#bipolar!roger

[480pfootage]

clearpilled and mentally sane

hey there ;)

[necroromantics]

Ticci Toby + Bipolar Disorder

Partially an educational post, partially a how-to-write guide.

(check out my how-to-write aspd/psychopathy here)

What is bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorder (shortened to BD, not BPD), is a mood disorder that causes a person to experience extreme fluncuations in their moods and energy levels. These episodes swing from depressive lows to manic highs. Despite popular belief, bipolar episodes last a long time (1+ weeks), and typically have a period of stability in between them. It is NOT the same as borderline personality disorder, they are two very different disorders.

Does Toby canonically have bipolar?

Sort of. His canon reference sheet shows 'bipolar' as one of his personality traits. This is just an error on the creators part, since they were young and didn't know what real bipolar disorder is. Bipolar isn't a personality trait, and the mood swings in the disorder are not quick switches. The way it's used on his sheet is more like borderline personality disorder than it is bipolar disorder. So if we're talking about whats canon, I'd say it's up for interpretation.

Do you headcanon Toby to have bipolar?

I do, but mostly because I have BD myself, and I like to project that onto him. Theres no characters in media who have bipolar disorder that I enjoy/know of, because honestly its kind of a pain in the ass to write. I rarely include it in any of my stories involving him, even though having untreated bipolar disorder is something that would effect him every day of his life, and severely. I would rather people not write him having bipolar at all, than to write it as BPD or other misinforming ways.

How to properly write Toby with bipolar?

A bit of this can also apply to any other character. First, the obvious, is to do research. Bipolar is something that needs to be treated, because manic highs and depressive lows are so life-altering, damaging, and cause a lot of harm to the individual. Since Toby is a killer on the run, he most likely wouldn't have access to proper treatment, which means his entire life would be a series of intense highs and lows. This is why I usually don't bother including his bipolar symptoms in my writing, cuz it's a hassle incorporating him going wildly manic at random points, even though its the harsh reality people with bipolar disorder face. So if you're going to write Toby with BD, you will need to be prepared to write how inconvenient the disorder is for not only Toby himself, but everyone around him.

It would interfere with his work as a proxy, it would greatly impact his relationships with the people around him. It might even end up with him getting caught by the police, or thrown into a psychiatric hospital (most people with bipolar end up in a psych ward at some point). If you do want to write him being treated for his disorder, you'll need to look into medication. One of the most common ones is lithium, but did you know some anticonvulsants (the medication Tim takes in Marble Hornets), act as a secondary treatment for bipolar disorder too? Carbamazepine is an example of this. You could incorporate that as well, since in Marble Hornets anticonvulsants are used to potentially lessen the effects of The Operator.

What do manic episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

Manic episodes are very intense highs in mood and energy. Despite what people say, real manic episodes are only experienced in people with bipolar disorder. Other disorders such as ADHD and BPD can mimic mania, but they are not classified as true manic episodes. So if you want to write mania, the character needs to have bipolar (or schizoaffective).

Some symptoms of a manic episode are racing thoughts, lack of judgment, feeling untouchable or overly confident, no consideration for consequences, talking a lot, jumbled words from speaking too fast, jumping from one task to another. It feels like a constant surge of energy going through your body, and its so overwhelming you can't stop to think about anything you're doing. You just feel absolutely euphoric, and capable, and like nothing can bring you down. A very real danger of manic episodes is that some people experience co-occurring psychosis alongside their episodes, such as delusions and hallucinations. Another issue is that people with mania are so full of energy, they don't sleep for days on end. These highs can also lead to dangerous acts due to the recklessness and lack of proper judgement on whats safe/smart in that moment. There is also hypomania, which is a lesser, more mild form of mania.

For Toby, it completely depends on how you view his character and circumstances. But for me, I think that in a manic episode, Toby would cause many issues in his relationships with the people around him. He would be much more irritable, paranoid, he would go on rants and talk a lot, jumping from one rant to another. He wouldn't sleep for days, he would become increasingly reckless and grandiose. Toby would fight more with others, go off on his own a lot more, do a lot of risky things, and with his CIPA he would most definitely get himself hurt a lot more and more severely. When you're manic, you don't stop to consider the risks of the reckless things you're doing.

What do depressive episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

Depressive episodes may come directly after a manic episode, a crash, or they can come on randomly after a period of stability. They typically last longer than manic episodes, usually about 1+ months. They're periods of an intense drop in mood and energy levels, which are often pretty severe.

The symptoms of depressive episodes are similar to regular depression, but not quite the same, and typically on the more severe end of the spectrum. Utter hopelessness and bleakness, suicidal thoughts, oversleeping, lack of interest in anything, sadness, difficulties concentrating, slower thinking, social isolation. Bipolar lows feel like energy and life is being sucked right out of you. All you want to do is sleep, nothing feels interesting, or you don't have any energy to do things that used to make you happy. People are disappointing, you don't want to talk to anyone. The lows feel very heavy, very tiring.

When Toby is experiencing a low episode, I can't imagine he gets out much. He would probably disappear for a bit, to be left alone, because he doesn't want to be around anybody. He would spend his time sleeping as much as he can, and then the rest of his time doing proxy work, and then going back to sleep. He probably wouldn't want to be awake with his hopeless and bleak thoughts.

What are mixed episodes?

Hell on earth. Mixed episodes are when someone with BD experiences both manic and depressive symptoms in rapid succession or at the same time. This can look like feeling super energetic, but also horribly hopeless and depressed, or being on top of the world one minute, and then wanting to off yourself the next. They are very intense, and dangerous. It feels like you're losing your mind, and you can't catch yourself. You just have to sit there and let your mind take you on the worst rollercoaster of your life.

What are some things to avoid when writing bipolar disorder?

For the love of GOD stop mixing it up with borderline personality disorder. Bipolar is a MOOD DISORDER, not a personality disorder. The mood swings are not quick or volatile, there is no fear of abandonment, or unstable emotions. The mood swings are more like intense changes in energy that effects the mood, and they typically last over the course of a week+. Toby canonically does have volatile, rapidly shifting and unpredictable emotions, but that would not be a result of his bipolar disorder (besides maybe during a manic episode).

And the obvious, don't demonize the disorder and make him out to be a crazy person because he's bipolar. Toby is nuts, but not because he has BD.

If you have any more questions, Google is free, but make sure to find reliable and professional sources. But also, if you want to DM me or send a question in my inbox I'm free to answer with my personal experience, and headcanons, about bipolar and how it may present in Toby.

[malakaiiswriting]

ʏxᴜ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ | ᴛɪᴄᴄɪ ᴛᴏʙʏ

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | ᶜʳᵉᵉᵖʸᵖᵃˢᵗᵃ ⁱˢ ᵃ ʷᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᵒⁿ ⁱᵗ'ˢ ᵒʷⁿ- 𝒅𝒖𝒃𝒄𝒐𝒏, 𝒎𝒖𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒔𝒉 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒔, 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒖𝒈𝒍𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆? 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕, 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒃𝒊𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒓, 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚, 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒔, 𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒎? 𝒔𝒍𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈.

Y᙭ᑌ ᑎᗴᗴᗪ ᗰᗴ | TIᑕᑕI TOᗷY ᙭ ᖴᗴᗰ

"𝐒top fucking st-str-" he ticked again. My pulse hammered against my throat, racing. Out of pure, painful frustration, he slammed his head against the wall beside me, groaning into his mask like a wild hound. I could smell him, the metallic, the rustic smell of his last victim.

He gripped my face, gloved fingers digging into my cheek, forcing my lips to part and my vocal cords to ripple out a whine. "Why!? W-what was the pur-purpose of you leaving!?" using his grasp, he slammed the back of my head against the wall, moving to staddle me.

"What part of n-no fucking lea-leav-.. leaving do you not un-understand!?" releasing me, he reached down to the top buttons of my shirt, but instead of undoing them, he ripped it, awful stretching noises echoed into the nightly breeze, making me cringe. "You're fu-fucking mine!" 𝑠𝑙𝑎𝑝.

My eyes watered. I wanted to say something, but anything I said at this point would drive him to rage, even sweet, meaningful lies and nothings. He moved down my body, taking off his goggles and mask, showing me that gash on the side of his face.

His tongue moved along my collar bones, saliva dribbling down shamelessly. Like a baby, he clung to me, hands gripping at my flesh in whatever way he saw fit. "Mi-mine.." shaking, he latched onto my left nipple, sucking, painfully harsh, and yet he seemed almost content with himself.

I held back any noise, I would not allow myself to make them until I couldn't anymore. If i did, he would possibly get worked up. Overstimulated. I knew him. I've endured him long enough to know him. His mind, his ticks, his likings and disliking's, his body. I was his precious fruit. He was my reason to create scars along my fragile, soft skin.

He moved to the right nipple, while his hands worked on ripping the middle of my leggings, and down to my crotch. The cool air hit the inner plush of my thighs, as car horns went off just a street away. For a moment, I had forgotten we were behind a gas station, the worker inside laying dead and mangled behind the counter.

He pulled off, and looked up to me, eyes withholding a dangerous glee. "I-if you did-didn't run off... I wouldn't o-of had t-to do this... hurting you i-isn't fun, b-baby.." he dragged his tongue down my stomach, as I gently pulled at the rope around my wrists, attempting to scratch it against the red brick wall.

My body rattled as he yanked off my leggings completely, leaving them ripped and useless beside me. My heart crashed against my rib cage, thundering within my chest cavity, craving to tear itself free and flee from this horribly torture. From this horrible man who called himself Ticci Toby.

Courage. I spoke, "Why me..?" my voice, pathetic. It wobbled from pure fear, flutters of sharp, daggered wings slicing up inside my stomach as he tilted his head, raising his gloved hand to cup my cheek, the touch so agonizingly gentle I could puke. "I-I don't.. want this.."

His pupils shrunk. No. Shit. I'm sorry. My thighs trembled and my breathing quickened to the point of hyperventilation. He hands moved slowly to my neck, then grasped it tightly, controlling my airway. I choked, my nose burning as oxygen trapped itself within my lungs, the quickened breaths bought to a sudden stop causing my fingers to turn numb behind me.

<3....

Relentlessly, he used me. I laid on the ground, forced to face him as he pounded in and out of my weak, and wounded body. It would stop, that parasite within my mind of his voice, begging me, loving on me to the point of delusion.

"Mine.. pl-please! fuck! Love me! Lo-love me, bitch!" his voice, muffled with tweaks and tics, his hair unruly, bouncing slightly with each thrust as my mind became more and more hazy. "Lo-look! You-your so we-wet for me! Y-you love this! You kn-know you do! You ne-need me!"

Boggled. Moans left my throat, as drool dribbled and his hands, one playing with my left breast while his right held me down but my shoulder, pressing me hard against the cold curb. The morning suns orange hue rose up behind him, and I became fully aware that people would eventually come for gas, only to find a body and hear me submitting to this mentally unstable man. Proxy? That's what he calls himself.

My thoughts were fading to fuzzy nothings, as his voice ate away at my sense of self, filling me with needs I never knew I'd be capable of needing. I've never been so.. wanted? Is this want? Or just sadistic play? How the hell am I confusing the two.

"Look how we-well I'm tr-treating you! You ad-ek-ore me.. You n-need me!" His cock felt amazing, bullying my insides, as my legs slowly moved mindlessly, wrapping around his waist to pull him closer. He leant down, his saliva from the gash over his mouth dripping onto my cheek before mixing with my own in a deep and animalistic kiss.

He growled against my lips, and somehow, someway, I just wanted more. His hands moved his to pin either side of my head, keeping me caged and giving himself the movements he needed to reach deeper within me. "Say you ne-need.. me.." his voice, raspy from all the yelling. My stomach twisted with a great weight.

"I ne-need you..!" I cried out, that weight breaking down and crumbling through me, squeezing him within my walls as I came undone, my legs clenching as my poor, sore arms still behind me were crushed under my arching back. "I want you.." Panting with overstimulation, he went quicker, his eyes rolling back as hot liquid filled me, warming me disgustingly.

I need him.

He lifted me up and cradled me, pulling out and standing with me as if I were a paper weight. "Co-me on, let's g-get you home." he lifted his hatchets, swinging them, and left my poor clothes, torn and unneeded. The other creatures of the forest, may see my body, but it was in his hands, they wouldn't dare touch me, not when I belonged to him.

He placed his mask back on, keeping his goggles on his head. "Y-you really ne-need to trust me m-more.. I-I know what's be-best for you!"

I sighed, leaning my head onto his shoulder, safe within his hold. His spell surrounded me, keeping me at leash to him. "Okay.. Toby..".

[dead-girl-prolific]

Ticci Toby + Personality Disorders and Mood Disorders

this is based off of @necroromantics post, i felt very inspired to share my thoughts on it, although it took me about 3-4 days to get done i had a lot of fun!

this is mainly about BPD and ASPD(one mention because i don't know a lot about ASPD as a whole) as far as personality disorders go, i know the most about those when it comes to personality disorders. out of mood disorders, to stay relevant to the original post it'll just be the two types of Bipolar disorder.

I chose these three disorders as my topic because they are the most common headcanon for his character(and my headcanons).

PSA:

SOME OF THIS INFORMATION COULD BE OUTDATED, i haven't researched Bipolar in 2-3 years so if anything is wrong i'd like to address the fact that i am NOT a professional! also some/most of this is personal experiences and researches i've done!

now that that's out of the way. let's start rambling!

What is bipolar disorder?

From someone whos lived with both parents struggling with BD (Bipolar Disorder) (my mom shows heavy signs of it, but is not diagnosed, my dad is) it is very much possible i could have it too, but both BPD and BD have a lot in common but are still very different (symptoms). They both have severe mood swings, They share some symptoms, such as depression and impulsive behavior. The main thing that separates them is that BPD is a Personality disorder and Bipolar is a Behavioral Mood Disorder. BD is characterized by periods of extreme highs and lows, known as manic and depressive episodes. BPD affects how individuals perceive and interact with the world around them.

They are very hard to differentiate in a patient and people usually get misdiagnosed, the symptoms are VERY similar which is why it isn’t common to diagnose minors. (it’s not impossible to be diagnosed with both as a minor.) (this is what my doctors have shared with me)

a little tangent- my dad was diagnosed with BD at a very young age (i’d say 12 or/to 16) and it was only diagnosed because he had several…”episodes” (he broke several laws and maybe/probably committed a few felonies.) i don’t know much about my dad’s past, but from what my grandpa and him have told me he’s been bailed out of jail/juvie a lot. He was not medicated because he didn’t like what the medications did to him, so that’s probably why he was so “EXTREME”.

His episodes lasted for a while sometimes 3-4 months or less, but my episodes (i have BPD) can last a few months as well(but around 2-3 months), because of clinical depression(major depressive episodes) which is a huge symptom of BPD, the longest episode i’ve had was maybe two and a half months and it happens a lot about once-twice a year, with no rhyme or reason. i'm looking into getting diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because i have a lot of symptoms that concern me, but it's possible i was misdiagnosed with BPD(i doubt it because of the symptoms i experience) it is very much possible i could have both, which is why i need to figure it out, it's dangerous for me to not be medicated properly.

Does Toby canonically have bipolar?

If you don’t know enough about something (BD) you shouldn’t create a character with said things (BD) or at least do research before. In my opinion Toby has a personality disorder, although I cannot quite pinpoint which. If i could psycho-analyze (it’s been a while since i’ve taken a full blown look at the entirety of the character.) he most likely struggles with Bipolar but it was misdiagnosed with BPD he also shows some symptoms and traits of someone with ASPD. TECHNICALLY he has canonical BPD through his behavior, but the creator of his character "misdiagnosed" him and gave him Bipolar disorder, but it's totally okay to headcanon him with something else (or something more "fitting") or just projecting, all of it is fine to some extent.

Do you headcanon Toby to have bipolar?(or a personality disorder)

Yes, to put it simply he has potential to be a multi-faceted character, and I know a lot of people like to project onto creepypasta characters in general, as a coping skill. Toby is also “canonically” “Bipolar” i use both of those terms loosely. As someone with (possible) Bipolar and has lived around those with Bipolar I’d be open to writing his character with Bipolar, as an informed writer I would prefer people to at least do research on the subject before making assumptions on how the character would behave/think. Overall if the character’s experience is written well I wouldn't mind reading it. I do not condone misinformation, but i do condone learning about it for a passion project such as writing. As someone who hasn’t struggled with ASPD i don’t necessarily feel comfortable writing it but if i did a decent amount of research for the character and the disorder it could change my mind as long as i get outsider viewpoints.

How to properly write Toby with bipolar?

do not romanticize it not getting treated, as someone who struggles with a disorder not getting treated, it is definitely damaging to my mental and physical health. so writing for a character who isn't being treated for something is something i'm a bit iffy on- but if you do research and don't go overboard, it could end up being really good for awareness.

(i headcanon that he was originally on medication but he didn't take into account the fact that he needs his medications, so he basically fucked himself over and regrets it (subconsciously) after a manic episode of course)

there is an author(s) who does a really good job writing his character with Bipolar/BPD if you are interested in reading their work dm me!/inbox me!

maybe write about how his work relationships would be impacted, and how his friendships would be, his romantic relationships all of it, don't just focus on "ooo i'm mentally ill" it would not only affect him but it would also impact those around him by whether or not they know about his Bipolar disorder and if they know hes having an episode.

it would probably, a few times, get him caught by the law given the fact that people with bipolar are very indecisive and it would mostly be chalked up to him being like "this is wrong, i don't want to do this anymore" to "ARSON!!!" (bad analogy but you get it) his emotions and feelings on the matter of is job would fluctuate all the time, even while he's on the job. it leads him to be erratic and spontaneous. he isn't a very reliable partner, which is why he probably only goes on single missions.

i feel like if he were to be medicated it would be at the expense of Tim's medications since toby can't get his hands on other medications that are used for mood swings and such.

What do manic episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

"Manic episodes are very intense highs in mood and energy. Despite what people say, real manic episodes are only experienced in people with bipolar disorder" @necroromantics

this is true, as someone with BPD, my "manic" episodes depend on someone that is my FP (favorite person) and when i am not having a "high" of energy i'm usually numb and my "manic" episodes are usually only an hour long or the amount of time that i am with my FP. BPD cannot get Manic.

although there are two branches of Bipolar, Bipolar 1 which is characterized as many manic episodes and less depressive episodes but Bipolar 2 is characterized as many major depressive episodes, that usually last a lot longer than the manic episodes. (this is worded as simply)

"A very real danger of manic episodes is that some people experience co-occurring psychosis alongside their episodes, such as delusions and hallucinations." @necroromantics

another thing Toby struggles with is hallucinations of his deceased sister Lyra.

"These highs can also lead to dangerous acts due to the recklessness and lack of proper judgement on whats safe/smart in that moment. There is also hypomania, which is a lesser, more mild form of mania." @necroromantics

you are mixing up both Bipolars... they are separated (from the studies i've done/researched)

Manic Episodes-

it would all depend on how exactly he feels/ the situation and how the writer decides to portray that. (if the writer is properly informed of course)

What do depressive episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

 "They typically last longer than manic episodes, usually about 1+ months." @necroromantics

this depends on whether or not it's Bipolar 1 or Bipolar 2, this is the "definition" of a Bipolar 2 Depressive episode. bipolar 2 episodes can occur for longer than a month, that is correct. bipolar 1 has longer manic "highs" than bipolar 2, bipolar 2 barely gets manic "highs" and when they do it's not for very long. (from what my doctors have told me/what i've seen in my dad (he has bipolar 1))

as someone who has seen these symptoms and had them i can assure you they are not fun, especially dealing with them WITHOUT proper medications, although currently i am very "manic" and getting a lot of shit done, kinda like i'm on adderall rn lol.(that's the closest comparison i can make to how I AM feeling.)

"He would probably disappear for a bit, to be left alone, because he doesn't want to be around anybody. He would spend his time sleeping as much as he can, and then the rest of his time doing proxy work, and then going back to sleep." @necroromantics

i wouldn't say sleeping is all he's doing, when i have depressive episodes (which episodes are different for everyone) i tend to go off my diet, make a lot of other regrettable decisions(EX: relapse, forget important stuff, become more "lazy" etc.) that prolong my episode. but sleep can also be affected such as; getting too much sleep or struggling with sleeping (i.e waking up every hour to every few hours).

What are mixed episodes?

 "This can look like feeling super energetic, but also horribly hopeless and depressed, or being on top of the world one minute, and then wanting to off yourself the next. They are very intense, and dangerous. It feels like you're losing your mind, and you can't catch yourself." @necroromantics

i am going to add to this. not only will you be super energetic but you'll want to do so much but have no energy to do it, like lets say you had a great art idea, oc idea, and writing idea, but you would be too unmotivated to do any of it. sometimes you can't pinpoint what to feel/what you're feeling, and that's totally okay! confusing, annoying but still its completely okay.

I'm free to answer with my personal experience, and headcanons and prior knowledge of mental health about any creepypasta characters! DM me or inbox me!

[angelsportion]

Review - Tamnavulin, Double Oak, (No Age Stated), 40%

Like you, I have my favorite things. My Jeep Wrangler is one. Of course, whisky is another. I have a favorite spot on my living floor for napping. I have certain books I prefer above others. Sometimes, my favorite things change. For me, it’s rare, but only because I keep things pretty much for forever. Clothing is no exception. I have t-shirts in my closet that are more than thirty years old.…

[samcopper-11]

I have posted this on my Instagram and I was stunned by the response, I got there.

Basically, It shows the two phases of love in a relationship.

One on the left side depicts the honeymoon kinda phase and on the right, it represent the hardship which happens in a relationship. And, to be fare, after a certain time period both of the phases happen simultaneously and it depends on you and your partner, if you wanna continue this rollercoaster ride together or not.

If you like this drawing, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!, DARLING .

[goodelise]

music therapy collage. the front side is lyrics from my favorite comfort songs, an attempt to reflect my own experiences. the back side is a collection of feelings and vibes I associate with those songs. music is healing. 🤍 I love you just for trying.

[tic-toc-clock77]

My mom got diagnosed with bipolar recently and last night I went to stay with her. It was a very emotional night for me so you'll probably be seeing a lot of Dwellers content involving the mothers of the cast for a bit. Maternal angst, here we come. More of a personal explanation below

cws; neglect, drinking, abuse, abandonment

We talked about a lot of things; mostly about she had a lot of regrets in raising me how she did and it was the most lucidity she's ever had, that i've ever seen her have in all of my 16 years alive. Her impulses and her stunted mentality are still present but she seems better. I lost faith slowly in my mother since I could remember; she pushed me away, neglected me and I always felt alone in her home during the weeks. I lost all faith in my mother when I was 7, I held such incredible disdain that I still sometimes feel today.

My mother was never a "mother". For years, I was blamed for her messes, her problems and she always found ways to shit talk me to her friends. She abandoned me regularly for random men and even treated me as if I were coemption for the romantic/sexual affections of her adult lovers when I was 9 years old and had begun puberty. I nearly broke my arm once and had laughed at me while taking photos, she did the same when I'd fallen off my bike after she didn't allow me to wear the proper gear my dad bought me.

My mother never cleaned, meaning our house was a mess, our dishes weren't clean and she refused to clean them so I could eat, I ended up doing it myself or trying to learn to live with it. My mom would also waste money; she wouldn't by groceries or anything we actually needed. Instead she spent all our money on clothing and other expensive fashion things. There's a lot of other things too.

I held this disdain since age 7, I bottled everything up until 4 years later, at age 11 and on Christmas, my parents got into a huge argument and I decided I didn't want to go back and forth anymore, I wanted to live full time with my Dad. My dad left and told me to call him if he needed to pick me up. When I tried calling him, my Mom took my phone, threatening me not to leave but I left anyway, taking my phone back and abandoning her.

Now that time is passed and she seems better, I can't allow myself to forgive and forget these things, even now that she's on proper medication, I find it hard to trust her, I don't think I ever will.

I don't think I even love her at all, she's not my mother by anything but blood which makes it hard to write motherly characters like Connie Rogers.

I wish I knew what it was like to have a mother but I don't, I'll have to settle for writing a mother thats better than mine

[educationalpsychjunkie]

I needed a happy read to end a hard week.

Mister Rogers makes everything right.

[thehavenmh]

[bobbyo-1967]

Candy Bars And Socks - A Tale Of BiPolar 1 Adventure

1 June 2024 Director of Behavioral Health Patricia Kenney Behavioral Health Unit Roger Williams Medical Center 825 Chalkstone Avenue Providence, RI  02908 Dear Director Kenney: I hope this message finds you well.  I was one of your guests in Emergency Room B this past week.  I just wanted to thank you for a great experience. Why am I thanking you??  Because the universe has taught me to…

[pyrondeeznutz]

Ticci Toby Headcanons

PT.01

Toby Rogers past, upbringing, pre-proxy headcanons. See proxy era headcanons here ⬇️

CW: Slight mentions of animal abuse, domestic violence, psychosis, bullying, car crash, gore

<NOTE> Im a psychology nerd so I tried to make it as realistic as possible. This is my first time doing anything like this but I have a lot of thoughts about Tobys character. Its not proofread so ignore any typos or grammatical errors. Also… its very long… I have… so many thoughts…

BIOGRAPHY .

PATIENT NAME: Tobias (Toby) Erin Rogers

BIRTHDATE: April 28th, 1994

AGE: Currently 19 years old

HC/EC: Brown hair, brown eyes

ETHNICITY: White American

BIRTHPLACE: Denver, Colorado

FAMILY: Connie Rogers (mother), Dan Rogers (Father), Lyra Rogers (sister)

DIAGNOSIS: Congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis (CIPA), Tourettes Syndrome, Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Bipolar Disorder (Type 1, psychotic)

THE GURNEY .

Toby was in and out of hospitals from a very young age due to his wide range of physical and mental health concerns

His earliest memory was when, at age 4, he hit his head after falling onto cement and didn’t cry, scream, or even really acknowledge that he was hurt

After seeing the bloody mess her young child was in, Connie ran Toby to the hospital where tests were ran to determine what caused his lack of pain response

Finally at age 8, Toby was diagnosed with CIPA. This condition not only prevented his brain from generating a pain response but also responses to extreme temperatures (frostbite, heat burn, etc)

Due to these dangerous health issues, and his neurotic mother, Toby was put in homeschooling from a very early age. Connie was too protective of her son to allow him to go out on his own at his age

His earliest memories revolved around roaming hospital halls, his parents fighting over medical bills, being talked to by social workers and doctors, having tests done, minor surgeries, etc.

DEAR OLD DAD .

Dan Rogers was a difficult man. He never admitted he was wrong, he spent his evenings drinking on the couch, and always had something to complain about. The best words to describe this man was angry, bitter, and reckless

He wasn’t a father by any means. To Toby, the man was more of a nuisance than anything. An alcoholic manchild who stood in his way

The boy never got along with Dan. His father would see him as a burden, bringer of unnecessary medical costs. He severely emotionally and physically neglected his children from their birth. Dan never wanted to be a father.

Due to the costs of Tobys medical problems, Dan would continuously attempt to “prove he was faking” his CIPA, and yell at the boy for his strange twitches due to Tourettes. On one occasion, Dan put his sons hand in a pot of boiling water to try and elicit a pain response that never came.

As Toby got older and more independent from his mother, he would often mouth off to his father, talk back, or straight up ignore him. There was never a moment of peace between those two

Being the money maker in the house, Dan was usually very overworked and stressed. He turned to alcohol to relieve this, and his bad temper got worse when he drank. Often to the point his outbursts would lead to physical violence against his family

It was like walking in a minefield for Toby and his family. And since the supposed “man of the house” was a drunken mean old man, Toby took it upon himself to protect his family from his fathers wrath.

He would purposely act up to direct Dans fist towards him. The boy couldn’t feel it anyways, and being hit, pushed, grabbed, was better than having his sister or mother be hit or yelled at.

The young boy spent his childhood in a rage, he was powerless against his father.

MOTHER DEAREST .

Unlike her husband, Connie was a quiet woman who cared deeply for her children

She was well-mannered, motherly, and kept to herself. And while she was a good woman, she had her fair share of flaws

You would catch her dead before you ever caught her losing control over her emotions. Connie grew up quick and that stuck with her. From a young age she took care of her manchild of a husband

She couldn’t afford to lose herself to silly things like emotions. She had a family to care for, a house to clean, meals to cook. Her priorities lied on appearance over her health

This was one of the many reasons she couldn’t leave her husband despite the years of abuse

Despite all the violence, berating, assault. This life was her own and it was just another thing she had to live with

Toby loved his mother, he really did. He knew she did the best given the circumstances. Connie kept her children fed, clothed and housed. Thats all he could really ask for

But he despised from the depths of his soul how she could just sit by and let the abuse happen. How she never left Dan. How she never cared enough to leave despite not knowing what lied in store for them beyond that house

To her, Dan was a safety net. He provided money, insurance, he paid the bills, put food on the table. Connie quit her job in order to homeschool her son. There was no choice

To Toby, his mother was a coward who never stuck up for herself. And god forbid he ever turn into that

So Toby fought the battles his mother couldn’t. He said the words his mother didn’t dare to speak. He took the beatings and his mother did nothing but ask her husband to stop

SOUL SISTER .

In the chaos of that household, Lyra was something of fresh air for Toby

While the two did fight as any siblings do, they had a mutual care and understanding for each other

Lyra would keep a makeshift first aid kit under her bed for whenever Toby got into minor accidents or if their father went too far some nights

Like her little brother, Lyra had a lot of anger in her. She would always try to stop Dan from going too far and she was good at talking Toby and their father down from ripping each others throats out

She would channel this anger and frustration into sports like boxing, soccer, rugby. It was easier to express her feelings through physical means than ever talking about it. The girl was a perfect mix of her parents

When he was younger, Toby had a very bad and hostile relationship with Lyra. He was young and didn’t have any clue how to handle his emotions and would often threaten or physically hurt his sister

But as he grew up, and they bonded over the related abuse, and they would be there for each other, Toby developed tender care for his older sister. If she got a boyfriend, he would be ready to attack at any sign of disrespect. If she brought over friends, he would stay in his room not to embarrass her.

Just as he was with his mother, he was very protective over Lyra. She did so much for him, and he wanted to keep her safe. It was a tangled, messy relationship but they made it work despite her attitude and his anger

CONDUCT .

Toby grew up completely isolated from other kids, families, etc. The most socialization he got was going to family events or being dragged to the grocery store with his mother.

All he knew growing up was violence. And so when he was around other people, he would project everything he learnt from his father onto other kids

From a very early age he was made to feel small and insignificant in his own home by the people that were supposed to take care of him. And so whenever something challenged him out of the house, he would do whatever he needed to do to put them below him

Sometimes Toby would project this violence onto small animals, occasionally moving onto bigger animals such as cats. The feeling of killing something smaller than himself with his own hands gave him a sense of power and control he never had

Due to his untreated ADHD, the boy would often be loud, hyperactive and intrusive. He would have temper tantrums and outbursts as well, and his mother never knew how to handle it

He was a problem child from birth. Not only causing problems for himself, but for everyone around him

Toby would talk back, curse, say strange and vulgar things, refuse to apologize or admit he was wrong, and would run away from home occasionally.

But despite these behavioural issues, Toby always refused to touch alcohol. Despite all the anger, dread and frustration he felt he swore he’d never become the kind of man his father was

BULLY .

Around 12 years old, Toby’s parents decided it would be best for him to get properly socialized and placed him in a public school

He was now old enough to recognize that bleeding is bad and how to check for injuries despite his CIPA, which allowed Connie to calm down tremendously when it came to her anxiety surrounding her boys health and safety

Despite his mothers insistence that he would love public school, he’d make so many friends there, and that everything would be fine, Toby knew damn well he wouldn’t do well there. He was already bullied by his own father, imagine how other kids would react. He’s seen the movies.

And of course Toby was right. Due to his Tourettes, his tics would often confuse, scare and gross other kids out. They would either straight up treat him like a diseases rat or ruthlessly bully him

The boy was called every name in the book, from “twitchy freak” to “ticci Toby”

Alongside the ostracism and harassment from his peers, his tics and behavioural issues would cause him issues with his teachers. They would often scold him for being a disturbance in class

Making and keeping friends was near impossible for the boy. Talking to a “creepy loser” like him was practically social suicide. He was weird, strange, and given his history of fighting the other kids he was probably dangerous too. No kid wanted to be around that.

On occasion, the other boys would get physical with him and he would always hit back, leading him to get in more trouble with the school staff

Toby would be beat down at school and go home to have it done to him all again by his father

Eventually the school year came to an end and Toby was put back in homeschooling

Even though the torment in middle school came to an end, that didn’t mean the bullying stopped. He was now a known freak and the perfect target for kids who were a bit too much like him. They would harass him online until they got bored, and god forbid he saw any of them in public

It made the angry, powerless boy feel even worse in his own world. There wasn’t a night that went by where he didn’t think of going off and getting his revenge. Make them pay for ever fucking with him.

THE CRASH .

When Toby turned 17, he had finally got himself medicated for his recently diagnosed Bipolar Disorder which caused manic / depressive episodes

He was put on antipsychotics and stimulant medication for his ADHD

While he was being treated, his sister got a job and so did his mother. Outside of all the familiar instability and violence his father caused, life was good

Toby was going to be 18 soon and his sister promised that when he became a legal adult, she would take him to move out with her

He didn’t have any friends, he didn’t really have any plans for his life, but he had a life ahead of him regardless and that was enough

The boy was working through pain too great to imagine, he was carrying 17 years of fear and dread, he was so young holding on to so much

But he had a way out. He was going to get a job and move out with his dear older sister and maybe even go to college. He was going to overcome this

That was his views at least up until the crash

Lyra was driving Toby back home from a doctors appointment when it happened

His tics were acting up, it was rather distracting

He was so caught up in his own little world and trying to get through the frustrating twitches that he didn’t even have a second to process what happened

The next thing Toby knew, the car was swerving right into a lamppost and the air bags were deployed

And the next thing Toby saw was his sisters mangled, bloody body. The force of the steering wheel crushing her bones and shards of glass piercing her skin. The physical trauma near shattered her ribs

And the next thing Toby heard was the pained groans and wheezing from his dying sister

Thats the last thing he remembered before he woke up in a hospital bed with his broken arm being patched up. The doctors wouldn’t even let him see his sister who was under surgery in the emergency room

He didn’t get to be there by her side when she died

He didn’t get a goodbye

And while he was surrounded by family, his aunt Lori was even there to support his mother, Tobys father was nowhere to be seen

Dan was too drunk to drive, and too lazy to call a cab. He didn’t care about Toby and he didn’t care that his daughter just died. One less burden.

In one afternoon Tobys entire life slipped through the cracks of his hands

HIM .

The grief was sickening. It was heavier than the weight of the world. The silence that flooded his once loud house from his sister blaring her Beatles albums was deafening

These were the kinds of things that only happened in movies. People didn’t really lose their family members, and these things didn’t happen to people like him

It wasn’t fair

The one good thing in his miserable life, the moment things were finally getting better. There was no hope anymore, Toby was hopeless

He thought of ending his life every night as he stared at the ceiling, not getting a wink of sleep. But he couldn’t do that to his mom. She never showed it, but it showed clearly from the weight in her steps, the tired look in her eyes. He knew she was carrying a burden too great to bear

He couldn’t take away both of her children

So he would lie there night after night hoping to wake up from the gutwrenching dream just to hear her laugh, sing, blast her shitty music. He never really liked The Beatles, but she did. But she did.

It was all too much for him. From the moment Toby stepped out of the hospital he hadn’t felt real. The boy was living two steps away from reality like there was a sheet of plastic in between him and the world

Days would go by where he would forget to take his medication, or where he would simply just sleep the entire day away

On the days he was awake, Toby would feel like he was going insane. He wouldn’t feel real, he would see things out of the corner of his eye

Sometimes he’d swear he saw something outside his window at night

A strange creature standing under the streetlights

And it only got worse from here. Toby would almost always refuse to leave the house, he stopped sleeping, he felt like something was watching him

The boy would spend hours staring outside his bedroom window. The forest in his backyard had eyes and they were watching him

A wave of sickness overtook Toby. He would wake up with bloody noses sometime and no medicine would get rid of his strange cough. Sometimes he would sleepwalk and end up waking up on the edge of the forest behind his house, cold and alone in the dark of the night

It all added up. It was too much. The anger, the fear, the paranoia. The little voice in the back of his head telling him to just do it. Get revenge. Make him pay.

ABLAZE .

The years and years of abuse. Everything his father had done. He wasn’t there. He was never there.

Why should a man like that deserve to live? 17 fucking years of making Toby feel small and insignificant

Not today. And not anymore. The world was in the boys hands now, and so was a knife. And that night was the night Toby Rogers killed his own father.

No words could describe the feeling of adrenaline and rage that overtook the boy that night. There was no other option, this was the way it was always going to happen

Everything Toby has ever been through has led up to this. It was his own divine prophecy

And God showed no mercy that night

23 stab wounds drilled into his fathers chest, his face bloody, beaten and unrecognizable. Toby smashed his tiny bruised fists ruthlessly into his fathers now deceased body.

The only thing that stopped him was the scream of his mother. It was something primal, something deep from the pain in her gut.

Toby ran into the garage and grabbed two axes that belonged to his father, one old one new. Alongside that he grabbed gasoline and matches. He was going to do what he knew best. He was going to destroy everything.

And so the boy ran down the street of his neighborhood pouring the gasoline along his way and dousing the rest over the trees as he stood at the edge of the forest

Striking a match, the dry grass and trees caught on fire and immediately exploded into flames. The heat and blaze engulfed the boy and soon it began catching onto the rest of the forest

This was the end, he thought. Strangely enough, even though his heart was beating in his throat and his body was shaking, he felt calm. He had no regrets and he was fine with this being his ending.

His mind went blank, everything felt like a static screen, he could feel himself getting dizzy and there was a loud ringing in his ears

The last thing he saw was a tall, faceless creature in the midst of the smoke and fire as he collapsed to the ground.

And that was the death of Tobias Erin Rogers.

[b0nech3w3rz]

intro post

THE DOGHOUSE (🐕🏠)

bodily age: 14!! (dni if uncomfy)

stuff we think you should know!!: kody can AND WILL become attached to you so .. tread carefully. you can normally tell bc he will interact w ur posts or blog like crazy, he'll submit asks, comment, reblog, like etc mwahaha, guys please i love when ppl submit asks please i love it i love it i love it ask me questions i LOVE questions golly ...

things wrong w us: we are a traumagenic DID system, we have tourettes syndrome, autism, ADHD, spd, bpd, bipolar disorder, synesthesia, tactile hallucinations + a lot more, ambulatory mobility aid user!! (hoping to get actual aids soon 💔), physically disabled, chronically ill, mentally ill + mentally disabled, skill regressed & very very silly (meow!!)

tags:

#★– the dog barks (reg posts)

#★– the dog howls (answering asks)

#★– the dogs reblogs (reblogging, duh)

#★– doggy doodles (art if i ever post it 💔)

#★– pack posting (sys posting)

#★– the dog whines (vent post)

sign offs:

- 🐾 (kody, he/xe/it/mutt)

-🪦 (Thing, Thing/Things)

-🐶 (tony, they/them)

-🪓 (toby, he/him)

-👽 (nyx, xe/it)

-🌒 (mutt, it/mutt)

-🎉 (fritz, it/xe/clown/fun/zap/pop)

-☠️ (azrael, he/daem)

-🐰 (haven, they/them)

-🐐 (Leon, he/it/goat/🐐)

basic dni!!

therian: caribbean reef shark, albino burmese python, raccoon, hissing cockroach, white tiger, african forest buffalo, canadian lynx, ferret, canine cladotherian (specifically canines with pointed, slightly rounded ears and long muzzles)

otherkin: angel (seraphim), demon, vampire, fae, siren, ghost/spirit, elf, dragon, hellhound/cerberus, cryptid, Lucifer/Satan (the bible)

fictkin: seek (roblox, doors), toby rogers, draculara (mh)

[cyrusclouds]

mental disorder headcanons for dsaf characters because i'm bored!! (I KNOW IM NOT A PROFESSIONAL OBVIOUSLY im just here to have fun y'all :3) dave miller - aspd, bpd, cptsd + autism henry miller - aspd, npd, ocpd, bipolar 1, ied, cptsd + autism :3 martha miller - gad jack kennedy - bipolar 2, npd, cptsd + adhd-i dee kennedy - gad, ptsd + adhd-c peter kennedy - ptsd caroline kennedy - mentally stable queen steven stevenson - ppd, gad, ptsd jake wilson - clinical depression, ptsd roger jones - ocd, ptsd rebecca - mentally stable queen walt - ocpd, gad, panic disorder, cptsd, schizophrenia + autism harry - npd, cptsd + autism joe - edd (empathy deficiency disorder), ptsd terrence - mentally stable king (somehow) everett - bipolar 1, ptsd + autism & adhd-c abel - clinical depression, ppd, cptsd matthew virginia - ppd + autism & adhd-h all of these hoes have ptsd. ANYWAYSS i think i got basically everybody... (please mind that 1 in 8 people suffer from mental health disorders and literally most of these characters have been through intense trauma)

[zwyragpina]

Introduction Pin

Greetings, I am Roger, and I HATE warrior cats. I love characters that have absolutely no personality or lines whatsoever. I do whatever I want on MY blog, and you're not allowed to disagree with me. 

I am professionally diagnosed with autism and ADHD, unfortunately. And probably bipolar, but we'll see about that. And unfortunately I’m also physically disabled. A cripple if you will

I don't have any rules for my page; just don't be an annoying prick, and you're fine. I like to argue sometimes when I’m free. And I like to yap  

My favorite characters in the whole wide world are Appledusk [Shocker], Squirrelstar, Pinestar, and Crookedstar.

I post art sometimes. And sometimes I Yap about my favorite. I like Rdr2 Gta, and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember. Also I’m very underaged.

[pixiestickkk]

Intro post !! ❤️

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Info about me !! ( read if you’d like! )

name - Chloe

age - 22

Pronouns - she / her

Interests - Brandon Rogers, helluva boss, monster high, black butler, twisted wonderland

favorite bruc characters - Bryce tankthrust, Bobby worst, Sam phitts, grandpa ( blame )

Comfort characters - Sebastian Michaelis,

Vil schoenheit, riddle rosehearts, Bryce tankthrust and Frankie stein

Before you follow : I am autistic / bipolar so please be patient with me! I do not understand tone very well through text!

Dni - toxic people , honophobes, racists etc.

do interact - if you like Brandon rogers and enjoy being nerdy and hyper fixating on stuff you like! Also, if you are a decent human being with common sense!

FYI : this is not an ask blog anymore!! Just a place I can post images of random things :3

And uhhhh… rant about my love for Bryce tank thrust because she’s just that iconic!

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