#bloodymyhands / alicent

[crumbledstatues]

@bloodymyhands sent : there are many versions of you, and you know i'm the only one who sees them all. | ALICENT (for Rhaenyra)

THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON WHO HAVE SEEN EVERY FASCET OF ALICENT. That is Rhaenyra. As much as Alicent has seen it as a weakness, there is no way to escape it as long as Rhaenyra lives. Her former friend knows most, if not all, of her past secrets. She knows what makes her tick and send her to the brink. She knows of Alicent's dreams, what she wished for if she was anywhere but here. It haunts her, what can be used against her now that they have become like this.

"I could say the same about you, Rhaenyra. You think you could hide under a cloak of righteousness, that you could do no wrong. But I know you."

[featherstcnes]

since her youth, rhaenyra had not known what peace was. and now, watching her father start to fall to his illness, she knew that nothing had changed. she could feel the tension in the air, the distrust and conflict between her and alicent's children. in a different time, rhaenyra had imagined what her life could have been if her father's supporters had fully pledged themselves to her. if she, from the beginning, had been who her father had shown to the world as his pride and joy instead of continually wishing for a son he would never have. she would still have her throne -- she just knew it would not be as simple as she once wished.

and now, after trying to salvage an already tense visit, alicent's son was missing an eye, and she had managed to save her own. as she stood near a window, overlooking king's landing, she turned at the sound of her old friend's voice.

@bloodymyhands asked: "what is wrong with you?"

rhaenyra's free hand was holding onto her arm that had a bandage on it from alicent's blade, her brows furrowing at the words. " what is wrong with me? " rhaenyra's question was quiet at first, the night around them coating the room with an uncomfortable silence. all that illuminated the room were a few candles that rhaenyra had lit what felt like hours ago, wax slowly dripping down the sides. " you cannot be serious. " dropping her arm, the blood stained bandage slowly becoming covered by her sleeve as she did so, she began to speak again. " threatening my children, my family, because of something your ... unruly children did. i do not see how there is fault with me. " she did not address her friend with a title -- at this point, the anger rising in her system prevented her from that.

" i have nothing else to say to you that i have not already spoken earlier in the day. " the image of alicent's hand wrapped around a blade, her eyes intense as they stayed locked in an embrace. words of venom, of truth, that had left rhaenyra's lips. " perhaps you would do both of us well to keep some distance. "

[theirmadness]

senses & other specific headcanons.

📁 requested . . . irene adler.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊 𝐬𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞? expensive perfume. something designer and obscenely expensive, and extremely hard to get your hands on. one of those limited releases things. but that's when she leaves the house. at home, she prefers floral scents. sweet but not overwhelming. she'll either smell like flowers or something warm like honey and cinnamon. it depends on the season. it's always something enticing and extremely pleasant.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊'𝖘 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞? extremely soft. like, baby's bottom soft. her skin is naturally soft, but she takes very good care of it with daily lotioning. even before she was a dominatrix, she hardly ever did much labour work. they're also always pleasantly warm and they always smell like whatever her favourite hand lotion is at the time. whenever she comes in contact with water, she makes sure to lather her hands in lotion so they're always soft.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊 𝐮𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐲? a very calorie conscious, clean diet. mind you, she is the biggest supporter of indulgence, but as someone who grew up surrounded by people who indulged too much, irene is very good at taking care of her body. everything from vitamins, booster shots and organic ingredients. she'll have a high protein breakfast, low carbs, green smoothies. but, there's always room for a little sweet treat here and there.

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐧��𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞? irene is a performer. she is a talented dancer and singer. she can play various instruments, but her favourite is the piano and acoustic guitar. she has a sultry singing voice, and is naturally gifted at singing. for a while, irene did seriously consider a professional singing career. music and dance is one of her deepest loves.

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬? none that anyone ever sees, except sherlock. she's an anxious tapper, and a nail biter, but only when she's in the privacy of her own home. out where others can see, no one would ever see even the tiniest crack in the perfect composure of her character.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊 𝐮𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 / 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫? picture perfect elegance. as the dominatrix, she wears designer clothes. ultra femnine, with a hint of femme fatale. blood red lipstick, skin tight dresses, pencil skirts, high heels and diamonds. when she isn't the dominatrix, she's casual. jeans, summer dresses. anything that feels good on the day, and the weather. but whatever she chooses to wear, it's usually a portrait of who she is in that moment.

𝐢𝐬 𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞? 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡? 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐨? extremely so. with the right people. physical touch is a weapon to be wielded and currency to be traded, but true affection? it's something rare and difficult to come by from her. it takes a lot for her to trust a person enough to even want to be affectionate with them. it takes a certain kind of vulnerability she doesn't wear all too often. more often than not, her affection is shown through gestures, rather than touch. a gift, a favour, attention. sometimes, the password of her phone.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐢𝐧? on her side, hands tucked in under her head.

𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦? not at all. she is very soft spoken, and rarely ever raises her voice, even when angry or agitated. composure is something that she prides herself in, but the idea of femininity she likes to present for her business requires this persona.

TAGGED BY: @kingofthewebxxx. ♡ TAGGING: @storyuntrue: sherlock, @downs1de: greg & sam, @knownasbeacon: jorah & aaron, @king7doms: rhaenyra & aegon, @abaddontm, @murderdeals: cain & crowley, @qapsiel, @safetypinned, @quccninchains, @aeghon, @bloodymyhands: alicent & 12, @ravarui: tony & jaime. ♡

[firebloodicee]

Watching the burning flames rise and crackle in the fireplace, Rhaenyra found herself unable to sleep. She thought of the many deaths that happened because of this war. There were times when she just wanted to give in and allow her half-brother, Aegon rule but even if she were to do that it was too late. Because even though she had no part in Aegon's son, Jaehaerys Targaryen, Rhaenyra knew he wouldn't just let them go all willy nelly.

Her thoughts then turned to her own son who she had lost at the start of this whole thing and knew how Halaena must be feeling. It was a feeling she wished on no one, not even her worst enemies. Because the loss of a child was the worst feeling a mother could ever feel.

Apart of her thought of writing letters to Alicent, telling her she wanted to see her and maybe the two of them could talk something out. But she knew because she left Alicent's letters untouched that Alicent would do the same to her. Because even though right now Rhaenyra had the upper hand she wanted to stop the blood shad. But how does one do that after everything?

Alicent was a big part of Rhaenyra's passed and she knew she was going to be a big part of her going forward. Slowly her purple eyes closed as she let out a soft sigh.

" Oh, how I wish to see you once more my dearest friend....My only friend. "

----> @bloodymyhands <3

[crumbledstatues]

@bloodymyhands sent : we both know know what you've done. | ALICENT (for Rhaenyra)

"WHAT I'VE DONE?" it's pointed, finger poised defiantly and outward towards Rhaenyra's chest. "I serve my House. I serve the realm. I do my duty and what is asked of me and listen. Look what you have done." She does not need to mention it. It is laced in the venom on her tone. Rhaenyra was rebellious as a child, carefree. Her bastard boys are stark evidence of what she has done. Yet she was doted on by her father, her own children left to pick up the pieces.

[featherstcnes]

@bloodymyhands asked: ‘  you’re a fucking idiot, you know that, right?  ’ - alicent to aemond

there was never any part of aemond that felt as if his mother had any love for him. for any of them, really. maybe a part of her felt something for helaena, but aemond felt as if he'd been navigating himself through all of his life and whatever obstacles arose without a maternal figure in his life. maybe a younger version of himself cared or bothered to feel some sort of love between the two of them, but now? now, he didn't need his mother, not for anything. he had others to fill the void of what had never quite been. nothing had ever been quite normal in their lives. though, living as they did, he doubted there would ever be any sort of normalcy.

her words struck a nerve within him, though maybe she wasn't quite wrong. riding vhagar after lucerys had been a means to taunt him, to make the boy fear him. he hadn't meant to kill him, not really. the feeling of dread he'd felt overtake him the moment vhagar had finished whatever job they had started. " do you really think, mother, " he said the word with something akin to disgust, " that anything i would have done would have changed the outcome? he would have run home to rhaenyra like a cat with its tail between its legs if there was so much a scratch on him. " did he regret his actions? maybe a part of him thought about the alternative, the path where he hadn't taken vhagar after the young child. but he wasn't able to change the path they were on. not now.

" what would you have me do? grovel for forgiveness? " he looked to her then, his gaze unyielding. " because i will not. "

[featherstcnes]

@bloodymyhands asked: "i thought i told you to stay away." alicent to rhaenyra

there was no doubt in her mind that this was a foolish move. dragonstone was not that far away by dragonback, but attempting to travel to king's landing on horseback with just a guard took much longer. she would have preferred to have taken syrax, but of course, she knew she would be spotted miles away by scouts. instead, she was in a foolish disguise, now next to alicent. it felt odd to see her after so long, though in some ways, it was not that long at all. " have i ever been one to follow rules, alicent? " she had always pushed back, especially in her childhood. and now, it was almost impossible to break any rules. her council hid her away in dragonstone, intent on managing this war without her. but this? traveling here? this was her own decision, not one dictated by her council.

" i needed to see you. " it was for mostly selfish reasons, though she was sure she would come to regret this visit when she would be forced to inform her council of her movement the last few days. " i understand there is ... tension, between us. " they were on opposite sides of a war -- tension was putting things lightly. but despite all of that, rhaenyra hoped that there was still some string of fate connecting them through the years. " all i request is just a... a fraction of your time. allow me that before you order me killed. "

[crumbledstatues]

ALICENT DOES SEE HER, mayhaps for the first time in what may be years. It shakes her to her core, lines her eyes with her own unshed tears. For someone who has spewed so much, she can barely bring herself to speak the truth. If only it had been that easy, to speak without being dismissed. Rhaenyra had listened, long ago, she had. But the world had grown cold, and Alicent does not wish to torment her further.

So much has already been lost: Luke, Jaehaerys. Hells, even Aegon, although not completely, not yet. There is still so much more that could fall in its wake: her sweet daughter, her grand children — still young and a grandmother already (‘tis the way of things.) She wishes for safety for her girl, innocent in such a corrupt world. If it be her last request, so be it.

Heart shatters at the sight of tears, violet eyes she had once sought comfort in so distressed. Alicent remains laden in her regrets, too many to count. Looking upon Rhaenyra releases a slew of them, some she has not thought of in years. Nothing could be undone, not when some are so permanent. She may as well be a monster in the eyes of her former companion.

Answers do not come. Instead, impulsiveness overrides all. Hand snatched around her neck drops to reach for the other’s hand, Rhaenyra’s skin burning, just like she remembered. Thumb runs along left pointer finger, bare from when their similar rings would lay upon her skin as girls, almost naked without the bright red jewel. She battles everything within her not to reach out to soak up Rhaenyra’s tears with said thumb, opting to rub at the underside of her wrist like she had done previously during their times together.

The pulse against her skin is so sure, so active, a reminder that this is real. No mind could dream such a thing as this, such familiar skin, hauntingly familiar eyes staring back at her. Lone tears stream down Alicent’s cheeks, guilt riddling that it may be undeserving to shed such tears after guiding hands to such destruction.

“Rhae-“ how simply saying it again would cause a loss of all semblance.

I wish to take you up on your offer so long ago. Take me on the back of your dragon, fly far away. Let us soak up the rays of the sun. Let us feast on only cakes. Rest your head in my lap as you once did all those years ago as I read a story to you. We can do it. We can leave all of this behind.

“… yes. I wish for refuge ; safe passage for Helaena and the children. I wish to do away with this.”

RHAENYRA WAITS, so long that she almost doesn't expect an answer any longer. alicent touches her throat and her eyes speak to how distraught she seems to feel, and all at once rhaenyra feels guilty. her hardened expression gives way, and the tears behind her eyes are blurring her vision. she's finding it increasingly difficult to stop herself from pulling alicent into a hug. even many years later, she longs for it. her limbs ache to reach for her. she clings to the sleeves of her gown, resisting the urge. the threads of her control feel as though they may be snapping.

those soft, sad brown eyes will be her undoing.

i had to see you, alicent says, and it does nothing to answer her question. actually, it serves to confuse her more. but why, alicent? she wants to scream. why in the world would you need to see me? what is there to be said that hasn't been already said? and if there is more, why has it taken so long to get her here? rhaenyra had given up hope long ago of a reunion. she's only now shaking off the truth that she had never had daemon on her side, not truly. there's many things at play even she does not understand. yet, here she stands. waiting. for what, she is unsure.

she longs for it. even now, face to face with the truth, she longs for something unknown. she aches for alicent, and she can't understand why. underneath the surface, her love brews, and it has never once stopped simmering. not throughout all these years, and not now.

"why?" she asks again, stepping closer despite herself. it's a dangerous game she's playing by moving in alicent's orbit. soon she will be stuck in it. "have you come simply to tell me that we cannot go back to how we were? have you come to seek refuge, despite all that you've done?" her eyes search alicent's, longing for answers. she lowers her tone, not wanting to scream at her, not wanting to sound as desperate as she feels. "you see me now. i am here, alicent." finally, she ends in a whisper, those tears finally falling over. "right here."

[crumbledstatues]

MAYHAPS IT HAD BEEN A MISTAKE TO COME HERE, thinking she would bare her heart and soul, all for them to die on her tongue. So much would remain unsaid between them, how Alicent had longed for their closeness underneath all of the revilement. Every curse spewed her way had been met with twice as many prayers in the sept, twice as many wishes to draw them back together. Letters written, sent, unanswered from the one Alicent wished to speak with the most. Far more had been written and consumed in flames. Unspoken confessions, unfulfilled promises.

The harsh reality of war seemed to have settled long ago, although it now arises to the surface. None would be there to save her, utterly alone. Dismissed and dismantled, merely a shadow of a Dowager Queen lurking in the halls of the Keep. There had once been the belief she had a voice, that at least some listened as she ruled in her husband’s stead upon his sickbed. Truly, it had been for naught. Now she stands without honor, without the Gods to guide her — for they have done nothing but spite her very being from the beginning.

Why is she here? Why did she come searching all of this way for the woman that stands on the opposite side of her? One that she had influences so much destruction towards? One that hurt her in return? Battered hand comes to lay against her throat, fingers pressing into the sides underneath her ears to ground herself, if only for a moment. The pulse underneath her fingertips give way that she is in fact here, cast in shadow, awake and alive. Why does she haunt her?

“I had to see you.” The simplest answer she can manage. I had to see you after you cursed my every waking thought. I had to see you after I longed for what we once shared, what we can never share again. I had to see you to give myself an answer. I had to see you to give myself closure. I had to see you to tell you I was wrong.

I had to see you to set myself free.

rhaenyra's strength wavers. since all that has happened between them, all the lies and the hurt and the betrayal they've endured, she'd become a lot better at hiding how alicent makes her feel. hiding how alicent might be the only person alive capable of ripping her heart in half, as much as she tries to turn it to stone. around others, it's so easy to pretend she doesn't care. it's so easy to strengthen the stone, to scoff at her name. but the moment they're alone together, the stone crumbles. it crumbles like sand, washing over her ribcage, right down to her bones. she feels it now, stronger than ever, when alicent's eyes shine with fresh tears.

it doesn't help that she's exhausted, and the fight in her is gone for the night.

her hands ache to touch her. her fingers long to intertwine with alicent's, to pull her into dragonback and fly away like they had wanted to as kids. they twitch instead, holding onto her own shirt, like she's clawing at it. her arms crossed over her chest try to protect her heart from further heartache, but they fail.

r h a e n y r a. her name spoken from soft lips, almost silent in its tone. it hurts, somewhere deep inside. her gaze holds steady, and she fights the sting behind her eyelids. she fights the lump in her throat. alicent does not confirm or deny if she trusts her, and rhaenyra isn't quite sure how that makes her feel. she doesn't expect to have alicent's trust. she doesn't expect to have earned it. after all, was her lack of trust in alicent not part of the reason they could never go back to how they were as kids? could she ever trust her again, even if alicent were to change her mind?

she doesn't know the answer.

"i know," she replies, responding immediately. she has no clue how to continue in this conversation. she's starting to wonder if it's even worth it. yet, her feet don't move her away. "this much is true."

there's a pause, unspoken words drifting in the air between them. her nostrils flare as she takes a deep breath. she wishes she had the ability to scent like a dragon does, perhaps she could undercover any hidden intentions. she thinks she's a god, above all else, until she's reminded that she's oh so human.

"you exhaust me, alicent," she sighs, finally freeing one of her hands to run over her face. she rubs at her temple. "i know not of your true intentions. why are you here? why do you --" there's a pause, and she swallows, almost audibly. filters are lost, and the words come spilling out before she can stop it. "-- why do you haunt me so?"

[crumbledstatues]

IT NEVER FAILS, THE WAY HER BODY REACTS WHEN RHAENYRA IS NEAR. Every nerve explodes into overdrive. Her skin prickles, she swears a sweat forms upon her brow. There has been so much they have shared, cemented in her mind although she prayed for them to slip away more times than she can count. Circumstances place them on opposite sides. She has done her duty, what she has been sent out to do. She had married the King, bore his heirs, and sent the realm into turmoil because of it. Even then, the years-old offer reverberates in her mind, two young girls dreaming of taking off on dragon back, tasting the sweetest cakes, even though Alicent had rolled off and rejected the folly offer.

If only she had taken it. Surely, they would have returned regardless. Windswept hair and chapped lips from the chill, soaring above the world in ways she could not even comprehend. The King had experienced it, Rhaenyra, her children; never her. She is not a dragon, never will be. She may shift from day to day; a sheep, goat, pig, boar — tusks sharp and ready to strike. But they are all prey nonetheless, a sacrifice set in the middle of the Dragonpit to await their fate.

How long until a caged bird sings? How long until it screeches? Rips at the bars in hopes they bend? Pluck at their feathers until they are bare?

Alicent’s breath catches in her chest, chokes her from the truth. Her eyes glisten as she looks upon the woman in front of her, fighting everything in her power to shed tears, to beg her to take her away.

“Rhaenyra,” it escapes like the softest prayer, her head shaking slightly to compose herself. Her face gives it away, how her eyes scan over every inch of Rhaenyra’s face, looking for something, anything; a reason.

Of course she does, as much as it kills her.

“We cannot go back.”

AT FIRST, she almost wants to immediately argue back about how she's never, ever hidden under a "cloak of her own righteousness." the dragon in her wants to growl, to demand that alicent listen. there's a tiny part of her that, admittedly, thinks perhaps alicent isn't fully incorrect; maybe there's something to be said about how she thinks she's invincible, sometimes unstoppable. but she has never, ever, been the sort of monster that the greens seem to think she is.

it haunts her, actually, to think about alicent's opinion of her shifting over the years. to see her former best friend go from admiring her as children to hating her, to being terrified that she might have willingly taken alicent's children to the blade before aegon rose to the throne.

growl, she does not. rather, there's a sting deep in her heart, and she shakes her head. she feels shaken. in all her battles, both verbal and otherwise, none leave her quite as shaken up as a conversation with alicent does these days. she's not sure what that says about her. or, more accurately, what that says about the hold that alicent still has over her, even to this day.

( she'll never get rid of that hold. she knows it. she has no doubt of it. )

"no, alicent," she replies, her voice barely above a whisper. the fight in her is fading. she's exhausted of this. "i'm afraid you may not know me at all."

she thinks that might not be true. she thinks maybe she's just saying that, that alicent is probably right to some degree. she's never shown anyone the whole of herself. not even daemon, who she's laid with for years now, knows the inner workings of her mind. alicent can read her like a book. still, she holds her ground, shaking her head again. "tell me," she says, stepping closer, until she's almost in alicent's personal space. that familiar face, the one that haunts her every waking moment. "do you still trust me, the way you did when we were children?"