#billy is a manipulative little shit who can work a crowd

[ihni]

Billy, on his first New Year's party in Hawkins, convincing everyone that in California, it is not about who you kiss at midnight as much as it is about how many you kiss.

"You just kiss whoever's around, boy or girl, and the one who kisses the most people, wins! It means luck in the new year."

His peers are doubtful at first, but Billy has a way with people and soon convinces them. So at the strike of midnight, everyone's kissing everyone to the sounds of laughter and cheer. Billy doesn't win - at least not in the official sense (Tommy Hagan does, as he goes around grabbing people by their ears to press big wet kisses on their lips several minutes after midnight). But he racks up a respectable number.

He only cares about one of them, though. Because Billy will kiss a thousand toads for a chance to lock lips with his crush ...

[the-teddy-bear-butch]

Alright gay people. Be prepared to lose your shit:

Ronance Lemonade Mouth AU

Nancy is Stella!!! Because I said so!!! Nancy deserves a rebel era and I can so see her being upset about the arts funding being cut for sports, including journalism. Electric guitar player Nancy my beloved >>>

Robin is Olivia, the shy, socially awkward songwriter and singer!!! Going to have her living with Steve as opposed to a grandma or something, but keeping the cat (who ironically in the movie is named Nancy). Might keep the her dad is in prison part? Undecided on how I’m translating Olivia’s background to Robin.

Speaking of Steve, he gets to be Charlie, the drummer! Keeping the pretty hair and parental pressure, but instead of wanting him to go to Stanford or play soccer, his dad wants him to join the insurance firm.

Eddie is Wen because Stella/Wen friendship > Nancy/Eddie besties ofc. Rather than coming in with rap, he adds amazing guitar riffs and heavy metal elements to the band’s sound. His family trouble involves settling in with Wayne, rather than dealing with a new stepmom.

And Mo was hard to decide, but!!! Our own Chrissy Cunningham. Her mom puts so much pressure on her to be the perfect daughter and Mo’s relationship with the one guy translates far too well to Chrissy’s relationship with Jason. Chrissy bass player arc omfg.

The rival band includes Jason, Billy (the one shitty guy who always starts drama), Tommy H, and Lucas (mirroring the basketball team here). Lucas tries to settle the drama throughout the AU.

The story begins when everyone gets detention. Robin and Chrissy were skipping class, Nancy blew up at someone about a news segment. Eddie got mad at a teacher, and Steve hit someone with a basketball (on accident).

The music teacher is Joyce and she leaves them all alone and that goofy little music moment happens and they all sing together.

Instead of Mel’s Lemonade, hear me out: Argyle’s Lemonade.

Robin has severe stage fright, but the band helps her get through it, especially Nancy. She and Steve live together. Eddie is often over to help with lyrics. She has an old ass cat that’s the last thing she has of her mother, just like Olivia.

Nancy gets to be rebellious in this fic. Her dad thinks she should just settle for a white picket fence (when he bothers to pay attention to her at all), her mom doesn’t really fight it, so Nancy rebels. She’s also getting the school newspaper together after the funding cut. Tell me this girl isn’t the kind to protest lack of free speech and the removal of the lemonade machine.

Eddie was only just sent to Wayne. It’s supposed to be temporary. In the same way Wen gets used to his stepmom, Eddie has to get used to Wayne and they do eventually grow closer. The scene where it’s revealed that Wen’s stepmom is moving in is instead Eddie arriving home to all of his belongings there in boxes and his parents nowhere to be seen—his stay is suddenly much more permanent.

Steve’s dad wants him to be an athlete (basketball) and join the insurance firm, but Steve just doesn’t want that. He quits basketball for the band and there’s some family struggle.

Rethinking the living situation, I may have Robin and Steve move in together partway through the story as opposed to the beginning, but I’m unsure where that leaves Robin. Her background is the hardest to work out.

Chrissy learns to stand on her own, gets away from her mom’s expectations, and sees Jason as the manipulative shitheel he is. Naturally she falls for one of the band’s biggest fans: Vickie.

Dustin plays the role of the AV kid that helps the band throughout the movie. He shows Nancy around in the beginning, explains the budget cut, and he makes the first vinyls for the band.

Nancy gets to rock Billy’s shit because I said so.

In the end scene, it’s Max and Lucas who save the day. Lucas leaves the rival band to help Lemonade Mouth out, Max is the first person in the crowd to start singing.

Steddie is established already. Ronance is the focus. Any of the Wen/Olivia scenes will be Ronance instead because I said so. Rumors circulate that Eddie and Robin are dating because Steddie keeps quiet and Robin isn’t out and the whole band finds it hilarious.

[onisiondrama]

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

[Sorry if this one isn’t coherent. I could not focus on this video for the life of me. It took me three days to get through lol.]

“Don't Trust Anyone” September 23, 2020 - Speaks

Says he wants to make a quick video on why no one should ever trust anyone. [The video is over 40 minutes long 😭]

He wanted to play hero and white knight by giving people he wanted to help things to make their lives better. He’s given thousands of dollars worth of stuff: flat screen TVs, thousand dollar airfares. Males, females, people in their 20′s, 30′s 40′s, etc. People who have met him in person say he’s a generous guy.

Says he gave his mother a quarter of a million dollar house and it destroyed their relationship. He says it showed him the house is more important to her long term. He told her she got the house for free and she said it cost her her relationship with him. He asks why she was letting a house that was given to her for free cost their relationship. He says he offered to buy the house back and she didn’t want to sell it even though it was free. He says he needs a place to film. He says Onision videos aren’t coming back because of his mom.

He doesn’t value his life and he doesn’t have a lot of will to live, that’s why he doesn’t have a filter and tells you how he really is. People play a game to get more respect and money, but he just doesn’t want to exist.

He says there’s at least 10 people he’s given $10,000 of stuff to.

He lived in a laundry room and was on food stamps because his mom was a single mom. He says when people says “it’s only money”, he thinks your a privileged pampered jerk. He says it means a lot to him when someone donates $5 on twitch. He says twitch takes half so he only gets $2.50. [This is really funny when you compare it to the shit he used to say to his fans when he was making over a million a year and the shit he said to them when they wouldn’t pay for the Onision channel when he made it pay to view only.]

He says he gave Cyr food and camera equipment. (Cyr and his gf story.)

Says it’s hard to trust Youtubers because the platform rewards drama. He asks if someone is going to take a DM out of context or lie about wanting to be in a sketch or not. Are you going to pretend to be against something because your afraid of being canceled? He doesn’t want to exist in a world like that.

You invest a lot of time and love in something and it turns around and bites your hand off. People do that because you hurt their feelings.

If you’re not an adult and you’re not blood related to him, he’s a jerk to you so everyone knows he wants nothing to do with you. Besides that he’s nice to pretty much everyone except his mom and an independent voter cousin he has. She stormed off with a red face when he laughed in her face at how stupid she is.

Says his director friend who is very professional and worked with a lot of youtubers said to him, “if only people know you for who you are.” He says he presents himself differently online, using a comedic or acting flair. He did this because he wanted to get the message he’s trying to convey and make an impact. He wants people to feel things when they watch him. The idea of Onision is so big and powerful, it’s impossible to get past the illusion.

He doesn’t feel poly right now. He doesn’t want a relationship outside his husband. It’s too socially complicated to keep two people happy and not jealous. (Chris Rock women try to steal your man quote.) People try to rip apart his 8 year long, successful marriage. He implies Kai stays with him and loves him even when they are at odds, that’s a genuine human being and relationship. Other people pretend to like him. (Moderator said she hated him for a year.)

Says he made a video about cuddlegate and another break up they had with Billie. Says she always visited them, flew out for a week or two weeks. He says it was expensive. He says he asked her if those videos were accurate. She said yes. He says those videos weighed in her favor.

When you sever ties with someone because the person was dangerous to your family, the online community doesn’t care. Certain crimes are acceptable to people online like drug abuse, dealing, lie, fraud.

Describes himself as a goody-two-shoes because he’s a former air force cop. Says people don’t like him because he represents authority, the people who dumped you, your dad, the less hip crowd.

Says Billie admitted she lied on video.

He tries to live in the real world, but he deals with people don’t care about justice or objectivity. They only care about feelings. When all you care about is feelings, then anyone that doesn’t want to be your friend is a monster and a criminal.

When someone blocks him on twitter, he thinks they have the wrong idea about him. He doesn’t hate them and think they’re a terrible person. He’s sure if a person has a coherent, civilized conversation with him, they wouldn’t conclude a lot that’s negative.

Says there’s a lot of cancel culture and #metoo hysteria where people focus on people that hurt their feelings. Says there are a lot of valid #metoo too.

He says talking about women’s rights is compensating and being manipulative. He says someone told him he should do that and he saw it on Amazon’s The Boys. There’s no real consequence. Just social consequence like Johnny Depp’s ex.

People lie and are malicious because he rejected him.

People only care about news about accusations about famous people when people are murdered ever day. You say you’re caring and you just want justice, he can’t help but question your priorities.

Says he was recommended an old update video about himself from Mike who worked with Chris Hansen. He didn’t watch it, he pressed uninterested. Says Mike went to actual court for allegedly groping people.

If Batman was truly against bad people, he would lock up the whole city because bad people are everywhere. They vote, lie, and do things to others constantly based on personal gift. Says he was given an amazing gift to tell the truth. Says it might be the suicidal feelings. He wouldn’t do it, but he would press a button to not exist anymore. He says he doesn’t want to hurt people who care about him. Says it’s contagious sometimes.

Says he’s the giving tree, like the book. Says the tree kept giving and it wasn’t appreciated by the person using it.

Says it’s rare for people to kick him out of their life. (Hannah Minx rejected him story) He says he didn’t blame her and that’s how you handle rejection. You say ok and move on. [lol yeah ok buddy] People don’t give him the same decency.

Says he had a Patreon who donated thousands to him. She had a mental breakdown in front of himself and a few other Patreons during a gathering near Boston. [this is about Dev] She didn't feel like they appreciated her for driving them around, but she was the one that invited them. She’s the reason he doesn’t have meet ups anymore. She was a 30-something woman who lost her mind in front of a bunch of 20-somethings and himself. She burned out the clutch of her car out of rage. She told him she just wanted a clean break after, but he says he didn’t care. He thinks she said that because she didn’t want him to talk about what happened. He says that’s a situation where he’s not negative and appreciates the good things she did, donated thousands to him. He was petrified of her. His two Patreon friends witnessed it and they just wanted water bottles.

He doesn’t think he could have a meaningful relationship now after what he’s been through. Most people he kicked out lost their mind after. Says the ex Patreon didn’t lose their mind after. He says she accused him of sleeping with a 24 / 25-year-old while they were there. They were 40 minutes away from having to leave at the airport. It was 4 am and they were up all night. He was exhausted so he went to lay down in the dark. The two patreons were in the other room. But that women still blindly said they slept together. He doesn’t know who would want to have sex with someone you’re not in a relationship with at 4 am before you leave for the airport.

Someone asked him on Only Fans when he’ll sleep with other people for his pictures. He says he doesn’t know because he has to love someone and be in a relationship with them. He doesn’t want to have a relationship with anyone outside Kai because he’s terrified. Any time he gets close to you people you’re a danger to his family or dishonest.

The cops took Shiloh away when he called them on her and people think she’s some kind of hero. Siren on the rocks. They cry victim and they’re really trying to drown you.

(Skye prenup story)

It’s great he has no friends now. He can deal with loneliness and he has a family. He was giving stuff away and getting little back. He’s finally protecting himself.

Says to make people prove themselves before you let them hurt you. Like getting a tattoo, a spray tan, or dying their hair green. Says don’t actually do that to prove yourself to him. He says that will make you look crazy, he wasn’t being literal.

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 09/21 NXT 09/23 NXT UK 09/24 Smackdown 09/25 Clash of Champions 09/27 + Main Event 09/24

Raw:

Billie’s not wrong. None of these people are wrong. That title has fallen so fucking far since Becky held it, Jesus.

Interesting to see Billie Kay be somewhat (?) supportive of Peyton. Manager?

I implore women to stop using red eyeliner unless you’re trying to look possessed.

Oh at least Mickie’s gonna have her last match with her snazzy pants on.

God that theme music is so outdated.

If there was one person on the roster that could convince me they wrestled in the Diva’s era, it’d be Mickie James.

Beautiful Octopus, dare I say best in the division. Look at those crossed legs. Just beautiful, Zelina.

Man it was cool watching Zelina reverse the powerbomb attempt into a rollup, but Mickie couldn’t be bothered to get her shoulders down for a 2 count before the reversal. Shame.

Zelina needs an increase to her speed to pull off the style she’s going for, but it’s a fun style.

oof I think Mickie actually caught Zelina’s forehead with that high kick.

Seated Senton off the top rope is garbage and I hate it.

Lmfao Zelina won with a backstabber. She’s literally Sasha-lite. Okay.

Word was Bianca was the star of the pc combine, right? So if you wanna showcase her strength, do it against someone I fucking know lmao. Who was this bro? Of course she’s stronger than a nobody in the pc. Friggin Alexa Bliss can effortlessly give piggy back rides to Sheamus. That’s impressive, because I know how strong and big he is. This could’ve been done better is all I’m saying. Maybe do a sitdown interview with her pc peeps hyping her up, or show footage of her blowing everyone in the combine out the park. Idk.

Ruby stop hyping up Nia and Shayna individually, individually they suck lol lesbireal.

So did Ruby just give Liv her shirt? …You know what, it works, I’m not gonna dig into this.

I feel like all women use the same starting moves against Nia and it’s a little tired ngl. They do this headscissors into a standing crucifix hold, and then slide down to try and roll her up. Then she picks them up and headbutts them. Come on peeps.

Mk just throw Lana through another table, she’s as useless in the ring (kf wise) as Liv is on commentary (non-kf wise)

Let me rewind, how did Nattie get taken out this time? A punch again. COOL. Nattie confirmed worst tag partner in the history of the division.

Lmfao rip Lana. Bye.

Wow we just said fuck entrances huh? Ugh God. Imagine Becky not getting an entrance as a damn champion.

So Peyton forgoes jumping for the German suplex, which could’ve resulted in her landing on Asuka’s head, and her reaction is to laugh. Consummate professional. Becky Lynch’s optic cranial nerve injury (caused by a failed German suplex) called, it can’t seem to find the humor.

Idk what that double underhooked move was by Peyton, but it was nice.

What bothers me about Peyton’s spinning heel kick, is as high as she gets it, she only hits people with her calf. Awkward to see.

That attempted transition into the Asuka Lock was... something.

Highlight: Lana going through the table

---

NXT:

Did Tegan say “why me” to Candice fucking her knee up with a metal pipe? Somebody get this girl some tissues.

Haha watching Tegan writhe in pain is funny. Candice gets points. And I do not like giving Candice points.

Really appreciate Rhea’s theme after hearing so much generic garbage lately. She’s so done with nxt as a performer, she has passed literally all of them by.

Not to be that person, but seeing so many people in the ring together bothers me. If one person was sick, literally all of them are sick now. It’s just kinda yikes.

Did they forego having a crowd? If so, wise. There’s enough ppl in the ring and at ringside.

Rhea fucking yeeted that girl into the barrier lmaooo.

“...Marina Shafir who’s done some great things on Raw Underground recently,” lmao sure.

The absolute half-assed attempt by that girl to pull herself up before Rhea booted her down to the floor was questionable.

So adding all these random peeps from the pc to this battle royal was done solely to have Raquel and Rhea flex for their feud in 4 months, huh.

Kacy does cool shit, wbk lmao. Gets kicked out, lands on her back, rolls into a handstand, rotates, pulls herself up into the ring using her feet on the ropes; gets kicked out, lands on the side of the guardrail, pulls herself up, uses the plexiglass to help balance herself, jumps onto the stairs; gets kicked out, lands on the side of the guardrail, stands on Kayden’s shoulders and gets chauffeured back to the ring. Brilliant. Would be overkill in a Royal Rumble, but it works here.

R&R eliminate each other/themselves together. Fitting. Dakota “help me I’m useless on my own” Kai is shook.

Why is Indi in the top 5? Or top 7? How is this girl so damn prestigious??

Kacy really just slung herself around the ringpost. I’m becoming a fan of her antics/performances in multiwomen matches.

I see Shotzi’s character is, “I come so close yet cannot manage to touch the gold.” I feel for her... cuz I can’t stand Candice.

Boooo

I love how Io carries herself. She’s a shining example of not allowing her heritage to hold her back or make her feel unimportant. She responds in Japanese, and without missing a beat, translates in perfectly spoken and quick English. Never dances, never smiles, never looks like a chump. Serious and answers the damn question. She gets points.

Highlight: Kacy shenanigans

---

NXT UK:

Lol I love KLR so much. Just ducks out of the ring the first time she’s bested.

“KLR is well versed in mental manipulation,” that she is. She’s honestly a top competitor in that sense; equal to the likes of Sasha and Charlotte when it comes to psychology.

Piper’s got power. Ragdolling KLR here.

That’s right, performing with Charlotte Flair at wm is an accolade one can only hope to achieve (I’m annoying I know) no but seriously, KLR vs Becky Lynch? Take my money.

Nice Superkick, nice Tornado ddt.

Dear ref, stop yelling at her and restart the count. Dweeb.

Lmao self inflicted wreckage of her knee. 

This ref is a walking headache. We’re now getting into the autumn of overbooked women’s matches. And UK’s first title match back. Yikes.

That senton was awkward and looked painful af for KLR’s neck. If you’re gonna risk that move while selling a leg injury, make sure you have more space to correct your landing.

I almost wish that turnbuckle came undone naturally because KLR is already such a good seller, but I’m gonna assume this is a worked move since it’s been left exposed.

Yeah see there are issues with that spot. Positives: KLR didn’t purposefully undo the turnbuckle, so it’s not on her to give another title match; the spot has potential, as I’m guessing that would be genuinely painful. Negatives: Piper is too big of a woman to hit the lower turnbuckle doing the cannonball, so she ended up hitting the middle... which was padded. Good ending on paper if you don’t do the equations, but poor execution. Not Piper nor KLR’s fault though.

Slow pacing and I hate overbooked garbage, but this obviously isn’t the only match they’re having so *shrug*

Highlight: Clean tornado ddt, and I do love KLR’s selling

---

Smackdown:

Lol Bayley has her chair. She automatically gets a point every time I see it.

Top of the ramp this time? Okay, sure.

Stop cutting to the fancams, production. I don’t care about their reactions.

A fine enough promo to move along both of her angles, but production sucks. Wbk though.

“...one of the most complex personalities,” which personality of Alexa’s are we referring to, though?

Their timing on her pyro was off and now I’m sad. The pops during the breakdown leading into the fountains are fucking amazing and honestly cannot be topped by any of the other women.

When did Alexa stop wearing her gloves to the ring? Probably when she turned face. Shame.

She just called Lacey bitter, southern tea, and you know what? What a fucking drag. Imagine bitter southern tea. As someone who was raised in the south, that is a disgrace to southern tea. Sweet sun tea or pass.

Look at Alexa: selling Lacey’s strength, full of agile speed, and yet here’s Lacey not even bothering to put her shoulders down for her pin attempt. SAD.

A problem I consistently have with SD in particular is how they set up commercial breaks. They always do something dramatic, cut to commercial, come back and shit’s always completely different. How you gonna cut from Alexa leading and hearing the Fiend’s laugh, to return to Lacey in charge ???

Dear Cole, why are you calling her Alexis lol. Like I know that’s her real name but, hello??

oof Alexa’s midsection is beet red.

Lacey has not been putting on a “clinic” stop tossing that term around, Cole. Good bump by Alexa though.

Love how Lacey doesn’t mind landing flat when her moonsault misses. Respect. Her and Charlotte both eat that so perfectly.

LOVE how the monitors of people turned into Fiend’s face. POINTS.

It’s like she’s reverted back to her heel persona. This is literally 2016 Bliss, right? Right??

Roman is a large, strong, intimidating guy... but holy shit the visual of 5′1 Alexa staring daggers into the back of his head is intense af. I almost complained that he cut off her exit, but well done with the continuity.

Highlight: I’m really digging the Alexa/Fiend story

---

Clash of Champions:

Loving the red roots, hate the eyeshadow.

See, if Asuka wants to fuck around in the ring, you won’t hear me complain. I just wish she took her non-wrestling segments more seriously.

The patience Asuka gave Zelina to set up the arm kick was dumb.

“A hard arm bar by Asuka,” he says, even though her legs were completely bent. Easy on the credit given plz.

Zelina telegraphs too much. None of the bumps she takes ever catch me by surprise.

In the spirit of being fair, put your fucking shoulders down and let her attempt a pinfall, Asuka.

Haha Sasha-lite did meteora in the corner.

Nice roll into a kick, half point for Zelina.

No you don’t get to sell frustration or disbelief yet, that’s not buyable.

I don’t know wtf Zelina was going for with that counter before the Asuka Lock, but honestly idc. Could’ve been a kickoff match indeed. State of Becky’s title btw.

Every week it’s the same shit with Asuka. She gets on the mic, speaks Japanese, barely accomplishes anything, then gets interrupted/slapped/attacked... with dancing and smiling inbetween. I really wish she was more like Io.

Nikki isn’t “medically cleared to compete”, and the tag team titles aren’t being defended. My memory is fuzzy but wasn’t there some covid concerns going around back then? Was that just baseless speculation?

Love that Bayley turned this into an opportunity to be a bigger douche than she already was lol.

IS SHE DOING A VICTORY LAP LMAO

I want to hate this from a smarky “give other women a chance” perspective, but Bayley is an ass and this is great for Asuka to build credit as a face, and after being made to look foolish yet again. Lesgo.

Lol sounded like Bayley said, “you think you can cuck me?” I’m sure she didn’t. I’m choosing to believe she did though.

I never know exactly who to blame when Asuka’s Codebreaker looks ugly, but I swear Charlotte is the only one it looks impactful with. Sell job isn’t the problem, but taking that actual move is always dicey af.

Great kick by Asuka. Rekt.

Bayley says nah fuck this rofl. Fair ending; a fun little sprint of meaningless jabs.

“Chairwoman of SD” I like that too, Graves. Points to you.

LMAOOO Bayley set that shit up perfectly kekekek what’s up Sasha.

She be looking fucking incredible, but that neckbrace is a mega bummer.

Character wise, I’m surprised Bayley’s choosing to dole out punishment rather than taking her title and bolting.

Welp maybe she should have, Sasha going to town lmao.

oof peep that red line going down Bayley’s arm. eesh. Welts all over her back.

Highlight: Sasha beating the shit out of Bayley with a kendo stick

---

*BONUS*

Main Event:

You don’t pan the camera over to fucking commentary during Bianca’s entrance. Do better @ production.

Ruby puts her confidence in Liv even though everybody knows Bianca is winning this match lmao.

LOVE Liv’s boots.

like 20 seconds into the match and it’s already 10x better than the Bianca vs Billie Kay one. Don’t even waste a spot on Main Event for Billie Kay. No, I’m not not sorry for saying that.

It’s not that I hold issue with Bianca’s showboating or mannerisms, but it’s all so much more fitting for a heel.

Beautiful stalling suplex, but Liv is rather small.

Beautiful distance on that dropkick to Liv. Liv gets points for throwing herself so far.

We have enough women who rip their shirts off deep into matches, me thinks. Don’t need it from Liv as well.

Momentum could’ve been split better, but that was a decent match.

---

*Clash of Champions would be my highlighted event mostly thanks to Bayley, but if that’s a cop out, I’ll give a slight nod to Smackdown’s handling of Alexa.

[thehargrovewhore]

blue eyed boy | billy hargrove prompt #1

prompt:

"can i kiss you, please?" + "i'm so in love with you."

author's note:

this prompt is long, but it's really sweet y'all ❤

---

"get the fuck away from me, marcus! i hate you. you are a cheating, lying, and manipulative piece of shit." she spoke to the ignorant boy who was supposed to be hers. he was struggling to get his pants back on, his breathing ragged.

"baby, just listen to me-" marcus tried to plead, but it was not going to work this time around. she caught him in the act, literally, and now she was done with his shit for good.

deep down she knew that he wasn't sorry. nor did marcus regret what he just did with hawkins biggest slut, brenda.

with tears streaming down her face, she reared her hand back and slapped that stupid smirk right off his face. her palm burned, but she didn't care in the least. with that, it was time for her to go home and be depressed.

turning around on her heel and walking out of the room, she went downstairs and began to search for her friend, billy hargrove, who was probably drunk as a skunk right now. but he was the only one who could make her feel a little bit better about herself in this moment.

and to think that she turned down the hottest boy to step foot in this shithole town, for that douchebag upstairs. he decimated her heart.. and the fault was her own. she took a chance on him, only to get burned in the end.

she could of been with billy right now. she could of been with someone who genuinely cares about her.. who goes out of their way to make sure she's happy, who would do anything in the world for her. and she passed that up like the complete moron that she tends to be on occasion.

was he the best guy in the world? not in the least. but.. he was real. he was unapologetically himself at all times. and billy took care of her like she was already his girlfriend. he was an asshole to the world, but never to her.

the day she told billy hargrove that they would be better as friends, was the biggest mistake of her entire life. she wants more than anything to take back what she said to him that day in her bedroom, when he asked her out.

it took her being cheated on, to finally make her realize, that william calvin hargrove owns her heart completely.

locating him in the crowd, she drifted towards him with a set of fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. billy was in the middle of dirty dancing with some girl from history class.

but, when billy saw his number one girl, standing there in a mess of fresh tears, he completely stopped. he was just about ready to kick some serious ass, wanting to find out what that marcus fucker did to make her cry this time.

billy pushed the drunken girl aside; not paying attention to her sloppy whines of protest. his focus was on his girl, who looked as if she has just been mortified by what she found in the upstairs bedroom.

pulling her flush against his chest with purpose, she let a few more broken sobs slip out into his leather jacket. she wrapped her arms around his muscular waist, taking in a scent of armani cologne and cigarette smoke.

"what happened, babe?" he asked gently, eyes containing nothing but genuine concern for her. "marcus. i found out he's been sleeping with brenda higgins on the side." she is now sniffling into his jacket, and his grip on her tightened protectively.

thinking back, even billy has had a couple nights with her, because she's the easiest girl in town.

"where is that motherfucker?" billy growled angrily, those deep blue eyes intensely trained on the staircase, waiting for marcus to be an actual man and show his face.

as if an act of god was answering his deviant prayer, billy saw marcus and brenda coming down the stairs, looking disheveled and sweaty.

"please, don't do anything." she hiccuped into his jacket, not wanting a fight to break out. but she knew billy well, and she knew that he was not going to let this slide.

he was seeing absolute red. it's one thing to cheat but it's another thing to cheat on his precious y/n. the girl whose smile lights up the entire room. the girl whose hair smells like strawberries, a smell that billy absolutely adores.

the girl who has stood by him through the good and bad, no matter what he's said or done in front of her. how was he supposed to pretend that this was okay and just leave without teaching marcus a proper lesson?

billy leaned down and placed a small kiss on her forehead before telling her to stay put, that he would take care of a douchebag like marcus, who thinks that it's okay to break the heart of his best girl.

she is his everything, whether she knows that or not. billy would happily fight anyone who dared to cross her.

she tried to grab for his arm but it was too late, he was on a personal mission to destroy marcus hudson's face. from this night on, everyone would know, who her protector is.

in three long strides, he reached the clueless asshole who was sipping on a bloody mary.. like a little bitch. without a word exchanged between them billy sent a furious punch to marcus's nose; a crack echoing throughout the room.

marcus clutched his nose and howled in pain, before billy grabbed the collar of his shirt and slammed him down on the ground. marcus tried to fight back.. but clearly wasn't in the position to do so, against the infamous hargrove.

the whistle of punches landing on marcus's face ontop of billy's rage induced grunts echoed in the lounge room. he wasn't going to stop anytime soon, because he was livid.

billy couldn't protect himself at home, but he can protect the love of his life from greaseballs like marcus hudson.

"william! stop it, please stop it! that's enough! please! let's just go back to my house." she pleaded, noticing that billy was going to beat marcus into unconsciousness. her soft, gentle voice was the only thing keeping him grounded.

in a split second, billy was standing up, staring down at a heap of misery on the floor, previously known as marcus.

billy's teeth were bared, his jaw is clenched, while his tan knuckles were split and bleeding from the hard punches.

"if you step foot anywhere near her again, i'll make myself a new necklace out of your fucking teeth." billy seethed.

it was terrifying, to say the least, nobody has seen billy so enraged before. marcus nodded pathetically, his whimper of the word yes could barely be heard, but billy caught it.

without another glance at the people around them with a look of pure shock on their faces, he grabbed her hand as the sound of harsh whispers began to flood her senses.

billy led her out of the party and into the night, searching for his precious camaro among the sea of cars. she could not let their night end like this, so she grabbed his face in her small hands, cupping his cheeks gently.

she wasn't mad at him. she knew he has anger issues and when it came to her, there isn't much that he wouldn't do.

she loved that about him. if somebody even looked at her the wrong way, billy was hot on their heels.

that was his way of conveying his emotions. he was born and raised into violence.. it was instilled in him. but, there wasn't anything about him that they couldn't work on. he was a sweetie deep down, and she would bring that out.

he flinched away, but soon relaxed, leaning into her touch while she placed a small kiss on his warm cheek. billy isn't used to this sort of compassion but he was addicted to it.

"you didn't have to do that, billy." she whispered, noticing the tiny kiss that he placed on the palm of her hand. with a sigh of contention, he pulled away from her soft touch.

this was it. he was going to confess his feelings, and hope that she wouldn't laugh in his face.

"i would do anything for you. anything in the world. i can't stop thinking about you, you're always in my head.. i'm so in love with you." billy confessed, looking away from her.

the gears were turning in her head, she was so overcome with love and adoration, she couldn't even speak. he was hers. this beautiful, messy, loud and irrational boy is hers.

billy was about to walk away, not wanting to hear her say that she didn't feel the same way, but he was attacked. in a huge hug, to be exact, her giggles sounding in the air.

he smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, taking this as an answer in itself. he understood if she wasnt yet ready to pursue another relationship after what occurred.

but, when she pulled back slightly and looked at him like he was the only thing in the world that matters, his heart stopped in his chest.

"can i kiss you, please?" she asked lightly, staring at those plump lips, wanting to decorate them with her cherry red lip gloss.

what a ridiculous question that was.. he has wanted to do nothing but kiss her since the moment he laid eyes on her in gym class, where she was practicing with her volleyball team.

the response she got was a deep kiss that could rival one of the most romantic movies to date, it was beautiful.

it felt like pure fire as he lifted her up in his arms.. her legs around his lean waist, their soft lips clashing together in a perfect harmony.

her fingers were threaded into his soft hair, pulling at the golden locks, making him groan lowly. with that, she had slipped her tongue into his mouth, revelling in the feeling.

she pulled away, her breathing ragged and lips swollen. it was perfect, everything is perfect, and billy is beyond the point of perfection. he is simply exquisite. sometimes she can hardly believe that he's a real human being.

she vowed at a party in the middle of the night that she would spend the rest of her life wrapped up in his arms.

"i love you too, my blue eyed boy."

[rogerina-yee-haw]

"at least I'm one"

chapter 4: "- the pain and eternal bliss”

sd!gwilym lee x reader

[the goodbye] [the sadness & tenderness] [the broken rules and true affection]

summary: you and gwil met ten months ago; and he offered you to be his sugar baby almost immediately. you agreed at that exact moment, not knowing where it would get you.

warnings: mentions of physical and emotional abuse, sexual assault, angst;  MAJOR fluff, typos 

a/n: Get ready lmao there are two more chapters left

you’ll probably be confused at first. but (almost) everything is explained in the chapter!! if I don’t explain something here, chapter 5 will do it

the reader’s smoking?? nope, she doesn’t. at least not on the regular basis lol

also this was supposed to be chapter 5 but I couldn’t work the content for chapter 4 properly so I mixed them hehe

thanks to @emmasunshiine for the idea <3

“Still smoking, eh?”

You freeze where you stand, with a cigarette between your fingers. The wind blows your hair and the cigarette smoke as you slowly look in his direction. You know this voice like the back of your hand. You know this man better than anyone.

“The fuck?” you breathe out, your gaze fixed on him. He hasn’t changed; only grew his hair a bit longer. He still has this ugly mustache, wears 90s-styled shirts and jeans that are so tight that you can see the outline of his penis. He still goes commando, nothing fucking changes.

“Happy to see you too, kitten”, you wince at the pet name; it makes you feel as if a little sword is poking through your heart. Makes you feel like you have to come through all of this shit again.

“Walk away, Luke”, you curse under your breath, taking another cigarette from the pack; Luke’s the one to make you start smoking. He gave you too many bad habits.

“You’ve got quite a tongue”, Luke chuckles and comes a bit forward to you, “since when?”

“Piss off”, you mutter as you take another drag of the cigarette.

“Nice diamond necklace you have here. Got yourself a sugar daddy?”

You shiver at his last words. How would he even know? You brows knit as you look at him and take another long drag of the cigarette.

“Seen you with that guy over there”, Luke points at Gwil through the pub window. “He looks alright. Not your type though. You need someone else to take care of you”.

“I love how you know what and whom I need”, you say sarcastically. There is this obnoxious grin on his face, the grin that he used to give you whenever he wanted something from you. You hated it. You still do.

“Kitten, you know that he’s way out of your league. We both know it”

“I used to think of you like this too. But look at us now”.

Luke’s jaw is tightened, his fists are clenching and he glares at you; you know this look. His eyes always flickered with anger before he would slap your cheek; muscles in his jaw twitched before he slammed you onto the wall, which led in you hitting your head terribly. He would always stand there, with flushed face and narrowed eyes, before yelling at you, degrading you in any way possible. You know all of it too well.

And it makes you scared. You were sure you came through. You thought the trauma was far behind you. The pain he caused you should have been in the past. But now, when you look at him, standing in front of you with gritted teeth and radiating hatred and anger, you’re so fucking scared. You know it. You know this feeling. You are way too familiar with bruises, which were different from the ones Gwil leaves on your body; Gwilym’s are love-bruises, the marks he leaves on your hips when he’s eating you out and hold you firmly, so you wouldn’t squirm under him.

Luke’s bruises used to tell another story. His marks weren’t of love – no matter what he said about it. He would squeeze your forearm or shoulder to the point where you couldn’t even feel it anymore. He used to hurt you because you were laughing at jokes Billy made, or cause you were standing too close to that guy in the bar who was asking you about the band that was on the stage. His possessiveness was all fun and hot at first when he fucked you while being jealous. But then it started developing into this crazy obsession; you couldn’t even speak to any of the guys at uni, because you were too scared Luke would find out and punish you for that. His punishments were to hit you on the face with his knuckles, leaving you bleeding. His punishments were hurting you.

Gwil’s punishments never seemed to you as ones, because they are all about sex. And Gwilym is gentle with you, he’s loving. He caresses your face and kisses your troubles away when you don’t want to have sex; Luke used to make you love him.

Luke broke your heart by his constant cheating and manipulating; he wouldn’t let you leave him by pressuring you into that relationship. He would swear he’d kill himself if you left. And it kept you with him for almost three years until you had enough and until Billy, Becca, and Jackson got you out of it. Luke disappeared from your life at the second Becca threatened him with the police. But he is right here now, right in front of you. It’s been almost two years. You finally recovered. You were finally able to trust people, you trusted Gwil. And all of it is about to be ruined because Luke is standing next to you, being angry and ready to hit you. You know it’s true. You know it may happen.

“Don’t be stupid, Y/N”, Luke puts his hands on the hips. “You know you don’t talk to me like that. Don’t you, kitten?”

Think about something nice. Something good. Something that brings you joy. Something that may take the pain and fear away. That’s what you have to do.

“I’m not scared of you anymore”, you breathe, taking a step back. You need to come back inside. To safety. To Gwil. “A year of therapy – I’m not scared of you, Luke”, your voice is firmer now, more demanding. You know he’s afraid of powerful people. Especially of powerful women. And this is who you are – an imperious woman. And you can take care of yourself.

“Who says you have to be scared?” he’s so fucking close to you; he leans forward, invading your personal space – and that’s how you know you’re a goner. He’s stronger than you, he’s always been. You can only scream. And it makes you feel so small, so helpless. You’re almost the same height that Luke is – just five centimeters shorter – and you’re not less strong. But you still can’t do anything. He just makes you weak. You’re hopeless. “You know, I couldn’t stop thinking about you all this time”, his voice is low now; he smells like beer and cheap cigarettes – his distinctive scent. You feel nauseous because of it, you hope you’d throw up on him. But you don’t. “I used to watch you sometimes”, he traces circles on your exposed arm with his finger and you try to brush him off, but he grips your shoulder tightly with his other hand – and you wince and hiss at the feeling.

So you scream.

At least you try.

Luke is fast enough to cover your mouth with his hand; you’re pressed against the cold wall of the pub now, and there’s no one to help you – even your phone is inside. “Y/N, how many times do I have to tell you to keep your mouth shut?” Luke whispers in your ear and you turn your head away, eyes shut. You’ve never hated anyone more in your life than Luke right now. “You look so sexy in this dress”, he squeezes your boob and it makes you squeal – it isn’t pleasant in any way. It’s painful. “You make me so hard, kitten”, he takes your hand and makes you palm his dick through his pants. And you see the fucking opportunity; you know what to do the second your palm touches his crotch. You squeeze his penis so tightly that your nails dig into the soft skin – and when he jumps away, covering his crotch and swearing, you take no time in running away.

When you reach the entrance of the pub, you stumble upon Gwilym. You almost crash him, even though he’s taller and bigger than you.

“Woah”, Gwil catches you in his arms; and you fell so safely. Gwil is here, and there’s a full crowd of people. You’re finally safe. “Where you’ve been? I came looking for-“

“Let’s leave”, you say holding onto him for dear life. “Please”.

“Baby, what happened?” Gwil cups your cheeks in his hands and looks at you worriedly; he notices your mascara is running and hair is a bit of a mess – and you look so frightened. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, here she is!” you shudder at the sound of his voice; you lean in closer to Gwil. Because you need to feel safe. You need to be with him.

“Gwil. Please, let’s leave”, you whisper into his chest.

“It is him?” he asks you. “Is it Luke?” You don’t even have to look at him to know he’s angry. But this is a different type of anger – it’s not directed towards you. Gwil’s gloominess and anger are never directed towards you.

“That’s your sugar daddy, Y/N?” you hear Luke saying. Gwilym’s arm is now wrapped around you, pulling you closer to him, protecting you from Luke. You put your hands around his waist and bury your head in the crook of his neck. Gwil can feel you trembling. He hates it. He hates seeing you hurt, hates seeing you in pain.

“Get the fuck out”, Gwilym spits; you close your eyes and hope you’ll wake up. It’s just a bad dream; all you need to do is to wake up in your warm bed with Gwil’s arms around your waist. You just need to wake up in your safe place.

“It’s not like you own the pub, mate”, Luke chuckles.

“Gwil, baby, please”, you whisper against his neck, “just take me and let’s go. Please. He’s not worth it. Please”.

Gwil lets out a sigh; he wants to beat up this piece of shit so wildly, so strongly that he won’t be able to recover from it. But he knows that you don’t need this. Gwilym knows that the only thing you need is to leave and be safe.

“If I see you near Y/N one more time”, he’s warning him – but it sounds more like a threat. “If I see you creeping around her or her family, I’ll make sure you rot in jail”.

“You think I’m scared?”

“You should be. Because I’m not gonna tell you twice”.

“Gwil, please…” you say quietly.

“We’re leaving, baby”, he kisses your hair. “Just hold on”.

You don’t really understand how you get into the cab – the next thing you know you’re sitting on the backseat with your head on Gwil’s shoulder and your fingers intertwined with his. Gwilym’s free arm is around you and you feel safer than ever. “Did he do something to you, baby? Did he hurt you?” Gwil asks, softly rubbing your shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter. I hurt him even more”, you raise your head and look at him; Gwil’s brows draw together in confusion. “I might have ripped off his dick”, you explain, “or at least harm it profoundly. Long nails may be a good thing sometimes”, it’s the first time you smile in the past several minutes. Gwil kisses your forehead and you nuzzle into his neck. You feel warm, safe and at home.

When you finally get to Gwil’s hotel room, you take off your heels tiredly and sit down on the bed. You feel exhausted – both physically and mentally. “You’ve gotta take your makeup off first before going to sleep”, Gwil sits down on the bed near you with a couple of cotton pads and micellar water. You smile sheepishly and close your eyes.

“You care about my skin even more than I do”, you joke while he helps you remove the makeup.

“You told me to do this, remember?” his mouth curves into a smile. “Don’t ever let me fall asleep with my makeup on!” He tries to imitate your voice and the two of you laugh. “Here you go”, he says when it’s done. “Y/N”, Gwil cups your cheeks gently, “what happened out there?”

You swallow hard, trying to contain the urgent need to cry. “Nothing”, you answer, “nothing that hasn’t happened before”. He looks at you with concern and rubs your cheeks with his thumbs softly. All of it makes your eyes filled with tears. You feel so much at this moment. You feel pain, love and blissful happiness. And you love every part of it. “Gwil, I’m fine”, you reassure him. “The second I fell into your arms I was alright” Gwil keeps studying you, looking through you, and It makes you sigh deeply. You put your hands on his. “I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t wanna ever talk about Luke”, you move his hand and kiss his palm. “I’m with you, I’m safe. I know I’ll always be”, your smile is beaming and Gwil’s whole face lits up – he loves seeing you happy.

“I love you”, he says and kisses you hearty; it seems as if he tries to put all of his love into it. You answer eagerly and straddle him.

“I used to learn Spanish at school, you know”, you put your hands around his neck and murmur against his lips when you pull away. “Our teacher told us one cute little thing once”, Gwil raises his eyebrows, a smile on his lips. “’Mi media naranja’. You know what it means?” Gwilym shakes his head and puts a light kiss on your nose, making you giggle. “It means my other half, my significant other, my soulmate” you rub your noses together and you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. “You are ‘mi media naranja’, Gwil”, you whisper, looking into his eyes, “I have never loved before you”.  The next kiss is tender and full of pure love and softness. But Gwilym suddenly pulls away and gently puts you on the bed from his lap.

“What is it, baby?” you ask in confusion; he puts a kiss, a peck, on your cheek and smiles fondly.

“Wait a minute”, he disappears in the dark hall of the hotel room; and you sit on the edge of the bed, which is lightly illuminated by the table lamp.

Gwil comes back a moment later, hiding something behind his back. Before you’re even able to open your mouth, he drops on one knee right in front of you and takes out a ring. It’s not like the other one – the diamond is much smaller, but it’s still amazingly beautiful and, probably, costs a fortune too.

“I didn’t have the chance to do it three days ago when I was supposed to”, he says quietly. “And it’s all on me, it’s my fault”.

“Gwil”, you try to interrupt him but he doesn’t let you.

“Y/N, baby, just let me finish”. He lets out a sigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back then. I’m sorry you had to go through those lies and pain because I didn’t call you. I’m an idiot and I will never forgive myself for doing so”. Gwilym looks at with glistening eyes. “I can’t bear the thought of losing you. I can’t imagine my life without you. I’ve never fallen so in love with someone like I did with you”, you can feel tears running down your cheeks; you put your hand on his face and he leans into your touch. “I promise I won’t ever hurt you. I promise that you’ll be the happiest with me. I love you. I should have done it the second I came into your flat two days ago, I should have done it much earlier so you wouldn’t come through any of this. I have loved you since the day we met, and I won’t ever stop. You’re the reason for every good thing in my life. Be with me. Stay with me. Marry me”.

“Yes”, you gasped through tears. “I will. At any chance given, Gwil – I will marry you”.

The kiss you share after this is wet, it tastes like salt and happiness, and it is so intimate and lingering that both of you don’t even notice when you’re lying in bed, your hands roaming about each other’s bodies.

And when you fall asleep that night – naked and with your back pressed to Gwil’s chest – you know that tonight you’ll dream of him again. But only this time you won’t be in pain. You’ll be extremely happy, as you are now. And now you’re in the state of eternal bliss. And you know this feeling won’t fade away. Ever.

                                     ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

                                              Two days ago.

“Gwil?”

You blink, trying to process what’s going on. Why is he here? What does he want?

Oh right. He’s not real. You’re dreaming again. Of course! If it was real, Gwil wouldn’t be standing at your doorstep. In reality, he is with Alice now; they’re probably drinking wine while cuddling in the bubble bath. It’s you, dreaming again – and you just need to wake up. You shake your head and take a deep breath before slamming the door right in his face. You stand there for a moment, forehead pressed to the wood and heavy breathing, when you hear “Y/N, what is going on?”

Oh.

Oh.

So he is real. You raise your eyebrows and open the door slowly, facing him again. He looks at you with utter confusion and…pain?

“Why?”

The tears in his eyes make you frown; you can’t quite understand what is happening. “’Why’ what?” you ask as your forehead creases. You’re so confused; you don’t know what he wants from you. He looks devastated as if something terrible has happened – sadness clouds his perfect features, his glossy eyes make yours flooded with tears.

“Why don’t you want to see me anymore?” it is almost a whisper, and if you weren’t standing in front of each other, you know that you would never hear it. “What did I do, Y/N?” his voice sounds so desperate, so hurt. You don’t understand anything. You’ve lost the track of this conversation.

“What?” now it’s your turn to ask; you look at him, dumbfounded, as you feel the blood boiling inside of you. He thinks you don’t want to see him? After what he’s done? After disappearing and having you talk to Alice? After that? “I want to see you, Gwil”, the words leave your mouth before you can stop yourself, “but I can’t do it anymore. Not with you getting married to Alice”.

Suddenly Gwilym’s eyes flash, and he runs his hand through his hair, almost ripping it from his head. You draw in a long breath; you know this look on his face. Gwil is fucking angry. Angry like he has never been before.

“She told you that?” he says through gritted teeth.

You turn your head away as you answer quietly, “I’ve figured it out myself when I saw that ring on her finger”. Gwil looks at you bewildered, and clenches his fists; you don’t understand anything. Why is he angry? Why is he here and not with Alice? “You should probably get going, y’know”, you continue, “She’s waiting for you.” You feel tears running down your cheeks, and you can’t force yourself to face Gwilym. You want to be with him one last time, be his for this one last moment. But you can’t do that – he’s engaged to someone else. No matter how much you love him, you can’t make him love you. You can’t.

“I don’t think you need to be here. Alice told me everything; I won’t ask you of anything. I’ll move on. I left my wallet at your place, but you can throw it away, I don’t need it. I don’t need anything from you, don’t worry. I’ll move on”, it sounds as if you try to reassure yourself rather than Gwil; and he watches you, better be said, Gwil glowers at you, with his jaw tightened.

“What the fuck are you saying, Y/N?”

You furrow your brows. “What do you mean? I’m saying what is true, and you need to go back home to be with your fiancée. She’s waiting for you”, you repeat. “You didn’t have to come here to tell me the arrangement is over, I get it. I’ll find another sugar daddy, and won’t ever bother you”. You try to sound cheerful, but your voice breaks; shit, you want to be with him so bad. You want to be his fiancée; you need to be with him. But you can’t. At least, you think so.

“Is that what you want?” Gwil looks you right in the eyes; you think that he may burn you down with his gaze. “You want to get another sugar daddy? That’s what it is to you? A simple fucking arrangement that you can break and move on?”

It doesn’t take you long enough to realize it. He’s hurt. Is he hurt because he’s getting married to Alice and not you? No, that’s stupid. He can’t love you, it’s simply impossible. You are below average; your personality isn’t as bright as Alice’s. You’re not as beautiful as she is. You simply aren’t her. And she’s perfect.

“It never was”.

You don’t want to say it. But your mind and heart play a trick – they need you to say it. Because you will just explode if you don’t let it all out.

“Then why would you say all of it?”

“Because you’re getting married!” you shout. Is he really that stupid?

“I’m not!” he raises his voice in the tone of yours. “At least not to Alice”, he adds softly. Your brows knit. Who is it then?

“To Zoe?” you ask hesitantly. Gwil lets out an exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes. “Sorry, I can’t read your mind!” you say, irritated at his reaction. And he fucking grins at you; his eyes lit up the second you look into them and you can’t quite tell what causes such a reaction.

Or can you?

“I can’t quite deal with how oblivious you are, love”, he continues, a soft smile on his lips. You don’t understand any-fucking-thing. A guess of what he means crosses your mind, but you’re ignoring it. It can’t be true. No. It’s too good to be a reality; it can just happen in your dreams. “That ring was supposed to be yours”, your heart skips a beat and is ready to jump out of your chest; it’s not real. “It still is, Y/N. You are the one I want to be with. And I could give two shits about this stupid arrangement, I don’t care about it”, he’s heavy breathing; your chest rises and falls in unison with his, as you hear him say that. It’s not real, you keep thinking, it can’t be true. He can’t love me. It’s impossible.

You pinch your forearm with your nails and with all the strength you’ve got – only the pain makes you wince and hiss. “Love, what are you doing?” Gwil suddenly stands near you, only a couple of centimeters between the two of you. Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath.

“Afraid I’ll wake up and all of it would be just another dream”, you speak quietly, as if your voice could also make your desirable reality turn into dust. “You can’t marry me”, you say before thinking. Gwil brings his large palm to your face and caresses your cheek gently.

“Why not?”

“’Cause it’s me”, you breathe out. “I’m not like Alice, I’m not-“

“Y/N”, Gwil cups your face in his hands. “I want you. Always wanted you. Only you. Wanna know why?” you look away and nod slightly. “Because you scrunch your nose every time you smell something that I’ve cooked”, his thumb draws small circles on your cheek, “you are the little spoon even though you try to prove wrong”, the corners of your mouth turn up, “you’re my biggest support. You’ve got the most generous heart, and the softest hands” now you’re looking into each other’s eyes, “your smile makes me the happiest man on Earth. Alice has none of it. Nobody has it. But you. Only you. I-“ He stutters.

“Every part of you, it’s perfect. I love every little thing you do. Every move you make, every time you fight with me over stupid things, every time you stay up just to spend time with me – I love all of this. I love you.” You look at him with glossy eyes, as your heart is pounding in your chest. You can feel like there’s no oxygen left in the world – you can’t breathe. The whole world stopped turning and froze tight at this moment, right when Gwilym told you this. “Shit, baby, I think I’ve loved you since you said ‘Guess I’ll die as a poor bitch’”, you let out a chuckle through your tears, and Gwil laughs with you. He looks at you – and you finally see in what way.

He observes you tenderly, lovingly, with his thumbs stroking your cheeks and wiping your tears away. His smile is beaming as he looks deeply into your eyes – you know that he’s waiting for the answer. And it’s been building up for so long. You’ve been craving for this moment daily, silently praying that he notices. And now you know that he did, he always did. He noticed every little thing – but he was as scared as you, to tell the truth.

And now is the perfect moment to let it all out.

So you put your hands on his face, cautiously at first as if you’re still afraid he’d disappear - but then you fondly look up at him and pull him into a kiss. It’s thrilling, almost sacred – the kiss you’ve already had for million times. But it’s still very different now. Because now you know that he loves you. He really does. It still seems unreal, still seems like a fantasy. So you pull away from him quickly, not being able to contain your emotions, as tears shimmer in your eyes. “God, I’m so stupid”, you whisper, leaning into his chest and closing your eyes. Gwilym caresses your hair and put his arms around you. “I love you too, Gwil”, these anticipated words finally slip from your mouth, “so much”.

________________________________________________________________________________

I’m a sucker for feedback lmao pls

“alio” taglist:  @majesticdiscodeaky @heartsarecompatible @all-my-friends-are-german @magicwithaknife @longing-hiraeth @thelondondreamer5 @roger-taylors-drumsticks @runningoutofwordstosay @chlobo6 @you-and-i-deserve-the-world @queenficarchive @murydedeus03 @alis-volat-propriiis @deacycomics @hollandspcter @gwils-bitch   @crazylittlethingcalleddub-step @painthatiusedto @kaylaylaylayla @rogerinastolemyheart @broken-pieces @chicagoblackhawkslover96 @leah-halliwell92 @brianandthemays @murydedeus03 @rogerfxckingtaylor

[stilljumpingback]

(via Black Sails Episode 404 - XXXII)

WELL-FORMED THOUGHTS

If ever there were an episode that wanted to drive home the theme about the futility of a cycle of vengeance, this would be it.  The fact that this show is not interested in glorying in revenge is most obviously shown in how we see the retaking of Nassau.  Instead of something glorious, it is a violent and chaotic scene, shot in such a way that we as viewers are emotionally distanced from it.

From there we get example after example of how futile revenge is.  We open on a horrific scene of a plantation owner beating a slave woman for the actions of slaves on another plantation…but his actions are soon answered by Julius’s slave revolt.  The guy Rogers leaves in charge of Rackham’s crew has one job: to deliver the captured pirates to Port Royal.  Unable to resist the allure of revenge, he instead makes them fight to the death, a choice that ultimately leads to his death and the death of his remaining men.

Billy wants to make a public example of Max in the same way that public examples were made of Charles Vane and other pirates.  He fails to see that this act will fail in the same way that their acts failed:  vengeance (even coded as “justice”) only leads to more violence.  Silver highlights the limitations of this idea by pointing out that there is no definitive action that can end the totality of what has been done.

Billy:  One would think we could go a long way towards soothing all that chaos out there, and the anger driving it, if we could draw everyone together to see justice done to the one responsible for all of it. Silver:  All of it? Billy:  Enough of it.

It’s fitting that they are discussing Max, since she is the one who has so often spoken against the cycle of vengeance.  And it seems as though Eleanor is beginning to see things in a similar light, especially now that she is pregnant and must reconcile her life with what is best for a new generation.  She knows she is drawn to Nassau and its unending power struggle, but for the first time, she sees how her actions might place her child in the same position she was in as a child: “amongst all this brutality.”

In a bid to end the cycle of vengeance and leave all parties satisfied, Eleanor summons Flint and Silver to discuss an exchange:  the pirates can have Nassau, and she will leave with the British and the cache.  Future episodes will reveal if she will be successful.

FRAGMENTED THOUGHTS

Listening to a white man verbally chastise kneeling slaves while a woman shrieks in pain behind him is suuuuuuper disgusting.  In a show that asks us to sympathize with multiple viewpoints, I’m very glad that we are meant to see this as a completely evil act.

Eleanor’s escape to the fort is very badass.  I especially love that she is leaning over the other passengers to protect them, immediately followed by her barging up to a crowd of men and telling them what to do.  She is regaining a lot of her agency, and I am reminded of why I love her so much!

Flint reforms a system of land-based pirate crews, which is a stroke of brilliance that shows how flexible his strategies are.

“The more they realize there is no daylight between you and I, the more they will learn to accept our shared authority.”

I love so much Flint and Silver’s unified public front (“You heard him.”) that still allows space for Silver to privately challenge Flint.

Flint is very confused about why Eleanor wants Max, and it made me wonder:  does he know about their former relationship?  Was he too busy pursuing the Urca gold to keep track of his partner’s love life?  I kind of love the idea that he notices everything except for this.

#TriumverateWatch:  Flint and Silver fawn over Madi.  “A wise woman recently told me…”  “Sounds like good advice.”  SHE DESERVES ALL THE COMPLIMENTS.

The standoff between our #Triumverate and Billy is VERY satisfying.  It feels very much like three parents chastising an errant child, and Billy only regains a sliver of power because he knows he has something they want.

“Of course Billy would never violate the trustI place in him as a brother, as a friend, to allow harm to come to those closest to me.  For if Billy were to do something as disloyalas that, he knows I’d stop at nothing to see that offense repaid against him.”

Wow, does Silver know exactly what to say to shame Billy.

Of course, Billy knows exactly what to say to push Silver’s buttons too.  When appealing to their former fear of Flint upon them doesn’t work, he shifts the object of Flint’s consumption to Madi, and Silver is shook.

“How long ago was it that the two of us agreed that Flint threatened to be the end of us all?  That he would find ways of driving us over and over again into that storm till there was nothing left of us?  We survived him, you and I.  And now you want to follow him into what?  A massive slave revolt?  A war against the British Empire?  How is this not just the next storm in a very long line of them?”

The Awful British Guy forces Jack to pick who will fight to the death, which echoes how the plantation owner forced slave women to hold down the woman being beaten.  As if violence weren’t enough, Civilization makes things even worse by forcing the oppressed to feel responsible for the violence themselves.

Israel Hands says he knows Flint was at the previous rebellion, though he was British Navy at the time.  Does…everyone know Flint’s past?

“I am right back where I started.  Every fight I have ever won, every death I have escaped, every sacrifice I have had bled out of me, it will all have to be repeated just to get things back to where they were a few hours ago.”

I cannot help but imagine Flint, ten years ago fleeing London, thinking the exact same thing.  He rebuilt himself into something even more formidable.  Eleanor, on the other hand, seems to want to take this opportunity to get out.  What’s the difference?  Eleanor still has a husband and future child to cling to.  Flint lost the lover/partner that made getting out seem possible.

Mrs. Hudson says she is fond of Eleanor and wants to protect her, and my heart is dead!!  Has anyone ever truly wanted to take care of Eleanor in a way that was this unselfish?  I think this is the closest Eleanor has ever been to a mother’s love.

Anne’s fight!!!  Oh my God, it’s awful to watch, but wow, is she the very epitome of tenacity.  There is no way she should win this fight, but she’s smart and determined and holy shit.  Honorable mention goes to Jack who fears very much for her but chooses to trust that she is capable.

Max brings up “a reform-minded man” who takes prisoners from wealthy families in England and puts them to comfortable work out of sight, out of mind.  Silver perks up, and SO DO I.

The whole scene between Flint and Silver watching the prisoner exchange is SO GOOD.  Silver, against all my assumptions, confesses to Flint what Billy said about Madi.  Their emotional honesty with each other is truly beautiful.

Silver:  If we assume that we are on the verge of some impossible victory here, a truly significant thing, if we assume that is real and here for the taking, wouldn’t you trade it all to have Thomas Hamilton back again? Flint:  I think it he knew how close we were to the victory he gave his life to achieve he wouldn’t want me to. Silver:  I see.  Though, that wasn’t really what I asked, was it?  Assume his father was just as dark as you say, but was unable to murder his own son.  Assume he found a way to secret Thomas away from London – Flint:  He didn’t. Silver:  Would you trade this war to make it so?  It is some kind of hell to be forced to choose one irreplaceable thing over another.

Flint’s eyes and mouth get all twitchy talking about Thomas, and I AM DEAD.

I love Partners Flint and Silver a lot, but I love a little bit of manipulation between them even more.  I can’t help but feel like Silver is bringing Thomas up mostly as a way to even the emotional playing field between them.  He feels weakened by the revelation of Madi being his vulnerability, and he wants to remind Flint that he has a vulnerability too.

Love the eye contact between Flint and Eleanor, and her deep nod as the fort’s door closes.

“Reprisals were visited upon our loved ones on the Edwards estate.  Reprisals of the cruelest kind intended to instill fear, break spirits, reassert control.  It did not have the intended effect.”

We learn that Julius’s plantation revolt was successful!  I really love that we got to see slaves fighting back on their own, instead of always relying upon the help of predominantly white pirates (although I think I’ve already made my love for this partnership clear).

Madi is advised by the former slave from the Underhill estate (anyone know her name??) to “find a place you can protect, build a wall, and save who you can” like her mother.  Everyone’s motivations and desires are becoming muddier!  I both love it and hate it.

Max is pissed because everything she feared would happen HAS happened.  When apologizing, Eleanor goes all the way back to episode two, apologizing for not leaving with Max when she offered.  I love that she knows that this is the apology Max needs to hear most.

Woodes Rogers returns on The Revenge (thematic much?), and I feel nothing for his and Eleanor’s distant reunion.

Eleanor comes faces to face with Flint, and I feel EVERYTHING for their reunion.

Silver has come a long way in this show, but in this final scene, he is desperate and flailing where Flint and Eleanor are powerful and calm.  As much as he wants to be a big dog, he has still not yet matched the major players of Nassau.

Flint says, “Trust me” to Silver.  Will their partnership survive this disagreement?

[bthenoise]

Read What Members of Taking Back Sunday, Anti-Flag, Atreyu & More Picked For Their All-Time Favorite Warped Tour Memories

If you’ve ever attended the Vans Warped Tour, there’s a very good chance you’ve accumulated some sort of life-long memory. Be it positive or negative, it’s difficult to walk through Kevin Lyman’s world-renowned punk rock summer camp and not take away something memorable. 

Like most of you reading this at home, the bands who have graced the Warped Tour stages throughout its illustrious 25-year career have also garnered some pretty special memories as well. 

Take Sleeping With Sirens frontman Kellin Quinn, for example. From attending the traveling festival as a high school student to years later playing the main stages, Quinn has been able to make quite a career for himself thanks to Warped Tour.   

“My first Warped Tour memory was in 2004,” Quinn tells us at Warped’s recent 25th-anniversary show in Atlantic City. “I was in high school and I went to Warped Tour in Michigan and I got to see The Used. I saw Bert [McCracken, vocalist] jump off these crazy speaker stacks into the crowd, which is nuts. I got to meet Underoath and I got to watch From First To Last. That was the first time I ever saw [guitarist/producer] Matt Good and now me and Matt are really good friends.”

Talking with more Warped Tour vets in Atlantic City like members of Taking Back Sunday, Anti-Flag, Memphis May Fire, Atreyu and more, we were able to hear about some pretty interesting Warped Tour experiences -- like the impossible task of playing after Green Day or when somebody almost burned their bus down due to excessive fire shots.

To read what the seasoned musicians had to say about their unforgettable summers on the Warped Tour plus their heartfelt goodbye to Lyman’s influential and iconic festival, be sure to see below. For more Warped Tour coverage from Atlantic City, head here.   

Chris #2 - Anti-Flag

Favorite Warped Memory

My favorite Warped Tour memory of all time? That is really, really hard because we've done 11 Warped Tours. So I'm going to give you a top three and I'll keep them all very short. I loaded Eminem's gear onto his stage so I could watch him because he had a closed stage and his set was really cool. That was in '99. In 2000, we played last in Pittsburgh after Green Day and that was -- Green Day is my favorite band of all time and I wouldn't be here without [them]. Pittsburgh is our hometown so our entire families were on the stage, Green Day's drums are burning and they're like, "Okay Anti-Flag, good luck!" And the show was great so that was a really great experience. And then the last one, maybe being 2004. The whole focus of our show was about the re-election of George W. Bush and trying to influence people to get involved and get engaged and there was a record number of people registered to vote on that summer tour. It felt like there was real power in the music and the community of Warped Tour and that was something that I think if we harness [and] if we keep that part alive throughout all of this, then it will be worth something. To this day, we meet people who were registered to vote at those shows and are still active and still empathetic and to me, that's the win of it all.

Least Favorite Warped Memory

Okay, so we played after Green Day twice. We closed the main stage twice on that tour. The second one was in Philadelphia. After the show -- we had an amazing, amazing show, one of our best shows ever -- we get off stage and the audience fence is like, right behind the stage and there's a little opening.  Everyone is leaving the show because it's ended and everyone's kind of congratulating us and saying whatever. And then this one guy just says, "Hey, Pat" and Pat turns around thinking that guy's gonna say hi and he just sucker punches [Pat] in the face [laughs] and it was really funny to me because it was like, "Holy shit! Did that just happened?" But also, it was pretty terrible. He didn't get hurt or anything, the kid wasn't that strong. But it was just like the highest high of like, "Oh fuck, we closed the show. We ripped it, it was sick." And then someone punched one of our guys in the face [laughs].

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

In 2004, in Florida, there were people who were coming to the shows to fight. They were nationalists. They were, you know, for lack of a better term, searching out people who thought differently than them and tried to fight them. They all were wearing mouth guards. We started playing, we saw this happen and we just stopped. We had a 30-minute set and we were silent for about 17-20 minutes of the show. We were not going to play another note until the violence stopped because we're not a jukebox for violence. And eventually, people realized they were getting kicked out of the show and the shit wasn't going to fly and we were able to move on but that was one of the more brutal and testy moments in Warped Tour history.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

It was definitely Green Day. But also in that same year was NOFX and Weezer for me. And that's insane. You know, that was the year where we signed to Fat [Wreck Chords] because Fat Mike saw the shows and he was wanting to invest in the band and help us. On the very first day of Warped Tour, I met Billie Joe Armstrong. And I said, "Hi, I'm a tremendous fan of your band. I play in a band called Anti-Flag." And then he asked me how the politics of Anti-Flag were lining up with doing a corporate-sponsored tour like Warped Tour and my head exploded [laughs]. I was like, "First off, you know who we are? Second of all, you know the politics of our band?!” So I gave him some bullshit answer that I'm sure I would use in an interview or whatever just to get out of there. Then I randomly called home like, "Billie Joe Armstrong knows who we are!" But yeah, being around that and seeing the humility of Green Day, it led to us later playing with them on the American Idiot Tour and doing some other things with them. I'm forever grateful for Warped Tour providing me that experience. Because, if it wasn't for seeing [Green Day] on TV -- because I loved music and I wanted to be around music -- it never crossed my mind that I was able to do it. And then I saw this person who had pimples and he looked like me and it wasn't that far off. They were just normal folks on TV and they did it. So why the hell couldn't I? That's why we take our shit into the crowd at the end of every show. That's why we've really worked to just destroy the barrier between audience and stage. For lack of a better reason other than we're just four assholes from Pittsburgh, anyone can do this.

Final Words To Warped Tour

Obviously, we want to thank Kevin for working as hard as he has over 25 years. We've been a part of a lot of [Warped Tours] and they're a big reason why the band has the history that we have in America. I'm hopeful that as it manipulates and manifests itself into whatever it is in the future, that we can be a part of it. But if nothing else, I hope that the people exposed to Warped Tour -- those that played it, those that put it on, those that worked in catering, those that came and were patrons and walked through the door -- that the idea can live on beyond the show. There is no band hierarchy. There is no separation between audience and band member. The people that built this thing are of this community and so any person who's out there who's got a song in their heart, anyone who's out there who gives a fuck about more than just themselves, you can do this. I'm just hopeful that the next version of it is just as empathetic and just as cool.

Matty Mullins - Memphis May Fire 

Favorite Warped Memory

I would say my favorite Warped memory is the Warped Tour 25th anniversary today on the Monster stage at 2:20pm. Honest to God, bro. I've said this for years, my favorite show that we've ever played was Sydney, Australia [at] Soundwave. It was just unbeatable in my head [and] today beat it. I think this is my favorite show we've ever played. I mean, [today was] a taste of Warped instead of doing the whole summer, which I think makes it that much more special. But I mean, like, how many times can a band like ours be a part of something that sold 35,000 tickets? It's just not an opportunity that most people will ever get in their lifetime. I mean, dude, the sea of people and the actual sea to the right of it, it was just insane man. So yeah, today was my favorite Warped Tour memory ever.

Least Favorite Warped Memory

Worst memory ever? Gotta be careful with that one Kevin's gonna read this [laughs]. My least favorite Warped Tour memory ever was probably our bass player Cory broke his pinky right before we went out. It was his left pinky right before we left for Warped Tour the first year we ever played it and he had a big cast around his two fingers. We really stressed out about it. That doesn't sound that crazy. I don't know. I love Warped Tour. Nothing bad. Nothing bad about Warped Tour.

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

Las Vegas, Nevada. Las Vegas, Nevada on the blacktop down on the strip was dangerous how hot it was. Like the heat coming off of the blacktop was like 130 degrees. That was brutal, bro. I've never played a show where I actually thought I might die and that was one.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

I don't get starstruck very easily just because I was raised in such a different genre of music. But MXPX was a huge deal for me. So when Mike Herrea was playing with Goldfinger and I met Mike and just got to hang with him, I mean, that was a starstruck moment for sure.

Final Words To Warped Tour:

Gonna make me tear up, man. Thank you for this community. To Kevin [and] everyone behind the scenes, but also to everyone that came to Warped Tour, everyone is part of this community. This will never die, the memories will live on but also the relationships that we've created will always live on. We would not be the band that we are today if it wasn't for Warped Tour and the four years we got to play it. So thank you. Thank you for everything.

Kellin Quinn & Jack Fowler - Sleeping With Sirens

Favorite Warped Memory

Kellin: I have a lot of favorite Warped Tour memories. So I think just being a part of the tour is my favorite memory. You know, like every time we come in and we're a part of Warped Tour and we get to see our friends and our family, it's always just a really good time for us.

Jack: Yeah, the first Warped Tour we ever did we were on the Monster Energy stage, not the main stage. Being out there every single day and seeing people show up, it was like the first summer tour we ever did. We were like, "Oh my god, something's happening! Like it's actually happening." So I think it's 2012 Warped, one of my favorite Warped Tours.

Least Favorite Warped Memory

Kellin: My worst Warped memory is knowing that there are only two more Warped shows left! It feels weird knowing that something I grew up going to, something I got to be a part of, is actually ending.

Jack: My least favorite Warped Tour memory was when we were trying to do flaming shots with Everclear and I accidentally blew one too hard and almost caught our whole bus on fire. Like a wall just went up in flames. And I was like, "Well, I'm not going to do this shit anymore."

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

Jack: Someone got struck by lightning in West Palm Beach one year. That's pretty brutal. One time we started a song and had to stop halfway through and had to restart the song. That's pretty brutal.

Kellin: Yeah, that was brutal. I had kids mudslide down a hill one time. It was raining. That was pretty sweet.

Jack: But that wasn't that brutal.

Kellin: It wasn't brutal. But maybe those kids getting in their parents' car after the show, [that] might have been brutal for the seats.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

Jack: The first Warped Tour I went to I walked in and As I Lay Dying was playing and I was like, "This. Is. Incredible." So As I Lay Dying was my first like Warped Tour memory.

Kellin: I'd say for me, probably Every Time I Die because [when] I was a kid I bought an Every Time I Die CD, and I can't remember which one it was right now, but it had a DVD with them on it too. It was like them by their pool, like cooking food and like live stuff. So just getting to see their live show [in person] was awesome and we really love those dudes now.

Final Words To Warped Tour:

Kellin: Warped Tour, you've been amazing. You've been kind. You've been hospitable. We love you. Thank you so much for having us for so many years.

Jack: Thank you Kevin, Lisa, Kate and all the other people who have made this tour possible. So happy we were able to be a part of it for so many years, we couldn’t thank you enough.

Brandon Saller - Atreyu

Favorite Warped Memory

All-time [favorite] Warped Tour memory? That's so hard. I feel like my first time I ever went to Warped Tour was -- I can't remember the year it was so long ago. It was in Anaheim when they used to do it outside of the Arrowhead Pond which was weird becuase it was like half under a freeway but I remember seeing like Papa Roach and AFI and like so many bands that I obviously wanted to see. But it [was] the first time I was ever exposed to something like [Warped where] it's just something on such a massive scale and like everywhere you look rad bands are playing. 

Then playing it for the first time, the vibe was awesome. That year was like the golden year I think for me. It was us, My Chem, Fall Out Boy, Avenged Sevenfold, Underoath, Motion City Soundtrack. So many great bands. [*Noodles of The Offspring walks by*] They were on it. Transplants were on a bunch of dates, it was just like on and on and on so it was cool to be part of that. I remember we played our home show and we played early that day. There was a bunch of traffic getting in so me and I think Dan [Jacobs, guitarist] or someone was on stage waiting to go on and the rest of our band was literally running up the hill ‘cause the traffic was so bad. They had to run like two miles up the hill and we ended up going on like four minutes late. That was a good memory.

Least Favorite Warped Memory

There aren't many bad ones, you know? [Warped] is always hot. The catering lines are long, but that's just part of the deal. It's a good time. There's always such good hangs. Like even the last one we did a few years back, Good Charlotte was on it and we're really good buddies with them. So [it’s] just like hanging out with friends you don't get to see all the time, you know? It's a vibe, Warped has always been a cool vibe.

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

I think the hottest it's been on a Warped show [for us], I think was maybe around like 110 on stage. It was pretty brutal. It's just brutal all day. Like, I’m usually a five-shirt-a-day kind of dude on Warped. Like it's a system. You wake up in the shirt you wore last the night before. That lasts you until you get back from catering because after that walk you're sweaty. You change into a new shirt, wear that until showtime. Put on a show shirt, then after the show put on the shirt you had on before the shirt show. That should last you another like two hours untill the other catering walk. And then there's like a nighttime shirt which you wear till the next morning. It's just non-stop sweat. I'm a big dude.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

I think on that first one we did in '05, obviously, bands like Transplants are crazy because it was like Tim Armstrong and Travis Barker. Like, whoa. I remember being a big My Chem fan and then on that tour, kind of becoming friends with them. There were a lot of bands that were in our genre exploding. So it was like, I think just the general awe of being around so many people who you don't know yet. There's always that weird barrier of like, "You know what band I'm in and I know what band you're in but we don't know each other yet so it'll be awkward for two weeks and then we'll become friends." It's like a lot of that where it's not necessarily maybe “starstruck” but it's just like, “I want to talk to that dude, I like that guy's band but it's not the right time yet.” You have to find that right moment in line on the way to catering or like at the coffee. A lot of the My Chem dudes, like me Gerard and Mikey would always meet at the coffee machine because we were the three dudes in like black pants and t-shirts getting coffee in 110-degree weather. So that was our common ground.

Final Words To Warped Tour:

It's been a great chunk of time. I have a feeling that hopefully, you know the sparkle will stay alive with these kinds of anniversary shows and stuff like that. But I mean, you can see it today, this is the biggest and best lineup I've ever seen Warped Tour have ever and it's like this is how you're going out? It's kind of going out with a bang, you know? It’s awesome.

Adam Lazzara & John Nolan - Taking Back Sunday

Favorite Warped Memory

Adam: One of my favorite Warped Tour memories of all time was there was a show, and it was at Randalls Island in New York. Whenever the tour went through New York, everyone would try to go into the city afterward so I stayed back. Most of all the tour was gone, so it was just abnormally quiet. It was actually kind of nice. So I'm sitting out beside the bus in one of those folding camping chairs and then I just hear kind of like this rumble. I'm looking around like, "What is that?" And then there's like this big thing of hedges, like bushes, and then you just see them start to rustle. It was like a movie, I couldn't believe it. And then out from the middle of the bushes comes Tucker Rule [drummer, Thursday] with a cigarette and beer driving with his knee just as fast as this golf cart could go. And so as he's going by, he looks and sees me and just goes, "Hey!" and takes off. So I'm sitting there like, "Well, that was fun." And then five minutes later here comes their tour manager and he comes tearing around the corner and stops and says, "Adam, have you seen Tucker?!" I'm like, "That way!" and then he just takes off after him. I'm not sure how it ended but neither of them were supposed to have the golf carts. It was real fun.

John: So in 2007, I was on the Warped Tour with Straylight Run at that time, and a guy in one of the bands comes up and knocks on the door of our bus. And I had kind of seen him around, you know, but it was vaguely familiar. And when he knocks on the door, I answer and he asked for a wine opener and I'm like, "Yeah, come on in" and I get him the wine opener. We kind of talk for a minute or two. And then I turned around and Shaun [Cooper], the bass player for the band, is just like wide-eyed and like in awe and he's like, "Do you know who that was!?” I'm like, "No, I don't know." He's like, "That's so and so from Bad Religion!" He's like...

Adam: Brian Baker.

John: Brian Baker, yeah. Like, I know who Bad Religion is but like I've never really like spent any time -- but yeah, [Shaun] was like starstruck and I lent him a bottle opener.

Adam: And now you guys are best friends.

John: Now we're best friends.

Least Favorite Warped Memory

Adam: Anytime you have to go to the bathroom during the day ‘cause it's like porta-potties. So like, okay, say doors open at 10, right? Or what? 10-11 in the afternoon? No, like noon. So doors open around noon. Now come like seven o'clock at night. That thing's just been sitting out in the Florida heat. And you need to use the restroom and that's the only one in sight, man. Your next best option is to walk 20 miles in any direction until you find one. So that's your only choice.

John: What about the trick that someone developed where you put a lock on the door but the door is actually open. It fools people into thinking it's locked. So it's like...

Adam: Oooooh. Like the like green, red thing and then so you think...

John: No, no, no, like an actual...

Adam: Padlock?

John: A padlock. But it won't be closed through the whole thing and locked. It's just sitting there to give the illusion of being locked. And you tell your friends "Hey, this one looks like it's locked but it's not. Yeah, porta-potty number four."

Adam: My thing with that is I would feel really bad about it for the first half of the day or like the first half of the tour and then at the end, I'd be like, you know, that's my fucking porta-potty. I can't do that shit anymore.

John: Taking Back Sunday played the whole Warped Tour in 2012 and towards the end of it, we had a show and it was probably like two in the afternoon. It had to be like 100 degrees. We'd been on Warped Tour forever at that point and I had definitely been drinking way too much the night before. I was probably only up for like an hour or two and barely hydrated or anything. Halfway through the set, my heart is pounding like harder and faster than it ever has. Sweat is pouring out of my body and I'm feeling dizzy and lightheaded. I literally was like, "I think I might die. This might be the way that I die." And then another part of my brain was like, "It's okay if we die like this. It'll be fine. At least you won't feel this way anymore."

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

Adam: Most brutal? I mean, the first place my head goes is to the heat because like Phoenix, Arizona. Ray threw up.

John: That's what I was gonna say.

Adam: Someone else on our crew passed out. I just felt so bad for everyone in the crowd because...

John: I think it was literally like 112 degrees or something.

Adam: Yeah, it was hot. I was wearing Chuck Taylors. And then as we were playing, when I would go do this [*lifts legs*] each time, it was like I had suction cups on my feet because my feet were melting to the stage.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

Adam: Well, walking around [with] those NOFX or Bad Religion guys -- you know, that was a big deal. The first time we did Warped Tour it was in 2004, back when we were 13 years old. It was just crazy to be there and see those guys walking around because it's like, I felt that we were best friends already because I listened to their music so much.

Final Words To Warped Tour:

Adam: I'm really proud of you, Warped Tour. Really proud of you.

John: I'm glad you're still here. Is this the anniversary?

Adam: Yeah. 25 years.

John: 25 years? Congrats Warped Tour on 25 years. We didn't get you anything but we showed up so there's that.

Juliet Simms

Favorite Warped Memory

Okay, so it was 2011. I was doing Warped Tour acoustically. I was promoting my band Automatic Loveletter’s record The Kids Will Take Their Monsters On and I was on the Ernie Ball stage. It was about two weeks into the tour and I started to notice this very tall, very feminine, statuesque-type mannequin man appearing at my sets [with] big black long hair, crazy black eyeshadow and red lipstick. I was like, "What are you doing here?" And he had his security guard Yani with him at the time and they came to a couple sets. So one night, I wrapped up my set, was packing up my acoustic guitar and Danny Worsnop [vocalist, Asking Alexandria] had been watching and he's with his girlfriend at the time and he was like, "Oh, Juliet. I just love your music so much." He's like, "I've been a fan since I was in high school." I was like, "You're Danny Worsnop. Cool! This is awesome." 

You know, a funny thing about my band Automatic Loveletter: We never got really big but I always found that musicians really liked my band. So it's a pretty nice compliment [and] it would always surprise me because we weren't that big. And so when like, rock stars are coming to watch me play I was like, "Oooooooooh my god, I'm kind of a big deal, maybe?" So [Danny] was like, "Hey, do you want to come back for drinks after you're done? And I was like, "Sure, no problem!"

Wait, I'm skipping something so important. Before the Danny thing. The day before, I decided to go and check out [Andy Black’s] Black Veil Brides set because he had been coming to mine. I was like, "Well, I'll see what they're all about blah, blah, blah." Side note, guys. Andy and I had met in 2007 on a double date. He was with his girlfriend and I was with my boyfriend and his girlfriend was an actress and she loved my band and I loved her movies. We met on Twitter and decided to go on a double date. Okay, cut back to 2011. Andy and I didn't really like each other. At first, we did. At first, we got along so great. I hung out with his girlfriend just like three or four times, not that much. But we would get along really, really well and we would share tour stories and our love for music and all that. And then his girlfriend didn't like that so much. She did the shit-talking thing to him about me and then vice versa, me about him. So basically, we were like, "Ah fuck you." We were kids. You know how kids' minds work, we were very young. 

And so that's why I was really shocked when [Andy] was showing up at my sets. I was like, "We don't like each other. What are you doing here?" So I went to go and mad dog him and stare him down basically at his set. I went side-stage and I was standing there and he's on stage with Black Veil Brides and they've just got a sea of fucking people and I was like, "This motherfucker. He passed me!" And Andy's running around singing doing his thing and I'm just standing there with my arms crossed, just kind of glaring at him. And he looks over at me and he just gives me one of those fucking shit-eating grins that are just so fucking cute. My arms just dropped and I was just immediately like, "Oh my gosh, he is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life." 

So then the next day, when Danny came over and invited me to his bus for drinks -- we're back to that part of the story. So I went to Danny's bus later that night and I open the door and I see Danny and his girlfriend and then the only other person on the bus was Andy. And Andy goes, "It worked!" He grabs a bottle of Jack and he goes, "We need to go talk" and I was like "Okay." So we went outside and we ended up sitting in the grass for like -- bus call that night was like 4am -- we sat and talked for seven or eight hours just about everything. We talked about what his girlfriend had said to him (they were broken up), we cleared that all up. I'm like, "Oh my god, that never happened. I never did that." And we just fell in love, that night. The next day, we told each other we were in love with each other. The following day, I moved onto his bus and two days after that, he asked me to move in with him after the tour. And then that was it, we've been together ever since. The rest is history. We've been together for eight years. Two months after we got together -- I've never told anybody this, we've never told anybody this -- we eloped in Vegas but we were so drunk at the time that we were not organized about it. It wasn't official -- we had gotten the marriage certificate but we had no witnesses and nobody signed the papers. It wasn't official. So that's why we had a real wedding in 2016. But yeah, we met and fell in love on Warped Tour, eloped in Vegas two months after.

Whose idea was Vegas?

Um, well, we were already engaged because he proposed like, five minutes after we got off the bus in LA. We were at dinner one night, this was right before I was going to audition for The Voice. We were just talking about when we wanted to get married and when it made sense and we were just looking at our schedule and he was going to be on tour for like 10 months. And he goes, "Let's just go to Vegas tonight." He's like, "Yeah, I want to marry you tonight. I want to marry you tonight." And I'm like, "Okay" so he's like, "Check [please]!" And we drove off to Vegas. It's pretty storybook, fairytale-esque."

Least Favorite Warped Memory

Oh man, that's a gross one. Oh my God. I mean, I have some really bad [stories]. Okay, guys. Listen, it is not easy being a woman on a festival tour, especially Warped Tour. So you wake up, you don't know when you're fucking playing. You know, you got to get your face together, be presentable. You have to go to the bathroom. You have your woman things. You get your period every month. It's very hard being a woman living on a bus on a festival tour. So that said -- oh my god this is so bad I don't even know if I should tell this, people are gonna think I'm disgusting. I won't go into too much detail but I was running to stage, I hadn't gone to the bathroom and we were the first band playing that day. And all of a sudden, I was like, "Oh, no, no, no." I had to use the restroom but what also happened at the same time was lady time. I didn't have a tampon on me so I had to make one. I had to run into a porta-potty and like Chuck Norris that shit [laughs]. Then I went on stage, did my thing and then handled it after. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do to not bleed into her pants in front of five people. So that was pretty shitty. And then I've thrown up a few times because it's been really hot and your body is falling apart. You go, "excuse me a second," run to the back of the stage, vomit a little bit and run back on. That was back in the day before I was -- I'm sober now. Me and Andy have not drank in over three years. But you know, back in the day, we were wild. You drank every day, you drank every night and you wake up and your body feels like shit. So of course, in 110-degree weather, you're going to get on stage and five songs in your body's going to go, "Okay, well remember last night? It's coming up now."

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

Hayley Williams from Paramore. She's like, a vocal Goddess to me. So being on tour with her is amazing. Katy Perry. That was awesome. Katy and I had actually done a couple of gigs in LA together before she was Katy Perry. Like, she was playing acoustic and I was playing acoustic and we'd play shows together two or three times. So it was cool to see her and watch her just blow up on tour. Not jealous at all [laughs]. Who else? Blink-182. Blink-182 was my first rock show. When I was 11 or 12, Bad Religion was opening up for them and I begged my parents "Pleeeeease." So they got me a babysitter to take me. Come on, I was 11. I wasn't gonna go to rock show alone. So they found like an adult supervision-type babysitter and it was me and my brother and my girlfriend. This is my first rock show so I didn't know -- I bought third-row seats and I was like, "Oh my God, we're going to be right up at the stage! I'm going to be able to look at Mark and Tom and it's gonna be fucking awesome." And we get there, we get to our seats and I was like, "Oh, shit. They're like a mile away!" And I was like, "this sucks!" But when "All The Small Things" came on, everybody in the arena -- it was like a stampede -- just rushed the railing and everybody jumped over and I was like, "Bye babysitter!" So we jumped over the railing and ran to the stage. It was like, "Oh my god, this is fucking awesome." So of course, when they were on Warped Tour and I was on Warped Tour I was like, "11-year-old me right now is on tour with Blink-182. What the fuck!?"

Final Words To Warped Tour:

Okay. Do you know how many farewells I've done to the Vans Warped Tour? I can't believe it, this is not goodbye. But okay, if we're pretending that this is goodbye and not like it's going to be back next summer, I owe this tour everything. Kevin, Lisa, Kate, Julie, everybody, all the crew, all the stagehands, all the sound guys, everybody in production, catering, the bands; I grew up on this tour. I went from being a little girl to a woman. It taught me who I was as an artist. It taught me how to have stage presence, it taught me how to sing, it taught me how to write, it taught me how to live, it taught me how to become a really strong woman. I owe this tour that. I am the strong woman I am today because of these people and this tour. So thank you for helping me find myself.

In case all those memories weren’t nostalgic and heartwarming enough – which we’re pretty confident they were – make sure to check out our full photo review of Warped Tour Atlantic City below thanks to Noise contributor Bryan Meyer.

WATCH MORE:

[scriptshrink]

Critique of a Certain Cracked Article - The Bad

Oh boy.  So we’ve seen the myths about mental illness that Cracked got right, and the ones that were partially correct but mostly wrong. Now we’ve reached the ones that legitimately reduced the Shrink to incoherent screaming.

Lock and load, Shrinky-dinks. I’m taking no prisoners.

[Gif: The Winter Soldier loads a grenade into an attachment on his assault rifle while murderstrutting.]

[Cracked image: The charming psychopath is everywhere // Pictures of Negan, Walter White, Dexter, and Loki // They won’t stay charming for long. So many TV and movie villains are portrayed as charming ladies’ men. Even Walter White’s sex life improves after he starts cooking meth. There’s Negan, The Joker, Dexter, Patrick Bateman, Billy Loomis. The truth is, antisocial personality disorder causes a laundry list of symptoms that make a person impossible to be in a relationship with. // source is from the mayo clinic]

...Why is Loki up there? I am confused.

Anyways, people with antisocial personality disorder are very good at manipulating people. They can be very fucking charming, and very fucking good at it.

And I hate the phrase “laundry list”.  Guess what?  You don’t have to have ALL THOSE SYMPTOMS LISTED to get diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.

You just need three.  Let’s pull three from the list of criteria, shall we?

They lie, manipulate and con others for their own personal gain.

They’re impulsive and don’t plan ahead.

They are consistently irresponsible, don’t fulfill things expected of them, and / or can’t hold down a steady job.

I mean, that certainly describes an asshole, but “a person impossible to be in a relationship with”? Hardly.

[Cracked image - Adrian Monk suffers from OCD. // picture of Adrian Monk hiding behind his turtleneck // Actually, no, he really doesn’t. It’s easier to remember what Monk is not afraid of than what he is. He lists germs, needles, milk, death, snakes, mushrooms, heights, crowds, elevators, public speaking, and airplanes, to name a few. The thing is, that’s not obsessive-compulsive disorder. Those are phobic disorders, which are not related to OCD at all. Actual OCD involves a crippling dependence on repetition and rituals.// source is chicago tribune]

OKAY.  First off. A fear of public speaking IS NOT A PHOBIA. It is a part of Social Anxiety Disorder (Performance Only).

Also, OCD does not fucking REQUIRE compulsions. YOU CAN HAVE ONLY OBSESSIONS AND STILL HAVE OCD. (See my demystifying post here!)

AND GUESS WHAT?  ADRIAN MONK HAS COMPULSIONS.

Performing a ritual because of a fear (such as excessive cleaning / handwashing due to a fear of germs) is a COMPULSION.

Look at literally the first time you see Monk IN THE FUCKING OPENING CREDITS OF THE SHOW.

[Gif - Adrian Monk is walking down a street, and touches a parking meter without looking at it.]

You’d think, because he’s so germophobic, that he would avoid touching those things. NOPE. He has a compulsion to TOUCH ALL THE POLES that he passes when he’s walking.

Sure, he has phobias.  BUT HE HAS OCD TOO.

One last note. 

Those are phobic disorders, which are not related to OCD at all.

Hmm. Yes, that’s correct. Phobias are anxiety disorders, and OCD has its own category. I’m not sure why this is sticking out to me so much. But I’m sure it’ll be important later.

[Cracked picture - In Fight Club, the narrator has a split personality. // image of the narrator and Tyler Durden // That’s not how multiple personalities work. Those with disassociative identity disorder don’t just wake up and realize they’ve been living as another person. They don’t always know about the other personalities, and don’t black out and live as another person. Amnesia and fugue states do happen, but what you see in movies is writers combining them to suit their narrative.// Source is from mayo clinic.]

[Gif of Hades nearly being literally consumed with fiery rage, but calming himself down saying “Okay, fine, fine. I’m cool. I’m fine.]

It’s “dissociative”, not “disassociative”. We’ve had this talk in the last part, Cracked. Do a single goddamn google search so you know how to spell the goddamn names of things.

This part of the takedown comes courtesy of Maxx, one of @dinosaursindisarray’s alters:

DID isn't personalities, multiple or split or anything. That’s not just outdated terminology, it's also an incorrect description, because the alters aren't personalities at all, they're functionally other people.

“Those with DID don't just wake up and realize they've been living as another person.”

k, well, sometimes, they do.

Like, the person might not realize it as it goes on, but then something triggers an 'aha' moment (for some people) that make the symptoms more overt and noticeable, either to the person experiencing them or other people.

There could be a trigger that suddenly floods the person with enough memories to realize what's going on - memories of trauma, or bleedthrough from other alters, memories of that alter being out, etc, and then the person has enough to do research and be like 'something is /wrong/'

[For us], it was like, one day after a lot of stressful shit built up over a couple of weeks, I came out instead of Month and because I was tired and cranky. Her friends noticed and asked about it, I told the truth, and after she came back, her friends were like 'so this thing happened, what the fuck' and Month's blackouts and dissociation started making more sense and she was able to contact a professional to be like 'what the fuck is going on'.

The initial realization did happen sort of at once, which isn't entirely uncommon, especially with psych knowledge more readily available to people. (that can lead to people mistaking shit and thinking they have DID when they don't, cause misinfo, but it's still easier for people who do have it to figure out what the fuck is up and seek help than it was before).

“They always know about the other personalities"

The entire point of DID and OSDD is to keep shit hidden. Keep trauma memories hidden from the everyday life of the kid so they can function and not fucking die. Keep symptoms away from others around the kid so that they aren't abused worse. So this shit is supposed to be kept separate, and if you always know about what's going on, then it’s not happening.

"and don't black out and live as another person"

Yeah. Some people do. Like, full memory blackouts while another alter is out might not happen all the time or with every alter, but it can totally happen with DID. Not OSDD as much, I think, but still.

There are certain alters that Month has NO memory overlap from. Others that she only gets one or two things, others she remembers most of it like watching a movie, others that she remembers it like she was there but really out of it, etc. It's not necessary for every alter every time to be DID, but if there's any amnesia and blackouts between alters (and with trauma memories) then it's DID criteria.

"Amnesia and fugue states do happen"

Yeah, amnesia is that blackout thing you just said didn't happen. Might not be a full blackout but like, amnesia. not remembering. sometimes that means blackouts.

And fugue states are dissociative, but that's a separate thing from DID. Can it happen to someone with DID? Yeah. Does someone have to have DID for it to happen? Nah.

Writers do combine and add shit and dramatize the fuck out of the wrong things (see: m. night) to suit their needs rather than maintaining fact, but yeah. everything else is p much wrong

Thanks again to Maxx from @dinosaursindisarray for taking over for that one. That gave me a nice little respite! Now let’s take a look at the last one, surely it can’t be THAT bad...

[Cracked image - In Black Swan, Nina suffers from a host of conditions. // image of Nina // Real people don’t have them all at once. The film gave Nina the ballerina a cocktail of disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, cutting, and obsessive compulsive disorder, then had her descend into psychosis. The problem is that they’re incompatible conditions. People with psychosis lose touch with reality. Those with anxiety disorders like OCD and anorexia are too in touch with reality. // source is abc news]

[Gif of the only thing that can adequately convey my rage: Tsar Bomba, the largest nuclear weapon ever created, exploding and forming a gigantic mushroom cloud]

Okay okay okAY OKAY OKAY.

The only way I can get through this is to go from minor things to major ones. 

You are right about one single thing here, Cracked. You can’t be diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia at the same time. Congratulations. If someone has symptoms of both disorders, it’s either Anorexia with the Binge Eating / Purging subtype, or OSFED (other specified feeding/eating disorder, formally known as EDNOS - eating disorder not otherwise specified).

Okay. Next up. Unless you’re counting when Nina stabs herself with the glass shard at the very end of the movie, Nina never cuts herself. She scratches herself. But I’ll give you the smallest amount of the smoking ashes left of my benefit of the doubt and say you meant “self-mutilation” here, not cutting.

Those with anxiety disorders like OCD and anorexia

OCD AND ANOREXIA ARE NOT ANXIETY DISORDERS.

Besides, you just fucking said with the Monk one that phobias are completely unrelated to OCD!! PHOBIAS ARE AN ANXIETY DISORDER!!! AT THE VERY LEAST KEEP YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT LIES CONSISTENT!!!!!!!

On that note, where the fuck did you get OCD from in the first place??? There’s only two things I can think of that even vaguely qualify. 

Nina’s compulsive scratching. But guess what???  THAT’S NOT OCD. THAT’S EXCORIATION (AKA SKIN PICKING) DISORDER.

Nina’s compulsive exercising. HELLO WHY YES THIS IS A SYMPTOM OF ANOREXIA.

People with psychosis lose touch with reality. Those with anxiety disorders like OCD and anorexia are too in touch with reality.

yhghgtfrrghyujuhnukjfgdcghgtfyughyhhjnyh

Sorry about that. I repeatedly smashed my head into the keyboard.

But oh my fucking god.

THE WHOLE GODDAMN PROBLEM WITH OCD AND ANOREXIA IS THAT THEY’RE NOT CONNECTED TO REALITY.

One of the fucking specifiers for OCD is WITH ABSENT INSIGHT OR DELUSIONAL BELIEFS, which means the person in question fully believes that their illogical obsessions are true, you fuckwads!

[[Shrink’s edit - a “specifier” is a possible subcategory of a mental illness. The DSM-5 also two other possible specifiers for OCD: “With good to fair insight”, meaning the individual recognizes that their disordered beliefs are definitely or probably not true; and “With poor insight”, where the individual thinks their disordered beliefs are probably true. It is a grading of severity, not a requirement.]]

Let’s look at a some fucking case studies here. Go ahead. Read them. I’ll wait.

Tell me, Cracked. Do these sound like people who are MORE IN TOUCH with reality?! Will a person really be transported into a mirror dimension if they turn on a light switch??? If they touch something, will their ‘power’ be stolen unless they touch it again multiple times??

Also, is someone with severe anorexia who still thinks they aren’t thin enough even as they’re FUCKING STARVING THEMSELVES TO ACTUAL, LITERAL DEATH “too in touch with reality,” Cracked???

[[Another edit: most people with OCD and anorexia are not at this extreme. But it is far more accurate to say that these disorders involve losing some touch with reality than saying that they are ‘too in touch’ with reality. Seriously though, what the fuck does “too in touch” with reality even mean???]]

Oh, and it’s not like there have been studies that don’t just say that eating disorders and psychosis can co-occur, but that they might be FUCKING LINKED TO EACH OTHER!!!

And now, my esteemed Shrinky-dinks, we come to the most horrendous part of this absolutely atrocious dumpster fire of an article. 

Real people don’t have them all at once.

Real people don’t have them all at once.

Real people don’t have them all at once.

ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?!?!?!?!? 

Guess what, fuckfaces?  

COMORBIDITY IS EXTREMELY COMMON.  

Let’s look at this one study of almost 2,500 women with severe eating disorders. Guess what they fucking found?

97% had more than one fucking mental illness.

Ninety fucking seven percent.

[Image: “I made a chart since Cracked writers apparently can’t fucking read.” // a pie chart with a very small portion labeled Only ED, and the overwhelming majority labeled More than one mental disorder.]

Schizophrenia and eating disorders may not be a super common combination, BUT IT FUCKING EXISTS.  

PEOPLE CAN FUCKING HAVE MORE THAN ONE MENTAL ILLNESS!! 

BUT I GUESS IT DOESN’T MATTER TO YOU SINCE THEY’RE SO CRAZY THEY’RE NOT REAL PEOPLE, YOU ABLEIST FUCKING SACKS OF FUCKING SHIT.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH

[Gif - The Hulk fucking annihilating Loki by repeatedly smashing him into the ground, which is what I wish I could be doing to the writers.]

Concluding Thoughts

If I seem calmer at this point, it’s because I wrote it before the rest of this article. I have no doubt future Shrink will still be screaming into the void long after the queue finally gets to this post.

Let’s take a look at how Cracked introduced this article.

It's a losing fight, going up against the myths pop culture perpetuates. But, dammit, someone has to do it.

That someone is obviously not you. Your writers are willfully ignorant and unable to do even a simple google search of the names of the things they’re writing about to make sure they got the spelling right. 

You have failed to do the fucking most basic research possible. 

A monkey in a library could do a better job than you, as there’s an actual chance that in randomly throwing pieces of its own shit, a book might be knocked off a shelf and the monkey might fucking glance in its direction.

Because left unchecked, people go around spewing every dumb thing they learn from clickbait articles movies and shows that are really just using mental illnesses to advance a plot and make a buck from pageviews, instead of teach us anything useful.

You made a few typos. I fixed them for you.

So, dig in, because it's time drop a knowledge bomb on your ass.

How fucking dare you. 

You are not “dropping a knowledge bomb” on us. This article is nothing more than a fucking whoopie cushion. We sit down, all excited to see myths about mental illness being exploded, but are instead given a bunch of hot air that sounds like people’s ass cheeks flapping together.

Fuck you, @cracked.

I hope your pageviews tank. I hope you have to take on so many advertisers that your readers can’t even see your content anymore. I hope no one ever submits to your ‘contests’ again, forcing you to have a staff member make up all the entries for you. I hope your heads get so stuck up your own asses that you don’t even notice that your website has been spreading malware to your readers like the cancerous bullshit your content truly is.

Oh. Wait. 

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