#bless tumblr's search function's heart

[charlemane]

going to a Murder By Death live show is always so fucking funny. adam will step up to the mic and be like "this next song... is super depressing" and the audience will all hoot and holler and jump up and down excitedly. this will happen no less than ten times over the course of the evening.

[picnokinesis]

Hi!

(A mild panic on the topic of: This is not a question, oh god, this is NOT a question. This is a recommendation of a fandom at BEST.)

So I was reading a fic one day and my brain went very quickly in succession:

a) /Oh/, this is the good stuff

b) No wonder you think so, remember spydoc telepathy edition (And you, Taka, are like an ambassador of that land in my mind)

c) Actually many fics from this fandom are like this

d) Do we think…?

So I had two facts:

1. This is a thing someone I have a great respect for would probably enjoy.

2. There was no indication Taka has seen or engaged in the fandom of Pacific Rim. Despite its notoriety in this neck of the woods due to the concept of drifting in particular.

And what I am doing with those facts is telling you this. I think you are great and I think you would like the fics of Pacific Rim. So if you feel like checking it out, it’s very low effort on entrance. Only one movie to see. Or two. Depends who you ask.

Here are two excerpts to judge for yourself. (Is this a spoiler? I know people for whom this would be a spoiler. For me it’s a tester.)

1) What’s a Little B&E Between Friends? By VoiceOfNurse (Part 20, Chapter 1)

No need to reach for the void, when he was so complete, nestled up against the part of Them that was Hermann. 

…safe… 

Newt was aware, in as much as Hermann was aware. It was difficult to separate himself out, when Hermann’s mind was locked around him like a steel trap made of numbers and chalk dust and spite. They were one organism in two parts- four lungs, drawing breath, two hearts beating in time. There was cold, and there was pain, but it was far away. 

There is no room for (masters-monsters-precursors) here. They are (insects-vermin-insignificant) when faced with (memory-language-connection). We are (brilliant-unstoppable-rockstars). We are (music-logic-science). We are (Newt-and-Hermann) and they are nothing. 

2) What’s a Little B&E Between Friends? By VoiceOfNurse (Part 20, Chapter 2)

They were Drifting. Tendo couldn’t quite work out the whys and hows of it, especially now that he was being bitten to within an inch of his fucking life, but he was certain. He’d hurt Hermann by moving too fast, probably jostled the guy’s leg, actually, which was folded weirdly under him with Newt on top, but the closest set of teeth bit him. Newt wasn’t even conscious in the traditional sense of the word, but Hermann was. Hermann was, and apparently Newt’s teeth were available to rectify the situation. Newt’s urges, too, because Tendo didn’t really picture Hermann as a biter. 

HELLO MY FRIEND oh my days I'm SO sorry but I'm laughing so much because this probably happened because tumblr search function is useless but 'no indication' sksksksk, oh my sweet summer child: here's the pacific rim tag on my blog LMAO - or, even better, the entire pacrim au I came up with for s12 of doctor who one time. Also. Also. Buddy. This is so funny, I love you so much. Are you aware that I'm obsessed with the works of one of the biggest Pacific Rim fanfic writers ever? I did, to be fair, literally take their name off my blog description yesterday to replace it with Bloodywood instead, and I'm more on the Stargate Universe side of things these days - but cleanwhiteroom is one of my favourite authors, and I read Designations Congruent with Things before I touched any of their Stargate material. If, my dear anon, you've not heard of cwr, then I really highly recommend their stuff, but I'll add a link below and see if I can dig up the other fic that I really loved from back in the day. Thank you for the fic rec though!! Those excerpts look excellent haha, I shall check that fic out when I get chance because you're absolutely right I love that kind of thing.

(also, absolutely DELIGHTED that you read this sort of stuff and thought of me - that is SUCH an honour oh my days! Like...rancid spydoc telepathy ambassador....what a title, I'm dead chuffed at this haha bless you!)

I think this is just so funny to me because - you couldn't possibly know this, of course, but like you know where I got this from? This love for writing weird, messed up mental connections between people?

Pacific Rim fanfiction HAHAHAHAHA

(and, later SGU - but I mean, mostly just cleanwhiteroom tbh. I was 16yo and I imprinted okay. But there were also other fics too, and they had an influence. Guh, Newt/Hermann post-drift fics are PEAK man)

Okay but actually let me tell you the story of how I got into pacrim because I think it's hilarious. So most people get into fandoms by like, yknow. Watching the film, reading the book, seeing the show, etc. I mean, how else would you do it? I'll tell you how. I was pottering about on deviantArt, back in the the grand old year of - oh, it must have been 2014. 2015? Something like that. Anyway, I stumbled across some Newt and Hermann fanart, and I didn't know the fandom but I was intrigued and REALLY liked the artstyle (I think the artist was feriowind?) - anyway I went on their profile and was MORE intrigued when I found they'd done some gorgeous cover art for THIS FIC, which got me so curious that I decided to read it. Without having watched the film. What I did was: read the plot summary on wikipedia, watched a couple of newt and hermann fanvids/clips (LIKE THIS ONE) so I could see them/hear their voices right, and then just blitz on through the fic with google images open in another tab so I could google thing like 'the shatterdome' and 'the LOCCENT pacific rim' and stuff like that for visual reference SKKSSK. Damn this is a throwback, I'm having a great time. ANYWAY. Read the fic. Loved it. Read the sequel. LOVED IT. Started looking for more fanart and stuff like that - and found a bunch of people kept on mentioning this fic called Designations Congruent with Things. Searched it up, found it on ao3, read the first 6 chapters and it almost melted my brain LMAO so I stopped. Then I couldn't stop thinking about it and I came back to it and oh my days. Oh my days. It fully rewrote my brain and DAMN I was obsessed. By this point I was vibrating in place at the mere thought of actually SEEING THE FILM, YKNOW. The film I'd read hundreds of thousands of words of fanfic about. Anyway, my friend who got secret santa for me that year literally had the easiest job on the planet HAHAHAHA so I watched it on Christmas Day and it was so so funny because like. You probably are aware of how much damn lore this film has. Like I knew the names of most of the jaegers that aren't even mentioned in the movie, I knew about Caitlin Lightcap and Sergio D'onofrio, but I had NO IDEA what was extended canon and what was fanon and what was actually. Y'know. In the film. So when I watched it I was like BUT WHERE'S LIGHTCAP for most of it HAHAHAH, but yeah it was great. SO GREAT. Guh I love the concept of the drift SO SO MUCH it's absolutely fascinating and just. AHH!! So so good.

Anyway. Absolutely losing it, bless. Sorry this is all over the place, I'm very tired but my goodness. Yes. Talk to me about drift bonds any day of the week, I'm here for it. If you want cleanwhiteroom fics, you can find them here. I linked the other one above, but there were a couple of others I read too...like I read a LOT of fics, and this was before I had an ao3 account rip so I don't have it in my fic reading history. There was one called Occam's Razor that I read a lot of, but I don't think I finished it. OH but I also liked this one (that i thought I found but it turned out to be the wrong one, am looking again now lol), from after Pacific Rim 2!! Which, as a film, I mostly consider to just be like. A fanfic with an exceptionally high budget ksksksks so yknow. I don't hate it because I don't consider it canon as much as I consider anything outside the original film canon. ANYWAY LOVE YOU

[shitpostingkats]

So, by and large, I'm not really a social media person. Never really saw the need, so I never bothered to get an account on any platform. If I felt the urge to look at fanart, or intense lore discussions, or slime videos, or whatever people actually use these cursed platforms for, I'd simply look up the relevant tag and scroll until my goblin brain was satisfied.

But, as the years went by, and sites got more and more adamant that You Must Be Signed Up With Us To View This Content Or Else, it became increasingly difficult to get away with. For instance, on tumblr, (idk if this is still the case) you couldn't access the search function on mobile if you were in a web browser (and you needed an account to download the app), so I would have to manually look up the urls for tags and enter that into my browser, eg: https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/fanart?sort=top or whatever. After about two years of this, I was hanging out with my partner, just puttering around on my laptop, when I finally gave in.

"That's it," I announced. "I'm finally getting a tumblr account."

My partner looked up and gave a small cheer, bless their heart, because I am an actual nightmare to when it comes to using any sort of internet (see also: I spent four years never using the search bar function on youtube) and me willingly breaking out of my self imposed Autism Rules is an almost herculean effort.

Feeling distinctly pleased with myself, I head on over to tumblr.com and set about making an account.

I enter my email.

I choose a password.

I click 'Sign Up'

Uh oh! There's something wrong with your email!

(It's been years. I can't remember the exact error message I got, but there was some sort of hiccup in making an account.)

Frowning, I try my secondary email.

Uh Oh!

Tertiary email?

Uh oh!

Okay, fine. Back to my primary email?

This email is already registered to an account!

NO IT FUCKING ISNT!!!

At this point, my partner notices my distress. I explain that this stupid webbed site is refusing to accept me under any email related circumstances.

"Okay, pass it here. I'll sign you up." I hand them the computer. They try to make an account using their backup email.

Error message.

They get up and get their laptop, open tumblr on their browser, and try to make an account.

Error message.

We are now both, rightfully, losing our minds. It's not that tumblr is down; they can still log into their existing account just fine. It seems to be that the sheer act of trying to make an account, specifically, for me, is a literally sisyphian task that the hellsite refuses to even begin to engage in.

Well. That sucks

The years pass, and I watch as tumblr grows more and more into a fun site that I think I would very much enjoy, and non-account related tomfoolery is cracked down on more and more harshly, and there I am, left like a victorian orphan peering through the window of the candy store like I'm the tragic pov character in a charles dickens novel. I try other ways to get an account. I try signing up on my phone, or friends' computers. I try a variety of emails. My friends try a variety of emails. Of urls, of passwords. Every single time, different error messages. At some point, we just conclude that I previously either royally ticked off or gained the favor of a powerful witch, who has either cursed and/or blessed me to never have a social media.

(I learn that this curse isn't limited to tumblr, btw. I try to sign up for an instagram account and behold the exact same error. At this point, I shrug, because that tracks.

I don't even try with twitter. I maintain this might have been the smartest decision of my entire life.)

But tumblr seems like the kind of site I could vibe with. After a literal half a decade, my partner comes up with a solution. They take an old abandoned account from even longer in the past, an account that existed even before I discovered the curse. They take the sign-in info, and pass it on to me.

I swear, Alfred Hitchcock himself would have been taking notes at the suspense that hung in the air as I typed my password in. When I am greeted by a dashboard instead of an error message, I felt like I had outwitted the gods.

Anyways, that's the story of how I got this blog.

You know, I keep meaning to tell the story of why it took me six years to get an account on here because I was cursed by a witch

[paula-of-christ]

Per your sponsored post: do you have any tips or a loose guide on becoming Catholic? I was baptized but never confirmed & I've been aching for something spiritual with a higher meaning these last few years. God bless you.

I sure do!!! I've made posts like this before but because tumblrs search function sucks so badly I'm don't mind answering again until I get a chance to put it in my FAQ. I'm actually helping my boyfriend convert right now, he has never been baptized and only started going to church with me at the beginning of Lent.

I would say start going to Church again. You can sit in the back and observe, there's no rush to say all the prayers or sing the songs. Just don't go up for communion yet until after you get a chance to talk to the priest. Feel free to try going to different parishes in your area if you have the option, see which one you like more. After a few weeks I got my boyfriend an "Order of the Mass" book which helps him follow along and learn the responses.

I also got him a rosary and a little pamphlet that says how to pray it. You can look up how to pray it online as well if you'd like. But, he also likes to meditate already and so I knew he would like the rosary, especially once he learns all the prayers by heart.

You can also read the Bible. If you can read it with someone else that would be ideal however not necessary. It's probably easiest if you're doing it on your own to read the Gospels first, and getting a bible with all the notes and such at the bottom will be helpful. It will help explain some of the subtleties.

After you're comfortable going to Mass every week, you can call or email the parish office to get in touch with the religious education director, who usually also does adult converts, or the parish priest, to talk about getting your Sacraments.

Since you're already baptized, there is a different process because you may have gotten some other Sacraments like First Communion and First Reconciliation already.

After that, there is different paths you can take based on your diocese and how Ole you are, that your priest/parish can work out personally with you. As well as with your faith-life they will have their own recommendations on books to read and things to pray.

Good luck and God Bless! I'll be praying for you. Ad Iesu per Miriam

[dormarunt]

Tumblr's search function is trash but a lifetime ago, @stilljustbitten and I took prompts and filled them on AO3 ((HERE)) and we got this delicious delicious prompt (from @the--sound--of--rain if I member correctly) going, "I see the gift I got you fits well."

Bitten and I filled that prompt here, but I just got a comment that was so perfect that I had to write it for my lovely commenter! <3

Andres is in the kitchen, staring at the coffee machine. He's just a button press away from the first caffeine hit of the day - which he craves like a parched man craves a drop of water - but he can't-- He can't do it. He can't have his coffee and croissant and pretend like it's a day like any other. It isn't.

He's had a very interesting night. Not the pegging, that's not a new item in their marital arsenal; Tatiana was as open about sexuality as he was. They've done it many times, but usually-- it was just the two of them. Because last night Martin stumbled home much earlier than expected, and they forgot themselves in the office, playing with the new toy that Tatiana got him, and Martin-- he saw them.

Tatiana was never a shy one; oftentimes he felt bad that Martin had to hear her - hear them both - when they fell too deeply into their passions, but last night, she was-- marvelous. She was a gem. Instead of cursing Martin out, of telling him to leave, she did something so unexpected - she asked him to join them.

Of course she knows, she's seen it in Martin too; the weight of love in his eyes when he looks at him.

At most, he's surprised that she was so willing to share.

Andres startles out of his reverie when footsteps approach - it's Martin. He's standing in the doorway, much like last night, mouth hanging open, and just like last night, it looks like he's about to bolt.

"I, uh--" Martin starts, looking uncomfortable, hesitant. He smooths down the sides of his robe, then turns. "I'll come back later."

"No."

Martin looks at him, and it's clear that he doesn't know what to say. He stands there for a second too long before walking in the kitchen, then drags a chair out and silently takes a seat at the table.

As if on cue, Tatiana walks in, a towel draped over her shoulders and her hair hanging down in damp tendrils. She also stops in the doorway, looking at them both.

"Did I walk into something?"

No one says anything.

"Well, this is awkward," she says, before walking in, walking right past Martin and the table and to the coffee machine. Andres moves over, and she finally pushes that button. The smell of coffee fills the room.

"I'm glad you could join us last night, Martin," she says, picking up her cup. She turns to Andres, leans over for a kiss, but he takes a step back.

"This isn't right."

Martin, bless his guilty heart, misunderstands. He gets up, not even daring to look their way.

"I'll go."

"No," Andres says. "Not you. You stay."

[twistedtranslations]

Animage 2020-09 - Translation of Twisted Wonderland’s corner

So the latest Animage featured 6 pages (3 spreads) of information on Riddle and Ortho (+ the other members of their dorm) and their respective dorms in general because their birthday was in August.

Huge thanks to @time-phoenix​ for proofreading!

I won’t share the magazine scans here, but rest assured you can buy these on amazon and find them on tumblr as well. They do not feature new illustrations.

Translation under the cut

Page 1

Happy Birthday Riddle and Ortho!

Riddle and Ortho's birthdays are in August! To celebrate their birthday, we have a special feature on their affiliated dorms. Let's take a secret peek at the student life in the Heartslabyul and Ignihyde dorm!

Riddle Rosehearts/VA: Hanae Natsuki

He is the dorm leader of Heartslabyul. He fervently protects the laws of the Queen of Hearts and harshly punishes those who break them, making him feared by the students. 

The Heartslabyul dorm is inspired by the worldview of "Alice in Wonderland." They are guided by the rules of the Queen of Hearts, the dorm leader decides to hold an "Unbirthday party" on the days when it's no one's birthday according to his mood, so at a first glimpse, they seem to be a dorm with a showy and peaceful atmosphere. However, it's an imperative rule to strictly follow the strange laws made by the Queen of Hearts. Riddle, whose birthday was on 24/08, is a powerful person who became the dorm leader in his first week of entering the college. Compared to the past dorm leaders, he is particularly respectful of the laws of the Queen of Hearts, and thoroughly enforces the rules on the students, cracking down harshly on the lawbreakers.

There are few students who know all 810 laws exactly, and even for those students who break the laws unintentionally, Riddle is unforgiving. Ever since Riddle became the dorm leader, there have been no students dropping out or staying back a year in the dorm, all thanks to his strictness. Even though the vice dorm leader Trey Clover and Cater follow up, the results-focused Riddle undoubtedly guides the dorm students. However, it can’t be disputed that there's a considerable number of people who are displeased. It would be fine if that displeasure never erupted but…. If you are interested in Heartslabyul's future, please check out chapter 1 of the main story, The Crimson Tyrant!

Page 2

A blessing that will envelop the heart!

Riddle's unique magic

Riddle's unique magic, Off with your head, puts a collar on the victim so they can't use magic. Someone who cannot use magic at a magic school like NRC, cannot go to classes normally…

His growth period is still going on!?

He's the smallest of the 2nd years introduced thus far, with a length of 160 cm. He is bothered by his height, and gets angry when Floyd makes fun of it. During the limited June event "Ghost Marriage, Destiny's proposal", he was one of the first people to "rush" for Eliza, but his height excluded him.

Dissecting Riddle

Eye: Because he's so serious, he's unfamiliar with trends, and it’s quite obvious he doesn't understand street topics. The person himself insists on saying that "It isn’t an inconvenience to be unaware of such things," though…

Heart: At Riddle's strict personality lies a peaceful base, however there are many things that can press his buttons. One can often see his face grow red in anger.

Hand: Riddle can also cook if there's a recipe, even though it isn't his speciality. However, he's aware that his sense of proportion when it comes to measuring ingredients is lacking.

Brain: Because of his diligence, he gets amazing grades and is ranked 1st in his year. On tests he gets full marks in every subject. He can also accurately remember the 810 laws of the Queen of Hearts.

Mouth: Riddle actually has a sweet tooth and loves the strawberry tarts of his childhood friend, the vice dorm leader Trey.  He especially favors the latest pie slice (TN: A slice of an unspecified cake). Adversely, he dislikes foods with a strong taste and that are bad for your health, which explains his dislike of junk food. It seems he prefers mild flavours.

Leg and waist: Because he has few muscles, he's below average when it comes to physical measurements, but his reflexes aren't bad. One can see him skilfully manoeuvring a horse with high techniques in the equestrian club.

Absolutely adhere to the rules!

This is a dorm based on the strict attitude of the Queen of Hearts. Students have to live their lives accordingly, adhering to strict laws such as "Do not eat the tarts without being given permission by the Queen" and "Stand up from your seat within 15 minutes after eating lunch".

Page 3

4 patriots of the redness of Heartslabyul!

Ace Trappola/VA: Yamashita Seiichirou

He's a 1st year student like the main character. He knows how to swim with the tides and has a bright personality, but he can also be a bit malicious. He's rivals with Deuce, a fellow 1st year from Heartslabyul.

 He's afraid of nothing!?

Ace says exactly what he thinks without fear. He always makes his statements without any hint of cowardice. He doesn't hold back against the dorm leader Riddle, and says the things he wants to say without reading the atmosphere, and makes slightly malicious remarks.

Deuce Spade/VA: Kobayashi Chiaki

He's a 1st year student like the main character. He enrolled in NRC to become a splendid magician. He's serious but he's bad at swimming with the tide.

He gets full marks on seriousness

Deuce cannot remember all the laws of the Queen of Hearts, but fundamentally he's an honest and exemplary student.It seems Riddle approves of his serious personality if only "He was a little bit more thoughtful"…

Page 4

Trey Clover/VA: Suzuki Ryouta

He is a 3rd year and the vice dorm leader of Heartslabyul. He has a gentle personality and has a guardian-like presence for all the dorm’s students. He also backs up the overbearing Riddle.

(TN: lit. Riddle, who is too strict on his surroundings)

He's good at backing up but…

As Riddle's childhood friend, he frequently backs up the overbearing Riddle. He plays the role of lubricating oil towards Heartslabyul and he's indispensable. However, he almost never rebukes Riddle.

Cater Diamond/VA: Kobayashi Tatsuyuki

He is a 3rd year of Heartslabyul. He's a communicator who can read the mood. He's well informed of things like popularity rankings, food and crazes. However, sometimes he shows his heartless side…

A cheery moodmaker

Cater is the moodmaker of Heartslabyul who is good at communicating. He has built a good friendship with the feared Riddle. Together with Trey he deals with Riddle and his environment and backs him up.

Page 5

The high-tech younger brother's birthday!

The Ignihyde dorm is inspired by the worldview of the world of Hercules. There are many students who are good at magical energy engineering and digital related things, so both the lounge rooms and the corridors have many monitors installed. The main story picturing Ignihyde hasn't been distributed yet, and there have not been many appearances of the general Ignihyde students until chapter 4, so even now, many parts of the dorm remain shrouded in mystery. In the midst of that, there's one person with a lot of mysteries to him, the dorm leader Idia's "younger brother", Ortho. He's always lightly floating, because he's a robot. Furthermore, Idia made his body himself, with the latest and newest features, and is packed with maniacal functions that Idia even forgot he equipped him with. The nature of Ortho’s existence hasn’t been revealed, but his relationship with Idia is genuine. While they might be awkward, the feelings they have for each other aren't lies. The next 14th of August, Idia will surely celebrate Ortho's birthday from his heart!

Ortho Shroud/VA: Aoi Shouta

Idia's "younger brother". He's always seen with Idia, and he cares a lot about his brother. In contrast to Idia, he's lively and  honest, and brimming with curiosity.

Dissecting Ortho

Flame: He can shoot a beam with strong fire power from his chest by charging magical energy. He's not good at regulating his strength, and sometimes overdoes it, and sometimes has to be stopped by the principal.

Body: His feet have anti gravity apparatus installed, so he's always floating. His sports body grants him the wish of "Wanting to walk on the earth" and has springs installed in his feet so he can run.

Brain: Recollecting his brother, all his thoughts and actions center around Idia. He can even hack into a GPS to search for him!

Eye: He's equipped with the cutting edge of medical tools, and can also read the vital signs of his subject. He can also do things like see through lies by sensing the variation in their pulse.

Mouth: He differs from Idia who is bad with social dispositions in a way that he can talk to anyone without care. He's one of the few people Idia can talk to face to face.

Is he too coddling?

Ortho loves his older brother Idia, who is a shut in and attends the dorm leader meetings by tablet, while Ortho carries out preparations for assemblies and ceremonies in his stead. If he keeps getting coddled by Ortho like that, he might never get cured from his bashfulness!?

Unusual means

During the Ghost Marriage event, he was about to annihilate the school building in order to save his older brother from the ghost bride who fell in love with Idia at first sight. He was by no means careless and it's terrifying how he chose that method by thinking calmly about it, but that's all because his brother is dear to him.

Page 6

Idia Shroud/VA: Uchiyama Kouki

The dorm leader of Ignihyde. He's shy and gloomy, and is a shut in that doesn't like being in contact with people. However, it seems that's not the case online.

Both the dorm leader and the students are reserved and quiet

It is a dorm based on the diligent spirit of the ruler of the underworld. There are many docile students, who don't appear often before others. According to Cater they're the total opposite of the cheery people from Heartslabyul.

Older brother and "younger brother"

One would think that Idia and Ortho are siblings based on their blue flamed hair and golden eyes. However, Ortho's whole body is a robot, and it hasn't been revealed yet if they're real siblings or if he was originally a human to begin with.

[x0401x]

Maybe I’m challenged as I don’t see a PM button. Do I have to have tumblr account to see it?

Hum, yes. Sorry, I assumed you had an account. >_<’

Ack! You pinpointed the error in my analogy. Yes, hurting family and friends is one thing, but abandoning your brother/sister in arms is awful at a whole different level!

Especially if you’re in love with that sister-in-arms, yes.

I think we agree more on principles and differentiate in characterization. Here’s one that I’m sure you would agree. Yes, V’s social awkwardness is endearing. However, V’s smoothly tutoring Amy in mannerism befitting a debutante in the prior movie, and then improperly responding to the city mayor and non-diplomatically rebuking Hodgins’ overprotective gesture in the latest movie is just incongruous. I even dare to say lazy writing?  From that angle, I recall you frustratingly wrote about how V is dumbed down in the first anime movie.

I think you would also share the popular take of the anime Dietfried, where he literary turned saintly (thanks to V’s endless graceful response to his mean streaks) and became an admirable true older brother. I was hoping Gil would come back and scolded dickfried. Thus imagine how dumfounded I got when anime Dietfried told his weak and arguably selfish younger brother that he wanted to put Gil in a sack and throw it before Violet. That’s beyond 180 turn! It might as well be a novel alternate reality like IF (except less disturbing O__O … I still don’t know what to make of Diet-V relationship there!).

Yes and yes.

Btw, despite minimum coverage of anime Gil, looks like he went through similar catharsis and as remorseful as V for his role in the war. This change of heart is evident as he lived and served in former enemy territory among the very people whose sons and brothers he and Violet had most likely killed. The novel Gil had no such character development. Still, I snorted out loud when I read your pointing out all the plot holes in the movie, which added to gil’s jackassery.

That was a good one from the movie, I agree. But I’m sure that if novel!Gil had to live in an isolated island in a former enemy nation, he’d do the exact same thing. It’s not like he hated the enemies. He was just protecting his country.

Now, here’s a different take of V’s wholeness up to the reunion. Comparing the reunion in the anime vs the novel, the anime V is more whole. How come? Well, the novel V still viewed herself as a tool requiring order then, the anime one did not. Further, a true test of character is how one reacts when one does not get what one wants. The novel V was well rewarded for all the years of clinging ludicrously to the belief that Gil was alive. After all, he came to her rescue for the reunion. The girl soldier did not experience that unfathomable rejection from her everything. In contrary, anime V received painful rejection upon attempting to reunite. She searched all over, learned new profession, went through nervous breakdown, even resorted to suicide attempt for what turns out to be a weak man who chose to wallow in sorrow. This is undoubtedly unfair and painful to her, and the audience. It is heart piercing sad when the person with whom you create memory with becomes a memory. Yet she resolved to move on. Beyond moving on, there was not an ounce of resentment or even entitlement for an apology. That tear-jerking last letter exudes an attitude of gratitude as she listed EVERY single thing that weak, broken man had gifted her. Despite all his flaws, his love for her had become her way of living. How his kindness beget kindness of her own, which she generously shared with Amy and Taylor Bartlett among many others. Thus, the anime V is more noble and whole (at reunion) than her novel counterpart.

OP, you’re comparing the wrong Violet. ^^’ Remember that the anime has a different timeline? Movie!Violet is post-Gaiden. Novel!Violet during their reunion is pre-Gaiden. You should be comparing Ani!Violet with how Novel!Violet was in Gaiden chapter 6. The Violet who understands love more, who realizes that she was in love with Gil from day one, who had opened up to a romantic relationship, in which she’ll have to be equal to him and thus will never again be treated as a tool or receive orders from him.

As for the “how she reacts when she doesn’t get what she wants” thingy... I’m not sure if you recall, but Novel!Violet found out that Gil was alive way before their reunion. And she chose to let him be. She simply continued living like normal and waiting for him. If he decided to reunite with her, good. If he didn’t, that would be sad as fuck to her, but she would leave him alone, just as she had been doing all those months in-between summer and fall when she knew that he was all right and just moved on with her life.

So, yeah, I think they were both just as noble and whole. I’d actually give Novel!Violet more points because she didn’t even try to go change his mind. She simply took the obvious conclusion, which must have hurt a ton when looking back on all she had gone through, and respected his will.

Aw very kind of you to thank me for military service. By God’s grace I was spared from Gilbert and Violet’s type of service, but I did struggle to move on after service. A new career in emergency medicine has afforded me the privilege to be front and center as children, sibling, friend, and parent pass away by their loved ones. In the process, I learned to steer from being cold and aloof.  I compartmentalize well which enabled me to remain a functional professional throughout those traumatic moments, but the novel and anime let me process those compartments long after. It is eerily poignant how relatable VE journey is.  When lamentations over the end of dreams and relationships got overwhelming, the obligation to care for hurting patients pulled me away from the immobilizing self-pity. That pinky promise and thank you letter also hit home very hard. A year prior to the movie release, I did exactly those with a dearest person, whose life I am no longer a part of. I guess I internalize this work of fiction a bit too much eh? To me, VE is a profound lesson in empathy through the journey of loving, losing, longing, n letting go.

It’s not too much at all! It’s actually wonderful to know more and more about how relatable VE is to people who work/worked in the military, because I’m sure Akatsuki-sensei did her research on that.

All in all, thank you for bequeathing a space to pour the feels after the movie drained my tear ducts =) Honto ni arigatou gozaimas

You’re always welcome here, OP! Bless you. :>

[thereluctantinquisitor]

Sorry for the repost @chaitea09​ but for some reason Tumblr is refusing to put the cut in the right spot??? So I’ve just redone it here to save everyone from the wall of text! Anyway, on to round 2:

So, just for context, Kyriin is not technically a name, it is a title used in place of a name. There are technically two Kyriin that feature in the story, but both receive handy nicknames from the people closest to them (Kyri for one, Riin for the other). How convenient, no?

So basically, the Kyriin are a rank of warriors who hail from an isolated city called Kal-Kriya, deep in the desert to the west. Because there’s a bit of Lore for both the Kyriin and Kal-Kriya, I’ll just break this into two parts and put it below the cut. This got long af imsosorry:

Kal-Kriya

The city of Kal-Kriya is largely underground, built into the sides of an enormous caldera. Being situated deep in an unforgiving desert, it is essentially a mystery to the rest of the known world, with majority of what is known about it spread through myth and legend (and often wildly untrue). No one really knows where it is or how to find it. Basically, all who have set out into the Reddesan Desert in search of it have not returned. Whether they found what they were looking for or succumbed to the harsh landscape and deadly beasts that roam the sands, no one can truly say.

Essentially, what is now known about Kal-Kriya is that it is the first line of defense for basically all of the kingdoms to the east. The desert is home to many deadly creatures, kept largely at bay by the Kal-Kriyan hunters and warriors. How they do it is an utter mystery to the eastern kingdoms, but the Kyriin (more on them later) definitely leave them with a lot of spicy theories.

Historically, Kal-Kriya was formed not long after the Divide. It is said that a large group of defectors from the great city of Khathis (which later became the heart of the Khathi Empire) were herded into the Reddesan and left to die. However, after a day or so of wandering, a figure appeared on the dunes ahead of them, loosely formed from swirling sand. It began to lead the exhausted and thirsty group deeper into the desert. With nowhere else to go, they followed, the figure always remaining a few dunes ahead, swirling and shifting like a mirage. Eventually, after almost a month of being led from oasis to oasis, surprisingly unaccosted by any of the desert creatures, they came across a large caldera, at the heart of which a lake had formed. The soil around it was surprisingly fertile, with plants they had never seen before already growing in thick tangles, and the walls of the caldera were interspersed with large, circular caverns, as though they had been dug out many hundreds of years ago by something enormous (and, luckily, long gone).

Basically, they began to set up their city in these large caverns, expanding them as needed, farming the land within the caldera to support themselves. Rain is rare, but there is an underground reservoir that keeps the lake from drying out completely, even after extensive droughts. The figure who guided them there became known as ‘Shei-tah’ (‘stone-mother’), and is believed to dwell in the sand and stone of the Reddesan. She became the patron deity of Kal-Kriya and plays an integral role in the formation and function of their society to this day.

One of the main duties performed by Kal-Kriyans is the scouring of the desert, particularly near the caldera, and the hunting of the beasts that attempt to either enter their lands or move further east, towards the outskirts of the desert. Basically, it is in their best interests to keep these creatures as far to the west as possible, as well as to prevent them from growing too large in number. The ones they target are large predators, which are often heavily armoured and possess lethal poisons. It was definitely a rough few decades, as they established their city and struggled with the threats around them. But they eventually developed techniques suited to keeping the creatures at bay, either by killing them or forcing them to retreat deeper into the desert. Now, specially trained groups of Kal-Kriyan’s roam to the north and south, hunting beasts of various species and returning with food from the carcasses and collecting certain parts that can be refashioned into armour, clothing and weapons. If they need to make a kill, very little goes to waste. It is one of the ways they are able to self-sustain so well, with the lack of traditional livestock and limited agricultural space.

In terms of their relationships with the cities beyond the desert, Kal-Kriya historically kept to itself until the Khathi Empire attempted to find and seize it somewhere in the 2nd century. While their army never successfully reached the city, they came close enough to cause alarm, which led to a delegation being sent from Kal-Kriya to negotiate an accord. Initially, this negotiation failed, with the Khathi soldiers seizing the delegation as prisoners and trying to get them to give up the location of their home.

So, the Kal-Kriyans retreated into their city, sealed themselves inside, and let the creatures of the desert swarm west.

While the Khathi Empire had outposts all along the border of the Reddesan, where they intercepted and killed the few creatures that managed to make it that far, they were in no way prepared for how many suddenly appeared. After a few weeks of desperate defense, Khathis agreed to re-enter negotiations with Kal-Kriya, who sent one (1) warrior, blessed by Shei-tah’s highest priests, capable of surviving the now incredibly hostile distance between the city and the Khathi army. One of the most distinguishing features were the dark tattoos that seemed to snake along his arms, legs, torso, hands, feet, even up his neck and vanishing into his hairline. He arrived, and basically declared that the Khathi had to ‘leave and never send their army here again’. Given the situation, Khathis wasn’t in a very strong bargaining position, with their own army falling apart at the seams from the heat and the near constant attacks by the denizens of the desert. So they agreed on one condition: Kal-Kriya had to have some presence outside the desert. Basically, they didn’t trust them hiding away the way they did, so there needed to be some means of communication available.

This is when the Kyriin (meaning ‘Chosen’) were officially formed, with the negotiating warrior becoming the first of the order.

The Kyriin

The Kyriin are highly trained warriors, all tattooed in the likeness of the first of their order. Basically, every ten years, ten Kyriin are sent from Kal-Kriya to the eastern kingdoms, where they will roam until they accept an offer (this usually happens within the first month, if not the first day, as noble houses send family members to camp at the edge of the Reddesan so they can make their offers as soon as the Kyriin set foot outside the desert). It is largely a symbolic act, as holding a Kyriin’s contract is considered a rare honour that indicates power and prestige. However, the Kyriin are essentially sworn to the one they enter an agreement with, and often serve as bodyguards to powerful people due to their combat skill. There are rules and such that they have to follow (such as not participating in wars, giving away information on Kal-Kriya, or harming another Kyriin) but I won’t go into them here.

After ten years spent in the eastern lands, their contracts end and they return to Kal-Kriya with whatever they gained from their contract (goods, knowledge, technology, etc.), and the new group of Kyriin arrive.

But there is another reason why so many fight for a contract.

There is one among the ten Kyriin known colloquially as a the “black-eyes” (or the krea morei). This warrior is said to be able to perform unbelievable feats of strength that greatly surpass anything that could be considered human. However, they are utterly indistinguishable from the other Kyriin, tattooed and dressed identically, and forbidden to reveal themselves prior to receiving a contract. Even after taking a contract, the only time they are discovered is if they need to use their strength for some reason, and sometimes a decade passes without the krea morei ever being revealed. They receive the name ‘black-eyes’ because, when they are truly exerting themselves, the whites of their eyes appear to flood black. If anyone got close enough, they would see it’s actually a dark red (a result of blood vessels bursting from the strain being placed on their bodies), but basically anyone who had gotten close enough to tell the difference hasn’t lived to spread the Good News™.

Lots of superstition surrounds the krea morei, with some noble houses only offering contracts to the first Kyriin to emerge from the desert (as they must be the strongest and fastest), and some only offering contracts to the last (because they were clearly not threatened by the dangers of the desert and therefore made the crossing at a leisurely pace). In the end, it’s all crap, because they’re not some strange hive-mind that all operate the same way. While they all call themselves Kyriin and leave their true names behind in Kal-Kriya (chiselled into stone, to be reclaimed upon their return), they are still distinctly individuals who will arrive whenever they happen to arrive. There is also a desperate desire to work out what makes the krea morei ‘tick’ (so to speak) but so far no one has been able to work it out.

So, Kyri is a member of this order (and, spoiler, the resident krea morei). Basically she arrives at this gathering of the nobility at the edge of the desert… and just walks straight past them. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. This is unheard of, but the reason for it is because, since leaving Kal-Kriya and venturing into the desert, she has been receiving visions from Shei-tah, showing her powerful flashes of places and landmarks, accompanied by emotions of fear, pain and desperation, as well as an urgent compulsion to head east no matter what (this is the extent to which Shei-tah can really communicate). All Kyri knows is that she needs to keep heading east, and if she takes some noble’s contract, she might not be able to do that. She cannot risk splitting her attention and time.

So, she starts to head east, unsettled, uncertain, and unbound by contract, hunting for the scenes from her visions which get weaker the further she ventures from the Reddesan. Eventually, she starts to realise that she can’t do this on her own, and needs to find people who can help her. This is what leads to her liberating Taelan (one of the Morithi, who are people from the eastern isles that possess an uncanny sense of direction and never forget a path they have walked) from his master. Eventually, they also join up with Delver and Syldana.

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/6514-2/

FCGCT Commentary: Wants, needs, and desires are EGO traits, true passion is expanding love into creation with pure intent and creation of New Earth energy. Desires turn to passion and must be in aligned intention of New Earth = Heart.  Change must be embraced, accepted, and allowed, as LOVE is the only frequency that will move forward.  Change is positive and with it comes expansion.  Allow change and embrace the energies pouring out from Mother of all Creation.

Mother Mary ~ Make Room for Angels

Mother Mary channeled by Pamela Kribbe

Dear, beautiful men and women, I am Mary. I am not here alone, I am here with angels by my side. They are your angels, light beings that are connected to each one of you. Feel their gentleness, they are here for you. Each of you has angels of light around you who want to support you on your path on Earth. Make room for these angels! Allow them to surround you with a very gentle, light vibration. Feel how the energy in this space is lit up by their presence. They want so much to give you something, to let you share in the light of Home, the spheres where you belong, the atmosphere of light from where you came. Allow these angels to give you healing.

We are in a large circle around you and would like to take away some of the pain and heaviness that you often experience in your daily life. Life should be easier, more joyful and gentle, and that starts with love for yourself. The first step is to allow yourself to be helped by taking the energy of light and gentleness and healing that is now offered to you. Imagine you open all the cells of your body and that they breathe in the love and healing. Do that very consciously, and tell yourself: “I can receive this energy and allow it to flow from the crown of my head as a warm shower around me, so let it begin there.”

This energy is of the highest vibration, it does not try to force you in any way. It just wants to give you ease and joy and pleasure. Let that energy flow through that quiet space in the center of your head, your inner “eye” that becomes still and bright. Let go of excess thoughts; see that endless flow of thoughts in your head as something from which you can disconnect, as something that is not necessarily yours. You can be in that quiet place in the middle of your head by letting the angel energy flow through it and take up the space that was previously occupied by unnecessary thoughts. You do something very important for yourself by just being present inside your body with your awareness: you turn toward yourself and you let go, you release.

Allow that angel energy to descend through your throat into your heart and fill your neck and shoulders and chest. Allow it to happen by itself, and although you may feel nothing at first, try to feel the joy of the angels. Remember the freedom, the love of life, the liveliness of spirit of the heavenly spheres, and fill your heart with that. Let go of all cares and be completely in the now. Allow the energy to flow still deeper by opening up the area of your abdomen, and know that whatever space you open up to receive this energy will immediately fill with the gentle vibration of love.

You can hear the angels sing for you. They know you and love you unconditionally. It is not an impersonal love, they know who you are, they are your angels. They see where you are tired, or hurt, or where you feel heavy; they know all that. Dare to entrust yourself to this love and let it shower over you, flow even lower into your root chakra, your hips and thighs, and all the way down to the ground beneath your feet. Feel how angels gently support your knees and bring the energy down into the Earth. Attune yourself to their great awareness. They do not see in terms of right or wrong, they really have no judgment about what you do or not do in your everyday life, they only want to love you and to remind you of who you truly are and the love that you deserve.

I ask you to now go even deeper inside, into your heart, and to experience there that you are an angel, that you are one of them. You know the energy of love from within, because you have known it and lived it. You have been in realms other than Earth where you have completely known the energy of love, and were sustained by it and felt a desire to share that love with all other living beings.

Just as these angels now unconditionally give their light to you, so you are also such an angel. Try to accept this fact and say “yes” to it. Then feel a seed deep within your heart, a germ of the angelic light that you are. To your human consciousness, this might feel as something very delicate, a very tender seed, but the angel energy is essentially indestructible, it cannot be destroyed by any force. It is the “blood” of the universe itself, from which everything is made.

The energy of the angels and of love allows for freedom and not force, and therefore it sometimes seems as if it has been destroyed, or driven away. But in reality, this is not the case, for the angel energy is always present and ready to assist when asked. Feel how you know in the depths of your being that you are invulnerable and indestructible, and that because you are love, nothing can happen to you.

Feel the power of love. Love moves through the defenses of fear and resistance, because love always recognizes the equality of opposites. Love creates no judgement, and no separation and duality, but always connects and unites. Love may seem fragile, but it actually is the other way round, because that which separates itself from love is, in fact, very fragile. It stands in loneliness and lives in fear, and therefore must continually defend itself.

You are afraid of your love, of showing your deepest beauty to the world, and so you hide and defend yourself from behind the walls you have built. But that is what makes you vulnerable, because you always have to defend and protect yourself. If you dare to stand in the greatness of your own love, you are invulnerable. You move with the universe instead of against it. All divine laws that apply in the cosmos are in accord with the law of love, which is the highest law. If you move along with that law, nothing can happen to you.

You have grown so accustomed to living within defensive walls based on separateness, that you almost need to have that separateness in order to function. You cannot yet completely allow in that uniting consciousness of love — and that is okay. But I ask that you now let go of those parts of the wall which have been broken down, and which are ripe for the primal power of love, so that love can find its way more freely into your life. The only thing that love asks of you is to release, to let go of what is old, and to allow the old to go with gratitude for how it has served you in the past.

Feel the healing energy of the angels that is offered here to again flow around you, and see whether you have a sense, or an insight, or a feeling about what you might let go of in your life, what would be liberating to release. Maybe you can let go of a thought that keeps coming back and harasses you or demands things of you. Or it might be a relationship, friendship, or work environment for which it is time to let go and to search for something new. Gently allow this something new to reveal itself.

Finally, feel the energy of love fill your aura, the energy field around you, and make it as large as you feel is right for you. Maybe you see clear, transparent colors in your aura, or maybe you feel only gentleness and lightness. It is sufficient that you permit what is old to be released from your aura, and you do not have to know exactly what that is.

I want to ask you to take seriously what wants to come to you as a gift – love – the love that you can give to yourself, which opens the gates to even more love from “out there”: the assistance of guides and angels. You have the key in your hand, so really feel its significance. With it, you can put yourself into the light, where you can forgive and console and encourage yourself; where you can be patient with yourself and fully understand your fears. This is how the angels want to support you, so you feel good about who you are, and wherever you stand, and whatever you do. This is their message for you.

~~~~~~~

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[sweet-little-bird-fanfic]

YOUNG K - Pure Desire

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link. Idk why but posts with links don't show up on the tumblr's search feature anymore. So, I'll leave the link to my master list there, where you can find the other chapters easily. I hope this is still functional for you guys, sorry for the trouble. I hope you can still enjoy my work despite the technical issues.

Summary: A young writer that’s struggling with her work until she crosses paths with an intense and fated new type of inspiration; An inspiration called: YOUNG K!

Genre: Fanfic; Romance; Smut (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

Warnings: Dry humping; Swearing? (sometimes they say fuck and shit? idk sorry xD)

CHAPTER 4- Snack

Violet

When I woke up I felt terribly tired, as if I didn't sleep. Which I did, but probably just one hour or so. The thoughts, the feelings, the sensations on my skin, the temperature of my body, the sweat running down my body, my trembling sensitive legs, my burning ears, my numb juicy lips didn't let me sleep. And everything because of what happened in the kitchen. My heart and body couldn't calm down from what had happened, but also because as I laid in bed I could clearly hear Young K getting in the shower in the next room and my mind couldn't help but wonder to wild places. The sound of the water running against his body surely didn't relax me, it only contributed to tightening up the wet mess between my legs.

Finding the strength to get out of bed and trying to break away from my pervert needy thoughts, I dressed the larger hoodie I owned and a simple pair of leggings.

I was glad it was so early in the morning, this way I probably wouldn't meet anyone in the house. As I walked downstairs to go to the kitchen, a nervous feeling in my stomach invaded me when I heard voices coming from there, but for my luck, there was no Young K in sight.

The boys were eating breakfast and big bro was organising some papers, I guessed they were going to work even though it was Saturday.

- Good morning. - Dowoon said when he saw me and made the other members greet me with a kind smile.

- Hey boys, did you sleep well? - I said in a hoarse voice.

When Kim Jii (big bro) heard my voice, he lifted his eyes from the papers to look at me and cracked laughing really hard as he saw my hideous face decorated with heavy dark circles.

- Oh, my... What happened to you? Were you writing all night? You look uglier than usual. - he said provoking me.

- I wish that was the case... I didn't even write whatsoever. - I confessed letting a big sight escape my mouth.

- Then why do you look so tired? Were you watching porn? - big bro said teasing me.

I gave him a dangerous look and wished I had enough strength to punch him in the face without hurting myself. Since I didn't, I grabbed an apple and a water bottle to bring out with me.

- Hey, I'm joking. You don't look so good. Do you need some medicine? - Kim Jii (big bro) asked in a serious tone.

- Are you also sick? - Jae asked worried and curious at the same time.

I looked around to check once again that Young K wasn't there and concluded he was the one Jae was referring to. I couldn't help but ask:

-Is Young K sick? - I pronounced my words carefully almost whispering - I'm not though, I'm just tired.

- Yes. He's got a cold and he's sleeping in his bed. - Sungjin said - I didn't notice when he showered but his hair was wet when we woke up. I guess he went to bed with his hair wet and ended up like that.

- He's been working a lot lately, maybe he needs some rest. - Wonpil added.

- I'm going out, should I buy some medicine on my way back? - I asked.

- Yeah, do that. And buy some lunch too. Little bro is going to meet with his friends, but buy enough for you and Young K. - Kim Jii (big bro) ordered.

I abruptly grabbed my things and walked out of the kitchen leaving my discontent and complain in the air:

- What if I don't want to have lunch with him? Seriously, I'm not your assistant. I have a life of my own. And he's obviously not a baby for fuck's sake.... - I left the house shutting the door behind me and getting inside my modest car.

***

I walked around town and enjoyed some coffee at a nice cat cafe, those type of places usually inspired and relaxed me. But not today, my mind was a mess I couldn't stop thinking about Young K, about our kisses, about the way he tamed me and the feeling of his rough hands on my skin and about what could've happened. And to be honest I was pissed, but what was infuriating me wasn't what happened, it was exactly what didn't happen!

What the hell was wrong with me and what was I even thinking? I wasn't someone to have crazy fantasies about idols but... that wasn't a fantasy! That was very real, too real. How could I ever face him again?

As I remembered what happened my body immediately responded to the memories and I thanked God I didn't have a dick. Getting wet in public might be uncomfortable but hiding a boner sounds hard, literally. Trying to behave and distract myself, I got up and walked to the pharmacy before heading home.

Once I got home, I forced myself to grow some balls and went to check up on Young K. I knocked at his door but I didn't get any reply, so I quietly opened the door and verified he wasn't in his bed. I went back downstairs and I noticed the living room's terrace window was open. I was blessed with a view of Young K wrapped in a blanket playing with my cat in the garden, but keeping a safe distance from the tinny adorable black haired being. How was it possible for someone to look so cute now and less than 24 hours ago look deliciously dangerous and hot? I couldn't help but laugh which made him aware of my presence and look at me. When our eyes met I could feel my cheeks burning up and I hurriedly looked away.

- Hey. - he said in a nasal voice.

- Hey! - I managed to say even though it sounded weird - I forgot to buy lunch. Are you okay with some instant noodles?

- Yeah...

- Do you want to eat something else since you're sick?

- Yeah... I mean, no it's fine. I'll eat noodles! - he said tripping on his blanket.

We went to the kitchen and the physical tension developed an anxious atmosphere around us. The silence was killing me, but I didn't know how to approach him or how to do small talk. We sat some bowls on the kitchen table and our hands accidentally touched when Young K gave me some chopsticks, which ended up on the floor when I felt the stiff tips of his finger rubbing my delicate hands and let them escape my grip. He looked a bit surprised but his face was invaded by a slight smirk as he took another set of chopsticks and I rushed to the fridge trying to hide my blushing cheeks from him. I stared at the inside of the fridge for more than two minutes, the refreshing temperature involved me and helped me to calm down, but somehow my body was still burning.

- What are you looking for, Violet? - Young K broke the silence making me shiver.

- I ... - as I looked at the fridge and concluded I didn't need anything from there, I looked back at him - I don't know what I'm doing, I was looking for the noodles. - I laughed and took some noodles from the right cabinet this time.

My heart was beating so fast I was afraid he could actually hear it. When he pronounced my name, I felt my body melt with his voice and even though he was far away from me it was as if I could feel him against me as his eyes observed every single movement I made.

- What flavour do you fancy? - I asked him as I boiled some water.

- I... what? - Young K asked with a tired voice.

- What flavour... are you okay? - I asked trying to read his facial expression, but I ended up staring at his lips and saw him bitting them. "Is he provoking me?"

- Anything is fine. - he scratched his head - Do you have any cold medicine?

- Oh yes! I went to the pharmacy before coming home. - I grabbed the pharmacy's paper bag and gave it to him - Here.

I went to stir the noodles and heard Young K serve some water so he could take his medicine.

- What are you doing? - I took the pills off his hands - You weren't going to take these with an empty stomach, right?

He looked at me with a guilty expression and smiled at me innocently. "That smile..."

- For such a big boy... you don't seem to know how to take care of yourself.

- I'm big... and I know how to take care of me just fine. - he said taking the pills from my hand and getting closer to me.

I pushed him down and made him sit on the chair taking the pills away from him and placing them on the table.

- Wait. - I demanded, trying to look strict but with a trembling voice.

- Yes, ma'am. Since you asked so nicely. - he said sarcastically and with his feverish eyes penetrating my soul.

It didn't take much more time until the noodles were done, I sat in front of him and placed our meal on the table. Young K was enjoying his food slowly and warming himself with the hot soup from the noodles. I couldn't take my eyes off him and I think he noticed, since every single time I managed to sneakily run my eyes through his face he smirked without even locking eyes with me. But then again, I wasn't doing anything bad... he did much worst last night. "Or much better..."

His lips were swollen from the temperature of the food, making them look even more tempting than usual as they sparkled and gained a darker red shade at each bite.

We finished our meal in silence, but that was broken by the loud nervous sound of my stomach echoing between the kitchen walls.

- Do you want a second? - I asked trying to hide my embarrassment.

- Yes, please.

- You know if you want you can go pick a movie or something. I'll bring the food to the living room in a second. - I said trying to send Young K away so I could try to calm down. His presence was making me self-conscious and my body wasn't behaving according to my demands.

He started laughing and answered me with a mischievous grin:

- Noodles and chill? - he suggested biting his lower lip and embracing himself pretending to be innocent.

- You think because I'm not Korean, I don't know what that means?! Isn't that the Korean version of "Netflix and chill"? Get out of here! - I said throwing a kitchen cloth at him as he walked out to the living room.

I drunk an entire bottle of cold water from the fridge to try to make my temperature go down. Everything was burning: my skin, my temper and my loins' fluids were melting down to my panties. "Focus", I thought to myself as I brought the food to the living room and saw Young K playing with my cat's tummy.

- Did you pick a movie? - I asked trying to avoid eye contact.

- Oh, I got distracted by your pussycat. - He said waiting for me to blush when our eyes met and giving me the most intense look I ever had to face in my life.

- Here's your second... - I managed to say as I placed the bowls on the centre table.

Young K stood up and left my cat alone to sit next to me on the floor, he grabbed the blanket that was involving him and wrapped it around us making me sit closer to him. I faced the floor as he placed his forehead against mine and caressed my cheek.

- I need a second of last night kitchen snack. - he said tickling my lips with his teasing words.

- We're out of kitchen snacks. - I whispered as he played with my fingers and kissed my right hand - Young... hmmm - he interrupted me when he bit my fingers and sucked them.

- Do you have any living room snacks in store, Miss? - he asked as he grabbed my ass and made me sit on his lap making me feel his growing bulge against my core.

Young K started to caress my back making me shiver and press against his front as I grabbed his shirt trying to push him away to escape from his dominance. He softly kissed my neck and left a trail of kisses until he reached my lips, I could feel his hot breath against my skin creating a feeling of edgy anticipation for his touch in me. He stared at my lips and rubbed his softly against mine, our eyes locked and I could feel my walls clench and soak down. Desperate to run away from this dangerous situation, I tried to free myself from his embrace but as result, Young K tightened his grip around my waist and made me pressure my sex harder against his growth. I moaned as I felt his flinching hardness under me. My brain kept on saying "no, run away now" but my body starved for more of his intoxicating touch and kisses, and his sexy voice only contributed to break my resolve more and more.

- I love when you moan... - Young K said biting my lips.

- We can't do this. - I said as he softened my hair and held my jaw in his hand.

- You don't want to? - he asked as he licked my lips and I trembled against him - Shall I prove you want this? - Young K grabbed my hips making me feel his growing bulge.

I couldn't help but moan as I felt him cringing under me and buried my face into his shoulder as I tried not to give into his attempts. I could feel his pulse on his neck and the fact that his heart was racing fascinated me and before I knew it, I was hugging him and pressing my body against him making him groan and invade my back under my shirt. Young K threw the blanket to the floor, lifted me up and laid me on the sofa, placing himself on top of me and making me wrap my legs around his hips. He brushed my hair off my face and stared deep into my eyes, as I caressed his face I noticed he was really sweaty and pulled him closer so I could kiss his forehead.

- You're so innocent, aren't you? - he chuckled as I checked his temperature.

- Shhh... You're really hot!

- Thank you! - he joked pretending he didn't understand what I said and stole a small kiss from my lips.

- I meant you have a fev...

- You caused this, take responsibility. - he said with lustful eyes that made my juices soak through my clothes.

He was running his hands through my body making me shiver with his touch when his hand finally reached the end of my belly I reflexively stopped it from going further. Before he could complain about my attitude I kissed him deeply and got on top making him groan with my sudden moves against his length.

- What do you think you're doing? - Young K asked as he sat up and leaned himself on the sofa whilst firmly grabbing my ass - Can you ride me like this?

- Like... this? - I asked as I rubbed my soaking core against his hard bulge and saw him lean his head back revealing his delicious neck, which I leisurely licked and made him aggressively grab my hair.

- Don't dare to play "gentle" just because I'm sick. - he said as he bit my lips; I impulsively pulled away from his lips and added more pressure on his lap - Good girl.

I kept sliding against his hard dick with only our simple clothes separating us from touching directly. Young K tried to make me lean my face towards him so he could kiss me but I involved his head with my arms and pressed it against my breasts. If he kissed me now, I surely wouldn't just end up rubbing against his hardness. As I kept straddling him he started cupping my boobs making my nipples harden under my bra, making my walls clench so tight that it started to hurt from the lack of real touch and the need of his thick cock stretching them. I moaned in a desperate pleasure sigh and Young K looked at me with famished eyes placing his both hands on my jawline.

- Let me kiss you... - he begged whispering against my neck and making me lean closer.

- No... I can't... - I moaned.

- Why is that? - he asked squeezing my ass.

- When you kiss me... - I said feeling a thrilling sensation growing inside my loins - Because I'll need much more if we ... - I murmured in a deep moan as I kept rubbing against him.

He laughed and warped his arms around me, biting my neck roughly and slamming his rigid erection against me. His abrupt actions made me jump and swirl on his lap as his hardness pressed exactly against my clit making me moan deeply with the inflaming sensation growing inside me before I trembled and a small sample of orgasm crashed over me. Young K groaned as he stopped biting my neck and held my face in his hands once again.

- I could give you so much more. If only you let me, Violet.

Young K placed his lips against mine softly searching for my consent, devouring my mouth as soon as I parted my lips with his tongue and kissing me deeper than yesterday. He pushed me down on the sofa making me bend over and crouch on all fours as he pressed his erection against my butt, tracing my tummy with his hand and going lower teasing between my legs with his fingers. I looked back and saw a smug victorious smile appear on his face when he finally noticed the wetness that soaked through the thin fabric of my leggings.

- Fuck, Violet! - Young K groaned and took his shirt off throwing it in the air, pushing his dick against my ass back and forth, making me feel the hardness of his thick erection through our clothes as he firmly grabbed my hips with his manly hands making me move as he wished.

Both of us were closed to the edge, we couldn't take it anymore. The teasing, the small touches, the sensations we created as we rubbed our bodies together weren't enough. We needed more. Desperately. Our needs for each other required to be satisfied otherwise we would drive ourselves insane. And like this, driven by pure desire Young K turned me around and led my shaking hands to feel his built bust.

I wrapped my legs around him and grabbed his neck to make him kiss me and when his hands reached my shirt to lift it, we were both surprised by the sound of the entrance door opening.

- Hey guys! I'm home. - Kim Joon (baby bro) screamed from the door taking his shoes off.

Young K stood up as fast as he could and grabbed his shirt to put it on. I followed his moves and got up just to end up falling on my knees due to my weakened legs, I was so excited I couldn't even stand properly. He looked back at me trying to hold in his laugh but his facial expression was really tender as he squashed down and held my hand to help me get up. When Kim Joon (baby bro) finally reached the living room our hands were still together and my little brother looked at me with a confused face as he scanned me up and down. Young K grabbed the blanket on the floor and placed it in front of his lower half.

- She wanted to scare you and ended up failing on the floor. - Young K said as he let go of my hand and covered my surprisingly hurtful neck with my hair.

- Did you catch his fever, Noona? You're so red! - Kim Joon (baby bro) asked rushing to check my temperature with his hand on my forehead.

- I'm just embarrassed because I fell, silly. No need to worry. - I replied to him with a quiet tone, knowing that was probably the worst excuse in the whole history.

Kim Joon (baby bro) straightened my clothes and played with my hair, locking a curl behind my ear and then I saw him looking at Young K with heavy eyes that seemed enraged, but I was probably imagining things because in the next second he rushed to sit next to him on the sofa asking in an excited voice:

- Do you want to play some video games, hyung?

- Sure. Sounds good. - Young K said patting my cat that was now sitting on his lap covered with the blanket.

- Where have you been, kid? - I asked trying to figure it out either Kim Joon was suspicious of us or not.

- Just out with my friends, we went to a cyber cafe to play LOL. - he said pulling Young K's arm as he stood up - Let's go upstairs the games are in your room.

- Are you abandoning me? Is this how you treat your big sister?! - I asked playfully.

- Go work you lazy ass! - Kim Joon said as he runs upstairs alone and tried to avoid getting hit by the pillow I threw at him. - You missed! Are you coming, hyung?

- You go first and get things ready. I just need to use the toilet for a second.

We watched Kim Joon disappear on the stairs and Young K moved my cat from his lap revealing the huge bulge on his pants, I covered my mouth with my hands in shock. How could I have forgotten that he had a huge hard on?! He smirked at my reaction and winked at me before he climbed the stairs slowly. I headed to the bathroom on the ground floor to take a shower in despair. I desperately needed to clean up and get my shit together.

If only the running hot water hitting my skin could clean the sinful thoughts that were tangled in my mind... everything was sensitive and sweltering.

***

After the shower, I spent the day rewiring my work, since some divine inspiration was given to me by a certain someone. My words slid from the tips of my finger to the keyboard of my laptop with ease and no pressure. Not even my shoulders hurt nor my fingers cramped. Everything was going smoothly until I fell asleep on my desk and woke up with loud screams coming from downstairs. It took me a few seconds to recognise the voices and understand what was happing: Kim Joon and Kim Jii were fighting. It's not a usual thing to happen but when it does, it's like the Titans crashed down our walls.

I rushed downstairs and when I finally stepped into the living room I heard Kim Joon (baby bro) say grabbing his big brother's collar:

- I want him gone. I don't care!

I pulled the hoodie over my head and I straightened my hair, trying to hide the bite marks on my neck, hoping they weren't visible anymore and hurried to stand between the two brothers.

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link. Idk why but posts with links don't show up on the tumblr's search feature anymore. So, I'll leave the link to my master list there, where you can find the other chapters easily. I hope this is still functional for you guys, sorry for the trouble. I hope you can still enjoy my work despite the technical issues.

A/N: Tbh writing about dry humping was a real challenge, I kept wanting to make them go further but but but but but but... the best things take time to happen, right?

[nevertobeships]

Do you have any writing advice for someone who really struggles with writing body language? I have a hard time reading it in the real world and I'm lost on how to write it in my fics. I think my dialogue is fine it just seems like everything else is lacking. The transition from rp writing to fanfiction is really tough, and I can't seem to adapt to the now popular fanfiction trends of the way things are written. I'd be very grateful for any advice.

Anon, do not worry! Many people, including myself, strugglewith this. I’m going to make a couple of assumptions to get us started (if theyare incorrect just shoot me another ask and I can go in a different direction).I assume that if you are coming to me then you have read some of my writing andtherefore I also assume that you enjoy supercorp. With those two assumptions inmind I’m going to use that arena to give my advice. But please keep in mindthat this is only MY opinion. I’ve been writing pretty much my whole life andI’ve learned that there really is no right or wrong way to go about writing.Sure, there are preferred styles, grammatical rules, trends that may bepopular, etc…but essentially you have to find YOUR flow and style. Writing andwhat is considered the right way to write so subjective.

And just as a quick note I have never done rp writing sokeep that in mind.

Here is my advice (and I explain each point below):

1. Keep trying at the real life body language and understandthe pros and cons of having that information.

2. Use the resources you have (e.g., the show and gifs).

3. Find actors/actresses to use as muses and inspiration whoare really talented and who also put everything into their characters.

4. Read! 

Reading body language in the real world is hard. When youare interacting with another person there is so much else going on. Not onlyare you most likely participating in that interaction but you are trying toprocess what the other person is saying and doing on top of consideringenvironmental/situational variables, analyzing your own intentions while alsotrying to gauge the other person’s intentions – its crazy! This is why so fewpeople are good at this. Yet body language is crucial in many cases. Hell, in apersonal example of mine just recently – I was saying everything I could tosomeone, being EXPLICIT with my diction and my intentions and they just didn’tget it (or chose to ignore it for what it was :/) and…*sigh* well it’s a messlet me tell you. And I wonder if the interactions between us had happened inperson where there was body language (i.e., extra data) to process then perhapsthings wouldn’t have become so convoluted? There has been a lot of research thatshows we humans are not really good at conveying what we mean in simple text.If someone sends you a text that IS IN ALL CAPS you know something is going onout of the ordinary. They are excited, angry, etc… and are trying to getcertain information across in that way. That helps to a point. And its funnythat the rise of emojis was supposed to help us communicate better, beyond capsand punctuation, in written form but new research is showing that we evenmisinterpret those as well lol. So obviously body language can help us withthis problem but again for many of us that can be overwhelming to deal with inthe real world. That being said, writing body language still needs to berealistic and convey important information but in fiction we can process iteasier than if it was happening live in front of us.

Lucky for us, we are writing fanfiction and we have thosecharacters on our screen where we can watch them over and over in the privacyof our own homes with little distractions. If you are in the supercorp fandomthen even more lucky because we have some of the best gif makers in the entireSupergirl fandom and they are an absolute blessing. I think gifs are underratedwhen it comes to character analysis but they are so good for body languagestudy because you have a small amount of data input, three to ten seconds orso, and it automatically repeats so no pausing and rewinding back on Netflix oryour stream. So let us look at an example:

These gifs were created by @brielarsan and you can find the original post here.

Holy shit. This is a writer’s gold mine. I mean look atthis: we know Lena doesn’t have a lot of friends (really none at this point inS2, our poor precious baby *cries*). We know she only ever felt accepted by Lexand look what he did to the world and ultimately her. And we’ve seen the longgazes, the smiles, the lip bites between her and Kara/Supergirl. We alreadyknow all of this – we have this data! So in that mindset, what does this mean?What does that sudden breath mean for Lena when Kara finally opens the doorknowing what we know? She has found acceptance in someone else – Kara �� someonewho knew she was a Luthor from the start but has put her belief in Lenaregardless. But even if you don’t know or don’t use all of this data look ather body! Look at her hands, for example. They are in a classic worry positionone that other characters have done (see Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy asjust one example) and Lena has done this herself several times across many episodesbecause she is a soft precious baby who is really worried how others perceiveher. Now look at her facial expression. You can tell exactly when Kara openedthe door and realized it was Lena. Even though we can’t see Kara’s face we cantell from Lena’s face when Kara smiles because we see that relief on Lena’sface. And then in that second gif what does that little shy sway mean? What doyou pick up from her doing that? To me, she is not only relieved that Kara isletting her in her home and doesn’t seem at all freaked out that she is there butalso in a way she is in a giddy disbelief that she’s not being turned away akashe feels accepted (and of course these two fools love each other and we cansee that here). And look how we can see all of that in how her hands start torelax too! My biggest piece of advice is to study stuff like this and/or mimicit in your own fics. Also look at what people say about gifs in the tags! Its so frustrating when people don’t put anything in the tags and I can be guilty of it but some people do the type of interpretation I just did above in the tags of gif posts and you can learn a lot by seeing how others are interpreting a scene.

You really can’t do anything that I just mentioned above ifyou don’t have that talented person on your screen though. Lucky for us we havethe one and only Katie McGrath who conveys more character information in twoseconds of acting than some of the other characters on Supergirl do in anentire episode. I could probably write two pages of description based on thetwo short gifs above and that is all in thanks to Katie and her wonderfulness. Katieis also a perfect example at someone who puts her heart and soul into hercharacters. You can tell that by how she does her interviews and the in-depthanswers she provides. She really IS Lena on screen. Chyler is another greatexample on Supergirl. I mean, Chyler should be earning Emmys for her portrayalof Alex in both Season 1 and 2 but I’m biased (and Katie too for Lena’s character). Sasha Alexander as Maura Isleson the TNT’s now concluded show Rizzoli and Isles is yet another example thathas benefitted me. When you have amazing characters and actors/actresses behind them they can inspire you to write your best stuff and give you so much to workwith. 

Lastly one of the other things you can do is to read.Whether its published fiction or fanfiction just read and see how others are conveyingbody language. When you read a section and get that vivid imagery as a readerstop and evaluate that section. What did that author do to set up that scene foryou? How do they have the characters interacting with one another and theenvironment around them? If you ever get to beta for somebody take thatopportunity! It will give you the chance to read someone’s fic and be in themindset of editing where you are looking at how the story is coming togetherthrough dialogue and body language. Or you can even contact one of yourfavorite writers and just tell them about your favorite sections of their pieceand list the reasons why. Not only will you make that author’s day but that mayalso help get a conversation started where you can discuss the intricacies ofthe characters including body language. This is really how @stennnn06 and I gotstarted talking. We squealed about Katie (as we still do) but then we startedlooking at each other’s writing, beta-ing for one another, and collaborating. Ican’t speak for sten but I know that I write better after discussing Lena andour headcanons with her. You can try to get a beta for your stuff too! Whenyour beta starts analyzing your stuff and asking you questions it really putsit in perspective for you and you can learn so much. I can tell you right nowthat I learned more about one of MY OWN stories by having @mssirey beta it andgive me feedback.   

On another note, also check out some writing blogs for tips. @heywriters is a great source and would be a good start for you. You can alsogo to my blog on tumblr (not tumblr mobile) and I have a page on the right handside labeled ‘Writing References’ and you’ll find a bunch of sources. Just out ofcuriosity I searched ‘body language’ on the search function on my blog and itbrought up some good posts so maybe check those out too! 

I know this is long and probably not anything you wanted butthere is my advice :)

[wallpapernifty]

Five Outrageous Ideas For Your Pretty Aesthetic Backgrounds | Pretty Aesthetic Backgrounds

Can I accomplish a confession? For the accomplished weeks of self-isolation, I’ve created absolutely a blowzy little cushion for myself in my bedchamber — my bed and attic are a connected accumulation of blankets, laundry, buzz and laptop chargers, books I’m reading, snacks, and maybe alike a ability activity or two. So aback it comes to bent on Zoom calls with accompany and co-workers, I accept to strategically position my laptop to abstain said bags actuality the accomplishments of my call. But honestly, actualization in advanced of a bare white bank isn’t abundant fun, either.

A high-tech but easy-to-achieve solution? Zoom basic backgrounds — they’ll advice you accurate your aesthetic, accompany a smile to friends’ faces, and added functionally, adumbrate a blowzy room. Zoom offers a advanced addition of basic backgrounds that you can accept from, but what’s added agitative is that you can additionally upload your own accomplishments angel — acceptation that the sky (or at atomic Google angel search) is the absolute aback it comes to how and area you appetite to arise during your abutting Zoom chat.

With an amaranthine cardinal of images to accept from, what on Apple should your basic accomplishments depict? If you’re beginning out of ideas, it’s accessible to attending to astrometry to point you in the appropriate direction. Here’s the Zoom basic accomplishments you should choose, based on your zodiac sign.

Your altogether division has been clearly bedridden by coronavirus this year, and we apperceive you didn’t get to bless as you planned. That said, accompany the affair to you by allotment a fun screenshot of your admired boyhood cine rager as your basic background. Might I advance the archetypal “val party” from Clueless (where Tai gets hit in the arch with a clog), or conceivably the graduation night rager from Can’t Hardly Wait?

As a luxurious, Venus-ruled apple sign, you adulation your alluvial pleasures, Taurus — and there’s annihilation added artlessly animal and adorable on the eyes than flowers. Accept a fun floral-filled basic accomplishments on your abutting Zoom alarm to embrace the blooming activity of bounce and brighten up everyone’s day. No charge to antic in a acreage of wildflowers aback you can aloof accompany it to your Zoom chat.

Communication adept that you are, you’re apparently consistently bent up on the latest meme crazes — and with all of us ashore at home and spending added time on amusing media, affairs are your accompany are in on the jokes, too. Accompany some basic appliance to your abutting Zoom alarm by bottomward a admired meme into your basic background. It’ll lighten the affection and can additionally serve as

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[huntedbyacreature]

my SWCO highlights

First of all, it was so lovely to meet people I’ve connected with online (@bastila-bae, @vulpeculavincere) in the flesh, see some tumblr friends I’d met up with before (@holocroning, @starwarssuccumbed), and meet other Reylo supporters who have crossed my dash (@cobwebbing, @mnemehoshiko, @theknightsjedi, @judaas, @bensolodefensesquad, @thewayofthetrashcompactor, among others).

Day-by-day highlights and some photos of my Aphra cosplay below the cut.

Thursday, April 13

Watched 40th Anniversary panel livestreamed into one of the overflow stages because I didn’t arrive early enough the night before to make it to the sleepover. I got up at 4 am instead. I hadn’t slept much the past few nights due to work and personal stress. But had I known (or had it been rumored) John Williams would be gracing us with a live performance I would have rearranged my life to be in queue by 7 pm. Even though not all of us made it to the live room, we all received that beautiful limited edition Carrie Fisher tribute poster (an increasingly valuable item on eBay).

Missed the live Ian McDiarmid panel but caught livestream. What a sparkling wit and fine classical talent. Can you believe he’s 72? One of my favorite speakers of all the panelists.

Having learned my lesson, queued up early (5 pm or so) with @vulpeculavincere, @bastila-bae, @holocroning, @starwarssuccumbed and others for the sleepover for the next day’s Last Jedi panel. Navigating the interminable queue was a deathly underworld-like experience but I’m glad I made that journey with such an excellent group and oh, yes, the payoff was well worth it.

Rian Johnson. By now everyone knows about his surprise visit around 11 pm as captured on video and reposted on various media outlets. And what a surprise! You see the camera panning to shocked fans. I had been napping and when I awoke to the megaphone, with Rian Johnson standing right there, I just ... could not believe my eyes and could not function. Was I dreaming? Dazed and then jolted with the dawning realization Rian was just a few feet from where I was a disheveled lump shivering in my sleeping bag in the queue, all I could do was mutter “oh shit oh shit oh shit” under my breath in shock. Later, when Rian was working through a tunnel of fans signing badges and posing for photos (bless him, what a magnanimous gift of four hours of his time), I worked up the nerve to meet him and tell him how much I loved all his films. I’m so grateful for that opportunity.

Friday, April 14

The Last Jedi panel. I was tired and listless that morning. Yet, once in the room, my heart began to race. Thanks to @holocroning and @bastila-bae for enduring my screams and enthused hand-grabbing during the poster reveal and teaser trailer premiere. I’m told my hand squeezing intensified when we got a glimpse of the Jedi Order starbust symbol on the cover of that ancient tome, with its promise of Jedi lore yet to be explored. There were SO MANY HIGHS from this panel, too much to relive here, need to gather my thoughts later. (Now I’m experiencing a sort of post-SWCO comedown after all the endorphins released.)

Post-panel boozing. Also refueling, rehydrating and finally reuniting with a bed after nearly 18 hours on a concrete floor. A nap, to booze again. Of course, the rest of the day also involved obsessively rewatching the trailer and reading the breakdowns and watching the discourse unfold.

Saturday, April 15

Slept in, then dressed up in my Aphra cosplay. (Yes, it was the first time I used any marker on my skin, and I hadn’t thought to apply any fancy tape technique. So my rendition of Aphra’s neuro-hacked arm was rather sloppy.) What was really cool throughout the day was how many people approached me to tell me that Aphra was their new favorite character (in addition to complimenting me and asking for a photo). She’s flawed and messy, a mercenary who looks out for herself and makes some morally questionable choices as opposed to a pure “do the right thing” type, so it’s wonderful that people seem to embrace such a roguish female character. She’s also gay and hits on women in the comics. 

One of those people who stopped to ask for a photo, as I was walking around checking out the exhibit hall show floor, offhandedly mentioned he was going to be on the Marvel Comics panel. As my slow mind searched for possibilities, given the only panelists announced were editor Jordan White, writer Charles Soule, and artist Phil Noto, @bastila-bae kindly jumped in to fill in the gap: “You’re Matt Martin, aren’t you?” My jaw dropped and I think I could only manage to repeat his name with a dumbfounded and then mortified look on my face. (Clearly, I have very limited social recovery skills.) Somehow, I expected the Lucasfilm Story Group creative executive, one of the hallowed keepers of the canon who sift out the apocrypha, to look ...older? 

Marvel Comics panel. So many exciting projects in the works. For example, the new Vader comic that picks up right after ROTS, or ”Vader Year One” as Charles Soule puts it. Charles thinks of Anakin and Vader as a spectrum and loves “sneaky Sheev” so I’m thrilled someone who can uncover psychologically complex angles is writing this series. Also, coming this May is Screaming Castle, the crossover comic arc that features Luke and Aphra teaming up “on a faraway alien planet and winding up in the clutches of a sinister alien queen”, playing with the gothic fantasy horror genre (which Matt is apparently a big fan of). During the panel, Jordan White asked the Aphras in the room to raise their hands and then picked out another Aphra and me, inviting us to come up to the stage. Then he handed over his iPad with the first issue of Screaming Castle. I was, again, in a state of confusion and shock. “Go on, read it, you can sit over there.” So, during the panel, I got to read Screaming Castle! As I told Jordan after the panel when all the Aphras were invited backstage for a group photo, it was such a treat to get a first look at the comic, especially for Marco Checchetto’s stunning artwork. 

Backstage post-panel. Here I am, in close proximity to those who actually know all the secrets (Matt and the Marvel Comics editors) and of course I can’t pester them with my burning questions. Besides, at that moment I’m too overwhelmed (fangirling overload) to formulate any coherent thoughts. I manage to chat a bit with Charles Soule (center photo below). Later on, I see that Matt tweeted the group photo below with the caption “my year is made” (he’s so kind), Marvel Comics editors Jordan White and Heather Antos also posted group photos, and the creator of Aphra himself, Kieron Gillen, retweeted in approval. Same, Matt, my year is made.

Sunday, April 16

This anticlimactic last day was all about slinking back into my usual anonymity, walking around the convention halls observing all the ingenious cosplays, taking it all in. Some Easter Sunday highlights included a Stormtrooper sporting bunny ears walking around with an Easter basket and a Lego Hux cosplayer in pink cap and yellow romper complete with pink ice cream in a cone. 

I met another Aphra, who really identified with the character, as a half-Korean, as a gay woman herself (her girlfriend stitched together part of the outfit) and as ...a droid builder! She showed me the BB-8 she built, which was on display in one of the show rooms. Exploring the rooms set up by fans exposed me to a part of the fandom (the crafty guilds of droid builders, helmet and suit fabricators, and other professional quality costume and prop makers) I had never interacted with.

I saw David Collins randomly, at the bottom of the stairwell outside the exhibit hall, and was able to tell him how much I appreciated his Star Wars Oxygen music analyses (given my classical music background).

Generally, across the four days, I was so impressed by the quality and variety of cosplays, the creativity and labor-intensiveness involved. There were mass gatherings of rebel pilots and imperial pilots. Stormtroopers, deathtroopers, snowtroopers, sandtroopers. Plenty of mashups, including sandtroopers in beach outfits. A group of Matt the Radar technicians. KOTOR cosplayers with Darth Revan a popular choice. Elaborately regal Padme cosplays. And of course all the Kylos and Reys. Families of Han, Leia and Kylo. Lots of Rogue One characters as well, including a skillfully wrought Saw Gerrera and several Chirrut and Baze pairs. 

This was my first Star Wars Celebration, and I’ve never been to any comic con either, so it was an unparalleled experience for me. Unforgettable, for all the highlights above and more. This fandom ... it’s so much bigger. 

[prayforbrains-blog]

I will not be at PAX East to 'network' with people and here's why:

Asuh Tumblr. Hope you've all been well. Sorry I've been neglecting to write, but things have been hectic around these parts. Today I got inspired to write a bit about a subject that's always going to be relevant: "networking".

I can’t deny that I once lived off of Twitch. I was blessed with a community whose generosity was beyond my comprehension. They kept me on my feet while I muddled through the absolute worst year of my life. Without them I would've been completely lost and I will never be able to thank them enough for all they did for me during those months. The flip side of that: during those days I had to start looking at my channel as a "brand" and a "business". 

These days I DO NOT consider my cast to be a business in any way. Someone convinced me to put my tip page (which had been down for over a year) back up after 2+ months of debate (BTW: the tip page WILL be taken down after PAX East). Streaming, in my case, isn’t about money or fame or connections in the industry; it is 100% about video games and making people laugh. I am still an entertainer at heart, always will be, and with that comes a void in my life that can only be filled by evoking some type of emotion from another human being. I am very much fueled by communication with a live audience. This is something that I find incredibly difficult on Twitch, but I am growing more accepting of that fact with every stream. When chat is lively and responsive I consider my stream a success, but that’s a whole different can of worms that I’ll save for another day. 

Coming soon to a tumblr near you: Pray for Applause: The story of a tormented artist in search of literally any kind validation from virtually any audience.  

But back to the topic at hand: Why won’t I be “networking” at PAX? Because I fucking hate networking. The term ‘networking’ to me means relatively mild mannered chatting about industry related topics with a sprinkling of 100% shameless self-promotion. Kudos to you people who can do it all day without blinking a fucking eye, but I despise talking ‘business’ and promoting myself. I understand that, for some people, the entire point of going to a convention is to make connections with other streamers, devs, and brands in an attempt to further one’s own career or brand and that’s TOTALLY COOL and I respect the fuck out of those people. I, however, am not one of them. 

If/when you see/meet me at a convention: I don’t want to talk about my stream. I don’t want to talk about your stream. I don’t want to talk about Twitch at all.  I wanna talk about YOU as a person, not as a caster or a viewer. I want to talk about your favorite video games, your dog, your cat, your mom (who you may or may not want me to date), your grandma (who you also may or may not want me to date), your strange love of stinky French cheese, your fancy schmancy new 8K TV that talks to you and tells you to eat more vegetables because your poop is lookin’ a little grey, or LITERALLY ANYTHING OTHER THAN TWITCH AND TWITCH RELATED SHIT. 

Now, with that being said, will I bring ‘business’ cards with me? Abso-fucking-lutely. Why? Because I’m bound to meet new dope peeps who don’t know who the fuck I am and it’s easy to just hand someone a little card with my info instead of hoping that we remember each others Twitter handles. 

Now this is in regards too anyone I come in contact with, but especially anyone who’s a “big shot” (not that any of them will read this LUL): I do not want anything from you. I don’t EXPECT you to follow me on social media. I don’t EXPECT us to be friends. I honestly don’t even expect you to remember me in the morning. However, if we do in fact hit it off and like each other as individuals: I’d rather you not come to or promote my stream AT ALL because the last fucking thing I want to do is use my friends for anything other than emotional support. Y’all know I have friends who are partnered. Go ask any of them if I’ve ever asked them for hosts or retweets or whatever to help me get 'somewhere’. DO IT. They’ll all say the exact same thing: N O P E. I don’t ask anyone to do anything for me when it comes to stream bullshit because I HONESTLY DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH. I know it’s hard to imagine in 2017, but a few of us are still decent human beings and don’t want to use people like objects and then throw them away when we’ve gotten what we needed out of them. I am a decent human being and was raised to treat people with dignity and respect (Bless you A, L, and M for teaching me what those things mean and how to incorporate them into my life. I will love the three of you forever and never forget how you’ve shaped me as a person. I hope you’d be proud. <3). Anyone I meet anywhere is subject to the same dignity and respect. I don’t care if you’re the president of the free fucking world or if you happen to be waiting on my table wherever, you deserve to be respected equally as functioning human beings. So before I go off on a tangent about loving and respecting thy neighbor (because, honestly, you don’t know their life) I’ll bring this shit storm to a close.

TL;DR: I don’t wanna ‘network’ with you, so if you don’t wanna talk about anything other than streaming we probably won’t get along. Also, if you’re about that life and want that climb and you have ambitions beyond what I can fathom: cool. I just can’t bring myself to self-promote when I’d rather be making friends, drinking, dancing, eating massive amounts of carbs, and/or discussing the dankest of memes.  Also, if you see me, let’s go get pizza.¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[kidsviral-blog]

Inside The Chilling Online World Of The Women Of ISIS

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/inside-the-chilling-online-world-of-the-women-of-isis/

Inside The Chilling Online World Of The Women Of ISIS

Conversations between young women who claim to be ISIS members living in Syria provide a disturbing insight into the everyday lives of female militants.

update

The Facebook profiles embedded in the original version of this story have been deactivated and replaced with screenshots of the pages. “All of those pages have been removed as they violate our standards, which don’t permit terrorist groups to use our site,” Facebook communications manager Andrew Souvall confirmed. BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () document.getElementById(“update_article_update_time_3795746”).innerHTML = UI.dateFormat.get_formatted_date(‘2014-09-12 12:12:32 -0500’, ‘update’); );

2. Twenty-year-old Aqsa Mahmood recently made headlines around the world when her parents revealed that she had run away from her home in Scotland and traveled to Syria to join the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) and marry a militant.

View this image ›

Courtesy Mahmood Family

3. Like many young women, Mahmood has several social media profiles, including a Tumblr page (which she has been updating regularly from Syria) under the name Umm Layth.

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fa-tubalilghuraba.tumblr.com

4. A look at her blog’s archive reveals her intense interest in Islam and apparent desire to become a jihadi. It also shows communications with other like-minded women, such as the one below, which was posted before Mahmood left her home in November 2013.

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fa-tubalilghuraba.tumblr.com / Via Image posted October 28, 2013.

5. Mahmood’s first Twitter account, @UmmLayth_, has been deactivated, but since November 18, 2013, she has been tagged in images and posts by other young men and women who claim to be living in Syria.

My sisters @UmmLayth_ Umm Haritha & Umm Ubaydiah ♡ (@Al_Khanssaa)May Allah unite us soon

— _UmmWaqqas (@ام وقاص)

6. The women refer to immigrating to the “Islamic state” as “hijrah,” or pilgrimage. Posts on Twitter indicate that she planned the journey with other young women she met online.

My sisters. We made hijrah together, May Allāh grant us shahada together & unite us in Jannah @UmmLayth_ @bintladen1

— Al_Khanssaa (@أم عبيدة)

7. In Syria, Mahmood began updating her blog with descriptions of her life as a member of ISIS. In April 2014, she posted that she had set up a new Twitter account.

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fa-tubalilghuraba.tumblr.com

8. The account and its interactions indicate that it’s likely being run by an English-speaking young woman living in Syria.

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Twitter: @AlBrittaniyah

9. Tumblr posts and tweets indicate that Mahmood has married a “mujahid”, the word ISIS fighters use for themselves.

Only after becoming the wife of a Mujahid do you realise why there is so much reward in this action.

— AlBrittaniyah (@.)

10. (Mahmood’s parents have confirmed that she is now married.)

Once you make Hijrah feesabeelilah then your Husband is your only family, and to be able to sacrifice that is always easier said than done.

— AlBrittaniyah (@.)

11. An examination of the accounts followed by Mahmood’s purported pages reveal communications with many other young women who claim to be ISIS members living in Syria.

Next to one of the street art with @AlBrittaniyah and umm haritha.

— Al_Khanssaa (@أم عبيدة)

12. A Facebook search of the usernames followed by Mahmood’s account yields similar results. The women of ISIS appear to have established networks across social media platforms, which they use to connect with one another and recruit other women.

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Facebook: Muslim-Women-In-Jihad

13. Some use Ask.fm to answer questions about the process of traveling to Syria to join the insurgency.

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ask.fm / Via Google Cache: this account has been deleted.

14. The instant messaging app KiK is how these women communicate with those seriously considering making the journey.

Wallah one of the things most loved to me is when a sister sincerely kiks me because she wants me to help her make hijrah.

— Al_Khanssaa (@أم عبيدة)

15. Interested parties are directed to online guides with step-by-step instructions on how to get to ISIS-controlled territory — including advice on how to deceive Turkish customs agents.

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paladinofjihad.tumblr.com

16. On multiple platforms, the women of ISIS offer advice and encouragement to those debating joining the group.

sisters who are coming dont take your eyes of ur luggage or u’ll never see it again. keep it with u so I don’t have to tell u #itoldyouso

— bintladen1 (@Jihadi Jane)

17. This online support is necessary, since some women make the journey without their family’s permission. In a blog post, Mahmood explains how to deal with familial pressure.

The first phone call you make once you cross the borders is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do. Your parents are already worried enough over where you are, wether you are okay and what’s happened. How does a parent who has little Islamic knowledge and understanding comprehend why their son or daughter has left their well off life, education and a bright future behind to go live in a war torn country. Most likely they will blame themselves, they will think they have done something. But until they truly understand from the bottom of their heart that you have done this action sincerely for Allah’s sake they will live in hope that you will return. They might assume this is a ‘phase’ you are going through or a huge mistake you have made. I know of people who have been here in Shaam for over 2 years and their parents still try to persuade them to come back and live in false hope. Make Duaa that Allaah makes it easy for your parents to understand and accept your Hijrah feesabeelilah.

Sometimes it would be easier for you to accept your parents disowning you and wanting nothing to do with you.

However when you hear them sob and beg like crazy on the phone for you to come back it’s so hard. Wallahi it’s so hard to hear this and I can never do justice to how cold hearted you feel. But as long as you are firm and you know that this is all for the sake of Allah then nothing can shake you inshaAllaah.

18. The posts by these women — many of whom claim to have traveled to ISIS-occupied Syria from Western countries — provide a chilling look into the everyday lives of these female militants.

Proud of Mujahideen I love Mujahideen becauseThey Are our Protector……. <3 #IS #Khilafah

— MinaMiinaaa (@Mina Mina)

19. Under ISIS’ rule, women are required to cover themselves in public. The niqab, a head covering that only reveals a woman’s eyes, is mandatory.

Every woman in #Raqqa wears hijab shar’i. #ISIS #Syria. Dawlatul Islam Baqiyah!

— Ghareeba_7 (@أم هريرة #ﺑﺎﻗﻴﺔ)

20. Some women appear to have chosen to cover up more than is required, adding gloves and additional veils so none of their skin can be seen.

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Twitter: @UmmKhattab__ / Via This tweet has been deleted

21. Sharia law is strictly enforced, according to the women.

Drove passed the body of the man who was crucified in manbij for raping a 70 year old. Perks of living under the shade of Shariah :p

— Al_Khanssaa (@أم عبيدة)

22. (Islamic law dictates that the punishment for stealing is the loss of a hand.)

Alhumdulilaah there were 4 hand cuttings in Mimbej yesterday. & 1 was a man who was nearly a part of Doula (he was doing a Shareeah course)

— AlBrittaniyah (@.)

23. All work ceases for the daily prayers.

Written on the van Forbidding the evil & enjoining in the good,that goes around town telling shops to close for salah

— Al_Khanssaa (@أم عبيدة)

24. Polygamy is practiced, they say.

Being in a place where my 22 year old bro casually has three wives & not having to worry is beautiful

— SistersHayaa (@LIONESS!!!)

25. And it appears from the women’s posts as if some non-Muslim women are kept as slaves.

Walked into a room, gave salam to everyone in the room to find out there was a yazidi slave girl there as well.. she replied to my salam :/

— UmmAnwar_ (@Umm Anwar)

26. These posts and images from ISIS women are at times surprisingly familiar, such as this Instagram-like sunset photo.

As the sunsets in a part of shaam with @ukhtiB

— UmmAnwar_ (@Umm Anwar)

27. Or this food picture by “Umm Musab,” whose Twitter profile reads: “american [sic] muhajira living in the blessed land of Sham (Syria).”

dinner the sisters cooked..fish cought from the Furat river (:

— aishasara4 (@UmmMusab)

28. The selfie culture merges with the culture of jihad.

Chilling with the jihaadi twins hehe and @UmmKhattab__ visits us frequently! LOOL blessing from Allah….Khattab! Come upstairs you clothes

— ummkhalid__ (@Al Maghrebiyah)

29. Weapons are featured prominently.

My kalash :’) not really it belongs to someone else but it’s very nice lol

— UmmAnwar_ (@Umm Anwar)

30. Many of the most active women of ISIS on social media claim to be UK citizens.

Best thing ive done in my 18 years in this world is come to the blessed land of shaam and leave Britain the land of kuffar

— UmmKhattab__ (@Al jazraweeya)

31. Although they don’t claim to have any loyalty to their homelands.

So there’s a threat by David Cameron to revoke our passports. If I could I would burn my passport and send the ashes right to your door step

— Al_Khanssaa (@أم عبيدة)

. @Al_Khanssaa is it healthy for me to do an hourly countdown can’t wait lool

— bintladen1 (@Jihadi Jane)

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Twitter: @UmmKhattab__ / Via This account is now protected.

And we sacrificed all of that for the best in akriah were not stupid young brainwashed females weve come here to syria for ALLAH alone

— UmmKhattab__ (@Al Britaniyaa)

I might be only 18 but I know coming to shaam the best decision staying in the UK completely diminishes your islam

— UmmKhattab__ (@Al Britaniyaa)

36. In an update to her blog on Thursday, Mahmood echoed this sentiment, vowing that she and her fellow insurgents would only return to their homelands “to raise our flag.”

All of us disassociated ourselves from our families, friends and societies. We make it known to the world that never has our allegiance been to the Scottish, British, Swedish, American, Canadian etc…. government. Wallahi we are free of those living in the West who know and proclaim the Shahadah while being beneath the feet of the Kuffar. Ittaqullah.

Know this Cameron/Obama, you and your countries will be beneath our feet and your Kufr will be destroyed, this is a promise from Allah swt that we have no doubt over. If not you then your grandchildren or their grandchildren. But worry not, somewhere along the line your blood will be spilled by our cubs in Dawlah. We have conquered these lands once Beithnillah we will do it again. Read up on your History, and know that it will repeat itself, you will pay Jizyah to us just like you did in the past. This Islamic Empire shall be known and feared world wide and we will follow none other than the Law of the one and the only ilah!

So our answer to our passports being confiscated? Wow wallahiil Adheeem biggest joke of this week. The only time we will ever, ever return to those lands beithnillah is to raise our flag.

Via fa-tubalilghuraba.tumblr.com

37. The Facebook page Diary of a Muhajirah provides a fascinating look into this society and the ISIS way of life. The blogger is a Western woman who originally travelled to Syria to work as a doctor.

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Facebook: Bird0fJannah / Via This page has been deleted or deactivated.

38. In one post, the woman, who calls herself Bird of Jannah, describes her arranged marriage to her militant husband two months after she arrived in Syria. They met and were married on the same day.

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Facebook: Bird0fJannah / Via This page has been deleted or deactivated.

39. Her posts suggest the marriage is a happy one.

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Facebook: Bird0fJannah / Via This page has been deactivated or deleted.

40. Marriage to a fighter is essentially a requirement for all women who join ISIS. Since they are forbidden from engaging in armed combat, their primary role appears to be taking care of their husbands, and, eventually, children.

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birds-of-jannah.tumblr.com

41. Unmarried women live in a group home called a “maqar” until their marriages are arranged and approved.

Single Sisters who wish to come here you get married, if not yous will be staying in a maqar #IS

— UmmAnwar_ (@Umm Anwar)

42. Mahmood explains this to female would-be jihadis on her blog. “It’s most appropriate and better for the sisters to get married sooner.”

I have stressed this before on twitter but I really need sisters to stop dreaming about coming to Shaam and not getting married. Wallahi life here is very difficult for the Muhajirat and we depend heavily on the brothers for a lot of support. It is not like the west where you can casually walk out and go to Asda/Walmart and drive back home… even till now we have to stay safe outside and must always be accompanied by a Mahram.

Even though we are living in land which is under the control of Doula, there are still a lot of munafiqeen roaming the streets openly. Unless of course if you have family here, if your father or brother is here then it is a different situation. Regardless, it’s most appropriate and better for the sisters to get married sooner.

Via fa-tubalilghuraba.tumblr.com

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Twitter: @Al_Khanssaa / Via This tweet has been deleted.

44. Many of the brides of ISIS are young. This newly engaged woman lists her age as 21 on her Facebook profile.

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Facebook: 100008411941520 / Via This page has been deactivated or deleted.

45. The constant fighting leaves many new wives alone for lengths of time. “Nothing beats the palpitation that a Mujahid’s wife has whilst checking list names of the Martyrs,” one wife explained.

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Facebook: Bird0fJannah / Via This page has been deactivated or deleted.

46. As a result, many of these new brides are soon widowed (and remarried, after an appropriate amount of time).

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Mujahida Umm Asma / Via Facebook: profile.php

47. Although the men do the fighting, the women of ISIS use social media to glorify the group’s horrific “victories”. Many women, including this self-proclaimed UK citizen, posted graphic images of journalist James Foley being beheaded by an insurgent.

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Twitter: @bintladen1

48. One ISIS woman (whose Facebook profile claims that she went to a Chicago high school) complained about not being able to post graphic decapitation images on her page.

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Facebook: muslimahsalafi123786 / Via This page has been deactivated or deleted.

49. These are women who “LOL” about beheadings as they defend them.

We worship Allah and we do what is best for our deen even if that means beheading a kaffir. Fear Allah and strike fear in the kuffar’s heart

— UmmAnwar_ (@Umm Anwar)

Lol I have American journalists asking me questions about why muhajirahs like nutella while dawla is capturing and killing their colleagues

— Al_Khanssaa (@أم عبيدة)

51. They use Twitter to mock journalists who write about them.

LoolHow the news speaks the opposite love my husband alhamdulillah ❤

— jafarbritaniya (@Umm Ja’far)

These journalist are so annoying no wonder they get kidnapped audibillah

— UmmKhattab__ (@Al Britaniyaa)

53. And express the desire to fight and behead people themselves.

If we ever get hold of her I call dibs on cutting her head plz @UmmLayth_ @Al_Khanssaa https://t.co/K3VTQZ6feP

— bintladen1 (@Jihadi Jane)

54. In a chilling exchange, one woman jokes and laughs with a friend about the first time they saw a dead body.

@aishasara4 loool yes and seeing for the first time a dead body loooool hahahahahha that was so funny

— ummyusuf22 (@ام يوسف)

@ummyusufal__ hahahahaha omg I completely forgot about that hahaha subhanAllah ahhh..ahh there having a convoy here in Raqqah today #Khilafa

— aishasara4 (@UmmMusab)

56. On 9/11, many gleefully posted about the anniversary of the terrorist attacks against America.

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Twitter: @Al_Khanssaa / Via This tweet has been deleted.

Happy #9/11 Happiest day of my life.Hopefully more to come InSha Allah #IS

— jafarbritaniya (@Umm Ja’far)

The day Osama Bin Laden made America taste it’s own medicine!! Its not nice to see your people die right 9/11

— UmmKhattab__ (@Al Britaniyaa)

59. Or posted about the “hero” and “martyr” Osama bin Laden.

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facebook.com / Via Muslim Women In Jihad: This page has been deleted.

60. Instead of being afraid of possible US action, they claim to be excited about the opportunity to kill more non-Muslims.

I am more then confident that no one in dawlah fears US invasion in fact we are all pretty excited more shuhadah and more slaying kuffar

— UmmKhattab__ (@Al Britaniyaa)

61. The women of ISIS, like the men, are confident of their eventual victory.

Victory or martyrdom Bi’ithnilahi ta3la

— SistersHayaa (@LIONESS!!!)

They have taken an oath of death whenever the enemy invadesThey seek the gardens of eternity, and they fulfill their oath

— bintladen1 (@Jihadi Jane)

“Her

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/ellievhall/inside-the-online-world-of-the-women-of-isis

[dwestfieldblog]

23 YEARS IN BOHEMIA

Time to exorcise some sober early morning paragraphs as Orpheus descends again...Saved by an angelic intervention perhaps, or more likely, demonic. I messed up a banishing ritual and we will never have that feast...Air gives life toFire. Crash and burn. Hard to switch off the heart unless one is in hospital. An hour long session of Healing, lying on a floor blindfolded last week uncovered deep memories with primal fury, tears and a revelation...now I am back in the cosmic game. It was either that or leave my body to medical science fiction. Insanity chosen on the flip of a golden coin, now gold runs in my veins like electricity. Almost not a metaphor.

The Healing had the strange effect (for me) of leaving my thoughts seemingly capable of holding onto negative thinking for two seconds only and then letting them go. Nice work, see how long it lasts. Next month I will be getting creative with my darkness with Holotropic breathing to unblock the shadow, Sounds like fun eh?  Welcome to another long speed written manic collage....

9 songs into the next treble cd, but now the blessing of the Muse is removed. Some girls should be spanked hard with passion every night before bed. All hail Algolagnia, No afterglow, now only ash. I swear by my heart Not to fall in Love again, it is no good for my mental health. Arf. Fnord. Shameful how much I truly cared, but Free at last, freedom from hope, Lucifer rising in my horoscope and all I have left are empty words. Words for spells...thank the Lord for spellczechers on the computer. Somewhere True, we know our fears are not real.

Putting the arse into catharsis, I have finally put more songs on the net via TUMBLR, (27 of 'em) a fair variety of moods...of course I will not be putting the best stuff online, not until the diagnosis becomes terminal. Don't much trust doctors but will believe my body. The war for peace continues. From the Kingdom to the Crown

I seem to have not really slept much since early February, but some years life just gets too INTERESTING to sleep. Enervated, splitting and colliding like the atom I used to be. Desire to Do and Be simultaneously chasing a thought and a feeling. Home-made psychedelic adrenalin, recurring parallel day dreams or else the synaesthesia kicking in once more....Lying down for thirty minutes and switching off at 2pm helps. In reverie God told me again last night I was a chosen one...well, someone has to do it. Another scarecrow messiah crucified on a hill to keep away the crows of false prophets who seek to feed on the seed of Man. Or something. O, I still miss amphetamines, still tempted. Been way too long. And 'Some weird sin just to relax with'...Did you ever read about the female fan letter about her desiring a man with the mind of Leonard Cohen and the body of Iggy Pop? They replied, sent a double photo from a studio...she didn't answer. Arf.

Giving up smoking Again but 'the filter is the best part, that's where they put the heroin'. Denis Leary said that and he's still alive...or if you prefer,'Women and heroin are both the ultimate escape'. Hugh Cornwall. Five minutes and you're almost dead. Textbook definition of stupidity is not being able to assimilate new information and process it to recall and use. Or repeating mistakes without learning from them. Dumb is as dumb does, welcome to my world. Just too ugly and lost. Where will you spend eternity? (Old evangelical (evil angels) christian slogan).

Almost strange to be still writing blogs when disconnected from news of the daily world. There is still some linkage to normal reality but I remain in deep longing for the day when five of the most famous leaders on this planet face Absolute Justice in This lifetime for the chaos and murdering shit they have done...but...it has felt so damn Good to switch off the reportage after all these years. The next step will be to be able to go back and listen, watch, read the news without becoming involved, Just evolved. Trump, Putin, Erdogan, Kim Jong Un, and Asshat in Syria. Remarkable that you are alive. Congratulations. Happy to see Mladic has finally been sentenced to life in prison for his war crimes, it took long enough. And Mgabwe ousted at last. Get him up against the wall. Sic semper tyrannis.And may justice be served on Halliburton, Monsanto, Biderbeck and Zuckerberg next year...Julian Assange appears to be aiding those working against the West, (yes, that includes Duck Fart.) Staying too long in an embassy can make most folk a little weird. Hello Baron Beran.

Going back to the island for Sol Invictus/Christmas, Great Britain with all her Little Englanders. Dreading seeing the faces of Boris Johnson, Jacob Rees Mogg et al gurning and talking puerile bullshit. My country is ruined, Europe as any type of 'spiritual' centre is falling, America is shamefully fecked like a dog by their insane choices. You stupid dumb bastards, now EAT what you have made. Wash it down with your own blood and piss. Other countries are rising, tasting the possibilities of mass control; Ready. This is happening all around us. And as for the individuals left...All we become is all we are.

Be yourself, you will never be someone else..

Meanwhile...those who remain outside, remain outside. With no thoughts of being saved in the usual sense, but emotionally detached and thus spiritually rising, crossing over...Fooling ourselves (perhaps) until it is real. Fake it till you make it. 'Experience is knowledge made conscious of itself'. Aleister Crowley wrote that and knew of what he spoke. Ignorance will never convince knowledge says this middle aged idiot.

(I seem to have passed from a thirty year teenage lifestyle to menopause overnight. Missed out on being an adult with a usual life of mortgages and happy family tensions. Perhaps I should buy a Harley Davidson and flirt with 24 year old girls. Or grow up fast and take to bed the first grandmother who thinks I'm worth her time.) Or teach in a nunnery...

How many times can a heart be broken? As many as it takes To break the cycle of destruction Till creation awakes. AKA/anebo, or 'You want it? You got it You break it –you bought it'         Arf.

Anyway, now all that is out of my lunar system...'time' dilates and...back to the Real stuff...Body and mind as a temple, holy or otherwise...Here we go...

Matter at a low rate of vibration is solid...at a high rate of vibration it is subtle. Good health in all areas means raising your vibrations... meditate on imagination and Will. I will see how wise that is when I get my first winter cold and deny it existence. People allow themselves to become hooked on their weaknesses, chasing the thrill or playing the victim.

'We should not protect the weak and vicious from the results of their own inferiority'...To pity another man is to insult him'. Think Nietzsche wrote that. Sounds like him but now my memory is ablaze and random sparks star the dark early morning sky. Total oblivion into the Absolute. FREEDOM. And I'm gone. More coffee....'God is a fire in the head!', cried Nijinsky, on the cusp of insanity. (Crowley, Nietzsche and Nijinsky, I am on a highly pretentious roll here eh? 4.15 am...Let's see what other brilliant lost souls can resurface in this spontaneous flash flood....)

Capture Points....

Ego... defined as a set of immature traits which start in infancy and are carried into adulthood, including a feeling of being omnipotent and deserving of special privilege; great difficulty tolerating frustration and a very high drive which causes one to jump into activity suddenly and impulsively. The infant within needs to be satisfied. Sounds familiar eh?

'Individual creatures tend to stagnate when they have discovered a comfortable ritual of habit'. Colin Wilson.

Addicts, (of one type or another) secretly despising themselves, are likely to respond to another person who approaches them in a loving manner by wondering what this person wants, assuming that this person is a sucker ripe for manipulation, or deciding that the person is crazy. In this way, they fail to receive the praise, warmth and tenderness they crave, and instead, end up lashing out at those who try to love them.

‘”...hedonic arousal of an organism (pleasure or pain) can, with repetition of a stimulus or class of stimuli, lead to a build up of arousal by the organism which opposes the original stimulus....this can create dynamics typical of addiction.' Richard Solomon. Therefore, a person repeating a pleasurable activity over and over again will create in their nervous system an opposing sense of pain. Or, as the song says; 'If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad'? Don't wanna go to rehab. So don't.

The problem with mind altering drugs, is that they appear to lower the levels of serotonin in the brain, the very chemical needed to focus and evolve. Meditation and magick work because of the extra effort required to concentrate and raise energy. Humans get bored way too easily, this in turn creates a deep sense of unease...which leads to mental landslides of panic. Total (or as much as can be achieved and maintained) focus on the work of Now and total (see brackets above) open free surrender, are the only ways to connect with realities of understanding the individual's place and role in creation. Which is 'technically' our imprinted function.

Asbergers, Autism and ADD are basic human traits, there is always a  laziness to attempt focus because the mind wants to run wild. But many types of 'freedom' become a free fall/floating trap when not used for evolving or Being. Because people get bored, most of us run around trying to be very useful or search for temporary excitement, which never seems to go deep enough. Surprise.

This is a peculiarity of the human imagination that is only now being recognised by psychology; that when it is denied active, creative expression, it seeks out any powerful stimulus, no matter how terrifying or negative. The human mind craves movement, any movement. Boredom or emptiness allows the mind to fill up with unused energy...this produces the usual effect of preventing the instincts from doing their quiet unobtrusive work. The feelings are frozen. The desire for strong feelings -the most basic of psychological needs -becomes a kind of panic; guilt and misery are preferable to boredom. What the mind really craves is the sense of vastness and wide openness, of other times and other places, of meaning.'Long quote but says way better what I would like to. Colin Wilson again, from The Occult, 763 pages of fascination...he also wrote the following...

'Certain people possess natural 'magical' faculties, but unless these are subservient to intellect and imagination, they will tend to be used in the service of negative emotion –malice, envy and so on.' Most people possess magical faculties. Most people are, fortunately unaware of it.'

Man is defined by the ability to love. The soul is refined by the love it's made of.Said a low class poet yesterday trying too hard to live up to his own belief system and almost failing. 'Basically a poor human being', says his end of year report card. Poor little ghost boy. Hmm. Neurosis is caused by sexual stasis...orgasm discharges the sex energies and eliminates the neurosis. Temporarily. Think that was Reich. But anyway...

Heaven, Hell, demons, ghosts, angels, we are our own...mass projection, a spontaneous manifestation of the forces of the subconscious. Like all magick. Parallel realms are imprinted with thought made real focused or random...or so, based on my own experiments, I choose to believe. You are on your own. You are really not on your own. And that perception, like everything else, is your Choice. Practice makes...imperfection less ridiculous. And that is as far as optimism as I will go this morning.

Use your body to create forms, use your spirit to transcend forms. Unify body and spirit to activate the art of peace. It comes. Maintain it as you would a flower.

Written by candle and computer light, listening to full volume live Swans at 3 to 5.30 am on a school day (mostly the sex pulse of The Glowing Man live on repeat, Mother Sky by Can, updated). Window open to share the headphone music with neighbours. My students will suffer a red eyed rant later today, but it's all English eh? (When not babbling fake Enochian.) A word about Swans for anyone new here. If you enjoy disintegrating into ecstacy, buy everything by them. The Total Sound of Nature and the Universe, surrender and rejoice, no regrets. O, I wish I had some whisky here. But I didn't smoke and I didn't drink, I found some new things to think. Found some old books to read, refused to want the one I need. But yearning for union. Deeply and truly.

Saturnalia soon...and on the 17th December, I will have been in Prague for 23 years. A deep thank you to all those who made my alchemy here so infused with their kindnesses, may you live in fine health and learning.

Practice your etheric stretches...it helps with what you wish to achieve.'Energy equals Mass multiplied by the velocity of the square of light'. Use that as long mantra, go into it...Trust me, I'm a (leave the blank empty as the Void). And Happy multicoloured Christmas/Sol Invictus with blood on the snow in red crosses and a snake spiralling up the staff to the victory of the Light.

See you in '2018' perhaps.. Stay well.....

YOU. KNOW.

NOW. BE

LOVE.