#bitch built a subway

[barrel-crow-n]

Kaz: I don't care about anyone, I don't have friends.

Also Kaz: *Builds an underground tunnel under half of the city to his besties' house*

[rudowru]

I think my Tumblr legacy is going to be dojoshipping cuz uh

[pseudowho]

"Yuuji-- if you don't mind, can I ask you something?"

Yuuji looked up from his phone, feeling so grown up to be in the Jujutsu High staffroom with Kento. He raised his eyebrows, the scar across his lip tugging up.

"Uh...yeah, sure. Go crazy."

"What is scary dog privilege, exactly?"

"Scary dog privilege? Huh, well...let's see, uhm...so it's like..."

Yuuji explained, all peaches and wide eyes and animated hands. Kento nodded occasionally, listening intently. His mind, naturally, strayed to you; you were what this was all about, after all.

As with any thought of you (you being his blossoming latent obsession), Kento's stomach flipped, his grip tightening fractionally around his coffee.

Kento remembered.

He remembered when he dropped you home. You checked over your shoulder, again, and again, and again, before you unlocked your door and hurried inside.

He remembered how he had once walked up behind you without much thought, and you spun with panic in your eyes. Kento recalled how quickly you had relaxed, to see it was him, and how high his hope climbed as a result.

He remembered how you had spilled the contents of your bag. You snatched your pepper spray up in the hope that his keen eyes had missed it.

He remembered how you headed to the subway after a staff night out. Your keys had been curiously gripped between your fingers, a weapon that wasn't a weapon.

He remembered, how just the day before, he and you had walked together through central Tokyo to get lunch. You had sat on a park bench together, and Kento had been so overwhelmed by the need to hold it together, Kento, keep it together, that he barely registered the relief written on your skin.

You had eaten in comfortable silence, then leaned over to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek on the way to the bins.

"Thanks for the scary dog privilege, Kento. It's the first time in a long time that I've relaxed in public."

Kento's eyes had drifted closed for just a few moments too long, with the warmth of your lips on his skin, and he stuttered, fumbling, unlike himself.

"Ah...scary...dog privilege?" He asked, quiet. But you were already gone; throwing your crumbs to the ducks.

Yuuji's voice snapped Kento out of memory, and back to the staffroom.

"Dunno if that makes sense, Nanamin?"

A molten pit of spite and rage ignited in Kento once he put two and two together. Scary dog privilege. He gave you scary dog privilege. Why was walking the streets in safety a privilege? Shit. Kento kept his voice level, patting Yuuji on the shoulder as he left, his steaming coffee abandoned.

"Thank you, Yuuji. Stay safe out there this afternoon, and call me when you're finished, please."

If Kento hadn't already felt dirty enough with the knowledge that he pleasured himself to thoughts of you every night, he felt worse, now. He stalked through the corridors of Jujutsu High, calling Ijichi, calling Shoko, determined to find you.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Once you noticed how one man's gaze lingered on you, you noticed them all. To you, almost all seemed to do it, and to every woman, be they 18 or 80, tall or short or curvy or lithe or gay or straight or anywhere in between. Then, when you began to notice the gazes on 16 year olds, or 12 year olds, or--

You had nauseated by the time you turned the corner to grab lunch. Simultaneously built up and dragged down and accused, you were a madonna and a whore and a bitch. You wondered, vaguely, how deeply, how incurably the disease ran, as you entered the bustling café. You didn't want to think about it. You'd just grab food, and go, and--

"Ah. Good afternoon."

You blinked, to see Kento before you in the queue, and felt a warm burst of joy from your tummy to your toes.

"Kento, I'm...happier than you know, to see you, actually."

A satisfied hum. "I had a feeling you might be. Now...about something you said yesterday...."

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Nanami Kento didn't immediately strike one as a scary dog. He was built, yes, but his suits hid it well, and he was only a little taller than average, and really quite mild, but--

-- oh.

The way his glares could frost a soul. The way other men bounced off him, a stone wall, when a shoulder 'accidentally' hit his. The way his eyes found wayward gazes like a sniper, with the dulcet loading of a bullet behind his sneer. The silent commanding respect. The dares that other men would not dare.

It was no wonder, then, how you and Kento, became you and Shoko and Kento, became you and Shoko and Maki and Nobara and Kento. While individually able to fight your own fights, feeling Kento's scary dog privilege melt threats with acid, was a burden blissfully relieved.

With Kento's protective Midas' touch, your daily lunches turned to gold, unsullied and unmolested. Still...he was there for the whole group.

So why, then, in such a large group, did you look up to find his gaze on you, and only you? How could his eyes caress without staring? It was sorcery, surely.

Kento sequestered you one day, throwing his crumbs to the ducks alongside yours, as the others chatted on the benches behind you. You looked up, shooting him a sideways smile, and wondering how you could ever be good enough for him. He spoke quietly.

"I always believed a dog to have just one owner."

You felt your stomach twist with insinuation. You laid the thread.

"...oh?"

"And while I'm happy to offer my privileges to the benefit of a group, I...would like to be in the position to make such a privilege exclusive."

You swallowed hard, looking sideways again with hope against hope against hope against--

"Are you...saying you'd like to be my scary dog?"

"Very, very much so."

[quirkthieves]

8!

Keep Up - Karma Carr

"Oh my god!" The shocked proclamation bounces off of the walls of the subway, followed by footsteps-- but it wasn't one of fear, nor hostility.

"I love your hair!" The teen that stops in front of Shigaraki has a head of similarly styled waves, albeit dark in color. "It makes me wanna go blonde again, but my ma would kill me. Natty or dyed? If it's bottle, that's some crazy good toner you got. I like it. Orange wouldn't work with your complexion, I think. But this works." One hand is rapidly typing on her phone, the screen clearly displaying a Twitter draft-- "just saw the prettiest plat on the subway omfg" She hits the post button, and one thumb expertly swipes her over to Instagram. The moment her feed refreshes, a picture of a group of U.A. students-- boys from class 1-A-- pops up. She pauses to look at it and cackles, before showing the screen to Shigaraki.

"Girl you're not gonna believe this. Mr. Bombastic's face card's overdraft!" Her nail taps on Bakugo and then moves to Midoriya. "And what's up with this kid? Bitch is built like Bilbo Baggins!" Her cackling continues. She doesn't appear to recognized the disguised villain-- just that kind of personality.

"Which stop are you headin' for? I'm off to Tattooine. We should totally hang if you're goin' that way. I've got time to kill before I head back to school-- do you like boba? A new boba place opened over there, I'm psyched."

[potatoes83]

Random...

So not that I watch that much actual TV anymore these days, but I have been known to enjoy those so-called reality shows like Nanny 911 and what have you. I don't even have kids. But it's like, I don't know, I guess sort of a guilty pleasure? Like holy shit, my kids will never be as bad as all that, what's wrong with these parents? But I also like the conflict resolution aspect of it. And then those home improvement shows too, where they take a perfectly good house and gut it, ending up with a perfectly good house.

Thing is, these are completely antithetical to the way that the majority of people live. I am in a city where the vast majority of housing stock are 1950s cookie cutter brick ranches, or sided bungalows, with or without basements. One bathroom, two or three bedrooms, living room, kitchen, cram a utility room in there if you don't have a basement, thankfully I do. Now I grew up in a colonial, four bedrooms two baths, and a family room and a dining room, built in the late '60s. I currently live in one of those aforementioned bungalows.

But these shows don't factor that in. These conflicts all happen in the mcmansions, in a sub named after some bullshit that isn't there anymore, whispering hills, tranquil pastures, that sort of thing. The conflict evolves around Aschleigh being pissed at having to share her en suite bathroom with Wyndsongh because her Jacuzzi tub is being relaquered. It's not exactly relatable. Try needing to get to sleep because you have school in the morning, and your little brother keeps kicking the bottom of your mattress because, spoiler alert, we shared a room and had bunk beds! That's a real conflict. Or as far as the home improvement shows go; I would love a new bathroom and maybe kitchen, I would, but my most recent concern was replacing the failing dishwasher, not picking out subway tile backsplashes.

I guess what I'm getting at, is don't call it reality TV when it's anything but. As a general statement, reality doesn't make for good tv, because people want to escape it. But just once, and I mean, the alphabet soup group always bitches about representation, what about representing middle class, blue collar, bedroom community people, problems, and homes? Like sorry, property brothers, I'm not exactly getting any tangible ideas from your show, because I'd have to annex my neighbor's property in order to build that lovely kitchen. 🥔

[majoringinsarcasm]

Instagram comments are the worst but the amount of Americans who are so against trains bc

The government will control it (bitch did you forget where we live)

It would cost way too much money (that we do have they just say we don’t)

They personally live in the middle of nowhere (which means it’s a bad idea bc They can’t use it but also nobody said get rid of All cars)

And I’m. I’m so fucking depressed bc I can’t go anywhere without a car. I still haven’t learned to drive for several reason. And only being able to be at home or work has ruined my brain. If I had a train YES EVEN ONE I NEED TO BE DRIVEN TO THE STATION OF I could just travel. Visit ppl and places. In a safe way that isn’t costing me money for gas every other day.

“Imagine if a train gets stopped you’ll be there for hours” getting home from a busy airport has been a joke for years. You cut down on your own stress related to driving by having alternatives. Having more options to move independently is never a bad thing

“Public transport sucks so trains would suck” it’s bad bc it’s underfunded and managed poorly. Also not every city or neighborhood or town is built with public transport in mind. I would have to walk an hour away from my home just to get to a bus stop. At my old house it was right around the corner. Buses are not suddenly evil bc I don’t live close to one. The structure is bad bc we live in a CAR DEPENDENT SOCIETY

“If there’s traffic I can just take a side street or go an alternate route. If a train gets stopped you’ll be stuck for hours” and people who live in train heavy areas learn to deal with this. Also the subway exists in America which is already a form of train. Are you gonna tell New York and New Jersey to shut that shit down??

I would rather be able to relax and close my eyes or draw and watch the scenery go by than be stuck in a car I had to operate for a long time. Short trips to places yeah use a car. Nobody is saying get rid of them.

Or maybe these people see “we want trains all over America” the same way they see bike lanes as being annoying and in the way. Because god fucking forbid people want to travel safely. They sometimes have to ride in the street bc not every road has a sidewalk

Like. I feel so stupid reading those comments and it only makes me angrier when I’m reminded how helpless I am due to lack of transport that isn’t a FUCKING CAR THAT YOU HAVE TO PAY A NOTE ON BY THE WAY

“They would use your tax money to pay for the trains. Why would I pay for something I’m not using?” My tax money is already going to places I don’t want it to you stupid fucking moron. You idiot asshole. I would love for the money I’m not gonna get either way actually go toward SOMETHING GOOD

[springbonk]

packgod roast copypasta

BOY YOU WANNA GET LOUD IN THIS BITCH?! SHUT UP BOY, YOU LOOK LIKE A VELOCIRAPTOR IN A CLOGGED TOILET BOWL. BRUH, YOU LIKE AN OFF BRAND BEN 10 CHARACTER NAH, YOU AIN'T BEN 10 YOU STEVEN 9! GET YO ASS BACK BOY! YOU LOOK LIKE YOU GOT EXPELLED FOR BARKING AT YO LUNCH LADY, SHUT YO ASS UP BOY! YOU AIN'T FROM THE JURASSIC PARK, YOU CAME FROM THE PREHISTORIC PLAYGROUND! GET YO ASS OUT BOY, YOU LIKE CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG'D FOSSIL! BOY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WITH YO NASTY ASS?! BOY, YOU BETTER GET YO AUTUMN WAS AN AVERAGE KID THAT NOONE UNDERSTANDS WOAH!!! MOM AND DAD AND GRANDPA ALWAYS GIVING HIM COMMANDS LOOKIN ASS BOY! BRUH, YOUR BALLS DROPPED AND THEN CLIMBED BACK UP BOY! STOP PLAYING WITH ME BOY YOU SEXUALLY IDENTIFY AS AN UNSOLVED RUBIK'S CUBE, YOU MADE AN NFT OUT OF YOUR GRANDMA TWERKING ON A PICKLE, YOU TRIED TURNING YOUR DISHWASHER *inhale* INTO A BITCOIN MINING RIG, YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A LITTLE MOUSE WHO LIVES UNDER YOUR BED IN A PRINGLES CAN, YOUR MOM USES A JUMP ROPE AS A BELT, YOUR GRANDPA GOT AN EMERGENCY HEART TRANSPLANT WITH A CAPRISUN POUCH, YOUR BARBER LINED YOU UP WITH A WEEDWACKER, YOU HAD ESEX WITH MOBY FROM BRAIN POP IN AN ENCRYPED HTML FILE, UNCLE GOT ARRESTED FOR EATING A BLUEBERRY OUT OF A ORANGUTAN'S ASSHOLE, YOUR SISTER'S CURRENTLY ENGAGED TO A ANTHROMORPHIC DUNG BEETLE NAMED "STEFAN", GRANDPA GOT HELD UP BY A PIGEON WTIH A MOHAWK ON THE SUBWAY, YOU POSTED A INSTAGRAM STORY OF A JAMAICAN CRICKET GIVING YOU A LAP DANCE IN THE BACK OF TOYS R US, YOUR DAD WAS TRYING TO FLIP PATRICK THE STAR'S BELLY BUTTON LINT ON THE DARK WEB TO PAY OFF YOUR HOUSE'S MORTGAGE, YOUR MOTHER BOUGHT YOU A PS5 FOR SUCCESSFULLY DRAWING A TRIANGLE, YOUR GRANDPA'S BUILT LIKE AN EXPIRED CHUG JUG AND YOUR LEGAL NAME IS FANG CLAW FUZZLE WUZZLES! GET YO ASS ON BOY IM NOT DONE WITH YOU BRUH, IM NOT DONE WITH YOU BRUH YOU BETTER GET YO HIPPOPOTAMUS SMELLING, COCOMELON, REGISTERED INTERNET FELON, NASTY AND NEED A CLEANSE, FOSTER HOME FOR IMAGINARY FRIENDS, "EXCUSE ME, I ONLY DATE 10S" LOOKIN ASS OUT OF MY FACE BRUH STOP PLAYIN BRUH. ANTS BE USING YOUR GRANDMA'S BUTTCRACK AS A SLIP N SLIDE! IN FACT, YOU FINNA PULL UP TO YO GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL DRESSED UP AS A RABID ORANGUTAN! YO FURRY ASS BOY YOU GONNA "OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH! IM SORRY GRANDMA *inhale* OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH! STOP PLAYING WITH ME BRUH, YOU BOUT NASTY AS HELL BRUH, YOU BE HITTING ON THE GIRLS AT LUNCH TIME WITH YO SACRED MATING CALL, YOU BE STANDING ON THE TABLE GOING "WAAHH! WAAHH! WAAHH!" STOP PLAYING BOY YOU BOUT NASTY AS HELL BRUH. BOY YOU BETTER GET YO PTERODACTYL, GOOD AT SCRABBLE, SHRIVELED APPLE, ATTRACTED TO BEEF CATTLE, CONCEIVED ON A HORSE SADDLE, YOU DON'T RUN YOU SKEDADDLE, PASTOR DID QUESTIONABLE THINGS TO YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A CHURCH CHAPEL LOOKIN ASS BACK BOY YOU BOUTR DIRTY AS HELL! BETTER GET YO "ALL OF YOU HOES~ ALL OF YOU HOES~ YOU DONT REMEMBER WHO YALL TALKIN TO ITS THE DISCORD CEO!" LOOKIN ASS BACK OUT OF MY FACE, BOY YOU BOUT DIRTY AS HELL! GET YO LIL DIGGITY DIGGITY ASS ON BOYYYY!Alright now lemme get back in ya head. You look like a discombobulated philosophical butt-flake disabled Crip-walking crawfish half-eaten autistic autobot doin’ the cha-cha slide with seventeen naked mole rats in your basement, your grandmother got raped by a crouton with a Gucci belt in northern Idaho boy. Shut your dirty ass up boy, I swear to God I’m really gonna get to the slackin' and rackin' and dickita-dackin and flippin' and rippin' and dippin' and slippin' and pippin and dippin' and rippin' and tippin' in ya fat ass, your name is DJ Trunks, more like DJ Skunks cause you smell like poop, you ugly ass bitch, you are dirty like shit. I caught you at picture day dressed up like a clown with no hair, said [singing some song that I don’t know mockingly], started singing Japanese songs to your girlfriend saying “Oaku, amanatai, amanakinasai-ya”. And then she bitch slapped you with a frying pan and licked your testicles and said “anuminum OKRRRR”. DUMBASS BOY, run that shit back.

Listen to me right now, Trunks. Tell me why you and your family did a GTA 5 heist on the T grizzly’s diamond-fuckin’-encrusted testicle, my boy, you look like a double-dipped, chocolate chip, cleft-lip, charcoal slim jim with a gargamel nose, a Mr. Crocker hunch back, no fuckin’ feet, nine-arm, seven-stomachs, two ball fades, your stepdad beat you with a whiffle ball bat. You’re curled up into a ball like an autistic bakugan. You live in a sophisticated mud hut, your washing machine is a bucket of water that you shake, and you brush your teeth with your grandpa’s back scratcher and you floss your teeth with zipline cables. I caught you jerking off in a porta potty with a Thanos gauntlet on while your grandmother got **simultaneously** buttfucked by a clan of chimpanzees dressed up as The Wiggles while she was snorting cott- fucking, Keemstar’s cotton candy Gfuel off of the back of a dirty toilet seat my boy, you are really ugly like shit. You are a walking glitch, “dJ tRuNkS”. Every time your Dad asks you a question at dinner, you say “okay, DRRRRRRRR”, and start fuckin’ lagging, you fuckin ugly ass boy, you breathe like shit boy, ugly ass boy. And I caught you giving a reverse cow rimjob to your tickle-me Elmo doll, and that bitch was like “Elmo! AUListen, listen, tell me why your math teacher made a diss track on you, he said “Yuh! DJ Trunks’ mom smellin’ like a skunk! I slipped the D-D-D-D-D, J, in his mama’s trunks!” Dumb ass boy! Now I’m really gonna get to the rippin, dippin, slippin and flippin. You look like a level 37 fucking Garchomp with an extendo-clip overbite. Your grandmother’s casket is a cheesesteak wrapper, and your grandfather got cremated in an easy-bake oven. NYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM. You are weird like shit, boy, now I’m really gonna get back in ya head. You live in a fuckin ostentatious orange, and your grandfather looks like a fuckin, uh, butt flake with Alzheimer’s that can’t remember his butt flake children. You are weird like shit, boy, run that shit back.

HH”, DUMBASS BOY run that shit back. Say something.SHUT YO FUCKING ASS UP BRO GOT A VELOCIRAPTOR FOR FREE BECAUSE YO MAMA IS SO NASTY THAT SHE BOUGHT A FUCKING COMMERCIAL TO LISTEN TO IT FOR 10 YEARS. *inhales* SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO YO MOM AND DAD WERE SO DUMB THAT THEY FALL INTO A SUGAR PICK ME BRO AINT YO REFLECTION WENT OFF BECAUSE YOU GOT DIARRHEA FOR 10 MONTHS *Ohio sounds* SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO YO MAMA WAS SO FAT THAT SHE USED A DISHWASHER INSTEAD OF A MOTHERFUCKING CRINGE TOILET TO WASH THEIR NASTY BOOGER ROCKETING NOSE *dishwasher sounds* SHUT YO MOTHERFUCKING UGLY ASS UP BRO YO MAMA WAS SO CRINGE THST SHE WENT TO OHIO BUT IT WAS 3 AM AND GOT A SWIRLY BY A STEGOSAURUS AND THEN GOT YEETED TO AMERICAN'S WHO DIED IN 1987 *inhales again* SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BOY YO MAMA WAS SO OVERPOWERED AND CRINGIEST THAT SHE WENT INTO HERSELF AND THEN EDITED HER BRAIN FOR FUN BECAUSE WANTED TO BE DUMB FOR 19 HOURS BECAUSE OF THERMATOLOGISTS*inhales one more time* SHUT YO BUNKO ASS UP BRO YO BROTHER GOT YEETED INTO A MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE CRINGE OHIO LIKE GOOFY AHHH SKIBIDI TOILET ASS YO BOIIIIIII BRRRRRR SHUT YO UGLY ASS BRO UP UP UP DOWN DOWN DOWN FNF OHIO CRINGE HOOVER LIKE A BOOGER BRO WTF, WTFFFFF SHUT YO UGLY ASS IP BRO GOT YO MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE CRINGE WATAKA LIKE AAAAAA SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO GOT A MINECRAFT DIRT BLOCK FROM OHIO SO YOU CAN MAKE A DIRT BLOCK FROM REAL LIFE BUT YO FRIEND SAID. FRIEND: IS THAT ALL'VE YOU GOT BROTHA? SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO YO MAMA WAS A MAALIIIIIICOOOUSSSSSSSS BABY THAT SHE WENT CRAZY LIKE MOM: mamaaa I'm hungryyy gimme some milkkkk SHUT YO UGLY ASS BRO BRO DEADASS, DEADASS I WANT TK LOOK AT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE RIGHT NOW, TELL ME WHATS WRONG?! SPEAK, SPEAK, ALRIGHT NOW BRO THIS IS GETTING SERIOUS BRO SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO GOT INTO THE MOVIE OF BITE OF 83 BECAUSE WANTED TO HOLD YOUR BALLS AND YEET EVAN WHO DIED IN BITE OF 83 bro shut up BOIIIIIIIII OMG YOUR A DIARRHEA POOP GRIMACE SHAKE LIKE BROOOO WTFFF SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO GOT YO MINECRSFT RADIATING RAGE QUIT AS HELL BRO YO MAMA AND DAD AND YO BROTHER SND YO WHOLE FAMILY JUST GOT DIARRHEA BECAUSE YOU PUT FAKE NUTELLA ON THEIR TOILET LIKE MOM: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO SON?! DAD: WE KNOW YOU DID THIS TO OUR TOILET BUCKO. SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO YO GRANDMA DIED IN A 198 OLD CHAIR BECAUSE WAS TOO HEAVY LIKE AAAAA SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO GOT FAKE HACKS IN SLAP BATTLES IN ROBLOX JUST TO GET BEATDOWN GLOVE LIKE WUD DA HEIIIIIIIII OHHH MA GOD NOWAYYYIEHHHHHHH SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO YO MAMA HAD A DIAPER ON HER HEAD BECAUSE YO MAMA WANTED TO BE A CHEF FOR 10 YEARS MOM: I NEED A DIAPER ON MY HEAD BECAUSE I NEEDED TO BE A CHEF. SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO GOT A SHIT AROUND YOUR UKULELE BECAUSE OF BACTERIA AND MUCUS FROM THE THERMATOLOGISTS *Ohio sounds* SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO YO MINECRAFT DID NOT LOAD BECAUSE YOU GOT MCDONALDS WIFI FOR OVER A YEAR. WORKER: HELLO WHAT CAN I HELP YOU SIR. CUSTOMER: CAN I GET MCDONALDS WIFI?! WORKER: UMM SIR WE DO NOT HAVE WIFI but we got you a new McDonald wifi which costs 100 dollars. SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP LIKE OMGG OMGGGGG SHUT YO FUCKING ASS UP BRO GOT NO COTTON PICKER BRO TRYING TO DING DONG DITCH YOUR FRIENDS AT 3AM BUT GOT A SWIRLY WITH THE GHOST AND THE GHOST KISSED YOUR BUTT BECAUSE SHE/HE WAS A FAN GIRL. BRRRRR SKIBIDI DOP DOP DOP DOP DOP DOP YES YES YES YES YES YES SKIBDIDHWIDNWJJDNWJDIWMNDIWJNE YES YES YES YES YES, SHUT YO UGLY ASS JP BRO CHILL CHILL DEADASS SHIT. BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRO GOT A BRAND NEW IPHONE 15 BUT YOU THOUGHT ITS AN ACTUAL PHONE BECAUSE IT WAS A LEGENDARY BEN 10 TOY WITH SHIT AROUND IT, BRRRRRRRR SHUT YO UGLY ASS SHIT UP BRO YO MAMA BUYED YOU A NINETEEN YEAR OLD GRANDPA TO JUST YEET HER TO THE MOON AND GRT NO CLIPPED IN THE BACKROOMS BOI.

[juicy-baldi]

my reaction: OY YOU WANNA GET LOUD IN THIS BITCH?! SHUT UP BOY, YOU LOOK LIKE A VELOCIRAPTOR IN A CLOGGED TOILET BOWL. BRUH, YOU LIKE AN OFF BRAND BEN 10 CHARACTER NAH, YOU AIN'T BEN 10 YOU STEVEN 9! GET YO ASS BACK BOY! YOU LOOK LIKE YOU GOT EXPELLED FOR BARKING AT YO LUNCH LADY, SHUT YO ASS UP BOY! YOU AIN'T FROM THE JURASSIC PARK, YOU CAME FROM THE PREHISTORIC PLAYGROUND! GET YO ASS OUT BOY, YOU LIKE CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG'D FOSSIL! BOY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WITH YO NASTY ASS?! BOY, YOU BETTER GET YO AUTUMN WAS AN AVERAGE KID THAT NOONE UNDERSTANDS WOAH!!! MOM AND DAD AND GRANDPA ALWAYS GIVING HIM COMMANDS LOOKIN ASS BOY! BRUH, YOUR BALLS DROPPED AND THEN CLIMBED BACK UP BOY! STOP PLAYING WITH ME BOY YOU SEXUALLY IDENTIFY AS AN UNSOLVED RUBIK'S CUBE, YOU MADE AN NFT OUT OF YOUR GRANDMA TWERKING ON A PICKLE, YOU TRIED TURNING YOUR DISHWASHER *inhale* INTO A BITCOIN MINING RIG, YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A LITTLE MOUSE WHO LIVES UNDER YOUR BED IN A PRINGLES CAN, YOUR MOM USES A JUMP ROPE AS A BELT, YOUR GRANDPA GOT AN EMERGENCY HEART TRANSPLANT WITH A CAPRISUN POUCH, YOUR BARBER LINED YOU UP WITH A WEEDWACKER, YOU HAD ESEX WITH MOBY FROM BRAIN POP IN AN ENCRYPED HTML FILE, UNCLE GOT ARRESTED FOR EATING A BLUEBERRY OUT OF A ORANGUTAN'S ASSHOLE, YOUR SISTER'S CURRENTLY ENGAGED TO A ANTHROMORPHIC DUNG BEETLE NAMED "STEFAN", GRANDPA GOT HELD UP BY A PIGEON WTIH A MOHAWK ON THE SUBWAY, YOU POSTED A INSTAGRAM STORY OF A JAMAICAN CRICKET GIVING YOU A LAP DANCE IN THE BACK OF TOYS R US, YOUR DAD WAS TRYING TO FLIP PATRICK THE STAR'S BELLY BUTTON LINT ON THE DARK WEB TO PAY OFF YOUR HOUSE'S MORTGAGE, YOUR MOTHER BOUGHT YOU A PS5 FOR SUCCESSFULLY DRAWING A TRIANGLE, YOUR GRANDPA'S BUILT LIKE AN EXPIRED CHUG JUG AND YOUR LEGAL NAME IS FANG CLAW FUZZLE WUZZLES! GET YO ASS ON BOY IM NOT DONE WITH YOU BRUH, IM NOT DONE WITH YOU BRUH YOU BETTER GET YO HIPPOPOTAMUS SMELLING, COCOMELON, REGISTERED INTERNET FELON, NASTY AND NEED A CLEANSE, FOSTER HOME FOR IMAGINARY FRIENDS, "EXCUSE ME, I ONLY DATE 10S" LOOKIN ASS OUT OF MY FACE BRUH STOP PLAYIN BRUH. ANTS BE USING YOUR GRANDMA'S BUTTCRACK AS A SLIP N SLIDE! IN FACT, YOU FINNA PULL UP TO YO GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL DRESSED UP AS A RABID ORANGUTAN! YO FURRY ASS BOY YOU GONNA "OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH! IM SORRY GRANDMA *inhale* OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH! STOP PLAYING WITH ME BRUH, YOU BOUT NASTY AS HELL BRUH, YOU BE HITTING ON THE GIRLS AT LUNCH TIME WITH YO SACRED MATING CALL, YOU BE STANDING ON THE TABLE GOING "WAAHH! WAAHH! WAAHH!" STOP PLAYING BOY YOU BOUT NASTY AS HELL BRUH. BOY YOU BETTER GET YO PTERODACTYL, GOOD AT SCRABBLE, SHRIVELED APPLE, ATTRACTED TO BEEF CATTLE, CONCEIVED ON A HORSE SADDLE, YOU DON'T RUN YOU SKEDADDLE, PASTOR DID QUESTIONABLE THINGS TO YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A CHURCH CHAPEL LOOKIN ASS BACK BOY YOU BOUTR DIRTY AS HELL! BETTER GET YO "ALL OF YOU HOES~ ALL OF YOU HOES~ YOU DONT REMEMBER WHO YALL TALKIN TO ITS THE DISCORD CEO!" LOOKIN ASS BACK OUT OF MY FACE, BOY YOU BOUT DIRTY AS HELL! GET YO LIL DIGGITY DIGGITY ASS ON BOYYYY!

[thesinglesjukebox]

AMAARAE - "CO-STAR"

Rachel Saywitz welcomes us to Co-Star Blurber dot net: it’s dot com!

[7.07]

Rachel Saywitz: "Co-Star" is for bad bitches, for cunty bitches, for lovely bitches, for me, I'm the bitch that will always be right out of Amaarae's periphery of paramours, because according to her, "Aries bitches bad / But damn, I'll pass please." It's hard to think you're a bad bitch on bad days, but "Co-Star" makes it easy -- the music sounds like it's a clear spring on a heavenly day, and Amaarae sounds like a goddess: she flutters, and teases, and sighs, and god, if I don't want to live in her delicate gasps and sharp tongue; she sings the chorus like she's distributing hot flashes on your skin. This is pop at its peak -- irreverent and sexy, perfect for dancing, fucking, for jumping alone in your room, for bobbing your head on the subway to get out all the nervous energy that comes after hanging out with a crush, for crying silently on the same subway after a bad day because you need to be reminded that you're a bad bitch. And I think the beauty of "Co-Star" is related to the latter, in its total acceptance of every sun and moon and star that you are -- no matter how much Amaarae teases, her motives are clear: she'll still have every part of you. [10]

William John: Maybe astrology is corny; maybe cramming a reference to each astrological sign into a three minute pop song as though it's an assignment for a creative writing class is cornier; maybe I'm ultimately far too entranced by the harp flutters and the pummelling, breathless chorus to care about corniness. [9]

Brad Shoup: Like "New Rules," but if it was only a hit on Twitter. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: This many astrological yuks and not a single Uranus joke. [3]

Hannah Jocelyn: "Mambo No. 5" with astrological signs instead of girls. Add two points for the Nina Sky reference, and one more for that kick drum, which lends the barrage of puns some actual weight and urgency. [7]

Michael Hong: Have you ever used Co-Star? The app is in no way just about horoscopes and prediction, but for the non-religious, it's a tool for connection. Astrological sign, like MBTI, isn't so much about understanding, but the invitation to understand -- "what's your sign?" is a shallow conversation starter in the same vein of "what school did you graduate from?" or "do you prefer cats or dogs?" When Amaraae runs through the signs here, it's like a roulette for her next interest -- the characteristics are unimportant, it's the connection that she's chasing after. "Co-Star" is passionate and heated the way any relationship built on astrological compatibility is. It's short and sounds like she's constantly chasing after immediate pleasure. Covered in sweat under the beat, the only thing left to say is, "I'm a Virgo, what's your sign?" [8]

Nortey Dowuona: Learning Cadenza was involved in this was excellent. He's produced "3210" by Jeshi, "Vibes" by Allan Kingdom, "Wet Vagina" by Doja Cat and "Where Did I Go" by Jorja Smith, which put her on the map -- at least for me. amaarae needed no such assist, she was already a star once she enlisted him, alongside KYU Steed and KZ the Producer to complete this song. All the above songs have loping, pulsing drum programming that feels hand played and slow despite the bpm, and Co-Star breaks from that to be a faster more driven song, slipping through 3 drum patterns -- afrobeat, tropical house and of course, amapiano log drums. (there's also an elongated bass line which is actually a trademark of his work.) And in a nice twist, the song is allowed to slowly close its curtains with the drums still twirling, the silky synth line settling onto the ground, closing with a stop -- but not a final one. [10]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: This year, when it was finally my turn to select the book for my queer book club, I picked Larry Mitchell's "The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions," a fantastical fable about faggots, faggatinas, dykelets, faeries, women, and others making their way through the treacherous world of men. "Co-Star," with all of its cosmic revelations, seems like it'd naturally be the soundtrack for that fictional universe: abundant with its astrology, bumping with its beat, and generous with its humor. [7]

Micha Cavaseno: Post-afrobeats gone neuro-funk that loves to dissolve into the ether in a delightful fizz, but somehow manages to keep a weird bottom to it that feels constantly disintegrating yet still too rigid at the same time. It's a hallucinatory tantalization for 3 or 4 different ideas to land, and nothing is ever coming close. A great little trick, but unsure if it's the best thing to do for a song. [5]

Ian Mathers: Look, this is absolutely a bop but it is very funny to be going "baby, just tell me" right after you've just run through all of the signs and why they are mostly horrendous. There is just no way that is going to end well! [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: This is so damn frothy that I can't help but enjoy it -- it's not my favorite song off of Fountain Baby but I can't help but admire the way that she stacks her astrological puns, stringing them together like fighting game combos. Weirdly, though, I like the bits of "Co-star" where Amaarae gets away from her conceit better -- by the end, when she comes up for air, you almost want her to plunge back in again. [7]

Taylor Alatorre: I don't care for astrology, which is why I love this. I love that its conceit-based songwriting invites me to not take the subject matter too seriously, even as Amaarae herself clearly knows it well enough to write about it with such ease and finesse. By keeping things light and brisk and "air"-y at all times, she frees me from the burden of having to particularly care about the difference between a sun and a moon sign, allowing me to experience the lyrics as simply a fun little game of word association. The utter commitment to the bit, coupled with the level of confidence that it both requires and exposes, wears down any pre-existing resistance to being taken in by a gimmick, instead making me feel I've been granted entrance to a club I shouldn't be in. This is just nerdcore hip hop for women, and it pwns. [8]

Will Adams: Amaarae, on Libras: "Them Libra bitches horrible." Beyoncé, on Libras: "Fun like a Libra, he stays on my mind." I am being completely objective and unbiased in saying that I do not care too much for this "Co-Star" song! [5]

Dorian Sinclair: I experience some brief disappointment every time I hear "Co-Star" start up, because I am a sucker for interesting harp music and that conceit gets dropped almost immediately. I can't stay mad though, because I'm too busy being charmed by how hard Amaarae commits to her lyrical conceit. Basically every line in this song relates back to the core "astrology" theme, and that kind of adherence to message is something I can't help but respect, even if the song were not a bop (but it's a bop). Is that Sagittarius of me? I have no goddamn clue. But Amaarae would know! [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: It's weird to have watched Davido spend the past decade constantly finding ways to stretch his brand of Afrobeats, and to now find his music extremely traditional (tone: neutral) alongside the continued ascendance of Amaarae, Cruel Santino, and Odunsi (The Engine). The problem, though, is that alté's hit rate has never been so high: the songs are largely intriguing in their fashionable Afrofusion, but they rarely have the hooks to anchor the ideas. "Co-Star" showcases this well, as it walks a terribly thin line between featherlight and vaporous nothing. Amaarae's voice is too wispy for the synth to be pogoing so carefree; we already have harps and hi-hats -- why not something deeper to round out the song? Still, her delivery is just prickly and playful enough to transcend pure vibes. There's also something profound about hearing her sing about rising water levels as the synth pads embody that exact scenario. She comes out the other end of it with the same beatific tone, like she's dancing in the rain. That she longs for an air is perfect. After all, a water can help one trust their heart, right? [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[smallerplaces]

It's Britney, Bitch: Kitchen BEFORE

My 7" Britney Spears doll lives in a gray mansard house built from the Petite Dreams Deluxe kit, a house that looks almost exactly like a Real Good Toys "Alison Jr.," only in reverse. I built the house with my parents as a family project over Labor Day 2017, so it was Mom's choice that the floors are painted brown and the walls off-white. She furnished it in very serious Old West.

When I moved into the family home a couple years after her death, I decided this was the only 1:12 house I was going to keep, since it had meaning to me, it's mostly flat and up so it takes a reasonable amount of space, and it goes with my gray bedroom walls. I refurnished it primarily with my own 1:12 furniture (previously in an IKEA Flisat that I didn't bother moving), plus pieces from Mom's collection that I particularly liked or found especially useful.

I'm now giving myself permission to really work on it.

The overall concept is that the house is the "big fancy house" in one of those little towns in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains, in the present day. It's been divided into a main house (four rooms) and an income apartment (two rooms). It's to have been redone to capture or retain historic character while being modernized.

Let's take out the furniture and see what we have.

I'm 90% sure that the stainless steel kitchen set is from Hobby Lobby. While Mom boycotted everything in sight for the most random reasons, she never boycotted Hobby Lobby even though its management promotes appalling bigotry that she was supposedly opposed to. I'm chalking that up to the power of location: it's on the main drag of our city, near stores she shopped regularly. The other big craft stores are or were: (a) out near the highway in a difficult-to-get-to plaza; (b) way out past the highway; or (c) in the next town over. I've been tempted, just because it's so much closer than Michaels, but then I remind myself that its leadership would cheerfully have me killed, and there are limits.

Nonetheless, I'm keeping it, because it wasn't my purchase decision. I'm not tracking down the provenance of every innocent-looking item I've inherited, so there are probably items that are way more ethically gray. Also, I still wince when I recall my efforts to create a stainless steel kitchen using a cheap set from AC Moore.

The table set is a must-have because it was my find at an antique store in Sedona, Arizona, when I took the old AZ Shuttle there to get away from the Phoenix heat one summer. On the way up, I'd been talking with the shuttle driver about her dollhouses, and she talked me into the idea of making a quaint little cabin in a Greenleaf Corona Concepts "Primrose." So of course it was Meant to Be when I found this table set!

I never did order a Primrose kit, but this dining set is important and must be included.

Most of these items are things I bought at the Phoenix Park 'n' Swap or at the little J Chew Mexican Import shop in Scottsdale, or that Mom bought when I took her to those places. So they stay, and get some friends added out of my stash.

So the one thing that isn't making the cut is the paper rug that looks like a quilt. This room still needs a lot of work.

Flooring: I want something that says "Victorian California" but also says "washable."

Is this an occasion for subway tile?

Tin ceiling. Seriously. A must-have.

Shelving: means I can display more accessories.

Art: where the accessories don't fit.

Did I mention accessories?

It is time to get cracking on research.

[missy-musings]

Okay but we gotta be a little nice to her, she's a senior citizen after all! She's doing her best 🥺 The Tremont Street subway was the first subway ever built in North America in 1897 and that bitch is STILL running! Poggers! 🚉

Fun Fact: It gets you downtown, and is accessible both in terms of disability access andlocation are the bare fucking minimums that you should be able to expect from a transit system. If it doesn't at minimum meet those 3 things, it is not a good transit system.

[magical-awesome-kid]

To continue my dumb ideas about our lovely but idiotic subway boss twins, Ingo and Emmet: In the modern era, they were best known in the population not for their Pokémon skills or roles as the heads of transportation in Nimbasa, but as social media stars.

It started with Elesa showing them videos on Youtube or the Pokémon equivalent which are basic train videos and what not, and Elesa asks them if they want to make a safety video that's cool, because these basic bitches in Kalos can't do it for shit. Emmet and Ingo, looking at the combination of trains, safety, and their patented brand of chaos, agree.

The video is actually super informative on train safety, but it's also incredibly chaotic. Emmet does most of the voice over because his deadpanned tones just set the mood that it's a normal video, and meanwhile the scene described is pure chaos.

"Make sure to secure your bags to your person while on the move." Emmet, over the top says. It pans to Elesa, who has a ton of bags around her from shopping, but, as the train starts, the bags all fly towards the back. Ingo, who just stepped in the car, is instantly KOed by them.

"Make sure to stay behind the yellow lines on the platform until the train comes to a stop." It shows Emmet standing in front of the line as Ingo is directing traffic. Emmet falls on the tracks due to his Archeops crashing into him, but, just as it seems like the train is going to hit him, it's revealed to be Chandelure pretending to be an engine on the tracks.

They even do videos specific to battle train safety. "Please make sure that you are on a certified Battle Boss Subway locomotive when visiting Nimbasa! Only those are certified for Pokémon battles." It then pans to Ingo and Emmet facing off against Nate and Rosa. One of them uses a Cryoganal, which proceeds to use Ice Beam, and, from the outside, we see the entire car freeze. The video then rewinds to before the battle, and Ingo points to a sign on the car that says 'not for battle,' so they move to a car that says 'battle car.' Ice Beam is used again, but this time the car has a protective area for trainers and built-in fail safes keep the car in one piece and moving along.

Emmet also occasionally curses out terrible passengers, and SOMEONE doesn't properly edit them out (*ehem*Elesa*ehem*).

Eventually they branch out into random videos. Using Snapchat apps that guess who's your celebrity look alike (and somehow the twins end up with different people and they're like "we're twins???") or videos that Elesa snuck like when it's the Pokémon bath day, and, while some pokemon are gentle and easy... they have a lot of Pokémon that would disagree with water.

(And when Ingo goes missing, Emmet reaches out over social media. Turns out, the internet is the best detectives, because someone finds a picture of what looks like Ingo in a museum and is like "what the fuck??? When did this get here???" and THAT leads to time travel. The international police took a year to find nothing, but one call to the internet and about three weeks, and Emmet was sent a ton of historical records that just... appeared? And he realizes that he's going to need to hunt down a legendary to fix this).

(In the past, Akari is staring SO HARD at Ingo because oh hell this is the social media train influencer and how the hell is she supposed to explain that she knows who he is but only from that one video where he got bodied by a Mincino while discussing trains - he doesn't even know what a phone is!)

[thestalkerbunny]

TSB Plays: Legends Arceus Part 16

I...Hey.

HEY WAIT A DAMN MINUTE.

I KNOW YOU.

NO WAIT HOLD ON HOLD A FUCKING MO’.

IS THAT.

IS THAT CHOOCHOO GUY? FROM UNOVA?

HE WAS LIKE A SUBWAY BOSS.

THERE’S SUPPOSED TO BE TWO OF THEM, WHERE’S THE OTHER ONE?

I don’t quite understand the beef going on with me being from another world when YOU ALREADY HAD A DUDE FROM THE FUTURE? has he told you about Subways yet? Cause he was in charge of a SUBWAY FIGHT CLUB.

Oh. What’s....I’m frightened. What is going on down there? I’m trying to talk about the Choochoo man.

Oh.

Oh My

I can tell you’re going to be a LOT of fun. You remind me of Avery. But I like Avery better..

Melli doesn’t care about your rules. Melli is fucking tall as fuck did you see the ENTRANCE they made?

Oh shit, tfw management is changing shit up without your permission, I know that mood.

I mean. Fair. Then again I don’t get to REJECT THIS OFFER. ANY TIME IT’S GIVEN TO ME.

Whiney.

OKAY. IM SENSING THE AVERY ENERGY ALREADY. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. HAVE YOU SEEN MY GUNS? IM BUILT LIKE BLAM!

Yeah I’m MUSCLEY.

Oh Melli, you’re that bitch who tells the teacher we have HOMEWORK when she forgot to take it up, YOU’RE MAKING US RUN THE MILE???? CHRIST.

I DONT WANT TO GET PINNED BY AN OLD MAN WHO LOOKS LIKE A YOUNGER VERSION OF THIS GRUMPY GUY I KNOW.

YEA. IM PRETTY SOLID. LISTEN TO ADAMAN.

[phoenixyfriend]

Thoughts on “Auntie Soka and Little Leia” now that I’ve actually got it posted:

Call it a director’s cut! The process of actually writing the thing, and also jokes made along the way. Link to the actual fic.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy for image descriptions, even the text screenshots. Might come back that later. Most of this was DMs with @atagotiak​.

This was an entire thing before I even started writing:

Before I decided on ages and stuff Ahsoka, to Jango, who has had zero contact with Kaminoans: Okay I know I'm a Jedi kid so you hate me but this toddler is your clone from the future. Jango, tired: What the FUCK are you talking about. Rex, barely able to talk: Don't you dare leave me with him, Commander! Ahsoka: I'm not going to leave you I just--I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired I haven't slept in five days and someone tried to kidnap Leia two days ago I am so fucking tired I need help

Ben: [twenty years of depression followed by a 'now I'm safe' breakdown over the course of weeks] Sokari: [whatever the FUCK this mess is]

When Ahsoka mentions there only being three other Jedi at the time of her death,  I was thinking Kanan, Yoda, and Obi-Wan (Leia told her about the latter two living past her). She's not counting anyone that received training after the Temple fell, and she didn’t know about Cal.

When Leia says  “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”

Depa: I'm no therapist but I diagnose you with "incredibly fucked up." Ahsoka: yeah, that’s fair

"Why did you pick Depa for--" She's pretty and I'm gay. Also because of the Kanan thing But mostly I'm gay "It's not a visual medi--" GAY

Empty of context beyond general post-fic AU: "Hey Sokari, we need to engage in psychological warfare against this individual and--" "I'm going to break into his office and leave a threatening note on his desk and leave no other sign that I was there. He'll see that his security is nothing and the only reason he isn't dead is because I'm too nice to kill him." "...okay, not what we were planning, but that works. Why is that your first choice?" "I really like breaking and entering, it's soothing." Ben just standing there with a bland smile like This Is Normal.

"We need someone to infiltrate a highly guarded facility in hostile territory." "So we're sending the Torrent kids?" [sigh] "We're sending the Torrent kids."

Rex and Sokari insist on both going by "Torrent" even though Rex could be a Fett. Jango really wants him to be a Fett. Rex has too many grudges to agree to being a Fett for... a while.

I really hope it's blatantly obvious that Ahsoka's not a reliable narrator for some things Ahsoka: Fett could care less if I died Jango: jfc even if you are older than me I can see you're fucked up. Drink your hot chocolate. Hells. She's got good reason to expect him to hate her as a Jedi! BUT. THAT IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF REALITY

We don’t get a lot of actual characterization for Jango, but the way I played him out here is he has never really parsed that Jedi are people before all this. It's a lot harder to treat them as a monolith when the traumatized former child soldier is having regular breakdowns in your shitty little kitchen

Fett: I respect you Ahsoka: No, don't do that

Ahsoka’s vigilantism is something that, in my mind, she's associating heavily with Zygerria and then the clones.

I figured that she never bothered to learn Quinlan’s teacher’s name but in the process of looking up some basic facts (whether he had a surname), I found that Wookiepedia was forced to give us a VERY wide range of possible death in Legends.

Please take a moment to imagine Quinlan's FACE when Ahsoka initially dismisses him. Quinlan has put a lot of effort into being rogueishly charming! It's very useful for his line of work! He knows to expect either irritation or a return flirtation when he acts like this with people his own age! Ahsoka is not flustered OR rolling her eyes and insulting him, she's just ignoring him and it's a bit of a blow to the ego

This just makes me really happy:

This was the initial comment I made, as a joke What if Maul is just. There. On one of the planets they make a pitstop at. What if Maul exists as the walking problem he is, but fifteen, and Ahsoka immediately tries to kick his ass and drag him back to Coruscant. I do not have room for this plot but What If

Despite not having room for this plot, I proceeded to write this plot.

Maul is kidnapped and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him HE'S FIFTEEN HE'S DUMB AS SHIT AND HAS A BAD ATTITUDE AND YEAH HE'S A DARKSIDER BUT HE'S FIFTEEN

Ahsoka: I sense... Maul [takes off sprinting] Rex: [immediately takes Jango's blaster and runs after her] Jango: Wait who Tholme: Who Quinlan: Who Jango: [looks at Leia] Leia: I don't know who that is either! Ahsoka, already wrestling a teenager to the ground: Oh no, you're a child, REX STUN HIM AND GRAB THE CUFFS, I'M SURE FETT OR THOLME HAS SOME

Fighting him isn't even legal, they have NO evidence of criminal wrongdoing, so first she needs to yell until he admits to something she can fight him about

Ahsoka: When I see Maul, it's on SIGHT Maul: WHO ARE YOU

Ahsoka: The Force didn't give me hands just to NOT throw them when I run into That Crafty Son Of A Bitch

Ben, when they arrive, after the tearful reunion: You... you brought Maul. Ahsoka: Well, yeah, he's fifteen and kinda dumb. I figured we could drag him here and force him into therapy, see what happens. Ben: I can't quite tell through the gag, but I think he's threatening to feed you your own spleen. Ahsoka: Lol, yeah.

Ben is absolutely on team "get Maul therapy" and will fight the Council on rehabilitating the baby Sith But also it's like. Here's your daughter! And your niece! And your daughter's QPP! Also your best friend, but baby, and his teacher, and the biological origin of a number of people you cared for deeply! AND ALSO THE GUY WHO SPENT LITERAL DECADES CRAVING YOUR DEATH, FOR SOME REASON

I just really want Ahsoka lovingly bullying Maul She gives him noogies and the horns don't protect him because girl has reinforced gloves

Maul's only allowed a low-power training saber and his fights with Sokari involve Much Taunting by her and Eventual Screaming by him, and everyone pops by to see: 1. Sokari doing the most absurd flips, for fun. 2. The bullshit that is ataru-shien reverse-grip jar'kai in the hands of someone who makes it work 3. What a Sith lightsaber form looks like 4. Just the general nonsense that is the way these two fight

Tia said “Wrt ridiculous flips. I'm remembering that time she beheaded four Kryst'ad at once.” and I just Rex brings up the quadruple beheading at one point to get someone to stop asking questions and the awkward, horrified silence almost makes him regret it. And then Sokari just snorts and makes a joke about how Rex once speared a slaver point-blank and everyone's just like hello??? "are you two okay" "no"

Maul absolutely starts crushing on Sokari after a 'sword under chin' moment and she's just very "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you're fifteen, bye" GO MAKE PUPPY EYES AT OBI-WAN OR SOMETHING

The crushes are the worst part of everything, really, she's an attractive young woman that can kick a lot of ass, and a lot of people are into that! Unfortunately, most of those people are a decade younger than she is, mentally, because all the people her actual age look at her and see a child on account of the 17yo body.

It’s almost a good thing she’s in no place mentally for a relationship.

I just want Ahsoka to wear beskar.... I think that would be Nice........

This AU is also what caused this post.

I'm deeply enamored by the idea that Ahsoka can win fights against "older" padawans pretty much unilaterally, even when they team up 2v1 And then she offers to fight 5v1 "But only if I have permission to fight dirty." Ben approves it, a horror show full of "I fought many wars and will scream in your face or kick you in the balls if that's what it takes" follows She wins. There are no permanent injuries, but her reputation certainly gets weirder. Nobody under the rank of Knight agrees to let her fight dirty again. She just lets that stand because, well, she's not actually a padawan, she's thirty-three.

I’m not going to write this but my brain was EVIL and suggested it:

IT WOULD BE REALLY SAD IDK maybe 9yo Anakin has nightmares about what's happening to baby Ahsoka because bullshit about time-traveling force bonds IDK ANYWAY he cries to Sokari about the nightmares and she's like "oh shit" and it's time to go rescue herself from motherfucker unlimited

It's either that or she's like, expecting to welcome mini-me aaaany day now, for like, several months, before she realizes Something Went Wrong. Anakin’s dreams could even start right as she’s starting to realize something’s off.

Obi-Wan has never had a padawan that doesn't at some point bite Even Luke will, when pushed

OH also once the twins get Baby's First Lightsaber (training sabers, not real kyber), Sokari begs to borrow them for a dumb joke and tells Rex to get on her shoulders for a "Grievous Greeting" and they do The Thing

Jango and Ahsoka wrt Quinlan is just “Do I need to beat him up for you” “You realize I’ve beaten up sith lords before?”

JANGO'S TRYING He's just. "Can we be friends? Can I--can I be the guy that just noticeably gets in the way of a creep on the subway so you can be more comfortable without someone making a scene? I'm fucking trying here, give me a hint."

We didn’t actually figure out Jango’s age until this point. The only reason Fett's age matters is for Quinlan making a Wild Oats quip after Jango says he didn't know about Rex until a few weeks ago, and Fett going "How old do you think I am? And how old do you think the kid is?" and Quinlan getting Very Awkward as he does the math. Rex overhears and lets Quinlan sweat for a bit before saying "I'm a genetically-modified clone someone grew in a tube, he didn't know or have reason to know until he saw me with Sokari." Which is like. Eight additional layers of WTF, obviously, but at least Jango gets to avoid awkward wild oats jokes

Like, you’d expect the rebuttal to be ‘he’s my brother just with a biiig age gap’ or ‘he’s my nephew’

I find it very unfortunate for Quinlan that I've decided his defining characteristic in this context is going to be repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth

He’s trying so hard but "That sounds like a cool thing, maybe I'll ask ab--and it's another fucking trauma."

I'm doing Ahsoka&Jango t w i c e (there’s another fic where I’m doing it)

It’s just a fun dynamic! So much resentful respect.

Like she's twenty seconds away from calling him a bitch at any given time and he's just there like "I don't like you but I do see you move like you're about to tell an entire building to get on their knees with their hands in the air and I can respect that" Also she's probably much less judgmental about using blasters than Obi-Wan is The Maul subplot actually started with me daydreaming about Ahsoka grabbing a blaster for Reasons

I like the idea of Jango just deciding the most Useful thing he can do is help teach the Smol how to fight. He's AWKWARD around Rex and Soka because he doesn't know if there's anything he CAN teach them.

I didn’t actually plan for Tholme to figure out the age thing, he just SAID it and I had to sit there like Wait.

Ahsoka, Rex & Leia: ahhh, children Tholme: you say that like you aren’t children

I liked getting to write Rex's little "I have worked with all of them, and they're all Terrible" He loves them But They once got stranded on a planet that didn’t exist and Ahsoka died and Anakin killed a god.

There was research and discussion as to whether Ahsoka could win against Tholme but seeing as she held her own against Vader, and fought Grievous at that physical age without dying, etc.... yeah, the only thing holding her back was her body not being what she was used to, and she’s had a few weeks go adjust.

“I miss being able to just jump off skyscrapers” is such a jedi thing

Jango: I'll take the gun back if he tries to leave, they can't get far before--WHAT THE FUCK He knows Jedi are scary but he’s still not really used to just how over the top ridiculous they are He knows how to deal with Jedi in battle, not Whatever The Fuck These People Are Doing

Rex isn't even a Jedi, he's just so used to working with them. “Oh yes time for free-falling without a parachute again, same shit as always.”

Tia: I’m imagining Jango freaking out and Quinlan and Tholme being like. Concerned but mostly exasperated Clearly if they’re jumping off buildings it must be serious? But jfc they could’ve maybe communicated a bit more?

Leia: I want to finish my juice Tholme: Quin, stay with her while we go figure out what those two are doing. Quinlan: Wait what

Jango: Oh now he’s jumping off a building too??? Tholme: Sokari, you are not registered! You can't legally jump out windows yet! Jango: What the hell is going on? Is this normal?

We don’t necessarily know how often Ahsoka and Maul ran into each other after Mandalore. There was the later thing on Malachor, but other than that I'm just going with the idea that they ran into each other every year or two and just went for the eyes like feral cats

Ahsoka: I need to kick ass and you're coming with me. Rex: Yeah, okay. [several minutes later] Rex: Whose ass are we kicking?

Ahsoka and Rex

Neloms aren’t a SW fruit to the best of my knowledge, I just wanted to mess around with lemons/melons

Jango: you didn’t think any of this through, did you? Rex: you were there, you know we didn’t "When the Jedi says to jump out a window, I jump out a window."

Tholme’s real composed about stalking the ancient nigh-mythical enemy of his people, very “Life is already so goddamn weird”

This fic has been so heavy on the trauma but then I introduce Maul and suddenly it's the worst kind of comedy Nobody is competent, everyone's a little dumb, the bad guy is just grocery shopping

My propensity for banter has turned this into a six-person buddy cop comedy about Maul buying grapes They spend a significant amount to time ineffectually stalking Maul before Quin suggests the sensible option Quinlan just "You remember this is my literal job and specialty right"

Ahsoka sees Maul and all her brain cells go out the window except "Fight good" Usually she doesn’t need to worry about doing things legally. Maybe she needs to worry about someone seeing her do illegal things but she spent the past 15 yrs in a place where her existing was illegal

I feel like he’s also maybe kinda wanting to reassert that yes he is competent. Bc like. Ahsoka’s been kinda condescending this whole time and also can beat everyone up so. It's not his fault that he's actually the youngest person there, but.

Jango is finding this whole being friendly to Jedi thing a lot more overwhelming than he thought it would be. And overwhelming in different ways.

Maul usually signifies things getting worse and more horrifyingly tragic but he's just a dumb teen that they needed to arrest for his own good.

Quinlan: Look, I'm useful! Ahsoka: I've been through hell, wanna hear? Quinlan: NO. I DON'T. WHY.

Quinlan: I understand the concept of joking about your traumas, I do it sometimes myself! But sith hells that’s a lot of trauma.

Quinlan just wanted her to treat him as a Competent Individual, and here she is whipping out stories about Dying and Gods and the Force insists it's the truth and he just???? And apparently emo darksider over there is a Sith. And just, sure. Why not

A lot of people’s interactions with the time travelling disaster lineage is just

Tholme and Fett arguing and  Ahsoka's just waiting for a moment to pop in with "Hey, when's the last time either of you worked with the other's culture before this mess? Yeah, that's what I thought."

Much like Leia and Ahsoka hurting each other earlier, and Tholme figuring out the de-aging, we ALSO have Fett’s confrontation with Ahsoka being something the characters just did, rather than something I planned.

FTR the only time I managed to trigger myself while writing this fic was the “your behavior isn’t actually acceptable and we’ve all been trying really hard to give you room to recover but you have to at least make an effort to not be a bitch”

Writing about people having PTSD and symptoms of such: Yay! Writing about people having PTSD and engaging in toxic behavior to cope: Shit Ahsoka had... basically my exact reaction. It's "remind yourself that you're in the wrong, that they have a point, and then be overly formal in the apology because fuck if you accidentally make them feel sorry for you when they're the injured party"

Quinlan: Can we be friends? I mean, you're an asshole, but you're really cool. Let's be friends. (He MIGHT be nursing a crush) (Neat mysterious girl who can beat him up.)

Also he realises she's probably nicer when not having a slow-motion breakdown He's like "Huh, you'll probably be less of an asshole once you've gotten therapy."

...also, she pretty and got Nice Biceps

I love writing a good mental breakdown

I was so close to including a "he tried to kill me" just early enough for Jango to wildly misinterpret as her thinking Quinlan tried to kill her. He'd have been very confused, considering Quinlan's the one that called them down in a panic and currently has Ahsoka having her massive breakdown in his lap But

Tia:  I could see Jango interpreting it as idk, Quin resembling someone or for a moment acting like someone who tried to kill her and she had a flashback or something like that

There's absolutely room for a couple reasonable interpretations there And "trapped in a flashback about someone who tried to kill her" is absolutely what's happening! Just. You know. For a different reason. Jango probably wouldn’t assume Quin would hurt her, for one thing he seems to like her, for another even if he did he’s smart enough to pick a way that wouldn’t be so likely to get him caught

I had to step back and actually say “Also I'm just. Wow. I'm really just shoveling QPP Rex&Ahsoka at full speed”

Me, a few weeks ago, joking: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist Me, now, entirely seriously: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist

Me, belatedly: Oh, Ahsoka being joyfully mean to people was a form of mania she was unconsciously using to build a barrier between herself and her impending meltdown

She went from "just died" to "in charge of Rex and Leia" in like. Two minutes.

Confession: I've been delighting in the mental image of this whole Mess leading Jango to try to retake Mandalore, and Ahsoka loans him a saber for a 1v1 to get the darksaber.

“Can’t I just fight him barehanded? That’s how I did it on Galidraan.” "But the drama, Fett!"

Probably Rex has learned how to use a saber as well, because you never know when you have to borrow a weapon

I later changed my mind to Jango asking her to help, rather than her just sneak-teaching him, but it was funny.

Background nonsense to all this is Ahsoka and Rex, despite Rex being as force-sensitive as a lump of coal, having developed a process where she can extend her sensitivity to him mind-to-mind for weird symbiotic battle trance that scares everyone around them. It’s very similar to Battle meditation.

CONTEXT FOR LEIA BEING WORRIED ABOUT THOLME HIDING THINGS: Tholme is hiding the fact that the Council reached out and told him that the people he picked up might be connected to Ben and Luke, who showed up after the Depa thing but a solid week and change before Jango's ship makes it to the Temple. They asked that he not share that information to avoid getting anyone's hopes up in case the two situations aren't related. Ben and Luke haven't shared enough information for anyone to really be sure if the other three are connected Because the info Tholme has isn't quite the info Jango has, etc. And they can't just say Ben is a future Obi-Wan over comms

I just have a lot of feelings about people trying to do something right and just. Nobody's at fault! Not really! It's just complicated!

Tia: I like how when Ahsoka isn’t doing maladaptive trauma response stuff she’s very mature. And of course she’s had to be but it’s a good like, contrast. Where when she slows down to think about things she’s very sensible

Jango just spends most of this story lowkey wanting Ahsoka to Be His Friend but there's too much baggage that he's only metaphysically responsible for

Local aroace(?) has a squish

Ahsoka: He just wants to get on my good side because of Rex. Jango: I'm pretty sure you could kill an entire army without trying but you wouldn't because you have actual morals and stuff... and when I met you it was because you were killing yourself trying to keep (what appeared to be) children safe... you seem cool please be my friend.......

Ahsoka’s #1 weakness: mountains of trauma Ahsoka’s #2 weakness: she just doesn’t get why so many people think she’s cool and want her to be their (girl)friend

Jango, a 27yo massacre survivor who's killed Jedi masters with his bare hands: [gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly]

Ahsoka was raised in a religious meritocracy but developed all her opinions during a galactic war and then became a vigilante spy, Rex comes from a military cult, Leia is from an inherited monarchy that participates in democracy, Quinlan was originally from what appears to be a dynastic dictatorship, and IDK about Tholme other than that he is also from the religious meritocracy. And in legends Quinlan came to the religious meritocracy after his aunt sacrificed his parents to a vampire cult and then forced him to experience the psychometric echoes of that. There's just. A lot going on.

Leia at least has knowledge about structure and admin in theory that isn't based in either the military or populations under 10k

Jango: I want to be your friend. Ahsoka: Sounds fake.

I am unfairly fond of "Rex destroys a conversation by bringing up his own horrifying childhood and calling it a cult"

"Why does Sokari call you 'Rex'ika'?" "Because she's older than me." "...can I--?" "No."

Nickname privileges are extended ONLY to Ahsoka and older clones. There are no more older clones, so it's just Ahsoka.

Me joking about Star Wars AUs: Would you like a crackship? Me writing actual Star Wars fic: My favorite character type is apparently “too traumatized to have a relationship” so this is at least 90% gen.

I had to pull a scene opening at one point because Ahsoka's skill with not getting shot is actually much less useful than Tholme's clearance levels.

Now I really want a team-up of Ahsoka, Rex, and Jango where they do have to get in a dogfight of the "she flies, we shoot" variety and Fett just has to scream because the speeder thing to catch Maul was one thing, but this....

Ahsoka, before TCW: I know all the traffic rules but I'm not that great at flying! Ahsoka, after TCW: I'm great at flying but if you let me behind the wheel we are absolutely getting arrested.

She went from "knows the rules but doesn't have the skills" to "has the skills but primarily in the form of not getting shot" which! Is delightful! "Bet I can get us through that alley--" "DO NOT"

Jango and Ahsoka are both just very "Is this friendship? Is this camaraderie? My heart's been fried on platonic love by so many murders that I'm not sure anymore." "I've lost a lot of friends. I kind of forgot how to make those."

I have no idea if "hasn't been closer than Alderaan except that one trip to Chandrila" is canon-compliant but ehhhhhhhh It feels plausible enough?

Belatedly realized that I could just explain my optimal Rex&Ahsoka dynamic as just... drift compatible. It's vague enough on the specifics while still digging into the meat of what they mean to each other and how they work together. The terminology is already in existence. I can just use it.

Romantic? Platonic? Familial? Doesn't matter! They're drift compatible.

They are important to each other and that is what matters

I really like the Leia&Quinlan thing. He's just like "This small child needs a friend that isn't super depressed," and decided he's going to be her friend. I keep trying to toss in "Quinlan volunteers to 'baby'sit." She's not much older and she has a Baby Brain, it works out

There's a running bet as to whether Leia will leave the Order the second she turns thirteen, or if she'll let Sokari "train" her for a few years first. And... that’s how I came up with Leia Antilles, Senator of Serenno.

They'll be bullshitting Ben as her new master to "finish out the padawanship" since they can't tell everyone she's really in her thirties and he's conveniently there and already knows everything and was half her master anyway. Like Ben was planning on taking on Luke, but Luke is "six" and even he can't swing that as old enough to be a Padawan, and it's not like Sokari will take more than a handful of years to justify knighthood, sooooooooo

[kaylans-imagines]

0. i hate her

pairing: peter b. parker x fem! reader

synopsis: in which y/n hates everything about peter parker, especially the way she can’t really hate him

↳ loosely based on the movie with the same title

warnings: cursing, fluff, a generous amount of angst, peter's an asshole, y/n's an asshole, familial death, incarceration. i don't know if there's more.

chapter warnings: cursing, starts off slow, flash.

series masterlist

*gif credits to the rightful owner*

The brisk air of the changing seasons accompanied Peter as he made his way to the school entrance from the train stop. His headphones sat snuggly inside his ears, playing a song that made the usually lonely journey to school less so. Ned didn’t take the same route as he did, so he had no one to talk to or make the trek to school less boring. He didn’t mind it; it gave him time to think and even finish school work. Still, sometimes he wanted someone by his side so he could discuss whatever was on his mind that day or ask questions whenever an assignment didn’t make sense.

The long ride to the school did give him time to people watch. There were times when he would deduce who could be a possible threat. Other times, he would simply look at people and try to figure out their stories without actually talking to them. The old lady who brought her cat onto the subway had severe separation anxiety caused by her estranged son. The man with exhausted eyes who looked like he was on the brink of passing out on his seat had a newborn daughter at home. And Peter was just trying to get to school, along with the other teenager on the subway. He didn’t talk to him, they were on entirely different wavelengths, but there was an understanding between the two of them. Whenever they saw each other, they would nod their heads in greeting. They would always sit one seat away from one another, and if the other was running late, they would wait.

He made his way up the stairs and towards the school, turning up the volume as a way to tune out the sounds of high school that he hated. The cheery rhymes that left the sounds of the cheerleaders to the arguing of students over who was right; he hated them before the bite, and he especially despised them now that he had hypersensitive hearing. Sighing in annoyance, he looked both ways before crossing the street only to rush forward as a car came barreling down the road.

“I swear to god, Y/N!” he heard her sister, Juliette, shriek, “we almost killed him!”

“But we didn’t. If you’re going to complain about my driving, then you can take the bus, Jules,”

“You almost killed someone!” Peter heard her exclaim. He could feel the way Y/N rolled her eyes.

“It’s only Peter,” she stated, making eye contact with him through the rearview as she let students pass, “who cares if he gets slightly scuffled?”

“You have literal issues,” Julie gasped. The car sped down the road, leaving Peter alone with a slightly elevated heart rate and irritation laced in his bones. It was the first day of school, and he nearly got run over. And by his ex-best friend turned enemy at that. He couldn’t wait to complain to Ned.

Their dynamic had changed, and Peter blamed her. They became friends because of Y/N’s grandmother and May in kindergarten. They were two birds of a feather until halfway towards seventh grade when Y/N became snippy and ruined what Peter thought was their perfect friendship. They drifted apart, and he blamed her for it breaking apart. He watched as she became someone he didn’t know anymore and left him behind. He just didn’t think it was fair for her to act self-righteous when she ruined their relationship.

“You okay, Pete?” Ned questioned as he fell into step with Peter, who was fuming with irritation.

“Yeah, just almost got run over by Midtown’s resident ice bitch,” he gritted. Ned nodded in response. He was friends with both Peter and Y/N once upon a time. Still, after everything she had put them through and the abrupt way she ended their friendship, he sided with Peter and subsequently lost a friend. He figured it was for the best. He wasn’t as resentful as Peter was—his friendship with Y/N hadn’t been built in kindergarten—but he still didn’t appreciate her actions.

“Oh,” he nodded in understanding, “are you okay at least?”

“Yeah, but it did sorta ruin my mood,” Peter confessed. He was having a pretty good morning until his reflexes were put to the test. He woke up on the right side of the bed and had time to eat breakfast with May before she went to work. The walk towards the subway station was nice; he said hi to everyone he usually greeted and even got a muffin from the lady with the three-year-old daughter. Then the subway wasn’t as busy as it usually was, so he wasn’t squashed next to the man with the foul body odor and could actually sit down. All of that happiness came crashing down the second he saw her in her car, looking unapologetic for nearly killing him and then dismissing her sister for chastising her.

“Well, get happy, my arachnid friend, because I heard some exciting news,” Ned smiled, poking him on the arm as they walked to their first class.

“What?”

“You’re top of our class, which means you’re a shoo-in for valedictorian,” Ned said excitedly. Peter grinned at that. All of his hard work would finally be noticed and celebrated. He had been working on greeting his class for four years, doing extracurriculars, and taking on extra projects for grade boosts. Sometimes he even stayed after school to help his teachers grade papers or help the librarian sort the books back into their respective spots on the shelves. It would all be worth it in the end after he finally reached the goal he had set for himself his freshman year.

There was a snag in his plans. While he may have been top of his class, that didn’t mean that he couldn’t be pushed from his place. Y/N Y/L/N was the smartest girl at Midtown. She was everything he wasn’t. She was popular—if the excessive amounts of clubs she was part of were any indication. She was social—everyone talked about the interactions they had with Midtown’s princess. She was everywhere, and nothing Peter was. She was the head of the planning committee, and everyone knew that any school party planned by Y/N Y/L/N never disappointed. Peter couldn’t compete. He found peace in knowing that he was slightly better than her at academics.

The two continued walking in silence, content with the atmosphere they had created after finding out that Peter would finally have something go his way for once. He figured it was the least the universe could do for him. He had lost both parents before he could make memories with them, then he lost his best friend, and then he got bitten by a spider that changed his life; for better or for worse, he didn’t know. Being valedictorian wouldn’t take away the hurt the world inflicted on him, but it would make him feel somewhat better.

With a skip in his step, he walked into class with a grin so large, he didn’t think anything could bring him down. Of course, he thought wrong. His English teacher had to make a day he felt he could turn around into one he wished would end faster.

“It’s about time you all had a project—the topic of discussion, poetry. You will be partnered up and tasked with reading and creating your own poems by the end of the month,” she paused, waiting for her class to stop looking at one another and whispering amongst themselves, “I’ve already chosen your partners, so it would do you all some good to stop getting your hopes up and listen.”

With that, the high schoolers shifted in their seats and gave their attention back to their teacher. She was good at pairing up students who were cordial with one another and worked well together. Friendships usually sparked from her partnering, sometimes even relationships. So Peter, and the rest of the class, weren’t as annoyed as they wanted to be. They knew she wouldn’t let them down. Peter waited eagerly as she listed off students who would be working together. He hoped he got paired up with someone who matched his work ethic or someone he got along with.

“Peter Parker, you will be with Y/N Y/L/N,” and just like that, he hated English class and lost all faith in his teacher. He looked across the room to where the said girl was seated. She was writing in her planner—Peter was sure she was planning Ms. Ingrid’s death—but she looked up when her name was called. She turned her head and met Peter’s eyes, unamused and bored. She shook her head and looked at her planner once again. Peter took that as a sign to do the same and focus on anything other than his rising anger.

Peter watched as everyone moved to meet their partners, many of them happily talking to one another. He was stubborn. He decided that if she wasn’t going to make an effort to push aside whatever hatred she had towards him and talk to him for the sake of their grades, he wasn’t going to. He was going to sit in his seat and read a poem from the packet his teacher had handed out. Just because he had a lousy partner didn’t mean his grade had to suffer. He would complete the project by himself if he had to.

“Mister Parker, last I checked, you were to be working with Miss Y/L/N,” Miss Ingrid quipped as she walked to Peter’s desk with a teasing smile.

“Actually, Miss, I was hoping I could talk to you about that?” He asked. He liked Miss Ingrid. She was understanding and compassionate, and she didn’t talk down to her students as if they were children.

“Something wrong, Peter?” she asked, concerned. Peter felt bad. He knew he was petty, and his favorite teacher didn’t need to be pulled down to his level. But he couldn’t bring himself to work with someone who didn’t want to work with him. That usually meant he was left to do the work by himself and watch the other person still get credit. It infuriated him so much he would rather do the project himself from the start.

“Yeah, um, I can’t work with Y/N,” he muttered, smiling at her with an embarrassed smile. Peter admitted it sounded stupid and childish when said aloud, but he had his reasons.

“And, pray tell, Peter, why not?”

“I just don’t think we would work well together,” he confessed. Seeing the look on her face, Peter was quick to defend himself more, “and I just don’t want to do the work for someone else and have them get credit for doing nothing. So, if it’s alright with you, Miss Ingrid, I would like to work on this on my own.” He was practically begging. Hoping she would agree.

“I’m sorry, Peter, but this is a partner project. To lessen the workload,” she sighed, “besides, I don’t think you have anything to worry about with Y/N; she’s very good at doing her share.” She stood up with those final words and tapped the table before standing up and sending him a smile. He sighed, putting his head down and looking at his desk in annoyance. He looked up when a book landed on his desk. Closing his eyes to keep himself from exploding at whoever shattered his tranquility, he was met with eyes he used to find joy looking into. Now, he never wanted to look into them ever again.

“We’re partners. I don’t like it, you don’t like it, but we have to do it otherwise, our grades will plummet, and you can’t afford that if you want to be valedictorian. So, we’re going to push our difference aside for this one project and do it, so we never have to talk to again,” she said curtly.

That left no room for argument, which caused Peter to nod his head in agreement. She was right; he couldn’t afford to lose the one thing he was looking forward to being. Sighing deeply, he motioned for her to sit down and opened the book she threw on his desk. She took a seat beside him and opened another poetry book, focusing on the words written on the paper and trying to plan their poem out. They had to get a good grade; she didn’t want him to blame her for something else.

Despite his annoyance and hatred towards her, he couldn’t help but glance up from the book he was reading. Of course, he had seen her around, it was hard to ignore one of the most known girls in the school, but he had never taken the time to admire her. His anger and betrayal kept him from doing so. She still had the same gleeful look in her eyes and the confident aura around her. Time had done her well. She had lost her kidlike features, and it was evident that she had matured. He would be a liar if he said she wasn’t pretty, and even that didn’t truly justify it.

When the bell signaled the end of class, Peter quickly grabbed his belongings and left the classroom. He didn’t stop to wait for anyone, much less Y/N. Their only interactions would be in the English room, a controlled space where she couldn’t kill him for so much as breathing in her direction. Walking towards his locker, he heard the noises of people as they navigated the busy halls of the school. Stopping at his locker with a sigh, he leaned his head on the cool metal. The day had been long, and he shrill had six other classes to go to.

A tap on his shoulder made him pick up his head. Y/N stood in front of him, bouncing on her feet as she played with her fingers.

“You left before I could ask when you can meet up. The faster we get this done, the faster we can stop being around one another,” she quipped. “I’m free on Friday after school.”

“I’m not. I have the Stark internship,”

She rolled her eyes at his response, “okay and? We need to get this done so we can go back to never speaking to each other. I’m sure Tony Stark will understand that you need to take one day off to do a school project.”

“Not happening. I don’t know if you know this, but you’re not worth losing the internship over,” he jibed. He missed the look of hurt that flashed on her face. She shook her head and scoffed.

“Well, we need to get this done. Either we work on this stupid project on Friday, or we’re both failing,” she reminded before walking away. Peter groaned and banged his head on the now open door. He ignored the looks he got from his locker neighbors and kept his head buried in the empty space. Friday’s were the days he went into the Avenger’s compound and actively worked in the lab with Tony after he finished his Spider-Man duties; the last thing he wanted to do was infect the compound with her hatred and bad vibes.

He didn’t want to invite her, but he had been working on something with Tony for the past two weeks that he needed to finish. He figured he could get some work done while someone gave her a tour around the facility—probably Steve. He was easy to convince—then he would work on the English project with her and beg father time to go faster. She was right; the quicker they finished their work, the faster he could go back to hating her. With another groan, he picked up his head and closed his locker, rushing after Y/N and grabbing her by the wrist when he caught her before she slipped into her next class.

“Friday. We’ll meet after school in the parking lot and go to the Avenger’s facility. You can drive, right?” she nodded and pulled her hand out of his grip, glaring at him.

“Don’t ever grab me like that again,” she sneered, “but fine, whatever. I have to drop Jules off at home first though, is that gonna be a problem, Peter?” He knew she wasn’t asking him.

“No, whatever,” she nodded curtly and walked in, not sparing him a glance. He shook his head and walked away. Anger seeped into his bones, and annoyance clouded his head. The following weeks were going to be torture. He just knew. There was nothing worse than being forced to work with someone the person despised.

“Hey, Penis Parker!” there are worse things, apparently. He breathed out through his nose and turned around, meeting his eyes. He knew if he ignored Flash, he wouldn’t give up. He was relentless, and his voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

“What, Flash?” he ground out. Flash skidded to a stop beside him with a sick smile on his face.

“I heard from a little birdie that you were partnered up with Midtwon’s resident Princess,” he started.

“Yeah, so?” he questioned. He wanted out of the conversation as soon as possible. He didn’t want to talk to his bully about his enemy. That didn’t sound like a fun Tuesday.

“So, you can help me,”

“One, why would I help you with anything?” he questioned, “and two, I’m going to regret asking, but what could I possibly help you with?”

“Because I have something you might like, and you’re going to help me get Jules Y/L/N to go to the Fall Dance with me,” Peter paused in his step and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Okay, so what does that have to do with me being partners with Y/N? Can’t you just ask Jules?”

Flash snorted, “you’re an idiot, Parker. You don’t just ask the Jules Y/L/N out, okay? Everyone knows that Y/N tells her every negative thing about the guys at Midtown to keep her uninterested and that they’re always together.” He stated.

“I’m still not sure where I fall into this or what you could possibly offer me in return,”

“I’m glad you asked,” Peter rolled his eyes but continued listening, “if you can get Y/N to, I don’t know, fall in love with you so she eases off her ‘I hate the men at Midtown’ rhetoric, then I can swoop in and take Jules to the dance without a hitch.”

“And what do I get in return?”

“Two hundred bucks does wonders for the poor, no?” Flash snarked.

“Three hundred, and you’ve got yourself a deal, Eugene,” Peter smirked. Flash blinked in anger but nodded his head anyway, reaching his hand out and shaking it. Flash walked away and left Peter in the empty hallway, rethinking everything he had agreed to. It was cruel and harsh. Sure, Y/N had stopped being his friend and became a bitch towards him, but he would be playing with someone’s feelings. Then again, three hundred dollars could help May with the bills, and it would be retribution for all the shit Y/N had put him through.

He was going to do it, and he wouldn’t allow himself to feel guilty for it. Because it was her, and she deserved to feel some of the pain she had put him through.

next

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[stilldani24]

Yeet’eth v.2

so i was going through my old files and i found a version of Yeet’eth that i didn’t post so here you go! have fun with this version.

word count: 362

pairing: bucky barnes x reader x steve rogers (all platonic)

Unwinding after a mission is what Bucky relished most. He liked to kick up his feet on the conference room table, relax in the seat, and let others do the talking during the debrief. This mission had been tough all around. A Hydra bunker had been found in Ohio, of all places. It was built there because who would have thought Hydra would build a bunker in Ohio. They had always been drama queens. They had grown within S.H.E.I.L.D, after all, and had their base under the birthplace of Captain America. If that wasn’t extra, nothing else was.

Well, except for you. You were the epitome of extra.

If you were a meme, you’d be one of those charts ranking different people as “lawful evil” or “true neutral”. You’d cover the entire damn thing.

“Steve, I don’t understand,” you groaned as you paced the conference room. “I don’t get why we can’t go to Subway.”

“One, you’re covered in blood,” Steve shot back, holding out one finger. “Two, we need to debrief. Three, no one in their right mind likes Subway so no one will take you.”

You scoffed, raising your middle finger to him. You then turned to Bucky, raising an eyebrow and letting out a smirk. He was just kicked back, feet on the conference room table and drinking water from a single use bottle. He looked up at you, his eyes moving to Steve before back to you. He shook his head, putting the lid on the bottle.

“Nope. Not me, sweetheart. I ain’t being seen in a Subway, especially with you. Besides, I’m busy.”

You raised an eyebrow, walking over to him as he closed his eyes. The man opened the bottle again, taking a sip. Just as he was lowering it from his mouth, you grabbed the bottle and threw it across the room. Steve had to duck, and the bottle hit a potted plant. Both tumbled to the ground, the white ceramic pot breaking and soil spilling across the carpet along with the water.

Bucky sighed, dropping his hand to his lap. “I was drinking that.”

“Not anymore, bitch,” you replied, going up to him and pushing his feet off the table. “Get your wallet. It’s five-dollar footlong week and I know you got five dollars.”

“You ain’t got five bucks, doll?”

“Nope!”