#bestie did we play the same game/read the same novel??

[lyriumlullaby-ao3]

hate it when someone else doesn’t get The Character like you do, you feel?

[starbornvalkyrie]

paper rings [a nessian one-shot]

a/n: hey besties!! here’s some fluff for this fine saturday. i wrote this for my mate, my besta @vanserrasvalkyrie​ bc i love her to death and she deserves everything. i wrote this based on paper rings by taylor swift. enjoy!

acotar masterlist || masterlist of masterlists

When the sunlight hit his face, Cassian stretched with a groan and reached for his girlfriend. Girlfriend. Three years and he was still shocked that was the title he could call Nesta Archeron. When they met all those years ago, he could have sworn she hated him. He thought it might have been his high clouding his mind but no. 

Nesta gave him the cold shoulder every time they hung out, though he never failed to sense her eyes on him when they were out with his friends. There was something about Nesta that always drew him to her. Some sort of gravitational pull that made her irresistible--even as she pushed him away.

Cassian frowned when he found that the other side of the bed was cold, his girlfriend long gone for the day. Blinking slowly, he wondered if she told him what she was up to today. Not that she needs to, but she usually gives him a heads up. His thoughts were pulled away when his phone chimed.

A single text message from Nesta read, Morning, babe. I’m out running errands with Feyre today. I’ll see you later. Xx

Cassian couldn’t help the grin that formed on his lips at her use of the word babe, and he used that energy to get out of bed and prepare for the day. The day that he hopes will bring him one step closer to calling Nesta his wife.

He dialed Rhys, putting the phone to his ear as he fastened his watch around his wrist. He smiled fondly at it, remembering the day Nesta gave it to him saying, “Your old watch is too loud. Use this.”

Rhys answered on the last ring with a labored, “Hello?” followed by a female yelp and giggle. His brother shushed her, but Cassian’s brows furrowed.

“Is that Feyre?”

Rhys cleared his throat, “Yeah, of course, why?”

“I just thought…” He trailed off. “Nevermind, brother. Is everything still set for tonight?”

He could practically hear Rhys rolling his eyes when he replied, “Yes, brother, we’ve been over it a thousand times. It’s going to be great.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll leave you two to… whatever I interrupted.” Cassian almost gagged hearing Rhys’ stifled groan of a goodbye as he hung up, patting his jacket pocket to feel for the ring one more time. He was about to grab his keys when he noticed a note on their side table, the elegant script telling him who left it. Smiling, he picked it up and read.

Cassian,

Do you remember the night we first met? I remember it vividly, probably because I wasn’t as stoned as you. But what I haven’t told you is that I went home and stalked you on the internet. Full on FBI mode. If you tell anyone, I will not hesitate to kill you. Sometimes I think about how I tried so hard to learn every detail I could about you without actually talking to you, but now I feel like I know more than I should.

We’ve shared a lot these past three years, and I have to say that one of my favorite hobbies to share with you is reading. The days we spend wasting away in bed reading side by side are the days I hope we will continue to share for the foreseeable future. While they aren’t my favorite, I do enjoy the war novels and thrillers you keep beside your bed. I think I’ve read all of them by now.

I skimmed Catch 22 this morning and was particularly intrigued by page 143.

It wasn’t signed, but Nesta’s perfume lingered on the page, igniting Cassian’s senses. The memories she wrote of came to the forefront of his mind. She was shy at first, not wanting him to know the sort of books she enjoyed reading with her friends. But one night he snuck one off her nightstand. Needless to say, they’ve had their fair share of experimentation based on a few of her novels. And when she read his books and talked excitedly with him, he thought he’d propose on the spot.

Cassian rushed to his bedside table and, sure enough, Catch 22 is on top. He flipped to the page she mentioned. Another note fell out along with a blue paint swatch. The color looked familiar, but he couldn’t figure out where he knew it from. Shrugging, he read the note.

Cassian,

Do you remember when Azriel made us all help him paint his room? My favorite memory of that day was the fact that there was more paint on us and our friends than there was on the walls. You, of course, had the brilliant idea of jumping into the pool of Az’s apartment complex. At 8PM. On a January evening. No one wanted to join you, for obvious reasons. I still think you’re an idiot for suggesting it. I still think you’re an idiot for actually doing it.

But then again, I followed. You may have jumped first, but I went in, too. I will always follow you, Cass, to the ends of the earth.

Will you follow me, too?

Yes. One hundred percent, yes. Cassian would follow Nesta to the ends of the earth and back. He’d slay dragons for her or just sit back while she conquered them herself. He couldn’t think of a time when his world didn’t revolve around Nesta. While they played games of cat and mouse when they first met, it was always Nesta. For him, he would always follow Nesta.

Will you follow me, too? He absolutely would. There were no other directions on the note, but Cassian knew exactly where he needed to go. Carefully folding the notes, he placed them in his pocket next to the ring. Giving the pocket another pat, he grabbed the keys to his truck and made his way through town. Azriel moved out long ago to live with his girlfriend, but Cassian still knew how to get to his old apartment complex.

That night was one of the best nights of Cassian’s life, but not for the reasons Nesta might be thinking. It was fun, definitely, swimming in that freezing pool, alcohol the only reason they didn’t feel the icy bite of the water. But that was the first night Nesta laughed and smiled with only him. Sure, before then, he had seen her radiant smile and heard her mesmerizing laugh with their friends. But with no one else around them in the pool, Cassian had relished in the fact that he was the reason for her happiness. It was the first time he had dared to hope for something more.

The apartment complex wasn’t gated, so Cassian drove right in, straight to the clubhouse pool. He hopped out of his truck, leaving it running idle, as he searched the area. He searched the chaise lounge chairs and tables but only saw a towel and duffel bag that someone left behind. He walked the perimeter of the pool itself. Still nothing. Did he get it wrong? Was he supposed to go somewhere else? Confused and frustrated, Cassian was about to give up when something at the bottom of the pool caught his eye: a ziploc bag anchored by a can of paint.

“You have got to be kidding me, Nes,” he mumbled to himself. Cassian went back to inspect the duffel bag, cursing his cruel girlfriend the whole way. When he unzipped the bag, a note was on top. Have fun getting wet, was all it said. Underneath was a pair of Cassian’s swim trunks and an extra pair of clothes. Accepting his fate, he changed in the restroom, and dove into the pool.

Pulling the paint can--the same color they painted Az’s room--to the surface was harder than he thought it would be, but eventually he was sitting on the edge of the pool, feet dangling in the water that was a lot warmer than it was that night. Shaking the moisture from the bag and his hands, he took out the note, slightly shorter than the rest. Nesta knows he’d be impatient and nearly irritable by now, and he loved her even more for thinking about that detail.

Nice day for a swim, right? I wish I could have been there to see it, but don’t worry, I’ll have you wet and shirtless in no time later. But in all seriousness, I had a lot of fun that night. Getting to know you better in the pool is one of the highlights of our relationship and it’s something I will never forget.

But let’s go back to the beginning. Meet me in the place it all began. I’ll always be waiting for you.

Cassian grinned and pushed himself up to dry off and change. He grabbed the clothes Nesta packed for him, pleased to know she knew his style, and meticulously transferred the small box from his jacket pocket to the front of his jeans.

Knowing exactly where to go, Cassian made his way to meet his future wife.

---

Nesta waited nervously on the dock of a lake just outside of Velaris. She clutched the final envelope in her hands, reminding herself every few minutes not to ruin it. She sat on a blanket, a basket filled with Cassian’s favorite foods. She tried to push doubt from snaking its way into her brain, but she couldn’t help it.

She had been dropping hints to Cassian for months now but to no avail. After Rhys proposed to Feyre six months ago, Nesta felt that tug in her heart that told her she was ready. She practically told Cassian as much. She made it a point to talk about Feyre’s wedding prep every day, asking what he would want if he was in their position. She even went as far as showing him rings.

But Cassian hasn’t made a single move. Nesta knows he loves her, but does he not see her as wife material? Does he only love her for now? Nesta didn’t think so, and she didn’t let herself believe that, but the seed of doubt is still there, waiting to grow. To counteract the doubt, she decided to take things into her own hands.

Hence the basket and the notes. 

Her phone chimed with a text from Az telling her that Cassian just jumped into the pool. He got it on video. She laughed and asked him to let her know when Cassian left the apartment complex. While all of their friends were in on the event, Azriel was the only one she trusted to trail Cassian without being caught. Everyone else was tasked to decorate their apartment for a party after Cassian left on her scavenger hunt.

Nesta stood as she heard the sound of tires on gravel and braced herself as she watched Cassian step out of his truck and make his way towards her. Much to her amusement, she realized his hair was still a little damp from his impromptu swim, but he was also wearing the jeans and button down shirt she had packed for him as well. Nesta still counted herself lucky, praying to the Cauldron every day that this was the man that crashed into her life all those years ago.

Cassian stopped in front of her, surveying her from head to toe. His gaze sent shivers down her spine, but she stayed still as he scanned her set up on the dock, a smile gracing his lips as he most likely remembered what they’ve done out here. Multiple times.

Finally, he turned back to her and greeted her, “Hi, Nes.”

“Hey,” she said, voice low.

“What is all this?” He started to move towards her, but she held up her hand, nerves getting the best of her.

“I-- uh, we’ll get to that. But first,” she held up the note she held in her hand. “Last one.”

This time, he did step closer to her, but didn’t touch her yet. Ever observant, he knew she needed her space right now while her nerves went haywire. He stopped just in front of her, though, and asked, “Will you read it to me?”

Nesta’s eyes went wide, scanning the hazel ones she’d come to love so much. She saw only love and a hint of amusement staring back at her, so she whispered, “Okay,” and opened the envelope. With a few deep breaths, she began to read.

“Cassian. My best friend, my love. The biggest brute on the planet.

I don’t know how else to put this, but when I think about who I was when we first met, I can’t help but feel that I fell in love with you by accident. Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad that I did. But you know me, I hate accidents. I hate when things don’t go the way I want them to. And that’s you in a nutshell. I never know what’s going to happen, but I’m here for it, along for the ride for the rest of my life.

You know my past better than anyone else, even my sisters. All of the things that happened with Tomas… if none of that had happened, I wouldn’t have found you. I can even say I’m thankful for your past girlfriends, knowing that you wouldn’t be the man I know without them. We may fight, we may not be perfect, but that doesn’t stop me from loving you and hoping you love me in return.

Because I want it all, Cassian. I want you and all the complications you may come with. I want to kiss you randomly just because I can. I want to brighten your dreary Mondays, for you to wrap your arms around me while I cook, and everything in between.

You’re the one I want, Cass, in any way you’ll have me. Picture frames, dirty dreams, you name it.”

Nesta paused, steadying herself for the next part. She wiped the tears that started to fall from her eyes as she read. When she looked at Cassian, she could see the silver lining his own eyes as he gave her a watery smile. The smile she can’t imagine living without ever again. Steeling herself, she asked, “Are you going to make me do the knee thing?”

The corner of Cassian’s mouth turned up higher at that, decorating his face with that smirk that’s gotten him into so much trouble in the past. “You know how I like to see you on your knees in front of me, Nes,” he teased, making Nesta’s heart stutter.

“Brute,” she mumbled. “Fine.” Nesta adjusted her dress as she got down on one knee, holding the note in her palms. “I know this isn’t a shiny ring or anything fancy, but I don’t need any of that. I only need you, Cass. You’re the one I want until we’re taken to the next life and every moment after that as well. Will you marry me?”

Cassian hesitated for only a split second before he was on his knees in front of her, her face in his hands. “You stole my thunder,” he accused, his voice playful. When Nesta only stared at him with a cocked brow, he chuckled. She watched as he reached into his jean pocket and pulled out a small velvet, black box. Nesta couldn’t contain her gasp as he opened it to reveal a perfectly cut ruby set on a simple silver band. “You’re the only one for me, Nes. You’ve always been the only one for me.”

Nesta stared at the ring. “Cass…” she whispered.

“Are you sure you don’t want the shiny things? I can return this…”

“Don’t you dare,” she snapped. “Ring me.” Nesta stuck her left hand in Cassian’s face. He laughed but removed the ring from the box to slip it onto her ring finger.

They both watched in silence, the air buzzing with anticipation, as Cassian pushed the ring past her first knuckle then the second. Until it metaphorically clicked into place at the bottom of her finger.

A perfect fit.

Nesta launched herself at Cassian, tackling him to the deck with a searing kiss. Her heart thundered wildly, their tongues tangling as the words engaged, fiance, and future husband played on repeat in her mind like her favorite song. She pulled back to look down at her best friend, her everything, his eyes shining right back at her.

“I love you, Nes,” he said, voice low but thick with emotion.

“Until the end of time,” she replied with another kiss.

---

Thanks for reading! If you’d like to be added to/taken off my general SJM tag list just send me an ask and be sure to include the fandom! i’m very good at losing them in the comments. love y’all!

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[l0eyking]

The One That Got Away || One Shot

Baekhyun and you are best friends, and you knew both of you wanted more than that, but something is holding him back, and you can't quite grasp what it is.

Fluff, Angst, Angst and Angst

You are stretched out lazily on your bed, reading a novel with your best friend, Baekhyun sitting cross legged beside you. He was on his phone, occasionally laughing and sighing, while scrolling through his twitter account. This is how both of you spent the weekend, almost every week. Your thoughts were too deep into your favourite fictional characters that you didn't even notice him putting down his phone. You only noticed you were frowning when you felt two warm fingers between your eyebrows, smoothing them, making you startled.

These past few months, Baekhyun's touches seemed to affect you a lot more than usual. You felt so odd with those kind of feelings, cause Baekhyun and you had known each other for years. You could even share one bed with Baekhyun when sleeping and feel nothing, but not anymore.

You immediately looked at Baekhyun questioningly.

"Stop frowning, you look ugly," he said jokingly.

"How about now?", You knitted your eyebrows together, even more.

His beautiful laugh filled the room. it's contagious, causing you to laugh too.

This is how it is, when you're around him. It's so warm and bright, no matter what season of the year or which part of the day it is.

He lifted your head and put it gently on his laps. He poked your head softly, causing your gaze to leave the novel in your hands and directed it to him.

"What? I'm not even frowning,", you arched one brow.

"Hey El, random question, what would you want to do, if you knew you had only one day left with me?", he grinned.

Random question is a game both of you created last year. It was a resultant of an eventless and also restless night, where both of you spent all night playing. There are only two rules; which are you need to answer honestly and you are only given five minutes to think about the answer. It could be the most random things, like once, Baekhyun asked if you would rather have tongues as fingers or fingers as tongues. Or even the most serious things, such as when you asked Baekhyun if he'd rather die first and not experience losing you, or experience losing you, but at least he knows, you won't ever be left alone. He used all his five minutes to think and finally chose the latter. In his defense, he said that you can't even cook your own breakfast. Your intention of asking that was actually to tease him about how you'd haunt him after you die, but he looked so serious, unlike how he usually is, so your voice broke, even before you could say a word.

"Why are you asking that, are you leaving me?", you shot him a look.

"No, it is obviously just a random question I saw on twitter, and that made me curious too", his grin still on his face.

You tried to read his face, but he was wearing his stupid grin he always puts on when he's happy, so you knew, he was saying the truth.

You've actually thought of this before, so you immediately answered,

"I will try to forget about the fact that it's my last day with you, and have all the fun i can have with you. So I'll bring you to Disneyland and I hope that night, we could see the first snow together", you smiled at the idea, but you also knew it would break you if Baekhyun ever leave you.

"Why Disneyland, though?",he tilted his head to the side, meeting your gaze. He looked so cute, like a tiny puppy. Your right hand found their way to his hair, your thumb and index finger playing with it, starting from the part near the scalp to the end of his soft brown hair, repetitively. You remembered he once said he loved the gesture, it made him so calm.

"I don't know, it just seemed perfect if we first met because of Disney and we also last met at Disney," you shrugged, almost laughing at the memory of when you first met Baekhyun at the high school library.

Flashback: 4 years ago

You were looking for a novel at the fictional section, when you first saw him, his back facing you. Being the busybody you are, you tiptoed to peek at the book on his hands, and saw the word 'Beauty and the Beast' at the upper side of the page.

"Great taste", you commented.

He turned to you, closing his book too abruptly, causing the hardcover novel to fall on your foot. You winced a bit, but you were grateful you were wearing your sneakers.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, did it hurt?", he picked up the book from the floor, eyeing your foot for a second.

"No, no it's fine, really," you ignored the tad bit of pain on your toes.

"Can you really walk?", he asked worriedly.

"Yes, yes, don't worry!", and just like that, he went off. Hmph. You sighed inwardly.

The next day, you found him at the same place, again with his back towards you.

"Well, well, look who's here,", you greeted. This time around, he turned around and closed his book but luckily, it didn't fell. He just grinned at you sheepishly.

"I haven't seen you before?", you asked.

"Yeah, I just transferred here yesterday,"

"Oh, you're the handsome one people have been talking about? I'm Elina, by the way," you offered your hand.

"Did YOU find me handsome? I'm Baekhyun," he took your hand, an amused smile adorning his face.

You scoffed. The question caught you off guard.

"Well, you look okay to me, as long as you don't drop your books on my foot", you retorted.

It's his turn to look embarrassed.

"Hey! It wasn't my fault! You were the one who startled me!", he whined.

And that's how you became best friends. You met almost every day at the library, sometimes exchanging opinions about the novel you read and sometimes hanging out at the coffee shop while doing your assignments. Despite the age gap of two years, him older, both of you find time for each other and cherished each other's presence and that was all that matters in your friendship.

Back to the present

"Hey! Stop laughing! I know you're laughing at me!", he jutted his lower lip.

You laughed even more than before.

"Shut up!,"

"Or what?", you said in between your laughs.

"Or I'll kiss you,", he said a little quietly, but you still managed to hear it. You abruptly stopped laughing, you could hear your heart thumping rapidly in your chest.

"Well, that shut you up, you didn't want me to kiss you, that badly, huh", you looked at his face and for a second, you swore you saw a hurt expression on his face, but he immediately smirked, making you question if you're just imagining things.

Fast forward a year later

You just finished your last class for the week, when your phone buzzed. It was a text from Baekhyun.

Bestie 🙄: Wait for me at your uni's parking lot

His university and yours are just a fifteen minutes drive, so you're used to him occasionally picking you up. You replied with a short ok and proceeded to walk to the parking lot.

His face lightened up a bit when he saw you, but you didn't see him. He intentionally honked and you yelped, as you showed him a middle finger.

He was laughing when you were opening the car door, as you cursed under your breath.

"I hate you,", you side eyed him.

"No you don't, you love me, that's why we're best friends,", he grinned.

You felt your heart broke at the word 'best friend', but you ignored it.

"Ugh, stop being so corny,", you replied.

"So, don't freak out,", he turned to you seriously.

"What?"

"Seriously, don't freak out!"

"Byun Baekhyun, I will freak out if you don't tell me right now!", you half yelled.

"Gosh, you're so much fun,", he said sarcastically, while handing you a white envelope.

You tear it open to find a pair of flight tickets and also Disneyland tickets.

"BAEKHYUN!!!! IS THIS FOR REAL!!! WHEN ARE WE GOING??", you were so happy, you screamed as your arms immediately wrapped around him.

He smiled widely as he returned your hug, and he whispered a soft

"right now"

And as if on cue, he detached himself from your hug and immediately started to drive to the airport. He had already packed all your necessities and clothes in the luggage on the backseat. He also asked you to take out the passport from the drawer in front of you. He said he had been planning this for months.

The next day

Today is the day. You woke up with a smile on your face and immediately got ready for your Disneyland visit. You were so ready to have fun today.

You knocked on Bekhyun's door as he opened it. The first thing that greeted your eyes when you closed the door, was his abs. He was asking you which shirt he should wear, but you weren't listening. How could you be listening? You were too absorbed by the view in front of you.

"Liking the view? My eyes are up here, El,", he teased, his two fingers pointing towards his eyes.

You could feel your face burning as you cleared your throat.

"You're so full of yourself,", you rolled your eyes as you picked the plain black shirt, and hurled it to his face. Your favourite look of his is definitely when he wore the plain black shirt with his jeans.

At the Disneyland

Both of you weren't really an adrenaline junkie, but you told Baekhyun you were going to make his money worth it, so you are both going to try ALL the rides in the Disneyland. He also bought the express lane ticket, so that even made it possible for you to do it.

You started with Dumbo the Flying Elephant. Your first ride didn't go so well. Both of you were screaming out of your lungs and clutching each other's hands as if your life depends on it when the ride wasn't even that scary, resulting with both of you earning weird looks given by the little kids that looked like 7 year olds when the ride ended. You and Baekhyun exchanged embarrassed glances and laughed anyways.

You decided to take your words; "trying ALL the rides" back, and proceeded to "try ALL the less scary rides instead", which Baekhyun reacted with a sigh of relief.

It was already noon when your stomach was screaming to be filled, and Baekhyun seemed to hear it too. You looked at him, embarrassed, but he only laughed at you, which made you pout slightly,

"Stop laughing, I'm hungry, dumbass,"

He acted offended, hands clutching his chest dramatically,

"Why should I feed someone who called me dumbass?"

"Fine, I'll say this again, I'm hungry, Baekhyunnnnn,", you said, playing with your intonation a bit.

"Not cute enough,", he looked at you uninterestedly.

You huffed and muttered "Fine bitch, you asked for it," under your breath. "Baekhyunneeee, I said I'm hungryyyy,", you tried again.

You expected for him to react poorly like acting as if he's gagging or something, but instead, he pinched your cheeks and nose as the ends of his lips turned upwards, forming a genuine smile.

"You're so cute, let's get you some food", he said as he took your hand. Damn, if only you knew where all these butterflies in your stomach came from.

Both of you went for the It's a Small World, Slinky Dog Spin and a lot of others to name.

The next thing you knew, it's already 10 past 9.

"El, let's go to the souvenir shop then get ready to get back home,"

"Already?" You asked. It seemed that time flew by too quickly when you're enjoying yourselves. Your shoulders slumped forward as Baekhyun led you to the shop.

It was so bright inside, filled with interesting things that costed an organ. You settled with a small keychain, reminding yourself to not spend too much.

"El, try this," Baekhyun placed a hairband with bunny ears in your hand.

"No, I don't have enough money for this,"

"Come on, I'll buy it for you," he convinced.

"Really? You can't take your words back, Baek!," your face brightened up.

"I wont, El, come on! Try it noww!", he pushed.

You placed the hairband on your head.

"How do I look, Baek?"

His gaze which was originally on the rack, landed on you. This is a new one, you've never seen this gaze before, so you can't quite comprehend it.

"Hey Baek, do i look so pretty that you're speechless or what," you joked.

"Yes,"

"What? Hey Baekhyun! That was supposed to be a joke!", you hit him lightly on the chest, but he managed to catch your wrist. Looking at his frowning face, he looked like he was about to say something.

"Hey, are you okay,", your fingers smoothen his temple, like he always did to you.

"Y-yeah, it's nothing," he looked down to his shoes.

You decided not to push it, cause you knew better that Baekhyun won't tell you something until he's really ready to do it. So instead you changed the mood.

"Baek, we should buy matching ones!", you placed a hairband with matching bunny ears gently on his head.

"Awh, we look so cute, Baekhyun, look at that!" you pointed to the mirror in front of you.

He lifted his head and looked at the mirror, and as if he's looking at the most beautiful view ever, his lips turned into a wide smile, the kind that reaches his eyes.

"That's more like it, take a picture, Baekhyun!",

Both of you were at the counter, Baekhyun paying for the souvenirs you wanted. You tried resisting, but it's no use. You were about to whine about him paying, when you heard the fireworks. Baekhyun immediately took your hand and dragged you to the open space in front of the shop.

You were utterly amazed by the fireworks that you kept silent. A smile crept into your face as you were looking intently at the beautiful fireworks until it ended. It was a whole 20 minutes, but you were too absorbed with it, that caught you speechless. What you didn't know was that, Baekhyun was also doing the same thing, but instead of the fireworks, his eyes was on your face all along, but with a sad smile complimenting his face.

Just after the fireworks ended, the first snow started to fall. You can't believe how perfect the night was.

You turned your head at Baekhyun and found his gaze on you, making you blush, but you didn't really worry if Baekhyun sees it, cause it was dark.

"Liking the view? The fireworks were up there, Baek," you thought that it would be fun to tease him, just like how he teased you this morning.

Snow started falling and immediately melt as it touches your hair and jacket. You raised your hand to let the the snow fall into your palm.

"Baek, look, it's snowing,"

You looked at him, what you didn't expect was his intense gaze on your lips. The atmosphere was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Again, he looked like he's considering to do something. You saw him almost leaning in, but he stopped midway. His eyes finally meet yours and you saw something break in him, but you can't seem to grasp what it is. In a flash, he broke the eye contact and just said, "Let's get going, we're gonna miss the flight,". He said that as if nothing happened. As if no glances were stolen, as if no feelings were harboured.

You won't lie, you felt disappointed and you could hear your heart shattered into pieces. You know, there's something holding him back, but it is impossible for you to figure it out, if Baekhyun keeps on avoiding it like this.

The journey home was a silent one, until you and Baekhyun were at your door. You were about to say something, when both of you started to talk at the same time. Both of you laughed, you felt the atmosphere lightens.

"You first,", you said.

"Did you have fun tonight?"

"Of course i did! It was never not fun with you, Baekhyun. It is fun even if we're just playing random question,"

Again, the sad smile that didn't reach his eyes. The smile that broke your heart, but you didn't even know why.

"I'm glad we're best friends, Elina. I'm grateful we met. I'm even more grateful you cherished me as much as I cherished you,"

Again, the damned word, 'best friend'

"Stop with the goddamn word 'best friend', Baekhyun, I'm so tired of that shit,", the words that came out of your mouth surprised you. They obviously caught Baekhyun by surprise too.

"What do you mean?",

"Are you blind, Baekhyun? I cherished you more than best friends, Baek. I wanted more than just 'best friends'. Cant you see that I love you?",your voice breaking at the last sentence.

He was silent, so you continued,

"And don't start with the bullshit that you don't feel the same way, cause I know you do. I saw it in your eyes, and I thought I was imagining it, but you almost leaned in, Baek! You almost freaking leaned in! What's holding you back, Baekhyun?", you almost shouted, hot tears already running down your cheeks.

You could see his eyes softened.

"Don't say that, El. You can't love me. Please, I'm begging you, please don't love me, I'm not selfish enough to let you love me and I can't possibly leave you like this!", he sounded so frustrated, yet so sad.

"What does that suppose to mean? Why are you leaving me, Baekhyun? Are you really leaving me? You said you're never gonna leave me,", you asked quietly, not quite believing what you heard.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath.

"Let's talk about this later, El. When we can think straight,"

"No, I need an explanation, right now, Baekhyun,"

"Let's just talk later, El, I'm tired"

At this rate, you're talking without thinking anymore.

"Fine, leave me, Baekhyun, but make sure you don't come finding me back, ever again"

You shut the door on his face.

You made your way to your bed and cried, regretting what you said, but your ego won't let you take your words back.

You woke up with puffy eyes as you trudged lazily to the living room. You saw something in front of the door, right on the floor. Squinting, you saw a white envelope. Baekhyun must've slipped it under the door yesterday. Rage fills all over you, so you picked it up and shoved it into the trashcan.

You weren't having it today, so you lazily slouched on the sofa, watching tv all day. That's when you heard the bell. It was 9 in the evening, for god's sake. You were about to yell at the person disturbing your evening, but you saw an out-of-breath chanyeol in front of you. You could feel something bad is happening,

"Chanyeol, what's wrong?"

"Baekhyun- hospital- not much time", chanyeol explained in between breaths.

Your heart's pace quickened at chanyeol's explanation. Is this really happening? That's when the thought dawned at you. This was what's holding him back. You could feel the world's crashing down on you.

The next thing you knew, you were already beside Baekhyun in a hospital room. He smiled to you weakly, when you wrapped your hands around his.

"B-Baekhyun..", you meant to ask what's wrong, but you ended up sobbing.

"Shh.. El, it's okay. I'm fine, really," his hands caressed your hair gently, as he pulled you to sit in his bed, beside him.

You got thousand of questions, like how serious is his illness, what is his illness, but you kept quiet, cause you don't believe yourself to say anything without crying.

"El, can i request something?"

You nodded.

"Can we act like I'm not sick? Let's act like how we always were, hanging out at your place," he said weakly.

Baekhyun's request broke your heart for the thousandth time. You took a deep breath, closed your eyes and nodded. You told yourself that you had to be strong for Baekhyun. You opened your eyes and smiled widely at him. He returned it and you forcefully joked, "What are you smiling at, creepy,"

His laugh resonated throughout the room. You laughed too, and you were determined to fulfil your best friend's wish, no matter how much it hurts you.

Both of you were laughing at everything and anything, considering that this is the last time you're sharing laughs. You were playing random question and baekhyun's teasing you all the time, until it was suddenly silent. He finally said it.

"El, I don't have much time left,"

That's when the dam broke, that's when you took off whatever mask you've put on. Tears came gushing down your cheeks and this time, you didn't even try to hold it in. Baekhyun can't seem to hold his tears too, cause the sight of you crying was breaking him into a million pieces, but he kept on saying it's okay, while his thumbs busy wiping your tears.

"Baekhyun, if only I knew..", you sobbed again.

"No, it wasn't your fault, El. I made this choice,"

When both of you knew you don't have much time left, you sat silent, enjoying each other's company for the last time. Baekhyun could feel his time is near, so he whispered, "I'm sorry I can't keep my promise, Elina,"

You also knew his time was coming, so you just shook your head.

"No, Baekhyun, don't say that", you placed your head on his chest.

"I'm sorry I can't stick with you til the end, like I promised. I'm sorry I'm leaving.. you.. first," he struggled saying the last few words.

You were already panicking, your hands trying to reach for the emergency switch, but Baekhyun stopped your hand.

"You're gonna be fine, Baekhyun, we're gonna be fine,", your tears stained baekhyun's shirt but you didn't care.

"I.. love.. you.. El..." this time, Baekhyun's breath was much shallower.

"I love you too, Baek,",

That was the first and last time both of you got to say 'i love you' just like how you meant it, nit the best-friend-i-love-yous, but the real i-love-you. Fate is such a mean word, you think. Just like that, he left you. He left you alone to navigate through the harsh world by yourself. You felt lost. You felt regret washing all over you. But the most dominant one you're feeling, is the feeling of rage. You were mad at Baekhyun for leaving you. You were mad at Baekhyun for not telling you the truth. You were mad at Baekhyun for lying to you all this time. As if you were possessed, you shook Baekhyun's lifeless bod roughly.

"Baekhyun, why did you leave me? How could you leave me, Baek? You said you were gonna see me leave first, cause I can't even cook my own breakfast! Then why... why are you leaving me Baekhyun..." you continued crying. You suddenly remembered about the letter Baekhyun slipped under the door. You ran outside, ignoring how your legs are protesting, catching a cab home. Your visions are so blurry with tears, it's such a miracle you found the crumpled piece of envelope in the trash can.

Dear Elina,

My best friend, my love, my laughing gas, my day maker, my everything.

If you're reading this, that means I failed to muster my courage to tell you everything after we went to Disneyland. I actually started writing this the day after you told me you would bring me to Disneyland if you knew it was your last day with me. I'm not really sure how much time I have left, but the doctors are saying I'm fine, as if I don't know the truth. I'm not sure when will I have to book all the tickets to bring you to Disneyland, and also, oh my god the passports! But don't worry, I've already asked the doctor to tell me if I don't have much chance left, so I can plan carefully when we'll be going, El! Im such a genius, hee ^*^ 3/5/17

You stopped reading, as you laughed, but the pain in your heart has actually worsened.

Anyways I was actually contemplating if I should tell you I like you but the other day you kept quiet when i said i'd kiss you if you keep laughing. I guess you didn't like me back :< but it's okay!! At least I didn't tell you my confession first!!! It would have been awkward for us T^T 3/5/17

But I loved you, Baekhyun, if only I got to say that earlier..

The treatment hurts me so bad T_T

5/7/17

I wish I was there for you..

The doctor stopped my treatments cause I'm not getting any better, and cause it hurts me much more than it should be :/ 5/12/17

Hey, I haven't updated cause for a moment, i thought I would at least have a few years, but just now during my appointment the doctor told me I don't have much time left. Not sure if I should feel sad cause that means im gonna leave soon or if I should feel happy cause the doctor finally let me go to the Disneyland!! Usually I wasn't allowed to go anywhere with adrenaline rush like the theme park, but I begged the doctor and I said I'm going to die soon anyways, so... i'm booking the tickets 8/6/18

Why should I die, El? Am I a bad guy? Why me? I'm scared. <\3 8/10/18

You're not a bad guy, Baek, you're such an angel, everybody loves you, I, love you, Baekhyun.

You almost stopped reading cause your hearts aches so so much, but you continued anyways. This one was written right after you fought.

Hey El, tonight we had a big fight and I regretted not telling you the truth earlier. I regretted not seeing the signs earlier. I regretted not saying that I love you, and I regretted for being such a coward. If only I told you I love you earlier, if only I was selfish enough, maybe we could have been happier, even if for a short time. I'm sorry, El. I'm sorry for breaking your heart tonight, but I can't let you love me, and then leave you forever. It's not fair for you. It's not fair for us. You deserved so much more, Elina. You deserved someone who could love you as much as I did, but you deserved someone who won't leave you, just like how i will. 9/12/18

Goodbye, Elina. I'd have waited longer, but I really need to go, please be happy. 6 am, in front of your door, 10/12/18.

This was written 2 hours after you shut the door at Baekhyun's face. The thought of him spending 2 hours on your doorstep broke you.

You could see tear stains on the paper, and it wasnt yours. Desperately You searched for more writings, flipping the papers, checking every piece of them, but you knew that was the last one. You regretted everything you said last night but you couldnt do anything anymore. The times you spent with Baekhyun flashed across your mind. The time both you laughed so hard, until you feel pain in your stomach, the time you cried in his embrace because your pet died, the time when he got really mad at you because you were singing to Katy Perry's The One that Got Away. It all makes sense now and you realised you can't do that anymore. At last, you just put the piece of paper down, as you cried until it numbs your broken heart.

[rebeccaheyman]

reading + listening 10.12.20

The Love Square (Laura Jane Williams), eBook ARC (pub date February 2021). If the marketing/cover on this title made you think it might nestle in nicely beside your small-UK-town romances, think again. Here’s my 2-star NetGalley review (and an added bonus, my recommendation to simply read The Bookshop of Second Chances instead, reviewed in my roundup from 9.21.20): 

Sadly, I found THE LOVE SQUARE neither as funny nor as smart as the publisher's market copy suggests. The book revolves around a profoundly self-centered, borderline-unlikeable heroine and the three men with whom she has romantic liaisons. Her external conflicts include running her own cafe, helping run her uncle's pub/restaurant, and deciding whether or not to engage a surrogate for the fertilized embryos she had prepped prior to undergoing treatment for breast cancer. There's not much in the way of lightness or humor throughout -- rather, we see a lot of angst, pining, crying, and uneven character development.

If love triangles are a somewhat hackneyed convention in storytelling, we might expect a new shape -- the square! -- to solve the problem of predictability. But THE LOVE SQUARE takes the guess-work out of Penny's choices by painting one of her lovers as the clear, capital-L Love she's been waiting for. The others are mere distraction, which rather undermines the scenes/tension based around these characters.

My biggest problem with THE LOVE SQUARE was Penny herself, however. She makes childish choices that perpetuate the story's primary "conflict" (it's not really a conflict if it can be solved with a single conversation, eh?), and Act III finds her laying claim to Big Feelings about her time in Derbyshire despite the fact that little-to-none of those feelings make it to the page. "I was crying a lot before," Penny claims, when reflecting on her time at her uncle's pub. "Like, I would cry if I burnt my hand in the kitchen, which, well, I'm a chef, so that happens all the time and we're literally trained to withstand it. Or I'd cry at what was on TV, not just the movie or whatever, but the adverts too." In sum, Penny is depressed at the book's start, gets more depressed as she conveniently denies feeling depressed throughout the novel, then settles on the epiphany that her depression will likely right itself if she finally gets what she really wants: A BABY.

Le sigh.

There are some strange narrative features here, including: the integration of Lizzo as a significant tertiary character; low-key slut-shaming; awkward turns of phrase ("...his manly fingers proved too chubby for the fine work of knotting the latex [balloon]."; and an overall lack of tension. If a mystery resides at the heart of every novel, then the grand question here is, Will Penny stop being such a self-centered brat and learn to treat others/herself with respect? Not the most compelling question, I'm afraid.

It's worth noting that Williams includes the most gracious, inclusive, kind set of Acknowledgements I've ever read at the end of her book. I wish her protagonist could have reflected even a modicum of the grace demonstrated in the back matter.

It might be worth noting that a different structural approach to this story might have made it far more enjoyable. I’ll be discussing this further in my new series, Read Like A Writer, on the Reedsy YouTube channel.

Spoiler Alert (Olivia Dade), aBook (narr. Isabelle Ruther). I’ve been following Olivia Dade on Twitter for some time, and find her so witty and lovely that I made a point of pre-ordering the audio for SPOILER ALERT. The concept here, that an avid fan of a GoT-style show, who writes fan fic, designs and wears cos-play, and also happens to be fat, goes on a date with one of the stars of the show -- unaware that he also happens to be her dyslexic bestie from the fan-fic server. No spoiler alert needed for this review, but suffice it to say the shenanigans you might expect are augmented (and much improved) by Dade’s deep focus on the emotional trauma of childhood, the challenge of vulnerability as an adult, and the complications of defying society’s expectations -- whether you’re a fat woman or a brawny, pretty-boy celeb man. 

If you found Lucy Parker’s LONDON CELEBRITIES series charming (as I did), you’ll love the behind-the-scenes dynamics of Marcus’s show/costars -- and Dade writes at a comparable heat level, too. There’s something here for fans of Jen Deluca’s WELL MET, too, in the way the fan fic and show communities create a kind of world-building overlay on the otherwise familiar setting. I was exceedingly charmed by the intertextual elements in SPOILER ALERT -- message exchanges, fan fics, script excerpts -- which brought Gods of the Gates to life in interesting, dynamic ways. If you liked FANGIRL by Rainbow Rowell, you’ll find the same commitment to a fictional fiction here, rendered even more inception-y by the simultaneous presence of books, a TV show, the actors who have feelings about said show, and fan fics -- plus the writers of those fics in real life. Phew! 

All in all, I am an Unapologetic Olivia Stan, looking ever so forward to Dade’s next title.

His Only Wife (Peace Adzo Medie), aBook (narr. Soneela Nankani). LUSTER meets CRAZY RICH ASIANS in this fascinating portrait of Afi Tekple, a young Ghanaian woman who, at the book’s start, is being married off to Elikem, who doesn’t actually show up for his own wedding. Eli’s mother hopes marriage to Afi is enough to make her son set his current paramour aside -- despite the fact that the two have a child together. Afi leaves her small hometown for capital city Accra, and there finds herself caught up in a world -- and love affair -- that challenges the very notion of who she is.

HIS ONLY WIFE was the first book I’ve read set in Ghana since Yaa Gyasi’s HOMEGOING, and I loved getting this contemporary view of a country where a town like Ho and a city like Accra coexist. More books in Ghana, please!

Perhaps because Ghana plays such a significant role in the book itself, I found the choice of narrator here extremely strange. I loved Soneela Nankani on THE MARRIAGE GAME, but found her American accent drew me out of the story in HIS ONLY WIFE. Ghanaian accents sound vaguely British to my untrained ear, so if casting a Ghanaian actress/narrator like Akosua Busia wasn’t an option, the publisher might have opted for a Brit with an ear for Ghanaian accents, Adjoa Andoh. As any dedicated audiophile knows, a narrator can make-or-break a recording...Soneela Nankani is incredibly talented, but she did seem somewhat misplaced here.

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue (V.E. Schwab), eBook and aBook (narr. Julia Whelan). Apparently I was looking so forward to this title, I pre-ordered both the eBook and aBook?? No matter -- at nearly 500 pages and 17+ hours of audio, it was nice to be able to switch off. 

ADDIE LARUE boasts all the signatures of Schwab’s narrative style: characters whose very humanness is their greatest asset and foible; stories with sweeping scope distilled to the experience of only one or two characters; lush, endlessly quotable prose; strong, subtle, deeply-feeling women looking to make their own way in a world that would very much like them to shut up and know their place.

In a moment of desperation, Adeline “Addie” Larue makes a Faustian bargain with a god who comes from the shadows. She gets what she wants -- time, freedom -- and what she doesn’t: no one who meets Addie can remember her. Until someone can.

No spoilers here, but it was impossible not to be swept away by the nuance and inventiveness of Schwab’s latest. Did it transport me as far or as fast as SHADES OF MAGIC? No. But was it lovely to be in expert narrative hands, on a journey tracing one woman’s defiance of everything the world thought she should be? You bet. 

This was probably Julia Whelan’s finest narration since EDUCATED, so it goes without saying, I highly recommend the audio.

[crowdvscritic]

round up // MARCH + APRIL 20

You don’t need me to tell you it’s been a weird couple of months, nor do you need me to talk about anything that rhymes with shmorona or shmyrus or shmovid-shmineteen.

The short summary of this time for me (and as it’s relevant to this Round Up): I’ve watched a lot of movies. At the time of publishing this piece, I’ve watched almost 100 while staying inside. As always, I’ll only be highlighting titles new to me, but if you need even more recommendations for movie night, read all the way to the end for more.

March + April Crowd-Pleasers

Agatha Christie Movies

Turner Classic Movies broadcasted Murder She Said (1961), Murder Most Foul (1964), and Ten Little Indians (1965) in March, and I’m only a few movies away from becoming an Agatha Christie junkie. Margaret Rutherford is a delight as the elderly, self-appointed detective Miss Marple in the latter two films. Full disclosure: I’m thinking of becoming a spinster detective aided by my librarian gentleman friend after watching them.

NBC Comedy Night Done Right Podcasts: Office Ladies and The Darkest Timeline

I rewatched all of Community the week after it dropped on Netflix, and it was even better than I remembered. Oh, and then Joel McHale and Ken Jeong decided to randomly start a podcast with hours of meandering memories from making the show? Sign me up for that study group.

If you like your podcast retrospectives a little more structured, try Office Ladies, co-hosted by real-life besties Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey (aka Pam and Angela on The Office). They invite friends who made the show to join the conversation, but I also could just listen to their BFF banter about bread making and Game of Thrones all day.

Lizzo and Harry Styles Singing “Juice”

I mean…do you really need me to explain why this is here?

The Other Guys (2010)

I’m really late to the party on this one, but I can confirm it’s still funny. Bonus: It’s a great movie for a Netflix Party. Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

This Personality Test

One of my favorite online retailers, ban.do, shared this, and then another friend forwarded it to me, and I know why it’s going viral. Call it the pop culture version of Myers-Briggs because it types your personality based on books, movies, and TV shows like Harry Potter, Parks and Recreation, and Pride and Prejudice, just to name a few. Speaking of Pam from The Office, apparently we’re 89% alike? I’m flattered!

Onward (2020)

Apparently even Tier 2 Pixar can make me sob. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

The Banker (2020)

Samuel L. Jackson and Anthony Mackie are phenom in this historical drama about a story I wasn’t familiar with, and Nicholas Hoult is an actor that can get me to watch pretty much anything. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

Happiness Continues (2020)

Did I dance and sing and jump around the living room with sisters while reliving this concert together? I’m not saying I did not do that. Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 7/10

Kill Bill (2003-04)

Quentin Tarantino movies are hit-or-miss for me, but, boy, these two volumes hit just right. Uma Thurman’s Bride is complex and relatable and insanely cool, aka the perfect center for a complex, satisfying, and insanely cool action saga. Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

A Parks & Recreation Special (2020)

I have no novel thoughts on why this was such a warm hug, but I’m so grateful this reunion was as beautiful as a desert fox.

March + April Critic Picks

The Man in the High Castle (2015-19)

Imagine a world where the Axis Powers won World War II, and you’ve got a great premise for a thought experiment and for a TV series. This Amazon Prime show made me realize I’ve had the privilege to never need to think much about this scenario, and while we’ve got a host of problems in 2020, this realistic (and addicting) drama dwarfs them with this what-could-have-been scenario. The series didn’t quite stick the landing that the first season promised, but the characters and performances are top-notch start to finish, the world building takes a careful attention to detail, and the dialogue is just as powerful for what isn’t being said in each scene.

Gold Diggers of 1933 (1933)

Some movies important to the history of cinema taste like vegetables to my modern sensibilities—this Busby Berkeley-choreographed musical wasn’t one of them thanks to dance routines that still marvel and jokes that are still funny. Plus, you can enjoy Ginger Rogers singing the stage classic “We’re in the Money.” Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Reply All episode #158 “The Case of the Missing Hit”

I’ve recommended Reply All before, but this strange pop culture mystery is as curious as any true crime story you’ve listened to.

Alyosha by Joshua Powell & the Great Train Robbery (2015)

Great soundtrack for a rainy day.

“Inside Friend” by Leon Bridges ft. John Mayer

Dream team.

Emma. (2020)

An aesthetically-pleasing Jane Austen adaptation that catches both the author’s snarky and romantic sides. This article from Verily captures why Emma Woodhouse is an Austen heroine that resonates so much today. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Cléo from 5 to 7 (1962)

Who would have thought my French-speaking sister who has trouble sitting still through movies would be the one to introduce me to the mind of Agnès Varda? Her heroine Cléo is fashionable and eccentric and flighty, but most of all, she’s vulnerable as we watch in near-real time the two hours leading up to her getting test results back from her doctor. A lovely cinéma vérité look at 1960s Paris. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 10/10

Double Indemnity (1944)

A salesman and his lover plot to kill her husband for the insurance money—it doesn’t go as planned. (Who woulda thunk?) A piece of advice: Don’t start a drinking game for every time Fred MacMurray calls Barbara Stanwyck “baby”—you won’t remember anything past the premise I just described tomorrow. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

The Women (1939)

An 100% female cast leads a story written by women adapted from a play written by a woman. While some of the setting details are dated, the questions these women (played by Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell, Paulette Godard, Joan Fontaine, and more) are asking about marriage, family, independence, and a woman’s place in society are the same today. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

Also in March + April…

I’m keeping track of everything I’m watching while staying inside in a Letterboxd list made up mostly of favorites and feel-goodies I’m rewatching if you need more recommendations.

My friends at ZekeFilm and I wrote up two sets of recommendations of what to watch while staying inside.

In the mood for a new release? If you’re considering the new Ben Affleck drama The Way Back, you can read by ZekeFilm review to see if it’s up your alley.

On SO IT’S A SHOW?, Kyla and covered one of the greatest movies of all time, one of my most favorite movies of all time, and a movie about a horse. Oh, and a few conspiracy theories!

Photo credits: Office Ladies, Personality Test, Reply All, Alyosha. All others IMDb.com.

[thegizka]

Say Cheese (fic)

The InoShikaCho Formation is a rising band currently on tour following the success of their first album. With some free time before their performance in Konoha, Ino meets her best friend Sakura for lunch to catch up on the wild twists their lives have taken.

Inspired by Ino Week 2019 Day 7: AU.

Note: I do not own any of these characters.

Read it on Ao3.

-----

Ino finished pinning the intricate braided twist of her hair before smoothing her long fringe.  Donning a floppy, wide-brimmed hat, she did an outfit check in her mirror.  High-waisted lavender capris hugged her hips, and a few inches of well-toned stomach peaked out beneath the scalloped hem of her loose white crop top.  Chunky white sandals, a stack of thin bangles, and large ombre sunglasses completed the look.  It was chic and anonymous without betraying her personal style.  She was ready to go.

She sent a quick text to Asuma to let him know she was heading out before stepping into the midmorning sunshine.  Pulling the motel room door closed, she descended from the second floor walk, noticing as she passed that Shikamaru’s curtains were still drawn despite the morning stretching into lunchtime.  She had invited him and Chouji to join her, but they wanted to spend their day sleeping and playing video games before tonight’s show.

She walked across the gated motel courtyard and let herself out at the front gate.  She could call for a car, but the weather was nice and she was familiar enough with the city to feel comfortable walking.  Her only possible concern was paparazzi and fans swarming her on the sidewalk, but it was still a novel enough experience to be a minimal risk.

There were a lot of people wandering between the shops, taking advantage of the warm late-spring Friday.  There were mothers coraling children on errands, businessmen discussing sales plans en route to lunch meetings, and young couples out on dates.  There were also crowds of college kids escaping their studies to enjoy the beauty of the day.

Ino contemplated swinging by the Konoha University campus, but she found that other young adults were most likely to recognize her, and she wanted to preserve the time to herself.  When she had convinced Shikamaru and Chouji to form a band four and a half years ago, she could only dream of signing a contract, producing an album, and going on a national tour.  But somehow here they were, halfway through a tour playing venues that were nearly ten times bigger than the bars and music clubs where they had started and working on music for their second full-length album.  It was a wild ride, and there were still a lot of elements of the industry she was learning to adapt to.  Life on the road under the ever-increasing public eye was new territory, and she knew it would only get more complicated as their success and popularity grew.

For now, though, she could navigate this city with nearly the same anonymity and lack of care as she had the last time she’d come here.  It felt like a lifetime ago.  She and her best friend Sakura had been touring the university, which was renowned for its medical program.  At the time, Ino had been entertaining the idea of becoming a neurosurgeon since the band was still working on gaining traction in the music scene.  If Shippuden Studios hadn’t offered them a contract a few short months later, she would have joined Sakura in pursuing her medical degree.  It was amazing how quickly the trajectory of her life had changed.

She had quite liked the university and city back then.  Built on the shores of a beautiful, large lake, Konoha was always buzzing with vacationers and students, a hub of activity and modernity.  She liked the balance of relaxing beaches and glowing nightlife.  It could have been a place for her to flourish.  She supposed it might still be, in a way.  Tonight’s concert at Hokage Pier would be their biggest show yet and a potential test of whether they could handle even greater popularity and success.  But she had hours before she had to take the stage, and she was looking forward to catching up with her bestie.

She was meeting Sakura at Cafe Konan, a lovely upscale bistro built above the beach with a patio overlooking the water.  They had eaten there two years ago after their tour, excitedly discussing the state of the art medical equipment and decorated professors they’d get to work with if they went to school here.  Ino arrived early and procured a table in the corner of the patio with a great view.  The beach was already peppered with people spreading out blankets or wading.  A few sailboats drifted further out on the water.  Seagulls darted above the surf looking for food.  If she had time, perhaps she’d join everyone for a stroll on the beach.

Ino spent the rest of the wait enjoying the fresh air and snapping pictures.  Some days she’d take over a hundred, staying up late to sift through them and select the best ones to feature on her Instagram.  She’d always had a good eye for composition and framing, and it had been a natural step to expand her personal account while spearheading the band’s.  As stardom put increasing demands on her time, they’d hired a publicity and marketing manager, Kurenai Yuuhi, to help keep their fans updated and satisfied.

“Still attached to that phone I see,” a pleasant voice called, interrupting her study of filters and lighting.

“Still attached to that big forehead of yours,” Ino retorted, but she was grinning broadly.  Jumping up from her seat, she embraced her best friend tightly.

“It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever!” Sakura exclaimed, returning the embrace.  “How have you been?  You look good.”

“So do you,” she observed, pulling back.  As much as she made fun of her best friend for her large forehead, she really had grown into it.  She stood before her as a mature young woman, sure of herself and free of adolescent insecurities.  A form-fitting red shirt and white shorts flattered her figure and long legs.  Ino was happy to see her so comfortable with herself.

“You’re growing your hair out again,” she observed as they took their seats.  “It looks good.”

“Thanks.  It’s a little easier to tie back now for labs and surgery.”

“And what does Sasuke think of it?” she asked, a teasing lilt to her voice.  Sakura just rolled her eyes.

“We haven’t been together for more than five minutes and you already want to talk about boys?  You haven’t even told me how the tour’s going!  Boys can wait until after we order.”

“Fine, but I expect lots of juicy details.”

They worked through the obligatory topics of conversation as they ordered their food and waited for its arrival.  Sakura groaned about the stress of school and the medical field, and Ino complained about the obligations of being a working musician.  The venting, however, was more ritualistic than sincere, as both were excited about the opportunities before them and content with where they were.

“Will you have time to visit home before your internship with Dr. Tsunade starts this summer?”

“I’ll have about a week, but I might need that time to find an apartment.”

“You’re moving here permanently?” Ino asked, a bit surprised.  Her friend shrugged.

“I still have a few years of school, and if I continue to get jobs and internships with my connections here, it’s not really worth carting my stuff back and forth for just a week here and there.  Plus you’re on tour most of the time now, and Naruto’s always traveling for his international diplomacy degree.  There’s not much to anchor me there anymore.”

“But there’s more here,” Ino probed, reading between the spoken words.  “Like Sasuke?”

“You are relentless!” Sakura grumbled with a smile.

“Only because you’ve been dating the hot pre-law student we met while touring here two years ago for a whole six months, and I just found out about it last week!  I’m entitled to more information as your best friend.”

“I know,” Sakura sighed.  It’s just hard to talk about.”

“What do you mean?  Is he super weird?  He doesn’t mistreat you or anything, right?”

“No!  Not at all!  He’s wonderful, just a bit...complicated.”  She swirled the water in her glass, smiling softly.  Ino could see a blush brushing her cheeks.  She’d never seen her best friend like this.  They had always been bold about their crushes, at least around each other, but this was different.  It was the delicate and deep feeling of mature attraction, maybe even love.  Ino was a bit jealous.  But she was also really happy for her.

“Sooo, how did you guys meet?  And I don’t mean being in the same tour group as prospective students.”

Sakura rolled her eyes, then began her story as they began tucking into their food which had just arrived.

“I used to see him all the time in the library, and I was pretty sure I recognized him from that tour, but he was always super focused on his work so I never approached him or anything.  But it was like every time I went to the library to study and get work done, he’d be there with that freakishly intense focus.  It turned into a game I’d play with myself--‘where’s the cute guy going to be this time’?”  She chuckled at the memory.

“Is he a nerd then?”  Ino asked.  “I figured only nerds like you would voluntarily spend that much time studying.”

“Ha ha,” Sakura laughed drily.  “And no, he’s not a nerd, he’s pre-law, and he helps at his family’s firm part-time so he’s always busy working on something.”

“Ah, so he’s a rich boy.”

“His family has money, yes, but I wouldn’t say they’re rich.  He had to take out student loans, same as me.”

“Have you met his family yet?”

“Hold on a second Miss Nosey.  Do you want me to finish my story or not?”

“Fine!  I’ll hold all questions until the end,” she smirked, spearing a scallop nestled amongst her linguine noodles.  “Carry on.”

“I didn’t actually talk to him until right before winter break last year.  Tenten, Hinata, and I went to this party that Tenten’s friend Lee was hosting, and Sasuke was there.  I guess he and Tenten’s boyfriend Neji had a few classes together and became friends so we ended up hanging out a bit at the party and chatting a little.”

“And he was immediately smitten and declared his love the next day.”

“Not even close!” Sakura laughed.  “We didn’t even exchange numbers!  And for a while I thought he hated me.”

“What?!”

“I know!”  She continued giggling.  “I totally didn’t know how to read him!  Sasuke exudes this effortless cool, but he’s actually hopeless with social cues half of the time.”

“So why did you think he hated you?”

“Because I’d never get the response I was expecting when I tried to be friendly!  Our interactions would be great when we were hanging out in a group, but if I was talking to him one-on-one, he’d seem distant.  He even stopped going to the library to work, or he’d leave shortly after I’d show up, which made it obvious that I was some sort of problem or annoyance to him.”

“Oh my gosh Sakura!  And you’re dating this jerk?!”  Ino leaned across the table.  “Why didn’t I know about any of this?  That’s awful!”

“It’s fine, Ino.  It really wasn’t that bad.  My feelings were hurt, but I still didn’t know him all that well, and I had plenty of school work to keep me busy.”

She studied her best friend’s face, reading the echoes of embarrassment and pain as she recounted this part of the story.  She knew Sakura.  If she was smitten with a guy, she went all in.  She was too honest with her feelings to hold back.  Ino felt ashamed that she hadn’t known her best friend was struggling.

“I’m sorry,” she said.  “I didn’t know you were going through all of that, and I wasn’t there for you.”

“Ino, it’s okay,” Sakura promised, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand.  “I had my friends here, and Naruto visited a lot.  It really wasn’t that bad.  You already had enough on your plate with your album blowing up the charts and Asuma booking so many interviews and performances for the band.  You didn’t need my drama on top of that.”

“But I could’ve handled it!  I’m your best friend.  I always have time for you.”

The promise tasted like a lie even though she willed it to be true.  The band’s success had swallowed so much of her time and energy.  Nearly every moment she was awake was spent working on music or travelling to some venue or curating social media posts.  She hadn’t seen anyone outside of the band and crew in months.  Realizing her new circumstances might make her inaccessible to loved ones in need was a painful reality check.

“I know,” Sakura assured her, trusting in the promise even if it wasn’t practical.  “But this really wasn’t a big deal.  I figured I just needed a bit of distance, and I was going to have all summer for that.  I stayed on campus to help Dr. Shizune with some research, and it was kind of nice having the school and city to myself for a while.  I didn’t have to worry about running into Sasuke at the library or while out shopping, until I did run into him on the beach one day.”

“I hope you didn’t literally run into him.”

Sakura laughed.  “Of course not!  I was looking for a spot to sit and read and suddenly there he was.  Apparently his family doesn’t live too far from here, so he and his brother come her to swim sometimes.  I don’t think I would’ve noticed him, but he recognized me and decided to say hi.”

“Wait, the guy who was ignoring and avoiding you approached you to say hi?” Ino asked, flipping disinterestedly through the dessert menu.

“I know, it totally caught me off guard!  But he was really nice, even though it was a bit awkward.  And his brother Itachi was really nice, too.  So we chatted for a bit, and we texted each other once in a while after that.  When he was visiting town, we’d try and hang out a little, and then we hung out more once the school year started up again, and now we’re officially dating.”

“Hold on, one minute he’s giving you the cold shoulder and now you’re dating?  Seems like a dramatic change,” Ino said doubtfully, handing her credit card to their waiter before her best friend could protest about not splitting the bill.

“He wasn’t giving me the cold shoulder.”

“That’s what it sounded like to me.”

“I told you, it’s complicated,” Sakura sighed.  “Sasuke is very driven.  If he has a goal, he does absolutely everything he can to achieve it.  It’s just how his brain is wired.  So when I came around and was being super friendly and seemed to always show up where he was trying to get work done, he deemed me a distraction and tried to distance himself so he could focus on school and stuff.”

“He decided friends were a distraction?  Seems awfully utilitarian.”

“Not friends.”  Sakura shook her head, a blush forming on her cheeks.  “Just me.”

“Oh my gosh, he was smitten!”  Ino slapped the table in excitement.  “This is some Mr. Darcy-level denial!  Damn Sakura, you go girl!”

“Ino stop!” she protested, cheeks growing bright red.  Despite the embarrassment, she was smiling happily.

“So what changed his mind?”

Sakura shrugged.  “I’m not sure exactly.  I think part of it was just the timing.  We happened to run into each other during the summer when he didn’t have to focus as much on school or work or impressing his father.  Plus I think Itachi liked me, and Sasuke puts a lot of value in his brother’s opinion.”

“And now that school’s back in session?  I assume you’re not a distraction since you’ve been dating this whole time.”

“I guess not.”  She shrugged again, but Ino could see the blush returning.

“Sakura,” she probed as they wove through the other tables to the front door.  “You’re keeping something back.  Come on, you can’t hide anything from me.”

“I asked him about it when he asked me to be his girlfriend officially, and he told me that everything else was the distraction and...now I am his new goal.”

“Oh my gosh!” Ino squealed.  “That’s so cheesy but so romantic!”

“I know!”  Sakura hid her embarrassment behind her hands, ears almost as pink as her hair.  “He has no flirting ability whatsoever.”

“Good thing you don’t mind cheesy one-liners,” Ino laughed, pulling her best friend into a hug on the sidewalk.  “I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks.”  She felt the joy radiating off of her, seeping into her own body and dispelling the simmering jealousy with love.

“So, do I get to meet him today?  You’d better be bringing him to the show.”

“No, unfortunately,” Sakura sighed, pulling out of the embrace.  “He has to help his family this weekend.”

“Bummer,” she pouted.  “You have to promise I’ll get to meet him before you two get engaged.”

“Okay,” Sakura laughed.  “Do you have much time before the show?  There’s a great ice cream stand on the beach.  We could grab some dessert.”

“Yeah, I should have time,” she confirmed.  “Just let me update Asuma.  He likes to know where we are in case anything happens.”

“Makes sense.”  Her best friend linked their arms and leaned over her shoulder as she sent the text to her manager.  If it was anyone else, Ino would consider it nosy.  Instead she opened her camera in selfie mode so they could snap a pic together making silly faces.

“Come on,” Sakura chuckled, pulling her along with their linked elbows.  “You listened to me jabber all through lunch.  It’s your turn!  What’s new with you, besides conquering the world as a chart-topping musician and fashion icon?”

She shrugged.  “Not much.”

“Come on,” Sakura sighed,”you’ve been on the road for months and have nothing interesting to report?”

“Not really.  It’s a lot of the same stuff every day--arrive at the next show’s city, maybe do an interview, practice with the band, write music, do the show, and then hit the road.  It doesn’t leave much time for anything interesting.”

“But you get to travel all over the place and meet other musicians and famous people!”

“The famous people part rarely happens.  We’re not at the level of fame to be recognizable.  Like I’m not getting swarmed right now by fans so it’s not a big deal if we land a few late night interviews.  People will forget who we are as soon as we leave the set.  Which is fine, because my life still has a semblance of normalcy.  I can go to the grocery store or have lunch with my best friend without worrying about paparazzi.  I’m just so busy that I rarely get to do such things.”

“It sounds complicated,” Sakura observed, studying her friend’s face.

“It’s just the way things are.”  Ino smiled to reassure her.

“How are Shikamaru and Chouji handling it?”

“They’re pretty much the same.  Lazy, of course, but I think part of that is intentional.  It’s part of their public personas.  I don’t get it, but it seems to work for the fans.  There’s always a crowd of girls screaming hysterically for them at every show.”

Sakura chuckled as they stopped at an ice cream stand, pulling her friend into the line.

“And what about you?  Are there swarms of boys begging to see you every night?”

“There’s always a few, and sometimes some girls, too.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“Look at you playing to both sides,” Sakura snickered.

“Hey, I can’t help it if I’m just so hot that everyone wants a piece of me.”

“Whoa there tiger, we’d better get you some ice cream to cool you down.  What do you want?”

This time Sakura snuck her money to the cashier before Ino could.  She protested a little but Sakura was already handing her the ice cream, and she had to stop arguing to eat it before it melted.

They wandered onto the sand, enjoying the sweet treat and beautiful weather.  The sun danced on the lake, fracturing its reflection into diamonds while boats bobbed and seagulls wheeled through the air.  The sound of waves whispering on the sand and happy voices murmured in the air.  It really was a lovely day.

“Y’know, I think Sasuke’s a bad influence,” she mused.  “‘We’d better get you some ice cream to cool you down’?  Terrible.”

Sakura laughed, loud and carefree.

“It was wasn’t it?” she chuckled.  “But really, between Sasuke and Naruto, can you blame me?  They’re both hopeless at flirting.”

“And somehow they’ve both got girlfriends now.  Isn’t life strange.”

“Maybe all girls secretly like cheesy pickup lines,” Sakura mused around a mouthful of ice cream.

“Or maybe we take pity on guys for being brave enough to use one.”

“Do your fans every give you silly pickup lines?”

“Nah.  I can usually tell which ones want to flirt and which ones are simply fans.  I find it’s best to avoid the former.”

“Would you ever consider dating a fan?”

“Nooo,” she groaned.  “I mean, whoever I date would have to like our music, but I think it’s a little creepy for a person to pursue someone just because they really like what he or she does for a living.  The band is just a small part of who I am, y’know?”

“But what if he’s genuinely a nice guy?”

“I can’t,” Ino declared firmly.  “If I open up that possibility, I’d have to consider every fan begging me for a date, and I can’t do that.  I need a boundary between my personal life and my professional one, for myself and whoever I might end up with.”

“It’s going to be hard to find someone with how much success the band’s having,” Sakura murmured gently.  Ino could feel a hint of pity in her words.  She didn’t want to be pitied.

“It’s just a little more complicated,” she said brightly, brushing her fringe back into place with her fingers.  “But I’ll figure it out.”

“You will,” her best friend agreed with the total confidence of someone with complete faith in making her dreams a reality.

“I suppose it’s good we haven’t really made it big yet,” Ino used.  “If I do meet someone, he’s not likely to be obsessed with me already.”

“True,” Sakura agreed.  “And you won’t have to worry about gossip magazines or paparazzi scaring him away.”

“Hopefully not, though those photographers can be pretty sneaky.  Take, for example, the camera that’s been trialing us since our ice cream stop.”

Sakura’s eyes widened a little in surprise.  “What?”

“Mhm,” she hummed, crunching the last bite of ice cream cone.

“Where?”

“Sakura, don’t look for him!  Either you’ll scare him off before I can yell at him, or he’ll take the acknowledgment as permission to set up a mini photo shoot right now.  Just act normal.”

“I totally didn’t notice anyone,” Sakura whispered, trying to resist her curiosity to look around.

“Shikamaru has the best paparazzi radar, but I’m getting pretty good at spotting them,” she replied with just a smidgen of self-pride.

“So if we’re not supposed to look at them, what do we do?  Try and shake them off?”

“If I’m doing something super boring I just ignore them until they go away.  Knowing my coffee order usually isn’t tantalizing enough for their magazines to sell.  But sometimes I do confront them and put the fear of Asuma into them.”

Sakura laughed at the thought of her friend’s laid-back manager being enough of a threat to scare anyone.

“Which will it be this time?”

“Come here.”  Ino led the way to a pile of rocks wedged into the sand.  The bank at this end of the beach started rising, eventually turning into a cliff.  Several college kids were diving off the rock with shrieks of joy.  There were fewer people at this end of the shore, which decreased the likelihood of her cover being blown when she confronted the paparazzi.

“Just relax.  We’re going to lure him in,” she instructed, leaning back on her hands.  She tried focusing on the warmth of the sun and ignoring the adrenaline building in anticipation of the confrontation, but she couldn’t keep a smirk from her lips.  She rarely dealt with paparazzi on her own as usually her bandmates and Asuma were with her, but Kurenai regularly met with all of them to go over how to proceed.  The guy following her today looked young, probably an enthusiastic new journalism graduate who couldn’t land a job at a reputable news company.  She almost felt bad for the chewing out she was preparing for him.

“That’s a cute shirt,” Sakura observed as she finished off her ice cream.

“Thanks.  It was a birthday gift from my mom.”

“She actually bought you a crop top?  Willingly?”

“Apparently she has no issue with them now that I’m an independent adult.  Plus they’re a trademark of my personal style.  I think she’s admitted defeat in her efforts to keep me away from them.”

“Excuse me.”

Ino was surprised by the polite voice.  She hadn’t noticed anyone approach, which was impressive considering she was on alert waiting for the photographer to come nearer.

“You!” she gasped, realizing it was, in fact, the very guy she had been waiting to ambush.  Seeing him up close, he really was young.  Maybe he was just an intern.

“Would you mind if I take your picture?”

“What?”  She couldn’t believe the presumptuousness of this guy!  His polite smile didn’t waver.  Was he really acting like he hadn’t been stalking them, sneakily snapping pictures for the past several minutes?

“Yes I do mind!” she cried, rallying through her surprise to stalk as intimidatingly as she could across the sand to him.  “I know you’ve already been taking pictures of us.  You think I’m unfamiliar with dealing with paparazzi?  I know exactly what you’re doing!”

“Ino-” Sakura began, but she wasn’t going to let her friend’s politeness stop her now that she’d started.  She really wanted to see that guy’s unwavering smile crumble.

“No, I may be familiar with jerks snapping pictures of me everywhere I go, but you definitely didn’t sign up for this!  And we have an exclusive agreement with the Hidden Leaf Times for all media coverage, so unless you produce proof that you’re working with them, which I doubt since this is such a shady way of getting content, you need to hand over all of those pictures you’ve taken and leave.”

“I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

It was unbelievable.  That smile didn’t move.  Did he think this was funny?  Did he enjoy being this rude?

“Oh really?  How about I get my publicity manager on the phone so she can explain in detail all of the legal violations we’re going to smack on you.”

“Hang on-” Sakura tried again, but Ino ignored her.

“And then I’ll call our connection at the Times so they can come after you.  What right do you have to invade a person’s privacy by following them to sneak pictures and then pretend you’re innocent and ask for permission after the fact?”

“Ino!”  Sakura grabbed the phone from her hand.  “He’s not paparazzi!”

“What do you mean?” she snapped.

“He’s just a photography student from the university!  Hinata’s had a few classes with him.”

Ino blinked at her friend for a moment, registering the laughter in her green eyes.

“It’s true,” the boy agreed.  He still had that grin plastered on his face, but his eyebrows had edged up to indicate bemused confusion.  “I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Ino, this is Sai,” Sakura introduced.  “Sai, this is my friend Ino.  She’s the lead singer and guitarist of The InoShikaCho Formation.  They’re performing tonight at Hokage Pier.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he smiled.  Ino wasn’t quite ready to make friends, though.

“If you’re not paparazzi, then why were you following us taking pictures?”

“I was practicing,” he claimed innocently.  “My teachers are always telling us to take any opportunity we can to improve our skills.”

“Shouldn’t you ask for permission before you take pictures of someone, even if it’s just practice?”

“I’ve heard it can be better to ask for forgiveness after the fact than for initial permission.”

She didn’t understand this guy.  No matter what questions she threw at him, his smile never wavered.  It was annoying.  But the more she looked at it and studied his face, the more she believed him.

“But why follow us?  Surely it’d be better to practice with a variety of subjects.”

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all day.”

“Wha...Huh?” Ino stammered.  Sai blinked at her, smiling innocently.  Was he being genuine?  Sakura snickered behind her.

“What the heck!” she cried, feeling flustered.  The prick of heat in her cheeks told her she was blushing.  “You can’t just say that to someone you just met!”

“But I’ve been told that honesty is the best policy.”

She could only blink at him, dumbfounded, blush growing deeper.  How was she supposed to respond to this?  Was he just being smooth, or did he genuinely think she was beautiful?  She couldn’t tell what he was thinking behind that charming smile.

“Say cheese,” he instructed, quickly bringing his camera up to snap a picture of her bewildered face.

“H-hey!” she stammered.  “I never gave you permission!”

“Sorry, but if I always waited for permission, I’d miss too many perfect shots.”

She didn’t know why his words made her feel warm all over, but they did.  Before she could gather her wits and come up with a reply, Sakura handed her back her phone.

“Shikamaru’s calling you.”

“Yeah?” she answered, eyes still glancing at Sai.

“It’s nearly time for rehearsal.  Where are you?”

“At the beach with Sakura.  Sorry, I must’ve lost track of time.”

“Do you need us to send a car to pick you up?”

“No, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

“I have to get going,” she told Sakura, slipping her phone back into her purse.  “I’ll see you later tonight.”

“I’ll be there,” her best friend promised, giving her a big hug.

“And you,” she said, rounding on Sai.  “You can keep those pictures as long as you don’t post them on social media.  And you have to give me a copy of all of them.”

“Works for me.  Can I get your phone number or email then?”

Ino fought against another blush.

“Just give them to Sakura.  She’ll get them to me.  I have to go.”

“It was a pleasure to meet you, beautiful,” he smiled.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, turning and hurrying away before she lost her composure in another flustered blush.

-----

A few weeks later, Ino lay sprawled in her bunk on the tour bus scrolling through a folder of pictures.  She had been surprised to see Sai again at the concert that evening.  It turned out he was interning at the Hidden Leaf Times for the summer and was one of the photographers they sent to cover the band’s time in Konoha.  They hadn’t interacted much, but Ino had been hyper-aware of his presence throughout their interview with the paper and the concert.

True to his word, he had passed on all of the pictures he’d taken both at the beach and Hokage Pier to Sakura, who in turn emailed them to Ino.  She had to admit, he had a good eye.  She found herself scrolling through the pictures a lot, not because she loved how she looked in them (though they were all pretty flattering), but because they were just that good.  She thought she had a good sense of composition, framing, and lighting, but Sai seemed to have some deeper knowledge that elevated his work to art.

She’d used a few of the shots for social media posts, careful to credit him.  She’d learned from Sakura that he didn’t have social media, but he did have a small photography website, so she linked to it at the bottom of each image.  Sometimes when she was bored she’d check his website to see if he’d posted any new pictures.  It was her way of keeping tabs on what he was doing without being obvious and bugging Sakura to tell her about him.

It was weird.  She didn’t know him at all, and the fact that he’d followed her along the beach still gave her paparazzi vibes, but she couldn’t get him out of her head.

She opened a new window in her browser and logged in to her email.  She found a draft that she’d started nearly a week ago and read through it.

Dear Sai,

Thank you for the photographs of our performance.  The band was impressed by their quality!  I hope you don’t mind, but we’ve used a few for our social media posts.  We were sure to credit you and link to your website.  We probably should have asked permission first, but since you’re fond of taking opportunities as they come and asking forgiveness later, I figured you’d be okay with this.  If I was mistaken, let us know so we can take down the pictures.

I don’t know if you are aware, but our band is nearly finished recording our second album, and it’s time to start considering the design elements that will go into it.  We don’t yet have a photographer for the booklet and album art.  We were all so impressed with your work at the concert, we’d like to offer you the opportunity.  I know you’ll be returning to school this fall, but once our tour’s over, our time will be more flexible, and I’m sure an agreeable arrangement could be made.  Are you interested?  Let me know.

All the best,

Ino Yamanaka

She reread the text a few more times, even though she nearly had it memorized.  Technically the band hadn’t decided to ask Sai to be their photographer, but the few times she’d mentioned it, everyone else had been open to the possibility.  She was confident she’d be able to get them to agree if Sai said yes.

She debated a few moments on whether to add her phone number, chewing her lip.  That was the biggest reason she hadn’t already sent the email.  She’d denied him her contact information at the beach; why should she give it to him now?  But now they were discussing business arrangements.  It’d be a little rude to withhold it...right?

With the sense that she was doing something risky, she quickly typed her number beneath her name and hit send, trying not to squeal.  She was being so silly!  All she’d done was extend a business invitation to another professional (even though he was technically still in school and may or may not have a photography license), yet she felt giddy like a little girl.

She closed her laptop and rolled out of her bunk, stretching a little.  Maybe she’d go play Mario Kart with her bandmates to distract herself.  Turning towards the common room, her phone pinged to alert her of a new notification.

Her heart jumped when she saw it was a new email.  Sai had already replied!  Why had he done so so quickly?  Was he mad they’d used his pictures?  With some trepidation, she opened the message.

Dear Ino,

I’m glad you liked the photographs.  I do think they’re some of my best so far, though half of the quality comes from the subject being photographed.  You and the band made my work far easier, and the results wouldn’t have been as good without you.

I’d be happy to work with you on the photographs for your next album.  Perhaps we could meet to discuss your ideas.  I know you’ll be in Suna next Thursday.  Shall we meet for lunch?  I’ll call you to work out the details.

Kind regards,

Sai

Ino bit her thumb to keep back the happy squeals that were trying to climb up her throat for some reason.  He’d included his own phone number, which she saved to her contacts.  Then she reread his message, paying special attention to his postscript.

P. S. I hope you come prepared with your beautiful smile.  I’ll bring my camera with me.

It was a strange note to include, but it made her cheeks warm.  Maybe he was flirting with her.  She shook her head, trying to brush off the thought.  No, they were simply going to discuss business, even if it was going to be over lunch and he was specifically calling her to arrange it.  She could tell him to call Kurenai or Asuma instead, but she was capable of arranging a meeting on behalf of the band by herself.  And if she happened to schedule it when only she was available, surely they’d trust her to represent them all.

She brushed her long hair over her shoulder and turned up the volume slightly on her phone before turning again toward the common room, grinning and excited for whatever was coming next.

[quietdaysco]

Primrose Path - Devlog #006

Hey, it’s us again—two indie devs with fresh dirt on our visual novel progress. Ready? 

Behind the Scenes

Playtesting Feedback

Last month we closed the pre-alpha Ink build of Primrose Path’s common route outline. It met its purpose of proving the basic concepts of our game were viable and that it interested players in our target demographic. In fact, playtesters gave us overwhelmingly positive feedback in our post-test form about the characters and story. Here are a few quotes from their responses:

“The number of elements of the MC's [main character’s] life added in to the story in increments helped me not only relate to the MC but also stay interested.”

“There's a good variety of calmer moments and more outlandish/exciting/otherwise more high tension moment [sic], no issues for me.”

“[T]he clients are a rainbow of people with a few that [sic] very much stand out [to me]”

“By the end, I was definitely considering who I was going to chose as my client and was sad the pre-alpha ended even though I knew it was going to.”

“I 100% would dance [in a mini-game similar to] DDR [Dance Dance Revolution]”

As you can see, the beginnings of Primrose Path went over well and players definitely had a lot of interesting things to say about our mischievous clients! We can’t spoil them here, but you may be able to see for yourself when alpha testing comes to our server in the future! 

Now, for all the good we received, it’s not to say the pre-alpha went without its criticisms:

“This might be silly, but I wish there were an option that weren't a dress for her outfit to the party.”

It’s not silly at all, playtester! It had us thinking about the different ways our protagonist, Lynn Austen, could express herself. This concern lead to one outfit redesign and introduced a number of new ones!

“The beginning was a little slow, but I love Priya, so all of her scenes brought my attention back instantly.”

We love co-worker and bestie, Priya, too, but she can’t be an exception for pacing. We’ve since reevaluated and tweaked Part 1: Work Day. Plenty of visual changes and cutting scenes entirely were discussed in order to tighten up the overall pacing.

“Harper seems harsh but has pressure on her to make her harsh, but then you see her and shes [sic] just straight up scary.”

While all playtesters understood Harper’s role as Lynn’s no-slack boss, a few found her consequentially unapproachable. We have a lot in store for her in later routes, but acknowledge she was sparse during the common route. We’ve since taken this concern and made her more available in new scenes, adjusted her tone in some of the older ones, and had other characters—who have a very different relationship with her than Lynn does—reflect more openly on her. We think this humanizes Harper much more.

“Unfortunately [Bellarmino] feels like a snobbier, more irritating Matt. [...] I personally don't find him very likable but I'm looking forward to being proven wrong.”

In our feedback form, we asked about character impressions. We also polled if players didn’t have to play all routes at least once, which clients they’d pick. While character impression responses expressed a willingness to give our model and fashion designer, Bellarmino LaFauci, a chance, he was our least popular choice in the poll. We figured it may have been that his personality wasn’t differentiated enough against the company with whom Lynn encounters him, so we’ve made adjustments to contrast him more against his judgmental cabal.

So as we went through and addressed feedback, we had some ideas of our own to implement, which leads us to...

Updated Revised Outline

Double the wordcount! Yep, we’re just shy of 32,000 words for the revised common route outline. How could this be? Look: don’t mistake Primrose Path��for a linear narrative. Your choices affect the world from day one.

Beyond changes from playtester feedback, other new content includes:

New Characters! We work to make sure our side characters leave an impression. We’ve added a few more with the means to salvage or devastate Lynn’s career. Until you yourself can meet them, look out for future Lore snippets on our Twitter!

New Events! Lynn has more opportunities than before, and under different states of mind, to navigate and impact the world around her. Depending on what Lynn did, where, and when can completely change an encounter within that same space and time. 

New Key Items! There are a couple of items Lynn can collect if she meets the right people and takes certain actions. These items can reveal some important information in client routes later on—and some hints for others, too!

New Areas! A few more places have been added to the common route, including whole new scenes. What could possibly lie behind these doors?

So how’s that sound? If you said “Damn, that’s hella rad,” well you just took the words right out of our mouths. But we’re not done yet; we take feedback seriously. When we can’t decide on what our audience may want, we leave no room for speculation. There’s really only one way to settle that.

VN Protagonist Sprite Survey 

We run a survey! We wanted to know how visual novel fans preferred to see a customizable MC represented as a sprite, if at all. It’s tough for us because as much as we want to make Lynn as visually present as her sense of self, we also acknowledge that “immersion” for many players also means different levels of “intrusion” from MC’s sprite—down to none at all, for folks wanting to self-insert despite taking on another character’s existing backstory. While we think we’ve come to a happy medium that serves our purposes and would appeal to a good number of players, we’ll be sharing with you all in a separate post our findings.

Two things are for certain: 

Visual novel players are an incredibly dedicated base, having turned out over 100 responses to our form! Thank you so much for helping us see your side on the matter! 

The communities we frequent overwhelmingly take issue with one specific manner of MC representation—one that seems to plague the industry. If you’re not an avid consumer of visual novels, this begrudged answer may surprise you!

But hey, we haven’t closed it yet: you can contribute your opinion too until August 5th, 11:59 PM EDT. Stay tuned for our detailed write-up on the results, next time. We’ve got another survey in the works too (sounds like we’ve got a few hard decisions, huh?) so keep tabs on our Twitter when we release that form.

Greyson’s Twitter 

Greyson’s been taking a break from Twitter for a minute. Working Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday overheated him, and in that vulnerable time, he caught a virus! So now he’s on sick leave and we’ve promised him an easier schedule of one day a week when he gets better. His posting schedule will be announced soon. You can still send him some love on his Twitter account. He’ll be sure to respond when he’s feeling up to it. He’s always there for you. Will you return the favor?

Main Game Progress

Common Route:

Rough Outline: 100%  ✔

Revised Outline: 100%  ✔

Draft Script: --%

The Artist: Matthias Barousse

Rough Outline: 100%  ✔

Revised Outline: --%

Progress on the main game has primarily been on the common route outline. Some interesting things to note are that last time we reported our revision to be at 90%. After implementing feedback, our clean outline doubled in word count and we’ve reviewed it entirely since then. So now we’re thoroughly at 100%! 

The breakdown of that is:

We finished up the common route’s Part 3: The Interviews, in which Lynn meets all her clients whom she may or may not have stumbled upon at a legendary bash. 

We elaborated on Part 2: The Party encounters and added more variations which subsequently trickle over into alternate interactions in The Interviews. 

We added an interactive, portent dream sequence the night of The Interviews, right when Lynn hits the bed after evaluating all potential clients at work. 

... and a few other additions. Also among other things, we’ve actually started work on the draft script already, but we’ve not had time to properly calculate the percentage. It’ll be updated accordingly in our next log.

What’s Next For Us

We’re going to finish up our script draft and start focusing our efforts into creating a playable, visual alpha build of Primrose Path. Yes, we want to play our game as much as you do and that’s motivation enough!

We’re focusing on monthly devlogs for our Tumblr, but we have to ask:

Are there other kinds of content and updates you folks would like to see here? We want to know! Shoot us a message in our Ask the Devs inbox here on Tumblr, or hit us up on Twitter, Discord, and Lemma Soft!

Thanks for reading! Keep up and remember to enjoy your Quiet Days. ♥

Socials

- Micro-updates on Twitter!

  ♦ Factoids with Greyson!

- Live art development on Twitch!

- Art logging on Instagram!

- Ask us anything here!

- Continue the discussion on Discord!

- Master thread on Lemma Soft!

[corancoranthemagicalman]

💜🌻💜🌻💜🌻💜

My grandpa also has great disdain for recent music... he doesn't like anything after the 50s. So I think its funny that he likes Shrek and he'll watch it any time its on tv. I'm not familiar with Top Gun's soundtrack. I'll have to give Take My Breath Away a listen!

My dad words at a university and he used to bring me and my siblings to the international dinners he'd host. Students would always as me what I was studying and eventually when people started talking to me I'd introduce myself by saying I was my dad's daughter and that I was in high school. I'm not sure if any of them were ever hitting on me bc I was, and still am, pretty oblivious to flirtations. It sucks that you had to tell guys you were in high school to get them to back off. Glad to hear they did, though.

I used to be a hufflepuff when I was in university! I re-took the quiz twice about a year ago and was shocked to get Slytherin both times but I've embraced it. Most of the qualities are very positive except for cunning and I don't think that describes me at all.

I totally get that. I had a similar experience meeting my best friend at university. We clicked really fast and even after graduating I still hang out with her once a week. (The teenage drama movie life thing sounds awful but in high school I was definitely also on the outside of my friend circle) It sure has been hard recently to maintain friendships but I have more good friends right now than at any other point in my life.

I'll take your word for it that I give off painting/crocheting vibes! And I agree with you on the winter v. summer thing. Summer is my least favorite season. Partly because of how humid it is in the summer here.

My group just finished a campaign a few months ago and I played a gnome cleric. They started a new campaign but I felt like I needed a break bc the sessions are long and intense even though I really enjoy it. What class do you play?

The sweater is a commission actually! In university I led a crochet for beginners group and there were a few people that just couldn't ever get the hang of it :(

Did I see that you weren't feeling well today? If so I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope tomorrow treats you better 💜 (also sorry this is an entire novel I haven't spoken to anyone all day so I guess you're getting it all)

-🐧🌻

This got SO LONG so bestie I am replying undercut to you. If anyone wants to see me slowly bromance 🐧🌻 anon then read away lol.

I am envisioning your grandpa dancing to Smash Mouth and it brings me great joy. Oh, man, Top Gun has an AMAZING soundtrack. Danger Zone is a classic, but Take My Breath Away is such a romantic song. Please let me know what you think!!!

Aw, that's sort of wholesome though. I'd get that from the older ladies at my church lol. "What are you studying?"/"Algebra, usually." Which was a LAUGH. And to be honest, I'm a flirty person by nature. I think flirting is fun. But to be crude for a moment (and apologies), most of their flirting would be staring at my breasts. :/ But it was SUCH HIGH HOPES when they backed off. Like YES you GO performing the bare minimum by not being attracted to children. Bravo. But really, I've never had a dude flirt with me who wouldn't back off after me shutting them down, minor or not. So I'm very fortunate in that way. But I too can be fairly oblivious? First time I got asked out, I thought he was asking me to hang out with the friend group. Then he was like "... like a date." After I had asked where did we all wanna meet up. Lmaooooo.

We do change as we grow. I've been taking some personality quizzes for school in regards to the PMAI (Pearson-Marr Archetype Indicator) especially and it actually talks a lot about how at different times in your life you'll display different archetypes depending on what you're having to adapt to or overcome. So I think the same is true for Houses. What's peculiar to me about Houses is that when I was younger I was under the understanding that you were your House, right? But the older I got, I prescribe to the "your House is what you admire" type theology. So I might not embody a Hufflepuff in every action, but a Hufflepuff is what I aspire to be. I admire loyalty above all else. Loyalty and kindness. I might not always BE kind. I'm far too hot-headed to be the embodiment of a Hufflepuff, but I admire gentle souls the most. Ergo, Hufflepuff. I've always hated how Slytherins were associated with negative sounding modifiers. Cunning IS a negative word since by definition it's about achieving one's goals through deceit. But I dont understand why being quick-witted and clever couldn't have been the heavier association. I think Ravenclaw's are booksmart and Slytherin are streetsmart. Gryffindors are street tough, while Hufflepuff are ready to roll. Does that make sense? I think the whole cunning/silver-tongued thing was the stupidest idea, because then you are saying narratively that Slytherin IS the evil House. Why have the House at all? On a meta level, Harry begging not to be considered part of the Dark Side despite the actual Voldemort growing inside of him is symbolic in his rejection of Slytherin, but when you go on to merchandise and tell children you are a Slytherin; you're telling children they're evil. They're gonna be evil. And not in "this is the House for brats" way. In the "you either die a villain or live long enough to run away." insane. My point is they're OUR Houses now and I'm saying I think you're clever and quick-witted, and that's pretty Slytherin to me.

I'm very blessed to have her and I'm glad other people get to experience that too. I think everyone is deserving of deep connections like that. And I'm glad to hear you taking time for yourself away from dnd. Our sessions can be exhausting too, but half of my party is my literal blood family and the other half is adopted practically so we usually end up hanging out for half of the session. Makes it way less intense. That sounds like it was a fun character!! I haven't gotten the pleasure to play clerics all that much. Right now I'm in three different campaigns that alternate each week. In one I'm a druid, and that's our 5th edition campaign. I'm playing the new Wildfire from Tasha's and I haven't gotten to flex out the Wildfire Spirit yet, I am having fun. I've got a wolf who is using the sidekick mechanic in that game and he's so much fun to play too. In the other two games, those are 4th editions (the edition I grew up on and learned how to play) and in those I am a ranger and a class known as a Warden. Sort of a fighter/druid class. And the druid and the ranger are both shifters, and the warden is my half-orc. I'm always happy to talk dnd lol. Which cleric were you? Trickster Domain?

Also EWWW HUMIDITY I HATE IT. :(((

Dude, I WISH I could crochet. My fingers are so big tho, bestie. Makes it hard to do anything dexterous.

I'm already feeling much better :)) unfortunately not in time not to bomb half of my project. Whoops. But I'm blaming Glass Shark. He got me sick.

Dont apologize for the novel!! As you can see I'm capable of replying with a novel in turn lol. I hope you had a wonderful day today and that this next week treats you well!! Thank you for the well wishing 💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕

[aion-rsa]

Ready Player Two Review: Ernest Cline’s Soulless Sequel Beats a Dead Horse

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

It doesn’t take long for Ernest Cline’s Ready Player Two to reunite gunter-turned-billionaire Wade Owen Watts with a vintage video game that holds a clue to a virtual scavenger hunt that will forever change the future of the digital, escapist OASIS. But after winning this particular game, Parzival (Wade’s OASIS alter ego) finds that he automatically starts over. Because of an extra life, he is given the option of playing through the game again, even though there are no surprises, simply to rack up extra points and because he can.

Reading Ready Player Two feels a lot like that. Ready Player One, Cline’s 2011 debut novel, delighted readers with its futuristic generation of gunters who had taken on all things 1980s with religious fervor in search of the Easter egg that would bequeath the OASIS, Willy Wonka-style, to one lucky player. The book also made some incisive commentary on retreating into digital worlds instead of trying to fix the climate change-ravaged Earth. But neither of these is reason enough to warrant a sequel, especially one that effectively tries to play through the same plot of a posthumous quest with double the pop culture name-dropping and world-ending stakes.

This time around, Wade is rich beyond his wildest dreams but basically a friendless recluse, and now the OASIS can give you a full-senses experience but can also potentially kill you. Turns out that in addition to winning James Halliday’s fortune, Wade inherited one more thing: the OASIS Neural Interface, or ONI, which allows users to experience every touch, taste, and smell of their digital world. Pop culture aficionado that he is, Wade ponders how easily the ONI could be used for evil—and then decides to release it to his fellow OASIS users anyway, justifying it with the reasoning that he could never withhold wholly immersive escapism from the miserable masses.

Wade relates all this in a bevy of early chapters that jump ahead three years, smoothing out key emotional moments and massive changes to the book’s universe into an unemotional narrative blur—ironic, considering that the whole point of the ONI is that it allows people to feel like never before. I’ve read Wikipedia summaries with more feeling than the beginning of this book. By the time the main plot begins to unfold, readers will feel so distant from Wade that it will be difficult to care when his actions resurrect a ghost in the machine, sending Parzival and the rest of the “High Five”—his strained besties and business partners including Aech, Shoto, and ex-girlfriend Samantha a.k.a. Art3mis—on a muddled fantasy quest with a ticking clock. This time, when you die in the game, you actually die IRL (or, as the kiddos call it in 2048, the Earl—sigh).

Instead of three keys to three gates, it’s Seven Shards to the Siren’s Soul, which gives the book more of a fantasy quest feel than Ready Player One’s video game tournament vibe. Of course, that doesn’t preclude Wade from the aforementioned arcade visit, nor another batch of Halliday-approved ’80s references. The gunters’ single-minded ’80s obsession felt like clever commentary in Ready Player One; in the sequel, it verges on self-parody. It did not seem possible that Cline could find new pop culture trivia to shoehorn into these pages, and yet he does—sometimes a dozen to a single page, if we have the misfortune of encountering a character rattling off lists of movies or songs. The book’s first riddle combines Max Headroom, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and Tommy Tutone’s earworm “867-5309/Jenny,” so that should give you an idea of what you’re in for.

To be fair, Cline leans more into mashups this time around, likely following the conventional wisdom that the best way to make two familiar pieces new is to combine them. One notable excursion is the OASIS planet created in the image of John Hughes’ favorite fictional town of Shermer, Illinois. On this medley world, five different Molly Ringwalds all attend the same high school, and obscure knowledge of actors almost cast in iconic roles saves the day. The sequel also utilizes needle drops, with Parzival and his friends’ actions triggering music cues in Shermer as well as on a certain purple-themed musical world. The faithful listing of every song title and/or key lyrics reads a bit ponderous on the page, but no doubt the effect will be more fun in the inevitable Ready Player Two movie.

These interludes also have Parzival getting schooled by Art3mis and Aech for the gaps in his knowledge, for following Halliday’s broad-yet-narrow tastes and inheriting the man’s blind spots for pop culture that might have been more significant for women and people of color. It’s a different kind of self-awareness than existed in Ready Player One, but it feels more performative than anything else because it still comes from the perspective of a white man.

Ready Player One was published in 2011, and our world has changed a lot in the intervening decade, from the rise of social media influencers to gender fluidity (and its vocabulary and presentation) becoming more mainstream. One gets the sense that Cline took these cultural shifts into account when returning to the 2040s, retconning them into his speculative future. The ONI-net, in which OASIS users can experience the lives of celebrities and thrill-seekers through immersive viral clips, brings to mind Instagram and TikTok. Though there are some references to global pandemics, COVID-19 seems not to have made the cut (likely due to Ready Player Two’s publishing schedule). Nonbinary people exist in the OASIS and IRL, and one of the new supporting characters is trans, though the reader mostly experiences this through Wade’s own journey of acknowledging his own sexual confusion. Wade has become more woke, but he mostly proclaims such wokeness instead of actually acting on it.

The Wade of Ready Player One has a clear rags-to-riches story, as his obsession with a bygone decade literally pays off and transforms his life. Ready Player Two’s reverse narrative is not nearly as compelling, and falls into the trap of altering its characters’ circumstances without actually depicting character growth. Aech, Art3mis, and Shoto go through major life changes yet somehow get even less plot development than the first time around. That trans character gets shuffled off to a side quest that will no doubt become its own tie-in novella, when it would have been more affirming for her to be front-and-center—the new Parzival, eager to crack the puzzle. None of these characters are elevated from supporting cast to Wade’s crisis of conscience. Unlike the OASIS, the world of these books remains static and unchanging.

Rather than extend that extra life through another run-through of the same game, Wade wisely lets it expire and takes his win. If only Cline had done the same.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Ready Player Two is available now from Ballantine Books.

The post Ready Player Two Review: Ernest Cline’s Soulless Sequel Beats a Dead Horse appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2J9vqV2

[tumblunni]

Hashtag relateable protagonist yo

Gonna give some comments on Red String Of Fate as I play it! You can get the game here and it’s actually free to play. So yeah, even as I criticise parts of it, keep that in mind! Its really great for a free short lil slice of cuteness.

Oh, but the font size is weirdly small for some reason so I’m gonna be mostly doing cropped screenshots so you can see it thru tumblr auto resizing. Also the character sprites are very basic tbh, its like one pic that never changes throughout the game except eyes closed/eyes open and stuff. Like a lot of visual novels dont do much body language but the faces are very awkward here too. But yeah this isn’t a huge criticism cos I mean its free! Its impressive they managed to pull off this much in a quick project! I’ve seen way worse VNs on steam getting huge price tags, so i honestly don’t think this one should have been free, even if I have some complaints about it.

Anyway, onward!

We’re introduced to the premise of the story- that our heroine has the magic power to see red strings that show who your true love is. And by sheer coincidence during an exam she bumps into someone else who has the power! ...aaaand also she has a best friend, I guess. Seriously I feel kinda bad for Aaron, he’s not in on the secret or anything and if you take Luke’s route he’s just like comic relief the whole time. I wish there were more of the scenes where the three of them actually hang out as buddies.

I actually really liked the interesting ideas they had about how the red string could work! It’s just a shame that with the static character sprites you like.. literally never see any red strings at all except on the title screen. i wish I could have seen these cool ideas!

Oh and here’s a full screenshot so you can see the two love interests! Luke is on the left and Aaron is on the right. Luke is the mysterious other guy with the same power, Aaron is the adorable best friend who gets sidelined right away unless you pick his route. Like, I went for Luke route first cos I liked Aaron better and figured doing the best route last would be better than in DDADDS where i left the worst for last. I guess I can just hope that maybe Luke is equally sidelined on the other route? I wish neither of them were, tho, the game is best when they’re all playing off each other as the super besties team! Oh and like lol their personalities are very simple, but again it makes sense for a short free dating sim. And a LOOOOT of big paid dating sims have equally stereotypical roles, so yeah! But anyway just remember that grey guy is Books and yellow guy is Vidyagaems. Everything about them revolves around their hobbies, in that way that doesnt happen outside of basic children’s cartoons. MAN I am being too harsh on this game, lol!

Again, interesting uses of the red string thing! And it also makes Aaron instantly more intriguing than Luke. I mean, just to me ‘hey wow a thing that should be impossible according to my superpower and maybe we can find out the mystery behind it’ is more intriguing than just ‘another guy with power’. Like you at least have a frame of reference on how that plot will generally go, yknow? Also I’m intrigued cos I would have just guessed that a broken string means ‘he’s promiscuous and doesnt want to settle down’ from the context of this scene. But its curious to think that it could mean he had a soulmate once and they DIED??? And like what, does that mean your personality changes when it happens or something? Like is it not his own fault he’s flighty and has a lot of girlfriends, that just happened cos supernaturalness? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

Okay this is kind of a weird thing. The first scene says they’re all in a philosophy class, but then their group assignment is science? And its just like.. make a presentation about LITERALLY ANYTHING YOU WANT. And for some reason they pick evolution, and think that everyone will pick evolution???? And Aaron says some very basic stuff about Darwin and then protagonist is like ‘I CANT UNDERSTAND THESE COMPLEX SCIENCE TERMS’ like.. literally the word Darwin... Basically, its a good old classic ‘school life as plot point, without showing any of the school life’ setup. We never see any other students or hear the name of the place or get much of an idea about what’s going on. And sadly we don’t even get to see their presentation even though that was a main plot point for 75% of the game! Just timeskip to the end and they’re all like Hey Do You Remember That Thing That We Did Offscreen... ANYWAY, MOVING ON!

A random moment I liked- protag and Luke talking about the stress of this superpower and exchanging tips on coping with it, that kinda seem like a depression or anxiety metaphor.

This is kinda the start of a very weird recurring plot thread for the protagonist.. Like.. she wants to find her soulmate but she REALLY wants to find her soulmate! She obsesses over it really melodramatically as if her life will have no purpose without love, and we hear about how she’s been doing weird self destructive and kinda jerkass things in the name of soulmate searching. Like she’s planned her WHOLE LIFE around it! She’s been working four jobs for years to save up to move to another country she knows nothing about and doesnt speak the language of, just because ‘my soulmate must be far away’. And she’s apparantly dumped everyone who’s ever tried to be in a relationship with her because if they dont have the string they aren’t ~really real love~ Like wow girl I am not sympathising with your perspective, this is really messed up. I hope the game actually brings up some of the problems with this and the ending isnt just finding the soulmate and everything is fine!

Aaron is cutie patoot This is like the most emotiony the sprites ever get, lol!

AARON IS CUTIE PATOOT: PART 2 also you see what I mean about them being strangely defined by their hobbies as personality

????????? That’s a ‘stupid chinese thing’?? Not just a normal thing everyone would do? Which is called maternity leave?? There’s a few weird moments of stuff about china in this VN, and then they like only say at the last minute that the protagonist is half chinese. Like you put the context an hour after the thing that required it...

Randomly I like that they did a splitscreen effect for talking on the phone.

Its conspicuously weird that they have no character portrait for this guy, he gets no dialogue, and he really does nothing in the plot. So it makes you wonder why they even mentioned him?

Also look at protag’s cool bedroom!

Also look at Luke’s cool bedroom! The background design is super good in this game!

WHO DOES THIS??? Its weird that Luke finds it cute and charming when I’d just call her rude and be super embarassed at people ruffling thru my things without asking Anyway he has A Bunch Of Rare First Edition Books and also A Library Room because He Is The Books Man But it is a nice bit of backstory that he got the rare books as a gift from his deceased grandpa. I MOURN YOU ALREADY, MYSTERY GRAMPS

YOU DID WHAT seriously.. what?? you can’t sexualize eating candy, game

AWW! Every now and again they actually do have pretty good chemistry! ‘But I just want to be friends!’ *mumble mumble* ‘we’re friends’ Grumpy shy book man does care!

Though as of this point they haven’t really had much else of chemistry, it all moves very fast and I feel like this scene maybe should have been earlier? Like seriously we go straight from ‘I just met this guy, all I know is that he hates having his superpowers and I love it’ and then they get put on a group project and then Friends Now. The game has a lot of soft timeskips that’re never really indicated, which causes a bit of confusion. There is a bit of nice continuity here tho, cos you get the choice to either keep arguing about the superpowers or drop it and try and just be friends. Either way the game follows the same conclusions, but you get a lil bonus bit of dialogue mentioning how things were super tense for a while but eventually you became friends anyway thanks to the group project.

This Scene Is Weird Apparantly one of protag’s billion jobs is at a library, and she sees Luke checking out books and makes fun of him? And like from this response I thought he was checking out lesbian porno or something but apparantly he was just checking out poetry? What the hell is wrong with a LITERATURE STUDENT checking out poetry?? When did poetry become a no men thing, was it around the time it was a male dominated field, like novels? >_> And its all kinda pointless cos she ends up being perfectly nice to him about the poetry later and even talks about how she likes poetry too, so wow hypocrite much

There is a nice dialogue choice tho, the two of them talk about a poem and the different interpretations of it, and you get to choose which you prefer as the player. Luke prefers if you agree that the satirical interpretation is better, cos apparantly he Hates Love And Such Which leads us into...

...what. Seriously this game is so weirdly melodramatic about love, even for a visual novel! the whole main conflict of the protagonist is about ‘wah what if i never fall in love, my life would have no meaning’ and also dumping everyone no matter how much you like them cos ~magical destiny is the only real one~ and now we’re like OH GOD WHAT A TRAGEDY THE ONLY REASON SOMEONE COULD WANT TO BE SINGLE IS BECAUSE A DEEP TRAUMA MADE THEM STOP BELIEVING IN LOVE like seriously dude just has a mild amount of skepticism towards overly cheesy romance novel depictions of love, thats like a minor and super common difference of opinion, not a deep plot twist

...seriously? ‘you cant read books unless you read books about love’ like yo i wouldnt even say books are remotely near the top ten most sex-obsessed mediums of all time. music and film are way worse!

Again weird comments about china. Is this really a thing that happens? High class chinese people visit chinese restaurants more often than poor white people? Like, I dunno, I just feel like uninformed white folks who undervalue the work that goes into making foreign food and reduce its reputation to takeaway-only are SLIGHTLY the majority of customers you’d get...

Again, melodrama. Not much has actually happened yet except we met the two boys, we got put in a study group together, and we chose to study with Luke instead of party with Aaron. But like interspersed is a whole bunch of Drama that feels a bit forced, with the lack of real situations causing it. like here she’s just walking through the park and wants to cry because she.... sees that straight people exist. Me too, lol. no but really she just sees that One Other Couple Exists In The World and she starts wanting to cry in the middle of the park and like.. the only thing keeping you from dating someone is your obsessive belief that they cant be your real love if they dont have this magical signal of destiny. And then she just reiterates her crazy ass plan to drop her studies and fly off on a world tour to test her string against every other human on earth and find her soulmate...

SEE THE SCENES OF THEM BEING BESTIES ARE AWESOME I’m way less invested in this love triangle and more invested in them just succeeding in their group project!

NO, I REALLY WISH I COULD HAVE seriously we dont see ANY of the group project, it just timeskips to them celebrating their victory. and this means we dont get to see many scenes of luke and aaron interacting, sadly :(

LOOK AT THEM THEY ARE SO CUTE ALL TOGETHER I LOVE AND SUPPORT THEIR FRIENDSHIP also its kinda funny that the game barely has any changes on the character sprites yet it has really great and detailed CG images. I feel like maybe if you prioritized these less it could have led to a more consistant experience?

FINALLY SOMEONE IS CALLING HER OUT, GEEZ

NOOOOOO Thats not the POINT, game! The point is that it’d be stupid and self destructive even if she succeeded! And she probably could have had a happier life if she didnt do this, even if she succeeds! AND SHE PROBABLY WILL HAVE BETTER HEALTH AND NOT BE IN DEBT AND NOT BE DEPRESSED COS SHE’S OBSESSED WITH THIS DESTINY SHIT

Just to prove that this is indeed the actual plot of the game, she really is planning to fly across the world for the sake of this shit

Also this line raises a lot of questions. Do asexual people not exist in this universe? or just people who never want to get married and only want casual sex or whatever? or does it mean they still have red strings but they look different? Also this game seems to define it pretty distinctly as only heterosexual destiny strings here, so like would gay people not have strings or would they have differently coloured strings? or is she just assuming all soulmates are the opposite sex simply because she’s straight and she didnt think about the alternative? or cos the writer didn’t? or maybe the writer did and it was just awkwardly written so it raised these questions in my head...?

^ and here’s the bit where she mentions she’s part chinese suddenly at the last moment, and also he’s part japanese too. Which made me a bit worried actually cos she mentioned asia as one of the random places she was gonna search first for her soulmate, and I thought maybe this means he’s her soulmate. But thankfully thats not the way the plot went and it actually does discuss the topic of destiny in more detail!

also that is cute

[aurynleid]

I just finished Trespasser and I have too many feelings.

Dragon Age: Inquisition has had the strongest impact on me than any and every game since... since I first played Final Fantasy VII at age something-young-and-stupid. I wish I had played the DA games earlier and played Inquisition when it first came out to be out amongst all the hype - it must have been wonderful.

I came straight here to try and vomit all my feels out into one place while they were fresh in my heart but I’m struggling to articulate. 

(lots of words behind the cut)

I played Inquisitor Lavellan as a slightly younger elf that always felt out of his depth, relying heavily on advice from Cullen, Leliana, Josephine and Cassandra (unofficially known as Cassandra-mum), and his heart. Coerced into roof-time and prank-pulling with Sera, far-too-much-alcohol with Bull, accidentally fell for a Tevinter mage. Chatted with Tom as he watched the soon-to-be-Warden carve toys for children, badgered Varric for tales of Rowan Hawke and organised for Cassandra to get the thrilling conclusion of that much loved trash novel series. Admittedly he wasn’t the best to teach Cole ‘human’ things but he tried anyway, his fondness and feeling of protection intense. He disagreed with Vivienne on a lot of things but still admired her, and he disagreed with Solas more, but loved to sit and listen to his tales of the Fade.

Solas is difficult ground. Where I found him frustrating and tended to disengage, I think Althan probably found him a curious mystery and, every time he saw disappointment in the elf’s eyes, felt the urge and need to prove himself. Because of this I didn’t expect Trespasser to have the emotional impact it did - but whether it was the facial animation, the dialogue or just the emotional swell of music, my eyes couldn’t stay dry. I wasn’t sure why it hurt so much and I could spent ages trying to pull it apart - but, probably, the main thing was I knew I would soon be saying goodbye to my favourite game, and all those beautiful characters. 

Also I lost an arm. D:

Which I’m sure you all already know but, I am left-handed IRL so it seemed like a pretty crappy deal. Oh well, apparently Sera gets me a crossbow extension for it... 

I have never cried so much at the end of a Dragon Age game. Origins wrapped up a bit more traditionally, feeling like the end of Star Wars: A New Hope, accolades and all, and that was fine, I was satisfied. Dragon Age 2, the poor dear - the end felt so rushed and slapped on I barely had time to mourn Anders, let alone the passing of the game itself. Dragon Age Inquisition hit the sweet spot. It was just the right length, and had just the right farewell (wouldn’t have minded a final kiss with Dori, though). It was sweet and bittersweet and sad and emotions I don’t know the name of, and Cassandra reading out Varric’s account of the whole tale during the end credits was skillfully put probably to take us out of the depths of our despair. 

I didn’t go into the game knowing who I was going to romance. I had actually initially been making a female human, but me being me, ended up with my little elfen Althan, which apparently narrowed down my choices a lot. I am not straight, so I tend to edge towards same-sex relationships when available because, whatever gender I play, they feel more natural to me. My second playthrough I really wanna romance Cullen as a female human because he’s a dear but I just have this feeling I might ‘accidentally’ end up with Sera. It happens like that lots. 

I had been expecting to both IC and OOCly dislike Dorian - all I knew of him prior to playing was that he was a ‘Vint, and thought ‘well that can’t be good’, and that said he swept me off my feet pretty damn fast. I imagined Althan being very hesitant at first with a Tevinter mage about, polite but definitely letting Dorian know he wasn’t liked (can those things exist at the same time?). Then with a combination of eternal suave, the Poirot moustache and some really sweet and soulful words and gazes, we were doomed. Him almost-sobbing ‘I knew you were going to break my heart’ at the Crossroads while the anchor burned away at Althan’s arm nearly broke my heart, at the same time as I wanted him to reply ‘you’re the one who left’ because long-distance relationships are hard and why did he have to go back to Tevinter anyway.

(The face Althan pulled when he learned Dorian would be going back to the ‘Vint indefinitely after the talks because he’s basically twelve)

It’s been a while since something has inspired me so much. There are so many ideas for pictures and stories and comics I want to get out of me, that I really hope I can - my mental health has been really bad, really exceptionally bad though, and where creating used to be a solace for me I now find it very hard to do when I’m ill, wrapped up in so much anxiety and self-hate. I really hope I can still get them out of me. I really want to. My housemate bestie is really into DA and recently started replaying it inspired by all our chatter, so hopefully she’ll help me help myself get the art out.

Out of all the DA protagonists, saying goodbye to the Inquisitor was the hardest. Prior to playing, my favourite was Hawke (gasp I know), but again, it was hard to miss him because I didn’t feel as though there had been room to say goodbye, everything about that game was a bit too fleeting and abrupt. I loved my Warden too, of course, miss City Elf With An Attitude Shandril, the rogue who stole Leliana’s heart. But potentially because Inquisition was just so well executed, Althan is now my favourite, and I’m sure always will be (The next game has a lot to live up to and surpass). Outside of the poor vocal choices (I never like these anyway, though Hawke was good), there was so much room made for you to create the Inquisitor’s character than ever before in the DA-verse. I might be wrong or you might disagree, maybe I’m still in the afterglow - but I felt so much freedom to express Althan as the sort of Inquisitor I wanted him to be, which wasn’t your archetype hero, which was someone who was scared a lot of the time and uncertain of what to do, and anxious that so many people were looking to him, but in the end managed to stumble through it all with a little help from his friends, and by being earnest and thoughtful. 

(The theatre was a new and dazzling experience) 

I think that’s it for now. I know I have more to say on this but it’s not in me to put it down now, I’m thoroughly exhausted. If you’ve gotten to the end of this, go you! I’d love to hear about your Inquisitor and your experience with Inquisition. Please. Send me pictures, gush to me about your character and your romance and your world-state. Really. I’d love to hear and share and all of it. 

[lizzizzie-blog]

So this is the New Year.

It’s the New Year. We rang in 2017 with a quiet sleepover with our Framily (friends-family) - a couple who were my husband’s friends from high school, and their sweet kiddo. They are the best. It was a lovely time. There were snacks, and a special cocktail made with my tastes in mind. There was coloring, dancing, and gaming, and mirth and joy and laughter. Most of all, there was love. Mature, comfortable, stable, steady, twinkly love. It was perfect.

We have an incredible friend group in the suburb where we bought our house. These are the people with whom I hang out regularly at this phase of my life, and I am so lucky. They’re a bunch of adult sweethearts and we have so much fun together. Before everybody parted ways to see family for the holiday, we had an impromptu Game Night Christmas party with all of them at our house (though one had to stay home with her ill baby). We drank drinks and ate snacks. We played the new Oregon Trail card game and reminisced about having to set it to the “aggressive pace” to maximize gameplay when we’d play at elementary school. We made jokes about dysentery and oxen and fording the river. We agreed that hunting was always the best part. We made up a stupid game that involved throwing shit from the top of the stairs into other shit at the bottom of the stairs. We played Adult Hide and Seek. We played Trivia Murder Party. There were stupid prizes at stake that our friends took way too seriously. There was laughter, there was singing, and there was love. Silly, easy, funny, understanding, reliable love. It was perfect.

And it feels like only yesterday that it was New Year’s Eve 2005. I can conjure the emotions and mood of that night effortlessly. I was 18, home for Winter Break from my first semester at college. And I was getting drunk at my still-high-school-sweetheart-boyfriend’s best friend’s house, taking pictures of me kissing one of (all of) my besties. My roomie and I called our moms from the stairs just after midnight, and one of my besties made out with a dude AFTER puking and we all gave them shit. There was a Buzz Lightyear costume, and trick Jell-O shots (surprise! just Jell-O!), and weed that I was too afraid to smoke. Most of all, there was love. Young, sloppy, insecure, vibrant, loud love. It was also perfect.

I’ve been especially reflective this New Year, as 2017 is the year I will turn 30. Usually I don’t build up the new year thing all that much in terms of making resolutions and self-reflection. Until recently, I hadn’t given turning 30 much thought. Getting older has never concerned me (I’ve always felt older than my age, and I happen to be in the “life is long” camp as opposed to the “life is short” camp, usually), and most of my friends with whom I hang out regularly are past 30, so it doesn’t feel like so big of a deal. Turning 30 will just make me feel like one of the cool kids… which is, ironic.

But, today is my last day of Winter Break, and I am feeling sad about that. Yes, as a 29 year old woman, I have a real, grown up, adult job in which I get to work from home and have a Winter Break. #blessed 

I should be making a meal plan, and a grocery list, and catching up on the work I’m behind on from before Winter Break, but instead I am being still… sitting, feeling, writing.

Over this break, I fell deeply madly in love with a Norwegian TV series about teens. I love stories about young people… TV shows about kids in high school, YA novels. Maybe this is something I should grow out of, but I always go back to it. There is something so compelling about coming of age stories. Maybe it’s related to my ability to instantly replay all the feelings and emotion of that time in my life. Anyway, I can’t stop watching this show. I binged it, and virtually overnight it became my favorite show, ever. And I keep watching it over again. And following Instagram and Tumblr accounts about it. On this break, I felt like I was a young person again…I stayed up late obsessively watching TV, and I slept in without an alarm. Several days passed without a schedule, and I didn’t bother to get dressed for many of them. (I also had a cold/flu thing going on for several days, so I will justify it with that.) It felt so good to forget my everyday stresses and get sucked into stories about young love… It felt so good to just be a person, and it has made me nostalgic for the time when I was younger and every day felt that way, and the weight of my responsibilities wasn’t with me all of the all the time. It felt so incredible to allow myself the feeling of joy without the inner monologue of worry, stress, guilt, and fear that I typically carry every day because I am a human person. It’s been so long since I was in such a head space, and I feel lighter. And afraid of going back to the daily routine tomorrow.

Our friends and family are having kids. We’re thinking about having one, and I am so back and forth about it. Not because I am unsure whether I want to be a parent. Not because I doubt my or my husband’s ability to love and rear a child. Maybe because I still feel like one. Maybe because I feel like I am JUST on the cusp of learning how to prioritize myself and treat myself with the same love I give so freely and easily to others.

Maybe 30 will be the year that I grow up and address my physical health. Maybe 30 will be the year that I get it together enough to clean my shower with minimally acceptable frequency. Maybe 30 will be the year during which I finally give in and start budgeting like a responsible person should. Maybe 30 will be the year I stop spilling shit and running into shit all. the. time. Maybe 30 will be the year I will give myself permission to do less. Maybe 30 will be the year during which I grow completely out of trying to guess what my mom would think (but not actually asking her because I’m a #grownasswoman who values her own opinions) as a means of decision-making. Here’s hoping.

As I write this, my husband is organizing the garage. Which apparently includes hacking apart a rotting wooden step ladder and burning it in the fire pit out back, because I’ve been watching him do that, out the back window, as I sit at my dining room table (shout out to Art Van 0% financing).

A few minutes ago I texted him, “Be careful, dear. Don’t impale yourself.” Just now I looked up to find him sitting fire-adjacent in a lawn chair, sawing through a rung. I watched him take his phone out of his hoodie pocket, read my text, and shrug at it. My heart swelled.

Right now my best friend’s husband is marching with the Air Force Band in the Rose Bowl parade. My besties (yes, the same besties from NYE 2005) group chat is talking about how we’re seeing him on TV, sending screenshots of flashes of him from the Rose Bowl’s Facebook coverage. My heart is so warm.

How did I get here so quickly? The first of my besties is pregnant (eeee!!!!). I have a mortgage. And plenty of student loan debt. And a (beautiful) cat. And a husband. A salary, a retirement plan that I don’t understand, a niece, in-laws. I will inherit our friends’ child if they die at the same time tragically. I’ve given a eulogy. I’ve been to too many funerals. I’ve presided over the marriage of several friends, and over one divorce. It’s all happening, and sometimes it all still feels really weird. #stillfightingit

[empoweringmyselftosurvive-blog]

Who am I? Part 1

Who am I? That is a very good question. Let’s see if I can answer it properly.

I am Luckie. I work as a waitress in a Mexican restaurant in the town where I live, I am even the assistant manager! It aided me in learning Spanish (not that I am amazing at it, even after two years) and gave me a place to work when I had no other options. A lot has changed since I first started working there. So many cooks have come and gone. So many servers have as well. My grandmother has passed away. I met one of my soulmates, and lost him. I have had two birthdays, as has my daughter. I have lost myself more times than I can count. I even found myself a few times. But the most important thing that has happened since I start working there is that I amazing people I will never forget, people who have been there for me (at different times) when I was in need. Confused by the random infusion of knowledge about me? Here, I’ll make it easier to read. I am 25 and a single mother to an amazing little girl. Lillian is two and the stars in my universe. Even death couldn’t keep me from her. We live with a lake literally across the road from our front door. Summer time is very fun for both of us, that’s for sure. We have our own little household pets zoo. Six fish, three inside cats (Cinnamon, Elektra, Lucifer <all female>), one outside cat (Eli <male>), and a small inside dog (Ren <male>). To say she is spoiled is an understatement, that’s true. But I would do absolutely anything to put a smile on that little face of hers. Whether it be watching Spirit or Boss Baby or Trolls, playing her learning games on her tablet or on my phone, or just visiting her Deda and Nana, that baby is almost always smiling and laughing. If she isn’t smiling, she’s either extremely tired (and fighting it) or sick.

Of course, I have passions of my own as well. Reading novels of all kinds is how I started out in life. My momma would read the Harry Potter novels to me until I was old enough to read them on my own. Then we would read them together. When the movies came out, we always went to see them together. Our own special little thing that only the two of us did together. Writing all sorts of things from poetry or fictional novellas to full blown novels of the fictional genre. Even memoirs when the mood (and/or muse) strikes. Music is always prominent in my life, no matter what I am doing. Shopping, working, reading, writing, sleeping, driving or riding, cleaning. I am always playing music in some way at all points of my life. Without music, I have no muse. Without my muse, I am not myself. And no one wants to be around me when I am not myself.

I have multiple soulmates or different types. Let me explain.

--> My Twin Soul is a young woman I met in college about five or six years ago in the grammar class we both happened to attend at the same time. Our teacher insisted we all be more involved and social so we were told to turn and introduce ourselves to those around us. Where we were sitting, I could either talk to her or talk to another girl I already knew and spent most of my free time with, so I decided to make a new acquaintance at the very least. She complimented my keychain (a false ear from the TV show The Walking Dead) and we just started chatting. Even after class, we kept in touch and always hung out. We became inseparable and that hasn’t changed a single bit. A few months later she went with me to go shoe shopping with my grandmother for some special ballroom thing I had to attend because of my scholarship. When we walked into the shoe store, Gia made a comment on how cute a pair of shoes were and my grandma snapped “We are only getting ONE pair of shoes, Krystin Brooke!” because she thought it was me. That is how she was introduced to the insanity I call blood relations. Mawmaw apologized when she realized I was on the other side of her, but it was extremely funny nonetheless. Gia’s own bestie (at the time) actually grew ridiculously jealous of our friendship not long after we started hanging out because of how well we clicked and fast we became so close. Amber eventually fell off with Gia, not that any of us are sad about it. Before she fell off though, I actually disappeared on Gia for a while. I moved to the bottom of my home state, got pregnant, and moved to the top of my home state within four months. After moving up, I actually reconnected with Gia after a few more months. It was as if a single day had not gone by. We just picked up where we left off. Best friends who don’t even need to speak to have a full conversation. She helped me through one of the hardest times in my life to date. I didn’t exactly have the best ‘baby daddy’. But that is a completely different story for another post at another time.

--> My Diablita Soul Twin (my evil work twin) is one of the greatest young ladies I have ever met. She is absolutely too insane for her own good and much like me in many ways. It’s insane how much the two of us are in sync. We have even had customers comment on how well we work together, how in sync we are without having to even speak. It’s quite lovely having someone around that understands without having to voice my thoughts aloud just to discuss things that are on my mind. Or how we can just sit and chill without talking and still be completely content and enjoying ourselves.

--> My Gaming Soulmate is Magnus. My friendship with this adorable transgender Dragicorn is the best thing that ever came from Tumblr. Hands down. At least...it is for me. We met through a friend I had made on Tumblr my sophomore year of college (about a year or so before I met Gia). This friend (let’s refer to her as Puppy) and I would play games on Steam a lot and she invited Magnus one night to play Left 4 Dead 2 with us because we were in need of another player. We just clicked! After a while, he and I would play even when Puppy wasn’t around, either alone or with his brother (Chicken) and sister (Bacon). After a few months went by, we would talk every day, about pretty much anything. I would vent to him about my relationship issues and he would support me as best he could. He wasn’t much of a talker (still isn’t) but he makes the best listener. After a while, Puppy disappeared on both of us. It hit him really hard because they had been together. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend of two years and took it extremely hard as well. Magnus and I didn’t have contact for about a year, but when we reconnected, it was as if we had never stopped talking. Even now, when we go a few months or so without talking, we just connect as if time paused when we went our separate ways. It is one of the best feelings in the galaxy, knowing I have people when I need them, no matter how long it has been since we last spoke. And it is amazing knowing that they know I am here for them as well, no matter what.

I have hopes and aspirations just as any other, but mine are simple. I have dreams that are not as simple though. I wish to be a published novel author some day, working as a novel editor for Penguin Publishing in New York, New York. I dream of having my own side business for interior design to help pay the bills as I write in my free time. One day, I hope to live in a place other than Louisiana. Florida is my goal right now, for my sister (Gia) as well. To get out of this no good town, away from this deadend job, and to create a decent life for my little girl and I would be amazing. I wish for better understand and control when it comes to my emotions and mental stability. I aspire to become the best mama I can be, if not even better, just to ensure Lillian has the best chance at the greatest life she can.

(((soooo many more posts like this to come, but I shall end this one here)))

Thanks for reading, lovies! ~~

[coralstarfishtrash-blog]

Lolita

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Sloanis novel about a mystical shop that contains a lot more than matches the attention may be worth discovering if your favored spot inside the world is Alley. By 2015's end, Lyft expects to complete almost 13 mil tours. Jess Walter have not observed eyes to vision but after studying Wonderful Ruins, we have certainly kissed and composed. Basically, we may effectively be 'besties'. Mr. Canfieldis additional bestselling books - The Energy of Concentrate, The Aladdin Aspect, and Challenge to Acquire, - have created millions of bookstore and Net sales, and have presented secondary goods including audio programs, movie programs, company education programs and syndicated columns to enthusiastic Company purchasers. Be willing to take suggestions and constructive critique, as this can simply create your medieval-fantasy story that much better. Do your study The amount of study you should do is determined by the fresh you produce. It's splendidly amusing and positively lovely, but Vapor people is likely to be stuck using the lower of the inferior director. I am not likely to propose anyone read this because you will judge me for this long before you fatigue of the tics that are written as well as the recurring use of characters' names that are entire. Stegner was not irresponsible for a boomlet by training her reports at Stanford School in his novels courses and including these in two anthologies of American writers before they inserted her semi-fantastic identity in his prizewinning new. If you're a mug for relationship and puzzle books like us, checkout these bestsellers by Liliana. These books both have a look at file how governmental pros and cons affect people powerless to control their condition, and ordinary household life in a repressive Communist society. it can be deterred, although the cause of Kindle syncing to past page read is so that you could see the same guide on distinct equipment. Attach containers or smaller shelf in which you'll be able to store books at a child- height that is correct. That is one purpose like this are consequently significant that I believe books,; they occur to tell us what mankind are designed for: the nice along with the bad. Shush, I'm worrying it adequate already.” we explained with pretend aggravation, then got. They I would like to proceed chuckled and finally. I suddenly felt cool and miserable without his hands on my back and without so near quarry. Yea ok currently it-all makes sense exactly what a great notion I am not sad you came up with such a normal reason for an element that is underground. The Informal A new of a small-town racked using infighting, sold well-but gotten a mixed reaction from experts although vacancy. Both figures that are key mirror Beatrice and Dante, as well as the commonalities are beautiful. This was and is a reread for me personally, again, one particular publications I just couldn't depart alone. Team Penguin - Club Penguin is among the hottest video game realms for kids, having identical emphasis added to protection and exciting. Finally, in regards to score, I will present a 4.5 as it would-be far better if it had been written from Tyleris POV to this book. I examine this as an elitist university beginner and realized it-all being an allegory. Marketing scholarly publications displays than on promoting and more often than not focuses more heavily to the invisible” resources of direct mail. But, summer is not empty of magical, getaway paradise that is thus shut it can be touched by you. If you've slipped a bit lacking your target to see hundred books this year, todayis a good time to reactivate. It had been the primary book revealed by a dark Caribbean writer in England; Wayne was also the primary Trinidadian author to publish a story that is quick in England, virtually 10 years before Alley arrived. Even though your book takes place in a totally dreamed fantasy world, study in to the real world may be required to make sure that your guide has the level of reality essential to let viewers to postpone notion and truly determine together with figures and your account. Her clear tries so that you can conserve them to curb her romance with Tyler, annoyed myself. We detest that stress variety style in textbooks. Mindset research implies that your capability to sympathize with other-peopleis factors of watch is improved by studying fictional hype, since there is a story psychological simulator of another individual's lifestyle. And same moves on her partner (who is made about the include aswell) but I'd absolutely advise this book because it manufactured the experience reasonable to individuals who don't know the girl on the address. Also, it might be difficult as you would have to take all of the books available to consider the guide covering at the bottom, in case you have plenty of textbooks. http://superfit-blog.com ask-me to advise decreases or even to advise suitable books.