#best driving lesson kells

[call-me-rei]

Candy Conversations

***Just warning you now, this one is rated R***

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I love February. Love is always in the air for the first two weeks and then we start to fade from winter to spring in the last two weeks. Everything feels nice and cozy.

The entire month is great, but I especially love two specific days of the month: the tenth and the fourteenth.

February 10 is my fiancé, Vic’s, birthday. Ever since we started dating, I’ve always tried to make that day special for him. Some years I’d make a nice dinner, others I’d take us out to do something new. Last year I booked us a trip to Yellowstone for his twenty-ninth birthday. We saw the geysers and made love in the hot springs in the dark. It was a wonderful memory.

This year though Vic had to work late on his birthday. He was so exhausted when he came home that he wasn’t in the mood to do anything that night; he didn’t even have dinner. He apologized profusely the next morning and I told him we could make up for it on Valentine’s Day if he wanted. He agreed and we left it at that. I would’ve said or done more, but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise I had for him.

“Okay babe, I’m leaving.” I looked up from the coffee pot and toward my future husband. He walked in wearing a dark grey suit with a black tie and light blue dress shirt. I bit my lip as I looked him up and down.

Damn, I sure knew how to pick an outfit. And a man.

“You look so good,” I whispered as I pulled him in by his tie. His hands found their way to my hips as our lips connected. I savored the feeling of our lips moving together and pushed myself closer to him. His grip on my hips tightened, and so did the space in my pants.

“Babe,” Vic groaned against my lips. I sighed and pulled away, knowing what he would say. And even though I knew it wasn’t his fault, I couldn’t help but pout.

Vic had been incredibly busy lately. His company had the chance to sign on a new client and he was in charge of the pitch for them. While this was a great opportunity, it meant that he was working long hours and barely had time to spend with me. I knew he hated it as much as I did, but it was his job and he couldn’t help it.

I just wish it didn’t interfere with our sex life. I missed being kissed like I’d just kissed him. I missed touching him and feeling his skin on mine, his body against mine as we held each other through our movements and sweat and moans. God, I missed sex with him. We hadn’t been intimate in almost a month and it was getting to me.

I shook those thoughts from my mind as best I could and finished getting Vic’s coffee together. It wasn’t long before I felt his arms snake around my waist and his chin on my shoulder.

“I loved my note,” I said softly. I saw him smile from the corner of my eye and kiss my cheek.

On special days like Valentine’s Day and my birthday, or hell, even a random Tuesday, Vic would leave sticky notes with sweet messages for me to find. This morning I found one on the coffee machine that read:

Waking up to you gives me a better feeling than a cup of coffee ever could ♡

“There’s a few more of them hidden around.”

“I know. I can’t wait to find them all.” I turned my head and kissed him, more innocently this time.

“I hope you can find them all before I get home. I love your reactions whenever I do this.” I giggled. He was referring to the fact that I always sent him cute pictures or videos whenever I found one of his messages. They always made my day and he needed to know.

“What time do you think you’ll be home today?”

He smiled. “I’ll be back by five. There’s no way in hell I’m staying late today.” I couldn’t help the grin that stretched across my face. Vic wasn’t one to forget important days in our relationship, so I should’ve figured that he would do everything in his power to spend Valentine’s with me.

I nudged him back so he would let go of me, then I wrapped my arms around his neck. Once again, his hands made their way to my hips and we shared a sweet kiss. “I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you, too.” He pecked my lips then reached behind me to pick up his travel mug of coffee and his lunch that I’d put on the counter. “I’ll see you tonight.” I nodded and watched as he walked out of the house.

I sighed and made my way to our bedroom. I’d woken up before Vic to get his things ready, so I hadn’t washed my face or brushed my hair. I walked into the bathroom to get ready for the day and was met with another one of my fiancé’s sweet notes.

You look breathtaking at every moment of the day. I’m so lucky I get to look at you

I blushed like he was saying those words to me and snapped a mirror selfie to send to him.

I found this one. You’re sweet 😊

V: I’m also lucky but I already said that in the note 😉

Lol shut up

Shouldn’t you be driving?

V: I was about to but I tried to put my coffee in the cupholder and I found these

He’d sent a photo of the three candy hearts I put in his cupholder this morning when he was getting dressed. From left to right they said, “Be Mine,” “I’m Yours,” and “Love Ya.”

V: I’m yours too bb. I love you so much! ♥

A warm feeling flowed through me when I read his message. I smiled and replied:

I love you too. Have a great day 😘

V: I’ll try. I have meetings today so hopefully you can make it interesting

I chuckled. Oh, if only he knew how interesting I was planning on making it.

***

Vic had been at work for three hours and he hadn’t texted me. I knew he was in a meeting and would message me when he was out and on his lunch break, but I was bored as fuck. It was my day off and I’d already gone shopping for dinner tonight. That was all I had planned for the day.

Well, that and my surprise for him, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to start on that yet.

I huffed as I sat back against the couch and flipped through channels on the TV. Maybe I should start on his surprise. It would make both of our days more interesting.

I pondered the thought as I looked down onto the table at the note I’d found on my steering wheel.

You drive me crazy ;)

Vic had most likely put it there when he’d gotten home the night before, knowing I wouldn’t use my car until today. The note itself had me thinking. Maybe I could see just how crazy I could make him.

Without allowing for time to talk myself out of it, I pulled out my phone and opened the camera. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to work with the driving Vic crazy prompt. I eventually made a decision and tousled my hair a bit then started a video.

I sat back against the couch and ran my fingers through my hair then down my neck. I kept an innocent look on my face, making sure my eyes held a soft expression and my lips were pouty and parted. I licked my lips slowly then bit my bottom one, trying my best to look at the camera seductively as I did so. Then I winked and ended the video.

I drive you crazy huh? How’s this?

I knew what that video would do to him, so I sent it with the message and waited. It took a few minutes, but I got the response I was hoping for.

V: Fuck babe, the things I would do to you right now…

Calm down sir you’re at work

V: Call me sir again 😉

I rolled my eyes and ignored the message. At least I knew he wasn’t too busy for my messages. That would work in my favor for the rest of the day.

***

Another hour passed, meaning that Vic would be on his lunch break soon. We hadn’t texted since I sent him the video, so I thought it was the perfect time for part two of my surprise. With a smile I walked into the kitchen and pulled out the whipped cream from the fridge. Then I walked back to the couch and took my shirt off.

I wasn’t sure what I was doing but I knew the reaction I wanted. So I sprayed the whipped cream down my upper half, starting at my pecs and going down to just below my bellybutton. Then I started another video.

I started at my bellybutton, showing the work I’d done, then panned the camera up to just show my lips. I slowly traced a finger from my bottom lip down to my neck. My finger went farther down, making contact with the whipped cream. I collected as much of the sticky substance as I could as I went down to where the line stopped. Then I moved my finger and the camera back up to my lips and made a show of me sucking the whipped cream off of my digit. I sucked it like it was Vic’s dick, putting all of it in my mouth and running my tongue on the underside of it. Of course Vic was much bigger than my finger, but the imagery was enough to make me moan thinking about having him in my mouth again. Once my finger was clean, I stopped recording and waited for Vic’s message when he found what I left in his lunch.

Uh babe? What’s this about?

I giggled. Vic had sent a picture of the candy heart I left in his lunch. This one said “Lick Me.”

I sent him my latest video with the caption:

Do you want a taste?

It didn’t take long for him to reply.

V: I will come back home right now and taste you

Please? Maybe you can clean me up better than I just did

V: No I’ll end up making a bigger mess on you

I guess I’ll have to clean it up the same way 😉

V: Don’t tempt me Kells. I may have to teach you a lesson when I get home

I smiled triumphantly. That’s what I was hoping for.

Why not now? 😏

V: Because I wouldn’t go back to work if I came home now. And you wouldn’t be able to go to work tomorrow either

I blushed. I knew what he meant, and I was hoping he would follow through with it.

Maybe that’s what I want 😉

V: Don’t tempt me Kellin

I sighed. He was right, I was messing with him too much.

Fine. I’m gonna wash all this off and find something to do before I get ready for dinner

I locked my phone before he could respond and took it with me to the bathroom. And I had every intention of just stripping and going into the shower…

But I couldn’t help myself. I took off the rest of my clothes and posed in the mirror to where my naked butt was in full view and I was looking at it over my shoulder. I took a couple pictures and picked my favorite to send to Vic.

One more so you don’t miss me too much 😘

V: Just wait til I get home

I giggled as I read his threat and decided to leave him alone. I couldn’t wait for him to walk through our door later tonight though.

***

The rest of the afternoon was pretty uneventful. I refrained from sending Vic more pictures and videos because I knew he had an important meeting after lunch and he needed to focus. That didn’t mean I didn’t want to though. The urge was strong, but I knew he’d be upset with seeing me exposed before he had to present in front of his bosses. Presenting with a boner wasn’t ideal in his business.

I resorted back to watching TV for a couple hours before I thought it was finally time for me to start preparing dinner. I went to the kitchen and pulled out the vegetables I’d need for the meal to wash and slice them.

About another hour of prepping the side dishes and main coarse later, I was finally putting the meal together to cook. I had just put the chicken and vegetables in the oven to bake when I heard the front door open and shut. I smiled to myself knowing that my fiancé was finally home.

“Hey babe,” I called out. Footsteps followed my voice to the kitchen. “I missed you,” I said as I worked on cleaning the counter from the mess I’d made. “How was your da-”

I was cut off by Vic grabbing my upper arm to turn me around. He crashed his lips onto mine as soon as I was facing him. We moved against each other hungrily, him more so than me, touching and moaning in between heavy breaths and tight grips on the other’s clothes or body. I grinded my hips into his to try to ease the tension building in my lower half. That’s when he pulled away.

“You had me wanting to do that all day,” he said in a husky voice.

“Did I?” I asked before biting my bottom lip seductively.

He hummed as a response. "You should make it up to me. You know, if you're willing." I smiled. Vic was so sweet and always asked for my consent before we did anything rougher than usual. The fact that he was asking me at that moment meant that he had something planned for me, and I was ready for it.

"Yes, I'm willing," I answered. The look in his eyes changed instantly from caring to lustful. I knew I was in for it.

He reached forward and grabbed the back of my head, gripping onto my hair and pushing me down until I was on my knees in front of him. I adjusted myself to be level with his crotch the way he wanted. He didn’t need to tell me what he was expecting.

With delicate fingers I undid his belt and the button of his pants. I looked up at him and watched him bite his lip in anticipation and took off his jacket as I slowly pulled down his zipper. He took initiative then and slipped off his shoes and his pants, leaving him in his boxers and dress shirt.

I felt up my fiancé's legs, loving the softness of his skin against my hands. That soft skin changed to the light material that composed his boxers. I trailed my hands up the fabric until I reached the waistband. Once again, I looked at him with innocent eyes and pulled them down to release him.

I loved seeing Vic exposed. Just seeing how excited he was because of me made me feel fearless and confident. I knew there wasn't a limit on the things I could do to pleasure him, and I wanted to go through most of them that night.

So I started with licking my lips at the size of his dick then kissing his tip lightly. There was already precum on it, most likely from the videos I'd sent earlier. He had probably been thinking about me while he was driving home. I trailed light kisses down his length to his balls and back up again, lightly sucking here and there just to tease him. He hated when I did that, but he put me in control first and I'd been tempting him all day. Why not ride it out?

I gave him another kiss on his tip, this one slow and lingering. He tugged on a handful of my hair urging me to get on with it. I almost chuckled at him, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to get started too. So I did.

Another lingering kiss led to me taking his tip into my mouth. I sucked on it softly and slowly ran the tip of my tongue over it before pulling up to do it all again.

“You’d better not be planning on doing this shit all night,” my fiancé growled, tightening the grip on my hair. He was threatening me, but I knew it was because he was enjoying my teasing. He knew what was coming would be even better.

Not wanting to prolong our pleasure any longer, I ran my tongue up his length from his balls and took as much of him into my mouth as I could before I gagged. A sigh of pleasure and relief left Vic’s lips as the grip on my hair tightened even more. I used his reaction as motivation and moved my head back and forth, keeping a tight seal around him with my lips and finding opportune times to run my tongue along his skin.

“Fuck Kellin,” Vic moaned. I glanced up to see his mouth opened slightly and his eyes closed. I slowly pulled my mouth off of him and kissed down his cock until I got to his balls and sucked on them as I stroked him. He took a moment to look down at me and push some hair out of my face.

“You look so good while you do that,” he panted. I looked up at him again while I took one of his balls into my mouth, sucked on it hard, and let it leave my lips with a quiet “pop.”

Vic guided my head up by my hair and brought my mouth level with his dick again. “Open,” he ordered. I did what was asked and was rewarded by him filling my mouth up. This time he held my head in place while he thrust himself into me. I moaned when he hit the back of my throat and looked up at him with teary eyes, silently begging for him to continue as pleasure filled my body.

I needed this; I loved this. I wanted more.

I tightened the grip my lips had on him so he knew to slow down. He let go of my head and let me continue at my own pace for a few more minutes before it became too much for me. I needed more than this.

Vic must’ve known that I was desperate for him because he reached down and pulled my hand to help me onto my feet. Once I was standing, he kissed me hungrily. His hands went straight for my ass, groping and grasping as his tongue played with mine. A moan escaped my mouth and went into his with another squeeze of my backside. My fingers tangled in his hair, desperately trying to bring him closer to me. Sometime during our make out session I wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked us to our bedroom, never breaking the connection our lips had.

Vic walked us over to our bed and lightly tapped on my legs to let me know I needed to loosen my grip. When I did, he dropped me onto the mattress and got on top of me. We kissed a bit more before his lips made their way to my neck, sucking on the sensitive skin. Vic knew that made me go crazy; I was a moaning mess underneath him.

I clawed at the back of his shirt wishing I was leaving marks on his skin instead. As if he read my mind, he pulled away from me to take off the light blue shirt and the thin white shirt underneath. I looked up at him for a moment, admiring him in all his naked glory.

Damn, I had a sexy man.

He came back toward me and pulled me to a sitting position by my hands. He then grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up and over my head.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. His eyes traced over my upper body, admiring my tattoos and the color of my skin before he looked into my eyes. I leaned forward to kiss him, and he laid us back onto the bed.

Our kiss deepened and our hands roamed once again. Soon I was completely naked with hickeys beginning to form on my neck. By the time my brain could catch up with the actions happening in the room, Vic had stuck two of his fingers in my mouth and commanded me to suck.

I did as I was told and let him thrust his fingers in and out of my mouth to get them wet enough for what he wanted to do. Once he was ready he made me spread my legs so he could insert his fingers into me.

I moaned in relief when I felt him enter me. I’d been wanting something to fill me since that first kiss in the kitchen, and even though it wasn’t his dick, I was happy to have something. I leaned my head back against the mattress and enjoyed the feeling of his fingers stretching me out and his other hand stroking me.

“Please, Vic,” I heard myself moan when the feeling got too intense. He only chuckled before kissing both of my inner thighs and leaving the bed. I knew where he was going so I didn’t bother looking in his direction. I just focused on the pleasure I knew was coming.

And a few seconds later I heard the familiar sounds of a cap popping open and closing. I sat up then and watched as he sauntered over to me with a devilish grin on his perfect lips. I couldn’t help but blush at him. I stood up before he made it back to me and walked over to kiss him. I grabbed his dick as I did so and stroked it, rubbing the lube all around the area. His breathing hitched as he walked us back to the bed. I pulled away when I felt the mattress hit the back of my legs and turned us around. Then I pushed him back so he hit the bed with his back.

Vic smirked. He knew that I wanted to be in control so he let me do what I needed to do. That night I needed to experience everything he had to offer. I got on top of him and kissed him roughly before lining myself up and sinking onto his cock. Sighs of pleasure escaped both of our mouths the moment he slipped into me.

Once I got comfortable I rode him like my life depended on it. I bounced up and down and rolled my hips while I moaned, cursed, and screamed his name. I leaned my head down into the crook of his neck and he took control, thrusting his hips up to hit that one spot inside of me again and again. I left a bite mark on his neck, not that he cared.

Eventually Vic rolled us over so he was on top. He continued his assault on my prostrate, hitting that spot and making me shake and scream more than I ever thought was humanly possible. His back was covered in my claw marks and my hips were bruised from his rough grip on them. Just the thought of the marks we’d left on each other got me closer and closer to a release.

A few hard strokes and hungry kisses later and I was close to a climax. I begged for Vic to touch me while I dug my nails into his biceps. He flicked his wrist quickly and rubbed his thumb over my tip as he pounded me. I rolled my eyes and head back as pleasure took over me and I came on my stomach.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” Vic growled. He kept his hand on me and let me ride out my high until I told him to stop because the feeling was too intense. When I finally came down, I pulled Vic to me by his neck and kissed him with all the passion I could muster. I moved my hips against him in time with his thrusts as the kiss deepened. Soon he was pulling out of me and telling me to kneel on the ground so he could cum on my face.

He got me a wet wipe to clean myself up with and pulled me up to join him on the bed. We laid there out of breath, tangled together by our legs, and sharing much sweeter kisses than the ones we had earlier.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby,” my fiancé said after he placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat slow down while he ran his fingers up and down my back. We stayed like that for a few minutes – content with our actions and enjoying our time together – before I heard the alarm I had set for the chicken go off.

I groaned in annoyance as Vic chuckled. “Is it time for dinner?”

“I guess so,” I responded with an embarrassed giggle. Vic kissed the top of my head before he patted my back.

“I’ll go turn the oven off. Why don’t you get in the shower and I’ll join you when I’m done? Then we can eat before round two.”

I smiled. “Sounds goo- wait, round two?”

“Yeah. I get dessert after dinner, don’t i?” I blushed and bit my lip as I nodded. “Great. I can’t wait to find out if those candy hearts taste as good coming from your lips.”

[ariarichardson]

Ireland is named as Forbes Best Bucket List Trip

If you are dreaming of an vacation in Ireland while stuck in quarantine then now may be the best time to plan out and map out once in a lifetime trips to Ireland as Forbes has just named Ireland as the perfect destination to put on your bucket list.

As COVID-19 restrictions finally start to lift around the world, many people are now planning about the day when they can travel again. Whether it be a self drive vacation or a guided tour of Ireland, although your next vacation is realistically still some time away, now is the perfect time to think about where you want to go when life gets somewhat back to normal.

Forbes travel journalist Larry Olmsted has recommended that when we can travel again around the world, we should aim to “travel better than before.”

He suggests mapping out a multi-year travel plan to ensure everyone gets to see the places and do the things that are most important to you.

“Life is short enough without not knowing when the next shoe will drop. A lesson to be learned right now is that if there are things you want to do in your life, you should get a move on it,” he writes.

In an ongoing travel series for Forbes, Olmstead presents 30 best bucket list destinations to consider, one of which includes Ireland.

Ireland is on many travelers’ top dream destinations list for various reasons and many travel for the perfect Ireland honeymoon experience. Additionally for the estimated 80 million people around the world, many with Irish ancestral roots, many visitors to Ireland love to visit the homeland of their ancestors.

But even for those with no Irish roots, Ireland has a lot to offer, including welcoming friendly people, stunning scenery, the Wild Atlantic Way, beautiful castles and historic sites, vibrant culture and music especially in Galway, a great food scene, the best beers and whiskies, and some of the world’s best golfing destinations.

“Why Ireland? Because it is the land of 100,000 smiles and welcomes. Those who have visited find it the friendliest place on earth,” says Anne Scully, the president of luxury travel agency McCabe World Travel.

She adds: “To many American visitors it is their ancestral home, and the need to walk the land of their ancestors is so important to them. Ireland is also known for beautiful castles, fine hotels and welcoming B&Bs.”

There are so many attractions and cities to visit once you arrive in Ireland. Dublin, Ireland’s capital city is full of attractions like the Book of Kells at Trinity College, Kilmainham Gaol as well as the Guinness Storehouse.

And when traveling on the Wild Atlantic Way, the beautiful scenery of the Ring of Kerry and the Dingle Peninsula should be on everyone’s travel list. Additionally Kinsale is the gourmet capital of Ireland and the Burren and the Cliffs of Moher in Clare should not be missed.

In Northern Ireland, a visit to the capital city of Belfast, the Titanic museum, Bushmill’s whiskey distillery, Game of Thrones sites such as the “Dark Hedges,” and the spectacular Giant’s Causeway are also popular with those visiting Ireland.

According to Scully: “All of Ireland is a land to experience slowly, enjoying and savoring the joy of its people, the great food of their land and sea, and the hospitality of their lodgings. One trip is never enough – Ireland is always calling you back for more!”

from Ireland Vacations with DiscoveringIreland.com https://ift.tt/2BHtlf7

[juvenileevasion]

Building police legitimacy through measuring and managing performance

By Chief Cameron S. McLay (ret.)

These are tough times for those of us in policing…

The crisis of confidence and legitimacy that characterizes post-Ferguson policing illustrates a vital lesson for local governments and their police.  We, the police, must hold ourselves accountable for the outcomes of our policing services. We must measure our work and our outcomes based on a broader number of measures than simply measuring crime rates, and must continually reexamine our efforts in response to feedback and performance short-falls.

As with education and health care, policing would be well served by becoming more outcome-based. If the purpose for police interventions is to reduce crime, fear and disorder, to create safe communities suitable for normal civic life to occur, the question “Are we being successful in achieving these outcomes” must be part of the calculus. In other words, each police agency must operate as an open system, using feedback as a learning loop for constant performance improvement — becoming more responsive to to public needs and mindful of the impact of our efforts.

The foundational concepts of modern policing dates back to Sir Robert Peel in England in the 1820s. Under this paradigm, the police are simply an extension of the community — those citizens paid to perform the duties incumbent upon every citizen in a free democracy to contribute to the maintenance of safety and public order. Police success is dependent upon the cooperation of the public, and their power emanates from the consent of those served. Police are to be judged by the absence of crime, disorder and fear, rather than the measures of their enforcement work.

Policing’s desired outcomes are simply less crime, less fear and people having a greater sense their community is a safe and just place. We teach this to every recruit going through our academies. How many of us can rightly claim our communities feel our agency’s performance and systems reflect this value system?

Unfortunately, police agencies often do not measure their performance based upon community outcomes and public sentiment as a focal point. We, the police, have long believed as long as we perform our work well, as defined by standards we established, public opinion about our services is not vitally important.

Police-community relations, in this paradigm, is mostly about educating the public about what we do, and why we do it that way. We tell ourselves, “if they only understood us better, the public would finally understand and accept the outcomes of our policing efforts.”

To be competitive, private companies have long since learned the importance of data analysis to monitor and manage their organizational performance. Private companies do not survive unless they hold themselves accountable for performance outcomes. Their products and services must satisfy the demands of their consumers, must be high quality, and must be affordable if they are to compete.

Police and many government agencies have historically operated with the assumption their monopoly for service delivery makes customer satisfaction, and cost/benefit analysis, less important for their successes. Forgetting police performance requires public cooperation, we tend to believe we, the police, are the most well-informed judges of quality police services. The concept of controlling costs, especially social impact costs, tends to be alien to all but the most conscientious police executives.

The fact is, as with private sector agencies, the outcomes of our policing efforts matter. When police are successful, our contribution is nothing less than bringing peace and justice to those we serve. But when we fall short, we find communities held hostage to fear — distrustful of those employed to keep them safe. The stakes are indeed high.

With the development of CompStat in the mid-1990s, the NYPD pioneered the application of data analysis to measure and manage agency efforts to reduce crime and disorder. Today, CompStat-style performance management systems are widely viewed as a best practice in policing.  

The use of data, hot-spot policing, “putting cops on the dots” of crime maps has arguably been highly successful in driving down reported crime, but it has had unintended consequences in some communities. When police target those communities where crime and violence is the highest — too often communities of poverty and color — the resultant enforcement efforts often created significant, albeit unintended consequences.

Fire departments go where the fires occur. Police agencies often find themselves in a “Catch-22” when they direct their enforcement efforts on those areas their crime data shows to be areas of highest concentration of crime and victimization. The reality in the U.S. is areas of poverty are often communities of color. Racial disparities in police contact and arrest are common when police, motivated to protect communities and fight crime, find themselves focusing their enforcement efforts on those few communities where crime concentration is the highest. Police are morally and legally obligated to provide safe communities for all, but when they do public trust and confidence can suffer greatly due to the racial disparities that typically follow.

There is a place in the middle. Police must work with the active engagement of community residents, to become partners in creating safe neighborhoods. Without the engagement of those living in the impacted areas, perceptions of predatory motivations for police actions can result, further diminishing trust between police and those receiving police service.  At a time when crime is a near 20 year low point, studies have shown little if any increases in public trust, and dramatic differences in beliefs about police between white and non-white respondents.

How then to we continue to be effective in driving down crime, while addressing the unintended consequences of our policing efforts?

The current crisis of confidence facing policing has mobilized many to examine how to address this dilemma. George Kelling, the father of “Broken Windows Theory” of policing, has called for policing to be measured by on a broader set of performance metrics:

“Compstat is the most important administrative policing development of the past 100 years. Compstat appropriately focuses on crime, but I think the danger is that Compstat doesn’t always balance that focus with the other values that policing is supposed to pursue…. I want Compstat to measure and discuss things like complaints against officers, and whether police are reducing fear of crime in the community. The Compstat systems of the future must reflect all of the values the police should be pursuing.”

—Dr. George Kelling, Rutgers University

The challenge then becomes how to best enhance the effectiveness of police agencies in reducing crime and disorder, while also building public trust and confidence. How do we lower victimization rates, create safe public places and ensure police are meeting the quality of life needs of each of the communities they service, and also identify any unintended adverse impacts of police interventions in time for corrective action? How do we ensure police actions exact no unacceptable social costs?

Let’s learn from policing’s successes, like CompStat and the wide variety of highly positive community engagement and problem-oriented policing interventions, and from the private sector’s innovations for measuring customer impact. We need data; we need engagement, and we need to know how our services are impacting those we serve.

Private sector has long engaged in the use of data analytics to understand customer satisfaction and to better understand the market in which they operate. Companies often use data on enhancing productivity, improving product quality and streamlining inefficiencies. Just companies use market analysis and customer satisfaction as another vital barometer of performance. Each change in products or operations is tracked for its impact on customer satisfaction and impact on market needs.

In order to build trust and confidence — perceived legitimacy with the public — police must develop more complete performance metrics to measure and manage 21st Century policing. They must use data analytics to measure and manage organizational and individual member performance. They must hold themselves and their members accountable for the performance outcomes of their work, to include the impact of their actions on public perceptions of safety, justice and satisfaction with police service. Perhaps most important, elected officials must understand and embrace their responsibility to ensure their constituents receive the quality of police services they deserve.

Performance management systems robust enough to meet the challenges of policing today would necessarily have the capacity for examining service impacts and outcomes with respect to the agencies’ external environment — the impact of those services on the communities, as well as capacity to monitor and measure the performance and behaviors of the individuals and groups in the agency — are they performing to the highest professional and ethical standards? The following graphic illustrates a police chief’s data needs.

Note the subjective nature of a great many of these measures. Certainly reported crime, calls for service, arrests, citations and other artifacts of police activities are objective measures, and are comparatively easy to count. However, whether the community feel safe in public spaces, the extent police are effective in addressing the quality of life, the extent to which police operate with integrity, and are judicious in their use of force and authority are subjective measures. These measure reflect how community members “feel” about the quality of life in their communities and the policing services they receive; they reflect social sentiment.

If police agencies are to become outcome-based, operating as “open systems,” they must have mechanisms for measuring social sentiment — the subjective experiences of those receiving police services, and must use this feedback to adjust service delivery when appropriate to ensure the desired outcomes, like reducing crime, a not occurring with unacceptable social costs like lost public trust.

Note also, the interdependent nature of these performance domains. Police effectiveness in reducing crime and victimization, creating safe public spaces, improving the quality of life, etc. is entirely dependent upon internal dynamics. The members must be fully engaged in the mission and values of the agency; be well trained to perform their roles; be properly managed and led, and use conduct themselves in ways to does not undermine public support and cooperation, or harm the reputation of the organization itself.  

In the academic and research communities, forward thinking groups like the Police Foundation, a D.C. based non-profit research group, have partnered with the Vera Institute for Justice to develop “CompStat 2.0” — developing performance metrics for all aspects of 21st Century Policing. At New York University’s Policing Project, researchers are working to develop methodologies to measure the “social costs” of policing, in order to permit cost-benefit analyses to be applied to police decisionmaking.

Historically, police have relied on community surveys to measure social sentiment, if they did so at all. Surveys are slow and expensive — insufficient to be able to provide meaningful data for measuring the impact of recent police interventions or community events. Using data mining, or advanced “big-data” analytics, the capacity exists today in the private sector to conduct in-depth sentiment analyses that serve as a feedback loop for executive decision-makers to understand market sentiment and to detect corporate risk. By accepting the necessity for such information as a vital component of performance management, these capacities can be incorporated into police performance management systems.

We in policing need to have the will to accept such feedback and the willingness to embrace partners in innovation. The NYPD, for example, has begun a pilot program for real-time sentiment analytics to be incorporated into their CompStat data. Police commanders will be expected to factor such sentiment public trust and satisfaction as they work to reduce crime and calls for service.

By combining performance management metrics designed by leading experts in policing, with advanced data-analytics to measure and monitor for emerging trends that create social harm if unaddressed, police decision-makers will be able to enhance their ability for forecast and respond to emerging crime and public order issues; enhance the effectiveness of their response to those problems; develop ways to measure the impacts, both intended and unintended, of police interventions, and create robust systems of accountability.

Building public trust and confidence – police legitimacy can be achieved when our services the communities we serve believe us to be effective and that our officers and agencies operate at the highest standards of professional conduct. Data analysis is the key to both. It takes data to identify emerging trends and direct police resources. It takes data to discern emerging employee problems or poor performance trends, and, for building trust, data transparency is an organization’s best vehicle for proving the quality and integrity of our systems.

In today’s perpetual whitewater of social/political/technological change, those objectives can best be achieved by agencies operating as “open systems,” constantly learning from and responding to feedback. Robust performance management systems, leveraging the capacities of data-analytics can provide us the capacities we need to meet the challenges of facing policing today, enabling the profession to earn a measure of public trust and confidence along the way.

  Retired Chief  Cameron S. McLay, formerly chief of police for the city of Pittsburgh (PA) Bureau of Police, is principle of TPL Public Safety Consulting and serves as senior adviser for PricewaterhouseCoopers Safe Cities Initiative — an initiative to enable police use of enhanced data analytics and monitoring of social risk and sentiment to improve their performance outcomes and to build public trust and confidence.

McLay has a master of science from Colorado State in organizational leadership, and a bachelor of arts in forensic studies from Indiana University. McLay served for more than 29 years with the city of Madison (WI) Police Department, where he retired with the rank of captain. He went on to teach leadership in police organizations for the IACP before serving as Pittsburgh’s chief.

from Police Foundation http://ift.tt/2v8LolE

[call-me-rei]

Chapter 23

“You say we should talk; it’s falling apart. I hate when you say this.”

---

I felt like I was walking on a cloud for days after my date with Vic. I never knew that a couple hours with someone could evoke these feelings. It was almost surreal.

I skipped down the stairs on Monday morning. I was excited to get to school and get this week over with. Thanksgiving break officially started on Friday so I just had to hold out for a few more days. Plus, my friends had planned a friendsgiving on Thanksgiving eve. I was looking forward to spending time with them in a place that wasn’t Mission Bay.

“You’re in a good mood,” Mom said when she walked into the kitchen. I was singing while making myself some breakfast.

I smiled. “I guess I am. Things have been good lately.”

“Well good.” She smiled back at me. “I’ve been a little worried about you.”

“Yeah, I know. I promise I’m doing okay.” My mom knew I couldn’t keep things from her, so she accepted my answer and went to make herself some coffee. “How are you doing though?”

Mom paused and looked at me. “What do you mean?”

“Well, with…everything that’s going on with Rick…,” I trailed off. I had no idea how to approach the subject since my mom didn’t know that I had seen that message weeks ago.

Mom sighed. “You know, don’t you?” I nodded. “I should’ve expected you to stick your nose in my business.”

I chuckled at that statement. “Well, I learned it from you.”

“Ouch.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes the truth hurts.” I made the choice to ignore my mom’s dramatic eye roll and finished making my breakfast. “Is it such a bad thing that I know?” I asked once I sat at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Mom sighed before speaking. “No, but you’re seventeen. This shouldn’t be on your mind.”

“I get that, but you’re my mom and this is my family. This affects me as much as it does you.”

Mom bit her lip, most likely out of anxiety. It was a reflex she passed down to me.

I continued. “You always said it was you and me in the beginning, so you shouldn’t keep things like this from me. If it has to end with just the two of us, then it’ll end that way in the best way possible.”

We looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Mom wiped a tear from her eye before she stepped over and hugged me tight.

“When did you get to be so wonderful?”

“I learned it from you.” She hugged me tighter as she sniffed into my shoulder.

We stood like that for however long. It was like if we took the smallest step away one of us would disappear, and neither of us could bear to lose the other.

“I’ve gotta get to school,” I whispered after my shoulder was soaked with my mom’s tears.

She squeezed me before pulling away. “Okay, I’ll see you when you get home.” I nodded before I grabbed my things.

“Kellin?” I stopped and turned to face my mom. “Whatever happens, know that I love you.” I cocked my head to the side in confusion. What did that mean? I was going to ask but she smiled softly at me turned back to the coffee machine, obviously not ready to explain herself. Rather than pry, I let out the breath I was holding and left the house.

***

I was emotionally wired during the drive to school and I didn’t calm down once I parked my car. I wasn’t expecting to have a heart-to-heart with Mom so early in the day, but I suppose we needed to talk about everything. We had never kept things from each other before and that wasn’t going to start now. She needed me as much as I needed her, more so now with my asshole of a stepfather suing her.

I took a deep breath to calm the thoughts in my head. I was by no means a violent person but thinking about Rick made my blood boil. Picturing his face in my mind made me want to punch it in. If I heard his voice again, I’d have to stop myself from ripping his vocal cords out.

I took another breath as I leaned back into my seat. With my eyes closed I tried to get to a calmer place. I didn’t want to go on a rampage at school, and since I was early, I sat in the car to prepare myself for the day. Even though I needed the peace and quiet, the universe said, “Fuck that,” in the form of my best friend.

“Hey you!” Lynn yelled at my window. I jumped in my seat since I didn’t see her approach the car.

“God, Gunn, what the hell?” I asked after I rolled down the window.

“I saw you out here and thought I’d see what’s up. You gonna let me in?”

I sighed annoyed but unlocked the doors anyway. Lynn happily skipped to the passenger’s side and opened the door.

“I don’t know why I’m so nice to you,” I spoke as she got in the car. “You’re constantly giving me heart attacks.”

“Gotta keep you on your toes,” she said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes.

“Whatever. What’s up?”

“I should be asking you that.” I gave her a confused look. “Your date! You never told us how it went.”

I couldn’t help the blush that crept onto my cheeks, or the smile that spread across my lips. Just thinking about last Friday night with Vic gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

“Shit man, you’ve gotta tell me now. You kept this from me all weekend and now you’re just grinning like a lovesick puppy.”

“It was amazing, okay?” I started. She gave me a look urging me to go on. “He picked me up and we had a picnic by some water. During sunset. It was so sweet and romantic. We talked and laughed, and then he drove me home when it got really dark.”

“Did you kiss?”

I sighed. “No, but I know he wanted to.”

“Did you want to?”

“Of course I did!” I exclaimed unexpectedly. Lynn jumped a little in her seat then flared at me. “Sorry,” I said sheepishly. “I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t wanna make the first move. I’m not that confident in myself.”

“Well if he didn’t make a move then maybe he’s not confident in himself either. Maybe talk to him and see what he was thinking.”

I nodded and glanced at phone. We had about two minutes before the first bell. I made a move to open my door which caused Lynn to do the same. After grabbing our things and locking my car, she and I made our way into the building.

“Hey, Kells?” Lynn called for my attention. I hummed in response. “I know you said you didn’t want to be known as ‘the gay kid,’ but I’m glad you came out to me before anyone else.”

I smiled down at her. I knew I’d have to come out to my new friends eventually, so I did it on Friday after lunch. I told Lynn first since she and I had class together, then told the rest of my friends in the group chat. After saying that Vic asked me out and I said yes, it was easy for them to put two and two together.

“Thanks for being accepting. You never know about these things, you know?” She nodded. We walked the rest of the way to our lockers in a comfortable silence. Mine was the first in our path so we stopped there first.

After I got my things and we traveled to Lynn’s locker for her to get her things, we walked down to our first classes. Lynn nudged me with an elbow to my side. Before I could scold her, she tilted her head to the left. I looked in that direction.

Vic was walking in our direction with his brother and a guy I wasn’t too familiar with. Said guy had his arm around Vic’s shoulders. He had a huge smile that I could already tell was contagious, and a few tattoos along his arms.

“Hey Gunn, who is that?” I asked.

“That’s Alex, one of Vic’s close friends. He moved here from Clairemont High his sophomore year and those two have been inseparable since. There was a rumor going around shortly after Alex and Vic started hanging out that they were dating, but Vic put an end to that real quick. People still say they’re messing around though.”

I felt a wave of jealously wash over me; my thoughts became obsessive.

Why would Vic ask me out if he was messing around with someone? Did he lie about being a virgin, or are they really just rumors? The two of them do look really close.

“Kellin,” Lynn called. I snapped out of it and looked at her. “Don’t worry, I know for a fact that Vic and Alex aren’t doing anything.”

“How?”

“Because Alex has a girlfriend. He’s straight.”

I frowned. “We all thought Vic was straight and then he asked me out so...,” I trailed off. Lynn blushed.

“Okay, maybe you have a point. But I doubt Alex would cheat on his girlfriend. He loves her a lot.”

I nodded then looked back at them. Even if this Alex loved his girlfriend, he was awfully friendly with Vic. I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting to rip his arm off of my man.

“C’mon Kellin, let’s go to class.” Lynn tugged on my arm and led me down the hall, past the three of them. As we walked past, I gave Vic a small smile. He nodded his head at me in return before going back to his conversation.

Even though it was nothing, I felt rejected.

***

“You’re acting weird, what’s up?”

I was in music appreciation class, meaning Vic was in class with me. I had noticed that this was a class he never missed. Maybe it was because it was the last class of the day.

“I’m fine,” I answered. Anyone could tell from my tone that I wasn’t fine, but I was hoping Vic would drop it and leave me be.

Of course, I should’ve known he was always out to annoy me.

“You don’t seem fine.”

“I am,” I answered dryly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

“Really? Because it seems like-“

“Will you leave me alone!” I exclaimed. My outburst caused Ms. Pope and the rest of the class to look at me with different emotions on their faces. Annoyance, shock, disappointment, and some fear showed in everyone’s eyes.

“Kellin,” Ms. Pope started. I didn’t respond; I just sighed and put my head down.

“It’s my fault,” I heard the voice next to me say. “I was bothering him.”

“I appreciate your honesty, Vic. Please refrain from bothering Kellin or you’ll have detention.”

“Got it.”

And apparently he did. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of the lesson. He didn’t slip me a note, didn’t text me, nothing. It was almost as if he was pretending I didn’t exist. I wasn’t sure if I was grateful for that or not.

All I knew was that I was uneasy. The things Lynn told me about Vic and Alex on top of the talk with my mom made me feel insecure. It was obvious they were close and had known each other longer than Vic had known me. I guess one would say that I was jealous, but I wasn’t sure what I was jealous of. Was it Vic and Alex’s relationship and that they were so close? Was it the fact that they had something going on when the furthest Vic and I had gone was hand holding for a few seconds?

Maybe it was the fact that Vic was cheating on me. Or was I the one on the side? Was I the one he was hiding from Alex? The thought of being a side piece made me want to repeatedly pound my head into my desk until I broke it or went unconscious, whichever came first.

“Okay guys, I’ll let you have the rest of class to work on your projects with your partners. Be productive, please.” Ms. Pope dismissed us and within seconds the class was up and talking. I groaned. I really didn’t want to have to work with Vic.

“You could hide your dissatisfaction a little bit,” I heard. I lifted my head a tiny bit to where my eyes were peeking over my arm. I made contact with Vic’s brown eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“That groan. What’s up? I thought we were getting along.”

I sighed and sat up. “We were.”

“Then why are you acting like I betrayed you?”

“It’s nothing,” I mumbled. I could tell he didn’t believe me.

“You’re lying. It’s obviously something.” He got up from his seat and kneeled by my desk with his elbows resting on top of it. His warm chocolate eyes looked into mine, searching for answers to unasked questions.

I stared back at him before speaking, “It’s really nothing.”

“You’re such a bad liar, Quinn,” he whispered. “I thought we had fun on our date. Was I wrong?” Although that was a question, his tone and gaze were anything but unsure. The intense eye contact sent a chill down my spine. The tone of his voice gave me goosebumps. If we were the only two in the room, I’d crash my lips into his and show him how much fun I wish we could’ve had on that date.

“No,” I managed to get out.

“Then what is it?”

I bit my lip in thought. I couldn’t keep these insecurities to myself, but I knew I couldn’t tell him I was insecure because of one of his friends. That wouldn’t go over well.

I focused my attention back on Vic to see him lick his lips as he stared at mine. His eyes flicked back to mine when he noticed where my gaze was.

“Let’s talk about this later,” I suggested. He shook his head. “Why not?”

“We have twenty-something minutes before school is out. No one else is paying attention to us. Might as well get it all out now, don’t you think?”

“I guess?”

He smiled his cocky smile. “Great. So, tell me what’s up?”

I sighed. There was no use trying to get out of this one. “Do you actually like me?”

He scrunched his eyebrow in confusion. “We went out on a date, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, but...”

“But what?”

I let out a breath. “I’m not gonna be some dirty little secret. I deserve better than that.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” I shot.

“I’m not,” he countered, “I’m just fucking confused. What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m not gonna be some side piece you ask out when your boyfriend is out of town.”

“Wait, what?” He looked at me in shock and confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“And another thing,” I continued, “if all I am to you is a fling or a moment of fun or whatever then I suggest you leave me alone right now. I don’t wanna be known as the guy who gave it up to Vic Fuentes just to get dumped.”

“Dude, what the-”

“Ten more minutes!” Ms. Pope announced.

Vic and I looked in her direction then looked back at each other. He still had confusion over his face, but instead of shock accompanying it, there was sadness. I didn’t care. I had said my peace, even if some of it was unwarranted.

I put my head back on my desk with my face turned away from Vic. I didn’t want to look at him. I heard him sigh and then heard some shuffling. I knew he had gone back to his seat.

We didn’t talk for the rest of class. He didn’t bother me at all, just let me sit there like he had before. I didn’t do much to change the situation so we ignored each other for ten minutes before the bell rang.

I lifted my head at the ring that signaled the end of the school day. Finally, I could put today behind me and move on. I wanted nothing more but to get home and crawl into bed and forget about all the shit the day brought me.

Glancing down, I saw that the day brought me one more thing.

I looked on my desk to see a folded piece of paper. Even though I didn’t see who put it there, I knew who it came from. I sighed and picked it up. Maybe this was him telling me off. Maybe this was him saying he didn’t want to date me anymore.

We should talk. Text me when you’re done being crazy

Well then.

[call-me-rei]

Chapter 9

“I think we were cursed from the start.”

---

I groaned in frustration as I flipped through my notebook. In an attempt to prepare for my audition that was fast approaching I was looking through my lyrics, trying to find a song to sing. One of the requirements was to sing a song that meant something to you. Why that was a requirement I have no idea, but it was and I was stuck. It wasn’t like my lyrics were meaningless; there were just many songs that I liked. There wasn’t necessarily one that meant more to me than the others.

“You mean to tell me that there isn’t a single song you like in there?” Lynn asked. I shook my head.

Our group of misfits were sitting at lunch, but Lynn, Tyler, and Sav were the only three focused on me and my problem.

“Why don’t you just sing a song on the radio or something?” Tyler asked. “It would save you all this frustration.”

“I’ve thought about it but that wouldn’t be right,” I answered. “Plus I hate what’s on the radio. None of it means anything anyway.”

“That makes sense, but you’re still at square one.”

I groaned. “Thanks for the reminder.”

“Look, how about I solve your problems?” Sav asked. We looked at her and her confident smile.

“By all means,” I said skeptically.

“Why don’t you go down to one of those rooms all the music people go to and sing in there? Or sing in the choir room.”

“Oh yeah!” Lynn said excitedly. “Lots of people do it. Practice in the place you’re gonna perform so you know what you’ll sound like.”

I thought about it. “That doesn’t sound too bad. Will you guys come and listen to me though? Make sure I’m not just hearing things?” They nodded.

“Of course, Kell,” Tyler answered. “I’d love to hear what you have to offer.”

I couldn’t help but smile. All that was left to do was narrow down my song choices.

The bell rang before I had the chance to. We all packed up our things and headed out the cafeteria to our different classes.

“You know, you haven’t talked about Vic all day,” Lynn said to me when she, Sav, and I were walking to environmental science.

“Because there’s nothing to talk about,” I replied nonchalantly.

“Bullshit,” Sav said. I looked at her to see that know-it-all smirk on her face.

“What do you mean, red?” I asked.

“I mean that I heard that the little guy is pretty pissed at you.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Oh please,” she scoffed, “everyone knows when Vic is angry at someone. It starts off small but soon the whole school will know how much trouble you’re in.”

I gulped. “And how much trouble am I in?”

“Don’t know,” she shrugged, “depends on what you did.”

I groaned inwardly as we walked into the classroom. I wanted more than anything to walk right back out, but the bell had rang and our teacher had started the lesson.

Why did I have to open my big mouth yesterday? Why did I have to be so upset? Why couldn’t he have just left me alone? Or better yet, why couldn’t he have told me the truth?

The more I thought about it the more I realized that him being mad at me was his own fault. He could’ve been honest or he couldn’t have brought it up at all, but no, instead he decided to be all secretive. Well it was his own fault that I snapped. Besides, he should learn some day that you can’t just mess with people’s heads.

“Alright class, movie time,” our teacher said as he went around the room putting papers on the desks. “Answer the questions on this worksheet and put it on my desk at the end of the film. This is not a completion grade so pay close attention.”

A few students groaned but didn’t say anything else on the subject. Once our teacher was done passing papers out he turned off the light and pressed the space bar on his computer, starting the movie.

“Are you worried?” Lynn asked me while the opening credits rolled.

“Of?”

“Vic.”

I shrugged. I didn’t know what I was feeling. Yes I was a little nervous to see what he’d do but I was also focused on other things. He wasn’t a big priority to me at that moment.

“I don’t wanna talk about him right now, okay?”

She nodded and looked toward the screen. That’s the thing I liked about Lynn, she knew when to let things go. She wasn’t about all the drama that was high school and I appreciated that, considering I was responsible for the most recent drama.

After an hour of listening to a wannabe Morgan Freeman tell us about the different biomes of the world we were free to go.

“Off to the land of music!” Sav said a little too excitedly. I looked at Lynn who just rolled her eyes.

“She gets like this,” she explained. “You could try to calm her down but there’s really no point.”

I chuckled. “As long as she’s ready to help,” I said.

We walked down the fine arts hallway to the practice rooms. Sav peeked in every window on every door until she stopped at on at the end of the hall. Without a word she walked into the room, leaving Lynn and I outside.

“I guess we should…,” I started. Lynn nodded and together we walked into the room.

I soon saw the reason behind Sav’s search. At the piano in the room was Tyler. He was singing a song I didn’t recognize and playing an accompanying pattern. I couldn’t help but follow his voice as it sang to me sweetly. I listened as he added more emphasis to some words and stretched the tone of others, giving new meanings to them. His voice was like honey and I was stuck.

He played a final resolving chord that rang for a few seconds before he looked towards me.

“So what’d you think?” he asked.

“That was amazing,” I said with a goofy grin on my face. “Why didn’t you tell me you could sing?”

“Well for one we’ve only known each other for a little over two weeks,” he answered. “And two, I wanted to surprise you when you made men’s chorus.”

“Surprise me how?”

“Well I figured seeing me in that class would be a big enough surprise.”

The lightbulb went off over my head.

“Oh!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah,” he said with a laugh, “‘Oh.’”

I brushed it off. “Anyway, you gonna help me or what?”

“Let’s hear what you got.”

I put my bag on the floor and pulled out my notebook. I stared at its cover thoughtfully. This was going to be the first time anyone would ever hear me sing one of my original works. What if they hated it? How harshly would they judge me? Suddenly I felt extremely nervous.

“You alright there Kells?” Sav asked.

I cleared my throat. “Uh, yeah. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“I don’t exactly have instrumentals for these,” I thought up quickly. It wasn’t a complete lie. I had only recently started listening to demos when I wrote. I didn’t really like it very much anyway.

“Well it’s a good thing I’m here,” Tyler said proudly. “Pick a song and read off the lyrics. I’ll try my best to add to it.”

I nodded. This wouldn’t be too bad. I turned to a song I had written years ago.

“I know that hope weighs on your mind, lost within the seams; It seems like we lose ourselves in between.”

Tyler started playing chords after I sang the first line.

“But the harder things become, the harder you push away. "Oh, it kills me.”

I stopped reading and looked at Tyler who was now playing random shit on the keys.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

He shushed me. “Just listen.”

He started playing the same chords as before with different alterations. He inverted some and after a couple minutes he was playing a rhythm.

“Sing along to this,” he said.

I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know…”

“C'mon Kell, just trust me. Sing along to this.” He repeated the same pattern while looking at me hopefully. I gave him a small smile and took a breath before I joined in.

“I know that hope weighs on your mind, lost within the seams; It seems like we lose ourselves in between. But the harder things become, the harder you push away. Oh baby, yeah baby, it kills me.”

Tyler stopped playing and smiled at me. "See? I knew there was something there, he said excitedly.

I beamed. "What did you guys think?” I asked the girls.

“I need more,” Sav said with a smile. Lynn nodded in agreement.

“Well Kell, let’s give the people what they want.”

I nodded. The four of us spent two more hours in that room before the security guard told us to go home.

“Kellin I’m serious, that’s the song you should sing,” Lynn said as we walked out of the school.

“I agree, and not because I basically put the whole thing together,” Tyler said smugly.

“I don’t know guys…”

“Kellin, you’ve been saying that you needed a song that meant something to you. Well obviously you wrote that one for a reason so sing it proudly.”

I mulled Sav’s words over in my head. “Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

Clearly she wasn’t happy about that answer but she let it go. The four of us parted ways as we reached the parking lot.

I had my reasons for not wanting to sing that song. I wrote it during a dark time that I was convinced I would never get out of. Hell, I was still living through it. It was as if no matter how hard I tried or how good things seemed to get I was always brought back to the darkest time of my life.

I got in my car and began the drive home, trying to forget the reason I had written that song in the first place.