#black desert online ran

[vague-humanoid]

Judged by its own merit (cultural and political context aside), Black Myth isn’t a particularly inventive game, even if the boss fights are very fun. The environments feel stale and small when you realize most doors stay glued shut and most walls aren’t climbable. When I ran through the outer limits of each biome, I found a deserted terrain with nothing to do. In between big bosses, the game doesn’t offer you any chance to reflect, rest, or enjoy the scenery. Instead, it merely pushes you to the next stage. The assets for the lands repeat; it’s almost as if you’re trudging through a maze. I haven’t come across any side content in the 12 hours I’ve explored the game. And for non-Chinese speakers, a common refrain is that the narrative and rough translation are confusing. I recommend turning on Chinese dialogue for more flavor and ambiance, but even then it sounds like one guy is acting out all the voices.

If Black Myth: Wukong isn’t as good as reviews say (it’s currently got an 81% on Metacritic, while Steam users have given it a 10/10), then what’s behind the title’s astronomical success? Months before the game’s launch, it had already drummed up an online furor that would eventually translate into Steam sales. And some self-proclaimed Gamergaters even suspect it’s part Chinese nationalism and part hype driven by the side of the internet that hates diversity and inclusion. This unholy combination may have inadvertently revealed a new path to success for edgy but ultimately mediocre video games.

Last year, IGN published a report about the studio being plagued by claims of sexism, a piece that was critiqued by online users, which said that the evidence of sexism was merely vulgarity. The evidence cited included social media posts that likened game development to birthing a child and the creator’s excitement to sporting an erection. (Inverse confirmed the translations independently.) The logo for Game Science was also noted by Chinese content creators for its resemblance to sperm. The reality is that IGN’s report likely did not dissuade Chinese gamers from supporting Black Myth very much, as it described an internet culture many are familiar and comfortable with. In fact, the controversy may have boosted sales by raising awareness of the game.

Once upon a time, coming forward with cultural complaints about a piece of media might have facilitated healthy discussions and smarter consumption a few years ago, but in today’s climate, it’s more likely to trigger angry factions online and fuel sales of an otherwise ordinary product. It’s possible a similar phenomenon happened to PlayStation’s Stellar Blade, where a series of articles about the misogyny and objectification contained in the game ultimately worked to drive engagement.

[thesopwithcamel]

Chapter 8: the Ruin of Calcite and adventure.

Chapter 8 is an au and headcanon infused chapter taking place a week after the events of the base game, Hat Kid's ship picks up an ancient distress signal coming from the planet which looks to be coming from a ruin located somewhere in the northern hemisphere. Upon further investigation it leads to a decently sized island town made out of calcium carbonate, problem is the town is almost completely deserted.

Hat Kid gets a call from the Conductor who had heard about the ruin from old family tales and has contacted an archeoligical firm ran by an old aquaintence of his (named George), the two meet up on the ruin and the firm sets straight to work. Hat Kid begins exploring the ruin and begins having deja vu, when she sleeps the memory walking dreams she has start getting clearer to the point that those in the dreams actually agknowlege her existance and can even interact with her.

It gets worse while during her adventure Hat Kid finds an old APC of unidentified design and nationality, following the process of getting it to the HQ they pry open the rear doors only to discover several weaponised umbrellas and a strage black top hat with a grey ribbon. The APC is bought into the HQ and a military vessel radios in to collect it for study, this vessel however is sunk in a storm with no survivors on the way there.

Hat Kid opens up about the nightmares she was having to the Conductor's mate who decides to give her a break and put her under Cooking Cat's care for a bit to recover, he radios the Conductor himself who agrees to this and states that he thinks the place should have never been found in the first place.

Meanwhile Hat Kid discovers that her can hold actual conversations with individuals in her dreams and considers seeing Snatcher about it, she eventually does and Snatcher believes half of her story. He visits the ruin to see what all the fuss is about (scaring everyone there in the process) and is deeply disturbed, like the Conductor he suggests leaving and never touching the place again but George stubbornly refuses.

A mysterious shadow creature attacks the camp and kills several labourers but is put down by Hat Kid using her Umbrella, in a tent George compares the umbrella with Hat Kid's and discovers that they are almost exactly the same internally. Snatcher makes him return Hat Kid's umbrella to her, two days later several military personal contracted by George arrive in order to guard the camp from anymore threats.

Paranoia begins to set in as several archeologists resign and leave the site, citing unsave working conditions and mistreatment by the horrific crunch times set by George. Hat Kid and the Conductor have taken to her spaceship and the Owl Express respectively with both becoming news relays, both refusing to go anywhere near the dig site. George goes offline for a bit before returning online three hours later stating that another Shadow attacked them but was fended off with small arms.

Eventually however the company's HR department begins getting concerned about conditions at the dig site and they begin an investigation into what is going on, staff, diggers and scientists begin going missing to which the Navy steps in and quarantines the island. Hat Kid lands back on the island and finds it almost completely abandoned, upon further exploration she confronts George who has gone completely off the deep end and the two fight.

This fight ends at the clocktower where George uses a ritual to summon tentacles to tare Hat Kid apart, the latter escapes by jumping from the tower into the sea but loses an arm and her timestop hat. Hat Kid is picked up by CASS Avia and is given medical treatment, she recieves news that George and the rest of the dig team are dead, the Conductor has ordered the site be abandoned and everything they have found will join the town in its radioactive grave as a hydrogen bomb is dropped on the ruin.

Three months later Hat Kid and the Conductor leave the hall set aside for the inquiry, the two head to their respective homes but while the Conductor's ordeal has finally ended Hat Kid's is not yet over. While she sleeps Hat Kid is pulled into a strange time rift, she lands on a complete reconstruction of the ruin with the only person still there is a mutated version of George and the two have a rematch. Hat Kid is able to defeat George and she wakes up. Hat Kid spots a female figure on the opposite end of her room and cautiously approaches, the figure turns and she discovers that it is a familiar but older looking face.

This individual is Lady Puella and she and Hat Kid sit down together and have a polite chat about things, the two discuss the ruin and Puella admits that she was among the founders of the City of Calcite and Adventure. Hat Kid asks about what the town was like the Puella explains the towns formation, Golden age and final destruction at the hands of Cavus, who Hat Kid killed. Puella thanks her for this and the two continue talking before Puella tucks Hat Kid into bed and puts her to sleep before leaving.

The inquiry places the blame solely on George, Hat Kid recieves a prosthetic limb and the dreams stop all together, the tales of timeline 1 are put to rest and Puella disapears. Ten years later Hat Adult finishes a book outlining the events of Timeline 1 and the history of the City of Calcite, this book is illustrated by Bow Kid and published by a local firm and it goes on to be a best seller.

[thisblackwitch]

(Tumblr mobile ate my last rendition of this -_-')

I went to James Spooner's book event at M.A.P. Technologies in Baltimore. It was part of his book tour for his award winning graphic novel memoir title The High Desert. It also was a punk show, with a local band named Pearl (which I really recommend).

It was nice to go because he's a friend of mine (that I usually pester online, so now I could pester him in the real world). He's the co-creator of AfroPunk and my blog, Black Witch, originally got its start on AfroPunk before it jumped the shark thanks to Matthew, the other co-founder. I got him chocolate covered coffee beans from a local Black-owned chocolatier, Jinji Chocolate. He's Vegan so I made sure it would fit his diet :3 Or I would have gotten him local ice cream from Black-owned ice creamery, Taharka Brothers.

The vid and pic was taken with my selfie drone, my Pixy. It surprised Spooner when I pulled it out because, well, it's a flying selfie camera. He exclaimed at least three times that it was very "sci-fi" lol I suggested to him to take a 360 vid, which you see. I also was ran down by the owner of M.A.P. as he asked "Excuse me! What is that and how much is it?"

I have a small but expanding gallery of noteworthy people with either off-guard deadpan or curiously amused faces (not pictured here). I have been showing my Pixy off to friends in Rock so I'm getting a small stable of footage.

My mask is my design and 3d printed by me. A friend had already described it as "Raver Scarecrow" lol

[leonsrightlations]

The Earth is Online Chapter 7

It really seemed like it had only been for expressing disdain. After she had finished speaking, the mosaic on the little girl’s face returned to normal. She handed the giant match to Tang Mo, then turned and ran off into the bookshelves’ depths. As she hopped away, those ponytails swayed left and right as they followed after. Her small silhouette disappeared in the shadows.

[Ding dong! The confrontation game “Who Stole My Book?” concludes.

Now settling game rewards…

Player Tang Mo was victorious and obtained the rewards: Giant Match, Mosaic’s Disdain.

Player Chen Fangzhi lost.]

The melodious childlike voice echoed in the deserted city library, entering Tang Mo and the spiritual weirdo’s ears. Ordinary games will all have rewards. Even in online card games you can obtain some happy beans [1] and such. Tang Mo had already guessed that this big match was unfortunately his prize.

But what is Mosaic’s Disdain!?

This isn’t a mission clue? What kind of game reward is this?

Tang Mo’s complexion turned green and white, his mood complicated. Opposite from him, the spiritual weirdo was even more distracted.

The spiritual weirdo was this game’s losing player. If there’s a reward, normally there’s a penalty.

Losing a normal game might mean losing money. Losing a Black Tower game, who knows what would be lost.

The Black Tower hadn’t clearly announced the penalty. The spiritual weirdo guessed for a while, then slowly turned his head to look at Tang Mo. “Will I die?”

Tang Mo was unable to answer this question. He consoled the spiritual weirdo by saying, “It shouldn’t be that serious.”

The spiritual weirdo all at once gained confidence. “I believe you. You’re so smart. What you said makes sense. It won’t be so merciless. It is God. It must provide me hope and rebirth. It is my God…”

Tang Mo held his big match and gazed serenely at the spiritual weirdo who was gradually descending into madness.

The game hadn’t announced a penalty at first, which gave Tang Mo a trace of uneasiness. This feeling was like pre-dawn tranquility. [2] It didn’t conform with the normal logic of the game, which was usually more terrible and unpredictable. But at the same time, Tang Mo consoled himself: If losing the game really meant dying, then wouldn’t it mean the deaths of at least half of the world’s people?

How could several billion people die?

It shouldn’t be possible.

It shouldn’t be possible, right…

The confrontation game had already finished but the city library had not yet returned to normal Tang Mo and the spiritual weirdo tried once, but were still unable to go downstairs. At the same time, there was still a blank space outside the third floor windows.

They still hadn’t returned to E-City.

Time passed by minute and second. Tang Mo and the spiritual weirdo were still trapped on the city library’s third floor.

When the clock on the wall turned to six o’clock, Tang Mo’s body suddenly tensed. Sourceless panic swept his rationality away.

His heart once more palpitated at lightning speed.

His heart thumped as if in the next second it might fly out of his chest. Tang Mo supported himself on a bookshelf, but his body was completely unstable. He followed the bookshelf to sit paralyzed on the floor.

From a distance, the spiritual weirdo hurriedly ran over. “What’s wrong with you?”

The fast rate of blood flow made Tang Mo’s face turn deep red in a minute. Every inch of skin on his body was a frightening red, like a boiled crap. The spiritual weirdo stumbled back a step in alarm, but very quickly once again summoned courage and went to Tang Mo’s side. “Are you okay? Why are you so red? Your face is so hot…do you have a fever!?”

It was only that Tang Mo’s heartbeat was too fast. His state of mind was still clear-headed. He exerted himself to speak two words: “My heart…”

The spiritual weirdo immediately caught on and used his hand to cover it. “Why is your heart beating so fast? It’s at 200 beats per minute…no, it’s 300!?”

Tang Mo was already unable to speak. In his mind, he corrected: It’s 394.

They couldn’t leave the city library and there were only two people, Tang Mo and the spiritual weirdo, inside.

Tang Mo had suddenly become like this and there was nothing the spiritual weirdo could do. He could only help him to the service desk’s tabletop, push the things on the tabletop away, and allow Tang Mo to lie down. Having done this, the spiritual weirdo himself ran into the bathroom and applied paper moistened with water to Tang Mo’s forehead, hoping this would have an effect.

Tang Mo’s heartbeat had already reached 532 beats per minute. He didn’t know how fast a human’s heart rate could reach, but he felt that his heart might completely explode in the next second.

Somehow, that heart which did not conform to medical knowledge resiliently persisted on.

The spiritual weirdo didn’t stop running to the bathroom, moistening toilet paper and again spreading it on every inch of Tang Mo’s exposed skin.

Tang Mo could feel that this action wasn’t helpful in the least, but he was extremely grateful that the spiritual weirdo would help out like this. He couldn’t speak, could only use his reddened eyes to look at the spiritual weirdo. He saw that the spiritual weirdo’s brow was beaded with sweat.

A whole hour later, he silently counted his heart rate and discovered that it had unexpectedly declined.

The spiritual weirdo thought that applying the cold compress was having an effect and ran several trips to apply wet paper towels to Tang Mo’s eyelids.

An unknown amount of time again passed before Tang Mo felt he could move his body. He took off the wet paper towels applied to his body and used both hands to crawl shakily from the tabletop.

The spiritual weirdo had just then come out of the bathroom. Seeing this scene, he ran over. “Are you okay!?”

Tang Mo opened his mouth and discovered that his mouth was frighteningly dry.

He swallowed a mouthful of saliva and nodded with a smile, “En, it seems a little bit better.”

“Then that’s good. I was scared to death just now.” The spiritual weirdo let out a breath.

Tang Mo looked seriously at the spiritual weirdo. “Thank you.”

The spiritual weirdo shook his head. “It’s nothing. Anyway, I can’t see you there and not care.”

Their relationship at the moment was very awkward. On the one hand, the spiritual weirdo had pulled Tang Mo into an unknown game and brought him uncertain danger. From this point of view, the two of them should have been unreconciled [3], so much so that they must guard against each other. But on the other hand, the game was over, and it seemed to only be an ordinary game. Tang Mo’s health suddenly had an accident and the spiritual weirdo didn’t abandon him without looking back. Even though he didn’t have the ability to provide any assistance, Tang Mo couldn’t be ungrateful.

With things happening like this, the relationship between the two of them grew a little closer.

The spiritual weirdo said, “What happened to you just now? Your heartbeat was suddenly so fast. My dad is a doctor. Not to speak of that heart rate you reached, when a normal person’s heart reaches 250 beats per minute, it becomes unable to produce blood. In several minutes, they will die.”

Tang Mo thought for a moment and decided to tell the spiritual weirdo the truth. “You haven’t had your heartbeat speed up over these few days?”

The spiritual weirdo shook his head. “I haven’t.”

Tang Mo frowned and patiently explained. “Starting from three days ago, my heartbeat accelerated. Previously, it wasn’t as fast as today, but it was 300 beats per minute or more. At the same time, I was very anxious. This was because of the Black Tower incident. I’m not part of the ‘Black Tower is dangerous’ faction, but I’m also not completely part of the ‘Black Tower-positive’ faction. The Black Tower appearing was such a big event and I can understand it giving rise to anxiety. However, I don’t understand the heart rate.”

“Did you develop some kind of disease?”

“These days, with the Black Tower appearing, I haven’t been to the hospital.”

The spiritual weirdo thought about it and said, “Then you’d better go see a doctor soon. I’ve never heard of this illness of yours, having a heartbeat of 300 beats per minute or more and still not dying. I’m afraid in the entire world, there’s only you alone.” The spiritual weirdo joked, “Maybe you will be conscripted by the country and carefully studied as a lab rat. Ai, if it’s like that, you’d better not go see a doctor.”

Tang Mo laughed.

“Ka ta —” In the quiet city library, there suddenly came the sound of a door opening.

Tang Mo and the spiritual weirdo glanced at each other. This was the sound of the city library’s first floor entrance being opened!

The two of them flew in a rush downstairs. It wasn’t clear when it had happened, but the power preventing them from leaving the city library’s third floor had disappeared. They ran with the fastest speed of their lives to the lofty rosewood [4] front doors of the library.

A key turned lightly in the keyhole and, with a creaking sound, the front doors were pushed open a crack. Sunshine passed through the door seam and shone on Tang Mo and the spiritual weirdo’s faces for the first time in a long time. That warm sensation didn’t belong to the game’s “angelic day.” It was the real sun.

Tang Mo squinted his eyes. The comfortable warmth made all the pores in his body ease.

“Yi, Tang Mo, why are you here?” A clear female voice sounded. “You came to get your things so early?”

Tang Mo opened his eyes. “Xiao Zhao?”

Tang Mo thought about how he had come to the city library to get his things the previous evening because Director Wang had said the government would commandeer the library. He took a few seconds to clarify his thoughts. “You came to get your things?”

Xiao Zhao smiled. “That’s right. My mom and dad think this Black Tower thing is very weird and plan to return to our hometown to avoid what’s happening. We’re going at ten o’clock so I came to get my stuff. Ai, didn’t I ask you first? You unexpectedly came so early? What are you holding in your hand? A match? Ah, spiritual weirdo…cough…why is he also here?”

Xiao Zhao looked at the spiritual weirdo. The spiritual weirdo nervously swallowed a mouthful of saliva.

Tang Mo calmly explained, “When I was getting my things, I ran into him and we chatted a bit.”

“You and he have things to chat about…” Xiao Zhao muttered a few words, then raised her head and said, “Then I’ll come in and get some things and not chat with you.” Saying so, the young woman raised her food in preparation for entering the doors.

Just as her leg was about to step in through the entrance, Tang Mo’s eyes opened wide and his pupils trembled.

“Zhao Yan!”

Zhao Yan was Xiao Zhao’s name. She had been at the city library for half a year and very few people would call her that name. Tang Mo suddenly called so loudly and Xiao Zhao looked oddly at him. “What is it?”

Tang Mo’s lips parted slightly, but not a single word would leave his mouth. He only looked at Xiao Zhao’s lower-half oddly. Xiao Zhao bowed her head to follow his gaze and look. Right away she saw it clearly and fell to the ground, using both hands to crawl backward several steps.

“What is this? What is this…where are my legs! Where are my legs!!!”

In an instant, tears overflowed from the rims of her eyes.

This was a young woman who had only been born in 1996 and had barely graduated university. She wailed loudly, ceaselessly using both hands to touch her lower body, but there was nothing there. There was nothing at all.

To Tang Mo’s eyes, there was an invisible line spreading from the base of Xiao Zhao’s thighs to her upper body. The places this line passed over all vanished like smoke, as if there was something erasing Xiao Zhao from this world.

He didn’t know when this line had appeared. By the time he noticed the line, Xiao Zhao’s lower legs had already disappeared. She herself was completely unaware and still stood talking with Tang Mo. 

As she cried, snot streaming across her face, Xiao Zhao’s waist had already disappeared. She crawled up beside Tang Mo’s legs, used her hands to grab at his pants, and cried bitterly, “Save me, Tang-ge, [5] save me! What’s happening? What’s happening to me? Tang-ge, you save me, ah!”

Tang Mo extended his hand to grip Xiao Zhao’s hand, but only held it for two seconds. That line moved over Xiao Zhao’s arms. Her hands disappeared.

The transparent line moved up to Xiao Zhao’s neck.

All that was left of her was a head lying on the ground, both eyes tearful as she looked at Tang Mo. It was both terrifying and strange.

“I don’t want to die…I don’t want to die. I still haven’t been in love. I still haven’t had someone I like. I want to go back and watch anime. The novel I started following yesterday still isn’t finished… Dad…Mom… I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die. Tang-ge, Tang…”

Her mouth also disappeared.

That pair of eyes made moist by tears continued looking at Tang Mo until her entire person had disappeared.

Within a minute, a big living person had vanished like this.

Tang Mo’s brain was blank. However, at this moment, the thing that most frightened him was that right now he was unexpectedly utterly calm. He looked at the place where Xiao Zhao had disappeared for a full thirty seconds, then abruptly thought of something and hurriedly turned his head to look toward the spiritual weirdo behind him.

In the pitch black library, the spiritual weirdo’s body beneath his thighs had already disappeared. His pale complexion as he looked at Tang Mo showed a scared and pitiful smile. “Tang…Tang Mo. Is this the penalty for losing the game…”

“Spiritual weirdo!”

Thump! The spiritual weirdo fell to the floor.

Tang Mo immediately rushed up and grabbed the spiritual weirdo’s hand.

The spiritual weirdo wept, tears streaming across his face, snot sticking to his lips. He firmly clutched Tang Mo’s hand, seeming just like Xiao Zhao, saying over and over again, “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die… Tang Mo, you save me. I don’t want to die…”

Tang Mo was powerless. He kept his hand on the part of the spiritual weirdo that hadn’t disappeared, but when that line moved, what should disappear still disappeared. He touched air.

All that was left of the spiritual weirdo was the upper half of his body.

Tang Mo said, “Don’t be afraid. There must be a way.”

The spiritual weirdo, a grown man, cried and said, “What way is there? I don’t want to die, I really don’t want to die… Tang Mo, you save me, ah! You eliminated me, you save me! You save me!”

Tang Mo didn’t speak a word.

The spiritual weirdo also didn’t speak again. He unceasingly wept, continuously crying. Time passed incomparably slowly. Just as his chest was about to disappear, he suddenly grabbed Tang Mo’s hands and used those fully bloodshot eyes to look at Tang Mo and shout, “I have a daughter. She’s in S-city. Her mom and I divorced. You help me go look for her and see if she’s still alive. She’s called Shanshan. Chen Shanshan. She must be alive, surely must be alive! You help me look for her. Just take a glance at her!”

The spiritual weirdo’s hand disappeared.

“You help me, Tang Mo, I beg you. Help me. She’s definitely still alive. Definitely!”

Tang Mo said, “Where does she live?”

“She’s attending North Jing Middle School in her first year. She…” The spiritual weirdo’s mouth disappeared.

His two eyes stared unwaveringly at Tang Mo. That transparent line moved to the base of his ears. His eyes staring without blinking at Tang Mo were frighteningly red and it seemed he had exhausted his whole body’s strength.

“I’ll go find her. She’s definitely still alive.”

That line had completely erased the spiritual weirdo’s ears, but his expression relaxed all at once. He was still crying, already unable to speak, only looking at Tang Mo. Before his eyes disappeared, he blinked his eyes at Tang Mo and a teardrop fell down, dripping onto the ground.

Tang Mo alone knelt at the city library’s entrance. Outside the doors, Xiao Zhao had vanished. Inside the doors, the spiritual weirdo had also disappeared.

The sound of eight o’clock striking resounded in the city library. As the pendulum sounded for an eighth time, Tang Mo still knelt on the ice cold ground.

[Go to sleep, go to sleep, my dear baby. Mama’s hands, gently rocking you…] [6]

A tender and kindly female voice sounded throughout the entirety of E-City.

Tang Mo stiffly turned his head and looked toward that enormous Black Tower situated 200 meters outside the city library.

Multicolored lights flickered on the tower’s black body. A day ago, the area around that tower had still been surrounded by innumerable people. Now, a day later, there remained only seven or eight people and Tang Mo, all sitting paralyzed on the ground in the same way, vacantly raising their heads to look at the Black Tower as it sang a lullaby.

The female voice finished singing the beginning and a group of childlike voices sounded out along with it -

[Go to sleep, go to sleep, my dear baby.

Mama’s hands, gently rocking you.

The cradle rocks you, quickly and calmly sleep.

The night’s already quiet, the quilt is so warm…]

The voice sang once all the way through. Wind blew across the earth, taking this wondrous singing along to even further places.

The song finished and that familiar melodious childlike voice sounded -

[Ding dong! 498.16 million players successfully loaded the game…

Saving the game…

Loading game data…

Loading player information…

Saving successful…

Loading successful…

Loading successful…

Ding dong! On November 18th, 2017, players are welcomed to enter the game.

Announcing the Black Tower’s three main, firm rules -

First, the Black Tower has the right to decide everything. [7]

Second, six to eighteen o’clock is game time.

Third, all players please strive to attack the tower.

Ding dong! Have a happy game!]

[PREV] [TOC] [NEXT]

[1] Happy Beans are the in-game currency for Fight the Landlord, a popular Chinese online card game.

[2] It’s a little unclear if this is meant in the sense that they’re currently in ignorance (night) before the revelation (dawn) or if it’s meant as a reference to “the night is darkest before the dawn” (this is also an idiom in Chinese) and is meant either ironically or seriously. ….It’s hard for me to tell lol

[3] 隔膜 - divided by lack of mutual comprehension

[4] It’s a minor point, but this could either be rosewood or mahogany. Idk. If you’re into carpentry that could be important to you.

[5] Ge as in gege, so like ‘Brother Tang.’

[6] This is a Chinese lullaby.

[7] I previously translated this as ‘everything is explained by the Black Tower’ but it’s more like ‘the Black Tower is entitled to explain everything’ where ‘explain’ also has the power to determine meaning.

Today’s chapter’s mascot is the Etruscan shrew, the animal with the fastest heartbeat in the world. Its heart rate ranges between 100 and 1200 BPM. Wow! You still have a way to go, Tang Mo! Jiayou!

(It's also the smallest mammal in the world.)

This chapter always kills me partly because it makes me sad and partly because the narrative and Tang Mo still insist on calling him the ‘spiritual weirdo’ even as he’s vanishing. LMFAO.

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

Olive Gardin

Adventure timez…!!!!!! soooOooo 2 weekZ ago we defz went to olivE garDin and defz gots 6 baskins of bred sticks n Put dem in hottopic bagg under our table n it wuz SOO FUNNZ to also pretend we were just newly Married w our court ordained ined ring-pops n ask our nameless and hobophobic server if we koild get free desert (she didn’t even say no she just said nothing so we stole tha cheese grater) . da chiggen Gnocci unlimited soup was Def canned but i rly likeD mixing it with the raspberryy iced T cuz i personally think all parts of ur tung shuld b stimulated when U eat Cuz eating is just like fuckin . n my feet hurt sooooooo bad rN cuz of my wooden jeffrey campbellz . but i feel kinda cute . ??? also we ran around beacons talkin bout how the soundcloud beats they played on overhead speaker made us wanna abort all our future fetuses n they laffed then we went to do drugs in the ahmitofu bathroom then kholed n laid on the sidewalk outside then ran into friends and also a local white pervert . :-]

Justin Bieber something something Yea yea yea i forgot the lyriX but ima keep mY eye out for SeleneerRRRRR .!!! >_< >_< <3 Jelena all overzz my TicTac Clock app .! i think im gonna try to find sum j13 magazines oFf ebAy n Make a shrine of pop culture 2000 in moi room . Cuzz like just cuz hailey is lik a enneagram 9 type n avoidant or whatever’s dis not Mean she not phlegmatic . i mean Problematic, my autoKorect go wiLd. :-p ask moi friend Jaime whos dads name is italian Salami. lYke can we talk ab the G tattoo n lik the stalking .?! n Jaden smith friendzoning her hug . SUS.!!!!!! WEERIIIRDD.!!!

im SooooOooOooo sad cuz i accidentally punched myseLf takin off my platformzz comin home from music video shoot on the Lords day N i gave moiself a semi black eye :-[ it wuz kuz i wuz rushing n rly tired cuz yea Idk jus went to bossa n stayed at friendz afties for literally 11 hourzz. n After my cute breakdown at Krazypizza n Wingsz n tryin to protect friends from gettin harassed for spare change off myrtle Bratwurst then tried to climb into a closet on top of a closet . i signed Dat NdA N i kant rly disclose nothInG YET but the wardrobe styling was as professionally listed in email from casting agent:”CUNTY FUCKING FABULOUS DENIM 4 jesus!!!<3 <3 “

Woowwwa has i been burnt out n on tha verge of mf resentment.!! i needs 2 practice giving compassion rather empathy.? n reevalue my boundaries also slow down when it comes to givin my heart cuz im such a mf simp . n Now that i cried for the last 46 hours and 27 min im ready to take the world again.!!!!!! ((online)).

Ty 2 my friends who don’t judge me when i cry cuz i C too many colors when i khole n think bad thoughts.!! and hold my hand while they poo pee n pee poo cuz my friends r sooo talented they can multitask lik dat <3 uwu <3 i still confused y i kholed n saw everything lik in marie antioinette viobez, i think it was The daughter of italiano salami’s vivienne westwood pearlZ that triggered meh. YEA i lik to speak in metaphors n colors n b confusing .! lik this one bitch i don’t talk to anymores twitter cover picture says ,”If im 2 much ….. find less.” =] enemies who giv u life quote inspo>>>>>>>>>

Shuld i just run away n move to connecticut or somewhere w like big grocery stores n like wildflowers on the road n trackerz just so i culd hibernate4a lil.?? i wanna b truly happy n not so heavy hearted n lik Stressed ab living / stayin above water . singing billie eyelash at thurr clurb made me realize i b wanting to cry when i dancin n in a room full of ppl n I rly do b goin out 2 da clurb to find “mutual understanding and good conversation. “4 now Ig ill jus keep distracting myself by watching lesbian dramas (Find that cheater in ur local neighborhood in the PNW.!!) and more Angry angry food reviewers eating cardi B + oFfset ‘a micky D meal ‘ mukbang N watchin dem get really upset cuz they got ripped off . Fast food inflation is crazy n im not sayin it’s ok cuz i still think of everything in Mcchiggen currency .

i want SydneySweedney to be my peeping tom so bad n also to forgive myself for being mean to someone who didn’t deserve it but i was just mad n tired of being heart brokeN. No im not talkin about the uhaul lesbian who love bombed meh the last month n a half n showed up to my house when i told them not to w a bag of mini nutellas n an old ringpop i ated that they tied their hair all around to bind meh to dem . Im also contemplating doing squats to get a fat ass cuz if i can’t get a lobotomy i should probably hav something vein instead to feel better (achieving the same result of happiness at the end but through a different method.) Is that rational.?? i’ve been told i kant rly compartmentalize .

Just cuz we all hav adhd does not mean we don’t kno how to listen n tht rly makes me happy esp cuz im still mad at that callenlourde psychiatrist w the huge badonkadonks who refused to diagnos meh cuz she is a cop. N

i luv goin 2 moi friendzz casa then not knowin her roomie is throwing a party w a local trak meet group n making shashooka N then everybody comes in sweaty even tho it’s sleetingsnowing outside then all these men n one women take off their shirts then put david bowie makeup on N clown costumez then im slowly realizing it was lik mayb lowkey an intended orgy.?!..?! n Im just sitting in the corner nxt to the space heater cuz im low in iron and googling “How long does cocaine last “ cuz along w this street adderal and the copious amounts of Kitty idont rly think i’m loading anymore N ima shashookashoot moiself if a sweaty man is near me again trying to help me hold the vaccuum in place while we scramble to figure out which Hdmi cord is broken. i took the What type of lesbian test r u and it said lipstick. but Idk what any of this means..?!

UGHHHHHHH i def am hexed by another hot self employed lesbian cuz how did I uber us all to they apt the other nite completely sober . tHinking it wuz takin us to moodring. N god damn how did i lose my phone n it wuz under the couch rite nxt to his old vape he lost 2 weeks ago there. Im hexed!.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dere is sm more to share lik how i kinda still admire my ex Gf who visited nyc this last week even tho they don’t remember denying me closure and how i Found a tboy who is willing to be the community scapegoat for hot afab femmes / A human bench , and my new obsession the word assburgers . N how my roomie n i went to pick up a couch from a man in queens who told us to go in n make ourselves at home when we arrived 5 min earlier than him cuz the heartshaped lock on the door was unlocked but im tired n hav to work on confronting my addiction to chicken as a vegan , getting a blink membership n getting hotter. love u all <3

—Renny whowill get a fat asssoon Chang cuz if i can’t hav a lobotomy i want power .

[desolationcleo]

first i cosplayed red life cleo for halloween and answered the door for some trick-or-treaters. at one point i mentioned that i was cleo from last life and someone about my age, maybe a bit younger, no costume, clearly the older sibling of a kid trick-or-treating, went "i've seen that smp"

then i was on a tma discord server and upon getting a red-coloured role went "hell yeah red name" someone replied "read that as a 3rd life reference" to which i responded that it was one (turns out there was enough of us to make a thread that lasted months and then it was no longer in the wild)

then i was at fan expo and found the vendor i got my Watcher's Crown (purple flower crown with eyes and black feathers in it) from, brought it up, casually mentioned that the eyes sealed the deal because of a minecraft roleplay i'm hyperfixating on and they went "wait i think i know what you're talking about" turns out neither of us left the desert

then i fucking ran across somebody in a life series hoodie at the museum and actually didn't register it as unusual at first because i'd seen so many online pics of those hoodies but then i realized wait there's someone in life merch physically next to me and ran up to them and started incoherently rambling about minecraft bloodsports

then i cosplayed scarlet pearl at comicon less than a week later and ran across people cosplaying grian and gem

then there were two different instances, one a while back and one earlier today, of me casually scrolling the pixel cats end forums or cat recruitment board and getting jumpscared by someone who usernamed themself after Grian

i also got crane wives concert tickets partially in order to meet other life series fans (less than 2 weeks from now!) but that doesn't count as "in the wild" and hasn't for a long time those concerts are basically unofficial fan conventions like there's literally been cosplayers

the number of times i've met other life series fans in the wild is getting kind of unbelievable. why does this keep happening

[audrite]

...i dl’d bdo again

[hawkeyedflame]

talk shit get hit  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[b-lilium]

[linaewen]

[thireaplays]

[yuppi-du]

Lahn/Ran

dunno which one I’ll choose 

[bisrsrch]

While numerous categories of online games are available, games of skill are defined as online games in which the outcome of the game is determined either fully or partially by the skill of the player in the form of dexterity, logic abilities, knowledge or strategic thinking. This definition has legal implications as real money games of chance or luck are illegal in several jurisdictions while games of skill are not. Following the definition, games such as fantasy sports, eSports, strategy games, brain games, word games and trivia games where players compete against each other, fall under the category of skill based games.

The digital gaming boom has led to the expansion of the industry far beyond its traditional ecosystem of developers, publishers and operators, and inculcates a host of players from adjoining verticals such as media firms, investment firms, event organizers and advertising agencies. Although, as the competition in the market intensifies, it is becoming increasingly difficult for developers to generate brand loyalty and sustain a revenue generating consumer base despite the integration of gaming platforms with social media that has made it easier than ever for players to recommend games to other prospective players.  

Get the Sample Report at: https://bisresearch.com/requestsample?id=307&type=download

[fr0st-km]

╰┈➤ ❝ [ 𝐈 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒 ✉︎ ]

Let us see the letters you had received from Jamil Viper, Jade Leech, and Deuce Spade, dear prefect…

“Good day, prefect, how are you today? I hope that you are doing just fine. I realized that today is valentines day since Kalim was very...Energetic today. Well, not that he’s never cheerful but he stated that he bought many sweets and accessories online to give it to his friends. But in my opinion, he bought too many. Kalim asked me if I had already set up a gift to give it to someone, which I didn’t. Though, at first, I had no intentions on sending a gift to anyone, but that was until I remembered you.

Please, do accept this homemade food of your favorite meal. It may not be much but I'd like to show how much I am grateful to have you by my side.

I also got chocolate for you- which is placed inside of the lunchbox as well. However, you can choose whether you want it or not. If you want it, feel free to eat it, but remember that dessert is for last. If you don't...Well, that's your decision. Feel free to do whatever you'd like with the chocolate. After all, Kalim was the one who gave me a box filled with sweet and expensive chocolate. I didn’t want it since I never asked for it so I decided to grab some of the contents and place it in the lunchbox in order to give it to you as a gift as well.

If you want more of the chocolate then come over to Scarabia, I placed it inside of the refrigerator so that it wouldn’t melt. Maybe we could perhaps eat it together?

Anyways, happy valentines day, prefect.

Sincerely,

Jamil Viper. ”

Gift: Open lid of the lunchbox and a fragrant smell will come flying out from the box, the scent of your favorite meal that was made to perfection truly is a blessing. The high-quality heart-shaped chocolate that is placed in one of the 3 sections of the lunchbox also seemed to taste really sweet, though remember; desert is for last.

“Today is valentines day isn’t it, prefect? I had accidentally overheard you talking about this event with your friends. So, I had prepared something special for you gifted by yours truly.

I bought some materials from Mr. Sam’s shop to make a special chocolate for you only. I also used the Mostro Lounge’s kitchen with Azul’s permission, of course. My dear brother was so curious about why I looked so serious when making chocolate, but then guessed that I was going to give this to you (which is of course correct).

Fufufu, happy valentines day, my dear angelfish.

Sincerely,

Jade Leech.”

Gift: Carefully untie the black ribbon wrapped around the lowes blue-colored box and you will be greeted by mushroom-shaped chocolates. Though the design is quite hilarious, it’s adorable at the same time. Plus, the chocolate doesn’t seem to taste too sweet or too bitter, it’s just the right taste.

“Hello, prefect. I hope that this letter brings you well because…You’re my homie…? And homies always look out for each other, right?

Anyways, let’s head back straight to the point. When I woke up, I realized that today was valentines day; I panicked because I planned on buying a gift for you from Mr. Sam’s shop so I quickly prepared myself and ran towards the shop. I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to buy you a gift for valentines day so…

Please, accept this gift! It’s a baby chick plush that’s really soft, I also bought chocolates for you! I hope that these are all to your liking, please don’t reject them…”

Gift: A soft baby chick plushy…Adorable, isn’t it? You can feel the warmth of it just by touching it, the box that is wrapped with a golden ribbon also seemed to be a nice combo along with the plush. Perhaps you should give something in return?

[marlinspirkhall]

Happy ten year anniversary to whatever the hell 13 year old me had going on

[ID] Three screenshots of an email read Wed, Aug 29, 2012 at 6:33 PM, [name] <[name surname]@hotmail.co.uk> wrote:

Hi [friend's name]. I started writing this story. Tell me if its any good. Did you have a good holiday? C u online.

XXX [name]

The Chronicles of God.

Introduction: You must read this.

Some people have exciting lives. They normally spend large proportions of their lives battling monsters and other exciting stuff. Most people have normal lives. People who lead normal lives spend large proportions of their lives doing regular stuff like going to work and school. Some people get famous by writing books and staging plays, the main subject frequently being used in these plays being fantasy worlds and magic schools. This is usually because made-up lives are more exciting than regular lives by a long shot. Who wants to read about how Dennis Croswell from IT got dumped by Shona Levesque? They'd much rather read about nights in shining armor battling dragons and maybe even rescuing the princess from the tallest tower as an added bonus.

Sometimes the story begins with a normal person who then goes on to discover their best friend is an alien and spend the next few years of their life trekking through space. At other times, the seemingly normal person encounters old men in the desert with long sticks of light, who take them through space to meet their highly misunderstood father, a walking carpet, a man-with-a-gun and a pretty girl. The story usually ends with them saving the Galaxy while they're at it, and lots of teddy bears having a celebration... With some kissing along the way.

And sometimes, very occasionaly, a wonderful story comes along. One of those stories you very rarely find. If you are wondering where to find one of those books, the answer is: Welcome. I think you've arrived.

Chapter 1: In which the introduction finishes only to be replaced by something very similar.

In the beginning, there was a button. One big, red button that had: "DO NOT TOUCH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES" written across the top in big, yellow writing. Underneath this, written in tiny letters was: "Even under adult supervision. Warning, contains small parts. Not suitable for anyone under 36 months of age." This big, red button, was also mounted on a polished black podium, and was rather shiny. The button sat there, untouched for many aeons. Well, I say many aeons, but as it was in the beginning, the very beginning, the beginning of everything(apart from buttons, of course, but thats another story), it was also the beginning of time itself. That means that nobody knows how long the button sat there. It could have been years. It could have been mere seconds. Countless wars and arguments have been fought and debated on this one subject. But thats not important. whats important is that: The button sat there, undisturbed for... however long it sat there.

A small, wrinkelled grey hand crept towards the button. It stopped, and wondered how it was going to get to the top of the podium, then it seemingly flew - but don't worry, because it was attached to an arm, which was hopefully attached to a body. The hand paused, with its forefinger hovering over the button. Then, it plunged down, and pressed the button. The hand dived clear, and ran for a minute or so, until it was a suitable distance away from the button. then it turned, and watched the button closely. A big, multicolored spark launched itself into the air. Color. It hung there, as if unsure what to do, as a second spark emerged from the button. Time. The two twin sparks Smoldered in the air, as another spark shot into the air like a rocket. No-one knows what the last spark introduced into before, but this was the final spark. Then, this spark also hung there with the other two. All three sparks immediatley swirled round, mixing into one multi-colored swirl of light, twirling faster and faster, until it looked like a big blurr.

P.s, i started a new one about a spy school. Want to read that to? [End ID]

[botwstoriesandsuch]

OK SHUT UP SHUSH SHUT THE FUCK UP IT’S 1AM BUT SHUSH LISTEN! HEY, LISTEN!

I AM GIVING YOU THE TOOLS TO FIND THE EXACT DISTANCE OF ANYTHING ANYWHERE IN HYRULE, CUSTOM MAKE YOUR FIC JOURNEYS TO THE METER, FIND THE AREA OF ANY TOWN OR LANDMARK, OR JUST FIND OUT HOW BIG (or small) HYRULE KINDGOM TRULY IS ONCE AND FOR ALL SO GO AHEAD AND SAVE THIS POST TO YOUR DRAFTS CAUSE YOU MIGHT WANNA SEE IT FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

 Ok so this all starts with THIS

FEAST YOUR EYES LADIES, LADS, AND GENTLEFOLK ON THE ONLY PIECE OF INFORMATION IN ALL OF HYRULE CONCERNING DISTANCE AND TIME. 

[Image ID: A screenshot from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, depicting a picture of Ash Swamp hanging in Impa’s house. The dialogue box from Impa reads, “Does it look familiar? From this village, you should be able to get there in a half day’s time.” End ID]

Impa states that it would take you half a day, about 12 hours, to travel from Kakariko Village to the depicted 13th memory, which is at Ash Swamp by Fort Hateno. 

Now here is where I took this information. I took it to

objmap.zeldamods.org

A fantastic online Botw map resource with tons of features like finding specific objects, and highlighting areas, and placing pins, and the basics of showing the locations of everything like shrines and korok seeds and all that. 

BUT the thing that we care about today is this ability, here:

DRAW!

With those widgets on the right, I can specifically mark lines and shapes and the website will give me the distance of it in meters!

“But Kip, if the map already gives you the distance of anything you want then isn’t this entire post pointless?” Ashshshshshhshh no, shut the fuck up, shush shut, no, stop, silence, I am high on caffeine and I haven’t slept for two days. No. 

As great as the map is, the exact ratio isn’t the best. Like, it tells me that the length of Hyrule is only 10km, or 6.2 miles. 

I wager that realistically, Hyrule would be a bit bigger than that. And THAT, is where I come in. Or, more specifically, Impa.

Impa states that it takes 12 hours to travel from Kakariko to Fort Hateno. (I am saying Fort Hateno and not Ash Swamp because I am going of the nearest prominent landmark location near the 13th memory, and I highly doubt that Impa knew the exactly square foot patch of dirt that Link needed to stand on to activate his memory)

According to Google, it takes around 10 to 12 minutes to walk a kilometer. (I am assuming Impa was referring to walking and not riding, because I feel like she would have said, “You should be able to get there in half a day’s ride” or something of the sort. So, walking it is)

So: 

12 hours divided by 12 minutes 

(Which is 720 minutes / 12 minutes)

gives us

60

The distance between Fort Hateno and Kakariko village is 60 kilometers.

Badabing badaboom, great job! We did it. BUT NOW this is where our handy dandy online object map comes in.

[Image ID: A screenshot of the Breath of the Wild map showing the area of Kakariko Village and the plains in front of Fort Hateno. A blue line highlghts the path from the village to a marker on Fort Hateno. The line reads “1.89km.” End ID]

[Image ID: A screenshot of the Breath of the Wild map showing the area of Kakariko Village and the plains in front of Fort Hateno. The blue line from the previous image is still there, however, there is now a more prominent yellow line. The yellow line runs from Kakariko village, but ends at a marker point at the location of the 13th memory at Ash Swamp. The yellow line reads “1.55km.” End ID]

So while this map doesn’t give me distances that are exactly to my liking, it DOES give me a measuring means that will stay consistent. SO! As you can see, the map says Kakariko to Fort Hateno is 1.89km. (And just to be safe, I also did the distance exactly to the point of the 13th memory as shown in Impa’s picture, which came out to 1.55km. But! It’s doesn’t matter anyhow, because) We’re going to round this to 2km for the sake of my sanity because surprise surprise! I actually suck at, and hate, math. 

So the map says Kakariko to Fort Hateno is 2 kilometers, but we know that in real life, the distance is actually 60 kilometers. So, if you want to use this object map effectively, you have to make a means of converting the “false” measurements, (which I will be refering to as “zelda” (kilo)meters, or zm/zkm) from the actual ones. 

So THIS is what I fucking did oh my god help me it took me way too long even though it was really simple in hindsight I was just stupid and spent two hours trying to get the ratio equations right when really all I had to do was divide, it was a whole thing, anyhow, read away. 

[Image ID: A screenshot of MATH oh my god it’s fucking math...BUT it’s kinda color coded so that’s nice. The top left of the page depicts text. In red text reads “zkm (Zelda km) = per the measurement on the objmap.zeldamods.org” and below that, in black text, reads, “Kakariko to Fort Hateno = 1.89 zkm ~ 2zkm,” which is underlines in yellow. Another line of black text reads, “Impa says it takes half a day’s time to travel from Kakariko to the 13th memory location AKA 12 hours.” Another line of black text reads, “It takes about 10-12min to walk a kilometer,” which is underlines in green.

Handwritten in blue ink is the equation, 

“12 hours = 720 min

720/12 = 60″ 

The 12 is highlighted in green, and the 60 is underlined. In green text, below it, reads, “It takes 12 hours to walk 60 kilometers.” In black text under this, it reads “So Kakariko to Fort Hateno is 60 kilometers.” Another line of black text under this reads, “So based on that, we can find the actual values of a zkm (Zelda kilometer).” 

Handwritten in yellow ink is the equation,

“2zkm = 60km

1km = 30km” [typo, I meant 1zkm = 30km]

The 60km is in blue, and the equation 1zkm = 30km is circled. 

To the right of everything, in bigger, yellow text, reads “So: 1zkm = 30km 1zm = 30 meters

The map of Hyrule measures roughly 10zkm (length) by 8zkm (height) [typo, I meant width] giving it an area of 80 square zkm.

Therefore, the “true” size of Hyrule Kingdom os 2400 square kilometers.” End ID]

SO ARMED WITH THIS NEW KNOWLEDGE, you can now use this map to measure whatever you want, and by converting 1zm to 30 meters, you can get accurate result as to what that distance is. 

Chart the roads, measure the rivers, the map even gives area tools for polygons, squares, and circles! This entire post was born out of a desire to see how long the characters in my fic should rest for when travel between different stables. 

Now before anyone asks, yes! 2400 square kilometers is fairly small. That’s around 930 square miles. I believe even Wales is more than three times bigger than that. BUT! Considering Hyrule is a medieval kingdom that’s actually pretty sizable considering the average size of a Kingdom was 100 to 900 square kilometers. 

And juuuust to double check, I ran the size though a Medievil Demographics generator, and 2400 (under the conditions of Fertile Land with 64% of the land being arable since I figured roughly 46% for lakes, the ocean, plus unusable land was more than enough to cover the Hebra, Death Mountain, and the Gerudo Desert. Which honestly is even MORE generous considering there are races that occupy these areas, but I digress) This still gives Hyrule Kingdom a good population of 108,000 people! Before the Calamity when all of its villages were up and occupied, of course. So the area is definitely more than enough, and can still give Link a more realistic amount of time to travel between areas (when you add eating and rest of course. Don’t make my guy walk for 10 hours straight from the Great Plateau to Hebra D: plz)

TL;DR: Hyrule is 2400 square kilometers; use the map, plus the conversion 1 zelda meter to 30 meters to measure anything you want; I am tired

Quick Edit: Please note that this conversion is for the purposes of people out there who need more realistic means of measuring distances for larger scale travel and such, like for writing fic journeys, or dnd campaigns. This conversion isn’t the best for smaller scale measure like buildings and such (EX: I’ve checked with buildings in Castle Town and the Coliseum, and they come out much too big, just a symptom of game design ratios not being perfect since it’s hard to balance consistent measurements and the immersion and plan a creator has for their game world!) So if you are measuring those smaller entities using the linked map, just stick with the given zelda meters! (EX: The Coliseum radius in zelda meters matches up nicely with the real world Roman Colosseum, beating it out by a few dozen meters!)

Also if you are a true believer in the interpretation of Impa’s dialogue as “half the amount of daylight hours,” see the reblogs!