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meo-on-prairie · 1 year ago

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Pulmonaria

Gojo Satoru x Reader

Prompt: “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love // The slowest way is never loving them enough”

Words count: 2844

Tags: ANGST, SO MUCH ANGST, fluff if you take out the James Webbs Space telescope, pain train all the way, not a happy ending, mention of blood and death, idiot to lovers a little too late, it’s not happy, highschool au, hanahaki au

Rambling: if you see this fic as “Pulmo flower” this is the revamp of that lmao, I posted it years ago and deactivated my entire account cuz i was insecure about my creativity, but i’m working on that. By re-releasing what I think is my proudest work. Please listen to “High Infidelity - Taylor Swift” and “Heather - Conan Gray” for this fic.

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XX03 Daisy: innocence

He gave me a Daisy when we first met— a wildflower he picked at the entrance of the playground, shoving it in my face as I sat on the swing. Grinning from ear to ear when he asks, “will you be my friend?”. And every birthday from then on, without fail, Daisies would be shoved to my face. Those damn Daisies occupied my lungs, took my breath away.

XX09 Sunflower: unconditional love

We’re inseparable, attached by the hip. It’s easier to count the times where we’re not together. I don’t know when it started, but he became my air, although sometimes it was hard to breathe, it’s hardest to breathe when he isn't near. The pressure in my chest became so great that it often forced out violent coughing fits. They are often violent and painful, sometimes unbearable, they feel like my lungs are trying to force something out that is incapable beyond reach. Until one day, those violent coughs forced me into unconsciousness.

White. The first color that I saw when I opened my eyes. Cold and harsh white of the hospital room. the color white, it’s in everything I hate. White is the color of the hospital room glaring at me mockingly, laughing at the fact that I have a weak body. White is the color of snow signaling the arrival of winter and the freezing uncomfortable cold. White is also the color of his stupid hair, a painful reminder of someone I can never have. I hate the painful white color.

But maybe the color white isn’t so bad if it allows yellow to shine so brightly. The Sunflowers on the table caught my attention from the corner of my eyes, the flowers warmed up the whole room instantly, funny how a speck of yellow can warm up the cold white room. The small note of the familiar handwriting attached to one of the flowers makes the flowers shine even brighter. "Get well soon! :( love and miss you a lot ~ Satoru". Slowly, painfully, I can feel the sunflowers blooming, occupying another space in my lungs, making it harder to breathe, especially without him.

XX11 Cornflower: young love

Legend has it that Cornflowers were worn by young men in love; if his love was returned they would remain bright and fresh, if not they would wither away quickly. He gave me Cornflowers during freshmen orientation. Everything about cornflowers was annoying, the color was too bright and it hurt my eyes. It's a weak flower and dies easily, withering in two days. It reminded me of how similar I am to it, weak and annoying; both wither away when our love is not returned. But at the same time, it gave me hope…

“Why Cornflowers?”

“They just look bright and pretty, something vibrant for a new chapter in our life right?”

“Right… of course.”

Of course, there wouldn’t be any deep meaning to them. Hope is for fools.

XX14 Heather: admiration

November brings around the freezing cold of winter, I have always disliked the cold, it made breathing harder than it already was. When the bell for lunch rang, I quickly packed my bag to go meet up with Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko at the cafeteria.

To my surprise, Satoru wasn’t with them. The three of us went to get food anyway since all the good foods will be all gone if we’re late to the line. Satoru arrived at the cafeteria a few minutes later, with an unfamiliar girl trailing behind him.

“Sorry I was late, I was trying to convince someone to join us” he explained quickly before turning his body sideways, “We got paired together for a project for Physics, she just moved here so be nice to her.”

“Hi, I’m Areum” she spoke softly, her shyness written all over her face. She was absolutely gorgeous, the soft curls of her long hair framed her face perfectly. She has a small figure, the clearly oversized sweater she’s wearing made her look adorable, a sight for sore eyes. Compared to her I’m not even half as pretty.

“Hello Areum, I’m Suguru, I see you’re wearing Satoru’s sweater,” he said with a smirk, clearly enjoying the blush that quickly appeared on both Satoru’s and Areum’s faces.

“S-She looked like she was about to freeze over in that room alright?!” Satoru defended hotly.

“Sure thing buddy” Shoko joined Suguru on the teasing-Satoru-bandwagon before smiling at Areum, “My name is Shoko, by the way!”

I reached my arms out to flick Suguru and Shoko on their forehead, “stop teasing the poor girl!”

“Hi Areum, I’m Y/n, Satoru’s childhood friend, sorry you got stuck with that doofus for a Physics project of all thing” I joked, offering her a gentle smile while ignoring Satoru’s pouty complaints of something along the line of he’s not that bad at Physics.

Areum let out a shy giggle at my comment before sitting down to join our table. The four of us quickly settled into a comfortable atmosphere as we got to know Areum better, asking her the reason for her transfer so late into the school year, among other things.

The entire time, Satoru’s eyes never strayed away from Areum’s face. His smile got wider every time she laughed. His gaze toward her made my stomach somersault and me feeling nauseous. They’re the same gazes I had toward him. It slowly gets harder to breathe as pressure builds up in my throat. I forced the cough that threatened to escape down, I was probably overthinking it anyway.

But that feeling of nausea never went away. It only gets worse as the week comes and goes, especially when almost all of the conversations between me and Satoru had always led to her. I started to see him less and less since he always declined invitations to hang out with: “Sorry, I promised Areum that I would study Physics with her.”

Ever since Areum joined our little group, she got Satoru mesmerized. They’re practically attached by the hip, never one without the other. It was suffocating to see them together all the time. But how could I hate her? She was an absolute angel. Always speaking softly and gently, always kind to everyone around her. Hell, she noticed whenever I started to struggle for air when no one else did. I wish I could hate her even just a little bit, maybe then it wouldn’t be as painful.

XX15 Rose: romance

February 14th, probably the most annoying day of the year. The school ground is littered with pink and red, people carrying flowers, balloons, chocolate, and stuffed animals in different sizes around, blocking up the already crowded hallway.

Some couples walk around, others busy sucking each other face off in a corner, and god knows what some of those freaks are doing in the bathroom stalls. I wish this day would be over already, everything is suffocating. I make my way through the hoard of people professing their undying love to each other in the schoolyard. Finally, I reached my first-period class, reaching my hand out to tug open the door when I heard my name being called. I turned around to see Satoru with one hand waving in the air like a madman and the other carrying a single pink rose.

“Y/n! Hi!” He greeted me after coming to a stop in front of me.

“Good morning to you too, Satoru,” I said with a smile.

He shoved the pink rose he’s holding to my face with the bunny smile gracing his lips, “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

I guess some old habits die hard after all, “Thanks, Satoru” I chuckled lightly as I accepted the flower.

We stood there for what felt like forever until he started, “Y/n, so I----” the bell ring cutting Satoru off.

“Shit, gotta go, my first class is on the opposite side of campus, I’ll see you after school okay? Bye Y/n” He said quickly before running off.

What was he about to say? Curse that damn bell, I swear that thing has the worst timing. I look down at the pink flower. The pink petals look soft and fluffy, a small pink rose starts to bloom in my lungs along with budding of hope. “No Y/n, you idiot, didn't you say that hope is for fools? Stop it before you get hurt!”. But I know it's already too late, I can't seem to control the smile that's growing on my lips and the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach.

Maybe... Just maybe... he feels the same way. Maybe I was wrong about his feelings toward Areum. After all, he gave me a rose, the one flower that shouted “love” louder than any other flowers. This could be my chance to tell him how much he means to me. Suddenly, Valentine’s day became the most exciting day of the year. Bringing the rose closer to my nose, I can't wait to see him after school...

When the last bell signaling the end of the day rang, I practically bolted out of the room to meet Satoru at our usual spot. Excitement filled my body, I felt lighter than ever, but also nervous at the same time.

I arrived at the schoolyard to see a huge group of people crowding around in a circle blocking the way to our usual spot. I rolled my eyes as I prepared mentally to push through the crowd.

With great difficulty, I started to join the crowd and maneuvered myself through the hoard of people while repeating "excuse me" over and over again. Eventually, I reached the other side of the human barrier, I breathed deeply and prepared to do it once again before looking up. The sight that greeted me when I looked up filled me with dread. My stomach dropped and I felt nauseous. The flowers in my lungs are multiplying, making it harder to breathe. I can feel my heart tighten up in my chest.

Standing in the middle of the circle of people is Satoru, holding a bouquet of red roses, looking as handsome as when I last saw him. Light pink coating his cheeks, there is nervousness in his eyes as he stands in front of Areum, who is having both hands covering up half of her face. Surprises grace her beautiful form. Standing behind them are Shoko and Suguru, they're both holding up a giant sign that reads "will you be my Valentine?" with a glittery cursive font. Both of their faces show excitement as they look at Satoru and Areum.

I held my breath as I prayed for whatever deity above for her to say no. Unfortunately, they seem to hate me with a burning passion. I watch as she nods slowly before exclaiming "yes!". I watch as Satoru lets out a sigh and then smiles brightly. The same smile that can light up the whole room. The same smile that makes me fall hopelessly in love with him. I watch them walk toward each other as people around them cheer loudly. I watch as Satoru shyly gives Areum the rose and she accepting them just as shyly. I watch as they embrace each other with wide smiles gracing their lips and people hollering and wolf-whistling around them.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. The flowers are multiplying too quickly, filling up my lungs, making it almost impossible to breathe. I need to get out of here. I turned around abruptly, forcing my way through the crowd of people. Once I'm out of the circle, I break into a sprint. I ran and ran and ran and ran. I don't know where, I just want to be as far away from that crowd as possible. My lungs were burning from the lack of oxygen, but I kept running until I could no longer hear the cheering of people and dropped down to the ground.

I tried inhaling to no avail. It hurt so much. Every time I try to inhale or exhale it would feel like needles are being scraped against the walls of my lungs. It's painful, no, fuck that, it's torturous, everything hurt like hell, the pain is agonizing. It makes me want to rip out my heart and lung and throw them far away to ease the pain in my chest.

Pressure slowly builds up in my throat and it gets itchier and itchier forcing me to let out a cough. That cough is followed by another one, and another one, and another one until I'm coughing uncontrollably. My body doubled over and shook violently as I wheezed for air. I covered my mouth with my hands as I coughed into them. I choked violently before I felt wetness on my hands.

I pulled my hands away from my face and looked down on them, holding back another cough. In my hand, a pool of blood and flower petals. The warm yellow of sunflowers, the cold white of daisies, and the gentle pink of roses are being dyed by the red of blood. Tears blurring my vision as I throw myself into another coughing fit. More blood was forced out of my body along with more flower petals.

Suddenly my lungs started to burn even more. I cough harshly as something bigger than the petals force its way out of my throat and onto the floor, joining the existing puddle of blood. A pink rose. Soon enough the more flowers and blood forced their way out of my body to join the puddle of blood under me where the rose and flower petals lie. It hurts like hell with each cough, but... It became easier and easier to breathe after each time.

When the last daisy fell into the pool of blood, the coughing fit stopped. The burning stopped along with the pain in my chest. The numbness I felt was almost exhilarating. My body felt lighter than ever, it felt like I was floating on clouds. I take in a deep breath and slowly exhale as darkness takes over me.

XX16 Tiger Lily: “Please love me”

A figure of a man holding a bouquet walks silently toward the cemetery. His lean frame is adorned with a thick jacket to protect him from the harsh cold of winter, his form feels lonely as if a part of him is missing, gone from this world completely. The sun is setting over the horizon, coloring the sky in bright orange and pink. But Satoru couldn't care less, his world has lost all of its colors a while ago. The beauty of this world only appears dull to him, nothing can be pretty in a world without her.

He walks solemnly through the cemetery, passing by the countless headstones. Until he reached one in particular. The headstone looks relatively new compared to the ones surrounding it. The writing on it read: "Y/n, XX97 - XX15, 'Loving you silently'".

Satoru kneels in front of Y/n's grave as tears slowly spill from his eyes, blurring his vision. He placed the bouquet of Tiger Lilies in front of her grave, joining the other flowers that were already there from visitors earlier that day. He sat there regretfully silent as tears spilled from his eyes.

"Hey Y/n, How have you been?" he greets.

"I hope you’re doing well.” He lets out a forced chuckle, "Everyone has been missing you. Especially your mom, she cried everyday for months after you’re gone. She has been doing better now though, so you don't have to worry too much, I’ll take care of her in your stead."

Satoru let out a shaky breath as more tears spilled out from his eyes, “I miss you every damn day, I miss you so much that it’s hard to breathe. Fuck, I can’t look at daisy flowers without crying anymore!"

“I miss your smile that brightened up the whole room. I miss your eyes that held the universe. I miss your comforting voice” he said while choking up as tears fell harder from his glistening blue eyes, "But more than anything, I miss you who felt like home...”

“I’m sorry for being an idiot and realizing when it was already too late, you deserve so much better than my pathetic self” He sobs pitifully.

Satoru sat there with his back hunched over as tears fell endlessly from his eyes. At that moment, he looks small and fragile, as if we would break from a single touch. With each passing minute, it got harder and harder for him to breathe. His lungs begin to burn as the pressure slowly builds up in his throat, forcing him to violently cough up flower petals and blood. When the coughing fit died down, he pulled out a handkerchief to wipe the blood off of his lips. Slowly, he stood back up before glazing at the headstone longingly.

“I’ll see you soon, Y/n,” he whispered with a bitter smile as he began to walk away.

#gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru #gojo fanfic #satoru #jjk x y/n #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #gojo angst #satoru gojo #jjk gojo #jjk fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk x you #gojo

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soireegurl · 9 months ago

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Prompt 15+4

It's a normal day of school for you. However, not so normal as your just broke up with your boy friend, the school's heartthrob, Yang Jungwon.

You found out that you were just a bet made among Jungwon and his friends.

You were sad... Of course... The man that you loved dearly was just playing with your feelings all this time.

Eversince you entered this school, you laid your eyes on Jungwon and the feeling became stronger and stronger day by day. But you didn't have the courage to confess as you know Jungwon has many suitors. And all of them are either good looking, rich, or have good grades. But you are just a normal girl...

So you tried hard to fight the feelings by focusing more on studies, getting more tuitions to make sure you have no time at all yo think about Jungwon..

which did work but not until he came and confessed to you.

After the you accepted his confession, he told you not to tell anyone you guys are dating. You partly understood why since he is popular in school, dating Jim will cause you alot of trouble.

Days passed by, today is Jungwon's birthday and also the first month of you and Jungwon's relationship.

You made a handmade gift for him and was excited to see his reaction when he sees the gift.

When you were walking to his class, you passed by a boys toilet and heard a familiar voice.

It's Jungwon, you can't mistake that... And a few of his friends.

You vaguely heard your name coming from inside so you went closer to hear.

"Yo, it's been a month, don't tell me you have slept with her yet."

"Chill man, she too conservative, I can't even kiss her."

You heard Jungwon said.

"Damn, looks like the bet is playing hard to get."

"Man, if isn't working, we'll find you another target."

"Nah bro, she's fun to play with... Atleast for now. "

You heard Jungwon said in a nonchalant tone...

So... You were just a bet?

Heartbroken, you ran away from here and went back to class.

You reported sick and went home as you didn't want to see Jungwon or be here anymore... You need some time alone.

The next few days you didn't go to school and ignored all the texts and calls from Jungwon.

He has been doing this ever since you broke up with him.

That day after you went home, you immediately texted Jungwon.

"Let's break up. I know I was just a bet... No need to pretend anymore... We are done."

You were sad... You really loved Jungwon... But seems like you guys are not meant for each other...

Now, you are just sitting on a bench in a park staring at those kids playing at the playground. They look so happy... You want to be happy too... But reality hits hard..

It was dark already, so you decided to go home.

You walk through a small dark alley which is a short cut to your house.

Suddenly, you felt a strong pair of arms wrapped around you which scared you and made you let out a small scream.

A hand covered your mouth and a familiar voice whispered next to your ears.

"Shhh shhh... It's me... Don't be scared..."

Jungwon?

What is he doing here?

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

Seeing that you are quiet now, Jungwon slowly let go of you.

You turned around and stared at him in confusion. Before you could open your mouth, Jungwon hugged you again.

"I missed you... "

Jungwon said softly...

You scoffed at his words. You already know the truth so why is he still acting like he loves you?

You pushed him away harshly and took a few steps back.

Jungwon was shocked... You have never pushed him away...

He stared at you in disbelief and his face showed that he was hurt. But you chose to ignore that.

"What are you doing here?"

You said frowning, not really wanting to see him now.

Jungwon took a few steps forward and tried to hold you but you stopped him.

"Stop right there! Don't come near me."

But of course, Jungwon wouldn't listen to you.

He came forward and grabbed your arms

"I missed you... Why did you not pick up my calls or reply to me texts?"

He said, sounding desperate for your attention.

"We already broke up Jungwon... And you didn't even love me in the first place... Stop acting."

"No no no... We didn't break up... What do you mean..."

Jungwon said while aggressively shaking his head

"You sound delusional, Jungwon..."

You said and scoffed.

"let me go now... It's late. And please don't ever appear infront of me anymore."

You said and yank your hands out of his grip.

Jungwon stared at you in disbelief and sadness...

You were so focused on leaving, not even realising the dark aura rising around him.

You walked away shocked that he actually didn't stop you.

However, soon after, you felt that strong pair of arms around you again but this time, a little different. A cloth was covering your mouth.

You struggled to get away and accidentally breath in.

You slowly lost your strength and consciousness.

Before you black out, you heard Jungwon saying.

"You are not leaving me..."

Hope you like this! Sorry I accidentally deleted the request... But here it is!

#enhypen story #enhypen fic #enhypen scenarios #enhypen #enhypen jungwon #soireegurl #dialogue prompt #enhypen yandere

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discoveryzone12 · 9 months ago

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Discovery Zone Blogs: Fun and Adventure Around the World

Are you ready for some excitement and adventure? Look no further than Discovery Zone Blogs! We've got everything you need to satisfy your wanderlust and explore the world. Join us on a thrilling journey to discover the most amazing places. For more information, visit https://discoveryzone.com/blog

#Birthday Playground near me #Best Indoor Birthday Party Places near me #Best Indoor Fun Places near me #Best Indoor Play Areas near me

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piastrinorris · 2 years ago

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Firsts

Pairing: Tom Grant x f!Reader

Genre: fluff, angst, smut

Tags: Make Up (film), 18+ (minors DNI), slow burn, underage alcohol content, virgin! tom and virgin!reader, protected sex (if tom can wrap it, so can you), just the fluffiest smut i've ever written tbh, oral (f receiving), fingering, p in v,

Summary: A boy you met in the playground has a far greater effect on your life than you could have imagined.

Word count: 12k

A/N: Ugh, hopefully this signifies the end of my writer's block. Thanks for hanging in there, gang! Enjoy my first Tom fic <3

Age 4

You sit on the roundabout cross-legged, indignantly pressing your hands into your cheeks. You look over at some of the other kids, playing with their friends. You wish you could have friends here too. Even though your parents took you here on holiday, and there’s loads of stuff at the holiday park specifically catered to kids your age, the most they’ll do is bring you to the park for half an hour or so before dragging you along to all the stupid, boring things that they want to do.

A boy with curly hair that sticks out in all directions and brown eyes that glisten when the midday sun hits them saunters up to you. “Hiya. Are you waiting for anyone else?”

You sigh, shaking your head. “No, it’s fine. You and your friends can have it.”

“Oh, I’m here by meself, too! Well not by meself, me mam’s here too, but I thought we could take it in turns!” He outstretches his hand, “I’m Thomas!”

You snort out a laugh. “Like the tank engine?”

“Shut up,” he frowns, making you giggle again.

“My dad’s friend’s name is Freder-eder-ded- Fredrid- Frederick, but we just call him Fred ’cause it’s easier. Maybe I can call you… Tom.”

His eyes light up. He has the most beautiful face you’ve ever seen. “I’d like that. Tom. Yeah. Thanks.”

“Your voice is weird,” you point out.

“Shut up!” he repeats. “Yours is the weird one.”

"Well, I've never heard one like yours before so that makes it weird. Now c’mon, you can spin me first,” you tell him, and with that, he wraps his hands around the metal pole of the roundabout and runs as fast as his tiny legs will take him.

Age 13

Another year, another caravan holiday. The older you get, the less tolerance you have for your parents’ boring excursions. But you absolutely love the downtime in between where you’re just at the caravan park. Because it means you get to hang out with your best friend.

As sad as you are to see your tradition go, of the pair of you picking out postcards for each other to spend all your holiday pocket money on to send to each other throughout the year, you are very excited to show him your birthday present since the last time you saw him.

“Hiya,” comes a familiar call from behind you as you sit at the roundabout that you first met Tom on. You run to him, with his arms outstretched wide, flinging your own around him as soon as you can reach him. His face buries into your cheek as you hug each other, his laughter filling your ears. “Got summat to show ya,” he says as you’re still embraced before pulling away.

“Oh, I have something to show you, too!” you grin, both of you fumbling through your pockets before you both brandish your mobile phones to each other.

With excited gasps, you recite your own numbers that you've memorised to each other, and immediately text each other, despite being feet away. You read your messages on each others’ screens as though it’s the most amazing thing you’ve ever come across.

The two of you walk down to the beach together, babbling on about school life and home life and everything in between life. You notice that Tom goes quiet after a little while, which isn’t like him. You sit down on a log you’d both claimed a few years ago, and Tom picks up a branch from the ground near it and starts drawing absent-mindedly in the sand. You ask with a frown, “Everything alright?”

“Yeah!” he lies, but you glare at him.

“Liar,” you shove him, and he laughs softly. “You think I can’t tell by now? What’s really wrong?”

He sighs, “Well… You know my best mate, Jake?” You nod. “Well, he got a - got a girlfriend last year.”

“You make that sound like that’s the worst thing in the world,” you laugh.

“Obviously it’s not,” he pulls a face at you. “But, like… I’m gonna have to… Kiss a girl at some point soon, aren’t I? It’s all Jake asks of me these days.”

You giggle, “What, is someone still afraid of getting girl germs?”

“No!” Tom elbows you in the side. “I’m...Worried I’ll be shit at it.”

You roll your eyes, “Nobody expects you to be good at it right off the bat!” Tom keeps looking at you sadly and you sigh. “What, you want to practise or something?”

Tom's eyes widen, then he nods slowly. “If that’s okay with you...”

You shrug, “I haven’t had any experience either, so...” you trail off. "I'll probably be shit, too."

“R-right, w-well,” Tom stammers, “I think I- I come over like this, a-and...” he leans towards you, resting a hand on your hip. He leans in close to you, tilting his head both ways. You try and match his movements, but at the last minute his nose crashes into yours and you both laugh nervously.

You try to play it cool, try to breathe deeply in case he can hear your heart thumping too. You’re so close to him right now you can see the little dip left by the dimple that forms when he smiles. The specks in his eyes that glow in the sun. Tom has been the love of your life - but you can’t say that, you’re only 13, you’ve barely lived.

You hold his jaw in place and move to him. His lips are smooth, warm, full, simply invigorating. He doesn’t respond at first, and you feel like kissing just his top lip probably isn't right, but after a few pecks from you he starts to kiss back. Feeling him push out to you makes you crave even more. He carries on with even more fervour until he suddenly stops, pulling back and whipping his hand back into his lap. He mumbles a “thanks” and goes back to poking the sand with his stick.

Your chest feels as though it’s made of lead. You excuse yourself and run all the way back to your caravan, heading straight to your bed and sobbing into your pillow. Of course he hated kissing you.

You do everything you can to avoid Tom for a while. You immerse yourself in everything your family wants to do, constantly asking what they’ve got planned to go out and do, emphasis on the go out bit. You switch your phone off so as not to be distracted by his texts. You rarely leave the caravan.

It’s only on the second-to-last day that your parents basically kick you out of the caravan for the day. Despite them giving you plenty of money to play in the arcade with, you find yourself sitting on one of the swings in the playpark, rocking yourself back and forth absentmindedly.

You don’t notice Tom approaching you, you’re too immersed in trying to think of anything else but him. He clears his throat to get your attention. You notice he’s breathless and red in the face, like he’s been sprinting. With a heavy heart, you nod at him in acknowledgement. “Hiya,” he starts softly.

“Hey.” you reply bluntly. You don’t mean to be so cold to him, you don’t want to be - but you have to be.

“You’ve been mad distant lately, are you all right?” Tom asks, his eyebrows furrowing together.

“Nope, I’m half left, see,” you wave your left hand in the air half-heartedly and Tom chuckles.

“That’s not what I meant, idiot.” He chews on his lip before continuing, “Is it because of how I kissed?” You think about whether or not to answer honestly when he continues sadly, “Was I really that bad at it?”

You sigh and shake your head. “No, you were fine. I...I’ve been busy with holiday stuff! Parents, you know how it is.” You're lying through your teeth, but what did you expect? For Tom to also fall for you as soon as your lips connected? Of course not.

“Right,” Tom breathes out a sigh of relief before continuing, “but you normally don’t go along with that, if you can help it… Does that mean you don’t want to hang out with me any more?” His voice falters back to sadness.

“Well, no,” you blurt out before you can think of something else. Damn. You didn’t want to outright say no because you can’t keep making yourself feel like this. But you look at his smile, at the dimples that you could place on him from memory, at his eyes lit up like a Christmas display, at how his freckles dance up his cheeks, and all of that flies out the window.

“Good! Because - Well, it’s a bit stupid, I know, but they’re doing a thing in the entertainment hall tonight, since it’s most kids’ last day here before school starts, a-and I...I was wondering if...” he starts wringing his hands together.

“You’re worried you’ll look like Billy No-Mates if you turn up without a date and you don’t know any other girls here well enough,” you state simply.

“There’s… More to it than that,” Tom scrunches his face up.

Of course, what you’re unaware of is that Tom is terrified he’s lost you for good. That him being so nervous about being too eager to kiss you that he had to stop himself has been too obvious and ruined your first kiss and that he’s lost the girl he loves. But he won’t admit that. He’ll let you believe whatever you want as long as he gets to spend time with you again. As long as he gets to watch the sparkle in your eyes dance when you laugh, and the little twitch of the nose you do right before you start to think deeply about something, that’s all he wants back.

You, blissfully unaware of this, shrug in defeat, “Sure. It’ll be nice to catch up over the last few days, I guess.”

Tom grins, “Alright, sound! I mean, I doubt we’ll really be able to catch up at the dance, but...We could always grab dinner together at the restaurant bit beforehand, just me an’ you?”

“Sounds good,” you press your lips together and nod. Tom grins and waves goodbye as he leaves the park, leaving you to curse yourself. You’re just letting him walk all over you - to you, Tom is now your first friend, first kiss, first dinner date, first dance date; you feel like to Tom you’re just a test dummy.

Age 16

You knew he had a girlfriend, now. He’d phoned you about Ruth in the early days of knowing her, and despite everything, you’d talked him into asking her out. He deserves that happiness, even if he can't get it with you.

She had seemed really interested in getting to know you, too, at first. Tom was always telling you that she’d been asking questions constantly about you, and that he couldn’t wait for the two of you to meet. “My girls,” he’d always say. Your heart would soar 50 feet into the air just to plummet a hundred at those words.

Phone calls became less frequent as months went on. After you’d sent over your Christmas card and present to him, as per your tradition, you only got back a card that had your name written at the top, and “- Tom” at the bottom. Not the “Love,” that would always come before it. Not the little kiss he’d always put underneath his name. That really stung.

What was once a constant stream of texts from wishing each other good morning to goodnight every day for the last 3 years becomes occasional, which becomes non-existent. He doesn’t even text you on your birthday.

You beg and you plead with your parents to not go on the annual Cornwall holiday. Anywhere but. You’re 16 now, that’s plenty old enough to stay at home on your own. You’d be more than happy to have a neighbour check in on you regularly and spontaneously. Or a family member. Even your worst enemy, just - not there. Not facing him. And besides, you’re almost certain he won’t be alone with his parents this year.

And you’re right. She’s hanging off of his arm all the while the other regular teens crowd around them. They’re all just as much your friends as they are his. But this year you don’t feel welcome around them.

And it’s not just jealousy on your part. You’d even tried to be friendly. You’d practically skipped up to the both of them on your first day, after a lot of mental preparation, to a judgemental stare from Ruth that started from the moment she laid eyes on you, to the moment you left her field of vision. It burned especially strongly when Tom hugged you in greeting, even if you could have gotten a more meaningful exchange with a Lego figurine, with a just as emotionless, "Hiya."

It hurts when you end up seeing Ruth and Tom together and she’s the one who notices and suddenly drapes herself over him. It hurts more when it’s him that sees you first and he takes her by the hand and simply runs off with her.

It hurts the most when you catch them kissing on your log. Once again, 3 years later, you’re running from that beach to your caravan and you’re curling up in your bed crying your eyes out. Except, this year’s trip won’t end in a dinner where he feeds you his chips just because you didn’t ask for any with your meal and he wants to make sure you don’t nick all of his. It won’t end with a DJ asking everyone - and he means everyone - to make their way to the only slow-dance of the night, and Tom goofily dancing in ultra slow motion as he eventually encourages you to do the same. It’ll end in him doing that with her, while you sit and eat whatever your parents can make out of whatever’s left in the fridge and fight back the tears you haven’t yet cried while in the privacy of your own room.

It makes sense, after all. Tom being your first love, he was always destined to be your first heartbreak, too.

Age 17

You hear a moan fall into your mouth, you feel a hand grip on your arm. Another rests on your thigh. Your hand moves up to his hair, burying deep into his soft, brown curls. Except it doesn’t. It barely scrapes through the cropped, straight hair of your boyfriend.

You’d so loved that the guy on the other side of the classroom in your college class had noticed you, had asked you out. Your parents love him, your friends back home love him. And, as it had turned out, he’d even been holidaying at the same caravan park you always do. It’s just that while your family normally goes at the end of the summer break, his goes at the start. Your family let you go with his this year instead, which you’re thrilled about. Hopefully you can create memories with your boyfriend in Cornwall with absolutely no trace of Tom, who’s surely only going to be there in the last week, like always.

You don’t believe it when you see him and her in the distance, outside the window. You think you must be making it up. There’s no way. It’s only fleeting, so you shake it off and try to focus on being in the moment with your boyfriend. He takes you by the hand, leads you to your bedroom for the next week, sits you both on the bed and starts kissing you intensely. That’s when you start imagining him as Tom, again. This is exactly the opposite of what you wanted to happen.

Later on, when you’re on your way to the arcade, you spot an old friend from past trips. She excitedly greets you, states her surprise over seeing you so early in the summer, and tells you that she works here now. She tells you of a staff party that’s happening in one of the luxury chalets. It’s apparently a tradition, first weekend of every summer holiday period, the staff club together and buy it out for a weekend. She invites you both along, and you gleefully accept.

You speculate all week about what your first house party is going to be like. What being drunk for the first time is going to be like. Your boyfriend laughs at you every time. "You're hilarious. I can't wait to see how sloppy you get."

That makes you nervous. How much alcohol does it take to get you wasted? You were hoping to make sure you stayed of enough sound mind to remember it all. Would you really inevitably get "sloppy" and embarrass yourself?

When the party's finally in full swing, you're insistent on sticking to cans of soda. Your boyfriend frowns at you, demands to know why you're suddenly so shy over drinking after it being all you could talk about. You tell him you just need to build up to it, that it's a first time which makes it a big deal. He rolls his eyes and mutters something about first times and walks away.

You frown at that. There's only two main things about you and firsts. The fact that you and Tom may never share any more, which you've never discussed with your boyfriend; and that the first time the two of you had tried going beyond kissing, he'd called you…

No, you're not thinking about that. He said he's sure it's something you'll get over, and once you are, he'll be ready for you. You just need to try and rein it in for yourself. Did he resent you because you hadn't managed to keep it under control yet?

Your brain is swimming when you hear the one voice you'd simultaneously been waiting for and dreading. "Hiya!"

Taking a deep breath in and putting on a brave face, you feign surprise. “Oh my god, Tom! Hi! What are you doing here?!”

“Well, Ruth had made friends with one of the girls that works here, Jade, and she invited us - well, Ruth, but, y’know, we’re sort of a package deal,” he laughs awkwardly. “Um, so, what are you doing here?”

“Hayley works here now, an’ all! Remember her?”

Tom laughs under his breath, shaking his head slightly. “Don’t surprise me in the slightest. ’Member how she was always the first to volunteer to get on stage?” You both laugh loudly before faltering into a weird silence. “So, found your tipple of choice, yet?” he asks, gesturing to the plastic cup in your hand.

“Oh!” You shake your head. “Not yet. I wouldn’t even know which one to start with. I’ve, uh, I’ve never really drank before.”

Tom chuckles, “Hey, me neither! Was gonna play it safe and go for a beer. Fancy indulging in my first one with me?”

“We’ve shared enough by now, haven’t we?” you ask with a small smile.

“So,” he starts as you both head into the kitchen. “You never really explained why you’re here this early.”

“Didn’t I? I’m here with my boyfriend and his family,” you explain.

Tom’s face falls, though you’re too busy navigating your way past everyone at the party to notice. “O-oh… Boyfriend? Is he… Y’know, good to you, an’ that?” He asks, his energy suddenly depleted.

“Yeah! Yeah, he’s great. Dunno where he is at the moment, but I’ll have to introduce you both while we’re here,” you nod.

“Definitely! I’ll let Ruth know you’re here, she can say hi to you an’ all.” Tom thankfully doesn’t notice your eyes rolling as he studies the drinks now in front of you both. Tom looks over his shoulder at you and jerks his head at the kitchen counter. “Pick our poison, then.”

You shrug, “I dunno, you said beer? Let’s go with that.”

Tom nods, grabbing a couple of bottles and an opener, clicking the lids off and handing one to you. “To us, eh? Finally growing up.”

WIth a defeated smile, you clink your bottle against his and you both take your first sips. Tom immediately pulls a face of disgust, which then turns to intrigue. He looks over at you and laughs as you stand there, looking as though you’ve squeezed an entire lemon out onto your tongue. “Maybe we’ll get you something sweeter. ’Ere, how about one of these flavoured vodkas? Stick some of that in with your Coke.”

You and Tom stay and chat for the best part of an hour, catching up on everything. It’s the happiest you’ve felt in a long while. Certainly this whole week. But then he talks about finding Ruth and for the first time all night, you think about where your boyfriend could be.

You take a lap of the cabin. And another. And another. Each time more and more anxious. Calling his name out is getting you nowhere.

And then you see a flash of him getting pulled into another room. You don’t see the other person. Their arm is especially slender, their painted nails gripping his shirt as he grins down at them. You stare at the door as it closes, in pure shock and horror.

Your ears ring until you eventually hear a faint, but familiar, “Hiya, what’s going on with you? You’ve been up and down like a bleedin’ yoyo!” Tom notices your lack of response and frowns. “What?” As you still don’t answer, he follows your line of vision and points, “In that door?” Your lip quivers and his face steels. “Right.”

The next few seconds happen in slow motion and high speed all at once. Tom swinging the door open. His, “You better not be who I fucking think you are, mate.” Him getting pinned against the wall by your (as of right now) ex. Tom spitting in his eye to get dropped. Your boyfri- ex-boyfriend’s, “Is she as fucking disgusting with you as she is with me?” as Tom tries to walk away. Tom’s face absolutely seething as he turns back around, strides up to your ex and punches him square in the face.

Finally, you find it in you to scream at Tom to stop, and then turn to your ex. “The actual fuck is wrong with you?! Acting a victim just because I was catching up with a friend while you were chatting girls up in the same fucking house?!”

“You know what? Fuck this. Make your own way home. Bitch,” your ex snarls as he pushes past you to the front door as he storms out of it.

You hear a, “What the fuck happened to you?!” and see Ruth approach with her new friend, a girl with just-above-shoulder-length hair. Ruth’s looking at Tom’s red knuckles in horror.

“I’m fine, babe, honest. It were just… That dickhead was feeling up some other bird while…” He gestures weakly at you.

Ruth presses her lips together and nods, “Right. So you’ll punch a guy for her, yeah?”

He groans, lolling his head back. “C’mon, Ruth, don’t be like that now, please. You know I’d do the same if it were you. Or even Jake, or any one of my friends, alright? Don’t mean nothin’.”

“Yeah, well. Think I’m gonna sleep over at Jade’s tonight, anyway. Wanna see how the staff live,” she explains, gesturing to her friend.

Tom looks a little dejected, but he shrugs it off. “Alright, it’s your holiday, too. Have fun. I’ll text you in the morning, yeah?” She nods, and he goes up to kiss her. You look away, wincing. She scowls at you as she walks past you to leave.

Someone else in the crowd snorts, “Don’t you think that’s a bit fucking dodgy?”

“What is?” Tom asks, turning to face them.

“Accusing you of cheating on her with a ‘friend’ and then conveniently sleeping over with a friend of her own?” They fold their arms to raise their eyebrows in suspicion at Tom.

He merely shrugs, carefree. “Exactly. It’s perfectly normal to just have friends, alright?” He sounds a little exasperated at that, holding his hands up. “It’d only be dodge if I were also up to no good. But I’m not, because I know that it’s okay to just hang out with a friend every now an’ then.” He looks at you and shrugs. “Listen, don’t worry about tonight. Mum and Dad had us in a twin room, anyway, I can pull the beds back apart again if you need a place to sleep. Till then, we can stay here, long as you like. Alright?”

You nod gratefully, pushing out a whispered, “Thank you.”

You hug him tightly and he gives you just as much back, rocking you gently from side to side before rubbing up and down your back and offering, “So, how’s about we go back and demolish all the vodka and coke in that kitchen, yeah?”

You awaken in a single bed, next to another single bed that has a stirring Tom in it. He looks over at you, rubbing his eyes awake, “Hiya.”

You groan, “Of all the first encounters we’ve had, I’m begging you to have looked into how to deal with our first hangovers.”

He snorts with laughter. “‘’Fraid not. Looks like we’re suffering together.”

“Fantastic,” you whine as you throw yourself to lay on your other side.

Age 18

Even now that you’re legally an adult, that caravan park in Cornwall never evades you. You’d wanted to go on one of those big pre-university holidays to Spain or Greece like most 18 year olds do, but too many plans kept falling through and things kept going wrong and so, in order to catch some kind of break, you end up giving into your friend Hayley’s offer to stay with her for the holiday period. The friend that works there.

The staff living quarters are identical to the rest of the caravan park, with the exception of a common area with a bonfire. As you’re carrying your suitcase past it, you spot her. Again. Of course. You await the disgusted glare she’s about to give you, but she doesn’t seem to acknowledge your existence in the slightest. Hayley catches up with you, notices, and nudges you, “You know, she’s actually a lot more chilled out now that she’s with Jade instead.”

You double-take so fast you almost give yourself whiplash. “She’s wi- You mean, with?” Your friend nods. “Aww. Well, good for her, I guess.”

Once you’re in the caravan, you take out your phone and tap through to yours and Tom’s text history. You read back the last text you’d had from him, almost a year ago:

Hiya. Hope you’re alright, and you got on the train okay. Listen, I know I said all that guff about us just being friends, and I know that’s what both of us have always been, but Ruth’s proper upset about it. It was really good to see you again, but I don’t think we should talk while this is still fresh. Safe travels.

You wonder why he never thought to text you even after they’d broken up. Did he even want to hear from you again? You bite the bullet and text anyway:

Hey, stranger! Heard about you and Ruth. Sorry to hear it. Hope you’re doing well.

Hiya, yourself! Yeah, thanks, I’m holding up. Better for us all, really. How’d you hear, if you don’t mind me asking? x

Saw her at the caravan site and she didn’t give me evils, lol.

YOU’RE HERE?! :D x

Yeah!

Wait, when you say *here*...

What caravan are you staying in? x

One of the staff ones, 159. Why?

He doesn’t text back as quickly after that, so you instead start fixing up some lunch for you and your friend. She goes down to the shop to pick up something for the two of you to drink, and while you have the caravan to yourself, there’s a hurried knocking at the door. You assume Hayley told her bosses that she’s got someone living with her over the summer - she does have one of the ‘luxury’ two-bed caravans, after all - so there should be no problem with you answering it.

You don’t even get a good look at who it is before you’re being swept up in their arms and backed into the caravan, but you recognise that scent, that grip, that swooping feeling in your stomach. That laughter in your ear, followed by the greatest word in the English language, “Hiya.”

“Oh my god! What are the chances that you - oh my god!” You yell excitedly as you see him in his uniform. He twirls himself from side to side with a proud smile to show it off. “You got a job here, too?!”

He grins, “Yeah!” but it falters. “’Course, it would’ve helped if I’d’ve known my ex was dumping me for someone else who works here before I accepted but,” he shrugs, “swings and roundabouts. Speaking of! They’ve got rid of our park.”

You gasp sorrowfully. “What? No!”

“I know! They’re redoing the whole thing,” he pouts.

“I mean, to be fair, it was getting close to becoming an actual death trap,” you point out. “Last year, I don’t think the roundabout even actually spun anymore!” You both laugh as Hayley returns.

“Oh! Alright, Tom! See you’ve found my fugitive for the next six weeks.”

“Sure have! Can I nick her for a bit, though? Got some catching up to do,” he looks at her hopefully, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

She looks between the two of you before grinning, “Yeah, why not? I can make my own lunch, away with you both!”

“Have you not had lunch yet, then?” Tom frowns as you both walk down the steps of the caravan.

“Mate, I literally just got here,” you gesture to your car as Tom falls into a pile of giggles.

“Alright, mate,” he nudges you with his elbow as he mocks you. “How’s about we take full advantage of my new staff discount,” he waggles an ID card between his fingers, “and go get you your own chips for once?”

“You remembered!” You cackle. “And they’re way tastier when they’re not mine.”

All through your meal, as you catch up, there's a very large elephant in the room that Tom isn't addressing. After a post-lunch walk ends up taking you to your log, the bittersweet punch that hits your chest finally has you speak up as Tom sits on the log, sprawling his legs out in front of him: "Why didn't you ever text?" Tom presses his lips together as he takes a deep breath in and out. "I know… I know you said that Ruth didn't like you talking to me, and while that was shit, I kinda get it. But… Why didn't you…?"

"Reach out after we broke up?" Tom asks, bending his knees to rest his elbows on as he rubs his face with his palms. "I don't fucking know, is my honest answer. I thought about it, if that helps. Probably fucking doesn't," he mutters. "I just… Assumed you'd hate me for letting a girl come between us."

"Well… A little," you admit, finally sitting down next to him. "Hate you more for assuming I'd hate you, though." Tom shoves your shoulder as he laughs softly, and you chuckle quietly, too.

"Let me make it up to you?" he asks. "Dinner at my caravan later?"

You groan, "Please tell me you've learned to do more than put tinned spaghetti on a slice of uncooked bread."

"As long as you eat it like a sandwich, ain't nothing wrong with it," he beams. "But, just for you, I'll make it proper special, yeah?"

"Ooh, like a date? Do I have to dress up?" You tease, and he laughs loudly.

"I distinctly remember you wearing jeans on our first date, so you've set the bar pretty low there."

You look at him in mock offence, "Excuse you! Those were my smart jeans that had the sequin dolphins on them! I felt like a little celebrity in those," you reminisce.

"You can wear what you like, just… Maybe no bedazzled fish this time, eh?" He glances over at you side-eyeing him and interrupts you before you can start correcting him, "I know, I know, dolphins are mammals, actually." He collapses into a fit of giggles, losing the accent he's using to mock yours as he squawks at you trying to push him off the log entirely.

"Can't believe you remember that, and all," you smile fondly.

"Of course. Still got that toy one I bough-" Tom interrupts himself, but you silently encourage him. "I, uh, we had a school trip to the aquarium. An' they had a - a little gift shop there, they had these toy dolphins. I bought one to give you years ago, but I just… Never got round to it."

“Ruth stopped you?” you guess, and he pulls a face in response. You copy him, “You’ll just have to give it to me when you come visit me in Nottingham, won’t you?”

He sits bolt upright. “You what?!”

You giggle, “I got into Nottingham. For uni, I mean.”

“Shit, that’s huge! Grats!” he pins your arms to your side in a quick squeeze. "An' there's a bus that goes straight there from Derby, so there'll be no escaping me!"

Your eyebrows knit together, "You not staying here year-round?"

He shakes his head. "I was gonna, when I first applied for it, but then… Well, things have changed now, in't they?"

You giggle, "I'll finally get to see your house for real!"

Tom gasps excitedly, "Shit, yeah, and Mum'll be dead happy to see you again!" He slaps his knees and stands up, "Right, well. This ain't getting me back to work, is it? Gotta make sure I clock off nice an’ early." He offers his hand out to you. "Wanna get up too, or are you staying here?"

You take his hand and let him pull you up to standing. "Nah, I better get back to Hayley at some point. Text me whenever you want me ’round, yeah?" You ask, trying not to grin stupidly at the fact Tom doesn't let go of your hand right away.

"Will do. In a bit, yeah?" he asks with a smile, holding your hand out to him for just long enough for you to speculate whether he was about to kiss it before letting it go, instead.

As you head straight back up the path next to the log, he goes across the beach for a minute, making his way to the other side of the park where he needs to be instead. You return to caravan 159 to see Hayley sprawled across the sofa, watching the tiny TV. She jumps up excitedly when she sees you. “So, how’d it go?” You explain that you have dinner planned with him tonight, but that you’re not certain what level of date to consider it. Hayley helps you go through the clothes you’d packed, but they were all either too casual or too going-out-y, outfits you’d planned for nights out at bars and nightclubs. Not exactly dinner-with-an-old-friend attire.

Hayley takes you by the hand to her room, where she starts pulling out dresses and holding them against you. You laugh, “Hayles! These are your show outfits, I can’t wear them!”

“Why not?” she frowns. “We’re the same size, I still get to choose which ones I wear every night so I’ll have plenty of options. And Tom and that never come and watch, so he’ll be none the wiser.” She waggles her eyebrows, wiggling the dress in her hands from side to side. “Come on,” she drawls the last word, stretching it out. “You know you want to.”

You snatch it from her and scoff, “If I take this, will you stop?”

She grins wickedly. “Not until you’ve shown me what undies you’re gonna wear, too!”

You feel your face grow warmer as you shake your head, “And what does that have to do with the price of fish?!”

She cackles, “You know.”

“I know nothing, remember? I’m still yet to… Y’know,” you falter. Hayley doesn’t quite know the full extent of yours and Tom’s friendship, only knowing that you’ve both been coming to this park as long as she has. She doesn’t know that there’s ample ammo for her to tease you about tonight, and you put all your energy into calculating everything you’re about to say to make sure you don’t slip up. That’s the last thing you need.

“Is that why you’ve got these?” she asks with a giggle, already back in your bedroom and scooping up a pair of lace panties with her finger from the packing cube you’d assigned for underwear.

Your face now a furnace, you chase after her with a, “Shut it!” as you snatch them away. “They’re for if we ever go… Y’know, out anywhere. Sometimes it just gives you a little boost to wear a cute matching set, know what I mean?”

She grins, “I know, I’m just yanking your chain. Wear what you want, as long as you look good doing it.” Her voice gets quieter as she heads back into the main room of the caravan, until she calls out loudly, “So, where is he taking you, do you know?”

“He says he’s going to cook for me,” you state as you press Hayley’s dress to your front and look in the mirror. “Yeah, said he’ll text me when it’s ready.”

Hayley suddenly reappears back in your doorway looking fearful. “You sure about that?”

“Yeah! Why shouldn’t I be?” you ask with a frown.

“You ever seen Tom’s cooking?”

You shake your head. “Not since we were about 14? And all he could do was heat up tinned spaghetti and dump it onto bread he didn’t even think to toast. But he said he’d do better, and that was four years a-” Your face falls at her expression.

“Babe. He was literally eating that for dinner yesterday when we called for him to come sit round the fire,” she tells you with raised eyebrows.

“So… I should… Just go there as soon as I’m ready?” You ask, nodding slowly, and Hayley mirrors you. She shows you from the window which trailer is Tom’s, and lets you finish getting yourself ready.

After showering, getting dressed - including the set of underwear that Hayley teased you about, even though you definitely don’t plan on having anyone else see it, it’s definitely just to give you the little boost of confidence you need - and applying as much make-up as you feel comfortable putting on for tonight - you give Hayley a quick hug, though she has you pose for some photos first to “commemorate” how good you look in her dress. She’s quick to usher you out of the door afterwards, though, telling you where she’ll bury her spare key so you can get back in (“If you get back in tonight,” she adds with an exaggerated wink as you roll your eyes at her and walk out) and pointing out one more time where Tom lives.

You knock on the door tentatively, but the muffled country music you can hear from the other side tells you that Tom probably can’t hear you. You try the door and it opens easily, allowing you to see Tom dancing around the tiny expanse of his kitchen, singing under his breath as he takes a handful of spaghetti out from its packet and throws it into a pot of boiling water as though it were a part of the way he’s dancing.

Your phone still clutched in your hand, you go to position it in a way to start recording him, but he catches you. Instead of looking surprised, he simply beckons you over with one finger. Walking across to him, as he’s still singing and swaying, he holds his hand out, to which you give him yours and he twirls you around. “You look amazing,” he smiles at you breathlessly.

Trying not to get too flustered, you quickly reply, “You scrub up alright, yourself!” You gesture to him, looking down at his dress shirt and - “Oh, so when I wear jeans to have dinner with you, I get ridiculed, but -”

“Shhh-sh-sh-sh,” Tom shushes you with a smile, pressing his finger against your lips, which you laugh against. “How come you’re early then, eager beaver? Didn’t even need to tell you where I live.”

“Hayley told me. Warned me to come over and make sure I don’t get food poisoning or something,” you giggle, and Tom gasps, holding a hand to his chest.

“That cheeky cow!” He jokes before draping his arm over your shoulders and aiming you towards the stove. “Well, I’ll have you know, I’ve been cooking not just one, but two options. See, I couldn’t remember if you ate meat or not, so I’ve got some… Broccoli spaghetti dish on the go on this side, and then there’s sausage and rice in this big pot here,” he points out.

“At least none of it came out of a tin, good boy,” you smirk as you take a spoon from the utensil rack on his counter and start stirring the spaghetti around to make sure it all starts cooking. You continue stirring the different pots, asking Tom if there’s anything more to be done, but he simply carries on singing along to what you recognise playing now as Take Me Home, Country Roads, taking another utensil off the rack from where he stands behind you to sing dramatically into the handle as he side-steps back and forth around you. “Can’t believe you actually listen to this stuff,” you muse, shaking your head softly.

“What’d you mean?! It’s decent,” Tom pouts.

“Tom, my granddad listens to Jim Reeves,” you point out.

“Then your granddad’s got excellent taste, don’t he,” Tom grins before putting his hands on your hips. Your heart skips several beats as he gently pushes you out of the way. “C’mon, now, let me dish up. You go sit at the table, yeah?”

Your heart soars again when you see there’s already knives and forks laid out, as well as a candle off to the side. Tom soon follows, holding both plates out to offer to you. You pick the one you prefer and set it down in front of you. Tom puts his down on the other side of the table, fishing a lighter out from his back pocket to light the candle between you. “Shit, I forgot to pour the - d’you like wine? If not, I’ve got some Coke I can put in a wine glass to look dead fancy,” he calls from the kitchen area, where his head is buried in a cupboard.

“You’ve got wine glasses?!” You ask incredulously, leaning around to look at him. “I don’t even know you anymore!”

“Ha-ha,” he deadpans, throwing you a sarcastic smile before holding up the wine bottle. You signal your response and he fills up both glasses accordingly. “Bought ’em to impress a girl, dunno if it was worth it yet, though.” Everything inside you feels like lead again. Of course this wasn’t anything more than platonic. As he hands you the glass, he waggles his eyebrows, “Well? Was it?”

Relieved that you had nothing to worry about after all, you grin, “Am I supposed to be the girl you’re trying to impress? Even though I’ve watched you eat worms?”

He rolls his eyes as he takes his seat again. “It was one worm and it was because shitty Damien dared me, alright?” He defends with a smile, and you laugh. “And besides, I was six! You were no saint back then either, how many times did I eat figurative shit because a certain someone kept tying my shoelaces together?!”

“I can’t believe you never even realised when I was doing it, too,” you clutch your stomach as you sigh, coming down from the raucous laughter his memory had caused you. You offer your glass out to him, “Here, to old times, eh?”

“And new,” he smiles softly, clinking his glass against yours.

Conversation never runs dry between the two of you as you finally catch up properly over everything in the past three years. You laugh, you tease, you reminisce fondly. After dinner and a store-bought dessert that Tom still puts effort into looking fancy, the two of you retire to his sofa to watch whatever’s on TV.

You deliberately sit so that there’s a little distance between you, not wanting to be presumptuous, and so when you try to sit comfortably, tucking your feet begins you, your rest your head on the back of the seat, ending up with your head just shy of brushing against Tom’s arm. You can sense him looking at you in your peripheral, and look over at him in question. When you make eye contact, he flashes his eyes at you and jerks his head to the side, silently offering you to shuffle up next to him. You do so, moving until your head ends up resting on his shoulder. He drapes his arm around you, holding onto your arm and squeezing it gently.

After a few minutes, you tilt your head up to look at him again. The faintest hint of stubble peeks through his skin, illuminated by a movie you’ve seen so often you could recite it, but it makes Tom laugh nonetheless. Eventually, he’s the one that catches you staring, and you can see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard.

You push yourself up on the couch a little to get a better look at his face. His gaze never leaves you, but he’s looking a little lower than your eyes. As he looks up at your eyes again, he licks his lips. “Tell me now,” he starts quietly. “Tell me to stop, an’ I will.”

You softly shake your head. “Why would I do that?”

Grinning with a sigh of relief, he reaches up to hold the back of your neck and pulls you in for a kiss. It’s a long one, starting out soft but pressing harder as it carries on. You sit up on your knees to angle yourself better, holding his face in your hands so as not to break the contact with him as your lingering pecks continue, but he quickly - considering it was blindly - taps one of your legs to insinuate that he wants hold of it. You shuffle around until he can grab your ankle to pull it until you’re straddling him.

Your arms rest on his shoulders as you keep kissing him. God, you never want to stop kissing him. The hand not still holding your head snakes between you to rub at your jaw, gently massaging it open to slip his tongue between your lips. You let out a whine involuntarily and curse yourself - your ex hated noises like that - but Tom only pushes you closer to him, humming into the kiss.

Finally, the two of you break away from each other, gasping heavily for air. You catch each other's gaze and share the same ear-to-ear smile. His pupils are blown out and his already plump lips look bigger and redder than ever. You have the urge to take the lower one between your teeth, despite not knowing if he’s into that.

Before you can do anything, he’s pulling you close again, though not to kiss your lips. Holding the back of your neck deliberately, he guides you down to start kissing just below your ear. The sensation you feel from it is like no other, and you find yourself whining and whimpering even more. The sounds only encourage Tom as he finds a sweet soft spot at the side of your neck and sucks on it especially hard. You didn’t expect the low moan to roll out of your mouth, nor did you expect that to cause Tom’s hips to buck up against you.

He stops suddenly, his head whipping back to look up at you. His pupils are blown to almost the size of his irises. “I, um… I’ve never… Sorry, I… Fuck, I dunno how to say this without sounding weird…”

You smile softly at him, playing with the curls behind his ears. “It’s okay. I haven’t, either.”

His face softens. “Then everything’s as it should be, right?” He smiles up at you, his hands moving to hold your hips. Something about his touch coupled with where you are makes you want to grind against him, and so you do, holding the back of his head to pull him close enough to rest his forehead against yours. His mouth suddenly dry, he swallows again. “We should probably move this to the bed… Right? More room an’ that.”

You climb off his lap and hold out your hand. He stands and takes it, leading you to the door between you and his bed. He wrenches the door open, then pulls your arm with enough force to send you crashing against him, chest to chest, before his hands find your jaw again to bring it up to resume kissing you. You giggle against his lips, “What happened to the bed?”

Tom presses another peck onto you. “Missed kissing you already,” he grins back against yours. Neither of your hands stop moving around, exploring each others’ bodies, until you can’t bear not feeling his skin against yours a moment longer.

Moving to run your finger along his buttons, you look at him expectantly. “Can y-… Do you want…”

With his trademark smile, Tom’s gaze never leaves yours as he undoes a few buttons before grabbing the back of his collar and throwing his shirt off completely. Entranced, you stroke all over his torso before tracing invisible lines between each of his freckles. Kissing every part of you that he can reach, he eventually pipes up, “Sort of feeling underdressed here.”

You look up to grin at him, “Actually, I think you’re wearing too much.”

“Yeah, course you would,” he smirks as his hands slide up your back to the fastening of your dress. He flashes his eyes at you, a silent request, and you nod. He slowly pulls down the zip until the dress, which you were able to just slide over your head anyway, falls off of your body and pools at your ankles. Tom leans back, looking you up and down as he takes you all in. You’d feel very exposed, were it not for the look in his eye. “Fuck me,” he exclaims under his breath. “You are fucking phenomenal.”

Smiling bashfully, you pull him back towards you by the belt loops of his jeans. “Now who’s overdressed, eh?” You ask as you press yet another kiss to his lips.

“Right,” he grins mischievously, pushing you back so that you fall onto his bed, “you get down there.” Giggling, you shuffle back towards his pillows, lay back to rest on your elbows and watch him unbuckle his belt. He notices and starts humming an unintelligible song that he goofily gyrates to, pulling his belt out and waving it around. You roll around laughing as he continues putting on the most Tom-like striptease for you. Once he’s kicked his jeans off, he clambers onto the bed, crawling up until he’s hovering over you, his face not even an inch from yours. He tilts his chin up until the tip of his nose bumps past yours and trails up your bridge, before bringing it back down and rubbing it against the tip of yours again, side to side. “Never thought this day would come,” Tom admits softly.

“Me neither,” you reply back in the same tone. “Never been more glad to be wrong.”

Letting a laugh slip between his lips, Tom nods, “Me, too.” He kisses your nose before looking down your body, letting his fingertips brush against the cup of your bra. Your breath hitches at his proximity, and he looks back at you to grin, “You sure you didn’t think this was happening?”

You pout, “It’s just nice to know that I look sexy, that’s all!”

“Fuck, yes, you do,” he growls as he leans back down to kiss you, his hand gripping your covered breast. You push yourself up and he pulls back, eyebrows knitted, as you reach back awkwardly to try and unfasten your bra. With another smile, Tom reaches over and takes over, fumbling a few times before eventually getting there. Impatiently, you move your arms to throw your bra aside, not caring where it lands, and Tom’s immediately transfixed on your naked chest.

You reach up to place a finger beneath his jaw, pushing it back up closed, and giggle as soon as you move it back and his jaw drops yet again. He reaches down to grab both of them, one in each hand, and a gentle rush of euphoria sweeps through you. He kisses you again, timing the press of his lips with the squeeze of his hands.

One hand moves from massaging your breast to slowly slide down your torso. This is it, where everything comes to an end. You await with bated breath, hoping he'll just rest his hand on your tummy while he kisses you, or something. But his hands dip lower, and just as you feel him lifting the elastic of your underwear, your hand flies to his wrist, gripping tightly. He stops kissing to look you in the eye, confused concern on his face. "Y'alright? Wanna stop?"

You swallow hard and shake your head. "It's… It's okay, you don't have to - I can- want to take care of you."

The concern in his expression grows. "This is a two-way street, love. If you don't want it, I'm not having it, either."

You pout, "No! It's not that I don't want it! I- I do, so bad, I just…" You sigh. "So, the reason I've never gotten anywhere yet in this… Department, is because I… I tend to… Produce… A lot. And I get that that's, y'know, gross, so… You don't have t-”

Tom interrupts you by taking your face in his hands and kissing you sweetly. “You.” He says before kissing you again. “Are far from that.” Another kiss, and then his brow furrows. “You mean to tell me that dickhead -?” His eyebrows then raise in realisation. “When he asked if you were… ‘Disgusting’ with me, last year…” You nod slowly, and Tom turns his nose up. “Fucking wanker. Thank fuck you’re mine now, eh?” For years, you’d been used to your heart soaring just for it to drop. You feel that sensation reverse, the heavy weight of your ex’s insults flying off of you at Tom’s words, smiling back at him as his adoring eyes look down at you, his thumbs caressing your cheeks.

You slide your hands onto his shoulders with an, “Always was, really."

"Oh, yeah?" he asks, taking one of your hands into both of his, holding the palm out to kiss it.

You bite your lip into a smile. "I, uh… Whenever me and my ex did used to… Try, the only thing that could get me going was…" You falter, looking up at him as he keeps kissing down your arm.

"Was what, angel? Didn't catch that last bit," he grins against your skin.

You giggle, "It was you, okay? Prick."

Tom buries his face in your neck, his mouth working the tender skin just below the mark he’d already left until you let out another moan, to which his hips roll down to grind against yours. With just two thin layers between you, you feel his thick member spread your lower lips beneath the lace of your underwear, and you instinctively rub yourself up and down his length, your legs wrapping around him. “Here, guess what,” he mutters into your ear.

“What?”

“I could only ever get off thinking of you, an’ all.” You feel his teeth against the shell of your ear as you can hear the grin in his voice. “So, does that mean…” He snakes a hand back to the elastic of your panties, working his fingertips beneath them, “That all this is for m- ohhh, fuuuuck,” he moans breathily as his fingers slide down into your wetness. “You get this turned on, just by me?” He asks, and you nod quietly, still not sure how to respond. He looks at you adoringly. “I must be pretty fucking fit, then, mustn’t I?” he asks, another, more arrogant, smile just pulling at the corners of his lips, and you laugh.

“You’re such a dickhead,” you scold, but honestly, it’s a massive comfort to you knowing that even in this most tender of moments, the dynamic of you and Tom isn’t lost. This feels good, natural, right. No need to fear anything. No need to worry. It’s just you and him. Like Tom said, as it should be.

“Oh, I am?” he asks teasingly, his expression growing more mischievous. “Even when I’m doing this?” He runs his middle finger down between your folds until it slides easily inside of you, guided by your wetness. You drop your head back into his pillows, moaning louder than ever and bucking your hips against his finger. “Fuuuck,” Tom groans, “you feel so fucking good.”

“Not too wet?” you ask quietly, and he pulls his finger back, sucks it clean while looking you dead in the eye, and then makes quick work of pulling your underwear off of you.

Sinking down to lay between your legs, he sighs dreamily. “Absolutely not.” He laps all around at the mess you’ve already made noisily, cleaning you up before tracing his tongue carefully along your slit. Just as it brushes over your clit, your breath hitches and the whine underneath it lingers. Tom looks up at you, his big brown eyes warm and safe watching your reaction as he first sucks on the sensitive area, and then laps the tip of his tongue back and forth against it. Your hand flies into his hair as you moan and you feel his lips turn up against you.

Tom blindly finds your free hand to reach up and connect his fingers with yours, a tender bond as his other hand spreads you apart. Angling his head slightly, you watch his tongue fly quickly against you, his own moans echoing yours as you push his face against you, desperately craving more, you don’t quite know in what sense, you just want pleasure, you just want him. You feel yourself gushing around him and you start to feel a little tense. Feeling the change in you, the hand holding yours squeezes, a reassurance.

He once again happily cleans up after you, muttering unintelligible sweet nothings inside of you as he does. You lock eyes with him again as he resumes sucking on your clit, moving to slide two fingers inside of you. While you certainly feel more full, it doesn’t hurt as much as you were warned it would, thanks to your… Overproduction. Instead, you feel a sensation you’ve never felt before. Stronger than you’ve ever even felt whenever you’ve pleasured yourself. You keen against his fingers, moaning and whining as he gently encourages you, “Fuck, yes, angel, that’s it… Oh, fuck, you’re squeezing around my fingers… Gonna cum all over my fingers, yeah? Do it, baby, cum for me.”

As though working on his actual command, you feel a rush through every nerve in your body, one that pushes its way from your core, spreading along your spine until it arches, across your arms until you’re grabbing the sheets, through your legs until they bend in the air above you. Not wanting to be loud enough to be heard throughout the whole park, you bite through your lip as you let out a long, high-pitched moan throughout your release.

Tom doesn’t surface for some time as he drinks you in, finally re-emerging with shining lips and wild eyes. Wiping the excess of you off with the back of his hand, he crawls back up your body to kiss you, practically pushing your entire self into the mattress. “God, you are fucking incredible,” he grins against your skin as he moves to kiss your neck, this time just under your other ear.

“I can’t even pretend the same’s not true of you, a certain something’s betrayed me, there,” you joke, and he chuckles under his breath, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear. “Be honest with me, though. It wasn’t… Too much, was it?”

“Not in the slightest, babe,” he whispers into your ear as he presses gentle pecks along your jaw and to your lips. “I’d happily stay down there and eat you out all night long, but…” He pushes himself up to kneeling, palming himself through his boxers as he looks at you hungrily. “I am fucking aching to be inside of you,” he admits. You go to reach out as well, but he bats you away with a soft smirk, “I’m already certain I’m not gonna last long at all, sweets, give me some credit.”

“I don’t care how long you last,” you smile wistfully, watching him climb off you and slide his boxers off, hypnotised by the way his cock springs out as the elastic waistband drags past it.

He glances over as he takes a condom out of his drawer and smirks, “Take a photo, won’t ya, it’ll last longer.” You’d react, but you’re still enamoured watching him roll it down his length.

He gets back onto the bed, lining himself up at you with a look in his eye like he can’t believe it’s finally happening. You feel his tip pressing into you and gasp, your lips forming a near-perfect O before spreading out into a smile. Tom mirrors you as his hands find yours, holding them both just either side of you as he pushes in. You certainly feel the pressure of him sliding in, but it’s far from painful. His eyes study your expression with concern, obviously anticipating you to be in pain as well, but you give him a reassuring smile and a nod as he starts pulling out and pushing himself back inside of you again.

His fingers and his tongue were enough to drive you wild earlier, but nothing on this earth has ever made you feel as good as him thrusting into you. He starts off slow and gentle, but your body yearns for more. As you start to buck your hips up against him, he once again rubs the tip of his nose against yours, stroking his thumbs along the sides of your hands as he shushes you. “Patience, sweets,” he soothes. “We’ve got all summer to fuck like rabbits… But tonight, I just wanna make love to you.”

Too euphoric to filter anything you say now, you breathe out an, “I do.” Tom looks at you, his expression a mixture of deliberation and elation. You beam widely, “You may be a dickhead, but I fucking love you.”

His smile practically touches his ears as he cradles your face with an, “I love you, an’ all, you big twat,” before leaning down to kiss you passionately, moaning against your lips with every thrust. As you lose yourself in the embrace, you feel Tom slip out from you. Again, you start to worry yourself, but Tom’s assuring stroke against your cheek as he simply guides himself back in and returns to kissing you with just as much fervour puts those fears at ease.

You feel the crescendo of another orgasm looming just as Tom’s expression starts to change, as well. Wanting nothing more than to climax alongside him, you try and hurry yourself along a little by rubbing your clit in circles. His pace slows as he watches you, entranced, though your body craves him more than ever. “Fuck, please, Tom, don’t stop,” you whine, and he groans as he resumes rocking his hips into you again.

“God, you’re so fucking hot, you know that?” He asks you breathlessly. “Keep going, baby, keep showing me how you touch yourself, fuck, that’s it.”

“’M gett- fuck, I’m already close again, Tom,” you moan, and his motions lose any sense of rhythm, just trying desperately to release.

“Me too, sweets, I’m - fuck, I love you,” he groans as he snaps his hips harshly into you. That final press hits just the right spot inside of you and you feel yourself come apart for him yet again, squeezing around him as you ride your second wave of the night.

As you both come down, he presses soft kisses all over your face, down your neck, as far down your chest as he can reach while staying inside you until he finally pulls out. “I’d help you out again, but, uh, I think you’re probably a bit sensitive down there by now,” he grins, leaning up to kiss your forehead. “Let me go get rid of this thing and get you a towel, alright?” Unable to move, talk, or even really think, you simply nod at him, which earns you another breathy chuckle and another peck to the top of your head as he walks off.

He returns within a minute, and insists on gently patting you dry, the tenderness in his eyes matching his touch. You eventually muster enough energy to reach over to him and card your fingers through his curls. He leans into your touch, smiling over at you as you mutter, “I love you, too.”

“D’you know, I’ve never been happier to hear anything else.”

Once you’re all cleaned up, he lays next to you, and you lift yourself up to let his arm rest beneath your head. Curling up against his chest, you let him envelope you, enjoying the comfortable silence until he pipes up, “That was fucking amazing. Like, I knew it’d be good, but… You hear all these things about your first time. And I was always scared with Ruth that I’d mess up somehow, or I’d kill the mood, you know how daft I am. But it was all just… Part of it, weren’t it?”

You press your head into the crook of his shoulder. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I was always scared of the same, and then, well…” You gesture down between your legs.

“’Ey,” Tom scolds, reaching down to grab your wrist. “No more of that. It’s just the way your body works, yeah? And your body is fucking perfect. I’ll never stop proving that to you.”

And he really doesn’t. When you had first disclosed to Hayley that you were a virgin, the previous year when you’d come with your ex, she’d told you, “Sex is like Pringles; once you pop, you just can’t stop. At least, I think that’s the Pringles thing.” You’d always laughed that off, but now that it’s happened to you, it really is true. You wake up to it, you’re at it as soon as he’s finished his shift, just before you go to sleep. And then there’s the rest. Passing him while he’s working to sneakily grab, pinch or slap his ass cheek as you walk past, only for him to get his own back by “innocently cuddling” you from behind while also pressing himself against your own ass just once before placing a single kiss to your neck and running off. Your personal favourite is knowing all you have to do is send him a racy photo of you proving that you’re wearing one of his shirts and nothing else, and knowing that if you look out of the window you’ll see him running across the caravan park at top speed, leaping over any obstacle to then practically fly into his caravan and tackle you onto his bed.

You still try and maintain staying with Hayley for as long as possible, but with her being the evening entertainment, and her telling you that she was banning “all hanky-panky” at her place, that didn’t leave you with much else to do to spend your evenings than to hang out in Tom’s caravan with him, anyway. Not that she minded. Even when she would insist on a you-and-her day, it would mostly be to gossip about Tom, anyway.

There’s a few days when you start to wonder if perhaps Tom only wants you around for sex and nothing else. That all gets easily explained away when eventually Mother Nature clocks in for her monthly shift. You warn Tom that nothing can happen for the next week, and that you’ll probably just stay at Hayley’s again to avoid any stained sheets or exposure to sanitary products, but Tom remains as joined to your hip as ever. He buys heating pads, pain relief, snacks and drinks, extra products, anything you may need, happily letting you curl up in his lap in an attempt to soothe the cramps. A few days in, you even open up to him that you’d had doubts that he was only interested in getting into your pants, which results in many days’ worth of constant reassurance whenever you’re with him and texts of affirmations when you’re not. He certainly doesn’t turn down the gratuitous blowjob you give him as a result of being so patient on a night you know Hayley’s working especially late, though.

The last weekend of the last week of you being in Cornwall hits you like a brick wall. You’re constantly getting emotional, which only spikes every time you so much as look at Hayley or Tom. Tom reminds you that you’ll only see him in a couple of weeks anyway, once you move up north to university. And Hayley makes you both promise you’ll come back to Cornwall at every chance you can.

Tom meets you and your family in the car park of your uni halls, already waiting to help you move in. Both of your families have dinner together while yours are still in town, and as they part, they joke that the next time they’ll see each other is at your wedding. With your ex, even trying to plan to go to the same university together seemed daunting and unnatural. But you laugh along with Tom, safe in the knowledge that your collective parents’ joke is 100% truthful.

Age 19

After a year of university, you decide to move out of your dorm and into a place with Tom. Your first housemate, you love to remind him, though that spikes up a slightly more awkward conversation while cuddled up on the sofa. “So, we were first for a lot of things.”

“Well, yeah, that’s kind of our thing,” Tom teases.

“Piss off,” you scoff, elbowing him in the side as he laughs. “I mean, we were for pretty much everything, but not where it counts. You weren’t my first boyfriend, and I wasn’t your first, either. So, like, in terms of the way our relationship goes on through the years… I dunno, just sucks a bit that that’s like one of the only things we don’t have now.”

Tom deliberates for a second. “The way I like to see it,” he starts. “I consider you my first for a lot of sort of extraneous things, little things that add up to make us, us. But in terms of our relationship, it’s easy enough to explain.” You look over at him in confusion, and he takes the opportunity to take your chin between his finger and thumb to grin at you, pulling you close to mutter three words to you before pressing a long and sweet kiss to your lips: “You’re my only.”

#tom grant #tom grant x reader #tom grant x you #tom grant imagine #tom grant fanfiction #tom grant fanfic #tom grant fic #tom make up #tom make up x reader #tom make up x you #tom make up imagine #tom make up fanfiction #tom make up fanfic #tom make up fic #*myfics #fic: tom g

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orangelemonsstuff · 2 years ago

Text

Lets Play Again

Child!Malleus & Child!Reader

Tags: Fluff, Child Malleus & Reader, No bad tags tbh just two children having fun in a playground

Summary: You were playing alone in a playground after a day at your elementary school, waiting for your guardian to arrive a mysterious boy came over to you

•••

another regular day at your elementary school had ended and your parent or guardian has been running late to get you, feeling bored, you took your toy bucket out of your backpack and ran straight ahead on the playground near your school

You crouch on the sandbox with your figurine toys and shovel in your sand bucket, pouring them over and letting them sink into the brownish color of the sand. you scoop up the brittled and clumped sand to put into the castle bucket of yours and turn it down to shape it as a castle for your little toys

too distracted playing alone, you didn't notice a small boy about staring at you from just a distance being giddy with your toys. feeling brave, he came closer. a rustling of expensive shoes on the jagged ground of the playground caught your attention to turn your head on the direction of it.

a boy older than your age, small but tad bit taller than you watched the building process with curious eyes, you ignore his presence at first, not minding his observing gaze you continue to dig a pit in the sand, you don't mind any bystanders but you don't like the fact that he is just there to watch.

he looks like he's lonely

is he waiting for someone to take him home too?

it's pretty boring playing on your own and he is just boringly observing you so you picked up one of your small dragon figurines and hand it to him without saying anything.

which he gladly accepts, eyes brightly sparkling as if he just received a Christmas gift.

"play with me" you say as his green irises shift and the rest of his eyes widened, was that too forceful? your playmates probably all got home by now so if he rejects your request this would be a embarrassing story to tell your guardian later

"o-okay" was he just shy? his voice is really quite you almost didn't heard his response

he steps into the sandbox with you, dirtying his polished shiny shoes. you finally got a closer look at him, he looks like one of those kids you've seen in the cartoon movies. clean, pristine, and proper. something on a movie you would only see.

Your gaze must've made uncomfortable because of how he was fidgeting with your dragon toy "sorry" you say as you focus on trying to finish up your castle again, he just observed silently and the only noise anyone would hear is the tapping of your plastic shovel on the bucket.

"this guy would be the prince" you say picking up a cake design figure you got from one of your friend's birthday party

"would this be the evil dragon then?" he holds out the dragon toy you gave him earlier.

"yep"

"Then, would there be someone for the prince to save?"

"uh...nope!! but if he kills the dragon he gets..." you rummage through the buried toys you plunged down the sand below

"..this dice!" you hold out your reward and give it to him. like earlier he accepts it with no objection and now holds both the dragon and the price

you two had fun playing with your symmetrically weird figure toys, and chose and ending where the dragon is actually the prince's dad and the dice was the real enemy who took over your sand castle, soon enough two of you got bored and scooped up the toys back to your bucket. feeling satisfied with the ending of the story you two made up. you grabbed his hand and ran to the seesaw

"i sit on this side, you on the other, got it?" you point your finger at the other side of the seesaw, he follows your instruction and sat then by there, your side was lifted a bit so you had to raise your small arms to reach it. he took your notice and held back his sitting position, squatting so you would be able to reach it to sit down.

the wind hits him every time he goes up when you go down, and down as you jump up. he can't help but smile, it is quite fun but the more he squats down and jumps up he eventually felt his legs soar and wobble

he was breathing kind of hard for you to easily notice it and comes down off your seat making him come down all of the sudden and jump off the tire supporting him off the ground

"are you alright?"

"yes just...a bit tired is all, but I'll be fine don't worry."

was it that overwhelming to get him huffing and sweating like that? you didn't mean to make him worn out already, you just want to have fun together. feeling kind of guilty you again once hold his hand, gentler this time and pull him towards the swing

"sit, I'll push you" you smile at him, leading him to the swing and setting him down

"you... don't want to go first?"

"nope! you first, and there's another swing i can occupy"

"but who'll push you?"

"myself! duh, you dummy" you giggle at him and started to push back his seat for momentum, since he does look a tad bit older than you he is pretty hard to push because of his weight but with your little strength, you managed.

"how?" his seat swung back at your hands and you push him harder so he could go further into the air

"it's easy! you just swing okay?" you shout as you move away before getting hit by his side of swing and ran over to the other one. you climbed up the swing with both of your feet and started swinging it with your body, just like that you started swinging as well, you carefully grip the swing handles between you and looked over to your new friend. his face was bright, a grinning smile was on his pale lips and his green eyes looked more alive than before as the wind hits his cool black hair revealing his pale cute face.

by more minutes come by the force of the swing died down and the two of you end up grinning to yourselves.

it was the first time he felt like that. his house was mostly dark and gloomy, he was pretty much isolated to this point. this was his first time being this dirty, having this so much fun and having somebody play with him naturally without getting scared or forced to do so

"hey, i know we should go to the slide next--"

"Malleus!!" you were interrupted suddenly a woman (?) wearing a business suit ran over to you two seemingly out of breath

"Hah...haah...oh Young Master you do know how to work up an old man..." oh it is a man, you couldn't tell with his girlish like appearance.

"Hm? what's this? have you found a friend?" his attention turned to you, still sat on the swing while he is still out of breath.

your "new friend" or Malleus as you should call him stood up and walked over to you, he grabs you by the hand, forcing you to stand up to get closer to the man that just ran to you guys

"Lilia, can i keep them?" he innocently asked, your hand still intertwined with his

"Wha-" Lilia looked distraught all of the sudden with a baffled face

"Sorry, young master but taking a random child in is illegal even if they are your friend"

"But why do you get to keep Silver? you also just randomly found him" It is a good thing you are the only one near him and is still a child, what Malleus had just said would probably just run over through your head, because if not, you would've reported him to the police and he has to explain again that he did not kidnap an infant to the authorities

"Malleus, it's different. there is someone you are waiting for here, right little one?" Lilia glanced over at you as you nodded

"see? let's say roles are reversed, your little friend get to ask their parent or guardian to keep you and agreed to do so, your grandmother and i would be very worried and miss you, you know? Silver would too!!" Lilia falsely whimpered to enchance Malleus's pity for your parent or guardian.

"So how about this, you get to play with them again tomorrow and we go to your grandmother for now? you two played a lot so their person is going to arrive soon too, so you don't need to worry Malleus." Lilia smiled at Malleus's worries glance at his new friend, you assured him by holding your hand but then an idea pops out on your head so you break out of Malleus's grasp to run over your toy bucket and rummages once again to find the dragon from earlier

Malleus on the other hand, thought you finally hated him and his mood began to spiral down but then you run over to him happily and hand him both the dice and the dragon once again

"You still get to be the dragon tomorrow okay?"

Malleus's mood lightened up, this means you are inviting him play again right? of course he'd accept it! he's grateful to have your invitation more than anything

he waves you goodbye as Lilia took his hand and walk off to the road until you couldn't see them anymore.

you two would have lots of fun tomorrow again.

•••

oh how could he have the heart to tell him?

Lilia, still holding Malleus's hand as his other hold the toys with, was dying in guilt, how can he tell Malleus that they are leaving tomorrow morning when had just found a friend. a real one

Malleus had finally experienced a moment where he can be a normal child, he didn't want to ruin it for him (plus Malleus would definitely throw a tantrum infront of the other child it would most likely drive them more away)

other than that, he... feels more bad about that kid, they are going to wait for Malleus after all, so they could play again

he hopes they wouldn't be too lonely though

because Malleus isn't coming.

a/n: HELLO HELLO WORLD :DD I AM BACK WITH A FIC THAT JUST GOT UHH RANDOMLY SHOVED INTO MY MOND AND INSTEAD OF SLEEPING, BAAM I WAS WRITING THIS!! >:D sorry if i added a lil angst in the end, it's just a similar experience i thought some ppl would relate. like how you would meet a random kid in a random playground and you two become friends at that random playground and you never get to see them ever again? ouchie but same. i hope someday everyone relating to that would meet that random kid again and still become friends.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst fanfic #twst mc #twst scenarios #twst x reader #twst malleus x reader #twst malleus #twst malleus draconia #twst malleus draconia x reader #malleus x reader #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader

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goodday-goodmorn · 10 months ago

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Little blurb that’s been sitting in my Docs for while based on @auspicioustidings idea from a while ago now i think— But yeah! I’be got like zero motivation to continue this- butttttt i liked the scene a lot so it shall be seen now! (Plus it’s Mhari’s Birthday!!! Happy Birthday Mhari! :> Even though i’m a few hours late into the day Hope you’re having a wonderful birth celebration!)

Based on a a scene i cooked up where reader finally gets caught by none other than the Ghost himself:

The weight of a gun in your hand is familiar.

So is the quiet sounds of a break in. You point at the door, watching, waiting. Like clockwork it creaks open, and there he is.

“Don’t move.”

You say sharply. Making the gun in your hand well known to the intruder.

Silence. He stares at you, you stare back. How many times have you done this dance? Tense words and a dashing messy escape. (The poorly wrapped bandages around your abdomen throb answering you question for you. Too many then.)

You sigh, and lower the gun.

He doesn’t even look suprised.

With a soft, Thump! ,you plop backwards onto the bed, arms outstretched. The gun is still in your hand but it’s dead weight. (Just like you.)

“…You’re not gonna ever stop are you?”

It’s said up at the shitty hotel ceiling. Hushed in the darkness of the room.

“No.”

He says it so simply.

You hum, pulling your knees and legs up onto the bed and rolling over. Back facing him, on your side. You snag a plushie on the way, hugging it close to your chest and settling your chin atop its head.

“Well shit. Turn all my red flags to white then, i give up.”

Defeated. Hushed. Tired. It sounds so unlike your normal voice. “But you already knew that didn’t you?”

There’s a dip in the bed, true to his namesake- he was silent as he walked to sit. You haven’t even heard him.

“…Who did your bandages?” Gruff bastard with his gruff voice. Sounding way too passive for talking with you, an enemy, his target actually. He should be barking orders and threats to you, you’ve heard the way he speaks on a mission before, all bite and harsh. But he shows none of that tension now. Not a lick of hostility.

“Who do you think?” You snort out, tucking your face into the head of the plushie and vehemently ignoring him.

“Kid, you need help. You can’t survive on your own.” Straight to business it seems.

Without even turning to look at him, you halfheartedly raise your middle finger.

He sighs.

Silence. Blissful, damning, silence. You’ve no more fight left to give and he knows it. Months on the run, months of constant near death escapes, months of being hunted like a dog. You’re tired. So tired.

“Ya know, Torture isn’t an effective way of getting info outta someone: statistically speaking.”

“We’re not gonna torture you.”

“But you do want that info don’t you?”

More silence.

You hum knowingly.

“And what happens after you get your precious information? You’ll kill me? Maim me like all the other fuckers who end up in your shit list?”

“No. Never.”

He says it with such ferocity it almost takes you by surprise for a second. If you were to be facing him, you would see the hardness of his eyes. The pure conviction swarming in his gaze.

“Not you. Never you.”

…

Finally you turn to him, feeling far too much like a young little kid on the playground who just can’t understand-

“Why?”

Something in his gaze softness. He wants to tell you this because he cares. The team cares. All of them- that they saw you, a prickly, panicked little bird in over their head and flying blind- but he knows it an answer you won’t accept. One you won’t understand. Not at this stage. Not yet. You don’t believe in words, you’ve been lied too far too many times for that.

So he says something you will believe. A watered down version of the truth that feels like such a disservice to everything that makes up your very being.

“You’re interesting.”

You seem to digest his words. Turning them over and thinking in that little head of yours.

‘How long is that interest gonna last?’

That's what you want to say. You want to scream at the top of your lungs that he doesn’t want you. No one does. He’ll get sick of your brashness eventually- he’ll learn and grow used to your tricks. And when your spontaneity grows old, you know what’ll happen.

But you don’t.

You say nothing except—

“…Can I at least pack my bags? …please?”

He knows you don’t have much to pack. He also knows you’re one tricky, flighty little bird. However, he heard your small plea, sees the defeated look in your eyes, the way your hand is so lax around the gun.

Gently, oh so gently, he takes the gun from your hand. You don’t even try and fight him.

“Sorry little bird. Can’t trust you to pack.”

The sad look on your face nearly makes him reconsider. But he can’t risk you getting away again. Not when you’re so easy to catch right now. So vulnerable.

“Can’t you restrain me and then i’ll tell you what to pack?”

That, he can do.

“Up.”

Commands come so naturally to him. You’re almost jealous at how easily they fall from his lips.

Like the old defeated dog you are, you listen, sitting up and presenting your hands to him to restrain. You don’t meet his eyes.

He takes no chances, you are securely bound with a pair of handcuffs. He tugs on them, standing you up and nudging you to the common area of your hotel room. It’s a sizable room, a nice hotel, though truthfully you hadn't really been thinking when you booked it. Brain to frazzled and exhausted to think about anything beyond a clean bed and a hot shower.

The lights are flicked on by his gloved hands, flooding your vision. You hiss blinking and adjusting while he nudges you to the center of the room, down into your knees.

“What am I looking for here, bird?”

Your gaze flicks to him, then to the corner of the room, a vent right by a little corner desk with a lamp.

He follows your gaze and then, (with one last hard look towards you that screams ‘stay’), he walks over. Inside the vent is a crumpled up backpack, old and raggedy. It looks out of place amongst the clean cream colors of the hotel amenities.

He prods at the thing, trained caution. (You don’t blame him after your last stunt with explosives.)

Unceremoniously he opens up the bag and dumps all its contents on the floor. You wince, watching your whole life be scattered on the ground.

A journal, a thermal blanket, a lighter, cash, USB sticks, Your laptop in its thick padded casing (thank god), stolen hotel amenities, nicotine patches, several pill bottles, a half empty water bottle, a pocket knife, bullets…

Your own personal little horde of trinkets.

“Was that necessary…?” You mutter, as he stuffs some stuff back into the bag.

“Can’t blame me for bein’ cautious.”

“Well- i could.”

He turns to look at you. Just… stares at you, all you can see is his eyes at that dreadful mask, boring into yours. He doesn’t need to say anything. You both know you could but you never. Been through too much to really blame him.

You’ve saved his life before, even though he was hunting you. You both know you would never blame him for doing his job. Not at this point.

(Just as he would never blame you for running.)

#cod fanfic #fanfic #go look at auspicioustiddings they’re cool #reader insert #simon riley x reader #I have so many thoughts about this au #Simion is a treat in this #so soft #Reader on the run who is resourceful and just so absurd in their demeanor #i’m talking pulling out insane insults as they run #calling ghosts mask moldy lol #But also is a reader who is just so defeated and tired #they don’t wanna run anymore #not from 141 #not from banter through texts #not from stupid reaction images #not from strangers offering in full confidence to doordash you food while you’re starving #not from the resulting jokes about them trying to get an address out of you #Not from the warm yet hearty meal that shows up anyway #not from the closest thing to family they’ve ever known #but how could they ever stay?#It’s a dynamic set to fail #They are a target #An objective #So what happens when 141 finishes their mission #what happens when they are caught?#ANYWAY— Happy birthday Mhari!!!

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dusty-pistol · 4 months ago

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INTRO POST!!!

[Under construction: Nov 7th 2024]

[SYSTEM INFORMATION]:

>>:My name is Arthur, but my friends call me Dusty. He/Him pronouns only.

(I don't really use labels, and I don't want to be asked about my gender identity or sexuality. I am simply a guy/robot, that's it. Don't make assumptions about me. It's none of your business.)

>>:I'm a Deerbot!!! I refer to myself with deer and robot phrasin. If that bothers you in any way, shape, or form, then please don't interact with me. It saves us both any problems. I'd also appreciate it if you would refer to me in the same way!

>>:I'm only interested in platonic relationships. Nothin romantic. If you need a friend, brother, or even a father figure, I can be that for you once we get to know each other.

>>:My DMs and asks are currently open, and anon is available. Feel free to talk to me about anythin!

>>:If you'd like to use my art for somethin, make sure to credit/tag me!

>>:My creation day (birthday) is November 11th.

[Current fixations/important= Orange]

>>:INTERESTS: Dialtown, Fallout, firearms, biology, mechanics, deer, Spiderman, Wings of Fire, my OCs + AUs, Digimon, & more.

>>:F/Os: Callum Crown (Dialtown), Codsworth (Fallout 4), Snip-Snip (Fallout TV show).

>>:MUSIC: Poor Man's Poison, Yaeloker, JT Music, femtanyl, ivycomb, LuLuYam, and plenty others. (I mainly enjoy folk and [Gothic] country.)

>>:SOCIALS: Tumblr, Discord, TikTok, Twitter/X, BlueSky, all under the same username. DustyPistol.

>>:KINS: Stephen Stills (Scott Pilgrim), Mae Borowski (NITW), A.M. (IHNMAIMS), Arthur Morgan (RDR2), Roz (TWR), Karen Dunn (Dialtown), Milton Wallace (Dialtown), T-60 Power Armor (Fallout), Sentry Bots (Fallout), Gundramon (Digimon), basically any robot character.

[PERSONA: ]

[TAGS: ]

#dusty yaps - [Yap sessions/Miscellaneous]

#dialtown tobias moore - [Dialtown oc posts]

#dialtown western stories - [Dialtown ship posts]

#dialtown hell and you - [Dialtown/Dietown au posts]

#dialtown electrobasis au - [As the name suggests]

#dustycrown - [Selfship posts]

[GRAPHICS: ]

(Crown phone head- @/emoticonnie)

(T-60 - @/sillylittlereptileguy)

(Crown boxes - @/dialup-graphics)

(Dialtown box - @/banana-dawg)

[DNI: ]

>>:Any adult attracted to anyone under the age of 18. I would kill you myself and gladly do the jail time if you are one of these people.

>>:People who ship adult characters with underage characters. You disgust me if you are one of these people.

>>:People who tell others to kill themselves over anythin really. Unless you're tellin a pedophile to kill themselves, then there's no way to justify it.

>>:Pedophiles, MAPs, anyone who is a danger to minors. Get your playground prowler ass away from me, you fetus fiddler. In fact, go find a shovel and dig yourself 6ft deep, for everyone's sake, and stay there. Rot.

>>:Hateful people. This is not tiktok, reddit, or 4chan. There is no need to bring your negativity to this platform. The block button exists. I suggest you familiarize yourself with it before you put your grimey fingers anywhere near your keyboard.

#pinned intro #intro post #fallout fan #dialtown fan #fallout power armor #dialtown western stories #dusty yaps #dialtown tobias moore #dialtown hell and you

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cybercasket · 3 months ago

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Sally Williams headcanons

(CW for discussion of coping with death + trauma. I go in-depth into Sally's mentality towards what happened, but I don't talk about the trauma itself.)

To start things off, this is based off of Sally's official character sheets (2017/most recent sheet) (2013) and what I remember from the story more than they are the fandom's perception of her. These headcanons might make more sense if you check those out first!

🧸 According to her creator La-Mishi-Mish, her body's age can change. She's chronologically in her 60s, mentally + spiritually 12 (her age at death), and typically appears 8. She used to have the ability to turn any age she wanted, but it got retconned because La-Mishi-Mish kept getting called out for being irresponsible and creepy with it.

So, I think that Sally's form can shift ages to some extent, though it's mostly subconscious and based on her state of mind. It's a little bit like the early Steven Universe episode "So Many Birthdays" except a bit more stable.

🎀 Sally is actually deathly afraid of becoming older, and does everything she can to maintain the persona of an innocent 8 year old girl.

To her, 8 was one of the last few good years of her short life--afterwards is when everything became bad and wrong, and she was subject to so much judgement, criticism, responsibility, and predatory behavior from the people around her that she couldn't handle at the time.

She's afraid that being much older than 8 will make her a target.

🎠 Sally romanticizes being younger a lot, though she also likes the way it makes other people perceive her. By behaving more incompetent, temperamental, and oblivious than she really is, she can make people believe that she's cute, innocent, and incapable of wrong. She has a strong internalized belief that being older is dangerous, while being younger is safe.

🧸 She age regresses intentionally (from 12 to 8) by heavily focusing on her more childish interests (eg. Dolls, girl toys, and princesses) and by pushing away/repressing parts of her that she seems too mature or grown-up (eg. Certain words, ways of speaking, and knowledge/awareness she has).

🎀 According to her creator, Sally spends a lot of time in the woods near her house playing with kids at the local playground.

I think she is absolutely DEDICATED to the act of being a completely normal 8 year old girl. She'll bandage the bleeding from her head, watch all their shows, learn all their games and slang, and even collect the toys they like so she can fit in and play with them.

🎠 Lately though, she's been having to tell kids that her parents don't let her use her iPad much. There's always a bit of an adjustment period for her between each new generation of kids, but she really struggles to wrap her head around Gen Alpha's modern technology.

🧸 Speaking of technology... She's not good at it. For a long time she didn't really bother to learn since stuff like computers and phones were associated with older people, and her not knowing how to use them fed into an image of her being cute and childlike. However, it's genuinely bewildering and confusing to her.

🎀 Do NOT play Roblox with her, it will take 20 minutes for her to join your game and she won't know the first thing about how to play it 😭😭😭. Though with enough patience, you could probably get her hooked on something like Adopt Me.

She's not good at other games either, though she usually doesn't try in competitive video games (eg. Mario Kart) on purpose because she doesn't really understand them, and likes seeing how happy the people she's playing with get when they win :-).

🎠 She has a ton of excuses memorized for why her parents are never there with her at the playground, and why the parents of other kids can't meet her parents.

Sometimes it doesn't work out so well, and she has to spend a few hours trying to find a way to wiggle out of a missing person's report... She usually hangs out farther away from where the adults are to avoid ending up in awkward situations like that.

🧸 Over time, her perception of her years from 0-8 and her years from 9-12 became really polarized--in her mind, her younger years were all really good, happy, and romanticized, and her older years were completely terrible and miserable.

Like, in her head 1st and 2nd grade were happy and peaceful, meanwhile 4th and 5th grade were completely miserable and that's when her life became terrible. Realistically there was good and bad in both, but she isn't able to see it that way.

🎀 Everything past 9 for her is a blur until she has to connect with people closer to her death age, which then makes her shift her physical appearance back to where it'd normally sit. Her older years become a little bit easier to process in that state.

She tries to act a bit more like a "big kid" to fit in, but she's extremely out of practice since she's almost always acting 8, so she ends up coming off a bit immature.

🎠 She misremembers herself dying younger often.

🧸 She doesn't like throwing temper-tantrums (especially around strangers) because it's difficult to tell how people will react to them, however she plans them out strategically and WILL have them if it means she gets what she wants. She represses a lot of her emotions and releases them during these (Though she does have plenty of genuine breakdowns as well, since she's mentally 12 and has been suffering from PTSD and depression for the past 50 or so years.)

🎀 Maintaining her appearance as a young girl takes stamina/energy, though being 12 takes the least because it's more authentic to her.

🎠 According to Sally's creator, she also haunts her childhood home. I think her house is her safe space where she can be herself without worrying about how she's perceived by others.

It's really messy (she's a bit of a hoarder and only cleans when the mess becomes inconvenient to her,) and she has a huge collection of toys and books.

🧸 Her toy collection spans multiple decades, and she even still has some toys from back when she was alive deep in her collection somewhere in terrible condition. She doesn't usually have whole sets, just a few pieces here and there she decided to keep from the people she plays with (whether they left them at the playground or she decides to pocket something small she likes but the other kid doesn't seem to care about while they're playing) or from CVS or something.

🎀 Sally really likes reading, but she's a little self-conscious about it because she likes to read books that are far above the reading level and outside of the interests of the average 8 year old, like Pride and Prejudice. She also likes watching old movies from the 50s, 60s, and 70s, and has a secret obsession with Marilyn Monroe.

She also likes reading romance, but sex scenes trigger the hell out of her so when she comes across one, she gets out a giant black crayon (because black covers the words the best,) and just starts madly scribbling over it.

🎠 Sally likes horror a little bit too, because darker stories and themes often reflect how miserable she feels deep down. However, since she's 12 and doesn't have a large capacity for tolerating the heavier stuff, she usually keeps it light.

Most of it isn't worth much, but there's probably a couple things that are like $200 or something and she has no idea because she barely uses the internet.

🧸 When she runs out of stamina or gets too triggered, her body morphs into a very pale, bony, frail old woman with sunken cheeks. It's terrifying for both her and whoever witnesses it.

🎀 She doesn't kill, but I feel like it's less of a morality thing and more because she's too squeamish and also terrified of the consequences of getting aggressive/violent with someone who ends up attacking her back. Rapists in particular make her angry enough to almost want to kill.

🎠 She's emotionally attached to and chases Ben, but he doesn't reciprocate it. They're both technically the same age (both being dead at 12), but while Sally embraces her childishness and immaturity almost to a fault, Ben is deeply ashamed of and uncomfortable with his which leads to him feeling easily annoyed or disgusted by Sally. Basically, Ben is too much of an "Ew, that's for babies" type of kid to enjoy playing with Sally 😭😭.

#sally williams #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #sally creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #ben drowned #jeff the killer #ticci toby #slenderman #nina the killer #THIS POSTED EARLY NOOOOOO

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seospicybin · 2 years ago

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HEART ATTACK.

I.N x reader. (s,a)

Synopsis: Jeongin was horrible to you when he first met you but he knew what real love is once he got to know you. (13,2k words)

Author's note: Happy birthday to the owner of sexy, foxy eyes!

The first time Jeongin met you, he was horrible.

You were walking alone at night and instead of offering you a ride home, he drove his car past you. Seeing you through the rearview mirror, he immediately hit the brake to stop the car.

By the time you came to his car, his mouth got dry and he had no choice but to let you in.

You told him to drive in circles around the park and somehow he obeyed, as the night got late, he parked the car near the playground.

The silence settled in the car and you reached to turn the car headlights off, then you pulled a flask out of your jacket pocket and took a gulp, passed it to him after.

The mischievous glints in your eyes dared him to take a sip and he did, grimacing at the bitter aftertaste of the alcohol.

You laughed while he sulked in his seat but he got better after a few more sips.

The flask was drained in no time and Jeongin was too drunk to drive his car. You both moved to the backseat and sat next to each other, talking in slurs with both of your heads resting against the leather seat, facing each other with the moonlight shining through the window.

Then you softly kissed him on the lips like you have done it a hundred times before this, slowly resting your head on his shoulder with such ease like you belong there, right next to him.

That was also the first time Jeongin got a taste of love.

Jeongin has his reasons for why he was so horrible to you.

To be frank, you are his least favorite type of person, aloof and wayward. The way you play is reckless and wild, you play piano like Liszt on crack and that's not a compliment.

The only common thing you shared is that you go to the same art school.

You wear dark-colored clothes every day to school and if you weren't with your friends which consist of mostly boys, you sit on the bench outside with a cigarette dangling between your teeth.

That night at the party, he found you in the backyard, leaning against the wall by yourself with a cloud of smoke above your head.

He unconsciously stopped on his track.

"Smoke?" You offered the cigarette between your index and middle finger at him.

He shook his head, "I don't smoke."

"Good for you!" You said then took another drag of your cigarette.

Jeongin scoffed because why he bothered to make a conversation with you?

He doesn't have anything against you, he just doesn't see you as someone he wanted to be friends with.

And it shouldn't hurt him that you chose not to kiss him for a stupid party game after that, maybe he would if you didn't make it seem like it would be a total waste of time just to give him a quick peck on the lips for the sake of it.

Instead of that, you threw the card across the table and left the game with such nonchalance.

All eyes were on Jeongin and he could see that everyone around him whispering. Why did you do that to him at a party? In the presence of almost everyone from school?

That hurts his pride so yes, he thinks he's allowed to be horrible to you that night.

To add to that, you were gone when he woke up in his car the next morning.

A few days after that, he was ready to move past it but then you refused to do a duet with him.

Again, should be fine driving past you when he found you walking home alone late at night like this.

But you waved your hand and walked to the side of the road, trying to stop him.

He hit the brake a little too hard out of annoyance, the reason why he was stopping though is unclear.

You opened the car door without his permission and sat on the passenger's side, "thank you for taking me," you said.

He clenched his jaws together and prevented himself from losing his cool, he only needed to drive you home.

The whole ride was so quiet and you rested your head against the window, humming a song he never heard.

"Thank you for the ride home!" You said before pushing the car door open.

"Oh, there!" You pointed to an apartment building at the end of the block, "that's me!"

Jeongin stopped the car right by the entrance of the building and he kept looking straight ahead, didn't want to even glance at you.

How could you ever so casually thank him for the ride home but refused to kiss him for a stupid card game? He couldn't hold back anymore.

"Why do you hate me so much?" He blurted out, snapping his head at you.

You pulled the car door close again and turned on your seat to face him, "Me? Hate you?" You asked with a baffled expression.

Jeongin scoffed and rolled his eyes, annoyed. You chose to act all innocent when he confronted you like this.

"You refused to be paired up with me for the piano duet," he was more than prepared to lay out all of the facts that pointed out all the possibilities of you hating him.

"And you refused to kiss me at the party," he added, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard the veins were prominent on the back of his hands.

You looked at him while trying to process his words, blinking your eyes with your mouth slightly pouting in wonder.

"Am I hearing that right?" You asked instead of answering him.

His eyes stared into yours rather intensely, boring into your soul.

The silence that hung in the small space inside the car only intensified the tension but you burst it with a chuckle.

"Are you saying that I caused all that insecurities?"

Insecurities? He scoffed.

He didn't feel insecure, he just wanted to know what's your problem. What was it in him that you don't like?

He wasn't feeling insecure, he was merely curious.

You leaned back on your seat and turned your head at him, smiling in the dark of his car that all he could see are your gleaming eyes.

"I didn't want to be your partner because I don't want to ruin your impeccable piano skill," you calmly explained.

One of his eyebrows raised, questioning your sincerity.

"I think everyone knows that I would only give you a headache," you further explained.

It was like someone just poured a bucket of water at the fire burning inside his chest and he didn't know what to say except try to clear all of the smoke away.

"Oh and for the kiss... I just smoked so I figure you wouldn't like it if I kissed you," you said.

You sighed into the void and the window started to fog with the car engine turned off, "but we kissed after that so...?"

So you did remember kissing him that night which also means you remember spending the night with him in the backseat of his car and leaving him alone.

"If I knew you would be mad like this—"

"I'm not mad!" He strongly denied it.

You pressed your lips together and tried again, leaned forward at him, and softly asked, "how about we go upstairs and we can do more than a kiss?"

This came too suddenly and he knew that he should refuse but Jeongin was seriously considering your offer when you cracked a laugh.

"I wasn't serious," you said with your head slightly tipped to the side.

That was mean, he thought. He clenched his jaw and tried to keep his cool.

Then your hand reached for the collar of his jacket and pulled him closer, leaving only a few inches of space between your face.

"But I'll make amends now," you said with a low voice it sounded like a whisper.

Softly, you put your lips on him and kissed him so slowly like you were trying to savor the taste of his lips little by little.

Somehow, he kissed you back with his hand and held you by your jaw, trying to get as much from you.

The taste of smoke was still there but all he could feel was your lips, soft and warm, brushing his over and over...

Until it kindled a fire in his chest, a different kind that warmed him from the inside.

You softly moaned when he parted your mouth open with his tongue and with his hand on your jaw, he could easily tilt your head to deepen the kiss.

It was like you read his intention, you angled your head slightly to the side and put your hand on his neck, allowing him to kiss you harder, deeper.

The sound of both of your heavy breathings bouncing around the small space until all of a sudden, you pulled away and put your hand over his lips.

You smiled with your teeth faintly biting your lower lip, "my place is on the 6th floor," you said.

You put your hand away from his lips and pushed open the car door, "come whenever you like."

Then what he heard next is the sound of the car door closed and he watched you walk into the apartment building while hugging yourself.

Okay, maybe you didn't hate him but he surely hated you for playing him like a fool and that kiss was the proof.

You are bad news and he should avoid it. He managed to do that just alright, pretending that you didn't even exist is an easy task for him.

But to do that after he took a few shots at the party and couldn't find you there, that was a different thing.

How he got to your apartment building and took a few flights of stairs to the 6th floor is blurry, he couldn't recall anything but he remembered banging on your door.

You opened it after a while, yelling something at him while he kept asking you the same question repeatedly, "Why aren't you coming to the party?"

The rest of the night was a blank to him and the next thing he knew the alarm blaring at 7 in the morning, his eyes snapped open and his head was pounding from the amount of alcohol he consumed last night. He felt hot waking up with all of his clothes on and only his shoes were off.

He heard a low moan next to him and that was when he realized he was sleeping next to you, on your bed, at your apartment and the reality rushed into his head at the speed of light.

"Morning," you sleepily greeted him after turning off the alarm.

Jeongin was suddenly aware of everything that he did last night, not sure about the details but he came here, uninvited. Especially knowing that he got drunk last night, he didn't feel great about this visit which unintentionally turned into a sleepover.

You turned to lie on your side and put a hand under the side of your head, "you look so surprised. Relax! We have slept together before," you reminded him.

"I'm sorry," was all he could mutter to you while rubbing the sleep and the exhaustion of his eyes.

"That's okay," you said.

You brushed your messy hair to the side, "we kissed, we slept twice," then you leaned in at him, "should we have sex now?"

The invitation came so suddenly but knowing you, he knew you didn't ask for it for real. You were playing with him like you did the other night.

He looked at your bare face and your hair was messy but in the most natural way and somehow that makes him didn't want to flatly reject you this time, he wanted to keep the option open.

"I don't think I—"

You placed your hand on his arm to stop him from talking, "Even though you said yes I'm afraid we can't. We only have an hour to get ready for our first class," your head gestured to the clock on your bedside table.

Jeongin unconsciously forgot that he has to go to school today and maybe that was why you didn't come to the party last night. He admits that was smart of you.

"You want to shower first...?" You asked and started to get up from the bed, sending the duvet sliding down your body.

"Or should we shower together and save some time?" You asked with that signature smirk of yours.

Jeongin didn't want to fall into your trap again so he fought the urge to say yes and shook his head, "you can go first," he answered.

You shrugged and put the duvet away, getting off the bed to make your way to the bathroom.

It never crossed his mind the sliver of thought of your body until he saw you walk around your room in your white tanktop with your hard nipples poking through the fabric and that cobalt blue underwear with thin straps that he believes he could rip it off of you without breaking a sweat.

Not only he was having a hangover, but he also got horny and that makes a bad combination. Maybe he should have taken the first turn considering how much he needed a cold shower.

The embarrassment didn't stop there, he made you park his car because your neighbor complained that his car is blocking the entrance to the parking lot.

Jeongin couldn't find anything to say to you without embarrassing himself more so he drove his car in silence while letting you choose something to listen to on the car radio.

You unbuckled your seatbelt the second his car is parked and took your bag from the backseat.

He knew he should say something at that moment, he blurted out before his pride got to him again.

"Thank your for—"

You slung your bag on one shoulder, "No need to thank me," you coyly said.

"I'll go out first and..." you pushed open the door of his car and a gust of cold air filled the car, then you stepped out of the car.

"You can continue to treat me like I don't exist," you added with a smile before shutting the door.

That felt personal but it's the easy smile on your face that made him feel uneasy, he felt rather bad for you.

When he thought about it again.

People have their own way of playing piano. At times your playing was overlaid with self-consciousness to an almost suffocating extent, always dissatisfied and disturbed but at the same time, offering warmth and a unique depth of tone.

There's no right or wrong in music or art in general. People just wanted to be understood because we can never really convey our feelings, ideas, or thoughts into words.

However, while he listened to you playing the piano, he understood then that you weren't the one who has issues with him, the truth is, it was him who has issues with you.

He couldn't bring himself to tell you about it, how he got everything twisted, or that he judged you too hastily.

Jeongin has always been a man who holds his pride above his head, the choice is the reserved him or the unfiltered version of him who would mercilessly speak his thoughts aloud.

Jeongin takes you as a person who didn't mind the latter version of him but he'll never know for sure.

You said you didn't come to parties on school nights and he guessed you would come this Friday night, he was wrong though.

He didn't stay long, he had a half glass of beer, then drove to your apartment, he didn't want to make the same mistake and parked his car properly at the available spot in the parking lot.

He knocked on your door with sheer doubt that you would welcome him, especially after he crashed in your place, drunk out of his mind.

You opened the door after the third knock and you didn't seem to be surprised by his visit, if anything, you looked coy as usual.

"I didn't see you at the party," he said and regretted that he used it as an opener.

You tipped your head to the side, "sober, huh?"

Jeongin sheepishly smiled, okay, that was fair.

You didn't say anything else but opened the door wide and walked back into your apartment.

He didn't know if he was welcomed and followed you inside.

"You're not going to come in?" You shouted from the inside.

Jeongin felt stupid for hesitating in the first place, he let himself in and walked further into your apartment, looking around for the first time with his conscious mind.

You stood by the dining table and leaned down to work on something on your laptop.

That was when he noticed all the drawing tools cluttering the table and drawings of things.

"I do commissioned arts as a side job," you spoke before he could ask for it.

Jeongin went to check the other drawings without your permission, "you chose the wrong major," he blurted out without thinking.

"Wow, my piano skill is that bad?" You sneered back.

He didn't mean to be rude and he didn't think it would come off as an offensive thing to say because he admired your drawings so much, he thought you have the talent for it.

"I didn't —"

You cracked an amused laugh, "I know but I only did this for fun and piano is a career wise choice, you know," you explained with a nonchalant shrug.

Jeongin let out a sigh but that relief didn't last long.

"So, why are you here?" You asked with one hand on your waist.

To be honest, he didn't know either but he wanted to see you and then you were right in front of him, everything that he wanted to say seemed to vanish when you asked him that.

"We kissed, we made out in your car, and we slept together twice," you said with narrowed eyes.

Jeongin remained speechless while you bravely took a step toward him.

"And you come sober this time..." you dragged your words as you slipped your hand into the pocket of his jacket, allowing you to pull him closer, closing in the gap between your bodies.

"Is it time finally time for us to fuck?"

You said it as if you'd been anticipating it and that was one way to turn him on, one that nobody has ever done to him.

He looked down at you in your oversized t-shirt that hung to your mid-thighs and he got curious about what you were wearing underneath.

"So, what is it?" You asked again with your warm breath brushing his face, making him aware of the proximity that he felt so hot all of a sudden.

Fuck pride, he wants you so much it didn't make sense to him anymore.

He pulled you by your neck and pressed a haste kiss on your lips, lathering them with hungry kisses that he didn't seem to get enough of.

If anything, he wanted to keep kissing you and grow an addiction to it.

You pulled away to catch a breath and grabbed the collar of his jacket, "you're lucky that I haven't smoked all day," you said and took it off of him.

Putting your hands around his neck, you clung to him and crashed your lips on him again.

Jeongin was more than eager to hold you, he traced the curve of your body and when his hands landed on your rear, he didn't wait to slip them under the hem of your t-shirt and squeezed the flesh.

The thin fabric of your underwear invited him to touch more but he wanted to see before he could go further, he hoisted you up against him and took you to your bedroom.

He gently lay you down on the bed then kissed you more, kissed you down until he kneeled on the floor, his head between your legs.

He made a trail of kisses down your inner thigh and landed his mouth right where you wanted him most, kissing your sex through the flimsy fabric of your underwear.

Jeongin got impatient as he could see your enticing core taking shape on the wet fabric of your underwear from his slick tongue and saliva.

You sat up on the bed then tugged at his hair, forcing him to get his mouth off of you

"I think we should stop," You suddenly said.

Jeongin abruptly stopped on his track and looked up at you, his head started to think of what he did wrong to you.

You looked at him and held his face in your hands, "you're gorgeous and I obviously want you, you can see how wet I am for you," you said.

You gave him a quick peck on the lips, "I guess we played enough and I'm getting impatient," you shamelessly admitted.

Jeongin was right, maybe you were the only one who can tolerate him considering how blunt you were at him. Don't get him wrong, he likes that very much.

"Well, that makes the two of us," Jeongin agreed and got up from the floor.

He stood in front of you with his foxy eyes staring straight into your eyes and you dared to stare back at his.

You began by taking your t-shirt off, threw it aside then your hand reached to your back to unclasp your bra.

Jeongin's eyes widened at the sight of your beautiful mounds and hardening buds that has been tantalizing him ever since he saw them through your white tanktop that morning.

Your hands went down to remove your underwear next, drenched from both his saliva and your essence, he helped by pulling it down your legs as you lift your hips.

Jeongin took a moment to admire your naked body against the white sheet, all sorts of thoughts rushing through his mind and they consist of ways to ruin you.

You were leaning back with your elbows propped behind you and a face decorated with such a sinful smile, "Your turn now," you said.

Jeongin complied without a word, proceeded to work open his shirt then let the piece of clothing falls onto the floor.

His hands moved to his jeans next and he was about to unbuckle his belt when you crawled over to the edge of the bed, stopping him.

"Let me just—" you didn't finish your sentence but reached for the belt loop on his jeans and pulled him closer by it.

You did it for him, slowly unbuckling his belt and pulling open his fly, the sound of you unzipping his jeans doubled the tension in the room.

Jeongin enjoyed seeing you from this view as you looked up at him through your lashes with your teeth faintly biting your lower lip.

Somehow, you leaned back on the bed again and sighed, "you can do the rest," you said.

He had no other option but to do what you asked, pulled his jeans down his legs along with his underwear, exposing himself to you.

You intensely stared into his eyes and once he caught you staring, you lowered your eyes down his body, making him aware of it that you were undressing him with your eyes.

Your eyes stopped on his swollen member, erected right at you, and flicked your eyes back to his. You kept staring with your eyes heavily tinted with lust and this lasted for a moment until you snapped yourself out of it.

"I'm impressed," you commented along with a sly smile.

You crawled to the side of the bed to get a condom out of a drawer, and ripped the foil wrapper open with your teeth, doing it with your eyes on him.

He wondered how you did all that without looking then he felt your hand around his cock, warm and soft hand stroking it a few times to finally roll the condom down his length.

You put your hands on each side of his hips once you were done, then said, "now come here."

You took his hands in yours and pulled him with you with all of your strength, sending him toppled on top of you.

Jeongin hurriedly put a space between your bodies and checked on you, "are you okay?"

Despite his concern, you were laughing under him and after a moment, you finally answered, "I'm okay."

You put your hands around his neck and pulled him closer, "you can put your body on top of me."

"I'm heavy," Jeongin naively said as if it wasn't obvious enough.

You softly chuckled, "I want to feel all of your weight on me," you said.

He hesitated and looked at you to see if this is one of your jokes.

You didn't wait for him to do it but kissed him, wrapping your legs around his waist and forcing him to put all of his body on you.

Still, Jeongin propped one hand against the mattress next to your head while deepening the kiss and taking things further.

He slowly entered you with your hand clawing his forearm, forming red crescent marks on his milky white skin.

The overwhelming sensation of slipping his cock inside you was none like the other that he too gripped your thigh so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"Fuck!" You cursed out loud that it startled him.

He went to lean in close to your face and cupped your face, "are you—"

"You're so fucking big," you suddenly said with an overwhelming sigh then that signature sly smile of yours returned to your face not long after.

You held him close as he started thrusting into you, you let him watch your face as you reacted to every move he made on you with sloppy kisses in between.

Your nails dug into his back as he began to get deeper inside you, "oh fuck, fuck," you cursed against his lips.

That didn't surprise him anymore but that inexplicably aroused him, the way you cursed with that hoarse yet seductive tone.

"Good?" He asked with his forehead pressed on yours.

You mewled and nodded, "you're so deep inside me," you murmured.

You openly spoke your thoughts out loud only aroused him more that he hastily kissed your open mouth and he got caught off guard when you flipped him over, making him pinned underneath you.

Forget about him saying he liked looking down at you, he liked looking at you looking down at him with your hands on his chest, feeling the muscles there and dragging them down to his abdomen.

Your hands slid up his chest and went to his shoulders, from there you traced his muscular arms, feeling the muscles contract under your touch then took his hands.

You put his big hands on your body, on each side of your waist, and seductively smiled at him as you started to guide his hands up your neck, brought them down to your chest then to the back, where he could squeeze on your ass cheeks.

"Does my body feels nice?"

"Yes," he replied without thinking.

You smirked and brought his hands back to your chest, fondling your breasts together with his hands as you started pulsating your hips back and forth.

It was like you and him were in a space that isn't bound by time, a space just made for this shared moment.

Jeongin isn't the type to romanticize his life but he feels deeply into it, into you.

When you leaned in to kiss him, he puts his hands around you and held you close, chasing your highs together.

It didn't hard to do so when you kept pleasing him that he felt like bursting.

A few thrusts later, he let himself go knowing that you cum a little before him, his mouth searched for yours and when he finally found it, your lips locked in a fiery kiss.

Jeongin woke up to the bed moving and through his squinted eyes, he saw you getting onto the bed and lying next to him.

"Morning," you greeted him.

Disoriented, his head looking around for anything that could tell him the time, he saw the clock on your bedside. It was a little after 9 in the morning.

"I've just finished drawing and I'm going back to sleep," you said while pulling a duvet up to your waist, "are you leaving?"

He brushed his hair to the back and rubbed his eyes, "I think so," he replied since you asked it.

You lay on your side facing away from him and hummed, "you can stay if you want," you added.

Jeongin thought about it but he didn't want to overstay his visit and disturb your rest. No matter how much he wanted to stay, it would be better if he gets out of your hair soon.

Then you turn your head at him, "can you spoon me?" You sounded so small when you asked him that.

You didn't wait for his answer, you took his hand and put it around you, pulled him until his chest meets your back, and closed your eyes.

"You can leave after I sleep," you mumbled with your eyes barely open.

But how can he leave when it's comfortable, staying in your bed while holding you tight, in this shared space with you?

He closed his eyes as he buried his nose in the nape of your neck, filling his nostrils with your natural scent.

That was when Jeongin thought what love was, it was firm like the way you held his hand but as tender as the gaze you gave him through your half-shut eyes.

Love was lying by your side and protecting you from harm. Love was holding you close all day and night.

Jeongin plays piano like Chopin would play Bach, very systematical like he was trying to solve a math problem with the correct formula. It's firm in places but doing it with utmost respect and admiration, almost like a love letter. It's flowing, streaming around the room, and sweeping everyone off their feet, it's mesmeric and effortlessly beautiful.

He's talented, that's for sure but what always caught your attention is his fingers, long and slender fingers that tenderly pressed on the piano keys.

You wanted to be treated just like that, with so much care and love.

"Play me like a piano," you said as you lay next to him on the be, you were wearing your sleeping attire of a tanktop and underwear.

Jeongin had been spending the last few nights at your apartment, you didn't care about what his intention is but you like having him around.

It was nice having him around, he's not nosy or asks too many questions, and he speaks only when needs to or if he has important things to say.

Everything is just so simple with him.

He must have thought he misheard you, he didn't answer but kept his eyes closed, listening to the music playing from the record player.

You nudged his shoulder with yours, "come on!"

His eyes snapped awake and turned his head at you, "what?"

"Play me like a piano," you enunciated the words to make sure he got it.

He chuckled with his eyebrows knitted in confusion, "how?"

You shifted on the bed and lay on your back, "put your hands on me and play me like a piano," you instructed him.

He put one hand on your stomach, "then?"

"Play me," you said.

He let out a confused laugh, "play you how?"

You rolled your eyes at him and thought of something, "Just think of my body as a piano."

Jeongin turned to lay on his side to face you with his hand still on your stomach, "Okay then... what do you want me to play?"

You thought of a selection of piano pieces you would want him to play on you.

"Chopin?" It was the right choice since Jeongin likes playing anything composed by him.

"What piece?"

"Nocturne," you shortly replied.

"Okay," he nodded and cleared his throat.

He began by splaying his fingers in your stomach and started to move them, pressing the imaginary piano keys on your body.

You giggled when his fingers touched the exposed skin on your abdomen and his hand strayed to your thigh.

Yet you kept your hands above your head and waited until he finished playing, pressing your lips together to not laugh even though some of his touches were tickling you.

You grabbed his hand as soon as he finished, brought it close to your lips, and kissed his fingertips.

"You have sexy fingers," you praised.

"Only my fingers?" He asked in disbelief.

You nodded while grinning.

He groaned in complaint and was about to take his hand away from you.

Your tight grip won't let it go and he relented, letting you hold his ring finger and slowly shoved it into your mouth.

Jeongin enjoyed watching you suck on each one of his fingers, he liked how your lips wrapped around them and made them wet with your saliva.

You always aroused him when he least expected it, pressing your mouth close to his ear to ask, "You know where to put them next, right?"

You guided his hand down south to your parted open legs where Jeongin no longer needs your instructions.

The moans escaped your mouth replacing the soft music playing as Jeongin incessantly pumped his fingers in and out of you with his mouth on your chest.

Your breasts spilled out of your tanktop and he was more than eager to take them in his mouth.

"Make a mark there!" You told him.

His clouded mind didn't hear you the first time, "huh?"

"Make a bite mark there!" You repeated with your hand on the nape of his neck.

He planted his mouth on the underside of your breast and gently sucked the skin. He stopped the second he heard your yelp of pain.

"Did it hurt?" He asked in a concerned tone.

You shook your head, "harder," you demanded.

He hesitated for a bit and planted his mouth on the other breast, opening his mouth wide and taking the ample flesh, sucking it hard that you mewled in pain.

When he let go, he looked at the blossoming mark on your skin and rubbed on it.

"Make a cute one," you demanded again.

"What do you mean by a cute one?" He asked, partly confused and amused.

You cupped your breast and pointed to where you wanted him making a mark next, right next to your hardening nipple, "bite me here," you ordered.

He tipped his head to the side, "Are you sure?"

You brought his head close by his neck and sank your mouth into the skin, you gave it a gentle kiss before taking a bite of it.

Jeongin groaned in response and gripped the sheet underneath his hand.

"Just like that," you whispered to his ear.

He looked at you with wide eyes as if he was asking you one last time if you were serious about what you requested.

You nodded at him, assured him that this is what you wanted, "come on," you murmured to him.

He licked his full lips, making them glistening wet to finally place his mouth on where you told him earlier and bite you there.

A loud moan escaped your mouth as you cum into his hand as if you've been waiting for him to do that to earn you that release.

The next morning as you got dressed for school, you noticed Jeongin liked seeing the marks on your skin, "like what you made, Picasso?"

He didn't answer but went to give you a back hug and kissed you on the neck, a long lingering one that makes your heart flutter and you're not the type to easily get butterflies in your stomach.

To be honest, you didn't like him that way.

He's gorgeous like you always said he is, it was obvious you were physically attracted to him and sex with him turned out great, it was like the two of you have a strong sexual chemistry if such a thing exists.

You didn't want to be seen together with him at school for the sole reason that you want to keep his options open, he's free to date whoever he wants.

There were so many choices for him, he's popular and it's hard not to like him when he's armed with sexy, foxy eyes and dimples. Not to forget, his long fingers that play piano so beautifully.

You didn't want to keep him for yourself when you know you were not the best egg in the basket.

Winter finally arrived and someone threw a party because the alcohol helps people to stay warm.

You came a little late and texted Jeongin to meet you there instead of picking you up.

You were getting yourself a drink when you spotted him talking to a girl and you thought it would be better to give him the space.

You quietly left the room and had a smoke on the balcony with a few other guys and joined in on their conversation.

You rarely smoke when you were with Jeongin, it just happened, that you forgot about it until then.

You leaned in as someone helped you light your cigarette when Jeongin appeared through the sliding door.

"Come with me," he said to you.

You took the unlit cigarette from between your teeth, "I'll come back inside after I finished this one," you answered.

"Come with me now," he said with an assertive tone.

The other guys in there were exchanging glances and you got uncomfortable if you had to stay there, you gave the cigarette back to someone and reluctantly followed him back inside.

"What's wrong?" You asked.

Jeongin didn't stop but kept walking and back to the party, out to the front yard. You sensed there was something wrong with him because you did nothing but had two cigarettes outside.

"Can you stop walking and start talking?" You stopped right by the front yard where no one dares to park their cars there.

Jeongin finally turned around to face you, "why you ignored me?"

"I didn't," you answered.

He looked irritated, his jaws all clenched and his eyes were tense, "you saw me there but then you left," he said.

"You were talking to someone so..." you stopped explaining yourself because there was nothing to be explained in the first place.

"So you chose to be with those guys?"

You saw his hands balled into fists a second before he shoved them inside his coat pockets, "they have some cigarettes with them and I kind of wanted to smoke," you simply replied.

He looked rather dissatisfied with your answer, he turned on his heels and started walking the other way.

You didn't know what got him pissed like that, you grabbed his elbow and stopped him from going. On top of that, you hate it when someone leaves in the middle of an argument.

He turned around at once and threw your hand off of him.

"Why are you so mad?" You blurted out a little too aggressively.

"I was waiting for you and when you came, you didn't even say hi but left to smoke with some guys," he answered with a deep crease between his eyebrows which made him appear so sinister with the only source of light coming from the garden lamps.

"I told you, I didn't ignore you," you calmly explained again then took another step toward him, "I saw you were talking to a girl so I thought you need the space, you know?"

"Why would I need the space?"

You shrugged, "she seems nice and cute, pretty much your type."

"I don't like her," he snapped.

That surprised you that you flinched an inch backward, "okay, I'm sorry, I was just guessing," you quickly muttered an apology.

These explanations didn't help to solve the issue and he was still mad, you started thinking of everything you did that might have upset him.

"Can you just tell me what makes you so upset?" You meekly asked, and you gave up on trying to assess your attitude because they mostly are problematic.

He let out a heavy sigh and a thick steam escaped his mouth on the cold winter air, "these past three months we've been together... and you thought it was nothing?" He asked in disbelief.

Oh? So it was about him having real feelings for you when you thought it was just a casual relationship. You avoided having feelings for him because he's way out of your league and it'd only break your heart in the end, also, that shit hurts.

"It was something for me," he sadly said then turned around to start walking.

You grabbed him by the sleeve of his coat, tighter, not letting him go this time. Without warning, you jumped onto his back, and sending both of you stumbled onto the cold, wet grass.

You were quick to pin him under you and you used the opportunity to explain everything, "You can't go anywhere now," you told him.

Jeongin didn't seem to fight his way out either, his hands stayed by his side but his face was still tense with anger.

You rested both of your hands on his chest to hold him down and let the truths out.

"Look, I've said before that you're really gorgeous," you began.

You looked into his eyes before continuing, "I didn't even know you would be just as attracted to me, okay? And the sex we had, oh... they're the best I've ever had and you have just the perfect dick, perfect size, length, girth, it's just perfect..." you shook your head to stop yourself from talking off-topic.

You saw that his face gradually softened as you spoke and something about it makes you elated, made you want to make that smile appears on his face.

"Anyway, I thought that was it, that's what we have, sex and nothing else," your fingers played with the button on his coat.

You looked away as you started to talk about what you truly felt for him and for the first time being open about it, "I didn't know you liked me that way..." your voice became lower as you spoke, "I mean, why would you like me that way?"

He reached for your chin and tilted your head down so he could see your face.

"But I do," He said, "and it's okay if you don't like me too."

He used his both hands to hold your face endearingly, "just don't dismiss me like what you did," he added.

You held his forearms and rested your cheek against his palm, "I didn't know, okay?"

Jeongin sat up and wrapped his hands around you, "but now you know," he said.

"Now I know," you repeated with a low voice.

He leaned in close and stopped with his lips only an inch away from yours, "Yeah?"

You nodded.

"What you know?" He teased you as his lips grazed yours as he spoke.

"That I like you too and..." your words trailed off as you put your hand over his mouth, "I smoked, you wouldn't like it if you kiss me right now," you reminded.

He put your hand away from his mouth and held it, softly he landed a kiss on your cheek.

You closed your eyes in reflex and he used the opportunity to kiss your closed eyelid, he dragged his lips down to the side of your face and made a trail of little along your jaw.

It's so unfair that he got to have these plump lips and knows how to put them to use, you lowly moaned as he continued the trail of kisses down the column of your throat.

Your hands gripped the lapels of his coat and moaned into his neck, seeking warmth from the proximity.

"I don't mind doing it in the open," you told him and gently pushed him away to put a space between your bodies.

"I'm not sure about doing it in the cold," you added with a grin.

Jeongin couldn't drive home faster, he took you to bed the moment you unlocked the door. The mints you took during the whole car ride helped to diminish the taste of cigarette on you, he kept kissing you despite you knowing he could taste it still.

You admired him more for that and gosh, he's just so damn attractive, his jaws looked more defined in the dim light of your room and so sharp he could easily cut you with them.

Seeing him get so impatient to get his hands on you excited you very much that your heart beats so fast, anticipating the pleasures that you know he'll bring to you.

Something about the way he moves made you realize that he wasn't just having sex with you, he was having sex to someone he has feelings for and that's with you.

"Does it mean we're girlfriend and boyfriend now?" You asked even though he was deep inside you.

He planted a deep kiss on your open mouth and answered, "yes."

You softly laughed because it sounded so childish but made you ecstatic inside. You have never been a fan of dating because it seemed so boring and conventional which fits a person like Jeongin.

But then you were in it and it wasn't that bad.

"Maybe I wouldn't like it so much if it wasn't with you," you didn't mean to say that out loud.

Jeongin chuckled upon hearing that and kissed you again, "I like it so much because it's with you," he remarked.

And you used to like it hard and rough, like it when you feel like it crushes your bones and sets your body on fire.

But doing it like this, with your hands intertwined and his eyes open wide, with him staring deep into your eyes and made you feel alive.

You thought you like him too much for it to be just "like".

There were only two weeks left before everyone is leaving for their winter break, including Jeongin.

You planned to give him his Christmas gift before he left and he had been complaining about the weather, not about the cold but he wished that it would snow soon.

"Why?" You asked as you sat in the backseat of his car with him while listening to Prelude in E minor by Chopin softly playing from the car audio.

"I want to watch the first snowfall with you," he said.

You laughed not in a mocking way, but in a sense that you couldn't believe someone like him wanted such a cliché thing.

You gave him a peck on the lips hoping that would console him and he kissed you back with a longer peck.

"You're not going home for the holidays?"

You shook your head, "I'm not a fan of family gatherings."

He raised an eyebrow at you, probably something that he never heard from anyone before but didn't ask further about it, "then come with me," he said.

"Yeah, sure, I'll pack my things tonight," you played along with him.

"I'm serious," he said with a facial expression that backed his words.

"Thank you for the offer but I'm not really daughter-in-law material," you joked with a lopsided grin and leaned into his side, your chin on his shoulder.

"Who said so?" He asked as he pressed tickling kisses on your neck but you couldn't get away with his arm around you.

You giggled as he kept nuzzling his head further into your neck, your hand was on his chest, feeling his nice pec there.

The window started to fog and the music changed to another song, your mouths eventually met again in a deep, titillating kiss.

"People would start to think we're having sex in here," you said against his lips.

"Said someone who doesn't mind doing it in the open," he said back with a teasing smile.

You cracked a laugh at his words, "If we weren't parked right outside our school building, then yes, I wouldn't mind."

"They can't see through the foggy windows," he whispered to you.

You put your forehead against him, "I'm a bad influence on you," you meekly said without the slightest bit of regret.

Jeongin captured your lips in a hard kiss that takes your breath away, one hand snaked under your sweater and you gasped as his palm made a contact with your skin.

"Your hand is cold," you whined as you stopped him from going further.

"I'm sorry," he muttered and took his hand back, holding your hand instead as he pressed another kiss on you.

You gasped again but his hand was only holding your forearm, then he saw the big band-aid on your inner forearm.

"What happened? Are you hurt?" His voice was tinted with concern.

You pulled the sleeve of your sweater to cover it, "it's this neighbor's cat... he despises me a lot," you explained but didn't give him the details.

It was the last day of school and no one knew that the two of you were dating. No actually, you didn't care if they know or not, as long as no one tries to stick their nose into your business then it's alright with you.

Jeongin seemed to have a different thought about it, it was as if he wanted to show you off to everyone and you understood that. Men are cocky like that.

"Hey," he greeted you as you took your things out of your locker.

You didn't greet him back but took a few books out of your bag and into the locker.

"You're not obligated to interact with me at school you know," you said, switching the books from your bag with the ones inside the locker.

Jeongin ignored your words and approached you, leaning his side against the locker room.

"Would it be weird if I kissed you right now?" He asked with one hand gripping the strap of his backpack, nervous at the thought that you would reject him

You let out a chuckle and shoved another thing into your bag, "no," you answered.

Jeongin triumphantly smiled and leaned in at you but your hand stopped him from coming closer, "it's just that if people see you with me, then they're going to think—"

"What?" He cut through your words.

"That I'm massively into you?" His sharp eyes bore into you.

You chuckled again, probably thinking that he wasn't serious about what he said. But you were wrong, he was ready to risk it all for you.

He grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him, "if that's what they're going to think then good," he said and put your hand away from his chest, then held it.

"I'm letting them know," he then pressed his lips to yours, it only lasted for a few seconds until you pulled away.

You didn't need to look around to know, you could feel those stares piercing you from every direction. Might as well give them a show by kissing him with your hand around his neck.

"I think they know by now," you said the moment you let go of the kiss.

"Even better," Jeongin responded.

Before you forgot and since he's always busy practicing his piano recital, you asked, "What time do you get off?"

"I don't have practice today," he answered as he put away the stray hair falling over your face, "why?"

"I want to take you somewhere," you replied with a cryptic smile.

"I hope it's somewhere I've never been," he said.

"I can sense the disappointment already."

He raised an eyebrow and got this hint of mischief from you, "oh?"

"Oh?" You repeated with a sly grin.

He leaned into your ear and said, "Why don't we just go now?"

You gently pushed him away from you and laughed, "meet me after school," you said as you walked away from him.

You waited on the bench while drawing something in your notebook, craving a smoke whenever you draw but you resisted the urge.

"What are you drawing, Picasso?" Jeongin asked as he approached you with that dimpled smile and wide strides.

You didn't answer but showed him what the drawing which was of bread with a smiley face on it.

He took a closer look at it and nodded, "is that me?"

Feeling playful, you drew abs on the bread and showed it to him, "this is you. A sexy bread," you added while laughing.

He looked at it again and chuckled. He put his hands around your neck and tilted your head up to meet his gaze, "funny, huh?"

You couldn't stop laughing and replied with a nod.

He leaned in closer to kiss you but again, you stopped him as you got up from the bench.

"Come on," you grabbed his hand before he could start complaining.

The school was about to be closed soon since everyone will be away the whole winter break, so you didn't have much time to properly prepare your plan.

You rushed to get where he needed to be so you can give him his Christmas gift, the janitor was kind enough to wait for you.

You pushed the door to the back of the theater where the acting major students are usually practicing and pulled Jeongin along with you, taking him to the stage.

"Why are you taking me here?" He asked with so much confusion.

"Shh..." you put your index finger over his lips, "just stand here and wait," you ordered.

You gave him a long kiss on the lips as a plea to make him stay, "I'll be back, I promise," you quickly added before leaving him alone on the stage.

You broke into a run to the operating booth where the stage operator usually works, you learned from your friend before how to operate it.

It wasn't hard to know which button to press when each panel was named based on its section and you went to turn off all of the lights.

You turned on the main spotlight and aimed it down right on Jeongin, you saw him covering his eyes as the light blinded him.

"Sorry!" You muttered even though you knew he couldn't hear it.

Okay, you got a little confused with the two buttons and it was vital you know which button to push, you gambled on it for a while then confidently pushed the one you think is right.

Then you saw, the fake snow started to rain down on him.

You ran back to meet him back on the stage and stepped into his spotlight, squinting to see him standing there in awe.

"It's my gift to you," you told him as you stood right in front of him.

Jeongin had this expression on his face you couldn't quite decipher so you seek answers from his eyes that twinkled under the spotlight.

He was unreadable still so you tried again, "you said you wanted it to snow soon so..."

You were aware of how bad you were at giving him a surprise and he was so quiet, you guessed he isn't that impressed.

"Happy early Christmas, I guess?" You finished with a shrug.

You let the moment slip in silence until you couldn't take it anymore, you took his hand and lightly shook it.

"Say something!" You whined and you hated how you sounded so demanding, if you weren't so desperate to know what he thinks about your gift.

He finally held your hand back and still didn't say anything after putting his forehead against yours, he let out a sigh, and the warmth of his breath brushed your cheek.

"Is it a good silence or a bad silence," you muttered to him, "Tell me!"

He went on to hug you and you allowed him, letting his arms take you into his embrace. He buried his head in your neck and stayed comfortable in his silence.

You gently nudged his head by your shoulder, "The fake snow will run out soon so you'd better tell me if you like the gift or not," you tried again for the last time.

There was another moment of silence until he finally spoke, "I love you."

You didn't hear him the first time with his head on your neck, "you love it?"

He lifted his head and looked at you in the eyes, he got his serious face on with the tensed jaws but there was tenderness in his gaze.

"I love you," he repeated a little louder for no one but you to hear but with all of his heart in it.

You would be lying if your heart couldn't feel it too, how those words thawed your cold little heart. A smile rose on your face and you could see how stupid you looked at that moment.

"Whoa! That's..." you were at a loss for words. A part of you knew that you should have said something back to him but honestly, your brain just couldn't compute any response at the moment.

Jeongin's gaze remain tender and his face played a sweet smile with his dimples sunken deep into his cheeks.

"I love you," he said again and the table had turned, it was your turn to be speechless.

"You don't have to say it back," he added and gently grabbed your chin between his fingers, keeping your head still as he placed a soft kiss on your lips.

The kiss that knocked on your heart to let him in and asked you to welcome it.

You didn't want to give him empty words but you did feel something for him, something that feels almost like it.

If it weren't for the two of you need to breathe, you would have kept kissing each other like there was no tomorrow.

It was you who got to break the kiss but kept your head close to him, "maybe I'll say it back to you if you help me clean up the stage," you said with a grimace.

He let out a low laugh, then pressed a haste kiss on your lips and melted you all over again.

Both of you were so impatient.

The moment you were back at your place, you threw yourself at him and he was more than eager to catch you, not letting you put a space between your bodies.

Clothes were off in a minute and the next minute, Jeongin sat on the bed while you straddled him. One arm curved around his neck while you moved, pulsating your hips into him.

Jeongin stared intensely into your eyes and a fistful of your hair in his hand, gently pulling at it.

"You feel so good," he muttered against your lips before taking them in his and giving you a deep kiss.

You slowed down the pace by rolling your hips in circular motions, feeling his whole length inside you and whimpering in pleasure with your head next to his.

He put his hand on the nape of your neck and kissed you, "I'll do it from here," he said to you.

You nodded and let him lay you down on the bed.

Jeongin carefully pulled out of you and put his body on top of you, leaning down to kiss your lips, neck, and chest.

He kissed you everywhere he could plant his soft lips on.

"You're so beautiful," he praised you along with a soft kiss on your forehead.

You never knew a kiss anywhere but your lips can be so romantic and make your heart palpitations.

"Thank you," you muttered back and kissed him on the lips.

A moment passed with him making out with you and filling the quiet of your bedroom with the smooching sounds coming from the kisses.

Then soon got replaced by your long, low moan as he entered you once again.

"Perfect..." you murmured once he fully buried inside you.

"You are perfect," he murmured back with his dimpled smile.

He got your hand clasped with him and pinned next to your head as he kept thrusting into you, making you squirm, moaning, pleased to no end.

Maybe it was because of those three words he said to you earlier that makes the sex feels so different in a sense.

You could see it in his eyes, on each kiss he gave you or the way he moved against you, it was as if he was playing the piano, doing it with utmost admiration that it was almost like making love.

Or maybe he was making love with you.

You brought his head close by his neck and kissed him, "slap me," you said.

Jeongin was too focused on pleasing you to hear you, "Huh?"

You whispered it right into his ear, "slap me," you ordered.

He abruptly stopped moving but you gestured for him to keep going, "don't stop, don't stop," you repeatedly said to him.

He obeyed and kept thrusting into you at a steady pace.

"Slap me," you ordered a little louder.

His eyebrows knitted and a concerned look was drawn on his face.

You kissed him to reassure him you wanted this, put his hand on your cheek, "do it!"

Jeongin acted out of reflex and slapped your face, unintentionally a little too hard that you gasped in surprise.

He immediately checked on you, "Are you—"

With your hands on his waist, you guided his body to keep moving and looked at him again.

"Harder!" You commanded.

"I don't want—"

"Slap me harder!" You insisted.

Jeongin did what you forced him to do and slapped you harder than before until your face turned to the other side.

You could feel it throughout your body like someone just set your body on fire, you felt so alive.

At that moment, one thing became clear to you. You turned to face him again then pulled him for a kiss.

"I love you," you finally said back to him even though you were hours late.

Then kissed him again with all of your heart and moved along with him, moaning into his mouth as you got closer to your release.

"Jeongin," you called him between your moans.

He looked at you with his jaws all clenched with a piercing gaze, how did you not get aroused when he was fucking you looking that sexy?

"I love you," you repeated, afraid that he missed it the first time you said it.

He didn't answer but placed his mouth on yours, responding to your confession with a kiss that was a little less tender than the one he gave you under the fake snowfall.

You thought it was just the grey winter sky but it was only 6 in the morning when you saw Jeongin getting dressed.

You shifted on the bed, closer to the side of the bed where he usually sleeps.

"Hey, aren't you leaving for the trip later in the afternoon?" You asked with a sleepy smile on.

He picked up his shirt from the floor, "yeah."

You sat on the bed while clutching the duvet to your chest, shielding you from the frosty morning air.

"But you're leaving in the afternoon, right?" You asked again.

He tucked his shirt inside his jeans, "I haven't packed my clothes," he shortly replied.

He looked a little out of it like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed when you were sure you stayed on your side.

You tried to stay positive despite his eerily calm attitude, "want my help with the packing?"

He shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed, he gave you a kiss on the top of your head, then said, "I can do it myself."

He kindly refused your offer but somehow it felt so bitter on your end.

"Just go back to sleep," he said with a soft caress on your cheek.

You nodded then slumped down the bed to rest your head on the pillow, you held his hand and kissed the back of his hand.

"See you later," you said.

He took your hand and did the same, giving your hand a long kiss.

You couldn't go back to sleep after he left with a faint smile on his face. You gave up trying and got dressed to go to his place, whether he needs your help or not, you were sure he would love the company.

On the way there, you kind of figured out what tick him off. You certainly didn't want to tick him off again the second time, but you planned on talking it out with him.

You knocked on the door and smiled the second he opened the door.

"Hey, I brought coffee!" You announced, showing him the cups of coffee in your hands.

"Come in!" He stepped aside to let you in.

You put the coffee cups on a table nearby and took your coat off, "you have a very habitable place," you commented.

It was the first time you came to his place and it looks so nice and cozy, it was indeed a more habitable place compared to yours.

"I came to help," you said then saw the luggage in the corner of the room.

"Oh, I'm too late for that," you said as your smile faded along with your enthusiasm.

Jeongin sipped his coffee while leaning against the dining table, leaving a big space between you and him. You felt uneasy with the wide gap so you walked up to him.

You caged him with your hands on each side of him, "you don't seem to be excited to go home," you teased, leaning your head close to his.

You looped your hands around his neck and a leg hooked around his, clinging to him. You didn't know what got into you but the need to be so close to him.

Jeongin looked at you, he seemed to be contemplating whether to let you continue or stop it.

"Why don't you stay? We can have Christmas and New Year together," you bat your eyelashes to him even though you knew you're so bad at doing the puppy eyes.

It seemed to be a success because he put his coffee cup away, then put his hands around you.

You felt some sort of relief even though you didn't know why you had been holding your breath and nestled your head into his neck, "do you really have to be away for the whole two weeks?"

He lowly chuckled in response and that didn't say much. You on the other hand never felt this attachment to someone before, you grew fond of him in a short amount of time.

You couldn't believe that you were capable of being sentimental about being away from someone when all this time you have been isolating yourself from other people.

"I'll be back before you know it," he told you with a tender kiss on your forehead.

It was supposed to console you but instead, you got hit by a wave of sadness that you felt like crying into his chest.

You looked up at him and saw the smile that didn't emit the same warmth, got your heart breaking because something you did might have caused this.

"You're still here but why do you already feel so far away from me?"

He smiled again and cupped your face in his hands, "I'm here," he said, pecking your lips a bit too briefly to be counted as a kiss.

You swallowed the tears that slowly made their way out of your throat, "was it something I did?"

He remained silent and looked at you with a cryptic expression on his face.

"Was it because of last night when I asked you—"

He stopped leaning against the table and hugged you, he gave you a long, lingering kiss as he squeezed your body with a tight hug.

He let go with a gasp, "I should go and check the car," he said.

When it was time to leave, your heart shrank for every second wasted not being in his arms. You clung to him again, didn't let him go for as long as you can.

"I love you," you croaked.

He caressed the side of your face, "love you," he said back but it sounded so worn out like he already got tired of saying it to you.

"Drive safely!" You said for one last time and looked away.

It shriveled as he got into his car with all of his bags and luggage tucked in the trunk.

It hurts to see him go away and no matter how much air you took, you stayed breathless, lifeless.

Jeongin realized that it was so wrong of him to keep ghosting you.

The last time he sent you a text was to let you know he arrived home safely and you kept sending him texts to ask about his days.

You eventually stopped texting him, probably sensing that they would be a nuisance to him.

He lay awake at night and stared at the phone screen, at all of the texts you sent him, half drunk from the alcohol he consumed during the Christmas dinner.

It was so wrong of him to at least send you a Christmas greeting but he couldn't bring himself to do it without thinking of that night.

He drank more alcohol to drown himself in his sorrow and slept on it.

Not until it was the next morning that he noticed he got new messages in his inbox but it was for a voicemail.

He knew the number, it was yours. He pushed the phone close to his ear and listened to it.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I hope you're having a great time with your family and that's why you forgot to text me," you said with a chuckle at the end of the sentence.

"I'm having a... Christmas dinner with the neighbor's cat who despises me a lot," you informed and he could hear the faint mewl in the room.

"He'll be with me until the new year."

He heard the rustling from your end then your low sigh, "looking out my window now and it's snowing..."

Jeongin only realized it then, the snow piling outside the window and the backyard of his house.

"You got what you wished for," you said with that adorable little squeal you have in your voice, "you have the white Christmas you wanted."

He heard another sigh from you again, "the snow... it's beautiful..."

This time he heard a sniffle, "I miss you..."

Swear to God, it felt like someone just ripped his heart out when he heard that.

"Anyway..." he heard another mewl then you sadly chuckled at it, "Happy Christmas!"

There was a moment of silence, he could only hear the static hum of the phone line like he knew it was about to end.

He didn't hear anything else from you but the call line ended.

It was like that day all over again.

He felt so inexplicably sad to see your figure shrinking in his rearview mirror until you disappeared.

Then you were only existing on the texts you sent him but they stopped coming.

That phone call just ended as well and he didn't have anything else that linked him with you.

As he stared at the snow falling into the ground, he felt unbearably sad and empty.

Jeongin managed to cut an hour from the time it took to get to you.

He didn't bother taking his things out of the car, he wanted to see you as soon as possible. You were probably asleep at this hour but he couldn't wait any longer, he missed you so much it felt like he was barely breathing.

He needed to see your face that he longed for so much.

You were indeed looking like you dragged yourself out of the bed to open the door and it took you a moment to register that it was him standing in your doorway.

When he crashed his body against yours that was when you snapped out of it, "Jeongin?"

You hugged him back despite being still disoriented, "why are you here?"

He held your face with both hands and kissed you softly yet intensely to fill him up with the warmth that he had been seeking.

You held his hands by the wrists once he pulled away from the kiss, "you're not coming here to break up with me right?" You sounded downhearted, almost faint like a ghost.

He smiled to let you he came for you, to be with you and not letting you alone with your thoughts.

"No," he answered while shaking his head.

You let out a big sigh of relief and melted into his chest, "oh okay, good, that's all I need to know."

How did you find the time to entertain him in a moment like this?

It was late at night and the exhaustion of driving for five hours dawned on him, he washed up and put on a clean t-shirt you lend him.

He joined you on the bed and had your head resting on his arm.

A moment passed without anyone speaking but the constant hum of the heater in the room and the room was dark except for the light flooding in from the bathroom.

"Are you awake?" You asked.

"Mmh."

You shifted to lay on your side, facing him on the bed and he could make out the shape of your face even in the darkness.

"You know when I was a little, I had this bad habit of putting strange objects into my mouth for no reason," you shared a random fact about yourself all of sudden.

"One time, I swallowed like.. a wooden bead out and I nearly got choked by it, then it turned into a big of a deal, dad was yelling at my mom, it was—" you let out a big sigh.

"Ever since then, my mom would always watch me playing and that day, she caught me shoving this tiny plastic toy into my mouth, she came rushing and slapped my wrist so hard it stings."

You were telling him this story as you looked at the void behind him like you were watching your memories playing in the back of your head, "I remember how painful it was that I cried then my mom said, 'it's because I love you'."

Then your eyes shifted to his as you drew a breath through your nose, "every time she did that, I reminded myself that's because she loves me," you sadly said.

He held your hand and it was cold, so he pulled you closer, pulling the duvet to cover you. He rubbed your back as you continued talking.

You weakly smiled as you put your hand on his chest, "A slap on the wrist, a hit on the face, a lip split, bruises. That's love for me."

Jeongin didn't realize he was crying until tears rolled down his cheeks, he hurriedly hid his face in the crook of your neck and stayed there.

It pains him to learn that that's what love is to you.

You grew up thinking that love has to hurt, that love isn’t really love unless it feels like a slap to the wrist.

For you, real love is a bad habit. Real love is the cigarettes that you smoke. Real love makes your lungs black.

Jeongin learned the truth and you have nothing to hide anymore from him.

Whether he'll try to understand or give you up completely, you'll respect his decision.

You love him and it was the first time you didn't need to hurt yourself to a certain extent to know that it's real. That makes the idea of losing him send you spiraling into a pool of sadness.

"Do you hate me because I asked you to hurt me?" You asked.

Jeongin lifted his head with his wet cheeks glistening in the dark, you wiped them for him with the back of your hand.

"I don't think I can hate you," he said as he put his hand on one side of your face.

"I hated myself for hurting you," he corrected your statement.

"I don't want to love you that way. I want to love you without hurting you," he explained as he gently squeezed your cheek and let you feel the warmth of his palm.

You nodded, "I'm sorry that I'm a messed up person. I told you, you shouldn't like me that way."

He was quick to hold you and put his body on top of you, he made sure to not put his whole weight on you by propping his elbow on the bed.

He looked into your eyes and tenderly caressed your cheek with his knuckles, "I'll never hurt you."

You crumbled under his soft touch and tears burst out of you like a waterfall, the streams kept flowing and brought your sadness along with them.

The cat that jumped onto the bed broke the emotional moment and he kept on meowing like he was telling you to stop crying because the noise disturbed his sleep.

Jeongin only noticed it then you have another band-aid on your hand, "he did this to you?"

You nodded and let him rub over it, "it doesn't hurt anymore and we're getting to know each other better now."

"You shouldn't have agreed to take care of him," he nagged while narrowing his eyes at the cat who lays next to your feet.

"You know you used to despise me as well," you reminded him.

"I didn't despise you, okay?" He strongly denied your remark.

You lowly chuckled and put your hand across his chest, "that's okay. That doesn't matter anymore," you said.

Jeongin sighed in defeat, then grumbled, "don't compare me with that cat."

You only responded with a laugh at how childish he sounded when he spoke.

"That's not a cat. That's the spawn of satan," he said as he threw daggers with his eyes at the feline at the end of the bed.

The cat hissed at him as if he could sense Jeongin's hatred toward him.

"Oh, don't be jealous," you teased him.

You grabbed his chin and tilted it a little downward, slowly you placed your lips on his warm and plush lips, giving him a kiss that conveyed how grateful you were that he decided to stay.

"I love you," you said the second you let go of the kiss.

He smiled upon hearing those words from you and gave you a light, feathery kiss on your lips.

"I love you," he finally said back.

And real love hurts without having you bleed. Real love makes your chest aches. Real love is a heart attack.

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