#bi woman and straight dad both dating my bi mum for several years!

[mea-laetitia]

Hii can I request Harry getting dating advice from James and Lily or/and Remus and Sirius? For dating Draco. Only if you like the prompt of course♥️ No pressure at all!

sorry this took some time to get out, but I hope you like it!

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pairing: wolfstar, drarry, and jily

CW: mild language + the teensiest bit of suggestiveness. 

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the giving of “advice”

Harry stood behind the door and listened to his family’s conversation, waiting for the perfect opportunity to enter the room. He didn’t know why he was so nervous to talk to them, after all he had already come out to them, there wasn’t really much else to hide from them. Other than his whopping feelings for someone his family only know as Harry’s ex enemy, Draco Malfoy.

That was the thing. Harry wasn’t sure if it was okay for him to talk about blokes now just because they knew he liked them. Was it taboo to ask for advice about boys? Surely not, since he knows for a fact that all his other friends go to their parents for advice about girls.

He was thankful for once that Remus wasn’t in there with him. Harry knew if he was there he would be able to sniff out almost instantly what his problem was. The man had always been great at reading between the lines, but for once Harry didn’t want him to say it for him. That was all well and good when it came to several other uncomfortable conversations he had had in the past, but this was different.

So before he could chicken out he pushed open the doors with a flourish, and stepped into the cosy living room. Three heads turned to him at once, and three smiles instantly bloomed on their faces. His mum and dad sat together, holding hands in an embarrassing display of affection, and across from them on the armchair sat his godfather Sirius.

“Harry m’boy!” James said warmly, shuffling over on the couch to make room for him.

“Hi.” Harry replied, his nerves making his voice shake slightly.

Well, now that he was here there was no point stewing in his nerves. He might as well just get straight to it.

He cleared his throat and crossed his legs, fiddling with a loose thread on the cushions. “Listen there’s something I wanted to talk to you guys about, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course we don’t.” His mother smiled reassuringly, and he felt slightly better.

He nodded, more to himself really, staring at his lap. “I need some advice.”

And before he could even begin to muster the courage to start his spiel Sirius was beaming like a mad-man and shouting something about how it was ‘finally happening’ and turning to Harry with somehow the most serious and yet relaxed expression and asking if he could get Remus because he was ‘oh so good at giving advice’ and Harry was nodding, bewildered, and they were all ignoring mutterings from James about ‘hijacking my son’s moment’ and then a confused looking Remus was summoned and sat down on the leg of Sirius’ armchair and it took a total of three minutes to get Sirius to calm down from excitement and finally the room went quiet again and the adults stared at Harry expectantly.

Harry let out an anxious breath.

“Well, as you all know I’m bi.” He started shakily, and Sirius opened his mouth to interject, no doubt excitedly, again, but Remus shook his head and he was silenced. “And well… you see the thing is…I…”

Oh Merlin he couldn’t even get it out. He was floundering big time and if he didn’t get it out soon it would be even more awkward.

But then his mother interjected, leaning forward to pat his leg. “You like someone don’t you?”

Harry flushed pink but nodded.

“Is it anyone we know?” James asked, and Harry nodded, feeling his nerves slowly dissipate.  

They were staring at him expectantly still. At this point it was only him who could say; there was no way they would guess it, even Remus would struggle.

“Before I tell you though you have to promise not to laugh, or say anything mean about him.”

They all nodded, though Remus was squinting at him suspiciously.

Perhaps Harry had underestimated his ability to pick up unspoken words. But it didn’t matter, because it was to be out in seconds anyway.

“It’s Draco.” He finally admitted, and felt the weight of this confession drop off his shoulders almost immediately.

“Malfoy.” He added last minute, in case they forgot the last name of his former enemy and now it seemed, crush. “I hope that’s okay.”

Remus was nodding like he expected it. “That makes sense, enemies to lovers and all.”

Sirius hit him lightly, but he was smiling like there was a shared joke between them. “Not everything’s a fucking romance novel Moony.”

“Language!” Lily scolded, though she didn’t seem to care. She turned to Harry. “And of course we don’t mind Harry, as long as you’re happy.”

Harry let out a sigh of relief, but his father still hadn’t said anything. He was staring into the fire thoughtfully.

Then he finally spoke. “I’m assuming the rivalry is completely over now then? Neither of you are bullying each other no more?”

Harry scoffed lightly. “We didn’t bully each other we were enemies, there’s a difference.”

But a knowing glance from his father said he knew otherwise. “You were certainly very cruel to one another, and just because you like the boy romantically now doesn’t change the past. I want to know that he’s definitely got the memo you aren’t rivals.”

At this Harry nodded eagerly. “Oh definitely, we haven’t argued in months. In fact, I might go as far as to say we’re sort of friends. Well…actually that’s what I wanted some advice about.”

“Fire away.” His father said, seemingly comfortable with his son’s word.

Harry nibbled his lip slightly. Now that the hard bit was out of the way he was able to focus on the actual matter at hand; why Draco had been acting so damn strange lately.

“Well the thing is…we’re kind of friends right now. But ever since I realized that I like him, er, like that, he’s kind of been jumpy around me, like he can’t meet my gaze anymore. I don’t know if maybe he knows I like him for some reason, or if he found out I like blokes and he hates me now. What if he likes blokes himself and he’s uncomfortable being around another bloke who does because he thinks I’ll try to...I don’t know, kiss him or something?”

At the end of this confession Harry was out of breath and both Remus and Sirius were laughing lightly, shooting each other yet another knowing glance, like they had another inside joke. But Harry didn’t see how that could be possible when they were only just learning about all this.

“What is it?” He asked accusingly, feeling his cheeks flush again.

Sirius stopped laughing and whacked Remus’ thigh again to get him to stop too. He grinned at Harry and leant back in his chair in utter nonchalance. “Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry my sweet sweet godchild. You are a fool, boy.”

Harry gaped indignantly. “What? No I’m not!”

Remus reached forward to ruffle his already unruly hair, laughing again. “Yes you are.”

“Listen Harry I know repressed gay when I see it.” Sirius said. “And Draco Malfoy positively REEKS of it.”

“It’s true.” Remus nodded solemnly. “Sirius here didn’t spend years pining over me to ignore the signs. Ow!”

Sirius whacked him again but to Harry’s surprise his face grew slightly red as well. “What can I say, I’m an expert.”

“So…you think Draco’s gay too?” Harry gulped nervously, as if their answer would be the ultimate confirmation.

Remus shook his head. “Not only is he into boys Harry, but he’s very clearly into you.”

And Harry didn’t know what to say to this. He stared around the room at the adults who all seemed to agree with Remus. They were amused, though not taunting him. His mother smiled at him softly. “Harry it seems you’re almost as oblivious as your father was.”

“Excuse me?” James intervened, looking down at his wife with a feigned expression of indignance.

Lily rolled her eyes. “For so many years absolutely positive I would agree to go out with you you were a little too blind to my advances when I finally started tolerating you.”

“Only because I was shocked a woman of your caliber could actually like me.”

“ANYWAY can we please get back to my own love life please.” Harry grimaced as his parents shared a kiss.

“God, yes please.” Sirius faked a gag, and dodged a pillow thrown at him by James.

“Yes, it’s a little to heterosexual in here for my liking.” Remus commented, and then proceeded to snog the living shit out of Sirius, falling off the arm of the chair and into his husband’s lap.

Harry groaned and shoved his face into the couch, blocking out the blatant PDA that surrounded him. “STOP IT OH MY GOD!”

The couples begrudgingly detached themselves, chuckling lightly and Harry felt James pat his back. “‘Safe to come out now son.”

Harry groaned at the inadvertent gay joke and turned back around, grimacing at their amused gazes. “Starting to wish I never asked for advice in the first place.” He grumbled.

“Don’t be silly Harry, we’re only teasing.” Remus smiled.

“Alright you want advice? Here you go:” Sirius leaned forward, capturing his godson’s attention. “When you’re back from Christmas break, go up to Draco…and then fuc-“

“NO!” Remus and Lily shouted, and Lily shot a dark glare at Sirius.

“Here’s some real advice.” James started. “Just approach him when you go back, and tell him how you feel. Seriously. It’s not as daunting as it seems. I only told you mother I was in love with her about ten times week. And worst case scenario he doesn’t like you…if you persist he surely will soon.”

“He speaks from experience.” Lily said fondly.

“And if that doesn’t work my plan works too.” Sirius added.

“Worked on me.” Remus muttered and Sirius whacked him for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

[quaintqueer]

I don't know what you think about labels, maybe you are the kind of person who watches shows like Marie Kondo where they organise people's houses and put sticky labels on everything so that you can easily identify the contents. Maybe you're the kind of person who does not like to be labelled or stereotyped. Maybe you prefer to be just yourself.

I have had a very complex relationship with labels and identity. You could say that I started off on the wrong foot. My mother went to a Baptist church on Sunday morning and a Charismatic/Pentecostal hands-in-the-air, shouting and screaming, spiritual warfare kind of church on Sunday night. And my dad had his Holy Communion as a kid and then went to mass on Easter and Christmas.  So to begin with my labels were numerous and incongruent which did cause some issues for younger Zoe.

And I want to share with you about where God has led me through the understanding of this topic. I am not entirely sure where to start and I'm not sure how vague to be here but let's just say that at least the draft will be an explicit and partly chronological one.

12 year old Zoe I went to church most Sundays with her family and she was very very lucky to have a wonderful Christian friends in her life and at this point the label attached to her as a daughter was the unproblematic child and at school she was the sweet and friendly member of the God Squad or Singing Christians depending on how you asked. But those were the kind of labels that existed around that time.

What happens though to 12 year old Zoe is that she falls madly and instantaneously in love with her best friend. And almost immediately she thinks ‘am I in love with this girl? that must make me gay.’ And being a part of the circles that I was in a fairly conservative Christian family and a fairly conservative Christian School with Christian friends in that Christian school, I said ‘absolutely not. I don't want to have to deal with that.’ I was never hateful towards gay people in general I just thought I just didn't want to deal with it myself. My mum and I had had conversations about it when the plebiscite happened, and whenever we spoke about it, it was very much about ‘the gay people’ as opposed to anyone we knew or loved, let alone a Christian person, and so this whole gay thing wasn’t really thought about. Ao a few times over the next 2 or 3 years so I would ask, ‘am I in love with this girl’ And I always concluded ‘no no no you can't be in love cos you're not gay’.

By the time I’m about 14, I’ve been awoken to all different kinds of social justice movements, I took sociology, I’m going to save the world. THe labels I proudly wear are things like left wing, passionate, an ally to many different communities, in particular the lgbtq+ community.

Zoe at one point goes ‘frick frack, I'm definitely in love with this girl’. and because of the way that this world really loves labels, this was completely synonymous in my mind with being gay. My first response was probably because I'm bisexual so now that is an importand confusing label Zoë is wearing. I have somewhat fond somewhat mortifying memories of sitting on the Shinkansen, the bullet train, from Tokyo to Kyoto next to my dad doing every single ‘Am I gay’ quiz I could find online. Throughout this trip to Japan, I’m really testing the waters and every single younger woman I saw I was like ‘Is she cute? Am I attracted to her? Would I kiss her?’ and so that experience made me very nervous because I had still grown up with the mindset that if people were gay it was ok but they weren't Christian. And I was a Christian, so I just ignored it really. And this turned into a time of me hypersexualising sll of the boys that I had ever thought I had a crush on. I can quite confidently say that I didn't actually have a crush on many of them, I just thought that that was something that I should do. So there was a lot of ignoring this feeling.

We then reach year 10, 2020, a glorious year. In the first Lockdown, I finally caved and downloaded Tik Tok. The thing about Tik Tok is that it comes with its own world of labels, and I really would enjoy the kinds of conversations about what side of Tik Tok you are on. I loved that your For You Page automatically gave you certain labels to wear as a Tik Tok user, and I loved that those applied to real life. I quite quickly ended up on gay Tik Tok, among other things. I was also very firmly on Black Lives Matter Tik Tok, on disablrf Tik Tok, on Indigenous Tik Tok, so on and so forth. But much of my content was about the lgbtq community and this opened a ahole can of worms. I, at this time, carried a lot of shame for my attraction to women. For a bit of a backstory, I had been so severely heartbroken by this girl - not by her own intentional actions, I think that she was never going to feel about me the way that I felt about her and that was not her fault - but I was so seriously heartbroken that not only did I hold this moral shame but also this like emotional shame of my attraction to women. I felt like it was not a good thing morally and it didn't feel good emotionally because I had to still been really hurt about this girl and I have never really gotten over that. So for the first time on gay Tik Tok, I saw queerness and same-sex attraction as a positive thing not only in terms of ‘hey look these are women loving woman relationships that are working well’ but also ‘whether or not you're dating someone, queer identity is good for you and it's fun to talk about’. And as a type 4 on the enneagram, I love to feel special - not to say that I fabricated these feelings or that any queer person is queer for attention - but I think a big part of me felt validated or special because of my feelings and my queeness. It was like a new club that I could join. And so the labels that 15 year old Zoe wears largely consisted of queer. We had it dropped bisexual a little bit because at this point I was not sure if I like men at all and so we identified as queer or sapphic or bi or lesbian or gay - many of these words along with the left wing, Pro Black-lives-matter, pro-feminism, pro-lgbtq+, anti-colonialist anti-capitalist etc. etc. And I don't want to demonize any of those things - they are not at all negative things, I'm just painting a picture of the different labels that I wore.

Through out starting to come out to my friends and existing for longer periods of time not only on gay Tik Tok but now really searching all through the Internet for more LGBTQ+ identity - as I tried to confirm my traction for women, as I tried to decide about my attraction to men, about what label I should wear, and what it's like being in the LGBTQ+ community different, spaces where we interact, different identities and labels and experiences of queerness. So I really tied myself to this identity and it is I think so much because of the way the world sees labels as I said and so my first response was ‘well if I like girls I must be gay and if I'm gay I must identify that way and that has to be the most important thing about me’ because all the people I was seeing online really loved being gay. They were proud of their identity in their queeness. In the world as much as I think that we like to think we’ve got this ‘your sexuality or your gender identity doesn't matter. Gay and straight and bi and pan and whoever you are, we’re all human’, I think it often the world does like to draw those lines on both sides. Within queer communities there was - obviously ironically and satirically - this heterophobia honestly. (I'm joking!) But there was a real pride in this identity of whichever specific label you wear as well as the wider lgbtq plus label which led me to believe my sexuality was who I was. And that proved really quite awkward because I knew that my church and my family and many of my Christian friends believed that same sex marriage and romance was sinful. Because of the strong connection between my identity and my sexuality, if my sexuality was sinful, that meant that I was inherently and completely sinful and I didn't like that. It wasn't a fun feeling. After all of the years of learning about God’s gift of grace to us, kind of I lost in the crevices of my mind and whenever I thought about God I was met with feelings of shame and fear and dread and resentment sometimes even anger and I grew to be so despairing.

Eventually I tried the various progressive Christianity movements that teach that ‘God doesn't actually say the being gay is a sin, the Bible is pro queerness and don't even worry about it, God made you exactly the way that you are and he loves you the way that you are, go forth and have that lesbian relationship that you so desperately want’. But that never really sat right with me. It brought up other questions of ‘well if the current translation of the Bible says things like marriage is between a man and a woman, God made man and woman, any sex outside of marriage is sinful, or even the parts that say that ‘homosexuality is sinful, or man lying with man in certain translations, is sinful what happened to that part of the Bible?’ And of course I heard the response about how at the Bible was written by man and not by God and that it is fragile and can be manipulated and basically King James ruined the whole Bible when he wrote that translation and you don't have to listen to it. But that really didn't work for me. If that part of the Bible had been mistranslated how could I know that the rest of the Bible hadn't been mistranslated? If words like homosexuality weren't in the original text and they had been added there or mistranslated how could I understand the words like grace and love and hope and patience and kindness and peace and righteousness and holiness and justice? What if they were mistranslated? What if the whole Gospel was not how it was written in the Bible because the Bible was man-made? Pretty immediatelyI decided I couldn’t really understand a Christianity where homosexuality is not a sin because Christianity is written in the Bible and the Bible says that quite clearly. I believe that the Bible is directly the Word of God, that it is perfect, that the way that it is translated - obviously different translations vary - but that it is right from God’s mouth so imediately was like I can't believe in it Christianity where homosexuality is not a sin and so I've got to pick Christian or Gay.

And I didn’t want to choose Christian because I had this point has grown quite fond of being gay and I mean, I was truly just attracted to women, right, like I wanted a girlfriend and so I tried really hard to ignore God. I was still going to church, twice or three times a week and all that, and I could not shake the existence of God. I knew God existed. I knew that He created the world, that He was good and that they was the thing called sin that separated us from him. I knew that sin led to death. I knew that He had sent His Son to bridge the gap between himself and sinners. I knew that Son was Jesus and that He died on the cross and he rose again and I knew that if you believed in him you would spend eternity with God which was a really good thing. I could not shake those feelings, all those beliefs, and I absolutely praise God for that. I'm so beyond grateful that God did not leave me, even when I hated him and resented him and felt so much anger towards him. Praise Jesus!

All this left me thinking, well some people could go to heaven, but God hates me because of my feelings. He does not want me part of His kingdom if I'm gay. I can't ever go to heaven because I'm a sinner, and sinners don’t go to heaven. I truly don't know where all my years of learning about the grace of God had gone. This led me to a really distressed position, probably one of the lowest ever my mental health had been. I was just not coping and I ended up being kind of forced to tell my mum. I don't really want to say too much on this part of the story but by the middle-ish end of year 10 I ended up coming out to my mum and she told my dad, ‘cause I refused to do it myself, and then I got a therapist. Finally, now that my mum knew, I could ask her what I had so desperately wante to ask her - if she could please buy me some books about being gay and Christian. And so she did. And I slowly but surely started to read them, I started to read my Bible more and I started to really search for what it meant to have faith trust in God’s grace and not in your own work, not in your own actions or thoughts or words. The first book I got in particular was really hard to read it was based more on specific Theology and not on personal experience and I needed that foundation in what God really said because I had just had conversations with my mum and she had reminded me ‘God is real and he loves you and he sent his son to die for you and that is an option for you as much as it is for anyone else, your queerness does not separate you from Christ's death and resurrection’. There is a wonderful bible verse that became very important to me at this time. Romans 8, the very end of the chapter, says ‘for I'm convinced that neither death not life neither Angels not Demons need of a present or the future and or any Powers neither height nor depth nor anything else in All Creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our lord.’ So with this in mind, I decided that I could trust God and now I just needed to learn how. so I worked away through different books, through different parts of the Bible, praying really hard, searching online and asking really hard questions to some really awesome Christian women in my life, and asking God to reveal to me exactly what he thought about me and about queerness and so eventually we get to the present moment. I by no means know everything that I wish I knew, but now I can say that I wholly trust God with my next life - I trust that he has the power and the strength and the holiness to overcome even my sin which sometimes feels like the biggest there is. and I trust him with this life - that life with him is so much better than any lesbian affair I could ever experience.

I want to personally apologize to any one who the church or the world has ever made believe that they are somehow exempt from God’s love because of who they are or what they've done or how they’ve felt. That is false. There is no one that does not sin, no one that is not inherently separated from God. And there is no one who is too far from Jesus' power to be saved from that sin. God is bigger than your sin, I promise you.

I want to take this time to mourn for the lives lost and the joy and peace forfeited because of the way people who claim to know God treat queer people. I'm sorry if you have been made to feel less than because of the church. In the process of overcoming of guilt and shame that I have felt over the year, one more verse that I found really important. 1 John 1 says that ‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.’

So for me, I don't identify with my sexuality. I don't want to say that I'm straight now, that's not really true. but my sexuality is not what makes me who I am. I am a person fearfully and wonderfully made by God and I am a daughter of God in Christ. I am not ashamed of my feelings. I do think that it is worth mentioning that an attraction or a desire or an impulse is not the same as a sin. The Bible tells us that Jesus himself was tempted in every way and the Bible also tells us that Jesus is blameless and never sinned. And so I think it's worth the clarification that same-sex attraction or anything like that is not sinful itself and also that being gay is never worse than anyone else's sin, and it is never ever bigger than God.

I just want you all to know that there is nothing that you have done that makes you exempt from God’s love for you, to know that he is trustworthy, that the Bible is trustworthy, and I encourage you that your value is inherent as a person made in God’s image and that with Jesus, you can have identity in his son alone. When he sees you, he sees the goodness and perfection of Jesus if you believe in him.

[littlefoxywrites]

A Thank-You Of Sorts

I’m not posting this under a cut, because I think if I did, I’d segue into just saving it as a draft, and I’ve put too much feeling into it to allow myself to do that. You needn’t read it if you don’t want, seeing as it’s not fic haha

So, I jumped into the Closer when season six (or perhaps the tail end of five) was airing. I was in high school at the time and had just finished BSG with my dad. (For some reason, he picked it out on Netflix and it became our Thing.) I had a boyfriend at the time and wanted to go to school for veterinary medicine or theater. I lived in a small, Christian, agricultural town.

Went to college. Watched the Closer with my freshman roommate. Early on in freshman year, one of us printed out a photo of Sharon standing in the murder room with arms crossed, captioned “go ahead, make my day, motherfucker.” I switched majors, broke up with the boyfriend, broke my leg, and helped my gay childhood friend move to LA, debating the whole drive over if I could tell him I thought I might be gay.

My old roommate and I would get together to watch Major Crimes when she moved out of the dorms-excuse me, residence halls- and I was an RA. That went on all the way through undergrad. It was a great study break and we’d laugh our collective asses off at Provenza and Amy Sykes.

I got my EMT and started work. I went through I think seven jobs during undergrad- pharmaceutical research, RAing, waitressing, EMTing, teaching. Sharon kept working hard hours and I thought about that walking home at three in the morning after my shift and before my eight am class. I had a four-inch pathophys book, and a cop who’d pulled someone over took a moment to make sure I was okay, since girls walking alone at that hour was rather odd.

I went to church and cycled through belief and agnosticism several times and still ended up as President of our ministry group, in the choir, and on the church board. (I rather liked being a madam president.) I dated and broke up with another lovely boy, still confused about my labels. I felt bad about it, and Rusty came out as gay to Sharon.

I joined a rugby team and found another family. They were loud and gay and straight and bi and genderfluid and cis and wild and brilliant and quiet and loud and pushed me to my limits. They cared about my diabetes and I started to stop hiding it for the first time ever. I felt good. Gay stopped being such a strange concept to me.

My roommate and I graduated. I moved out of state and started grad school.  We live-texted through the episodes. Sharon ran into cops who hated her guts, crying people, and hard situations and she dealt with it professionally. Sharon Raydor was a fucking badass, a strong woman who did her best with her circumstances. I didn’t have many women like that. My mom, of course, but not many other women. The rest of my family lives across the country, and is pretty small. Both my mum’s parent’s are only children and she has one brother with no children. I have four cousins on my dad’s side and one brother.

Sharon was like that crazy aunt that (I think) you love because she does what she wants and needs. She’ll tell you all the stuff you don’t talk about with your mom. She reminded me of the ministry pastor, who probably helped me more in college than she’ll ever know, in more than just a spiritual way. I kind of got known for going off about “that woman with the voice,” as my mom calls her.

HE got elected. I had a horrible staph infection at the time. I ended up crying with my gay microbiology professor, worried about the future. I marched the next day with a glittery, rainbow sign that said “I shall stand for love.”

Mary McDonnell got an instagram somewhere along the line and said things that felt good to hear, reassuring me that there were people out there who still cared about other people.

I nearly quit school a few times, wrote a fic about Sharon seeing a shrink which pushed me to nut up and see a shrink after debating it for three years, graduated, and spent four months trying to get a job. I made some friends online through the fandom, and that’s pretty sweet. I love having fellow nerds that I can geek with.

I get hit on by people and patients. I got called “hot blonde with the braids,” “hot little shit,” and “sweetheart” in that tone of voice. A coworker asked me the definition of cunnilingus as a pick up line. And every time it happens, I take a deep breath and think “Sharon would have had to put up with this before it was so common for women to be in uniform. What would she have done?” And that’s a comfort and a good way to think things through. I feel braver for her existence, for her character. I feel better for seeing Sharon go through hard times and come out on top.

I’m saving for school again. It feels good. And I think I owe her a thank you. What she represents. A thank you to Mary McDonnell as well, for bringing her to life and influencing her, because every character has some of their actor in them. Every actor brings personality and body language and inflection to a character, often has input on the character and their make-up and costuming.

I still have the photo clipped to my calendar, right next to a Mother Goose & Grimm and above my work schedule.

Thank you.