#bobby's face in the first and tyson's in the last one are so funny

[quicksiluers]

a series of funny events

[timelinewrestling]

WWF RAW Jan. 11, 1993

The very first episode of Monday Night Raw opens on the street outside of The Manhattan Center with Sean Mooney explaining to Bobby Heenan that he can’t go inside because he’s been replaced on commentary by Rob Bartlett. Sean Mooney was a play-by-play commentator and studio anchor but was not long for the company after this appearance as he leaves in April. During this time, Bobby Heenan was not managing full time and mostly did work on commentary. He worked with Ric Flair on his current WWF run as well as another character that we will discuss later on. His main goal for this episode is to make it inside and take his job back.

A very 90’s intro package plays and we are inside with Vince Mcmahon, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, and Rob Bartlett. Vince was the lead commentator at this time and also conducted in-ring interviews. The rumor on Randy is that he was saddled with commentator duty even though he wanted to be in the ring full time. However, according to Bruce Prichard, Randy wanted to wind down his career and only wrestle part-time. Bartlett was a comedian and radio DJ who apparently didn’t know anything about wrestling except how to bury the wrestlers, the fans, and the company every chance he could.  After reading up on Bartlett, I am happy to see that most people at the time hated his commentary as much as I do and he didn’t stick around the WWF very long. Vince tries his best to make Bartlett seem funny but it soon becomes apparent that he is regretting his decision to hire him. It looks like Randy just tries to ignore him. 

There are two dark matches before the televised show begins. First, we have Damien Demento losing to Bob Backland by DQ and then Johnny Rotten losing to The Cheetah Kid. Later on, Demento would also wrestle in the main event of the night against The Undertaker. He started with the company several months earlier in October of 1992 and only lasted about a year, leaving in October of 1993. Backland had also just recently returned to the company and found himself stuck in the midcard as he wasn’t getting over with the younger fans who didn’t remember him. Johnny Rotten and The Cheetah Kid would later work together as Johnny Grunge and Rocco Rock respectively, forming the team “The Public Enemy”.

Our first televised match of the night is Koko B. Ware VS. Yokozuna, or “Yokozuma” as Bartlett calls him. At this time, Koko is one half of High Energy with Owen Hart.  This was near the very end of Koko’s WWF career and he left the company a few months later. Bartlett jokes that Koko looks like Gary Coleman. Yokozuna makes his entrance alongside Mr. Fuji. Some girls in the ring offer flowers to Yokozuna in what I assume is sumo custom, as Bartlett makes fat joke after fat joke, followed by more fat jokes, specifically one about Yokozuna eating Koko’s bird, and also the term “Big Butted Oriental”. Vince notes that up to this point, Yokozuna is undefeated and hasn’t even been knocked off his feet. The three commentators keep trying to sell Raw’s motto, that it is “Uncooked, Uncut, and Uncensored” but they botch it several times in these first few episodes. They also mention that both Yokozuna and Macho Man will be participating in the upcoming Royal Rumble match. This match itself is a squash. What little offense Koko gets in is no-sold by Yokozuna. The best spot of the match is when Koko goes for a splash and ends up draped over the ropes. Yokozuna drops a leg on him, picks him up, chokes him into the corner, splashes him, climbs onto the 2nd rope and finishes him with a Banzai Drop. 

We then get a short ad for the Royal Rumble and then our first look at one of the “Raw Girls”. These women were Vince’s take on boxing’s ring girls who would take a lap and hold a sign showing the number of whichever round was coming up. This woman’s sign simply reads “Monday Night Raw”. As beautiful as they may be, I’d rather see wrestlers. Vince throws us to a pre-taped segment featuring Bobby Heenan discussing his client “Narcissus”. Of course, he is actually talking about Lex Luger’s new gimmick “The Narcissist”. They just hadn’t settled on that name yet I guess. It’s a little grating to hear Bobby and Vince say “Narcissus” over and over so I understand why they went with a different name. In Bobby’s promo, he tells Mr. Perfect that Narcissus is better than him in every way and it would be like comparing ice cream to horse manure. 

Back in the ring, our next match is about to start. It’s a tag team match between The Steiner Brothers and The Executioners. There were several different incarnations of “The Executioners” in wrestling. These particular guys are played by Barry Hardy and Duane Gill, who would later go on to be Gillberg. They would also portray The Toxic Turtles, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle gimmick for at least one match. The Steiners, however, were destined for bigger things. Rick and Scott were both accomplished amateur wrestlers and came to the company the previous year after leaving WCW. Randy mentions that the Steiners have a match at the Royal Rumble against the Beverly Brothers. Bartlett asks which Steiner is which and Randy no-sells him. Scott and his immaculate mullet start the match and quickly lay the smack-down on one of the Executioners. We also get Vince’s first “What a maneuver!” on Raw. At this point, we see Doink the Clown running around in the audience. I hate this distraction. It could have waited or just happened between matches. More on Doink later. Rick tags in and decimates the Executioner. Commentary is very bad during this match. They talk about Doink, Bartlett makes “jokes”, and Vince suddenly announces that football player Mitch Frerotte is coming to the WWF, which never actually ends up happening. Scott tags in and almost kills his opponent with a belly to belly suplex and then throws him into the corner. The other Executioner tags in and Scott hits him with a double under-hook power-bomb. He gets him up on his shoulders for Rick to jump off the top turnbuckle with a bulldog headlock. Scott hooks the leg and wins. It was good for a squash match, but Doink and commentary really took away from it. 

We cut back to Sean Mooney on the outside as he confronts Bobby Heenan who is dressed in drag and being held by security. That’s the whole gag. Heenan is charming and I’m sure this was funny at the time but I just don’t need it right now. The duality between this type of kid-friendly comedy and the whole “Uncut” thing they were going for is just confusing to me. But that’s just Vince, I guess. Next up, Vince conducts an in-ring interview with Razor Ramon. The Bad Guy comes out wearing my favorite shirt that I’ve ever laid eyes on and he is oozing machismo as always. They discuss the Royal Rumble and Razor’s upcoming match against Bret Hart for the title. Razor mentions how it took Bret 8 and a half years to get where he is and it only took Razor 8 and a half months. We see how Razor attacked Owen Hart on WWF Mania just to be cruel to Bret. Razor throws his toothpick at Vince and exits. As he leaves, Randy promotes the WWF and Red Cross’s “Headlock On Hunger” campaign to aid the hungry in Somalia. We also see a taped segment with Tatanka. Not a lot to say about that. 

This is Raw’s first title match as Shawn Micheals defends against Max Moon, who is played by Paul Diamond and NOT Konnan as some people believe. The gimmick was made for Konnan, but he left the company soon after. Since the gear fit, Diamond got the character. Shawn Michaels won the IC Title from The British Bulldog in a match that took place on October 27th the previous year but wasn’t aired until November 14th. At this time he had split from Sensational Sherry and was feuding with former partner Marty Jannetty. This is the best match of the night as you might expect. Shawn and Max Moon are both quick and effective. During the match, Vince mentions that Sherry will be present during Shawn Vs. Marty at the Royal Rumble, but it is unknown whose corner she will be in. Bartlett is fucking awful during this match. He does a Mike Tyson impersonation that goes on way too long, but Vince and even Randy just keep selling for him.  Doink is also present once again. After a two count, Shawn kicks out and unleashes a super-kick, followed by his finisher at the time, a teardrop suplex. He pins Moon to retain. 

We are shown some ads and then the Royal Rumble Report, presented by Gene Okerlund. This is Gene’s last year with the company until his return in 2001. He hypes up various matches for the upcoming Pay-Per-View, including HBK Vs. Marty Janetty and announces some names for the Rumble match itself. Shawn cuts a promo on Marty, calling him a simpleton and that Sherry will definitely be in his own corner. Marty cuts a promo back hinting that maybe Shawn doesn’t know Sherry as well as he thinks he does. Some more pre-taped promos are shown including Mr. Perfect, Mr. Fuji and Yokozuna (Fuji also calls him “Yokozuma”, just like Bartlett did.), and Hacksaw Jim Duggan. All of them are just proclaiming themselves the winner of the Rumble. 

Back to Mooney on the outside and this time Bobby is dressed up as a Hasidic Jew, still trying to get inside. Bobby then decides he will try to get in from the roof of the building. I’m over this bit. McMahon shills some tickets and botches the “uncooked” thing again. Then he throws us to the last episode of Superstars where Komala turns face on his Manager and Handler, Harvey Wippleman and Kim Chee and sides with Reverend Slick as his new manager. I’ll look more into these guys in the future when they actually appear on the show. Our main event is next. 

Damien Demento Vs. The Undertaker is the first main event on Raw. Demento is billed from “The Outer Reaches of Your Mind” and that sounds about right. The gong sounds and The Undertaker makes his way to the ring with Paul Bearer. The Undertaker would soon begin the feud that would lead to his most underwhelming Wrestlemania match ever, but tonight it’s only Damien Demento. The bell rings and Demento is on the offensive until Taker slams his head onto the mat. Taker hits all the signatures here. Old School, Shakespeare, and he finishes Demento with his Tombstone Piledriver. Dominant but not a complete squash, this was a pretty good main event. After the match, Vince advertises...Woody Allen Vs. Mia Farrow in a steel cage for next week’s episode, which is not funny and pretty disgusting. 

After the commercial break, Vince is interviewing Doink about how he likes to make kids cry and how Crush has warned him about that. Crush enters, tells Doink off, says “brah” and “brudda” a few hundred times, chases Doink around and then stands tall in the ring. Why was this here? It should have been before the Taker match at least. Finally, we see Bobby Heenan again and Mooney informs him that he’s finally allowed to go inside. After the show is over. 

There is a dark main event featuring Crush Vs. Bam Bam Bigelow that Crush wins by DQ, so I guess that is why the Crush/Doink segment was placed where it was, I just feel like it should have been handled differently. 

That was the first episode of Monday Night Raw. Overall it was an okay show. It’s not what you’d expect as a modern wrestling fan. I’d expect some bigger names on the first show, but there were decent enough matches. The only real gripe I have is that commentary made some of the show unwatchable. Shawn Vs. Max Moon was really good, but Rob Bartlett just made me want to skip it. I would recommend watching this show, just try to tune the guy out.

[funface2]

101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle. 

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes  150 Good Morning Quotes  100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes  50 Friday Quotes  50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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Bài viết 101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/101-funny-quotes-hilarious-quotes-to-make-you-laugh-parade/

[placetobenation]

Talk about your busy week in the WWE! Start off with a signature PPV in Hell in a Cell, the final Monday Night RAW before the WWE Draft, night two of the Wednesday Night Wars for NXT and draft night on Friday Night Smackdown. Plus, throw in a Friday afternoon presser from Las Vegas for a huge two-match announcement for The Crown Jewel. There’s a lot to get through, so let’s get to it!

Overall, a solid week around the WWE. But here’s something that I see is getting lost. Emotion and details. Yes, the WWE is built on sports entertainment so sometimes the pure emotional side of pro wrestling gets lost for what the WWE might see as the greater good. For instance, the main event at Hell in a Cell basically gets thrown away with a DQ/stoppage that should’ve never happened between Seth Rollins and The Fiend. And yet, instead of addressing it on RAW, it’s buried and not even mentioned until the final third hour.

Fast forward to the Las Vegas presser. Watching it LIVE, it was a snoozer. Sure, announcing Tyson Fury vs. Braun Strowman and WWE Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Cain Velaszquez for The Crown Jewel in Saudi Arabia is a big deal. Yet, it fell flat with no real fans in the crowd and just the participants, led by Michael Cole and Triple H, talking from a podium. Missed opportunity to be creative there.

LESNAR. VELASQUEZ. Will history repeat itself when @BrockLesnar defends his #WWEChampionship against @cainmma at #WWECrownJewel? #SmackDown @HeymanHustle pic.twitter.com/v2MTi3IsFw

— WWE (@WWE) October 12, 2019

It’s probably partially the reason why AEW is beating NXT on Wednesday nights (1.1 million viewers to nearly 800,000 this week on TNT and USA Network respectively). The in-ring matches on NXT are fabulous, probably better than AEW. Yet, we need the emotional tie-in and the storyline to go with it. Why is WALTER facing Kushida in the main event? Awesome match, but for the mainstream fans to grab hold, they need to be told why. And that’s not on Mauro Ranallo and crew. They are fabulous calling the match. It’s a macro-view that needs to be embraced and hopefully will moving forward.

Think out of the box! Use Bayley as the example. Her heel turn has been fabulous. Well told and executed! And judging from Smackdown’s ratings, down to 2.9 million viewers from last week’s 4.2 million viewers in its premiere on FOX. Neither the network nor the WWE can be thrilled with that number considering it was a highly promoted draft episode. But then again, it was the #1 show of the night on broadcast television in the 18-49 demo.

Hell in a Cell PPV

RESULTS:

Natalya defeated Lacey Evans (Kickoff Show)

Raw Women’s Title Hell in a Cell Match: Champion Becky Lynch defeated Sasha Banks (submission)

Tornado Tag Team Match: Roman Reigns & Daniel Bryan defeated Luke Harper & Erick Rowan

Randy Orton defeated Ali @ 12:10

WWE Women’s Tag Team Title Match: The Kabuki Warriors defeated Champions Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross

The Viking Raiders & Braun Strowman defeated The OC (DQ)

Chad Gable defeated King Corbin

Smackdown Women’s Title Match: Charlotte defeated Champion Bayley (submission)

WWE Universal Title Hell in a Cell Match: The Fiend defeated Champion Seth Rollins (referee stoppage)

What we loved: Bravo Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks! That’s the way you kick off a PPV inside a Hell in a Cell. Storytelling, physicality and use of weapons were all well done! Neither women is hurt by this one.

The Kabuki Warriors get over! The rebuilding of Asuka continues as she gets a title to add to her portfolio. There’s enough here to build up a feud right through Survivor Series!

What we hated: What in the blue hell was up with that ending in the main event! Talk about killing the buzz to everyone involved! You bury the fans with a ref stoppage/DQ ending that left the folks in the arena chanting for refunds and “AEW.” Not something the WWE wants to hear after an awesome week leading into the PPV. You bury Seth Rollins by rendering his finishers useless. You bury The Fiend by not having him win. What was the point of the match if you (the WWE) didn’t want him to win or lose? YIKES!

No Kevin Owens. No Kofi Kingston. No New Day. It just seemed like the WWE put this together as the day went along with only three matches announced before the weekend.

Monday Night RAW

RESULTS

Last Woman Standing Match: Natalya defeated Lacey Evans

Non-Title Match: The Viking Raiders defeated RAW Tag Team Champions Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode

Aleister Black defeated The Singhs

The OC defeated Lucha House Party

Non-Title Match: Champions The Kabuki Warriors defeated Becky Lynch & Charlotte

Ricochet defeated Apollo Crews

What we loved:

Tyson Fury vs. Braun Strowman – we had to wait three hours for the payoff with some fisticuffs in the ring, but it sure got the attention of everyone, making both guys look strong.

More Kabuki Warriors! The green mist returns on back-to-back nights to do in the Champions. The Champions Showcase raised the level of everyone and included a run-in by Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross to keep that feud engaged. Well done!

The OC didn’t lose!

What we hated:

Completely ignoring the Hell in a Cell PPV main event between The Fiend and Seth Rollins. I get it that Wyatt wasn’t cleared medically reportedly, but to not even mention it until the third hour of the show is ridiculous. The absurd ending made it imperative it gets addressed early in the show with some sort of explanation.

I’m all for giving folks a chance to be on TV, but the Singhs, Lucha House Party and Apollo Crews vs. Ricochet on a RAW after a PPV? They made up half of the matches on the card! Gotta be more creative than that although I’ll give Ricochet and Crews props for at least making it a little fun.

NXT

RESULTS:

Cruiserweight Title Match: Lio Rush defeated Champion Drew Gulak

Rhea Ripley defeated Aliyah (submission)

Steve Cutler and Wesley Blake defeated Tyler Breeze and Fandango

Cameron Grimes defeated Boa

Non-Title Match: Champion Roderick Strong defeated Isaiah Scott (submission)

Bianca Belair defeated Dakota Kai

Non-Title Match: Champion WALTER defeated KUSHIDA

What we loved:

Main event delivers! WALTER and the Imperium is mad over. I’m sure eventually down the line, they’ll mix it up with The Undisputed ERA. But not yet. Give it time.

Solid matches with no B.S. – it’s not just the tag line. The matches deliver without the fluff. The question will be is the perception vs. AEW and if people hang around to keep the ratings up.

The build for Tomasso Ciampa. I’m glad they are rushing him back to the ring. Mixing it up with Adam Cole and then a backstage mix-up with Angel Garza to set up a match next Wednesday is the way to do it.

What we hated:

Nothing. No intense dislike for this week. A very solid show. Now, could we have done without the naked belt picture of Roderick Strong? Sure, but it was mildly funny. Plus, that’s the entertaining part of the Velveteen Dream, who gets to take on Strong again for the North American Title in two weeks.

Meh:

Congratulations @itsLioRush … #ANDNEW NXT Cruiserweight Champion.@WWENXT Pound for pound, No one better. pic.twitter.com/hO4xTUbyCR

— Triple H (@TripleH) October 10, 2019

While it was a very good match, Lio Rush gets redemption as NXT Cruiserweight Champion. Now, his run with Bobby Lashley on RAW was annoying, it’s nice to see him get a second chance. But for me, he doesn’t much move the needle yet. Here’s hoping that changes with this latest opportunity.

Looking ahead and looking forward to Damian Priest vs. Pete Dunne!

Smackdown

RESULTS:

Part 1 of the two-night WWE Draft: Drafted to Raw * Becky Lynch * The O.C. (AJ Styles, Karl Anderson, and Luke Gallows) * Drew McIntyre * Randy Orton * Ricochet * Bobby Lashley * Alexa Bliss * Kevin Owens * Natalya * The Viking Raiders (Erik & Ivar) * Nikki Cross * The Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford)

Drafted to Smackdown * Roman Reigns * Bray Wyatt * Sasha Banks * Braun Strowman * Lacey Evans * The Revival (Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder) * Lucha House Party (Gran Metalik, Lince Dorado, & Kalisto) * Heavy Machinery (Otis & Tucker)

Roman Reigns defeats Seth Rollins via DQ when The Fiend interferes to win first pick in the draft

King Corbin defeats Shorty Gable

The New Day defeats The OC (Kofi Kingston pins AJ Styles)

Title Match: Bayley regains the Smackdown Women’s Championship defeating Charlotte Flair

What we loved: More Shorty Gable! Sure, three times King Corbin vs. Gable might be too much, but the Shorty sparkplug is entertaining as hell! Give me more!

Kofi Kingston gets the pin over AJ Styles. After a 10 second Title loss on the debut of Friday Night Smackdown on FOX last week, Kofi gets a little juice back with the clean win.

"Screw ALL OF YOU!"

@itsBayleyWWE isn't your girl anymore, @WWEUniverse. #SmackDown #AndNew pic.twitter.com/grDRwIOOg1

— WWE (@WWE) October 12, 2019

Bayley’s new look and a title win! DID NOT SEE THAT COMING! Heel rule #4. You have to get a new outfit and new look. The former hugger did that in spades along with chopping down her inflatable fanbase. Add in a regained championship and the night Is complete! Outstanding move! We LOVE the new Bayley!

What we hated: The process of the draft. Having Stephanie McMahon just announce the picks with no reaction from any of the superstars left a lot to be desired. Takes the emotion out of it. While we liked tying in Troy Aikman and the NFL on FOX Thursday & Sunday crew was a nice touch, the “war room” reactions got tiring after the second look-in. Plus, Michael Cole should’ve reinforced that Brock Lesnar, Charlotte Flair, Seth Rollins amongst others couldn’t get drafted until Monday night. I’m sure there were plenty of people who were wondering why the Lucha House Party got drafted before three of the WWE Champions. It’s all in the details people!

Thanks for letting us share my thoughts! Shoot me an email at jcrowe567@gmail.com. We’d love to hear you comments and suggestions! You can also check out my blog, The Crowe’s Nest as we delve into more pro wrestling, sports entertainment and the World of Sports. My apologies ahead of time – I AM a Patriots and Red Sox fan! If you’re not down with that, I’ve got TWO WORDS for you…. NEW ENGLAND!

[ecotone99]

[TH] SISTER'S WIDOW HORROR THRILLER SHORT STORY - I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY IT. IT'S A LITTLE LONG, BUT THERE'S A SURPRISE ENDING.

Sister's Widow by Skyler Woods

A few months ago, Natalie Rodman was sitting in a witness room in front of an execution chamber. The young woman witnessed the execution of a man named, Bobby Clayton. Bobby Clayton was a Texas man. He was a former Ku Klux Klan member and he was also the man who killed Natalie's husband. The police ruled the murder as a hate crime after investigating Bobby's background. Natalie didn't understand why God would let a racist white man from Texas kill her husband. Natalie was a beautiful thirty-two-year-old Caucasian woman who was born and raised in Dallas, Texas. Natalie's husband was from Chicago. He was a handsome and successful twenty-eight-year-old black man named Tyson Kyrie Rodman. Natalie was a pediatrician and her husband was a financial advisor.

On a Tuesday morning, Tyson was taking his daughter to school. It was the same morning routine that Tyson loved doing before driving to his job. Tyson was sitting at a stop light. He was laughing and singing with his six-year-old daughter, Brianna, who was sitting in the backseat of her daddy's BMW. While Tyson was making his daughter laugh, a silver sports car with black tinted windows roared up beside him. A bearded man inside the sports car pulled out a gun and unloaded into Tyson's car. Two bullets went through the driver side window, striking Tyson in his skull. Before the young father was killed, the last thing he heard was his daughter's angelic giggles.

Natalie would often have nightmares where she would see her husband being shot to death in front of their daughter. In the dream, Natalie would try to stop a southern white man from shooting her husband and she would always be too late. Natalie had a visceral hatred for racism. It was racism that took her husband from her. Natalie thought she would find peace after the man who killed her husband was executed. There was still no peace in Natalie's soul. The young woman was now a single mom, and she wanted her husband back. Natalie wanted to see her husband's face again. Tyson was the love of Natalie's life and he was the father of her gorgeous daughter. Natalie would give anything to bring her husband back. She hated to see her daughter cry every time she would watch Sesame Street. Sesame Street was a show that Natalie's husband and her daughter would watch together. It pained Natalie when her daughter told her that she never wanted to watch Sesame Street again.

Brianna missed her father just as bad as her mother. The child missed sitting in her daddy's lap and watching her favorite kids shows with him. The little girl missed playing in the backyard swimming pool with her father. She missed listening to her daddy's bedtime stories. Brianna missed going to picnics with her daddy and mommy. Like her mom, Brianna wanted to see her daddy's face again. She wanted to be in his arms again. The little girl loved pretending to be an airplane every time her daddy would lift her up and carry her.

Natalie and Brianna were suffering. The mother and daughter would still have fun together, but they would always feel that something special was missing. Natalie didn't have her husband anymore but she wasn't completely lonely. Natalie's sister, Paula would always be by her side. She would always support and comfort Natalie through hard times. Paula was Natalie's older sister and she was Natalie's only sibling. Natalie and Paula loved each other and they would always try to support each other.

Right now, Natalie needed her sister's support. Natalie wanted to visit a psychic and she wanted Paula to come with her. Natalie heard stories about psychics contacting dead loved ones. The young woman thought she could reunite with her deceased husband through a psychic.

The problem was that Natalie's sister didn't like people who were psychics. Paula saw psychics as crooks who scammed people out of their money. She didn't believe in a psychic's ability to contact dead loved ones in the spirit world. The woman thought all psychics were fake like Las Vegas magicians, and she didn't want her sister to give any of her money to a psychic, so she could contact her dead husband.

"I'm only doing this because you're my little sister and I love you. I know you want to do this, but I think this whole thing is stupid and your wasting your money!" Paula fussed at her sister while pulling out a cigarette.

"Please don't smoke in my car!" Natalie snatched the cigarette out of her sister's hand. "I don't want you smoking in my car and I don't want you smoking around my daughter." Natalie pointed back at Brianna who was sitting right behind her mom in the backseat. Paula rolled her eyes at her sister.

"I can't believe you brought Brianna. Why the hell did you bring my niece? You should have dropped her off at our mother's house. She's too young and you shouldn't have taken her with you to go see this stupid psychic!" Paula loved her sister but she was mad at her. She really became irritated after Natalie took away her cigarette. Paula began fidgeting with her short and curly sunset brown hair, which was something she would do every time she would get irritated about something.

"I wanted to go with Mommy. Mommy said that this lady is going to help us talk to Daddy." Brianna answered her auntie's question with a cheeriness in her pure little voice. Paula laughed at the little girl.

"Your mommy needs help, baby. Instead of taking you to get some ice cream, she's taking you to go see a psychic. You shouldn't be here, but your mommy brought you with us because she's crazy. She thinks a psychic lady is going to contact your daddy, but your daddy is dead and you can't make contact with somebody who's dead." Paula spoke her mind, even to her niece.

Natalie lightly punched Paula in her arm. "Don't say that to her. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Natalie snarled at her older sister.

"I'm only telling her the truth because she deserves to know," Paula said while smirking at Natalie. She affectionately glanced around at Brianna after rolling her eyes at Natalie. Natalie shook her head at her sister while moving her long platinum blonde hair away from her face. There was a minute of silence between Natalie and her sister. The two women would occasionally look around at each other, giving each other disgusted stares.

"Come on, Honey! Let's go talk to Daddy!" Natalie told her daughter with her bubbly voice breaking the silence inside her car. Paula watched as her sister got out of the car, accidently dropping her purse on the sidewalk.

A suppressed giggle came out of Paula after she watched Natalie drop her purse on the ground. Paula slowly stepped out of her sister's car and she made sure to keep a firm grip on her designer purse.

After grabbing her purse off the ground in disgust, Natalie reached into the backseat to get her daughter. The young woman was angry at first, but having her daughter in her arms would always spark some joy inside of her.

"Don't believe what your auntie told you, baby. We're gonna talk to your daddy," Natalie whispered to her daughter while touching the little girl's nose and bringing a smile to her child's face.

"Why did Auntie Paula say that we can't talk to Daddy because he's dead?" Brianna asked her mom while resting her small arm on her mama's shoulder. The little girl wanted to believe that she would talk to her daddy again, but her auntie's words discouraged her a little.

"Your Auntie Paula can be mean sometimes. Most of the time she doesn't mean what she says," Natalie told her daughter. The young mother kissed her little girl on the forehead while holding her firmly in her arms.

"I remember when Auntie Paula told me that there was no Santa Claus and Daddy got mad at her and he told her to leave our house." Brianna was a very smart girl and she remembered a lot of things, even painful things.

"Your Auntie Paula was drunk that night at the Christmas party. Whenever she drinks alcohol, she says things that aren't true. Alcohol turns you into a liar," Natalie told her daughter, still keeping her voice to a low whisper. Occasionally, Natalie would take her eyes off her daughter's face to see if Paula was looking at them. Natalie looked around at Paula to see that her sister was lighting up another cigarette.

"So Auntie Paula is a liar?" Brianna asked her mom. The child wanted her mom to reassure her that her auntie was lying about not being able to talk to her daddy through a psychic. Brianna wanted to speak to her dad and she didn't want the things that her auntie told her to be true.

"Your Auntie Paula is a liar, but she's still a good auntie and she loves you." Natalie stated while putting her warm gaze back on her little girl. "You notice how your auntie's nose pokes out a little. It's real pointy and long like Pinocchio's. That's from telling lies and drinking, and smoking. Your auntie is a drinking and smoking Pinocchio," Natalie whispered to her daughter while snickering. She caused her daughter to giggle. Both mother and daughter were giggling while staring at Paula.

Paula slowly walked around her sister's car while staring back at Brianna and Natalie. "What's so funny?" Paula asked her sister and her niece in a dry tone of voice. The woman sucked and puffed on her cigarette while stepping up on the sidewalk, with her high heel shoes clicking against the ground.

"We love you, Auntie Pinocchio!" Brianna blurted out while pointing at her Auntie, causing her mom to break out into a harder laugh.

Natalie put her hand over her mouth while trying to contain her laughter. Looking at the confused expression on her sister's face made her laugh more. Natalie kissed her daughter and she enjoyed how her little girl wasn't afraid to make fun of her auntie.

"I love you too," Paula replied to her niece, maintaining the dry tone in her voice. Paula cut her eyes at Natalie and she knew that her sister was behind the Auntie Pinocchio name calling. Paula knew that her sister was making fun of her, and she knew that her sister was using her daughter to poke fun at her. Since Paula saw herself as the more mature sister, she brushed off Natalie's ridicule.

"I appreciate you doing this," Natalie said to her sister while walking up to her. "I know you think I'm an idiot for doing this and I love you for supporting me anyway." Natalie meant what she said to her sister. She found a way to hug her sister even while holding her daughter.

"I love you too and my little niece," Paula said to Natalie and Brianna through a smile. "I hate psychics and I think going to see a psychic is a bad idea, but I'm standing with you. If we're gonna do this, then we need to do it quickly so we can go eat afterwards, because I'm starving." Paula showed her displeasure, but she didn't let her displeasure stop her from kissing her niece and hugging her sister.

Natalie knew that her sister wasn't too comfortable with public displays of affection, so she made sure to keep her hug and kiss short and sweet. Natalie stood beside her sister and the two women were standing in front of a house that had an open for business sign hanging from it's window. The house was small and it looked out of place among the other homes in the neighborhood.

Natalie thought the house resembled a small white painted log cabin. She could see the neon sign hanging from its window which said "Carol's Psychic Reading." Natalie was so busy reading the business name on the front of the house that she didn't even notice how fast she had walked up to the front door. Natalie was already standing on the front steps with her sister close behind her. Both women were greeted at the door. Natalie didn't even have to ring the doorbell. The young mother was surprised to see a statuesque old woman appear in the doorway faster than a flash of lightning.

"Hello my Sweethearts, welcome to Carol's Psychic Reading!" The woman greeted Natalie and Paula with a creepy, whimsical and joyous squeal in her voice. "My name is Carol Hunter." Carol took Natalie by the hand and she gently pulled the young woman into her house. She touched Brianna on the chin, causing the little girl to smile.

"My name is Natalie Rodman and this is my older sister Paula Lyons." Natalie pointed back at her sister. "This little angel that I'm holding is my daughter, Brianna." Natalie introduced her daughter to the psychic before giggling. Natalie watched as the old woman reached out to caress her daughter's face.

"So you're a psychic?" Paula asked the old woman while giving her a cynical stare.

"That's right, my darling. I've been a psychic for fifty years and I love my job so much. I love being able to help people reconnect with their loved ones." Carol spoke to Paula through her hauntingly gentle voice.

"Yeah, I'm sure you love helping people by stealing their money," Paula whispered to herself while rolling her eyes at the psychic. Paula had her arms folded and she examined Carol's odd appearance. She thought the old woman was dressed like a housewife from the 1960s. Paula noticed how the old woman was wearing an electric blue shirtwaist sailor-themed mini dress that had orange flowers on it. Paula noticed how the old lady wore a scarf on her head that matched the color of her dress. She also noticed the old lady's pearl earrings and her pearl necklace which had the same electric-blue color as her dress.

Instead of looking at the old woman's dress and jewelry, Natalie observed the old woman's beauty and her inviting smile. The old lady reminded Natalie of her grandmother. Natalie could sense how the old woman and her grandmother shared the same familiar warm, and loving hospitality.

"My goodness, I figured it out! You look just like Marilyn Monroe with a nose ring!" Carol said to Natalie, still holding the young woman's hand. "You look like Marilyn Monroe if she was a rock star. Your beautiful face resembles Marilyn Monroe to me. She's been dead for years, but she's always been my favorite actress. You remind me of her, but you have a slight edginess to your beauty," Carol stated. The old psychic admired Natalie's flawless porcelain white skin and her blonde hair. She admired the tattoos on Natalie's arms and she even liked how Natalie's shapely body complimented her hot pink blouse and her blue jean miniskirt.

"I've never been told that I look like a rock star Marilyn Monroe before." Natalie shrugged her shoulders while giggling through her Texas accent. "My husband thought I looked like a Barbie doll. He used to call me his Texas Barbie, and I would call him my Honey Boo Boo. I know that sounds stupid but we had affectionate names we would give each other," Natalie spoke adoringly about her husband.

Soft laughter from Natalie and Carol filled the living room. The only one in the room who wasn't laughing was Paula. Paula was tired of Carol and she hated how quickly her sister became familiar and friendly with the old psychic.

"Your daughter is so beautiful. She's just as pretty as her mother. She reminds me of my daughter when she was little," Carol spoke her compliments over Brianna. "My daughter is grown now. Her name is Kristine. She's married with two boys and she lives in Santa Rosita California." The psychic couldn't take her gaze off Brianna's bright eyes. Carol kissed the back of the little girl's hand and she oddly imagined Brianna as being her granddaughter.

"She looks more like her daddy than me. My baby has her daddy's caramel-brown skin and his dimples," Natalie told the psychic while proudly holding her daughter up in her arms and kissing her little girl on the side of her head. "I love her so much. She's my only baby and I'm glad that she looks more like her daddy. She misses her daddy." Natalie's voice trailed off. The young woman was speaking for herself as well as her daughter.

Paula couldn't take it anymore. Listening to her sister talk to the psychic made her feel like she was at a therapy session instead of a psychic reading. Paula wanted to speed things up a bit.

"My sister came here so she could talk to her dead husband! Can you bring him back from the dead so we can talk to him!? We're just going to chit chat and then we're going to leave!" Paula spoke rudely to the psychic with a sardonic smile forming at the corners of her mouth. Paula kept her eyes on the old lady and she ignored the dirty stare that her sister was giving her.

"You're a cynic aren't you, my darling?" Carol asked Paula. The old lady slowly glided up to the woman still displaying her pleasant smile. "I feel that you hate people like us. You think that all psychics are con-artists?" "You're absolutely right, all psychics are con-artists," Paula replied to the old lady in a hasty manner.

"Oh no, Honey, we are not all con-artists." Carol shook her head at Paula while giving the woman a mysterious grin. "Most of us are the real deal. We might look fake on the outside, but we are very spiritually attuned on the inside." Carol placed her wrinkled finger beneath Paula's chin. The old lady caressed Paula's chin for a minute. She gave Paula a smile, but her smile faded when she felt something in her soul that unnerved her. The old psychic slowly took her finger away from Paula's chin while backing away.

"What's the matter? You look scared." Paula asked the old woman, noticing her odd behavior. Paula didn't like how the psychic slowly backed away from her as if she had a disease.

"I could sense your unbelief, my darling. You are definitely an unbeliever of the psychic world." Carol folded her hands in front of her while staring intensely at Paula. "Today I will make you a believer. Why don't you girls have a seat and make yourselves at home. I'll be right back. Carol directed Natalie and Paula toward her sofa. The old woman's pleasant smile returned to her face after Natalie and Paula made themselves comfortable on her furniture. Carol blew a kiss at Natalie's daughter and she giggled when the little girl blew a kiss back at her.

"Did you see that, Mommy. She blew a kiss at me," Brianna gleefully stated after watching the old lady leave the room. Brianna was sitting on her mother's lap and she giggled from her mother resting her chin on her forehead.

"She did blow a kiss at you! I think she likes you!" Natalie laughed while playing with her daughter's flowing, naturally curly hair. Natalie wanted to keep playing with her daughter, but her smile faded when she looked around at Paula who had a sour expression on her face.

Brianna placed her young eyes on her auntie and the child could sense a sadness around her Auntie Paula. Without hesitation, the little girl reached out to touch her aunt's hand, but she got nothing back in return.

"That's real sweet, baby," Paula said to her niece before slowly moving her hand away from the little girl's fingers.

Natalie tried not to be irritated by her sister's behavior. She didn't understand why Paula refused to hold hands with her own niece. Natalie knew that her sister had an attitude problem, but she didn't appreciate Paula showing attitude toward her daughter. She wanted to say something to her sister, but she held her tongue when she saw the old lady walking back into the living room holding a tray of cookies and ice tea.

"Hope you girls are hungry. I made some shortbread cookies and sweet tea." Carol was thrilled to present her refreshments to her guests. The old lady sat the tray of cookies and tea down in front of Natalie, Paula and Brianna. She straightened out her dress before sitting down in a recliner.

"I love shortbread cookies. My mom used to make these," Natalie told the old woman. The young mother reached in to grab a few cookies for her and her daughter. Natalie thought her sister was hungry and she didn't understand why her sister wasn't the first one to grab a cookie. Natalie loved her sister but she hated Paula's attitude issues, her acid tongue, and her controlling personality. For Natalie, the best way to deal with her sister at the moment was to pretend that her sister wasn't sitting next to her on the sofa. Natalie scooted toward Carol and she wanted to be close to the psychic. She needed to be close so the old woman could touch her and possibly connect her with her husband on the other side.

"I can feel how much you miss your husband." Carol rested her hand on Natalie's knee. The psychic wasted no time and she went into her spiritual trance, but she made it look normal. "I can sense a tragedy. The man in your life was taken from you unjustly. He was a good young man. He was a good husband to you and a wonderful father to his daughter. I keep hearing the name, Tyson. Was that your husband's name, darling?" Carol asked her question but the old psychic already knew that she was on point, judging by the astonished look on Natalie's face.

Natalie slowly put her hand over her mouth while trying not to cry. "Tyson was my husband's name. His name was Tyson Kyrie Rodman." Natalie couldn't believe how quickly Carol went into her spiritual talents.

"I-I can see." Carol gasped. The psychic had her eyes closed while holding Natalie's hand. "I can see—"

"What is it?" Natalie leaned closer toward Carol, gripping the old lady's hand.

"I didn't even have to call him. He was already there. My God, he's a handsome young man." Carol was gasping and she was amazed by the vision she was seeing.

"You can see him already? Please tell me!" Natalie was eager to know what or who Carol was seeing beyond her closed eyes. The young widow didn't mean to raise her voice at Carol and she apologized. "I'm sorry, I just wanna know."

"It's okay, darling." Carol showered her sweet voice over Natalie. "I can see your husband. He's standing before me. He's standing three feet away from me to be exact." Carol's voice drifted down into a calming whisper.

"You can see Tyson? What does he look like?" Natalie was the one who began gasping.

"He looks happy at the moment. He's so handsome and he's wearing a black leather blazer and blue jeans." Carol gave her description of Tyson.

"He wore his black leather blazer on the morning he was killed," Natalie whispered. She couldn't stop gasping while cleaning tears off her face.

"Daddy!" Brianna shouted with excitement. The little girl looked around the living room to see if she could spot her father. In the child's mind, she thought that her daddy was invisible. "I want to see Daddy. Where is he?" Brianna asked the psychic curiously.

"You can't see him, Honey, because he only wants me to see him. He's in the spirit world." Carol kindly told the child. "He can see you though. He's telling me something. He said tell my little Buttercup that daddy says hi and that he misses you," Carol told the child through a short, delighted laugh.

"I miss you too, Daddy!" Brianna shouted. The little girl became overwhelmed with excitement when she knew that the old lady was actually speaking to her daddy.

"He wants me to tell you that he will always be with you and that he loves the little sunflowers on your dress." Carol continued to deliver the news to Brianna. "He wanted me to tell you that he's sorry about what happened that morning. He said you and him were in the car singing the theme song to Sesame Street. He says that he misses singing Sunny Days with his little Buttercup. He wants me to tell you that daddy will always love you." Carol felt water in her eyes while she was telling Brianna everything that her father wanted her to say.

Natalie gave in to her tears. The young woman was exhilarated and shocked that the spirit of her deceased husband spared no time speaking his message through Carol.

Paula was creeped out by the moment. The woman stood up and she broke into a nervous sweat while listening to the psychic.

"He wants your daughter to cover her ears." Carol continued. "There's something he wants me to tell you, but he doesn't want Brianna to hear it." The smile was melting off Carol's lips.

"Brianna, cover your ears, baby," Natalie told her daughter, obeying her husband's orders. After telling her daughter to cover her ears, she didn't know what to expect next.

"Your husband has something he wants you to know," Carol's eloquent and grandmotherly voice filled the atmosphere in her living room. "First of all, he wants me to tell you that he loves you so much and that he misses your touch and your kiss." Carol moaned sorrowfully after she repeated what Tyson's spirit wanted her to say.

"I love you too, baby! I miss you so fucking much!" Natalie shouted out to her husband's spirit while wiping tears from her face. "Did he hear me?" Natalie asked Carol with urgency in her trembling voice. She released a joyous laugh through her tears when Carol replied to her with a slow nod of her head.

"He heard you, Honey," Carol whispered to Natalie while caressing the woman's hand. "He said that you and Brianna will always be his babies and he loves the both of you more than anything," Carol paused for a minute while taking a deep breath. "There's something he needs to tell you and he says that it will be disturbing." Carol's voice became firm but it never lost it's gentleness.

"What does he need to tell me? What do you want to tell me, baby!?" Natalie called out to her husband wanting to hear his voice. The young woman made sure that her daughter's ears were still covered before putting her teary eyes back on Carol.

Carol licked her lips while cradling Natalie's hand in both of her sweaty palms. "It has something to do with his murder. He's telling me that the man who shot him in his car was not the murderer. He says that his murder was more of an assassination rather than a hate crime." Carol was delivering the news to Natalie as fast as she could. The psychic still had her eyes closed. She could still see the spirit of a tall, dark and handsome man standing before her and instructing her on what to tell his wife.

"What's he talking about?" Natalie was thoroughly confused. Her heart was pounding against her chest and her throat was so dry that when she swallowed it felt like someone was pinching her esophagus."Keep your ears covered, baby," Natalie told her daughter while reaching over her little girl to grab her glass of ice tea. The mother brought the glass to her lips and she nervously gulped down the ice tea. She stopped drinking when she finally felt the dryness leave her throat.

Paula was still standing and the sweat from her body was soaking her white dress. The woman's heart was thumping in her throat and she wanted to stop the psychic but she couldn't talk. Paula reached for her purse. A panic fell over her. She wanted to run out of the house but she didn't want to leave her sister and her niece. All Paula could do was slowly back away from the sofa while clutching her purse.

"He's saying that the man who shot him was paid by someone to kill him." Carol's voice trembled a little as she continued speaking. "Your husband tells me that the man who killed him was paid by a woman. An evil woman. "He's telling me that it was your sis—" Before Carol could finish her sentence she heard a loud click echo throughout her living room.

Natalie swallowed hard when she looked around to see her older sister pointing a loaded semi automatic pistol at Carol. Natalie couldn't believe what she was seeing. She never saw her sister pull the gun out of her purse. She didn't even know that her sister had a gun in her purse.

"Don't say another fucking word," Paula hissed at Carol after cocking her gun and aiming it straight at the old lady's head.

"Paula, what—what are you doing?" Natalie breathlessly asked her sister. Natalie had lost her breath and she felt like she was dreaming.

"You fucking bitch! You were gonna tell her everything?" Paula broke down in tears while keeping her gun steady on Carol's face. "How did you know? How the fuck is he talking to you? He's supposed to be dead!" Paula gulped while shaking her head in disbelief. Carol stayed calm in the face of Paula's handgun.

"If you shoot me, it won't stop the truth from coming out, Honey" Carol spoke calmly. The old lady wasn't afraid of dying and she knew that her psychic abilities would come at a cost.

"Fuck you, you freak!" Paula had spit coming out of her mouth as she shouted at the old lady.

"Paula baby, what the fuck are you doing? You're scaring your sister and your niece! You know that right?" Natalie spoke forcibly to her sister and she tried not to fall into shock. "Give me the gun, Paula." Natalie slowly moved her daughter off of her lap before standing up from the sofa.

"I'm so sorry, Natalie." Paula sobbed. The woman aimed her gun at Natalie. She didn't want to point the gun at her sister but it was an involuntary movement of her arm.

"Paula, give me the gun. I know you're not going to fucking shoot me in front of my daughter." Natalie's voice was trembling worse than an earthquake, but she was trying to stay calm. The young woman slowly approached her sister with caution. She couldn't believe that she was negotiating with her sister over not shooting her.

"I loved him too!" Paula told her sister with tears streaming down her face. "I tried to get him to sleep with me, but he turned me down. He kicked me out of the house. You were at work one morning when I came over to see him. He didn't expect me to show up at the house." Paula paused while wiping a few tears from her face. "He invited me in and he made me breakfast. He looked so sexy in his bathrobe. We had eggs and coffee and we talked for a couple of hours. He kept telling me how he enjoyed being with you. He told me how he was happy to be your husband. I really didn't want to hear him talk about how happily married he was to you. I was divorced with no children and I was lonely. I wanted Tyson."

Natalie lost her voice for a minute while listening to Paula confess that she had feelings for her husband.

"I told him that I was lonely. I told Tyson that he was very attractive and that I wished he was mine instead of being married to you." Paula kept her gun aimed at her sister and she would back away every time Natalie would take a step toward her. "We were in the kitchen and I started crying after I told Tyson that I was lonely and that I wanted him to be with me. When your husband hugged me, I tried to kiss him. I thought we were going to kiss, but then he pushed me away. He told me that he couldn't be unfaithful to his wife! I got mad at him and I slapped him and that's when he threw me out of the house. I called him a nigger before I slapped him, so I guess that didn't help me."

Natalie was listening to her sister and she couldn't take her eyes off the gun. The young woman kept seeing the gun accidentally going off and killing her, or killing her daughter or the psychic. Natalie had to find a way to get the gun out of her sister's hand. She wanted to comfort her sister, but she didn't want anyone to die. Natalie had never been in the face of a loaded gun and it was the most terrifying thing she had ever experienced.

Carol saw something tragic happening in her living room. Since the psychic could see the future, she saw someone being killed in her house. It was a frightening vision of what was to come. While keeping herself calm, the old lady stood up from her recliner and she made her way over to Natalie's daughter. Carol wrapped her arms around Brianna when the child began to cry. She held the little girl tightly in her arms while saying a prayer under her breath.

Brianna was traumatized from seeing her auntie pointing a gun at her mother. The child swallowed some of her tears while holding on to Carol. She thought her auntie was about to shoot her mother and she wanted to scream out to her auntie and tell her not to kill her mom, but the child was in shock. All she could do was cry and close her eyes. Brianna had the comfort of Carol holding her and the old woman's embrace was the only comfort that the child could find.

"I killed Tyson after he rejected me!" Paula yelled at Natalie while waving the gun in her sister's face. "Bobby Clayton is the man I paid to kill Tyson! I disguised myself and I met Bobby at his house. I paid him ten thousand dollars in cash and I told him where your husband worked and that he drives his daughter to school every morning. I had Tyson killed because I hated him for wanting you instead of me! When you're the big sister, you feel that every fucking thing should be yours, including your little sister's husband!" Paula released a maniacal laugh with tears still flowing down her face. Paula's mascara was running down her chin. Her slender and haggard face that was once beautiful in her youth, was twisted unnaturally, like a mental patient who was going through electric shock treatment.

"You had Tyson killed?" Natalie asked in disbelief. "You paid somebody to shoot my man? I don't believe you!" Natalie's voice was escalating. "My baby had to see her daddy get shot in the head because of you!" Natalie pointed back at her daughter. Now Natalie was the one who was yelling at her sister and she didn't care about the gun. The young woman's rising fury was overriding her fear.

"I'm sorry for killing your man, but I loved him!" Paula sobbed out her words like a baby in distress. She kept her gun aimed at Natalie and she didn't want to pull the trigger, but she prepared to shoot if Natalie attacked her.

"I can't believe you paid someone to kill him." Natalie's voice went down into a whisper. The young woman looked down at the floor while putting her hands up to her head. "You hate me that much? I thought you loved me? I thought you loved Brianna? You killed her daddy." Natalie kept talking softly, but she couldn't look at her sister anymore. Natalie could feel her heart crumbling. The young woman felt betrayed.

"I was wrong for what I did!" Paula said while gritting her teeth. She cut her eyes over at Carol and she felt her hostility toward the psychic arise again. Paula wanted to kill the psychic and she didn't care that the old lady was holding her niece. "It's all her fault! I told you I didn't want to go see a psychic! She's a fucking old freak and she's ruined our relationship!" Paula fell into a rage while burning her stare into the old lady.

Natalie watched as her sister aimed the gun at Carol. "Paula, just give me the fucking gun! It's okay baby, I forgive you for what you did, but please don't shoot anybody! Don't shoot in front of Brianna!" Natalie pleaded with her sister. She lied about forgiving her sister but she wanted to defuse the situation, fearing for her daughter's life.

"You fucking old psychic bitch!" Paula hissed at the old lady. Paula tightened the grip on her gun and she was about to pull the trigger, but Natalie ran toward her and tackled her, knocking the gun out of her hand.

"Mommy!" Brianna screamed after she watched her mom tackle her auntie. The little girl wanted to run toward her mom, but Carol held her small body tightly in her arms.

"It's okay, Honey. It's going to be okay. Everything will be fine." Carol whispered to the little girl while holding the child against her chest. "Don't look, Honey. Just close your eyes." Carol cradled the child and she tried to use her arms to shield Brianna from the violence that was unfolding in her living room.

There was a brawl between Natalie and Paula. Paula tried to get her gun back and she punched Natalie when she blocked her path.

Natalie fell to the floor and she couldn't believe that her older sister punched her. The young woman had to stop Paula from reaching her gun, which was lying on the floor near the front door. Natalie wiped the blood from her nose before jumping up from the floor and tackling Paula again.

"Get off of me!" A deep and unearthly voice came out of Paula. Paula tried to punch her sister a second time, but she missed. There was nothing Paula could do, but brace her fall. Paula fell on top of a coffee table after her sister punched her in the mouth. Getting cold cocked by Natalie enraged Paula. The crazed woman grabbed her sister around her legs and pulled her down.

"Paula, stop it!" Natalie cried out while trying to free her long blonde hair from her sister's death grip. Paula's death grip quickly moved from Natalie's hair to her throat. Natalie was flat on her back struggling to free her slender neck from Paula's choke hold. Natalie was terrified by her sister's strength. She punched Paula across her face hoping it would stop her sister from strangling her. Mr. Death greeted Natalie and the widowed mother didn't want to shake his hand. Natalie didn't want to die. She didn't want to get strangled to death in front of her child. Natalie had to fight for Brianna. The child already lost her daddy and Natalie couldn't let her daughter grow up without her mom.

Paula was on top of Natalie and she tried to choke the life out of her little sister. The only thing that stopped Paula from killing her sister was a hard blow to her stomach.

Natalie drove her knee into Paula's torso and she thanked God that her neck was free. Natalie used all her strength to knock Paula off of her. She was covered in sweat and she was coughing so hard that she thought her lungs were going to get stuck in her throat. Natalie was glad to feel air rushing back into her lungs, but just because she could breathe again didn't mean that she was out of danger.

Paula kept trying to grab her sister. She was clawing at her sister's legs like a lion clawing at its prey. Paula jumped on top of her sister again and she tried to hold her down, but was unsuccessful. An elbow to her face sent Paula falling backwards. Paula kept coming after her sister and she kept getting elbowed in her face. She grabbed Natalie's hair again and began punching her sister in the back of her head.

Natalie screamed while crawling on her stomach. It only took a few seconds for Natalie to get a hold to her sister's gun. The young woman rolled over on her back, pointing the small caliber pistol up at her sister's face. Natalie thought her sister would stop hitting her after she saw the gun, but Natalie thought wrong.

Paula slapped her sister even with a gun in her face. It was as if she was demon possessed. She growled at her sister intermittently while punching her and yanking on her hair. Paula lost her soul and she went berserk on her sister. She tried to grab the gun out of Natalie's hand. Paula tussled with her sister, and she tried to pry the gun from between Natalie's fingers, but an explosive pop brought an end to the struggle.

Natalie dropped the gun after she accidentally shot her sister in the face. She didn't mean to shoot her sister in the face, but when Paula grabbed the gun, she forced it to go off. Natalie's face got drenched with her sister's blood. The young woman crawled away from her sister's dead body.

"Mommy!" Brianna freed herself from Carol and she ran toward her mother, embracing her. The little girl's sudden embrace forced her mother to take her terrified eyes off her auntie's dead body.

"Hi, baby." Natalie whispered to her daughter after embracing the child. The mother had fallen into a shocked daze while holding her daughter.

Carol stood up from her sofa and she calmly walked toward Natalie and her daughter. "I'm sorry, Honey. You're husband wanted me to tell you the truth about his death," Carol said. The psychic kneeled down on the floor, putting her arms around Natalie and her daughter.

Natalie held her daughter's face against her lips. She began rocking back and forth on the floor while staring at her sister's body. The air in the living room was ice cold. Natalie could feel warmth on her body from two things. She could feel the warmth from her daughter's hug, and she could also feel the warmth from her sister's blood on her face.

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[triumphantsportitood]

Interview with Phoenix Suns Play-by-Play broadcaster Steve Albert

. What was the first step you took when you got out of college to pursue this dream?

A: After I graduated from college, the first thing I did was get everything together, and got a resume together. I sent out as many tapes and resumes as humanly possible. I wanted to do hockey, it was my focal point. I started the hockey team at Kent State, because they did not have a hockey team… that is why I went there, I started it so I could appoint myself as the play-by-play announcer. That was the over-riding factor for me choosing that college. I had found out that the major teams had professional announcers within the area, so I said let me start my own team, and let me do what I just said I would do. They built an arena by my sophomore year, and I was off and running. I got our games on campus radio. As it turned out, to this day, Kent State has yet to put an NHL player out there, but fielded 3 NHL broadcasters. Mike Forns (Capitals), Rick Peckem (Whalers, and then for NBC), and myself. Went back home to Brooklyn, to the place I grew up in, and waited it out. I was fortunate, that within a short period of time, a month or so, I got a response from the Greensboro Generals of the Southern Hockey League. I went down there, and it was all set to go. Then, I got a phone call from the Cleveland Crusaders in the World Hockey Organization (ABA), Rebel League, raiding the NHL for top names. Picked up Bobby Hull, Gordie Howe… started Wayne Gretzky off. The team I had wanted in the first place, I hadn’t heard from them yet. There was a delay with them getting team together. It was near Kent State… Announced in AHL as a High-School senior. There was an announcer named Joe Tate (original voice of the Cavaliers)… he was a friend of mine through my brother Al.. He would moonlight as the announcer for Springfield Kings… they would hire other guys out. When the Kings would face the Barons he’d go… He’d miss a few games, and he called me up and said Steve can you do these games for me? I’ll be right there man! I turned pro while I was in college. Once drove through a Blizzard through Pennsylvania to do a game, in a borrowed car, in which the speedometer was broken. I didn’t know how fast I was going. The car belonged to Mike Fornes. He was throwing up in the backseat with the flu. I got to Hershey, about five minutes before face-off. Dove into the booth, and we had to do the game on a phone. Pay your dues. I was building a tape (WMAS sent me tapes)… Sent them out, and then… the Greensboro Generals brought me in, and we were ready to go… Cleveland called I told the Greensboro team (Carl Sheer, later became Nuggets president)... He said GO to Cleveland. They want me to announce on opening night, on a tape. I flew to Cleveland, I did the game, and the old arena, the broadcast positions were behind the goals. End-zone arena. Hard to call a game. Guys skating towards you so you cannot see their numbers. I did the game, went back to the hotel, next morning… Come on into the office. Nick Malletti, the owner, says, we’d like you to do the games. I had to go to North Carolina to tell Carl. Same exact thing happened to him, in an executive way. We became friends, and whenever I’d see him, he’d give me a big hug. He was a great guy. If not for people like that, you cannot succeed. I wound up being the voice of the Cleveland Crusaders, I joined TV shortly after. I announced for the NY Nets in the final year of the ABA. The passion was so deep, I’d go through a wall for anything.

. What was your fondest memory of being the Knicks ball boy in 1970?

A: The most iconic moment in NY Knicks history… when Willis Reed hobbled out onto the floor against the Lakers, when he had a bad hip. I was on the bench at that time. The shootings had happened at Kent State, and I was a sophomore. The campus dispersed, and everyone went home. The Knicks trainer, Danny Whelan, we became friends when I was ball boy in high school. I was in NY, and Danny asked me if I wanted to be an honorary ball boy for this game. It was like a Forrest Gump moment for me. Did all the work as a regular ball boy… When he hobbled out, looking to my left, the teams were warming up. I looked at the Lakers, Wilt, Jerry West, Gail Goodrich. They had all stopped to see Willis Reed coming up. I knew right there the game was over. They were taken out of their games. The crowd was the loudest I ever heard an arena. The roof was literally coming off. Willis, on one leg… took his first practice shot, and his went in. It got even louder. And louder. He took the jump ball, hit his first shot, and the place went delirious. Red Holtzman took him out, and he didn’t see another action. Walt Frazier lead them to victory, and they won the game. Lakers were demoralized and the Knicks won the championship. There I was. At the end of the game, Danny Whelan came over to me, and said, Steve, this is going to pandemonium. Gather up the warm-ups, and go around the edge and slip out, go into the locker room with everyone. We will never see it again. When they all ran in the locker room, I was the first. Bill Bradley, Walt Frazier, Phil Jackson, Willis Reed, Dick Barnett, the greatest Knick team.

. Having done full-time play-by-play for the Nets, Hornets, Warriors, Mets, Cavs, and Suns… what have you learned? Which team did you find you enjoyed the most?

A: I’ve been very fortunate to work with guys like Eddie Johnson, and Bill Raftery for 10-years with the Nets. He was a funny guy, a blast to be around. I would say the best memory was back in the mid-70’s. Last year of the ABA, when the Nets won the championship with Julius Erving. The one that is the farthest away time ways stands out the most in my memory, because as an announcer, you don’t get the opportunity to be a part of many championship scenarios. It was amazing to be a part of that. What a glorious way to go out, as the Nets were then infused to the NBA with three others teams. I stayed with the team upon the move. The Nets, Pacers, Spurs, Nuggets. Without question, that was the moment for me. When they won the ABA title. To be around Erving for a year… it felt like ten years that I was in that league, because of the memories that it instilled in me. It was a lot of fun. The other thing that stands out, wasn’t when I was doing play-by-play for a team. Doing morning radio on WABC Radio in New York. Even though I had to get up at 3:30 AM, it was the most fun I ever had. A very loyal early audience, drive-time radio in the morning is amazing. It’s the equivalent to prime-time night on television. This is when they make the most money in radio. They hope to put on the best people in the AM. I was slotted to do the morning sports, to do that with Allen Combs. Host/Stand-up comic. He taught me so much. Timing, comedy, it was awesome. The listeners were great. They loved you. It was complete love affair with the audience and the talent. They appreciated that you got up so early to entertain them. Then, I found that getting up so early was killing my body (Except for Howard Stern and Don Imus…. It can’t be done), $10 million gives you incentive. I had enough of the alarm clock at that hour, and that was a great thrill. I learned so much there.

. Being the voice of Showtime Boxing for 24 years… how did that opportunity first come about, and what were your biggest takeaways from that?

A: One of the great highlights, is we got to do several Mike Tyson fights. I would have to say the number one memory fight I ever did was: When he bit Evander Holyfield’s ear off. That was, at the time, the most watched sports pay-per-view event of all time: The record held for many years. Then, he bit him again, and was disqualified by Mills Lane. When it was over, I was so depressed. You didn’t know what the hell you said. It was crazy. I remember fighting through the crowd, hoards of people, to get back to my room. I was in a tuxedo, and I just lied down stared into the ceiling, and that’s it. It’s a savage, brutal sport. I wound up doing many sports, I kept going, and accepted this was part of the sport. Eventually, it was something I’d had enough of… the violent aspect. Somebody using cannibalism, as part of the sport. Without question, that is my biggest takeaway. Called some of the greatest fights in history. I called another fight, which to this day is being called the greatest fight today. Diego Carallas, vs Jose Luis Castillo… amazing comeback by Carallas. That was something. I’ll write a story on it someday. I’ve had a number of Forrest Gump Moments.

.

A:

. I love the idea of the VP, Ann Meyers-Drysdale having a chance to call games with you guys. Who’s idea was that, and what’s it been like having her? Aside from Stephanie Ready in CHA, there aren’t any teams using women analysts, which is a shame.

A: She had been associated with the Mercury for a long time, and a living legend. In the Basketball HOF, and everybody here knows her. She lives in the Phoenix area for most of the year. She’s part of folklore. She was the first women to ever try out for an NBA team, the Indiana Pacers. She didn’t make it, but that will always be a trivia question. She was that good. A great star at UCLA. They knew her from the Mercury.. It’s worked out nicely. She is one of the all-time greats as a person, and she is a pleasure to be around, always smiling. She did a great job at the Rio Olympics this past summer, with Mark Zumoff, doing women’s games. They brought him in because it was NBC. That’s how that developed. She does seventeen games when Eddie couldn’t be there. Eddie is doing the Golden State game, then we come back to Phoenix. Earl Watson wants a practice at home… back on a plane Tuesday, and then fly to Denver for a game to resume the road trip, and take over for the final five. She’s been on for five years with me, and it’s a nice balance for me. Two completely different styles, and you have to be adaptable to adjust to somebody else’s style as a color commentator. They don’t have to adapt, but I do. You’re always learning, no matter how old you are, you have to adjust.

. Broadcasting for an 18-win Hornets and 17-win Nets team… how did you stay upbeat, and eager for each broadcast?

A: It’s called, announcing many years with the Nets. My last year with the Nets was ’89-’90, when they won 17 games. Was accustomed to losing seasons. I had good teams too, so I have no complaints. That last year was awful. We fast forward to New Orleans, and they won 18 games. It was kind of a mish and mosh of players. A collection of ragamuffins from different teams, and they just couldn’t get it together. Byron Scott was the coach, and they didn’t know what to do. David West hadn’t developed yet. The Birdman was on that team… I was working with a fun guy named Gil McGregor… not a great player (played for Cincinnati Royals); wonderful person, so from that standpoint the broadcasts were fun. Chris Andersen did some color with us. Injured players, had the chance to call games with us. His first tattoo was put on as a present from his mom. She was in a motorcycle group, and she was into the tattoos. A small town in Texas, and that is how it all started. We were just doing a game in New Orleans last week… talking about Buddy Hield, their top pick. One of the stories is, he has no tattoos. An anomaly in the NBA. Him standing next to Chris Andersen. It was a fun year. I got out of there, just in time. Would have been disastrous if I stated a few more months. I got out of there just in time. You’ll find this out too… it puts hair on your chest. It toughens you. When you’re with really bad teams… in 89’-’90 when the Nets won 17, I was offered the Warriors job. The Nets were in my blood, and it was difficult… that last year put it over the top. What would it be like to be with a solid team? I made the decision to go west. Don Nelson was the coach, and they had Run TMC. It wasn’t what it is today… but they won in the 40’s and 50’s every year, a solid, competitive team. Chris Webber. I found out what it was like. You knew you would be in the playoffs every year, and the crowds were amazing. I got a sample of it. I had a Stanley Cup ring from the Islanders. I got a little bit of a taste of it. Didn’t feel a big part of it, but it was great.