended to utter something yet ultimately rendered silent.

"I am aware that... You have concern... Even if it's only a small amount." Luca placed his hand over his mouth and unexpectedly coughed. He realized that speaking required much more effort than he anticipated. Nevertheless, he proceeded to speak. "I am not... Familiar with this... Illness. Partly be-...cause I was too scared to acquire knowledge about it. But... I am aware that my remaining time is limited." His exasperation gradually diminished, and all that remained on his colorless face was an expression of surrender.

"I have about one, maybe two months if I'm extra lucky. That’s the amount of time I have."

Y/N felt a denseness in the atmosphere, making it suddenly challenging for them to inhale.

Luca glanced downward and tilted his lips sideways. "I overheard the doctors. They don’t know how to... um... cure me, hence..." Y/N, observing from beneath the covers, noticed Luca's shoulders moving up and down. "It's just... a gradual, crippling journey from now on. And I do not want you to witness... everything un...fold."

Luca remained motionless, his eyes staring blankly as his tears glistened in the subdued illumination of the room.

"I don’t want you to watch me die.”

Luca's eyes welled up with tiny droplets as they cascaded down his eerily calm expression. "So I surmised that if you were to leave now... You... Wouldn't have to... And it wouldn't cause as much pain..."

Once again, an overwhelming force immobilized Y/N, rendering them incapable of movement or speech. All they could do was observe in muted anguish as Luca finally acknowledged the tragic fate that had befallen his fleeting existence. Y/N came to the realization that the smiles they had witnessed before were merely illusions – forced grins that desperately attempted to deceive Luca into believing that everything would be alright. However, he couldn't maintain this facade indefinitely. Considering the state he was in, Luca had always battled to maintain a facade of positivity while internally crumbling apart.

Y/N is currently aware of this fact.

They tapped their fingers against their legs, trying to create movement. Their goal was to mentally prepare themselves to take some action and show Luca that they were there for him.

Do something... Like a member of the living dead, Y/N moved their leg forward as if it was an effort. Then, they repeated the same motion with the other leg until they reached the bedside. They disregarded their pessimistic thoughts and settled themselves on the bed, right beside Luca. Y/N didn't allow him any time to respond before drawing nearer, and once they were in close proximity, they gently rested their head on Luca's shoulder.

Y/N clasped their hands tightly in an attempt to prevent them from trembling uncontrollably.

"I will stay, Luca," their tone was soft, soothing. "And no matter what, I refuse to go.”

Luca remained quiet, refraining from uttering a single word, while he raised his hand to once again wipe his face. Occasionally, he could be heard sniffing and adjusting his position, but he never voiced any objections to Y/N's choice.

He was happy.

Y/N shifted their gaze a little, letting their cheek softly rest against Luca's shoulder. Inhaling deeply and closing their eyes, they momentarily furrowed their brows. Luca's hands trembled as they clenched their fists tightly, feeling the pressure of Y/N's nails against his knuckles.

Luca's scent was no longer reminiscent of a medical facility.

Luca’s scent had the reminiscence of... Home.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N's eyes showed the reflection of the rolling movie credits on their laptop screen.

While sitting leisurely, they extended their hand and stopped the movie that had been playing.

"How was it watching the movie for the millionth time?" Their tone carried a subtle touch of sarcasm.

Luca, who appeared unusually pale, smiled while lying beside Y/N.

"...Alright..." Luca leaned back and rested his head on his pillow. He glanced towards Y/N and took a moment to direct his attention towards them.

Y/N brought their laptop nearer and glided their finger across the touchpad. Their gaze shifted towards the bottom right corner of the monitor, where the date read January 19th, 6:40pm.

Y/N's expression turned serious as they shut the laptop. Shifting in their chair, they positioned themselves upright at the top of the bed and directed their gaze towards Luca.

Y/N caught his exhausted gaze, and he had a wide smile on his face.

Y/N attempted to put on a smile, tilting their head slightly.

"Why are you smiling?" They extended their hand and gently brushed Luca's forehead. He felt cool to the touch, even colder than usual. Y/N quickly pulled back their hand, making sure to do it discreetly.

Luca took a brief pause before answering, but eventually, he found the ability to express himself.

"... Th-thank you..."

"Don't worry about it." Y/N's lips formed a shy smile. "I know of your affection for that film." As they uttered these words, they shifted their gaze towards Luca and quickly averted it. Intuition suggested that the words had a deeper meaning, but Y/N dismissed this notion.

They contorted their body in order to grasp the box of Pretzels resting on the counter. Subsequently, they proceeded to unlock it and extract a singular piece.

"Would you like to have one?"

Luca gave a nod and extended a trembling arm. Y/N placed the snack in their fingers, and Luca pulled back his hand to cradle it against his body. With some effort, he brought it close to his nose, inhaling the savory aroma, before lowering his arm. He lightly touched and rotated the snack unsteadily in his fingers, closely examining it, but he refrained from consuming it.

Y/N returned the box to the counter and let out a gentle sigh.

"It appears that you have developed a stronger bond with that pretzel stick than with me..."

Luca raised his head in astonishment and then lowered his gaze to the snack he was holding. Y/N's words took a while to register with him, but when they eventually did, his expression brightened, and he burst into laughter.

Y/N had never heard a sound as weak as this before.

Y/N chuckled alongside Luca, crossing their arms as they expressed, "At last, I have managed to say something humorous. I previously mentioned that I do have occasional moments of wit."

Luca's laughter subsided, and he shut his eyes.

Luca broke the silence after a few minutes of being wordless in each other's presence; his voice was barely audible, resembling a faint murmur.

"Y/N?"

Y/N glanced in his direction.

"Hm?"

Luca nervously swallowed and played with the Pretzel he was holding.

"Ask…me why i-i like… The Lake House."

Confused, Y/N focused completely on Luca.

"Alright then... Luca, what is it about The Lake House that appeals to you so much?" The H/C-ette observed Luca attentively, eager to hear his response.

Luca eagerly gazed up at Y/N, responding willingly as if he hadn’t forced them to ask this question.

"Do you... remember in the film when... Morgan passes away...?" His fatigued violet eyes remained fixed on Y/N expectantly, anticipating their affirmation. When they did, Luca proceeded. "Uh... I... appreciate the part where... they reunite... in a different life."

Luca's voice lacked strength, sounding feeble and weak. However, when he discussed his favorite scene, Y/N could perceive a newfound intensity emanating from him, something that had not been present previously.

One filled with optimism.

"It gives me the… sensation… of h-having a second chance at life… a life b-etter than the current one. A life in which I can wake up next to you and spend time with you," he said with a faint smile on his thin, pale lips. "A life where we can lead….normal lives, rather… than the one we are currently living.”

Y/N was left speechless, unable to find any words in that moment. Looking at Luca, they could only express agreement through a nod, even though they weren't entirely sure what they were agreeing with. The impact of Luca's words felt so strong that Y/N felt like all the air had been forcefully drained from their body.

Y/N never expected that Luca would like that specific aspect of the movie.

Y/N forced a sad smile as they roughly rubbed their palm with their thumb.

"I would like that a lot," they softly expressed towards Luca.

"I feel the same way..." Luca's gaze remained fixed on Y/N as he observed their every action with great focus, eventually catching Y/N's attention due to his unwavering scrutiny.

"Why do you look at me like that?" Their (E/C) eyes connected with violet ones.

Despite being asked clearly, Luca remained silent and motionless, choosing instead to gaze in the direction of Y/N with eyes full of hope.

Y/N's spine experienced a sudden shudder, which made goose bumps appear on their skin, after what seemed like the longest ten seconds of their existence. They took a deep breath and posed the same question once more.

"Why do you look at me like that, Luca?" They struggled to control the quivering in their voice.

At that moment, Luca's eyes flickered with understanding, and gradually and confidently, he began to speak.

His response came in a tone of astonishment, as he said, "Because... I don’t want you to leave. Sometimes, when I close my eyes... you vanish." Luca proceeded to rub his eyes, first one then the other, before lowering his hand to his side.

Y/N attempted to conceal their displeased expression. Their gaze shifted towards Luca's hands, which appeared slender and skeletal, revealing visible blue veins tracing delicate patterns across the bones just beneath the skin.

They extended their hand and grasped Luca's hand within their own.

Luca instinctively responded to the comforting sensation by gently enclosing Y/N's hand with his own. He glanced at their intertwined fingers and let out a soft breath through his nostrils.

Y/N made eye contact with him and then shifted their gaze downward.

"I’m still here."

Luca weakly nodded while resting his head on the pillow.

"I’m… here t-too.." His voice had become even more feeble compared to earlier, if that's even possible.

Y/N gave a nod, accompanied by him.

"Yes. You are also still here..."

Luca radiated with whatever little energy he had remaining.

Y/N longed for the ability to do the same.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

New iMessage!

From: Shu

[You up?]

Y/N:

[Yes.]

Shu:

[Is he doing okay?]

Y/N:

[Could be a lot better.]

After sending the message, Y/N glanced up from their phone and observed that Luca was once again fixated on them with keen attention.

His gaze begger the question, "Who was that?"

Y/N shrugged as they casually put their phone into their pocket.

They uttered the name "Shu" nonchalantly, aiming to lessen the impact, but Y/N realized that regardless of their attempt, Luca would wear a displeased expression upon hearing the name.

And he did.

Luca glanced at Y/N's hand and his eyes revealed his profound longing for his friend. Y/N, burdened by a sense of guilt, swiftly retrieved their phone that had been concealed moments ago.

"Do you want him to send a photo?"

Luca glanced upwards before pausing briefly to reflect, and eventually gave a confirming gesture.

Building on this idea, Y/N sent a message requesting Shu to share a picture of himself for Luca. It took a considerable amount of time for Y/N to receive a response from Shu, but upon checking the message, Y/N discovered that Shu had sent a video instead of the requested image.

Y/N shifted in their seat to draw near Luca, angling their body towards them. Resting one arm on the bed, they adjusted their phone's position for optimal viewing by both of them. Luca fixated his gaze upon the screen, genuinely curious about the forthcoming content. Y/N hit the play button, initiating the playback of a video featuring Shu.

He was at his home, lying in bed, wearing a comfortably fitting shirt, and his hair was completely disheveled.

"Hey, guys! Ahhhh I'm aware that you didn't ask me to send a video, however, I'm not the type to adhere to rules." He imitated a nonchalant expression playfully, but his act was interrupted by another person speaking out.

A soft sound could be detected from the video's backdrop.

"What? Did you just...Speak without addressing anyone?"

"No way, absolutely not, I’m recording a video."

Shu moved the phone to his side, and an indistinct Ike appeared on the screen. Ike was sitting with his legs crossed, wearing an oversized shirt and a hat that seemed to have been put on his head against his will. At some point, he raised his hand and forcefully threw the beanie from his head, letting it fall on the ground without purpose.

"Say hello, Ike."

Ike expressed surprise and confusion, saying that he didn't hear what was said. He then noticed a camera facing him and promptly stood up from the bed and left, asking not to be recorded.

Shu requested them to at least greet with a simple "hello."

"Hello," a voice from an unseen source was heard.

"And that's just how Ike is," Shu complained while adjusting his position in bed, followed by a smile. "But setting him aside... I trust everything is going smoothly. Uh..." He scratched his cheek right below the eye. "I miss you. Particularly, Luca, I miss you. Um... Stay strong, okay? Y/N, please don't make things difficult for him, or we might have a disagreement."

Luca's face lit up with a broad smile upon hearing those words. If he had been able to, he would have burst into laughter.

Y/N's lips also curved into a smile, but it disappeared swiftly.

"Well, I suppose that concludes the video... I would have liked for Ike to bid farewell as well, but-" He glanced around, "He left... the room...? Yes, he has left the room. Therefore, I will take it upon myself to say goodbye on his behalf! Goodbye, Luca. Remain composed. And always remember, you are pogging in real life." He raised his hand in a gesture of peace, and the video concluded with his presence on the screen.

Y/N let out a breath of frustration. They believed the video had ended too abruptly, but in reality, it had only spanned slightly less than thirty seconds.

Luca agreed by nodding and shifted his gaze back towards Y/N.

"Did you all have a close friendship?"

Luca acknowledged again with a single nod. In an effortful manner, he attempted to lift his hand and gradually rotated his index finger in circular motion next to his temple.

Y/N let out a quiet laugh and reclined in their chair.

"Is he out of his mind?"

Luca's lips curved into a wider smile, indicating his affirmative response to Y/N's inquiry.

Y/N started to recognize in moments like these the true innocence of Luca's soul. It was childlike innocence. Occasionally, it would dawn upon Y/N that Luca was merely twenty-four years old, and this realization would burden them even more than usual. The thought of Luca barely having the opportunity to enjoy the pleasures of young adulthood before being afflicted by a debilitating disease was painful. It was a source of frustration, anger, and deep sorrow, but Y/N had to conceal these emotions, especially when in Luca's presence.

Rather than wearing a displeased face, Y/N chose to maintain a neutral expression, as they always did. This was the most effective method they had to conceal their anguish.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Luca and Y/N hadn't accomplished much during the many hours that had elapsed since receiving the message from Shu.

Luca's ability to engage in conversation was compromised due to his lack of a voice, despite his determined efforts. Additionally, even if he had the ability to speak, the extent of his physical condition would have limited his ability to communicate for an extended period of time. His movements were erratic and sluggish, and the feeble sounds he produced were often barely audible. Occasionally, Luca would remain motionless in bed, only to be abruptly jolted awake whenever his body yearned for the sleep it once easily embraced. During these instances, he would briefly exhibit an expression of frustration before succumbing to exhaustion, rendering him unable to maintain it any further.

Y/N would typically avert their gaze when Luca exhibited such behavior to avoid witnessing the distressing situation. However, there were occasional instances where they were compelled to observe Luca's deterioration due to his illness, which they strongly despised.

Whenever Y/N observed this, their brain would automatically replay a specific phrase, regardless of their willingness to listen to it.

This is what death looks like.

Y/N swiftly glanced downwards and focused on their hands. They stared at them with a fierce intensity, mirroring their calm demeanor which only added to the discomfort. Y/N desperately wished to erase the thought from their mind and distance themselves from it. They forcefully banished those words and substituted them with reassuring ones, affirming that he will not perish but instead recover.

However, as they pondered over it and examined the precise interpretations of both expressions, they ultimately found it impossible to determine which of the two was more terrifying.

Y/N shut their eyes and let out a deep breath, growing increasingly despondent as time went on. They were worried that they couldn't escape this condition on their own, but then they realized they had someone by their side.

They sensed a delicate touch on their arm, prompting them to turn their head and encounter a gaze filled with both concern and weariness. Y/N straightened up and regained their composure.

"I'm okay," they softly remarked, reclining in their chair. "How do you feel, Luca?"

Luca's eyelids fluttered at a leisurely pace, indicating his state of being acceptiveness. Although not fantastic, he was content.

Y/N pressed their lips together and gave a single nod. They discovered themselves incapable of uttering further words, assuming that Luca would also remain silent, but they were mistaken.

Once more, they experienced the gentle touch on their arm. Taken aback, Y/N redirected their focus towards Luca.

"Hm? What do you need?" The chair was rotated to directly face Luca as they asked.

Luca furrowed his brow as he gazed up at Y/N, attempting to articulate his thoughts, but ultimately unable to do so. He scanned his surroundings and made gestures with his fingers, hoping to find a phone. Y/N quickly grasped the situation and retrieved their phone, offering it to Luca. With the notes app open, they positioned the device in front of him. However, as Luca struggled to make out the words, they inaccurately pressed on the screen. It took him a while to finally express his desired message, but after a few minutes, Y/N withdrew their hand.

Y/N glanced at their mobile device in order to peruse the sentence that was displayed on the screen.

"If I had been aware that the words I said a week ago would be my final ones, I would have chosen differently."

Y/N fixed a penetrating gaze on the screen, before diverting their attention and turning their eyes back to Luca.

"Are you not happy with them?"

Luca gradually nodded.

Y/N paused, feeling uncertain, before asking the question they were hesitant to raise: "If you were given another opportunity, what would you decide to say?"

As soon as Y/N uttered those words, the clouds in the sky separated, granting entry to the warm orange light of the setting sun, which filled the room. Both Luca and Y/N were bathed in its radiance, causing them to narrow their eyes simultaneously. Nevertheless, even with their eyes squinted, Y/N could still perceive the faint traces of unease on Luca's face.

They were currently experiencing a higher level of curiosity than they had ever experienced previously.

"Um... Luca, you don’t have to say it right now if you prefer not to."

Shaking his head, Luca expressed his disagreement.

"So..thats a no?

Once again, he vigorously shook his head.

"Ah, so you do want to."

Luca made a feeble sound from his throat with his mouth shut this time, and he gave a nod.

"Okay," Y/N adjusted their position in the chair, appearing hesitant now. They quickly looked to the side. "How many words?"

Luca, as always, displayed his characteristic slow response time before eventually raising his hand. Perched on his hand, three fingers extended outward.

Y/N experienced a sinking feeling in their heart, causing their stomach to drop. They felt another tremor approaching that could potentially unsettle them, but they managed to remain motionless, despite the difficulty it entailed.

"Only three words? Is that all?" Y/N managed to smile, though it felt obligatory. "Well, that's quite intriguing..."

Please don’t say what I think it is…

They extended their arm and positioned their phone in front of Luca so that he could input the text.

I don’t want to hear it... I have no interest in listening to them. I have no desire to peruse them. I have no intention of acquainting myself with them.

Luca spent what seemed like an endless amount of time typing the words on Y/N's phone. His hand trembled so much that it was difficult to determine which keys he was pressing. Y/N held their breath anxiously until Luca eventually withdrew his hand. He then allowed it to rest on his stomach. His eyes, which were a vibrant shade of purple, scanned the room in search of Y/N. When he finally spotted them, his sparkling eyes brightened slightly more than usual. This sparkle was accompanied by a small and insignificant smile on his face.

Before Y/N closed their eyes, they ensured to capture a mental image of the moment. With their phone tightly held in their hand, they inhaled deeply, taking in as much air as possible before exhaling through their nose. Adjusting their phone to face them, they opened their eyes and encountered the three words that would forever torment them.

At least that's what they believed.

Y/N's eyes expanded a little, and their brow furrowed in astonishment. The content displayed on the screen turned out to be unexpected; it was not what they had anticipated, but instead... a straightforward expression of praise.

"You’re so beautiful"

Y/N froze in their place, repeatedly reading the words until they eventually lifted their gaze. Their heart pounded forcefully in their chest, as though desiring to escape. They focused their attention on Luca.

"Do you... really think that?" They uttered this question with an incredulous tone.

With a feeble nod, Luca's lips slightly curved upwards. Alongside this, he lifted a trembling hand along with his index finger, indicating that he had something else to convey to Y/N.

Y/N quickly guessed and whispered, "Is it one?"

Luca raised his finger in the air before directing it towards himself. Without allowing Y/N to guess, he swiftly shifted his finger towards his eye and ultimately towards Y/N.

Y/N slowly separated their lips, struggling to find their voice. Once they managed to speak, they made an effort to prevent it from trembling.

"Ever since our encounter... On the very day when you laid eyes on me..."

Upon hearing this, Luca's arm dropped and gently settled on his abdomen. He responded by nodding once more, closing his eyes, and slightly angling his head in another direction.

Y/N observed with curiosity as Luca's lips trembled and formed a broad smile, and as the light illuminated his face, Y/N discovered the true extent of Luca's embarrassment. His face took on a subtle shade of red, and he attempted to conceal it from Y/N. It appeared that uttering his internalized thoughts aloud had unsettled Luca more than he had anticipated.

Witnessing this unfolding spectacle, Y/N's cognitive abilities became severely impaired. Their heart raced uncontrollably, making it arduous to swallow, while one of their legs incessantly trembled. They were completely clueless about how to respond or act, desperately searching for the appropriate words or actions. In an unforeseen turn of events, Y/N found themself engaged in a surprising behavior.

A spontaneous giggle erupted from the depths of their chest, resonating through the room upon impact with the surrounding air. They chuckled deeply, exerting as much effort as possible. Their voice carried a delicate and soothing tone, easing Luca's senses. It prompted him to open his eyes and fixate his gaze in the direction of Y/N, utterly amazed. His vibrant violet eyes absorbed every detail of Y/N's joyful countenance. The way their lips curved at the edges, and how their eyes slightly narrowed, revealing only a glimpse of their enchanting eye color. Luca absorbed every aspect, and before he knew it, he too succumbed to laughter.

It was a subdued chuckle, barely audible due to its lack of strength and fragility in nature; nevertheless, Y/N could hear it, which satisfied Luca. Despite his cheeks still displaying a reddish hue, he had grown indifferent to it. Content with his current state, he took solace in the fact that he had confessed his feelings. Luca felt gratified knowing that Y/N sought companionship in his presence.

Y/N managed to speak, pausing briefly amidst their laughter.

"You’re... Absurd," they uttered playfully, their hands quivering as they held their mobile device.

Luca's expression conveyed a clear message: "Yes, indeed, I am."

Y/N's laughter gradually transitioned into a chuckle, and while remaining seated, they gazed at Luca with calm eyes. Y/N's face displayed a sincere emotion, and they raised a hand to run their fingers through their H/C hair.

Luca was thanked by them with a gentle whisper, their voice trembling in their throat, as they extended their hand and made contact with Luca's.

Luca instinctively tightened his grip as he always did. He gazed up at Y/N, his smile eternally radiant. His eyes conveyed a message,

"No, thank you."

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

February 2nd.

What time is it? No idea.

Y/Nmoved slightly in the hospital bed and uttered a feeble sound of discomfort. They didn't bother to inspect. They held no concern.

The sky had already turned dark. They deduced that it was likely later than five in the afternoon. Consequently, they lost interest. It no longer mattered to them whether it was seven in the evening, or eight in the evening, or twelve midnight, or even if time came to a complete halt.

They were solely concerned about the presence of Luca, who remained by their side, inhaling and living.

The only thing that mattered to them was the presence of Luca Kaneshiro remaining.

Y/N tilted their head and gently pressed their forehead against Luca’s neck.

Luca was slow in responding to this, but he still acted by turning towards Y/N and gently touching his chin to the top of their head. The soothing sensation of Y/N’s hair brushing against his chin brought Luca comfort and made him feel calm.

Y/N found pleasure in this occurrence as it alleviated the intensity of Luca’s muscle contractions, enabling him to relax more than his usual capacity. Y/N was unaware of the reasons behind their influence on Bokuto, yet it held paramount significance to them.

Y/N was relieved to find out that despite the extremely cold weather, the hospital room was adequately heated, preventing Luca from getting too cold. Nevertheless, Luca continued to experience episodes of shaking, occurring in brief, intermittent episodes lasting only a few seconds before his body became too feeble to sustain them.

Y/N always ensured that they embraced Luca tightly whenever this occurred, to assure him of their presence and that they were not a figment of his imagination. Additionally, Y/N whispered gentle words to him occasionally, maintaining a quiet dialogue, albeit mostly one-sided. Often, Y/N would pose simple questions that Luca could respond to with a nod or shake of his head. However, there were instances when Luca chose not to answer specific questions, despite Y/N asking them twice.

Y/N noticed that the less they inquired, the more he found himself expressing his thoughts.

Y/N rested their head on the curve of Luca’s neck, feeling tired and gazing into the distance. They concentrated on empty thoughts, similar to what Ike used to do. Y/N held onto one of Luca’s slender arms, occasionally soothing him by rubbing their thumb up and down. They both shared a light pink knitted blanket, snuggled up together to keep warm in the most effective way they could. As Y/N lay there in silence, attentively listening to Luca’s labored breaths, they prepared to speak by parting their lips.

"Luca?"

They spoke at a volume that was audible to Luca. Sensing Luca’s reaction against their head, they proceeded to speak. Inhaling deeply, they cleared their eyes of the irritating sensation.

"I need you to understand that... I am happy that I met you."

Luca remained relatively still as he merely took occasional breaths.

"I am extremely happy to have met you. Moreover, I am delighted to have become friends with you."

Y/N took a momentary pause, remaining silent for some time. However, afterwards, they resumed speaking.

"So... I would like thank you for talking with me in the hallway that day... and for checking if I was okay. Because at that time, I wasn't feeling well. But... I am feeling better now."

Resting their head on Luca’s chest, Y/N pressed against his delicate physique. Y/N paid attention to the accelerated pace of Luca’s heart that continued to throb, revealing his reaction to Y/N’s words.

Y/N shut their eyes in opposition to him. They discovered that they had no further words to express. Instead, they relied on their actions to communicate their feelings. Y/N drew themself nearer to Luca and pressed their face against the comforting heat of Luca’s neck. The sensation of Luca’s chin grazing the top of their head, as it always did, never failed to console Y/N. They inhaled the familiar aroma that they had become so fond of and softly exhaled against Luca’s noticeable collar bone.

Y/N sensed a feeble, sick arm raise and settle on their shoulder. In response, they moved closer and let their body unwind. Their breathing became steady, and before long, they found themself gradually succumbing to the comforting embrace of slumber, unable to fight it.

Y/N, feeling disoriented, uttered their final words as they drifted into a profound slumber: "Luca, have a good night."

That night, they didn't have any specific dreams. They didn't experience any frightening dreams or even something that could be considered as a dream. There was a complete absence of any sort of imagery, only darkness.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N opened their eyes to the sensation of sunlight touching their face. The warmth of the sun was comforting, but as they shifted in bed, they couldn't shake the feeling that something was not quite right.

They maintained a cautious gaze with partially closed eyes and restrained their actions, desperately holding onto the unfounded belief that Luca remained still to avoid disturbing him. However, Y/N was well aware that this assumption was not true; they simply refused to acknowledge it.

Y/N reached out their shaking arm and grasped Luca’s hand, closing their eyes and tightly squeezing their palm. The hand felt icy cold, causing Y/N’s own hand to tremble even more, as if the slightest movement would awaken Luca. Y/N buried their face in the curve of Luca’s neck, pressing the bridge of their nose against the cool skin. They brushed their lips against Luca’s collarbone, desperately searching for that familiar warmth. Both of Y/N’s hands tightly held onto Luca’s hand, trembling incessantly. They couldn't sense Luca’s pulse.

Y/N felt overwhelming devastation at that moment. It was an indescribable sensation that they couldn't put into words even if they tried for a million years. It pressed on them, with the potential to completely destroy them internally. The agony etched itself into their very being, making it difficult for them to express themself and leaving them unable to comprehend language.

Y/N’s throat emitted a pitiful sob.

They made a desperate attempt to control their emotions, striving to maintain composure, but they acknowledged their lack of strength to deceive others. Upon the release of their second sob, they sensed their emotions spiraling out of control. Concealing their distress was futile; they were completely overwhelmed.

With every cry that was forced out of them, their body convulsed, hunching over to draw themself nearer. They pressed their face against the lifeless neck of the body, right below the jaw, inhaling what little remained of Luca.

They had numerous plans and thoughts to share with him, but once the moment arrived, they all disappeared. Y/N desired to shout, yet they couldn't find their voice. Not even a single sentence could escape their anguish.

They positioned themself next to Luca, grasping onto him with the remaining ounce of their energy. Instead of seeking help from the hospital staff - the nurses, doctors, or anyone else - they made the conscious decision to stay down. They were fully aware that if they discovered the truth, they would separate Luca from them.

They decided to remain where they were, clutching onto Luca, cherishing his presence for the final time before losing sight of him forever.

“I love you, Luca.”

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