#bodies are awful and we're just coping through them

[bahoreal]

honestly idk how everyone doesnt dance. dancing feels so natural to me its just a natural expression of joy and connection i think you should all dance !!!

[dubina-dawkins]

PHONE-CALL

Sam Winchester x Reader

5,4k words

>Sam is feeling pretty bad. So, he's calling you, because he needs comfort, and seeks it in the sound of your voice through his Nokia's lousy speakers.

WARNING: hurt/comfort, angsty, beginning of season 3, mentions of canon deaths, oh god give sam some comfort, no usage of y/n, friendzone, gender neutral reader

It was getting harder and harder. Sam was having a hard time coping, to be honest. coping. With everything around him. Too much had happened in the last few years. Jessica had died; he still blamed himself for it. His father died, so many people died on hunts, all because of him. He was also the reason the gates of Hell had opened... Even Dean had sacrificed himself for him, selling his soul in exchange for Sam's life.

He felt too much guilt about it all, about everything.

And he needed... someone, to be honest. He was sitting on a decrepit motel bed, staring at the ceiling. Dean wasn't here, he was-- Basically enjoying the rest of his sold-out life. After a successful case, he decided not to care too much about the amount of drinking, eating, and women in bed. But so far, there were no women in the motel that night... And that was the moment he remembered about you.

You were...either a partner or an apprentice to one of Dean's exes, who was also a hunter. Only two years younger than Sam, and yet so adept at putting silver daggers into vampire necks-hell, you were as skilled a hunter as he was, as Dean was, and as your...partner? Mentor? It didn't matter now, it didn't matter at all.

All that mattered was how he opened up to you. Maybe for the first time since Jess died. No kissing, no nights in the same bed, not even in the same room. Just quiet embraces, with your fingers scratching his soft curls, running through them, tugging them back in a gentle manner. And his big hands pressed against your thighs, not intimate enough to ruin your exceptionally friendly relationship, but strong enough to express the way his thoughts went to bad places-not in a dirty way, but rather...in a sad way. When his thoughts became too self-indulgent, Sam needed your company, the feel of your body close by so he could draw lazy and uneven patterns with his fingers. God, he was a professional artist, if that's what we're talking about.

And now Sam felt impossibly anxious. Bad thoughts appeared in his wounded brain at an incredibly vivid rate. And you weren't around, not for a long time. You'd been keeping Jo company for some time now, leaving your mentor (partner??) to become the one to teach Jo more than what she already knew and could do. And as luck would have it, now that there was danger everywhere, demons...you were very, very far away from him.

His long fingers frantically pick up the phone from the nightstand, quickly scrolling down to find the contact with your name on it. He presses the contact, and for a couple seconds Sam just...stares at the screen. Maybe he shouldn't have called you. He didn't want to bother, didn't want anyone else to worry about him, but ... His fingers were functioning faster than the neurons in his brain.

"Hey...? Hey, hi, it's...it's Sam," he says quietly, almost fearfully, when the agonizing beeps end and you finally pick up the phone. But your voice is much more positive than his, louder, you're clearly glad to finally hear him!

"You didn't have to introduce yourself, handsome, do you really think I didn't put your number in my contacts?" Your voice is as teasing as ever, his favorite trait about you, one of his thousand favorites. And besides that tease-the chuckle after the answer, God, the feeling from that sound alone was bohemian. Sam felt the blood rush to his cheeks, and yet he continued. "Huh, just...just to make sure. I, uh...don't think, just wanted to hear from you, just-"

"Sam, don't languish. Spit it out, I can hear you're feeling awful" You grin, but your voice isn't so teasing anymore. Your tone is more gentle, more serious. Sam even thought-just thought-there were even such cooing, loving notes in your voice that his head was starting to spin from the fuzziness.

Sam stutters, his fingers trying to find some physical substitute for you, but the starched sheets are too rough against your skin. He speaks slowly, anxiously. That Sam was disturbed by the deaths around him, you knew perfectly well, and you knew that the hunters didn't really see Sam as someone they could trust - and that was another reason for his anxiety, that he could feel the stares in the crowd and expect that now he'd be tied to a chair again, and he and Dean would have no more guaranteed luck to get out. And yet, you listened, now and then, in the pauses of his story, whispering stupidly pleasant things into the tube. "Everything will be fine"; "everything will work out"; "I'll be there for you, if not physically, then mentally, that's for sure." The only thing missing from that boring line of reassurances (which, in those gentle whispers, still made Sam feel a little better) was the famous three words. But Sam stopped himself - you were friends. Friends, friends... Just friends.

"You're so good to me," his tone is soft, just above a whisper.

"Always welcome, love," and your playful use of the nickname squeezes the last of his strength out of him to keep from admitting his shameful feelings.

"You know, I...I think I might-" Sam's words are abruptly cut short as the key turns in the motel door with a loud click. The creak of the door swinging open,a woman's drunken laughter and the smug flirtation of that gravelly voice. Sam clearly should have taken a walk while Dean...did his investigating.

"You might what?"

"Later. See you later." Sam quickly drops the call with you, getting out of bed and tentatively walking past his brother, who barely noticed him. But before he walks out, he hesitantly squeezes the phone in his hands, squints and tosses it on the bed. To hell with it.

A/N: first oneshot there yay. love sammy wanna give him all the hugs indaworld

[auraisereigh]

"The general's son"

Chapter Four

Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader Blurb: Brennan and Star have spend some time together. All the while Star tries to cope with her losses. wc: 4.6k ☆ SPOILERS FOR THE EMPYREAN SERIES. Grief and loss, All the emotional hearbreaking stuff. Let me know if i missed something. Uses pronouns: she/her. i use Star as a nickname as y/n sounds weird, and i'm awful with names.Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader

Star's masterlist main masterlist

The Healers that stayed here during the burning of Aretia found Brennan to be completely fine despite the arrow that was shot in his chest and the coming back from the dead.

He looked fine, alive. Physically he was fine too. Walking the same pace as me as I lead him to the room he's staying at. Floor three, left side, first door. It's spacious, hell every room in this Castle is spacious. It holds a two person bed with soft sheets and pillows, a desk with various supplies like pens and paper. A wardrobe and the beautiful sight from the window. Which looks out over the mountain part, not the city part that's been burned.

"I'll see if I can find you some clothes later." I say, my voice is still rough from all the crying.

My father is dead. Executed.

My eyes are most likely blood shot red. And by the way he looks at me he knows something is wrong.

"Kitchen is on the first floor, so is the library. The door there," I explain pointing at a door in the corner next to the bed. "Is a small bathroom. I'll bring soap and all of that later. You can come if you wanna choose the scents."

He looks overwhelmed. Extremely overwhelmed. "We can pick soaps tomorrow too if that's better." I propose, my voice is much quieter now. His hand traces over a notebook on the desk. "I'll leave you alone for a moment. If you need me I'm on the second floor, right side door two." I finished before walking out and heading towards my room.

☆

After about two hours of going through my dad's stuff in his office I hear a sharp knock not far from here. My dad's office is a large room but it's right next to mine and as I left the door of the office open the knock on my door is clear.

I walk out the door and almost immediately spot Brennan at my door. "Hey... sorry I was in my dad's office.... Cleaning up.' I say hoping it comes out more confident. It dawns on me that I really don't know him at all. He turns to me, a small smile on his face. "It's fine." He assures me. He looks like someone who has a caring nature. "I was just wondering if you could show me the soaps?" His question mirrors how awkward I feel.

"Sure... Follow me." I end up saying at last.

My aunt loved all different kinds of soaps, scents, colors, all of it she loved it. There was a market in Aretia where she bought all of the soaps, all handmade.

I make my way down to one of the many basements in this Castle, this basement specifically was only for family, all the extra stock was put here.

"Bottom shelf is hand soaps, second is body wash and the top are all kinds of extra you can find." My voice doesn't even sound like it belongs to me, that's how scratchy it sounds. "Pick whatever scents you like." I say walking to the basement stairs and sitting on them watching as he carefully picks the scents and looks through it all.

The headache that started hours ago is still there, still a reminder that my dad is truly gone.

After a while he walks back to me, soaps and all in his hands. They're all autumn scents. "You like autumn scents?" I ask, my voice still slightly scratchy. He shrugs. "They're comforting scents." He responds with his soft voice. We're In the middle of summer and he chooses autumn scents? "I've got candles in those scents too if you wanna." I say sarcastic but it doesn't come over like that. It's true though, autumn scents can be very comforting but not in summer, not with what just happened. I'm not even sure I can find comfort anymore. Even my dad's office felt cold.

He gives me a small smile, a dimple showing, only one, not one on each side. "Naolin like autumn scents too." My voice comes out more cold than I intended to. His smile falls and guilt seeps into me. It's not his fault naolin sacrificed himself for Brennan. "I'm sorry." It's almost a whisper. "Don't be." He starts putting the soaps on a nearby, empty shelf. He sits next to me on the stairs. "I know he meant a lot to you. Gods, sometimes he wouldn't stop talking about you. How funny you were, how smart, how thoughtful and reasonable." He chuckles a little at the list he's going off. "And something tells me that something else happened while I was in the infirmary. You don't have to tell me but the red, puffy eyes, the scratchy throat, the adorable little sniffs, They pretty much sell you." I knew it was obvious on my face but I didn't need the actual descriptions.

He looks at me with soft, amber eyes and I can barely hold my tears in as I sniff a little harder. He doesn't hesitate, he wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him, holding me close as his chin rests on my head, whispering soothing words about how it's all gonna be okay.

"My father has been executed." I say, almost not being able to say it through the lump in my throat. His arms tighten. "You're his daughter aren't you? Fen Riorson's daughter?" It's not an accusation, it's curiosity. I nod against him as tears stream down my face.

"and I don't know anything about my brother. Whether he's okay and taken care of or if he's..." I trail off as my breathing becomes more panicked.

"It's okay." He soothes comforting. "It's okay to cry." He holds me against him, my body collapsing in his embrace. It's the second time I've cried today. I've never felt so devastated.

After a while he lets go but his hand stays in my hair. I sniffle softly. He looks at me with a soft expression, a small comforting smile on his face. "Let's get out of here, shall we?" He asks softly, like I might break.

He takes a hold of my hand and with the other he collects his stuff. Slowly but steady we walk up the staircase and then up the marble staircase that leads up the floors. On the walk there I'm reminded of how empty this fortress is, how quiet. We stop by my room. I slowly open the door, everything is happening slowly.

The room is still untouched from the last time I came here. He leads me inside, his hand on my back. "Why don't you get some sleep? See if that helps." He proposes. I can't deny that sleeping does sound good. Like a deep winter sleep, that would be nice. I sit on my bed, the soft sheets feel nice. Especially compared to the ground I've slept on for two weeks.

"I'll be fine now. Thank you." I say. He stands before me, looking at me then giving me a small smile. "Let me know if you need anything okay?" He responds, sounding almost reluctant to leave.

"I will. Thank you." I give him a small smile. He turns and leaves, softly closing the door behind him.

I lost track of time, it's practically night now. It's dark outside with a few stars shining through.

One of them is my dad. One my aunt. One is Garrick's father. One is Naolin.

I count them until I fall asleep. It's dreamless. Pitful. But it's sleep. I just keep thinking about my father. The ones I've lost and how quickly.

☆

Over the following few days I spend most of my time with Brennan. Giving him a tour of Riorson house. What's left standing of Aretia.

He helps me a great deal with the hollow ache in my heart. Comforts me when I cry, cheers me up when I calm down. Distracts me with his charm. And I can't help but gravitate towards him, he's so caring.

Felix proposed an idea of making an assembly, to decide what we do next. And as we've been able to calm down from everything it seems now would be an okay time to see what were gonna do in regards of Aretia. Most people in the caves either stay here, in Riorson house or in the houses that didn't burn.

One morning while I'm still waking up with some tea in the mess hall Felix walks up to me, a scroll in his hand. I groan, not wanting to hear it so early. I didn't sleep well and the last thing I want is to go over more people who could fit in the assembly. "Go away." I mutter once he's seated beside me. "Good morning grumpy." He teases. "But no, you're gonna want to see this." He hands me the scroll. I recognize it as a dead roll.

The wax seal has already been broken. "I don't wish to see my family on a piece of paper that confirms their deaths." I say, my hand trembling around the rolled up paper. "No, those are the Calldyr executions. This is Basgiath. Open it." He urges me.

I unroll it and hold it open. My eyes going over the names, going over Naolin. And ending on Brennan.

Brennan Sorrengail.

He's the general's son.

The one who interrogated and tortured my father.

The one who executed my loved ones.

As if on cue, Brennan takes his place opposite me with his breakfast and my heart sinks to my stomach.

"You're a Sorrengail." I state, my voice completely void of all emotion as I stare at the paper.

"You're general Sorrengail's son." I look up to see his face frown. To see his face fall. "How do you-" he starts but I cut him of. My eyes as cold as my voice.

"Your mother is responsible for everything."

☆

Taglist: @honethatty12 @smashee0789 @awkardnerd

[wwrenwrites]

Jason Todd x reader with multiple piercings

A/N: if you’re in doubt this is your sign to get that piercing!

- He LOVES how you style your piercings

- He thinks it shows what kind of person you are besides you're personal taste in clothes

- More than three piercings, seven, ten ??

- LOVE LOVE LOVE

- He thinks it's hella attractive

- He would be especially in awe if one of your piercings are quite unique like tragus piercing or an industrial or a rook piercing

- He would ask so many questions: if it hurts and the type of accessory style you like

- Heck, he would surely gift you really pretty ones you like as gifts

- If you buy stylish fake ones

- OOF sis he would be stubborn af to not want to spoil you in buying actual gold or diamond earrings for you

- “Jay it's fine. Let's go, the price is baffling."

- “We're also getting the two gold ones as well."

- Promise ring? PFFT- he would buy rings make it into a necklace for himself

- While that one ring is customized to be used as earrings for you

- HECK I stan the fact he had ear piercings himself at one point of his life and got them re-pierced if needed. Then both of you have matchy couple earring studs

- He would stop you from removing you're other earrings into a normal pair of two when you insist you want to be more 'presentable' in front of his family every single time

- "Babe I swear. Don't remove them."

- "I want your family to like me, Jason."

- "If they don't like you just for how you like to express yourself and your interest then they will have to fuck up their close-mindedness."

- "Jay-"

- "Also more reasons for me on why I will not drop by the manor."

- “Don't use me as an excuse!"

- If you also have facial piercings he finds it pretty badass and hot

- May it be septum, nose ring or lip piercing or even if you have a fake nose ring (which is cheaper and practical)

- He would hold you down when you feel like you want another piercing

- And you told him so many times, you had enough beforehand

- Like you said you don't plan to get more

- But you had a rough week and you're coping mechanism is getting piercings than dying your hair

- He would support you if you really want it

- But he would also have his own way of telling you to not go through your plan

- "Jay I think I’ll get that tongue piercing.”

- "Okay. But I've been craving for really hot soup for the next few weeks if you're fine with that though."

- If you have body piercings like nipple piercings

- That will always be one of his favorite parts to get you turned on since it’s extra sensitive than the regular

- Always a wonderful sight to see when its see through your crop top or oversized shirt

- Obviously he has the most staring and groping privileges

- Others gotta watch out for him if he catches anyone staring at you maliciously

- Would always tease your nipples even if there are people few meters away while nibbling your ear

- You sitting between his thick legs squirming, then getting pissed off when he stops once he heard someone call for him leaving you extra angry and horny

- Both of you also talking about genital piercings

- He salutes other people who were really eager to get it pierced there

- You telling him you would pay him if he gets his dick pierced for ‘experimentation purposes’

- Which is extra ridiculous to Jason since he knows he satisfies you well even with your toys

- Jason rolling his eyes when you even offered $500 to him

- Clearly remembering how you were whining the first week or two on how sore and painful your fresh nipple piercings were

- Running around Gotham with a fresh dick piercing nor any needle near his cock? Not appealing

- “Cheap.”

- “Fine 1K.”

- “2.5K”

- “Thats a price of a tattoo!”

[liyazaki]

lessons in survival & innocence lost

I can turn it on be a good machine I can hold the weight of worlds if that's what you need I can do it- I'll get through it…

-human, christina perri

I knew GAP was smart. I knew the writers had an expert handle on the story they set out to tell, because they've been telling it exceptionally well.

I did not expect them to give us a scene that was almost brutal in how quietly and accurately it portrayed the lengths people will go to cope- to survive- living under abuse.

I wrote last week:

"when we first meet Sam, she just seems like a cold, aloof, ever-composed high achiever. the more we learn about her past, the clearer it becomes that this was by design, not by choice."

the writers had already given us enough to piece together why Sam is the way she is, but this scene really pulled back the curtain in heart-wrenching, crystal-clear fashion.

teenage Sam skips into the room, carefree & enjoying being with her sisters. she wistfully watches Nueng on the piano, playing with a borderline-terrifying smile on her face.

Nueng catches Sam smiling & asks:

Sam responds simply, innocently: because Nueng is, of course. if her sister is happy, so is she.

a quick note on Nueng's smile: Mind really going in with her facial expressions here felt so intentional. it's obvious to us that she's forcing it, but Sam in her youthful naivete has no idea. she still sees a smile for what it is, for what it should be: joyful, happy, and most importantly- honest.

it was such a smart move on the writer's part, adding to the weight of the moment that comes next.

Mind's expressions here are the definition of "a picture's worth a thousand words."

the smile fades away, replaced by a melancholy, world-weary expression. like she knows what she's about to do, and the effect that it'll have on Sam, but that it's for her own good.

right or wrong, cruel or kind- in her mind, it'll help Sam survive.

Song pipes in first, though: she knows why Nueng is smiling like that, and what it really means.

Nueng explains that it's a ruse: she's actually under a lot of stress, so she's tricking her own body by smiling.

Nueng’s explanation (understandably) isn't enough for Sam. she doesn't have any concept yet of faking emotions, let alone why anyone would do such a thing- so she questions Song about it, too.

Sam’s still processing Song’s response when Nueng walks up, placing a gentle hand on her head. the weariness is back as she tells Sam she can do this, too.

the look of wide-eyed, innocent worry on Sam’s face when she asks “how?” nearly broke my heart in two.

this is all new to Sam, but she trusts her sisters. this must be an important thing that she learn to do, right? and these behaviors have to be learned- either out of necessity or through loving, misguided instruction, like we're witnessing here.

it was like watching a slow-motion car crash: you know the impact is coming and it’s going to be awful, but you can’t look away.

I desperately wanted to shield Sam in this moment- to keep her from learning how to twist and contort herself into something she isn’t to survive the environment she was born into.

Sam parrots back Nueng’s advice at first before confusedly asking, “what if I’m happy? can I smile then?”

Nueng doesn’t hesitate: “if you smile, you lose.” and I’m on my knees, thoroughly gut-punched.

the final nail in the coffin: Nueng telling Sam that she wants her to do that.

Freen then gives us a masterclass in loss of innocence via expression alone. we can see Sam’s light diminishing right in front of our eyes, fading into the schooled, emotionally numb look we know so well for the first time.

it’s equal parts brilliant and unbearably awful.

I can fake a smile I can force a laugh I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask give you all I am…

this scene powerfully illustrated the pain desperate people will force themselves to endure in order to survive, while passing that brokenness down to the next generation. beyond the inexcusable abuse that prompted it, the real tragedy is that it’s being passed down out of love.

there was zero expository dialogue here. witnessing Sam being brought into the warped, broken fold 'for her own good' was plenty.

it was paradise lost; it was the twilight of innocence; it was the continuation of the cycle. and it made Sam’s openly-expressive, incandescently emotional vows in the wedding scene all the more meaningful.

love, in the end, finally broke the wheel.

side note- not to nitpick but I'm gonna: I really wish they went with the actress who played young Sam for this scene rather than Freen. Sam clearly knew how to force an expression much earlier, so having Freen play this scene felt like a continuity error, even though she knocked it out of the park.

exhibit a ⬇️

[nomsfaultau]

(Potentially (does it even have the right to be called that anymore?)) Daily ask №10

Relationships edition!

Which two characters have the closest relationship between the crew?

What relationship dynamic do you wish you got the chance to use in fault or the chance to use more it often?

What duo/trio do you think didn't get much screentime but you personally really like the idea or vibe of?

What relationship between side characters is your favourite?

What relationship dynamic would make absolutely no sense in the context of the fic but would be absolutely amazing nonetheless? (Ex. A duo that would be great and heartbreaking as enemies but would never become enemies due to the plot)

Also, not a question and not even related to the theme, but I would really like to hug everyone in the main crew + Ranboo (assuming they're not a pile of ashes and a skull) please

Spoilers and mistakes, as always!

1.Tommy and Tubbo not even close. Which is funny since they've known each other the least amount of time, but they sorta latched onto each other to survive trauma and are insuperable now. After so, so long of total isolation, Tommy having a friend who can literally always be with him is like a dream. It's almost impossible to ever feel abandoned. And for Tubbo, they can see a lot of the awful things that are happening in the Foundation, and Tommy was like the one source of comfort they could see. He taught them how to survive and fight and live. At this point, the only way each knows how to care about themselves is through caring for the other. It's not perhaps ideal but it does work better than any other of their disastrous coping mechanisms.

2. I adore me a dark Phil. Not that scp Philza isn't a rough character, but he isn't a full on antagonist like he is in Mandatory Family Reunion or Lord!. One of my favorite dynamics of all time is insanely overpowered villain father and his kidnapped, seething, and suicidal hero kid, but while echoed in Fault it doesn't really get there.

3. The relationships between all of the main five get pretty heavily explored for the most part. I guess The Blade and Wilbur's dynamic gets the least focus out of all 10 possible duos? But eh. I do really like Philza and Kristin but I knew absolutely nothing about her when I first started Fault. I don't really see a way she'd fit in unfortunately. Which is a shame because Phil being a wifeguy is a lot of fun, and Kristin is so sassy and sweet.

4. My favorite side character relationship is unpublished and deep in spoilers alas. Most other side characters are pretty tied up how they relate to the protags, so we're digging deep for this one. Slimecicle/Charlie and Maureen (a guard he posesses) is actually a fascinating dynamic to me for all they have like maybe two scenes. It reveals interesting new shades to how the Foundation functions, since even teritiary characters bring new perspectives to the situation. I love the contrast between their POVs, with Maureen struggling to protect her coworkers versus Charlie's surprisingly sharp rebuttal about the Foundation destroying innocence and lives, or the contrast between Charlie's jocularity versus Maureen's mortal terror.

And mixing body horror with stupid puns is just fun!

"I’ve just dapped [Maureen] up!” At [Lawrence's] utter bewilderment, Charlie kindly explained, covering his faux mouth with his hands and stage whispering. “It means I’ve slipped between her muscles and am piloting her like a skin mecha. Like Pacific Rim! But it’s Pacific Skin!” Charlie paused. “Skin like in coagulation, not meat. Actually it works on both levels..."

5. I got this...one au. That I've stopped poking because frankly it goes to places darker than I prefer, and as a rule I don't actually ship minecraft guys save for like if they married, so it's just NEVER going in Fault. Not that this is a real ship, more like a toxic nucular bomb, but I find it interesting soooo... Philza/Webb. Who is the Foundation worker who shows Phil fun videos of his kids being tortured, who destroys him in the amnestic arc, who Philza fantasizes about torturing often, so like, yikes am I right.

The dynamic itself would be Philza selling his self respect and getting in a relationship with Webb in order to manipulate him into getting better treatment for his kids. He starts like coughing up blood about it but hey anything for his Collected right? And on Webb's end he doesn't even think Philza is a person, knows the Foundation will probably kill him if it's suspected (or if it doesn't make it easier to control Philza), literally already has a husband and daughter, and has lost so many friends and almost his own life to Philza.

They both hate each other so much but hate themselves even more.

It's horrific from pretty much every angle which is why I like it, since I don't write ships i write tragedies. I have a post about it, because there's a lot of humor in the crack pair too. But it's also so cursed I am not touching it.

ANd yes!! all the hugs!*

*assuming no power problems

[thevagabondexpress]

i really appreciate how you bring up 'james and matthew are spiralling together in their parabatai bond' like it's the most obvious thing ever. their friendship, since academy days, gives 'i'm hurting and this is the only person who kinda gets it and i can fully be myself around' vibes (yes matthew does withdraw with the events of cls, but the vibe's still kinda there). to me they stay relatively healthy given everything due to four lightwoods; lucie sometimes; and when cordelia comes she quickly joins the select 'i don't have to pretend around you' few for both of them. james has that just-instinctively-getting-each-other friendship with thomas which mirrors jem and will in some ways and is less one-sided. james and christopher have this neurodivergent synergy where james gives a reason for christopher to do what he loves (hey i'll try your experimental weapons) and gets new weapons and that kind of validating normalisation for him to pursue his own interests, albeit more quietly. matthew is a bit of a carer for those two and he hasn't quite broken out of that yet in tlh (a bit similar to how james is still Protective Older Brother to lucie and not quite vulnerable) but he is close with anna and does get close with eugenia. all meaning they don't go completely echo-chamber.

anyway, this is an ask and not a ramble. so i want to know where you think this goes in time to come. to me, both of them make a new friend in chain of thorns: matthew realises he and alastair actually have a lot in common and can slowly build a genuine friendship around Everything, and james discovers jesse is the Most Relatable and Admirable Person Ever (not replacing the way he relates to and admires his wife and parabatai of course, even thomas in some ways). and so the support system is going strong. i still want both of them to be in therapy and at least gaining an understanding of What Is Going On and This Might Help You Cope. but it's a good reminder of how even today that's not always accessible. you can answer this is in a christopher-positive world, i'll be nice. (and think it gives more thought fodder). keen to hear it!

also, since this is something that has been happening quite often in parabatai pairings across tsc, do you think that feelings for someone can be contagious in a way through the parabatai bond? especially when they refuse to acknowledge them so it kinda just bubbles up and takes over and neither realise it's happening to the other too? if so, bonus question, how do you think that plays out when they catch feelings for each other? is it a confidence boost that becomes Magical Mania (because i swear the buzzed feeling i had for years at a time once came from an empathy mirror like that, not quite parabatai but it was feelings for me in someone whose feelings i always felt myself) amplifying so much power within a closed system that it explodes from it and makes Angel Giants whose power might burn them to death? (and side note while we're here, given that james survived belial's Very Powerful Presence in his body and julian is assumedly descended from lucie do you think that's partially why he and emma survived being Angel Giants? and jace heavenly fire aside from his angel blood?) like i know you've talked about this parabatai curse theory, i'm just fishing for/feeding you details to take or leave.

and do you think, when they feel such discouragement and hatred towards themselves as we sometimes see (going back to heronchild now) it does the opposite--drains the energy for both of them, turning the bond into a bit of a vacuum and a rut that's many times harder to get out of--but survivable because of the company there? and also do you think that, as awful as this is, it could be harnessed somehow for mood regulation (going off bipolar matthew headcanon the fact that he always has james there to anchor him in his rapidly changing moods). then, on the flip side, do you think this could've amplified whatever went on with james in the midnight heir if matthew was similarly deranged? sorry for the long and multiple-interconnected-things ask!!

(also i did just follow you on wattpad but i rarely use it these days and will not read anything without your express permission)

okay, so: a) don't worry about the very long ask, you have given me some interesting questions, and b) i'll try my best to answer them but excuse me if it's an incoherent ramble.

i think the biggest difference between james + matthew and will + jem is that james and matthew have other people, something that will and jem do not (which is actually so sad because they do, they really do, but they can't see it). which is really good; they both have support systems, both together and individually, outside of their parabatai bond. even people they might walk on a little bit unintentionally in the process still choose to be there for them because regardless of how they're treated, they care and they're worried and there are ultimately more good memories to be made than bad ones. they're held up by their friends, by their families, by the people they love and the people they are in love with. whereas, though i'll accept other shipping and not-shipping headcanons for them, i think a lot of the weird not-wholly-platonic feeling will & jem give off is a side effect of having had nobody but each other to be anything close to open around for so long.

and i do think there's definitely a likelihood that parabatai start crushing on each others' crushes. it makes sense within a bond where one of the factors is that you're sharing emotions. and a bouncing back of their feelings for you onto yourself could definitely be something that happens when parabatai fall in love. ultimately i think the more dangerous reason that parabatai romances are prohibited is not being Angel Giants but all of the toxicity that's likely to come out of a romantic relationship between people who share this kind of a strong empathic bond. regardless of whether it makes Angel Giants or not.

and so yeah. it does make sense that when you've got parabatai who collectively have less self-esteem and/or sense of self-worth than dorothy's companions on the way to oz, they would sink into that quagmire together. i do think it could no doubt have been a factor in something like the midnight-heir-weirdness. and while i do think that you could harness it to help keep each other stable, it'd be something that would require years of practice and trial-and-error and could potentially be dangerous in the meantime.

(and we'll see)

[queerfables]

Thoughts on 911, start of s3

3x01-3x03

I really like these big city wide disaster episodes. There's lots of room for high stakes, low resources and unexpected complications

Jeeze this show is really written to pull on parental heartstrings. I really like how much of a focus they put on the characters families and how the kids get to be fleshed out characters. But also I think it's clear (and interesting!) how the target demographic of this show is a little older than a lot of the action-y shows that get popular in fandom.

Tbh my feelings on Buck and Eddie through s2 have been like, "sure they're both pretty and they have a few moments but I'm not quite feeling that 'spark'"

But there really isn't anything more profoundly meaningful than "there's no one I'd trust with my kid more than you" so. There's that.

Buck loves Christopher like crazy it's really important to me

I would like to see more of Buck and Eddie quietly losing it over the other one being in danger though. Like not every episode. Obviously they are both extremely competent firefighters who trust each other's skill and experience. Just, you know, occasionally.

3x04

Oh Chimney, don't make this about you. Of course Maddie is going to freak out sometimes if she's reminded of her past relationship. She knows you're nothing like Doug (she wouldn't be with you if she didn't know that) but her brain and her body are wired to protect her from a situation she's not in any more. Just give them some time to catch up.

I really appreciate how this show will show Maddie is traumatised without making her seem fragile.

Oh my god they replaced Buck with the lady I'm pretty sure is Eddie's new love interest? That's hilarious.

Wow the Buckleys are not batting a thousand this episode. Buck do not sue the city because your boss wants you to take a little more time off work, there are approximately a hundred other ways to deal with that which don't burn every bridge in your life down? And Maddie don't stalk your caller and really don't RUN A MAN OVER that is UNHINGED. If nothing else, what if you're wrong??

Was Buck actually fired? I really thought he was just on leave?

3x05

Buck's lawyer is really tearing into everyone

Jesus this is miserable

Buck you're a dumbass what did you think was going to happen

Wow I'm extremely fucking gay for Eddie's new lady friend

Buck and Eddie having a domestic at the grocery store is extremely funny

Eddie doing some dumbass fight club thing what a dork

3x06

Oh we're doing movie homages for this Halloween episode? Delightful

Don't be mean about the bird, Chimney, crows are great

I do feel like Bobby was a bit overprotective with Buck in not letting him come back to work (even though Buck massively overreacted)

Buck what the hell did you expect after suing everyone come on now it'll take some time

Oh Eddie is pisssssed at Buck

Maddie I know you wanna help but all of this is a BAD idea

Maddie I'm sorry but Chimney is super right this whole thing is so bad you have GOT to stop

Lmfao Eddie is SO mad

"I'm not mad," says Eddie, madly.

Aw thank God both Buckleys are doing a little better. Now I just need Eddie to find a coping mechanism that isn't underground cage fighting

[caedogeist-rights]

(uhhh fuckin, wano act 2 spoilers, idk. i dont typically liveblog on tumblr. im at 943 rn.)

rarghhhhhhhh ok so. im not even done with the episode at this point but everything is going so bad for everyone except the strawhats, who are actively in battle so we'll fuckin see. the heart pirates... basil fucking hawkins i want his HEAD he's so fucking CRUEL and just... ugh the CRUELTY on display coming from kaido et al. kid and killer.... like... dude..... fucking KILLER..... i knew i recognized that face (from tumblr, not from the fascinating masked man) and just. oh g-d. oh that is the WORST thing. orochi and kaido steal your dignity and your pride and they are just... so fucking awful.

there's a theme all across one piece of luffy, freedom, vs. a controlling force trying to kill or control more. we know this. within this is luffy going against someone who controls others' specific actions, makes people do what they don't want to do. in thriller bark, dressrosa, and now in wano, (and also others but listen idr) the problem society faces is that someone is taking over their bodies. im putting a pin on connecting thriller bark to these two (short answer: its about someone changing how you're seen) but. i mean we know the connection between dressrosa and wano. we're all one piece fans here.

the POINT is. orochi and doflamingo and kaido and such are powerful people specifically in their ability to remove people's individual free will. doffy takes away movement and narrative/how one is perceived, orochi and kaido take away people's means of living (food) and means of expression (the fucking smile fruit). SMILE makes me so damn mad in a way that doffy's actions never quite did, because it is truly removing a person's... communication, essentially. the way they are seen and can connect with the world is, even if orochi and kaido are dead and gone, forever altered. they're always laughing, but the people fed SMILE who didn't get an animal are silenced. the truth of their lives is hidden and even if they try to explain anything, SMILE essentially scrambled the social signal to such an extent that the message can't go through properly. it's a terrifying thing, to not only be unable to express the emotions you want to, but to be wholly unable to express anything BUT joy. SMILE doesn't just make them laugh and smile, it- either directly or as a ripple effect/coping mechanism- changes how people talk about things, makes people sound optimistic, take things lightly, and overall reduce any weight to their words. they're seen as fools when all they are are victims with their mouths taped shut. and i fucking HATE it.

which brings me to killer.

im just seething with rage tbh. killer's identity has been shattered. the things he cares about have been removed. eating a SMILE, losing his mask- he lost his dignity and his pride and it just hurts to look at. he... has been changed to such a degree. they even changed his fucking name (i think??? at least like... the common name others use for him.) i want him to never smile again if thats what he wants.

AND ALSO THEYRE BEING TAUNTED AND TORTURED AND THATS JUST. REALLY FUCKING MEAN.

i see. now. why wano is like... very much so... of COURSE the place where luffy ends up. and i think. from what ive gathered on this here website. of course wano is where gear 5 happens. they NEED that freedom. luffy save me. luffy. save me luffy.

i have like... 140 episodes left of this arc? im emotional? things will progress to such an extent? one piece is good and wano is weird? prolonged laughter is very uncomfortable to listen to? wahoo.

[autumn-foxfire]

1) That's my love language too! Dissing characters affectionately so I feel you XD 2) If we're talking about Hawks and broken dreams, what comes to mind is how emotional he got after Ochako's speech, thinking "if everyone were to think of each other even a little bit, if we could be united as one, I can see a future where heroes have free time on their hands, one so bright you can't help but grin" so after successfully ripping my heart out and smashing it on the pavement, because damn. That boy's eyes were literally twinkling with more emotion he's shown his whole life, it was overwhelming, I could already hear the rising inflection in his voice, like you're at a loss for breath, you can't look away. So awed. His dream was so impossible, but finally? An olive branch, the thought of possibility? I don't think Hawks thought he would live to see pay off, but he's getting a chance to see it blossom right in front of his eyes. Ever since he was Keigo, he's someone who looks like his tiny body would get knocked over from how painful yet relieving hope filling his heart would be, because when you're so down in the dumps, that "hope" is massive, it's smothering to be able to drag you out of the darkness. But now there's just a sea of pitch-black Twice clones descending on everyone, and Hawks' expression is the most twisted, pained and miserable one he's made to date. It really sucks how all that got sucked right out of him. Hawks is such a huge dreamer, it's been a reoccurring thing since he was introduced. We first hear his dream in PH arc, there's the two-page cherry blossom spread, "can I shine bright" the fantasy-aspect to his backstory, retreating into that dream world of heroes, the TV just like his moms coping mechanisms, until "fantasy became reality" the return of his dream but more flowery! Heck, even the "flying" teaching moment with Tokoyami is lowkey magically full of hope and dreams and freedom, of course with the subtle angst. Oh yeah, and the hopes carried in the second, "lets fly together!" with Twice. It's really surprising with everything else his character has been presented as, through his gloomy expressions, through other characters "idea" of him, through his pragmatism, but he's always been this person even if he doesn't often show it.

Aye! Good taste :p I say if you can't affectionately call out your favs for their dumbassery than do you really like them for their flaws and all.

Also, thank you for pain with this Hawks analysis T-T Hawks really is a dreamer and it hurts to see them crushed under the weight of reality. He had hoped that he could smile with them all again in April but he ended up having to mourn with them and now he has to face the fear of what he had tried to prevent in the previous war without anything he can do to stop it.

Hawks makes me hurt so much.

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

emotional flashbacks

today I got triggered by something

which makes a lot of sense because things are

starting to get testy around these parts

and I'm working with someone who believes

describing their behavior matter-of-factly

even without harshness or creative embellishment

is the same as calling them names

emotional immaturity is a wild beast

and while I have my share of moments that are less

than whatever the collective would deem emotionally intelligent

most of the time my responses are at least logical

and there's a path to trace where it went south

I've worked very hard on my inner monologue

I was never given a soundtrack where me existing

had any sort of worth or value or basic dignity

I was made to be lived through vicariously by parents

who never got a chance to figure their own shit out

and unfortunately my stubbornness made me an awful marionette

so I'm learning now that when my inner voice

is suddenly hijacked by all the voices of my past

that told me everything I did or thought or wanted

was somehow fundamentally bad or wrong or evil

it throws me for such a loop because

the world changes and my body changes

everything I believe and have worked for becomes worthless

everything I've done wrong is paramount

all the mistakes I've made are the only things that count

and I feel trapped and hopeless and I panic

because there's no way to escape my mind

or my body or myself in a way that's healthy

and all I can do is cry and hug myself and suffer

in this sudden state of confusion that is so overwhealming

and I can't imagine someone loving me or being able to

in fact the concept of love is painful to think about

I'm so flooded with stress and guilt and blame

I have a trunk I carry around with me

full of beautiful coping mechanisms and none of them

help me soothe or comfort my nervous system

that goes into fight myself and wish for a flight

out of this solar system because I'm the most

miserable creature that ever lived and I deserve

nothing positive or good or merciful I just deserve pain

these are my emotional flashbacks from complex trauma

and they hit without warning or reason

these emotional flashbacks are rarer now

it's more difficult to trigger me and they last a shorter time

but when I feel them beginning to flood into me

I can't remember they are from a different time

and I completely lose the present moment

I usually just have to ugly cry until it's fully released

I kind of wanted to believe they were demons

or something more magical and cool sounding

but they are just my collection of painful memories

rising to the surface and reminding me

what I've luckily overcome but still need to let go of

at least that's how I'm going to try and think of them

because they will be here until they're all gone

and there's not a person in this world that can tell me

when the heck that will be so I'll just take a deep breath

and remember that each release and realization

is a tangible example of me continuing to heal

and hold a hand over my heart to remind that part of me

the versions of me still living inside me still stuck

in those places of time where the world was terrifying

that I love them and I'll be here to get through all of this

unthawing because we're in a better place now

and those old nightmares can no longer hurt me

at least not after I get rid of them and that's something

[badassbutterfly1987]

I know this is very much a Your Mileage May Vary thing, so speaking purely as someone who is both disabled and a fanfic writer, I think there is a little more nuance to the "don't ever cure disabled characters".

For context: I'm autistic and was diagnosed with epilepsy. I have struggled with depression and anxiety as a side effect of the difficulties of not being diagnosed until high school. I fortunately haven't had a seizure in years. I have also recently experienced a form of chronic pain and other symptoms that are probably fibromyalgia, though no diagnosis yet.

I have written about characters that aren't disabled in canon but are in my fics. There's a level of catharsis there, in writing characters that experience similar things to me but still get through life. Sometimes they've gotten used to it and get accomodations and shrug off others' pity. Sometimes they're angry at the way disability affects them and the way people treat them because of that disability but still keep going.

But there's also a certain amount of catharsis in characters not having to deal with that anymore. In not being in pain or worrying about how much one can do on a given day and how much it's going to hurt the next day.

I wouldn't give up my autism because that's an intrinsic part of my identity and the epilepsy can be managed (just gotta avoid strobe lights and check what kind of visual chaos to expect in a movie).

Chronic pain sucks. Fatigue sucks. Intermittent tremors and migraines suck. It has interfered with both working and just doing things I can enjoy, and I know other people experience that on a greater scale. If someone offered a fix that removed all that, something that was proven to work, I'd certainly be curious; though the preference is still good accomodations and finding ways to cope with it.

The cure narrative, in the sense that the character can only be happy in an abled body and will be perfectly 'fixed', is an awful ableist mess for the reasons said above and in other posts.

It's difficult to give more concrete advice without knowing more about anon's story and how they intend to write it but for some things to consider:

don't have this be your only disabled character please. also always good to show a variety of disabilities. perhaps one character would like a cure while another entirely rejects the idea?

instead of a straight up cure, go for something a little more complicated. is it an amputee being given a good prosthesis? is it like medication, something that needs to be done regularly and has its own side effects?

what is the disability and how does it affect them? is it the disability itself that the character wants to get rid of or is it the side effects that come with it (going to vary with the exact kind of physical disability)? like I said, chronic pain sucks.

what is motivating them? shame about being diabled? the lack of accomodations? the side effects of the disability? is this something they are seeking out or a cure offered out of the blue?

consider if this is the most satisfying conclusion to their arc (assuming this occurs later in the story). acceptance and learning to work with a disability is often more appealing, since that is exactly what real life people have to do and why we're so wary of a cure

make sure to get feedback from readers with the disability you're writing. different people with the same disability will have different opinions about what's relatable and satisfying

I have a question; if in our story, a disabled (or at least physically disabled in my case) character is given a chance to lose said disability, is it bad if they take that chance? Because I've seen people complain about giving 'quick fixes' to disabled characters in other stories and others have said that it's okay? It honestly confuses me

Hello,

Okay, so here's the problem with a fictional cure.

Yes, objectively, it would make sense for your character to jump for a cure for some conditions. Say they do, they get that cure, and now they are no longer disabled.

But us, the disabled people in real life who were relating to that character, are still disabled and always will be. And now this character is harder to relate to, maybe even a source of envy, anger, or insecurity. Even for a life-ending condition, such as Hunnington's Disease, it alienates readers to see someone with their condition cured. Because they can't be and now they can no longer relate to the character.

There's already so little representation for disabled readers to relate to. By curing them, you're taking what little we have and turning them into someone who is no longer disabled. That hurts real-life readers.

Here is a post about the issue and why the cure trope should be avoided

And another post

And another one

And I could easily find at least fifty more across all sorts of disability blogs. Please don't cure your disabled characters.

Mod Aaron

[beaopalmoon]

so, so sosososo much has happened in my life in the last two months

trigger warning for familial death.

i havent taken the time to put it down in text and i know if i try to now i will be sobbing before i finish this post. but i'll try.

the summary i guess??

my father passed away suddenly last month. it was so fast and easily surpassed all of the worst experiences i've been through. his last few days were horrific and i can only imagine the pain and discomfort that he was in, but he is at peace now. i love my daddy with all my heart. mom and/or i were with him for every moment the hospital would allow us there though.

because the last thing he said was my name, i have decided not to transition. my parents love me unconditionally and never shamed me for my body's natural state, so if strangers have an issue with me being an intersex woman with a beard, that is their problem to deal with. testosterone didn't change all that much about my body while i was on it, but it did indirectly treat health problems that i had due to my body under producing hormones.

before he passed, all of his remaining siblings were with us at the hospital. i've become much closer with them and my cousins. in the last year or so, he had finally gotten up the nerve to visit and talk to them about his issues and hurt feelings over a few serious problems that he had, but nothing had really opened up as much about him and his family to me before this.

they paid for his funeral service. the whole thing. i'm still shocked, and don't know what i could ever do to repay that kindness. the few days leading up to the arrangement felt so long and heavy. mom and i bawled and held each other and sang together, and i tried my best to organize everything in a timely manner while grieving.

i reached out to some of the friends that i had from my own youth too. i have always had a hard time really keeping in regular touch with people, especially those that are busy with families, but two in particular have been so, so patient and kind to me, and we are closer than before already.

it's been a little while now, and i'm trying to be careful not to just jump in to something serious head first, but i'm in love again.

i am worried that i'm coping with this awful loss of my dad by latching on to this old friend, but god, i think about him all the time. he says he feels the same, and has for a long, long time... we're very different from how we both were as kids. i just have to be tender with his heart.

he is so gentle and so sweet. i've talked about many of my most painful struggles, my fears about my own health, my mom's well-being and my most conflicted feelings on my own gender and sex and he hasn't expressed anything but kindness to me about it.

i have terrible anxiety over the thought of letting people down, but i know for certain that i love deeply, and so did my daddy.

[rattyoakenbitch]

❝𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲❞ ─ 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐬𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝

but when he loves me i feel like i'm floating

when he calls me pretty i feel like somebody

❥ content ; little gn reader, sfw agere, corpse is a cg, mostly fluff with a smidge of angst

❥ warnings ; daddy issues, childhood trauma, hints of emotional & verbal abuse and of course age regression if ur uncomfy w that stuff. also pet names and the use of the word "daddy" but not in a sexual/smutty context!!! agere is not a kink!!!

❥ synopsis ; you age regress to cope and corpse takes care of you through it all

❥ a/n ; i got a request to write this agere fic a couple months ago on my wattpad! i myself used to be a part of the agere community but it has been years so i forgot a lot of what i learned. however, unlike age play and cgl, agere is just a coping mechanism and totally nonsexual!! pls do ur research before u attack members of the agere community (: ur coping mechanisms are valid!!!

With a frustrated groan, you push yourself away from your desk, now spinning slowly on your little office type chair.

You had procrastinated and hadn't done any of your work, and even when you did try to finish it, you were easily distracted or discouraged by intrustive thoughts.

Your mind would never fail to drift back to memories of when you were younger. However, those memories weren't exactly fond or anything you'd even want to remember.

Yet they were there, either popping up unexpectedly or lingering in the back of your unconcious mind.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you felt two strong arms wrap around you, causing you to nearly jump out of your seat.

Corpse hummed. "Are you done with your work yet, darling?"

"Can't finish it.. My brain doesn't wanna co-operate with me today, or ever," you whine, feeling angry tears begin to form behind your waterline.

Corpse sensed the anxiety and frustration in your voice and immediately knew the cause.

"You're not a failure, Y/N. Your father was wrong, and you know it."

"Yeah, but hearing his words in my head don't exactly help when I'm trying to work."

"I know, baby, I know," Still not letting you free from his embrace, Corpse held your significantly smaller hands in his. "But he's not here. It's just me, doll. You're safe."

He knew what he was doing. And he knew that you knew.

You pulled away from his hold, now standing up to face him. He as well stood up to his full height, looking down at you with soft, comforting eyes.

"A-Are you sure I can..?" You ask timidly, looking down at the floor to avoid his gaze. He nods encouragingly.

"Of course, doll. I'll take care of you."

He brings his hand to caress your face and tilts it upwards so your eyes met.

Your eyes dart across the room, looking anywhere but into Corpse's own eyes.

"Tsk, eyes on me, baby."

You hesitantly bring your eyes back to meet his, prompting Corpse to praise you. You feel the blood rush to your cheeks at this.

"You promise?? I don't wanna be a distraction, I-"

Wordlessly, Corpse brushes his thumb on your bottom lip, causing you to quiet down immediately.

"What are you saying? I always have time for you. Now c'mon."

You giggle as Corpse lifts you up into his arms bridal style and takes you to the living room.

You end up watching a Studio Ghibli movie together, tucked underneath blankets and with you snuggled up into Corpse's chest.

At some point during the movie, you unwrap one of Corpse's arms around you and take his hand. This causes Corpse to unconciously hold your hand in his big, calloused ones, adorned with metal rings.

You both look down to where he held you.

"Awe, now would you look at that. Your hand looks so cute, the way it fits in mine," he coos, causing you to sink further into your blankets, hiding your blush.

"Mm stop," you pout, only making Corpse chuckle some more.

"You're hiding because you're blushing?"

"Yes!! Now stop laughing, you big meanie."

Corpse only responds by lifting you back onto his lap, resting his chin on your head.

"Aww, you really are blushing like a rose," Corpse fawns. "Aren't you just a pretty little thing?"

You decide not to sass back and instead accept the praise.

As you both refocused your attention on the screen, Corpse lets go of your hand and instead runs his fingers through your hair. You hum in satisfaction, leaning into his touch. Corpse continues to do this all while he whispers sweet nothings and praises in your ear until you drift off into a blissful sleep.

After what feels like an hour later, but was really just thirty minutes, Corpse's phone chimes, his screen lighting up to reveal a text notification.

As softly as he can, Corpse reaches over to the side table to grab his phone. Despite his efforts, you wake up from the movement and the sudden lack of warmth that was once wrapped around your body.

You huff in annoyance.

"I thought you said you weren't busyyy."

"I know, little one. Sean wants me to join a game with the others. If you want, you can watch us play. We won't be streaming."

You nod in agreement, and once again, Corpse carries you into the studio, setting you down on his lap soon as he sits down.

You hear a little beep, followed by a variety of voices, all talking above one another. It comes to a stop, though, and you're relieved of the overstimulation as soon as they realize Corpse had joined the call.

"Hey, Corpse is here!"

"What's up, Corpse?"

"Hey guys," Corpse greets them. "I hope you don't mind that Y/N's with me right now. They're little again and I promised I'd spend time with them."

You heard some 'aww's' in the back as voices overlapped again.

"Oh, no, yeah of course we're okay with that."

"That's really sweet!"

"All right, guys, no cursing or excessive yelling! If you scare Y/N, you're gonna have me to answer to!"

Though they couldn't see you, you still shyly huddled closer into Corpse's chest. Corpse's friends, being your friends as well, knew that you were an age regressor and were fully supportive and accepting. So this wasn't the only occassion where they'd played with little you around to watch.

"Thank you," you mumbled sleepily into the mic before yawning and laying back down into Corpse.

He gives you a kiss on the top of your head before he goes back to chatting and playing with his friends. An hour passes, and then it's night. The cold nighttime air seeps in through the windows, causing goosebumps to form on your exposed skin.

Silently, you tug at Corpse's hoodie, prompting him to look down at you. Though you've been quiet throughout the past hour, Corpse hadn't forgotten about you.

He raises a brow, confused for a second until you grab at his hoodie again with pleading eyes.

"'M cold, daddy."

"Shh, okay, baby, I got you."

Corpse pulls his sweater over his head, and on instinct, you raise your arms up as well. Corpse takes his hoodie and puts it on you, causing you to giggle in delight.

"There you go. Is that better?"

You beam, "Mhm!"

As Corpse shared this moment with you, he was still blissfully unaware that his mic was still on. That was, until he heard the choruses of "awe's" in his headphones.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Would you rather be paralyzed from the neck down, or trade bodies with your Dad?

I find this question weird af...

But you bet imma give it a weird af answer because i cannnn.

These are both terrible situations. Paralysed from the neck down will definitely impact my quality of life and coping with such a drastic change will eradicate my mental health. Plus you know I have way too much anxiety to be able to even imagine someone helping me wash or wipe my ass. Like let's take away that I'm an introvert. Even if I wasn't, id like my me time to have my shower in peace 😩🤚. Plus I'd be too worried about ruining any of my clothes with the possibility of...ahem because I won't feel when I need to go. Omg and how will i steal the last bite or something? Do you realise how much power that would give my sibling? Nope, I refuse. I've spent my siblings whole life establishing myself as the strong sibling and you bet that means protecting my food with flailing hands. It's a real issue. And that's only me trying to make a lighthearted joke about a horrific situation.

But on the other hand, swapping bodies with my dad. Will I know I'm in my dad's body? Will my level of consciousness stay the same or will i turn into my dad because that also doesn't sound appealing. First of all, he's bald. I cant go through such a transformation like that. Secondly he has unreliable knees and I don't need my support system known as THEM THINGS THAT HOLD MY BODY WEIGHT failing on me. Whilst we're there, ive spent my whole life never seeing my dad's dick and I intend to keep it that way thank you. There's just somethings we don't need to see in life yknow and I find it hella unfair that my/his bladder will be like "Hello its me, you need to pee" and THEN I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO WHIP OUT HIS YA KNOW JUST SO I DONT LIVE WITH THE DISCOMFORT OF HAVING TO PEE. WHAT KIND OF EXISTENCE IS THAAAAT? I don't need the 'to pee or not to pee' dilemma.

So it sounds like I'd be in a body, that I'm very aware isn't mine and feel awful about that or feel awful that I have my own body but trapped in it...

I would rather someone just end me. My dad can keep his body and shady knees and I can keep my ability to karate chop anyone who tries to steal my food...until I can't because someone yeeted me off the planet.

This was a weird thought exercise 😁

Update: That's how I'll deter the demons. I'll refuse to pee and make them live with that until the get out of me. 👀

[fairycosmos]

is is possible to be fatphobic while being fat? i fucking hate and repulse myself and have awful thoughts about other fat ppl i hate being like this

yeah it's just internalized fatphobia at that point. i mean we're all bombarded with fatphobic ideals and diet culture from the moment we're born, regardless of how much we weigh, so it makes sense that no one is left unaffected. in fact your relationship with your own body could possibly be making your need to criticize other large ppl worse, kind of like a form of projection. i hope you're able to get some therapy so you can start talk through it with someone, and really break down why you think your body is so wrong that you're repulsed by it. who taught you that, what makes it true, who benefits from you feeling that way etc. what affirmations and coping mechanisms you can employ on a daily basis to start reframing the way you deal with this subject in your mind. ultimately, a big part of undoing the pain you're dealing with is by being heard and supported. if that's not an option, there are ways to help yourself understand why you think and feel this way, and what you can do about it. recognizing these biases and negative thought processes is the first step to rewiring how your brain sees fat people and bigger bodies, and yourself. especially if you're able to catch yourself thinking something bad (about you or about someone else) in the moment it's happening - then you can practice actively redirecting your mind. also just as a side note, i think seeking out media with positive fat representation (a very hard task task i know) could really make a difference, too. art, books, movies, TV shows - anything that normalizes bigger people just existing without apology. be aware of the type of media you consume often, and about what it's teaching you. i'm going to leave some books/articles i recommend below, you may be able to find their PDF's online if you can't pay for them. i think it's a positive sign that you're able to admit that you hate the way you think and that it's not conducive with the type of person you want to be. and i know this all feels like a lot of work but unfortunately it is, and it's life-long. it took years to get to a point of such deep self hatred, and it may take years to fully come out of it but life will feel a lot lighter if you try. not always, but often. for you, and the fat ppl around you.

books/reading recs:

you have the right to remain fat by virgie tovar

body neutrality: the liberating practice of accepting your body exactly as it is by ayla freitas ghibaudy

body talk by katie sturino

the body is not an apology by sonya renee taylor

fearing the black body: the racial origins of fatphobia by sabrina strings

the harmful and insidious effects of fatphobia: an article

i want to clarify that i don't necessarily agree with every statement, or every approach taken in these suggestions, and it's good to keep an objective and open mind while consuming them. but i think in this context, learning the basis of their overarching core messages and trying to really embrace them will help you out a ton. x