#blkkpoet

[harlymlangston]

11 Years

Yesterday marked the 11th anniversary that I was on my deathbed . Thin and soiled..... my taste buds had burned off , my mouth filled with blisters... my nail beds gray and purple and my father there kissing my tears ..... I laid there 16 and afraid and cold . Though I had on 3 pair of pants and two sweaters.... the bottom of feet and hand peeling and bleeding .... the doctor came in and told my father that if he would’ve brought me in at least 2-3 hours later I would’ve died.... I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.... a normal blood sugar reading for persons that are prediabetic is 120 a person that is not diabetic levels are below 100.... I had a blood sugar of 787. My pancreas was shot..kidneys 45% functioning .. and it had nothing to do with me being overweight. But everything to do with STRESS. 16 with the weight of the world on my shoulders.... my mother had went into the hospital 3wks prior had 3 blood transfusions with a blood disorder that doctors didn’t have a name for ..... it was insecurities and finding myself and not wanting to be gay thinking that something was wrong with me . It was maintaining rank of 5 in my sophomore class . It was maintaining active membership on NHS. It was wanting love and time from both my parents but didn’t feel wanted . At 16.... I laid on my death bed . Telling my Daddy I don’t wanna go . Please . Ask the doctors to save me . It was him with his catholic rosary crying..... and today I’m 27 years old..... with the weight of the world in my shoulders . Still wanting the same things I stressed about at 16.... the only difference is that I learn to accept the things I can’t change .... and changing the things that are meaningful to my life. And today I’m choosing me . For the long run . I’m here .... and humbled . Alive.💙

[harlymlangston]

Blkk Joy 🌻

[harlymlangston]

Big 😁

[harlymlangston]

1/20 12:50am

Monday I am performing . After my sessions. I wanna start my week off new . Performing use to make me so happy . I want to adopt that habit again.

[harlymlangston]

I can admit to you that I am afraid. But that won’t change much.... I can admit that I’ve called your name more times than your phone picked up. But my voice doesn’t sound like much these days... hollowed be thy... no more .

Hello//GoodMorning

[harlymlangston]

I promise to love you I promise to forgive all of your mistakes I promise to omit all thoughts of suicide, fear and depression because they will not protect you . I promise to give you all of you back. One day at a time. I promise we will get your soul back at any expense because you’re worth it . I promise that love will find it’s way back to you . But we cant wait because we have too much to live for. I promise to keep praying for patience because you are work in progress I promise to call you beautiful and I’ll always love your smile . You make me happy.... and that is where we will start .

[harlymlangston]

I’m a person with bones and things I breathe. I eat.I drink. With heart and soul that sings But that ain’t all me ….. What do you think I am ? I’m only human . I make mistakes like anyone else Like a broken record This broken heart beats me on key I’ve done a couple of notes off key Don’t hold it against me I try, that’s the best that I can’t do…. 🦋