#biting chewing gnawing writhing in agony.

[bumbledees]

i am at all times ready to chase my tail in circles about the jedi and the clones. both forced into it. both believing they could protect the republic, both believing there was something there to SAVE. and obviously there are power dynamics and differentials!! but like. imagine fighting day by day and side by side and trusting your troops/commanders/generals with your lives! mourning every soul lost because you KNEW them! they were your brother or your trooper or your friend and they had a name and they mattered!!! caring! wondering if you were doing more or less harm by staying or going!! who would watch your brother’s backs if you left???? who would make sure your men weren’t needlessly sacrificed????? who would protect your brothers/your troops if you somehow all made it out of the war alive?? everything sucks and it’s awful! there’s blood on your hands! what’s bravery?? what’s cowardice?? what should you have done?? you are desperately chasing battle after battle trying to prevent yet more mass casualties! are you making any difference?? you are a rank-and-file jedi you are an infantry clone you are on a rapidly spinning treadmill of atrocity and death and you don’t know how to get off of it.