#blondiextuco

[seadem-on]

There are two kinds of people, and they are both freaks

[khazadspoon]

Sparks when skin brushes skin from the prompt list, BlondiexTuco?

Riding in the wagon is uncomfortable at the best of times and nearly intolerable the rest of the time. He’s still tired, muscles aching and skin still somewhat itchy from his jaunt through hell on earth, but he can still do most things normally. The brothers at the mission had given him a vial of something oily to spread on the worst of the burns and most days he managed just fine.

But the sun is high and he is holding the reins of the carriage, a stretch of tricky ground holding his attention.

“Tuco,” he calls, knocking the man with his foot to startle him awake with a grunt, “put some of that oily stuff on my neck, would you?” He asks as gently as he can. There’s something in Tuco that wants to help him, he knows, regardless of the confederate gold, but it needs to be coaxed out like a frightened pup left by its mother too soon.

Tuco grumbles a little bit but he reaches for the small bag of provisions they’ve been given and plucks out the glass bottle. Blondie hears him muttering something about wanting more appreciation for how well he cares for his good friend and smiles to himself.

“This shit smells,” Tuco rubs the viscous liquid between his fingers for a moment. “You sure you wanna stink up the place?”

“You sure you want to get on my nerves right now?” He shoots back, no barbs in his voice.

Tuco laughs under his breath. “Alright! Alright…”

The first touch of fingers on the back of his neck shouldn’t make his breath catch, but it does. It’s swallowed by the horses, but it happens all the same. Blondie holds himself still, tries in vain to stop the shiver that runs down his spine.

“Is it cold?” Tuco asks curiously.

“No,” Blondie swallows, keeps his eyes on the safety of the horses and the rough track ahead. “No, s’fine.”

Tuco hums and rubs the oil over his skin. And it isn’t cold - it’s warm, made so by Tuco’s fingers, and Blondie wants to believe the tingling sensation is some side effect from a herb in the oil, but he knows better. It’s the gentle touch that is making him feel off balance, the way Tuco is sitting close enough for his breath to brush Blondie’s skin.

Another shiver runs through him as Tuco’s fingers dip beneath the collar of his stolen shirt. Tuco doesn’t stop or even pause, his fingers keep rubbing the ointment into Blondie’s skin in slow circles, warming his skin and making him feel a little hotter than the sun high above does. It’s a pleasant heat, though, one that settles under his skin and makes him want to curl up like a cat, purring and content to lay in a sunbeam for hours.

He only just catches himself as Tuco pulls away, stops himself reaching out to get that touch back.

Tuco wipes his hand on Blondie’s arm, a dramatic scowl on his lips. “Next time you do it yourself! I know you can reach. And let’s stop soon, I need to wash my hands, get this stench off of me…”

Blondie mutters an affirmative and keeps his eyes fixed ahead. He notes that Tuco doesn’t complain about the stuff on Blondie’s skin, just his own, hopes that means he doesn’t really mind. Hopes it means he’ll do it again.

[abusivelittlebunny]

It’s delightful to read your tags! thanks for your blondiextuco stuff mpreg included

Aww thank you so much!! Honestly I really want to write more mpreg stuff in general but I am wary that most people in the Fandom would be loudly grossed out by it

[seadem-on]

Art where Blondie and Tuco are fighting and Blondie grabs Tuco by his shirt they kiss and make out violently (Tuco pulls him close by his waist/hips) and then resume fighting when

[seadem-on]

Blondie and Tuco from the Good the Bad and the Ugly (1966) - a ship manifesto

Hello reader. Picking up on the old fashioned habit of essay writing, I will write about my favorite ship, Blondie and Tuco from the seminal western The Good the Bad and the Ugly, and why you should ship them too. Warning: the essay contains spoilers from the film.

First, let’s look at who Tuco and Blondie are in a nutshell.

Tuco - played by Eli Wallach - is a Mexican bandit with a long rap sheet. He is the first character that is introduced in the Good the Bad and the Ugly - freeze frame of him jumping out of a broken window with a chicken leg and a bottle of wine in one hand and a gun in the other, the writing “the ugly” (il brutto in the Italian original dub) appearing on screen. His first appearance shows immediately the main traits of his personality: he is loud, messy, dangerous and can get out of a tough situation thanks to his gunslinger abilities. But he is not your usual bandit. Tuco is very lonely too. He looks for sympathy in his older brother, a priest who instead chastises him for his life choices. Tuco has no family and no one else to turn to. His main traits are also greed and violence. He seems fun and silly but he is quick to anger and when he wants something he is extremely determined and will go to great lengths to obtain it - as for example revenge against Blondie. Wanted in more than fifteen counties, he risks frequently punishment by hanging.

Blondie - played by Clint Eastwood - is the star of the film, a deft gunslinger and Tuco’s work partner. He is introduced shortly after Tuco - he shoots three bounty hunters to save him. They have an agreement where Blondie brings him to the sheriff and shoots the noose as Tuco is about to be hanged - splitting the bounty money between each other. Blondie is dubbed “his golden haired angel” - meaning he is always watching over Tuco. His personality is the exact opposite of Tuco’s: he is calm and collected as Tuco is fiery and emotional, speaks little, and schemes a lot. He is tall, blond and smokes a cigar. The writing “the good” (il buono) appears on screen ironically just after he leaves Tuco stranded in the desert when he starts demanding more money for their agreement.

Canon evidence why they work in a pair

Where do I begin? These two are obsessed with each other. They are constantly lying, backstabbing each other or saving each other’s lives. There are no inbetweens. First Blondie leaves Tuco in the desert with no money and no gun, breaking up their partnership - and Tuco starts tracking him down for revenge. Things get pretty heated - literally, as Tuco takes Blondie on a 60-miles-long trek through the desert without water to watch him slowly die. Until they meet with a dying soldier who reveals the location of a Confederate treasure - but he tells the location of the cemetery to Tuco and the name on the grave where the gold is buried to Blondie. Since then Tuco starts panicking to save Blondie’s life which is extremely worthy to him now. He brings Blondie to heal in the monastery where his brother Pablo lives. When Tuco meets Pablo again he understands that his parents are dead, and he has a fight with his brother who does not approve his sinning life choices. Tuco leaves the monastery with Blondie, and makes up a lie about his brother telling Blondie their relationship is wonderful and his brother never wants to let him go and has prepared a lot of food for him. Blondie has actually overheard the fight and is moved by Tuco’s pain, so he just goes along with the lie and offers him a cigar - saying “after a meal there is nothing like a good cigar”. Later they arrive at an Union prison camp where Tuco is tortured by Angel Eyes, a merciless mercenary, for information about the treasure. Meanwhile Blondie is outside with other prisoners, who tell him his friend is probably being beaten, and looks worried. He is offered freedom by Angel Eyes in return for his help with the quest for the gold - and he asks where Tuco is. As soon as they arrive in a war-thorn town being fled by its inhanitants, Blondie heard a gunshot and recognizes it’s Tuco. He leaves the gang of Angel Eyes to reunite with him. After trying to kill Angel Eyes and his henchmen they get back again on the road to look for the treasure. At some point they reveal each other’s half of the secret. When they get to the cemetery, Tuco runs ahead of Blondie and finds the grave. Angel Eyes gets to the cemetery too and Blondie reveals he lied to Tuco: that is not the right grave. Only Blondie knows the true location of the gold. So he establishes to write the name of the grave on a stone and that they will have a three way showdown to decide who will get to look at the said stone. Under the desert sun, in the middle of thousands of graves, the three ruthless men face each other in a battle that entails their lives. Blondie is as always cool and collected. Tuco is nervous, his eyes darting from Angel Eyes to Blondie. Angel Eyes is calculating when to shoot. In the end, with a swift coup de scene Tuco and Blondie both shoot Angel Eyes - but Tuco’s gun is empty, having Blondie taken care of it the night before. Blondie makes Tuco dig on the right grave and find the gold - which he splits in two. To exact his revenge he has Tuco hang himself on a cross. As he leaves, he takes aim and shoots the rope thereby saving Tuco - as he’s done a thousand times before.

Their relationship is that of rivals or frenemies - they are in a constant competition and when they are not they are having bonding moments and helping each other out.

As hardened and cold hearted as they want to seem, both have some degree of fondness for each other. Blondie is often smiling at Tuco or looking worried for him - Tuco trusts Blondie with his life, and seems to recognize him a a friend in the end. One of my favorite moments is when they are at the graveyard and when their enemy shows up and point a gun at Blondie Tuco starts being defensive, and later when Tuco is drawing the gun from his pocket Blondie stops in his tracks, ready to protect him from any danger. Their rivalry has an element of mutual respect and underlying trust that can be ultimately defined as friendship - the best one they can get being criminals. Most importantly, Blondie is properly defined as Tuco’s golden haired angel - meaning he is constantly looking to save him from trouble, and even in the end, when he could have easily killed him for revenge, he chooses not to.

Also they canonically have a lot of homoerotic moments. Here a few of them:

1. Blondie leaves cigar butts at campsites and Tuco sucks on them lovingly to track him down (I’m not kidding). This is parallaled by Blondie hearing a distant gunshot and identifying it immediately as Tuco.

2. There is this extremely sexy scene where Tuco forces Blondie to hang himself, tells him to take off his pistol belt and gives him directions on how to use the rope.

3. Blondie is barely clothed on a bed and Tuco touches lightly his lips.

4. Tuco is naked and Blondie talks to him while stroking a bedpost.

There are moments of bonding throughout the film too:

1. Tuco has a fight with his long lost brother and as he leaves the monastery with Blondie he tells a lie about their relationship being happy and his brother caring about him so much he has made him a lot of food. Blondie - who has been overhearing their fight - pretends he believes him and offers him a cigar “to help his digestion”.

2. They end up in the Union prison camp where Tuco is tortured. All the while Blondie looks emotionally distressed as another prisoner tells him that they are beating his friend.

3. Tuco is about to take on 5 gunslingers by himself when Blondie shows up and tells him “are you gonna die alone?”. Tuco smiles because he realizes Blondie is actually his friend

My interpretation of the pairing

I think Blondie and Tuco are an embodiment of the enemies to lovers trope. They start out as wanting to kill each other but slowly come to unwillingly realize they harbor feelings for each other (maybe their mutual obsession could give it away from the start?!). In my opinion they find it hard to manifest their feelings because 1. They are rivals and a criminal cannot show any sign of weakness in front of their own enemy 2. They are hardened men who are too proud to confess their feelings. Despite this, it’s hard to hide they are extremely attracted to each other.

Although they seem to be holding back their feelings, they do show some signs of affection (see above). They know each other so well they can sense each other presence from a distance. (That would make for a great abo fic btw)

They know each other as intimately as anyone else ever could. Tuco is the only person who almost killed Blondie, made him vulnerable and also the one who put him back together. Blondie is the only person who knows about Tuco’s troubles with his family - and despite that he doesn’t use that to mock him but chooses to stay by his side.

Also I think when it comes to expressing feelings the one who is more comfortable with it is weirdly Blondie. Tuco is more savage and more hostile to the world in general. Blondie makes him open up little by little with small acts of kindness, and shows him what friendship and trust are like. Blondie is extremely fond of him but deep down knows that Tuco is out for himself and would kill for money - so he does his best to make Tuco survive in the end.

I love how Blondie embodies the role of the “guardian angel” and Tuco that of the “sinner”, apparently irredeemable but who is worthy of love (from the one who you least expect to).

The way Blondie seems to actually have admiration for Tuco, and considers him a worthy opponent and partner (although he would never admit to it) is mezmerizing. I love how Tuco seems to open a crack in Blondie’s hard shell and make him smile and feel things he is not used to. I love how Blondie actively wants to make Tuco feel better and take care of him.

So why should people follow this pairing?

Blondie/Tuco are a fun pairing to ship because of their differences and their love/hatred bordering on obsession dynamic. They are complex characters and their story is set in the Far West tackling themes like kindness in a hostile world, survival, friendship and loneliness. Basically you can have lots of fun exploring their relationship and the related themes.

Side note: they have an interesting ropekink/bdsm side which is still imho underexplored.

The fandom is small but the handful of us who are reading and/or creating content are very active and ready to engage with you.

Fandom guide:

- Bloncos is the first (and only) blog dedicated to them

- Meme-streets meta: in-depth analysis of the film and focus on Blondie and Tuco (look for the good the bad and the ugly tag)

- Fanfiction: ao3 is the main source, my personal recs (pls read tags)

Bounty

Guarding

Bad Choices

Untold

A good partner is irreplaceable!

On The long-term effects of half smoked cigars

Gold dust in a dirty river

A partnership of sorts (series)

Rated E

Cracked

Retelling

Confidence

Pretty Angel

Not quite obedience, but close

Whiskers

Brat

A midnight intervention

Kisses

The ecstasy of c*m

What dreams may come

The Devil You Know

- Short fancam:

Here by cirilee

- Video edits:

x - x - x - x - x

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