#beth-simmer

[umberpath]

That finale has me destroyed. Wow...

[inuyashaluver]

more leah x lessi x reader please

a bunch of kids - leah williamson, alessia russo

leah williamson x alessia russo x reader

description: in which you and your two girlfriends are just a bunch of kids, random moments in your lovely life

warnings: timeline makes no sense cause i said so - alessia was signed to arsenal a little earlierrrr. polyamory, NO SHIPPING - ALL FICTION, this is my brain rot by the way, i'm rusty!

a/n: you ask and i deliver hehe, how is everyone? i missed you all dearly!! my exam season has simmered and i can now put out more fics!! enjoy my lovesssssss xxx

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

if there was anything to sum up your relationship with your two girlfriends, it was that you were all a massive bunch of kids. there was just something so youthful about your relationship, the joy was incredibly infectious to anyone around you.

alessia and leah, two blondies that were most ardently in love with you, and you with them. the amount of love, trust and happiness imbued in your relationship was so clearly transparent to everyone.

love is special, and these two girls only made it more remarkable. 

—

the union of the three of you was a bit of a blur to be honest. you were slightly younger than the two, coming up to the senior teams a little later than them, but boy did you make an impression.

they heard of you, the up-comer from the youth teams, absolutely annihilating everyone from the midfield. 

and the moment you stepped through that door from arrivals at st george’s park, sparks flew. and it wasn't even an exaggeration, they both fell in love, then and there, and funnily enough so did you. 

the progression was unexpected, but they both knew they had to have you. especially when you scored your first senior goal and the two blondes lingered in an embrace much too long for platonic courtesy - there was something there and it was undeniable.

it just…happened. one minute you're teammates and the other you're moving in together and signing your arsenal contract along with alessia to stay close to each other.

you’ve now been dating for a little over 3 years, the absolute best 3 years of your lives.

—

“lee, i’m trying to change” you giggle, squirming in the strong grasp of your girlfriend, “i’m helping” she laughs, kissing your cheek firmly the moment you stilled, “how are you helping, huh?” you mock, slightly pulling back to the side to get a look at her.

she smiles the moment your eyes meet hers, she kisses the tip of your nose before putting her hand to your cheek to direct your face back to the front.

she lets go, pointing around your cubby, “right, baby, there’s your boots, jersey, shorts, and shin pads right there” she says proudly. you throw your head back laughing, head resting on her shoulder as you and leah now broke out into a fit of giggles.

“you always leave me out!” alessia pouts as she comes from the other side of the room to meet the two of you, you pucker your lips up at her immediately. your other girlfriend immediately cups your face and gives you a kiss, not forgetting leah as well. 

“let her get changed, lee babe” alessia laughs, grabbing your hands softly to pull you out of the other girls embrace, “tsk, buzzkill, man” leah groans, kicking the ground with her boot.

alessia raises her eyebrow at leah, and you follow suit, “babe” she rolls her eyes fondly, “much better” alessia grins, winking at leah.

“fine” leah huffs, slipping her hands under your hoodie to take it off hurriedly, you gasp, hitting leah jokingly, letting the oldest blonde slip the jersey on you.

“there, darlin’” alessia giggles at your tousled appearance, “poor baby’s been roughed around” alessia holds her arms out to you and you comply, sitting sidewards on her lap. leah scrambles to grab her phone, taking a photo of both of you as soon as you give her cheesy smiles. 

she bussies herself with making it her wallpaper, walking over to beth and steph to brag before you pushed alessia to victoria and kyra. finally, you got changed.

—

“lee, babe, you need to hold still” you laugh, cupping her face in between your hands and holding her face still. “baby, i am still” she smiles, “you are not!” alessia watches in amusement, leah sends her a half hearted glare before winking at the other girl.

“baby, i don’t want to poke your eye out” you reprimand leah, adjusting yourself as you straddled her lap, leah sighs, nodding and looking up so you could do her mascara. you were all currently getting ready for a team dinner with the england squad.

“okay, bubba, go ahead” she squeezes your hips encouragingly, letting alessia feed you and her snacks every now and then. “well done, captain!” alessia praises teasingly, leah grumbles, attempting to say still for you. 

“oh, look how pretty you are” you coo, rubbing your thumb over her neck lovingly, “look how pretty she is, lessi” alessia begins to coo as well, both of you fangirling over how good leah looked tonight.

“oh stop it” she goes red, giving you an appreciative kiss before leaning over to give alessia a kiss as well. “all right, lessi bear, your turn” leah teases, lifting you off her lap and passing you over to alessia.

“oh, i’m a doll then, cool” you laugh, leah kisses your head fondly, alessia hugs you tightly as she peppered your face with kisses, “no, you’re our cute girlfriend” making you all laugh.

"i'm surprised you're sharing this time" you say cheekily, both of them glare at you for that.

— 

“pst” you hear a whisper at dinner, you look up to realise that alessia is smiling at you from across the table, “yes, my love” you grin, resting your head on the palm of your hand.

alessia giggles, and it makes you giggle too. she places her hand on the table, clearly covering something, she pushed forward a small piece of paper.

you cock your head to the side as you looked at her, what was she up to? leah leaned over from the side of you, her head resting on your shoulder, intrigued by your giggles. you open the small paper, laughing immediately when you see the contents.

‘hey, beautiful, i saw you from across the room and thought you were gorgeous, call me xxx - alessia’

leah laughs as well, pulling the note a little closer and giving an impressed nod.

alessia gives you an accomplished smile, so proud of what she had done. you hold your hand up in a phone gesture, winking at her and mouthing “call me”, making both of your girlfriends laugh.

“hey, can i call too? you’re cute” leah grins at alessia, alessia thinks for a moment, “hmm, i’ll think about it” alessia winks.

leah scoffs, clearly offended. “nah, i’m not calling” leah mutters, putting her arm around your shoulder, pulling you into her side.

you place a hand on her chest, kissing her cheek fondly, “baby, she didn’t mean that” leah looks down at you with a charming smile, kissing your lips sweetly. “don’t care, i’m not calling” she mumbles against your lips. you laugh, patting her thigh before resting it there.

“lessi baby, you didn’t mean that” you nudge her ankle with your shoe, alessia huffs, “lee, are you forgetting we are in a relationship?” alessia waves her finger gesturing to the three of you. leah gives her a shrug, kissing your temple as she pulled you in closer.

alessia rolls her eyes, grabbing her napkin off the table and writing a similar message on it, sliding it to leah when it was done.

leah unfolds it, smiles, shoves it in her jacket and looks at alessia with a cheeky smile. “i’ll think about it” she winks, making you shake your head with a giggle. children.

“why did i have to sit next to you?” beth grimaces from the other side of leah, dry retching at the clear loved up bubble you were in.

—

you collapsed on the floor of the pitch after training two days later, alessia flops on top of you to make you giggle but you actually found it comfortable. your arms hold her to you tightly as you kiss her cheek.

“do you ever spend two seconds apart? that’s my best friend” ella groans, slapping alessia’s back harshly, making her yelp and giggle. leah comes down and flops beside you, giggling at the two of you loved up. "nah, they're obsessed" leah teases.

“ugh, baby! i miss you!” alessia cries, still on top of you. you laugh brightly, moving the hair from her face, “i’m right under you!” alessia groans, “i still miss you” she pouts as she hovers over you.

leah nods, “i feel you on that, babe” you look over at her surprised, alessia looks at her happily, “you get me!” alessia grins, holding up her hand for a high five that leah was quick to return.

alessia pulls you up once the break is over, promptly pushing you into the awaiting arms of leah, who was happy to see you. “alright, gorgeous?” she grins, you nod, letting the girl give you a tight hug.

“my lips are chapped” leah frowns, you frown as well, “i have some lip balm in my bag-” you start, though, are cut off with leah’s lips pressed against yours gently, “so much better” she whispers, making you giggle. 

she spins you around, pushing you towards the midfield for a mini game, “right, we’ve got work to do” leah shouts, “there she is” you and alessia say at the same time, laughing when she sent you that captain’s glare.

"it was fun while it lasted" alessia sighs, kissing your cheek before she got chased by leah to start shooting practice.

god you love these girls. and they love you.

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

you know the drill - pretend it’s you! ily tooneyyy

liked by leahwilliamsonn and 44,232 others

alessia: we were just trying to have fun, then captain williamson came along

view all comments

yourname: we were mid giggle as well :(

↳ alessia: i know! such a good giggle as well

↳ leahwilliamsonn: in the middle of a match but okay

leahwilliamsonn: no regrets, you both got a goal after this, remember that?

↳ yourname: thank you, baby

↳ alessia: thank you, baby

↳ leahwilliamsonn: you're welcome, my girls!!!

[samkerrworshipper]

hard times | awfc x reader

arsenal reader struggles with PTSD and new year’s eve is a particular struggle… but the arsenal girlies are there for her even if she doesn’t know she needs them

warnings: PTSD, anxiety, mentions of violence, mentions of guns, anxiety attacks, mentions of childhood trauma

You don’t even notice you’re shivering and tearing up under your duvet.

New Year's Eve for most people is a night of celebration, a night of partying, a night of celebrations. For you, not so much.

New year's eve ranks pretty high up on your least favourite days of the year.

Instead of being fun and full of celebrations it was a night of terror and fear.

That’s how you’d gotten under your duvet, the covers of your bed providing a very small shield from the outside world.

It wasn’t a good fix to stop the current downpour of sound around you, you’d tried it all, airpods, earplugs, music, none of it worked.

So you’d settled for clenching your palms down onto your ears, it wasn’t providing any reprieve from the noise cascading around you, but for whatever reason it felt necessary.

This wasn’t even the worst of it, you knew it was only so long until the fireworks started, and as soon as that happened it was almost a guarantee that you would be thrown into a whole different level of stress.

It had been this way since you were a kid, new years eve was a nuisance, a figment of your worst nightmares.

You wished you could go out and celebrate, that you could be normal and be happy.

But ever since your childhood, since it all happened, loud noises and bright flashing lights have always been a big struggle for you.

So, every year, you go through the same routine of hiding under your covers until it’s all over. Normally, the loud noises coming from London strike up a pretty serious anxiety attack, so you don’t bother with hurting your friends with your presence, knowing that all you will be is a burden for them on a night that is supposed to be fun.

It’s fine, you’re used to it, this year though it’s a little bit harder.

With your transfer to Arsenal in the previous January trade period you had quickly found a new family amongst the Gooners.

It was so hard for you to decline the invite to the celebrations for the evening, especially considering that almost every other holiday over the year had been spent with one or a couple of your teammates.

That was the hard part of being the only person left in your family, it was the reason for your stupid fear.

It all simmered down to one stupid night that wrecked your whole life.

Just as you had begun to become completely absorbed with the thoughts in the back of your mind, you were taken out of your trance by a quiet voice and the mattress you were sitting on flexing downwards.

“Hiya honey, you wanna come out for me?”

It’s Beth’s voice, sweet, kind, lovely Beth who definitely should not be in your apartment right now.

It makes you wonder if you are potentially dreaming, sometimes when you get really anxious delirium is a side effect.

“Beth?”

You reach down to pinch your thigh, hard, and it hurts, enough for you to be sure that you aren’t dreaming,

“Yeah hon, I’m right here.”

Her voice is enough for you to pull the covers over your head, the duvet falling into your criss crossed lap.

Beth is perched on the corner of your bed, a smile mixed with concern and care reflecting back towards you.

“What are you doing here?”

Your words are murmured, and spoken downwards towards your lap, because you can’t quite find it in you to look at your older teammate.

“It’s new years, silly, we couldn’t leave you out of the celebrations, the girls that are in town are in the kitchen.”

It’s said so nonchalantly, like this is some organised plan that has been set in stone for weeks, even though this is the first you’re hearing of it.

Suddenly, a firecracker or something goes off somewhere in the distance and your body is jolting on the bed, fresh tears accumulating in the corners of your eyes as your whole face pinches shut whilst the waves of memories wash over your body.

“I thought you guys said you were going to South Bank to do the fireworks and celebrations.”

South Bank isn’t far from your apartment, a couple of blocks south, unfortunately for you, most definitely close enough for the fireworks to be seen and heard.

“Who needs fireworks? We’d rather hang out here with you.”

It makes your jaw clench and your eyebrows furrow, they’ve cancelled their plans to come to your apartment and you aren’t completely sure why.

“Beth, why are you here?”

It’s blunt, but with everything happening and your body in survival mode you don’t have time to beat around the bush, especially with the ticking time bomb which is leading to midnight.

“Less told us that you really struggle with new years, so we’re here for you.”

You know that all of the girls on the team, whether they mention it or not, know about your past, about what happened when you were a child, what led to you moving in with Alessia when you were 14.

Unfortunately for you, she’s spending her break with her parents in New York, so your normal emotional support for nights like these was unable to make it here tonight.

Something doesn’t feel the same about having Beth, and whoever else she’d managed to congregate being here with you, especially when you were significantly vulnerable.

“Beth, I appreciate it, but I don’t want to worry you guys, head down to South Bank, just leave me be. Tonight’s pretty hard for me and I don’t feel like doing much.”

Beth scoots her body up closer to yours, close enough that she can lift her hand up and set it down on your thigh, it doesn’t go unnoticed the way you slightly flinch away from her, the jumpiness running rampant in your body due to the anxiety.

“We’re not going anywhere, we’ve got you, let us take care of you yeah, you don’t have to do anything, at all, just sit on the couch and relax.”

You want to fall directly into Beth, let her give you a big hug and never let go, but there is still a part of you trying to obtain your self dignity.

“Beth, you don’t understand, tonight's really hard for me, and I don’t want you guys to have to deal with it, it’s not exactly something I’m proud of.”

Beth’s hand moves from your thigh, upwards until it’s gently sitting on your jaw, angling your face upwards so you are looking at her.

“Let us be here for you, between myself, Vivi, Leah, Lia, Kim, Laura, Jen, Lotte I’m sure we can all figure out some way to make tonight a little bit easier for you. You don’t have to explain anything, you don’t have to talk about it, we’re just here to show you some love and help you however you need, celebrations be damned.”

It’s hard to refuse when Beth’s kind, concerned and caring eyes are reaching deep into your soul. Tonight is hard, for you it’s like walking up mount everest, and it’s not exactly like you want to break down in front of your teammates but Beth seems pretty persistent about the fact she isn’t leaving.

“After the break in, after my parents and brother were killed, any loud noises resembling guns make me have anxiety attacks, it’s why I don’t like new years.”

Beth just nods and smiles, accepting the information but deciding to let you do the explaining instead of asking questions.

“That’s understandable, anyone in your position would feel the same, I’m sure it must be pretty tough, especially considering that you are still young.”

You bit down on your tongue, nodding to Beth, it is really fucking hard, especially considering that you don’t have anyone to talk about it with, because how could anybody understand.

“It’s why I freaked out a few months ago when you guys were popping balloons after Leah’s birthday party, I can’t help it, it just sometimes comes over me and I can’t control it.”

Beth nods immediately, feeling the guilt roll into her stomach at the memory of her and Katie popping all of the balloons, Beth now recollecting how you left with Alessia almost as soon as it happened.

“Y’know after my mom died it took months for me to be able to go anywhere near a hospital, Viv had to drag me to the doctors for my yearly check up. It’s funny what grief does to us. You want to know what works best for me?”

Beth is trying to find common ground, praying that it’ll work and exceptionally glad when you give her a little nod with your chin.

“I try to distract myself, whether it’s getting Vivi to talk to me or playing a game or watching the telly, helps take my mind off things, how about we try that and see if it’ll work with you, yeah?”

The idea makes you feel a little bit funny, but you are brutally aware of the fact that Beth is trying really hard right now to help you and you really want to be good for her and show her that you can do that.

“Okay, but I need it to be quiet, please.”

Beth just smiles and nods, her layed back demeanour shining through as she stood up from the bed, extending her hand to you.

Your hand is shaking furiously, but you manage to extend it out towards her, letting her own hand steady your as she pulls you up off the bed and gently tugs you towards the door of your bedroom.

To your surprise, when you exit the room the kitchen and loungeroom of your apartment are fairly quiet.

Lia, Kim and Viv are busy in your kitchen, pouring and distributing drinks and plates of pizza. Leah, Laura and Lotte are seated on your couch, a board game of sorts set out on the table, Jen is also joined in on the game, except she’s sitting on the floor directly in front of the table.

Viv, Kim and Lia all send a big smile your way as you slowly enter the room, it’s a spectacle to you, watching the group happily enjoying themselves in your apartment on a night where they could be doing far more than just lazing around.

“Do you want to go sit down on the couch, I know for a fact Leah will be cheating, you could go keep an eye on her, or stay up here in the kitchen with us, it’s up to you.”

The couch sounded nice, and you were aware of the fact that your body was quite tired and worn down from all the stress of the night.

So you cautiously stepped over to the couch, as soon as Leah saw you walking towards her she opened her arms up big and wide for you.

You didn’t second guess it, practically throwing yourself into Leah comfy and warm embrace, her body acting as a cushion to you.

The joint pressure and warmth from the hug did wonders at lifting some of the pressure off of your chest.

“How ya feeling?”

Leah’s voice is soft, whispered directly in your ear so that nobody else hears it besides you.

“I’ve been better, but having you guys here is nice, you don’t know how much I appreciate it.”

Leah just smiled, taking a break from the monopoly game they were playing to look at you.

“It’s nothing, we’re here for you whenever you need us, just trying to make the night easier for you however we can.”

You nod gently, Leah’s arm wrapping around your torso to give you a big hug and essentially bond you to her side.

“The fireworks are the worst for me.”

Leah nods, her eyes are so understanding, there isn’t any form of humour or disgust in them, just pure interest.

“Just watch the game yeah, don’t think about the fireworks, I know it’s hard, but just try. We could put on a show for you, how about the new episode of Love Island?”

It’s a offer that you can’t decline, so Leah gets Jen to chuck her the remote, turning on the tv and flicking it directly onto your favourite show.

You relax into Leah, your body falling limp against her and using her as a pillow whilst you intently watch the tv.

It’s all going fine, or as fine as it can be until you can distantly hear a countdown coming from somewhere outside your apartment.

Almost immediately it sets off alarms inside your body, your legs and torso jolting up from the couch.

Just as you are about to rush off, most likely back under your covers or into your bathroom, Leah’s arms grab a tight hold of you, bringing you flush against her body. In a matter of seconds, Viv, Beth and Kim are all surrounding you, somehow sheltering you from the noise outside.

You feel like a feral dog, thrashing against Leah, trying to get away from her, from your teammates, from the world.

As soon as the noises hit your ears though, you stop moving, both of your palms crushing down against your ears to try and drown out the cracking and popping sounds booming from outside your window.

Leah holds you tight to her chest, even as you begin to sob and the panic begins to overtake your body, every time it happens you feel like you are going to die, like this time it’ll be the last and inevitably you know that your wrong, that unfortunately you will live to see out the next year, but it doesn’t make the whole process easy.

Suddenly your brain is crowded with thoughts, memories, sounds.

The sound of your front door being broken down, nobody hearing but yourself, giving you the opportunity to push yourself out of bed and into one of the cupboards in your wardrobe.

Then the sound of heavy feet, doors creaking, and heavy, thunderous, cacophonous gun shots.

No matter how many times you relive it, no matter how many years go by that sound will never disappear from your mind, it’s unforgettable and haunts every single one of your nightmares.

It’s all consuming, until somebody is taking a hold of your face, and staring at you directly in your eyes.

“Y/n, listen to me, you’re safe, we’re all here for you, we’re in your apartment, safe inside, nobody is here to hurt you or anybody else, you’re at home and it’s safe here.”

Kim’s captain's voice is both soothing and terrifying, the Scottish players' words are strong and coated in directness.

Once she notices that you are hearing her she continues.

“We’re here for you, we’re safe, breathe for me honey, deep breaths, you’re here, not out there, don’t worry about any of that, just look at me and breathe.”

You nod at Kim, even as the tears are streaming down your face and you are struggling to breathe, you listen to her.

“Good job, keep breathing, remember where you are, we’re all safe in here with you, nothing or nobody is going to hurt you, I swear.”

Kim’s words do wonders to help you, and with her assistance, as well as Leah’s strong hold, Laura’s hands gently massaging your scalp, Viv’s strong fingers drawing patterns all over your arms, Lotte gently rubbing the tensed up parts of your calves, Beth holding the parts of you Leah can’t and Lia and Jen both flanking kim, looking at you with the same care and concern as she is looking at you with.

It’s a team effort, but you feel completely enveloped by your teammates love and care as you come down from the panic.

“Doing so well for us y/n, it’s all over now, you;re safe, we’ve got you, we’re not going anywhere.”

You look out to the window, temporarily removing your eyes from Kim’s and realising that your captain is in fact correct, all the noises, lights and pain has stopped, the world is quiet and you couldn’t be more grateful for it.

Slowly, as you become more aware of the world and your surroundings, one by one each girl gently removes themselves from you, until you’re left with just Leah, Beth and Viv, the three stragglers who are tasked with getting some food and water into you before sending you off the bed.

It’s a easy enough job, you’re spent and pliant, so Viv force feeds to a slice of pizza whilst Beth forces you to choke down some kind of electrolyte drink.

Once the two are done doting, they both leave you with a kiss on the forehead and gentle words whispered into your ear about how proud they are of you.

Leah is the one tasked with getting you into bed, and she does just that, getting you tucked properly on the covers before giving you a goodnight forehead kiss.

It feels weird watching her walk towards the door, like your being deserted, and you’ve been needy enough as it is tonight but you can’t help but reach out to Leah.

“Stay till I fall asleep, if it’s no trouble?”

Leah just nods and smiles like you’re asking her for a piece of gum, the blonde moving onto the empty side of your bed and leaving her hand flat against your back.

“You’re no trouble at all honey, we’ve got you, any time but especially on these nights.”

[rsanchezslut]

I just have this crazy image of like. Being DISASTROUSLY tired for whatever reason, maybe work was shit or Rick put you up to something that ended up going badly, and you’re just dragging your tired, achey feet back to your house so you collapse into bed…

And when you finally make it home, pushing open the door expecting dead silence and darkness, Rick is there on your couch waiting for you, a plate of dinner Beth made wrapped in cellophane, a sweaty beer he’s been saving for you next to it on the coffee table, watching TV of sorts or fiddling with an invention and whatnot.

And it used to be you’d get home from days like this to nothing, nobody. And maybe you’d give Rick a call for sex or attention or even just to tell him you miss him… but suddenly he’s waiting up for you, looking at you standing in the doorway to the living room as if he doesn’t know, is ignoring why you’re shocked.

N you don’t want to scare him off, so you sorta just float down next to him, not saying anything, sitting down and waiting for him to acknowledge you except it’s just…

“Well?” Rick says, giving you somewhat of bland look from out of the corner of his eye, “gonna say hi or what, baby?”

You’re not sure if it’s shock or exhaustion causing your silence to fester, the surprise of his presence or the unexpected joy that’s starting to simmer at the realization he had the idea to come see you.

“Hi, Rick,” you coo softly, tiredly, nudging into him as you sink next to him on the couch, and then when he doesn’t respond immediately, “What are you doing here?”

He rolls his eyes. “If I knew you didn’t want me around, I wouldn’t have come. I’m happy to leave.”

There’s no malice in his voice, none of the usual heat and tease, so it’s obvious there’s no intention behind the threat. Still, you reach out for him anyway, grabbing the hand closest to you as if to stop him from pulling out his portal gun suddenly.

“No,” you say, almost too quickly, too needy, causing his pinched face to melt somewhat. “No. I mean… I just wasn’t expecting you, is all.”

You lean in hesitantly to press a kiss to his stubbly cheek, a kiss he tilts to return when you pull away slowly, as if in fear that he wouldn’t be receptive. His lips are surprisingly gentle against yours, it’s more of a peck than his usual excited kiss, wet with passion and ferocity at the thought of what will happen next, but the tenderness isn’t unwanted, and in fact, fills you with a sudden warmth that quickly seems to overpower your fatigue from the day.

(And you find that it’s not lust or longing but rather a feeling of affection which seems to buzz under your skin, as if aching to be let out.)

Reaching a hand up to his jaw, you pull back to stare into Rick’s own eyes, suddenly going shy as he gestures to the plate of food he brought you.

“Thanks for coming,” you peck him again, this time fully pulling him away from the TV, “I’m really happy to see you, you know?”

“Yeah,” he says, shutting his eyes as he leans in closer to you. “Me too.”

[woso-dreamzzz]

Carded

Katie McCabe x Reader

Summary: The comeback of McCard

It all happens so quickly, you're not entirely sure what happened.

One moment you're running up the pitch, ball at your feet. You can spot Esme gaining on you from the corner of your eye - a blur in the Man City kit. You weave out of the way but you're not fast enough to avoid Kennedy.

She collides with you viciously.

You don't just lose the ball, you lose your footing as well.

You land on a heap on the ground. For a moment, there's nothing but confusion but the moment your eyesight focuses again, white-hot pain lances through your body.

It radiates from two places.

You know your nose is broken without having to check. You can feel the blood run down your chin, staining your Arsenal kit a deeper red than before.

You can deal with a broken nose.

What you can't deal with is the pain in your ankle.

You're not sure if its sprained or fully broken but you know that you can't walk on it.

You roll around on the grass, clutching at it as if that will stop the pain. Tears leak from your eyes as you stifle a scream or a sob, you're not sure which one it would be.

You're sure the stadium is loud but you can't hear anything over the pounding in your ears.

You groan as a hand holds your shoulder.

You look up.

"Hey," Beth says," The medics are coming. It's okay. They'll be here soon."

You try to nod but any movement of your face has you seeing stars so you just blink a few times, trying to clear away your tears.

Lia joins you a moment later. "Is it just your nose?" She says hurriedly, glancing a bit behind her in worry.

"Wha-?"

"Are you injured anywhere else?" She asks with urgency, still glancing behind her.

"My-My ankle. I-I don't think I can walk."

Beth and Lia exchange a look before glancing behind them again.

You turn your head to follow their eyeline.

The ref is talking to Kennedy (who looks mildly horrified and slightly green when she looks at your bloodied face) but it's the other person standing with them that catches your attention.

Now that you've regained some of your senses, you can hear everything.

Katie's screaming at the ref.

"Just a yellow?!" She demands," Are you crazy? Are you blind, ref? Look at her! She's all bloodied up!"

"Watch it, McCabe," The ref warns," Or I'll card you as well."

Katie keeps arguing but your view gets blocked by the arrival of the medics.

"Definitely broken nose," One of them says as they help you mop up the blood.

"Gee," You say sarcastically," Never would have guessed."

Beth and Lia join you with stilted laughter that lasts a total of two seconds before you're shrieking and writhing on the ground again when one of the medics moves your ankle around.

Looks are exchanged.

You know it's bad news.

"How bad?" You say with gritted teeth.

One of the medics leans down into his walkie-talkie. "We're going to need an ambulance on standby. We're walking out with l/n soon." He turns to you. "It's broken. You'll need x-rays. Are you good to get up?"

You wince. "I'll need help."

"That's a given."

You take a few steadying breaths as you prepare to lift yourself up onto one leg. Beth and Lia linger nearby, ready to help should you need it.

"How bad is it?" Katie demands as she runs over, completely abandoning the argument she's having with the ref. "You feeling alright, babe?"

"Surprisingly, no," You say.

"We need to get going, y/n," One of the medics says," You ready?"

"Going," Katie echoes. Panic appears in her eyes. "Going where? What's going on?"

She looks between you and the medics and then to Beth and Lia, although neither of them wants to be the one to break the news.

You bite the bullet, speaking as you're helped onto your one working leg. "My ankle's fucked," You say bitterly," Collison with Kennedy snapped it, I think. Need to go get an x-ray." You shrug as each medic takes their place on either side of your body, helping you to hop off the pitch.

You press a kiss to Katie's cheek in passing so you don't notice the anger simmering in her eyes until you're almost off the pitch.

The big screen switches from you to Katie, who has turned on Alanna Kennedy with a vicious vengeance.

It probably wasn't a good idea on Kennedy's part to walk past Katie with a smile on her face so soon after you've hobbled off the pitch because Katie grabs her by the shirt and shoves her to the ground.

Kennedy, of course, doesn't take that and surges to her feet.

She shoves Katie back.

Anger blazes in Katie's eyes at the action and she's screaming again - although you can't exactly hear her.

They're both in each other's face and, when Kennedy shoves Katie again, a slap is captured on the big screen.

By the time the pair are separated, Kennedy has Katie's jersey in her grip and Katie looks like she's ready to start swinging again.

The ref blows the whistle.

They immediately give Kennedy another yellow, pointing to the sidelines.

She turns to Katie and flashes a red.

Katie doesn't look sorry whatsoever as she stalks off the pitch. She completely ignores Jonas, who looks ready to yell at her for the whole stadium to hear, and takes the place of one of the medics.

"You shouldn't have gotten that red," You say to her as you're finally loaded up into the ambulance," Jonas will have a field day yelling at you."

Katie shrugged. "I don't care," She said," Kennedy shouldn't have snapped your ankle. She's lucky I was restraining myself."

You let out a huff of laughter - your pain dulled by the painkillers the paramedics have laced you with. "It was a bad decision to go after her." Your face colours slightly. "Although, it was slightly hot - seeing you defend my honour like that."

Katie grins at you - all mischief. "Really? I'll have to do it more often then."

"Preferably without being carded."

"I make no promises."

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Whumptober 2024 No.18 & No. 20

Prompt 18: Survivor’s guilt (Alt)

Prompt 20: “It’s not your fault.”

Warnings: Mentions of canonical character death

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

gif by @daryl-dixon-daydreams

There was no answer when you knocked, the silence as thick as the tension, making the door heavier and harder to open. The single candle had burned down to an oddly shaped sculpture, its curves and dips dimming the flame’s reach. The dinner tray you had brought earlier remained untouched, the soup cold and sandwich soggy.

Your heart ached just as much as it burned, scorched with rage that simmered just below your ribs. Daryl was on the edge of the mattress, staring blankly at the floor. It was as if he’d turned to stone, frozen within a nightmare. And you feared he had forever become trapped in a place you couldn’t reach.

“Daryl.” You tried, keeping your distance. He was a wounded animal, fearful and dangerous at the same time. He remained as he was. He had clung to you so tightly when he had clambered off the back of the bike, his legs giving and his tears flowing. It had been the only reaction you had seen from him in his day and a half back at Hilltop. “Daryl.”

You still didn’t approach, but finally he blinked, his bruised and bloodshot eyes sliding over to finally acknowledge you. The attention didn’t last. He was back to staring at the floor within seconds.

You risked two deliberate steps toward him before crouching, making yourself smaller in hope that it would not arouse the terror held at bay within him.

“You need to eat, sleep.”

Nothing.

Sighing, you slowly stood and stepped back before turning away, bending over the candle in preparation to blow it out, a new one beside it so as to keep the darkness away from your partner. The least you could do was stay, give him a measure of comfort that he wasn’t alone.

“Should’a been me.”

His voice was raspy, tired, and so unexpected that you gasped. When you spun to regard him, he hadn’t moved. “What?”

Daryl cleared his throat after an agonizing period of silence. “Was ready. Deserved it. Should’a been me.”

A flash of red, Glenn’s final words. Your lip quivered and your eyes closed as you gathered your bearings. “No.” You whispered, reassuming the earlier position a few feet from him. “Daryl, it’s not your fault.”

“Was. Is.” He muttered, a tear breaking free to cascade down his cheek. You wanted so badly to wipe it away and hold him.

“Negan was going to do what he was going to do. You had no influence over him.” You attempted, dropping to your knees and shuffling forward a few inches at a slow pace.

“F’I hadn’t—” The words dried up on the tip of his tongue, his eyes squeezing shut.

“Oh, Daryl.” You knew he would carry this forever, a guilt on his shoulders that he’d never shed. He still carried Beth after all this time. The weight had lessened, finally splintering off to allow you to carry a portion for him, a burden you were more than willing to bear for him. “You couldn’t stop him.”

His eyes slowly peeled open, wet and shining, and you could no longer stay away.

“Please.” You began. “Let me help you.” When his head turned, even with the heavy pain his expression bore, you had never been more relieved. No, that wasn’t true. The relief came when he nodded, a simple dip of his head that had you carefully climbing to your feet and approaching.

When your hand touched his shoulder, the dam broke. His hands found your waist and pulled you toward him, his face finding shelter against your stomach as his shoulders shook in silent sobs. Gentle fingers carded through his hair, hushed syllables making an effort to soak up even a portion of his suffering.

Each tear, each jerk of his body was gasoline on the inferno raging within you.

And Negan would burn.

[purehypnotic]

Loved your John headcanons! Can we get some for Javier??

hope u don’t mind that i picked these up instead of sadie, but enjoy!!

javier escuella x reader headcanons

sfw, gender neutral

ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈

-When blistering summer days simmer down into blue evenings, a familiar feeling of longing catches up to Javier.

-A refreshing cool breeze on a warm night reminds him of his sister’s laughter, and he sees his mother’s face in the crackling of a toasty campfire.

-But he swallows down the longing like a dry pill. Some nights, Javier is still just a boy who misses his mama. but home is on American soil now, and even if he returns to nuevo paraíso, he’s still got blood on his hands that will never wash away.

-he’s so focused on wiping the violence off his childhood memories that he barely notices you plop into the spot next to him.

-he has half a mind to tell you he isn’t in the mood for your usual antics before he catches the look on your face. It’s full of care, with worry curling your eyebrows and filling your eyes with an unspoken “what’s wrong, jav?”

-the urge to lean in closer to you is like a sixth sense. it’s dangerous how easy it is for him to open up to you.

-he tells you that he doesn’t regret leaving Mexico, but he’s choking on the guilt of missing it so much. he hated being helpless to the abuse of the government, and the day Dutch found him was the day something healed.

-and then he reaches for your hand, holds it close to his warm chest, and whispers to you that despite all the reasons he left nuevo paraíso, he misses having someone to speak his mother tongue with.

- and all you can do is lean in closer and say “teach it to me, then.”

-javier grabs hold of the guitar that hardly leaves his side and begins strumming a sweet spanish tune. As he sings the lyrics, you repeat the foreign words with a tenderness that steals javier’s breath away.

-as his tune grows louder, mary-beth drags arthur for a dance in the center of camp, and in all of your beautiful joy, you join and sway as javier plucks the notes to el reloj.

-Javier realizes that his life here, with this family of outlaws and vagabonds, is better than his old life in many ways. Sure, the violence stayed the same. But the company got better, and he’s fed regularly now.

-(he knows he hasn’t faced the one true reason that he’s happy to stay here)

-humming in the center of camp, at the center of it all, is you, you, you.

ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈𖤓ᨒ𓆈

as always

love, katie 💌

[najia-cooks]

[ID: First image is a plate of stuffed grape leaves, zucchini, tomatoes, and lamb chops next to a bowl of yoghurt, seen from the top; second image is a close-up on the grape leaves and stuffed zucchini, seen from the side. End ID]

كوسا محشي مع ورق العنب / Kusa muhashshi m'a waraq al-'anub (Stuffed zucchini with grape leaves)

"كُوسَا" ("kūsā"), meaning "zucchini" or "courgette," is from the Persian "کوسه" ("kūse"), meaning "shark" or "beardless man"; it is so called because of its smooth skin. "مُحَشّي" ("muḥashshi" or "maḥshshi") means "stuffed"; مَعَ ("ma'a") is "with"; "وَرَق" means "leaf" (or "paper"); and "عِنَب" (Levantine pronunciation: "'ineb") is "grape." (Grape leaves are also sometimes called "وَرَق الدوالي," "waraq ad-dūwāli," in Palestine). Thus: stuffed zucchini with grape leaves! Stuffed grape leaves themselves date back to Medieval times, and are popular amongst various regions throughout what was previously the Ottoman Empire; however, each cuisine has slight variations in how they are cooked, and what they are called.

To prepare Palestinian duwali, one stuffs grape leaves with one of two types of filling: a meat one, using rice, ground lamb, and a variety of aromatic spices; or a vegetarian one, including rice, herbs, tomatoes, and peppers. A large pot is then prepared, sometimes lined at the bottom with meat—usually rack of lamb, but sometimes chicken, or whatever else is to hand. The meat is topped with sliced tomatoes; sometimes, with hollowed baby zucchini or eggplant ("بَاذِنْجَان"; Levantine pronunciation: "bātinjān") stuffed with the same filling; and, finally, with the grape leaves. The whole is simmered in an aromatic broth before the finished dish is tipped out of the pot into a large platter. It is usually served with plain yoghurt, which plays beautifully against the mild sweetness of the zucchini, the slightly sour grape leaves, and the savory, tender spiced rice filling.

This dish is usually made in large batches, with the women of the family sitting in a group around the kitchen table rolling tiny grape leaves. It was traditionally made in the spring or summer, when zucchini and grape leaves were in season—but it is now often made as one of the centerpieces of a Christmas meal, with frozen grape leaves that are thawed in hot water.

Christmas (Arabic: عِيد الْمِيلَاد‎, "ʕīd al-mīlād," "feast of the Nativity," or "mīlād," "Nativity" for short) is a Christian festival and feast day commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ. The largest meal of the Christmas season is usually eaten on Christmas Eve, which is celebrated on the 24th of December (in the Gregorian Calendar) by Palestinian Catholics. Large families travel across Palestine to come together for a dinner featuring bread, several vegetable salads, meat dishes (such as stuffed lamb or chicken), grape leaves, topped flatbreads and other savory pastries, and an assortment of cookies. Chocolates are often given to children.

Christmas festivities are observed in Palestine during Advent ("مَجِيء المَسِيح," "madji' al-masīḥ": "the coming of Christ") and Christmastide, and at different times by different sects of Christians. One of the most common destinations for Christian tourists is the ancient city of Bethlehem (بَيْت لَحْم, "bayt laḥm," lit. "house of meat"; related to the Aramaic בֵּית לַחְמָא "house of bread"); pilgrims flock from around the world, and from other locations in Palestine, to attend church services and festivities and to visit holy sites. The Church of the Nativity (كَنِيسَة المَهْد, "kanīsa al-mahd"), so called because it is built on the place where Jesus was believed to have been born, is a particularly popular destination.

Bethlehem also has an ancient history as a home to many of Palestine's grape orchards; after the widespread destruction caused by the Crusades, some of the only vineyards in the area were in Bethlehem. Christians in Bethlehem have tended these grapes since Medieval times; today, farmers and companies in Bethlehem (such as Cremisan) make wine from several ancient varieties.

Despite hosting one of Christianity's most important sacred sites, Bethlehem's population of Christians has been continually shrinking for the past century. Arab Christians comprised an estimated 84% of the population in 1922, but by the end of the British Mandate years (1948) this number had dropped to 75%. By 1998, Christians made up a minority, at 33% of the population, and by 2007 this had dropped again to 28%. This dramatic decrease is a microcosm of the situation in Palestine overall, where the Christian population dropped from an estimated 20% in 1948, to just 2% in 2007, to less than 1% in 2017. Statistics from the Gaza Strip look similar. Bethlehem, however, remained a significant part of Palestine's Christian enclave: nearly half (49.4%) of all the Christians in Palestine in 2017 lived there.

As of 2004, an estimated 56% of all people with Palestinian Christian ancestry were living outside of Palestine. The trend shows no signs of slowing down: a 2020 survey found that a much higher proportion of Christians than Muslims wished to leave Palestine. Respondents cited dire economic circumstances, the dangers of military and settler violence, and religious intolerance, including job discrimination and difficulty having church marriages legally recognized.

Bethlehem is nearly completely surrounded by Israeli settlements, which hem residents in and threaten to cut off connection to other Palestinian territories. Israel has used its military codes, as well as its control of private companies, to annex nearly 2,000 acres of land in Bethlehem's immediate surroundings since 2004. Residents of Bethlehem's villages are subject to violent assaults by West Bank settlers, as well as destruction of property (such as uprootings of crops).

The economy within Bethlehem is also threatened by Israeli occupation. Income that could previously be made through tourism has dropped significantly due to settler violence, and to Israeli control of all borders and crossings into and out of occupied Palestine. In 2013, Israeli travel companies used this latter advantage to provide various services to 1.16 million pilgrims to Bethlehem's Church of the Nativity alone, starving Palestinian companies and tour guides out and leaving many in Bethlehem unemployed. Tourism to various holy sites injects billions of U.S. dollars per year into Israel's economy. Israeli winemakers, who had previously sourced grapes from Palestinian farmers in Bethlehem, have also started cutting Palestinians out, turning to growing grapes themselves on expropriated land.

The Palestinian Authority has stated an intent to try to keep Christians in the West Bank by promoting Christmas festivities. In 2022, a Nativity scene and Christmas tree were publicly displayed in مَيْدَان المَهْد ("maydān al-mahd"; Manger Square) in Bethlehem: the Catholic Church in Bethlehem lights the tree for Advent, beginning four Sundays before Christmas. A Christmas parade, with brightly lit floats carrying Christmas trees, people dressed as angels and Santa Clauses, and Nativity scenes with live actors, took place again for the first time after having been interrupted due to the Coronavirus pandemic, and was broadly attended by Muslims and Christians.

Another parade marched through streets near the Church of the Nativity for Christmas Eve in 2021: musicians beat drums, played bagpipes, and waved Palestinian flags while onlookers ululated and cheered. Bethlehem's Catholics attend a قُدّاس مُنْتَصَف اللَيْل (quddās muntaṣaf al-layl; Midnight Mass) service in St. Catherine's Church, with prayer, carol-singing, and the burning of incense; another service is held in the Church of the Nativity on January 6, where Christmas falls on the Orthodox calendar.

During the first and second اِنْتِفَاضَات‎ ("intifāḍāt"; singular اِنْتِفَاضَة "intifāḍa," "uprising" or "rebellion"), the tree in Bethlehem was no longer lit due to widespread mourning—Masses continued, but not the public festivities. Instead, private celebrations would take place within the home. Some families began buying artificial Christmas trees rather than real ones, since they were easier to tuck away from windows where they would not be seen from the outside. Even after the lights returned, Israeli military border walls, checkpoints, and curfews hampered Christmas celebrations for many: Christians from Gaza need permits from the Israeli military to take pilgrimages to, or visit family in, Bethlehem and other places in the West Bank, and the majority of those requested are not granted. كنيسة المِيلَاد الإِنْجِيلِيّة اللوثرية ("kanīsa al-mīlād al-ʔinjīliyya al-lūthri"; Evangelical Lutheran Christmas Church) referenced the ongoing genocide in their Nativity scene, in which a baby Jesus wrapped in a Palestinian كُوفِيَّة (kūfiyya) lies amidst a pile of rubble.

Mayor Hana Haniyeh expressed that the local economy's "crash" was "nothing" compared to "what's happening to our people and Gaza." In 2021, the Catholic community in the Gaza Strip comprised 133 people, or 0.0056% of the population (out of 1,017 Christians of all denominations; 0.043% of the population). The sole Catholic parish in Gaza, overseen by the كَنِيسَة العَائِلَة المُقَدَّسَة ("kanīsa al-'āʔila al-muqaddasa," Holy Family Church), faced the destruction and partial destruction of several buildings by Israeli airstrike in 2014, and again in 2021.

During the 2023 genocide, parish buildings including the church, monastery, school, orphanage, and مَرْكَز تُومَا الأكُوينِي ("markaz tūmā al-ʔkoni"; Thomas Aquinas Center) have sheltered hundreds of Christians and Muslims. On the 16th of December, 2023, and amidst heavy bombing of the surrounding area, Israeli soldiers, claiming that the parish hid a missile launcher, opened fire on anyone leaving the church, killing two women.

Help Palestinian Christians evacuate Gaza

Support traditional woodworking and glass-blowing in Bethlehem

Try Cremisan Palestinian wine

Equipment

Large, thick-bottomed stockpot or Dutch oven

Vegetable corer (مأورة "maʔwara"), or thin teaspoon measure

Ingredients

For the dish:

About 300g grape leaves

2kg baby zucchini (كوسا صغير)

2 large beefsteak tomatoes

Zucchini should be about 1" in diameter and 5" in length. If you don't have access to baby zucchini, use the smallest you can find. I halved my zucchini lengthwise to get the correct size.

If you happen to have a grape vine, harvest grape leaves early in the spring for this recipe, and freeze them for use throughout the year. Otherwise, you should be able to find jarred grapeleaves in a halal grocery store. You will want the smallest, earliest-harvested (say, March-May) grape leaves that you can find.

For the filling:

600g (3 cups) Egyptian white medium-grain rice

300g (about 1 1/2 cups) ground beef substitute (to replace minced lamb)

1/4 cup good olive oil

5 tsp allspice, or Palestinian 7-spice / mixed spice (بهار مشكل)

1 Tbsp turmeric (optional)

1 1/2 tsp black pepper

1 tsp cinnamon (optional)

Large pinch ground cardamom, from 2-3 green cardamom pods (optional)

Salt, 1/4 tsp, or to taste

Spices used in this dish may be as minimal as salt and black pepper. Allspice or 7-spice are almost always included. Cinnamon and turmeric are the next most common additions; occasionally, cardamom is added. I have gone for a maximalist, aromatic approach here, because the taste of other ingredients (e.g. zucchini) is quite mild.

You will want a medium-grain white rice for this dish—the rice should become extremely tender without being fluffy or sticky. Egyptian medium-grain rice can be found at a halal grocery store from a brand such as Baraka. If you can't locate any, another kind of medium-grain white rice will do.

To cook:

Vegan lamb chops, or other meat substitute of your choosing

Juice of 1 lemon, or 1/4 tsp citric acid (if using jarred grape leaves that don't include citric acid)

1 Tbsp tomato paste

1/4 cup good olive oil

Salt, black pepper, and 7-spice

Vegetarian chicken bouillon cube or stock concentrate

Water to cover

Chicken stock from making another dish is sometimes used in place of water here; or else a chicken boullion or Maggi cube may be added. You could also use a vegetarian beef stock concentrate, or a bit of soy sauce, to mimic the stock that would result from lamb being simmered at the bottom of the pot.

Instructions:

Prep work:

1. Prepare the rice. Place a strainer in a closely-fitting bowl and add the rice into the strainer. Fill the bowl with cool water and rub the rice between your hands to remove excess starch. Lift the strainer out of the water to strain the rice, and pour the starchy water out. Repeat this process 3-4 more times, until the water comes away mostly clear.

(Starchy water from the first 2 or 3 washings can be saved and used to thicken soups and stews. If you're not sure of the cleanliness of your rice—i.e. if it came in a container that was not airtight—only use water from the second washing onwards.)

2. Return rice to bowl and pour cool water to cover. Soak for an hour.

3. Prepare the zucchini. Cut the tips off of both sides of the zucchini, only taking off as much as you need to. (If your zucchini are over 6" / 15 cm or so long, cut them in half widthwise).

4. Starting from the tip (or, if it's the 'bottom' half of the zucchini, the cut end), hollow out each squash with a vegetable corer until a ring of flesh about 1/8" (1/3 cm) wide remains around the edges. If you don't have a vegetable corer, use a small teaspoon: make a small divot in the center of the zucchini and then deepen it, constantly rotating the zucchini as you push the spoon in, to hollow the zucchini.

(Save the zucchini flesh to use in a soup or stew later!)

5. Soak the zucchini. Place zucchini in a large bowl of salted water and let soak while you prepare the grape leaves.

6. Prepare the grape leaves. If using grape leaves from a jar, pull out a group (they will probably be rolled together) and lay them flat on a plate. Go through grape leaves to find leaves of appropriate size; anything too much larger than 4" in diameter should have its outer leaves shortened with a sharp knife; anything larger than 5 or so inches should be halved down the central vein, and then flled "sideways." Lay the grape leaves out in the bottom of a large bowl or tray.

7. Soak the grape leaves. Pour just-boiled water over the grape leaves and let sit 10-15 minutes.

8. Meanwhile, remove zucchini from soaking water and place on a wire rack, hollow-side-down, to drain while you make the filling.

To make the filling:

1. Drain the rice and shake the strainer to remove excess water. Combine all spice ingredients together by kneading well with your hands. I recommend toasting the spice for a minute or two in a small, dry skillet on medium-low hest, until fragrant.

To stuff the vegetables:

1. Stuff the zucchini. Once the zucchini are drained, use your figners to push filling down into the hollowed openins. Don't fill them up all the way, or the rice will come out as it expands; leave about 3/4" (2 cm) between the top of the filling and the edge of the zucchini (about the length of a finger up to the distal knuckle).

2. Remove grape leaves onto a wire rack to drain for 4-5 minutes. They will be easiest to roll if they are still slightly damp.

3. Stuff the grape leaves. Add a very small amount of filling (a bit more than 1/4 tsp and less than 1/2 tsp) in a horizontal line towards the bottom edge of a grape leaf.

The leaves will be rolled much like burritos: fold the bottom edge up once or twice to cover the filling, fold the sides in over that, and then roll away from you, folding the tip of the leaf inward as well if needed to avoid having any spikes sticking ourt.

Roll tightly enough that the leaves will not come undone with jostling, but loosely enough to give the rice some room to expand. I did this by leaving a tiny bit of space on each side of the filling as I folded the edes in. Leaves can be stuffed by laying them flat on the counter, or by holding them in your non-dominant hand.

Keep going until you run out of grape leaves. Keep any extra filling to stuff tomatoes, eggplant, etc.

At some point during this process, taste a bit of a grape leaf and determine if it is sour enough that you will not need lemon juice later in cooking.

To cook:

1. Coat the bottom of a large stockpot with a couple tablespoons olive oil. Slice a large tomato and arrange the slices on the bottom of the pot so that they do not overlap.

2. Add stuffed zucchini, either standing up (filling-side-up) or arranged horizontally in a single layer, depending on the size of your pot.

3. Top with stuffed grape leaves; just pour them in and give the pot a good shake, or arrange them in concentric circles.

4. Mix just-boiled water with spices, stock bouillon or concentrate, tomato paste, olive oil, and lemon juice (if using). Pour water into the pot until it comes up to the bottom of the stuffed grape leaves.

5. Choose a heavy plate that fits inside your pot with an inch or so to spare (to allow steam to escape) and weigh the grape leaves down.

6. Raise heat to return water to a boil. Lower heat to medium-low and keep at a low simmer for an hour, until zucchini is very tender, rice is fully cooked and a bit mushy, and there is almost no water in the pot. Remove from heat and allow to cool slightly.

To serve:

1. Cover the top of the pot with a large, upside-down platter and turn over the whole to empty the contents of the pot into the platter. Lift the pot straight up.

2. Shake the platter slightly to encourage the stuffed vegetables to spread out. Remove any grape leaves that have burst or come unfolded, if you want to. Some blackening of the pieces that had come into direct contact with the bottom of the pot is not a problem.

3. Arrange seared lamb chop pieces among the stuffed vegetables.

Serve warm with lemon slices, yoghurt, pickles, and side salads.

[beth-bunkus]

(*A minor correction before proceeding: Bob Baffert actually hasn't seen jail time; that was Jason Servis, who trained the 2019 first-place finisher in the Kentucky Derby. That being said, May's correct in saying that Baffert is no slouch when it comes to questionable horsemanship, as he's had a number of recent incidents with horses that have tested positive for banned substances while under his care. Justify, Gamine, and Medina Spirit are the most memorably egregious offenses that come to mind, but there are DEFINITELY others.)

May couldn't have said any of this better: best practice, in my opinion, is simply attending the races for the sake of seeing the horses and getting to see their athleticism and beauty firsthand. I've long been of the opinion that fan culture in the US surrounding horse racing has always had an unhealthy skew towards money-making, but I do think in certain regards the industry's trend towards certain practices are partially to blame. The mentality is increasingly becoming breed to sell/race to breed rather than breeding to race, which means the breed's integrity (at least in the US) is beginning to falter. Similarly, the majority mindset of fans is that horse racing is an opportunity to make money. Many fans make a living out of race analysis and discerning best value for making a return on a bet, and even those who follow and adore specific horses are deeply focused on the betting aspect of the sport. It's all about the money, not about the horse.

In contrast, Japanese racing does not have this issue (at least, not to the same extent as the US). Yes, wagering and gambling on races is a factor in racing's popularity, but the JRA also takes steps to actively encourage fan engagement beyond monetary return as incentive. They have an amazing selection of merch that they sell through official partners: plush (some of which are made by Sanrio!), stationary, commemorative items, etc. Also, there are many initiatives to fund aftercare and ensure the horses are well-cared for beyond the racetrack and even beyond their careers as broodmares and stallions, most notably the popular game Uma Musume Pretty Derby (profit from that goes towards retirement farms for horses). Maybe most importantly, the efforts of the horses are respected no matter how a horse did; a sentiment I've seen often from Japanese racing fans in response to a horse retiring or even performing poorly is simply praising the effort of the horse and saying "Thank you for your hard work", whereas American fans would have largely just had nothing but sour grapes about the matter. (Not to throw stones from my glass house; I've had my fair amount of sour grapes, just not where money has been involved.) Fan admiration is not only appreciated and encouraged, it's also reinforced by the JRA on an organization-wide level, which is something that's amazing to see, and something I desperately wish the US would also adopt (however unrealistic that is at this point).

With all that being said, the way I see it, the best way to make that fan culture pivot is to directly facilitate it where you can. Go to the track by all means, but don't bet -- just appreciate the horses, and take the opportunity to learn while you're at it. Pick up a raceday program, and learn about the horses (names, pedigrees, which races they're running in and if it's stakes company, and so forth). Go to the rail, or to the paddock, and just admire the horses for what they are. If there's a museum (because some racetracks do offer that, such as Keeneland or Churchill Downs), take the opportunity to poke around there if you can and learn about the history of racing. Heck, if you want to spend money, go check out the gift shop or wherever else they have track-specific merch offerings.

It is possible to enjoy racing without being part of "racetrack culture" -- and that's okay. You're allowed to enjoy racing without encouraging the parts of racing that are distasteful.

just wondering what a horse expert thinks of punting/betting. i’ve never really thought about it up until now and i’m torn about whether or not to go with my family soon

So, I think my friend @beth-bunkus would be better equipped to answer this than I am, since she is really into the world of Thoroughbred racing. But I can give my two cents about it, since I do watch the occasional race, and I'm still a fan of Sodashi. But this is just going to be a casual race fan's American outlook on the subject. I'm not qualified, lol.

(FWIW, I'm supposing that this isn't just about Standardbred/Thoroughbred/QH races. This can be the act of betting/punting in any equine sport. It's just that racing is probably the biggest and most famous industry when one thinks about gambling in the horse world.)

I think that because horse racing is a sport that involves equines, the only people who would become interested in it would be the equestrians, or people who think that it is a fun and endearing sport. I think that, obviously, the earlier back in time we go, the more popular the sport was. Perhaps it was because the layman could better appreciate the horse when the world was more familiar with them in everyday practices. However, now in recent years, we have whole generations of people who have never touched a pony, even. My parents never were on the backs of a horse, and what I do at the ranch scares them. But their parents either only casually rode, or never rode at all, and nowadays if you are not born into an equestrian way of life- English, Western, or otherwise- chances are the next generations will still be ostracized from horses, and grow up not even seeing them. Which is to say, they wouldn't care at all about them. That includes caring about watching an animal run around a track.

I think that the big pull to things like horse racing, the reason Churchill Downs, Saratoga, even small tracks like Horseshoe Indianapolis here in my state of Indiana, is because it is tied to gambling itself. Horseshoe is actually part of a casino. There's plenty of tracks that are the same way, too- tied to other forms of gambling. Even the movie, All Dogs Go To Heaven, had a whole section of the main characters getting rich from gambling at a race track.

I think in one way, you could separate the race from the gambling. I know I watch races for the horses- Sodashi, Swiss Skydiver, Panthalassa. But then, you get into some ethical thoughts. It's really not a secret that gambling is the whole life source of the racing industry. It is why the derby is held every year. It's why the horses are bred. It's why the trainers make so much money. And it's why, in 2023, 12 horses died at Churchill Downs.

I don't think it's a secret that the industry got crooked. A lot of things, businesses, or events in the equine world invite abuse. Here, trainers like Bob Baffert, who is still considered to be the most successful and influential trainers in the racing world, drug their horses. He was even put in prison for 4 years because of the abuse he put onto his horses, letting his jockeys ride drugged horses, which was a threat of their lives and the lives of every other horse and jockey on the track. (Side note: I'm very glad for the judge in that trial. You can find articles about the whole thing, I suggest reading them if you're interested.)

It's not just drugging that is done by improper trainers, though. It's physical abuse to get the horse to run. It's even the neglect to the horses that don't 'perform like they should'. And after the horse is done with its career, or breeding stock cannot breed anymore, they're retired.

It's very common to see OTTB, or off track Thoroughbreds, (and off track Standardbreds!) in disciplines outside of racing. They're sport horses, and do well in events like hunter/jumper, dressage, ECT. In my time at the ranch, we have had two OTTB's come. One was Keros, the other is LibbyLou.

Keros was actually a good racer, and won some good money in his time. He left our barn a few years ago, and after, a boarder rescued Lou and brought her.

Lou'a story is what makes me so upset about horses that come from the racing industry. She was bred to be a racer, and she was trained, too- she has a lip tattoo and I was able to find some things about her after looking her up online (she came with no papers.) Her registered name was Hunt for a Dove, and she never ran due to a bad leg injury. But she had a filly and colt who raced, and had a third that didn't. She was used as breeding stock.

When she came to us, though, she wasn't a prized sport horse. She was a thin, mangy, dying girl who had trouble staying up on her legs for too long. She had horrible rain rot, her previous owners said she nearly died on them multiple times, and her slit was half sewn up improperly. Now that she was getting better, she needed someone to help her even more.

It's hard to know where Lou was before she came to Indiana, but the writing on the wall says it wasn't good.

Rescues and programs that surround the world of adopting out horses with a racing career are doing good work, but it can be rescue work at the same time. In my position, even seeing rebound associations that are supposed to help animals, who lie through their teeth to get you to take home a horse that you may not even be able to keep (*cough cough. Maybe a story for another time.)- it all shows that even people apart of the industry get crooked.

Anyways. I've talked a whole lot. In any case- I wish we didn't have to bet and gamble in the world of horses. I wish we, as a whole of people, understood horses and the world of equestrians to a point where we valued good horsemanship, good breeding practices, and taking care of horses who love to work and run, and show them off in the races. I wish there was a worldwide love of horses doing what they love to do the most- compete on a track. However unlikely that is, I know it's something that would help not only the athlete horses, but even other disciplines. In a more realistic view, I believe that we should get stricter with regulations. Urine testing, check-ins, ECT. But I know that's a bit too progressive for the people in the industry.

[jusst-you-race]

Britcedes + 7./46. for the kiss prompts?❤️

hi i'm so sorry it took me this long to get around to it!!! hope you enjoy <3 i had a lot of fun writing this one!!! from these prompts

a kiss to shut them up + a kiss out of jealousy

George actively focuses on relaxing his hand, worried slightly for the delicate glass of the champagne flute he’s currently holding. The woman talking to Lewis laughs again– no, giggles and puts her hand deliberately on his arm. Again. George takes a deep breath.

“George you’re basically glaring at this poor lady, chill out,” Alex says from beside him.

“Well if you hadn’t noticed, she’s flirting pretty blatantly with my boyfriend.”

Alex scoffs at him and George grimaces as he realises how that had sounded.

“I didn’t realise you were so possessive, Georgie.”

“You don’t know what it’s like at these events. Someone is always flirting with him, trying to get his attention. It’s like they just forget he is openly in a relationship.”

Alex hums sympathetically beside him. George flexes his fingers around his glass again. 

It doesn’t help that Lewis is so effortlessly charming. George knows his boyfriend is being nothing but polite to this lady but George has been on the receiving end of Lewis’ ‘polite’ many times and he doesn’t blame the woman for feeling like she might have a chance. George huffs.

“Oh my god, George. Stamp your foot too while you’re at it, why don’t you…”

He pointedly ignores Alex.

The woman very unsubtly fiddles with the neckline of her dress, trying to draw Lewis’ attention, and George rolls his eyes. She’s clearly barely listening to whatever Lewis is saying to her — which based on the spark in Lewis’ eyes is probably something to do with the environment — and George takes another deep breath to cool the simmer of spite low in his stomach. 

“She’s not even listening to what he’s saying.” George says it under his breath, but Alex hears him anyway.

“Oh and of course you would listen to everything he says.”

“I would, actually.” George tries his hardest not to sound petulant. He’s failing pretty miserably. “He’s my boyfriend and I like listening to what he has to say.”

Before Alex can give him any more grief the woman puts her hand on Lewis’ arm again, this time lingering for just a second longer than necessary, and George snaps.

“Hold my champagne.”

Alex just laughs at him as he marches across the room.

Lewis is mid sentence by the time George reaches him, but George simply does not care. He drapes himself over Lewis' side and kisses him on the mouth, intentionally a little too indecently. He pulls back slowly, enjoying the slightly dazed look in Lewis' eyes as he brings his arm up to wrap around George’s lower back instinctively. 

“Hello, gorgeous. What was that for?” Lewis is giving him a dopey grin and George all but preens under the attention.

“Missed you,” he murmurs before, in an exaggerated display, he turns to the woman as if he’s just realised she’s there. “Oh, I’m so sorry! Was I interrupting?”

A sick sense of satisfaction curls in George’s gut at the look of shock and embarrassment on her face. Lewis gives George a squeeze before he too turns back to her.

“I was just talking about biofuels with… Oh goddess this is embarrassing of me, I’ve forgotten your name! I’m so sorry.”

George cannot help his shark-like grin. The woman smiles flatly.

“It’s Beth.”

George extends a hand.

“Beth, lovely to meet you.”

She shakes it reluctantly, then looks somewhere over his shoulder.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it was lovely talking, but I think I see my friend in need of rescuing over there. Nice meeting you both.” And with that, Beth disappears into the crowd. 

Smug, George turns to look at Lewis, who’s watching him knowingly.

“You don’t have to be so mean, George.” There’s a smile tugging at the corner of Lewis’ lip as he says it though, so George knows he isn’t really in trouble. He shrugs coquettishly. 

“She was out of line. You’re mine.”

Lewis grins and tugs him in closer with the arm around his waist.

“You’re hot when you’re jealous.”

He pulls George into a kiss, and George finally feels content. 

[daryltwdixon]

The Promise of Us: Chapter 39

“So the game goes, I say something I’ve never done, and if you have done it, you drink. If you haven’t done it, I drink. Then, we switch,” Beth explains, sitting across from Daryl with a cup in her hand. “You really don’t know this game?”

“I ain’t never needed a game to get lit before,” Daryl replies, the skin of his thumb caught between his teeth. 

“Wait, are we startin’?” Beth asks, her excitement clashing with his simmering reluctance.

“How do you know this game?” he mutters, his suspicion barely hidden.

“My friends played, I watched.” She brushes off his question and adds, “Okay, I’ll start.” She closes her eyes, pretending to think hard, but her first attempt is obvious. “I’ve never… shot a crossbow! So, now you drink.”

Daryl rubs his fingers together, staring at her with a deadpan expression. He wants to resist, but the rules seem simple enough. He reaches for his cup, bringing the strong liquid to his lips, feeling the familiar burn as he drinks. “Ain’t much of a game,” he mutters.

“That was a warm-up!” Beth insists. “You go.”

He grunts, hand returning to his mouth, teeth picking at the skin around his nails. His mind’s a mix of annoyance and hesitation. “I don’t know,” he mumbles.

“Just… say the first thing that pops in your head!” she presses, trying to keep the energy light.

“I’ve never been outta Georgia,” he finally says.

“Really?” Beth responds, intrigued. “Okay, good one.” She takes a sip, her curiosity palpable.

She continues quickly, eyes narrowing a bit as she thinks. “I’ve never been drunk and did somethin’ I regretted.”

Daryl stiffens, feeling the subtle dig. He knows she’s trying to pry, to make him crack open, even a little. His defenses flare up, and it’s not anger he feels—it’s shame. He lifts his glass and takes a swig, the bitter taste doing nothing to wash away the memories of all the bad decisions he’s made under the influence of liquor.

“I’ve done alotta things,” he says flatly, the words clipped.

“Your turn,” she prompts, eager to keep the rhythm going.

Daryl’s eyes shift as he thinks, feeling the weight of her gaze. “I’ve never been on vacation,” he says, voice low.

“What about campin’?” she asks, her tone lighter, almost playful.

“No, that’s just somethin’ we—” He pauses, the words catching in his throat. His gaze drops, shame bleeding into his expression until he looks up again after a heartbeat, “I had to learn. To hunt.”

Beth’s eyes soften. “Your dad teach you?” she asks, trying to be careful.

“Mhm,” he grunts, nodding, still watching for her reaction. 

Beth shifts awkwardly before coming up with her next attempt. “I’ve never been to jail. I mean—as a prisoner.”

His eyes narrow, the question striking a raw nerve. The old shame, buried deep but never forgotten, wells up inside him. He feels suddenly exposed, his past laid bare in front of her. 

“Is this what you think of me?” he asks quietly, voice tight with both defensiveness and hurt.

Beth’s eyes widen, realizing she’s crossed a line. “I didn’t mean anything serious,” she backpedals quickly. “I thought maybe the drunk tank. Even my dad got locked up for that back in the day.”

Daryl doesn’t let up, pointing to her with a rough gesture. “Drink up,” he demands, his hand back on his face, fingers covering his chin as if trying to shield himself from her scrutiny.

But Beth’s smile creeps back. “Wait! Prison guard, were you a prison guard before?” she guesses, her enthusiasm unintentionally prodding him further.

He takes his time answering, staring hard at her. “No,” he says at last, his voice low and flat.

“It’s your turn again,” she presses gently, trying to get back into the rhythm of the game.

But Daryl’s done. He pushes himself up abruptly, muttering, “Gotta take a piss,” as he stalks out of the cramped living room. It’s an excuse, and a thin one, but he needs distance. The game was never about fun to him—it was an interrogation, a slow peeling back of layers he’s spent the life he had now trying to forget.

He heads into the kitchen, releasing his fly, dropping his glass of leftover alcohol on the floor as it shatters on the ground. Her questions riled something in him—how different their lives have been, how far apart their worlds are. Beth grew up with family dinners and curfews; Daryl grew up with broken bottles and bruises, fighting just to exist. And then there’s Y/N, who grew up in the same kind of hell he did. She got it, never needed to ask these kinds of questions because she knew—she lived it. The shame from his past was never something he had to explain to her.

The glass shatters beneath Daryl’s boots, and Beth’s voice cuts through the chaos, urgent but hushed. “You have to be quiet.”

But Daryl’s fury is already boiling over, his body coiled tight with anger. “Can’t hear you! I’m takin’ a piss!” he shouts, voice harsh and ragged.

“Daryl, don’t talk so loud,” Beth hisses, her voice tense.

“What? You my chaperone now?” he barks back, his voice rough, his words laced with a bitterness that’s been festering inside him for far too long. He urinates against the kitchen wall, the anger a twisted kind of relief. When he’s done, he zips up, spinning to face Beth. “Oh, wait, it’s my turn, right?”

Beth’s face is a mix of frustration and something close to pity, but Daryl ignores it. He looks out the grimy window into the darkness of the woods, eyes distant, searching for something he’ll never find. “I’ve never, uhh…” he mutters, adjusting his belt as he steps into the room. “Never eaten frozen yogurt , never had a pet pony. Never got nothin’ from Santa Claus .” His voice turns sharper, colder, as he shoves over a dusty vase that crashes to the floor, shattering in front of him. He steps closer to Beth, lip curling with disdain. “Never relied on anyone for protection before—hell, I don’t think I’ve ever relied on anyone for anything!”

“That’s not true—” Beth begins, her voice softening as she tries to reach him, “You and—”

“ Don’t ,” he snarls, his voice breaking, pointing a finger at her, his face twisted with barely-contained rage. “Don’t you dare.” It feels like a dam breaking now, and he keeps going, throwing words at her again and again:

“I’ve never sung out in front of a big group in public, like everything was fine,” he continues, his voice heavy with contempt, each word dripping with raw pain. “I sure as hell never cut my wrists lookin’ for attention.”

Beth’s eyes widen, her initial shock quickly turning to anger. She twists to face him fully, her back straightening, her expression hardened. But before she can speak, the banging against the door grows louder, a chorus of guttural growls now turned to snarling from the walker outside.

“Ah, sounds like our friend out there’s tryin’ to call all his buddies!” Daryl screams, his voice rising with a reckless, desperate edge. He kicks a chair across the kitchen, making as much noise as he can. “Hey, you never shot a crossbow before? I’m gonna teach you, right now,” he snarls, grabbing Beth roughly by the arm. He kicks open the back door, dragging her out into the low evening light.

“Daryl, stop it! Daryl!” Beth squeals, panic and anger clear in her voice, but he pulls her forward, ignoring her protests.

The walker at the window turns toward them, drawn by the commotion. “Dumbass,” Daryl growls, leveling his crossbow at it. “Come here, dumbass.” He releases an arrow, pinning the walker to a nearby tree.

“You wanna shoot?” he demands, shoving the crossbow into Beth’s hands.

“I don’t—I don’t know how,” she stammers, her voice breaking.

“Oh, it’s easy,” Daryl says, positioning himself behind her, his chest pressing into her back. He forces the crossbow into her trembling arms, guiding her to aim. “Come here, right corner,” he mutters darkly, firing another arrow that lands with a dull thunk.

“Let’s practice later!” Beth insists, fists clenched as she tries to break free from his grip.

“Come on, it’s fun,” he grunts, voice harsh and almost manic.

“Just stop it! Daryl!” she cries, twisting away.

“Come here,” he repeats, his voice low and menacing, pulling her back toward the walker pinned to the tree. “Eight ball,” he snarls, releasing another arrow that thuds into its chest.

“Just kill it!” Beth yells, her voice thick with fear and frustration.

“Come here, Greene. Let’s pull these out,” he says releasing her, his tone almost taunting as he steps closer to the walker.

But Beth moves quicker, lunging forward and plunging her knife into the walker’s skull with a sharp, angry thrust.

“The hell you do that for? I was havin’ fun!” Daryl yells, his voice raw as he gets in her face, his breath coming fast and angry.

“No, you were bein’ a jackass!” Beth shouts back, her eyes blazing with tears. “If anyone found my dad—”

“Don’t,” he snarls, cutting her off sharply. “Not even remotely the same.” He’s close now, so close that his anger is palpable, radiating off him in waves.

“Killin’ them is not supposed to be fun ,” Beth spits, leaning in, unafraid now, her eyes fierce. 

“What do you want from me, girl?” he roars, his voice breaking with a mix of rage and grief. 

Beth cries in his face, “I want you to stop actin’ like none of this matters! Like nothin’ we went through matters! Like none of the people we lost meant anything!” her voice is harsh, cracking, as she bares her teeth at him, “It’s bullshit!”

“Is that what you think?” Daryl’s voice drops, his anger smoldering into something darker, more bitter. His eyes are cold, but his voice trembles slightly. 

“That’s what I know,” she snaps, voice faltering as she looks him up and down, “You haven’t even said her name , Daryl— just say it! Say you miss her! And that you miss the others! Rick, Michonne—”

“You don’t know nothin’,” he growls, shaking his head violently.

“I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl ,” she cries, her voice wavering with a mix of pain and frustration. “I’m not like her, Daryl! I’m not like Y/N! I’m not tough, but I’ve survived! But you don’t get it, ’cause I’m not like the two of you, or the others. Carol or Maggie… But I made it! And you don’t get to treat me like crap just because you’re afraid!” She waves her hands at him, her face wet with tears.

He steps closer, his face inches from hers, his breath ragged. “I ain’t afraid of nothin’.”

“I remember,” Beth says, her voice lower, shaking with tears, “When that little girl came outta the barn, after my mom. And the night you found Y/N in the field, seeing you in the morning on the highway with her covered in blood, the both of you. And now God forbid you ever let anybody else get too close.”

“Too close, huh? Bet you know all about that,” Daryl sneers, his finger jabbing at her accusingly. “Lost two boyfriends and can’t even shed a tear!” His voice is full of venom. “Your whole family’s gone and all you can do is just go out lookin’ for hooch like some dumb college bitch!”

“Screw you, you don’t get it!” she shouts.

“No, you don’t get it!” Daryl roars, his voice breaking. “Everyone we know is dead! ”

“You don’t know that!” she screams back, desperation in her voice.

“Might as well be, ’cause you ain’t never gonna see ‘em again!” he snaps, “Rick–” he stops short, her name almost coming off the tip of his tongue then, but he holds it back, the only morsel he can hang onto as his walls come crumbling down in this moment, “You ain’t never gonna see Maggie again!”

“Daryl, just stop!” she begs, reaching for him.

“No!” he twists away, the pain and guilt rushing up uncontrollably as his back faces her. After a heartbeat, his voice breaks as he says, his throat tight, “The Governor rolled right up to our gates. Maybe if I… if I wouldn’t have stopped lookin’, maybe because I gave up. That’s on me!” 

“Daryl—”

“No!” he shouts again, shaking her off, his voice cracking, “And your dad …Maybe I coulda done somethin’...and her , god…” his voice wavers now, the sting in his eyes, his throat tight and throbbing, “She’s…she’s prob–probably already...already...dead,” the words barely make it out of his mouth, his throat so thick with grief.

But suddenly, Beth is on him, wrapping her arms tightly around his middle, hugging him with a fierce, desperate strength. It’s like she’s trying to hold together all the unraveling pieces of him as her arms wrap around him, fingers interlocked against his chest so he doesn’t push her off. But he doesn’t. Daryl’s chest heaves, his breath coming in ragged, uneven gasps. The dam finally breaks, and he sobs into the night air—quiet, breathless, and broken.

[colorfulrunawaytragedy]

Yellowstone - Ghosts of the Past

First time writing a fanfiction so be gentle when I do decide to post it. I have no smut warnings because ya girl can't write good enough for it. (unless I somehow become brave 👀) But there will be talks of domestic abuse, trauma, triggers, hysterectomies, past relationships, homelessness, etc. Here's a summary to my Jamie Dutton x Reader

Years ago, Jamie Dutton shared a deep, secret connection with a girl he affectionately called "Peaches." She was his safe haven, the one person outside the Dutton chaos who truly understood him. Their love was pure and steadfast—until Jamie's fateful decision tore his sister Beth's life apart, leaving Peaches unable to reconcile his actions. A bitter argument ended their relationship, and she disappeared from his world, leaving Jamie with nothing but regret.

Years later, Peaches reemerges at a county fair, selling baked goods. Carter, who knows her as the woman who once offered him kindness and hope during one of the darkest chapters of his life, spots her first. Their reunion is heartfelt, though Carter has no idea that Jamie also shares a history with her. Meanwhile, Jamie is blindsided when he crosses paths with Peaches and realizes that she and Carter know each other—a revelation that complicates an already tangled web of emotions.

As secrets unravel and past connections collide, Jamie must face the consequences of his choices while navigating the rekindling of his relationship with Peaches. With Carter caught in the middle, the Dutton family drama simmering, and Peaches’ own scars still healing, they must all decide if they can build a future while reconciling their fractured pasts.

Themes - Unexpected intersections of past and present - Redemption and confronting past mistakes - Healing through connection - Family bonds and the ripple effect of decisions

This story explores how hidden histories and unlikely bonds intertwine, testing the resilience of love and the power of forgiveness.

[the-fiction-witch]

The Visitor P2

Media The Queens Gambit

Character Benny Watts

Couple Benny Watts X Reader

Rating Sweet

Requested :

Hello hello!!! For the Benny watts stories do you think you can do one, that were Benny's wife and he invites Beth to stay with us until she goes to Paris and he told us about it and we were fine with it but Beth didn't know that we knew she was coming and she is jealous of us and trying to start things with us but we put her in her place and benny is turn on by us putting her in her place. Please and thank you ☺️

I hurried to the kitchen and started work on dinner for us as well as some more snacky bits while we all caught up and of course imagine Beth and Benny will want to be playing chess for a while. And as dinner worked I quickly grabbed a dress from the airer beside the dryer threw my cream dress onto the laundry and slipped on my tea length off shoulder white dress with monochrome flowers and vines, making sure to do it up tight and making sure my petticoats sat fluffy, making sure to reapply my lipstick. I Heard the door and went to set things down but I heard him heading down the stairs "I got it!" He says so I left dinner to simmer fixing my hair in the reflection of the pan on the drying rack, And I headed through to the living room. Benny stood having just brought her in, Beth stood in her six-inch red under sole heels, flesh-toned tights, a rather snug square neck drop waist black dress with raised piped white seams, her long red hair well curled allowed to hang to her shoulders, she smiled as she looked around the living room.

"Very nice, certainly an improvement." She says her head stopped as if she almost jumped when she saw me, her smile seeming to vanish from her lips "You're not alone." Her cheerful tone shifting

"Why would I be?" He asks her coming further into view and immediately I noticed a bright red kiss on his cheek which didn't take long to deduce where it came from

"Sorry, just didn't know you'd be here," she says "Elizabeth Harmon," she says offering her hand

"That's alright, Y/n Watts" I smiled shaking her hand

"Watts?" She asks with a glare in Benny's direction

"It's about time you met my wife" he smiled wrapping an arm around me and giving my cheek a kiss I smiled giving his lips a little kiss and cleaning off the lipstick stain

"Forgive me I've been busy with dinner" I said fixing my dress

"No, no it's... adorable" she says fixing her hair

"Do have a seat" I offered and she took a seat in Benny's chair so I sat on the sofa as Benny headed to the kitchen to fetch drinks

"A lot changed in a season"

"You could say that," he answered from the kitchen

"So go on give me an update on what's been happening?" She says as he arrived backhanding her a drink immediately I notice her fingers grace his as she took her glass but he said as usual utterly oblivious and he sat down beside me on the sofa

"Well, been doing the usual rounds and all" he shrugs

"I haven't seen you around much"

"Took a little time off"

"Guess you didn't want him away so much?" She asks me

"I told him he could go"

"No I wanted to be here with you, I've got all the time in the world for tournaments, why would I cut short our honeymoon?" He Cooes holding my hand "I wanted time off anyway"

"From what losing?" She asks

"You needed some time off, you were working too hard" I smiled stroking his hair immediately he shot me a look he knew something was up but couldn't quite figure it out yet

"What about all this then?" She asks

"Well, stopped off in a little hotel on the way back from California just to sleep for the night give my head a rest. Decided to pop down to the little cafe across from the hotel and there she was"

"We weren't meant to be closed but I couldn't just kick you out into the cold"

"You were very sweet to me,"

"We chatted, and we ate until the sun came up."

"I knew of never finding another girl like you in a million years, we traded numbers and I came back home but pretty much the first thing I did the second I got home was call you"

"Ended up talking a for a good few more hours"

"We talked every day for months, and it got to a point I couldn't wait any longer I drove all the way down there turned up in the middle of your shift, marched in and proposed with a cheap ring I bought from the pawn shop"

"You made me drop a whole pot of coffee on the floor, but I said yes. I mean how could you say no to that face."

"Got things square brought this place and for married at the courthouse just a month back" he explained "Still getting used to it" he chuckled fiddling with his wedding ring

"And still unpacking, this place was a steal but sort of a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing"

"What about the cafe? You quit I'm guessing?"

"It was my business I sold up and used the money for our down payment and the rest on the laundromat a few blocks down"

"Humm quiet the business girl" she says

"Been one all my life." I answered "It's always good having solid cash coming in, pretty soon I'll be taking the laundromat profits and investing in a little record store I have my eye on"

"The one on Harrington's street?" He asks

"That's the one"

"Awww I told you about that" he smiled giving my cheek a kiss "So what's been up with you Beth? Grandmastering I suppose?"

"Mostly been on tour for my new book, heading off to Paris for the invitational planning on going out with Cleo while I'm there" she explained "Mostly been taking care of the house, it's been nice having some time off to relax not easy being grandmaster and all"

"I imagine it takes a lot of your time." I snapped back "Not reliable though, chess money comes and goes I'd always be worried if we replied on just winning tournaments it's nice having concrete assets" I explained "and the profits are nice"

"Very nice, you paid off my car for me. I had a lot of parking tickets... way more than I thought I did, there was actually a warrant out to impound it. But it's really nice not worrying so badly about money"

"It's very nice to start a marriage with a clear financial slate." I smiled

"Well hopefully I should be getting my Moscow prize Money as usual" she snapped back

"Ohh do excuse me I need to check on dinners" I smiled getting up and heading to the kitchen everything was going well I heard them talking about chess for a solid few minutes but when I headed back I noticed she had moved forward to the edge of the chair moving her hand down the sofa arm until her hand met his he pushed her hand off absentmindedly as they spoke clearly assuming it was an accident but her hand quickly returned to his and even slyly pushed his wedding ring down his finger

I coughed which caused her to move away, and Benny nervously brought his hand to his chest fixing his ring

"I don't have many rules for guests in our house Beth. But I'd thank you very kindly to keep your hands to yourself" I told her

"Just playing y/n like old times" She smiled getting to her feet

"Be that as it may. I'm sure a very smart girl such as yourself can understand concepts and this one's pretty damn simple." I told her "Keep your hands off my husband"

"Understood" she nods "I'll take my things upstairs" she says sheepishly grabbing her things and heading upstairs

"First door on your left" I told her before I went to the kitchen as now dinner was ready so I began setting things up on the table and I felt Benny come and wrap his arms around me kissing my neck "Benny!" I complained elbowing him slightly

"Raooww" he playfully laughs "thought there was gonna be a catfight"

"I was making a point."

"You really sexy when your... commanding"

"Am I?"

"Ummm hummm" he smirked biting his lip a little "You should put your foot down more often, I like it"

"Well see"

"I'm sorry -"

"What for? Not your fault" I shrug

"I should have moved, or said something, or... not Invited her here"

"Benny," I laughed turning to face him leaning on the table as I wrapped my arms around his neck "It's fine, your not always the best at picking up on these things I learned that pretty quickly hence why I've always been really straight forward with you, you didn't pick up on it's it's fine not like you imagined she would, you did perfectly fine my love. She's your friend you invited her here it's not a problem if you want her here then she'll be welcome. But that doesn't stop me from kicking butt if I need to"

"Your sure?"

"Very sure"

"I love you so much"

"I love you too" I smiled pulling him into a kiss I heard heels on the stairs but we ignored her continuing our kiss till I pulled back "Go on then Mr watts set the table" I told him

"Yes, Mrs watts." He smirked back giving me another kiss "Another drink before dinner Beth? We can play some speed chess after"

"Sure" she nods still pretty sheepish 

[lilydaisylily]

I Love You (part 2)

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x Y/N (reader)

Warning: mention of drug, medication and injury.

Happy reading!

Enjoy!✨️

Do not copy. All right reserved.

-------------------♡---------------------

You knew you'll never make these two giant to budge even by using all of your little energy.

Looks like I have to start gym again, damn it.

Silent engulfed Wonwoo's car as the car moving foward to the planned venue of the day. Mingyu can't take in the silence anymore and tried to initiate some small talk with you.

"Look, Y/N, we really, really don't want to force you into this, but you've got to restart your love life at some point! Forget about that loser of a hyung and start anew! He's so going to regret ditching you and choos-"

Fuck.

Everybody froze after that TMI Mingyu had let out.

"So you guys did know about this, don't you?"

Silent again.

"And none of you guys, my bestest friends, told me about this." You just stare outside the window blankly, don't know how to feel anymore.

"How long are they?" You asked coldly.

"Umm, Gyu?" Beth passed the bullet to Mingyu as to not interrupt Wonwoo who's giving full concentration to his driving. Or was he drenched with cold sweat too?

"Well, you know, ummm, t-th-they..umm, th-they-" stuttering is one of Mingyu's weaknesses when he's lying or tried to lie, which you knew since forever. You just sigh tiredly, knowing the unspoken truth that Seungcheol and that bitch has been together long enough, maybe even before you start to notice something was off between the two of you.

You are actually not a timid, weeping-about-everything kind of a person. The reason behind your quiteness these pass few weeks is not because you've becoming some broken, love sick school girl because of a breakup. Nu-uh, hell no.

After you cut off the call the other day, well, you DID shed some tears, although it only last for a solid 20 minutes. You suddenly feel some simmering anger starting to ignite within you. Who the hell does he think he is? Breaking up with you through phone call? Are you kidding me? He can do better. Much better because he is Choi Seungcheol for fuck sake. The guy whom you knew will respect you even when he wants to cheat on you. There is no way he's gonna do it by his own will, unless someone asked him to.

The date is cancelled. Worried that it will saddened you even more, they took you to eat your favourite ice-cream and watch some movie instead.

"We're sorry, baby girl. We just want you to be happy! We just love you too much and don't wanna see you sad like this." Beth come to your side and hug you tightly. Wonwoo and Mingyu joined in the hug, squishing the life out of you and Beth.

"We love you, Y/N. Please know that." Its rare to hear Wonwoo to say affectionate words like this, especially when he's being the quiet one in the group.

"I know guys. I love you all very much too. Thank you for thinking about me regardless your busy schedule." You are thankful to have them in your life. Blessed even. After bidding your goodbyes and a few more group hug, you started to retreat to your penthouse silently.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Seungcheol's spliting headache has been haunting him for weeks now. He tried to brush it off with tabs of painkiller but nothing helped.

After some thorough body examination done by The Choi's private doctor, Dr Kang, the result is finally out.

"Cheol-ah, you might feel offended with my next question but I really need you to be honest with me in order for me to help you." Dr Kang paused for a second. A moment of hesitation from his side, but the question is out looking for an answer nevertheless. "Choi Seungcheol, are you on drugs?" Dr Kang questioned Seungcheol with a worried expression.

"What the fu-, NO hyung, absolutely not! Why would I want that?!" Seungcheol profusely denied the question for he never touch those things and never will be.

"Do you take any new medication or supplement these past few weeks? Other than the painkiller I gave you?" Dr Kang trying to figure out something that can be the answer to Seungcheol's peculiar urine test result.

"No, I only took meds and supplement that you recommended." Uneasiness starting to bubble up in his gut and Dr Kang reveal the test result to Seungcheol and explain it to him thoroughly so that he can access the situation that they are currently in.

"So you're saying that someone might drugged me? And without me knowing? The nerve that these people have." Seungcheol clenched his fist tightly, as he's trying to hold back his anger.

"You see this here? This kind of drug is the one that we discovered after running your urine test and this is not good. Have you felt like in feral for sexual activity lately?" Dr Kang asked and Seungcheol came to realisation and nodded without hesitation.

Hitting the nail on the head, Dr Kang nodded in understandment and explained in details. "This type of drug that you're having is the main reason on why you're behaving as such. It stimulate your sexual desire similar to a cat being given a catnip kinda thing. Usually doctors will prescribe this medicine to their patient who suffered an erectile dysfunction issue and it is really not suitable for a healthy, normal people like you to take as it will make their sexual desire shoot through the roof."

Well that explained the continuous hard on he had lately. He usually will calm down after emptied his balls after 5 round and could even go for more if he wanted to. God, he messed up really bad this time.

After Dr Kang prescribe some medication and remedies to flush down the drug from his system, Seungcheol excuse himself out from the room. He sat down on the sofa outside and spaced out for a moment.

He got a hunch on whose the person responsible to all of this mess might be and they'll gonna get it from him. They will fucking get it, he swear to god. Jessica has been MIA for a week now and that only rises Seungcheol's suspicion towards her even more than ever.

He really didn't realised what is going on around him anymore because he think he's gone bonkers after breaking up with you. He doesn't know why he's cheating on you in the first place, but one thing for sure, he'll automatically act like a rabbit in heat whenever Jessica is around. He'll go nuts for her in a very unhealthy way whenever he smell her alluring perfume wafts around him.

Seungcheol fished out his phone and ring up someone.

"I need you to go through all cctv video footage located mainly at the pantry, my office and around the office, NOW. Checked both visible and hidden camera. Do not let anything escape, you understand me? Ring me if something's fishy. Do it discreetly, understand? Oh, and, find that bitch Jessica and bring her to me in one piece." Seungcheol give the instruction authoritatively and end the call after the person on the other line give their positive affirmation.

I'll find you, Jessica, and I'll make your life a living hell if you're proven guilty.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

After a long day jumping between meetings, you finally have the chance to sit down peacefully.

*knock knock*

"President Y/L/N, there's a package for you from the mailroom. Do you want to take a look now?" Asked your most trusted secretary, Rebecca, as she's holding a medium size pink paper bag in her hand.

"Yeah, sure. Is there any more meeting for me today?" You asked as your hand are busy untangled the wrapped box.

Rebecca looked down on her tab to view your schedule when suddenly she heard you hissed in pain.

"Ow ow owwww!" You cried in pain as you feel your palm and fingers are burning up. The burning sensation worsen as the effected area started to reddened, similar to a chemical reaction on the skin.

Rebecca dashed to you the second she heard your cry and examinate your hands. She immediately fished out her phone and call your designated driver to prepare your car to go to the hospital for treatment.

You keep on crying on your way to the hospital as the pain is getting worse by the second. Rebecca already called the hospital beforehand for them to directly treat you once you entered the emergency department.

Rebecca just finished processing your hospital discharge when she saw you walking out from the treatment room. She hasten her pace towards you and offered you a bottle of water.

"Have you reported this incident to the police?" You asked while gulping your water.

"Yes, they said they will investigate this thoroughly and will get back to us as soon as they got something." Rebecca is a meticulous person and you like her very much because of it. She doesn't need to be told twice as she got her own professional concise and very passionate with her work.

"Good job, Becca. And thank you for your fast respond. I appreciate it so much." You turned to look at her, feeling grateful.

"It's my job to protect you, President. I'm honoured to be able to do that for you." Her lips bloomed into a beautiful smile and you can't help to smile back at her too.

"Y/N?"

Your smile suddenly turned sour as you've been interrupted by someone that you despised at the moment.

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

1 | 2

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

End of part 2! I'm not an expert in medical field so this story might not be the same as the real situation should be. But I do hope you enjoy it and stay tuned for the upcoming part!

Thank you for reading!!🩵

[hasu-ko]

belladonna of sadness

Content: hotch x reader, unrequited love, pure angst, like pure pure angst, no happy ending, rossi being the greatest father figure you ever had, 3k.

A/N: Bruh, I'm so into Hotch these days that I've decided to write a fic about him after being on hiatus for almost 3 years. I just had to get these feelings out of my system. You people don't understand the intensity of my feels rn. I considered ending it on a happier note but then I decided that the angst is just so much better. Yes, my mother Stevie Nicks just had to be in this one.

"I'm leaving BAU, Dave," you finally breathed out the words that had been gnawing at the smooth walls of your stomach for what felt like an eternity.

It was a windy Friday night, and everyone from the team had already left after a particularly tiring case. Their thoughts were heavy, and their bodies yearned for rest and relaxation. You, on the other hand, dreaded going home, knowing that nothing but a cold bed awaited you there. It was a feeling that had haunted you for the past few years.

So, you did what you do best and immersed yourself in your work, catching up with everyone's paperwork and going through potential case files. Rossi decided to help you despite your stern protests.

The older agent's head snapped in your direction, utter confusion written all over his face.

"Why?" was all that he could muster.

"They offered me a teaching position at Cambridge. Maybe you don't know this, but I've always wanted a career in academia," you tapped your pen against the case file spread out in front of you as a lie passed your lips ever so nonchalantly.

"Don't even bother with petty lies, kiddo. It's because of him, isn't it?" Rossi sighed and ran his fingers through his colored hair.

You bit your lip anxiously, finally dropping all of your defense mechanisms. Despair that had been lightly simmering within you started boiling, burning your insides in a way that you had almost grown accustomed to over the past few months.

You let out a choked "yes," and all of a sudden, violent shakes overtook your tired body. All of the emotions that had been bottled up for ten years spilled out and wrecked every fine fiber of your being. You didn't know why you chose to tell Rossi everything that night. Maybe because he was the closest thing you ever had to a father, or maybe because you secretly hoped that he would make everything all right, like he always did.

"I just can't stand seeing him so damn happy with her, Dave. I know how selfish that sounds, but I've been nothing but selfless all these years. I've been there for him when he lost Haley. I've done everything I could to help him heal from that tremendous wound, and yet he still chose Beth. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret anything, Dave, but I'm just tired. He chose that stranger over me," you broke down completely, sobbing uncontrollably.

Rossi said nothing. For the first time in his life, he was rendered speechless. He knew you liked Hotch, but he never thought it was this deep and serious.

Now that the dam holding your emotions was shattered to dust particles, you continued.

"It hurts to be in the same room with him, David. It hurts so damn much. That man has brought so much pain and misery into my life, but I still love him as much as I did on the day that I first met him. It was easier when he was with Haley. I never had any hopes, but when she died, I thought..." you let out a bitter laugh, unable to finish that thought.

"You must think I'm an awful person."

Rossi just shook his head gently.

"Darling, you're just a human being."

"What is wrong with me, Dave? Why didn't he choose me?" you lifted your knees to your chest and buried your face in them.

Rossi stood up and wrapped his arms around your quivering form. You looked like a little child, so small and vulnerable. He wanted to scoop you up, kiss your forehead, and make things right, but he knew he couldn't. This was out of his control.

"Nothing is wrong with you, sweetheart. He just can't control whom he falls in love with. These things happen. You could be the most beautiful, the most brilliant, the most wonderful person in the world, which you are, but even that is not enough when it comes to love," he whispered in your ear.

"You know, I always tell people my job is the reason why I never got married, but the truth is, I love Aaron too much. The thought of loving another man twisted my insides in a way that no case could ever. I was so hopelessly loyal to him all these years, Dave. I wasted my life dreaming that one day he would love me back," you hurried to spill those words from your mouth, scared that your vocal cords would betray you before you could confess your deepest secret to someone.

For some strange reason, you looked for pity that night. You were so miserable by that point, and you just wanted someone to acknowledge your misery. People always sought the validation of their pain. They wanted to make sure that their problems were real, that they were not overreacting or imagining things, thinking that compassion and pity would do them some good. They never did.

Rossi took your head in his hands and forced you to look at him.

"We love to be in control; we love to think that our actions will somehow affect the outcome of our lives, but oh, how wrong are we. Sure, you can control certain aspects of your life, such as your career or hobbies, or any other man-made field, but we are helpless when it comes to things that matter. Maybe that is why we value love and friendship so much; because we can't choose who we fall in love with or which people we meet. All of those things happen naturally; one day you just wake up and realize that you've become best friends with someone without being able to pinpoint the exact moment in which the strong bond was created. Perhaps there is someone somewhere on this planet who could understand you better and love you better, but you will never meet them because you were not destined to meet them. Your love for him matters. Don't think that it was all for nothing because you did help him. You helped him a lot," he spoke slowly.

"The pain is unbearable, Rossi," you muttered lowly, tears finally ceasing.

"Until one day it gets bearable, and then it gets lighter, and then it turns into a shadow, and one day you wake up and it doesn't hurt anymore. You need time to heal. You need to do everything you can to help that process, even if it means moving halfway across the world," he got up and poured himself a glass of whiskey, visibly shaken by your sudden confession.

"Thank you. I appreciate everything you did for me," you stood up, legs still shaking.

"You are welcome. I'm always here for you," he smiled a pained smile.

"Actually, I have a favor, or two to ask."

"Anything."

"Promise me you won't tell him or anyone else on the team what you heard tonight in this room. Ever," you stared at him firmly with your puffy eyes filled with pure determination.

"I promise," Rossi didn't hesitate for even a second.

"Also, can you please host one last party for me? I'm leaving on Monday. Everything has already been settled with the higher-ups, so Aaron won't bother with that. I just want to see you all for one last time," you genuinely smiled at him.

"I'll make sure to gather them all on Sunday evening."

"Thank you, Dave," you walked up to him and kissed his cheek.

Before he could reply, you were already at the door.

~

You watched the people you considered your family lounging carelessly in Rossi's living room from your spot on the kitchen counter and hummed lightly along the tune of "Summer Wine" that played softly in the background. The chain of anxiety and guilt that wrapped itself around your lungs constricted just a little bit tighter at the mere thought of the task ahead of you.

They all looked so happy, and that made you doubt your decision, but one look at the man responsible for your current state reminded you that you had to do it.

Garcia laughed at something Morgan said, and you couldn't fight back a smile of your own.

"Better sooner than later," you heard Dave's whisper as he closed the wine cabinet after finding what he was looking for.

"I'm not telling them, David. I don't have it in me to watch their hearts get broken," you sighed softly, tracing soft patterns on a cool glass filled with orange juice.

"I know it's not my decision to make, but" Rossi started, but you quickly interrupted him by pushing yourself off the counter and walking toward the grand piano next to a huge window.

You smiled fondly at all of the memories created in that very spot. Ever since Dave returned to the team, you had a habit of dining at his place at least once a month. That's how the team found out about your affinity toward music. Playing for them brought you joy you hadn't felt since you played at your mother's parties.

You ran a finger down the keys, and as if on cue, they all gathered around you. The ability to bring happiness into your team's difficult lives kept you going for years. Now, it just wasn't enough.

Morgan and Garcia sat on a small sofa close to the grand piano. Emily, JJ, and Reid leaned against the kitchen island with drinks in their hands. Rossi stood behind you with worry written all over his features. He didn't even hide it anymore. Hotch must have picked it up as he furrowed his eyebrows, watching both of you from his spot in the living room.

Sitting down with a heavy sigh, you spoke.

"You know, it occurred to me that I never played you guys my favorite song. I was saving it for a special occasion, but what the hell."

As soon as those words left your lips, an interlude for "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You" started playing.

This song was a central piece of your most grandiose dream - marrying Hotch. You imagined playing it for the guests at your reception. As your fingers gracefully glided across the piano keys, the music filled the air with a sweet melody that resonated with the emotions of the day. Hotch's steps were gentle and deliberate as he approached you, a smile on his face, and love in his eyes. You, lost in the music and the joy of the occasion, were momentarily unaware of his presence. As he wrapped his arms around you, you felt his warmth and presence, and your heart skipped a beat. Your embrace was a symbol of your unity, your journey together, and the promise of a lifetime of happiness.

You squeezed your eyes shut as tears threatened to spill at any moment.

Has anyone ever written anything for you?

In all your darkest hours,

Have you ever heard me sing?

The pain in your chest multiplied by a thousand and stood as a stark reminder of the deep connection between mind and body. It was a physical manifestation of the emotional damage you had endured for too many years, a silent cry for help that demanded acknowledgment and healing. Your voice cracked. Ignoring it, you opened your eyes, which immediately found him, and carried on.

Listen to me now

You know I'd rather be alone

Than be without you

Don't you know?

No matter how painful his gaze filled with pity and fatherly compassion was, you didn't stop. Tears blurred your vision, but you knew you had to do it. This was the only way. The right way.

Has anyone ever given anything to you?

In your darkest hour

Did you ever give it back?

Well, I have

I have given that to you

If it's all I ever do

This is your song

A pair of hands wrapped around your shoulders in the gentlest of manners, and you felt Emily's ragged breath on top of your head. You leaned back against her warm and protective chest.

And the rain comes down

There's no pain and there's no doubt

It was easy to say, I believed in you every day

If not for me, then do it for the world

But there was pain, and it filled the whole house. It seized the hearts of your teammates as well. Garcia's loud sob managed to reach your ears even through the music. You didn't look at her. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't tear your eyes away from a single tear that traveled down Hotch's beautiful face.

You managed to rasp out the final words.

So if not for me, then do it for yourself

If not for me, then do it for the world

Suddenly, the air in the living room became incredibly heavy, suffocating you to the point where you thought your whole body would snap in two. Before anyone could react, you jumped out of Emily's arms and ran toward the door that led to the backyard.

Crisp October air filled your cramped lungs instantly, and you allowed yourself to breathe. Goosebumps formed under the long, flowy chiffon sleeves of your dress of choice for that night, and you couldn't tell if it was from the cold breeze or the whirlwind of emotions wreaking havoc inside of you. Your gaze climbed up and steadied itself on the full moon stuck to the heavens above. The moon had been your best friend for such a long time, and you pitied her for having to listen to your hushed secrets and anguished cries. The tears had dried along the way, and you looked at her with wide and watery eyes. You wanted nothing more than to climb up there, hide yourself in whatever hole she offered you, and wither away.

A presence next to you disturbed you from your train of thought, and soon after, Hotch's scent empowered every one of your senses.

"Beautiful. Isn't she?" you broke the silence, your tone of voice back to normal.

"Yes. I haven't looked up at the sky in such a long time," he crossed his arms over his chest.

You hummed mostly to yourself as you took another step toward the edge of Rossi's porch.

"How is Jack doing? With so much work at our hands, I haven't been able to visit him in what feels like months," you placed your elbows on the wooden fence in front, leaning at the same time in a desperate attempt to create more space between the two of you.

"Good. Great, actually. He's been asking about you, wondering why you don't stop at ours as much as you used to. I've been asking myself the same question for quite a while," he didn't miss a beat and mimicked your movements, letting his forearm brush against yours in the process.

In an instant, the ache soared in your chest again, and you let out a strangled breath.

"How is Beth doing? Jack seems to be in love with her as much as you are," choosing to ignore his remark, you shook an invisible knife penetrating your very soul, driven by a masochistic urge to wound it even deeper.

"I was planning on dropping by her place after the dinner. We haven't seen..." before he could finish, he was cut off by your shrill voice. You just couldn't take it.

"Stop it. I can't take it anymore, Hotch. I'll die if you finish that sentence," you haven't realized that teardrops started painting your face again.

"Darling, please. Don't do this," came in the form of a hoarse croak.

"No, Aaron, you broke my heart, you broke my entire life. You are the one who practically raised me long before Rossi came along. I built my life around you. Look at me, Aaron," you sobbed while turning to face him.

"I'm a pale shadow of a woman that I once was. Look at my face, look at these lines between my brows. Look at this hair falling out. Look how old my hands look, my skin almost see-through, frail."

He said nothing and just looked at you through his tears.

"You want to know the worst part of it all? You are so worth it, my love. You are so worth it. I would choose this life with you amongst all of the happier versions without you in it. I would go through all of this immeasurable pain over and over and over again just to see you smile that rare smile of yours that sends me into rapture. I would choose you even if you don't choose me. Always and for as long as I live," you poured your heart in front of him, watching him for what you knew would be the last time, trying to memorize every feature of his handsome face.

"I'm so sorry, I truly am," he finally wrapped his limp hands around your smaller form.

He couldn't help but notice how perfectly your body was snug against his, how warm you were, and how you smelled like oranges and vanilla.

"It is okay, baby. There is nothing to be sorry about; it's not your fault. You can't choose whom you fall in love with," you repeated Rossi's words in his white shirt, forever ruining it with whatever makeup was left on your face.

His grip around your shoulders tightened as if he was trying to push you into his ribcage in a desperate attempt to get even closer to you. Hotch's hot tears trickled down your neck and ended up being soaked into the fabric of your dress. You finally relaxed in his warm embrace, all of the intense feelings making you slump against him.

"I'm so sorry that I can't give you what you deserve," he whispered against your ear and proceeded to kiss your temple.

At that moment, something just snapped inside you, as if someone cut the electric wiring in the middle of a rave party. Darkness painted your insides and numbness finally settled in.

You pulled away from him and cupped his face in your small hands.

"Here's what we're gonna do, Hotch. You and I will wipe away these tears. Then we will go inside, and we will pretend that this never happened, just like you pretended that my feelings never existed for the past 10 years. We are going to play and sing and laugh with our friends. Then we will come into the office tomorrow, and JJ will brief us on our latest case, and life will go on," your voice was utterly devoid of any emotion as you lied to him in the most blatant and shameless way and wiped his face with the fabric of your sleeve.

The dullness of your eyes frightened Hotch more than anything he had ever seen in his life, but before he could respond, you started dragging him back inside with a fake smile plastered on your face.

"Let's go back inside, my love. Tomorrow is a new day."

[daily-coloring]

Best of 2024 - Albums

Average year, I haven't even rated any records 100 out of 100 on AOTY, which is sad. Anyway I had some DJ mixes on repeat all year around, for example Shygirl's Fabric mix which is so heavy and so groovy, perfect for driving. Also maybe because I visited Berlin twice this year, this Boiler Room mix gave me goosebumps. Another few also ridiculously good, like SG Lewis & Tove Lo's San Francisco mix, Andre VII's Mexico mix, Miss Monique's DJ Mag mix, the brilliant MAW's live mix from Johannesburg and my recent favorite, Jojo Lorenzo from the states, who made this great darkwave mix last month for Halloween.

But now lets jump onto the albums. Just as an interesting fact, from the top 50 I seen live 6 artists. Yeah, I've been going out a lot. Also went to YES! (my most favorite place in Manchester) to see Clementine Douglas before she even released her debut album. She was fantastic.

01. The Irrepressibles - Yo Homo! - "Diving more into personal narratives now more than ever, the new album focuses on deeply emotional songwriting from such a specific point of view that’s not really touched upon much in the music industry - a complete breath of fresh air that I’ve taken to instantly. Yo Homo relays this punk rebellious sound throughout that unashamedly projects a call for proudness and authenticity, a love letter to the openess surrounding sexuality." - Wilder Records

02. Allie X - Girl With No Face

03. Lola Young - This Wasn't Meant For You Anyway - "Lola Young’s fierce, funny and assertive songs run on outsized emotions, the 23-year-old singer emboldened and finally embracing everything she has to offer. ‘This Wasn’t Meant For You Anyway’, Young’s first full-length album, moves with an auteur-like touch to its production; opulent soul set pieces stand tall next to raw, scratchy indie tunes, all of which see the south Londoner face desire in its many complications. It’s a collection that feels equally empowered and tormented. Or, as one Instagram commenter put it, this is music that could make a listener “want to pick up a refrigerator and throw it”." - NME

04. Fontaines D.C. - Romance

05. Tsatsamis - Our Shame

06. Orla Gartland - Everybody Needs a Hero

07. Nadine Shah - Filth Underneath -"Songs of loss and confusion, ‘Filthy Underneath’ is also marked by a certain kind of certainty. It’s as though amid all this pain, all this negativity, Nadine Shah has found herself once more." - Clash

08. Lanark Artefax - Metallur

09. Mahmood - NEI LETTI DEGLI ALTRI

10. Beth Gibbons - Lives Outgrown

11. Kasper Bjorke - Puzzles

12. Nicolas Jaar - Piedras 1

13. ionnalee - CLOSE YOUR EYES

14. Jamie xx - In Waves

15. Andre Bratten - Slay Tracks

16. The Smile - Cutouts - "It is an immersive and all-encompassing record that is at its best when you play it loud, allowing all of the vast textures of sound to wash over you. In its quietest moments, the album is still full of beauty, which simmers beneath the surface, beckoning us closer." - Far Out Magazine

17. Kim Gordon - The Collective

18. Telenova - Time is a Flower

19. Rosa Anschutz - Interior

20. Emiliana Torrini - Miss Flower

21. Golda May - Say It Back

22. Michael Kiwanuka - Small Changes

23. Dawn Richard & Spencer Zahn - Quiet in a World Full of Noise - "Here, Richard and Zahn have captured grief like a carved piece of obsidian—glossy, beautiful, and sharp." - Pitchfork

24. Nilufer Yanya - My Method Actor

25. Crystal Murray - Sad Lovers and Giants

26. Joywave - Permanent Pleasure

27. Foushee - Pointy Heights - "Creeping under the thirty-minute mark, ‘Pointy Heights’ is full of thrills, a conceptual body of work that makes each moment count. In doing so, Fousheé continues to earn her stripes as a vocalist driven by self-expression, stitching together her intrigue for the past, present and future." - Clash

28. Crazy P - Any Signs of Love

29. Porches - Shirt - "On his heaviest, spikiest album to date, Aaron Maine’s shredded production and raw arrangements evoke existential angst and quotidian despair." - Pitchfork

30. Rachel Chinouriri - What a Devastating Turn of Events

31. Kaleida - In My Arms

32. Erika De Casier - Still

33. NewDad - MADRA

34. Dua Lipa - Radical Optimism

35. Laura Masotto - The Spirit of Things

36. Smerz & Allina - Allina

37. DJ Cam - Broken Melancholy

38. 1010benja - Ten Total - "On his chic, adventurous, hybrid-pop debut, Benjamin Lyman is a world-weary optimist and DIY maximalist with a voice fit for the mainstream yet made for the arthouse." - Pitchfork

39. Polar Inertia - Environment Control

40. IDLES - TANGK

41. Psycho Weazel - boysdontcry

42. The Blessed Madonna - Godspeed

43. L.A. Suzi - Nem sírok, csak táncolok

44. Lime Garden - One More Thing

45. St. Vincent - All Born Screaming

46. Gavin Friday - Ecce Homo

47. Lihla - Socha

48. WILLOW - empathogen - "Throughout the record, she seems committed to tearing down barriers between her potential audiences, just as she enjoys pitting their tastes against each other." - Sputnikmusic

49. Gossip - Real Power - "If you like a bit of retro with a modern twist and music that can both grab your heart and kick your teeth in, I’d give Real Power a listen… possibly whilst eating a Freddo whilst you can still afford one." - XS Noise

50. Jespfur - Pedestrians of Bright Silence