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lambtotheslaughterr · 4 months

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Conium Maculatum

A Roman Godfrey Oneshot

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 8.6k

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Summary: Reader has spent her whole life treated like an outsider. All she wants is to live & be treated normally. Unfortunately for her, the only person willing to do just that is Hemlock Grove's notorious rich boy Roman Godfrey.

You felt him before you saw him. He was always watching you. Always curious. A small part of you was amused by his unwavering interest, but for the most part, you wished he would just leave you alone. Like everyone else did. All you wanted was to be treated normally. Not like an outsider.

Hemlock Grove University was nestled deep in the woods on the north side of town. You were drawn to the small, sleepy town because of their public administration program. You wanted to major in public policy with a focus in agriculture, hearing from your Aunt Lynda that the town & surrounding forest were rich with potential farm growth. It was your dream to advocate for more natural sources of farming & agriculture that weren’t run by corporate leaders but people of the rural community. Plus, it helped that you already had family in the area.

Lynda & your cousin, Peter, welcomed you to Hemlock Grove with open arms, allowing you to crash on their couch until you could get your on place to rest your head. Not long after you arrived, Peter moved on, wanting to explore north of Pennsylvania. It was a bittersweet goodbye. You were happy for Peter that he was wanting to venture out on his own but his parting left you with an unsettling feeling.

“People here are not what they seem.” He had told you. At first, you thought it funny, knowing people often said similar things, if not worse things, about you & the people in your community, but Peter wasn’t joking. He warned you to be wary of others, to not be too trustful, & that if you ever felt unsafe to leave the moment you could. You promised him you would. It wouldn’t be the first time you lived somewhere where the locals treated you poorly, but you had never seen Peter concerned like he was. It unnerved you.

But that was six months ago. And though you weren’t entirely welcomed by the townspeople of Hemlock Grove, they at least left you alone. That was except for the 6’4”, slender young man that rested against the lockers opposite of yours. You had your back turned to him but could feel him observing you.

“What do you want, Godfrey?” You questioned without looking over your shoulder at him.

You heard the disbelieving smile in his face, “How do you always know when I’m near?”

“You’re not exactly subtle.” You pointed out but were smiling, nonetheless.

Retrieving your textbooks from your locker, you stuffed them into your bag before shutting your locker & facing the wealthiest boy in town. He eyed you up down, admiring your outfit for the day like he often did. Apparently, you didn’t dress ‘normal’. But you had seen plenty of other women in your life dress the same way. They called it boho, you called it contemporary Roma.

Roman Godfrey was your stereotypical rich boy. You had met, or rather seen, plenty of them in your travels. Yet he was different in one way. He was always alone. He didn’t have a posse following him around like all the rich boys you had seen before nor did he have a different girlfriend every other week. He was always alone all the time. Like you. You thought once before that may have been why he was keen on trying to get to know you: because you were both loners. But something innate told you that that wasn’t the case. So, you kept him at arm’s length.

Resting against the lockers on your side of the hallway, you peered at him with a soft smile, “Did you need to ask me something?”

He always had questions.

“Yes, I do.” He bit his lip through a smile. He pushed himself off the wall to cross the hallway over to you, uncaring about other students trying to pass through. Your eyes never strayed from his startling blue ones. Once he was near you, he leaned his shoulder against the lockers beside you.

“How’s Peter?”

“Doing well, I imagine.” You raised your brows. That isn’t what he really wanted to ask, but Roman had a habit of beating around the bush when it came to you for some reason.

“Oh, right.” He clicked his tongue against his straight teeth, “You Rumancek’s don’t like phones.”

“It’s not that we don’t like them.” You revealed, “They’re just not necessary. If we want to talk to someone, we go see them.”

Roman nodded, likely having heard the same explanation from Peter. It came as a little bit of a surprise to you when you learned that Roman & Peter were friends. Peter had never mentioned his name before he left, but during your first week at the university, Roman wasted no time in making your acquaintance & talking animatedly about Peter & how deeply saddened he was to see him go. The ‘deeply saddened’ part you took with a grain of salt.

“Which is why, I suppose, you’re standing right here.” You added, narrowing your eyes playfully.

“If you had a phone number I wouldn’t have to seek you out, would I?” He played, his voice lowering flirtatiously.

“Something tells me that wouldn’t stop you.”

Roman pursed his lips in knowing at that, “Guess we’ll never know.”

Shaking your head, you pushed off from the lockers, “This conversation has been…lovely. But I gotta go.”

“Let me drive you.” Roman rushed out but tried covering it with a sheepish nonchalant smile.

“Roman…” If you could keep track of how many times he asked to drive you home on one hand, you’d need at least fifty more fingers.

“It’s going to rain.” Roman stepped forward, his arm swinging over your shoulders as he led you to the doors that went outside. You looked up at the sky, noting the dark heavy rainclouds rolling in.

“See? I’m not lying.”

You glanced up at him, “You drive a car with no top. I’ll get soaked anyway.”

His eyes twinkled perversely at that but he still carried his charming smile, “Not if I speed.”

You sighed, staring back out at the sky. It was a long walk back to your caravan in the woods, but you always enjoyed the walk. You never took any roads, rather choosing to walk the two miles or so through the woods. But you did want to get started early on an assignment & the rain would only slow you down.

Swallowing your usual refusal, you licked your lips in trepidation before looking back up at the regrettably handsome young man.

“Okay.”

Roman contained his obvious excitement but still clutched the keys in his hand in a closed fist & raised it momentarily in victory.

“Just this once, Roman.” You warned him, not wanting him to think that it meant anything more.

“Whatever you say.” He grinned, all his teeth showing.

Roman led you outside, his hand on your lower back as he brought you to his hot red two seater. While you knew a car like that was sought after by many, it was only an eyesore to you.

He opened the passenger side door & held your hand gentlemanly as you slipped in. Roman was touchy. You learned that early on in your association with him, but you never minded. To close friends & family, you were rather affectionate, as were they, so physical touch didn’t make you uncomfortable as it likely would any other person. But you did have slight concern in how far Roman would go in touching you if you continued to not say anything.

Roman sped-walk around the vehicle to his side before practically jumping in. The small car jostled under his weight as he started the engine.

“Thank you.” You told him.

“No,” Roman winked at you as he reversed, “thank you.”

Roman pulled off onto a dirt wood somewhere in the woods. Your caravanwas only a minute or so walk down the narrow foot path. Lynda helped you in purchasing one & finding a decent clearing in the woods for you to call home. But what you didn’t miss was how Roman knew exactly where to drive to drop you off.

You pressed your lips together, trying to suppress your smile. What Roman didn’t know was that you knew he would sometimes come out here at night & watch your caravan from somewhere in the woods. As you told him, he wasn’t subtle & you could always sense when he was near. It was worrisome the first couple times it happened. After all, you were a young, single woman living on her own in the middle of the woods, but Roman never made himself known. As far as he know. And he never approached. Only watched. You summed it up to be just his curiosity, & perhaps, if your innate sense was wrong, his longing for another friend like Peter.

Unlatching your belt, you began to get out of the car when suddenly your door was being opened from the other side. You hadn’t even heard Roman get out of the car, let alone race over to your side. You chuckled surprisingly but said nothing. He offered you his hand yet again as you got out. You accepted.

“Let me walk you to your door.” He suggested.

You wanted to refuse, but if there was anything you knew about Roman Godfrey, it was that he was one persistent fellow.

Saying nothing, you began to lead the way. You noted how Roman limited his naturally wide strides, thanks to his long legs, to keep in step with you. He reminded you of a golden retriever: just happy to be there.

After a minute of silently walking, save for a distant bird song here & there, you finally came to the clearing where your caravan lied in wait.

“Wow.” Roman feigned shock at seeing your caravan as if it was the first time, “It’s a nice set-up you got here.”

“Really?” You felt your brows crease as you stared at him with amusement, “Never been here before, is that it?”

“No.” Roman laughed awkwardly, trying to hide the truth, “I have no reason to come out here.”

You nodded at him, making it clear that you didn’t believe him but said nothing. He ultimately dropped the façade, looking at you in disbelief, “How’d you know?”

“Your cologne.” You pointed at his chest, “It’s pungent. Doesn’t mix well with the natural, earthy smells out here.”

“Bullfuckingshit.” He retorted but appeared mildly impressed, “What are you, a sniffer dog? How the hell can you smell that out here?”

You giggled softly, shaking your head, “A gift, I guess.”

“You got a lot of gifts.” Roman commented, “You always know when I’m near before I’m even there, now you can smell in the middle of the woods.”

“Mm.” You agreed. Turning your back on him, you were assuming he would know that was your good-bye & allow you to disappear into your little abode but the sound of your name on his tongue proved otherwise.

“Yes, Roman?”

“Are you, uh, doing anything tonight?” He asked, blinking rapidly. You watched as he reached into the inside pocket of his gray overcoat, pulling out a pack of smokes.

“Some schoolwork.” You frowned, watching as he produced a cigarette & placed it between his lips. “Please don’t smoke that.”

Roman paused, looking confused for a second before realizing you were referring to his cigarette.

“The smell.” You made a dissatisfied face, “Your cologne I tolerate. That, I won’t. If you don’t mind.”

Roman removed the cigarette from his mouth, putting it back in its pack, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You mustered a smile, “Anyway. Goodbye, Roman. Thank you, again.”

“Wait, about tonight?” He rushed out, taking a step forward. You paused just before your door.

“I’m studying.” You reminded him, not necessarily needing to hear whatever offer he had in mind next.

“You won’t have to go far.” He raised his hands, gesturing the trees around him.

“What is it?”

He smiled at your polite response, “A party. Here. In the woods. Happens every year. It’s the spring equinox party or whatever they call it. All I know is that it always happens on the full moon.”

You nodded in knowing, “A Worm Moon, yes.”

“A what?” He chuckled but was entirely lost on what you had just sun.

“A Worm Moon. It’s what the full moon in the month of March is called. In spiritual terms, it means growth.”

“Oh, cool.” Roman smirked before moving on, “I was thinking about going, maybe, ya know, I don’t really mingle with the locals.”

“You are a local.” You pointed out.

“You know what I mean.” He dismissed sheepishly, “But I thought it’d be weird going by myself, so…I thought maybe.”

“I’d go with you.” You finished for him. Roman bared his teeth in hope, “What do you think?”

“I think you don’t like being told ‘no’.” You responded coolly but kindly.

“I don’t, yeah.” Roman shook his head but laughed lightly.

“Hmm.” You nodded in thought. He was being…cute. And you hated admitting that, even if it was only to yourself. Roman had a little crush on you, that much had always been obvious, but he was really trying right now. More so, he was trying to be cool about. Not like ‘rich-guy-I’m-so-cool’ cool but a seemingly innocent ‘if-she-says-no-I-just-might-cry-so-I-gotta-be-cool-about-it’ cool. It was endearing.

“Please.” His voice faltered, “Say yes.”

Pursing your lips, you finally nodded once, “Yes, Roman, I will go to the spring equinox with you.”

Much as he did earlier when you accepted his ride, Roman raised both of his fists in victory. But he quickly tried to hide his knee-jerk response by shaking it off, “Great, cool, great.”

“You said that already.” You teased.

“Yeah.” He shrugged but his smile was as wide as it could possibly go, “Okay. Well, guess I’ll see you later then.”

“Okay.” You couldn’t help but smile back. He really was like a golden retriever.

Roman kissed both his hands before blowing waving them towards you, “You won’t regret it.”

You said nothing but waved as he walked away back down the footpath. Once he was out of sight, you sighed heavily, resting your head against the door to your abode. Butterflies flapped their wings wildly within your gut. You squeezed your eyes shut, an undeniable smile ripping across your face.

So, that’s what that felt like.

There was no mirror placed anywhere within the small confines of your caravan. So, you could only guess you were dressed enough for a party in the woods. It wasn’t that you seriously cared about how you looked but you still had that desire to just be normal. It would be enough that people at the party would likely whisper about you when they saw you, the least you could do to ease your worries was to keep it tame tonight. Whatever that meant.

You were about finished with getting ready when you paused in what you were doing. You sniffed the air. Cologne.

Roman.

And just as you thought his name, your caravan shook with the rapt knocking of his arrival.

Releasing a breath of air, you approached your door & swung it open, revealing the tall man on the other side. Even standing on the flat earth outside your caravan & he was still taller than you. It was funny.

“Wow.” He breathed out, his eyes twinkling as he took you in, “You look…”

“Normal?”

Roman’s eyes flashed to yours, “No. Better. You look like a woodland creature.”

You couldn’t help the bewildered giggle you released, “Whatever that means.”

Turning away from him, you looked for your jacket to throw on. After all, it was only March & the night would only get chillier. After slipping into the sleeves of it, you turned back around to find Roman leaning on the frame of your doorway to peer inside.

“It’s a lot bigger in here than it looks.” He observed before meeting your eyes, “Think it’d fit in here, too?”

His mischievous tone caused you to narrow your eyes playfully at him, “We’ll never know.”

Exiting your caravan, Roman backed up to give you space but again found your fingers as you took the single step down from the wooden platform below your door. You shut the door & faced him, slowly pulling your fingers from his.

“I figured we could walk. Since it’s close.” Roman suggested. You nodded in response. A night walk in the woods was one of your favorite past times.

He led the way through the woods & you found comfort in the silence between the two of you. As the two of you walked, enjoying the sound of cicadas trilling, you felt a warm near your pinkie finger. You glanced down, spotting Roman’s hand as his own pinkie intentionally grazed your own.

“If you’re going to hold my hand, Roman, then hold it.”

You watched in the corner of your eyes as he looked down to smile at you. Then you felt his hand hesitantly tangle his fingers with your own. It felt nice. Natural. What made it better was that he was being gentle about it. Roman only continued to surprise you. Though you still had your mild reservations about him, he had yet to truly do anything earn your suspicions. For now, you welcomed the warmth his hand brought to yours.

After about ten minutes or so is when you began to hear the sounds of a party happening. There was music playing & raucous laughter. You felt as Roman’s hand stiffened in your own. You frowned at the action.

“Are you okay?” You questioned, peering up at him.

“Mhmm.” He forced a smile, & it was a closed lipped one which was the biggest give-away that he was lying.

As you two grew closer to the sounds, Roman slowed down. It was a very subtle change in speed but you still noticed it. You stopped to stand in front of him. But he didn’t look at you, his eyes were cast over your head as he stared at the party nearby. You followed his line of sight, noticing how there were quite a lot of people. They were all drinking, running around, just having fun & enjoying their night.

But you understood Roman’s hesitation. He was an outsider, too. Those people, locals, didn’t entirely welcome the anomalies of society. Facing back towards Roman, you gently ran your fingers on the underside of his wrist in comfort. It was something your mother always did for you when you had bad dreams as a child.

“Hey.”

Roman’s wide stare shifted from the party behind you to your face.

“We’ll be okay.” You assured him.

“Yeah, I know.” Roman shrugged, his obvious anxiety suddenly disappearing.

You smiled up at him, “You don’t have to hide it from me.”

“Hide what?” Roman feigned ignorance. But when you kept your stable stare on his wavering one, he finally dropped the mask, “Thanks for coming with me.”

“Of course.” You tugged on his hand, moving him with you towards the party, “Thanks for getting me out of my neck of the woods.”

Roman smiled innocently at that.

Approaching the party, Roman & you entered the clearing side by side. Most everyone was too busy in their own doings that they didn’t notice either of you. You bit your lip, relieved for both your sakes.

Beside you, Roman released a breath of air, also noticing that no one really cared or, if they did, they didn’t make it obvious.

“See?” You bumped your arm into his, “Totally okay.”

Roman & you found a few chests near a couple tables that had a plethora of drinks on ice. He pulled out a can of beer for himself before offering you one. You accepted before giving it a taste. It wasn’t often that you drank, you had no real reason to, but tonight was a special occasion. However, you didn’t miss the bitter taste of it.

Roman noticed the look of disgust you made, trying to hide his amusement. You stared wide-eyed at him, “What?”

“Nothing. I just sometimes forget how pure you are.”

“Pure?” You laughed awkwardly. Strange word choice.

“You know what I mean. You’re not…fucking tarnished by modern day society.”

“Sure, I am.” You disagreed before peering up at him coyly, “I rode in that eyesore you call a car today.”

Roman’s mouth hung open in shock, “You did not just say that about my baby?”

A giggle escaped you at his reaction.

The night continued on quite like that for some time. You & Roman found a couple spots next to a small bonfire, nursing your second & third beers. You watched as the people around you laughed, loved, & lived, happy to just be there to witness it. In the midst of people watching, Roman had at some point placed his hand on your thigh, his fingers long enough to wrap around to the inside of it. It surprised you at first, worried he was going to try to move it close to your private area, but he kept it right where he put it & never moved it. Not even an inch. So, you forgot about it soon enough.

And then, whether it was the alcohol or just your natural desire to be physically affectionate, you rested your head on Roman’s shoulder. You felt as he inhaled deeply at that, & it made you hide your smile behind your can of beer. The moment was comforting, peaceful, & most importantly, real. It wasn’t forced on your part or an attempt to touch you inappropriately on Roman’s part. It was a genuine connection you were forming with him.

But the moment was ruined, disastrously so.

“Look, man.” A voice snickered opposite the fire from where you two sat, “Those two freaks came here together.

It would have been too good to be true really believing you & Roman could attend a normal social event without being pointed out. You felt as Roman stiffened beside you, having heard the jab as well.

You raised your head, finding the two guys who were shamelessly looking at the two of you as they laughed to each other. You sighed but didn’t let it bother you. It was nothing new. Roman, on the other hand, was clearly more effected by it than you were.

“Bet they have some of the freakiest sex you can think of.” The other one sneered.

Oh, boy.

Before you could restrain Roman, he shot upwards, his height assisting him as he stared challengingly at the two guys across from you.

“Roman.” You said his name firmly but he wasn’t listening.

The two noticed his stance & laughed at him more, one of them hollering, “Oh, what are you gonna do, mama’s boy?”

“I can bury you alive if you’d like, you stupid fucks.” Roman spit.

You rose then, your hands gripping one of his wrists to try & calm him down. But the two only spurred him on.

“Yeah? You & that witch there gonna cast a spell on us?” They both feigned fear, “Please, no, don’t. Our mom’s will actually miss us.”

“Roman.” You tried to get in front of him, in his line of sight despite him being much taller than you.

“Fuck you, man.” Roman snarled.

“Nah, thanks, we’re good.” They laughed childishly.

“Can you guys just shut up?” You finally snapped, spinning around to face them. They stared at you wide-eyed, in mild shock & amusement at your reaction.

“She talks!” One slapped the other.

You rolled your eyes, turning back to face Roman, “Ignore them. They’re just being assholes.”

“Hey, Godfrey. If she talks then you probably no what she sounds like in bed, huh? Does she chant before she cums?”

Before you could realize what was happening, Roman knocked you to the side, launching himself over the bonfire, before he latched one of his hands onto the throat of the kid who made the perverse comment.

“Hey, man, let him go!” The other yelled, trying to rip Roman off his friend.

You crawled back onto your feet, racing over to the rapidly growing violent interaction.

Roman had the kid pressed against one of the trees, his thumb digging into the larynx of his throat to keep him from breathing. The kid tried shoving Roman off, but it was clear that he was no match for the gentle giant.

“Roman!” You yelled, but he wasn’t hearing you.

He had his deadly sights set solely on the kid before him, “You owe her an apology.”

The kid struggled in his grasp, desperately opening his mouth to try & get oxygen but he would receive none as long as Roman had him in the death grip.

“We’re sorry! Fucking let go! You’re killing him!”

Everyone at the party at that point was focused entirely on Roman & the immature child on the other end of his end.

“Roman.” You placed your hand on the hand that was holding the kid by the throat.

It was only then that Roman’s eyes finally fell to yours.

“That’s enough.” You told him, shaking your head, “Let him go.”

He frowned at you, his eyes a mixture between rage & hurt.

“Please.”

At your plead, Roman finally softened, his hold on the kid loosening. The kid dropped to his butt, choking as air filled his lungs. You gently pushed Roman away from the area, needing to get him as far away as possible.

“You fucking freaks!” A voice yelled behind the two of you.

You ignored the slowly gathering voices of anger & name-calling as you led Roman back into the safety of the woods. Once you were a far enough distance, you paused to let Roman lean against a tree. He was staring wide-eyed at the ground, as if he was in a trance. You released a breath of air you hadn’t realized you had been holding as you watched him in concern. But it wasn’t of any concern for him.

“I’m sorry.” He finally breathed out, his voice soft, “I’m sorry, _____.”

You stood there with your arms crossed over your chest, staring at indignantly.

When he finally looked at you, & took in your hostile stance, he moved towards you with his hands outstretched, but you took a step back from him, shaking your head, “Don’t touch me.”

He blinked rapidly, a forlorn frown crossing his features, “I said I’m sorry.”

But you only continued shaking your head, “I knew to be wary of you.”

Roman huffed, biting his lip in frustration, “Why? Because I defended you?”

“Defending me would’ve been ignoring them & walking away from it. Not nearly killing him.” You kept your voice firm, never having been someone to yell.

Roman rolled his eyes but continued staring at you solemnly, “They were degrading you. I couldn’t not say anything.”

“There’s so much anger in you.” You commented saddeningly, “I could always see it but I never knew how deeply rooted it was in you. Now, I’ve seen it firsthand.”

He licked his lips, that anger you had seen back there returning to his eyes, “So, what? That’s it? I’m not good enough for you anymore.”

“That’s never what this was about.” You whispered, “The only person you’re not good enough for…is you.”

Roman softened at that, but his eyes watered. Your words were hurting him, that much you knew, but he needed to hear them. You cared about him enough to tell him the truth. You imagined there weren’t a lot of people in his life who were honest with him.

“The fuck does that mean?” He questioned, staring at you with his jaw jutted out as he tried to keep himself from losing it again.

“No one will ever accept you.” You told him, “Not them anyway.” You nodded back towards the party, “But I do, or did. But you want more than that. You want everyone to accept you.”

“What’s so fuckin’ wrong with that?” He spit harshly.

“Nothing.” You admitted, “But how do you expect them to accept you if you don’t accept yourself?”

You could tell that what you were saying was being absorbed by him. And it hurt your heart to see him hurting. But it was the truth. He needed to accept himself.

“I’m going home.” You told him, “Don’t follow me. Don’t hang around outside anymore. I need my space.”

“What?” He asked, his emotions highly charged, “You’re cutting me out?”

“For now.” You frowned at him, “And when I’m ready, if I’m ready, I will come to you.”

You could tell he wanted to say more but you turned your back on him. Tugging your jacket closer around your middle, you found your way in the darkness. You felt saddened that Roman couldn’t walk your path with you, but he needed to learn to walk his own.

It had been a week since you last saw Roman. And, to your surprise, he kept to your rules. You never sensed him around while at school, never smelled his cologne when at home. He was giving your space as you asked for. Part of you missed him, missed his always lingering presence & mischievous remarks, but you were still upset with him. You needed time to gather your own thoughts & feelings before you approached him.

When you did finally decide that you were ready to speak with him it was on a Saturday. You got dressed for the day, wanting to wear something light & airy for your walk through the woods. Roman’s estate was on the other side of the university, which meant a lengthy walk for you. But you were looking forward to it. It only meant that you would have more time alone with your thoughts as you trekked the three miles to his mansion & being in the midst of mother nature always helped keep you calm & in-tune with your feelings.

It was early afternoon when you finally made it to the Godfrey estate. Your boots scrunched as they carried you across the expansive front lawn that felt almost larger than any national part in the country. You peered up at the gothic style mansion as it loomed over you. There were no cars in sight, not even Roman’s. Perhaps he wouldn’t even be home. But you still wanted to try.

Knocking on the front door, you stood there for some time, gathering that no one was home, but just as you were considering leaving, the door opened with a groan, revealing an elder man in a suit.

“Yes?”

“Hi.” You smiled kindly, “Is Roman home?”

The man eyed you curiously, “And who, may I ask, is asking?”

“_____.” You told him, “A friend.”

“I’m afraid Mr. Godfrey is out at the moment. If you would like, you may wait in the den here for him to return, though I can’t tell when exactly that’ll be.”

“Oh. Okay.” It was only the afternoon. You had no obligations to make, & you did just walk three miles. A break would be okay. And if he wasn’t back by the time you thought it appropriate to leave, you would try again tomorrow.

“Thank you, I’d like that very much.”

The man nodded once before opening the door wider. You stepped inside & were reminded about just how simply you lived. You had never lived anywhere that had more than just a couple hundred square feet to it. You couldn’t even imagine living somewhere like this.

“This way, Miss.” He guided you with his arm to a set of double doors off the foyer.

Once opening them, he gestured for you to take a seat on one of the couches, “My name is Conway. If you have any questions, please, don’t be afraid to ask.”

“Thank you, Conway.” You smiled up at him.

“Before I leave, could I interest you in something to drink?”

“Oh, no, I’m okay, thank you.”

Conway nodded once before exiting the room, closing the doors behind him. The room was silent, save for the ticking of a grandfather clock in the corner. You sat still, taking in the room around you. It was beautiful, you had admit, what with the high ceiling & intricately detailed molding along the walls. You stared at the heavy looking desk, imagining Roman sitting behind it as he nursed a glass of scotch. You were unsure if that was anything he actually did, but you could see it.

After a bit longer & with no sign of Roman, you decided to take a closer look. Trailing the length of the room, you eventually found yourself at the desk, overlooking the put-together items atop it. One item stuck out, though. You fingers the frame of the picture, recognizing only one of the faces in the family portrait. Roman was younger in the photo, not much younger than he was now, but still young. He stood behind a regal woman who sat before him, her hair long & dark. She had his same piercing eyes, though hers were dark. And on either side of her were two young girls. One with blonde hair who smiled sweetly, & the other with dark hair who kept her face hidden from the viewer.

You were lost in thought, not knowing Roman had sisters as he never spoke about them, when you heard the front door to the mansion swing open followed by a resounding slam.

“Conway!” It was unmistakably Roman’s voice.

“Mr. Godfrey.” You heard Conway’s softer, more polite one through the wall. “You have a visitor.”

A pause, then “A visitor?”

“Yes, a Miss. _____.”

It was less than a second later when the doors to the den burst open & Roman stood in the doorway, searching the room for you. When his eyes finally landed on yours, his eyes softened.

“Roman.” You greeted. But he said nothing. He closed the doors behind him before quickly moving towards you. You didn’t have time to think or react before Roman had you gathered in his arms, hugging you close to his chest.

You gasped softly at the unexpected bout of affection, but couldn’t be surprised at the same time that that was how he greeted you after respecting your boundaries for a week.

“I missed you.” He breathed softly, his breath brushing the hairs at the top of your head.

Your heart softened at that, leading you to wrap your own arms around him. It was incredible to you how in such a short amount of time, Roman had become someone you cared deeply about. At first he had been amusing to you, if only slightly annoying, but his persistence to become closer to you eventually won you over.

He held on to you for some time, acting as if he was fearful of letting you go, that he would never hold you again, but you ran your hands up & down his back in reassurance. You weren’t going anywhere. Not unless he gave you another reason to.

When he finally pulled away, he stared openly at your face, as if remembering every detail of it to lock & store away in the deepest recesses of his mind.

“I’ve missed you, too.” You revealed. And you had. You weren’t lying. Couldn’t, honestly, even if you wanted to. You were raised to always be transparent.

Your admittance sparked that charming smile he usually adorned to cross his handsome European features.

“Come with me.” He exclaimed like a child excited to open a long-awaited gift.

Unable to resist his childlike enthusiasm, you allowed him to lead you out of the den & through the many halls & rooms of the estate. You had no time to admire or inspect the details of the rooms before he led you to a set of glass doors. You peered up at him wondrously. He grinned down at you before pulling open both doors & gently pushing you inside.

An amazed gasp parted your lips at the sight before you. Roman had brought you the estate’s greenhouse, & it was thriving with life. You stepped forward, running your fingers along the many different textures of plants & flowers, inhaling deeply the earthy, floral scent of the space. It was humid, as well, making you grateful you wore light clothing, but it too made you feel grounded.

You glanced back at Roman, an elated smile on your face. He returned it, his eyes twinkling brightly.

“It’s beautiful.” You commented.

“It is.” But his eyes remained on you. You looked away. Roman Godfrey, the only person in existence who made you look away in embarrassment.

“I’m glad you’re here.” He shared, walking further into the space, “I have something for you. Been wanting to give it to you ever since last week but you wanted your space so.”

“Thank you, Roman.” You caught his eyes, “For doing that. It really meant a lot.”

He nodded once, smiling softly.

Turning away from you he leant over a table, his hands tangling among plants & flowers alike in search of something. You tried to peer around him, curious about what it was he was doing, but his large frame made it nearly impossible. And then he turned around. In his hands, he held the stems of many small, delicate white flowers, smaller than the palm of your hand.

“It’s—”

“Hemlock.” You finished for him, staring at the beautiful, yet deadly, plant with admiration.

“Yeah.” He breathed out, grinning. “I remember you telling me about what the Worm Moon meant & I got to thinking about how all sorts of things could mean lots of things, things normal folk probably don’t even think about.”

He handed you the hemlock & you accepted it gratefully as he continued, “So, I was doing a lot of reading one night, just reading about plants & whatnot & their meanings & I came across hemlock. I was especially curious about it’s meaning, ya know, considering the town we live in, & I learned that it means, actually, a lot of bad things, I guess you’d say. Stuff like poison, gloom, sorrow. But you know what I learned?”

You knew what but you wanted to hear it from him, smiling up at him as he stared gleefully down at you, “Resilience. Potential.”

You felt the butterflies return to your insides, fluttering around madly in there.

“You were right.” Roman began, his hands cupping yours as you held the hemlock, “I don’t accept who I am. And the people of this town don’t either. Likely never will.” He chuckled lightly before continuing, “I’ve been ridiculed by them my whole life & I let it shape who I am. I let it control me rather than control it myself. But I’ve also survived this long. And…I believe I can be better, do better.”

His eyes gazed adoringly into your own, “I have potential, _____. And you helped me see that.”

“I know.” You cupped his cheek lovingly, “I’ve always seen it. It’s always been there.”

You stared at each other for a moment longer before Roman finally leaned in, his lips capturing yours. You sighed into the kiss, feeling your body relax into his touch. So natural. So right.

He kissed you for a moment longer, deepening it by cradling the back of your head. You opened yourself up to him, allowing him to feel you, mind & soul.

Then he parted from you, his forehead resting against your own. You laughed lightly & he joined you. Your sweet, soft laughter filling the space.

“Have dinner with me.” It wasn’t a question. And it didn’t need to be.

Dinner was fulfilling. You were filled with good food & good energy. Roman held your hand atop the table the whole time as you ate & drank a few glasses of wine. The wine was far better than the beer you had a week ago. The night was coming to a close though, & you were sad that you would have to leave soon.

Conway began clearing away your plates as Roman led you from the dining room & into the main corridor. You expected him to lead you to the door, but were surprised when he began leading you up the extravagant staircase.

“Where are we going?” You asked, his hand gently guiding yours.

“One more thing before you leave.” He smirked down at you.

At the top of the landing, Roman led you down another corridor with many doors. You wondered how anyone could need so many rooms & what all they were for exactly. But your curiosity was redirected when Roman brought you to a door near the end of the hallway. He opened it & led you inside.

You stared in mild awe at the size of the bedroom. And that’s all it was. A bedroom. Roman raised his arm in a grand gesture as you took in the floor-to-ceiling windows & the detailing on the ceiling. It was like a museum. Filled with beautiful, crafted pieces of furniture & the finest fabrics around the world.

“What do you think?” Roman asked, smiling in anticipation.

You marveled the room before returning his smile, “Beautiful. Again.”

“I’m glad you think so.” He bit his lip, “Because it’s yours.”

That made you stumble where you stood. You eyed him warily, waiting for him to say he was joking & that it was, in fact, his room. But nothing of the sort ever came.

“What do you mean?”

Roman gestured to the room again, “It’s your room. Now that we’re a couple, you can stay here. I mean, most nights you’ll probably be with me in my bed,” he chuckled at that, “but ya know, for when you want your own space.”

Words evaded you. It was dizzying, everything Roman said. He was moving fast, too fast for your mind to keep up.

“Roman, that’s not…” You frowned, shaking your head.

He approached you then, gripping your hands in his, “What, what is it?”

You gazed up at him forlornly, “I don’t need a room here—”

“Well, that’s okay, you can just stay in my room then, I just thought that you—”

“No, no, Roman, listen to me.” You stopped him, tightening your hold on his fingers, “I won’t be here that often. And we haven’t even discussed being a couple, I’m not even sure what that means exactly. Look, you’re moving fast. Really fast. Too fast for me. We just made up. And I feel I’m still getting to know you. I don’t, I don’t feel it’s necessary to rush.”

“But… I love you.” He stared at you, his voice soft & low.

Those words caused conflicted feelings with you. Love was a strong word. A big word. Not a word to be tossed around so easily. He was getting in over his head, again, & you needed to bring him back down.

“You don’t love me.” You retorted as gently as you could, “You hardly know me.”

“Don’t tell me how I feel.” His voice hardened suddenly, along with his eyes as his expression shifted to the one reminiscent of the night he got into that fight.

“Emotions are high, okay? We don’t have to talk about this right now.”

“Yes, we do!” He raised his voice, “I love you, _____, & you’re… I don’t know what you’re trying to say but all I hear is you not saying it back.”

“Okay…” You responded calmly. You attempted to pull your hands from his but as you did he held them tighter. Your eyes flashed to his, “Roman, let me go.”

“No.” Roman’s lips quivered, his nostrils twitching, “You’re staying.”

He tugged you closer to him. You felt your body stiffen in response, your fight or flight kicking in.

“Roman, stop this, now.” You struggled against his hold but he was much too strong for you.

“Why are you trying to leave? Why are you always trying to get away from me?” His voice shook with that same rage you heard that night.

“I’m not, Roman, stop! You’re starting to hurt me.” You gritted your teeth as you felt the bones in your fingers begin to grind against one another in his death group.

“Hurt you?” He asked blasphemously, “What about me?! You’re hurting me!”

“I’m not meaning to!” You cried out as he crushed your hands against his chest.

“But you are.” His voice softened as he gazed down at you, “No more. No more hurting. I just want to change. And you’re the only one who can help me with that.”

“And I will, but first you have to let me go.”

Roman erupted with a roar as he yanked you forward before you fell to the floor. You managed to catch yourself on your hands but weren’t quick enough to get back on your feet before Roman was on top of you, crushing your front against the hardwood.

“Roman, stop!” You pleaded with him but your words fell on deaf ears.

He then kicked your legs apart, forcing one of them to bend upwards as he made room for himself between your legs.

“I told you!” He yelled, one of his hands on the center of your back, forcing you stay down, “You’re staying!”

“No, Roman!” Panic gripped your heart & yanked when you felt him gather the hem of your dress & bunch it around your waist.

This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening! This was Roman! Soft-hearted, charming, & always making the butterflies in your stomach flutter. But they weren’t fluttering anymore. There were snakes in there now, & they were sinking their teeth in.

You heard the clinking of his belt buckle as he fought to get his pants undone.

Had you really misjudged his character? You knew he was strange, different, much like you, but you viewed those qualities as endearing. But the signs were all there. The following you around school, staking out in the woods at night as you milled about in your caravan, buttering you up with sweet words that anyone would fall for. Even his touches were gentle.

You felt a prodding at your entrance, suddenly regretting your choice to never wear underwear, having found bras & underwear a pointless form of clothing. But even if you had, Roman would have surely torn the fabric to pieces.

Roman wrapped an arm below your chest so he could capture your throat in his hand, stabilizing your struggling movement as he forced himself inside you.

A pained yelp filled the room as he stretched you beyond comprehension. You had never been intimate with anyone before, taking the idea of having sex for the first time as a serious choice. You wanted to wait until you found someone who it felt natural being with, who you could be yourself with. And up until five minutes ago, Roman was looking to be that person.

But not anymore as he took it by force, causing the most horrid cries to erupt from you.

“I never wanted to hurt you.” He grunted in your ear as his thrusts tore you apart, “Never. I only wanted to make you feel how you make me feel.”

Tears cascaded down your cheeks, the burning of his assault spreading throughout your whole body. Never before had you felt more violated. Humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed, yes, but always from strangers who didn’t know any better or were too ignorant to care. But nothing ever like this. Not from someone who you felt genuine, real feelings toward.

And he was ruining everything.

His moans of pleasure were grating to your ears, a mockery of all the feelings & sensations you were forced to endure. His hold on your throat tightened, your air becoming restricted. You cried out but it was hoarse. You remembered the sounds the kid from last week had made as Roman held him against a tree, & wondered if he was as fearful for his life as you were in that moment.

“Ro—” You attempted to say his name but the lack of air only made it come out as a wheeze.

He continued to assault you, using your body as a means to show to prove to you his own twisted devotion. You felt him everywhere. His hands on your throat & hip, his chest flushed to your back, his thighs pressed harshly against your own. There was nowhere he wasn’t touching you, wasn’t hurting you in some way.

And even when it was over, when he grunted satisfyingly as he stilled above you, he was still hurting you. You knew, deep down, that the pain he caused you that day would never leave you.

When he rolled off you finally, having remained there for some time as you both caught your breath, you felt little comfort. Your world had crashed around you & were lying there in the ruins of it. But you needed to get up. You needed to get as far away from Roman as possible.

You winced quietly as you pushed yourself upwards, your arms shaking beneath you as you did. The pain Roman caused shot through you as you bent your legs, forcing a hiss to form between your teeth. The sound made Roman look in your direction.

He quickly moved towards you, his hand outstretched in concern but as he drew closer you slapped him. Hard. His face whipped to side, your handprint leaving a bright red mark on his cheek.

“Don’t touch me.”

It seemed as if, only then, it dawned on him what had just happened. He remained on his knees as he stared through you, his eyes watering & shaking, “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”

His apology meant nothing. Today was the last time you ever looked past his dangerous behavior.

Pushing yourself to your feet, you felt hot liquid ooze down your thighs due to the force of gravity. You didn’t need to look down to know what you would see.

Steeling yourself, you readjusted your dress until it covered your thighs, hiding the evidence of what Roman had done. Swallowing the dinner that threatened to come up, you limped away from Roman.

“_____.” He spoke after you, his voice wavering as he cried silently, “Please don’t leave.”

Ignoring his plea, you exited the room, leaning on the wall for support as you made your way to the stairs. Half-way down the stairs, you heard Roman behind you.

“I’m sorry!” He practically yelled, begging you to stay, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Pausing on the stairs, you turned to face him one last time. You glared hotly at him, fresh tears blurring your vision, “Yes. You did.”

Your claim forced Roman’s own tears to spill down his cheeks.

Turning away from him with finality, you hobbled the rest of the way down. Conway appeared out of nowhere, eyeing you as one normally would until he realized your state.

“Miss?” The concern in his voice almost made you cry again, but you surpassed him, helping yourself to the front door.

“Mr. Godfrey, what happened?” Conway’s voice faded as you left the estate, the door left open behind you.

Gripping your abdomen, you willed yourself to make it all the way. You had to. After all, walking through the trees always brought you peace & that’s what you needed most off, even if your blood seeped from between your thighs & coated the earth.

But as you did, Peter’s parting words rang loud in your ears.

People here are not what they seem.

this is 5/10 requests from my 500 followers celebration request opening!

i am so so so so so so SO happy with this oneshot/request. i fucking LOVE roman & writing for him has been a dream come true. (also, the amount of times i accidentally types rafe instead of roman while writing this was ridiculous so if you spot any sneaky rafe's that i missed, please let me know lmao)

big shout out thank you to the anon who requested. anon, i hope you loved it as much as i did writing it, PLEASE be sure to let me know what you think.

as always, please drop a comment, reblog w reviews, or talk to me in the ask box so i can read your thoughts/feelings. they are my drug.

thank you for reading!

oona<3

Read this post on why doing more than liking a tumblr writers work is essential to our content creation.

[my love language is words of affirmation, it would make my day if you could comment your thoughts, reblog with tags, or drop an ask that shows your support. thank you for reading tumblr writers, we appreciate you]

taglist:

to be added to a taglist read rule 11 here. requests will be dismissed otherwise.

#roman godfrey #roman godfrey x reader #dark!roman godfrey x reader #roman godfrey fanfiction #dark!roman godfrey #hemlock grove #hemlock grove fanfiction #dark!hemlock grove #dark!fic #dark!fanfiction #non con fic #conium maculatum

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themaresse · 1 month

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Stylish Boho Bags for Women | Party Clutch Bags | Bohemian Bag by Themaresse

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#boho bags for women #party clutch bags #bohemian bag

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bifrostbridge-embroidery · 2 years

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desifemininewoman · 3 months

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College fits: the desi version

Kurtis

Starting of with the very basic indo-western outfit: Kurtis. Now, you can wear knee length or short-length kurtis, whatever your prefer.

First of all, please, for the love of god, don't go for those cheap chikankari kurtis or those 'kashmiri embroidered' kurtis. It's disrespecting to the real chikankari and kashmiri embroidered work and secondly, its tacky atp.

Go for normal, printed or plain kurtis. I would say thin straps, or cut-sleeves kurtis cause they feel more girlish and more appropriate for college. If you are insecure about your arms then you can go quarter length and full length too. You can buy good and cheap ones from zudio or myntra.

You can pair your kurtis with shorts, jeans or skirts. Your jeans could be linen, wide -legged, cargos, etc. Avoid skinny jeans or ripped jeans.

Personally, I love to wear short kurtis with baggy cargos. I wear boots cause I love that edgy aesthetic. It's OP for me. I live for that fit.

Skirts

Now, if you want to wear those long flowy skirts, you can just pair them with any normal top of your choice. Additonally, you can wear a duppatta as a scarf and go for the whole Ananya from 2 states look.

You can also wear those really big shararas that almost look like skirts. But daily wear dividers/ shararas are a bit hard to find. You would have to get them stitched only.

Nowadays, a lot of of other sort of traditional skirts are also coming. Wrap around skirts, pencil skirts, short skirts, etc. You can find them easily online. Again, pair them with your normal tops.

If you don't like those traditional skirts/ ghagras you can also opt for those trending maxi skirts. Pair them with jhumkas, duppatta and a boho tote bag and you are good to go!

Shirts

Okayyy so printed shirts are my favorite.

You can just wear the shirts with the bottom of your choice. Even with skirts. You saw Katrina Kaif in Fitoor. Take inspiration.

If skirts aren't your thing,I would personally suggest linen pants. Looks amazing.

The other option is ofcourse wearing your shirts as shrugs over your outfits. Avoid buying those full length shrugs and wearing them over jeans and top. It doesn't look elegant.

Random

Pathani kurtas on women>> Yes, I mean those short linen material kurtas that men wear. Feels androgynous and I love them alot.

If you have some pretty duppattas and scarfs, you can wear them as tops.

You can also wear those patiala pants like geet from jab we met. They are really comfortable and I feel not as normalized in your indo-western style too. So you can have your own unique style by experimenting with them. You can buy the plain color patiala pants and pair it with cute fitted strappy tops. Complete the look with punjabi jootis.

You can also just wear duppattas over your normal western outfits too. Maybe or maybe not add jhumkas according to the outfit. Add a totebag and voila! the simplest indo-western outfit out there.

Vests! I live for vests. Vests add color to my outfit in the simplest way possible. it's chic, it's elegant and ots perfect for when you have interviews or jury if you wear them the right way.

There are endless possibilites with the indo-western look. It's all upto you- how much you want to experiment. Some of my friends in Nift even wear sarees in indo-western look and go to college wearing that. So, ultimately it's all upto you.

Accessories

I feel like accessories totally determine your look. If you want it to be more party wear types or minimalist- it all depends on the accessories. They totally carry your look.

For the normal days, you can add on chudiyas. Can go for siilver ones, but if you want it to be a bit more dressy, you can buy matching chudiyas.

Accessories matching your outfit>>>> Even if you are wearing silver jwellery, try to match the rest of the things with your outfit. Rubberbands, hair clip, bangles, your shoes, your bag, etc.

Wear jootis when you go indo-western.

I feel like the key for accessories is to not overdo it. Keep it simple. The best part about our desi style is we have a lot of ways to dress up- bindis to payals. For your college fits, you can just go for bindis matching your outfit or the black one, jhumkas and bangles. finish it with a totebag.

When your shoes are visible with an outfit, you can do this. I like to wear boots alot. So, whenever I wear dresses and my boots are visible, I wear payals over them. It looks really cool. 10/10

if you are really into the aesthetic and want to play around, you can also try wearing scarfs as hairbands, silver necklaces as headbands, use earrings as hair ties.

To feel like a desi coquette, you can wear those bowtie hair clips matching the color of your kurta

pictures from pinterest

#desi #desiblr #desi tumblr #desi girl #desi feminine #desi femininity #desi academia #desi tag #level up #feminine #desi teen #desi culture #desi things #desi woman #desifemininewoman

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rebelwhump · 6 months

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Bathtub

In this fic, you are introduced to another OC - my girl Alice "Al” (Jasmine’s roommate)

CW: emeto, burping _

“Jazz, what the fuck is that?” Alice asked, her finger pointed over at Jasmine’s painting that was propped up on an easel in the living room. It was a depiction of a naked man wearing a cowboy hat while riding a large hog and swinging a lasso around in the air.

“This is the commission piece I told you about,” Jasmine said matter of factly.

“Yeah, well, you left out the most interesting part,” she laughed. “Is the, uh, naked man the one who requested the painting?”

“Oh, yeah. I think so. Sent me a photo of his face and told me to give him a large muscular physique, and an even larger…ahem,” Jasmine giggled as her eyes trailed down the canvas. The two broke out into a loud fit of laughter.

“Man, people are freaks,” Alice stated, shaking her head. She walked over to the kitchen and untied the bag of white bread on the counter, tossing a couple pieces in the toaster.

“Well, this freak is about to make me over two hundred bucks richer, so I say, let their freak flag fly,” Jasmine smiled, adding some more flesh tones to the hogs body. Alice wandered around their small kitchenette, collecting an overripe banana and a jar of Jif peanut butter. She tapped her foot while waiting for the toast to pop up before slathering a generous amount of peanut butter and mashed banana on top.

“Take a break from naked guy and help me go through some Tinder picks,” Alice called out, as she plopped herself down on the gray futon and crossed her legs

“It’s not like you need my help. You always swipe left on the ones I like anyways,” Jasmine replied.

“Exactly! If you like them, I know they’re not for me,” Alice snorted and took a bite of her toast. She could hear her friend sigh and set down her paint brush. “You pick women you think I’ll have some sort of meaningful connection with, but this is Tinder. It’s meant for hook-ups, not long lasting relationships,”

“But doesn’t that get old? I mean, don’t you want a relationship?” Jasmine asked as she curled up next to Alice, readjusting her orange boho skirt.

“Do you even know me, Jazz?” She said incredulously, a smirk hidden behind her full cherry lips.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot who I was talking to. The queen of sluts,” Jasmine teased.

“And proud of it, baby,” Alice grinned before taking another bite of toast.

“Ya know, most people don’t make their sexuality into a personality trait,” she joked, tucking a loose strand of black hair behind her ear.

“I’m not most people,” Alice said with a mouthful of peanut butter. She smacked her lips as she swiped through photos of young women in the area also looking to date. “What about her?” She pointed to a brunette named Lexi, who was also twenty-one. Slightly chubby cheeks were adorned with light freckles, but what stood out the most were her breasts. She was wearing a low cut v-neck dress with an obvious push-up bra, and was nibbling on the nail of her forefinger that clung to the side of her lip like a fish hook.

“She’s definitely your type,” Jasmine said while uncrossing her legs to stand up and walk back over to her easel. Alice had a thing for femme girls with big boobs.

“Ugh. Says she’s looking for her soulmate,” Alice scoffed, swiping her finger left on the screen. Jasmine rolled her eyes and returned to her painting when a sudden cramp had her bending over. She pressed a hand against her normally flat stomach and found it slightly bloated. In her head, she tried to figure out how many more days it was until she was supposed to get her period. If this was her period, it was a week early, but she tried not to think too much of it as the cramp eventually passed.

***

“I think I’m gonna order Chinese for dinner. You want something?” Alice asked. There was a little Chinese family restaurant right outside campus that they frequented, so much so, that the owner knew them by name.

“Uh, no. I’m not that hungry,” Jasmine replied. Her stomach had felt off all evening, and that in and of itself was enough to cause her anxiety to skyrocket. She would get the occasional cramp and found herself stifling acrid burps, attempting to hide her discomfort from Alice.

“I’ll order you some dumplings, just in case you change your mind,” Alice said with a smile. It was a sweet gesture. She knew how much Jasmine loved dumplings. But right now, her stomach churched just at the thought of putting anything in her mouth. A flood of salty and bitter saliva coated her tongue and she felt another burp rise in her chest. Covering her mouth with her fist, she swallowed the burp back down. It made a squelching noise in her tummy, loud enough for Alice to hear. But if she did, she didn’t react.

“I’m gonna go study,” Alice announced before making a beeline to her bedroom and closing the door. All that gas she kept swallowing down was really hurting her belly and she needed to get it out. She laid down on her purple bedspread and slipped a hand under her t-shirt, rubbing wide circles along her bloated flesh. A gurgle rumbled up her chest but died in her throat and she sighed. Feeling overly warm, she removed her flowy skirt and threw her hair up in a loose bun.

Looking at her phone, she realized it had been almost two days since she’d talked to Brett. The morning after her boyfriend got sick at the restaurant, she messaged him to apologize for not staying over at his place that night. She wanted to be there to comfort him, like any good girlfriend should, but her intense fear of being around someone throwing up wouldn’t let her. Since that night, she had been trying to keep herself busy, distract herself from the events of that evening, and also the fact that Brett hadn’t responded to any of her texts. It had been eating at her, not knowing what he was thinking. What if he was ghosting her because he wanted to break up? Not that she would blame him. They had only been going out for a few months. It would be an ideal time to bolt, before things got too serious.

A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and she quickly wiped it away. She had already spent the morning crying into her pillow, and didn’t have the energy to go another round. Her tummy let out an unhappy whine and she curled up on her side, bringing her knees up to her chest. All she wanted was Brett to be there to rub her back until she fell asleep. Maybe this is how he felt Friday night when she abandoned him? But she didn’t abandon him, she reminded herself. His brother was there. He was fine.

***

The sound of the front door slamming jolted her out of a light sleep. She must have dozed off. Jasmine heard Alice’s combat boots clomping on the kitchen tiles and the sound of plastic bags rustling. For a moment, Jasmine forgot what she was doing before she fell asleep, but a wet hiccup brought her attention back to her stomach. It felt sour and overly full, even though she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. Deciding that a hot bath may help her relax, both physically and mentally, she slipped her skirt back on and grabbed a change of clothes.

Alice was already stuffing her face by the time she walked out of her bedroom. There were several Chinese takeout containers on their tiny dining room table, including two pork filled dumplings. Jasmine repressed a sudden gag at the thought of eating them, holding her breath to escape the nauseating smell as she walked past her roommate on her way to the bathroom.

“You okay, Jazz?” Alice asked, a noodle hanging from her lip. Refusing to admit that she didn’t feel well, Jasmine tried to play it off.

“Yeah, just tired,” she lied. “Figured a hot bath would help me decompress and get ready for the week.” Alice eyed her suspiciously.

“Alright. Well, I’ve got your dumplings here. Did you want me to leave them out for you or put them in the fridge?” She asked.

“Fridge,” Jasmine quickly spat out. Her tummy let out another grumble, and she bolted away to the bathroom. By this point, she had started to panic even more. The whirling in her gut pushed her over the edge from queasy to full blown nauseous. Looking in the mirror, it was obvious that she was sick. No wonder Alice had asked if she was okay. Her skin was a shade lighter than usual, and the yellow undertones had been replaced with a tinge of green. Sweat beads peppered her temples and forehead, and her lips were pale and dry.

The urge to cry was strong, but Jasmine knew if she gave in, it would be an admittance that she wasn’t okay, and eventually spiral into a panic attack. Throwing her change of clothes over the towel rack, she stripped herself of her slightly damp clothes and turned on the tap. While waiting for it to fill up, Jasmine collapsed on the closed toilet seat and bent over with her head in her hands. The room had started to tilt and spin around her, like she was on some tortuous carnival ride.

Jasmine looked up in time to see that the bathtub had almost overflowed. As she scrambled to turn off the water, she tripped on the bathmat and banged her knee against the tub. Biting back a yelp, she collapsed on the bathroom tile and sat there for a few minutes, taking deep breaths to try and steady herself. Eventually, she felt stable enough to climb in, sighing as the warm water washed over her sore limbs. She tried to ignore the continued sloshing in her belly, moving in turn with the bath water.

A sudden wet burp had her scrambling to cover her mouth with her hand. A second burp came shortly after, then another, and another. They were quick and fairly soft, but definitely sick sounding. Jasmine’s cheeks flushed red. She really hoped Alice couldn’t hear her uncontrollable burps through the door. At the same time, she wished her friend was there to help calm her down and reassure her that everything would be fine. She really didn’t want to be alone, but she also didn’t want to ask for help.

A tight belch constricted her throat and brought up a bit of stomach acid. She started to cough over the soapy water as tears trickled down her cheeks. At this point, Jasmine started to think that maybe she should get out of the tub and go kneel in front of the toilet. It was too little too late though, as her tummy spasmed and its contents were forcefully expelled in a violent heave.

Jasmine barely heard Alice’s knocks on the door as she gagged over the soiled bath water. There were chunks of vomit everywhere from her projectile explosion.

“Jazz, what’s…oh shit!” Alice exclaimed, throwing the door open and stepping inside. “Are you okay? What the fuck happened?”

Alice couldn’t answer, too distraught and embarrassed about what had just transpired. Her face was wet with tears as she stopped gagging and started to sob.

“Hey, you’re alright. I’m gonna help you, okay?” Alice knelt down next to the tub, careful to avoid the puddle of sick that had sloshed over the edge.

Jasmine brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. “I…w-want my…want b-brett,” she spluttered.

To be continued…

#sickfic #emeto #emetophilia #burping #vomiting #nausea #upset tummy #bloated #my writing #jasmine sato #emetophobia

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पहला पीरियड का अनुभव और My Tiara period box वेबसाइट की मदद

यह एक साधारण स्कूल का दिन था, जैसे बाकी दिन होते हैं। मैंने सुबह उठकर स्कूल की तैयारी की और जल्दी से बस पकड़ी। लेकिन उस दिन कुछ अलग महसूस हो रहा था, हालाँकि मैं समझ नहीं पा रही थी कि क्या है। स्कूल के पहले कुछ पीरियड्स में मैंने पेट के निचले हिस्से में हल्का सा दर्द महसूस किया, जैसे कोई ऐंठन हो रही हो। मैंने सोचा कि शायद यह परीक्षा की घबराहट की वजह से है, जो कि उस दिन होने वाली थी।

लंच के दौरान, मैं बाथरूम गई, और तब मैंने देखा—मेरे अंडरवियर पर खून का एक छोटा सा धब्बा था। मेरा दिल तेज़ी से धड़कने लगा। मैंने इस पल का इंतजार किया था, क्योंकि मैंने स्वास्थ्य क्लास और मम्मी से इसके बारे में सुना था, लेकिन फिर भी, मैं थोड़ी सी घबराई हुई थी। मुझे समझ में नहीं आ रहा था कि अब क्या करना है।

मुझे मम्मी की बातें याद आईं, उन्होंने मुझे पीरियड्स के बारे में बताया था और कहा था कि यह बड़े होने का एक स्वाभाविक हिस्सा है, लेकिन उस पल में, मैं बहुत उलझन में थी। मेरे पास पैड नहीं था, और मुझे अपनी किसी दोस्त से पूछने में शर्म आ रही थी। मैंने जल्दी से खुद को साफ किया और खुद को शांत करने की कोशिश की।

सौभाग्य से, मेरे पास मेरा फोन था। मैंने मम्मी को मैसेज किया और उन्हें बताया कि क्या हुआ है। उन्होंने तुरंत जवाब दिया और मुझे सांत्वना दी। उन्होंने मुझे स्कूल की नर्स के पास जाने के लिए कहा और कहा कि अगर मुझे कुछ भी चाहिए तो वे वहीं होंगी। उनकी हिम्मत देने वाली बातों से मुझे थोड़ी हिम्मत मिली और मैं नर्स के ऑफिस चली गई।

नर्स बहुत ही समझदार और दयालु थीं। उन्होंने मुझे एक पैड दिया, उसका उपयोग कैसे करना है समझाया, और यहां तक कि कुछ अतिरिक्त पैड्स भी दिए ताकि मैं बाद में उपयोग कर सकूं। उन्होंने मुझे याद दिलाया कि यह हर लड़की के साथ होता है और इसमें शर्मिंदा होने की कोई बात नहीं है। उनसे बात करके मुझे थोड़ी और आत्मविश्वास महसूस हुई।

बाकी दिन थोड़ा अजीब सा गुजरा। मुझे अपने अंडरवियर में पैड का एहसास हर वक्त हो रहा था, और मैं चिंतित थी कि कोई इसे देख न ले, लेकिन जाहिर है, किसी ने नहीं देखा। ऐंठन जारी रही, लेकिन यह सहनीय थी। मैंने अपनी क्लासेस पर ध्यान केंद्रित करने की कोशिश की, लेकिन मेरा मन बार-बार उसी घ��ना पर लौट आता।

जब मैं घर पहुंची, तो मम्मी मुझे एक गर्म मुस्कान के साथ इंतजार कर रही थीं। उन्होंने मुझे गले लगाया और कहा कि उन्हें मुझ पर गर्व है कि मैंने इसे कैसे संभाला। हमने इस बारे में और बात की कि आने वाले महीनों में क्या उम्मीद की जा सकती है—कैसे अपने चक्र को ट्रैक करना है, अलग-अलग प्रकार के पीरियड प्रोडक्ट्स, और इस दौरान खुद की देखभाल कैसे करनी है।

उस रात, मैं बिस्तर पर एक मिश्रित भावना के साथ सोई—इस बात की राहत कि दिन खत्म हो गया, इस बात पर गर्व कि मैंने इस नई चुनौती का सामना किया, और आने वाले दिनों के बारे में थोड़ी घबराहट भी थी। लेकिन साथ ही, मुझे एक नए प्रकार की परिपक्वता महसूस हुई, यह जानते हुए कि मैंने जीवन के एक नए चरण में कदम रखा है।

और हाँ, मैंने My Tiara वेबसाइट से "The First Period Care Box" ऑर्डर किया था, जो मेरे लिए बहुत ही मददगार साबित हुआ। उसमें मौजूद सभी चीज़ें बहुत काम की थीं और इस महत्वपूर्ण समय में मेरी काफी सहायता की।

My Tiara वेबसाइट की सहायता और इसकी खासियत

My Tiara वेबसाइट पर उपलब्ध "The First Period Care Box" में सभी जरूरी चीज़ें शामिल थीं। इसमें पैड्स, इमरजेंसी पाउच, एक छोटी सी गाइड बुक, और यहाँ तक कि कुछ आरामदायक चीज़ें भी थीं जो पहली बार पीरियड का अनुभव करने में मदद करती हैं। इस बॉक्स ने मुझे बहुत आत्मविश्वास दिया, क्योंकि मैं पहले से तैयार थी।

वेबसाइट का डिज़ाइन बहुत ही यूज़र-फ्रेंडली है, और वहाँ पर कई तरह के प्रोडक्ट्स उपलब्ध हैं जो किशोरियों और महिलाओं की जरूरतों के अनुसार तैयार किए गए हैं। सबसे अच्छी बात यह है कि वेबसाइट पर हर प्रोडक्ट के बारे में पूरी जानकारी दी गई है—कब और कैसे इस्तेमाल करना है, और क्या-क्या लाभ हैं।

My Tiara का ब्लॉग सेक्शन भी बहुत मददगार है। वहाँ मैंने पीरियड्स से जुड़े कई आर्टिकल्स पढ़े, जिनसे मुझे अपने शरीर में होने वाले बदलावों के बारे में समझने में काफी मदद मिली। ब्लॉग में न केवल शारीरिक स्वास्थ्य से जुड़े टिप्स दिए गए हैं, बल्कि मानसिक और भावनात्मक स्वास्थ्य पर भी ध्यान दिया गया है।

जब मैंने अपनी माँ को बताया कि मैंने My Tiara से यह बॉक्स ऑर्डर किया है, तो वह भी बहुत खुश हुईं, क्योंकि उन्होंने देखा कि यह बॉक्स सचमुच कितनी अच्छी तरह से मेरी मदद कर रहा है। अब, मेरे पास वे सारी चीज़ें थीं जिनकी मुझे जरूरत थी, और मुझे किसी भी चीज़ की चिंता नहीं करनी पड़ी। यह बॉक्स हर लड़की के लिए एक अनिवार्य साथी बन गया है जो पहली बार पीरियड्स का सामना कर रही है।

My Tiara वेबसाइट ने मेरे पहले पीरियड के अनुभव को बहुत सहज और सकारात्मक बना दिया। मुझे खुशी है कि मैंने इस वेबसाइट से "The First Period Care Box" ऑर्डर किया, और अब मैं इसे अपनी दोस्तों को भी सुझाती हूँ। My Tiara ने मुझे न केवल एक प्रोडक्ट दिया, बल्कि आत्मविश्वास और जानकारी भी दी, जो इस नए जीवन के चरण को संभालने में बहुत मददगार साबित हुआ।

आप क्या सवाल पूछना चाहते हैं? कृपया बताएं, मैं आपकी मदद करने के लिए यहाँ हूँ।

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