#big dick dyke problems

[zepskies]

Take Me Home - Part 1

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader 

Summary: You are another lost soul at Sunny Day Excursions. You’re aiming to settle in Helena, Montana, where Beau Arlen is the new sheriff in town. But you’ve both got a past you’re running from. 

AN: Welcome to my first ever Big Sky series! I’ve been wanting to get to this for a while now. I’m so glad I finally get to start sharing this with you! I truly hope you enjoy the ride. (Note: This is set towards the beginning of season 3.)

Song Inspo: “Fly Away” by John Denver. And remember, you can listen to the full Take Me Home Playlist ⬅️ here.

Word Count: 4,400

Tags/Warnings: A bit of angst, a bit of setup, “Glamper Girl,” and a side helping of cops enjoying baked goods…

❤️ Series Masterlist

Part 1: All of Her Days

“This really feels like cheating,” you mused.

Yet again, you surveyed the sheer size and luxury of this tent you were supposed to be “camping” in.

Between the giant king-sized bed with crème and burgundy comforters, a two-seater dining table, a dresser (with a vanity), and even a small bookshelf, it looked like the Taj Mahal of glamping.

“Can’t you just enjoy it?” your best friend replied, poking a teasing finger into your side. She smirked when you flinched and gave her some playful side-eye. “My parents are the ones footing the bill, anyway.”

“Of which, I intend to pay them back for my half,” you said. Mary just rolled her eyes and waved you off. Her parents’ money was something she’d never had a problem spending.

“Come on, they’re getting ready to go on the hike without us,” she said, tossing her little purse over her shoulder. You were a bit more practical with your backpack, filled with a bottle of water, a couple snacks, bug spray, and your sketch pad.

Mary bumped your shoulder with hers as you two walked out of the tent, and you gave her a smile. You were glad she insisted on this little week-long excursion. It gave you exactly five more days to enjoy the fresh air of no responsibilities, before you returned to reality.

“So where are you guys from?” you asked a couple of walking companions on the early-morning hike.

The woods of Helena, Montana were vast and deep, and you found them a bit intimidating. You were a city girl, through and through, but you were learning to appreciate the mountains and the steep trails flanked by dense trees. You were also grateful that you weren’t alone. 

Emily seemed to be a nice girl around sixteen, while her stepfather Avery was a lightly graying man in his 40s. You pegged his accent as English, the “casual posh” kind. On a scale from Dame Maggie Smith to Dick Van Dyke's attempt at cockney, you’d put Avery on a Benedict Cumberbatch level.

“Well, I met her mother in Houston,” Avery replied, nodding at the girl beside you. “She and Emily joined me here in Helena after we were married this past spring.”

Emily confirmed with a nod. “Yep, starting school here in a few months.”

At that, you could smile. “Me too, actually.”

Emily gave you a confused look while she fiddled with an app on her phone.

“What? You’re still in school?” she asked.

“No,” you laughed. “I’m—”

“She’s a college professor,” Mary tacked on. “AKA: a giant nerd.”

Emily tried not to smile at your expense. You just shook your head at your friend.

“Thanks,” you said wryly, despite your amusement. “We can’t all be personal trainers. One can only take so much Spandex.”

Mary rolled her eyes and prepared to fire back a retort, but your attention shifted back to Emily, who seemed to be debating whether to press a red button on her phone. You thought it looked like a voice recording app.

You followed her line of vision and saw Paige and Luke up ahead—a young “happy couple” here at Sunny Day Excursions. They were whisper-yelling at each other, sniping something about Luke’s birthday. Apparently, he had a problem with getting another year older.

Don’t we all, you thought, with no small amount of sarcasm. The guy had been a sour apple since the start of this trip, and to be honest, he was starting to get on your damn nerves.

“This is like, prime time stuff for my podcast,” Emily whispered.

You looked over at her. “Oh yeah? What’s your podcast about?”

“Relationships, lies, that sort of thing,” she replied.

You almost grimaced. Good luck finding willing subjects for that one.

Mary snickered on your other side. She leaned close to your ear so only you would hear.

“God, Paige’s voice is so effing annoying. Like a chipmunk on helium,” she said. “I feel sorry for him.”

You shot her a dry look. “He’s the one asking for it, if you ask me. But they’ve been going at it the whole time. Makes me feel sorry for both of them.”

You shook your head and kept walking on the trail. Mary sobered as she stared back at you. She was reminded of why you two were really here, and what you’d been through this past year…

What you all had been through.

You and Mary fell behind Avery and Emily on the trail, giving Mary the opportunity to touch your arm and stop you in the middle of the trail.

“Do you really plan to stay here?” she asked. “In dusty-ass Montana? With the snakes and the bears and the old hicks?”

“Well, I got the key to my apartment before we got here,” you said. And she knew that. “My aunt is letting me crash with her until the rest of my things ship over in a couple of weeks, and I start a new job in the fall. So yeah, I’m staying.”

Mary’s lips pursed. She gave you a long look, but you held your ground. You even popped your Airpods in for good measure. You were done with this conversation.

She huffed and kept walking.

You watched your friend go in annoyance. You knew she would try to talk you out of your decision at some point on this trip, but you hadn’t expected it to be so soon.

Heaving a sigh, you looked up at the clear sky above you, filtered through the tall trees. You took a moment to collect yourself in this great big no man’s land, where you could finally let yourself slow down for a minute, and breathe.

You raised the volume in your Airpods when a particular song came through.

“All of her days have gone soft and cloudy. All of her dreams have gone dry,” crooned the soft melody. You nodded to the rhythm of the mellow notes, but all the while, you tried to blink through the sting of tears.

“All of her nights have gone sad and shady. She's getting ready to fly…”

You rubbed your left hand, where you still had the tan line of the ring you used to wear.

“It’s really okay, sweetie,” Mary tried to console you, rubbing her hand between your shoulders.

After the hike, you all had returned to camp and sat down to brunch. It was an amazing spread, with waffles and muffins and Danishes, eggs done three different ways, toast with jam, assorted sandwiches, coffee and orange juice (and sparkling wine for the adults).

But even with a huge plate of appetizing food in front of you, you were sulking a bit. You had your face covered by your hands as you rested your elbows on the table.

“One of my only goals on this trip was to ride a damn horse, and I couldn’t even do that,” you said.

Sunny Barnes and her husband Buck were the heads and hosts of this whole trip. And after the hike, their son, Cormack, had tried to help you onto the nice chestnut mare the handler had brought out of the stable for you. But your entire body had locked up in fear at the prospect of being vaulted onto the horse.

In fairness, she was huge. And you were both afraid of heights, and animals that could buck you off its back and trample you.

You hadn’t been able to speak. You just shook your head vigorously every time Cormack asked you if you were okay.

So he’d graciously patted your back and gave the mare to Emily instead.

“I’ve never been able to ride a horse either,” Avery offered in commiseration. You lowered your hands and gave him a wan smile.

Emily was carving an apple with an impressive (and somewhat scary) looking pocketknife. She shrugged.

“It’s not so hard,” she said. But, perhaps realizing how she sounded, she looked up and gave you an apologetic look. “Sorry. I mean, I’m sure you’ll get it! It’s hard in the beginning, but once you get used to it, it’s like riding a bike.”

Right. A bike with hooves, you thought, ripping a piece of bread from your egg and cheese sandwich.

Mary bumped your shoulder with a teasing smile. “You just got showed up by a high schooler. Again.”

You pursed your lips in amusement. You tossed the piece of bread. It hit her dead between the eyes. You giggled at the way she jumped with a start.

“Real mature,” she shot back.

“Yeah,” you replied, taking a giant bite of your sandwich for good measure. “I learned from you.”

Even Emily snickered, making Mary roll her eyes in amusement.

Shortly after, Avery and his stepdaughter were finished with brunch and got up to get back to their tents.

You glanced over and noticed that Emily had left her knife on the table, now closed in its sheath.

Sheriff Beau Arlen may have still been relatively new in town, but he considered himself a consummate professional.

He’d agreed to accompany Cassie, the local private investigator (and his friend), up to this mountain pass to look for a missing backpacker. Questioning Buck and Sunny Barnes and their crew was just good old-fashioned, thorough police work.

But if it also gave Beau a chance to check on his daughter up here “glamping” with her half-baked stepfather, then he couldn’t pass up on that opportunity, now could he?

After talking to Buck and Sunny, who hadn’t seen hide or hair of the backpacker, Beau let Cassie take care of questioning Cormack Barnes while Beau found his daughter outside her tent. After giving her a big hug and inspecting her “tent” (Really? he thought. Looks more like a hotel room than a tent.), he asked her how her trip was going so far.

“Good, Dad. But you really didn’t have to come all the way out here just to check up on me,” Emily said. She was amused, but no longer surprised to see him.

“No, no, no. I didn’t, okay?” Beau refuted. Though at the look on her face, he knew he wasn’t fooling her. She was a sharp kid. “All right, maybe not the only reason. We had to talk to Sunny about a missing backpacker. It’s something Cassie’s investigating.”

Emily’s amusement faded into surprise, and then concern.

“Wait, what?” she said.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing. Just, you know…parents probably didn’t get the memo that ‘off-the-grid’ was part of the deal,” he said, giving her a meaningful raise of his brows. Maybe his daughter didn’t have to screen so many of his calls while she was on this trip.

“Overprotective parents, huh?” Emily dryly remarked.

“The worst,” Beau agreed, shaking his head.

But he smiled. Just seeing her made his whole week better…and it alleviated some of the hurt in his heart. Not getting to be with her on a trip like this stung. And knowing Avery was the one who got to be there for her grated on him.

Beau was already missing too much of his daughter’s life, and he still wasn’t too sure on how to deal with that.

Speak of the devil, he thought. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Avery approaching. Beau forced himself to look as close to pleasant as he could get around his ex-wife’s husband.

While Mary went back to the tent to freshen up, you grabbed Emily’s pocketknife and went to look for her so you could return it. It had a wood-carved hilt and had her initials, E. A., engraved on the side. The knife looked special, not the kind of thing you wanted to lose.

You found her outside her tent with her stepfather, and a man you didn’t know. He had broad shoulders and short brown hair that swept above his brow. When he turned to look at you, the first thing you noticed was the cut of his bearded chin, and then the green of his eyes.

You didn’t realize it, but your insides stilled, just for a moment. Then you remembered to smile.

Avery looked a bit tense, as did the newcomer. You sensed you were interrupting a tete-a-tete. 

“Uh, hi. I’m sorry,” you said, and extended the sheathed knife toward Emily. “Just wanted to get this back to you. You left it at the table.”

“Oh! Thanks,” Emily said gratefully.

“Well, hi there,” said the new guy. He was tall, you noted, wearing a beige jacket over a buttoned-down shirt, some jeans, and boots. It was a casual look, but all worked very well for him…in a rugged cowboy sense.

“This is my dad,” Emily supplied.

“Sheriff Beau Arlen, ma’am,” he said, giving you a more friendly smile that you matched in kind when you shook his hand. You also gave him your name to go along with it.

“You here for a little belated vacation, Sheriff?” you added.

“No. Matter of fact, I’m here on police business,” he replied. That concerned you, but he was quick to wave a dismissive hand. “Everything’s okay here. Just checking on a missing backpacker. But it looks like we’ll have to continue our search for him elsewhere.”

You hummed at that in concern. “Well, I hope you find him.”

“I do too,” he agreed with a nod.

Then, Emily took the slight pause in the conversation as her chance to escape.

“Okay, Dad, well, we’re gonna go hike down to the lake,” she said, gesturing at Avery. “But as you can see, I’m fine. We’re fine.”

Beau’s smile became a bit tight, but he nodded in understanding. He gave her a big hug, and you could see he was reluctant to let her go. Avery stood behind them. He held tension in his shoulders. You felt a bit awkward yourself, being in the midst of what was clearly an uneasy family dynamic.

Beau released his daughter. After she took off with Avery following close behind, Beau turned to you next. You tried not to blush at the sight of his handsome face.

“Sorry, again,” you said, raising a placating hand. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”

His lips twitched upward, and he shook his head. “You’re fine. Though you don’t look like a local. You from outta town?”

I could say the same thing about you, cowboy, you thought. There was a slight southern drawl in his voice that sounded like Alabama. Maybe Texas?

“You got me,” you nodded. “I’m from Chicago originally, but…I’ve actually just moved here to Helena.”

“Ahh, a city girl,” he remarked. “Small world. I just got here a few months ago myself. Houston, Texas.”

Your smile brightened. Right on the money.

“Yeah, I figured,” you couldn’t help teasing him a little. His grin kicked up in the corner.

“How’re the mountains and fresh air treating you then?” he asked. “Better than that blanket a’ smog in Chicago.”

“We do not have smog…or, well, not that much,” you laughed, “but yes, I’m actually really liking it here so far. I mean, I just got here about a week ago. I’m still learning. Though Emily actually tried to help me ride a horse today.”

“Yeah?” His brows raised. “How’d that go?”

You had to laugh. A kind of self-deprecating laugh that had you half-covering your face to stem off your blush.

“Not well,” you admitted.

Beau ducked his head with a smile. He met your eyes in amusement, but not without kindness.

“Well, here’s a tip for ya,” he said. He planted his feet, held his hands up into lightly clenched fists. “The trick is in the legs. Grip tight, but not too tight. He’ll think you’re rarin’ to go.”

You blinked a bit wider. Was that just honest advice…or was he sort of flirting with you?

It made you blush in earnest.

“Ah. Good to know,” you said with a laugh. He treated you with a tip of his imaginary hat.

“Hey,” someone called out.

Both of your heads turned to a tall black woman with long curly hair. She gave you a polite smile before she nodded up at Beau.

“You ready to go?” she asked.

“Ah, yep,” Beau nodded. He gave you an apologetic look. “Sorry, gotta get back to the station.”

“Oh, of course,” you said. But you held up a finger. “Wait, just a sec.”

You hastened back over to the table of confections from brunch and offered them a chocolate chip muffin each for the road. Cassie politely declined, but Beau gladly took his.

“Although, are you trying to stereotype me or somethin’?” he teased.

Your brows furrowed in confusion, but after a moment, it hit you. You’d just given a cop a baked good.  

“At least it wasn’t a donut,” you quipped, despite your embarrassment. Beau still looked bemused, but he let you off the hook.

“That’s okay. I’ve never been known to turn down free food,” he assured.

“He really doesn’t,” Cassie confirmed. You noticed how she was waiting, arms crossed.

“Well, there you go! Sorry for keeping you,” you said.

“Not at all, darlin’,” said Beau. His smile had a charming gleam. “Nice to meet you.”

You quirked a smile back. “Wow, you are from Texas.”

You didn’t think you’d ever been called darlin’ in your life.

Beau’s good humor shifted into slight embarrassment himself.

“Sorry. I’ve been told to stop doing that,” he said. When he chuckled, you did along with him. You weren’t offended by it, just surprised by the old-fashioned endearment.

“It’s okay,” you said. “Nice to meet you too, Sheriff.”

You raised a hand in goodbye, and Beau returned it, watching you go. Meanwhile, Cassie watched him with a small smirk. He stepped down from the short platform in front of Emily’s tent to meet her.

“Were you just checking out Glamper Girl? In front of your daughter, no less,” Cassie remarked.

Beau shot her a look of denial. “I did no such thing. I’m a professional. And a gentleman, mind you.”

Cassie rose a brow at him. It stirred up a bit of his defensiveness. 

“But, I’ll have you know that Em had already moved on when I had a friendly conversation with the glamper,” he said.

Cassie rolled her eyes. Right.

That afternoon, you decided to bring your sketchpad and your modest collection of paints to the lake. You sat on the bank and tried to paint, while Mary joined the others in swimming.

“That looks nice,” Emily’s voice startled you from behind.

You twisted to look at her, and she gave you an apologetic look. She was dressed to go for a swim in a one-piece bathing suit and some shorts. She seemed more of a conservative dresser than typical high school girls her age. Maybe that had something to do with a policeman being her father, or maybe that was just her personality.

“Sorry,” she said, raising her hands.

“It’s okay.” You waved it off and gestured for her to sit beside you if she wanted. She did so, admiring your work over your shoulder. You felt a little embarrassed by it, but you didn’t mind her watching you try to paint ripples of light on the water.

“Are you an artist?” she asked.

You shot her a smile. “You’re very sweet, but no. I just started this year.”

You’d just Googled some therapeutic techniques instead of, you know, going to therapy. You just knew that if you did, your aunt would probably tell your parents, who would never let you hear the end of it. Specifically, why it was a waste of time. Your father especially would have something to say.

But one of the sources you found suggested trying out some creative outlets to calm the mind and think productively, but not create more stress for yourself. You’d tried a few different things, but landed on painting. It was working for you so far, even if you didn’t think you were that good.

“How do you like Montana so far?” you asked your companion. “Your dad told me you guys just moved here too, a few months ago.”

“Yeah, when my mom got remarried, my dad moved to stay close to me,” Emily explained.

Your brows raised. Your painting hand paused with the brush near the page.

“Well, that’s a good father,” you said. You smiled at the thought of Beau Arlen. The way he hugged his daughter before, like she was his entire world, and the fact that he’d moved entire states just to stay with her, told you a great deal about the town’s new sheriff.

Emily nodded, but her lips were pressed. “He’s a bit overprotective.”

“Well, he is a cop,” You said, smiling. “I assume that’s just part of the package.”

“I get that,” she said. “It’s just…a bit much sometimes.”

You gave her a sympathetic look. “I understand. My dad can be like that too. He’s got his soft moments, but he can be a real tough nut too… He’s a retired fireman.”

“Wow, that’s cool,” Emily said. She looked impressed. “Did you ever want to be a firefighter?”

You chuckled. “No, and he never wanted me to. It just wasn’t my beat, anyway.”

In the many years before your father had risen in the ranks to firehouse chief, your mother had often worried about him when he was on shift. Being a firefighter in inner-city Chicago had brought some hard and dangerous calls.

But you had always been more bookish, and both your parents were grateful for that.

You sighed. Your paintbrush made a stroke of deep green on the page, creating darker shades in the bottom of the lake.

“I did end up dating one though. Almost married him too,” you muttered, before you could stop yourself. You forgot you were talking to an insatiably curious girl.

“Really? What happened?” she asked. You looked over at her, and she was staring at you with her full attention. You remembered then that her podcast was supposed to be about relationships, but you had no desire to be a subject.

“It didn’t work out,” you said at last, and with difficulty.

“Why?” Emily asked.

Your internal struggle kept you quiet. It gave time for Emily to really see the withdrawn, almost pained look on your face, the slight hunch of your shoulders. She deflated guiltily.

“Uh, sorry,” she said.

You offered a small smile. “It’s okay, honey.”

“I’ll uh, just let you get back to painting,” she said. You waved her goodbye after she got up and left, giving you one last look before she joined her stepfather in the lake.

You let out a deep breath. The teen was tenacious, and naturally curious. That in itself wasn’t such a bad thing. But as you watched her splash at Avery, laughing that weightless laugh that kids got to have, you realized how much you missed being that young and free in your heart.

Again, out of habit, you set down your brush and rubbed at your empty left ring finger.

Mary finally joined you back in your shared tent after a long night of socializing by the fire. You had kept to the tent, reading Much Ado About Nothing for one of your classes that would start in the fall. It wasn’t your first time reading the Shakespeare play, by any means, but you did want to brush up on it.

“You know, you’re actually supposed to be vacationing on this vacation,” Mary pointed out. She started changing into her pajamas for bed. You were already cozy in one of your old college hoodies and some shorts, not to mention snuggled under the warm blankets.

“I am,” you said defensively. “I hiked, I painted, I ate no less than one burger, a basket of fries, and three smores, and now I’m reading.”

“Yeah, for school,” she pointed out. “I may not be as smart as you, but I know homework when I see it.”

You shot her a smile. “You’re plenty smart, M.”

She snorted and slipped into bed beside you. It felt like the sleepovers you two used to have in college, years ago, when she’d come to crash in your dorm, or you in hers. She’d been a philosophy major (despite not giving two shits about Socrates), forced to attend college by her parents. You were an English major, working three part-time jobs just to get you through until graduation.

“Hey,” she said, laying a hand on your shoulder. You turned to her in question. She seemed more serious than usual.

“I’m worried about you,” she said. “And I’m not the only one.”

You sighed. Lowering your book, you leaned back against your pillows and stared up at the tent’s fairy lights.

“I know,” you replied. “But you don’t need to be.”

“Yeah you keep saying that, but you know the real reason I’m here, right?” Mary asked. Her insistent hand on your arm made you meet her eyes.

“You don’t have to do this," she said. "You don’t have to move out here and leave everything behind. You should just come home with me. Your parents, our friends—everyone wants to be there for you, like we have all year.”

Your lips pursed, and you shook your head.

“I’m not going to change my mind. So if that’s really why you’re here, and not to just spend some time with me, as my friend, then you should just go home,” you said. “I’ll leave here and go to my aunt’s house. I’m sure your parents can negotiate some kind of refund.”

Mary got angry and huffy, just like you thought she would. You weren’t playing around though. This was your life, and your decision.

If your friends and your family couldn’t be happy for you, or at least understanding, then they could at least respect you. You just weren’t sure when they’d get the hint that this was real.

You were moving to Montana, permanently.

On the drive back into town from the camping site, Beau ate his chocolate chip muffin and tried his best to listen to Cassie—to her theories on where the backpacker might’ve gone, and how best to tell the parents to keep her on this investigation.

A good part of him was still thinking about his daughter, wishing he could be there with her right now. 

And maybe, his mind occasionally wandered…thinking about the pretty shade of your eyes when you smiled at him.

AN: And there we have it, Part 1 of a new series! If you liked it, please let me know! 🥰

And a special Happy Birthday to @jackles010378! 💖 I was going to say we're both Aries (mine is next month) but forgot Pisces comes first lol. ♓

Next Time:

The trees were tall and dark now. The moon was filtering through them like the sun had during other day hikes, but it was much more ominous at night.

“Shit,” you muttered. You gripped your flashlight in worry as panic started to well up in your chest.

Now you were lost.

You jumped with a start when the hoot of a bird passed by overhead.

Shiiiit. This was very bad.

You kept moving forward on what you thought was the trail. That was all you could do, keep moving forward. You made a few turns around some trees, occasionally calling out for Sunny, or Mary, or anyone to hear you.

▶️ Keep Reading: Part 2

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[publicusepuppy]

a big problem with dyke tumblr is that in those smutty text post scenarios the girl with the dick is always the aggressive dominant one, which is obviously not just transmisogynistic but boring. maybe those cis girls would actually get some of the “dyke cock” they keep desperately posting about if they pushed us around once in a while!!!!

[creative-soul-22]

I watched all 3 Night at the Museum movies!

1. I liked all 3 movies, they were all good!

2. They were all really funny, I laughed a lot!

- Favourite movie:

Hard to tell, but I maybe the second one. Yeah I guess I liked that one best.

- Favourite Character(s):

Jedediah! He's such a cool cowboy and such a buddy you could hang out and really have a good time with him. He's def the one who invites his friends to the saloon (imagine him and Octavius at the Saloon). And of course, I know he hates it (sorry, Jed) he's tiny and cute and I would totally cuddle and kiss him and adore him because he's a small figurine! (@professional-termite would snatch him and run away because tinyyyyy boiiii)

Very close second is Akmenrah! He is a very distinguished, elegant son of a pharao and he is really kindhearted. I like him.

Teddy Rosewelt! He is so caring and such a father to everyone it's heartmelting. Robin Williams, may he rest in peace, was the perfect cast for him because, well, that's how I always saw Robin Williams. As a loving, caring father who encourages others and wants to make everyone feel special and who is there for others when they have a problem (maybe because he was always casted for these roles?).

- Favourite relationship(s):

Larry's and Jedediah's friendship! They are such bros and they really care for each other, it's so cute!

Jedediah's and Octavius' friendship! I know you ship them, and I totally understand why. I see it. But for me it's more like Jed and Octavius ARE a little in love with each other, and maybe would want to make out BUT also don't want to change their relationship so they decide to be bros. It's bromance. Brotherhood with a romantic touch (That's just how I see it please don't kill me!!!).

The exhibits and Larry growing to a big found family!

- What I liked:

The opening scene of Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb

How natm 3 adressed the "returndiscussion" (as we call it in Germany). It might never went beneath the surface (which is indeed a bit of a pity but it's okay), but still it adressed and paid attention to it. And that's important because this has become a thing for museums nowadays (gonna put this in a seperate post for further discussion/explanation)

The whole lore/story arch about the tablet

Jed and Octavius in Pompeii (I just wish it wouldn't have been by the time it went down because they were finally in a place in the right size for them and they would have really enjoyed Roman citylife, especially Octavius, he almost felt home there)

The opening show for the new planetarium because it's magical (I just wish it wouldn't have been interrupted by the tablet loosing it's magic causing everyone to glitch)

Amelia Earheart's adventurous spirit (she's just an AU Giselle, not only, but mostly because it's Amy Adams)

Abraham Lincoln (I wish he and Teddy had met!)

Dick van Dyke! It's always a pleasure seeing him so this was a nice surprise. Pretty sure it was the best day of their life for the residents of the retirement home when Dick van Dyke came in to dance with them to "Shake your booty".

Everytime Dexter was cute with Larry or anyone else (hugs!!)

Akmenrah's mum, she is pretty

Ben Kingsley playing Akmenrah's dad (that wasn't the only time Ben played a pharao, right? He played a pharao in another movie? Can't put my finger on it rn)

Akmenrah being together with mumy and daddy after 4,000 (?) years

All 3 movies ending with a party - creates a full circle

The Night at the Museum main theme (epic!)

The little bird-thingy before the xiangliu (forgot it's name but it's cute)

Somebody listening to Abba's Dancing Queen on the bus

Jed and Octavius using the internet/phones (the machine for the comments! Commentmachine!)

- What I didn't like:

Everytime Dexter was peeing on somebody/something (Ewwww!)

Everytime Dexter was mischivious

The way the museum director was depicted (seriously, what was that? Messiest character arch ever - if there even WAS a character arch?)

The solution to the problem with the tablet (for real guys that thing looses it's magic and all it takes to fix is to put it in MOONLIGHT?! Okay then how about you put it on the roof of the museum like a solar panel so it can charge like a glow in the dark sticker everytime the moon shines on a starry night?)

The museum director holding the tablet at the end of natm 3 whilst grinning like Dexter (seriously, after what we've seen from him, he knows what the tablet can do - which is no longer in HIS museum - and you're telling me he's not up to SOMETHING?? I'm not buying it.)

The tablet staying in the British Museum (I know they want Akmenrah and his parents to be together and I really like it BUT how do you explain this to the Museum? "Oh, we're leaving the mummy and it's tablet here, you know, the mummy's their son so we think it's nice for the family to be united. They might be very precious artefacts but we'll present them to you. You can have them.")

The ceremony being interrupted by the corroding tablet which caused the exhibits to glitch (this was the ONLY! moment of glory for Larry and the exhibits in public and it turned into a disaster - heartless filmmakers!)

Tilly's and Larry's cringey talk when we first meet her (annoying! Also, her name is Tilly... Jennifer Tilly namedrop here!)

Jed being picked up like a kitten (ruuuude!! And humilliating!)

- What I found hilarious:

The notion of dinosaurs just being doggos who want to catch sticks might not be historically accurat but it's totally funny

The cuts everytime Jed and/or Octavius did something epic to demonstrate how small they actually are (although it's a bit rude)

Octavius in the pillory and Jed watching it like "ooh"😎 by the time the sun has come up so they stand there until the sun goes down

Abraham Lincoln snatching Kamunrah's army as if they were pigeons and them disapearing to where they came from just like "Nah. We're out."

Jed in the cage like a little birdy (although I feel sorry for him but he looks just like a little titmouse in there - yeah, @professional-termite : snatched again!!)

[dognonsense]

Okay, ask time! I found a handful of pins (from when I liked Hamilton yikes) and I’m thinking about covering them up with new designs. Have any ideas?

Oof i have the same problem i have like ten blank white pins i need to paint haha!

Heres the list of ideas on my phone

Badge ideas

SEX

NUT

CUM

BOOB

PISS

BONG

WEED

DAB

TRANS

GAY

DYKE

DICK

I like making little badges with single words

trans symbol thats the circle with the lines and triangles coming off it. Its big on the knee of my pink patch pants in my pinned post.

hazard symbol, radioactive, biohazard warning. They always look like sick symbols

those r some ideas

[the100thballoon]

at my old house, on a small cul-de-sac right off the main road we always got our lawn mowed by this old man (not dissimilar to dick van dyke) who lived a few minutes down that main road. the main road was named after his family, and he was the only one still left in the area. my family discovered, after several years of confusion, that he was dating the lady whose elderly mother lived behind us. (also, he had beef with our other elderly neighbor, a retired police detective who was also named rich. the problem, apparently, was that rich the detective started getting his lawn mowed by someone other than rich the lawn guy, and this was Highly Problematic and Deeply Offensive.)

anyway. rich the lawn guy, legend that he was, lived on a VERY rundown little lot, and yes, lot is the only possible correct word for his little space. he had actually purchased his lot as well as the one next to it and the one behind it, and then proceeded to do absolutely nothing with it except store his heavy duty equipment and a lot of inexplicable stacks of logs. his house did not have siding, as was typical of the homes in our area. at least, not normal siding. the best way to describe it is driftwood? it looked like driftwood, exactly the kind of house you would expect of a retired sailor with leathery wrinkled skin. he was never, to my knowledge, a sailor. he did speak fondly of riding his motorcycle through cornfields while the police chased him. occasionally we would be driving home from taco bell and pass rich the lawn guy, who might be puttering down the road in a skidsteer, ford pickup, or bicycle- whatever had struck his fancy. rich the lawn guy was a character, and his house matched.

we didn't have an HOA in my area, as far as i know, since we were weirdly situated, ten minutes from an ivy-league college town where it costs approximately ten zillion dollars to park on the street for an hour, and ten minutes in the other direction from the state capital, which is also the kind of town where you could watch drug deals happen on the sidewalk in front of the library. our mail would have any one of up to six different town names. so given the location of our cul-de-sac, we didn't have an HOA.

but we did have the township, and it was committed to doing its job. they saw rich the lawn guy with his piles of logs, giant mysterious hill covered in patchy sod, and three to five burnt-orange cat heavy duty vehicles. my mother still speaks of the time she looked in her rearview and saw rich the lawn guy driving a frontloader. rich the lawn guy's property did not, to my knowledge, have a frontloader.

suffice it to say, the township did not like rich the lawn guy. specifically, they were not big fans of his driftwood house. they sent him a letter telling him to Paint It Or Else.

rich the lawn guy painted his house.

he gave it a clear coat.

the township did not try again. rich the lawn guy had won, and now he lived in a slightly reflective driftwood house.

[lycanstonebutch]

Thinking of writing another butch4butch post bcuz uhh im thinkin thinkin lately

Femmes and butches can both get it im a werewolf w/ a very big heart

[lokigodofaces]

Y’all I had this dream where for some reason at the end of Loki Variant!Loki decided he had to save Main!Loki. It was because Loki was the only one that could save the main universe from something along the road, but it would get messy for some reason if Variant!Loki came to deal with it. So V!Loki decided to save M!Loki from dying at the hands of Thanos, but he had to do it in a way that would work seemlessly and not make too big of a time mess.

So V!Loki studied the events leading up to M!Loki’s death and was trying to figure out what to do when Mobius said that if M!Loki didn’t die it would cause all these problems because then Infinity War and Endgame wouldn’t play out right. Basically, things would go differently if Loki was there with Thor. So now V!Loki has to figure this out because he has to make sure IW and EG go about the same while saving M!Loki. 

So V!Loki decides to take M!Loki’s place. Sometime in between the destruction of Asgard and Thanos’ attack on the Statesman, V!Loki swaps M!Loki out for himself. Logically, I think a good place would be right before/after the scene where Thor and Loki see each other for the first time on the Statesman, and Loki shows that he is actually there and it isn’t an illusion. But that wasn’t included in my dream, that’s just me now thinking that would be a good time to make the switcheroo. 

So V!Loki kidnaps M!Loki and takes M!Loki’s place, and is killed by Thanos while keeping a stunning act up. No one thought he wasn’t the right Loki. Which is perfect. Obviously, V!Loki had to do something about M!Loki. Otherwise, M!Loki would go to Earth or wherever either during IW or after IW but before EG (depends travel time), which would change events. And V!Loki has a plan to keep M!Loki out of trouble until it is safe for him to come out. He has to take M!Loki off of the Statesman because otherwise M!Loki could die in the Power Stone incited explosion in IW. 

So V!Loki uses magic to knock out M!Loki who is not expecting to be attacked magically at all. Plus, V!Loki uses a type of magic that the Lokis are vulnerable to (I’m sorry, my dream did not explain magic lore lol) so M!Loki was basically screwed. V!Loki also put a spell on M!Loki that stopped him from using magic, just in case. So V!Loki is about to drag M!Loki off of the Statesman and to Chronyca. But then Hulk wanted to talk to Loki so V!Loki has to shove M!Loki into a space closet (that for some reason looked like the closet in Tangled? Just more futuristic and different colors.) Hulk was nice and said he didn’t want to smash Loki which was actually pretty sweet and V!Loki was thanking anyone that was listening because he’s from 2012 and had just barely been Hulk smashed. 

Hulk leaves, but M!Loki wakes up and is opening the closet door (I’m just realizing now that he was really now out for long). So V!Loki shapeshifts into some other form (he looked like an old man, kind of like Dick van Dyke in Night at the Museum) because it would be a little problematic if M!Loki knew he was being kidnapped by himself. M!Loki knew that he couldn’t use his magic, and he knew that he was kinda screwed, but he wasn’t going down without a fight. He tried to manipulate V!Loki into a position that would give M!Loki an advantage, but he didn’t realize he was literally trying to manipulate himself. Which didn’t work out so well for him. Anyway, after a little knife skirmish and failed attempt to get help, M!Loki is once again knocked out by V!Loki. 

V!Loki skedaddles out of there, unconscious M!Loki in tow. V!Loki does more magic every once in a while to keep M!Loki asleep because dude just burns through magic sedation apparently. So V!Loki is stuck looking like Dick van Dyke, just in case M!Loki wakes up and sees him. At this point M!Loki is restrained because you can’t just not restrain him if you are kidnapping him. He isn’t an idiot, he’s ready to fight his kidnapper, and even if he could just mess with a couple buttons he could sabotage the ship. Better safe than sorry. After a while, V!Loki gets tired of constantly magically sedating M!Loki. He’s tied up, can’t do magic, and V!Loki has the advantage because M!Loki doesn’t know it’s another version of himself that is kidnapping himself. So he’s not too worried about M!Loki being awake while tied up (and blindfolded? He might have been though I’m not sure anymore). So M!Loki tries to get information off of his kidnapper but V!Loki just says that he needs M!Loki’s help with something, which isn’t actually a lie, he does need help with, oh, you know, saving the universe. So M!Loki is freaking out because nothing has happened like this since Thanos. He knows that unless something big changes he isn’t going to be able to escape and if this guy needs his help, he could be willing to torture him for it. He’s already kidnapped him and disabled Loki’s magic, who knows what else will happen. M!Loki says something about Thor because M!Loki had already established that he was sticking around, and now he’s gone. So he’s hoping that Thor won’t just think M!Loki ran off or whatever and will actually be concerned and know there’s a problem, but he’s honestly not so sure about that. And then V!Loki says that won’t be a problem, meaning that he can just use time travel to go back to the second after he leaves, so it’ll be like he never left. M!Loki takes this to mean that something happened to the remaining Asgardians and is worried about that. So now he’s freaking out over what he thinks happened to Thor and what he thinks will happen to him.

And M!Loki is pretty good and concealing his emotions and makes it look like he’s just a little fidgety because he’s tied up, but V!Loki sees the signs because he too would do something similar in that situation. So he’s feeling bad because this alternate future version of himself is on the brink of a panic attack and he is 99% this has something to do with Thanos, one of the experiences the two Lokis share, so he knows what M!Loki must be feeling. But V!Loki knows this is necessary so he deals with it. 

So they get to Chronyca. Chronyca is home of the chronicons, a race that observes and studies other races but never interferes, unless it is to prevent an extinction level threat (we see them in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.). So the chronicons are pretty suspicious about this random Dick van Dyke dude that shows up. V!Loki leaves M!Loki tied up in the ship and goes to the chronicons and turns back into V!Loki and has some TVA device that shows them what will happen if M!Loki dies and explains his plan to the chronicons. Seeing as this is preventing an extinction level threat of many peoples, the chronicons agree to help. 

V!Loki shapeshifts back to Dick van Dyke lookalike and goes onto the ship where M!Loki is (I’m pretty sure M!Loki was blindfolded now, but V!Loki still is shapeshifted in front of him just in case) and tells M!Loki something along the lines of everything being alright, and that M!Loki doesn’t have to panic. Well, as you can imagine, M!Loki doesn’t take this well. How would you react if you were kidnapped and your kidnapper said that it would be okay and that you don’t need to panic? Thinking that he’s going to go through a Thanos-like experience again, he promises that he’ll fight back and won’t be compliant. V!Loki says that he respects that and that M!Loki better tell anyone else that kidnaps him in the future the same thing. V!Loki knows about Thanos and still isn’t sure how he’d react in a similar situation because it had just barely happened to him whereas M!Loki has had years to sorta recover. V!Loki knocks M!Loki out to get him off the ship, but figures that M!Loki will wake up one more time before the next stage of the plan is put into action. 

The chronicons put M!Loki inside a chamber they use to send chronicons to distant planets they observe, which can double as a cryofreeze chamber (like in AoS). V!Loki takes the spell off M!Loki that stops him from using his powers. The chronicons strap M!Loki inside the chamber, tying him down, and V!Loki then enchants the straps to stop M!Loki from using magic. V!Loki waits until M!Loki wakes up, startled by the change of setting, no longer blindfolded. M!Loki is full on panicking now because this is the same position he was in when Thanos first tortured him, and V!Loki knows this and feels so bad that he is putting another version of himself through a panic attack. V!Loki uses magic to calm M!Loki’s mind and gives his final farewells. Tells him good luck, apologizes for this mess, and tells him that everything will be alright, and that the chronicons will keep him safe. Then he closes the chamber and turns the cryofreeze on, and in a few seconds M!Loki is in a coma. 

The chronicons promise to keep M!Loki safe until it is safe for him to be awakened. They set a timer on the chamber for six or seven years, and when the timer runs out the chamber will turn off and M!Loki will be awakened. It is possible that M!Loki will be snapped away by Thanos, but as long as they keep the chamber in the same position it was in whenn M!Loki was snapped, he would return there in five years and everything would be fine. The plan was to drop M!Loki off somewhere away from Chronyca with resources (food, water, ship, fuel) to get somewhere else. There would be a few chronicons to make sure everything went well and that he gets out safely. And if M!Loki does spot them, they’d tell him that in order to prevent extinctions they would at times interfere, and that a time travelling friend told them of a threat only Loki could stop, but he couldn’t stop if he was killed by Thanos. So the time traveler took Loki’s place to save him from Thanos and save the universe. 

And then he has to learn about IW and EG and he feels bad that he couldn’t do more but it wasn’t his fault and he feels bad that someone died for him but it wasn’t like he was given a choice. So then he has to go find Thor because he doesn’t think anyone else could possibly believe him (even with a message from V!Loki in the van Dyke disguise explaining the plan) and that’s how Loki ends up in Love and Thunder.

Like, absolutely crazy plot going on here, and I doubt it would ever happen in the MCU, but it would be cool.

[magniloquent-raven]

I love your trans-billy! I need more <3

AW OMG IM SO FLATTERED!! it was just a little vent fic tbh, but i have been wanting to write more trans billy because the fandom needs more of it, so here is a part two!

(read part one here)

(i do get into billy’s childhood a little bit in this part, so cw: child abuse mentions)

--

seems like billy's whole damn life is just a series of stupid choices and him dealing with the consequences of his own impulsiveness.

started young and never stopped. when he was six he chopped off all his hair in the school bathroom right before class photos. didn't even consider what would happen when he walked out of that room, he just felt wrong and wanted to fix it.

he had to walk around for months with a patchy hack-job because neil refused to pay to get it fixed. his mom said she'd try to make it better but billy wouldn't let her touch it. he was afraid she'd try to make him pretty again. undo all his hard work.

after that it was easier to sneak into groups of boys unnoticed, like the kids three streets down who were always playing basketball in the empty parking lot. they'd turned him away before, took one look at him and sneered that a girl couldn't keep up.

but after he put on a pair of too-big cargo shorts he stole off the neighbours clothes' line, and a t-shirt he'd hacked the sleeves off of, with his newly shorn hair all they did was make fun of him for looking poor. but they let him play.

months later, they hadn't caught on, even though his hair was growing out, and he wore the same clothes every time he saw them. he was starting to get nervous about being discovered.

what he didn't expect was neil discovering him first.

it was the first time his dad really hit him. more than just grabbing his arm, or shoving him a little. the first time he left scars.

he said if billy wanted to act like a boy, he'd get taught like one.

and life was a constant battle after that. even when he had his mother in his corner, it was usually a losing one. after she left there was barely any point in fighting at all, but he could never seem to stop entirely.

not when this was, according to his father's standards, what it takes to be a man.

but in trying to prove himself, he ended up in some fucked up places.

on the floor in his bedroom, his back torn open and the sharp crack of a belt ringing in his ears, still refusing to admit that tearing up the dress his nana made him wasn't an accident.

under the bleachers, blowing a guy who called him a dyke one too many times. then leaving him with his pants down and a broken nose 'cause he wouldn't stop trying for more than that.

waking up in a hospital bed, eighteen years old and wondering why he's still alive. being told it's a miracle. being told he was heroic. saved some little girl. got his name in the paper.

four months later taking a bus to chicago, picking out a new name on the way and never looking back.

and he might be living a whole new life here, but that doesn't mean he left all his stupid back in california.

it's been a week since he spent an afternoon half-conscious in steve's arms, and things have been disturbingly normal between them. steve hasn't asked any weird questions, or commented on billy being pathetic and needy, or acted like things have changed.

they haven't talked about any of it, and it's making billy nervous.

he's not sure what he thought would happen when he asked steve to hold him, to stay, he wasn't thinking at all, really, so now he's gotta deal with that.

problem is, he hasn't been dealing well. he's been dodging steve's calls. he's been jumpy, freezing up when steve comes anywhere near him.

which, he's come to notice, he does a lot. always sitting next to billy when they hang out in groups, always brushing past a little closer than necessary when he slips by him to leave the room.

and now. steve's insinuated himself into billy's evening, showing up unannounced with beer and a blindingly cheerful grin, sitting next thigh-to-thigh on the lumpy love-seat. and. billy's grinding his teeth. pretending to pay attention to the tv and not steve's warm leg pressed to his knee.

touching steve has always been a special kind of glorious agony, but now. now it's all that and week-old memories of soft lips brushing his forehead, remembering what it was like to wake up in his arms, feeling dizzy with warmth and want and...

steve's knee shifts, presses firmer against his, and billy can't take it anymore.

"alright, that's it!" he's on his feet, fists balled at his side, steve blinking up at him with his big dumb precious doe-eyes, and he trembles like an indignant cat. "the hell is up with you, harrington?" he snaps, pointing an accusing finger.

steve stares at him, mouth agape. "...um. nothing?" his cheeks are pink, and billy wants so badly to kiss him 'til he blushes everywhere.

he swallows hard, and crosses his arms. "c'mon, man, don't lie to me. it's been a week—" his voice falters, but he sets his jaw, tilts his chin like a challenge.

when he woke up that night, steve drooling on his shoulder, arm securely around his waist, he panicked. he shoved steve off of him, and they spent the next twenty minutes in tense, awkward silence while billy cleaned up and ignored steve. steve, who stayed, ordered a pizza, payed for it, and then left without eating a single slice.

and then.

nothing.

for a goddamn week. hanging out like nothing happened.

"i—" steve chokes on air, breaking eye-contact. "i mean. i didn't think you—" he's sinking in on himself, retreating into the couch, his gaze wandering the room listlessly. billy would feel bad if he wasn't so amped up on nervous energy, thrumming with adrenaline, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "i'm sorry."

billy blinks. "you're sorry."

"yeah?" steve glances at him, but only for a second before he ducks his head. he picks at his nails, frowning at his own hands in his lap. "i...i can go, i...sorry if i made things weird."

"if you...made things...weird," billy repeats, slowly. like it'll make any more sense coming from his own mouth.

it doesn't.

he deflates a little. steve looks up at him, expression pinched, bemused.

"are you just gonna repeat everything i say, or...?"

"harrington, i swear to god," billy grits out, "start making sense, or fuck off."

at least billy understands what's happening when guys sneer and leave after they find out the only dick they'll ever get from him is made of silicone. this clusterfuck is just...hurting his brain.

steve opens and closes his mouth soundlessly. "um..." he runs a restless hand through his hair. "i thought...you know...i got a little too, um. affectionate. last week. and you seemed so freaked out when you woke up, i...figured we could just, like, move on. act like nothing happened. 'cause it'd be easier?"

"what."

"but clearly that wasn't it—" he cuts himself off, and sags, groaning, head falling into his hands. "shit, i'm an idiot. billy, i'm so dumb, i'm so sorry. you were worried about how i'd react to. um." he pauses. gestures towards billy's crotch. "right?"

billy flushes. "i wasn't—can you stop pointing at it, jesus christ. i wasn't worried. i was just..." he trails off and bites his lip. shifts his weight around awkwardly. he's usually so much better at thinking on his feet, but fucking hell is he so off-balance right now. too thrown off to even come up with a little white lie.  

steve drops his hand, looking sheepish. "look, i...you never said anything, so i didn't mention it either. i'm not...it isn't any of my business if you don't want it to be."

"...do you want it to be?" billy's heart is in his mouth as he says it, pulse stuttering, tripping over itself.

"i—" steve's eyes widen. they stare at each other for a beat. the moment stretches, the drone of the tv in the background the only noise in the apartment. "are you asking what i think you're asking? because i don't want to assume and—" he trails off with a strangled noise when billy steps forward and climbs into his lap.

he's barely touching him, knees brushing his hips, sitting mid-thigh, keeping his hands to himself. but it still feels...intimate. steve's gaze heavy on him, inches away. knowing that if he put his hand on steve's chest he'd feel his heart racing.

"i'm asking," billy says quietly.

he sees this kiss coming and yet he still doesn't expect it. doesn't expect to be touched so softly, his face cradled like something precious. doesn't expect the way his stomach swoops, heart clenching, tense for a second before something warm blooms in his chest.

when he curls his fingers into the front of steve's shirt he does, in fact, feel his heart racing.

[aunti-christ-ine]

‘Love Boat,’ ‘Mary Tyler Moore’ star Gavin MacLeod dies at 90

By Associated Press 

| May 29, 2021 at 2:44 PM CDT - Updated May 29 at 5:15 PM 

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Gavin MacLeod, the veteran supporting actor who achieved fame as sardonic TV news writer Murray Slaughter on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” and stardom playing cheerful Capt. Stubing on “The Love Boat,” has died. He was 90. 

MacLeod died early Saturday at his home in Palm Desert, California, said Stephanie Steele Zalin, his stepdaughter. She attributed his death to his age, saying he had been well until very recently. 

“He had one of the most amazing, fun blasts of a life of anybody I know. He enjoyed every minute of it,” Steele Zalin said. “I don’t even think in his wildest dreams he dreamt of the life that he ended up having and creating.” 

She called him the “best, sweetest, purest guy.” 

Ed Asner, who played opposite MacLeod on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” said on Twitter that “my heart is broken. Gavin was my brother, my partner in crime (and food) and my comic conspirator.” 

Known to sitcom fans for his bald head and wide smile, MacLeod toiled in near anonymity for more than a decade, appearing on dozens of TV shows and in several movies before landing the part of Murray in 1970. 

He had originally tested for Moore’s TV boss, Lou Grant, the role that went to Asner. Realizing he wasn’t right for playing the blustery, short-tempered TV newsroom leader, MacLeod asked if he could try instead for the wisecracking TV news writer, his jokes often at the expense of the dimwitted anchorman Ted Baxter. 

“The Mary Tyler Moore Show” was a smash from the start and remains a classic of situation comedies. It produced two spinoffs, “Rhoda” and “Phyllis,” starring Valerie Harper and Cloris Leachman, respectively, who had portrayed Mary’s neighbors. 

It was still top-rated when Moore, who played news producer Mary Richards, decided to end it after seven seasons. 

MacLeod moved on to “The Love Boat,” a romantic comedy in which guest stars, ranging from Gene Kelly to Janet Jackson, would come aboard for a cruise and fall in love with one another. 

Although scorned by critics, the series proved immensely popular, lasting 11 seasons and spinning off several TV movies, including two in which MacLeod remained at the cruise ship’s helm. It also resulted in his being hired as a TV pitchman for Princess Cruise Lines. 

“The critics hated it. They called it mindless TV, but we became goodwill ambassadors,” he told the Los Angeles Times in 2013. 

Among his final TV credits were “Touched by An Angel,” “JAG” and “The King of Queens.” 

MacLeod’s lighthearted screen persona was in contrast to his private life. In his 2013 memoir, “This Is Your Captain Speaking,” MacLeod acknowledged that he had struggled with alcoholism in the 1960s and 1970s. He also wrote that losing his hair at an early age made it hard for him to find work as an actor. 

“I went all over town looking for an agent, but no one was interested in representing a young man with a bald head,” he wrote. “I knew what I needed to do. I needed to buy myself a hairpiece.” A toupee changed his luck “pretty quickly.” By middle age, he didn’t need the toupee. 

In a 2013 interview with The Associated Press, MacLeod frequently invoked the word “grateful” as he reflected on his born-again Christian faith, surviving two heart attacks and his robust life. 

“That’s a big word in my life. I’m just so grateful I’ve had another day, another day, another day, and that my kids are doing so well,” he said. 

MacLeod, whose given name was Allan See, took his first name from a French movie and his last from a drama teacher at New York’s Ithaca College who had encouraged him to pursue an acting career. 

After college, the native of Mount Kisco, New York, became a supporting player in “A Hatful of Rain” and other Broadway plays, and in such films as “I Want to Live!” and “Operation Petticoat.” 

He made guest appearances on TV shows throughout the 1960s, including “Hogan’s Heroes,” “Hawaii Five-O” and “The Dick Van Dyke Show.” He also appeared on “McHale’s Navy” from 1962 to 1964 as seaman Joseph “Happy” Haines. 

The reason MacLeod reluctantly signed up for the 42 weeks of guaranteed work on McHale’s Navy was because he was anxious about how he was going to make the payments on his new house in Granada Hills .

“I had like two lines a week … I started to feel sorry for myself, I started to drink and I became very, very unhappy,” he said in the TV Archive interview. “As an actor I felt I was going down the tubes.”

MacLeod said he put his foot on the brakes moments before driving his car off a cliff near Mulholland Drive.

He implored producer Eddie Montagne to let him off the show. “And then Robert Wise called me to do The Sand Pebbles in China with my old friend, Steve McQueen,” he said. “So my career started again, I had an identity, and I started to feel good about myself.”

One major role he auditioned for: Archie Bunker in “All in the Family.” But he quickly realized that the character, immortalized by Carol O’Conner, was wrong for him. “Immediately I thought, ‘This is not the script for me. The character is too much of a bigot.’ I can’t say these things,” MacLeod wrote in his memoir. 

Other movie credits included “Kelly’s Heroes,” “The Sand Pebbles” and “The Sword of Ali Baba.” 

MacLeod had four children with his first wife, Joan Rootvik, whom he divorced in 1972. He was the son of an alcoholic, and his drinking problems helped lead to a second divorce, to actor-dancer Patti Steele. After MacLeod quit drinking, he and Steele remarried in 1985. 

Raised Catholic, he credited Steele for their shared born-again faith. The couple hosted a Christian radio show called “Back on Course: A Ministry for Marriages.” 

Besides his wife, MacLeod’s survivors include his children, three stepchildren, 10 grandchildren and his first great-grandchild, who arrived in December, Steele Zalin said. 

___

The late AP Entertainment Writer Bob Thomas contributed biographical material to this story. 

Copyright 2021 Associated Press. All rights reserved. 

Enjoy!  ↓ 

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[adultswim2021]

Ephemera Week (2002)

It’s still ephemera week, and we’re still talking about John K. I said most of my piece on him in the last post, so don’t expect there to go full bore on this one, except I forgot to say he’s animation’s Jerry Lewis. His current stuff is basically Hardly Working. I will not elaborate, because I’m being mean to you0.

MARCH SPECIALS!

In March, Adult Swim advertised a run of one-off specials. A couple of them were already covered because they fell under the parameters of “Adult Swim original production”. They were Welcome to Eltingville (March 3rd) and Saddle Rash (March 24th).

Day in the Life of Ranger Smith | March 10th 2002 - 11:00 PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

This was one of two specials commissioned by Cartoon Network re-imagining Yogi Bear. The artist what took this assignment was John K, who I REEEAALLY skewered in last night’s post, didn’t I?

This is about Ranger Smith harassing animals and writing them up for violating park rules, basically. It’s short! I remember liking it at the time! Okay, maybe I’m going crazy here, but I distinctly remembered a part at the end where Ranger Smith is in bed and he solemnly confides in the viewer that the noises of wilderness give him nightmares and then it just ends. Did I imagine this? It does end with him in bed, but this doesn’t happen in the version on YouTube (which is from the Adult Swim airing). Huh.

Boo Boo Runs Wild | March 10th 2002 - 11:15PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

Boo Boo Runs Wild was another one of these stand-alone Yogi Bear John K specials. This one was 30 minutes long. The Ranger Smith short was a brief 7 minutes; I’m guessing they aired a couple Capt. Lingers or something to fill time.

This one is about Boo Boo reverting to his feral nature and causing BIIIIG problems! This special would later go on to be kind of a weird trolling thing Adult Swim would do where they aired it every Sunday for a few months, even promoting regularly. This was like 2006, I think? They’d also air it as part of April Fools. Is that Adult Swim admitting this special sorta sucks? Does it sorta suck? Again, I liked these at the time and REFUSED to actively rewatch these for this write-up. Sorry.

The Jetsons: Father and Son Day/The Best Son | March 10th, 2002 11:45PM (Originally aired on CartoonNetwork.com in 2001) Our John K rock block ends with a pair of Jetsons shorts, Father and Son Day and The Best Son respectively. This is kinda the same deal as his Yogi Bear shorts, but these were exclusive for Cartoon Network’s website. I remember watching them on there. They are as bad as you’d expect late-period John K internet shorts to be, though the second short is a superior version of Spielberg’s A.I. (in that it’s shorter).

Night of the Living Doo | March 17th, 2002 - 11:00PM (originally aired on Cartoon Network, 2001)

Night of the Living Doo originally aired as wraparound segments during a Halloween Scooby Doo marathon on Cartoon Network. It’s kinda like an episode of the Scooby Doo Movies, which shoehorned in a guest star each episode. Suddenly my man Dick Van Dyke be running a carnival and shit. That’s the Scooby Doo Movies. At the end of the night they played all the wraparound segments in one uninterrupted sitting, so the viewer could appreciate it as an actual full-on Scooby Doo episode. Night of the Living Doo functioned both as an extension of that series as well as a parody. The guests were Gary Coleman, David Cross, and the very cool band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. It was all very self-deprecating and had jokes about the absurdity of Scooby Doo tropes. Well trod territory by this point, sure. But this is better than most irreverent Scooby Doo things. It didn’t hurt that I was a HUGE David Cross fan when this aired. Is this where I tell the stupid-ass story about getting mad at a message board guy for not liking David Cross? Sure. Okay, yeah. When this aired on Adult Swim a guy on Kon’s (hi Kon) message board posted something about not finding David Cross funny, shrugging that he didn’t get the hype. He cited this and his appearances in the Men in Black movies, and nothing else as proof for his lackluster comedy skills. It’s kinda like deeming Eddie Murphy as a bad comedian after watching Dr. Doolittle.

The point of this special is that David Cross is a little wooden and stilted, like in the old Scooby Doo Movies episodes. This poster revealed that he never heard David Cross’s stand-up or seen Mr. Show, explaining “I don’t watch puppet shows” A response that still baffles me to this day. Why Mr. Show isn’t a-- WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? I’m not even sure if there was EVER a puppet on Mr. Show*. David wasn’t even a guest on Crank Yankers at this point! SO WHAT THE FUCK? To this day whenever mutual pals from that board get together and watch a movie or show and a puppet appears we make a joke about this guy. Good story? No? Fuck you.

Other stuff about this show: When it originally aired on Cartoon Network it was a little bit longer than the Adult Swim version. There’s a missing scene. I think it’s David trying to play an improv game with a mummy or something. At one point I had it on tape, but I’m not sure I kept it. Sorry.

*sorry to be coy here, but I do know of at least one puppet on Mr. Show, episode 204 there is brief footage of Grass Valley Greg putting on a puppet show for his staff. This CAN’T be the source of the confusion, can it? It’s literally like, 5 seconds.

MAIL BAG

This’ll teach me to skip a day cuz this really piled up. Thanks, guys. I love all the attention. It is my favorite thing.

I never really saw oblongs as something for the hot topic set. They had Invader Zim and Squee for that kind of shit. Oblongs feel like it was always directly targeting me: the shut-in comedy nerd who would appreciate will ferrell and the sklars being in a thing. Since they ended up doing the exact same show with Janeane Garofalo and David Cross a few years later it seems like that was the goal.

Yeah, I guess that also makes sense. There were a few elements that were kinda gothy but this show was mostly just Angus Oblong ahem, clowning around (puckering mouth to stifle laughter like Chris Elliott in Cabin Boy)

What are your thoughts on the other adult animation blocks of the past couple decades? Spike's notriously failed attempt. Animation Domination. Apparently Syfy has had their own going?

Spike was irredeemably bad. People think this shit is easy. Animation Domination is sorta legit, but it’s anchored by mostly crap. That ADHD thing was kinda good and underrated. Is that still going on? I wish I were more diligent about watching/recording that. Some of them bumpers were good. Also, we mustn’t forget MTV’s oddities. They were kinda the first cable network to court Adult Animation as their thing. They deserve some kind of credit for that. I’m sure they’re doing fine.

I'm having a nice big thing of spaghetti for dinner with some chicken parm? Jealous?

I’ve never had those are they good

What does Ephemera mean? Why is this happenening? Why aren't you talking about 10 Home Movies episodes in a row like a good boy.

In dude time, my friend. In dude time

What would be your Adult Swim dream come true?

Having a complete archive of Adult Swim blocks on a harddrive like Don Giller has with his Letterman archive. Even the commercials and shit. I know of a guy who was a regular taper of the entire block from night 1 but I’m not sure he kept up with it when they went nightly. I should ask him if he still has his tapes, huh?

That or they bring back the BUILD YOUR OWN DVD thing but with blu-rays and you can make your own bumps, which was a different thing they had. THEY SHOULD COMBINE THEM. And you can master it in SD if you wanna put 10 hours of stuff on a disk.

All this is archival bullshit dork shit. Real answer: Clay Croker comes back from the dead and every block is hosted by Space Ghost. That’d be it, right?

If anyone has genuine/better answers please write in with them I wanna keep this conversation going. ‘kay?

McDonalds reintroduces limited edition Adult Swim Toys. You can get them all (plus an extra to keep wrapped for collectors purposes) but you have to spend 20 dollars at McDonalds to grab them all. This is the last day of the promotion. You have to personally eat everything you buy but you can take it home. You can only buy one of each food item. What are you getting? I know the longer the mailbag message is the quicker you are inclined to give some glib remark but indulge this one for once.

Oh wow. I’m literally going to take this seriously. I’d roll in as breakfast was ending. Get myself a McChicken Biscuit and a Bacon Egg & Cheese McGriddle, hashbrowns and a Coffee. Gobble that knob on down. Wipe my mouth with a napkin. It’s lunchtime, bitch. Big Mac, Large Fries, BIG ass soda. You feel me, dude? Lemme tally up. Okay, probably need more. 20 piece nugget. Take that home cuz I’m probably gonna have to save some for dinner. That’s probably 20 bucks right there, especially if you go to the McDonalds on Burnside where all the menu items are more expensive because of the amount of security they have to hire (did you know that different McDonalds have different prices even in the same city? I didn’t until very recently). If this somehow doesn’t satisfy my price point I get a Vanilla shake and eat it anally DURING my BIG D squirt sesh, so it’ll spend as little time in my body as possible. Wait, do I get something for this? I might do this tomorrow just cuz. It sounds like a funky thing to do

Do you think you'll open an Adult Swim mueseum at some point? You seem to be the only steward of its history.

Unless I’m hired to by a large corporation, probably not. Also I don’t think I actually have much in the way of merch other than DVDs. I stopped being a DVD completist at some point around Freaknick The Musical. Oh, I never EVER bought a Robot Chicken DVD, EVER. I literally had a nightmare once that one appeared in my collection.

Hey! Please keep us abreast any time you put more of your garbage on eBay. Maybe you can put your wedding dress on there, you big girl.

Fucking sexist/trasphobic behavior.

Check out my eBay auctions I got season 18 of NCIS up there and some other things :)

The Ripping Friends blow chunks. I don't care if a rapist or the opposite of a rapist (a virgin who volunteers, lol) made it. It sucks a high hard one like when Ozzy banged the Cheiftan's Wife in that Black Sabbath TV Funhouse cartoon. Tell me more.

Tell you more?

Name one rap song you tolerate lol. You can't say anything by weird al or marky mark.

I guess I like the song the pest sings from the motion picture The Pest

Are there any good podcasts on adult swim?

The official one hosted by Matt Harrigan is good, but I’ve only bounced around on it. I don’t know if there’s any formal recap ones. I simply don’t know!

HE'S GIVING HIGH HARD ONE TO CHEIFTAN'S WIFE? UH OH!

Buddy, you are BANNED for LIFE from my MAIL BAG! You drive me CRAZY!

[thewickedmerman]

The Swan Princess Live-Action Remake: What I’d Like to See

As many of you who follow me are aware, there is going to be a live-action remake of The Swan Princess. I know many of you are tired of these remakes but this one has the potential to be one of the greats because of the fact that the people working on it not only are the ones who worked on the original, but also people who interact with their fans and listen to their ideas. This is a good thing because of how the public has seen so many live-action remakes and have complained about them either being too different from the original (Maleficent and Alice in Wonderland for example) or too similar to the point of being pointless (The Lion King), so the fact that they listen to their fans is very much a good sign. Besides, despite the results of the universally hated CGI Swan Princess movies, a live-action remake is promising, especially since this is a passion project for them and not just a way to make a quick cash grab. That’s what brings us to this post of mine. These are some things I’d love to see in the live-action remake of The Swan Princess. Keep in mind that this is just my personal opinion on things I would love to see, therefore not everyone is going to agree with me.

Staying True but NOT Shot-For-Shot

As I’ve mentioned, bad remakes usually fall into one of too categories. They are either so radically different that they aren’t faithful to the spirit of the source material or are just pretty much shot-for-shot the same to the point where they are pointless. This is the difficult thing with adapting any work of fiction, especial one that is a beloved property, especially into a different medium. You have to know what iconic moments to do but also try to make it different enough to where it can be its own thing and justify its existence. I don’t want it to be afraid to try different things. The live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast was great and just as good as the original but I don’t feel like it made enough changes, not to mention some other problems. I hope it takes the same turn that remakes like Cinderella, The Jungle Book, and 101 Dalmatians took by staying true to the source material but also being different enough to where it’s not the exact same thing. We don’t want to see it be 100% the same because that’s boring and it would have no real point when we’d have the original.

One thing that they could do is maybe take deleted scenes from the animated film that are alternative versions of certain scenes. For example, the scene of Derek in the library and Uberta telling him about the ball. It’s different and helps to show the relationship between Derek and his mother. It shows how quick witted (When he’s not doing things like saying, “What else is there?” lol) and energized Derek is. It’s very fun and is able to show us how Uberta can be a mother that uses guilt to get what she wants from her son. Besides, there is no way for the live-action to capture the amazingness that is Uberta’s lip thing. That’s something that can only be captured in animation and attempting to do it in live-action would just be disappointing.

That’s just one example of using an alternative version of scenes from the movie, which are different but still charming in their own way. Another thing they could do is incorporate more elements from the original ballet, Swan Lake. I’ll get more into certain elements connected to that a little later, but it would show how it’s not only trying to respect the animated film but also the source material that lead to the beloved animated film. In the original ballet, if the vow of everlasting love failed, Odette actually wouldn’t die but instead she and the other swan maidens that Rothbart had cursed would become swans forever come daybreak and never be able to change back into humans again like they were able to before. Odette decided she would rather die than be a swan forever, so she and her prince (Named Siegfried in the ballet) committed suicide and that act of love was strong enough to destroy Rothbart and all his magic. This lead to the swan maidens being able to become human forever and the two lovers dance off to heaven together.

Let me be VERY clear about something, I’m not suggesting that they do this ending for the live-action movie because that really wouldn’t go over well with audiences. However, something they could consider doing is that instead of Odette dying if Derek makes his vow the the wrong girl, have her become a permanent swan. I don’t just meant have her physical form stay that of a swan but also have her end up losing her human mind. Before this, she still had full control of her human mind in her animal form but with Derek’s vow of everlasting love failing, she’d revert to that of a dumb and witless animal. It would have her die in a different sense and maybe it would help represent Derek realizing even more what he loved about her. It would be painful because she’d be gone even though she was still alive, which can sometimes be even more devastating than death. Now, this is just a suggestion and I wouldn’t mind if they decided to just have her die like she did in the original movie. Besides, there would be a happy ending anyway. That’s what is important lol.

An advantage that live-action movies have over animation is that they can be longer than just an hour and a half, so they can expand upon certain elements. We could see Odette and Derek maybe meeting secretly over the course of a few nights (After Odette manages to get reveal the swan spell to Derek, of course) to help their relationship and chemistry feel more organic and natural. The romance in the original is great but everything can be improved.

Other elements could be expanded upon like actually showing Odette’s mother and her giving birth to Odette, as well as King William and his wife longing for a child. Live-action remakes from Disney seem to have a thing for actually talking about the deceased mothers and even showing them interacting with their child. True, Odette’s mother would’ve died after childbirth but it would add something with how protective William is of Odette and even adding a song for the queen to sing, which I’ll elaborate on further when I talk about the music. Odette’s swan necklace could also have originally belonged to her mother rather than being a gift from Derek when she was an infant. It would help give her more of a connection with her dead mother and wanting to be a strong and kind leader like her mother was.

It should also show more of Odette’s sorrow and trauma from her father being killed by her kidnapper and not being able to hug him, say goodbye, or tell him that she loved him one last time. Her love for her father, as well as her people, would give her strength whenever Rothbart would try to break her down. She’d stay strong and wouldn’t back down. They should also try to make it more clear that Derek isn’t really shallow but rather he just has a hard time expressing himself into words. That’s the way I always saw Derek and I think to help audiences identify more with him that they should do a better job of making that clear. They should also show more subtle hints of Odette and Derek liking each other as kids but not being mature enough to admit it to others or even to themselves.

Overall, this remake shouldn’t fall into the same trap a lot of remakes do of basically just being a shot-for-shot remake. Don’t be afraid to make changes to justify its existence but also stay true to the spirit of the original.

Music

With this being a musical, it’s important for me to talk about the music for the live-action remake. A complaint the musical live-action remakes from Disney get are that they aren’t energized enough and aren’t as big and grand as they were in the animated movies. In certain musical numbers I can see where they are coming from. Musicals are a very stylized medium, which require big dance numbers and a chorus with a lot of energy, especially in numbers like “No More Mr Nice Guy”, “This is My Idea”, and “Princesses on Parade”. When making the original movie, they used a lot of choreography that was Broadway-styled. That’s something they should do with the musical numbers in the live-action remake. I don’t mean to copy the exact choreography from the animated movie but still put in a lot of energy. Look at musicals like Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey, The Greatest Showman (Apart from the lack luster choreography of “Rewrite the Stars”), Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella (With Whitney Houston and Brandy Norwood), Moulin Rouge, Newsies, and any musical with THE GREAT dancing talents of Judy Garland, Gene Kelly, and Dick Van Dyke. They have a lot of energy in the musical numbers with elaborate dancing that gets the audiences pumped and excited. They are fun and vibrant.

Now, big dance numbers aren’t something required for all the musical numbers, like “Far Longer Than Forever”, which is more romantic and intimate, but should still have stunning visuals, which I’ll get more into when I talk about the visuals of the film.

It could also take certain songs and make them different. The song “Practice, Practice, Practice” for example, which is played as a comedic number, could be a song for Uberta. It could be used to show she’s concerned about her son and how he’s just obsessed with practicing and trying to find Odette, which everyone (Herself included) considers an endless path because Odette is believed to be dead. It would help show the relationship between her and her son. She’d be questioning what she should do and what her late husband (Who was likely MUCH less pushy and more understanding than her) might’ve done if he were still here. True, it would also require the song to have more lyrics to it and be longer, but it would be a welcomed change. While the song is great and a lot of fun, it’s utterly pointless when you think about it. This would be taking a song that was short and comedic and making it different, meaningful, and adding something to both the characters of Uberta and Derek. Showing Uberta’s love and concern for her son as well as Derek’s stubbornness and determination, not to mention his skills.

Another song that could be used differently is the song “No Fear”. When I discuss the tone of the film, I will elaborate on why the animal sidekicks shouldn’t be in the live-action remake (Even though I love the animal sidekicks). In the live-action movie, it could go one of two ways, either a solo for Odette showing her courage as she sets off to find Derek or could be a duet for both Odette and Derek as they set off to find each other, as well as Derek’s hunt for The Great Animal.

Something important to discuss is the song “This is My Idea”. Apart from “Far Longer Than Forever”, it’s the most iconic song in the movie that people just adore. What definitely needs to be made clear is that they NEED to get child actors that not only look like the actors that are playing the adult versions of Odette and Derek, but can also actually act and sing. I don’t want any lame excuses that they are kids and we shouldn’t expect great acting from them because there are PLENTY of amazing child actors that give it their all. Besides, one of the things that made the song so awesome was that the the younger versions of the two leads were full of so much energy and personality. They really need some strong child actors that can capture the spirit of the song. Not to mention make sure that they can sing, which is something they need for all the actors in general.

With “No More Mr Nice Guy”, with the tone I have in mind for the film (Which, again, I will get to soon) probably would make the jazz styled song feel out of place. I mean, I still want it to be energized but also to fit with Rothbart’s character. I’m thinking maybe a style that is similar to the overture of Phantom of the Opera or “In The Dark of the Night” from Anastasia. Those are musical styles that are more serious in tone but are still fun and energized, which will help bring the song to life in a new way, as well as show that they are growing with their audience. It would show him causing chaos but not so comedically but also not entirely serious. Odile should also be allowed to sing a little in this song, in fact, I have one particular moment in mind. I’m imagining with the line, “Who’s a real dead ringer,” that at first it’s Odile’s real voice but she holds out on the word “ringer” and her voice is transitioning to Odette’s voice. That would be fun and creative.

Of course, with this being a live-action remake, it will need to add more songs to the film, especially since you gotta think about that “Best Original Song” nomination. However, it needs to be careful about where the songs are placed. They can’t be too soon after the previous song or feel like they came out of nowhere. One song I think they could add is a lullaby that Odette’s mother sings to her infant daughter as she slowly dies. I think it should have lyrics that foreshadow the events of the film and the journey that Odette will have in the same way the song “All is Found” did in Frozen II. It should also add a solo for Odette, maybe a song for her to sing when she’s escaping from Rothbart’s prison and flying to the ball that is similar to the song “Speechless” from the 2019 live-action remake of Aladdin. Another song could be a short one that is meant to be Odile just vocalizing like a siren to scare the carriage drivers. The way I see it is that she’s flying around in her animal form (A black swan) singing to give them a feeling of unease and catch them off guard while also occasionally flying fast close by to scare them for fun. All leading up to the reveal of her human form and then the attack of The Great Animal (Which should remain in shadows until the climax). Maybe even a possible duet between Odette and Odile, to show how opposite and similar they are. Just a few suggestions.

The last thing involving the music that I want to talk about is the instrumental music. I want them to have the movie mix three types of music; the music from the original movie, the music from the original Swan Lake, and original music like in the live-action concept trailer. Something the film is criticized for is not using any of Tchaikovsky’s music from the ballet when the film is based on the ballet. I do agree with people that it’s very strange, especially since even products of lesser quality and budget have even used music from Tchaikovsky. However, there are iconic instrumental music moments from the movie that I can’t imagine the film being without, especially the music for Odette’s transformation. Disney also seems to have a thing for adding new instrumental music to their remakes like in Cinderella, Mulan, 101 Dalmatians, and The Jungle Book while still including music from the original animated film. So it would be amazing for them to use all three types of music for the remake to show them respecting the animated film, showing respect for the source material that led to the creation of the beloved animated film, and doing something new. True, it will be hard to make sure they all mess together naturally but it’s not impossible.

Tone

This is one of the most important things about a film, especially when adapting a beloved property, particularly into a new medium like live-action. I do want the tone for the film to be more serious than the animated film but I DON’T want it to be so serious to where it’s too dark, too grounded in reality, and would feel out of place as a musical. Being too dark and serious seems to be a trend with some childhood properties that really have no real understanding of the source material, as proven with shows like Riverdale, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, and the upcoming disaster that is Fate: The Winx Saga. Trying to be all serious limits them too much in “reality” and therefore can’t go too far with being stylized and aren’t able to be as memorable. This is also something that goes hand in hand with the visuals, which I will get to later on.

However, there are some things in the original movie that should be taken out for the live-action remake, the main thing being the animal sidekicks. Don’t get me wrong, I love those characters dearly but their style of humor wouldn’t work in a live-action setting. Their style of humor is similar to that of the Looney Tunes, which works in animation but not in a live-action remake. They’ll feel out of place and cause the tone of the film to feel unbalanced. This is also why I don’t think The Hag (Later named Bridget) would work in the live-action remake, but I’ll get to that later.

Jean-Bob, Speed, and Puffin are iconic and beloved characters that do help progress the plot and don’t feel like needless comic relief, but they wouldn’t work in live-action. They’d feel out of place, come off as if they are hijacking the film, would likely look weird with CGI (Especially Jean-Bob), and removing them would allow them to have more time to expand upon other elements.

The film should still have humor but it should come from things like Rogers’ dry wit, Uberta’s pompous and flamboyant personality, Chamberlain playing off of Uberta with his nervous and silly character (While still not feeling too silly), Derek being charmingly humorous and playing off of Rogers, Odette’s savage comments to Rothbart in the way she rejects him and stands up to him and her wit in general, Rothbart’s dark humor, and Odile being a major sass master with a lot of sarcasm and clever lines.

This film should have a balance of romance, being serious but comedic without doing too much of either, having fantasy, being like a fairy-tale, stay true to the original while being its own thing, and just being what the film needs to be. It needs to appeal to the fans while also trying to win over people who aren’t really a fan of the original movie. It basically needs to do what a good remake needs to be, which can be done when you look at the example of the 2015 version of Cinderella. Also, DON’T do make any pop culture references like the CGI movies, which instantly date the movie.

Odile/The Black Swan

Many of you are already aware of how I’m really crazy about the idea of Rothbart’s daughter from the original Swan Lake, Odile, being in the live-action remake. It honestly would be a welcome change for so many reasons. A lot of the fans are wanting to see Odile appear in the live-action remake, so that is one reason to include her. There’s just so much potential with her.

However, before I get into her potential, I need to discuss why it makes much more sense for her to be in the movie instead of Bridget. The Black Swan is supposed to act seductive and also give Derek some hesitation to show that he has a feeling something isn’t right. It shows how he isn’t only interested in Odette because of her looks. This makes more sense with Odile because her behavior and mannerisms should be more like her own rather than like Odette’s, which doesn’t work with Bridget. In all the scenes that Bridget is in, she’s very comedic, wacky, silly, and over-the-top in her behavior and mannerisms. That makes her entertaining, but it doesn’t make sense in the context of The Black Swan trick. It kind of hurts Derek’s character by having him so easily fooled and not hesitating enough. Don’t get me wrong, he does hesitate but it could’ve been better a lot better. Just an observation of mine.

Now for her potential, which she really has a lot of. She’s a seductive and sensual woman that is also a sorceress. I imagine her being very clever, sassy, sarcastic, and just has a badass aura about her. Her personality would basically be Shego from Kim Possible. She should really go one of two ways, either a full blown villainess or an anti-hero with a redemption arc. She’s a fascinating character that would help bring a layer of depth to Rothbart by having a great love for his daughter, and while he is motivated by greed and power, he is also motivated by his love for his daughter and wanting her not to struggle in life like he did.

If they made her an antihero with a redemption arc, it could be because she slowly grows a bond with Odette and relating to having a loving but protective father and never really knowing their mothers. She’d think men were all the same and would be confused why Derek would hesitate when she’s disguised as Odette because she was unaware of genuine romantic love due to always using her looks and sensuality on men to get what she and her father want. Maybe she could take the place of Bromley by helping Derek with defeating her father.

When she dances with Derek, it should feel different for him compared to how it felt when he danced with the real Odette. Both should be elegant and vibrant but done differently. When Derek dances with the real Odette, it should be more intimate while with Odile disguised as Odette, it’s more sensual and makes Derek feel like something is off about “Odette.”

Either way, she’d make for an incredibly compelling character that would help add an element from the original ballet to the film and be something different. Odile is a popular character in the world of fiction, especially for those fascinated with ballet. She’s meant to be Odette’s opposite and yet they could have a connection the same way that Mulan and The Witch did in the live-action remake of Mulan. I also have made it VERY clear that the ONLY real choice for Odile is Bella Thorne. She has the right look, she’s sexy and seductive, she’s gorgeous, she’s an amazingly talented and versatile actress (She’s even getting some Oscar buzz for her performance in the movie Girl), she can sing (Listen to the songs she did for Midnight Sun if you don’t believe me), has experience playing villainess characters, really puts her all into her craft, and everyone who has worked with her has just raved about what a joy she is to work with.

Visuals

There is a lot of things to talk about here. The costumes, the effects, camera work, the sets, the atmosphere, and so on. I’ll try to be as clear and organized about this as possible.

The costumes are a major part of the movie because they help to establish the characters personalities and the journey they go through. I do think the outfits should be as similar to their animated counterparts as possible but also not look too similar to the point where they just look like cosplays. Something live-action remakes often do is change the look of the outfits to the point where they are completely different. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it can help the film stand out, especially when you look at the outfits in the 2015 version of Cinderella. However, it can just as often be a bad thing, such as with Belle’s yellow dress in the 2017 remake of Beauty and the Beast, which didn’t even do very good jobs with her pink and green dresses either (But her blue dress and her wedding dress were good). I can understand why changing the design of the costumes happens because some things that look good in a drawing don’t translate well into live-action. However, when done well, they can make them look similar enough and add details that are too expensive and time consuming to put into animation. A good example of this is Jasmine’s turquoise outfit in the live-action remake of Aladdin. It looks similar enough while also being a good translation to the real world. Although, I do think they should take more liberties to Rothbart’s outfit to make it look more badass. Not to mention they’d have creative liberties with Odile, but should make sure there is a contrast with her appearance and Odette’s.

Another thing about the costumes is that I want the characters to have a variety of outfits to wear. It’s true that Odette would be wearing the same dress for a majority of the film because of how she’s been kidnapped and wouldn’t give Rothbart the satisfaction of her accepting any outfits he might offer her. However, considering that the major characters are either royalty or well off enough to afford some good clothes, they should really be wearing more than just one outfit. Queen Uberta in particular would be wearing a large variety of outfits (Not just the same outfit in a different color) and maybe even different hairstyles. It would go with her flamboyant personality and style. The younger versions of Derek should also be wearing different outfits and have different hairstyles like Odette did. It shows how people grow and change as they get older. Maybe even make Derek have his awkward phase as a teenager the same way Odette did as a preteen. However, definitely don’t have his younger versions wear the same outfit because it’s weird that he never changed his style at all growing up. Plus, I think the entire fandom agrees that Derek’s weird haircut has GOTTA GO! I’ll get more into the costumes when I discuss diversity because what I have left to say about costumes has to do with “Princesses on Parade”.

As for the effects, I’m hoping that they do their best to mix practical effects and special effects together. Hollywood is too reliant on CGI and people often call it out as fake looking. There are movies that mixed those together like Lord of the Rings, Hocus Pocus, Jim Carrey’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and the first Jurassic Park movie. The effects in those movies are still praised because they aren’t reliant on just CGI. It can be helpful but it shouldn’t be the only thing that is used.

Something important about the visual look with this movie, at least to me, is Odette’s transformation. A problem I have with the concept trailer (Although, I will give it leeway because it didn’t have much of budget for the effects) and the CGI movies is how Odette’s transformation lacks color, which makes it less magical looking. People love Odette’s iconic transformation with the gold glowing light where she stands (Or floats in the case of her swan form) and her getting surrounded by the pink and purple water (Along with some purple sparkles). It’s such beautifully animated scene because of the vibrant colors that pop in the night time setting that is full of different shades of blue. By making the transformation have normal colored water just makes it not as memorable or imaginative.

The look of Odette as a swan (As well as Odile in her literal black swan form) should still be expressive and slightly stylized like the animals in The Chronicles of Narnia movies, the 2016 live-action remake of The Jungle Book, the live-action Stuart Little movies. It’ll make her feel more human and if they were to use the idea about Odette losing her humanity if Derek makes his vow to the wrong girl, it would show her looking and feeling more like a real dumb and witless animal. But definitely make sure that there is texture to her with the feathers and bill. Basically make sure she doesn’t look fake but not too realistic to the point she can’t be stylized a little. Basically DON’T make the same mistake that the pointless “live-action” remake of The Lion King did.

Something else important to talk about is the look of The Great Animal. First of all, I think that the way The Great Animal looks should be kept a secret up until the climax when Derek is fighting Rothbart. This includes commercials and trailers because it’ll make an even bigger impact if no one has any idea what it looks like until the very moment they see it. As for the design of it, the original movie had a very interesting design with it being a combination of different animals. The head of a wolf, the wings and snout of a bat, the talons of a falcon/hawk/eagle, the tail of a lizard, and torso of a bear. Not sure if this would work in live-action (It might if done right) but if it can’t, they could get creative with a new design. Making it look either like some demonic creature or something. Either way, I’m sure it’ll be awesome.

With the sets and such, I want them to be absolutely MASSIVE! As I mentioned before, some live-action remakes don’t have things on as big a scale as they were in the animated movie. When you compare the ballroom scene in Beauty and the Beast, the live-action remake doesn’t look nearly as grand as the original did and was much smaller in scale. I hope that they go all out with the sets to make it feel big, grand, and epic. It will especially help with the “Princesses on Parade” scene. Even with Rothbart’s castle, which would look more decayed, should have an eerie feel to it with a lot of dark colors to contrast with Uberta’s castle and the castle from Odette’s kingdom.

The visuals also shouldn’t be afraid to not be vibrant enough because just earth tones are boring and not as eye-catching. The look of the live-action concept trailer has a good look, at least for the night scenes. The visuals and colors weren’t too dark, had a mysterious atmosphere, it was pleasant to look at, it would make Rothbart and Odile’s magic really pop because of how their magic has warm colors to contrast with the cool colors of the setting, and would show a contrast to the world that Odette was used to before she was cursed. How she could feel the warm sun on her skin and that refreshing daylight breeze blowing through her hair. It’ll make when the spell is broken all the more meaningful because she’ll be able to experience those senses she missed so much from when she was a human that could enjoy the daylight. They definitely need to take advantage of the landscapes as well, since many scenes take place outdoors.

As for the camera work, it’s very important to have a lot of interesting angles, dynamic movements, and pleasant shots. They shouldn’t go too crazy with the camera work to the point where it is annoying and messy, but they should have fun with it. Such as when Odette is flying in the air, they need to take advantage of that. The musical and dance sequences need to have some fun camera work. With something like “Far Longer Than Forever”, they should keep it intimate but also creative and interesting. Not to mention have it look visually stunning with the stars, the moon, and how in some scenes that Derek is inside where there is light to contrast with the nighttime setting where Odette is. The action scenes should definitely be creative, like when Derek uses his bow and arrow. Not to mention have the climax be epic.

A particular camera work I want them to do is to slowly reveal the face of The Black Swan at the ball when she arrives. Yes, we know it’s Odile disguised as Odette, but playing with the camera to not reveal her face until she’s close enough to Derek will make it more exciting. Similar to the way that Cruella De Vil was slowly revealed during her introduction in the live-action remake. That just helps with great storytelling.

Diversity

First of all, listen to me before you pass judgement. I’m not saying for them to racebend characters, especially since many people of color are seeing through that as a, no pun intended, skin deep gesture just for brownie points. However, I want the background to have a lot of diversity with races the same way that movies like the live-action remakes of Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella did. One of the great things about the original animated film was that, even though it was about white people, still had racial diversity with people from the background. They weren’t just with servants and peasants but also with royalty and nobility. There were people that looked black, Hispanic, mixed, and it was just for the heck of it, which I love. It shows that the movie is stylized and acknowledges that people of color do exist (Something certain movies fail to do).

However, I want them to take it a step further by not only having the background characters/extras to be racially diverse (Only include more than just blacks and Hispanics) but also show diversity in culture at the ball. What I mean is that the princesses at the ball attending the ball in the hopes of winning Derek’s heart should be racially and culturally diverse. The live-action remake of Cinderella did this, particularly with this one Hispanic princess that had a very cultural looking dress. There were some princesses in the animated movie that were people of color but they were just wearing European clothes. They need to show some diversity for different racial cultures, even if it is only for a the ball/”Princesses on Parade”. After all, the first line of the song did say, “Every single princess on the planet pray to be invited to the ball,” so it should be showing different cultures around the world with these princesses. I mean, Uberta would definitely be inviting princesses from kingdoms far and wide in the hopes of Derek finding a wife. Besides, she never does anything without it being absolutely BIG and GRAND.

Not only should there be diversity on screen, there needs to be diversity behind the scenes. The Swan Princess tried to show some cultural diversity in the movie Kingdom of Music and it was clearly made by people who knew nothing of these cultures. They had racial stereotypes and stereotypes of people of different nationalities. I’m sure that their heart was in the right place and had ZERO intention of being offensive but the result was pretty offensive. This time, I want them to have experts of the cultures to make the outfits, hairstyles, jewelry, and make up be as accurate as possible. Besides, as much trouble as actors that are people of color have of finding work, people of color that work behind the scenes have an even more difficult time finding work, especially those who are women. I’m sure the people working behind The Swan Princess are willing to listen to this because they love their fans and hearing their ideas and concerns. So I’m sure they’d be willing to do all they can to be as inclusive as possible on screen and behind the scenes.

Organic Feminism

Okay, this is something that will be a bit difficult to talk about, due to it being a bit controversial. First of all, Odette was already a strong and feminist character. She was kind but had her limits, wasn’t afraid to stand up to Rothbart but could still show her vulnerability like any normal person, and actually was deconstructing fairy-tale cliches long before Elsa in Frozen ever did. In most fairy-tales, once the characters fall in love, they just get married and all that jazz. However, Odette, despite falling in love with Derek, wasn’t just going to jump into marriage right away. First she wanted to know what he loved about her besides just her beauty, which is very reasonable. She wasn’t just gonna let herself be seen as a prize to be won or someone who was just supposed to look beautiful. She wanted to be admired for her mind and personality, as well as to make herself be heard. You see the disapproving look her father gave her after she asked Derek if beauty was all that mattered to him, but she still didn’t back down, despite her father basically telling her to stop. She cared about her father’s legacy and the people of her kingdom, which is why she wasn’t going to give into Rothbart and would rather die than give him her father’s kingdom. It wasn’t just because she hated the man, even though she clearly hates Rothbart, she was thinking of others. During her year of being under Rothbart’s captivity, she never relented or lost her strength.

Some may say that she just waited around to be saved and could’ve just left to get help/find Derek. However, this statement is absolutely WRONG! She was in a situation where she really couldn’t do much. As soon as the moonlight left Swan Lake, she’d turn back into a swan and it didn’t matter where she was. She had no idea where she was or how to get back to Derek’s kingdom. If she were to try to run away, she’d get lost and turn back into a swan. Even if she were to use her ability to fly in her swan form, she’d be exposed to hunters that could kill her before she could find any help. In both her human and her swan form, she’d be vulnerable to predators, especially in her human form. She lived in a time where women, particularly a princess, wouldn’t be trained in survival skills, especially with her father being so protective. She was out of her element. Not to mention that she could only turn back into a human when she was on Swan Lake and the moonlight touched her wings. If she was lost enough, she’d have a difficult time trying to find her way back to Swan Lake and would have no way to protect herself from the dangers of the world.

She wasn’t someone who just had the mindset of waiting around in the hopes of being saved. She’s way too smart for that. She was just in a situation where she was trapped and didn’t have many options until she and Puffin thought of trying to steal a map from Rothbart’s castle. If she saw a way to save herself, she’d take it but she’s smart enough not to just rush into it without a plan that would just get her killed. In the hand-drawn sequels, she’s shown to take action when she had the resources to do so. She’d rather be making herself useful instead of just waiting around, she just had very little resources to help her in her situation.

This is all leading to the subject of organic feminism. The Disney live-action remakes have been trying to make their female characters stronger, even if they already were strong. For the most part it works but then there are some issues that come along with it. You have Emma Watson (Who I love) refusing to wear a corset and that resulted in the disaster of her yellow dress (Which isn’t feminist if you look as your costume history), Mulan already being incredibly skilled and pretty much magical, Nala losing all of the likability and emotion of her character (She doesn’t even act happy when she sees Simba is alive), Alice being made as a warrior and lost her interesting and curious personality, and the disaster that is the Maleficent movies that just are anti-men. Apart from the dress thing, Belle was well-done in the live-action remake and Jasmine was done very well too.

The point I’m making is that while I’m open to trying to make Odette appear even stronger than she was in the original, I don’t want it to be in a way that butchers her character. One of the reasons that many people hate the character of Alise in the CGI movies (Myself included) is that she’s a major Mary Sue. She succeeds at things too easily when she has had no training, seems to know no fear which makes her feel less human and hard to identify with, and she feels so forced and cringe-worthy. She says things like, “I don’t wanna be a PRINCESS princess! I wanna be a MODERN princess!” That’s so forced and sounds like something a middle school fanfic writer that hasn’t had much experience would write. They need to stay true to the character of Odette. They can improve upon her but make sure she’s flawed and has depth like a real person. Not just generically nice all the time and not perfect at everything.

Letting Fans Help Make the Film

One of the best things about the people that work on The Swan Princess movies is how they never forget to appreciate their fans. They interact with them in real life and online. They even follow me on Instagram, which is AWESOME. They do a lot for their fans, which is something a lot of companies don’t really do unless it means they can make money.

Anyway, something I think that they should do is allow the fans to be part of the making of the film. One example of what I mean is even allowing them to design the costumes, particularly the fans by the name of Nephi and Bethanie Garcia (Who are married to each other). They have made some incredible cosplay outfits that aren’t just good by the standards of cosplay but also by the standards of a big budget movie. They manage to make outfits that look accurate to the animated movies but also updated enough to translate well into real life. They would be the perfect team to work on the costumes of the movie. It would help them get more recognition and maybe get work in Hollywood as costume designers. Here are links to their social media.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Thedesignerdaddy

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/designerdaddy_/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7bIF8t4eBP-zXhwmh8SDIg

Another thing is that they could include them as extras in the background, including as dancers and singers. It would show how they know they wouldn’t be anywhere without their fans and are showing their appreciation. I would personally love to be one of the directors (Movies can have more than one director) and writers of the film. I know that’s unlikely but if they are willing to let me, I would accept without hesitation. After all, I know that Richard Rich was a new comer when making the original film and I know that he would want to do all he can to help new talent make their dreams come true, especially when they are fans of what was his passion project known as The Swan Princess.

Casting

First of all, this is NOT me telling you who I would cast in the film. I have already done a post explaining that right HERE.

What I want to talk about with this is that I want them to try to cast actors that look as much like the characters as possible. While talent is what is most important, with a live-action remake of animated property we want actors that look like the characters as well because we want to see the characters brought to life. Don’t just choose actors based on bringing in the box office numbers, even though that is important as well. But base the casting on looks, acting talent, being able to capture the essence of the characters, sing talent, making sure that the two leads can handle the vocal demands of their respective roles, and that they are the right age or at least look the right age. They should also include cameos from people like Liz Calloway, Howard McGillin, and other cast members from the original animated movie. It would just be a fun thing to do for the fans and a way to honor these actors for helping to bring the original movie to life.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you guys like it and let me know what you think. Also, did you guys know that The Swan Princess has an OFFICIAL Tumblr, Instagram, Facebook, and Youtube?

Tumblr: @theswanprincessofficial​

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swanprincessofficial/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm_Q3k32sEVQbrANS7-vSjA

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/official.swanprincess/

You can even send an email to Odette@swanprincessseries.com where you can ask a question and it might be chosen for the monthly Chamberg Daily News (Chamberg is the name of Derek's kingdom).

[lessthanagodmorethanaman]

BAH!

Working in a visual medium is such a headache. Let me tell you about it! I’m stuck on a problem I need to solve, so taking a moment to put my thoughts down will help.

You think comedy is the easy way out? WRONG! It’s hard, bitterly so! Easier to do dark, meandering meditations on mortality, you never have to have any answers then. Comedy is hard- every page has to do the heavy lifting of propelling something forward, and also crack a joke.

Then you add in the difficulty of working visually. Take page five of this current arc- need to move the action back to the unicorns, normally I’d start with a dramatic image of their fortress with lightning, always got to have lightning. Plus, rain is piss easy and looks good. But there’s no space for that, this page has a lot to do. How do we move back to them? Easy- Smetterling arrives with sandwiches, thus demonstrating that they are in the middle of something, and we’re back in the castle.

The unicorns are watching what’s going on- that’s good, makes them part of events. But how? Ah yes, awesome bubbly cauldron viewer, classic, Time Bandits, can’t go wrong. That means we have to actually look into the thing to demonstrate what is happening- tricky, more page real-estate being taken up, but it’s worth it because it links them to the real action going on, plus a little exposition from Pixiepouf and we now know that there’s a fortress atop the volcano. Perfect.

We have a view from a distance, but need to establish that there’s a big huge door in the way of our heroes. There’s no room to draw in a distance shot though, how to do it? Aha- hand knocks on door, spikes on door visible next to hand, next shot shows the door with multiple spikes in perspective. Now the viewer has an idea of the scale involved, and it didn’t take much room.

That’s just about left enough room for the joke- I love Hercules, any time that damn cat can turn up and do something riotous is gold. So he’s going to knock that door down, but any explosion needs three parts- before, the big bang, and the aftermath. Okay, I have enough room for that. Trouble is, it means that there must be two shots in the same spot, one showing the interior, one showing the explosion.

Two shots like that are a killer, it’s a nightmare getting it right, but they make for excellent comedy timing. So, how to reduce the work load? Simple, shot one has lots of vertical and horizontal lines, simple and easy to reproduce. The actual monsters only need to appear once, so I can afford to take some time on them. A lot of detail there will hide the limited background detail showing. Besides, the second shot is mostly smoke and smoke is our friend- it’s easy to draw and covers a lot of messy detail.

Then a punchline- “the cat wants letting in,” love it. Cats always want to either enter or exit a location, oh Hercules you scamp, got to put that in there. But need to give Denise a line too, she’s a very taciturn character so it’s important to give her something to do or she’ll just want to stand there glaring. Give her a line too. More smoke, easy shot.

Finally we need to see Hercules atop his howitzer. Howitzer is a naturally funny word, always add a howitzer. Should the unicorns say something like “they’d need a howitzer to bring that down!!” to set it up? No, too on-the-nose. Besides I spent a good bloody while on that cauldron viewer, don’t want to cover it up.

Finally give the narrator a punchline- love that narrator, what a strong and sterling presence, oh how the narrator is beloved. Can’t get “kitty kitty bang bang” out of my head. Will the Kids Nowadays even get the reference to a sixties musical? Don’t overthink it, Dick Van Dyke is a treasure and there’s no denying it.

All that just to get across the idea that 1) there’s a fortress now 2) the heroes are assaulting it and 3) the unicorns are involved. Took three evenings to iron all that out! Need to cut down on the whiskey and Fernet-Branca cocktails. No, too delicious, need the go-go juice.

Now I just need to solve my next problem- what’s the funniest over-the-top thing Denise could do with her magic- need to give her a Moment, can feel some comedy in it. Maybe something with snakes? 

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Iconic things about The Dick Van Dyke Show

-For the time The Dick Van Dyke Show was incredibly diverse. You got to remember this was the early 1960s, back in the day you were lucky to see African Americans in any capacity and when they were in shows or movies they were strictly in the service industry. That started to change in the late 50s to early 60s and TDVDS was kinda the start of that in Television. People of color were depicted in different capacities than usual. In the episode “That’s My Boy??” the actors Greg Morris and Mimi Dillard played a normal upper middle class family. In this episode Rob thinks that Laura and himself were sent home with the wrong baby from the hospital and he believes that their baby was taken by a family with the last name Peters. The Peters ended up being African American and they were depicted as well dressed and well spoken people who seemed to live in a similar area and walk of life as the Petries and in that episode the black couple is funny and completely sane whereas the white man (Rob) is depicted as the butt of the joke. Also at the end of the episode Rob subtly mentions how their son Richie is getting horrible grades and the Peters’ son is at the top of the class. It’s small things like that, that had never been seen on Television. In a episode named “The Man from My Uncle“ an actor by the name of Godfrey Campbell played an FBI agent. And that’s not counting the numerous POC in smaller roles or as extras in scenes. This was a time where you were lucky to see POC even as extras. -The feminism in TDVDS took amazing strides as well. There were times where Rob is shown to be very insecure, and I think that’s some of the most of it’s time aspects of the show. It’s not great, but it’s realistic. One of my favorite character choices for Laura Petrie is that we find out that she is proficient in self defense.... she learned self defense techniques when she was an entertainer for the troops. In the episode “My Mother Can Beat Up My Father,” a drunk at a bar harasses Laura and Rob tries to defend her and he gets laid out by the drunk. Laura then does a judo throw on the guy and lays him out. It becomes a big thing for Rob in that episode and he’s very insecure about the fact that Laura can take a guy that Rob can’t. But Laura does not apologize for that fact, and in one scene Rob is trying to prove that he’s all tough and so he challenges Laura to do the same throw with him. Laura doesn’t pretend she can’t do it to spare his fragile masculinity, she lays him out and if I remember correctly he broke a few bones. Also the character of Sally Rogers has been touted as one of the first women’s lib characters. She’s a Television writer alongside Rob and Buddy and she is treated with respect and is presumably paid the same as Buddy who is a writer on her same level. She is a proud career woman who is damn good at her job, and is an equal to the men in her workplace. Another big way that TDVDS broke ground was the fact that Laura wears capri pants. Believe it or not that caused a firestorm of controversy.... up to that point housewives had been shown as wearing dresses and skirts on TV and once the dust settled the fact that Mary Tyler Moore wore capri pants on TDVDS caused those pants to become a huge fashion craze in the 60s. -TDVDS became a huge hit starting with the second season against all odds. First off Carl Reiner had created the show a couple years prior and had actually shot a pilot with an entirely different cast and with himself in the lead, at that time it was called “Head Of The Family.” It aired and did not get picked up. Carl just gave up on it and it lay on a shelf collecting dust. A couple years later someone with the William Morris Agency tried to get Carl to retry it and he refused. That agent then went to the most successful producer at that time, Sheldon Leonard. Sheldon was known for having a perfect record for his pilots, absolutely all of them had been picked up to series, some of which were huge hit shows. Sheldon saw the show and immediately saw the potential. He approached Carl about the idea of retrying with an entirely different cast and name.... once a famous producer says they have faith in your show, how can you say no. So they set to the task of finding a cast. Dick Van Dyke was one of the first people to be cast in the show, and at that point Dick was in the middle of a successful run on Broadway in the show “Bye Bye Birdie” which he’d won a Tony Award for, but being successful on Broadway doesn’t usually translate to fame with the general public (up until Lin Manuel Miranda that was true). So not only did they cast an unknown in the lead role but they then turned around and named the show on the said unknown actor. That was an extremely ballsy and risky move. At the time there were a lot of shows named after actors but they were all famous stars like Doris Day etc. To name a show after an unknown actor was unheard of!! They then cast Mary Tyler Moore (who was an unknown), they cast Rose Marie (who was never hugely famous, but had a really good career on radio and in night clubs. But even if you consider her to have been famous, she was kind of a has been), Morey Amsterdam was cast (an unknown), Jerry Paris and Ann Morgan Guilbert were cast (also unknowns). It was really a cast full of unknowns in the leads. There were no big names. Which was really a disadvantage going in. The first season bombed, it was near the end of the Nielsen ratings and morale was severely low at the end of the season. Sheldon Leonard actually got word from a friend who was on the committee that decided which shows were cancelled and which her renewed, that the show had indeed been cancelled and it just hadn’t been announced yet. So Sheldon went into problem solving mode. He knew that going to the network wouldn’t get him anywhere. At that time sponsors were king and TDVDS had one of the biggest sponsors in the game, Proctor And Gamble. So Sheldon flew to Proctor And Gamble’s headquarters and in his own words he “sang mammy” in other words he begged and he charmed their pants off (figuratively) :) At the end of his pitch, they agreed to go to bat for the show... on one condition.... that he found a sponsor to sponsor the second half of the season. So he raced from sponsor to sponsor pitching his show and begging them to co sponsor them. He was in the middle of a pitch when he was alerted that Kent Cigarettes had decided to sponsor their second half. Proctor And Gamble and Kent Cigarettes went up against CBS and demanded that they renew TDVDS or else they would withdraw support from all their other popular shows. And CBS caved and renewed the show. With S2, TDVDS became a massive success and by the end of S5 the network was begging Carl Reiner to make another season but Carl wanted to end the show while they were still on top. TDVDS also became the darling of the awards shows. They continually swept the Emmys every year starting with S2. They won for writing, directing, and acting, it also won Best Comedy in 1966 with it’s final season.

-The scripts were largely based off of real life. Nowadays it’s more common for shows to take ideas from real life, but at the time Carl Reiner’s wish for authenticity was largely unheard of. Writers on the show described the writing sessions as therapy sessions because it would start with Carl probing into their life and them talking about embarrassing things that happened to them. Carl and the writers would take those ideas and make them bigger and crazier but there was always that nugget of truth in there.

-The marriage between Rob and Laura was also iconic. You gotta figure that I Love Lucy was a huge show of the past decade and it really shaped most future shows. In some ways TDVDS was the antithesis of that. Carl wanted to create a show where the main married couple was united... it was them against the world. He shied away from battle of the sexes storylines whenever possible. He wanted Rob and Laura to be clearly in love. And it’s a unique relationship where you can tell that those two have an active sex life... and that was really unique for the time.

-Carl Reiner made a decision at the beginning of the show that he would never use popular slang terms of the 60s. In fact if you watch beginning to end, only one slang term slipped in, in S5. Otherwise, he remarkably kept to that. Because of that crucial decision, TDVDS is not as dated as it could be and it has a very timeless feel to it.

-The cast was known to get along famously, there were only a few moments of tension, otherwise the set was known to be very light and there was little tension. They were all pranksters and the set was alive with hilarity, laughter, and pranks. They used to haze guest stars... most of the guest stars were fine with being hazed but there was one who did not take it so well. During the filming of one episode Robert Vaughn was the guest star and he was on the outskirts of the set waiting for his cue to come in. The actors led the entire cast and crew off the set and turned off the lights and left Robert waiting for his cue for about an hour, until he walked in to see what the holdup was only to find the entire cast and crew gone. It’s hilarious, but he wasn’t too happy. The cast was like a huge family, but most guest stars described them as being very welcoming as well.

Edit. Another iconic thing I almost forgot is the fact that certain episodes are used in film classes as examples of how to write comedy. It’s so funny and iconic that it is the textbook case of how to write comedy shows!!!! When will your favorite show ever... ;)

[supposed2bfunny]

2doc Week Day 5-Quarantine

This one’s a tad longer, so putting it under a ‘read more.’ Just some really insipid shenanigans for this day’s prompt!

“You ready, Muds?”

“This is an astonishing waste of time, Stu—”

“On three, then?”

“…fine.”

“Great! One, two, three…go!” 2D jumped out of his room, a little confused to find that Murdoc was already standing in the hallway, staring at him. “Hey, you cheated.”

“I came out on three, you came out on go. You just said ‘on three—‘"

“Well yeah, but you count to three and then you—”

“Nevermind,” he cut him off, smirking. “Mate, you look ridiculous.”

“You’re one to talk!” 2D clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle the giggle that threatened to end the sentence in a highly undignified high pitch.

Murdoc was dressed in the clothes 2D had worn in their “Saturnz Barz” video, complete with a pair of blue trousers that looked uncomfortably tight, belted way above his paunch, and a black button-down, opened to reveal a tempting tuft of coarse hair. His chest looked alien without his usual upside-down cross. Without thinking, the singer reached up to his own chest, where the cross sat between his skin and the worn material of Murdoc’s striped jumper.

“Those pants look more like capris on you!” the bassist cackled, pointing at his bare ankles.

“Shut up! The jumper suits me quite well, don’t you think? The color brings out my hair. Least I don’t look like the male whore in some B-movie!”

“Mate,” Murdoc was still laughing, and having a hard time getting his words out. “You can’t say I look like a whore when I’m dressed as you!”

“I wore that outfit better than you!”

“Great, so can we agree that we both look completely mental?”

“I don’t think that’s entirely fair; I think I pull off your frumpiness like a model!”

“That jumper was designed for someone with a complexion more like my own.”

“Green, you mean green skin?”

“Well, I guess green is a state of mind,” he grumbled, scratching his chin thoughtfully. “So slip into that mindset, turtledove, because for the rest of the day, you’re me.”

“Oh, I’ve had two decades to observe you, Muds,” he replied casually, leaning against the doorframe. “All I have to do is act drunk, shout every hour or so about how great my band is, and go out of my way to grate on everyone’s nerves. Easy. Think that mastering the nuance of my enigmatic personality will be way harder for you.”

The bassist-turned-frontman rolled his eyes and moved to brush past him. “All I have to do is not think for the rest of the day. This’ll be a bloody vacation, pet.”

“Hey wait, before we start officially, give me a kiss,” he requested, catching the shorter man by the simple gold necklace—his necklace—around his neck, dragging him in closer and pausing as their lips hovered over each other.

“Am I kissing you as Murdoc, or as 2D?”

“As hot as a little 2D-on-2D action sounds, I want a kiss from my boyfriend.”

“Needy bitch,” he chuckled, but he obliged, pressing the taller man against the wall and kissing him languidly, reaching underneath that hole-filled sweater to trace the cross against his boyfriend’s chest. “Let’s stick a pin in that idea, huh? Now then, shall we pop off? There’s a certain drummer I’m dying to pester with my extensive knowledge of zombie flicks.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll go see if Noodle notices the difference—oh, careful!” He reached out quickly and caught the shorter man as he tripped over his slightly-too-big shoes. “Watch it, luv. Being me is a right safety hazard.”

Grinning mischievously, the two parted ways, and the man formerly known as 2D made for the living room, where Noodle could be found flipping through a magazine.

“Noods!” he crowed, doing his best to sound gruff and Stoke-on-Trent-y. “I’ve got some grrreat news! I tried a new skin-care product and it took decades off my skin. I’d say I look at least twelve years younger: what do you think?”

She glanced up and frowned. “What fresh stupidity is this?” she asked.

“Stupidity? Don’t be so rude, poppet, I look good don’t I? Don’t worry; there’s no shame in admitting that a bloke so many years your senior is more attractive than you, really.”

“2D,” she sighed. “Why are you impersonating Murdoc?”

“Impersonating? I am Murdoc!”

“Sure you are. And is Murdoc also Murdoc, or is he 2D?”

“Um…wait, I’m confused…” he paused to try and track what she’d just said, and he realized that  he had completely broken character. “Sod this! Your questions just show that you’re…you’re confused by my superior genius!” Yeah, that sounded about right.

She tapped the magazine on her lap impatiently. “I’m trying to gauge my astrological compatibility with Tessa Thompson right now,” she said. “Can you come back to be annoying and strange later?”

“Er…but I…”

“Get lost, Murdoc.”

She’d done it! She’d acknowledged his acting skills! Satisfied, he pumped his fist in celebration. “Right, enjoy flipping through that trashy magazine telling you what nail polish color will make Tesla love you! I’m going to sit here and watch my soaps!”

“It’s…nevermind.” She sighed, looking like she had a lot more to say, but no energy to say it, and ‘Murdoc’ cheerfully flounced across the room to grab the remote, moving with more spring in his step than he’d had in decades.

Meanwhile, Russel was in the kitchen, preparing himself a hoagie of epic proportions, having been inspired by one of his favorite cooking shows. Just as he was debating whether to opt for dill or bread and butter pickles (or both? life was short), a nicotine-laden pair of lungs cleared themselves right behind him.

“Oh no,” he said, spinning around. “I’m having ‘me time:’ whatever stupid scheme you’re up to, it can damn well wait, Murdo—” he froze, pickle jars in hand, and after a moment, he bent over in a ground-shaking belly laugh. “You look ridiculous!”

“W-wot d’yew mean, Russ?” he asked, pressing a finger to his lips in an attempt to look juvenile. “It’s me, 2D, innit?”

“Murdoc, that belt looks like it’s constricting your ribs, and your belly is about to pop out. What gives?”

“Nuffink gives, just fought I’d try on my old cloves from ‘Saturnz—”

“Man, if you don’t stop talking like that immediately, we’re going to have bigger problems than whatever wardrobe malfunction this is.”

“Easy, easy, big guy! I’ll cut back on the Cockney accent! Fortunately I’ve picked up the ability to speak a bit better in recent years. Can you understand me now?”

“Not at all,” he said dryly. “Why are you dressed like 2D?”

“Mate, I am 2D! The adorable and absentminded singer for our band!” the dark-haired 2D insisted stubbornly.

Russel stared at him, ready to launch into yet another insult. Then he considered the two pickle jars in his hands. “So uh,” he shrugged. “What day of quarantine is it?”

“Oh, seventy-three or seventy-four, something like that. But who’s counting?”

“So you two are just messing around because you’re bored.”

“Well, it’s more fun than making a sandwich, wouldn’t you say?” he asked, smirking, realizing 2D wasn’t really the smirking type, and settling on a softer smile.

Russel weighed his options, and decided the prospective entertainment value was too good to pass up. “Well then, ‘Dee,’ do you want to make this monster sandwich with me? You can regale me with stories of what it’s like in your head the whole time.”

Murdoc—no that wasn’t right—‘2D’ beamed at him and nodded. “I’d love nothing more! Could probably use some extra calories, frail little waif of a man that I am.”

“Oh yeah,” Russel agreed, playfully patting his middle-aged potbelly. “You’re a real waif. Now grab the mustard.”

“You got it, Russ! Yellow or spicy?”

“Yes!”

Several hours later found the singer and bassist reunited in 2D’s bedroom. They sat together, swapping their clothes back piece-by-piece: first 2D pulled the striped jumper over his head, then Murdoc unbuttoned the black shirt as though he were giving a strip tease. They giggled the whole time, each looking particularly relieved when their pants came undone and they could step into comfortable sweatpants once again.

“I’d say outfit-swap was a roaring success!” Murdoc said cheerfully, grabbing a sip of a lukewarm beer sitting on the bedside table.

“I don’t know about that…I think Noodle and Russel were just humoring us.”

“Well at first, sure,” he conceded, gracing the singer with a kiss as he reverently returned his cross necklace to him. “But I think that as we really got into character, they forgot that we were simply acting. Once this quarantine ends, we should head back to LA and reconsider the whole movie star thing!”

“I’ll pass on that,” he replied, pulling a face, then falling down onto his bed, motioning for Murdoc to finish his drink and join him. The older man happily obliged, and the mattress creaked slightly at their combined weight as they cuddled together. “So…what are we going to do tomorrow to annoy the others?”

“We could speak only in riddles the whole day!”

“What if I’m not smart enough for that?”

“Was that a riddle?” Murdoc asked, cackling as he got a poke in the ribs for the comment. “Gentle, gentle! I’ve got it: let’s speak the way people write your dialogue online.”

“Not the super Cockney?”

“That’s right! Let’s speak like Dick Van Dyke attempting to sound like a proper Brit! That’ll be a right laugh!”

“You’re so cruel: what did Noodle and Russel do to deserve you as their bandmate?”

“Hey,” he teased, “you were in on today’s game.”

“Fine, I’ll consider the Cockney schtick, but I think you can do better. Keep working on it.”

“Yes sir,” he agreed, nuzzling into the singer’s neck. “So, we still have the night ahead of us: what did you want to do?”

2D was quiet for long enough that he began to get a little suspicious. “Stu? Simple enough question, luv. What’s on that pretty mind of yours?”

“I was just thinking, Muds…” another long bout of silence.

“Yes?” he prodded.

“Would you still be up for that 2D-on-2D action we were joking about earlier?”

Murdoc pulled away from him abruptly, and he scrambled to follow the bassist, to apologize for the stupid suggestion. As he opened his mouth to voice his mortification and backtrack, Murdoc caught his eye with a playful smirk and slowly pulled his necklace off. “Mate,” he said, voice unusually high, like he was trying to imitate someone else, “I fought yew’d neva ask!”

[espship18]

BTS as Soap Opera Characters | BTS AU

Okay y’all, work is kicking my hiney BIG TIME, but, I wanted to make a part two to my ATEEZ as soap opera characters, so, here we are! Enjoy~ Disclaimer: Please do not take any offense to any of these, characters, it’s all for fun, let’s laugh together (: 

Setting: The majority of the show takes place in a hospital, changing between the police station. The hospital is very old fashioned with a modern technology twist- we’re totally channeling our inner Diagnosis Murder moment right now. 

Jin: Almost as Dick Van Dyke himself, Jin is a brilliant, stunning, and quite witty of a doctor. He’s an ER doctor who specializes in literally almost anything, and he’s the lead character of the show. Along with working at the hospital, Jin will occasionally work with the local police department on different cases ranging from a simple interview, to comments on an autopsy. Given this position, Jin has quite a lot of power and resources. 

Jungkook: Youngest officer in the precinct, but at the top of his class. He’s not so much a traffic cop, he works on investigations such as homicides and also works on cracking down drug cartel's. His intuition is always on point, he’s an extremely well rounded officer, as well as a very well known officer. He works closely with the community to help solve cases and every case he takes on is a career changing case. 

Taehyung: A grade A detective who we really don’t know much about as the show progresses. He’s got an amazing career and record for himself too!  He’s got a mischievous look in his eye with a lot of information in his brain and resources at his finger tips. He spends a lot of time at work, in fact, we never really see him anywhere else except for working. He can solve a case within a week- that’s how good he is. 

J-Hope: A famous racer in the drag race community in the city. He is a bit of a free spirit, and a little greedy I may say. He enjoys racing for the money and he’s always swimming in cash because the bets placed on him are insane! He’s definitely has the $$$. He also will pick up extra jobs for his company that range from smuggling small doses of drugs to more darker business. He’s also a clumsy character- despite his racing skills, which can cause him problems.  

Jimin: The sweet string bean of the show who’s the fan favorite. The sweet and funny character who has multiple jobs because life is rough, with the personality of a sweet heart. We learn that Jimin’s occupation is as a mail boy for the local hospital and police department. He’s very popular and super friendly, so he definitely knows the office drama and gets word in on what happened to a body from an autopsy or two. His biggest weakness- he’s a little naïve, but we love him regardless!

Yoongi: Another heart of gold character, but he’s very complicated. As a military man, Yoongi serves his country with pride. He’s very good with technology and weaponry, giving his occupation to be working with technology at a state level to strengthen the countries military. He’s witty and so handsome in his suit, and he’s fiercely loyal to his family, who just so happen to be very affluent in the city. We see Yoongi struggle with his emotions in the show too, which helps him but could also harm others.  

Namjoon: The golden character who ties the whole show together. Working as an elevator operator in the local hospital, Namjoon is the character who see’s all and knows all. His character represents the viewer, breaking the fourth wall. Through the show, Namjoon interacts with all the characters, and he knows who’s guilty and who’s innocent. He is also that type of character that people want him to have his own spin off show as his life as an elevator operator. 

~STA

[sarahwroteathing]

“wow! you look really nice” with bucky!!!!!!

“We have a situation.”

“Sounds vaguely ominous,” you said absently, not looking up from your book. “And like it’s probably not my problem, Samuel.”

“It will be all of our problem if your boy stabs someone in the middle of a charity event.”

“He’s his own boy. I have no proof of purchase.”

“Yeah, hilarious, but I seriously think he might lose it. He could use you in there.”

Drawing a deep breath, you set your book aside and got up, glancing at Sam as you passed him. “I think Clint is also doing a purple suit tonight just FYI.”

“Well, I’ll wear it better. His loss.”

“Fair enough,” you sighed, giving the door a gently knock before slipping inside.

Bucky was sitting stiffly at the foot of his bed, glaring at his shoes, bow tie clenched in one fist. Despite the hostile attitude, he was more put-together than you’d ever seen him, hair neatly combed away from his face, perfectly fitted navy suit accentuating his form. 

“Wow! You look really nice,” you said, tilting your head in question when his glare melted into a look of desperation. “Was that the wrong thing to say?”

“I look ridiculous. I can’t do this,” Bucky mumbled. 

Edging closer, you eased the bow tie out of his hand.

“You look ridiculously handsome, and you absolutely can do this. But if you really don’t want to, I’m ready to fake our deaths and move to... What do you think? Iceland?”

“I can’t wear that thing,” he continued as if you hadn’t spoken. “It’s too... I don’t like it. It’s tight.”

“Then don’t wear it. You’ll still look better than like 99 or possibly even 100% of the people there,” you said, kneeling in front of him and bracing your hands on his knees. “Easily the most handsome senior citizen. Unless Dick Van Dyke is there.”

“I have to wear it. There’s a dress code.”

“They’re not going to kick James Buchanan Barnes out of a charity event. Even if they did, you know every last one of us would walk out with you. And more importantly, they know that too. They wouldn’t risk it. Our presence earns them the big bucks.”

“I should be able to handle this. It’s stupid.”

“Bucky, you’ve done more than your fair share of handling shitty things. You’re allowed to pass on a bow tie. And on caviar. And on whatever the hell foie gras is. And on shaking hands and kissing babies. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do ever again. Got it?”

He sighed, bending slightly to rest his forehead against yours.

“What if they ask me why I’m not wearing one? I don’t want to explain.”

“Well...” you gave him a soft kiss and pulled back, looping the tie around your own neck and beginning work on the proper knot. “I’ll wear it for you. And won’t they feel foolish they don’t understand the joke. It’s an inside thing. Classified. They wouldn’t understand.”

Bucky snorted.

“It’ll work, and they’ll eat it up. Trust me?”

“Always.”