#birthday celebration place
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PARK JIMIN + dominating the stage with his aura (cr. namuspromised, jung-koook) | [template]
happy birthday, annie! @kimtaegis 💜
#jimin#park jimin#pjm#jiminedit#bts#btsedit#btsgif#gif#annietrack#userkelli#usersky#userdimple#raplineuser#rjshope#tuserandi#useremmeline#usermaggie#kpopedit#dailybts#pjmdaily#bangtan sonyeondan#hi annie my love my angel my light! happiest of the birthdays sweetpie 💕#wishing you the best today and ALWAYS! i've never seen someone with such great light as you and mimi in my whole life#i hope this inner light you have lasts for a long long time! your light radiates through the world and illuminates wherever you go#you're precious you're rare you're a gem (that's why the diamond shape hehe) and i love you so so so so much 💜#there was supposed to be more moments but my computer couldn't handle the files so that's why is missing a SMFpt2 and like crazy perf 😔#and a LOT of idol performances too 😭 (ty kayla for this information i'm gonna use it later *invisible text to annie*)#and ofc he dominates every place just like you but tried to keep it only on stage for this one#i digress i hope you like it <3 happy birthday my angel!#posting this right now to celebrate in every time zone 🫶🫶🫶
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MIA'S 1K CELEBRATION → 💌 + 💜 for @morgana-pendragon ⤷ happiest birthday, abbie! ♡ (insp) (quote)
#HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST <3 i hope you have the loveliest day i love you so much#*#the good place#thegoodplaceedit#tgpedit#cheleanor#abbie tag#tuserabbie#mia celebrates 1k#useraish#userleila#arthurpendragonns#ughmerlin#tuserella#usertreena#alielook#usersalty#userives#usergiu#usernik#userzaynab#userriel#tusercat#usertiny#userdean#trueloveistreacherous#usertina#useraurore#usersavana#usermorgan
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(part 3 of November Paramedic; part 2 is here.)
When Gareth mentioned a plan to locate Eddie’s paramedic in shining armor, Eddie assumed it'd be him getting into various accidents all over Indianapolis. It's something the little shit would've found funny, okay! But, Gareth's plan is much less hazardous and slightly more logical: lurk around the university until they spot him. Like a pair of drug dealers trying to tempt the goody-two-shoes protagonist into addiction and sin on an 80s Saturday morning cartoon.
It's not the simplest task since they don't know when Steve might be there. Also, other responsibilities mean they can only spare so many hours loitering. So, thirteen days post-hatching plan and nineteen days post-meeting Steve (not that Eddie's been counting or anything), with nothing to show for their ethically questionable behavior, Eddie is ready to give up. Especially since both of them have a rare simultaneous day off. Usually, those are spent jamming, smoking, playing D&D… literally anything other than this.
"This is fucking stupid," he says, cigarette clenched between his teeth. "We're not gonna run into him."
"Sure we are," Gareth says. He drops his butt among the dozens they've chain-smoked and lights another without meeting Eddie's gaze. "We're getting closer. I can feel it."
"The only thing you're feeling is delusional. It's time to give up."
"Eddie, c'mon-"
"Nope." One last drag and Eddie stomps out his cig. "Fuck this; I'm out."
He stalks toward his van at the far end of the parking lot. Gareth curses before running after him.
"Dude!" he exclaims, jogging to keep up with Eddie's longer strides. "You can't just give up! What about what you said-"
"I was being stupid. What was I even imagining? We orchestrate another meeting and, what, I use my freakish wiles and seduce him? And then we'll live happily ever after…" Eddie shakes his head. "It doesn't work like that. He'd probably turn out to be a douche anyhow."
"No, listen!" Gareth seizes Eddie's arm and yanks him to a stop in the middle of the lot. "You always do this. Self-sabotage and cut things short, even when there's potential."
Eddie scoffs. "You know what else always happens? I end up liking them more than they like me. It's not fun."
"You don't know it'll be like that this time. You have to try."
"No."
Eddie takes a step back. He's done; he's out. Gareth reaches for his wrist to pull him back in. He jerks away, almost losing his footing and stumbling into the burgundy car behind him. Gareth's arms shoot out to help, but Eddie steadies himself before crashing. For a second, silence reigns as they assure everyone's on solid ground. Then Eddie opens his mouth to once and for all-
"Eddie? Gareth?"
Their heads snap to the side, eyes landing on… Max? Looking unusually dressy in high-waisted shorts and a fitted top under an oversized jacket, and her hair in a high ponytail. She's got her skateboard under her arm, a messenger bag with a textbook sticking out, and a confused furrow between her eyebrows.
"What are you doing here?" she asks.
Fuck. They can't tell her the truth – she'll never let him live it down. Fortunately, Gareth realizes this too, because he says:
"Uh, I go to school here? What are you doing here? The math building is way over there."
She rolls her eyes and leans on the burgundy car. It's a shiny BMW M5 – the limited anniversary edition. Jesus fucking Christ, Eddie almost dented that thing! It's worth more than his life. And Max is slouching against it like it's nothing. He could warn her not to scratch it, but she's unlikely to care; she's always been metal that way.
"Waiting for my friends," she says. "We have dinner on Tuesdays."
Eddie's ears ignite. Dinner? With friends? While wearing what's basically a date outfit?
"Ooohhh…" he says, sharing a grin with Gareth. "And do these friends include someone special?"
She shrugs, looking anywhere but at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"C'mon, Red! You're killing me! I need to know if he's good enough for you."
His fingers hover over her ponytail, as if to tug at it. She slaps his hand away.
"You're annoying."
He laughs. This terrible day just became infinitely better. He won't rest until he gets what he wants – or until she punches him, which'll probably come first. He's about to tell her so when a voice calls her name. Both turn to look, and…
It's a boy Max's age. He's beaming and waving, quickening his steps toward her. She smiles too, almost shyly, as she waves back. It's the perfect opportunity for teasing, if Eddie's day hadn't just become infinitely better.
His tongue is heavy, his skin is itching, his heart is bruising his ribs from the inside. Sweat is gathering in his pits and it's getting a little hard to breathe. Because walking half a pace behind the boy, carrying a huge duffel with such ease it might actually be stuffed with feathers, is… is…
"Yesssss!" Gareth hisses next to him. He may also be fist-pumping. Eddie isn't looking.
"Hey!" The boy stops in front of Max. "Sorry, practice ran late."
"It's okay," she says, cooler than ice, though her eyes are glittering. "I just got here."
She says something else, or maybe the boy does? It's all background noise, because Steve has caught up. Steve, in jeans and a polo that must've been tailored to his exact measurements because oooooooooohhhh boy. Steve, unshouldering the bag, muscles shifting and straining under his shirt with the movement. Steve, smiling, his golden eyes flying over Eddie.
"Hey! Eddie and Gareth, right?"
Eddie draws a sharp breath. He remembers!
"Y-Yeah!" he squeaks, hands fluttering to either wave or shake hands, ultimately doing neither. "Hi! You're here!"
"I am," Steve says, casual, as if inane conversations with former patients happen on the regular.
(It better not – Eddie doesn't do well in competitive settings.)
Max, keen eyes darting between them, asks, "You know each other?"
"Met at work," Steve says. "Or, I was working and he…"
"Ah." Max taps her temple. "That."
"How do you know them?" the boy asks her.
She points at Eddie. "Neighbor. And that's the guy who dumpster dives outside our apartment building."
Gareth flips her off. Eddie would laugh, but he's busy pretending he doesn't know what Steve looks like shirtless. It's hard (pun slowly growing more relevant) – his gaze keeps dropping to the polo's undone top button. Steve is just as gorgeous out of uniform, and now Eddie's thighs are tingling with want. He could stare at him forever…
Unfortunately, 'forever' is cut short by a woman arriving in a flurry. Wait, no. 'Flurry' implies some sort of graceful whimsy, while this person… she's a hurricane crashing into a house.
"Sorry I'm late! Nielsen wouldn't stop talking and got angry when people started leaving because it's an important lecture so this girl called him out for not keeping time because he goes on all these tangents and he said they're interesting tidbits and she said it's disrespecting our time and-" She pauses for breath. "You don't care, do you?"
Max, Steve, and the boy shake their heads.
"Right. Sorry." The woman turns to Eddie and Gareth. "Hi! I'm Robin. And you are?"
"My neighbor and his friend. Steve treated his concussion," Max rattles off, glaring at them. "You didn't answer my question: why are you here?"
Gareth frowns. "I told you," he says, pointing at the building. "School." He points at himself. "Student."
Max glares harder. "You don't have class on Tuesdays. And Eddie doesn't go here at all."
"I had stuff I needed to drop off."
"Is tagging along a crime? Jesus."
Max doesn't reply, though her glare remains.
Robin hums. "Okay, so this is super-enjoyable, I love just standing around, but I'm starving, so…" She looks at Steve, who nods.
"Yeah, we're going," he says, but neither moves. He glances at Eddie, which makes her glance at Eddie, and then they make a series of eyebrow-movements at each other, ending in a shared smile. Steve asks, "Have you guys eaten yet?"
Eddie shakes his head, pulse racing. Is this going where he thinks it is?
"D'you wanna come with? There's this diner we like…"
Holyshityesitis!
"Yeah!" Fuck, too eager. "I mean, uh, sure, sounds good."
"Cool." Grinning, Steve clicks a remote car key; the burgundy BMW beeps. What the fuck? How high is a paramedic's salary?! "Did you drive here?"
"I, uh…" Eddie falters. Shit, wasn't he supposed to? It's been three weeks and he feels fine – he thought he was in the green!
"Nope! I did!" Gareth says, 'proving' it by hauling his house keys from his pocket and jingling them.
Steve nods. "Should be safe for you to drive again, but the less strain you put on your brain, the better. Even a mild concussion isn't anything to sneeze at."
"Y-Yeah, I've been taking it easy. Basically done nothing. Until now."
Max snorts. Eddie is going to pour coffee through her mail slot.
They decide Eddie and Gareth will follow Steve's car to the diner, since Steve can't fit all of them (the real reason he asked if they drove here, duh). It's good because Eddie gets the chance to panic/gush/collect himself in the privacy of his van. It's bad because Gareth drives, lest their fib be revealed. Gareth spends the ten-minute journey gloating about driving Eddie's beloved girl, interspersed with 'I told you so!'s.
The diner is cozy, all wooden furniture and sepia photographs on the walls. A graying waitress who smells like tobacco directs them to a booth and takes their orders. An awkward silence then falls as they wait for someone to speak.
The boy clears his throat. "My name is Lucas, by the way. I don't think I said." After shaking his hand and introducing themselves, Lucas says to Eddie, "I think Max has mentioned you."
"Oh yeah? I've been dying for her to mention y- Ow!"
Eddie rubs where Max kicked his shin. Her glare is murderous. Lucas is blushing happily, though.
"So, what d'you guys do?" Robin asks.
Right. Time to small-talk like adults. Eddie gets his job as a mechanic out of the way, then gives the word to Gareth, who tells them he's a creative writing major. Robin turns out to be getting a masters in linguistics and Lucas studies biology.
"I don't actually know what I want to do, but biology feels broad enough to give me options, y'know? I can go to med school, or forensics, or, I don't know, paleontology?" he says. Max glows brighter with every word that comes out of his mouth. Cute.
This then segues into talking about their friends, who by the sound of it lead incredibly interesting lives.
"Dustin's at MIT, Mike's at Oxford, Will's in San Francisco…" Lucas says, counting on his fingers.
Max interjects, "El's in Africa building houses and teaching kids English."
"Erica is still at home, finishing high school and drowning in early acceptance letters to, like, every Ivy League there is," Steve says with a look of pure pride.
"Nancy and Jonathan – they're our age – are chasing scoops in Afghanistan… " Robin says.
"... and Argyle is also in California," Lucas finishes.
Eddie whistles. "And here we are, still in Indianapolis."
"Dude, I'm surprised I got this far," Steve says. "Wouldn't've managed without her."
He jerks a thumb in Robin's direction, who preens at the acknowledgment. Robin's cool, Eddie decides. Garrulous but fun and nice… and verrrrrrrrry close to Steve. The kind of close where they're always in each other's space. Where they wordlessly transfer food between their plates. Where Steve unceremoniously wipes a speck of ketchup off Robin's chin after she repeatedly fails to get it. They're comfortable, but not necessarily romantically affectionate. Like they're siblings rather than lovers.
(Dear God, if you are in heaven, let them be siblings.)
Conversation flows. They joke around, tell stories, swap opinions. Robin gets passionate about tonal shifts when stage shows are adapted to film, and Eddie tries not to stare at Steve's mouth as he eats. And then, once their plates are cleaned and they're waiting for dessert, Gareth leans his elbows on the table and fixes Steve with a purposeful look.
"I figured out where I've seen you before."
Eddie stiffens.
Steve blinks. "At campus, right?"
"Thought so, but no. I realized it's actually…" Gareth chuckles. "It's ridiculous, but uh, my mom had this calendar…"
Steve recoils, red flooding his face. Robin, Lucas, and Max shriek in delight, Robin grabbing Steve's arm and shaking it as he hides behind his hands.
"And my mom," Gareth says between bursts of laughter, "she's shameless, all right? She kept it in our kitchen. So during, what was it, November?"
"November," Steve confirms, muffled.
"For 30 days, if I wanted to check the date or make a notation… I saw you."
Tears stream down Robin's face, she's laughing so hard. She and Max have started chanting 'Slut! Slut! Slut!' at the still crimson Steve.
"You don't understand," Lucas says, gesturing for emphasis. "We've been waiting for someone to come up and say 'hey, weren't you…?' for years. Thank you so much!"
"Hey, thank my mom," Gareth says. Eddie's quite stunned he'd throw his own mother under the bus like that. She's a really nice person, too!
"Makes sense," Max says. "Moms love Steve."
"All parents do," Lucas says.
Cackling, Robin pinches Steve's cheek. "Gotta hide your mom and your dad around Steve!"
Steve bats her off, flushed but smiling. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. You got your wish, now shut it."
That only makes the three restart the chant to ridicule him for his harlotry. Steve's indignant squawk that 'it was for charity!' merely has everyone laugh more.
And Eddie? Well. As he sits beholding this man who works as a paramedic and drives a luxury car, who models for charity and allows his friends to mock him for it, who blushes and giggles when they lovingly call him a whore…
All Eddie can think is that he's in fucking trouble.
Afterward, it only makes sense for Eddie to drive Max home. Steve shakes his hand outside the diner, saying it was nice to see him again. Eddie, not knowing how to ask for Steve's contact info without seeming weird, agrees. He waits until the BMW drives off, then tells Gareth to get the fuck out of his seat. Gareth relocates to the backseat, whining since Max already called shotgun.
The initial minutes, they're quiet. Then Max turns to Gareth and says:
"When were you telling me Eddie is your mom?"
"Huh?"
"You said you knew about the calendar because of your mom. But that's not true."
The warmth drains from Eddie's face; his knuckles crack around the steering wheel. Gareth's expression is the epitome of 'oh shit' when he meets Eddie's gaze in the rear-view mirror.
"Yes, it is," Gareth says.
"It's not," Max says.
"It is!"
"It's not! The calendar was for 2021, and in November '21 you were a freshman and had already moved into the dorms! If your mom kept it in her kitchen, you wouldn't have seen it!"
She scowls at Gareth, mouth pinched and eyes flashing, daring him to contradict her.
Gareth swallows thickly. "It… wasn't for 2021."
"Yes, it was."
"How do you know?"
She puts her hands in her lap and lifts her chin, almost primly. Eddie gasps as the penny drops.
Gareth screams, "WHAT!"
"You have it?" Eddie cries. "Why do you have it?"
She scoffs. "You know why – you've seen his pecs."
"I don't- Okay, how're you so sure it's me?"
"Because you spent all of dinner looking like you wanted to crawl inside his mouth and live there." Her nose wrinkles. "At least I hope it was his mouth you want to crawl into-"
She's cut off by Gareth shouting "I can't hear you! Lalalalalalala-"
Eddie crumples in his seat. He's depleted of blood, air, life, everything. Behind, Gareth is grilling Max for information: are Steve and Robin together? Is Steve single? Is he queer?
Max replies: no, yes, and 'that's not for me to tell, moron'.
Gareth nods, satisfied. "That means he is. If he was straight, you'd say so." He slaps Eddie's arm. "You got a shot, man!"
"You… don't know that…" Eddie wheezes.
Max tuts, shaking her head. "You actually want to hit on my chauffeur."
"He prefers the term 'seduce'," Gareth says.
Eddie smacks his face into the steering wheel at the next red light.
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Tag list: @rougenancy, @raisedbylibrarians, @yourebuckingkiddingme, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @emma77645, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @eddielives1986, @stevesbipanic, @the-redthread, @fandemonium-takes-its-toll, @henderdads, @gay-little-bitch, @lordofthepointygerbils, @lenore1232, @imzadidragonfly, @zerokrox-blog, @eddiemunsonswife, @cherrycolas-things, @ediewentmissing, @princess-eddie, @atombombbibunny, @ajamlessbaby, @dogswithforks, @grimmfitzz, @cutiecusp, @cuips-not-cute, @manicallydepressedrobot, @messrs-weasley, @madaboutmunson, @mightbeasleep, @suikatto, @brassreign, @snapshotmaestro, @bea-sayan, @courtjestermunson, @csinnamon-fox, @steveisabicon, @spectrum-spectre, @spinmewriteround, @just-super-fucking-gay, @escapingthereality, @oneweirdcryptid, @deehellcat, @misticageri, @lovelyscot, @olivethenerd16, @linkydinky06, @rynnytintin, @anything-thats-rock-and-roll,
I won't be adding more to the tag list because there are already so many of you. Instead, I'll be tagging the four remaining parts (it'll definitely be seven in total, btw) as #steddie fic: november paramedic. Hopefully, they'll show up in the tags and you'll see them that way.
Thank you for reading 🖤
Part 4
#the entire conversation in the van - and the purpose of max's role - came to me late at night#and i was so excited i could barely sleep afterward#everything fell into place after that#steddie fic: november paramedic#steddie#steddie fanfic#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#eddie munson#steve harrington#gareth stranger things#max mayfield#my writing#ok so about the car:#(first off i want to admit i know nothing about cars)#in the show steve drives a bmw 733i. the car is gorgeous imo. however while luxurious at the time it's not expensive today.#so i looked up modern luxury cars and found the 30 jahre m5 - the limited edition from when bmw m5 celebrated 30yrs in 2014#only 300 got made and only 30 were sold in the us. they were as you might imagine expensive.#so the story here is that steve got one for his 16th birthday (would've been in 2015 in this fic)#probably from a doting grandparent since i doubt his parents would've given something so expensive to a teen#fun fact: every 30 jahre m5 is colored 'frozen dark silver' (gray. they're fucking gray.)#but since it's NOT steve's car if it's not burgundy and since i've already erased covid's existence... i don't think this change matters
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taegi and their reactions to getting paired up with each other (for @kimtaegis ♡ | cr. 1,5: 0613data)
#btsgif#bangtan#bts#ipurpleunet#taehyung#yoongi#taegi#tq:cr#HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNIE <3#a little birdie (maggie) told me is your birthday today hehe#sending you some taegi crumbs in place of a cake!!#may your day ahead be filled with nothing but warmth and happiness just as taegi are in these gifs#regardless of how you're celebrating your special day i hope you have a blast today ;u;;
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Happy birthday, Selena Gomez! 👑❤️
#happy birthday#to#best#human#selena#celebs#cute#selena marie gomez#lovely#pretty#rare#selena gomez#style#celebrities#only murders in the building#wizards of waverly place#rare beauty#latin#Texas#Mexican#Disney#hair#lips#make up#hottie#sexy#women#girl#wondermind#gomez
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frank iero being born on halloween is so iconic of him and i think about this fact every goddamn year
#it’s also my aunts birthday today#and i think there’s just something about people born today#fucking samhain celebrations#literally the midpoint between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice#one of the times that spirit communication becomes easier to do just because of the place we are in our natural world#truly The Day of All Time yk?#frank iero#mcr#my chemical romance#carcrash.txt
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i am not normal about the calypso episode i will never be normal about the calypso episode. something something queer joy and love and found family and you can't ruin that or take it away. finding yourself and expressing yourself fully for the first time and finding a group of people that will not mock you but encourage you with every last breath left in their lungs. seeing all of those unique and amazing people gathered to see you perform. fully for perhaps the first time realising that there was never something wrong with you, something was wrong with the world for not accepting you as you are, worthy and deserving of love. you are the unicorn. i am mentally unwell i shall never recover.
#this is so clear to me ned tried to fuck with them and immediately got iced#and stede's first real kill of the series being a racist asshole who interrupted something that was such a joyful and queer and amazing-#celebration is so so special to me#yes you tortured my crew but most importantly you fucked calypso's birthday#this amazing space of acceptance and revelry#and we've been threatened by your kind before#and we've been scared for our lives any time we were forced to enter one of your spaces well guess what#this was our space you entered and our boundary you violated and the punishment is death#there is no place for one of you here#we will not let you take away what we so painstakingly carved out for ourselves#izzy hands#stede bonnet#our flag means death#ofmd
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happy birthday to my beloved one and only a-yao!!!! light of my life who deserves all the love and appreciation on his birthday <333
#important to note this was drawn from lxc pov originally as part of the xiyao animatic until i got carried away and had to turn it into its#own full drawing#turns out it is easy to draw from lxc pov because we both see jgy through eyes filled of love towards him 😌#he deserves the best birthday with all the love and celebrations (which he doesnt have to organise for once!!!)#to make up for all the horrible horrible birthdays he has in canon :(((#a-yao i love you so much i cannot put into words arghhhhhhhh#yeah maybe i will be baking him cake later so should you tbh#if anyone is mean to him in his tag on his birthday i will bite you <3#magestic xiandu in the sunset......what i wouldnt give to be in lxcs place to see this irl#jin guangyao#meng yao#mdzs#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#mo dao zu shi#the untamed#pasc's art tag
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Happy 44th Birthday John Krasinski (October 20, 1979)
#celebrity birthday#john krasinski#marvel#mcu#mcu actor#birthday#happy birthday#reed richards#mr fantastic#fantastic four#multiverse of madness#doctor strange#doctor strange multiverse of madness#dsmom#a quiet place#Lee Abbott#Emily blunt#a quiet place 2
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Hi Bam, quick questions:
how are you doing with art fight?
many pending drawings?
Any drawing in particular that you have no idea how to do?
Any particular experience this year?
an oc that you would like to draw before the end of the event?
Some revenge that you haven't finished yet?
Any drawing in particular that you would like to receive?
any user you want to promote so that their ocs receive attacks?
Tbh since the recent stuff happened with Artfight I've been discouraged to do or use it and asked people in my bio not to attack me if they expect a revenge because I don't know what the future of artfight is or if I'll continue it
I currently have 9ish refs in my artfight file I have yet to finish and 3 artfights finished that haven't been posted anywhere, including artfight. I most likely will continue to draw things as 'revenges' past the date and just post them here and on insta like normal gifts
(Please don't attack me on artfight if you're doing so just to recieve a revenge.)
#plus a lot of shjt happened this month in real life that had me busy#including someones birthday we drove hours away to celebrate which was at the pottery place otherwise#id be streaming art rn#and the heat took out our power and ngl im not drawing shit when im sweltering#its fine now but this year was not as good as it was for me to draw last year
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y’all look at my birthday cake! do you think if we sing the summoning instead of happy birthday the lords in black’ll appear
#ruth vc: i turn 26 today…..to me#we usually don’t do anything custom or fancy for my birthday#but had a very very not fun thing happen that’s been HARD to process and heal from#something that made me really not want my birthday in the first place cause i was like ‘what’s to celebrate’#so my mom knows how much my i love starkid and contacted a baker to have this cake made!!#thank ya ma <333#anything i could wish for on a birthday candle i’ve already found in those like bre and kels and ali and all of you wonderful people!!!!#so thank you <3#y’all have helped me more than you can ever know!#food image tw#🪓 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐨𝐭 🎶 𝒔𝒉𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒌 𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒑 🎶・❥✐ ᵒᵒᶜ.
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when your parents make a big deal out of visiting for the weekend for your birthday and you know it's not actually going to happen and then still get disappointed when it doesn't happen :/
#they said they might try to come down tomorrow but that's not going to happen either#and like i know my disappointment is compounded by some other stuff#like how a while back my friend was saying he and his girlfriend had talked about wanting to do something for my birthday this year#that obviously didn't happen (and i knew it wouldn't because he's always flaky) and they ended up doing the usual couples valentine's date#also friday was the day that people leaving our program find out where they'll be placed for the next year#so all of those people are doing stuff to celebrate that this weekend#pretty much everyone i'm even remotely close with this year is leaving and i'm staying another year#and i'm just so fucking lonely
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#i know I’m trying to make my blog here a safe place not just for me but for others too but..#I need to vent some self hate rn 😭#it’s my birthday and oof. the fear and uneasy feelings today#I don’t like celebrating it at all. but family out here all aaaaa#just 💀💀💀 I don’t want to be reminded how old I am now.#I just want to be forever happy with my inner child#the amount of times I’ve had panic attacks. fear. stress.#ugh. sorry to anyone reading this. fr.#just needed to get it out of my system. ya’know?#cw negativity#cw self hate
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nesta isn’t necessarily kind to most people initially but she is incredibly thoughtful and will remember everything about that first interaction with a person for the rest of her life
#not just because she’s picking apart everything she said and did that she knew was wrong#but just because she’s the type of person to remember that your favorite color is mint green or that you take your tea with 3 sugars#even if she’s only heard/seen that information the one time#every holiday or birthday celebration after that your gift from her is precisely something that could be either very very useful#and improving to your quality of life or just something you once mentioned really liking or wanting or needing#first time you met her she likely said something scathing or incendiary#and as i’ve said before. you do not have to put up with her. you do not have to tolerate her behavior#in fact you probably shouldn’t! she is deliberately nasty as a defensive measure and it isn’t fair to expect anyone#to stick around and break through it so neither she nor i expect it#but. however comma. on the other hand. anyone who treats nesta as something more than shit on the bottom of your shoe#they are remembered and given consideration in every interaction after that#i have. lots to say about this. and about her. and she is my baby my baby#i love her so so dearly nobody gets her nobody deserves her#i say as i place her so gently and desperately in lune’s cassian’s hands
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I have another gig in a week and I'm so nervous 😭 I get paid hundreds of dollars for only five hours of work, but it is so nerve-racking and the work environment is so stressful, like literally every time I'm there I'm on the verge of tears or I have to take a 2 minute break before the show starts just to run to the restrooms and cry bc I get so stressed out. And then when I clock out I just cry my eyes out in my car while driving home. But hey!!! Hundreds of dollars!!! For five or six hours of my time!!! Only a few days a month!!! Hundreds!!! Of dollars!!! So it would be totally stupid to quit.
I wouldn't have been able to afford pampering myself on my last two F/O anniversaries (and currently placing an order for a rose bouquet for Six's anniversary for the 18th) if I didn't have this second job... but if it didn't pay me such a large amount of money each time, I probably would have quit by now bc it makes me so damn anxious. The show isn't even for one week and I'm sitting here stressing about it! I have one thousand other things to stress about and this job shouldn't be one of 'em 😤
I just keep trying to think about Ken hugging me while saying "Aw, sweet girl, don't be nervous! You JUST started this job, you've only worked three shows -- you think you're gonna be perfect your first try?? You're gonna be so good once you get the hang of it. Just look at me! I've been doing Beach for 62 years now, and I still don't know what my job is supposed to be... but I know I look So Cool™ 😎"
#my god i love ken SO MUCH i am so grateful to have an F/O who brings me comfort when im anxious#and grateful i am not as numb as i was three weeks ago#i am still struggling to self ship like i used to - and i think i always will bc of [gestures to 2023] - BUT#the fact that i thought of ken and felt some relief is a rly good sign bc three weeks ago i felt *nothing*#i am depressed and miserable as fuck today but he still gave me a crumb of comfort. THATS SOMETHING ✨#woof#plus I'm gonna be able to meet a TF voice actor in September bc of this job#I'm gonna give him my charms... and... say I liked his character...#and maybe it'll make me feel better around that character. or maybe it won't. but it's worth a try!!!#and how cool is it that I get to work in a place where so many big celebs do their shows?? and MEET them???#one day I wanna meet John Legend if he comes back again and tell him I LOVED him in La La Land 🥺#This job is impossible to get hired for unless if you have connections bc it's so... idk the word. fancy?#that's not the word but it's a Big Job and I am SO STRESSED MY GOD#but I'd be wasting opportunities if I didn't keep trying at least for a few more months#and if I gotta cry my eyes out in the parking lot after my shifts that's fine as long as I work the full five to six hours#I'm celebrating *THREE* F/O anniversaries in September which is ALSO MY BIRTHDAY#so I'm gonna need the extra cheddar to absolutely spoil myself. Officer K and Driver are two big main F/Os#and I still haven't celebrated my Barbie/Ken anniversary as much as I wanted#so!! I!! will!!! tough it out even though this job makes me cry. give me that money#I am stressed every day of my life bc I have a Complex Stress Disorder you might as well pay me hundreds to be stressed
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spent my day chanting “twenty-noine!” like schmidt a la new girl so over all a very cutesy very demure day
#a very boring bday but in my defense i’m heading back home next weekend and celebrations will take place then#i’m a leo ALL of august is my birthday#i don’t wanna hear it virgos nOT today#( chatter. )
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