#big man in low-cut tank tops apparently a weakness

[lexigraph-pets]

H...holy shit Barbarous (by @aidosaur )

[awkward-and-indecisive]

First Day Assistance.

Summary - Y/N is new on The Boys set, nervous and determined to do her job right until she meets Jensen Ackles and her mouth loses its filter so he decides to teach her a good lesson.

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Female!Reader

Warnings - SMUT 18+, Unprotected sex (y’all are better than this), Oral sex (f receiving), fingering, semi-public sex, tiny bit of fluff, Jensen in that damn Soldier Boy suit, this is just pure filth with no plot in sight

Word Count - 2547

A/N - Blame @msmarvelouswinchester for this and of course Mr. Jensen Snackles who I’m pretty sure wants to kill me. Apparently this is what she and I do, put thoughts into each other’s head until we can’t do anything but write them. Till three in the morning🤦🏽‍♀️

This was also Beta’d by @msmarvelouswinchester , so double thank you 😘

This is a work of fiction and for entertainment purposes. I don’t mean any harm to anyone in their family.

This is my first ever fic so please tell me what you think about it. FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED!!!

Happy Reading!!!

*****

It was your first day on the set of The Boys and you were excited for this new opportunity. You had to start small with being a P. A. but now you were looking forward to working on the third season of such an amazing show. You were ready to work hard and were determined to make it big in the industry.

But all those plans flew straight out the window when you looked at Jensen fucking Ackles in his Soldier Boy suit looking like a sex god. You probably had stopped breathing and only inhaled sharply when you became a little lightheaded. Your thighs squeezed together, your pussy clenched and you could feel wetness pooling between your legs.

It was rather directly proportional - the dampness of your panties and the amount of time you looked at him. The more you stared at all the little details, the more wet you became. You knew it was highly unprofessional to have such thoughts about one of the leading actors but it was like your body had stopped listening to you and all the rational and moral thoughts had ceased to have any effect on you.

The way the muscles of his broad shoulders rippled underneath the spandex of his suit as he moved. The way the suit gave a little peek of his neck. The way his freckles shone through the little peek. The way his shoulder to waist ratio fucked you up. The way that knife holster on his hip made you go feral with lust. The way you wanted to come undone on those fingerless gloves till you couldn’t anymore. The way that suit hugged his curves, especially that perky ass.

You were busy thirsting like a dehydrated bitch in the middle of the Sahara, lost in your own filthy thoughts for who knows how long, when a snapping noise brought you back to the land of living. You blinked a few times to clear your head of its dirty thoughts and blurry vision. When you looked back up, you saw Jensen Snackles, as Sony Pictures had oh so proudly named him, standing in front of you and snapping his fingers.

Confusion flooded your expressions but before you could open your mouth to ask what he wanted, he cut you off, “Do we have a problem here, miss? Is there something on my face or what? Because you keep staring at me and I can’t do my job like that!” He said in an annoyed tone.

That’s when you looked around and saw that the set was deserted except for you and the Adonis. The director must have called for a break if there were too many bad takes. You felt a little guilty for wasting everyone’s time but before you could apologise, he cut you off again, “There she goes again. What is going on inside your head?” He clipped, waving a hand in front of your face.

You didn’t know what it was. The pent up sexual frustration of not having had sex in months or how rudely Snackles here was constantly cutting you off, with the fact that no one should look like that or that you couldn’t get your mind off of him but you snapped at him.

“Listen Mr. Sna- Mr. Ackles, firstly, I don’t have a problem with you and I’m not staring at you and secondly, you are not letting me work and are distracting me.” You quipped.

You knew in an instant you were fired for the way you had talked to him but now that you had spoken your mind and the words had left your mouth, you couldn’t take them back. So you decided to stand your ground.

“I am not letting you work?!” He scoffed, cocking one of his eyebrows.

“Yes!! You think it’s easy for me to concentrate when you roam around looking like sex on legs.” You said, waving a hand up and down his body.

Your eyes widened and your hand flew to your mouth when you heard the words that had left your mouth. A cocky smirk grew on his face and he took a step forward as you mirrored his move in the opposite direction.

“I think that implies you were staring at me.” He chuckled, stepping forward again until your back hit the wall and the clipboard and the walkie you had in your hands fell. You were caged by him against the wall, looking like a prey meeting the eyes of its predator just before it’s death.

You looked down, too ashamed and weak to meet his burning gaze. You turned your head towards the exit and said, “I’m sorry Mr. Ackles. I should leave.”

“Nuh-uh,” he tutted, “Sex on legs huh?” He asked cockily.

He was dangerously close to you. You could feel his warm breath fanning over your face. You let out an involuntary whimper and if it was possible, his face turned more cocky.

“What other thoughts swim around in that pretty little head of yours Miss..” he trailed off, his hand coming to push a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

You cleared your throat before half whispering and half whimpering, “Y/n Y/l/n.”

“Y/n Y/l/n.” He said, gruffly, as if trying to see how it would sound from his mouth and god did it sound so sinful. “Interesting name but I guess it makes up for your interesting personality. So as I was saying, what other thoughts about me do you have? Other than sex on legs of course.”

You couldn’t focus enough to reply as you were busy staring at his plump lips and that goddamn beard that gave you all kinds of thoughts you wouldn’t think in your wildest dreams.

“You’re staring again, sweetheart.” He chuckled and the vibrations of it could be felt by you as he pressed his body to yours and caged you between his arms that you knew from his Instagram video he had spent some time working on.

You instantly looked up into his gorgeous green orbs and found yourself lost in them. You opened your mouth a few times but nothing came out, looking like a fish out of the water. Words had left you. It was like a small child trying to speak but not knowing how to.

He closed the distance between his mouth and your ear and growled, “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Cat got your tongue?”

Your whole body shuddered and you pushed your thighs together to get some much needed friction. Jensen seemed to notice your reaction and pushed his thigh between your legs.

“Oh so that’s what this is about. I see nobody has fucked this tight, little pussy in a while and that’s why you’re snapping at people and undressing me with your eyes.” He said in a low, deep voice that had your pussy clenching around nothing.

A wave of arousal flooded your panties and you knew they were ruined a long time ago but now it felt like they had simply disintegrated.

He continued, “But don’t you worry, unfortunately I know what it feels like and I think I would very much like to help you with that.” He winked and if it wasn’t for the wall and him caging you in, your knees would have buckled and you would be a horny mess on the floor.

You noticed your breathing had become heavier and your lips had parted, your hands were balled in fists at your sides, your pussy throbbed in need and your whole body was shaking with lust and desire.

Jensen leaned down to look into your eyes and spoke softly, “Hey, if you don’t want this tell me right away.”

That seemed to snap you out of your sensory overload and you quickly nodded frantically.

“I want this. I want you to fuck me, Jensen.” You sputtered quickly before he could take his offer back.

The moment your consent reached his ears, the beautiful greens of his eyes were eclipsed by the black clouds of lust. He crashed his lips on yours in a bruising kiss that was all teeth and tongue. It was driven by pure lust and need and want and desire.

His hands were on you pushing and pulling and mapping out your entire body. Everything felt too much and not enough at the same time. When the need for air became too much you both parted, panting like you had just ran a marathon. He pushed his partly gloved hands underneath your jumper and pulled it off you leaving your upper body in the black tank top you were wearing.

His mouth moved towards your jaw, nipping and nibbling at the skin there while his hands squeezed your ass. His mouth went to your neck, to the spot behind your ear that drove you wild and sucked. And oh god did he suck hard. You were pretty sure you’d be sporting a big purple hickey but you couldn’t care less.

He kissed the valley of your breasts and suckled one of your clothed nipples as your back arched off the wall and you shamelessly let out a loud moan. He pushed your tank top up as he kneeled down, leaving open mouthed kisses all over your stomach.

He pushed your leggings and your panties down in one go and both of you were shocked. You, to see that your panties hadn’t disintegrated and him, to see how wet you were. He looked up at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes and before you could comprehend what it meant, he dove inside your pussy like a starving man.

He let out a groan when he tasted you, gripping your thighs so tight that you were sure there'd be bruises there. You tangled your hands in his hair, keeping him in place but also giving yourself something to hold on to.

All your wet dreams and imaginations didn’t do justice to how delicious the burn of his beard felt between your thighs. He fucked you with his tongue and then went on to suck at your clit like a child sucking an ice lolly after playing for hours in the summer heat.

To say that you were a panting, moaning, whimpering, writhing and blubbering mess would be an understatement. You were at the mercy of this man’s mouth and you thanked your lucky stars for it. One of his hands left your thigh and came to encircle your core. Desperate to come, you started grinding on his face.

He pushed two of his thick fingers in and groaned at how easily they fit cause you were practically dripping at this point. He fucked you on his fingers hard all the while nibbling and sucking your clit. He moved up your body till he was face to face with you all the while thrusting his fingers into you at a merciless pace.

He crashed his lips on yours and pushed his tongue inside your mouth. You moaned at tasting yourself on his tongue. He moved his talented mouth towards your ear and nibbled on the lobe.

“You’re close, aren’t you? I can feel you squeezing my fingers. Come on Y/n. Come for me.” He whispered in your ear.

Like he had a remote control to your body, you came. And you came so hard that you saw stars. Your vision went white, your body went slack and you felt like you were filled to the brim with pleasure.

When you came back to your senses, the first thing you felt was his cock, hard and heavy, lined with your core, your legs wrapped around his waist, his hands on your ass supporting your weight and crushing you between his body and the wall. He looked at you to see if there was any hint of discomfort but when he couldn’t find any, he kissed you while pushing his cock deep inside you.

You had to admit that he was bigger than any guy you’ve been with and the stretch was just oh so good. He kissed you, nibbling on your lower lip til you got used to his girth. You clawed at his shoulders and the now not so short hair at the nape of his neck.

“Fu-uck Jensen. Move please. F-fuck me.” You begged not caring how desperate you sounded.

Jensen let out an animalistic growl upon hearing your words and pulled all the way out, only leaving the tip in and slammed back into you in one thrust. You let out a cry when his cock hit your g-spot with fucking precision.

He kept up his deadly pace, pounding into you so hard you were sure you’d feel it for days, that had the coil in your lower belly wound tight in no time. He hid his face in the crook of your neck. Only the sounds of his heavy breathing and grunts ,which to be honest should be illegal, and your moans and panting could be heard around the large set.

“Look at you,” He grunted in your ear, “taking my cock so good. You’re so tight. Fuck.”

You couldn’t help but clench your pussy hearing those words pouring out of his mouth.

“I’m not gonna last long. Come for me one more time Y/n. Come on my cock. Squeeze it.” He grunted, pushing one of his hands between your bodies and rubbing rough circles on your clit.

You came with a scream of his name. Your orgasm was so fucking intense that you knew in that moment no one will ever be able to make you come so hard other than this man. He fucked you through your orgasm. A few hard thrusts later he stilled deep inside you and came with a grunt that you’d remember till the day you die. He spilled hot ropes of cum and you milked his cock for all its worth.

When you both came down from your highs, you untangled yourselves from each other and cleaned yourselves the best you could. You quickly and quietly got dressed, the air filling with awkwardness.

When you got dressed, you bent down to pick up your stuff which had fallen and turned to leave when suddenly Jensen caught your wrist and turned you around so that now he was caged between you and the wall. He kissed you and it was all sweet and soft this time while you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned your body into his.

“Don’t you dare think this was a one time thing. You and me. Dinner at my place at 8. Sounds good?” He asked, sincerely and sweetly.

Your brows furrowed and you opened your mouth to reply but before you could the walkie in your hand came to life and a voice sounded from the other end, “Jensen Ackles is needed now at the wardrobe. Jensen Ackles is needed now at the wardrobe.”

“Looks like I have to go.” Jensen said and pecked your lips once.

He walked backwards and shouted, “My place at 8. Don’t forget.” He gave you a wink before finally going out of your sight.

You stood there confused as to what had just happened in the last hour of your life.

*****

[heavenfordoms]

”Innocent“ Hug (Deku x fem! Reader):

Pairing(s): Deku x reader

Warning(s): 18+ minors DNI, cussing, manga spoilers, riding, death, semi-public sex, eating out

Genera: angst to fluff to smut

A/N: wait this was actually fun and easy to write for me wtf

Fandom: My hero academia (boku no hero academia)

Glossary:

Y/n = your name

Summery: Bakugou looses his life in battle and y/n goes to comfort Deku, soon Deku ends up forgetting about Bakugou as y/n rides him

You sucked in a breath, holding it for a while as you stared at the villain in front of you. You where crouched down low so you knew that he couldn’t see you. But you sure saw him. Your quirk was called memory, you could memorize anything that you wanted. The downside to this quirk is that while your mind was full of knowledge your body was weak so it was no good for battle-training, another bad thing (or more annoying then anything) is that we can’t forget it, ever, even if you wanted to. You remember every single detail of your life and every single thing that has happened to this point in grave detail. Not like you wanted to remember it, but you felt so worthless that it was almost blood to memorize everything. Like how there where five street lamps outside the bar. They where dimly lit and flickered every five second, each one after the other. The one on the very right was the first to flicker then it would go all the way to the left. Sometimes the one in the very middle would shut off at random times as the other lamps brightly shone in the night-sky.

“Could you stop mumbling?!” Katsuki whisper-yelled at you. You slightly cringed at the blonde male’s words before nodding your head in a form of acceptance (for some reason people saw that as acceptance so you did as well).

Katsuki is a young man of average height for somebody his age, with a slim, muscular build, and a fair skin tone. He has short, spiky, ash-blond hair with choppy bangs that hang over his eyebrows. His eyes are sharp and bright red in color. His hero costume is composed of a tight, black, sleeveless tank top, with an orange "X" across the middle, forming a v-neck. There are two dots along the left line of his collar, indicating the support company that designed his costume. His costume also has a metallic neck brace worn with rectangular ends that have three holes on each side. His sleeves reach from within his large grenade-like gauntlets to his biceps. His belt, which also carries grenades, holds up his baggy pants with knee guards, below which he sports black, knee-high combat boots with orange soles and eyelets. His mask is jagged and black, and as it goes around his eyes, a large, orange-rimmed flare shape protrudes from each side.

You focused your eyes off of Kastsuki and onto Dabi, the villain who was standing guard outside the bar. Dabi is a fairly tall, pale young man of a slim, somewhat-lanky build, described to be in his early twenties. He has white hair with a few red streaks at the crown that spikes upward around his head, hanging low over his eyes, which are thin, turquoise in color, and heavily lidded. Before the reveal of his true identity, his hair was dyed black. His most striking features are undoubtedly the patches of gnarled, wrinkled, purple skin that cover much of his lower face and neck, all the way down past his collarbone, below his eyes and on his arms and legs due to him having a quirk at a early age and not knowing how to control it. These appear to be attached to the rest of his skin by multiple, crude surgical staples or hoop piercings. He has several silver cartilage piercings in both ears, and a triple nostril piercing on the right side of his nose. He also seems to be lacking earlobes on both sides of his ears upon close inspection, he wears a dark blue jacket with a high, ripped collar, and matching pants, cut off above his ankles, a pair of dark dress shoes on his feet. He also has a plain pale gray, scoop-neck shirt, below which a gray belt with a circular pattern wraps around his waist, a leather satchel attached at the back.

Nobody knew his real name, until now, Dabi had revealed himself as Touya Todoroki. Everyone now calls him Touya but it never settled right in your gut to call him that. His name was Dabi to you and it will always be Dabi. It didn’t matter if he did a big entry and say that he is part of the Todoroki’s Dabi didn’t seem like them. The Todoroki’s where a strict family with ruled set in place. Endeavor, now the number one hero, had tried to welcome his family with more open arms. You could tell that Dabi’s opening was not out of grief for his family but instead out of spite. Like saying to Endeavor that he needs to take a chill pill with this whole anime redemption arc thing that he has going on for himself (and you didn’t quiet disagree with the oriole scarred man either).

You often thought of life like a anime, it was easier to explain. If somebodies life was broken they just ended up in the wrong anime. It also helped reminded you that every villain has a backstory. You never got to see their perspective in things. You never got to see what happened to the villains after they got defeated. Nope. You never got to see that, maybe if people saw the villain’s side. Everyone would hate the hero‘s and build their own path just as villains do. They make a path that no one has ever gone on, slowly making it a dirt road and them turning it again into an actual road that everyone can go on. Villains never got the roadwork. Hero’s probably always destroy it.

“So what’s the plan?” You leaned in close to Katsuki and whispered in his ear, Kastuki tensed up next to you and sucked in a breath before looking at you through pointy eyes.

”I will distract scar-man while you go and get Deku from the bar.” Kastuki explained, you nodded your head ‘yes’ before you pointing in the direction you where going to go. Kastuki grunted to himself as he crawled slowly in the opposite direction. Sending explosion at Dabi’s face before ducking behind a large wooden tool-box that had the words ”Back Bend Inc” on it in Ariel black font. Although it had been there for so long that the black ink looked to be a dark smoky gray. You quietly padded off into the opposite direction, your head ducked and eyes darting every five seconds to catch every detail around you.

Silently, you slipped into the bar. There was a wooden plank that held up the first stand, it looked to be pretty normal from here. There was dark wine stands that had a light brown color to them. The walls where colored with a sand tan. Over by the bar there was stacks and stacks of different liquor that people could have. Above was the general black chalkboard menu, there was smeared blue chalk that said “SPECIAL: Burbon” the strong smell of liquor and whisky hung in the air. There was a cigarette hanging off the ledge, still lit and everything. It looked pretty normal, but there was a slight piece of the cigarette where it was unwrapped and that told you enough to not say ’fuck it’ and have a smoke break. Turning your head slowly you walked up to Kurogiri. Information began flooding in your head about the villains and the bar. Unluckily for you everyone noticed the smartness you had and quickly found out your quirk. They began to flood your Brian with information. Information that a kid didn’t want to hear. You heard everything when you where just in High School. Now, everyone hated your quirk, everyone fucking hated it. The people who raised you said that you where a monster and that they didn’t know you anymore. But the sad part was you didnt do anything wrong. After hours of racking through your mind you couldn’t find a single moment where you did something bad. “I need to see Tomura.” You stared blankly at the mist villain. Kurogiri's entire body is made out of a dark purple mist, save for his eyes, which are glowing yellow. He normally wears a very elegant suit with a tie and has a metal brace that goes from around his collarbone to just below his eyes. It was pretty simple description of the villain, but there wasn’t much to him.

“Now?“ The male inquired, a hint of annoyance traced his smooth and calming voice. His voice sounded a lot like a gently sea softly rippling in the waves. But in actuality he was more like a thundering storm as the large ocean waves crashed harshly against large dark-gray-almost-black rocks.

“Yes, it is important.” You answered, putting a fake smile across your face. You still heard the faint sound of explosions from Katsuki and knew that you didn’t have a lot of time. Katsuki only could hold off for fifteen minutes before he went full on battle mood. And the villains would definitely think at something is up. Kurogiri hummed thoughtfully before nodding his head in agreement and holding out his purple misted hand.

”Come on dear…” The man whispered soothingly and smiling up and down at you.

“Thanks!” You chirped getting up and going behind the bar, following the villain down the stairs that creaked underneath your feet.

“BOSS!! Somebody wanted you!!” Kurogiri called, you took a deep breath before flinching as you looked into the villains base.

It was the same red bricks that seemed to be different colors every brick that was placed down to make the wall of the bar. There was smooth fake wood counter with clean royal red plush bar stools with the smallest backs on them. There was a few hero posters scattered around the base, one medium sized All Might poster hung to the right of a small screen TV. The dull gray light picketed on and off as the headlights didn’t provide much protection against the dark loom of everything. Different types of bottles hung on narrowed shelves behind the bar. Right next to the bar was a metal door, the window had cages around it and a long shiny knob that went down the left side. To the right of the door was a old faction radio station with LED lights surrounding it. It was currently playing Take Me to Church, apparently just starting to play it seeing how the introduction was still on. You narrowed your eyes before leaning against the red brick wall and giving everyone a swept gaze. All of the villains names that where forced to memorize came to your head all of a sudden.

Himiko Toga was standing in the farthest left, spinning in the red barstools.

Himiko is a relatively petite, fair-skinned girl who is very prone to blushing and is frequently described as to having a rather pretty face. She has slightly inward-tilting bright yellow eyes with thin slits, making them somewhat resemble those of a cat, and her wide mouth is also rather feline, as both her upper and lower canines are more pointed and longer than the rest of her teeth, giving her a vampire-like appearance. Her hair is a pale, dirty ash-blonde and is styled into two messy buns, with numerous wild strands sticking out at all angles from their centers and where they’re fastened, a straight fringe and two chin-length side bangs to frame her face. Himiko’s outfit consist of a plain seifuku with a Kansai collar, both the skirt and the shirt dark blue with a double white trim, which is paired with a red scarf that she ties loosely below. Over this, she wears an oversized beige cardigan with a rather long hem and cuffs, and pockets on either side, the right one shown to hold a number of trinkets on either a keychain or a cellphone strap. She sports knee-length black socks and dark brown dress shoes with thick heels, the same as the outdoor uniform shoes students traditionally wear in Japanese schools.

Tomura was standing next to Himiko, a bored expression clouding his features.

Tomura is a slim man with deathly pale skin, tinged yellow, and wrinkled a great deal around his eyes. His lips are chapped and uneven, a small mole on the right underneath, with visible scars on his right eye and under his lip. He has messy grayish-blue hair of varying lengths, the longest clumps reaching to about his shoulders, left hanging over his face in uneven waves. His eyes are normally obscured, but when visible, they are usually stretched wide in a rather maniacal manner, their bright red irises are very small.

Interestingly, when Tenko was at the age of five, he bore a striking resemblance to Izuku Midoriya, with his blue hair originally being dark black in color, while also having dried patches of skin around his eyes, though his lips were shown to be healthy in appearance. After his Quirk manifested, his appearance changed giving him a wrinkled face and changing his hair color.

Nobody else was in the base, the rest of the villains where busy surviving customers or dealing with Bakugou.

Then you saw him

Deku…

Deku has been a classmate of yours for a while, although you guy’s rarely talked to each other you always admired his strength and wisdom. Soon he became the number one hero and you became the second, Bakugou and Todoroki following closely behind. The only real reason you where able to make it to number two was due to the popularity votes for citizens. Everyone liked you, they loo up to you. So rationally you often teamed up with Deku. He was not good with the citizens since he never got a chance to talk to them due to the fact that he broke his bones in battle often but his quirk was amazing. And you didn’t have a lot of strength so that gave you time to connect with the citizens. The two of you working together helped everyone live a better place. Now seeing him tied up and helpless, it made you pretty angry.

“I would love to sit here and chat, but I got a hero to save!” You smirked as you raced on ahead and grabbed Deku, pulling him out of the chains before the villains had any time to react. Standing next to the hero you where slightly taller (mind you he hasn’t grown since high school so that wasn’t really anything to brag about being taller then him).

”HELLPPP!!!” A scream shouted from Kastuki, your eyes widened as you sprinted off to get the number three hero. Deku closely followed you as he got his quirk ready. But by the time that you rushed out you knew it was too late. Katsuki had been crushed by the blue flames that wrapped around his body.

“KACCHAN!!!” Deku screamed, DabI whipped his head around and started at the number one hero.

”You idiot!“ You hissed as you grabbed Deku’s arm and made a run for it. Dragging him out into the open where a bunch of other hero’s where’s standing just in case something happened. You noticed that they where busy on their phones and probably didn’t even hear Katsuki screaming for help. You rushed Deku to the side of the red brick building and waited for a ambulance to come pick Deku up. Once they carried him away you narrowed your eyes at the pro-hero’s.

”I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IF YOU ACT LIKE THAT AGAUN!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH STRESS YOU PUT US THROUGH??? DYNAMIGHT COULD HAVE STILL BEEN ALIVE IF YOU HAVEN’T SAT ON YOUR ASS ALL DAY AND ACT LIKE A BUNCH OF FUCKING SLUTS!! I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO RIP ALL OF YOUR HEADS OFF, FEED THEM TO MY DOG, MAKE MY DOG SHIT OFF A BRIDGE AND SEE THE SHIT SMEERED ON THE TIRE, GET A LIGHTER AND BURN THE CAR DOWN, TAKE THE ASHES AND PUT THEM IN A GROUND, I WILL TAKE THE GROUND WHERE THE ASH IS AND MAKE IT A STRIPER CLUB, AND THEN GET A EXORCIST TO PUT YOU TO HELL!!!” You started cussing them off, the pro-hero’s shuffled uncomfortably and looked at each other with weird stares. They knew that they where in shit when they pissed you off. You weren’t very easy to piss off so when somebody pissed you off they knew they were in deep horse shit.

*** You rushed into the hospital bed where Deku was at. Your breath coming out in short puffs as you stood on the edge of the male’s bed and watched as thick tears streamed down his face. You grew soft and laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Calm down baby…I am here…” You reassured, slowly climbing on the bed and getting on him. Deku gulped thickly at the closed distance between the two of you and began sweating nervously.

“Y/n!“ You yelped, trying to scoot back. You looked up at him and gave the male a cocky smile.

“What? Are you suggesting something?” You leaned in and whispered in Deku‘s ears. Deku whined before nodding his head ‘yes‘ you rolled your eyes and began to unbutton your shirt. Popping out a few buttons in the process. Gently, you pulled down your panties and threw them to the side, lifting up your skirt and showing your ass to Deku. Deku trembled slightly and started licking at the entrance, slowly, he began eating you out. You moaned quietly before bucking Your hips backwards. Deku gasped before moaning also and continuing to do his work. Once Deku are you out for a few minutes you pulled away and Deku looked at you with large puppy dogs eyes. His Greek emerald eyes blown wide in lust.

You leaned down and took off his pants with your teeth, dragging your nails up his clothed hero uniform shirt. Deku bucked his hips up and whimpered. You smirked into the material. Once you actually got the pants down you slipped off his boxers and starting to get settled on Deku.

You and Deku had this off and on thing. You guy’s weren’t dating each other and fucked other people but it was always a delight when you got to fuck him. A smile always formed on his lips when you topped him. He always thought that everyone was going to leave him to be the top, so it was reassuring when he saw that somebody cared about him enough to dom him and show him who is in control.

You where snapped back into reality when Deku gasped in shock as you took him all in, groaning slightly at the fact that you took him with such ease because he has been in you so much. Slowly you waited for yourself to adjust (which didn’t take that long) before you started bouncing up and down. Deku threw his head back and moaned loudly as felt your walls clench around him. You kept bouncing on him up and down in a rhyme pattern.

“Come on baby, thought you liked it…” You pouted, looking down on the green haired hero and smiling cockily.

[kimjauhiainen]

“Tremors” – welcome to perfection

(originally published on Talkbacker.com on April 8, 2014)

You only need to catch a glimpse of the “Jaws”-parodying poster for “Tremors”, and you’ll know exactly what to expect. These filmmakers aren’t about to throw blood and guts or dark stuff at ya. This is strictly tongue-in-cheek; there ARE underground monsters, they eat people, there will be deaths, but there will also be hilarious dialogue, great characterizations, gorgeous desert vistas, and some high-quality filmmaking and practical effects-work here.

Someone should deserve a special award for casting Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward as the main protagonists in this film. As we are introduced to Valentine “Val” McKee (Bacon) and Earl Basset (Ward), the instant and natural chemistry between these two is palpable. It’s a match made in movie heaven. Val and Earl wake up in the desert, in true cowboy-style, one sleeping in the back of their pickup truck, the other sleeping under it. The cowboy analogy actually reminds me of another great pairing, Butch and Sundance. That’s probably the closest comparison of the character dynamics that’s going on between Val & Earl.

Val is the younger one, a dreamer, a womanizer (with a very special list of qualities he expects from a woman: “You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won’t quit and legs that go all the way up.”) and the more restless soul. Earl is the older, wiser, laconic, practical man. But the unifying quality of both Val and Earl is, they are not the all-knowing, all-powerful movie heroes. They are actually both kinda…dummies. In a good way. In an entertaining way. I don’t know how much Bacon and Ward hung out or rehearsed before the shooting of this film, but they are clearly having a blast with their characters. Most of the stuff they do has a spontaneous, improvisational feel to it. I would certainly like to see them work together again sometime.

Earl Bassett: “Is this a job for an intelligent man?” Valentine McKee: “Well, show me one and I’ll ask him.”

Val and Earl are the for-hire “handymen” in the Town of Perfection (population 14), located in a vast Nevada valley surrounded by mountains from all directions. As the town’s survivalist nut Burt Gummer (more about HIM later) states: “that’s why we chose this place. Total isolation.” Besides Val and Earl, the township consists of: storeowner Walter Chang (the great Victor Wong), pottery maker Nancy (Charlotte Stewart) and her daughter Mindy (“Jurassic Park”‘s Ariana Richards), Melvin (Robert Jayne), Dr.Wallace and his wife (Conrad Bachmann and Carol Marcus – I mean, Bibi Besch), Miguel (Tony Genaro), Nestor (Richard Marcus), Old Fred (Michael Dan Wagner), Edgar Deems (Sunshine Parker) aaaand of course, the aforementioned Burt Gummer and his wife Heather (Michael Gross and Reba McEntire). Also in town is a graduate student of seismology, Rhonda LeBeck (Finn Carter), who is the EXACT opposite of everything in Val’s list, but it’s pretty obvious what’s going to happen there, isn’t it?

Earl Bassett: “We gotta run. We’ve got a schedule to keep.” Valentine McKee: “Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don’t do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.”

But as the story begins, the number of characters begin to decrease. In fact, one of them is already gone at the point where the movie begins. As Val and Earl finally have had enough of this shit (literally, as emptying a septic tank blows in their faces), they come across Edgar Deems, sitting on top of an electrical tower. Edgar, who apparently was a town drunk, has actually died from dehydration. As the doctor diagnoses, he’s been sitting up on the tower, probably for days. Here’s the first sign, that something’s rotten in Perfection. Well, UNDER it, to be more precise.

Now, the director, Ron Underwood, does even more emulating from “Jaws” that just the poster. The underground creatures appear mostly off-camera for the longest time, much like the shark. The following attacks on people, Old Fred and the doctor and wife, are filmed very efficiently, adding mystery to the monsters while also showing their viciousness and extreme strength, as the doctors wife is sucked inside the ground while hiding inside a Ford station wagon! These creatures mean business. Also, two road-construction workers who are working on the only road in and out of town, get quickly dispatched and the resulting rock slide cuts Perfection completely off from the outside world. The scene includes a brilliant physical jackhammer gag, that’s like something right out from a Warner Brothers cartoon. And in this latest viewing I noticed, that there are a LOT of cartoon gags in the film.

Underwood is clearly using a Tex Avery-playbook in the way he shoots action, and it adds an extra level of fun to the overall tone of the film. Especially the demises (spoiler there) of each of the creatures are a carefully balanced mix of cartoon and grossness. From a creature coming in contact with concrete at full speed with a big “boink”-sound effect into the last one taking a Wile E. Coyote-swan dive off a cliff. And in the end of the second act, a creature entering “the wrong goddamn rec room” – Gummers’ basement – and getting drilled with more bullets than in your average John Woo film.

The Gummers. Ahh yes, the Gummers. Let’s talk about them for a bit.

Earl Bassett: What kind of fuse is that? Burt Gummer: Cannon fuse Earl Bassett: What the hell do you use it for? Burt Gummer: My cannon!

Until “Tremors”, Michael Gross was basically known as the liberal, ex-hippie father Steven Keaton in “Family Ties”. One day after filming the last episode of that show, Gross began filming “Tremors”. Now talk about switching gears; Burt Gummer is a polar opposite of Steven Keaton. He’s a paranoid survivalist, definitely right wing, a gun nut with a capital “N”. The Gummer home is basically a bunker, set up for end-of-the-world conditions. Or as Burt states after the monster attack: “Food for five years, a thousand gallons of gas, air filtration, water filtration, Geiger counter. Bomb shelter…” That tells all about good old Burt’s world views. As does the license plate of his car: UZI 4U.

His wife Heather is played by country singer Reba McEntire in her first film performance. She does a damn good job too. Heather is likable, but also just as tough-as-nails as Burt and can certainly handle guns as well.

The creatures – Graboids, as they have been known since, in sequels and TV-series alike – are designed by Tom Woodruff and Alec Gillis’ company Amalgamated Dynamics and they are some of the best and most realistic creature work that’s been ever put on screen. Basically pre-historic worms – although the characters are trying to make up all kinds of explanations for them, from being aliens to government-built monsters to be used against invading forces. AD has worked on the “Alien”-franchise since “Aliens”, and one can see that the “double-mouth”(biting tentacle tongues shooting out from a larger mouth) has evolved from the star-beast’s similar one. These creatures are strong, fast (moving like armored freight trains underground) and smart. That is always a welcome thing in monster films. Graboids are constantly adapting, and the means that the heroes use to avoid them, don’t necessarily work for a second time. Of course they have a weakness, this time it being loud noises, as they basically sense everything by vibrations. Smart, almost “National Geographic”-approach. Nothing hokey or supernatural. Just the way I like it.

Earl Bassett: “Hey Rhonda – you ever seen anything like this before?” Valentine McKee: “Oh sure, Earl. Everyone knows about them – we just didn’t tell you.”

Pretty soon the remaining residents of the town are forced into exile, trying to escape into the mountains while pursued by the hungry beasts, the final confrontation happening on the edge of a tall canyon. “Tremors” was shot – with the exception of two sets – on location. Outside in Lone Pine, California. And you can basically SMELL the desert, and the heat,  in every frame of the movie. The setting, as well as the look of the town, evokes memories of the great westerns. In fact – the third sequel for the movie IS a western, going back in time to the golden years of Perfection.

Too bad the sequels are of diminishing quality, adding unnecessary sci-fi elements (such as FLYING Graboids, WTF?) and poorer quality effects. The unifying element in the sequels (as well as the quickly cancelled after 13 episodes TV-show) is Michael Gross’ Burt. But to be absolutely frank, Burt Gummer is not a leading man. He works best in small doses. The driving force in this film is the tag team of Val & Earl, arguing, bickering, rock-paper-scissoring through near-death scenarios and finally coming up as winners (spoiler).

I’m sensing a pattern in my reviews (besides all so far being from 1990); “Tremors” was only a modest hit at the box office, but it went on to become a huge hit on home video and subsequent media. But as I go through my lists of great films, such seems to be the case with almost all of them. “Tremors” is funny, well-paced, beautifully shot thrill ride, with wonderful characters and rich, quotable dialogue. If that is not the sign of a cult classic, I don’t know what is. Ron Underwood proceeded to direct films like “City Slickers” (keeping up with the western tone from this film), “Heart and Souls”, “Speechless” and finally “Pluto Nash”, which basically killed his mainstream career, reducing him into mostly a TV-director.

Too bad – perhaps another low budget monster movie is what he should try again…?

[wellhellotragic]

Unintended Side Effects

After overhearing a conversation between Emma and the girls, Killian decides to grow his hair back out to prove a point. Emma isn’t pleased.

For @best-left-hook-jones to wake up to.

You can also find this story on AO3

It had all started with an innocent comment to the girls at one of their Sunday family dinners. The men had moved into the living room where Henry was attempting to explain to Robin and Killian, that although they were labeled Star Wars episodes one, two, and three, they were made after episodes four, five, and six. David was adamant that they should be watched in chronological order, while Henry explained that the first three didn’t count and should be ignored.

Henry easily became very passionate when it came to educating Killian on the classics, and the last time he had been so excited was when he explained why it was called Back to the Future when they were actually traveling into the past. Of course, there had also been a minor discussion the week before while trying to decided which super hero movie to watch. Killian didn’t have a dog in the fight, but Henry just couldn’t pick which one he wanted to show Killian first. Having chosen to also blacklist The Hulk, much the same way he had episodes one through three, Henry threw order out the window. Captain America was a classic, but he was starting to think that Killian might relate more to Iron Man’s sardonic nature, even if he was still only barely starting to understand basic modern technology.

Before he could decide though, Emma had plopped down in the couch next to Killian, making the final call. Thor. She had reasoned that it had been longer since they watched it than the others, but Henry couldn’t help but notice the way Killian’s brow furrowed at Emma. His gaze focus suspiciously at her until the movie queued up. After the movie, Emma and Killian had retired immediately to their bedroom and Henry was just able to make out the sound of the lock on their door clicking. He turned on his Xbox to help drown out any noises just incase.

It had been a week though, and Killian hadn’t thought anything of it. Their love making that evening had been vigorous to say the least, but he had simply attributed it to Emma having had the day off. The town was monster free, letting Emma focus her energy elsewhere. It wasn’t until he made his way back to the kitchen to grab another round of beers that he learned the truth. Ruby’s voice had cut through the noise of the running sink and clanking dishes.

“Hey Ems, Belle and I were thinking about seeing Wonder Woman Friday night. You want to join us?”

“Um,” Killian could recognize Emma deflecting from just two letters. “I’ll have to see what my schedule is like. It’s difficult to make plans when you have drunk Viking’s lurking about trying to fight their way back to Valhalla every weekend.”

“Okay.” The way Ruby drew the word out spoke to how little she believed Emma.

“Oh, sweetie. Just because you can de- detect lies, doesn’t mean you can tell one.” The hiccup in the middle had Killian wondering just how much alcohol Mary Margaret had consumed. “We all know there’s only one superhero movie Emma’s ever been interested in.”

“Mom!” Killian couldn’t see her from where he was hiding around the corner, but he could imagine that her face was turning a shade of red that closely resembled that fetching dress she wore for their first dance.

“What did I just miss?” Belle’s voice was teasing.

“Nothing.” His Swan was fierce, but drunk Mary Margaret was fiercer, never backing down from a fight.

“A little birdie once told me that Emma has a think for Chris Hemsworth, or more specif- specifica- specically Chris Hemsworth with long hair,” she sing-songed in spite of her stumbling over a specific word.

There was a part of him that knew he should find that little tidbit amusing, and that he could use it to tease her mercilessly, but a much larger part of him became irrationally jealous. The idea of his Swan finding another man attractive had his stomach churning, especially after realizing what had spurned her on that evening, but the addition of that very last part – the part about the long hair – had wounded him. He had once told her that he had a pony tail during his naval years, as was customary of the times. She had laughed at that, and told him that she was happy that he kept it short.

He had even taken it so far as to getting regular trims since then, keeping it just long enough to be messy, but not so long as to turn off Emma. But here she was, fawning over that wanker and his greasy limp locks. If that’s what she wanted, that what he would give her.

Emma was out of shampoo again. This was the second time that month, a shear impossibility. She turned the bottle over in her hands, looking for a crack or leak somewhere that could explain how she was going through so much of it. Yes. Big princess hair did require a certain amount of shampoo and conditioner, but this was getting ridiculous.

Groaning in frustration, she tossed the empty bottle towards the trashcan on the other side of the bathroom, and continued with her shower routine. After about five minutes, she was just finishing shaving her legs when she noticed that the waters was starting to build up. Emma shut the water off and waited, and waited. It took almost ten minutes for the water to fully drain. She had given up, choosing to dress in a tank top and sleep shorts while she waited.

When she returned to the bathroom, she looked around to see if there was anything long and slender that she could poke through the drain to see if it was clogged. Failing to find anything suitable, she let her hand hover above the drain. Light started to emanate from her palm and before she new it, the course of the blockage had been pulled from the drain. And if The Dark One had taught her anything, it was that all magic came with a price, and what a horrible rancid, foul smelling price it was. The clump of hair she had removed was enough to form a small hamster, but was really surprised her was the amount of dark hair that was tangled up with her own. And it was long.

Thinking on it, his hair was longer. She hadn’t noticed it over the past few months, seeing him daily had allowed it to sneak up on her and she couldn’t remember the last time he had visited Todd, the local barber. They weren’t overly busy, so it wasn’t as if he hadn’t had time. He was simply choosing to grow it out, despite her once telling him how much she like it was it was shorter. It was so easily mussed that way and screamed sexy to her. But now, it was verging on being longer than his Dark One days.

This needed to stop.

She should have just talked to him about it, but she couldn’t think of a way to bring the situation up without sounding like a superficial nag. Instead, in a moment of weakness she had given into Regina’s advice.

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

That had been the push she needed. Using some ingredients from Regina’s vault, Emma mixed up a small potion that would not only stop Killian’s hair growth; it would even help reduce it.

That evening, she had slipped the potion into Killian’s rum bottle. She wasn’t sure how long it would take before he needed to refill his flask, but she wanted to make sure it wasn’t something that Henry might accidently consume. True to his pirate title, it didn’t take long before the effects had become apparent.

Four days had passed when Emma spotted Killian standing in front of their bathroom mirror, tilting his head from side to side as he stared at his reflection. He looked vexed, and while Emma was quite content with the results, there was a small pang of guilt in her stomach. After all, she had made him a promise that she would never control him again.

“What are you doing?” She hoped her voice didn’t betray her.

“Nothing.” He didn’t quite snap at her, but there was an edge to his voice as he left the room.

Damn.

All magic comes with a price.

She hadn’t thought it through, and now she didn’t know how to fix it. The initial effects were minimal, only affecting the hair on his head, but over the next two weeks she had noticed that the hair on his chest was beginning to recede as well. She hated it.

The first time she noticed it was late at night, as she ran her fingers through it after a late night rounding up Leroy from the White Rabbit. She had stripped down to her underwear and crawled into the bed next to him. Hoping to wake him up in one of his favorite ways, she had started by kissing his jaw, letting her hand slide down to his naked torso, and nearly naked it was.

“Swan?” His sleep-addled voice was low and sensual, but not enough to distracted her.

“Did you-“ she paused trying to figure out how to phrase it, “trim yourself.”

She felt him tense underneath her, every muscle in his body going rigid. His good hand came up to wrap around her wrist and suddenly he was pushing her hand off of him.

“No!” He huffed as he turned to face away from her.

He had never turned away from her before; even in his sleep he cuddled her.

“Killian?” She winced at how small and timid her voice was.

“Go to sleep.”

He didn’t even bother to call her love, and it hurt.

“Please?” She wasn’t the type to beg, but guilt was coursing through her blood.

It took a few minutes but he finally sighed in defeat and rolled back over so that he was on his other side facing her.

“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Please forgive me.”

She shifted her body closer to his so that she could rest her head on his chest.

“What’s wrong?”

Another pause.

“I know how much you all like to tease me about my age, but for the first time I’m starting to feel it. I think time is starting to catch up to me, love. I seem to be going through some age related changes and it’s hard to accept it after being so devilishly handsome for so long.” He sounded so exhausted.

“Oh, Killian.”

He interrupted her before she could say more.

“And I know it’s silly to be so vain, but sometimes I worry that you’ll lose interest in me, biblically, as I like my looks.”

And that was the nail in the coffin.

“Crap.”

“Swan?”

She steeled herself.

“You’re not getting older. I, uh, may have slipped a potion into your rum and I think it’s had some unintended side effects.”

“WHAT!”

He shot up knocked Emma over, catching her off guard.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? Have I done something to you?”

“No. No. No. Nothing like that.

“Than why, Emma? What potion?”

She knew it was bad. He only used her first name why he was terrified, or truly angry.

“Um. It was a potion that makes your hair stop growing. I only meant to keep the hair on your head from growing. I didn’t realize it was going to make you bald everywhere else too!”

He fell back on his pillow, groaning in the process. His hand had come up to his face, and his fingers were pinching the bridge of his nose. It was another one of his tells, and Emma had come to understand that this one meant he was trying to calm himself down.

“And is there a way to undo it?”

“I’m not sure. We can talk to Regina first thing in the morning.”

Almost twenty minutes went by in silence. Killian was almost certain that Emma had fallen asleep, but then her voice broke through the quiet, almost as a whisper.

“Why?”

“Why what, love?”

“Why were you growing your hair out?”

She nearly received an elbow to the nose as Killian lifted his arm to scratch behind his ear. For the first time that night, Emma let her curiosity outweigh her guilt.

“I may have heard a conversation between you and the girls a few months ago, about a certain superhero.”

If there had been any light in the room, Killian would have seen how wide Emma’s eyes had snapped open at the admission. She felt warmth crawling up her neck and cheeks.

“Killian, That’s not- I wish you hadn’t heard that.”

She felt him tense again.

“I mean, yes, I think he’s attractive with the long hair, but I promise you, he doesn’t hold a candle to you. And even with the longer hair, I still think that you are the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

“Swan, my ego will recover in time. There’s no need to placate me.”

“I’m not,” She admonished. “Do I need to prove it to you?”

He didn’t object, and she proved it to him twice more that night. They met with Regina the next morning after breakfast and within minutes Regina had whipped up and antidote, along with a few snarky remarks towards Killian’s current predicament. It took three months for Killian, and his chest hair to return to its former glory, and she promised herself to never again try to control him.