#bleh feeling anxious today :(

[ofmd-ann]

[monsterbisexual]

if i call in sick to work i shld tell them im having symptoms of emotional turmoil, physical agony n excessive bleedinfg so im gonna stay home bye

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[vividxp]

ASMR Best Friend Does Your Skincare Pampering for the First Time

YouTube algorithm came through again. The vibes are perfect.

[flintstill]

Goddddd what a show. So fucking good. So goddamn good.

Some things were better from slightly further away this time. I could actually see the surface of the platform upon the stage, and obviously theatrical fighting is helped by distance (it was def not bad up front, but it was great a little further back)

In the very beginning when he’s lying prone on the platform facing the audience I was in his direct eyeline and bro was looking straight at me. It’s a decent chunk of time and I got anxious and had to flit away for a sec, because anxiety so often wins

GOD so many people were coughing today tho 😐 Distracting.

Yesterday I must admit I was quite distracted by Malcolm and the fact that they looked so much younger than Donalbain when Malcolm is supposed to be the eldest, so today was nice that was nbd having gotten it out of the way yesterday

Went out to stage door again but knew I wouldn’t be at the barricade and didn’t want to be pushy. My mood has been shit since 5:00 anyway. But did stay out to watch and felt a bit icky about it but did take video. Bleh didn’t like doing it but I figured I’d regret if I didn’t.

Did take some video of curtain call but wasn’t lucky enough like that one person in the tags to have him look my way. Except I think he might’ve of course when my phone slipped. I feel slightly parasocial talking about this lol or maybe it’s the Ocd don’t judge me lol

Said curtain call videos why not (feel free to skip my neurotic ramblings, people in the tag)

Ugh tumblr will only let me post one video so the other will come later. Sorry for shakes I was trying to somewhat clap at the same time

But yeah fucking great show. Didn’t help the wanting to cry vibes that have been haunting me in a dissociated way all day

Haven’t eaten all day again. Dunno what is still serving as most places close at 11. Debating whether or not to wander Soho and look at the kids decoration lights bc also am tired at like when you can feel the heaviness of your face tired

I did impulse buy the soundtrack and the script book after the stage door. Not mad actually. (Do kind of regret impulse buying the borough market totes from earlier today tho. But my purchases at Liberty were good)

[pbandjesse]

I was not feeling to bad today but right at the end of the afternoon I absolutely fell apart and I feel horrible tonight. But I will go to sleep soon and hopefully it will fix me.

I didn't sleep amazing. I lost my phone over the side of the bed and wouldn't be able to find it until my alarm went off at 7. But I felt okay. I got up and got dressed and tried my best to be okay. But it was tough. Today would be tough even though I wasn't as actively nauseous for a lot of it. I would just be kind of bleh.

I really had to pull myself together to not be snippy. I was more quick to anger then I was proud of. But I was really trying my best.

I got to camp and set things up. I had my breakfast. I felt okay. It was a very very humid day. It was supposed to storm but it didn't rain? It was just oppressively humid.

The groups would be pretty good though. We did lose another hammock to tearing. Sad. But I am not even exactly sure how it happened. It just had a hole all of a sudden. And even though it wasn't actually torn all the way yet, I took it down in an abundance of caution. I didn't need a kid falling down.

I did a lot of knitting today. I made 4 more squares. I am making excellent progress.

I did have a fun day. I enjoyed talking to councilors and the kids. I just wasn't feeling very good.

I would bring Mac and cheese to lunch. They had waffle fries and cheese sauce so I also had a little plate of cheese fries. I said hello to the kitchen staff and had a nice time sitting with specialty staff for a bit. But pretty quickly I went to hang in my hammock.

I did stop to talk to Heather and got the camp credit card to buy plaster for next week. And collected a bunch of lost and found from outside the picnic grove. But mainly it was time to chill.

When I got back up to my building I found a few other counselors taking their break in some of my hammocks. Fine with me. It was nice to hear them chatting and laughing. I was just enjoying laying down. It was a nice day.

I was a little anxious about the afternoon. 4 groups in a row is a lot. But it would mainly be fine. It was. Just a lot of answering the same questions. And I was tired.

Day camp was fine. Bontkirchen was nice and fun. I enjoyed teaching them how to make bead lizards and just talking. And then horse camp came last and they smelled like horses which turned my stomach a bit but they were nice. Silly. Teasing eachother a ton but no one was actually upset. They have one little boy and he's a very good sport for how much they were teasing him, he was getting them right back. It was great.

Aaron texted me asking if I wanted some of the eggs from our chickens. And I said yes. So he would bring me 4 eggs (there has been 5 but one broke) and asked me to let him know if the difference eggs tasted different (we have two types of chickens). I promised I would.

I went to get dinner at Wawa. I am really glad I did that because the drive was miserable. While I had been mainly fine all day. Only a little nausea. During my drive I felt like I was going to throw up. It was terrible.

Eating did help. I got my sandwich and chips.sns sipped water in the car. Even the idea of soda made me queasy. I sucked on lemon candy and tried to be okay.

Home Depot was miserable. I circled and circled and circled. I thought I was doing good at first. Finding the ornamental grasses (I wanted the tallest plants I could find for under $20. These were $12) and the plaster. But I was struggling to find anything else on my list. I was not having a good time.

I would ask for help but nothing was working. I did get the brackets for the bathroom shelf at least. I would pay but I was disgusted by how poorly the trip went and was very upset.

I passed a Lowe's so I tried there too but no luck and the workers were very laissez-faire about what I was asking. So rather then crying in the garden center I just bought two planters for the grass I got at Home Depot and went home.

I melted down in the car after I parked. I was struggling to get my things inside. I called James but they weren't answering and I had to set off an alarm on their phone to get them to see my message and I hate doing that. And then the package with the replacement parts for our roomba was stolen off our steps. I didn't even mean to send it to the house. I meant to send it to camp. And I screamed into the couch and was just so upset. I wouldn't even let James sit with me. I couldnt take it.

I needed to just lay there on the couch for a long time.

James was making a little pizza. They would take a shower and then went on a little walk to give me some space while I was trying to calm down.

When they got back they would repot my grass for the backyard. I think it looks great and I'm excited for our backyard coming together.

I would try to make things better by buying the things I couldn't find at the store on Amazon. And I did some research and was able to find lattice to add to our fence so the gap at the bottom won't be an issue anymore. We had lattice under our deck when I was a kid and I always liked how it looked. James is going to order it so I can pick it up tomorrow. And hopefully it works out the way I am picturing it.

I took a bath and some Tylenol. And my head ache is going away I think. But I'm going to sip water and try and sleep. And hopefully tomorrow I feel a little better and less sad. Fingers crossed.

I love you all. Goodnight everybody.

[mothicality]

post discusses selfharm a lot, though no details beyond it being selfharm and having scars. also mentions suicide attempts (no details)

guy with anxiety experiences anxiety, what a shocker!

did. big anxieties today. wishing two people would adopt me (host of nerd club (be my dad please) + dm for my d&d group at the nerd club (be my big brother please))

earlier today i decided to go to the pharmacy on my own for the first time ever. which is very scary. i cannot go shopping on my own but pharmacy is like a middle step since less options and you can get the clerk to help you super easy. still really scary, biggest shopping ive done alone before that was mcdonalds ;-;

but i bought gauze-ish stuff and disinfectant wipes. had to ask about it and i feel like the clerk was guessing it was selfharm related but she didnt ask. she was sorta tense and cautious with her answers but she was still nice and wasnt invasive or anything, so still good experience and i got the stuff

and then. so i go to the nerd club once a week, been there four times now, and i am a very warm person and it is fairly warm there so i get Hot. so i would like to wear shortsleeves to be less hot. but i am visibly Quite Scarred, which, well. i have no experience with people who arent familiar with selfharm, so going somewhere like that with my scars visible is scary

so i messaged the host a few days ago on messenger, no answer so i asked about how to contact him personally outside nerd club and he gave me his phone number (privilege!he wants to keep his work and personal life separate so not many get access to it), so i messaged him again when i got home 4ish hours ago

and. he just replied. and im too anxious to open it but he has guessed it is selfharm. i dont really know why i didnt outright say it, it's just. difficult i guess

since i was 12, pretty much all my interaction with other people irl has been within mental health contexts

i moved into my first grouphome then. the people there were familiar with selfharm since everyone there is mentally unwell, and one of the other residents had visible selfharm scars and sometimes wounds

my second group home was for kids with more severe issues, so theyre definitely also experienced with it, and they knew i was moved to that group home because of two suicide attempts

and then outside that i'm only really ever at appointments at the psych facility or the government - all people who have read about me before meeting me, who knows lots about me and my issues and whatnot

oh and with my family, all of us are mentally ill so theyre familiar with mental issues, and my mom used to selfharm a lot and has had several suicide attempts, so theyre familiar with it through her too

but now. ive joined three clubs, two of which are in person. these clubs have nothing to do with mental health and such, the nerd club is actually just a regular school club thats been opened up to people outside the school. so...it's different here. i don't know how to...be, i guess. i don't know what is or isn't okay. it's hard

i struggle socially there - they're really kind and welcoming and understanding, but...i don't know, maybe it's just anxiety, but i feel like i mess up more than they do, even though they don't get upset with me. i'm almost constantly anxious about missing social rules and what is and isn't okay to do

bleh. so yeah. big anxiety today. but it's...a good kind, in a way, i guess. it's because i'm doing difficult things that i previously couldn't. it's...progress, development.

dont know where i was going with this. just to vent out my anxiety i guess . . . i'm glad it's getting better

[clatoera]

Picket Fence is Sharp as Knives Chapter 6:  Not trying to fall in love but we did like children running

Hi my loves! So. I absolutely hate this chapter. I hate it. I think it's because I liked last chapter SO much and it was so important and this feels so...bleh. Idk. BUT I wanted to post something today for two reasons

It is exactly one year since I posted ARWBFB! Happy birthday ARWBFB, how far we have come! I wanted to go back to the OG roots with this chapter in honor of that, and do something that is just so quintessential Cato and Clove and thats what this is supposed to be!

This is the last chapter for about 2-3 weeks! I have a really stressful couple of weeks ahead where I find out if I have a job or not and will simply be too anxious to write in the mean time! So this is a little Clato-centric treat to hold us all over until I get back to writing in a couple of weeks!

Title from The Very First Night (taylor swift of course)

AO3

Masterpost

As always thank you to the besties who get me through. I quite literally hate this chapter and i'm not happy with it but I put it into the world anyway and it's for y'all. @bodyelectric77 as always, thanks for putting up with my pouting in the DMs. @kentwells I hope this satisfies your cries for Clato content. @ohhowwehavefallen you just get tagged at this point even if you don't want to be sorry not sorry.

Okay! Here we go. Happy birthday ARWBFB you will always be famous to me.

“Why are you all excited?” Clove teases, reaching her arms above her head so she can tighten her smooth ponytail, swatting his hand away as he goes to flick the ends down into her face. “You act like we’ve never done this before.”

“Clove, it's been literal years since we’ve got to do this. We were teenagers.” Cato slides his fingers under the strap of her sports bra and snaps it against her shoulder, something that years ago he learned would make her jump and give the cutest little scowl. When they were fifteen it was accompanied by a knife whirling past his head, but today it was met with a sharp fingernail jabbing his ribs in the same place she stabbed the day they met. “Besides…don’t you remember Enobaria telling us she was never letting us step foot in this new training center? What did she say we were going to do to it? Defer it?”

“Defile it.” Clove corrects, smiling just a little to herself at his enthusiasm. Yeah, maybe it was not the kind of training they had grown up with, but Cato’s excitement was borderline contagious. And yeah…maybe she was a little excited too. She had plenty of pent up aggression with no outlet other than a steak knife and a tree in the back yard these days.  “This isn’t training like we’re used to, you know. These aren’t special kids like we were.”

They clearly were not the first choice to take this class, gathered by the disgruntled and last minute request of Brutus earlier this same morning. Apparently the usual teacher canceled earlier this week, but Enobaria had been distracted by some sort of Cashmere related crisis (and if they understood from her vague but uncharacteristically flustered call, it was a Cashmere-Finnick-Glimmer kind of crisis and no one could blame her for her properly placed priorities) and she forgot to find a cover. It was a very hesitant Brutus who offered them the afternoon class followed with the promise of free reign of the athletic facilities afterward to do with as they pleased. 

“I haven’t even worked out like that in forever..” Clove continues her internal thoughts out loud, speeding her steps up just a little to keep in time with Cato’s much longer strides. “I can run, yeah, but I don’t even know if I could still do like..a pull up.”

“You’re still pretty flexible, at least.” Cato easily wraps both hands around her waist, before flipping her over his shoulder and tossing her just slightly into the air before she lands back in his hands. The way she kicks at him to put her down is not foreign, and his arms are long since trained to hold her steady despite her flailing tantrums. “And lightweight.”

“Cato, put me down!” Clove demands through gritted teeth, staring indignantly at the ground behind him. She wants to beat her fists against his shoulder and his spine, but experience has taught her that is no use. She is at his will until he decides otherwise.

“Ask nicely…” He taunts her, and she feels a firm squeeze at the top of her right thigh, causing her to squirm in his arms yet again. It is after this that he sets her down, but she realizes when her feet hit pavement rather than grass that it is not because of her own indignity. 

The building is not on the remains of what was once their academic and educational home, but rather a much smaller, independent center. It’s much nearer the school where Cato’s mother teaches rather than a pillar of status in the center of the district. It’s no grand home of future victors with the best weaponry district money can buy. No…it’s just a building with a couple of sports fields and some sort of indoor recreational area. 

In short, it’s the kind of place Cato and Clove would have seen as the loser training center, back in their childhood. 

He slips his littler hand into his, and gives her hand the littlest squeeze of confidence, before be absolutely pulls her inside, betraying even more interest than he had let on in their walk here. 

Even as they enter through the double glass doors, they simultaneously notice that it’s so incredibly different than the type of athletic training they had been exposed to in their youth. 

There’s about twenty four shoe cubbies on the wall underneath a coordinated number of hooks, all littered with various little child-sized rain coats and backpacks. There are windows all around the top of the room, pouring in natural light, that are open just enough to allow the air that hints of spring to filter in as a refreshing reminder of the impending warm weather and longer days. 

It’s such a staunch difference from what they grew up with. Now, the only way Cato can think to describe the center of their youth is dungeon like; no windows, fluorescent lights that fucked with the circadian rhythm of their adolescent bodies. Treating time outside and fresh air as a reward was probably some psychological trick to keep them hyped and excited for the games– arenas were almost always outdoors. 

On the other wall is a simple wooden desk, a stack of manilla folders, and an old pre-war desktop computer that had likely been repurposed from one of the many destroyed buildings in their district. There was a woman sitting behind the desk, with simple dark hair and matching eyes, typing absently as she inputs something into what they assume is an online system.

She looks up with disinterest, a monotonous voice welcoming them to the center. However, she must recognize them after a few moments of her typical spiel, because her head peaks up a little straighter. “Cato? Clove? I didn’t know you two were the replacements today?”

Clove recognizes her as a girl who was probably three or four years older than her, Selene if she remembers correctly. She had never even been a top three contender for the games; even if she had who would she have been killed by? Marvel? Annie? Johanna? 

Funny, Clove thinks to herself, that she does not see this girl as someone who would have been a victor, but someone who would have fallen to one of her now friends. 

“It was sort of a last minute thing, we didn’t expect to be.” Cato answers cordially, though the tilt in his voice told Clove he was trying to place this girl. “Selena, right? What are you doing here?”

“Selene.” The woman answers cooly, continuing the loud clicking of her nails against the keyboard. 

Clove resists an eye roll at the evident offense she’s taken to Cato’s lack of recall of her exact name. Clove was called Clover for half her childhood– suck it the fuck up. 

“I bring my son here,” Selene clips, slamming the keys a little aggressively, possibly more offended than she let on. “The quarry his dad worked in was one of the many destroyed in the war, taking him with it. I needed a job. The hours were good. Enobaria remembered me from back in the academy, she took pity on me.” 

“You have a kid?” Clove asks, mouth risking falling open in disbelief. In her head they were still children, even if she had been older than Clove herself it was hard to believe she was old enough to have a whole child. 

Cato raises an eyebrow, and something falls into place for him as to who this girl is even if he is sure not to betray that out loud. “I’m sorry..about his dad.”

“That's what happens to the rest of us, Clove, when we didn’t get to go to the games. We had to get jobs and go about our lives.”  Selene responds politely, but the way her eyes flick to the clock behind them reveals she is trying to get out of this conversation as quickly as she can. “Thank you, Cato, He’s in the same class as your sister, I think. Oh look, there he comes now–” 

A dinging bell, far less alarming than the whistle that used to be blown at them, signals what they can only explain as the end of the class, and children begin to pour out as parents begin to pour in from the outside. 

Cato and Clove are relieved from the conversation when someone slams into Cato from the side, and Clove only has to slightly lower her gaze to see Cora clinging to his leg. 

“Hey kiddo,” Cato immediately melts, his demeanor completely shifting as he pulls his sister onto his hip. “I didn’t know you were coming here today?” “Are we teaching your class?” Clove grins, suddenly a lot more enthusiastic at the thought of teaching when it came to Cora being involved. 

“No, she actually just finished up. We come here twice a week.” Cato’s mom joins them, rubbing her son’s arm affectionately before she hands Cora her backpack. “You must have the baby class.”

The enthusiasm Clove just felt falls as fast as her facial expression, and her eyes go as wide as dinner plates at the thought. “What do you mean baby class? I thought we’d have teenagers. Or kids like..our age.”

“You aren’t kids anymore, my dear.” Clove’s mother in law reminds her with amusement in her tone, taking her daughter from her son. “The baby class is right after Cora’s. They’re all five and under. You mean no one told you what class you were covering?”

The hesitance in Brutus’ voice makes so much more sense now– of course no one wanted them responsible for babies. Okay, kids, but really really little kids. 

“...Brutus just said we could have the space when the class ended.” Clove grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest as she watches parents of even younger children begin to drop them off by the door. 

“At least it’s only a twenty minute class.” Cato’s mother tries, but firmly takes Cora’s hand. There's an smug amusement in her voice that she does not even bother covering, “Tell Cato and Clove you’ll see them tomorrow for dinner, Cora. They have a class to teach.”

“Byyyye,” Cora whines, and as she starts to head out with her mother,  she whips her head back around to lock eyes with Clove. “Will you pleeeeeease take me to see Glimmer and the babies soon? You promised we could see them!”

“Soon, Cora. Soon.” Clove assured, giving her a little wave on the way out. Cora had demanded pictures of the twins every single time she had seen Clove in the couple of weeks since their birth, and practically begged to see them. Glimmer had been fine with it, and insisted it was okay to bring her during one of their many weekly trips to District One. Clove however couldn’t help but hesitate– weren’t school aged kids kind of gross to be around such new babies?

“...Twenty minutes, Clove. We can do anything for Twenty minutes.” Cato tries, but there's a unsure edge in his voice that does not comfort Clove. If either of them were going to be comfortable with kids it would have been Cato– his hesitance was doing nothing to ensure Clove this was going to go well.

As they brace themselves, slowly entering the general gymnasium area, Cato nudges Clove with his shoulder. “I finally realize where I can recognize Selene from.”

“Yeah, she was a couple years older than us in training–”

“No, no, not that. She was hooking up with my roommate when we were fifteen.”

“Delightful.” Clove responds, but the smirk on Cato’s face falls when he looks up and realizes it was not a response to his epiphany at all. 

At some point the room had filled with about ten kindergarten aged kids, who were in various positions from sitting criss-cross to face down on the floor. The one that lies face down on the floor lets out a high pitched cry completely unprovoked, and Clove looks around in what can only be described as horror. 

“What the hell were we thinking?” Clove hisses, low enough that none of the kids even looked over at her. She suppresses a gag as one of the little boys stuck his finger fearlessly down the throat of another, before the receiving boy chomps down on his invading fingers and he too joins his comrade in wailing. “Can these kids even tie their own shoes?”

As if the universe heard her question, one of the girls trips directly over her untied shoelaces and falls directly onto one of the other kids. 

“This is a nightmare.” Clove grabs Cato’s arm, pulling him down towards her height. “What the hell do we do with these kids?”

“...do you think we pair them up?” Cato half-suggests half-asks, quickly counting them up. “There's five boys and five girls, could we pair them?” “And do what? Teach them to wrestle?” Clove snaps, but she has nothing better to offer. “Fine. Whatever. Maybe we make them warm up first?”

“Hey..hey…hey!” Cato tries three times before his booming voice earns ten little shocked pairs of eyes staring up at him open mouthed and wide, more than likely never having been yelled at by such a large man before. “Do you kids want to run a lap or something to warm up?” Cato suggests, trying to move on quickly before he scares them to the verge of tears. 

A little arm shoots up from the same little girl who tripped over her shoes only seconds prior. Clove nods in her direction, but she continues to speak before Clove actually gets a chance to acknowledge her verbally. “What-sa lap?”

Clove stares, quite frankly a little dumbfounded. She was asking Enobaira to teach her to throw knives at this age– and these kids don’t know what a lap is? “A lap is when you run around the room in a circle.. You know what? Cato can show you.” She shoots him a smug smile, crossing her arm over her chest before using the other to gesture to the open gymnasium space. “Go ahead Cato!”

Cato can only glare at his wife, before he takes off in a half hearted jog around the room. Clove’s smug grin does not fall from her face until he returns in front of them, these kids still staring blankly up at them both. 

Cato gestures to the open room again, gesturing down to the group of kindergarteners. “Okay..your turn.” 

They are met with wide eyes and confused faces, and Clove and Cato exchange another look of confusion. “Are they dumb?” Clove whispers, and Cato responds with a light shrug before his arms cross over his chest. 

“You guys can run..” Clove explains again, speaking much slower this time as if that will help betray her meaning to the group. “Run…”

The same little girl as before raises her hand again, and as before she speaks before she is even acknowledged. “My shoes are untied.”

“Me too!”

“Me too!” 

A chorus of “me toos” seems to come from the entire group of children, all who stick their feet out expectantly. 

“Oh. And you don’t like..know how to fix that?” Clove questions, raising a dark eyebrow almost in disbelief. Did parents teach anything these days? “Why don’t you all just…take them off. Yeah. Take off your shoes and run like that!”

There’s a general mix of confusion from the children, but that is overpowered by the excitement of feeling like they are breaking rules as they all take off their little shoes and throw them casually to the side. 

One by one they take off running, little legs not carrying them very fast around the full sized gym. 

“They don’t go very fast do they?” Clove mumbles, rubbing her hand over the length of her face. “This should take up the next ten minutes at least. Then we only have to fill ten more.”

“Yeah! You have legs that size too and you don’t use it as an excuse–” Cato earns a sharp poke in his side for that one, but it does not take the smile off his face. 

Every couple of steps one of the kids wipes out, the combination of socks and waxed floor no match for their underdeveloped muscle coordination. As a fourth thud is heard, Cato shakes his head in disbelief. “These really are the loser kids.”

“District Two doesn’t make ‘em like us anymore.” Clove agrees, watching the clock tick by as one by one the group of kids returns in front of them, thoroughly out of breath as some of them lay down on the floor. “How was that!”

“I want to go home!” 

“Yeah, I want to go home too.” Clove whispers only for Cato to hear before she claps her hands in front of her. “Okaaaay. We are going to pair you up. Every boy is going to be with a girl-”

“Ewww girls!” Comes from one bratty little boy, who stomps his feet in a way that irritates Clove so deeply she wants to rip out her own hair. 

“You won’t always say that.” Cato assures, and continues trying to make little tiny pairs of boys and girls, who immediately are separating. Some throw themselves to the ground, some cling to their friends. Either way it is not going well. 

“I don’t want to be with a boy! Boys have cooties!” Another girl whines in protest, her little braids bouncing as she shakes her head back and forth. 

“That will change… That will change.” Clove murmurs to herself again, before putting her hands up in defeat. “What happened to discipline! And honor! And skill!” She asks in Cato’s general direction, gesturing out in front of them. “Who is raising kids like this!”

“Our ex-classmates, apparently.” Cato retorts, but finally waves his hand to silence the room. “Fine. You have ten minutes left. Just. I don’t know, play or something? Don’t kill each other.”

“Even that, we would have been encouraged to kill each other, Cato. We TRIED to!” Clove watches as the kids generally disperse into the open space. “This is unbelievable.”

“We better make sure Cora isn’t like this. And we are not letting Glimmer and Marvel raise losers either.” Cato insists, rubbing a tired hand over his face as the room is filled with the sound of kids just playing. “Actually they may be a lost cause, Marvel was a fluke victor.”

Clove snorts back a laugh, digging through the bin of various sized balls and other semi-athletic equipment used by the other classes. There was nothing knife-like nor sword-like in sight. She settles on a tennis ball, tossing it lightly up and down in her hand, testing the weight of it. 

Without warning she launches it at a target on the wall, and the sound of it smacking off the concrete brings the room silent for almost a moment. Clove ignores the ache that ebbs in her shoulder at the force, and goes back to find another of the same projectiles. “These aren’t even weighted properly.”

“You’re just that good.” Cato promises, wrapping his arms around her waist and letting his hands linger on the exposed skin of her abdomen a little longer. “I thought we were actually going to get to do something cool.” 

“I thought I'd get to watch you take a cocky teenage boy down. I love when you put them in their place.” Clove teases, before she goes back to digging for a couple more appropriately sized tennis balls for her to throw. When she turns back Cato is no longer directly beside her, but has migrated to the mounted bar against the wall. She watches the muscles in his back and shoulders flex as he effortlessly pulls himself up and down in rep after rep of pull ups as if they were nothing. And for Cato? They absolutely were.

She stares at him for a few moments, and even though he’s mostly minding his business, Clove knows him too well. He’s absolutely showing off, and wordlessly challenging her to do the same (and it helps knowing that she most definitely is staring a little too long at his arms as he does so).

Cato knows his display paid off when the sound of rubber on the wall hits round after round around his head as Clove continues to never miss a target. “I miss knives.” She remarks with loud annoyance as the final ball hits the wall, and when Cato opens his mouth to respond he realizes there is an eerie quiet in the room of children.

He lets go of the bar, feet hitting the floor with agility,  and when he turns around he notices ten pairs of eyes absolutely locked in on the two of them and their display of athletic dominance. 

“Clove…” Cato says calmly, taking a few steps towards her as she gathers ammunition for another round of throws. 

“What, you wanna show some actual skills other than flexing your arms-”

“Turn around.”

Clove furrows her eyebrows in confusion but does as he asks, trusting him more than she questions his motive. A sly smile creeps on her face as she sees the awed expressions of the kids they were supposed to be teaching, not ignoring, for the last ten minutes. “I think they’re impressed.. Nothing new. Who isn’t?” Clove begins, before she is cut off by the overly charming alarm that signaled class already being over. 

“That was actually pretty easy.” Cato announces, as the barefoot kids quickly run to meet the waiting arms of their rightfully confused parents. 

Not too long later, once the building is mostly empty save for the two of them, they sit side by side against the wall. 

Cato audibly sighs, stretching his legs out in front of him as his arm drapes over her shoulders. She didn’t need to say it, but he could tell from the way she leaned into him that she was feeling a little bit of an ache from the overuse this afternoon.

 “I didn’t think that would be so exhausting. I’m starving.” Cato admits, running his free hand over the side of his face.

Clove laughs, burying her face into his neck as she lets out a sigh of agreement. They didn’t even do that much. Just something about the whole situation; from the unathletic kids, to the whining, to the over competitive nature that their relationship would just never outgrow. “I think I have half a granola bar in my coat pocket. It’s no peanut butter and jelly sandwich but-”

“Damn, I was really hoping you’d peel all the white shit off a pomegranate with a knife for me like old times.”

“You don’t even like pomegranates that much.” 

“Yeah, but you’re pretty hot with a knife.”

[justapixelthing]

Some Oot Zelink ideas for Remnants of the Past

So I'm feeling bleh today, so I wanted to to share some cute ideas for Oot Zelink in TLOZ: Remnants of the Past. So ROTP is a sequel to Ocarina of Time in the same way that TP and WW are in their respective timelines, with ROTP also being on its own timeline. I simply name it the 4th timeline, though separate from my official 4th Timeline theory. But yes, the main Link and Zelda are new ones. The hero of hope and the princess of the present. None the less, their world was shaped by Ocarina of Time Link and Zelda.

Oot Zelink are people of the past. Think of Rauru and Sonia. Something similar (but way less tragic) is their role here. We do see them in visions of the past (Hint hint: Title of the story!)

People always assume that the 4th timeline, one where Link is not sent back in time, but instead stays as an adult, will be easy mode for Zelink. But I actually don't think so. I think Link has to learn a lot, to be able to figure out how to fit into society. So Zelda, while she does have feelings for him, doesn't want to immediately thrust him into a relationship. Instead she wants him to find himself first.

So Link goes off and spends time all over Hyrue and actually learns new hobbies. It takes time but he learns to do things he loves doing. Playing music that isnt about magic. Cooking. He actually ends up cooking for Zelda, which she learns to absolutely love. Of course he helps rebuilding Hyrule but always makes sure to make a nice meal for her anyway.

It takes a long time until Link has properly adjusted mentally. But once that happens, Zelda finally lets him have the responsibility of being her husband and thus King of Hyrule. Yes, she had to reject him a few times, but always as a "not now, but later" thing. They both knew they would be together eventually and that made Link feel less anxious. The love was there, they just had to work on themselves. Zelda too.

And then they became King and Queen of Hyrule and lived a long and happy life. As the plot description says, they knew Ganon would return some day and left clues for their successors. Those would eventually be ROTP Princess Zelda and the hero of hope, also named Link. Oot Zelink walked so ROTP Link and Zelda could run.

A lot of this will show itself in ROTP, even if oot Zelink are not the main Zelink. This is effectively a story of two people who got reincarnated and found each other again. Two Links, Two Zeldas, but only two spirits.

Side fact: Since Zelda, the princess of the present is a descendent of Oot Zelink (but ROTP Link is not), I like to think she has features of both, including quite a pointy nose like the hero of time had. Pretty girl that can poke your eye out in a kiss.

[hisui-apparently]

So I was gonna burn extra twigs and branches and stuff today, because my mom needs help with yardwork and I'm the only person in this family with a Fire type, but then I saw the fire pit. It's so old and rusted, a leg is broken off and it tips over unless you stick the leg in the ground and haphazardly balance the pit on top.

It fell as I was adding in logs. Small ones, ones that weigh nothing. I just- I can't burn stuff if the fire pit could fall at any moment in time. In terms of frustration, this is the straw that broke the Numel's back.

So I'm just in my room, tired and anxious, for some reason, wondering what the Distortion happened that made my brain go 'fuck you you're getting nothing done today'.

And Aries is too young to keep a controlled fire, so we can't just nix the fire pit.

I wanna burn shit, man! But I can't even leave the house without feeling overwhelmed with the feeling of 'AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'!

So I woke up an hour ago and it's already a bleh day for me. How's everyone else doing?

[taegularities]

Hi again lovely Rid 💕💕

I'm sorry recent news have had you feeling anxious 😔😔😔 I think we can all relate to that to some extent since 2020 (why is the world like this???). Social media break is definitely a good way to feel a bit better and I hope you are feeling better or at least that you will be.

I still have zero motivation to study, I have no idea why it's so hard for me to even start, it feels so much harder than last semester and the exams aren't even that much worse??? But I just have two left - on tuesday and friday and then I'm finally done.

I keep wanting to pick back up on my hobbies but I also feel restless because I'm supposed to be studying. Haven't even been filling up my excessive queue here on tumblr as often as I usually do. The days feel both endless and too short but soon I'll be free for three whole months!!!

Hope you feel better soon Rid! Sending you all the hugs 💞💞💞

ivi, loml !! gosh, well. the news maximised that anxiety tbh, like it was already bleh before, but now i literally cannot look at sea stuff or imagine going swimming anymore.. whICH SUCKS bc i used to fkn love the ocean ugh :') but yeah, i hope things get better bc they've been weird since 2020 for sure.

ah i'm sorry, i missed wishing you good luck for today, but i'm here to cross my fingers for you for friday !!! how did today's exam go? nailed it hard or super hard lmao?? motivation sucks, but you got this... almost done. for three whole months!! 🤍

there are better days ahead. aside from the motivation (or the lack thereof), i truly hope you've been doing well. thinking about you <33

[roosterbruiser]

feeling a bit anxious and overall bleh the last few days but i’m gonna try writing today

in the mean time, I have a question: who do you imagine (if you imagine anyone at all!) as Cherry/Nightingale/Filly/Faye?

disclaimer that if people send these in and they’re published, they’re simply headcanons. they aren’t me announcing what the characters look like!

[kypossumlady]

I wish I could transfer my anxiety into people so they could experience how exhausting it is. Nothing is happening today, but I’m still really anxious. Worried something is happening today and I’m forgetting it. Anxious about finding a job. Anxious about working my life away, etc etc.

I won’t say it out loud but I truly don’t want to work. Like a full time job. It fills me with dread so much and so often. I get overwhelmed so much easier now and tasks feel like mountains. I struggle to understand a lot sometimes. It could be just my brain but I just get so bleh. Maybe if I found a job that wasn’t just pure stress all the time it would feel different.

I’ve had chronic pain for years, also. I’ve never talked about it out loud either but I can feel it getting worse. It’s one of the invisible illnesses. It’s hard to talk about because a lot lot lot lot of doctors brush off chronic pain that’s not visible. I’ve heard multiple doctors make fun of people for having “fibromyalgia- the fake illness”. And they’re not making fun of it because the people aren’t being honest. It’s apparently a term they sometimes give to people who they can’t properly diagnose with anything. (This is just from what I’ve heard in my little hospital areas I’ve worked in). Anyway. Just frustrating that the medical field can be so dismissive.

[ricco4]

You know, I’m pretty socially anxious but staff remembering my order makes me feel loved a little bit actually.

There’s a little Mexican place that’s mostly drive thru in my town and they have such good food that there’s never not a line, from 6am to 2pm five days a week, so they see A LOT of people. The other day I was feeling a little bleh but I was really craving their gorditas so I swung thru the drive thru to get one. When I pulled up to the window the lady instantly recognized me, even tho I haven’t been for at least a month, AND knew I usually got two instead of one. She asked me specifically if I was sure I didn’t want two and when I politely said ‘no just one today thanks’ she took a second to stop and ask if I was ok.

Y’all, I’d been getting over a pretty bad stomach ache I’d had for a couple of days and even tho I’d mentioned to several people I hadn’t been feeling well and really wasn’t eating, only one other person I knew had asked me about how I was feeling, and now here’s a member of staff at a restaurant asking if I was alright just based on my order.

I told her that’d of been unwell for a couple days but had been craving their food, but that I couldn’t eat my normal amount. She wished me well and told me to get better soon, and gave me a bigger tea to go as well ☺️ Sometimes it’s the littlest things that warm your heart.

Starving to death this morning because ive been to the new local cafe twice this week already and if i go a third time ill look desperate.

[turbotasstic]

feeling very socially isolated today. it's probably largely the RSD after the people I planned to hang out with cancelled on me last minute but. its also just thoughts that have been at the back of my mind for a while. wordvomit ahead

it feels like I'm just Background Noise in people's lives. like people don't really think about me. I feel like I don't really have super close friends who reach out to me regularly. it's usually me that has to reach out. the friends i do have don't hang out with me on a regular basis. it all feels so... surface level. its saddening and frustrating to me because there are people I legitimately want to spend more time with and be closer to but it always feels like it's just me putting in the effort to reach out. to try to make plans. to stay connected. its exhausting especially since I'm so socially anxious and there's constantly a goblin on my shoulder telling me "if they cared about you, they'd reach out first lol"

like sure I guess i have somewhat of a "social life", I have a DND group and its fun and regular, but it's completely online and we don't really do too much outside of our weekly session. i do kickboxing twice a week with largely the same people, but that's more of a workout than like... a social time.

i also just feel like I'm in a weird intersection of interests that people don't really ... get. like yeah, im nerdy, im a weeb, but i don't dedicate my life to fictional characters anymore. i don't go to cons or cosplay anymore. im a lot more casual about my interests in anime/video games than a lot of people in social circles I'm adjacent to. and yeah, i like martial arts and kickboxing but I'm also just casual about it nowadays. gone are the days of Taekwondo Hyperfixation. I'm not going to be entering competitions or signing up for fights, its just a way to stay active for me so my broken ass muscles and ligaments hold my body together more appropriately without the return of debilitating chronic pain. and also im a weirdo artist who never finds time to do a lot of art, i absolutely love going to the zoo to learn about animals and conservation but a lot of people tend to perceive that as a childish interest, etc etc.

other than my absolutely wonderful partner who i love so much, I just feel like I don't have any deep connections with people anymore. makes me feel sad and lonely. bleh.

[musicismylife120191]

Bad day today. Tired, anxious, irritable and just feeling shitty about myself. Just bleh. Gonna try to take care of myself today and deal with this the best I can.