#blackoutmode

[briankcore]

Double cup and I’m leanin...whiskey in one, wine in the other #nofilter #nevadat #weowndodat #SundayFunday #twofisting #blackoutmode #BlackPanther #wakandaforever✊🏾 (at Colorado Springs, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3Ar4W2p5bF/?igshid=5rw54s3ikcc6

[blackoutmode]

Niggas

A nigga will have the most beautiful, loyal and devoted woman and slowly try to destroy her. It’s sad watching him fuck up the best thing he ever had. It’s hard to watch. His alcoholism turns him into a disgusting person. His trauma causes him to blame any and everyone but himself. The worst part about it all is that all of his suffering is at the hand of his own actions. He refused to acknowledge or see it. It’s his birthday and he thinks I’m supposed to go far out and beyond to make him feel special. But for my birthday he did absolutely nothing. NOTHING. Mother’s Day it was the same. The mother of two of his children and he couldn’t even get me a card. But he’s complaining because I wouldn’t go to the store to get liquor. He has me go downstairs to get the glasses with ice. He wants me to wash his clothes, fix his hair, cook him steak, and suck his dick. All this while dealing with the kids and cleaning the house. Now he’s acting like a little boy. I can’t keep this going. He’s pushing me towards savagery. He’s forcing me to leave him. It’s sad how delusional he is. It’s pathetic how he refuses to see how self destructive he is. He’s fucking up a beautiful situation and doesn’t even see it. He walks out the room saying, ‘I k ow you Auntie t stupid.’ As if I would be afraid to step out on him. Why would I be afraid of that? What is he giving me to hold on to?

[toplindocaution]

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A post shared by Ben Jackson (@toplindocaution)

when your own teammate shoot you for a gun you picked up when he have a gun in his hands 🤦🏾‍♂️ #blackops4 #blackoutmode #smh #ugh #xbox #xboxone #keepitxbox 😏 https://www.instagram.com/p/BqkQXnagD4T/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1jccv9nrb1ga8

[wayne-benjamin]

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A post shared by Wayne Benjamin (@fabrikatedprojex)

New season of Jamaica's number 1 video game tv show returns. New season coming soon to @officialeplustv Repost from @thelabvideogametv using @RepostRegramApp - Blackout, much better with a team. #CODblackOps4 #battleroyale #blackoutmode #PS4pro #Xboxonex #esports #jamaicangamer #PvP #teamwork #flanktheenemy #Firstpersonshooters #Callofduty https://www.instagram.com/p/BpZp-Pkn9ve/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1sr8gqcqjqey9

[rchelicopterhub]

Blackoutmods is working hard on the gasser conversion kit of T-Rex 600X. This is going to be a smaller gasser model after the 700 class models. The gasser conversion provides a sort of nitro feeling with cheaper running consts.

[blackoutmode]

Left Behind

Black wealth and it seems, a deed

Is all it takes for us to be freed

Oh, but don't that breed

the need to succeed...?

.

But what are they succeeding in

Those left in all this sufferin

The destructive discrimination

and institutionalized oppression...?

.

Oh I forgot, you doin real well

Leave all those who remain in hell

The leftover remnants of slavery's spell

We all have a choice, that's them who failed

.

[toplindocaution]

when your whole team die so you gotta try and win 🤦🏾‍♂️ #blackops4 #blackoutmode #smh #ugh #xbox #xboxone #keepitxbox 😏 https://www.instagram.com/p/BqoC5VIHDi2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1xpholvn6njyn

[rchelicopterhub]

The Acquisition was announced on Tuesday, the Greek Blackoutmods and MJ Designs will continue together making the Greek company's production even better. The companies have been working together for longer time on the developments of Blackout, like nitro, gasser and turbine helicopters.

[blackoutmode]

Communication is Everything

Once again my boundaries have been crossed. He has come back to the funeral with his cousin who pops pills. I forbade him from coming here after an incident with him also popping pills, and then geeking out in front of the kids and all. I also said his son wasn’t to come over seeing as he gets to walk around my house tearing it up with no one watching him. Today he has not only brought his cousin, but his son as well. He’s now trying to antagonize me because I’m upset he once again has crossed my boundaries. As usual I’m at fault for standing my ground about the things I won’t tolerate. Once again he gets to shrug it off as if he has done nothing. He gets to get pissed because his needs and feelings come before everyone’s. He shows me this constantly. But it took me awhile to accept. And now that I have, it’s time to move on. For the sake of my kids, my sanity and happiness it is time. This ‘man’ disgusts me like no other. His expectations do not match his actions. Yet he gets angry when you address the discrepancy. All I know is this isn’t going to be my life forever. He has not an ounce of decency or respect in him. And now it’s time for me to be free. He has no idea what he has just done. Enough is enough.

.

A new development. He has also been drinking. I asked as one condition of him coming back here that he not come here when he drinks. That he do so elsewhere. Another boundary crossed. And he doesn’t give not one shit. He stinks of alcohol and his demeanor is of a drunk. I have nothing left to say to him. He is nothing but a constant disappointment. All I want is him out of my life.

[blackoutmode]

Black men

Black men raised by horrible mothers have it all backwards when it comes to loving a black woman. They will find the most beautiful, intelligent and loyal woman. They will do anything to get her to love, trust and respect. They will gain her heart. And then, be it their insecurities or deep rooted resentment for black women, they will slowly destroy her. Her confidence, her glow will evoke jealousy and accusations. Her ability to handle job, kids and home will fuel resentment. Her love and devotion is foreign to him. It becomes too much. He will seek validation elsewhere. Something to take away the feelings of insecurity. Of not being enough. Unable to see that for her, he would always be enough. If only he’d let down his guard and love her. But the degradation of his mother is ever weighing. Her vernal attacks have now become the subconscious voice in his head. He can’t see past his pain. So he does what hurt people do, and he hurts her. Over and over again he will break her heart. Never fully understanding that it is his own heart that needs healing.

[blackoutmode]

Tolerance Gone

It’s 7am. No school today. All the kids are sleep. He wakes up and is slamming doors. He’s rubbing something out of his pants in the hallway on the squeaky ass ironing board. He’s huffing and puffing. Just making as much noise as possible with no regard to the baby, little one or oldest still sleeping. Already I’m annoyed. But he has his uncle’s funeral to go to today, and will use that as an excuse to be an asshole. I have a lot to do today, so I’m hoping he chooses to spend the day doing trifling shit with his fam afterwards. I don’t have the patience that he needs today. How can I when he spends almost everyday complaining and acting as if his life is in shambles? Degrading what I do as a mother and woman. Now he’s stretching loudly. All this for what? I mean really why is he doing all this? And I have come to the conclusion that it’s because he wants me to react. He is feeling a way so he needs an excuse to be a piece of shit. Well I’m not giving it to him today. If he wakes those kids up, I’m going to go downstairs like it’s not even a problem. All the way up til he walks out the door, nothing will be a problem. But he also ain’t getting shit from me. No conversation. Nothing. My tolerance is gone. He’s definitely trying to wake the kids up. We have control over bodily functions like stretching and yawning. It doesn’t have to be this loud groan. He’s up so we all must be up. He has something to do so fuck everyone else’s sleep. This is the fourth time he has loudly yawned. And I swear if I say something to him about it he will play dumb. He will say, ‘all I did was yawn, damn.’ He just yawned loudly again...that’s five now. Maybe if from now on I choose not to engage, he’ll realize that what he does is incredibly childish and stupid. I doubt it.

[blackoutmode]

Basic Mother Shit

I get up at 6am everyday. Weekend or not. I get anywhere from an hour to two hours to myself before it is all day ‘basic mom shit.’ Which includes cleaning up after him and the kids, prep and cooking several meals a day, running errands, balancing finances, dealing with home repairs, laundry upon laundry, stopping to educate the kids, trying to maintain outside relatioships, and the hardest one of all...dealing with him. I do this every single day without fail. Sick, tired, healing...I’m doing it.

.

But I have to listen to him tell me I’m an unemployed mom who does nothing but basic mom shit everyday. I have to hear him tell me all I do is sit in the house and throw my depression and anxiety in my face. This is the father of my children. The man who says he loves me. I have told him time and time again that I don’t want to be with him anymore. And I don’t. I don’t want to be with someone who feels that way towards me. Who calls me the most horrible names because, as he says, I have made him angry. He didn’t mean those things, he just said them because he was angry. He was hurt, so therefore wanted to hurt me. I am supposed to take this and somehow be immediately healed from all the wounds his words have caused. Each degradation like I sharp knife to my heart. I’m bleeding out and all he has to say is, ‘come Bby, stop that. Why you doin this to me. I said I’m sorry.’

.

But what is a sorry? Those thoughts. Those words. They came from somewhere. He has never even called what I do ‘basic mom shit,’ so I assume whomever he’s talking shit to about me has placed those thoughts in his head. Already his family acts funny towards me. And I’ve already seen him throw me under the bus with his BM. With my anxiety, being with him is extremely triggering. I can’t trust him to be loyalty to me. Nor can I trust him with my most intimate insecurities such as my bipolar depression. I see no reason why I should stay in a relationship with someone who feels so poorly about me. Or at least views me in such a negative light. If you let anyone else tell it, my ‘basic mom shit’ is a whole hell of a lot. I commend those who do it and work full time. But my lack of employment does not take away from what I do for me and mine. I will NOT continue in this. Because at the end of the day he don’t love or even like me. Just like the rest of these hood ass black men, he resents me. And the only thing keeping him here is that he has nowhere else to go. Living with him has been nothing but a nightmare, so I understand no one wanting to house him.

.

This is an abusive relationship. He will not leave. The cops are no help when he gets crazy and violent. So I’m going to do what I have to do. For me and my kids, this cannot endure. He’s oblivious to his own toxicity. He truly believes that I should be with him NO MATTER WHAT. Now I believe his ex when she would tell me she’d tell him to leave and he wouldn’t. That she didn’t want to be with him and he would always come right back. I believe her because I’m living it. He doesn’t understand that if you don’t treat someone right, that they will break up with you and find a new relationship to be in. One that more so coincides with their lifestyle and happiness. He really sees nothing wrong with two people being together miserably and that scares the shit out of me. I will not spend forever in a nightmare. This will not be my life.

[blackoutmode]

There has to be some level of delusion to expect a person to continue loving you with their all, while you continue to hurt them and then dismiss those hurt feelings as crazy or wack. It means their feelings are not being heard. That kind of environment breeds hate and resentment. Not love. In order for love to grow, there has to be a space for a person to express themselves freely. Loyalty and devotion should exceed all other feats. If you really think you can flourish as a couple off of going to work and giving as little money as possible to the foundation, that’s a form of delusion. In reality there is so much more to having a healthy relationship. It’s too bad so many people in the black community lack the basic concept of love. So much of it is lacking here, it’s no wonder. Those here grew up seeing their parents angry, addicted or stressed to the max. Where does that leave room for love to grow? They grow up with so little love being shown to them that they think the littlest things is deserving of immense praise. Also, a delusion. There are too many men doing way more than giving less than enough money to cover the expenses for these delusions to exist. Yet here they are. Alive and well in 2019.

[blackoutmode]

When it’s all Done

Go back to the wack/stank pussy, stank breath, dick sucking, ugly ass for everybody bitch you had before me. Yeah, the one who had to buy your love when it was for sale. Who lied about being able to bare your children knowing damn well them tubes were tied. Go and deal with ya wack ass babymom who dangles your daughter in front of you for money, yet has no intentions on allowing you to have a real, father daughter relationship with her. Let’s face it, she has a dad. And judging by the car BM has and programs she has her kids in, he takes care of them very well. Deal with ya family that not one has any aspirations towards sobriety or healing. Who constantly fight and tear each other down while smiling in your face. The family who your children have absolutely nothing to do with. Go back to the streets you love so much. You know, the place where addiction runs rampant. Where jail or death is just around the corner. Go back to the ‘that’s life’ mentality, where you chuck all your poor decisions to ‘hey, that’s just what happens.’ Everyone else is to blame. If it wasn’t for this person or that person doing this, such and such would have never happened. Go back to the no accountability with comfort. Because you will not find comfort here on the bare minimum, half assed nonsensical bullshit. You fight so hard to get everyone to accept your selfishness. Your narcissism. But I say, go back! You ain’t ready for big man responsibilities. So go back.