#blubberpunk

[anestheticrage]

Be me: back from the lands of plague and rats. finally home to the capital city of ... plague and rats. everything is clockwork and damn those are some big whales. no time to see the sights, gotta check on my non-wife queen, and my non-daughter daughter. they gucci, chillin in the high tower. #fuckthatpeasantlife Heres a piece of paper babe. it says the plagues are still plagues and the rats are still rats. whats that zippy shadow doin on the roof top. whats that zippy shadow doing standing right next to us. what's that zippy shadow doing with his knife in my girl. oh shit. oh shit. its the fuzz, i swear i didnt do it. it was The Shadow Man with the A E S T H E T I C and the sexy voice. aww shit they takin me in

now were in the dungeons. with the rats. and the plague. and a serious case of UNBRIDLED GODLY RAGE. break down the bars with your bare teeth and indulge in a few dozen counts of lethal self-defense. gotta find non-daughter-chloe-moretz and teach her wrong from right.

but not before the resident time lord comes to give you some sick ink and make you jump around on floating rocks. what an ominous voice. itd be a shame if he sounded like a FUCKING. TEENAGER. IN THE NEXT ONE.

aces, we got some motherfuckin powers. now its time to do the stabby dance. you dance i stab. now were talking. good thing the swords are CLOCKWORK TOO. time for some revenge cause this is a fucking stealth game so WHAT ELSE WOULD BE THE GOD DAMN PLOT. here come the heavy-handed moral decisions, tap x to NOT GIVE A FUCKKKK. electricity is a thing cause of the whales and dont forget THE CLOCKKKWOORRKKK!!! murder has never been this fun and diverse.

'haven't you played deus ex th-'

PPLLLAAAGGUUESSS AND RATTSS

cross a big bridge, break into a whore house, and kidnap leonardo davinchi. now we got the fuzz right where we want em. man what a day. time to knock back a few drinks with the boys. itd really be lovely if they

DIDN'T, FUCKING, POISON ME.

WHY ARE THE FLOATY ROCKS BACK. I SWEAR I ONLY HAD ONE DRINK. NO I AM NOT ENJOYING YOUR CONVOLUTED MORAL QUANDRIES, MR MONOTONE JUDGEY VOID BITCH.

back in action and its time to wade through the sewers and stab aesthetic murder man with a heart of gold. WE'LL EXPLORE HIS MORAL CONUNDRUM IN THE DLCCCCCSSS

thats one more checkmark off my shitlist. and now for traitors. and the traitor traitors. and the rats. and the pl- GOD DAMMIT THEY TOOK CHLOE AGAIN.

at least i still have you Samuel. you'll never leav- samuel no! SAMMY BOY COME BACK IM SORRY. EVERYONE WAS JUST A BASTARD. I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.

now were alone. just like all the other times. if only i had collected enough magic rocks to summon plagues and rats. TWISTTTT. FEED UPON THE FLESH OF STEAMPUNK CULTISM AND PHILOSOPHIC COMMENTARY. YES MY FURRY MINIONS: CONSUME! (wait does whale oil make steam?? blubberpunk??)

climb the lighthouse and crack open the boys with a cold one in front of your not-really-sorta-maybe-still-cant-tell (???) daughter and hope she doesn't have daddy issues in the next one.

IF I WAS MEANT TO NOT KILL ANYONE THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE ME SUCH COOL WEAPONS. FUCK YOU AND THE HIGH HORSE YOU FLOATED IN ON, YOU BLACK EYED, CROSS ARMED PRICK. YOURE GONNA SOUND LIKE A PREPUBESCENT PENGUIN IN 4 YEARS ANYWAY.