#bloodinktears

[tattoosbymrickards-blog]

#kentucky , #kentuckytattooers , #menwithstyle , #virginiatattooartist , #louisville , #mikerickards , #bloodinkandtears , I'll be at @bleed_blue_tattoo on Wednesday and Thursday hit me up or stop by @bloodinktears booth at the Louisville tattoo convention all weekend

[bloodinktears]

Experiment #354

Six pills, of random origin. Some amount of liquor, Unsure of the measurement. Eight hours to take effect. How soon does this kick in? Alarm wakes me. Must redo the experiment. It appears I’ve failed yet again.

[nassty13]

#latepost had a blast with these badass artist and great people laying down ink in Wisconsin at #rockfest2016 rolling with the #bloodinktears crew. Can't wait to do it again

[eddietana]

#Repost @jaysart83 ・・・ Here's another from the show... scheduling for May and June text or dm me with designs. #tattoo #portraittattoo #armtattoo #empireinks #hustlebutterdeluxe #therigmod #elementtattoosupply #realistictattoo #blackandgraytattoos #inkmasterstattooexpo #anaheim #caliculture #texas #baby #follow #bloodinktears

[bloodinktears]

Another bout of pre-depression means

more poetry.

My muse, apparently, is a masochist. Pain is the fire under my butt to get words onto paper.

I could fill a book with all my poetry (several actually) but they would all be so bleak.

I wonder what it’s like to be a happy poet, to write of love and describe the delicacies of flowers and such. I’ve tried that and ended up with drivish (that’s drivel and rubbish). Instead I can make you understand heartbreak 1000 ways, break the dam to release your tears and stoke drying embers of hate to make them glow red again. That is my skill and my curse.

The thought occurred to me the other day that perhaps I’m fated to be happy or to be successful in the thing I love, but not both. I’m not sure which one is the best choice.

[bloodinktears]

Update, or "where the hell have you been?" asked no one.

I don’t know if you know this, but depression makes it a tad bit difficult to write. Somehow having to focus all your energy on getting through the day leaves nothing for creativity and imagination. Who knew?!

But I’m pushing through. As usual, I have several things that I’m in the middle of writing. One is a very short story (1500 words or less) for a writing contest. Usually my problem is that I’m too succinct with my words. With this I’m culling them. It’s a good problem to have. The others are about professional development, job hunting, etc. Things that will hopefully get me noticed and hired.

Also, my muse is all over the place right now. Sometimes I have all the ideas at once– poetry! Jewelry! L&D! Clothing! Home decor!– and other times it’s as if my brain is on standby. And this shift can be from hour to hour, so I have to take advantage of it when I can. Hence me being up right now when I should be asleep.

There is so much that I feel I should be doing, should have already done! It’s like I’m a failure because I’m not moving fast enough. But I’m moving as quickly as I can with the weights that I’m carrying. I’ll make it to that finish line soon. And I’ll have a story to tell when I get there.

[bloodinktears]

[bloodinktears]

100 Word Story: "Fear"

In an instant, I felt terror. 

Walking up the stairs to my apartment, a familiar scent wafted past and I froze. It was the scent of stale cigarettes and cheap cologne; a smell that I’d trained myself to ignore but now turned my stomach. It smelled like him, but he couldn’t be here, right? My heart pounded in my ears. I was lightheaded. The sting of his fist against my cheek felt fresh, the memory was so real.

But no, he wasn’t here. He was long gone, and no one would ever find the body. 

 Sighing, I opened the door.

[bloodinktears]

The good news: I’m writing poetry! The bad news: I can only write poetry when shit is going bad. I am not a happy poet. The silver lining: maybe I’ll finally get enough to publish a book of poetry before my 30th after all.

[bloodinktears]

I'm not a quitter, i just realize what doesn't work...

I’m not going to reach 50,000 words by the 30th. This is not pessimistic defeat talking, but a dawning realization. Over half of the month is gone and I have less than half of the words. It ain’t happening. And while there are a number of reasons for this—a less than successful fight against depression, hectic days at work and an unexpected visit from my long distance SO—the main issue is that I’m just not compelled to write a novel. Book, yes; novel, not so much. 

There is a reason that I’ve always been drawn to writing poetry, personal essays and short stories. Part of my love for these literary forms is the fact that they seem to flow more organically for me. They begin and end where they are supposed to. When I’m trying to write something more grandiose, I feel constricted. “The story should flow this way, there needs to be so many words, by this word count the characters should be XYZ… is this action the climax or is that one? Do I have enough side stories or too many?” The questions in my head go on and on. And yes I know that even short stories need rising action, climax, etc. but they come more naturally to me in that format. I’m sure it’s all in my head. Perhaps once I get a large enough collection of short stories and publish them, I’ll be able to see the goal of writing a novel a bit clearer. Will I ever do NaNoWriMo again? Possibly. I love the idea of connecting with other writers who are working towards the same goal. But if I join in the madness again, I will probably work as a rebel. 50,000 words across 5-10 stories or essays might be more of a fitting challenge for me… 

[bloodinktears]

3 thoughts on NaNoWriMo, 3 days in

1. there are really only three characters for a writer: the characters we are, those we wish we were, and those we hope to never be. anisa, my main character, is definitely who i wish i could be. if this book is ever published, those who know me will understand why i say that. but even in writing this story, i feel a bit of anisa breaking through. i’m going to stop now because i’m getting a little emotional thinking about it.

2. i didn’t cheat after all. i came up with a totally different story at 9:30 pm on october 31. this means that i had no time to really outline the story or flesh it out. i’m kinda flying by the seat of my pants here. but the story is developing organically and i’m feeling it.

3. 1667 words a day sometimes seems like a lot. like, do i really have that in me?! but other times it comes effortlessly. my god, i love those effortless times. tonight is turning out to be just that.

[bloodinktears]

Vignette for him: # I'm not sure & don't feel like checking to see

I don’t know how to love someone and not make every effort to show them what they mean to me. I don’t know how to miss someone without wanting to envelop myself in them whenever I finally get the chance to be in their presence. I don’t do halfway devotion. My love is passionate and slightly reckless and sometimes inopportune. It is who I am and even though I don’t regret a bit of it, I apologize if I overwhelm you with my being.

Sorry if my affection is inconvenient.

[bloodinktears]

Breakthrough on the new story

I’ve had an idea for a story that is loosely based on my current… situationship. Although I’ve started it, I needed a title before I could really get going. Weird little quirk about me: for some reason stories have to have a name first, while poems are usually untitled until much later. IDK why.

Anyway, I my idea for the title worked as long as the story was in my head. It was The Guy’s nickname and the nickname of a guy I was a bit infatuated with. They happen to share the nickname. BUT after thinking it over a bit, I decided against it.

The concept was good, but possible real life consequences seemed problematic. What if we break up; would I really want a (hopefully) published novel with his name in the title? Or what if we stay together, get married? Will people assume they know our lives based on a work of fiction just because of the name?

This mini-dilemma had me at a standstill, but I finally found the right names. I had to find names that were rhythmically pleasing and that could stand for different—but similar—first names. And bonus: the name that I found has a meaning that will tie into the story perfectly.

I’m pleased to say that I am now officially starting on my novel, Coby vs. Coby! Hmmm... I guess that means I need to get my butt off of Tumblr and actually get to work.

[bloodinktears]

aftertaste

You used to seem sweet Now your name sours on my lips Can't acquire the taste

[bloodinktears]

Two Truths and a Lie

A few weeks ago Writer's Digest featured a post about starting your story with two truths and a lie. That method was just what I needed to get going with a story that's been bouncing around in my head for a while. I'm still ironing out just where I want to take it (creating a plot from start to finish before I write is still difficult) but the first three sentences have given me a framework.

Last month we made love on the 4th, 14th and 24th. I never imagined I'd be at this point, where sex three times a month was a "good" month, but there was the proof: three measly little hearts on the calendar. As I looked at the 17 empty spaces under August, I decided that it was time to find a new lover.

From there I've started the story two ways, as dialogue in one and narration in another. I'm trying to see what feels right for the story.

Anyway, I'm excited to be starting yet another project. It would be nice to have an accountability partner to say "really? you're just gonna start something else like you don't have stuff sitting in Word, Google Docs, Dropbox, Noteshelf, scribbled in your notebook..." but since I don't, here goes!

[bloodinktears]

I really need to get the ball(point pen) rolling*

There are about 50 poems (and maybe 20 more haikus) in this rough draft of Human. Still trying to figure out if that's too few, too many, or just right.

As far as the essays... man. I keep starting new pieces but end up losing steam about halfway through. Maybe I should blog it out with a few of those and stick with what I have for the book. I need to do something, because waiting until... well IDK what I'm waiting for, but it's not working. I want to hurry up and get these published, then focus on fiction.

I'm thinking about taking a little break from social media and television to force myself to get it done. Will it work? Guess we will see pretty soon. 

* Excuse the terrible pun. I'm hungry and my tummy makes me do weird things when she's not happy.