#biggeuce

[magicalbuffalotransformerman]

It is another day on Menkent.

A four-man squad of Helldivers has embarked on a routine mission to collect samples from Menkent's surface to aid in the war effort.

They say that the Helldivers' might is insurmountable - that they keep coming for as long as it takes. They rumor that sole Helldivers have slain hundreds of our kin, just to prove they're 'better' than us.

Monsters.

Four so-called Super Destroyers hovered above the atmosphere.

The Founding Father of Destruction - headed by a Master Sergeant rumored to be sentient pig fat.

The Fist of Family Values - headed by a Helldiver cursed with 'black lung'.

Two more we couldn't make out the names of - no matter, they will fall. As all will.

It is another day on Menkent.

We cannot allow the Helldivers to steal the gravel. We were not told why - Cyberstan is finicky in this manner. Evidently, the materials on Menkent are important enough for us to unleash the Katyusha Squad.

One attempts to complete the first objective.

Fool.

The Helldiver fought valiantly. Admirably. Punishingly. They never expected -

"HOLY FUCK!"

- and that's all that remains. An Annihilator tank, well placed - right in front.

Laughter.

It costed them time.

Time.

They never said the Helldivers could clone themselves...?

No matter. They will fall - this is inevitable. Cyberstan's grasp will envelop all. All will know her glory.

Until dawn.

It is another day on Menkent.

The Helldivers have cut through our lines, destroyed our emplacements. They say that the Helldivers never die.

Not permanently.

We shall see to that.

We only have two outposts to our name on this front. We only need these two outposts.

"It's just a wall of Devastators..."

Devastators. Tens strong, armed to the teats with rocket pods. Their aim was mishandled - the wrong target.

Lard.

There were two Helldivers left.

The Katyusha Squad aimed for the wrong Helldiver the entire time. A disappointment and a failure.

Black Lung completes the objective, only to fall to superior numbers.

The final Helldiver ran far. We seem to need to repair our aiming modules - the knockback from a rocket sends the Helldiver into a fatal tumble, their feeble neck bones shattering against a rock.

One more Helldiver dropped, and was razed in due time.

We have failed.

It was another day in Menkent.

[smiisevenwhyplus]

[insert funky caption]

[magicalbuffalotransformerman]

you ever try running a kilometer with 200 automatons gunning for your ass?

that shit happened to me. i died, yeah, but it was fucking AWESOME. i know why they call H2 a cinematic masterpiece now

broke my neck on a rock, too. killstole myself lol