#between my brother being a decade older than me and one of my besties being 12 years older than me I just forget I’m gen Z often | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dammitadolfnomorecake · 4 years ago

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Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.5

Lance dragged his carcass to his bed way too late in the night that it had to be nearly sunrise. Blue annoyed she had to share “her” bed with such a pathetic excuse of a human, further annoyed as Lance wrapped his arms around her. Letting Pidge have sugar had been a terrible mistake for everyone involved. She’d talked through every second of every video, rewinding and pausing frequently to review anything that caught her eyes. Hunk screaming at both jump scares had been captured in the videos, Pidge thinking she was onto some kind of wailing banshee, until Lance had to point out it was Hunk. His poor bestie doing his best to melt into the blue couch cushions as his face burned. Shiro let Pidge talk as much as she liked, Keith sat there and glared when he finally came out the shower to join them. The idiot hadn’t even dried his hair off, throwing himself down next to brother where he shot Lance a look of what seemed to be pure disgust. The dude was a little ball of anger muffin, actually, Pidge was the anger muffin of the group, meaning Keith had to be... the anger loaf? The vampire was like 90% sure that wasn’t a thing, but with Keith being taller and more grizzled than his twig arse, Lance couldn’t do the brain to work out what he was, other than annoying. God, he was going to be dead in the morning.

The storm howled all night long, the latch on Lance’s window deciding to break, Blue sent flying under the bed after jumping squarely on Lance’s face, claws out as she did. A quick glance to his alarm clock confirmed the power had already gone out, meaning no lights, meaning not much point trying to fix the damn window until the sun came up. Except a normal damn person wouldn’t be sleeping away in rapidly cooling room. They’d be scared and all that... Pidge had said karma was coming their way, yet she’d failed to mention it was bad karma.

Pulling on his robe, Lance left Blue under the bed to make her own way out. A scared Blue meant the claws were out. That was a job for a Lance who didn’t feel every bit dead as he’d been for the last 3 plus decades. Heading down the hall, he let himself into the room Hunk and Pidge were sharing. The lamp between the beds off, Pidge snoring away on her side, the side effect of having no power. She must have left her phone bank at home, or she’d probably still be working on her theories from the hospital. In his bed, Hunk was clutching his phone in his sleep. He’d left his fucking glasses in his room, and now it felt like too much effort to go back. Lance didn’t particularly want to crawl into bed with Hunk, but what did normal people do? Would Shiro and Keith think him weird? Fuck... he couldn’t sleep next to either of his friends. He didn’t want to do anything that wouldn’t be considered normal... a normal person... would sleep on the couch. He couldn’t very well magic himself up into a bat and sleep in the attic for the night. Ugh. He was over this. Thoroughly over this.

The couch was cold and uncomfortable. There was a spot on the ceiling above it that’d started mocking him something after his third roll over as he tried to go the fuck to sleep. One spot led to two, then three... mocking his entire existence with their round unwanted circleness. The ceiling could probably use a fresh recoat. If he was going to redo the ceiling, he might as well update the rug under the coffee table... and then there was the latch to fix, how many other latched needed fixing... maybe he could put some fresh roses in the garden, the candy striped ones his Mami loved were already backed by white sprawling roses... he had abracadabras in for his papi... aaaaaand now his brain wouldn’t shut up. Maybe it was true about old people and their love for gardening. He really should spend the day tidying everything back up... He had the land and space, but everything other than the roses seemed to be neglected... maybe he could plant out his death soil? Put a nice little fountain there? Some violas and petunias? So much for sleeping. Pidge was going to love this.

Lance gave it what must have been an hour, by his time, after the first rays of sun started to dye the sky in light. The weather drizzly, overcast, and cold. A bit like his mood. Annoyed to find the coffee machine relied on power, now on top of his craptastic night, he was going to have to deal with a caffeine deprived Pidge in the morning. Sure, he was already going about boiling water in a metal kettle on the gas stove top, but Pidge insisted she needed two large coffees each morning before she was ready to face the world. He’d only invested in a coffee maker for the sake of her and Hunk. He’d missed the boat on the human race’s race towards coffee addiction.

Cracking a dozen eggs, Lance hoped he’d was making enough as he whipped up potato fritters and bacon... Then decided he wasn’t being a good enough host, adding fried tomatoes, fried eggs, a bowl of baked beans from a can he didn’t know he had, the finally fried bread thanks to the fact his damn toaster was electric too and he supposed people would want bread. There went his food for the week. Leaving the oven door down, Lance turned the oven on, sliding the plates and bowls in to keep them warm. Now he just needed his visitors to wake the fuck up and get the fuck out...

Lured by the scent of breakfast, Blue came running in ahead of Shiro. Making straight for the kitchen counter, Blue let out a demanding squeaked meow, yes, he knew, she wanted her morning wet food

“Good morning, my love. Breakfast will be ready in a tick”

“Thanks, darling?”

Obviously Shiro knew he was talking to Blue. Seriously, couldn’t a man talk to his damn cat without being attacked?

“Shiro, you’re not fucking funny”

Keith shuffled around the doorway, Lance feeling it’s should be criminal for house guests not to loudly declared where they were and which rooms they were entering, because damn, with his shirt hiked up that strip of smooth taunt belly between the hem and his jeans just wasn’t fair

“You tell me that every day”

“Because all you do is get older and less fucking funny. Where’s the coffee?”

“The power’s off, you’ll have to make do without. Sorry, Lance, he’s barely human until he has his coffee”

Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. Big fake smile, he wasn’t as dead as he was body was, all smiles

“That’s alright, Shiro. Pidge is the same. If she doesn’t have her two coffees she’s purely demonic. She’s been known to bite, scratch and kick. I used the kettle on the stove, not exactly cafe quality but as my mother would say, “if it’s good enough for your grandmother, it’s good enough for you””

“I’m pretty impressed, not many people would think about boiling water on the stove top”

“My family used to go camping quite a bit when I was a kid. As long as you’ve got a gas stove, you’re pretty much prepared for times the power goes out. Do you two want to eat first, or shall I go get Hunk and Pidge?”

“Oh... we don’t want to intrude...”

“You’re not. Everything’s already done, we’ll eat then I’ll run you into town. Sorry the power went out, your probably dying to know how your car’s going. Hunk’s dad always wakes up at the crack of dawn, so by the time we’re done, he should have some kind of update for you”

“I’m that case, sure. Thanks so much for all of this. I know you weren’t terribly keen on us crashing for the night”

“Well, you didn’t murder me in my sleep, and as far as I can see you haven’t killed Pidge and Hunk, so you pass with flying colours. I’ll be right back”

Lance fled as politely as he could, hitting his shoulder on the doorframe as he did. God, could he be more embarrassing? Who makes another murder joke when the time’s passed and it was now like he was flogging a dead horse. Pidge was right, he was lame as fuck... old age finally setting in... next thing came death... ugh, he really needed to stop with the mental joking. Insanity was a very real risk that came with living for too long. If he kept talking to himself like a crazy person, he was going to have to throw himself at the mercy of Coran with the hopes of a quick death. And fuck, he’d forgotten Blue’s food again...

Pidge didn’t want to wake up, a fist coming flying as Lance shook her shoulder. Hunk had spent the whole night with his hand on his phone, but was accepting of it being time to wake up. Pidge was not

“Fuck off... I’m sleeping”

“I have coffee”

“Gimme the coffee, then fuck off”

Lance snorted, too tired for anything other than a quick huff out his nose

“You have to come to the kitchen for coffee. We have to drop Shiro and Keith off in town, remember?”

“Let’em walk”

“After everything you put me through, you don’t get to go back to sleep”

“My house, my rules, fucker”

“That’s Mister Fucker, especially seeing you’re in my guest bedroom. Hunk, help me out here?”

“Nope. You poked the Gremlin. Do I smell food?”

“I cooked. I channeled my inner Hunk and made us all breakfast. Eggs, bacon, full nine yards, and coffee”

Climbing out of bed, Hunk wrapped his arms around him

“Best friend ever. Dude, you’re like frozen”

“The latch broke on my window last night, tried crashing out on the couch but you know what it’s like when your brain won’t shut up”

Hunk groaned at him

“You should have come crawled into bed here, man”

“I thought about it, but that seemed like effort. Didn’t wanna wake you up”

“You’re frozen. Go take a hot shower, I’ll make sure we save you breakfast”

“No, I’ll take a shower once we’ve dropped Shiro and Keith back in town. I’m dreading the state of my room, have to get my glasses out, but I’m scared it’s going to be a total mess”

“That’s rough, man. Still, you probably should get out of your pyjamas before giving us a ride home”

“I’ll have you know there’s no shame in wearing pyjamas shopping. I think they’re quite manly”

“Lance, bud, light of life and best bud a man could ask for, you can’t wear your pyjamas”

Lance had no issue with wearing his pyjamas in public. Somewhere along the line he was pretty sure there was a good six month period in his life where he’d worn nothing but his pyjamas. He loved the deep blue satin with gold trim and a little lion up on his breast pocket. Plus he had the matching robe and slippers. He loved them so much he had three more pairs in blue, one in red which looked horrible against his skin tone, and another set in black on the off chance something happened to the other four pairs.

“But they’re comfy”

“And you have to pretend to be an adult”

Lance blew a raspberry, pushing Hunk away

“Adulting is overrated. Back in my day you weren’t an adult unless you had two cars under your name”

“Dude, you have a car and a mortgage. What else would you call that?”

“An oversized kid with a commitment issue?”

Hunk face palmed, taking a long breath, he released it slowly

“Please, for me, will you at least change into something warmer?”

Dammit. Hunk knew he was weak to his bestie asking for a favour

“Fine. But know I do so under protest”

“Noted. Are Keith and Shiro already awake?”

“Yep, already in the kitchen”

Hunk scrambled to straighten up his bed, for no obvious reason Lance could hear how fast Hunk’s heart was racing. What did he have to be so worried about?

“Dude! Why didn’t you tell me? They better not have eaten everything”

Food? He’d cooked enough food to cook a small army

“I’d be surprised if they had”

“I don’t know, man. Oh my god, what if they have allergies?”

“Then I’ll have two dead bodies and all my karma would have gone up in flames. Relax, there’s a spread, I’m sure they’ll find something edible down there”

“I better go make sure...”

“Hunk, you’re making me sad. I promise I haven’t intentionally poisoned anyone in the last fifty years”

“There’s always that chance... So many people have allergies these days”

“And so many people now understand allergies better. Come on, man. They’re adults. Probably have two cars each and everything. Have some faith, man”

Lance’s words meant nothing, Hunk was off worrying himself sick over two grown men. He wouldn’t be Hunk if he wasn’t, but he didn’t have to attempt to take care of everyone they met... no matter how much of a teddy bear, people pleasing, free lover, he was.

Lance’s room had been torn apart by the storm. His window now broken, to match the broken latch. His bed was soaked, his floor was soaked, a stray branch had found its way onto his bed, and his damn glasses were cracked. The worst part was his blue slippers getting damp as he cross his room, stepping from “dry patch” to “dry patch”. More like “less wet patch” to “less wet patch”. Fucking storms, and fucking karma. He’d tried to be nice... he’d faked it as nicely as he could, that had to earn him brownie points. Now he’d be scrubbing the floors with vinegar to kill anything even remotely mould like that had the idea it was going set up residency in his house. They never warned you of the less fun things that came with being a homeowner. Had he know how much things would cost, he would have been campaigning for his mother start saving while he was still just an egg. Bring rural, someone had to come up from Platt. There was travel time, replacement time, having a stranger in his house, then there was the cleanup from their dirty boots.

Changing reluctantly into casual jeans, Lance piled on his thickest of jackets, with a scarf and beanie. Hunk had been suspicious of how cold he’d been, and with the weather still dreary, he needed to look the part, including forcing his feet into boots he hadn’t worn for at least two years. He hoped he’d looked okay, seeing he didn’t have an intact mirror to check. Lance also double checking he didn’t have any underwear hanging out his jeans, because he’d done that before today. Going to fuel up, he’d gone to double check his pockets for his wallet only to find a pair of black boxer briefs hanging from the back of his jeans. Thankfully no one had noticed as quickly stuffed them in his jacket pocket, before avoiding any and all eye contact when he’d gone in to pay. He most certainly wasn’t worried about his appearance due to the two handsome strangers in his kitchen... Nope. Not at all.

Heading down, Lance tripped on the stairs, then bumped into the banister. Every morning his eyes seemed to need an adjustment period thanks to his damn cracked glasses. They were only a cheap pair, but that wasn’t the point, it was something else he needed to replace on top of everything else going on. Back in the day he’d made some very dubious choices over his frames, thanks to the hipster rival he was now having the chance to rock the same shades as a much cooler person in a less judgmental time. Making his way down to the kitchen, Lance could hear Pidge prattling on about the paranormal, Hunk must have poured into a chair then poured coffee down her throat to keep her calm. She was honestly as bad as a starving vampire, Lance wouldn’t say he famished, but he would say his daily routine was out of whack. He would have been into his first blood pack by now, yet thanks to his guests and the lack of power the fridge needed to remain cold since he didn’t have a backup power system for the fridge alone.

Feigning casualness, Lance wandered into his kitchen, happy to see everyone except Keith was either. If Keith didn’t want to eat, then he could go goddamn hungry for all Lance cared

“Whoa, man. What’s with the glasses?”

Trust Hunk to notice right off the bat

“You know how I told you the latch snapped in the storm, the whole window ended up shattering. Room’s a mess, and I need to call a glassier out from Platt”

Trudging to his seat, he couldn’t take it thanks to Sir Mopesalot, his routine thrown off yet again as he was to sit between Pidge and Keith

“That’s rough man, covered by insurance?”

“Yeah, but I’d rather get a private quote too. If it’s less than $500 then it’s easier not to pay the excess”

“Ah, good thinking. What do you want for breakfast?”

There wasn’t that much left. Evidently he’d miscalculated everyone’s hunger levels

“I’ll finish off the potato fritters. Everyone okay with that?”

No one said no, so Lance helped himself to the last two. He was an excellent cook, if he did say so himself.

“So, Shiro. What’ll you do when your car’s fixed?

Shiro washed down the last of his fried egg with a large gulp of coffee, before leaning his elbows on the table as he nursed the mug with both hands

“Head back up to Platt. This was only going to be a day trip”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s true. Lance is always telling me I ask too many questions”

Lance brought his hand up, ruffling Pidge’s hair

“That’s because you do. I’m sure Shiro is anxious enough over his car as it is”

“He was talking just fine until you showed up. Plus, you forgot to feed Blue. My poor baby was screaming her head off for her food”

“Ah, fuuu-... Thanks, Pidge. I remembered before, but forgot again”

“I did it for Blue, not for you”

“I know. Her and her toe beans appreciate it”

“Glad to know someone appreciates me”

Lance gave a shake of his head

“I always appreciate you, and you know it. Like I appreciate the way you’re going to rinse the dishes for me after you’ve had your second cup of coffee. You’re still in your “Gremlin Mode””

“If you’d just brought the coffee up, I wouldn’t have to be”

“And if you just went to bed at a normal hour, like a normal person, you wouldn’t be so sleepy and cranky. Maybe I should call your mum so she can put you down for a nap when you get home”

“And maybe I should hack back into your home security and set your speakers to play “Psycho” every time you get in the shower”

“You couldn’t pick something I could sing to, could you?”

Pidge kicked the back of his foot under the table, she was on fire this morning

“Watch it. I’m not above motivation speeches for when you’re on the toilet”

“I’m down for that”

“You’re so goddamn weird”

Shiro started laughing, his right hand coming off his coffee cup as he shook it to say “ignore him”. Taking a moment to compose himself, he smiled over the rim of the cup

“You three really get along well, don’t you?”

“Yep. No offence man, I don’t know your friends or anything, but I feel like I’ve got the two best friends in the world”

Lance felt a surge of pride over his friends. Had Shiro dared to challenge him, he’d be having some serious daydreams over what he could do to the man and where to dump the body when he was done. Not that he ever would, and not that he really let himself think that way too often. He was just way too overprotective of the ones he loved

“It’s nice. To have friends as close as family, I mean. Do you have family in the area?”

“He has a grandmother in Pla-“

Lance elbowed Pidge, the question directed at him given Shiro was looking at him

“Yeah. My grandmother lives in Platt. You know what that’s like, she always has all the goss about what’s up. I had wanted her to come live with me so I could take care of her, but she wouldn’t hear of it. Apparently I need to get out and live my own life, but that’s hard when most people suck”

Shiro nodded

“What would she say if she knew you picked up two strangers in the middle of a stormy night?”

“She’d say I did the right thing. She’s been my number one supporter through everything. I could be murdered and she’d still want to hound my ghost over if it was a good host or not. “Lance, did you remember to feed them”. “Lance, I hope you didn’t have your feet on the coffee table in front of them”. “Lance, did you use the good silverware and china?”. Lance, I hope you showed them where everything was”. We’ve got like this massive family, so things were always chaotic. Church every Sunday, family dinners, that kind of thing”

Lance was being nice, but blurting out his life was taking it to the next level. Shiro continued to nod and smile politely as Lance spoke

“Do you still attend church?”

“Sometimes, but I always make sure to go for Easter and Christmas. I light a candle every year for my pop who died. I believe in god, but I also believe in evolution. Maybe because I spent so many days at Sunday school, it’s rubbed off on me”

“That’s sounds nice”

Lance hummed

“Yeah. I like to take my grandmother too. Most of the family is catholic. The way I look at it, as long as your not a dick to me, I won’t be a dick to you, nothing else matters. People can believe in who or whatever they like, and that’s their own business”

“Lance, shut up. You’re doing the too many words”

Lance agreed with Pidge, from life he knew sometimes people talked far too much when they were nervous. Shiro left him nervous, but as not nervous as his little brother. Keith hadn’t eaten a thing, even the mug of coffee in his hands had hardly been touched. But he hadn’t really been babbling, had he? He had a tendency to do that when he was sleepy, so always tried to keep a set schedule and sleep routine

“And you’re doing the “not enough coffee in your caffeine system”, Pidgeon”

“I hate you, you know that?”

“Yep, as much as I hate you”

“Fuck... You don’t hate me”

“I love you, which means you love me”

Pidge mumbled about being tricked, flipping him off as she rose her coffee cup to her lips.

Shiro smiled at their antics, Lance wishing he didn’t look like such a loser with cracked glasses

“Well it’s lucky for us that you did. Breakfast was delicious”

“I’m glad you liked it. I can’t cook like Hunk, but my grandmother would have killed me if I didn’t pick up a thing or two cooking with her”

“You can let her know you did her proud. Is she...”

Is she what? Ooooh...

“Oh, she still alive. Yep, she’s in Platt and try to visit her when I can. Garrisons like the perfect distance away. I don’t have to live in the city, but I can visit when I want. I’m talking way too much. I must be boring you by now. We can head our when your done, and Keith’s finished with his coffee”

“Oh, um, yeah. Right. Keith, you better drink up”

After all the worry over the car, how could Shiro possibly forget? Oh god... what if he was one of those annoying types that were seriously bad at taking a hint? Sure, he’d let them stay one night, but that wasn’t happening again. This was his house and the sooner they left the better it was for everyone. Keith cast Shiro a sullen look as he finally sipped at his coffee, Pidge was bad in the morning, but Keith took it to a whole other nonfunctional level. Lance was definitely not going to miss him leaving in the slightest. Seriously, he’d cooked his arse off and the arsehole hadn’t eaten a single thing, even treating the coffee as if it were poisoned. What a douche.

#once bitten twice stupid #klance #mpreg #vampire Lance #ashratherose #vldau

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lovelyrocker · 5 years ago

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Love Is Blind Ch.24

~ RPF

~ Characters: Jensen Ackles, Lexi Ackles(OFC), Jared Padalecki, Jesse(OMC), Bethany(OFC), Dr. Turner(OFC)

~ Pairings: Jared x Lexi(Sorta,kinda)

~ Warnings: Talk of Suicide, Talk of Alcohol abuse and Drug abuse, Slight Smut, Angst(of course), Mental Health Situations,

~ Word Count:7,288

~ Un Beta’d - All Mistakes are my Own

~ *FEEDBACK IS GOLD*

Love Is Blind Masterlist

<Previous Chapter

Lexi had been in the hospital for going on seventy two hours. Other than the four hours Jared had left to clean up and try to sleep, Jared didn’t leave Lexi’s side. Between the blood loss an overdose, alcohol poisoning and her heart stopping, her body was going to need more time to recover. When Lexi woke she’d worked herself into a panic attack in Jared’s arms. Out of fear of putting stress on her already delicate heart,the nurses came in and sedated her in a mess of of rushed apologies and greetings of relief and tears.

Lexi’s anxiety took over the minute she saw the bandages on her wrists, giving her a short lived calmness of seeing Jared. The realization of what she had done smashed into her like an anvil. She was filled with sadness and regret that she’d been so stupid. She wanted to apologies but couldn’t speak. He throat was raw and every sound felt like needles.

The next twenty four hours Lexi woke underwent dozens of tests. Neurological, to make sure her brain function was normal. Physical, to see how she was about to function. But most importantly, psychiatric. She spoke with a Psychiatrist for a bit, not saying much. She was still groggy through most of it and her body hurting from being shocked after her heart stopped.

Lexi was sedated again, resting, while Jared and Jensen sat diligently at her bedside. “You’ve been here for a while. Go home and get some rest.” Jensen told Jared.

“I’m good.”

“Jare,”

“Jay, I’m fine.”

“Go home, see your kids, eat, sleep.” Jesen lifted a hand when Jared went to protest. “Don’t even. Doctor said she’ll be out til the morning, at least.” He looked down at his watch. “It’s nine pm. Go. I got this for the night.”

“Promise me that you will call if she wakes up?”

“You know I will.” Jensen assure his friend.

It was eleven PM now. Jared stopped by Genevieve’s t see the kids for a bit, then swung by Danneel’s to say a quick hi and pick up a few things from Lexi’s room he’d thought she’d like.

Jared sat in his bed with Lexi’s journal in his hands. Why did he take it from her room at Jensen’s? He remembered the day he gave it to her. It was in Jensen’s trailer a few days after her sixteenth birthday. He had searched for weeks but couldn't figure out what to get his best friend’s little sister. He’d seen her journaling on set one day and noticed she was nearing the end of the small notebook. So he looked at all the nearest bookstores but never saw anything he thought she would like. They were either too small or too bulky. Too plain, to girly, nothing that fit her style or her personality. That’s when he took the internet and design her a journal. One she could add to, one she could carry with her easily. She’d never used another journal since.

He tapped his thumb on the cover of the black leather debating whether or not he wanted to read it. Did he have it in him to invade her privacy? Would he like what he would read? Lexi was currently laying half sedated in a hospital bed with four inch cuts on both her wrists. Now was not the time for privacy. Now was the time to find out why. More so, what could he have done to stop her. He opened it to a random page and began reading.

I woke up this morning and for a split second I didn’t hurt. Then I remembered I’m 2200 miles from Jared. That’s when the empty sinking feeling set in.

He swallowed hard and flipped a few pages over.

Today was another bad day. Jensen keeps trying to talk to me but after what he did, I don’t care what he has to say.

Jared stood placing the journal down and went to the kitchen. When he walked back into his room he had a glass and a fifth of whiskey. He had decided that if he was doing this he was gonna need some liquid courage. He turned the pages to the beginning and began again. He mostly flipped and skimmed through reading over the entries. It was mostly school, work, college choices, school boys, friends, normal teenage things. The handwriting was different. Softer more carefree. Then he scanned a page that made him pause.

I have a big problem. I think I have a crush on Jared.

He gave a small smile and kept reading.

Very cliche’ I know! Little sister having a crust on her brothers bestie. But it’s weird, i’ve never looked at him like that until I moved to Vancouver and I have no idea why.

Then again, how could I not have a crush on him? The man is fucking gorgeous!

Jared gave chuckle and flipped a few more pages.

I think I’m losing my mind. No way in hell was Jared flirting with me, right? It's in my head, it has to be! He is like 16 - 17 years older than me. That's almost two decades!! But then he looks at me with those piercing eyes and I suddenly forget how even breath. And when he touches me, my whole fucking body is electric.

Jared let out another chuckle. He knew she made him feel like that but didn’t know that so early on, she felt the same way.

I’ve never thought a kiss would make my heart literally stop. I feel like that everytime he kisses me. That can’t be normal, right? And I know he wants to take things slow but God, I want him. I know he wants to respect Jensen and I know he is scared because he has WAY more experience. But when we have sex its something that Ive never felt before. Even when we had sex the first time it was so different from with Chris.

Jared paused just seeing Chris’ name on the paper.

With Chris it all seemed rushed. Like he couldn’t wait to fuck. It was all pulling and rough. More focused on what he wanted. Jared was different. He was gentle and careful. I could tell he wanted me but he also wanted to feel me. He took his time and made me feel like I was everything. He still does.

Jared downed his drink and flipped through a few more pages stopping when he saw the handwriting change again.

I hate feeling like I can’t control my life! Every always know whats better for me. Jensen knew better when he made me and jared break up. Jared knew better when he told me to leave and basically forget about him. What about me? What about what i want?! At least chris gives me the benefit of the doubt. He gives me the chance to make up my own mind.

Jared looked at the date and saw it was about three months after she’d moved to L.A. She was diagnosed around this time. He could tell the differences in her handwriting. It was a tell tale sign of her moods and her ups and downs. Jared adjusted his position and several folded papers slide out of the folded back of her journal.

Dear Jared, I'm above the clouds right now on my way to Austin. My chest aches because all I can think about is you. I know Jensen thinks he is doing the right thing but how can it be right if you and I are hurting this much? The main reason I guess i'm writing is to let you know I get it. I get why you told me to go

Jared swallowed hard pouring another glass of whiskey before finishing and moving on to another paper.

Dear Jared,

Today didn’t hurt as much. I miss your text messages and phone calls.

Dear Jared,

I finally got out of the house for a few hours today. It wasn;t bad. Went to a movie with some friends. I was missing you by the end of the night. No one to tell my night to.

Dear Jared,

Tom reminds me so much of you! Gen came by with the kids today and even though she looks at me like she wants to kill me, I’m happy I got to see the boys.

It was letter after letter that she wrote as if she would be having a conversation with him. This was how she coped with not having her best friend anymore. Even though she knew she probably would never mail a single letter, she still wrote and told Jared about her days. The letters went from almost daily to a few a week. Then every few weeks until she left for L.A. Then the handwriting changed again.

Dear Jared,

L.A. is nice. I’m sure it would be better if you were here with me. I’m managing to deal with everything pretty well.

Dear Jared,

I saw Chris today. He is doing well and getting help.

Dear Jared,

I want to tell you how much i’ve missed you, how much I still love you. I’ve thought of the day you;d be standing in front of me again so I could tell you. But when I saw you I was so mad!

Jared fought back a tear as he kept reading.

You were worried I would recent you for being with you but truth is I recent you for not being with me.

Jared swallowed hard as he flipped to another letter. He saw one dated the night before she hurt herself.

Dear Jared,

I’m sorry. For being so mad at you. For pushing you away. For such a headcase and making things difficult. I wish things would have been different. That they could have been different. Maybe things were supposed to happen this way. I don’t know. All I do know is you were one of the best things to happen to me. And I want you to know that I love you and none of this is on you.

Always, Lexi

She was saying goodbye. He took another long sip from his glass emptying it. Jared flipped through another handful of of letters and a few more pages of her journal before getting up from his bed, dressing and heading back to the hospital.

The nurse walked into Lexi’s room at six am with an I.V. bag of fluids. She was quiet as she walked through the room as to not wake up Jensen who was sleeping on the small couch in the room, feet propped up on the edge and his head on the other, arms crossed over his chest. And, Jared was on his side next to Lexi in her bed. His head nestled close to hers on the pillow, arm resting across her belly, hand on hers.

The machine beeped and Jensen blinked awake looking over at the nurse. “I’m sorry, sir.” The young nurse whispered.

“It’s fine.” Jensen whispered back sitting up the couch squeaking waking Jared.

Jared climbed out of Lexi’s bed and looked at the nurse. “Everything alright?’

“Yes, sir. Just hanging more fluids.” The nurse said to Jared as she pressed a code into the machine. “Her vitals are staying steady.” She told Jensen as he stood next to the bed. “I have a few papers that need signing. I have two contacts on her list?”

“That’d be me.” Jensen raised a hand.

She held the clipboard in her hands. “Which are you, Mr. Ackles or Mr. Padalecki?”

Jared and Jensen both looked at the nurse then to one another in surprise. “SHe has me as an emergency contact?” Jared questioned.

“More than that.” She looked at the papers in front of her. “You’re Jared Padalecki?” Jared nodded. “You and Mr. Ackles are on a form stating that if anything happens to Ms. Ackles all legal and Medical decisions are to be made by the two of you.” She showed Jared and Jensen a copy of the legalized document. “How are you two related?”

“I’m the brother he’s her boytoy.” Jensen told the nurse casually. “Ma’am when was this document made?”The nurse pointed at a date. “That the year she moved to L.A., look Ellie even signed as a witness.”

“You didn’t know about this?” Jensen asked him and Jared shook his head. “I’m sorry,” Jensen told the nurse. “What do I need to sign?”

“The first two. It’s consent to treatment for the neuro exams and the other is for billing.”

Jensen signed the papers and the nurse left then he shifted his attention to Jared. “You really didn’t know.”

Jared looked up from Lexi. “Not a clue.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “She is always full of surprises.”

“What time is it?” They heard a raspy mumble.

“Lexi?” Jared looked down to see her squirming in the bed. “Hey, baby girl.” He cooed.

“Can I get some water?” She asked trying to sit up

“No, no, don’t sit up.” Jared held up his hands.

“Don’t push yourself.” Jensen handed her a cup with a straw.

Lexi sipped the water and handed the cup to Jared who placed in on the small rolling tray. “How do you feel?” Jared asked.

“Tired. Kinda groggy.” Her eyes focused on her hands in her lap, instant tears welling. “I’m so sorry,” Both men were at her side in an instant, arms wrapped around her tightly. “I didn’t, I-I just wanted the pain to stop.” She sobbed into Jensen’s chest. “I couldn’t stop it. It was like I couldn’t breath, my chest was so tight and heavy.” Lexi wet on looking up at Jensen. “I felt like I was on autopilot and once I’d done it, it all just went away.” She looked between them. “How could I be so stupid?”

“You’re not stupid, you’re sick.” Jared pulled her close.

“Lex, why didn’t you tell us you were bipolar?” Her brother took her hand.

“Things were calm and good. For the most part.” She wiped her eyes leaving her head on Jared’s shoulder.

Two more days past and Lexi began to regain her strength, slowly. She managed to get by with no brain damage but suffered from headaches. Her heart was undamaged as well but the doctor still insisted she remain taking this as slow as possible. Her mental health was a different story.

“Hey, Jay.” Lexi spoke gaining both Jared and Jensen’s attention. “When can I go home?”

Jensen sat on the edge of her bed and took a breath. “I kinda been wanting to talk to you about that.” He took Lexi’s hand in his and looked her in the eye. “I talked to the doctors and they think that you should go to a place to get some help.”

“You want to send me to a mental hospital?!” Lexi shot up in the bed.

“No, no.” Jared said quickly sitting on the opposite side of her. “It’s a treatment center-”

“You’re in on this, too?!” She looked at Jared horrified.

“Baby girl, listen to us.”Jared said calming her as he placed a hand to her cheek.her face. “It’s not a hospital. It’s a treatment center, kind of like a mental health rehab. The doctors want you to get back on the proper medication and dosages. For that to happen you need to be monitored for a few days or so.” She shook her head in protest as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. “We would never send you somewhere if we weren’t absolutely one hundred percent sure it was a good place and you would be taken care of and safe. It’s run by the same doctors that run the practice I go to. I wouldn’t trust you with just anyone, you know that.”

Lexi looked from Jared to Jensen knowing this wasn’t a discussion. “How long?”

“Two, Three weeks, at least.” Jensen said with a small exhale.

Lexi shut her eyes as a single tear escaped. “Where?” She asked swallowing hard as she looked back at them.

“Like I said, here in Austin. We’d be able to visit you while in treatment.” Jared told her.

By the next afternoon she was being shown to her room at the Austin Recovery Center. It was the last place she wanted to be but she knew it was something she had to do. Her room held two beds and was plain. The building was on the outskirts and on several acres of beautiful full green pastures. In fact, the place reminded her of an old ranch, without all the animals.

Lexi spent the first few days in her room trying to be okay with the fact that she was away from the people that kept her sane. She’d cry then she’d get angry then she’d cry again.

Her new shrink, Dr. Turner, was a brunette woman that had a bubbly personality. Reminded Lexi of herself a few years ago. Dr. Turner suggested Lexi began taking Lithium again and wanted to make sure the dosage was correct. Three session with Dr. Turner a week along with group every day. Lexi didn’t like the idea of group too much. She didn’t like telling her therapist things much less an entire group of people she didn’t really know.

Which brings her to where she is today. A week and a half of being in treatment and she still hasn’t opened up much. In group she hasn’t opened up at all. So she sat quietly in her chair, knees up to her chest, listening as the other patience spoke.

“I wanna know why the new chick never talks.” Jesse, a young man, early twenties, long, dark brown layered hair nearly to his shoulders and light blue eyes spoke. “Do you think you’re better than us?”

“Not at all.” Lexi shifted her eyes to him but moved nothing else.

“She speaks!” Jesse said lifting his hands. “I was starting to thing you didn’t have a tongue or something.”

“I just don’t like talking to people I don’t know.” Lexi answered still not lifting her head.

“Well, you’ve been listening to us babble for over a week. Don't you think you know enough to share a little?” Jesse asked moving his dark hair away from his face.

“What do you want to know?”

“Is Lexi your real name or nickname?” A girl, Bathany, a bottle blond, very thin, asked across the circle.

“Nickname.”

“What’s your real name then?” Jesse asked.

“Alexia”

“That’s pretty, why change it?” He asked.

Lexi simply shrugged. “A nickname my brother gave.”

“Why are you in here?” Bethany asked again. “Aren’t you a model or some shit?”

“Language.” Dr. Turner, who was leading the group that day, spoke.

“I did model, yes.”

“Then, why are you in here?” The girl asked again. “Isn’t your brother like really famous, too?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“You say that like money and fame fixes shit.” Jesse said towards the other girl.

“For some people it would.” The girl spat. “So why are you here. You’ve been sitting in group for almost two week and said nothing. You never talk outside of group either.”

Lexi looked at Dr. Turned who nodded her head as a sign of motivation to speak. “I tried to kill myself.”

“How?” Jesse asked sitting forward, curious.

“I drank a bottle of whiskey, took a handful of vicodin and slit my wrists.”

“Damn, you really wanted to get the job done.” Bethany said with a grin.

“Okay, that’s enough for today.” the Doctor spoke.

Lexi sat on the grass looking out at the flower filled fields across the property. The wind was warm against her skin as she watched the birds fly.

“So, you care for company?” Jesse said walking up.

“Sure.” She looked up at him as he sat down next to her.

“What are you doing out here alone?” He asked looking at her.

“I like the view. Jesse, right?”

“Yeah.” He nodded looking at her carefully.

“How are your cuts?” She asked pointing to his bandaged forearms.

“Better. You?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“You really tried to kill yourself?” He asked bluntly as Lexi gave him a nod. “How and why?”

“I told you in group.”

“That was a watered down version.” He told her.

“I drank a fifth of whiskey then walked over to my-” She paused and corrected herself. “A friend’s house and took a handful of his pain pills. After sitting on the floor I took his razor and just cut.”

“Why?”

“I just didn’t want to feel anymore.” She looked at him. “The minute I heard my friend’s voice I knew I’d made a mistake but it was too late.” She took a breath. “Does that satisfy your curiosity. Is it enough info to run back and tell the little bitchy blonde in hopes of getting in her pants?”

“I-”

“I am not stupid. I learned how to read people years ago.” She turned her attention back to the field.

“Maybe I just changed my mind on that.” He was clearly intrigued.

“You’re not getting into my pants either.” She said with sass.

“Wow, you are a feisty one, aren’t you?” Jesse gave a cheeky grin.

“You have no idea.” A deep voice came from behind them.

Lexi turned to see Jared standing there with his hands in his pockets and a visitors tag clipped to his shirt. “Jared?” Lexi stood looking at him her heart began to race at the sight of him. The last time she saw him she was still in the hospital. “What are you doing here?! Oh, Jared this is Jesse, he is in my group. Jesse this is Jared-”

“The friend?” Jesse said with a smile looking at her. “Hey, nice to meet you.” Jesse extended his hand to Jared.

Jared shook his hand. “You too.”

“I’ll leave you two.” Jesse turned walking away.

Lexi turned to Jared and he gave a hesitant, nervous chuckle, clearing his throat. “Can I- can I hug you?”

“Of course!” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “My God, I’m so happy to see you. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” He leaned his head on hers. He took a step back and looked at her. “You, you look good.”

“Liar,” She looked away trying to hide her redding cheeks. “I look like crap.”

“Nonsense.”

“Come on, let’s sit.” She guided him to a bench.

“Seriously, you look great. Your cheeks are a perfect pink.” He said giving her cheek a small touch. “How do you feel?”

“Tired mostly. I have these really bad headaches. Doctors say it could be from my meds or from the trauma of all that happened.” She fiddled with her hands in her lap. . “I- I like the beard.”

“Yeah?” He ran his hand over his facial hair. “We finished filming like a week ago.”

“Ahh, so it’s hiatus beard time.” She said with a smile tucking her hair behind her ears.

Jared saw the bandaged on her wrist and gently took her hand. “Are you healing okay?”

“Yeah. They’re just itchy.” She looked up at him. “How about you? How are you with all of this?”

“I’m good.” He spoke and she gave him a look, a look he knew well. A look letting him know she didn’t believe him. One look and he gave in. “Alright, I lied. I’m worried about you.”

“I know.” She placed her hand upon his cheek. “But, you don't have to. I’m okay. I feel a lot better being on medicine again. It was adjusted to higher dose last week.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re sticking to the doctor’s instructions.”

“I should have never stopped taking my meds. I felt good. I figured I was better.”

“A lot of people do that. That’s why they tell you talk to a doctor before stopping your meds.” He placed his hand on hers. “Oh, Jay told me to tell you he misses you and you need to get your ass better so you can come home.”

“I’m actually surprised he wasn’t here with you.” She gripped his hand a bit. “He has been here every visitation day since I got here.”

“He called me and asked if I would like to come see you. I asked if he was coming but he said I could come just me.”

“Really?”

“I was just as surprised as you.” Jared told her.

Lexi nodded. “I’m glad you came. So, Are the kids good?”

“Yeah. They actually ask about you a lot.”

“Awe, I miss them.” She smiled.

“Oh,” He pulled a few pictures out of his pocket. “I have something for you.”

It was all photos of the kids playing at his place in Austin. “Oh, look at them!” She boasted. “They’ve gotten even bigger.” She said as she flipped through seeing different picks of Jared and Jensen with them as well as Danneel and Genevieve.

“Odette is starting to crawl.

“Is she?” Her eyes sparkled. “And the twins?”

“Are just like Jensen in every way.”

“Poor Danneel.” She giggled flipping through the pictures still. “It’s only been a few weeks but seems so much longer.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Here you go.” Lexi handed him the photos.

“Oh, no, those are yours to keep. I asked the doctor and she said it was okay.” He looked around and reached into his jacket pocket. “Actually. I have one more for you.” He handed her a picture of the two of them together from when they were together.

Lexi looked at the picture of the two of them snuggled together outside by a fire. One of the few times they had gotten to be outside like that together. “This is one of my favorite pics of us.”

“‘I know.” He smiled down at her, the glimmer in her eyes filling his heart. “That’s why I brought it.”

“Thank you. It means a lot.”

The two hour visit went by a lot faster than they’d liked. We they hugged before he left, Jared held on a little longer, a little tighter than he needed. Just the feeling of having her in his arms, so warm and full of life. It’s what he needed after finding her cold and lifeless in his bathroom. Lexi could see in his eyes the longing he felt.

Lexi sat in Dr. Turner’s office watching as the doctor settled into her position across from her. “So, you had a visitor today.” The doctor began. “Who was it?”

“Yeah, Jared.”

“How do you know Jared?”

“He’s a friend. Also my brother’s best friend.”

“Oh?” Lexi nodded. “Is that all?” The doctor challenged. “Just you and your brother’s friend?”

“I don’t know what we are to be honest.” She said looking down at her hands as she picked the remaining nail polish off.

“Why is that?”

Lexi looked at her therapist and took an audible breath. “What I tell you can’t leave this room, right?” Lexi eyed her.

“As long as you or anyone else isn’t in any danger, that’s correct.”

“So if I tell you some stuff that happened like two years ago, even though it’s not really bad but some people may not approve, you can’t say anything? Right?”

“Unless you’re hiding a dead body someplace, no.” Dr. Turner chuckled.

“Okay, um, Jared and I have… history.” She looked at the doctor. “Like romantic history.”

“I see. Why do you see that as a problem?” The doctor scribbled something down.

“Because I was a minor at the time. I - mean sorta but not really.”

“Oh?” Her eyebrow lifted.

“Not Like a kid, but I was seventeen the first time we slept together.” Lexi’s hands were sweaty as she rubbed them on the knees of her pants.

“How old was he?”

“Thirty two. And I know that sound really bad.”

“Lexi, why are you jumping to defend this to me? That’s legal.” The doctor asked as she wrote in her notebook again.

“Because,” She sighed with an eyeroll. “I know what you’re thinking and what you want to say even though you can’t say it.”

“Is that so?” The doctor studied her for a moment. “Lexi, do people know about and Jared’s past?”

“A Handful of people.”

“Did they react unfavorable?”

“My brother threatened to have him thrown in jail for statutory rape.”

“You brother who is his best friend?” Dr. Turner added.

“Yeah. But that’s not the worst of it.” Lexi scoffed.

“I’m guessing the world wind love you told me about was Jared?” Lexi nodded. “Tell me What happened?”

“See, I was living with Jensen and Jared up in Vancouver where he worked. When he found out he made me move back down to Texas and forced us to cut all ties. When really hurt because Jared was my friend, he was my person, you know?” The doctor nodded. “And things just went south after that.”

“How so?”

“Well, first my sister-in -law Danneel through a party with Jared’s ex wife and Jared had to be there for support and all. That night we ended up sleeping together and the next day Jay found out. It was bad. That night Jared broke up with me for good.”

“That must have hurt you.”

“It did.”

“When were you diagnosed?”

“A few months after I moved to L.A.” She watched as the doctor shook her head and wrote. “Why?”

“Lexi, can I be frank with you?”

“That’s kind of your job.”

Dr. Turned put her book down and leaned forward a bit. “When you’re symptoms began you were focused on Jared. That’s why you didn’t notice them. You were young and in love and it's easy to misplace the highs and lows.”

“So you’re saying, you’re saying I wasn’t in love I was sick?!” She looked at Dr. Turner neary horrified.

“No, no! That’s not what I'm saying! Not at all! I’m saying it seems to me, Jared kept you grounded. When you were forced to cut contact, you lost your anchor.”

“So you’re saying this is Jensen’s fault?” Lexi asked even more confused.

“I’m not saying that, either.” Dr. Turner held up a hand. “Do you feel like it’s Jensen’s fault?”

“No! I mean, I was mad at him at first but I understood and I’m over it now.” Lexi pushed her long, now auburn hair back from her face. “That was the first and only time I’d ever really been that angry at my brother. See, aside from Ellie, Jared was my best friend.”

“And with Ellie off at college that left Jared. You began to go down and you had no one to catch you so you spiraled.” Dr. Turner” explained. “Lexi, tell me, when you hurt yourself, where were you?”

“Why?” She asked with a small shake of her head.

“You were at Jared’s?” The doctor saw the look of confusion growing on Lexi’s face. ‘Weren’t you?”

“How did yo-” Lexi shifted in her seat. “Uh, yeah, I, I to his house when he wasn’t home.”

“Why?”

“Because I felt safe?” Lexi answered with no hesitation but paused, a look of extreme horror on her face and tears in her eyes. “And he, he found me.”

“Did you want him to be the one that found you?”

“No, no, I just wanted to be somewhere I-I,” She quieted not being able to speak. The doctor saw her emotions flashing in her eyes as she recalled that day. “He sounded so far away but I could hear him screaming my name.” Her lip quivered as she spoke the sudden unexpected wave of emotions came down on her. “I could feel him grabbing me and begging me to wake up.” That’s when she broke. “Oh God, how could i do that to him? How could I let him find me like that?”

Dr. Turner moved next to Lexi and held her. “Because you had no control at that point, it was your illness, not you.”

“He had crap he has to work through, too. How could I be that selfish?” Lexi looked up at her.

“Lexi, when you aren’t medicated and your illness takes control, it’s not you anymore. I’m sure he knows that. If he is as educated in mental health as you say, i’m sure he knows.”

Lexi’s mind was spinning. She’d always wanted to keep Jared safe. She never wanted to drag him into the mess she called a life. She felt as if she’d betrayed him. As if she let him down in the worst possible way.

That was the last time Lexi talked to Dr. Turner in recovery. That breakthrough was what Lexi needed to truly clear her head. She was released from the recovery center but wasn’t ready to be on her own yet in L.A. Although Ellie would be there, she felt she wasn’t at the point to be around all her old triggers. Since her mom and dad were traveling a lot due to her father’s work, Lexi opted to stay at Jensen’s instead of being home alone in Dallas. Lexi much preferred to be around family than alone in a huge house. Not to mention Jensen wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Lexi would continue to see Dr. Turner in office one to two times per week and ground at least once a week. More if she felt she needed. Her group was similar to an A.A. group. Except instead of drinking the people were anxiety ridden. depressed self harmers. They even had sponsors of a type, “buddies”. Your buddy would depend on you in his/her times of need and vise versa. It gave them responsibility for their actions.

It had been two days since Jared was back in Austin having started filming again, and he still hadn’t contacted Lexi. So, being curious, that afternoon she made her way down the stone path along Lake Austin till she came up on Jared’s backyard.

He was sitting in a wicker patio chair with his guitar in his lap. Lexi smiled as she walked up the path listening to him strum. Standing just feet away she stopped and watched him for a while. When he glanced up and saw her he stopped playing. “Lexi.” He placed the instrument down and stood. “What are you doing here?”

“I got home a few weeks ago.” She said with her hands in her back pockets. “I thought you would have stopped by when you got home the day before yesterday, but-”

“I was- I did..” Jared shoved his hands in his pockets. “I pulled in the drive but never got out of the car.”

“How come?”

“I didn’t know if I should. I didn’t want to mess up your recovery.” He admitted looking at his feet for a moment. “I’d only seen you the one time in treatment. I didn’t know if you-”

“If I’d be pissed at you now?”

“Yeah.”

“So, you tell me you won’t push me away this time and you help me then completely disappear after I get released?” She waved a hand.

“You heard that?” He asked in disbelief. “You heard what I Said when you were unconscious?”

Nodding her head. “Most of it, yeah.” She took a step toward him. “Jared, can we talk?”

“Yeah. Come in, I’ll get you something to drink.” He motioned to the door as she followed him in. “Beer, soda, water?”

“Water is good. I’m kind of staying away from alcohol for now.”

“Of course.” He shook his head in realization as he grabbed a water from the fridge. “I’m sorry, I-’

“It’s okay.” She smiled softly taking the bottle of water from him.

They sat in the living room, Jared making a mental note of her physical condition. Her cheeks held a pink tone again and her lips were back to their red shade. She seemed to have more charisma in her although she did have a cautious air about her.

Placing her bottle down she looked at Jared and raised her hand to his cheek for a brief second before grazing along his stubble. “You look good, Jare.” She told him with an exhale.

“Are you okay?”

“Jared, I came here to tell you how truly, unbelievably sorry I am.” Jared gave her a confused look. “I didn’t think about how finding me like that-” Taking a pause for a breath she looked up at him. “I’m so sorry I did that to you.” She tried to hold back the tears that insisted on rising.

“Don’t be.” He told her. “I’m not.”

“What? How could-”

“Because if I wouldn’t have found you then you wouldn’t have been here today. I rather deal with that then putting you in a casket, do you understand me?” He told her holding her face between his hands. “Listen to me.” He gained her eyes and focus. “I heard you. I heard you before the paramedics came in. You said you were sorry.” Tears threatened to rise in his eyes. “You said you wanted to take it back.”

“You could hear me?” Her voice a whimpered cry.

“Always.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “I’ll always hear you, baby girl.” Touching his lips to hers for a moment he pulled back and looked at her. “Lexi, I love you.”

“Jared,” She looked down finding it hard to concentrate or even breathe looking into his eyes. When she glanced back up his eyes drew her in. His touches, swift and calculated, felt like fire through her body when he touched her. “My God, I’ve missed you.” She whispered between sweet, simple kisses.

In a mess of pulling and grabbing, they traveled up the stared to his bedroom dropping clothes from the door to the bed. All Jared wanted was to be inside of her again. He needed it like he needed air to breath.

Sliding into her Lexi gripped his arms burying her face into the crook of his neck, the scent of him filling her, heating her already heated flesh. She tangled her fingers into his silky long hair giving a slight tug, her hips rising from the bed as Jared grinded into her never letting the bodies part. Sweat beaded his forehead as Lexi pushed away the hair from his eyes, his lips finding hers easily.

Now they lay in his bed with the hot Texas sun shining in through the balcony windows. Lexi sat up, the sheet still pressed against her body knees to her chest. Jared laid with an arm behind his head and his other stretch out caressing her bare back with his calloused fingers.

“What are you thinking?”He asked her.

She stared into the bathroom. “How stupid I was.” She looked back at him. “How much I’ve screwed up over the past few years.”

Jared leaned forward pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “Don’t apologize for being sick. That’s something you couldn’t control.” Lexi looked into his eyes and a pang of guilt hit her. “I miss this. You and me, being together.”

“Me too.”

“But Jared, I have to be honest with you.” She faced him. “I’m not supposed to get involved with anyone for a while.” Looking down she felt Jared’s fingertips grazing her bare arms. “It’s part of my therapy.”

Leaning back he looked up at her. “I know.” Her eyes darted to him. “Well, I didn;t know but I had a feeling it would be.” He Cleared his throat shifting to the edge of the bed. “Listen, why don’t we get dressed and head downstairs.” He slid into his Saxx and grabbed his shorts. “I’ll meet you down there in a bit. Take your time.”

Lexi dressed quietly and made her way down stairs thoroughly confused. Rounding the kitchen she heard Jared talk and stopped just within ear shot. “Yeah, she’s okay.” She heard Jared say. “I promise I'll bring her back later.” Lexi took a step closer trying to see if she could hear who was on the other line. “Jay, i’ll keep her safe.” Jared turned and saw Lexi standing there. “I gotta go.” He pulled the phone from his ear and looked at her. “How much of that did you hear?”

“Were you telling him you just got done nailing his little sister?” She said hoisting herself up on the counter.

“No, I wouldn’t-”

“It’s a joke, Jare.” She said with a smile. “So what was this? Just a quick hit before it's too late?” She eyed him. “What’s going on? If you knew I had conditions to my treatment why didn’t you stop what just happened?”

“Lex,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her from the counter and sat her in chair at the breakfast nook. “Listen, I need to tell you something.” He walked to a drawer and opened it. “I took your journal.” He held he worn book in his hand.

“Why?” She looked up from where she sat unsure what he was about to tell her. “Why would you do that>”

He placed the book on the table and sat next to her. “When you were sedated, I - I read it.”

Lexi looked down at her hands feeling her anxiety bubble to the surface. “You did?”

“And I found the letters.”

She stood from the table feeling mortified as she carefully pushed the chair beneath the table. “I should, um I should go.”

“Wait, no.” He stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her arms.

She backed away crossing her arms over her chest. “Please don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” He held up his hands. “I- I just, this isn’t going how I thought it in my head.” He huffed.

“You’re having conversations in your head but, I’m the one that just got out of the nut house.” She shook her head. “Hell of a match, aren’t we?” After everything her sarcasm remained.

He then ran a frustrated hand over his face. “Can I explain? Please?” He held out a hand for her to sit back down with him and she did. “I’m trying to tell you that I get it.” She gave another unsure expression. “I just, I didn’t, I didn’t know I was, that you, ugh, damn it” He ran another frustrated hand over his face. “It was the same for me as it was for you.” He finally got the words out. “You kept me calmer, my anxiety was less, I felt like I could function on a whole new level when we were together. Even my bad days were good.” His confession poured out catching Lexi off guard. “I wanted to tell you that I know how it felt. It wasn’t just you. And, and being with you today, It was good to feel that again. Even if I know it won’t last.”

“Wow.” Lexi let the word out in an exhale. “I, uh, I think I should have went with that beer.” She chuckled.

“What? I, I mean, you’re not mad?” He asked astonished.

“Jared, if I was to trust my deepest more personal thoughts to anyone,” She reached taking his hand. “It’s you.”

Jared still held a guilty look. “I’m still sorry I invaded your privacy.”

“If you can forgive me for what I did, I certainly can forgive you for being so concerned.” Jared smiled at her and her heart fluttered. “Now what?”

“We focus on you getting better and know i’ll be here for whatever.”

“Jared you know I-”

“You don’t want me waiting for you, I know.”

He kissed the back of her hands. “Just focus on you, okay?”

Next Chapter>

TAGS: @saxxxyjared @xostephanie @onethirstyunicorn @dreaminemz @squirrelnotsam @jbbarnesgirl @thevelvetseries

#Jensen Ackles #Jared Padalecki #Lexi Ackles #RPF #SPN #SPNRPF #SPNFamily #Supernatural #Jared x OFC #OFC #OMC #Triggers #Angst

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gifsbysimplysonia · 5 years ago

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Things I'm Grateful For

Cuz I need to remind myself

New Japan Pro Wrestling

Kudos emails from AO3

COMMENT EMAILS FROM AO3 *sobs & clings to them*

Likes on my Ransom fanfic on Tumblr

My besties - yesterday I posted on my social media that I was basically getting drunk (2 Angry Orchard ciders within 10 minutes lol) and within 5 minutes of my post AND each other, both messaged me to say HYDRATE AND TAKE IBUPROFEN cuz you been getting headaches and don't want them worse. 1 has been with me over a decade, the other approaching a decade. I don't deserve them but I love them so much and yesterday reminded me that despite the distance and the time we might go between talking, they actually care and I am overwhelmed by that

Waking up relatively healthy with no major complications that impact my ability to live my life

My #1 crush and his stupid cute bearded face

My #2 crush and his dumb bearded sweater wearing body

Laughing - my favorite sound in the world. Ricky Gervais has a great one, so does Chris Evans.

Hugs - I wish I could get more

Scented candles - lighting one and waiting for the scent to invade my nostrils ultimately helps me relax for some reason and slip into daydreams about far away places

People of color becoming more prominent in mainstream media - like, seeing Lashana Lynch and Ana de Armas and Rami Malek all starring in a Bond movie? That franchise is pretty monochromatic so seeing that trailer this week made me oddly emotional. As I get older, I crave more representation for not only myself but anyone who never gets to see themselves. Baby steps are still steps and better late than never. Work is still needed and the fight marches on...

My parents - celebrated their 43rd anniversary this week and they are so stupidly in love. They are like a fairy tale to me, but I appreciate them so much, especially for showing me what love can and should be.

My brother - he's younger but he's one of my best friends no matter how much we get on each others' nerves and how fiercely we fight. He gets my weirdness on levels most others cannot cuz we grew up weird together.

Black labs/dogs/pets in general - pure and cute and hilarious and always make me smile

Dark chocolate - the only chocolate that matters. I discovered barkthins snacking chocolate in sea salt & almond a couple of weeks ago at Costco and my life was changed. SO good

People who take the time to check in and not just surface level but dig past the "Fine, how are you?" and ask about stuff I've mentioned going on with me cuz that means they pay attention and genuinely want to know how I actually am. As someone who always feels like she is bothering everyone and doesn't want to impose, it's like permission to actually be honest versus polite and that means so much.

There's so much more I could go on about but I just needed to take a moment to work through some of this cuz dumb sh!t is frustrating me, distracting me, and taking up too much space in my head and heart. So I had to take a moment to refocus and realize what a blessed being I am and take refuge in that, not the nonsense.

#personal

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litlifelover · 8 years ago

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TUSCANY, MY LOVE

A/N: Welcome to my contribution for the New Author's Month over at @loveinpanem

Nearly two months and 16,000 words later and I can finally present it to you. But this wouldn't have happened if for a couple of very special people, starting with the awesome ladies fom LIP: @thegirlfromoverthepond, @akai-echo, @titaniasfics and @louezem. Thank you for your dedication and all the work you put in. You're doing a wonderful job.

My biggest, warmest and most heartfelt THANK YOU is - together with INCREDIBLE beta @honeylime08 - for my awesome mentor: the unbelievably talented, witty and wonderful @xerxia31 I loved working with you so much, and look forward to our future cooperation. :D

And last but not least: to my best friend, Pez. She's not on tumblr, but she helped with this story like it was her own. I love you so much, bestie!

Enough said, let's start with the story. I really hope you enjoy! Thanks for all the support! :)

Editing to add: AO3 / FFn

TUSCANY, MY LOVE

"If you don't show in the next five minutes, she's gonna have a heart attack."

Katniss groans, the strap of her bag constantly slipping from her shoulder. With every other step, she nearly crushes her heels with the suitcase she's pulling behind her. Damn high heels, she should have worn her sneakers. She's a fit person: she jogs, she visits the gym at least twice a week, she loves hiking. Ok, fine. She could eat a little healthier, but between jobs and her sometimes very atypical hours she can't find the time to cook as well. So it's fast food most of the time. But all in all she thinks of herself as a person with good constitution.

Right now, she huffs like a railroad engine, and her feet hurt like she ran a marathon. All the while she tries to hold her cell to her ear and listen to her best friend’s calm but slightly sarcastic voice. Even though she’s running through a busy airport, she can hear Prim’s hysterics in the background.

Code Red it is.

"Hey!" she puffs slightly irritated. "It's not my fault the flight got delayed."

"Hey!" Madge responds immediately. "It's not my fault you didn't take yesterday's flight."

Katniss rolls her eyes and is thankful her best friend can't see it. "Excuse me that my editor wanted to meet. And I'm here now, so tell her to calm down and I'll be there shortly."

"Sometimes I really think you don't know your sister at all. And don't roll your eyes at me."

It's freaky how Madge just knows the stuff she's doing while only listening to her. It's no surprise they're soul-sisters after all.

Katniss slows to a walk. For one, she's simply out of breath and needs a break, plus the extra 30 seconds at the taxi stand won’t make a difference.

"Listen, Madgy," she tries again, this time without the sass. "Tell her I'm sorry. That I'm on my way and will arrive soon after lunch. That I promise the next three days are all about her. She should relax and enjoy the time with Mom and Dad and all the relatives she hasn’t seen in almost two years."

It's funny, she thinks, but she could swear Madge just rolled her eyes.

They end their phone call just as Katniss steps out into the heat of Tuscany's summer.

xXx

Uncle Haymitch, her mother's older brother, was 19 when he met Evelina Trinchini, an exchange student from Italy. She was superficial, arrogant, and shamelessly flirty - or at least it seemed like it. In reality Effie, as everybody called her, was clever, witty, and generous. Loyal to a T.

It was in the heat of an argument that they started their affair.

It took them six months to realize they were head-over-heels in love with each other. But her exchange year was coming to an end, and before they knew it, Effie had to return to Florence. Haymitch followed her, arguing that as a writer he could work anywhere.

They were like day and night, but somehow made it work. Endless arguments, fights, making up, two sons, four books, and a gorgeous estate in the Chianti valley later, and they still were madly in love.

The year Katniss turned twelve her parents gave her the choice between summer camp or staying for a couple of weeks with family in Italy. Of course she made the decision to visit Italy. Dreary, old summer camp would still be there next year.

It was soon discovered that Haymitch and Katniss had a very unique sort of connection. They were so similar in their behavior, their thinking, even their body language; nobody could deny they were related.

From that moment on, dreary, old summer camp was never an option again. Summers were now spent in Italy. Even as a grown-up she visited frequently, spent her holidays on the tuscan estate, and learned to appreciate Uncle Haymitch's fine taste in wine and his excellence in winemaking.

So when Katniss finally - finally! It's late afternoon already! - arrives at her uncle's estate and stores her suitcase and garment bag in her room, her first visit is to the wine cellar.

"Sweetheart," Haymitch welcomes her with a big hug, the crinkles around his eyes showing his age but mostly his joy that she's back.

"Hey, Uncle Mitch," Katniss sighs, and for the first time today feels herself relax. It feels a little bit like coming home.

"Did you see Primmy, yet?" he inquires, amused, while pushing a glass of wine into her hand. The smell of her uncle's famous Chianti Classico makes her close her eyes as she takes a sip. The ruby red liquid is still her favorite.

"Nah. I had the worst day, so my first stop was down here in the hopes of tasting the latest Abernathy vintage. It gets better every year."

"You still know exactly what to say to make me smile. Complimenting my wine will get you everywhere." They share a grin, but it only lasts a moment before Haymitch sighs, "But it can't be helped, Kitty. Avoiding the crowd won't change a thing. Hurry up, girl! Or your sweet little sister will have a heart attack." His laughter is deep and rumbles through the cellar, the walls reverberating the sound.

Katniss rolls her eyes and takes a last sip. "You're the second person to tell me that today." And with that, she presses a kiss to his cheek before going upstairs in search of her family.

Effie is the first one to spot her, and the screech erupting from her aunt makes her cringe slightly. Seconds later she's once again encased in a tight hug.

"My dear, dear girl! How I've missed you!" the older woman exclaims happily in her still slightly accented English, making a couple of heads turn in their direction.

Katniss embraces her back, and tells herself to ignore the slightly uncomfortable feeling she gets every time someone directs attention towards her, even if it's only within the family. She loves Effie, even though she prattles constantly about fashion, designers and beauty, so Katniss forgives her for the enthusiastic greeting.

It's then that the rest of the family realizes that she’s finally arrived. And it’s quite a crowd, starting with Prim, and her groom-to-be, Rory, her parents, Rory's parents and younger siblings, Effie as hostess with her sons, Katniss' cousins. Of course Madge and Gale are there, too, with their two beautiful daughters. Katniss adores them.

The moment Effie lets go of her, Katniss has her arms full of her little sister, who's actually half a head taller than herself.

"Finally!" Prim snickers. "For a moment there I thought you would pull a no-show."

"Sis …" Katniss sighs over her shoulder and can't stop the eye-roll. "As if I would miss the social event of the decade."

Prim's laughter sounds like tiny bells, and once again the older Everdeen realizes the effect her sister can have. She's charming, and funny, and stunning. Everything Katniss isn't. And to top everything off, she's a freakin' genius.

While other kids played in kindergarten, Prim solved the most complicated puzzles.When one of the teachers discovered that the child was able to spell every word one told her, they had their answer: Prim had an IQ far above the norm.

Although two years younger than Katniss herself, Prim graduated high school three years before her. Her undergrad studies were finished in a quarter of the time regular people normally needed. Medical School was finished in half the time. Residency followed, before the young woman decided to go into the teaching field of her profession.

At 24 years old, Dr. Primrose Everdeen was the youngest professor to ever teach at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. When JHSM started a cooperative research program with the University of Florence, Prim was offered a 3 year contract in Italy. Having family near Florence - and Rory’s job as a software engineer being flexible - they decided to move to Italy for the next few years.

A squeeze to her hand brings Katniss back to the present. She starts to greet the rest of her extended family, gives hugs and listens to news before Haymitch enters with a couple of bottles of wine and announces that they should finally start with dinner, he's as hungry as a 'fucking bear᾿. Which gets him a reprimand from Effie ("Manners, Haymitch!").

Dinner is amicable and light-hearted. Everyone has something to contribute, and conversation never stops at the table.

At one point Madge excuses herself, grabs her daughters and hustles them, under huge protest and with a stern look from their father, off to bed.

Prim mentions how thankful she is that one of her colleagues agreed to be part of the bridal party on short notice, and what a great help he has been the last couple of weeks. Katniss is intrigued, simply for the fact that while her little sister is amicable towards nearly everyone, she is always reluctant to give high praise. Her recognition is hard-earned.

"He is wonderful," Prim gushes, before she nudges Katniss with her elbow and winks. "I'm sure the both of you will get along beautifully."

And that's when Katniss' mother decides to drop the bomb. Now that she thinks about it, she's surprised it took so long. Still, it catches her off guard. A second ago she was talking quietly with Prim about the bridesmaid dresses when suddenly her mother's voice dominates the entire room.

"So, where's Oliver? Will he arrive later? Or tomorrow?"

While there was a constant humming of conversation in the air just a moment ago, now it's deathly silent. You could hear a pin drop.

"Mom …" Katniss finally tries to answer, already feeling the pounding in her head. It's not like her family doesn't know she and Oliver are no longer together. But she didn't tell them what exactly happened either. Only Prim and Madge know the gory details.

But it seems her mother isn't finished. "A couple of weeks ago, you told us you'd bring him."

"Mom." Even Primrose tries to intervene now, while Mr. Everdeen tries to stop his wife with a calming hand on hers. But it seems not even her husband nor the bride-to-be have any power to stop the oncoming storm.

"I'm just curious," Mrs. Everdeen continues, her eyes resting on her eldest daughter, "Six months ago we thought it would be your wedding we'd be celebrating. After all, everything was organized. And now he's not even here on time? He's going to be a groomsman, isn't he?"

"Jesus Christ, Haydee!" Haymitch's angry growl suddenly fills the room, his glare directed at his sister. "She arrived an hour ago. Give the girl a fucking break!"

"For heaven's sake, Haymitch! Language! Thank goodness there are no children present!" Effie chides her husband once again, who obediently only grumbles under his breath, eyebrows knitted.

At the same time Katniss throws her napkin on the table, her appetite completely lost, clears her throat once and stands up. For months now, the story with her ex-boyfriend has been simmering under the surface, an explosion was bound to happen.

"Thank you for reminding me, Mom, that I forgot to inform everyone in this room that I uninvited Oliver, because he's a cheating, conniving, stupid asshole, who thought it okay to bring his mistress to my apartment and fuck her into oblivion while I was on a photo shoot for two fucking hours. So, excuse me if I decided to attend my sister's wedding without him, and that I'm happy I got rid of this fucking piece of shit. I'm off to bed now, thank you for dinner." Katniss turns to her aunt. "Sorry for all the swearing, Effie."

As she leaves the room she can feel the stares following her. The last thing she hears before she turns the corner and rushes upstairs is Rory's calm voice explaining, "Actually, Haydee, Oliver won't be part of the wedding. The colleague and dear friend of ours that Prim mentioned will take over his part. His name's Peeta Mellark."

xXx

Two days later the estate is filled with people.

Her mother apologizes in the morning after the dinner debacle, stating that she's just worried, because when Katniss told them she and Oliver broke up, she shrugged their relationship off as just another bump in the road in her life. Nothing more.

They were together for four years.

Truth to be told, Katniss doesn't believe in love, although her family seems to be a parade full of people finding their happily-ever-after. Her relationship with Oliver had been fun. At some point she almost imagined herself in love. The next reasonable step would have been marriage. But she never felt like he stole her breath away, or made her heart race.

So when she found him and his dirty little secret in her bedroom, of course she was hurt. But more about the fact she didn't see it coming than the actual cheating. Needless to say she threw them out of her apartment, closely followed by the mattress and all of his remaining stuff.

His last words to her had been, "You're seriously surprised about this?! You're as cold as a fish when it comes to feelings, Katniss!"

Of course she cried. A little. Four days later she felt ok. His parting words had cut her, but she simply ignored it and plunged into her work. She was rewarded with a nomination for the International Photography Award for one of the pictures she sold to National Geographic. It’s telling that this made her happier than Oliver ever did.

So, while the major part of her family lives their happily-ever-after with their significant others, Katniss concentrates on her career and is happy with that. Ok, maybe not exactly happy, but content. Yes, content is close enough to happiness, in her opinion.

Therefore, she doesn't really mind going alone to her sister's wedding.

The rehearsal itself is uneventful, everything goes according to plan. The colleague Prim and Rory talked about the night before - What was his name again? Something with Pe? Pa? - arrives a little late. It irritates Katniss slightly, even though her heart seems to skip a beat when she first sees him. He's the epitome of sunshine, nearly blinding: his honey blond hair styled in a short cut, sapphire blue eyes sparkling, his somehow impish smile forming dimples. He's not that much taller than she is, but has broad shoulders and looks downright scrumptious in his grey suit. Handsome gets a totally new meaning.

When he rushes through the garden over to the rest of them, and apologizes profusely to the bridal couple, Katniss' anger vanishes. It seems to have been an honest mistake.

All through the rehearsal, she can't stop her eyes from developing a life of their own and drifting over to him, only to catch him looking back every single time. Which makes her smile softly. It gives her slightly ruffled ego a boost that a very attractive man keeps glancing at her. It even goes as far as her trying to figure out how she's going to be seated beside him at dinner without attracting attention.

Afterwards, her uncle and aunt's estate hums with excitement for tomorrow's event. Prim has never looked lovelier as she and Rory mingle with the people invited to the rehearsal dinner.

While the evening before was spent with alcohol, bright pink feather boas, and bursts of laughter at Prim's bachelorette party - Katniss truly outdid herself - tonight is an elegant affair. It surprises her that so many people are actually here. Wasn't the rehearsal dinner normally an event reserved for the bridal party?

Whatever, she thinks. Her eyes wander over the crowd, unconsciously searching for the attractive groomsman. When she finally spots him, her uncharacteristic giddiness deflates. He's standing with a pixie haired woman at his side and talking to Madge. Although he smiles fondly at her best friend, he looks rather skeptical at the woman beside him every time she says something. Nevertheless he hasn't shrugged off the arm which she has wrapped around his shoulders. When she seems to make yet another comment that makes his frown deepen, the pixie laughs out loud and presses a kiss to his cheek.

Even though the presence of his girlfriend is an unpleasant surprise, Katniss thinks very little of his animated conversation with her best friend, because Gale is also standing with them. But when the girls run up to them and need their father's assistance dragging him away, she can't believe her eyes when she sees him lean into Madge, brush her hair off her shoulder, caress her wrist. And Madge doesn't even seem alarmed in the slightest!

If that hadn't been enough testimony for her, the blatant brush-off and eye roll in the direction of his girlfriend right beside him that follows another of her statements would have been everything she needs to know.

For the next half an hour she mingles, fuming inwardly about the audacity of this man. Who does he think he is? God's gift to womanhood? The attractive ones are always the cockiest.

Finally, she steps up to the bar to order another glass of wine. While she waits she adjusts the neckline of her strapless cocktail dress for approximately the hundredth time tonight, cursing Madge for persuading her to buy it in the first place. It's normally not her style, way too short and it feels like a second skin. Underwear is not an option in this thing. But her best friend insisted that she looked "sinfully hot".

"Hi," a voice interrupts her struggles with the dress, and she gasps slightly out of surprise.

When she turns around she finds herself in the presence of none other than Peeta Mellark (yes, she learned his name by now).

She would have gotten weak in the knees at the smile directed at her if she hadn't witnessed the shameless flirting with Madge. The nerve of him now trying to chat her up. She is about done with the overly flirtatious assholes of this world. Therefore she simply raises one of her eyebrows, scowling at him.

"Hi," she offers curtly, before she grabs her glass of wine, turns around and simply walks away. She's only holding back because she doesn't want to cause a scene on the eve of her sister's wedding.

Katniss is nearly out of earshot when she hears an amused female laugh, and can't help herself but throw a curious glance back. His girlfriend joins him, all spiky hair and skin tight dress, her face nearly … gleeful? Katniss doesn't get it, they must have a very strange relationship. Nethertheless, she can't help but smile proudly when a couple of words reach her ears.

"If I ever saw a brush-off, Peeta, that was the mother of them all."

xXx

Prim is a vision in white.

It's not only Rory who can't take his eyes off of her. Katniss has to use all of her willpower not to burst out in happy tears at the picture of her little sister.

The ceremony is beautiful, as are the vows, and Katniss nearly forgets all about that annoying man from the night before, if he hadn't turned out to be Oliver's replacement. Of course, it's just her luck that one asshole gets replaced by another.

Speeches are given, and they're surprisingly good. The obligatory dances are danced, bride and groom for their first official dance as husband and wife, followed by their father with Prim, Rory with his mom, herself with Gale.

Time flies, and with all the delicious food and splendid wine it's soon time for the newlyweds to wave goodbye to start their honeymoon, leaving all the guests behind to celebrate into the early hours of morning.

Hours after Prim and Rory leave, Katniss finds herself leaning on the bar, but this time a small smile graces her lips. She observes the dance floor, where part of her family is gathered. Moments ago, the band started one of those old, romantic ballads, which somehow makes couples automatically find their way to each other.

She sees her parents sway to the soft tunes, her mother's head resting on her father's shoulder, his hand splayed on the small of her back. Not far from them are Haymitch and Effie, talking quietly to each other, both smiling softly at the other, their swaying out of time with the music. Madge has her arms wrapped around Gale's torso and his fingers play absentmindedly with the strands of hair sweeping down her back. His lips are pressed to her temple.

A surge of sadness rushes through Katniss. It would be a lie to deny that sometimes she feels lonely. Or that she sometimes wishes to feel that kind of happiness, too.

She downs her glass in a single move and reprimands herself, her signature frown back. It's just the sentimentality of the situation, she thinks. And those fucking love songs.

On purpose she lets her eyes wander in the opposite direction of the dance floor, only to catch Peeta Mellark watching her. His smile is much softer than the first one she received from him, not a trace of roguishness to be found. For a second she simply forgets that he annoys the hell out of her, getting lost in his stare which seems to hold her captivated. Suddenly every laugh, every word spoken, every note and sound, turns to background noise. All she can hear is her own breath and the blood rushing through her veins, while her eyes never leave his. The thought that this borders inappropriateness only fleetingly crosses her mind. Time seems to stand still.

And then he winks.

The nerve of that man! The spell broken, she turns her gaze away and gets angry. At him and herself. But more at him. Yes, definitely more at him. It wasn't like she was staring back. At all.

"You're amusing!" she suddenly hears to her right, followed by a chuckle.

When she turns to look at the person laughing at her, she finds the spiky haired woman. Her grin is devilish. Of course, out of everyone, it has to be his damn girlfriend witnessing their staring match.

Not that she was staring. She wasn't.

"Pardon?" Katniss finally finds her voice. Maybe, somehow, she still can conceal that something took place here. She's not even sure what she's talking about.

But then the woman starts to speak, and Katniss doesn't get it how she can still be so amused about all of this. Seriously, what kind of strange relationship do they have?

"At first I simply thought you were immune to his charms. That would have been a miracle on its own, let me tell you. But now I realize there must be something else."

Confusion must be written all over Katniss face. "I don't -"

"Oh, don't play dumb with me, sweetheart. You think I didn't see the staring contest taking place just now?"

Katniss blushes deeply. It's embarrassing to get caught in the first place, but when the other one so blatantly points it out it's simply humiliating. And normally, she's not even the kind of woman who would allow such a situation to take place. Especially after what happened to her.

"I'm so sorry!" Katniss therefore starts, guilt and anger - towards him? Towards herself? She's not even sure anymore - battling a war within her. "Really, I don't even know what happened here, but please, let me assure you that I would never ever make a move on someone else's boyfr-"

The thunderous laugh coming from her right makes her stop mid sentence. Ok, all this laughing at her expense actually makes her a little frustrated. What's up with these people?

"Excuse me, but what is so funny?"

The short-haired woman starts to hiccup from laughter, and Katniss is seconds away from simply turning around and leaving.

"Now I get it!" the other finally presses out between gasps for air. "You're simply brainless! This is going to be so much fun to watch." And with these words, a slight shake of the head, and another burst of laughter, the pixie turns around and walks off.

What. The. Fuck?!

What kind of Twilight Zone Scenario has just taken place here? How much wine had she drunk? What did they put in that cake?

When she's finally able to make out her surroundings again, it registers with Katniss that the music has changed to something faster and that people are no longer dancing in pairs but in one huge crowd. Madge and Gale, now joined by his siblings, signal her to join them.

Her eyes wander in the direction to where the strange woman just disappeared, only to discover that she’s standing with Peeta Mellark, still laughing and with tears running down her face, while he seems to be getting paler by the second. When his gaze shoots up abruptly it immediately finds hers.

Fabulous! This couldn't get any more embarrassing. Nethertheless she simply redirects her gaze, juts out her chin, and marches over to her best friends to join them dancing.

So, he and his crazy girlfriend are going to make fun of her? Let them, she couldn't care less! They deserve each other, and she has way better things to do than be bothered by Peeta Mellark's opinion of her.

For the rest of the evening she simply ignores the nagging voice at the back of her mind which calls her a liar.

xXx

It's still early when she steps into the garage and borrows one of the cars. The sun just rises over the hills of Chianti Valley, making the colors richer and deeper, the first rays kissing the tops of the olive trees and grapevines rushing by the window.

It doesn't take her long to arrive at her destination. She parks the car and grabs her camera from the passenger seat.

Although it's been almost three years since she last was here, Katniss still knows the streets like the back of her hand. When she arrives at Piazza del Campo she takes a deep breath and inhales the morning air. It's her favorite time of the day, the place still deserted except for the occasional local. No tourists yet. No street vendors. No constant humming of voices, and life, no oppressive heat. It's like the city takes its breath before another day filled with crowds and noise.

Katniss fell in love with Siena the first time she stepped into it, preferring it over Florence every time. Of course she knows she could never say this out loud or Effie, born and raised in Florence, would be deeply offended. It's no secret the two cities are rivals.

And still, the charm and beauty of the smaller city is undeniable.

She sits down at the piazza, takes out her camera and starts to watch the city through the lens. Now and then, the soft click of the shutter resounds in her ears. She discovers two young women talking, one with a basket full of fresh tablecloths, the other with a watering can. It seems they’re preparing the tables of a café for another day of tourists.

And then - she's not sure how it happens - her camera finds the last person she expects to see here.

Peeta Mellark sits leaning against a wall not far from the café, a sketchbook on his knees and a pencil in his hands. He's concentrating, she can tell from the way his eyebrows knit together. In the early morning light his eyelashes seem endless and Katniss wonders how they don't get all tangled up when he blinks.

She shakes her head, reprimanding herself for even thinking stuff like that. She has no business with him and wants to keep it that way. Best thing to do is simply turn around and visit another of her favorite spots in the city. Far away from the blond devil.

Unfortunately, just a moment later something breaks his concentration, and he looks up. Surprise is written over his face when he sees her standing a short distance away. But then it morphs into a soft smile and he raises his hand in greeting.

Awesome, no she has no choice but to at least say hello.

Katniss is still contemplating if a simple wave back will be enough, and she can be on her merry way, when he makes the decision for her by standing up and walking over to her.

She sighs, but at least remembers to be polite. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Katniss. How are you?" He sounds genuine and nice, and she hates him more because of the little jump her heart makes. Treasonous heart, being affected by such a man.

"Fine," she answers, short and pointed.

A silence settles over them, it's nearly painful, and she desperately thinks of a way to say her goodbyes again.

"Did you catch anything good?"

His question takes her by surprise, and first she doesn't understand what he's talking about. Only the pointed look at her camera makes her realize what he means.

"Oh … um, yeah, there should be a shot where the first rays of sun brush over the top of the Torre del Mangia."

Katniss pauses, not sure why she just told him that. She could have said no and gotten on with her day. But there's no time to ponder over the fact, because Peeta addresses her again, and she's astonished more than anything else at his words.

"That sounds wonderful. Prim showed me some of your pictures from the last time you visited here, and I especially loved the one where you captured Haymitch, crouched down in front of a grapevine and smelling the earth on his fingers, engulfed in the morning light spreading over the Abernathy estate. I looked at it and felt at peace. Your talent is exceptional."

And then he smiles at her, full of warmth and joy, his eyes a sparkling azure and his whole expression showing adoration. And she's not sure if it's for her work or for herself.

It makes her thoughts stop, and her heart beating twice as fast, because he’s just mentioned the picture she loves most in her portfolio, and she can't help but softly smile back at him.

For the first time in months it feels like all the stress leaves her shoulders, lightening her soul, and letting her breathe. The sun shining on her back not only warms her skin, but reaches into the depths of her being and spreads all the way to the tips of her body.

Something between them shifts, and Katniss can't for the love of god remember why she ever thought him so unbearable.

Peeta's arm still holding the sketchbook lowers a little and she catches a glimpse of his drawing: the slender neck and half exposed shoulder of the young woman with the watering can.

The moment they shared is smoke and mirrors.

"Of course," she murmurs. Her smile vanishes, making room for the typical scowl. She should have known. Lowering her guard was simply stupid. This pervert has nothing else on his mind than pursuing women, and Katniss can't believe she forgot that even for a minute. "I have to go."

Where there was a smile a moment ago, utter confusion now resides on Peeta's face. He grabs at his things. "What … why … Katniss?"

"Goodbye, Peeta." Her tone is cold and brisk, and before he has the chance to inquire about her sudden change of mood, she disappears around a corner and is gone.

xXx

When she comes back to the estate she's still rather irritated.

The thing is, she doesn't get him. When they talked today he seemed nice and charming. Genuine. Oh, and let's not forget, attractive. And the next moment she discovered once again that he's a pervert. With no inhibitions. And no shame.

When she rounds a corner into the garden, deep in thought, it takes her a moment to realize that Madge is walking in her direction.

"You missed breakfast," the blonde snickers, but when she sees her best friend’s face, her amusement turns serious. "What happened?"

Katniss shrugs and tries to wave it off, but somehow forgets that Madge can be like a dog with a bone. Her pointed look pierces her down.

"He annoys me," she blurts out, frustration evident in her voice.

"Who?" Madge wants to know, but secretly has a suspicion.

"Peeta Mellark. I ran into him in Siena this morning." Katniss simply states, but can't suppress her eyeroll.

"But why? He's like, the nicest person on earth!" Madge looks at her as if she'd grown a second head.

Katniss grows more irritated. How come he has everybody so wrapped around his finger?

"Excuse me?!" her bewilderment is palpable. "Not only does he think he's God's gift to women, he's also a terrible flirt. You should know!"

Madge is now irritated, too. "What are you talking about? Sometimes you make no sense at all, Katniss."

It's like a dam has broken, and Katniss can't stop blurting out the words. "And I can't believe you didn't recognize his shameful flirting with you the second Gale turned his back. He was all touchy-feely at the rehearsal dinner. Your wrist, your shoulder. And he knows you're married, what does that say about him?"

"What?!" for a second Madge gaps like a fish, before she finds her voice again, her disbelief clearly recognizable. "Katniss! You do realize that Peeta and I go way back, don't you? We both grew up in Old Saybrook, went to school together. It was a nice surprise when we met here. He complimented the bracelet Gale gave me for our wedding anniversary and brushed a wasp from my shoulder so I wouldn't get stung!"

Silence follows in which the two best friends stare at each other.

So, okay, maybe she misinterpreted his actions towards Madge. Now that she explained the situation it makes perfect sense. And it was awfully nice of him, especially with the risk of getting stung himself. Still, that doesn't explain his obnoxious behavior towards his own girlfriend. Surely Madge can't argue that.

"And what about his girlfriend?" Katniss therefore continues. "I can't believe how rude he was to her, rolling his eyes and brushing her off. Nobody deserves that, although their relationship does seem quite strange."

Now Madge is sitting down on the stone wall surrounding the herb garden, and confusion doesn't even explain the look on her face anymore. "What girlfriend?"

Katniss audibly exhales, and can't believe how dense Madge sometimes can be. "The pixie girl? With the spiky hair? And the strange attitude?"

It takes a second, but Katniss sees the moment her best friend realizes who she meant.

The blonde snorts. "Johanna is not his girlfriend. Peeta doesn't have a girlfriend. But let me tell you: it's funny you assume he was making advances when in reality it was her who was shamelessly flirting with me. Peeta stepped in."

Silence.

Well, damn. That actually makes a lot of sense, too. And was quite gentlemanly of him. And she is a fucking idiot, once again seeing something out of context and automatically coming to her own conclusions.

Only now she realizes how incredibly rude she has been every single time they interacted, the last time not even an hour ago. The blush that forms on her face can't be compared to any previous one. She feels like the biggest asshole on earth.

"Oh, sweet Jesus … I'm … Seriously?!"

Madge frowns and nods, her arms crossed in front of her.

"Geez, I really messed up!" Katniss doesn't whine about things, but this situation comes very close to it. Why didn't she simply ask before jumping to conclusions? She can't believe that she misinterpreted his genuine, friendly behavior for a cruel seduction act.

They won't ever let her live this one down.

Madge's anger lasts five seconds, then she relaxes a little and Katniss sees a hint of sympathy flicker over her features. That's her best friend in a nutshell: steadfastly protective when the moment calls for it, but compassionate the very next.

And still, the blonde seems unable to prevent her from more embarrassment.

"And afterwards he still somehow shyly asked about you, because he clearly thought you interesting. And not to forget attractive. It was all over his face."

It feels like a slap in her face. Asshole doesn't even describe her any more. Katniss wishes the ground would open up and swallow her whole. Nothing in her life had ever been this mortifying. Hopefully she'll never see him again, or she probably will die from embarrassment. With a huff she sinks down on the stone wall beside her friend, shoulders hunched and head down.

"Listen," Madge pulls her out of her thoughts. "I can see where this came from. You’ve had a bad experience, Katniss, and it's understandable that you guard yourself. And with your talent of somehow always completely misinterpreting situations, I can even comprehend your conclusions. I'm sure, when you explain the next time you see him, he will understand."

She wraps an arm around her shoulders and smiles reassuringly. Katniss leans her head against Madge, but can't suppress a groan, "What makes you think I ever want to see him again?"

xXx

The next couple of days are a little … let's say hectic.

Haymitch's deadline for his latest book is approaching, and he needs to concentrate on his writing, while his eldest son, Nate, keeps everything up and running with the winery.

Effie gets a call from one of her celebrity-clients, the shoes they wanted to wear don't match the fabric, or whatever shit they come up with, so her aunt meets up with her contacts at Salvatore Ferragamo in Florence for an emergency meeting. Katniss didn't even know that a personal shopper could have an emergency meeting.

With Katniss being considered part of the Tuscan household by everyone, it falls on her to entertain the remaining guests for the next couple of days.

While they are at the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Katniss has to take approximately 500 pictures of Madge and Gale's girls trying to lean on it, or push it up, or kiss the top.

When they visit Montepulciano it takes her nearly 30 minutes to convince them to try one of the delicious wild boar dishes the area is famous for. She doesn't have to convince them to drink the Vino Nobile di Montepulciano aplenty.

In Pienza Katniss has to remind her father that they're only allowed 23 kg of luggage per person on the flight back, after he nearly buys a shop out of their famous cheese. Only the promise of convincing Haymitch to send some in the future makes him halt his shopping spree.

In Florence they nearly lose Lily, Gale and Madge's 4-year old daughter, on Ponte Vecchio because she's transfixed by a tiara in the window of one of the many jewelry stores. The girl has the loudest cry in history, so they find her shortly after, and italian ice cream is the cure for everything.

Although Katniss loves her family dearly - and it's fun to show them around what feels like her second home - she can't wait for the return of a little peace and quiet. Yes, she missed Italy. She missed the area, the people, and the Tuscan charm. She even missed the heat.

But she also misses the solitude to concentrate on her own work. And none of all this chaos helps her to get started on her new project.

The meeting with her editor that had delayed her arrival in Tuscany, was actually to discuss the next step of her career: a collection of her most valued photos. Pictures that made her known. Pictures of people, of landscapes, of fashion. She has mountains of material, and she needs time to sort everything out, including her ideas.

Six days after the wedding she gets the remaining horde to Peretola Airport near Florence and waves them off as they board the plane to Munich for their connecting flight to JFK.

Madge is the last one to say goodbye, and they share a tight hug.

"Make amends, hon," she whispers in Katniss’ ear, "He's truly worth it. I promise." One more tight squeeze and the two friends let go. Katniss knows what her friend is implying. A funny feeling spreads inside her, though she can only guess what it might mean.

When they part - one last wave, one last kiss from the girls - Madge gives her a reassuring smile and winks once. And then they're off.

Suddenly it's quiet around her, even though she stands in an airport. She feels ambivalent about the change. On the one hand she already misses the happy babble from the girls, or Gale and Madge's constant banter like flirting. Her parents and the Hawthorne's conversations and amazement about the things she showed them. On the other hand now she's free to plan her days the way she wants.

With a last smile in the direction her extended family just disappeared, Katniss turns around and starts to leave for the taxi stand.

She stops short when her eyes fall on a blond man a few steps over. What are the odds? It feels like Madge just tempted fate with her half-cryptic order to right her wrongs.

But when the man turns around fully she realizes it's not Peeta. Now that the first shock is gone she even recognizes all the details which don't fit: The blond is a different shade, the shoulders are not wide enough, the eyes are brown and not blue.

Half relieved, half disappointed she continues on her way.

And then, halfway back to the estate, it suddenly dawns on her that somehow she’s filed away every single detail she’s learned about Peeta Mellark so far.

Panic starts to rise; it's nearly overwhelming in its force. She's not sure, but by the look on the driver's face she must have gasped. Thoughts race in her head, and the blood rushing through her sounds like thundering water in her ears.

What is happening here? Where are all these different feelings coming from? First, attraction. Followed shortly by hate and disappointment. Now, shame. Regret. But the most alarming: desire.

It's the guilt, she tries to convince herself, ignoring these most inconvenient feelings, pushing them back into the depths of her thoughts, and concentrating on her breathing. Thinking like that is not only dangerous, but most of all senseless. Her mind needs to focus on the thing she came here for: her work.

If she ever meets him again, she'll apologize for her behavior and then be on her merry way. He will live his life, and she will live hers, and everyone will be happy. End of story.

For the time being, she convinces herself, simply ignoring yet another thing by pushing it out of her mind. But she can't stop the single thought racing through her head: What is it about Peeta Mellark that she can't stop thinking about him?

xXx

It's raining cats and dogs. The cobblestones of Piazza della Signoria are old and smooth, and therefore so slippery she nearly tumbles down a couple of times. The soles on her sandals are not helping matters. Finding shelter under the Loggia dei Lanzi is useless, tourists are squeezed together tightly there, so Katniss makes a run for the Galleria degli Uffizi.

Somehow she makes it to the entrance of the museum without getting totally soaked through. There are surprisingly few people, and Katniss decides to take the tour. It's been years since she did this, last time she went with Haymitch when she was still in High School.

She forgot how beautiful it is.

She finds da Vinci, and Botticelli, and Michelangelo. Venus' Birth and The Annunciation are exactly as spectacular as the last time she saw them. She gets lost in the paintings and sculptures … and the people watching them. The urge to take her camera and start taking photos of them looking at the wonderful art is nearly overwhelming.

A small group enters the hall, but they don't look like tourists. It takes Katniss a moment, but then she realizes these are people who clearly work in the field of art. Here and there she picks up a phrase or two, but her Italian isn’t what it should be, given all the time she’s spent here.

When she turns, she finds herself face to face with Peeta Mellark.

He stands a couple of feet away, hands in the pockets of his jeans (and boy, do they fit him well, she can't help but notice), and he appears half surprised, half amused at the fact that she's there.

She’d forgotten that he's an exchange professor at the art department of the university. That's how he knows Prim.

Katniss wants to vanish. She is still mortified by her behavior toward him, and the smile he directs at her doesn't help, especially because she really doesn't deserve it.

It seems she can't make her eyes to cooperate, though. They skim over his figure, take in lean muscles, broad shoulders, sunkissed skin. Forearms carved from marble, like the sculptures surrounding them. She soaks in his appearance - for the first time with no assumptions - and realizes he's beautiful. Her first impression of him being handsome doesn't even come near it.

She allows herself to get weak in the knees, but tries her hardest not to show it. Embarrassment is still the predominant feeling when she's around him.

"Hello, Katniss," he finally breaks the silence. Once again it's him who takes the first step in her direction.

"Hello, Peeta." She sounds like a frightened child, which annoys her and makes her scowl. The laugh from him following that action surprises her.

"There it is," he chuckles. "It's not the same when you don't scowl at me. I'm rather fond of your scowl by now."

This makes her blush, and the urge to simply turn around and flee is strong. But she promised herself to make amends the next time she saw him. Therefore she takes a deep breath and braces herself. With every single spark of courage inside her she finally looks up, their eyes connecting.

His expression is open. Friendly. Somehow tender.

The words get stuck in her throat. Silence stretches between them once again, and Katniss hates herself for being such an idiot when it comes to words and apologies.

It's him who takes a deep breath and starts, "Listen, Katniss -"

But one of the men who entered the gallery with him steps up to them, nodding once in her direction, and then asks him something.

She's too flabbergasted to pay attention, barely notices that Peeta responds to his colleague in fluent Italian before he turns back to her, now looking slightly annoyed.

"I need to go, I've got an appointment with the curator. But …" he pauses, his hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. A nervous tick, she assumes, which she finds surprisingly endearing. "Could we meet afterwards? I think …" another pause, but this time when he continues he's certain, "I really think we need to clear some things up."

It takes her a moment to process his words, but finally she just nods dumbly.

Peeta rewards her with a blinding smile, then explains he'll be done in about an hour and suggests they meet at the Statue of David.

And this time it's his turn to disappear around a corner before she gets the chance to do more than accept his proposition.

xXx

Within the next hour Katniss changes her mind approximately 27 times. In the end, she decides to simply bite the bullet: apologize for her terrible behavior towards him, then wish him all the best before a swift escape.

The plan she forms in her head (and which repeats itself in an infinite loop) actually takes some of her anxiety away, together with the reminder that he was the one who suggested they talk. And that he acted collected and nice, with no evidence of anger present.

Peeta arrives 54 minutes after their encounter in the Galleria.

"I wasn't sure you’d actually show," he grins, his hands back in the pockets of his jeans, highlighting his beautiful forearms. Katniss is a goner for arms.

She rips herself out of her thoughts and even finds it in her to answer him with half a smile, "I considered bolting."

"Glad in the end you decided not to let me wait for hours."

He's joking, and there's not even a trace of accusation in his voice. It makes Katniss suddenly remember why she agreed to meet him in the first place. Wringing her hands, she tries her hardest not to blush. She knows he deserves an apology more than anything else. So before he gets the chance to continue with idle conversation, Katniss takes a deep breath and tells herself to just get it over with.

"I'm sorry," she blurts out. The dam is broken, there's no stopping her now. "So sorry. I know now that I behaved like a lunatic, blamed you for stuff without knowing the background, assumed the worst of you. Now I know you're neither a shameless flirt nor a cheater, but a gentleman. I was rude, and insensitive, and - to be blunt - a complete asshole. And I'm really, very sorry. I'm not sure I can ever make it up to you. You didn't deserve my brusqueness, nor my anger, or prejudice."

When she's finished the silence is palpable, even in their busy surroundings. Peeta simply stands in front of her and stares. It's intense, she can feel an excited prickle under her skin, the sounds around them still muted to her ears.

"Wow," he interrupts their silence a second later. "I really didn't expect this. Actually, it was me who wanted to apologize to you in case I did something to offend you in the first place, and it being the reason you've been acting so cold towards me. Seems we were both in the wrong." He nearly looks bashful.

Katniss blinks once. Twice. Isn't sure she heard him correctly. "What?!"

"It's fine, Katniss. How about we simply forget about our unlucky start?" he rephrases, even smiles at her again.

"How do you do that?" She looks frustrated and ashamed at the same time, and now his confusion is clearly visible. It takes everything to not stomp her foot like an angry kid.

"Do what?" he inquires, not sure what she means.

"How can you forgive me, just like that? I would hate me if I was in your shoes." Her eyes drop to her feet again, and she can feel the blush rising again in her cheeks. Shame consumes once more. This whole situation is more than uncomfortable.

Surprisingly Peeta only laughs, and there's nothing malicious about it. "So, thank god you're not in my shoes. Yours are way more attractive anyway."

Her blush deepens, but this time for completely different reasons. "Peeta …"

He sobers up, but doesn't lose the friendly tone to his voice. "Listen, Katniss. You apologized, you explained yourself, you feel remorseful. I would be spiteful and narrow-minded to hold a grudge against you when you chastise yourself the way you do. Which - by the way - isn't necessary at all. To be honest, the whole situation is a bit funny. Very romantic comedy, if you ask me."

His smirk is contagious and Katniss actually has to laugh out loud at his explanation. It somehow feels like all the worries she carried on her shoulders the last couple of days simply fall away with his forgiveness. She can't help but join in his friendly banter. "Only that there's nothing romantic going on here."

For a second he pauses, and she could swear his smile freezes on his face, but then he's back to nodding along, together with an amused, "Yeah … um. Of course."

She writes it off as imagination.

"So …" he starts speaking again when their chuckles die down. "Now that we’ve come to the conclusion that you're not totally disgusted with my presence, how about I buy you some gelato? I happen to know the best gelateria in all of Florence."

She crosses her arms in front of her. "Shouldn't I be the one offering to buy you ice cream?"

His smirk turns mischievous. "Not when you call it plain, ordinary ice cream. It's gelato. That's not the same. And let's face it: You have a lot of groveling to do, so if I say I’m going to buy you some gelato, you simply have to accept it as part of your groveling process."

Katniss playfully groans. "I'm never going to live this down, am I?"

"Nope," he beams, showing his dimples. Now that they’ve cleared up the situation, she at least doesn't have to feel bad about finding his smile drop dead gorgeous anymore.

Or, him. Like, all of him. Not that she's ever going to admit it out loud.

Peeta nods towards his right, and with an answering smile from Katniss they start to walk.

xXx

Weeks fly by.

Katniss isn't exactly sure how it happens but somehow she finds herself spending quite a lot of her time with Peeta.

Sometimes they share lunch when she happens to be in Florence and he has no lecture. They visit vernissages together; Peeta has a nose for upcoming artists. They go for coffee, or gelato, or a glass of wine.

One evening they join Johanna - who turns out to be part of the university's biology department and not his girlfriend - for dinner and drinks afterwards. When Katniss winds up quite tipsy, Peeta puts her in a cab, wishes her a good night and pays the fare upfront, without her noticing of course.

If asked a couple of weeks ago, Katniss would have vehemently denied that Peeta Mellark could ever be more than an annoying acquaintance.

As it turns out, now she considers him her friend.

"See? I told you!" Madge gloats when they talk over the phone one evening.

"You're going to be obnoxious about this, I can already tell," Katniss deadpans, her cell pressed between her ear and shoulder while she sorts through some of her photos.

"You know me so well, bestie!" the blonde snickers. "I love to be right."

Katniss snorts. "As if I didn't know that."

She misses Madge. It's not the same when they don't see each other regularly. Normally, not a week goes by without them meeting at least once. It makes Katniss cherish Peeta even more, for he often resembles Madge's character. They're both thoughtful and genuine. Friendly. Amiable. Loyal to the bone.

She and Peeta fall into an easy pattern; their friendship feels so natural Katniss can't fathom how she ever thought of him as an asshole.

And then summer turns into autumn. It's harvest season.

And suddenly, everything changes.

xXx

It's October and Abernathy Vineyards is preparing for the vintage. Grape harvest is something special at the estate, as well as the surrounding area. Uncle Haymitch told her once that people were skeptical when they first started as vintners, because they didn't trust an americano to follow their traditions. The other winemakers’ respect was hard earned, but in the end, Haymitch succeeded.

The area the vineyard lies in - the zona del Chianti Classico - is the oldest and most prestigious one. Only here is it allowed to produce the Classico, following strict rules and stipulations. Downgrading to a simple Chianti is not allowed. Winemaking is an art here.

Harvest at Abernathy's takes between two and three weeks, during which time the estate hums with life. Harvesting still happens by hand here. It's Effie's favorite time of the year, playing hostess to so many people, while Haymitch looks forward to when the harvest is done and everything returns to normal.

The highlight of harvest season is the wine fest when they're finished. Tons of food is served, lots of wine gets drunk, and live music invites everyone to dance. It's always fun, followed by a huge hangover the next day.

Katniss is leaving the room she claimed as an office for the time being when Effie intercepts her and asks if she wants to invite anyone to the feast.

She pauses when her first thought is to invite Peeta, but shrugs it away as coincidence because she just read an email from him a couple minutes ago. Katniss tells her aunt that she'll ask Peeta if he wants to come, and Effie smiles brightly. "That's wonderful, dear. He's such a nice young man."

When she and Peeta meet for lunch the next day she tells him about it, and he gladly accepts.

xXx

The band switches to softer music.

Katniss feels the world spin slightly and giggles. As it is with her and alcohol, she normally becomes a happy mess, with her inhibitions lowered and her scowl as good as gone. Madge told her a couple years ago she sometimes acts like a completely different person when inebriated, looks younger and free, isn't as serious as normal.

She's not so drunk that she can't tell that now is such an occasion.

Most people have already gone to bed. A few small groups still linger around the bar, but the raucous laughter has changed to muffled conversation.

She and Peeta share one of the loveseats under the gazebo, both of them pressed into opposite corners. From the huge smile on his face Katniss can tell he's slightly drunk as well.

Conversation is easy and never stops, the topics jumping from politics to gossip to art and so on.

"You should wear your hair down more often," he tells her at one point, after taking another sip from his wine. He stretches his arm out on the backrest, so his fingers reach her locks, and starts to play with one of the strands. "It really suits you."

Katniss doesn't even blush, only grins back at him. "That's really nice of you, Peeta. Unfortunately it's very impractical when working." She pauses, but her brain doesn't work as fast in her tipsy state as it normally would, and before she can stop herself she confesses, "You, on the other hand, always look handsome."

If possible, his grin broadens. "Is that so?"

And again her mouth is faster than her brain when she replies, "Come on! You totally know that you're drop dead gorgeous, and to top it off, devilishly charming." She laughs softly, taking another sip.

When her amusement flattens, she realizes that conversation has stalled for the first time since they sat down here. When she offers him a confused look, she's nearly taken aback by the sheer intensity in his eyes. She notices that they have somehow moved closer to each other, her knee pressing into his thigh. His hand brushes her hair out of her face now. Tucks it behind her ear. Repeats the action.

"I think you're beautiful," he says. It's nearly a whisper.

Even half drunk she feels her cheeks redden. Her pulse starts to race, and she's not sure if it's from excitement or fear. Because the look in his eyes scares the shit out of her.

Peeta Mellark is the nicest, most generous and beautiful man she’s met in her life. And there's no possible way that he can seriously be interested in her. Not after their disastrous start. He must have seen her inability to trust, or the way she's prone to overreacting. He deserves so much more than to get involved with a broken and insensitive coward.

Her half befuddled brain registers then that he's leaning towards her. Panic rises within her, and every single cell tells her to 'Run away, now!'. The small voice in the back of her mind whispering that this could be something wonderful gets ignored.

With half a cry, half desperate laugh, Katniss jumps up from her seat. Her fingers fumble with the wineglass she's still holding. She avoids looking at him, her eyes fixed on the spot in front of her feet.

"Good … um … good night, Peeta," she tumbles over the words. "Thanks for coming tonight."

And then she flees, nearly running all the way up to her room, the unbraided hair flying behind her, her breath heavy and short. Reminding herself that this is for the best, that she saved herself from more heartbreak. That Peeta is way better off like this, their friendship so much more important than any half-drunken mishap both would regret the next morning.

She will give it a couple days and they'll be back to normal, she's sure of it.

Not once does Katniss turn back, or she would've seen the devastation she’s left in her wake.

xXx

A couple days later, nothing is back to normal.

Panic ebbs and flows, and about a week after the "near-incident", Katniss can't handle it any longer. She hugs Haymitch and Effie goodbye and boards a plane back to the States.

"My editor called, we need to meet," she explained while packing her suitcase. "I'm done with the pre-arrangement of the photos; now the real work starts."

Work comes in handy, explains away her rushed departure, and lets her concentrate on something other than the fact that she ignored every single call from Peeta since that fateful evening.

She knows it’s a shitty move, but can't help but think that it's also the only possible one. Best to cut off the starting attraction before anyone gets seriously hurt.

As the plane takes off, Katniss stares out the small window, takes in the scenery once more, and allows a single tear to roll down her cheek, not bothering to brush it away.

This is goodbye, and it's for the best.

xXx

When November turns into December, Katniss has nearly forgotten all about Peeta Mellark.

Or at least that’s what she tells herself.

In reality, not a day has gone by without her thinking of him at least once. It's the small things that get to her: a glass of wine, a piece of art, a dimpled smile.

Katniss delves into her work, rises early and stays up late. Exhaustion is her constant companion, but at least it occupies her brain most of the time. Only on nights when sleep won't come do her thoughts drift to a gazebo in a familiar garden.

The gallery she and her agent decided on lies near Chelsea Waterside Park. It's a beautiful place, and Katniss can't wait to exhibit her pictures there. Unfortunately, the book presentation together with the showing, and everything around it, requires significant preparation.

She hurries down the street for an appointment with her agent and the gallery-owner. Thanks to New York's public transportation system and its vulnerability to break down at the most inconvenient times, she's already five minutes late.

She’s just ended a call with her agent to apologize and explain, when she stops short. Because in front of her - not ten yards away - Peeta Mellark buys a newspaper from a street vendor. He smiles at the lady behind the counter, and Katniss feels her knees get weak. Eight million people in this goddamn city and he’s here at this very moment. What are the odds?

He turns around, and before she can react, his eyes settle on her. Katniss sees his surprise. She expects he'll turn around and walk away, without even acknowledging her. Astonished she sees Peeta taking a deep breath and stepping over to where she stands.

"Hello, Katniss," he greets her, and he sounds … normal.

She's relieved; it seems he doesn't hold a grudge against her. Nevertheless she doesn't trust her voice, so she smiles back at him in greeting.

"How are you?" he inquires. Peeta's voice is calm and collected, his posture relaxed, his whole demeanor friendly but also somehow distant.

"I'm … I'm good. Busy. Thank you. And you?" It takes everything for her to sound casual. The urge to throw her arms around him and apologize for her cruel dismissal back in October is nearly overwhelming. Her heartbeat is twice as fast as normal, and despite the chill in the air, her cheeks are glowing and her hands are sweating. Breathing gets harder by the minute.

What is happening?

"Good, I'm good," he answers, still polite, still collected. She hates that all the warmth he once directed at her seems to have frozen in the cold December air. "Back to Columbia, now that my visiting professorship is over. You're still working on your collection?"

Katniss nods and tells him about the gallery around the corner, about the presentation of the book in about two weeks, that preparations are in full swing.

He nods politely, asks questions at the appropriate times.

Before she's ready, he smiles once more, wishes her all the best for her presentation, and then turns around and is gone, swallowed by the people hurrying down the streets.

She wants to call after him, but her knees get weak again, and she has to hold on to the wall beside her. Her breath comes short, her vision is splotchy. Drops of sweat run down the back of her neck; her skin feels clammy.

It takes a couple of minutes for her heartbeat to return to normal, and her breathing to regulate.

Awesome, she thinks. You're working yourself into a panic attack.

When at last her vision turns sharp again, and the weakness in her knees dissipates, Katniss decides from now on she'll slow down a little. After the meeting at the gallery she'll take the rest of the day off. Maybe visit the Hawthornes.

It won't help anyone if she works herself to death. The panic attack right now showed that. Meeting Peeta Mellark was simply the icing on the cake, and gave her already frail nerves reason to go into overdrive.

With a last deep breath she continues her way to the gallery, successfully blocking every thought of Peeta Mellark from her mind.

xXx

"I'm worried about you."

Madge turns around from preparing PB&J sandwiches for the girls and gives her best friend a concerned look. Katniss sits at the Hawthornes' kitchen table, sipping from a mug of hot chocolate. She made her promise true, and drove upstate to visit her best friends after the meeting at the gallery.

"Why?" she replies, curious what Madge means.

"It feels like you're working 24/7, Katniss. Today's the first time in three weeks you had time to come by. And it's not only me, Gale is worried, too. The girls ask about you all the time," the blonde pauses, and Katniss can see she struggles with whether to continue. In the end Madge swallows down her doubts. "Ever since you came back from Italy something has changed. Did something happen there?"

Katniss sighs. Her first instinct is to deny everything, but who's she kidding? She's talking to her best friend. If she can't let Madge know, she can't talk to anyone else.

"You're right," she admits. "I'm worried about myself, too. My schedule needs adjustment; I need to cut back on work a little."

Madge is visibly surprised. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

It takes a few moments, but finally Katniss surrenders and decides to tell her. "Before my meeting at the gallery earlier, I had a full blown panic attack."

"Katniss!" the blonde gasps. Jam is dripping from the spoon onto the countertop, the PBJ's totally forgotten. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine now, don't worry. It's just everything with the presentation. I promise, I will take better care of myself. And when opening night is done, I'll take a couple days off." Katniss smiles and takes another sip from her mug, secretly hoping the other woman won’t notice that she never answered her first question. There's no reason why she should explain what happened immediately before her panic attack, all the more because it was just mere chance that she had run into Peeta.

But once again, she underestimates Madge. The look Katniss receives is intense, blue eyes boring into silver ones, tearing every carefully crafted layer of nonchalance to shreds. Madge Hawthorne is a bloodhound. "Answer my question: What happened? And don't you dare give me the 'Nothing'-excuse."

"New York public transportation is what happened." She tries nevertheless.

"Bullshit!"

Surprise and shock is written all over Katniss’ face. Madge isn't one for swearing. To the contrary, she often reprimands Gale to watch his tongue in the presence of the girls. So when a curse word falls from her lips, Katniss knows she means serious business.

Actually, now that she thinks about it, why shouldn't she tell Madge? It's not like the chance encounter with Peeta has any serious implication on her.

"So, okay," Katniss therefore relents. "I ran into Peeta on my way to the gallery. We talked a little, and then went our separate ways."

For Miss Everdeen, the chapter is closed with this, and she hopes that her friend returns to other topics as well. Even if she's quite sure that hope is in vain.

And she's right.

"When exactly did you have that panic attack?"

Katniss is confused. "What do you mean by 'exactly'? I told you -"

"No!" Madge interrupts. "What happened at the moment you realized you were having a panic attack?"

The scowl on the brunette's face makes her forehead wrinkle, but for the sake of getting done with the topic answers truthfully, "I hurried down the street and unexpectedly ran into Peeta. I started to feel unwell, we talked for a moment, parted, and then I had the attack."

For a couple of seconds everything goes quiet. Madge stares at her, and Katniss can't for the love of it tell why she looks so incredulous.

"Honey …" she finally addresses her, disbelief and sympathy in her voice. "You didn't have a panic attack."

Katniss snorts. "Of course I did. You think I don't know what a panic attack-"

But Madge cuts her off again, and the young woman freezes at her next words.

"You're in love, Katniss!"

It takes her a moment to respond, but then it's her turn to swear. "Bullshit!"

Madge crosses her arms in front of her, one eyebrow skeptically raised, before she starts to count down the facts. "Racing heartbeat, sweating in December, blotchy vision, dizzy feeling, problems with breathing. You tell me you had none of these symptoms and I'll leave you alone."

Katniss bites her tongue and glares at the blonde in front of her, but can't protest. It's hard to admit to any of it, but she would never lie to her best friend.

And clearly she was … or is … or whatever … fond of Peeta. They formed a close friendship while in Italy.

But love?

That's impossible. She’s come to terms with the fact that love, marriage and kids aren't in her future. And she's okay with that.

Katniss is so deep in thought she only notices Madge’s close proximity when she feels the woman sitting down beside her and squeezing one of her hands. A deep sigh escapes her friend.

"You're so dead-set on believing that love isn't in your cards that you’re too blind to see what's right in front of you."

xXx

Shortly after the revelation, Katniss says goodbye, this time dizzy for a totally different reason.

Madge understands, hugs her tight and makes her promise to call if she needs anything. Katniss is thankful but needs some time alone to sort everything out. Especially the question: Is she really in love with Peeta Mellark?

She has no recollection of how she makes it back to her apartment, or to her bedroom, or if she sleeps at all during the night. You're in love, is constantly racing through her thoughts. She tosses and turns the whole night, and when dawn is breaking and the first grey light creeps through the curtains, she's none the wiser.

Around eight she gives in and calls her agent to cancel all appointments for the day. There's no way she can concentrate on anything work-related anyway.

After a quick shower and a half eaten bowl of cereal Katniss finds herself at her desk in her living room, wearing her most comfortable yoga pants and sweater, trying to take a break from her confusing thoughts. Listening to the radio as a distraction turns out to be the worst idea yet, as Mariah constantly blares "All I Want For Christmas Is You" on every fucking station. She aimlessly clicks through pictures on her Mac, the ones she took in Tuscany, but doesn't even register what she’s looking at as she jumps from one to the next. It's all a swirl of colors and forms, making no sense.

And then she stops short.

The random clicking stops at one of the photographs she'll show at the gallery. It's her favorite. She worked hours on perfecting the light and color scheme, depth and contrast, sharpness and brilliance.

Only now she discovers why it is her favorite: it's the one single picture she has of Peeta.

It's not even a clear shot, at least not of him. He's off to the right, half of his body not in the picture. The focus is on a little girl in a red dress, her dark locks in two braids, shyly eyeing him while he crouches in front of her and holds out the stuffed animal she accidently dropped. Part of his face is visible, a soft, dimpled smile playing around his lips.

Katniss remembers that day in Montalcino, where they spent an afternoon strolling through town and talking about everything and nothing. They were on their way to a restaurant for an early dinner when they came upon the girl and her mother, who had not realizing that the beloved toy was missing. Peeta had called after them, and when the woman and her daughter turned around, Katniss grabbed her camera by instinct. She also remembers her fascination with the girls typical italian complexion, but her atypical stunning light blue eyes. After she returned home that night Katniss giggled happily when she discovered the perfect shot she had taken.

Months later she realizes that it's Peeta who makes the shot perfect.

She's an idiot!

No.

Wrong.

She's a gigantic idiot!

With a desperate cry Katniss jumps off the chair and rushes to her front door, grabs her keys and phone and ignores the fact that she's not really wearing clothes to leave the house in.

It doesn't matter.

She has to apologize once again, and desperately hopes that Peeta is generous and doesn't turn her down immediately.

Hopefully this time will be the last time she has to ask for his forgiveness.

xXx

The campus of Columbia University is busy, even though temperatures are low. Katniss is freezing in her outfit, only remembering that she didn't bring a warm enough jacket after the taxi was halfway to the school already. But she doesn't let this stop her as she hurries over the vestibule to the arts-building.

As she runs through the doors it strikes her for the first time that she has no idea how to find Peeta. Or if he has a lecture. Or if he's even here today. Katniss pushes these thoughts to the back of her mind and steps up to the digital information board.

She enters his name and a moment later the screen shows her his contact information as well as the room number of his office. The odds are in her favor, too, for he has office hours at the moment. In the blink of an eye she's on the stairs to the second floor.

Before she steps into the corridor where his office is located, Katniss closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and tries to swallow down the knot forming in her throat. She feels like a fish out of water, well outside of her comfort zone. Words don't come easily to her, but she knows they are needed now.

You can do this, she tells herself, desperate to talk to Peeta as soon as possible. Another deep breath and she turns the corner.

And freezes in her tracks.

The blonde woman who has her arms wrapped around Peeta is beautiful. The golden locks flow down to the middle of her back, her figure is voluptuous, and Katniss has never before felt so inadequate as in this very moment.

Peeta's smile is contagious, Katniss can tell, even though at the moment she feels like she might never smile again.

She swallows down her tears when the two people break their embrace, but still hold onto each others arms, smiling and laughing at each other. Katniss is thankful that there are quite a few people surrounding her, so the couple doesn't notice her standing there.

When the woman reaches up to brush a kiss to his cheek, followed by her thumb rubbing over the spot to get rid of some of the lipstick she just left there, Katniss finally turns around and makes her exit. Thankfully Peeta hadn't seen her, or the whole situation would've been more than awkward.

Pain throbs in her chest, rushing through her in waves. Nothing has ever hurt like this before. Katniss feels her eyes getting glassy, but tries her hardest to not let any tears escape.

When I'm home, she promises herself. When she's home she can open up the water works, wallow in self-pity and curse herself over and over again.

Because Peeta Mellark has moved on, and it's her own damn fault.

xXx

She cries herself to sleep two nights in a row. Her break-up with Oliver hadn't made her feel even close to the way she feels right now. And that's considering that she and Peeta weren't even a couple.

Work distracts her only little, even though she tells herself to concentrate on it. She doesn't take another day off. After all, she's a responsible adult, and needs to act like one, not like an emotional teenager broken-hearted over their first crush. When the presentation is done, and opening night at the gallery is over, she will have enough time to give way to despair.

Karma really is a bitch.

Of course she tells Madge all about it a couple days later, and her friend has the decency not to comment on it. Instead, an hour after their talk on the phone she stands in front of Katniss' apartment with a bottle of wine in one hand, a bag full of cookies in the other, and 'The Notebook' in her bag. Katniss thinks she’s never loved her more.

There's only one thing Madge asks her before they start the movie, "And you're sure you didn't totally misinterpret the situation yet again?"

Katniss deadpans, "They hugged. And kissed. And beamed at each other. I'm not sure what there is to misinterpret." Madge holds out another Oreo and the two friends close the topic for good.

(When Allie and Noah break up the first time in the movie, both women sob like two emotional teenagers broken-hearted over their first crush.)

xXx

It's the night before the presentation, and Katniss walks into her apartment after picking up Haymitch and Effie from the airport and dropping them off at their hotel. Of course her uncle and aunt were determined to be there for her big, big, big day. Effie's words.

She’s just dropped her keys in the bowl beside the door when she gets a phone call from Rue, the assistant provided by her publisher, insisting that she needs to get to the gallery as soon as possible. Something about a light installation or whatever. With a sigh and an eye roll, Katniss grabs her keys again and leaves in the direction of Chelsea.

"I'm here," she calls 20 minutes later from the entrance area into the gallery. "So, where's this light install-"

The words get stuck in her throat when her eyes don't fall on Rue's figure, but on the blond man she’s subconsciously pined after for the last couple of weeks. He stands in the middle of the open floor, hands in the front pockets of his jeans, and his eyes following her every move. Half a smirk plays around his mouth and Katniss can feel warmth radiating off him, even from standing all the way over there. The whole situation already feels so different from their chance encounter from a few days ago.

"Peeta …" she whispers, staring at him, and not sure if she's dreaming and will wake up at any moment. "What are you doing here?"

He takes a step towards a small table and busies himself now with a bottle of wine she hadn't realized was there in the first place.

Now that she takes a better look, she notices a loveseat which wasn't there earlier, as well as a little table with two glasses and the aforementioned bottle of wine. And the label on it looks conspicuously familiar.

"Rue let me in. She's a peach. You should keep her as an assistant."

He sounds relaxed, takes the couple of steps over to her and holds out one of the wine glasses. Katniss takes it by reflex, and Peeta steps back over to the table to grab his own glass. She finally finds her voice again.

"How?" She sounds raspy, but at the same time is happy she can speak at all. Even if it's a single syllable.

Peeta seems to understand what she's inquiring about, and shrugs once. "Oh, Madge gave her a call to tell her who I am."

This gets more surreal by the second, but when her best friend's name is mentioned she listens up.

"Madge? That doesn't explain-" she stops again. Taking a deep breath, she squeezes her eyes closed for a moment to gain her composure and hold back the tears. When she opens them again, she puts the glass of wine down, neither in the mood to drink nor feeling like she can handle alcohol at the moment. Then she looks him straight in the eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"We have to talk," he shrugs, putting his glass down as well. He steps back over to her. Katniss feels a gasp leave her when he gently but firmly holds her by her upper arms, preventing her escape. "You really need to stop making assumptions from now on or one of these days my heart might give out."

"Christ, Peeta!" she hisses, her frustration level reaching a new high. None of this makes sense, her heart nearly burst from aching so much, and she only can hold back her tears for so long before she'll turn into an ugly sobbing mess. "Answer my goddamn ques-"

"That night in Italy I wanted to kiss you."

This shuts her up for good. The frustration vanishes, leaving her speechless. The tears she hardly could hold back disappear completely. All kinds of different feelings rush through her, from surprise to panic, to hope and euphoria. She must stare at him for what feels like hours.

Peeta, on the other hand, beams like a kid at Christmas. Katniss feels his thumbs starting to brush her arms where he still holds on to her. The sparkling in his sapphire eyes was never brighter. Even his smile seems softer, warmer.

"And now that I finally have your undivided attention, I will explain a couple of things. Madge called me this afternoon."

Katniss gasps and starts to protest, but Peeta interrupts her by simply continuing. "My turn. As I said: she called. I was surprised about it, let me tell you. She asked how I was doing, if I was looking forward to Christmas, and what the fuck had happened in Italy. Because you're miserable, she told me. And that you stopped talking about me, when before you nearly wouldn’t shut up. Which flatters me immensely, by the way, but we will come back to that later. So, Madge tells me all of this, and I get confused. Even more than I already was. Because - I have to tell you - you left me high and dry. And I was hurt, Katniss. And kinda angry, because I didn't know what exactly I'd done wrong to make you vanish on me. And I told myself, if we were to ever meet again, to simply ignore you. Move on. That you wanted nothing to do with me, and that I had to accept that. And then suddenly you were standing there, half chilled through, hair a mess, your eyes the loveliest shade of grey. I tried to act friendly, but nonchalant. Tried to communicate to you that I got your message to leave you alone from now on. I-"

"Stop!"

Katniss shrugs off his hands and takes a step back, ignoring the fact that her tears started to flow after all. She can't listen to him utter another word about her being a insensitive human being and hurting him. If he continues, she might burst at the seams.

He's too stunned by the interruption and her tears to react immediately, but when he finally moves, Katniss raises her arms and stops him from getting nearer.

"We can't be friends anymore, Peeta."

Silence settles in, the air thick with emotions, ready to explode in one direction or another. His eyebrows draw together, his fists tightly clenched at his sides. All signs point to storm.

"Pardon?" He nearly hisses, but she can tell he’s still tryings to be calm and collected. The patience of this man …

"I can't. I'm so sorry, really. For everything. I was a fool, and a jackass, and I don't deserve your friendship."

Peeta's expression softens, his whole posture relaxes. "Katniss …"

But she’s having none of it, needs to get the words out before the tears choke her up for good. "Please, let me finish, ok? That night at my uncle's estate? I got scared. Shitless. And I reacted in the worst possible way. And it has haunted me ever since. You're the bigger person, Peeta. You came here to make amends, graciously forgiving me again after the way I treated you, and I can't tell you how much this means to me. But I can't be your friend anymore. It would kill me, Peeta."

Once again his eyes fill with confusion, but only a moment later something like realization flickers up, although she has no idea how he could know about her predicament.

He tries again, his patience slowly waning. "Katniss-"

"There's no way I can handle watching you with your girlfriend!" she blurts out before she can stop herself.

She's surprised when instead of discovering a pitying expression on his face, he takes her head in his hands and crushes his lips to hers. At first she can't comprehend what's happening, but only for a moment, before she falls into the kiss with a moan.

Kissing Peeta is like second nature. There's no shyness there, no reluctance. It's straightforward, all-consuming, nearly possessive. She loves the way he consumes her.

"Seriously, Katniss!" he whispers against her lips, his nose rubbing against hers, when they finally have to come up for some much-needed air. "If you would shut up just for a second I could tell you: There is no girlfriend. Didn't I tell you to stop making assumptions? I was getting there before you interrupted my well-prepared speech yet again."

She holds onto the front of his shirt for dear life, afraid her knees might give out if she lets go. Peeta's still holding on to her head, his fingers buried in her hair. His thumbs brush lightly over her cheeks.

Katniss' body tingles where they touch. Which seems to be everywhere since they're so tightly pressed together. The smile he gives her is nearly blinding, but that little bit of doubt in the back of her mind still needs further reassurance.

"But … the blonde girl-"

"Delly. My cousin," he chuckles, and she feels the vibrations all the way down to the tips of her toes. "She was the one you saw me with."

Wait a second … how does he know she was there?

"How do you …" she starts her question, but then it dawns on her. "Madge."

"Exactly," he confirms. The smirk now adorning his face gets mischievous. "Let's recreate that night from October, what do you say? I got the wine, and a loveseat. I couldn't figure out the garden, though."

Now Katniss beams back at him, no longer able to contain her utter joy. "Doesn't matter. Wine and loveseat are enough."

"Katniss, you’re beautiful." His fingers secure some strands of hair behind her ear.

Her arms sneak around his waist. "And you’re devilishly charming."

He chuckles again, leaning in, and stops shortly before her lips. "May I kiss you now, again?"

Katniss can't stop laughing out loud, at the same time tightening her grip on him.

"I’ll allow it.”

And before she loses herself completely to the feeling of their kiss, Katniss makes a mental note to send Madge the biggest bouquet in the history of flowers.

xXx

Two Years Later

Exhaustion nearly overwhelms her. With a sigh she leans against the closed door and takes a deep breath.

Vogue pays good money, but after years of frequently working for them she also knows why: some supermodels can be a serious pain. Good thing that by now Katniss is a well enough known photographer that she doesn't have to take all of their shit anymore.

Still, the shoot takes longer than she anticipated. At least the pictures she gets are really good. But she's looking forward to having some time off now.

A loud hiss makes her open her eyes. Buttercup, her sister's ugly orange cat, stares at her, and because she’s had an exhausting day Katniss simply stares back. She could swear the cat raises a bored eyebrow before it turns around and strolls back in the direction of the living room.

Katniss glares at the retreating form. "I hate you, you ugly beast."

"Well, thank you, babe. I love you, too."

Peeta steps out of the office down the hall and walks over to her.

Katniss ignores his teasing and gives him a short peck. "If Prim ever asks us to look after this devil-cat again, she can go sit on a tack."

"You're overreacting," he smirks before they step together into the living room.

"Am not," Katniss grumbles, but lets herself get distracted by the delicious smell coming from the table. Buttercup isn't worth all of this attention. "It smells like pizza from Sae's. With pepperoni and mushrooms."

She turns to him with a soft smile. Only now does she realize that she's starving. Her last meal had been breakfast, with only an apple somewhen in between. "You're way too good to me."

"It arrived only a minute ago. Want a beer?"

Katniss nods and sinks down on the couch. A moment later Peeta returns from the kitchen, holds out a cold bottle to her and takes a sip from his own as he sits down beside her. He opens the box on the table and grabs a piece.

After she swallowed nearly half the bottle, she takes another deep breath and feels all the stress leave her shoulders. "I'm glad we're going to have some time off now. It feels like we haven't really seen each other the last couple of weeks."

Katniss shifts and cuddles into his side, taking a bite when he offers his slice. Peeta wraps his arm around her shoulders and presses a kiss to her temple. "I picked up the tickets today, so we're set. I'll drive over to Finnick's around noon tomorrow."

She frowns. "But he won't get you stupid drunk tomorrow, right? If you're hung over the next day I swear to god your best friend will father no more children."

Katniss loves Finnick to bits and pieces, but his ability to get Peeta and himself in trouble at the most inconvenient times is extraordinary. She and Annie - Finnick's wife - could sing a song about it.

Peeta laughs out loud and promises that they'll behave. He grabs another slice and offers it to her. She takes it from him and starts to eat. For a couple minutes they quietly enjoy their pizza.

"Madge and Prim probably will be here before the break of dawn on Friday. Your parents arrive around lunch. We'll meet the rest directly at the city clerk's office about half an hour before we have our appointment."

"Good," Katniss nods and munches on another slice. "When's the flight again?"

"Noon the following day," Peeta replies and swallows a bite of his own. They fall into another comfortable silence.

When their bottles are empty and the whole pizza is eaten, they clean their fingers with a wet wipe and she cuddles back into Peeta's side. Her head rests on his shoulder and she closes her eyes, enjoying the feeling of him running his fingers through her hair. This is the best part after a busy day: relaxing with Peeta.

With a drawn-out sigh Katniss finally turns her gaze and looks up at him.

"Organizing this wedding was way simpler than Prim and Rory's, let me tell you," she snickers, and nuzzles his neck. Takes in the scent of him and once again thanks heaven and the stars for Peeta's patient soul. Especially when it comes to her and her temper.

"Thankfully we're both not keen on rehearsal dinners with a hundred people around. Although, the location would've been nice," Peeta muses playfully.

"You mean a garden?" she inquires, being fully aware that's not what he meant at all. He's talking about Italy, about her uncle and aunt's estate. About the vineyards, and the olive groves, and the fields upon fields of lavender, poppy and mirasols. He’s talking about where they'll be in about three days time. She knows all of that, but likes to pretend otherwise. Only to make him say something cheesy and corny, which he knows will make her roll her eyes, but which they both secretly enjoy.

Peeta leans down and kisses her. Deep, and thorough, and with so much love Katniss wants to burst with happiness. She's the luckiest woman on earth.

When they eventually part, Katniss smiles softly at Peeta, looking forward to spending all of her future with him. Starting a family. Growing old together.

He beams at her and doesn't disappoint. "Not simply a garden, no. But where everything started, of course: Tuscany, my love."

FINE

#LitLifeLovers stories #everlark #katniss everdeen #Peeta Mellark #love in Panem #may challenge #new author's month #fanfiction #tuscany my love

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