#between work burning me out and trying to engage in my hobbies

[shinaus]

every time i come onto this app i truly just get sad that i'm not granted as much time as i used to have

[myokk]

Hi! I'm still feral for these two, would you mind giving us some art of them in their later years together!?

Hello angel!!!!

Sorry it’s taken so long to respond🫶🫶 but I wanted to draw some new art for this ask💓

We have: Sebastian and Eloise trying out their new fancy camera with a selfie, pictures of them with their daughter, and finally…idk I just always felt like this drawing is when they’re a bit older💓

I want to take this ask as an opportunity as well to talk a little about how I imagine their future (I have no chill & you can ignore this and just enjoy the art if you want😇).

I am a COMPLETE pantser - I never know how a chapter’s going to end when I start writing it (I always just have a few scenes I know I need to include to keep the plot moving forward). Although I have different *big* scenes I’m always writing towards, and themes/plot elements I’m always foreshadowing (shout out to @elliecutte for catching *almost* all of my hints and appreciating my general no chill😆), IM STILL NOT 100% SURE HOW I WILL END THINGS !!! 😳 I have a lot of endings I see as possible, and I think soon it will become more clear to me what will work the best💓

HAPPY ENDING:

Eloise and Sebastian become Unspeakables. I have a LOT of thoughts on this profession that could be its OWN post, and I feel like Unspeakables are generally specialized in one or two departments, but as their interests/research change they also change.

Eloise becomes an Unspeakable in the Mind and Death departments, with the occasional foray into Time. Her ancient magic is connected with all of these things (my version of AM is NOT like the game) & the Department of Mysteries is one of the only places that gives her any useful information about these things. Plus she thinks too much (it IS her hobby after all😆💓) and is very introverted so a hermit job like this is a perfect fit.

Sebastian becomes an Unspeakable as well, but I feel like it takes him a long time to specialize in anything, if he ever does. I just feel like becoming an Unspeakable is the adult equivalent of sneaking into the Restricted Section🥹🫶

They grow old together (I won’t explain TOO much) & have a lovely little family🥹 at least one daughter that they both dote on. Sebastian had an amazing childhood (idyllic until it wasn’t), and wants to give his daughter the same, and Eloise works hard to make sure their daughter feels the love that she never had growing up🥺

When Sirius is burned off the family tree, Eloise and Sebastian take him in🥹🫶 (they’re like 100 years old but WIZARDS LIVE LONGER…) The same happened to her all those years ago, and she wants him to know that his whole family hasn’t abandoned him.

Eloise LOVED her nieces - Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa - when they were younger, but as Voldemort becomes more powerful & people realize WHAT he’s doing, she has to separate herself from them. Her heart breaks seeing Bellatrix go mad, and seeing Narcissa engaged to a Malfoy out of obligation😔 (iykyk)

I haven’t thought any more about happy ending but I think it’s fun to think about how their future story might weave in with the actual canon events, ESPECIALLY since Eloise is a Black🥹💓

SAD ENDING:

After Sebastian gets his hands on Slytherin’s relic, it really starts to consume him and makes him even MORE obsessive than his natural tendencies - I imagine it similarly “talking” to him like Slytherin’s locket/horcrux did in Deathly Hallows (😳)

Eloise is deathly afraid of the changes she’s seeing in Sebastian and steals it from him (he would never willingly give it to her ESPECIALLY if it starts to feel like a precious item to him)

BUT the relic triggers the latent Black Family Madness in her - the madness that afflicts almost every woman in her family since…🤭 - and she herself starts to lose touch with reality. Her body and soul are already destroying themselves between the curse and the ancient magic inside of her, and the relic is what triggers it in her.

Sebastian becomes an Unspeakable, focusing on the Mind, in a desperate attempt to find a cure for his Eloise🥺

He never gives up his research, and sometimes when he comes home she is lucid and they talk about his research - otherwise, he just loves and takes care of her.

(He’s never successful in finding a way to reverse what he feels he caused in the first place - his ambition and single-mindedness is, to him, the reason why all of this happened)

Honestly who knows if I end their story either of these ways😌 I just love thinking of AUs and different endings and I have a few others I’ve considered as well!!! And whatever endings I don’t write will be immortalized on this blog and in my art as well🙏

[heavenlymorals]

Do you have any tips for how to write Arthur Morgan’s personality in general? I’m trying to write a fic but I feel like no matter what I do it somehow just makes him feel out of character haha. It’s probably since I’m writing one with a reader/oc character x Arthur. Like I don’t want to remove Mary from the story because she shaped so much of his character’s pain (since in my opinion I assume that Arthur probably got Eliza with child from a one night stand trying to bounce back after Mary had told him that she was engaged to some other man). But I also don’t know how to really write Arthur as he’s completely over Mary and how he is instead with someone he considers the love of his life, cheesy I know but I had too haha. I’m also trying to somewhat do a slow burn and trying to instead have Arthur seemingly brood over his love for the reader rather than how he did with Mary in the game.

I don’t know if this makes sense and feel free to ignore it LOL

Ahah here goes nothing- my consensus on a general understanding of Arthur Morgan-

I think the biggest thing that people should focus on when writing Arthur is his personality differences between men and women. There is a pretty clear divide between how behaves with men compared to how he behaves with women. It can change slightly between how close he is with the people, but it's pretty much the same.

With women, Arthur is very respectful and chivalrous. He even gets mad at other men if they don't behave accordingly. He is more interested in them as well in the sense that he'll listen to their dreams and hobbies and either add to the conversation or encourage them in some way that seems more meaningful, even if it can be at times superficial, just a way to be polite. However, he is no push over. You know that meme that's like "Me and my girl don't argue, she tells me to shut the fuck up and I do"? Yeah, that is NOT Arthur. He can raise his voice, call them out, etc etc. when he feels disrespected in some way or if the person is doing something stupid. We see this with Mary, Sadie, and Abigail. He is also more likely to talk about his emotions with women, but not really BE emotional. Idk if that makes sense, but I don't know how else to say it.

However, Arthur is more inclined to be disrespectful to women who don't fit into his view of life and the status quo of the time (ie. Prostitutes, masculine women, etc.)

Honestly, just think of that when writing him with your oc (I'm going to assume they're a woman 😭). Is Mary a big part of Arthur's character? Yes and no. He can obviously make time for her, but she isn't controlling his every action and thought process. His main focus is the collective of the gang and once the gang is safe, that's when he'll actively start looking for love because that's when he'll have the time and energy for it.

Now with men, Arthur is much more rough. He is very much a suck it up kinda guy with other dudes. There is clearly a hierarchy in the game and he enforces it, especially with the men underneath him. He forces them to work, doesn't take their excuses really, will call them out, will be mean, and will even make threats (ie. Sean). He likes men who are hard workers and are always on the go (Lenny) and is more likely to be jovial, open, and willing to talk. He also will take NO shit from other men and that will either leave the other man read to filth or a black eye. Arthur also does not disclose feelings of fear or inadequacy to other men, but he will show more active emotions like joy or anger.

Honestly, whenever I feel like writing Arthur, I just think of the average older American outdoorsman and it helps me out pretty well. Chivalrous and respectful with expectations and a no bullshit attitude.

Hope this helps and happy writing 🫶🏼

[thelasttime]

hi madie! long time follower, first time asker here. bit of a heavy question for a tuesday night, so I apologize in advance.

how are you able to keep up with so much and also be good at it and also enjoy it? like what drives your incredible work ethic? of course this is the internet and ik we only see your highlight reel and not the behind the scenes stuff, to paraphrase taylor. I'm just having a bit of a rough day academically, as in being totally unproductive all day despite setting intentions this morning to be productive and get a lot of homework done today, which feels very frustrating.

I know you're studying to become a doctor which obvi takes a lot of dedication and hard work which are things I've been trying to improve recently but simply do not come easily to me.

so ig I'm just wondering if you had any advice for being a more dedicated and committed person when it comes to things like school as well as hobbies (congrats on nailing your audition btw!). I really admire your work ethic and wish you all the best in your studies and life and everything! 💓

hello anon!! thank you for being a long time follower and thank you for sending your very first ask 💕💕 welcome to my inbox hehe

thank you so much for the kind words - it's true that my blog is quite like a highlight reel so you do see a lot of the good parts and very few of the bad parts, but i do try to keep it real on this blog. the main thing is that you can't beat yourself up when you have an unproductive day because it sort of snowballs into a bigger thing if you let it weigh you down. rather than taking this unproductive day as something to be ashamed of, take it as something where you needed the break so you took it!! and then tomorrow, be as productive as possible because you had the break yesterday

it's actually encouraged to be unproductive on some days. when i was studying for the MCAT, we were specifically told to take break days and to make sure that we didn't over-extend ourselves because we would just burn out too quickly. so what i would do is study everyday of the week and give myself a nice break on sunday to do absolutely nothing !! and that was necessary !!

i think what also helps with my motivation is that i really like to keep myself organized which means i am religiously devoted to my google calendar and my to-do list. the google calendar is to make sure that i'm not losing track of the things i need to do but the to-do list is the thing that really keeps me going. it's very satisfying to cross things off of my to-do list and it makes sure that i'm doing everything i need to do before the day is done. if i don't finish what's on the to-do list, i just move it to tomorrow and so on. you don't have to finish everything on the to-do list but it keeps you motivated to cross things off and make sure you're doing what you need to do.

when i was studying for the MCAT, i essentially designed a calendar where i would do certain topics on certain days so i would do chemistry / psychology on one day and then biology / biochemistry on the other day. that way i wasn't boring myself to death with one topic and actually keeping things interesting. if you find that studying is really boring (because it truthfully is, for everyone) i find that starting the homework that you hate the most is helpful because you get the worst part over when you have the maximum amount of energy.

another thing about school studying is that you shouldn't just look at the paper and nod thoughtfully - you should be doing ~active studying~ which is what they encourage us to do during MCAT studying as well. you essentially have to engage with the material in order to learn it well so you can't just stare at the page and pretend you know it !! there's a couple techniques of active studying that you can find online but i recommend anything between flashcards to active recall

for hobbies - it's all just my own enjoyment!! i know i get really lazy and in a pit if i'm not doing my hobbies so i have to actively push myself to join orchestras and do stuff outside of work. one thing that really helped me is to focus on a hobby and see what i could do in the area to get involved. so . i really like playing in orchestras so i spent a day focusing on the different orchestras in the area and then sending them emails about their auditions. that way all of my research and dedication to that hobby is done in one day and i get to reap the rewards later (i.e. they email me back about auditions).

it's also okay to let go of hobbies and find new ones. if you don't like your current hobbies, try new ones! ask your friends if they have any hobbies that you haven't tried already. try a new instrument! try painting! art! there's a lot to do and hobbies are meant to be fulfilling rather than draining.

i hope this helps anon!!

[shearmouth]

If you're "slaving over fandom," it isn't a hobby. As much as we writers like to joke about being chained to our manuscripts or WIPS, we do it because we love it. I write fanfic to keep my writing skills sharp and to make the fic I want to see in the world. I love having readers, but at the end of the day I write for ME. I have gone YEARS between chapters sometimes. Some WIPs will always be dust catchers, and that's ok. I had fun writing them, then life happened, or I shifted fandoms, and I put them on the shelf. Maybe one day I'll come back, maybe not. Either way, it was time well spent.

You know what I don't do? I don't plug my (or anyone else's) unfinished work into ChatGPT to get some soulless bullshit ending whose generative text was made possible by the theft of other people's work. Because I have respect for my art, and other people's art. If I want to come up with the end of a story, I imagine it. Not to be all "back in my day" old man yells at cloud, but not too long ago we had to cook this shit up ourselves, and the creative spaces of the world were better for it.

I've seen the whole "criticizing people for using ai is classist and gatekeeping" (thanks for setting such a great precedent NaNoWriMo), and frankly, I call bullshit. It's not classist to demand art be made by humans. Plugging a prompt into ChatGPT or generative art ai models is not creating art, and as someone who has devoted years of her life to the pursuit of my craft, in my opinion it's fucking offensive to claim otherwise. A thinking, feeling, passionate, imaginative human being didn't make that fic. A million data scrapes in a trench coat did. I think I speak for a lot of folks in fandom spaces when I say miss me with that shit. The world is becoming saturated with it. Leave it out of fandom space, for the love of all that is holy. Let us keep this single space that exists not for profit, but for joy.

No one is saying you shouldn't participate in fandom spaces because you don't have time/ energy/ resources to write or draw. Engage in other ways– read, comment, brainstorm, RP, reblog, commission, make a discord. Fandom is a community. Enjoy it, and patronize it. Don't dilute it with plagiarized bullshit. It is a luxury, but that doesn't make it inherently bad. Fandom is fantasy, and a lot of people need that to help them endure reality. That's not strictly luxury. It's survival. It's sacred.

Also, just because one's effort is not always equivalently repaid does not mean the effort itself is not worth it. Effort is important because it's literally how we change the world around us for the better. It's important to care. It's important to try, to strive, to love something enough to let it roughen your hands. Of course you can burn yourself out like this, and I myself am constantly re-learning how to titrate my energy and effort so they're sustainable long-term and don't destroy me like they did in my teen years. That's a lifelong process for most folks. That doesn't mean the effort was not worth it.

Art for art's sake makes us human. Don't sell out your soul just because creating is hard.

just saw a fanfic on ao3 have a dedication for chatgpt... that section is meant for your horny perverted mutual who proofread your work, you violated sacred law and you will be torn apart and laid bare btw

[burnyouwithacigarettelighter]

part i, autonomy in your coherence | c.g

With something like time that runs round with the world — ignoring it’s inhabitants and stealing things that you’d hidden away for safekeeping — you’ve taken up the hobby of art, furiously sketching faces that are six-feet under.

The skill is beautiful and horrific all the same, watching like a person with amnesia as the portraits begin to lose their depth, the freshness, the personality that came free with who you’d chosen to print on the page.

You’ve forgotten your feelings for Carl, because he didn’t feel the same.

You just wished you did a better job at it.

WARNINGS: mentions of death, suicide ideation

this is a continuation of watch you burn away and i recommend you read that, first! this is also part of a series, so here is the masterlist if you need it!

(cross-posted on ao3!)

Your father once told you he had a patient that died from heartbreak.

“Your heart can’t really break, though, right?” You’d said. A doctor for a father and a laboratory technician for a mother made you more than aware of things, seeing through the myths and pretty white lies of figures like Santa and the tooth fairy.

(They had gone through with it anyway, because although their child knew, it was a gateway to normality in such a busy home.)

Your father scratched his chin, unsure how to respond. “My patient had died from a broken heart, though the process wasn’t as simple as it’s term name. A broken heart — the nonliteral meaning — can be the cause and the domino toppling to many things that could lead to death.”

“Like what?” You’d said with little admission into the conversation, having been flicking through a novel you’d picked up a while back (which featured a one eyed pirate and his partner who’d ended up dying in the end — not that you knew, yet, at least.)

“I don’t know, er,” Your father swirled his coffee lightly, gesturing wildly with his free hand, “Mental health issues, for one. Erratic actions, depression, a lost sense of self. Obsession.”

“Huh,” You muttered, looking up at your father for the first time. “A lost sense of self? Really?”

“What is your father teaching you?” Your mother said, stepping into the kitchen with a questioning expression. The conversation ended there, without so much as a thought after.

You wish you pried your father for further answers. What you’d give to get the workaholic of a man to dump his duo psychology medical major thoughts unto you with little care.

The knowledge would be gold in your time of need, when pulling and pushing distance further between you was like venturing through a field of thorns.

(Perhaps you just missed your parents. But that couldn’t be it, right? They’d died and you had lived, their blood on your hands and the gun in your fingers, their glazed over eyes and your own that nearly matched, cold and willing without a drop of emotion.)

But you’d gotten through it for him— without him. Without anyone, quietly harboring scratches and bleeding from the field with little effort.

If someone asked, you would tell them with full and honest confidence that you harboured no more attachments. You were a naive teenager, running through your feet and over yourself for something that was just a crush.

Crushes are — in their whole singularity and purpose —  temporary.

They are brief, and momentarily something that causes ripples and waves in your thoughts, just the slightest mention or faint sight makes you detour down a road of sickly sweet dreams and fantasies.

He was first love (like? You didn’t love him, no, it was a crush and it was something for the unattainable and the inappropriate — in which with full truth, he was.) so you poured the honey glazed remembrances and rose coloured lenses over your memories, because he was a first love, and you know that those were cracks in the heart, growing vines and constricting the part that was him — the part that’d always, always be there, without a doubt.

(However much you didn’t want it to be.)

The leaves and the venomous flowers that sprout in decaying grooves come with age, and you are older now.

You bear fresh scars that litter your entire being and wear newly buried bones of people who were once not just that, the dirt still sitting in the crevices of your nails, and you seem to forget their voices with each passing day.

With something like time that runs round with the world — ignoring it’s inhabitants and stealing things that you’d hidden away for safekeeping — you’ve taken up the hobby of art, furiously sketching faces that are six-feet under.

The skill is beautiful and horrific all the same, watching like a person with amnesia as the portraits begin to lose their depth, the freshness, the personality that came free with who you’d chosen to print on the page.

More and more, the faces look like reference art rather than a taken from life picture, which was all telling them to sit still and watching their eyes crinkle at the edges when you show them the result, voices echoing and asking if they could have it.

Everyday, as it has become a peevish habit like biting your nails or obsessively reminding yourself your stove is off, you draw pictures of everyone.

If you are close enough with them, you ask the subject to sit and model for you, analyzing every breath and laugh they take when you crack a joke or engage them in meaningless conversation just to see how the light hits their brows when they raise, the shadows pooling in their aging lines.

Everyday, you wish and hope and even fucking pray that their portraits continue to be something of anxious routine, rather than trying to dump their image out of your head and onto paper so you can see their faces one more time.

His image seems to change with each moment he sits in for you, once a face with two piercing blues, then a patch and eyes that looked at the dusty wooden floor, and later, someone who looks at you straight, something that told you he was a survivor, who bore his battles proudly, the scar on the right of his face sitting ruggedly and bewitchingly.

You draw him, exactly the way you see him, and when you show him the picture, he laughs, and says “You made me look too pretty,” and you shake your head, “It’s exactly the way I see you.”

You do her, too, upon request. When she sits, you draw her almost like it was professional, drawing the curvature of her face with exact precision, intense shading, marking the features she holds. The dip in her nose, the straight of her hair.

(You often forget who you’re drawing in these moments, and when you step away from the canvas you’re hit with whiplash. It’s subconscious, the way you do these things to please him, wanting to see so clearly how his face spreads delicately with delight.)

It takes a little while for you to convince Ron. When you first propose the drawing, he gives you a confused face, before walking off to do shooting practice. He’s gotten better with the gun over the years, and doesn’t respond when you tell him you know why.

(His mother didn’t come out of it alive, and his brother didn’t come back without harm. The younger boy was alive, but would grow up with only his brother by his side and one less limb to account for.)

The second time, he makes a snide comment, albeit with no bite, about how ‘you must be a horrible artist, to ask me of all people to model for you.’

The third time, you’ve dragged him to the small office you makeshifted for the drawings in the garage. He studies every slit of paper you’ve ripped out of your book, the unfinished sketches or yet-to-be painted canvases piling up against the walls. Complete works sit proudly on your wall, displayed for the world to see.

His hands hover over the paints sitting on your desk, charcoal, dirt, sticks, paintbrushes, handmade dyes, wallpaper cut-outs.

“Why?” Ron says curiously.

“‘Why?’ what?” You echo, fiddling with a fork you grabbed from the kitchen, splaying out a thick lather combination of beet dye and cement onto your finger to check the consistency.

“Why do you draw these portraits? I get the others because,” He says, leaving the words “because they’re dead” hanging in the air between you two in mutual and regretful acknowledgement, “But you draw these everyday. You drag Carl and Enid off, or just sit on the benches and draw Maggie and Glenn knee-deep in the dirt.”

You sigh a dreadful breath, wiping the rest of the beet-cement mix onto the page with the pad of your fore-finger. “We’ll forget them one day.”

He looks at you, unblinking. The dead, the gone, and the soon to be long forgotten only existed in your memories, in your words, and when the time came that the world had moved on and stopped, they would cease. Their whole memory relied on the living, nothing about them able to reach and grasp life on their own. Memory was all that was left, and it was all you could do to wash away regret.

“And the rest?”

You bite your tongue hesitantly, your movements rigid, “You see their portraits. Everyday they get less and less coherent. When — when time comes , these drawings will be the only thing getting me by.” You whispered.

The ball had dropped. Coping and grief in it’s big and ugly form, preying on your conscious hungrily, taking shelter in your largest worries. Claws sunken in your flesh, the monster was a thing that felt like it would never go away, because it would loom right alongside death itself, watching and waiting for the moment they’d deemed someones time to have been enough.

(It would never be enough. Enough meant they’d pop in from next door and ask to borrow something, enough meant they’d swipe dirt across your face to make you angry — enough meant they would come in everyday and sit for their portrait once more.)

A creaking on the floorboard caught your attention, eyes watching as Ron’s feet walk to the corner of the room, before hopping onto the wooden seat with little effort.

“I’m not going. I never will. But — do it anyway. I’d… like to see how I look on paper.” He said cheekily, picking up a thin pencil off your desk and handing it out to you.

So you did. Seconds turned to minutes and minutes snowballed into hours in the dim lighting of the garage, asking the blond to turn his body, stretch his head and make different expressions, fulfilling and destroying the little worm of worry sitting in your head.

When you’re done with the charcoal, turning it around for Ron to see and to inspect, he asks, “What about you?”

“And what about me?” You say. His questions never make sense without further discussion, but the boy always has to wait for you to pry and ask him to elaborate.

“You don’t have any drawings of yourself. You’re the artist, the photographer, the one who makes these things that will stay longer than the memories and the words — so what about you?”

It’s rare that Ron delves into his emotions and the things he really means, but when he does, it’s something that stays, for a long while.

“I,” You didn’t have an answer for it. You weren’t one to do a self-portrait, it not being the same as having someone to sit and take from. “I don’t want to.” You finished simply, an ice cold realization coming to reality in you.

“Why?” He says the same words as before, but the words hold a heavy weight.

“I don’t know.”

You knew.

Maybe one day, you’d wished that you’d wash away like seafoam on the beach. You wouldn’t leave a single portrait behind of you, and the memories and the words were left mum behind his lips, because you knew how he got in a loss.

Quiet and unfeeling, it was so selfish of you that you’d counted on how he got in that state to leave you behind, neglecting you like the fruits of your memories you’d never get to bear.

Ron’s gaze bore into you like he knew exactly what you were thinking, telepathically taking in every thought you’d conveyed at your dispense.

“You should.” Is all he says, before stepping off the wooden stool and out the door.

What was wrong with you? You feel so… entirely foolish. Obsolete. Embarrassing.

You walked past the remnants of those who were gone everyday, obsessively creating canvas over canvas of them and the only thing you could think was that you’d wish to position yourself beside them?

This world was catching up to you, and fast, but you’d just have to run faster than it could.

[genshin-garbage]

Regret and the Truth

Lumine falls for the distant alchemist, Albedo, but he doesn’t realize his feelings until it’s too late. He hurts her in a way he can’t undo and regret settles in his heart. Regret can be ignored for a while, but it always comes back.

When Lumine first saw the alchemist, her first thought was that he was really pretty. When they officially met, she found the rumors about his coldness to be unfounded. He was quite pleasant to work with and engaged in conversation avidly. Albedo wasn’t shy about asking questions about her nature as a traveler of worlds, and was curious about her biology. She initially chalked this up to being about his research, but as the questions became more and more personal, she couldn’t help but be curious about him in turn.

Over time, their talks started to resemble normal conversations people have to get to know each other. Questions like: what are your hobbies and what’s your hometown like. Lumine eventually forgot how insatiable his curiosity really is and came to consider him a close friend, later even developing feelings for him. She went to visit his camp on Dragonspine whenever she was free, and when she had to stop by the Knights of Favonius headquarters she always asked if he was there.

It didn’t take long for most of the knights to realize Lumine’s crush, Klee especially was excited as she wanted to see the honorary knight be happy with her big brother. Aside from Klee, the knights generally supported her. A few who were closer to Albedo however, were a bit hesitant and tried to steer her away from him. Sucrose and Timaus in particular tried to tell Lumine about his one-track mind, and how he has a hard time understanding normal emotions. However, Lumine’s feelings couldn’t be stopped and those who were reluctant do eventually stop trying to sway her.

There came a day when Lumine had finally worked up the courage to confess her feelings with the support of her friends (and maybe a little bit of alcohol). It was sunset and Albedo had been collecting research materials in Dragonspine, she was a bit tipsy and waiting for him in his lab.

“Hm? Lumine? What are you doing here?”

“Albedo I, I need to tell you something.”

“Yes?”

Lumine approaches him, she was too nervous to look him in the eyes. “I, I like you a lot!”

“Hmm, I see. Then I wonder…” He leans over and kisses her. Lumine doesn’t kiss back out of surprise but quickly leans into the kiss. Their hands roam each other's bodies as they kiss, feet taking them to the couch nearby. As Albedo lays her down on the sofa, he kisses her down her neck and leads the night in a more passionate direction.

Lumine wakes up naked next to Albedo. Her head stung a little but she remembers clearly what had transpired. She blushes hard, she felt there was a possibility of Albedo returning her affections but she didn’t expect the night to turn in that direction. It felt good though and she doesn’t regret it. He never properly said he liked her back however, which irked her a bit, but there was still time. She feels Albedo stir below her, one hand moving from her waist to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes.

“Mhmmm, good morning.” He sits up carefully so as to not push her off the couch.

“Good- good morning.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel great. A bit sore but I really enjoyed last night.”

“Nothing out of the ordinary? No changes anywhere?”

“No?” She hesitated, dread washing over her. “Last night, you never really told me how you felt.”

“About that, I don’t want you to misinterpret my actions. I was merely curious about your biology and how your kind reacts to romantic interest, nothing more. Perhaps if the results were different we could have continued this charade a bit longer, but they turned out to be the same as any average person in Teyvat.” He reaches over to grab his shirt from the floor. “Please excuse me, I have work to do and I must record the data from this experiment.”

Lumine shifted off him but remained silent, tears began to well up in her eyes as she felt her heart be torn to shreds by every word that came out of his mouth. To him she was nothing more than an experiment, a specimen in his research to find the truth to this world. She was had, used, and now was being discarded as if she was nothing. “So last night, my confession, it all meant nothing to you? All those times you called me beautiful, was it all a lie?”

“No, not entirely. You are attractive and your company is pleasant enough.” He puts on his clothing as he speaks, his tone disinterested and his face neutral. It was clear he didn’t care what happened next or how Lumine felt. “However, beyond my research I don’t feel the need to be anymore than acquaintances. It was simply convenient to use your attraction to get a better idea of how you work.”

“I see.” Her voice cracked and Albedo turned to look at her. Tears fell down her cheeks and a fake smile plastered on her face as she put on her clothing. “I’m- I’m glad that I was at least some use to you. I, uh, I need to go. Paimon must be wondering where I am. Goodbye.”

She rushes out the door leaving a surprised Albedo alone in the lab. While he did expect her to be upset, he didn’t expect her to still treat him with such kindness. He expected her to beat him screaming at him for playing with her emotions. He felt a tinge of regret before smothering it, there wasn’t time for regret in the pursuit of knowledge. It was a necessary step in getting the data he needed. Still, the hurt expression lingered in his mind as he planned out his new routine until the people of Mondtstadt forgot about this incident.

The next few weeks, Lumine was emotionally absent. It was hard not to notice how she robotically went through commissions, taking more of them as well as bounties. Paimon noticed that what little sleep she did get on a daily basis was cut from her schedule, and that she had started eating less. Whenever anyone asked what was wrong, she would always say that she was fine. They knew it had something to do with Albedo, but he was more elusive than usual. He was the last to come and first to leave during meetings, all of his experiments now took place in Dragonspine, and his time spent babysitting Klee was now spent studying the area around Star Snatched Cliff.

One night, they had finally had enough and managed to convince Diluc to let Lumine drink in hopes that some alcohol in her system would finally get her to tell them what was wrong. He agreed, and so Lisa, Jean, and Amber took Lumine out on a girls night out while Diluc manned the bar.

Lisa was the first to prod after Lumine was decently drunk. “So Lumine, What happened between you and Albedo? You haven’t asked about him in a long while. Did your confession not go well?”

“He- he doesn’t like me in that way. I’m nothing but a specimen in his research.” Lumine takes another long sip of her drink. “He said it himself, ‘beyond my research I don’t feel the need to become anything beyond acquaintances’.”

“I have a feeling that if he had simply rejected you, you wouldn’t be this upset.” Jean stated. “Something else happened between you two. You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, but as your friends we want to help you in any way we can.”

“Yeah! Like Jean said! We all hate seeing you all mopey and sad! If Albedo did anything to you I’ll make it my personal mission to set Barron Bunny on him!” Amber added, crossing her arms to exaggerate her point.

Lumine, touched by their words, and incredibly hammered at this point, began to cry. “Tha-thank you guys. I- after I confessed we spent the night together, it was consensual and I enjoyed it, but the morning after he admitted that he only slept with me as part of his research. I- I really thought he liked me back, but he used me! I feel like there’s something wrong with me! I feel so dumb for falling for him, Sucrose and Timaus even warned me! Am I just not good enough? I thought I had a chance, but I was so foolish for thinking I was good enough. Why would he fall for someone like me? I’m nothing but an outlander!”

The rest of her words become unintelligible babble and wails. Amber held her in a tight hug as she bawled her eyes out. Looks were shared between the three women and Diluc as a roaring rage began to burn in their eyes. How dare he use Lumine like this. How dare he play with her feelings, then cast her aside like a toy. Any sort of respect they had for the alchemist beyond his genius had dissipated in the wind.

It wasn’t long before everyone in Mondstadt knew what had happened. He found the increased difficulty in obtaining items in shops and finding people to assist him irritating but not unexpected. He didn’t care about the glares from adults, but the questions from Klee did sting.

“What did big brother do to big sis Lumine to hurt her feelings? Klee can go get Jean and see if she can help big brother make up with Lumine!”

“It’s ok Klee, I’m sure Jean and Lumine have better things to do.”

“But-”

“Klee, it's fine. How about you go play outside.”

“Ok…”

As Klee exited the lab, Sucrose came in. She had an anxious look and was fidgeting. “Master Albedo? Do you have a moment? I wish to speak to you about something.”

“Very well, what is it Sucrose?”

“Why- why did you do that to Lumine? There were other ways to get the data you wanted without hurting her. So why did you do it?”

“It was simply the most convenient way at the time, and the data I collected was easier to analyze since I didn’t have to rely on a third party. It was simply easier to get objective information.”

Sucrose clearly didn’t like that answer as her body tensed up and her face had a hurt expression. “I see. I’ll leave you be then. I won’t be available to assist you for a while. I hope your research was worth Lumine’s pain.”

She stormed off in a quiet rage and left Albedo alone in the lab. He seemed to be alone more, he attributed it to the lack of hands helping him but he knew deep down it was because Lumine wasn’t there anymore. For the second time, regret flared up in his heart before he smothers it again. If loneliness was a consequence of getting closer to the truth, then he shall make himself the loneliest man alive.

The month after the confrontation with Sucrose, he overhears that the traveler had returned from Liyue with someone. He pays this no mind until he sees her with the man himself. An ugly feeling rears its head as he sees her laughing and smiling with a green haired man. If Albedo hadn’t been so observant he would have thought the man to be annoyed by her presence, but he notices how soft his eyes look at her and how he stands in a position ready to protect her if anything were to suddenly happen. When the man pulls a fallen leaf out of her hair, the ugly feeling grips harder.

Before he can stop, he realizes that he’s walking towards them. It’s too late to turn around as they notice him. “Welcome back, Lumine. May I ask who this is?”

Lumine shifts uncomfortably in place, she turns to hide herself a little. “Oh, uh, hello. This is Xiao, Xiao this is Albedo.”

“Is he the one you’ve spoken about in the past?” Xiao’s expression has lost its softness as he looks at Albedo.

Lumine hesitates to answer the question, nervous of his reaction. “Yes… yes he is.” She grabs his arm when she sees him tense up. “Please don’t do anything, it’s in the past. I just want to forget it happened.”

“Hmph, fine.”

“I shall take my leave. Enjoy your stay in Mondstadt and a pleasure to meet you Xiao.”

“I cannot say likewise.” He growls.

As Albedo walks away, he sees in the reflection of a store window that Lumine had kissed Xiao on the cheek.  Flustered Xiao turns away, but not without holding her hand in return.

“That could have been me.” The thought stakes its claim in his mind. As much as he tries and tries, he can’t smother the feeling of regret in his heart. He loves Lumine, but he hurt her, and now he can never have her. When he turned into his lab, he sunk down onto his knees and truly let the feeling sink in. He was a genius but clearly he still had much to learn, he just wished he had realized sooner what his teacher truly meant when she told him to learn the truth to this world.

He closed his eyes and hoped that if he were to ever be reborn he wouldn’t make the same mistake again, then let the darkness consume him.

[ariel-seagull-wings]

TOP 12 SNOW WHITE PORTRAYALS

@princesssarisa​ @superkingofpriderock​ @sunlit-music​ @mademoiselle-princesse​ @amalthea9​ @theancientvaleofsoulmaking​ @astrangechoiceoffavourites​ 

Lips red as blood. Skin white as snow. Hair black as ebony. The fairest woman of all.

Snow White is one of the most iconic fairy tale characters ever created. And also  one of the hardest to portray. This happens because, the story is less about her as a person, and more about following her exploration of the world and how this world reacts to her. The tale calls her a princess, but really she is more meant to be a common everygirl for a variety of readers and audiences to see themselves in. So the greatest challenge to portray the character becomes how to make at the same time universally relatable, and an individual character, and today, i’d like to share my favorite portrayals, that camed closer in acomplishing this goal.

12º Laura Berlin in Sechs Auf Einen Streich (2009)

Berlin’s Snow White acts as an outgoing, playfull young lady who deep down is trying to deal with the longing for her dead mother. And then, her father marries a new, vain and cruel woman, and sayed woman orders that the portrait of the previous queen be trown out, wich obviously makes the princess verbally snap against her father weak-willed and her tyranical stepmother. And then her father has a stroke and her stepmother orders her death. Here is a young lady in an emotinal turmoil and distress, wich makes her very relatable to audiences.

11º Nicola Stapleton and Sarah Paterson in Canon Movie Tales: Snow White (1987)

One of the first times that we see the fair princess explicitly growing up from child to young adult. Nicola Stapleton is probably more charismatic as child! Snow White, having more time on scene where she gets to sing with her father, explore the room where her stepmother keeps the magic mirror, until finally having to run trough the woods and meeting the dwarfs, but Sarah Paterson also makes adult! Snow White likable, singing about her desire to someday leave the dwarfs house because she is growing and may need her own space, and showing the doubt between fear and curiosity in her interactions with her disguised stepmother. This highlights more the themes of coming of age and confronting ones fears from the tale.

10º Yuri Amano/Donatella Fanfani/Eileen Stevens in The Legend of Snow White (1994)

In this italian-japanese coproduced anime, the twelve year old Snow White is an inquisitive, merry and kind girl, that has to adapt to a more scary reality when she has to run away from the castle to not be killed. At the dwarfs house, where she is so hungry and tired she takes all bread from a basket and sleeps for hours, she decides to give her hazelnuts and try to do shores to compensate for entering the house and eating the bread. Unfortunally, being a princess who lived in comfort all her life, she fails hard when she tries to do domestic shores, burning bread and cutting lettuce that she tought were garden plagues. But she is so sweet and kind, that it doesn’t matter. Conquering the affection of people for who she is, and not for what she can do in exchange, is the greatest strenght of this encarnation.

09º Elizabeth McGovern in Faerie Tale Theatre (1984)

A lonely girl who just wants some atention and love. Those are the characteristics that McGovern’s Snow White extablishes for herself in her first appearance, trying to impress her stepmother with juggling tricks learned with the Court Jester. Later, in the forest, when she is about to be stabbed, she prays to God for the soul of the Huntsman who is about to kill her, and to her surprise this act of kindness is what changes the Huntsman’s heart and convinces him to spare her life. In the woods she finds the dwarfs cottage, and can finally have friends to talk about things like her nostalgia for swiming in the castle moat/pit. She won’t feel alone again. 

08º Kristin Kreuk in Snow White: The Fairest of them All (2001)

In this Hallmark TV Movie, Kreuk gives a 16 year old Snow White who searches friendship in garden gnomes. In a way, she expands the theme of loneliness explored by McGovern, and goes deeper about it, relating sayed loneliness with beauty: she is an awkward and melancholic person, who feels that people only care with her pretty appearance, but don’t actually come close to truly meet her as a person. In a lesser hand, this idea of a person who thinks being considered beautifull is hard could sound absurd and over dramatic, but the screenwriters and Kreuk’s sincere performance make it a compelling dilema.

07º Natalie Minko in Schneewitchen (1992)

An energetic fifteen year old, who likes to run around to play with the Court Jester, and mess up the kitchen while doing pancakes that glue in the ceiling. Minko’s Snow White is one of the few Snow White’s who is allowed to act as a normal teenager: she makes messes, she sometimes verbally fights with people, she constantly questions the adults around her, all the wille still being a genuinelly kind hearted person pursuing the path of truth.

06º Tamara Rojo in Emilio Aragon’s Blancanieves (2005)

I loved watching the DVD of this ballet production over and over as a kid. Trough dance movements, Tamara Rojo gives us a gracious and fun princess. Whetever she goes, a party will always start.

05º Adriana Caselotti in Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

My first portrayal of Snow White. The Disney version was raised working as a palace scullery maid, wich her stepmother hoped would make her ugly. But that didn’t work. She grows beautifull in body and soul: her singing voice is so sweet it is enough to make a dashing Prince fall in love with her, the animals are always engaged by her joyfull and sassy conversations, and she has a firm way of talking that assures a position of leadership among both the animals and the dwarfs who later befriend her. Really, she is awesome. What can i say about her that hasn’t been sayed already?

04º Marguerite Clark in Snow White (1916)

The version that inspired Walt Disney to make his version. Based on a 1912 stage play, this is the version that extablished being raised as a palace scullery maid as the reason Snow White is good with domestic tasks despite being a rich princess. Clark’s Snow White is also compassionate, sweet, romantic and dreamy, and she mix those qualities with some energy and spunkiness, being an almost wild girl.

03º Carol Heiss in Snow White and The Three Stooges (1961)

The sass, spunkiness and sweet romanticism are back, but with a new adition: an athletic hobby. Carol Heiss was originally a golden medal winner olimpic ice skater, and this movie was made to capitalize in her popularity at the time (along with reviving the Three Stooges popularity). So, we extablish in this version that the heroine who is linked to the snow loves the winter, and one of the most popular sports in this season. No other version before or after that did this, even tough its the most obvious and most awesome thing to do with the character. Ad to that the (uncredited) singing voice dubbed by Norma Zimmer, and you have one of the most complete portrayals of Snow White: she is beauty, she is grace, she can sing, she can cook and she can ice skate. She is the most interesting woman that ever lived.

02º Sakiko Tamagawa/Julie Maddalena in Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics (1989)

Orphaned from her mother at birth and having a father who is always too busy rulling the kingdom to pay attention to her, this version of Snow White grows up raised by a nurse named Doris, and playing on the garden with a young boy named Klaus. Her favorite pass time is to climb trees to pick apples, her favorite fruit. But one day her stepmother, who for years has been ignoring her, calls the princess to her chamber, and asks if she thinks herself to be most beautifull than the Queen. Annoyed with the absurd of the question, Snow White calls her stepmother out in her vanity. What follows is her running away, having to survive as a fugitive. Getting lost from her Klaus and stumbling in a root, she crawls for her life, until being saved by the seven dwarfs and their wolf friends. Time passes, and she finds a bit of fullfilment while slowly learning to do domestic chores to help the dwarfs, and finding friendship in the wolfs and a giant black bear. But she still craves to reunite with her friend Klaus and to find some love, while the Queen’s menace lures in the air.

And now the moment everyone was expecting... My number one favorite portrayal of Snow White is:

01º Camryn Manhein in The 10th Kingdom (2000)

I know what are you thinking: “Wait, a two episode cameo in a tv minisseries, instead of a protagonist, this is your favorite”? Yes. Yes, she is. In the Hallmark minisseries The 10th Kingdom, a young lady from the real world comes to the magical world to help to disenchant a Prince that has been turned into a dog. This dog prince is Snow White’s grandson. And then the heroes arrive at the Dragon Mountain in the 09th Kingdom, and Virginia has a conversation with the spirit of the late Snow White for counsel. And Snow White counsels Virginia by simply telling her story of once being an afrayed, lonely lost girl in the woods, finding new friends in the dwarfs, suffering three murder attempts from her stepmother, being aesleep for years with the poisoned apple in her troat, until the Prince’s servants stumbled with her casket so she could trow away the apple piece, so she could finally live happily ever after. While she narrates the tale, she says that she knew the danger presented by the ribbons, the comb and the apple, but she also knew that she could hide in the dwarfs cottage, afrayed to be hurt, forever. And her husband was a good man, but she saved herself from death. With that dialogue, Manheim’s sensitive and wise Snow White ressignified the fairy tale for me, making me appreciate better the story and her character. And that is why she my number one portrayal of the fairest princess of all.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Elke Arendt in Schneewitchen (1955), Maresa Hörbiger in Schneewitchen (1971) and Elaine Bilstad as White Snow in Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales for Every Child (1995).

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: anything with Jiang Yanli, I’d love to see more of her PoV

part 2 of whumptober 20 (JYL/LXC field medicine)

ao3 link

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It wasn’t that Jiang Yanli never thought about other men.

After all, she was a female cultivator, and her opinion was therefore one of the ones that was rather eagerly solicited when it came to naming the most attractive young masters in the cultivation world; it was only that it had never seemed to matter. After all, she was engaged, and always had been, to her mother’s dearest friend’s only son, and that, it had seemed at the time, was that.

Oh, her father spoke warmly about marrying for love and not for obligation, but Jiang Yanli had never quite understood what he meant. Even if she didn’t love Jin Zixuan, she loved her mother enough to want to respect her wishes, and it was easy enough to dismiss what negative things she’d heard about him – arrogant, self-centered, impetuous, but of course he was still young, and weren’t most teenage boys like that? – and instead daydream about the life she would have in the future.

When she was young, it was mostly daydreams of having some faceless man (she couldn’t imagine little Jin Zixuan, who at three years younger was barely more than a baby) bring her gifts and tease her and kiss her, then say she was the prettiest person he’d ever seen. The way she’d always heard was supposed to be how lovers talked, the way people said that a marriage ought to be like - the way her parents’ marriage had never been.

When she was a bit older, her thoughts drifted away from retreading romantic stories and to the actual work of being married, of being the mistress of Lanling Jin. In the beginning, her duty would be to first and foremost produce an heir and a spare, to remain healthy throughout the process, and to support her husband as he slowly began to take on the duties that would eventually become his, but later on it would get more interesting. A sect leader could not be everywhere, and his wife would often be left in charge when he was not at home – she would have to know everything about the sect, same as him, enough to make decisions in his absence; she would have to answer correspondence, make decisions, negotiate with traders, collect duties, enforce the peace, and she’d also have to manage the sect’s social scene on top of it all.

She probably wouldn’t have much time to cook, Jiang Yanli thought wistfully, thinking about how Lanling women prided themselves on never having to lift a finger for themselves, and threw herself into her favorite hobby now, while she still could. If she was clever about it, she might be able to get good enough at it that her future husband would find some dish of hers that he liked, something that only she could make, and then her cooking would be something done at his request – a charming idiosyncrasy, an indulgence of sweethearts.

When she got older still, and learned about Sect Leader Jin’s philandering and the iron grip of control Madame Jin imposed on Lanling in order to keep her position in the face of all the backstabbing and politics, she thought to herself that that sounded exhausting. But by that point, all of her childhood daydreams had Jin Zixuan’s name on them – although admittedly not his face, for all that he had grown up into one of the most handsome young men of his generation, and certainly not his mannerisms – and it was far too late to raise a fuss now. So Jiang Yanli studied willpower in addition to trade routes, learned how to exploit social norms in addition to how to manage a dinner party, taught herself how to play people just as well as she played the guqin, absorbed the lessons of both murder and mathematics, and above all figured out how to stand up for herself and what she believed in no matter what overwhelming pressure she might face.

Even though Jiang Yanli was pretty sure that Madame Jin wouldn’t appreciate that last part in a daughter-in-law, especially not one reputed to be as easygoing as her father.

(“Let her be upset,” her own mother had snorted when Jiang Yanli had tentatively raised the issue. “Are you supposed to ruin your own future because she’s a bitter old mother-in-law that’d rather not give up control so early? I may have agreed to marry you to her son, A-Li, but she agreed to marry him to my daughter. If she wanted easy and pliable, she should have thought again.”

“But she’s your friend,” Jiang Yanli had said, frowning a little. “Don’t you want her to be happy?”

Her mother had looked tired. “Once, more than anything,” she’d said. “But the chance for that passed long ago.”)

So it wasn’t that she didn’t notice other men. It was just that there was no point in allowing herself to look, and she knew enough of her parents’ marriage, and of Madame Jin’s, to not want to look.

And then, suddenly, there was.

Her engagement was broken. One could say that it happened at her own beloved brothers’ hands, at her father’s blind dislike of arrangements even when it was one his own daughter had long ago accepted and had even learned to long for, but in truth Jin Zixuan was a proper young master, old enough to make decisions for himself, to exercise some control over his own life, and the first bit of control he’d taken into his own hands was to decide that he didn’t want her.

It was – not fine, no. She spent some time crying over it, and yet more time comforting Wei Wuxian who was distraught at having caused her pain, and the most time of all quietly wondering what the point of her existence was now that she was no longer useful as a marriage tool. She’d never been much of a cultivator, never been especially pretty, never been anything more than average – what was the point of her?

Maybe that was when she’d decided to pick up medicine.

Field medicine was womanly enough to satisfy critics, and yet it was something useful in a practical sense: she could save people’s lives, if she only learned enough, and studying she could do.

Sometimes, she even got the chance to save the lives of very attractive people, like when the First Jade of Lan lay crumpled in the cot before her as she patched him up. So this is the one they ranked first, she thought, examining him with her eyes even as she kept her hands busy, and she was forced to admit that the other female cultivators of her generation had good taste. He was devastatingly handsome.

Kind, too, she soon learned; gentle and courteous in his mannerisms. He smiled often, which she appreciated in a person (if one interpreted Jiang Cheng’s scowls as smiles, he smiled nearly as much!), and he seemed to genuinely admire her efforts at medicine, however rudimentary. Over dinner, which he insisted on sharing with her even after he was well on his road to recovery, the conversation between them flowed easily and well: they both had brothers they loved, which was a conversation topic of which neither of them would ever tire, and they both enjoyed art and music. He didn’t know the first thing about cooking, but enjoyed asking questions (especially after she’d made him a meal he particularly enjoyed, which was often), while she enjoyed the way he blushed when she teased him.

She didn’t think much of it, of course. If she couldn’t keep the husband that had been promised to her since before she could walk – if she was too dull, too plain, too weak, too average to be worthy of an untried young man like him – then she definitely had no hope of catching the most attractive and capable young master of their generation, a dashing war hero and sect leader in his own right.

And then, when they were both laughing over an especially hair-brained scheme they’d concocted to try to get Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian to spend more time together – Jiang Yanli had noticed how much Wei Wuxian talked about Lan Wangji once he’d returned to the Lotus Pier, and Lan Xichen swore up and down that Lan Wangji had been no better – he turned to her and said, “If you were in Gusu, your brothers would be sure to come to visit you.”

“Me, in Gusu?” Jiang Yanli was startled into a laugh. “Why would I be in Gusu? As your guest?”

Lan Xichen coughed. “I had been hoping for something – a bit more permanent than that. If that would be something you would be open to.”

It actually took her a moment to understand, and then she had to raise her hands to cover her suddenly burning cheeks.

“You don’t have to say anything now,” he said hastily. “Just something to think about, if you’re interested…and of course, if your heart is elsewhere –”

“It isn’t,” she blurted out, and had to turn away.

“I’d hoped that was the case,” he said quietly, his voice warm. “I’ll take my leave, Mistress Jiang.”

Jiang Yanli had grown up thinking of herself as the future mistress of Lanling Jin, with its riches and its beauty and its poisonous heart, and then she’d assumed she’d be nothing at all, an old maid that helped Jiang Cheng manage his sect until he finally found a wife to suit him.

She’d never thought about being the mistress of Gusu Lan.

Gusu Lan, which was not as wealthy as Lanling Jin but just as complex – with its own trade routes and subordinate sects and business to manage – with its beautiful and serene landscape, its culture that emphasized harmony and unity rather than backstabbing – with no overbearing mother-in-law that would have barely been tolerable even when her own mother would have been there to hold her back, but would have been impossible without such protection –

She hadn’t dreamt of Lan Xichen as a child, or even as a teenager, but when she thought about all those dreams with a faceless man that she’d named Jin Zixuan regardless of any similarity to the real thing…

Lan Xichen fit in much better to the idea in her head than the real Jin Zixuan ever had.

“I won’t live separately,” she told him when he came over the next day, before he could even say a word; it had been just about the only problem she could see with his proposal. “In another house, certainly, but not an entirely different dwelling, and if I have any children, I would want them to live with me regardless of their gender.”

“I wouldn’t dream of having you so far away,” he said, and he was smiling again, broad and bright and – somehow, impossibly – hers. “Might I kiss you?”

“You may,” she said, and he did.

“Mistress Jiang,” Lan Xichen said a moment later, “you’re the most remarkable woman I’ve ever met.”

Remarkable, Jiang Yanli thought to herself, was better than pretty any day.

[internalsealpanic]

Stiff Peaks and Soggy Bottoms

mood board by: @knightfall05x​ (wuv you)

summary: You, Tim, and Kon try to bake. It ends well. 

A/n: Thanks to @littleredwing89​ and @multifandomgirl-us​ for proof reading. I was watching Kitchen Nightmares while writing this. I am surprised how fluffy this came out. You can blame my need for more poly and this piece by @symeona​. I have not shut up about this piece 50 years later (Hi Sym *waves*-Fish). I forgot to mention that reader is more or less gender neutral or I attempted.

warnings: Terrible cooking

masterlist

Kon yawns, scratching at his broad chest and running his hand through his tangle of curly black hair. He blinks one eye open successfully to the dim light flooding into the end of the hall likely coming in from the living room. The lights dance, glowing softly with faded color against the dark glossy wood of the floor. 

 Kon’s first sleep-addled thought is, Oh, Aliens. Ok, cool.

 It takes his brain a full minute to realize how much that doesn’t make sense. The apartment is dead silent, lacking the telltale whirring most spaceships give off when they’re hovering, the sounds of nervous fingers tapping against a stack of papers echoing in the mostly empty space. Kon strained his ears trying to focus on the other sounds flitting in the room. He can hear the steady calming beat of your heart come off rhythm, jumping a fraction of a beat faster. It wasn’t fast enough to say you were in danger. It was just fast enough to tell that you were extremely engaged in whatever was occupying your attention. Kon thinks it over. The last time he checked looking over papers- lab reports, especially- was the bane of your existence. He listens again. This time making out the voices coming from the TV. Kon wasn’t awake enough to understand what they were saying. 

 5:47 AM

 Kon groans trying his hardest not to laugh while he stares at his phone. You are an actual psychopath. Who wakes up at 5 AM? Villains that’s who. Did you even sleep? Why do you and Tim hate sleep so much? 

 Stepping into the living room as quietly as he can, he finds you huddled against the right side of the couch far away from the TV, your thick wool comforter draped over your head and shoulders making a fluffy tent. Strands of your messy bed head sticking out and swaying as you rock on your heels. Your stack of papers long since abandoned on the arm rest beside you. Kon can’t help but smile at how adorable you looked, still sleep rumpled and red-nosed from the cold. 

 Eyes glued to the TV, you pull up your knees to your chest revealing your fuzzy Red Robin socks. Kon frowns then makes a mental note to get you some Superboy socks later. You curl deeper into your comforter, easing and pressing into the armrest. All of your apprehension fading and relaxing as the rest of the world melted away. Kon smiles devilishly at your inattention. He tiptoes towards you which was entirely unnecessary because it didn’t matter that Kon was about as stealthy as a disco ball not when all of your attention was directed at the TV. 

 Kon launches himself at you too quickly for you to even react or comment or throw a pillow at him. You shriek as he lands on you, his muscular body squishing you into the couch. You wince hoping the neighbors didn’t hear. You’re not too worried about Tim waking up considering how tired he was. 

 “Morning, gorgeous.” Kon greets, winking and wrapping his arms around your waist. The audacity. You groan attempting to glare at him. He simply gives you a dopey smile. You have to blow out a raspberry to keep yourself from smiling back. You strain your lips into a flatline. The crow’s feet at the corners of your eyes betray you though. The corner of Kon’s mouth twitches, those big baby blues shining even in the dim light. He knows he’s won you over. 

 You’re too petty and sleep-deprived to give in. You roll your eyes at him, lips still wobbling and tingling from the effort of maintaining your unimpressed frown. Still, without resistance,  you shift the comforter and refold yourself to accommodate his intrusive form. Large arms wrap around your waist tighter as he lays his head in your stomach. How he finds this position comfortable for his neck is beyond you but you do appreciate the warmth. Kon’s smile widens as he looks up at you. It looks positively smug. Your nose scrunches up bracing for whatever Kon is about to say. 

 “Aw, baaabe, it looks good on you~” You look down at the oversized Superboy hoodie you’re wearing which was two times bigger than it needed to be as was standard of your hoodies.  You mutter a curse. Kon had been pestering you to wear it. It’s not that you didn’t want to. It’s just that you had a soft spot for the Impulse hoodie Bart got you a few years ago which meant it was your got-to-hoodie despite the fact that it was fraying.  It was in the wash so you decided to give this one a try and honestly, it is really fucking comfy and more importantly warm.  You huff at him, feeling your cheeks color. You glare at him, his dopey smile still plastered on his face. You make the executive decision to ignore him. 

 This decision does not last long. 

 About two minutes into your silent treatment, Kon whines and pouts weaponizing those baby blues. “Aw come on, gorgeous, you can’t stay mad at me forever.” He nuzzles into your stomach tickling your drawing a smile out of you. He grins at you and finally, you let yourself smile back fully. “Asshole.” You grumble.  He knows you can’t resist him when he’s being cute and calling you ‘gorgeous’. That is just plain cheating. Still, you relent. You wrap your arms loosely around his shoulders, running your hand gently through his dark hair allowing your fingers to tangle in his curls. The arms around you tighten a little pulling you closer to him. 

 Kon doesn’t need a reminder of how absolutely adorable you are but it is very much appreciated. Kon loves looking at you as the soft glowing colors flash across your face highlighting your features and softening them. In the dim light of the room and under the blankets, you press closer to him all the sharp edges of Gotham's alleys stripped away leaving you sleepy-eyed and very huggable. Between you and Tim, you were the one people pointed to when they thought Gothamite but that was the fun of it. He and Tim, they were the only ones who got to see this softer you. The you that you let get enraptured by hobbies and dumb little things. Kon held you close, relishing your presence. This was the version of you they got to keep for themselves and he wouldn't trade it for the world. 

 -------

 Tim shifts feeling either side of him vacant.  Tim rolls over, arms searching for either you or Kon as his mind catches up. The warm sunlight brushes over his skin as he rolls over once again, stirring him from his sleep. Tim blinks, eyes adjusting to the morning light. 

 9: 10 AM

 He groans, shifting up and burying his head under the pillows hoping to once again fall asleep. 

 “Oh no no no no!”

 “Shush! Don’t jinx it!”

 Tim’s eye cracks open.  He lifts his head a bit tilting it to find the bedroom door open, your voices filtering in like dust in a sunbeam, pleasant but ultimately not helpful. 

 “I can’t jinx a pre-recorded show, genius!” 

 Tim sighs. Sleep was, inevitably, lost at this point. Tim debates on whether to keep himself under the covers and finally be able to hog the thick blankets. Or he could, possibly, investigate the commotion happening in your shared living room and risk freezing. Sadly, he chose the latter. 

 Blearily, Tim searches the room for a shirt only to find one of Kon’s discarded on the floor. Well, it’s not the first time he’s borrowed one of Kon’s shirts. 

 Tim wasn’t surprised to find you out of bed. After all, the idea of sitting still ate you alive. You were always, always the happiest when you were in motion when your hands were working to make something like some part of you was constantly vying for the chance to be something instead of just being. Tim completely understood the feeling. 

 Kon had once accused you of being a workaholic when in truth at the moment you had been avoiding work by doing one of your side projects. He had also accused both of you of being sleep allergic which is probably true but at least, Tim’s drink (read: poison) of choice was tea and not a cocktail of monster energy drinks and misery. 

 It was odd to find Kon out of bed though.  Kon could laze around in bed for days if you let him, so his being up was worth investigating if only to make sure the apartment didn’t burn down.  

 “Look what you did!”

 “It’s prerecorded, jackass!”

 “You cursed him and gave him a soggy bottom”

 Tim can tell just how long you’ve been glued to the T.V. based on the way your vowels slant to mimic that of the hosts. Tim’s slightly chapped lips curl as he shakes his head at the way you and Kon cock your heads towards the T.V., attention completely captured by what seems to be a cooking show. You held your breaths, waiting for the judge to say something. Kon shifts up, leaning his head against your shoulder.  Your limbs were tangled loosely against each other. It was a rare, lazy sort of affection that never failed to make Tim smile. 

 “Ok, no. That’s just mean.” You huff into Kon’s hair, looking absolutely petulant and cute. Tim works to stop an ‘aaaaawww’ rising from the back of his throat lest you throw a pillow at his head. 

 “Babe, it’s Paul Hollywood. What were you expecting?”

 “Human decency. She worked hard on that.” You whine, genuinely looking upset. 

 Seeing, your reaction Kon relents burrowing himself closer to you for comfort. “True.”

 Tim turned his attention to the T.V.. What he found made his brow shoot up. 

 “Great British Bake Off?” Tim asks, sliding into your left side and placing his head on your shoulder. There is a reason you guys bought an L-shaped couch. Said reason was named Conner Kent who liked laying on top of people. Those people being either of you. Tim snuggles into your side, earning him a kiss on his nose.   His nose scrunches feeling itchy. He lets out a small sneeze into the back of his hand. You blanch at him while Kon snorts, throwing him a box of tissues from the coffee table. 

 “Mornin’, Space Case.” You mumble giving him another kiss, this time on the corner of his lip. Tim blushes,  his face brighter than the sunlight outside your window. Tim is, sadly, incurably adorable.  

 Kon smiles at both of you smugly for what neither of you has any clue. Not until you see what Tim is wearing and not until Tim sees what you’re wearing. You groan and Tim blows out a  breath through his nose while Kon presses his positively glowing smile into your hoodie. He’s not going to shut up about this anytime soon or ever. 

 “Do you two even know anything about baking?” Tim asks, crossing his arms over his chest and smoothly changing the subject. 

 You and Kon share a look. 

 “Nope”

 “Yes”

 “Microwaves and watching this show doesn’t count.”

 “Ooook, fine. I don’t. Buuuuuut considering none of us can-”

 “I can cook.” Tim defends, clipped. You roll your eyes dramatically. Kon smirks, also doubtful. You flicker your eyes to Kon to meet his and with the brief contact, you know you’re on the same page. 

 “Microwaves don’t count, Tim.” Kon shoots back, pulling himself off you so he can show Tim the full extent of his Cheshire smile. You can see Tim drawing his hackles up, so both of you, being the little shits you are, continue to goad him. 

 “You can cook in theory,” You drawl, letting the challenge embed itself into the syllables. Tim cuts you a look. You simply look at him innocently. Tim  knows  that you’re baiting him. He definitely knows this and yet…

 “Fine!”

 “Fine?” 

 “Fine. We’ll even make something from the show!”

 “Even chocolate eclairs?” Kon says a little too eagerly. You were just gonna say meringues but chocolate eclairs sound fantastic.

 Tim throws up his arms and exasperates. “Sure! Why not?”

 You and Kon share a dopey smile, smug and preening as you look at him. Tim groans, placing his head in his hands. He knew this would happen. He knew. You and Kon high five and make a little “yeah!” noise in celebration.

 This will not end well.   

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 You twitch your lips staring down at Tim’s phone, deleting and retyping the message for the third time. You weren’t  sure  how to explain this without having Jason falling to the floor laughing. Your eyes stung from the smoke so you decided to just send him your third try. 

 Tim: Hey Jason, theoretically, say your oven caught on fire like via laser beam or something, do you just pour water on it?

 You wait a few minutes, watching the three dots indicating he was typing only for him to stop typing without replying. You make a small noise, which was thankfully lost to the bickering behind you when Jason’s phone number flashed on the screen. You’re always nervous about talking to Tim’s family. Tim had once assured you that you were overthinking it but still. To be fair, it was easier than dealing with Kon’s. Actually, no. No, it wasn’t. Both were intimidating but in very different ways. You do have to say that Jason, scary as he was, was easier to approach than say Bruce. 

 “Baby bird,” Jason says, the edge of a wheeze gripping his throat. Clearly, having just recovered from laughing his guts out. He breathes, hand slamming against what you suspect was either a kitchen countertop or a workbench or both knowing Jason. “Ok, ok, I’m good-” He clears his throat. “Kay, tell me what happened.”

 You flick your eyes toward the fire and your boys who were more or less still bickering, their voices tangling with the crackling of the flames. You’re mildly surprised that neither of them is on fire but you’re not holding your breath. They’ll probably be somehow combust in the next five minutes. You love them but they’re disasters.

 “We were trying to bake- shut up-” Jason does not snort any quieter. “And well, Tim thought-”

 “It was Kon’s idea!”

 “You let me!” Kon defends sounding utterly betrayed. 

 You groan and Jason snickers.  “What do we do?”

 “Have you tried apologizing to it?”

 “Jason, I’m being serious.”

 “So am I. Now, apologize.” You sigh exasperatedly. Waynes are assholes. 

 Tim raises a brow at you and you give him a shrug not really knowing what to tell him. “Apparently, we need to apologize to the oven.” You deadpan, immediately regretting even relaying it. How have you never decked Jason? It wasn’t fear. After all, you’ve decked Batman. Ok, in your defense lack thereof, that one was by accident or moreover reflexive. 

 “Hey Kon”

 “Both of you have to apologize too!”

 “First of all, I was in the bathroom getting towels when you two chucklefucks decided to use laser vision to preheat the oven.”

 You hear Jason fall out of his chair. Distantly, you hear someone calling Jason an idiot but you weren’t too familiar with the voice. You instantly thank yourself for not turning on the camera considering what state you three were in. Kon was covered in chocolate, your hair-as well as your poor phone- was caked in batter, and Tim? Tim was covered in everything but mostly flour which keeps making his nose twitch like a rabbit. Though, you wouldn’t be surprised if Kon’s already taken a few pictures. You yourself have taken a few.  

 “Ok but seriously what do we do?”

 You hear some rustling and a chair squeaking back into place. 

 “No…”

 “First off, did you close the oven?” Your eyes flicker to them. Placing Tim’s phone between your shoulder and ear, you mime the advice. Tim frowns skeptical but Kon kicks the oven closed anyway. 

“Ok, it’s closed now. Should we put water in it?”

 “NO. Have you never put out a kitchen fire before? How do you three eat?”

 “We live in the middle of downtown, what do you think?”

 Jason sighs disbelieving and finally sounding appropriately exasperated. You could see him running his hand over his face.  “Who let you three live together?” This made your lips twitch up. “I dunno. Kon and I just started mooching on Tim and then suddenly we each got a key to the apartment.” It was an oversimplification of events but there was a fire and you had to get at least one joke in. 

 “Do your neighbors have- Wait, don’t you have a Kryptonian clone with freeze breath?”

 You blink and slap your palm against your forehead. The other two seemed to get what you had just remembered and act appropriately with Tim looking defeated and Kon finding the situation hilarious. 

 “Thanks, Jay.” You mutter wanting the Earth to swallow you whole. Esme, your chubby rat, squeaked nuzzling against you as she wormed her way out of your hoodie. She may or may not have been the primary reason for the size of your hoodies. She smiles at the phone, wide-eyed and happy as if she could see Jason. You hear a soft laugh coming from Jason’s end. 

 “Is that Esme?” Your brow ticks up not quite sure how to answer. “Uh yeah.” You answer dumbly, giving Esme little scritches that she leaned into happily making all her little happy noises.     

 “Give her a cuddle for me.” You give Esme a kiss on her nose and she snuggles in reciprocation. Kon pouts face still full of chocolate, “Where’s mine?”

 “You’ll get one once our apartment isn’t about to burn down.”   

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Fresh out of the shower, you plop down next to Tim letting your wet hair flop onto his face and his fuzzy Wonder Girl sweatshirt. Tim huffs at you taking another bite out of the hot fresh-ly ordered stuffed crust pizza. The cheese was still gooey and molten. It made your stomach rumble like nobody’s business. You whine childishly trying to get Tim to hand you one. He looks at you, mouthful of pizza, and grabs one only to hand it to Kon. You gasp at him. You stretch your legs over their laps in protest only to retract them immediately after Kon pokes at your feet a couple of times tickling you. 

 You hide behind Tim, glaring at Kon and sticking your tongue out. Tim, the traitor, moves out of the way letting Kon’s long arms capture you. You shriek almost sounding like Esme as he pulls you in sitting you in his lap. You sigh in defeat as Kon places his chin on your head. You don’t even want to see the triumphant smirks on both their faces. 

 You grab a slice and through the mouthful of cheese and grease, you murmur “We really need to learn how to cook.” Tim hums in agreement, leaning against Kon, aka the cuddliest heater in the world. You lean back into Kon as another signature bake is brought up to the judges. You all watch with bated breaths as you wait for the results. 

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 You marvel at the fresh ingredients laid before you and the posh man standing in your kitchen rolling up his sleeves. 

 “Hey, Duckie, are we in trouble?” Kon whispers from behind you. He’s got your back, he said. 

 “Kind of?” Tim bleats, his voice a little high. 

 You snort raising an eyebrow at him hiding your smile behind your hand. “Timmy, what does kind of mean?” 

 “I can hear you.” Alfred deadpans. You and Kon stiffen.  You’re pretty sure even Tim straightens up, probably out of habit. 

 “Do any of you know how to cook?” Alfred asks in the primmest sounding accent you’ve ever heard. 

 “Nope, we live downtown for a reason.” You snark reflexively. Tim glares at you and hisses silently.  You shrink and mutter an apology which Alfred takes graciously.

 “I am assuming you don’t then. Well, it’s lucky that I have a free afternoon.”

 Tim eyes him suspiciously. “What happened to B?”

 “Your father can take care of himself.”

 “You sure?”

You think you see Alfred smile at that. 

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Thanks for reading!

tag list:  @batarella , @anothertimdrakestan , @lucy-roo , @multifandomgirl-us , @idkmanicantenglish ,@birdy-bat-writes ,  @boosyboo9206 , @americasmarauders , @l-inkage @arestorationofbalance , @cloudie-skay , @wunderstell

[solarscholarsofmagick]

10 Things that EVERYONE Needs to Know Before Starting the Craft

1. Wicca and Witchcraft are Not the Same Thing

This is a pet-peeve of mine when people use those words interchangeably. So, what’s the difference? To put it simply, Wicca is a religion, while witchcraft is a practice. It’s like saying that prayer and Christianity are the same thing. Wicca is a relatively new invention, being created in the late 1950’s by Gerald Gardner after he spent a lot of time in Asia and became enthralled with their spirituality, which he merged with various occult practices that he came across in his travels. Witchcraft, on the other hand, is defined, at least by this author, as the act of manipulating the energy around you to achieve a goal. You can be either or you can be both, but they are not mutually exclusive.

2. Witchcraft Does Not Need to Kill Your Bank Account

If you follow many big-name witch influencers, more than likely, you will get caught up in the aesthetic of hundreds of beautiful crystals, perfect altars, sculpted candles, and much more elaborate and expensive things. Now, I want to make it clear, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it is not always feasible to have (or afford) everything required to fit that aesthetic. Rough, unpolished crystals will work just as good as the one you saw that was professionally polished and carved into the shape of a skull. You can get candles at thrift shops, not just at the website that sells specifically anointed candles for every specific intention. Remember, it is not the tool that makes the witch, but the witch that makes the tool!

3. Know the Difference Between a Coven and A Cult

While it is not necessary, there are definitely some benefits that come with finding a coven that welcomes you with open arems. So, first off, what is a coven?

A coven is a group of like-minded witches that help each other out magickally and hold a special bond or connection. They will often perform rituals together. Please keep in mind that there is a difference between a coven and a cult.

A coven is rewarding, full of (usually) great people and potential friends, while a cult is dangerous, toxic, and filled with people who often prey on the vulnerable or unaware.

Here are some potential warning signs of a cult:

They encourage you to cut off ties with your friends and family.

They try their best to make you dependent on them.

They pressure you into engaging in sexual/criminal/drug activities.

You feel as if it is dangerous to leave.

The “leader” equates themselves to a deity or is a “my word is law” type.

You feel as if you are walking on eggshells around them.

There is some “divine” goal that you must behave a very specific way in order to reach.

Those who manage to escape are demonized and/or are made into examples.

If you suspect that you or a loved one are in a dangerous situation, please contact the appropriate authorities.

4. Witchcraft Can Become Mundane

Pop culture has a bad habit of sensationalizing witchcraft. As cool as it looks, witchcraft isn’t all lightning fingers and demon-slaying. You most likely won’t become a soldier of a magickal war, facing down an ancient evil that was recently released. Sorry, I didn’t mean to burst your bubble!

That being said, witchcraft is extremely rewarding and can be as fun as you make it!

Just like with any other art, it requires discipline! It requires study, practice, and essential tasks (or as they are often fondly called, witchy chores). Some of these “chores” include cleansing, charging, decorating, meditation, and more. Unfortunately, as we all know, these tasks may feel tedious, but they are often very necessary. Again, it is as fun as you make it, and you will be less likely to burn out/hate performing the tasks if you view them as the essential tasks they are rather than unnecessary chores.

5. Learn As Much of the Basics That You Can

As much as we want to immediately jump into more flashy things such as astral projection and elaborate spells or hexes, you must learn the basics first. Why? Because, without a strong grasp of the basics, your magickal work can be unstable and reap results that you may not have intended, including ones that cause harm to you or those around you. To quote a cliche, you must learn to crawl before you can walk.

Here are some basics that I recommend you begin with:

Visualization

Meditation

The history of witchcraft

The elements of a spell

Color/stone/common herb correspondences

Grounding

Different types of the craft

6. Elitism Exists and it’s Bullsh*t

Unfortunately, no matter what community you are in, there will always be a few bad apples, but I will be referring specifically to elitists. Elitists in the witchcraft community tend to preach that their way is the only true way to be a witch, that you must have the most expensive of tools, or that witches who come from a family of witches are better than those who do not. If there is one thing that I want you to take from this article, it’s that, no matter what anyone says, you will NEVER be any less of a witch because of your bloodline, ethnicity, skin color, religion, spiritual practice, or socio-economic status!

7. You Don’t Need to Choose Between Religion and the Craft

One of the most common reasons of being apprehensive towards starting your journey through the craft that I see is a fear of retaliation within your own religion. For example, a lot of Christian witches will initially be afraid of going to hell for their practices. As someone who grew up in the Bible Belt of the Southern United States (poor Awen still lives there), I can definitely relate to this feeling. However, I, as well as several other religious witches, can say that you can have both. You do not need to drop one to have the other. In my eyes, your relationship with your god(s) is between them and you and is nobody else’s business.

To make things a little easier, however, I recommend sliding into the craft slowly. Dip your toe in the proverbial water. Try starting by engaging in activities that aren’t necessarily tied to witchcraft such as meditating, grounding, growing plants, or even just collecting pretty rocks. I also recommend reaching out to practicing witches within your faith for advice. It also may be a good idea to truly research religions of interest and make sure that your religion is a good match for you. It is okay to realize that the religion you were raised to be in, like being raised to be in a particular political party, does not have to be your religion. If it is and it causes you and others around you no harm, then I am truly happy for you and support you.

8. Learn to Listen to Your Intuition/”Gut”

We tend to have a 6th sense for danger or the presence of another being. You may recognize this feeling when you can feel that someone is watching you. Our instincts are built into us to keep us alive. Personally, following my gut has saved my life more than once. In one particular incident, my gut told me to stop at a crosswalk despite not seeing any nearby cars and the sign telling me to walk. Seconds later, a truck sped by, running the red light at full speed.

If you feel that a spell has taken a turn towards the unwanted, find a stopping point and seal it away. Feel as if a deity is calling you? Take the time to research them and their calling cards. However, please take the time to learn the difference between a negative gut feeling and general nervousness, as it does feel different.

9. Learn the Difference Between Good and Bad Resources

Misinformaion and toxic ideologies can be dangerous when it comes to witchcraft. You can read extensively about the difference between the two in my previous post about it here.

10. It’s Okay If the Craft is Not for You

If you decide to try out the craft and later feel as if it isn’t clicking… that’s okay. The initial decision to explore is not one for life. Just like how certain sports, hobbies, music, et cetera are not for everybody, witchcraft is not for everybody. Anyone who decides to judge you for that is wrong and not worth your time.

Please consider supporting us by viewing the original post on our website, here!

[zerochanges]

My 2021 Media Binge Reviews

2021 was a weird year for me personally; full of a lot of downs, and yeah that’s pretty much it, there weren’t really any ups to speak of, just downs, it just kept going down and down–in fact I think it hasn’t stopped yet, I’m still falling, please god, make it stop, things get worse every day. ah-hum Excuse me, ignore that. My year honestly isn’t probably all that different from a lot of others’; it was the same old, same old: work sucked and drained my life, my health declined, a family member died, and covid just kept trucking. To say this year burned me out would be an understatement. I won’t really elaborate too much more than that, it’s all just useless self gratifying prattling anyways, whatever, who cares, but because of how hard my year was it sent me down a couple new rabbit holes and also really kept me from engaging in my usual hobbies.

Usually at the end of every year I list off my favorite video games and anime but damn man, I really didn’t play that many games this year, and shit, I can’t even remember when x anime aired and if it was from y season or even if it was from this year. It all just runs the same and blurs together now in some gelatinous apathetic blob known as time. But I did do stuff this year! I did find comfort in this living hell known as reality. So I thought as an experiment it would be interesting to discuss and go over the media I binged this year instead of just listing and ranking random shit that came out between the months of January and December. If it catches on, maybe I’ll try to do it again next year, I'm not sure, but making a media year-in review seems like it’s popular nowadays. Right? I see a lot of really long, annoying, and impossible to follow threads on social media dedicated to that at least. Well whatever, who even cares anymore. 

By the way if you are wondering why all this is happening a week into the new year, my own health declined once again, literally on New Year’s Eve, yup, ended that year just right. Well, being overdramatic, but damn, I got sick during New Years, so I’m a week late. 

One Piece

One Piece was my rock this year. It got me through the worst that 2021 brought me and marathoning episodes well into the night just to wake up and watch more episodes in the morning was all I could do in order to keep living. It was nostalgic and comforting since it’s been going since I was a kid, but also all new and exciting since it will never end and there is so much content to digest that there’s always something to discover. 

Now, One Piece fans will laugh at me for sticking with the Funimation redub of the series, but I have grown very fond of it over the years and found it best suits my watching habits. I try to just sit down and complete entire story arcs of this behemoth and then take a break from the series when I need a break. It just makes it more digestible and easier to sit through, I cannot even imagine trying to follow it every week anymore. The English dub is still stupid behind but this watch method of mine makes that less of an issue since I still haven’t caught up with the dub anyways. 

That might change though in the near future as I progressed a considerable amount this time. I watched over some 220+ episodes this year, picking up at Thriller Bark where I last remembered watching it and going all the way through Punk Hazard, finally getting past the time skip, it felt so good. I plan to pick up Dressrosa now too, since the dub is in Zou and I know I can watch all 100-something episodes of that arc in peace with no fear of waiting for the next volume. 

This chunk of One Piece I watched this year was especially fantastic and highly beloved in the fandom, and it’s easy to see why. Impel Down, Marineford, Post War, all these arcs are masterfully done and set in motion such unforgettable moments in the series. And here I was at my lowest pigging out on these episodes nonstop, life was good then. Updating my current personal list of favorite story arcs for One Piece I think it is now:

Arlong Park

Impel Down

Post War

Loguetown

Thriller Bark

Robotech

One of the better things to come out of this year is the end to the long (and at the time) seemingly never ending dispute between Harmony Gold and Macross, and I am hopeful that we will be seeing more Macross in the near future. For now, we have the first ever blu-ray release of Robotech, and I’m a slut so I bought it and began my rewatch of this 80’s classic largely because of that. 

Robotech is controversial because of the terrible things Harmony Gold has done but now with this hopefully behind us we can appreciate it a bit more. For many it was a landmark experience and a gateway into anime and a damn fine attempt at localizing material that never had any chance over in these necks of the woods. Robotech is legitimately fairly fascinating and well crafted for what it was. The writing is sharp, and even the voice acting holds up surprisingly well–and it is some of the earliest known roles for a bunch of now prolific voice actors in the anime dubbing community like Wendee Lee and Tony Oliver who seems even more famous and beloved now than back in his heyday of the early 2000s. I remember hearing him in so many dubs then and he never seemed to get much attention so it’s funny how much the American Lupin fandom has claimed him the definitive English Lupin. Getting off track there, my bad, just been thinking about how much people’s perception for celebrities (do anime voice actors count?) change the longer you live. 

Super Dimension Century Orguss

This is a show I wanted to watch for a very long time. For about 6 years to be exact. When Discotek originally released Orguss on DVD back in 2015 I was beyond excited to get it but one thing led to another and I just sort of lost track of time. It didn’t help that this DVD set in particular never really seemed to go on sale that much and was on the more expensive end. Because of that I decided to wait for an eventual BD release from them since it is a fairly common business tactic from Discotek. When they finally got around to rereleasing the series on blu-ray this year I was all in! 

I got to tell you guys, Orguss is weird. Like really, really weird! I never experienced a show like this before, it’s honestly really hard to even explain it! I don’t even know where to start with this thing! The main character is a complete asshole and total pervert. Somebody like Kei would never be in a TV show today, especially as the main protagonist. At best maybe a funny side character but not the main guy. Kei is a total horndog, he cheats on girls, he can’t keep it in his pants, his main fling in the show is with a girl who has a fiancé already, and did I mention he caused the end of the world? 

The show starts with my dude for whatever reason breaking military order and deciding “Screw it! I’ll detonate this extremely complicated and very dangerous weapon of mass destruction that needs exact calculations to work” and causes a calamity that implodes like every Alternate Reality into one. I don’t know, does this count as an isekai? To Kei this is like being flung into some parallel universe but it is actually his own Earth! Just that every other parallel universe Earth is also now conjoined in it. Honestly it sounds like some DC crisis superhero comic cross-over event instead of an anime. I have no goddamn idea how Big West thought this should be the follow-up to the highly acclaimed and profitable Macross and I can totally see why it was considered a flop during its time for falling to live up to Macross. It’s like going from Star Wars straight into David Lynch’s Dune. We are firmly in psycho weird ass anime territory with this one, and goddamn I freaking love it. Orguss is wonderful. Also, the opening theme song is iconic. 

Neon Genesis Evangelion

I only ever watched Eva once, back when I was in High School. Back then I remember thinking it was okay but also that it just kind of really bummed me out and it probably wasn’t for me. I more or less kind of wrote it off as overrated as very intelligent and worldly teenagers often do and moved on with my life. Over the years I became more interested in the series that served as major inspirations to Eva, this was not because of Eva though and I often didn’t realize they even were its inspirations until much later after people brought it up. For me that meant having to defend the likes of Devilman and Space Runaway Ideon from Eva fans that saw them as only stepping stones of Evangelion. To this day, I find this debate annoying and honestly detrimental to the enjoyment of some series–but honestly my biggest regret is that I never went back to revisit Eva because of it. 

As an adult, I definitely ‘get’ Eva much more now. Shinji chanting “I mustn’t run away, I mustn’t run away” is me every morning in my parked car sitting outside of work on the verge of a mental breakdown as I force myself to go inside and pray to whatever god in the universe that might listen that I won’t die of covid today in this hellscape I unfortunately have to call my home. Shinji as a protagonist is something I can relate to a lot more in my mid-30s than I ever could have as a teenager. The series honestly feels less like a head trip to adult me and more like a deep dive into somebody’s depressive episode and how to cope with a world that is constantly collapsing around you. In this regard it’s one of Anno’s sharpest works which is another thing I respect. Despite my prior disinterest in Eva I always found Anno to be extremely talented and loved many of his works, from Shin Godzilla to Kare Kano to Gunbuster, all seminal works with great direction, atmosphere, and writing–and now as an adult revisiting Eva I can say the same of it as well. 

I love how Shinji as a character has a pretty classic tired-and-true character arc throughout most of the TV series as he grows, socializes more, and comes out of his shell–only to be abused so badly at the eleventh hour by his father forcing him to almost kill a friend and regressing back into an even worse state than he started the series in. It’s poignant, my boy was shot down the second he was starting to fly again, that’s toxic people for you. Shinji’s rage, paranoia, and sense of betrayal upon having to fight Kaworu is honestly the high point of the entire series to me. “You betrayed me! Just like my Father!” It’s at this point the young man has completely lost his marbles, and I love it. 

The final two episodes of the series are rough, and for many leave a lot to be desired but I think it’s my preferred ending. The End of Evangelion films are fine, and I like some parts of them better, it certainly gives Asuka closure and not to mention way more to do! But overall, I actually think the original TV series ending as-is was thematically more poignant and just more interesting. 

Coming back full circle to where I started, it seems like I don’t need to come up to bat for Devilman anymore; it having its own resurgence with Masaaki Yuasa’s very excellent Devilman Crybaby reaching new generations. I still think I’m more of an Ideon guy though at the end of the day. Ideon’s tenuous relationship to Eva really has brought it nothing but hardships honestly. So many people expect a show like Eva when they watch Ideon but Ideon is far more cut from the same cloth of the original 1979 Mobile Suit Gundam than it is of Neon Genesis Evangelion. The front half especially of Ideon is far more inline with the episodic early portions of Gundam granted on a cosmic scale and with some mysticism thrown in but it’s the back half of Ideon where it gets downright Lovecraftian. Sadly most Eva fans never get that far. Also Ideon can kick Unit 1’s ass any day of the week, fight me. Ideon destroyed entire planets, and eventually galaxies, and maybe even the universe itself. The ideon wins every time! 

I ended up spending some stupid money on this because of the classic dub being taken hostage in a special edition set, but I don’t regret it. This was how I wanted to watch Eva again and goddammit I had a great time watching it again. I definitely can see why a modernized dub was needed, and I definitely see the merit and quality put into it, but I just couldn’t accept the large amount of recasting despite the new actors all being incredible talent that I love in other works. To me, recasting Spike Spencer is like recasting Sean Schemmel as Goku, it’s just not something you should do. Apparently somebody else out there agreed since he has reprised the role again post redub. 

Twin Peaks

Oh boy! Here we go again! This was my biggest obsession of the year! Twin Peaks! A few years back I tried to get into Twin Peaks and I am pretty sure I got somewhere in the middle of season 2, before the murder was solved (I never had that spoiled for me thank god) but just didn’t finish it. This year, I finally came back, I just had to really cross this one off my list. It felt great! This is such a remarkably quirky and iconic series and it had such a huge influence on Japanese nerd culture, and hell after reading a lot of essays and watching the show Twin Peaks probably even changed the landscape of American television forever. But the Japanese nerd end is definitely where my interest lies. Watching the show I had glimpses of Suda and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, and of course survival horror games, Silent Hill and Deadly Premonition being the biggest most obvious instances. It was almost like Twin Peaks was some primordial ooze that birthed all these great and wonderful things that I grew up with and obsess over so finally coming full circle to Twin Peaks, I obsessed over it all the more. 

At its core is just such a wonderful and fun show and the main character Dale Cooper easily is at the heart of it giving great sage wisdom that I find myself now trying to live by and just having a general quirky zest for life that feels refreshing and wonderful. Coop is just a joy, and I wish more modern TV shows would ape this too, we need protagonists that are just wonderful people that are excellent to everyone. When you start the series you have no idea what this guy is about, he seems cool but there isn’t really anything to go on, hell back when it originally aired in 1990 there were even some people who were initially confused at who the main character was supposed to be after the pilot aired. But then a couple episodes in, Coop is talking about Tibet, solving crimes by playing baseball, and having strange cryptic dreams that he believes whole heartily will solve the mystery. It’s a wonderful progression as you slowly learn more about Cooper and slowly become more entrenched and in love with this small town and the many people that live here. 

For me the original first two seasons are peak Twin Peaks, it’s the show at its best. I know a lot of people think the second season starts to go downhill a bit after the creators were forced to solve the murder of Laura Palmer, something that David Lynch was adamant about never wanting to do since it was a plot device to steer the entire show. And I agree that at first the second season can be a bit rocky, post Laura Palmer murder, but it picks up and gets great again if you ask me. It’s everything after Season 2 that falls off a bit. 

To me, the film Fire Walk With Me, is both a masterpiece and the worst entry in the series. It’s beautifully shot, has some incredible lore, great moments, lines I quote constantly, but not the right tone. The darker subject material, that being a prequel that gives you an in-depth look at the rape and murder of Laura Palmer, is … how to say it lightly, a downer. This movie made me downright depressed when I watched it. It’s wonderful but this is one that hurts. It hurts a lot to sit through. There’s no levity in the whole film once it starts covering Laura’s last week alive, and there is no quirkiness the series had. It’s violent, upsetting, and beautiful. I can see why the film was initially misunderstood and hated when it came out. 

The Return (aka Season 3) almost feels like a combination of the two, it is a darker, harsher, more cruel Twin Peaks, some 25 years later, but it is still Twin Peaks. The humor and tone return to level out the violence and harder to watch aspects that the series gained with Fire Walk With Me. It’s a strange season but it is great to see a series become un-canceled even after 25 years. This season initially was hard for me to follow and I wasn’t into it as much as the first two seasons, and still now I think those are my favorite, but The Return is something that grows on me, especially more as I analyze it and try to understand the deeper meta narrative behind it. I wasn’t sure if I would ever … return to The Return but I think in future rewatches I will. As a finale it’s not exactly what people want, the unconventional ending can easily leave you feeling confused, and maybe upset. But the more you examine it, the more you look at it outside of the context presented in the show, the more you can see what it is doing is something special. 

Overall, there is nothing really like Twin Peaks (except Deadly Premonition, that nails it) and it’s something that needs to be experienced. It was one of the best TV experiences I have had in a really long time, and obsessing over it, and later the works of David Lynch, have kept me going long after I finished the final episode. That said, my God, I don’t think I will ever forget some scenes from the show. To not spoil anything, let's just say “It is Happening Again” is forever a scene that will stay with me. It was quite possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in television.

On another note, the blu-ray set I bought had these wonderful menus that played clips of the show, all curated around themes or commonly used motifs in the show and I absolutely adored the amount of effort that went into giving each disc its own. When I reached The Return I was gutted to find that these discs did not do that. This isn’t uncommon, I’m no stranger to companies reprinting older discs with just a different label on top of them so I am sure they simply grabbed already authored discs for logistical reasons and used them but losing those wonderful menus made the transition to The Return all the more jarring. Man, those original discs had so much personality and were made with so much love for the show, and The Return discs are so bare bones, and so depressing. Don’t get obsessed and over analyze media kids, or else you become a 30-something that talks about DVD menus.

David Lynch films

I am going to start off by saying I know David Lynch directed more films, I don't have them all, but I have give-or-take almost all of his feature films on blu-ray that are easily purchasable. I know Inland Empire is long OOP and DVD only in the US, and I don’t want to mess around with importing European BDs and there’s a few other oddities like that, but so far, what I got this year, I am happy with. I haven’t seen every film here yet too, but burning through Lynch’s filmography is something I am enjoying at my own pace and I just wanted to mention that I am doing that. 

Obviously, like I said above, my love for Twin Peaks was so much that it made me branch out into all other David Lynch material. I have grown rather fond of the man, he is a true artist and I greatly respect him. I enjoy his work, his outlook on life, and just listening to him. My YouTube history at one point was just video after video of interviews and keynote speeches from Lynch on movies, art, meditation, and just anything else. Lynch is such a fascinating individual, he makes some of the hardest, most violent, thought provoking horror I have ever seen but in real life is the kindest, most gentlest, charismatic, charming little old man. He’s too adorable in a lot of ways. You can truly tell every work of Lynch is 100% sincere, he puts himself into everything and wears it all out on his sleeve to create something beautiful. There’s no corporate world BS or just doing a job because you need a job, the man is an auteur, you can identify David in every one of his movies. That’s him. That’s so him. His work is himself. 

Out of everything I have seen so far, I think my favorite of his films are probably Blue Velvet and Lost Highway. For Blue Velvet it’s easy to see, it is almost in many ways prototype to Twin Peaks, maybe that’s my dumb Twin Peaks fan way of interpreting the film but I can’t unsee it. It’s a fascinating movie and probably the most conventional and easy to digest film from Lynch. You can’t help but get a certain Twin Peaks vibes in how the film presents a good vs evil dichotomy, and Dennis Hopper is hopping mad in the film as Frank Booth, which is legit just Killer Bob from Twin Peaks. Lost Highway I love for the elements of identity and how people aren’t who they seem to be. The mystery is unsettling, and the villain, if you can call him that, once again steals the movie as a truly haunting performance from Robert Blake, who turned out to be an actual murderer in real life too, so yeah, go figure. Lost Highway is a real head trip though about reality and what we think is reality, and how we all shape our own identities, sometimes to even hide ourselves from none other than us.

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Love In Sin

Chapter 4

Summary - Special Agent Winchester is forced to go undercover with his frenemy Special Agent L/N when they try to track down a notorious drug dealer. How will Y/N and Dean complete their task? Will their relationship worsen or will new feelings emerge between them?

Pairing - AU Detective!Dean Winchester x Reader

Series Warning - Angst, Slow burn, Fluff, Implied Smut, Mentions of crime and drug, Swearing.

Chapter Warning - Slow Burn and a teeny tiny bit of angst.

Word Count - 2.5k+

Square Filled - Diner Food ( @spndeanbingo )

A/N - Beta'd by the lovely @deanwanddamons

Spn divider by the talented @talesmaniac89

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

“How's the preparation for the party going?” Dean asked as he poked his head into the room where you were sitting on the floor, a mass of utter destruction around you.

“Woah sweetheart, it looks like you fought a war. What the hell happened?” Dean asked.

“I am exhausted, cranky and I am tired of putting up these damn streamers,” your hair was a mess, you were beyond tired and you needed coffee in your system. And you were also hungry.

“You should have called me. Y/N/N, let me help you,” Dean said and took a bunch of streamers in his hands.

“No Winchester, leave those. You have already helped me enough during unpacking. I should be able to put up a little decorations in the house. I am a special Agent for fucks sake.”

“Now I get it. Come on,” Dean said and pulled you up onto your feet.

“Where? Dean, we have the party tomorrow and I have so much to do! Ugh, who tells you to arrange a party the day after you move into a house?” you grumbled.

“Apparently the executive director of the bureau,” Dean chuckled, “And I am taking you out for a walk. You need food and coffee in you and neither of us are in the mood to cook.”

“How do you know I need coffee and food?” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“I have eyes, sweetheart,” Dean smirked at you, “I know how grumpy you are when you are hungry. You can’t even function properly.”

Dean was right. Food really lifts up your mood. You both went out for a walk and came across a little diner in the area. It was small but beautiful.

“One burger with fries, an apple pie divided in two and two cups of black coffee please,” Dean ordered.

“Coming right up sir,” a young blonde girl responded from behind the counter.

You and Dean took a seat at the diner.

“Why are we even arranging a party, what's the reason?” You asked.

“Just moved in, new house. A....a housewarming party?” Dean said deep in thought.

“That….sounds appropriate.”

“So it's settled then. A housewarming party,” Dean said, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Alright. Since I'm married to you, I should know some stuff about you just so I don't stutter when people ask me about my own husband. Tell me about yourself - where are your parents? What are your hobbies, other than watching the movie Die Hard on repeat?” you said.

“Hey, the Die Hard movie is a classic. You should learn to appreciate good films. As you know my name’s Dean Winchester, no middle name,” Dean smirked, “I have a younger brother, Sam who is a lawyer. He is engaged to this girl named Jessica-”

“Wait! Jessica? As in Jessica Moore? I think I know her. Maybe I went to high school with her,” you said thinking aloud.

“Small world,” Dean gave you a tiny shrug, “My parents are still together. My dad, John Winchester owns a garage and my mom, Mary Winchester owns a coffee shop near my parents’ house. My life's pretty boring. Tell me about yourself.”

“Well you already know a lot about me because apparently ‘you have eyes’,” you chuckled, “but my name is Y/N M/N L/N, I do have a middle name. I have two brothers named Michael and Gabriel, I am the youngest. My Mom and Dad are still together too. My Dad, Y/D/N works at a corporate office and my Mom Y/M/N used to teach at a primary school. So my life's pretty boring too.”

“Here's your order,” the server interrupted your conversation by placing three plates on your table, “and here's your coffee.”

The girl kept eyeing Dean. You cleared your throat as you saw him turning towards the waitress with a stupid smirk on his face. You took his hands and entangled your fingers with his, making him jump and look back at you.

“Nothing else,” you said in a cold voice surprising the girl and Dean. The girl walked away from your table quickly.

“Jealousy is a bad colour on you sweetheart,” Dean said to you in a cocky tone.

“Why would I be jealous? I am not jealous,” you replied but that was a big, fat lie. A switch had been flipped as soon as you saw that waitress ogling Dean. Maybe you were jealous.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” he said with a stupid smirk plastered on his face.

“I was not jealous but I think you should try to keep it in your pants if you want this cover to work,” you pointed out to him.

“Ooh, an affair, maybe it will spice things up a bit,” he winked.

“Dean,” you glared at him as he raised his hands in defence.

“So,” Dean said stabbing the piece of pie with a fork, “Any past relationships I should know about?”

“No,” You said after swallowing the piece of burger - the food was so good, “why should I tell you about my past relationships?”

“Let's see, I am your husband and I think I should know about your ex boyfriends...ex flings.”

“Fake husband. How many times do I have to remind you?”

“Okay, keep your secrets to yourself. I was just trying to make some small talk,” he shrugged.

“God you're so nosy. Fine,” you said biting into a single fry, “I don't have many ex-boyfriends or ‘flings’ as you may say, but I was in a serious relationship with a guy named Cain for almost three years but...uh-then we broke up and now he..he is just a bad memory. What about you?”

“Kinda the same. Had a few serious relationships. The last one was with a girl named Lisa. After two years of dating we realised we weren't made for each other so we broke up - it was an amicable breakup,” Dean said.

“No one night stands? Girls would kill to have a one night stand with you,” you said.

“Will you kill to have a one night stand with me?” He asked, making you choke on your food.

“W-what?” You said after regaining your composure.

“Just saying. We have the arrangement - you and I are already married. You can experience the full package if you want too,” Dean smirked.

“N-no, thanks,” you said and gulped down a glass of water. This man will be the death of you.

“So, tell me about Cain. I mean I have to live upto your expectations.”

“Trust me, you don't want to be like Cain,” you said, swallowing hard. You didn't want to speak about the topic of Cain, he was just a bad memory, no scratch that, the worst memory of your life.

“Did he hurt you?” Dean asked, his voice soft.

“No.” You looked down at your plate, suddenly finding it too interesting.

“He hurt you, didn't he?” Dean clenched his jaw.

“Why are you suddenly so interested in my past relationships? It's not important to our job. We are work colleagues, let's just keep it that way,” you said and abruptly left the table and went out of the diner.

You didn't know why you lashed out at Dean like that. Maybe because you were still not ready to talk about Cain. No one knew why you guys broke up - not even your parents, but Dean was just trying to talk to you as a friend. Now he was going to think of you as an overdramatic bitch. You buried your face into your hands as you heard footsteps approaching you.

“Y/N? I am sorry for what happened back there. I-I definitely crossed a line I wasn't supposed to cross. You're right - we are work colleagues, let's keep it that way,” Dean told you, “just remember whatever Cain did, you don't deserve it.”

You looked up to him and saw him staring at you.

“Come on, let's go back to the house. We have a lot of work to do,” he said and snaked his arms across your waist, making you jump a bit.

“Just to keep the cover,” Dean whispered into your ears. You nodded but you'd be lying if you said that your heart didn't skip a beat when he pulled you closer to him.

You opened your mouth to speak, but you were interrupted by the ping of your phone, which indicated you had received a new text.

“Oh look at that. Now what does Mr. Singer need? A BBQ party in our backyard?” Dean said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“According to trustful, internal sources, the right hand man of Crowley is apparently one of our neighbours,” you said reading the text as you saw the gears turning in Dean's head.

“So we gotta be cautious at the party. One slip, and our entire cover will be blown,” Dean said, immediately slipping into the serious work mode which you loved.

“Let's go and meet the neighbours then, husband,” you smirked at him.

“After you, sweetheart,” he grinned back at you.

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[randomidiocyncrazies]

i know you like them both so yunichika and oda/aoki for the ship ask

thank you for giving me a chance to gush about these kids!!! they’re precious.... this got pretty long so imma put it under a cut

YuniChika, the main boys of 2.43:

• when or if I started shipping it:

tbh i didn’t really ship them when i read the first book... they’re the kind of pairing that i can see people shipping and i think it’s cute, but i’m not super invested in them as a romantic pairing. I think i was more sold about them as a ship in the second book, but i can’t quite remember if there was a specific moment that made me change my mind, or if it was a gradual process

• my thoughts:

i think the anime definitely played up the tension between them (allll the blushes lol), but i’m glad people are enjoying the YuniChika content XD they’re pretty cute!

also, i think they balance each other well and spur each other to become better—Yuni and Chika are both self-centered(?) in very different ways: Yuni lacks drive because he mostly wanted to please people so they’ll like him, while Chika has the opposite problem in that he acts like he doesn’t care what people think of him. 

but now Yuni is able to take a stand for his interest in volleyball and for Chika, and while Chika doesn’t really soften and still has a problem with not realizing how harsh he could be, he’s more willing to communicate his thoughts.

• what makes me happy about them:

boys reuniting! relearning how to have a relationship with one another! learning from past mistakes and trying to be better people together! HELL YEAH

• what makes me sad about them:

boys, please use your words to communicate with each other...

also, from Yuni’s perspective, it’s kinda sad when someone you used to know really well comes back into your life, but they’ve changed so much that they are essentially a different person... but of course they have a new opportunity to become closer now 😉 so i’m not that sad about it

• things done in art/fic that annoys me:

... there are fanworks for them????????? 

(on a more serious note, erasing their flaws to make them more likable... please don’t make Chika ‘secretly nice’ or whatever, the kid is blunt as hell, and not realizing how his words affect others is his biggest flaw. on the other hand, Yuni can still be a little spineless at times, and sometimes his priorities are. questionable.)

• things I look for in art/fic:

hm, i’d like a future fic about them as professional players! i think their inclination is to stick together (they’re a package deal!) but it’d be super interesting to read something where they’re on rival teams years down the line

EDIT: haha Chika actually transferred to Keisei High School after their first Spring Tournament, so he and Yuni have faced each other as rivals since then (2.43 next 4years). they’re go to the same university and are on the same team now though!

• who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

uh i don’t really have specific people for this, but Chika would probably have to be with someone who understands his love of volleyball (like Oda, but if Oda wasn’t their team captain and thus too much of a dad friend to qualify as a romantic interest), and someone who can inspire Yuni would be good for him

also, i know who i’d NOT be comfy about: the first book (and anime i guess) had this weird tension between Itoko and Yuni, COUSINS who BASICALLY GREW UP TOGETHER. i think(?) their weird whatever was mostly dropped in the 2nd book and wasn’t really made explicit, but like. what the hell. (i have no idea what happens beyond the 2nd book.)

• my happily ever after for them:

the YuniChika in college arc is being serialized rn, so in a way that’s already fulfilled? (i have NO idea what’s going on tho) 

in general i just hope they can play volleyball together until one or both decide not to, for whatever reason, and that they stay in each other’s lives and support each other even after they’ve retired from competitive volleyball. i think with Yuni’s personality he could be a good coach after getting more experience, and Chika... he’s really valuable as a strategist, but I think he’d always be a little brusque, so he’s respected but hard to bond with if he does take on coaching?

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity?

bold of you to assume Chika even cares about sex

anyway, they don’t go to movies for a romantic date night, they go watch volleyball matches. sometimes this backfires when Chika gets too frustrated at bad plays tho

and of course i will never pass up an opportunity to talk about Oda/Aoki, the main guys of my heart (my OTP for this series tbh):

• when or if I started shipping it:

they pinged on my radar when they were bickering in Ibara’s chapter, but i wasn’t super duper invested... and then I got to The Dog’s Perspective and the Giraffe’s Perspective (specifically The Kick™) and oh god i’ve never fallen so fast

• my thoughts: 

GOD WOW Aoki really loves Oda... even though objectively Oda’s height prevents him from being a super ace, he is the coolest, strongest super ace to Aoki. i think it’s beautiful that someone can see you as your best self even when you’re feeling shitty about yourself. Aoki knows that objectively Oda faces a lot of obstacles, and wants to support him as best as he can—not out of pity (pity would’ve burned out long ago), but because he really respects Oda’s passion and drive.

also, these two have unaddressed issues that they should talk about! Oda, i know you feel inferior but you are so much better than you think you are. please accept that Aoki really does respect you, and that you are worthy of it (or like, you don’t have to be ‘’’worthy’’’’ or ‘’’’’’deserving’’’’’’’’’’ of it, because it is Aoki’s choice to support you and play volleyball with you!!! it’s not something you gotta earn, it’s something freely and happily given to you)

(ahhhhhh i die when i think of them)

• what makes me happy about them: 

gosh i love their dynamic SO MUCH! Oda is exactly my type of character (passionate, determined, knowing that he can never be the best at what he’s passionate about due to factors he cannot control, trying to be kind and gracious but struggling with feelings of inferiority and jealousy, thinks of himself as a selfish person, a supporting character...) and Aoki’s devotion is really touching. 

again: even when you feel like crap about yourself, there’s someone out there who thinks you’re the best thing that happened to them.

there’s also the fact that Oda thinks the world of Aoki as well (to the point of feeling inferior, which is like... c’mon Oda :/ you are better than you think you are!) he trusts Aoki a lot, despite knowing his willingness to engage in, uh, underhanded methods

• what makes me sad about them: 

it’s their last year together, and they’d be approaching a new phase of their lives in different places... although Aoki offered to lower his rankings so they’d go to the same university, realistically they’ll go to different colleges, and most likely end up in different prefectures. (like, not only do i think it’s a Terrible Idea to give up your dream school so that you could stay with someone else, there is no way Oda would accept the offer without being crushed by guilt. something like that would actually ruin their relationship, which i think Aoki knows as well.)

there’s also a lot left unsaid between them at this point and i just want them to lay everything out between them and move forward together

• things done in art/fic that annoys me: 

the fact that there’s NONE >:[ what does a gal have to do to get some content for them???????

• things I look for in art/fic: 

at this point anything is fine.... it’s a desert out there and i’m dying

more specifically i’m Extremely Down for a get together fic; i personally only see them getting together after high school, at least several months (or even longer) studying in different prefectures and no longer able to see each other every day. (i mean... absence makes the heart grow fonder right?)

i’d also love to see Oda using Aoki’s first name, considering Aoki calls him “Shin” and all. Oda managing to surprise/fluster Aoki would be nice too.

EDIT: they’re both in the Kansai region (2.43 next 4years prologue). Oda’s revealed to be studying in Osaka, and assuming Aoki got into KyoDai, they should be around 2 hours away from each other by train? so visiting each other over short breaks would be cute! also, apparently Oda took a gap year before going to Osaka (2.43 next 4years Ch 1.2), so something set during that time would also be awesome :V

• who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

hm... if i had to imagine people well-suited to them, i’d say Aoki’s type is people who are straightforwardly passionate about their interests (Oda hooked him with his unbridled love of volleyball way back in their first year of high school after all), and I think Oda probably needs someone who is willing to indulge him a little (like Chika he can be pretty dang determined about what he wants, though without the single-minded intensity at the expense of everything else)

... this is just a roundabout way of saying i think they’re ideal for each other, especially if they resolve the problem of hiding things from the other

• my happily ever after for them: 

they get careers/hobbies they enjoy, and get a place together as boyfriends/husbands. no i will not hear any criticism of this idea

i can see Aoki working in the private sector (this guy is fine with ‘joking’ about blackmail after all!) after getting his law degree. this is super self-indulgent, but given his penchant of rooting for passionate but objectively disadvantaged entities, i think it’d be pretty awesome if he works for a smaller company that truly believes in their work, instead of working at a big firm pulling in big bucks.

while I’m not sure what Oda is canonically studying, I can see him going into sports education or sports therapy—i think he’d be really good at nurturing the talents of other athletes, and he’s good at rallying the team (Aoki pretty much says he’s the heart of the team in the epilogue of the first book, though Aoki’s kiiinda biased lol). i think it’d be really cute if Oda coaches a grade school team!

neither plays volleyball competitively after high school, but sometimes they watch matches for fun (esp if their ex-teammates are playing). Oda also makes Aoki come to his students’ matches if he doesn’t have work

EDIT: apparently Oda continues competing as a wing spiker in college, playing in Kaisai’s 2nd Collegiate Division (2.43 next 4years Ch 1.2)—Aoki probably watches his matches, even when he’s busy (and Oda probably chides him for neglecting his work, but they both know Aoki can manage his workload).

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity?

hm... idk, i think they’re the kind of couple who are cool with just chilling with each other doing their own work. like, Oda planning strategies for the kids he’s coaching while Aoki reads next to him, occasionally glancing over to make comments, stuff like that

also since Oda says they mostly talked about volleyball during high school, I can kinda see them finding something new they both enjoy after they get together? Maybe shounen manga, for something fun

[caixxa]

if you're up for it, i'd be interested to hear what led you to take a break/go on hiatus from writing. i've seen a lot of writers come and go over the years, and obviously, no one owes an explanation for their decision, but i'd be interested to hear how you came to the decision to step away from it. thank you!! ❤

Thank you for asking me! Like i said, I'm happy for the opportunity to talk about it - to clarify my own thoughts, if not else.

I had a lot of reasons to quit, both internal and external to the actual fic writing.

One big external reason is time and energy management.

I have a lot going in my life: a house that needs maintenance, growing kids with changing needs, a job that I could put more creative energy into to make it more interesting for myself.

While writing is a great hobby in that you can do it at varying hours, different timeslots and basically anywhere, it takes up a lot of mental and emotional energy which makes it kind of secretly time-consuming. When I'm writing, I carry the story everywhere with me even when I'm not actively typing it on my keyboard. And I need that mental energy elsewhere. I need to teach my brain to enjoy hobbies that either help me more in my everyday life (house and garden stuff), are better for my physical health (exercise), and I need to actually listen to my loved ones and pay attention to their interests, thoughts and views when they're still willing to share them with me.

(And yeah, when I do sit down and actually type the thing it is s l o w because English is not my first language and I have to check and double-check everything, even when I have a native beta because of course I'll have to do my best as if I was sending my writing to be graded by a teacher and I don't want it back full of markings)

I may find a balance later where there is still space for writing but I have to stay out of it for a while until I'm sure I don't let it consume more of my time and energy than I can afford.

Then the inner reasons:

I burned myself out. I spent two and half years in a fictional universe, producing 3 big fics. I wrote a good number of smaller pieces on the side. Even through the few short breaks that I took, a month or so a couple of times, I kept thinking about my story, planning it, talking about it, checking my inbox and stats page.

Inbox and stats. Sigh. I developed a less than beneficial relationship to those. It felt tough to lose regular commenters between fics. Readers come and go, they may be invested in one work but too busy to engage with the next one, and as much as nobody is entitled to my time as a writer, I'm not entitled to anybody's reading time. But still, I couldn't get used to the feeling of losing my grip of people's interest when the numbers indicating it declined fic by fic.

The changing relationship to the friends that I had made through fic, readers of my works and writers whose fic I had read and commented. When we started communicating fandom and life stuff directly, I guess it took away a part of the need to communicate the fan feels through writing and posting fic. I love talking to them but I also miss them as readers.

I have a feeling that I've given what I have to give to the hockey rpf fandom. I don't have the burning desire to tell a story that would be needed to push my love for my characters in people's faces, I have done it so many times and if I kept going I'd just be doing the same thing using the same words and expressions over and over again. Readers want and they deserve new ships, new stories, fresh views on characters, and there is an abundance of talent in the fandom, far better equipped writers than me out there to give them what they need.

In conclusion, I wasn't satisfied with my writership and if I had wanted to take it to new horizons and a higher level, it would have required time and effort that I wasn't willing to give. Trying to keep it casual, fun and light didn't work for me and rather than trying to make it work or put in the hours and work to improve either my writing or my brand, support system and marketing, I'm stepping away.

I'd really love to hear opinions about all this. Have I missed something? Could I have done something differently?

[hunnybel]

Eridan reading light novels to Tegiri because of a headcanon I have~ Which has manifested into a fic that can be found under the cut

It was a part of himself Tegiri was ashamed of. How could one such as himself, one whose very existence was so entangled with words and reading, have that as his biggest weakness? A burden, a flaw, something that made his already uphill climb to recognition ever more treacherous. Yes, he passed it off as slow and methodical, but few knew the truth that it wasn't him over-preparing and aiming for perfection. No; shamefully he was forced to take that time to even fully read through a passage a single time. Words and compositions had a tendency to get jumbled in his head, letters mocking him as he fought to grasp the meaning behind them. He could do it; it was a tedious effort, but he was capable. 

Whether it was related to his future work or to his all-consuming hobby, the battle with literacy was a constant. Even those who, like him, were connoisseurs of the Eastern Alternian Animated Fine Arts, had gone so far as to mock his preference for the dubbed versions of that which they loved and shared. Of course they wouldn't understand, but dubs were severely underestimated regardless of it being the only real way for him to be able to watch shows without his curse bringing him untold aggravation.

The curse which he hated to name, in fear that recognising it would give more power, more credence to it. Dyslexia.

Because of the struggle, many works he had interest in tended to fall by the wayside. The original novelizations of the shows he enjoyed being one of the prime victims. And it was only recently that he had finally found a cure for that. His struggle may have been disheartening, but it ultimately led to the opportunity he had now been presented with and was even currently taking advantage of.

His matesprit reading to him.

Sure it had taken a while for him to open up about this particular fact to Eridan, but with that vulnerability came the offer, given by Eridan himself, to have the violetblood read aloud to him. Of course he was surprised by such a thing, but he would be the last one to turn down getting to hear the other's voice and at such length. 

They were currently settled in against the futon-couch in Tegiri's hive, Eridan holding the book open in front of him as he relaxed against the back of the futon, Tegiri seated next to him, head nestled back, tilted to be able to vaguely read over Eridan's shoulder, though he wasn't actually trying to follow along that way. They were close. Close enough that Eridan didn't need to raise his voice too loudly for Tegiri to hear every word; close enough that Tegiri could feel the natural coolness of the other's body temperature radiating off him; close enough that he could feel the way the other shifted against the couch as he turned pages or adjusted his sitting position. 

It was easy to get lost in these words; nothing frustrating, just the soothing sound of Eridan's voice speaking the story that was somewhat familiar, having known the anime adapted from it already. Tegiri really was completely charmed by his voice, slight speech impediment and all; in fact, it just added to how sweet it sounded to him. The way he pronounced some words was so pleasant, it almost made Tegiri smile, refraining only because that might get noticed and called out and he would be too embarrassed if questioned about it. And he didn't know how Eridan managed to bring the right intonations and dramatic flourish to every line without having read it all before or reading ahead, but he seemed to bring life to every word as he went. Maybe that was a little strange, to make such observations, but he didn't care. Tegiri felt special, privileged, lucky to have such an intimate moment, this sort of affection shown to him.

And it was then he realised he had been so focused on how Eridan sounded, he completely missed what he’d been saying. While trying to catch a familiar word or phrase on the page, Tegiri calculated he’d spaced out for about three paragraphs worth of words while listening to his voice. And now he was faced with a dilemma. Did he tell him and have to explain himself? Or did he just have to deal with having lost that part of the story? The longer he deliberated, the more story he lost, and in a moment of panic, he said a quiet "ah-" as if to interrupt. And it seemed to have gotten Eridan's attention.

"Hm? What is it?"

"Oh, uh…" Now would be the time if he was to say something. "I just remembered how that scene played out in the animated version." So that was how this was going to go. He was lying, of course. This part hadn't been animated, so he really was just missing a whole part of the story now. 

"We should watch that together later, then." The small smile that accompanied the comment made Tegiri's pusher skip a beat. Ugh, he was going to be exposed as a liar but he couldn't say no to him.

"O-of course. When we finish the light novel series, we can watch the animated show." That seemed to satisfy Eridan and he went back to reading. Well, that had broken him out of his semi-dazed trance at least. He sat up a bit straighter to try and focus himself better. On the words this time and not just the voice saying them. 

 ーーーー

Maybe they would have to start cutting these reading sessions into shorter, more manageable snippets. Not because Tegiri got tired of listening, no, not at all. But he really was having a hard time keeping his attention on the content and words. Was he truly so hopeless that the sound of his matesprit's voice managed to entrance him more than the story that, had it been anyone else reading, would have him listening with far more than keen interest?

But he didn't want to seem unappreciative and tell Eridan to stop. He was at a bit of an impasse yet again. His determination to avoid saying or doing anything that might make Eridan feel as though he didn't love the kindness he was being given put him in a position where he didn't know what to do. 

Tegiri liked to think he was generally level headed and not at all prone to impulse. Yet another lie he told himself. So in this second burst of panic, not wanting to lose any more of the story and being too cowardly to just tell him they should take a break, he distracted him in the quickest way he knew how. Sure he was still learning how to initiate and engage in physical affection, but that didn't mean he didn't have the desire to do so. And using it as a panic-induced interruption was apparently the way it manifested. 

Pressing his lips against the soft, thin skin of the other's earfin was more pleasant than he expected. And the reaction was immediate. The reading stopped mid-word and Eridan seemed to jerk back at the sudden affection. Tegiri had a moment of fear that he had done something wrong, but the flush of violet in Eridan's cheeks and the cute way his earfin fluttered before he pressed a hand over it made the worry disappear. 

"...What are you doing?!"

"Well, you see, I… Wanted to?" There was a hesitation in his tone which earned him a skeptical frown and a scoff. 

"Were you too distracted to pay attention or somefin." Now it was Tegiri's turn to flush, his cheeks burning teal as he cleared his throat in the embarrassment of being caught. 

"That… May have been the case. Sorry, I just found myself taken by your voice and my attention was far too much on that to really…. Take in what you were saying."

He had already gotten called out, how much more embarrassing could the truth be? His voice did trail off as he spoke, though, hints of sudden uncertainty creeping in at the edges. 

"Are you serious?" It was more incredulity than annoyance in the violetblood's tone and Tegiri hoped that meant he wasn't upset. "You mean to tell me that you're too busy listenin' to my voice to pay attention to this series you've gushed about?" 

"Well, when you put it like that…" It was just as embarrassing being worded that way as the thoughts he'd had about it himself. "...Yes, that is exactly what I am saying." 

A pause. "We're just gonna have to reread it all again later then." With the book closed, it was safe to say they were done reading for the night. Tegiri still felt a bit bad, but it didn't seem as though Eridan felt any resentment for being, essentially, ignored. 

"Alright… Sorry." Tegiri hung his head a bit, eyes turned away, a bit embarrassed and slightly ashamed. At least until he felt something gently grip his chin. His eyes darted to Eridan.

"We've been interrupted already, might as well go with it. I'll give you a reason to be distracted." The accompanying smile said all he needed to know as the space between their lips vanished.