#billy and dean both suck so goddamn bad i need to put them in a cardboard box and watch them kill eachother

[latestdreamgirl]

somebody take me out back and shoot me i miss dean .

[shallowseeker]

Almost victory

How Dean and Cas lost the thread of free will in SPN season 15

In 15x12, Dean and Cas lose their ever-lovin, god-damned minds and I’m not over it. Neither one of them gravitate to freedom but to revenge and destiny (respectively). They both come to their senses, but for each it's a bit too late.

Towards the end of season 15, the weight shifts, and suddenly it's Sam and Jack who are more keenly uneasy with the ongoing machinations. Meanwhile, and Dean and Cas actually lean too far into trusting each other and everyone around them…to their little makeshift family’s detriment.

It has this awful vibe of, “Everything will work out because we have and believe in each other.” Uhm, no. Guys.

///

Sam:

Sam, outvoted...

///

Jack:

Apprehensive, ill at ease...

—

Jack is uneasy...just follow the rules.

///

Anyway, Sam has the best moral compass at this point in the story.

And Dean and Cas...suck right now.

This scene with the celebratory tone and the drinking in episode 12? I want to reach through the screen and shake them, beg them to question one another.

This is what Chuck taunts with his actors Adam and Seraphina later, and I think Dean’s reaction to them is unsettled, like he’s unconsciously aware Chuck is mocking his need for revenge. (Hell, it’s Chuck that shows control over the “rib bomb” in the same episode. Walked right into the trap, boys.)

Anyway, these poor giddy losers. They lose it right here in 15x12. I’ve never wished for them to argue more than I did at this goddamned moment, like. They should be equally ashamed for what they’re putting on Jack here…and what’s worse is that they’re on board with each other about what they’re putting on him. Fatal character flaws on display.

///

Cas - Jack’s big cosmic destiny, blind faith in the plan (partially redeemed when he talks to Jack about being enough as he is in episode 18)

Dean - Jack’s big cosmic revenge, also blind faith in Billie (partially redeemed when he kills death to get to jack; when he decides not to kill Chuck in 19)

///

Anyway, they could be lovingly fucking their entire way through this awful conversation and it would still feel misguided.

Idiots.

I mean, I feel bad for them. They’ve lost their kid and are angry at god, which is such an eloquent allegory for what actually happens when you lose a kid, but they are not dealing. Neither is choosing freedom.

Dean wants to eliminate the threats to the family (and gain freedom). Cas wants Jack to fulfill his destiny, whatever that means. It certainly sounds a bit euphemistic, like Cas wants to dress up a power grab.

I see this moment shared as some great moment but like…to me it’s objectively more worrying and frightening than their entire trial separation.

Sigh.

I don’t even care about the “I love you” all that much in season 15 Because what really hurts in season 15 is seeing them lose like this. I feel like 15x11 and 15x12 are masterclass exercises in the art of losing. 💔

Phrases like “we have no choice” and uneasy” and “being right” are wonderful phrases that show up again and again in the scripts. But when they “feel lost” and appeal to one another for guidance and spin around in a panic asking, “what do we do,” it heralds free will and is actually a good sign.

Dean and Cas needed to feel lost more often and they needed to get comfy with it. But they’re both commander-man-of-action types who want to protect and guard and eradicate threats, so they never quite manage to get there.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Not Stupid

Summary: After a hunt goes wrong, the reader and Sam are injured and it only gets worse from there...

Pairing: Dean x reader

Square: Episode Re-write (11x17)

Word Count: 2,000ish

Warnings: language, life threatening injury, possible death, referenced drug overdose, 11x17 spoilers

A/N: Written for @spngenrebingo​​

____

“Y/N!” said Dean as you felt a bullet rip through your side. You gasped and dropped to your knees besides Sam who was already pressing his palms to his stomach and sporting a gunshot of his own. Dean left the victims from the attempted werewolf feasting and ran over. You waved him off to Sam as you lifted up your shirt and coat.

“Fuck, this was my favorite jacket too,” you said, feeling the hole through the back.

“You’re a through and through, sweetheart,” said Dean. You hummed and took off your jacket and flannel, wadding the shirt up as you watched Dean shakily tear open a few of the padding packs from the first aid kit in the duffel.

“Dean, put it in the wound, baby. It’ll work better,” you said. “Sam, it’s gonna hurt.”

“Already...fuck!” shouted Sam, his whole body tensing up as Dean winced. 

“You’re okay,” said Dean, tossing a pad in your direction.

“Sam needs-”

“Y/N. Take. It,” said Dean. You grumbled and opened the pad, shoving it against your abdomen on the front side. You tied your flannel tight around it, the back hopefully wadded up enough to soak up the blood there.

You turned back to Sam who Dean was helping get to his feet.

“Y/N. You okay?” asked Dean, half carrying Sam towards the door.

“Yeah,” you said. “Flesh wound. Come on you guys.”

You waved over the man and woman sitting on the step, the woman looking a little worse for wear.

“There’s more werewolves out there,” said Corbin.

“We’ll get out of here. Stick close.”

“He’s slowing us down,” mumbled the man about fifteen minutes later.

“Shut up,” you and Dean snapped back at him. He stared at you and kept walking with his wife. You went to Sam’s side and gave him a smile.

“Doing okay big guy?” you asked.

“Awesome,” he hissed. “You?”

“I’m okay. Just a bad graze,” you said. You caught his arm when he stumbled a bit.

“Come on,” said Dean, nodding to a ranger’s station up ahead. “We’ll stop and rest for a minute.”

Corbin grunted as he helped Michelle inside. They settled into a chair in the corner for a moment as you leaned against the counter in the front.

“How’s it going, Sammy?” asked Dean, walking around the cabin and finding a towel, handing it to Sam. Sam grunted but nodded. “We’re gonna get you fixed up just like that. Don’t you worry about a thing.”

“You guys gotta go,” said Sam, wincing. “I can’t move fast and if he’s right and there’s more out there-”

“I will carry you out of here if I have to,” said Dean.

“I second that,” you said with a smile.

“How about you?” asked Dean.

“I’ve had periods worse,” you joked, glad that it seemed like you’d stopped bleeding at least. You hoped. “It’s okay.” 

“Guys, she needs a doctor,” said Corbin, Michelle resting in the chair.

“Take a number,” said Dean. “Sammy, stay here and rest a minute. We’ll be right back.”

“Where are we going?” you asked.

“To build him a stretcher,” said Dean, grabbing your bloody hand. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I’m fine.”

“What the fuck happened?” you said, Dean kneeling down over Sam’s body when you ran back not five minutes later after spotting more werewolves.

“He just fell over,” said Corbin. You closed your eyes, Dean standing up slowly. “We need to go, those things-“

“Let ‘em come. I’ll gut them,” said Dean. “You ready for a fight?”

You leaned back against the counter, Dean tilting his head back.

“No, you’re not,” he said. He kicked the counter and squeezed his eyes shut. “Let’s go.”

“Dean-“

“You need a hospital,” he said as he grabbed his bag. “I will take you three out and then I will come back here and I will fix him, understand?”

“I’m-“

“I am not losing both of you on the same goddamn night,” said Dean. You nodded, wanting nothing more than to wrap him up in a hug and tell him it was okay, to pretend to yourself that it was okay. You looked back at Sam, Dean grabbing your hand. “The quicker we go, the quicker we can get him back.”

“Do not sell your soul or I swear I’ll kick your ass, Winchester,” you mumbled. He grabbed your hand and started to head for the door.

“Let’s move it. Now.”

“Almost out,” said Dean as you saw the bushes start to clear ahead. You hummed and had your head resting on his shoulder as you walked. “You lost more blood than you said.”

“I’m tired. I’ll live. You can’t do something stupid, Dean. There’s got to be a better way,” you said.

“I’m going back for him. I’ll get him to Baby and we’ll deal with it then,” he said. 

“No stupid,” you mumbled, tripping a little.

“Fine. No stupid,” he said as he caught you. You had your eyes shut when Dean all of a sudden left your side. You flew them open, Dean waving down a cop car from the looks of it. You watched him talk to the officer before he was heading back towards the woods, the officer grabbing him. You hummed and shut your eyes again, hearing a taser go off before you hit the ground.

“‘Sup,” said Billie when you flew open your eyes. You groaned as you realized you were in a hospital hallway. 

“Y/N? What…” said Dean. 

“I said no stupid!” you said, storming over and ready to give him a piece of your mind. “You…”

You realized there was no reason he should have been able to see Billie at the same time as you, no reason he should have been able to see you unless…

There was some kind of commotion to your right. Turning your head you saw Dean on the floor, a doctor, a cop and Michelle leaned over him.

“What did you do,” you said, glaring at him, whacking his shoulder as your eyes teared up. “What did you do!”

“You and Sammy,” said Dean, swallowing hard. “You’re dying. You’re dying and Sam’s dead and-”

“Actually, he’s not. Trust me, I’d know,” said Billie. Dean shook his head and Billie shrugged. “You two on the other hand are headed there. One of you is going to the empty. So. Who’s it gonna be?”

“You can go straight to-”

Dean suddenly coughed and sucked in a breath, rolling over on the floor, glancing over to where you were standing.

“Looks like it’s gonna be you,” said Billie, looking you up and down.

“Sam’s not dead?” you asked. 

“I’m not lying, Winchester,” she said. She held out a hand. “It’s time. Come with me or when they’re both done for real, I’ll toss them into nothing too.”

“I have no way of knowing you won’t do that anyways,” you said. You took a step back, Billie narrowing her eyes.

“No. You don’t,” she said. You opened your mouth to speak when you heard a loud noise behind you, Dean rushing past you on his phone. There was a scream a short while later and you took the opportunity to follow Dean. “Fine. Stay stuck here. Don’t bother calling when you get sick of it.”

“Leave us alone, Billie,” you said. You ran down a hallway and saw the dead officer, Dean shooting at a very werewolf looking Corbin. He knocked the gun away though and Dean fell back, Corbin ready to lunge. “Back. Off.”

You flew Corbin back towards the other end of the hall, Dean looking around before he went for his gun.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he said as he got his hands on it again. Corbin rushed again but new shots rang out, Sam panting as he appeared. Corbin hit the deck and you sighed, leaning back against the wall. “Sammy?”

“I could use with a doctor right about now.”

“Is she gonna be okay?” asked Dean after they’d helped clean up everything. 

“She lost a lot of blood and I can guarantee moving her right now will kill her,” said the doctor. You sat on the edge of your bed, your body pale looking. “I know you two need to get out of here but she can’t come with you.”

“Jane Doe. List her as a Jane Doe, not related to this crap with the missing hiker’s at all,” said Dean. “Keep her alive a few hours. I’ll be back.”

“I can’t promise anything,” said the doctor.

“I said no stupid, Dean,” you said, looking over at him. Dean nodded and took off with Sam. You shut your eyes. “No stupid, Dean. You promised.”

“What the hell is this?” asked the doctor when Dean held out a syringe a few hours later.

“Give it to her,” said Dean.

“I’m not giving-”

Dean rolled his eyes and stabbed it into your IV line, the doctor throwing up her hands. You watched from the other side of the bed, your vitals still low on the monitor. 

“Come on, come on, come on,” mumbled Dean. 

All of a sudden you were back in your body, shooting up like a bullet and gasping.

“How the-” said the doctor, pushing Dean out of the way. You lifted up your shirt, your wound gone. “What?”

“I’m interested in knowing what happened as well,” you said. Dean nodded but set a duffel on the end of the bed.

“Change first. I’ll explain on the way home.”

“Dean, what exactly was that?” you asked not ten minutes later. Dean rested his head in his hand as he drove. “I swear-”

“You know I love you, right?”

“Of course I know that.”

“You love me too and you were so fucking...when we met on that hunt back in the fall, I hated you. You saved my life and I hated you,” he said.

“Dean?” you asked.

“I always had this weird feeling. I don’t fall in love with someone like that. Love at first sight isn’t real. It’s not, not even a glimmer of it. But you wormed your fucking way in just like that,” he said. You stared at him as he drove, Dean quiet for a few minutes. “The cure I gave you, I had no idea if it would work or not. I had a suspicion but no idea. Now that it did, I know for sure.”

“Know what?”

“The reason I fell so hard and so fast was because you’re my soulmate,” he said. You blinked and he laughed. “I’m sorry you got the short end of it but it’s true. The cure needed blood from your soulmate and well, it worked so there’s your-”

“I didn’t get the short end of anything,” you said, reaching over and taking his hand. “I promise.”

“Yeah you did.”

“Well suck it up, Winchester cause I’m not changing my mind on this one,” you said. He didn’t speak. He held onto your hand in silence though, stroking his thumb over the back of it. “Sam okay?”

“Yeah. Resting at home,” he said. “He doesn’t know about the whole...overdosing thing.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” you said. 

“Thanks,” he said. “The story is we just went to get the hikers and you out and I was coming back for him.”

“Alright. One condition though,” you said.

“I know. No more stupid. One day I’ll listen, sweetheart.”

_______

[vonlipvig]

Ok, time for my thoughts on The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, now that I’ve finished it! This is probably gonna be long, probably gonna be incoherent, so under a read more it goes!

Alright, overall? I had fun! I really enjoyed the book! I mean, I love the Hunger Games, I love the universe, and I’m always gonna be excited for more content, whatever it is. But I really did enjoy the book! It was interesting, engaging, and ok maybe it had it’s ups and downs, but it was a fun read, and it gives me a lot to think and talk about, so I consider that a win in my book.

I also didn’t have any expectations going into it, so I guess that helped, too. I honestly only found out this book was out by chance while I was reading the HG wiki (and kinda spoiled myself about the rebel bombing, I was like yo did I miss this in the books or movies, whaaa?), so I really didn’t have all that time to get my hopes up or anything. Do I want a Haymitch book? Yeah, for sure. But I think the idea of focusing on Snow was pretty interesting. I love a good villain backstory, getting to see the journey and the evolution (de-evolution?) of that character, seeing them slowly transform themselves into the version we all know and hate. So when I found out the book was out, I was sold!

Story

Going plot-wise, or story-wise first, I think the first two parts of the book were fun overall. It’s pretty cool we get to see a Capitol perspective, which we’ve never really had before (and to see the aftermath of the war, even there, that was pretty interesting). The whole school thing was cute, and felt kinda like, IDK, anime-ish, or something? Does that even make sense? But yeah, it was fun spotting all the ancestors of characters we know, it was cool to see the shaping of the Hunger Games we saw in the future, and although the stakes were high for Coriolanus, I felt it was more chill than the trilogy (I mean, duh, Katniss was fighting for her life). Not that it wasn’t exciting, cause it was--and a lot!--but it was a lot more relaxed, I think.

The Games itself were super fun, as always. The third part was unexpected, and it did slow the story a lot, I felt, though I guess it makes sense. It...did confuse me a bit, at times, like I felt I didn’t exactly know what Coriolanus was gonna do or think--Is that a flaw of the story? Or is it because he himself is conflicted and even lying to himself? I’ll leave it up to you--, but some all the things I thought were gonna happen happened, and I really enjoyed the ending.

Characters

This being Snow’s book, I definitely knew most of the characters were just gonna be pieces that make up his story. I also had the feeling that not many were gonna have a happy ending, and yEAH yeah I was right! While I wish that some had had a lot more depth and autonomy cough LUCY GRAY cough, this was Snow’s story, so it was what it was.

So, Coriolanus Snow, huh? For a while there, as I said, I really wasn’t sure where they were gonna take his character, and it really confused me. We know President Snow, and all the time we’re waiting for him to make the choices that man would make. Sometimes he does, then sometimes he doesn’t...and then comes around to it. Either it’s pretty “realistic”, or kinda confusingly written, but I wasn’t that disappointed, I’ll tell you this.

Regarding him being in love, I actually don’t think he was ever in love at all. Not that he didn’t believe he was, that’s the important part. In this book we see his inner thoughts, we see what he thinks about Lucy Gray, and I HOPE TO GOD that was never meant to be romantic, because it really, really wasn’t! It was possessive, and controlling, and isn’t that what Dr. Gaul taught him, after all? During the Games, as he thought to himself that wow, I really need Lucy Gray to win...because I care about her? Hmm, no, actually no, you’re after the prize. You’re telling yourself that you care about her, but I don’t think you do at all. It’s very cruel but also what I expected from him, so I did like that.

I got confused at first when he actually agreed to go away with Lucy Gray, but if we take into account that he really thought he was going to get hanged for treason, then I can see how he’d do that. That ending with both of them in the forest, turning into the Hunger Games in the blink of an eye, THAT was really exciting and intense. Him screaming Lucy Gray’s name while firing blindly, and being surrounded by the mockingjays...yeah, I needed that shit. That’s the good stuff.

His “friendship” with Sejanus...Oh, Sejanus. Oh, poor Sejanus. I get to have one of these per book, and Sejanus is BABY and I love him. Ok, with that out of the way, goddamn I knew this was gonna end this way and it still hurt.

Something that I thought was a bit silly, was that Coriolanus didn’t...consider that by recording Sejanus they’d...surely kill him? Like, that’s the first thing I thought of? But he was like OH THEY’D PUT HIM IN PRISON...dude, no. I think it could have been cool for him to at least think he’s ok with sending Sejanus to his death, and yeah maybe when he’s at the hanging have a bit of remorse or terror as the jabberjays echo Sejanus’ last words, but yeah, Idk. I still loved that we got that tragic ending. I was convinced it was gonna happen, and I’m happy it happened. Well, not happy, it’s gonna haunt me, but you get the feeling. 

As for other characters, I don’t know what to think about Dr. Gaul, tbh? She was weird, the whole applying Hobbesian philosophy to the HG was...like, I get it, but also...? IDK, it was confusing and strange and I’m not entirely sure that worked as an explanation (I don’t think you can put much of an explanation, really), but whatever. I did like Dean Highbottom in the end, I kinda digged him character and the way Coriolanus’ father betrayed him, it was pretty cool. Also, am I the only one who thought he had a one-sided crush on Coryo’s father? And Sejanus with Coryo, as well? I meAAAAN, how well would that work thematically, hmm!

Aaaaaand then, we have Lucy Gray. I...have some things to say about Lucy Gray. First is that I love her a lot and god, how I wish things could have been different. I loved her spirit, and her vulnerability, and her charm and wit and instinct to survive. But...god, Idk, I just think they really tied her to the male characters, and that kinda bothers me. Like, she needs Billy Taupe or she needs Coryo and Idk! They should have let her be more independent! That irked me a bit, not gonna lie. Obviously, as I said, this is still Coriolanus’ story, but it just rubbed me the wrong way. 

At first I thought, I don’t know, maybe when Coryo shows up in 12 she doesn’t actually want to see him, which makes him angry or jealous? I don’t have a problem with her being kinda in love (I mean, she went through a really traumatic experience, it’s understandable that she’d latch onto Coryo), but Idk, I felt a bit disappointed. 

I did love the ending, I’m afraid. It sucks, of course, but if he was to go on to become President Snow, then that was the only way it could have ended between them. I felt such rage when Coriolanus started sympathizing with Billy Taupe, when he knew he had to kill her. What a betrayal, although I always knew it was gonna be like that! It was so tragic, and I feel so sad for her. I’m glad her music lives on, and that in the end, she had her revenge.

And now, for the ONE THING I TRULY DON’T GET...WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WITH TIGRIS!? I felt so cheated by that! They introduce her as Coryo’s cousin in the first chapter and you go OH SHIT SOMETHING BAD’S GONNA HAPPEN BETWEEN THEM...AND THEN NOTHING. Like, at the end of the story she hasn’t been betrayed! I mean, maybe it was a case of ooh you can iamgine what happened! maybe she found out about him betraying Sejanus or killing/wounding Lucy Graaaay, but like c’mon. They really baited me with that one, and it sucks.

So...I think that’s it! I had a lot of fun!

[punk-is-notdead]

Fic Title: Happiness Begins With a C, by tfw_cas

Rating: Mature

Tags: Dean Winchester Castiel (Supernatural) Fluff Pie Food Kink Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss

Summary:  Dean Winchester keeps getting this feeling, but he just can’t put his finger on what it is. Could it be connected with Castiel, and if so, what can he do about it? Maybe pie would help.

AO3

Occasionally… every once in a while… Dean Winchester would get this feeling. He couldn’t define it, couldn’t even describe it, but he did know that he liked it. A lot.

Sitting in the kitchen drinking his first cup of coffee of the day, he tried to work out what it might be, and what the cause of it was. The more he pondered the subject, the more he began to realise that it might be connected with Cas.

Ah… perhaps it was relief. Yeah, that must be it. When Lucifer stabbed Cas and his grace drained from him, leaving his body lifeless on the ground, Dean experienced a pain worse than anything he had felt before or since. It had consumed him, until he wanted to die too; he even went as far as “killing himself” for a case and telling Billie not to bring him back. When she refused, he was pissed, and distraught, but then… out of fucking nowhere, Cas returned from the dead.

When he saw the angel standing there by that phone booth, Dean was overwhelmed with relief. It flooded through him like a goddamn tidal wave, and he had wanted to hug Cas so bad. Hell, he might even have kissed him if Sam hadn’t been standing right there, looking all confused.

But… no. It couldn’t be relief, could it?  Relief was what he’d always felt the million-and-one times Sam had died and come back, and when they thought they’d lost Jack, but it turned out he’d survived.

Maybe it was amusement. Cas did make him laugh often, with the way he misunderstood so many things. Like when they were in the old folks home and Cas tried to interrogate the cat, or him calling the archangel Michael “assbutt” because he didn’t quite understand how insults work. Or that adorable habit he had of making air quotes… which, come to think of it, wasn’t funny, so much as cute. What?

Anyway, um… Dean found amusement in lots of things. Playing pranks on Sam, giving Sam shit - about his hair, mostly - making fun of Sam’s healthy eating. Basically, anything to do with Sam.

So, not that either. Could it be indigestion?

Just then, Dean heard the bunker door open, and a few seconds later Cas came into the kitchen carrying a smallish box.

“Hello Dean,” Cas said with a hint of a smile on his face. It wasn't something he did very often, but even a smile as small as this made Dean's stomach flutter.

And there it was… that feeling again. “Hey Cas. What’ve you got there?”

Dean stared at Cas, watching as he put the box on the counter and slid it towards him. “Pie.”

Cas’ gaze lingered on Dean, who licked his lips. He was hungry, after all.

Gratitude: that’s what it was. Right? Dean was grateful because Cas was such a good friend, and brought him gifts.

“Is that for me?” Dean asked. When Cas nodded he added, “Thanks man. You’re the best.”

Cas raised his eyebrow at that, and Dean did his very best to not turn beet red.

“Y’know... the best angel… friend... for bringing me pie.” Dean coughed in an attempt to cover up his embarrassment at the slip-up.

“I know how important pie is to you, Dean.” Cas came to stand next to Dean and they stared into the box together, as though it held all the secrets of the universe.

“I-I like pie, sure,” Dean started, hesitantly. “But it’s not the most important thing in the world.”

“No, of course not. Sam… he is more important.”

They kept their gazes firmly on the pie, as Dean reached his hand into the box, his thumb and index finger breaking off a small piece of the crust and bringing it to his mouth. Cas looked up then and watched, mesmerised, as Dean parted his lips and placed the morsel on his tongue.

Dean closed his eyes momentarily as he savoured the delicious taste. When he opened them again, Cas was seemingly frozen to the spot, transfixed by Dean’s action.

“Not just Sam,” Dean said.

“Hmmm?” Cas didn’t seem to register what Dean was talking about.

“It’s not just Sam who’s more important.” Dean licked the crumbs from his fingers, and Cas looked like he had stopped breathing. Not that angels needed to breathe, but as close as he could come to that anyway.

“Yes, Jack-”

Dean interrupted with a question. “Do you want some of this pie? It’s really good.”

“Yes please, I think I would like some; I could see from the face you made that it was exceptionally tasty.”

Dean kept his thoughts about other things he found exceptionally tasty to himself. He reached into the box again and broke off another chunk of the pie, then brought it slowly to Cas’ lips.

Cas raised his hand slightly, and he looked like he was trying to decide whether he should open up, or take the food from Dean’s hand. After a few seconds he opened his mouth, and Dean had a sudden thought that this was either the best idea he had ever had, or the worst.

Too late to turn back now. Dean moved his hand forward, and Cas gently took the food from between his finger and thumb, closing his lips around them as he did so.

Holy crap. The sensation of Cas’s lips brushing over his skin did things to Dean. He held back a shiver, as they stared, unmoving, into each other’s eyes. Dean subconsciously mirrored Cas’s action when he pulled back a little and ran his tongue across his bottom lip.

“This pie is very nice. Would you like some more, Dean?” Cas asked in a rough whisper.

“Yes.” Dean nodded. His voice had become hoarse, his mouth was dry, and he was having difficulty breathing. He really hoped that he was reading the situation correctly, and that Cas wasn't about to go get him a plate and fork.

It only took a second for him to realise that yes, Cas was definitely going to feed him the same way. He copied Dean's maneuver with the pie, only breaking eye contact long enough to make sure he broke it off correctly. Cas moved right into Dean’s personal space as they gazed intensely at each other. Dean thought his heart might be about to stop beating, but he opened his mouth, and slightly stuck his tongue out.

As Cas moved to put the pie on Dean's tongue, Dean licked along Cas’ thumb then sucked the digits into his mouth.

Dear god, this was without a doubt the most erotic thing Dean had experienced. He swirled his tongue sinfully around Cas’ fingers, and Cas made a kind of growling sound in his throat. Dean had never been this close to orgasm (without actually doing anything below the belt) in his entire life.

Dean moaned as he swallowed the piece of pie, but it was not because of the food; it was the sight of Cas, eyes darkened with desire, lips slightly parted, looking at Dean like he wanted to devour him. Well… it was that, plus the fact that he was currently sucking on a part of Cas’ body.

Something seemed to snap in Cas then, as he pulled his fingers out of Dean’s mouth, took Dean’s face in his hands, and crushed their lips together. The kiss was hard… fierce… Dean felt it right down to his toes. They slammed their bodies together and grasped at each other, clutching, grabbing, exploring, rubbing themselves against one another. This… this was more delicious than any pie.

Eventually, Dean had to get some air into his lungs, and regretfully broke off the kiss. He gazed longingly into those blue eyes he admired so much, trying to catch his breath.

“Cas, that was…”

“It was, to borrow one of your phrases, awesome.” Cas agreed, wholeheartedly.

“Yeah. Yes, it was.” Dean gasped as Cas kissed down his neck.

“Can we do it again?”

“Hell yeah. As much as we want.”

“That makes me very happy,” Cas said, before capturing Dean’s lips again, pressing him into the counter.

Oh… it was happiness; that was what Cas made him feel.

“Me too, Cas. Me too.”

Dean twined their fingers together and led Cas towards his bedroom. He was going to grab this happiness with both hands, and never let it go.

For the wonderful @emblue-sparks

Beta’ed by the lovely @maggiemaybe160

[enoliel]

Boxed in

Fandom Writing Challenge

Month : February 2017 (Food and Drink) {PROMPT} -  Burger Word Count : 1587 Relationship : Gen with Destiel tones Rating : T - for language Tags : Angst, Emotionally!Whump!Dean, Cooking, Dean’s OCD tendencies, Dean POV, Food as a metaphor for love Note : Coda for 12x09 “First Blood”

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The door of the bunker was heavy and metal. It was made for defensive purposes, should something be able to breach the wards, or against human encounters. All Dean wished was that it wouldn’t clang so much when it closed. Sam, Mom and Cas had been in and out of the bunker all day, and every single time that door clanged shut and Dean would flinch and sweat. Conditioned stress response. Even if he knew why he did it, it didn’t make it any less of a pain in the ass.

The first thing he’d done upon getting home was crash and sleep the sleep of the dead. He reveled in a bed that was soft and fit all of him at once, with sheets that didn’t smell like two months worth of his own sweat. He drew great joy from having a lamp that would obey his command to shine and be dim. Glorious accommodations. If only the voice at the back of his brain would stop whispering about how he’d traded a concrete box for one only nominally bigger.

Once he’d slept his fill (too long) he moved to the second order of business. Fixing the kitchen. They’d been gone a long time and between Cas’ lack of need to eat and Mary’s avoidance of cooking, if she could help it at all, meant the kitchen was a disaster zone. Sam’s rabbit food had turned into slimy piles of unidentifiable goo and the meat, well... let’s just say that if he hadn’t spent over six weeks with an open toilet and not enough water pressure, his sense of smell might have hated him more. As it stood, it took him most of the day to clean everything, wiping down the fridge with diluted bleach, rinsing it, and then again with a baking soda scrub. He considered going for the bleach again, but that was probably just falling into OCD tics at that point. He let it go.

Dean had been taking an inventory of all the dried goods and wiping down the shelves and cupboards when Sam showed up, cabin-fevered and restless. He just stood in the doorway and shuffled from foot to foot, clearly understanding without speaking that Dean was reclaiming his space and Sam didn’t want to intrude on that. Dean knew Sam had been out for a run or two already, he’d heard the clang of the door and the groaning of the shower pipes. He’d rolled his eyes and given the moose a shopping list to give him another reason to go and do something outside. Buying peace along with peanut butter and milk.

Sam had dropped the supplies and gone out again, probably just sunbathing at this point. Mom had received a call from her hunter contacts - because apparently that was a thing Mom had now - and left as well. At least the goddamn door might stop slamming if everyone left. As soon as he was done with the kitchen he was going to look into those hydraulic or compressed air “soft close” systems. And maybe some kind of carpet for the stairs so that they would stop making so much ruckus when people went up and down.

When the kitchen was finally clean and reorganised his stomach protested loudly. Apparently half a day of cleaning was enough to work up an appetite. Part of Dean was glad. He knew the ‘chow time’ at Site 94 was kept off schedule on purpose, like the light was kept on. Sensory deprivation would have made time perception hard enough, but they had wanted to cause maximum anguish. Fuckers. Nothing a good homemade signature burger couldn’t fix.

An hour later Dean was morosely scratching the label off a half-drunk beer bottle, though he had not really tasted it. The floor was making his ass numb but the space between the counter and the island made him feel safe and he didn’t want to move. It’s where he had retreated with pictures of a mother he needed to re-learn everything about. Maybe he should mark it, ‘here be Dean Winchester’s retreat in the face of failure’. There had been more beer then, though Dean was debating finding a bottle of whiskey. Not because he wanted to get drunk, or wanted to get the fucking shakes in his hands again. Just because he wanted his brain to shut up and the emotions to go away for a moment, a few hours, maybe a night. He laughed mirthlessly, Sam was right, he needed better coping mechanisms. An idle thought flitted by and he considered for a second if blowing Cas would be better or worse as a long term approach, then he shoved it down with a gulp of lukewarm beer.

Something settled in the sink with a metallic clatter and Dean flinched again, cursing under his breath. He needed to clean this mess up, again. And if that wasn’t the best metaphor for his life he didn’t know what was…When he opened his eyes there was a slightly crumbled brown take-out paper bag in front of him. He frowned at it for a second, before looking around, finally finding Cas’ bigger than the world, worry-filled eyes. The angel broke eye contact first, and something deep in Dean hurt for that, it was too like the Purgatory catastrophe.  

“Hey Cas. Didn’t hear you walk in.”

“I can be very quiet.” Cas’ tone was even, but Dean knew there was a smile in there. Cas sat next to him, at regulation personal space distance, so they wouldn’t have to look at each other. “I brought you lunch.”

“Thanks.” Dean opened the bad and smirked when he saw the burger, extra cheese and extra onions, lukewarm and soggy and greasy. It was perfect.

“Can I ask what happened?”

“To the kitchen?” Dean asked, midchew. Cas nodded, still avoiding eye contact. “I tried cooking. First patty I burnt into a char puck. Second was undercooked and kinda slimy in the middle.” He licked his fingers and stared at the ceiling while he counted the next attempts. “Salty as the sea. Somehow managed to make it taste exactly like the mystery meat in that place. Mustard bottle exploded. The last one was good, but it was about the size of a meatball, because there was nothing left.” He shook his head.

“I’m sure it will come back to you. It’s like… riding a bicycle?” Cas paused, unsure.

Dean glanced at him sideways and smiled. “Yeah, that’s the right expression Cas. You’re probably right.” He took the new bottle of beer Cas offered, wondering when he’d drunk the last of his. Cas opened a bottle of his own, drinking in solidarity, not to get drunk. Dean doubted there was enough booze in the entire county to get the angel drunk.

“Can I ask you a question?” Cas was staring straight ahead. There was a fragile peace here in the safe corner of the floor. Dean was thankful for it. He’d have time later to be scared and angry and worried at Cas.

“Sure. Shoot.”

“Why didn’t you pray to me? I looked for you. But I have few contacts, not enough strength to intimidate Crowley, I’m still wanted in Heaven… I only knew you were alive because your death would have been sung on Angel Radio.” Words came spilling out of the angel, and Dean closed his eyes. He knew what Cas looked like, desperate and sad like on that bridge on the stroke of midnight, reaper blood dripping from his angel blade. “I tried hunting, but I failed at that. I would listen, so hard, ‘keeping my ears on’ to catch just a whisper of a prayer or…” Cas swallowed, voice breaking. “But there was nothing. And then… then I thought you didn’t want me to find you. That… that you’d lost faith in me.”

“Remember Purgatory?”

“Of course I remember. You prayed every night and you were angry I didn’t answer… Is that why? Were you angry? Are you angry that --”

“No Cas,” Dean interrupted, “I’m not angry. Not about that. I get it, you were keeping Leviathan away from us.” He sighed. “I know it sucked for you, hearing me and staying away. So this time I figured it would be worst, with your wings being so damaged. I thought… I thought I’d make you feel guilty that you couldn’t fly in. And even if you could find us, I didn’t want you storming the place and getting hurt. I didn’t know how much they had on the supernatural. I didn’t want to risk you.”

He started picking at the label of the second bottle, ripping the thin paper to shreds. “So even when the withdrawal hit and the… the nothing clawed at me. I didn’t want you to worry or feel guilty or bad or... “ He stopped and nudged Cas, waiting until he met his gaze. “I didn’t pray to Billie either. She just… It got bad Cas. I think she just sensed that I would rather go with her than… than have them keep hurting Sammy that way. He won’t say, but with everything? It was probably worse for him.”

Cas held the stare, like he was trying to convince himself that this was real, that he had his charges back. The front door of the bunker clanged open, startling them both.

“Do you want help with the dishes?”

Dean laughed. “Yeah Cas, that’d be nice. Get scrubbing, I’ll put things away.”