#bitty just wanders in and steals stuff from dex its a complex relationship

[dontthinkaboutzimbits]

Dex is a cross roads demon who likes to spend his summers in a lighthouse because he hates being near people. Nursey is a “client” of his; Nursey summoned Dex to help with his writer’s block, so Dex sent him to the lighthouse to work uninterrupted while Dex ties up some loose ends in town for a couple days.

It’s going great until a swimmer in a big fur coat washes up on shore. Nursey is a cool bro and helps the swimmer, one Adam Birkholtz. He gets Holster cleaned up, feeds him a hearty meal, and hands him his coat on his way out the door.

The facts are these: Holster is a selkie and his coat is his pelt. Feeding and inviting a selkie into your home is a common courting ritual, and some selkies consider this a declaration of Intent. Taking and then returning a pelt to a selkie is on par with putting a ring on it.

Bitty is a local witch who arrives at the light house to shake Dex down for spell ingredients—imagine his dismay when Nursey flings open the door and begs him to help. Holster is crying and singing and being super emotional in the living room.

“Please Bitty, how do you undo a selkie marriage??? If I don’t figure this out Dex is going to kill me! Or worse! He’ll never let me live it down!”

It’s cool, Bitty knows a guy. (Bitty knows everyone.) He calls up Officer Oluransi to gently tell Holster about human customs, being the supernatural liaison for the police department and a selkie himself. Ransom arrives on the scene and takes Holster aside to talk for a while. Like a really long time. Like Nursey’d kinda worried that they fell off the face of the earth.

Bitty steals stuff from Dex’s kitchen. “He’s a demon, it’s not like he’s using this mixer anyway.”

Dex comes back the next day and is greeted by Nursey yelling “EVERYTHING IS NORMAL.”

“Why is there beach sand and stuff all over the carpet? What happened here?”

“SHUT UP DONT WORRY ABOUT IT!”

“Did you finish your manuscript?”

Nursey didn’t write anything. It’s suspicious. Dex is suspicious. But he’s always suspicious so he lets it slide.

(It takes him three weeks to figure out he’s been burgled.)

I’d call this fic Selks on the Beach if I ever wrote it proper.

[dontthinkaboutzimbits]

Jack gets a call that he needs to go shake the witch Bitty down bc he’s been stealing stuff. Usually the captain sends Office Oluransi but he got married and is on his honeymoon. So Jack ambles down to the cottage and he does Not Like it There.

It’s very pleasant don’t get me wrong. But Jack has heard stories that would make your hair curl, about cops doing their jobs and getting in a witch’s bad side in the process. Look: someone has a knife or throws a punch, he can counter. Someone draws a gun, he has a vest on. Someone hex him into next week? He’s got nothing.

So Jack ambles up to the cottage. Bitty’s waiting for him on the porch, sitting in a rocking chair with his hat resting on a nail in the door behind him. “Mr. Bittle?”

“Mr Zimmermann.”

“Someone recently made allegations that you stole some items of some value from the lighthouse?”

“Could be.” He leans forward suddenly, and Jack takes a step back. Bitty is grinning. “Do I trouble you, Mr Zimmermann?”

“More than you could possibly imagine.”

Somehow Jack finds himself inside the cottage, in the kitchen where the walls are painted a peachy yellow, with a piece of pie and a glass of tea in front of him. He shouldn’t eat it. This is how every witch story goes- the food and drink are bespelled and the next thing he knows he’ll be sitting in a tub of ice with his kidneys missing. But it looks so damn good and he is really hungry, and Bitty is chattering and eating too.

No sooner does he finish his slice than Bitty is fussing over him, touching the graying hair at his temples. “It’s a stressful job, aint it,” he coos.

“It can be,” Jack says.

“I have just the thing,” and Bitty puts together a little satchet of herbs, “to put under your pillow for deep sleep and sweet dreams.”

“Is this a bribe?” Jack doesn’t take bribes.

“It’s not a bribe.” Bitty tuts about the kitchen, putting things away. He could use magic but...he doesn’t. “It is a kindness. A gift of no monetary value. I look after my community, same as you. It would sure be a cold world if we didn’t have each other’s backs.”

And then Bitty ushered him out the door and Jack walked to his car in a daze. He was down the street before he realized he’d forgotten about the stolen mixer for that creepy demon. Ughhhhh.

He needed backup. Jack pulled out his phone and dialed. “Shits. I need your help.”

Dex is a cross roads demon who likes to spend his summers in a lighthouse because he hates being near people. Nursey is a “client” of his; Nursey summoned Dex to help with his writer’s block, so Dex sent him to the lighthouse to work uninterrupted while Dex ties up some loose ends in town for a couple days.

It’s going great until a swimmer in a big fur coat washes up on shore. Nursey is a cool bro and helps the swimmer, one Adam Birkholtz. He gets Holster cleaned up, feeds him a hearty meal, and hands him his coat on his way out the door.

The facts are these: Holster is a selkie and his coat is his pelt. Feeding and inviting a selkie into your home is a common courting ritual, and some selkies consider this a declaration of Intent. Taking and then returning a pelt to a selkie is on par with putting a ring on it.

Bitty is a local witch who arrives at the light house to shake Dex down for spell ingredients—imagine his dismay when Nursey flings open the door and begs him to help. Holster is crying and singing and being super emotional in the living room.

“Please Bitty, how do you undo a selkie marriage??? If I don’t figure this out Dex is going to kill me! Or worse! He’ll never let me live it down!”

It’s cool, Bitty knows a guy. (Bitty knows everyone.) He calls up Officer Oluransi to gently tell Holster about human customs, being the supernatural liaison for the police department and a selkie himself. Ransom arrives on the scene and takes Holster aside to talk for a while. Like a really long time. Like Nursey’d kinda worried that they fell off the face of the earth.

Bitty steals stuff from Dex’s kitchen. “He’s a demon, it’s not like he’s using this mixer anyway.”

Dex comes back the next day and is greeted by Nursey yelling “EVERYTHING IS NORMAL.”

“Why is there beach sand and stuff all over the carpet? What happened here?”

“SHUT UP DONT WORRY ABOUT IT!”

“Did you finish your manuscript?”

Nursey didn’t write anything. It’s suspicious. Dex is suspicious. But he’s always suspicious so he lets it slide.

(It takes him three weeks to figure out he’s been burgled.)

I’d call this fic Selks on the Beach if I ever wrote it proper.