#besides i dont even care about that. my best friend was born on innocents day just like my brother was born on valentines

[mxwhore]

Does the happy family participate in Prank Day?

not really, soury

[theredsuzuran]

Douma x reader - Innocence

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Took me a long time to upload a new content am so sorry for the delay I was really busy with school assignments therefore I cannot manage the time to write. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors on my behalf, I hope you enjoy.

Warning : Dark themes like gore, blood and violence, degradation and swearing, mature content.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The moon shone brightly above the sky as it's light leak through the branches illuminating the famous building of the eternal paradise cult. A new set of followers rushed into the dwelling in hopes of fulfilling their selfish desires, diminishing their agonies and enriching their possessions. However a particular human with her tattered kimono seem not to be interested to convey anything although the people around her would die to witness even a glimpse of the charismatic leader as for now she was busy running along the wide long corridors

The sound of thumping footsteps echoed throughout the building as a herd of followers attempted on catching the miscreant who disrupted the peaceful atmosphere prevailing over the supreme cult. The already annoyed and frustrated people were all worked up to catch the energetic human who on the other hand have thoughts of escaping this place they called paradise. If only she was careful enough to notice her mother's strange behavior soon as they entered the place but how can you possibly blame an innocent little girl like her, or so she thought. Afraid she might lose sight of her treacherous mother who abandoned her just moments ago she desparety stumbled her way out although that didn't concerned her simple thinking process but that's exactly how complicated the situation was.

Turning one last time to look behind if those weird people were still following her or not when suddenly she bumped into a Tall muscular figure standing infront of her soft delicate frame she must have missed him approaching while focusing on looking behind. "Please just leave me alone!" The girl fumed coherently still overwhelmed by the amount of people rushing towards her like waves something that she was not accustomed with as for eighteen years she lived indoors interacting rarely with anyone and playing with dolls most of the time.

"Watch your tongue brat" one of the men standing beside the tall man spoke with disgust hinted in his voice. "Crouch down you insolent woman, where's your gratitude it's because of lord Douma's benevolence that you are still here or you'd be rotting in the street thanks to your mother", the people around her started whispering and murmuring behind her back but she was not bother since her senses were filled with newfound wrath how dare they insult your angel like mother? No longer able to contain your anger you shouted with tears "Then take me to my mother, I don't want to stay here alone".

"Your mother abandoned you here so shut up and deal with it, now move your way for master" the man grunted irritatedly motioning the other followers to grab her and take her away.

"No don't touch me" she wiggled under their grip rushing towards douma blocking him from entering the room by grabbing his arm tightly "I am not going anywhere until I know where my mother is" she cried loudly making the demon flinch with surprise, how pitiful the creature looked in his polychromatic eyes. He have seen many humans crying before him for obvious reasons which honestly have become his monotonous routine but somehow this girl acted quite weird being her age, interesting him enough to investigate. As he was about to speak the man beside him pushed the girl hashly making her lose her balance and fall on the wooden floor.

"How dare you touch master with your filthy hands bitch" he lift his hand to slap her tight in the face but someone grabbed his wrist just in time to save the girl from further humiliation.

"Silence" all the questioning glances, judging looks and whispering stopped at once as douma spoke nonchalantly making the latter shiver in regret.

"I am sorry douma sama" the man uttered in pure horror having no intentions to displease his beloved lord. "I was-"

"I don't want to see that happen again, understood?" He replied coldly still maintaining his wide smile as the previous chaos shifted into complete hush. The man lowered his head down with shame nodding silently. Douma averted his attention and glanced at the figure underneath making the girl jolt a bit but his once frightening demeanor changed into a cheerful and optimistic one in matter of second upon seeing her.

"Please take her to my chamber and treat her wounds" the man clapped with a wide grin plastered on his face. A group of female servants came rushing to help picking her up. The girl being too bewildered did not protested and simply follow his tone as if she was hypnotized by his neatly decorated persona.

The girl was immediately taken away without delay and as per douma he needed to attend his cult duties. First of all she was washed and changed into a beautiful kimono as soon as she stepped inside, then she was escorted into a room filled with antiques and lavish items which she have never seen. Her face lit up with fascination as she began venturing those decorative pieces.

"Looks like you have ease down a bit, good good" A familiar tone struck in her ears startling her a bit only to turn back and view the handsome cult leader although it was a bit strange because she did not heard anyone approaching.

"Aww did I scared you?" He laughed covering his face with golden fans.

"No I was just- you came in without a warning, I was taken aback" she explained blushing trying her best not to act immature to which douma laughed uncontrollably as he found this human's expression adorable say entertaining in his words.

"D-dont laugh at me" she pouted crossing her arms in the attempt.

"I am sorry (y/n), you really amuse me" he replied still grinning. However there was a moment of awkward silence between them as he uttered her name abruptly.

"I didn't tell you my name.." after a long pause she replied to him with a confuse look in her face.

"I know everyone's name who are living under my supervision including yours besides what kind of cult leader I am if I don't have basic information about my fellow followers. Oh look I have been talking to you without giving the chance to let you talk my bad" he laughed again waving his fans creating another awkward situation. Causing you to sweatdrop on his remark.

"Say (y/n) how old are you?" to which she replied enthusiastically "I am 8 years old and will turn 9 soon"

"Ah you don't look like one" douma grinned closing his eyes in the process.

"Yeah I get that a lot" she remarked shyly.

"Your mother is one of my followers" he continued

"Really?" her eyes sparked with hope as she approached douma with anticipation grabbing his arms for the second time starling him, she really like holding hands eh? he have experiences like that but somehow this girl made him feel different so he allowed her but then she stopped halfway through her words "I really miss her it's been a week since she left me here" her voice dropped with sadness.

Douma felt no sympathy for humans or anything as such, he have learned to fake his emotions from a very tender age eversince he was born to the extent that even seeing his mother killing her husband mercilessly failed to evoke feelings within. He clearly did not understand what she was feeling he just stared at her with a blank expression only to replace it quickly with a grim look even faking few tears. "(Y/n) chan you know its okay you will still have me" he patted the girl in an attempt to comfort her.

"Friends?" (Y/n) replied between her tears.

"If that's how you want us to be" douma smiled at her gently shocking himself for a second because he didn't think of smiling?

Things escalated soon after that incident, (y/n) was a kind and compassionate person from inside and out and in not time the cult followers started loving her presence. As often douma would let her accompany him and most of the time she stayed by his side following him everywhere and he didn't mind that at all moreover he appreciated her company. (Y/n) was like a fresh bud to him who depicted innocence and purity he loved spoiling her with expensive gifts yet she never showed signs of greediness and genuinely appreciated his thoughtfulness slowly forgetting the past life she was in and cherishing her friendship with douma. At first she was reluctant and didn't like getting so much attention but in the course of time she bonded better with everyone and was quite content with the life she was leading. As for douma he began to depend on (y/n) to the point that not seeing her face for even one day would make him go insane and he didn't understand why not like he want to because all he cared about was how she made him feel so many varieties of pleasant emotions he wish he could feel. Eating her was out of context.

However all good things must come to an end for he is someone to not rest in peace after the sin he have committed for centuries. Seeing douma paying her more attention, spoiling her with a ravish lifestyle and even letting her stay by his side all the time made some of his cult members terribly envious they wanted to punish her for taking their chances of stealing the spotlight. There was this one room that he forbade his followers to enter for obvious reasons and specifically for (y/n) because he didn't want to repeat the same mistake. This was exactly what they wanted (y/n) to do break the rules and Douma's trust. Like that there would be no more favouritism on her with others.

"Ah (y/n), there you are" one of the female member approached her one fine morning.

"Yes how may I help you?" She asked cheerfully

"Lord douma have asked for your presence in the forbidden room tonight and he said its urgent"

"Aren't we all prohibited to go inside"

"Oh (y/n) it's true master have arrived today and he wants your presence"

Upon hearing that news her heart elated with happiness, it has been two weeks since he last saw douma around and she missed him but something felt off about the whole situation douma always sees (y/n) first before tending his followers then why did he not come meet her did he not miss her like she did?

She was lost in her thoughts until she found two hands waving and snapping infort of her face.

"Don't be late, okay?" With that said the female hurried back into other room leaving (y/n) behind even though the situation seem kinda odd maybe douma was busy afterall.

At night (y/n) went into the restricted area. She stood infront of the shoji door in absolute dilemma debating whether or not to enter the room or go back. There was her desire of meeting douma on one hand and not breaking his trust by entering the room on the other. In the end she decided not to but as she was turning back she heard someone grunting in pain behind the closed doors being a compassionate person, she decided to open the door and enter into the darkness adjusting her eyes in the process, a pungent smell hit her nostrils making her cover her mouth and to her absolute terror the scene infront of her made her puke in disgust.

A pile of Mutilated bodies, mostly women laid around lifelessly on the blood stained tatami mattress. Many having no limbs, some headless and organs missing from their body as if someone had ate all of that. The whole room was a mess full of unfortunate people. She felt sick and began crawling down her way back from the corpses. However she felt a tight grip on her left foot upon looking down she witness the sight of a woman her intestines oozing out of her stomach begging for help. (Y/n) stood there perplexed unable to say anything chocking through tears.

"I told you not to come here, why?" (Y/n) turned her head violently to see douma standing in a distance his countenance cold and sinister evident that he was highly displeased upon seeing his innocent flower disobeying his instructions.

"It's not... like... what you see" (y/n) cried fearfully but douma didn't seem to buy it well in a blink of an eye she found herself in Douma's arms as he aggressively dragged her out of the room.

"What's going on douma" no word came out from the usual lively douma.

"It's hurting me your grip" no reply again to which she forcefully tried to stand still with all her strength. This time douma stopped his features hidden under his bangs making her unable to figure the expression he was carrying.

"Is this why douma forbade us to enter the room" no reply

"Are you responsible for murdering those innocent people?" No reply

"DOUMA" she shouted

"Why you want to join them?" Douma finally looked at her his eyes glowing dangerously proving his existence to be something unnatural. (Y/n's) eyes widen at his remarks as tears rolled down her visage.

"I hate you.." she murmured

"What?" He tilted his head letting his guard down a bit at her hurtful comments.

"I HATE YOU" she pushed douma roughly and flew from the place running deep into the forest for she knew who he was and what he is capable of doing. Tearing down she constantly reminisce the moments she shared but she cannot allow herself to sympathize his heinous crimes. Why is it that the people I love are always taken away from me? She thought. Exhausted from running she halted in order to catch her breath while glancing back to see if he was following, there was no one indeed so a sudden feeling of relief gushed in her body. However turning her head back she saw him standing inches apart from her face which made her shiver and fall onto the knees.

"Why are you running away from me (y/n)" he said apatheticly his head lowered at her level. She did not reply and stayed quite.

"Is it true that you don't love me after all the things I did for you?" Covering his face with one hand his eyes glowing under the moonlight a look of dejection written on his face. There was complete silence in the forest except the sound of rustling trees.

"Answer me" holding her face now firmly he growled making her flinch under his breath. In one last desperate attempt (y/n) tried to stab douma with a tree branch she found laying on the ground but unfortunately douma was faster and easily dodged the attack and in a swift motion he hit her with immense strength causing her fragile little body to tremble in pain as she coughed mucus mixed with blood.

"How foolish of you" he crouched down her height staring intensely at the quivering figure of the miserable girl. As for (y/n) her body ached but more was the tightness in the chest that she was experiencing in the moment.

He pulled her by the hair roughly making her scream in pain although at this point all she could manage with her cracking voice were inaudible screams.

"Why did you disobey me? (Y/n)..." who knew beneath that friendly kind face was hiding a undeniably deadly and calculative demon and at this point it was clear for her that he was anything but human.

"Who are you?" these few words manage to escape from her shaky lips in between low grunts.

"I am the leader of the eternal paradise cult"

"Wrong" to which he tightened his grip making her shriek again.

"You humans are so dumb believing in the existence of primordial deities where in reality its just a myth, a fairytale, created for pleasuring the sufferings of mere human. Being superior than you mortals I wanted to make these pitiful existence happy and that's why I was born and what you saw there" his lips curved into a cheeky smile revealing his deadly fangs creeping the shit out of the already scared girl. "I eat them so that they can always be with me and attain salvation" a sinister laughter escape from his mouth as he covered it with his golden fans. (Y/n) unable to process the new sets of information knots formed in her stomach making her sick in the guts.

"I ate your mother too, oh she was ungrateful after all the things I did to her just like you" protruding her eyes with pure shock she felt her veins popping out and blood boiling in pure rage.

"You are a monster, you think your stupid morals would persuade people to think like you do, I despise you douma I thought we were friends and you took away the one I cherished the most?"

"You think your mother loved you?" Douma snapped. The duality of this was man was insane, all the things he does or says are plastic.

"She never cared for your life, you want to know why? I will tell you since you insist" douma dragged her out of forest holding a fistful of her hair tightly inflicting great discomfort to the girl while he continued with his harsh statements and deliberate insults.

"You were just a burden, behaving like a fucking child with the alluring body of yours"

"No my mother promised me..she would protect me.. you are lying"

"While you were crying everyday inside my shrine that lowly woman enjoyed her life indulging in adultery with various cult members leaving her sick husband and mentally retarded daughter in the dark" every word he uttered spread vemon into her ears.

"Still she wanted more and more and more, what a greedy whore" douma continued.

"Do you know how much difficult it was for me to control myself around you? While you sway your hips and act innocently making those hungry men lust over you, how much dumb can you be?"

"What do you mean I don't understand.. douma"

"I did everything I can for you yet you remain ungrateful, disrespectful? Well guess its runs in your blood and I thought you are innocent but it turns out that you are just like the rest of them, naive"

Her eyes widened with every hurtful remarks he made about her and she did not understand why she felt that way shouldn't she be resentful towards him for killing her beloved mother but here she is weeping constantly because douma was treating her like he never did before.

"But that's fine (y/n) I can not bring myself to hurt you I love you and we shall always be together whether you like it or not" nothing reached in her ears anymore as her body grew numb. Her eyes shut as she carried the unbearable pain in her heart slowly loosing consciousness and remaining sanity.

It would have been easier if she died but alas a mere human like her is doomed at his mercy.

[sukirichi]

— 💌 ; a love letter from @kyriaan

long post below regarding broken records. cw includes adultery, physical assault, toxic relationships, broken records spoilers, and mature content

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

Okay! I finally had time to actually sit down and properly read chap 5 cause ill be damned and burned if i dont pay special attention to one of my favorite series here! Rather drown or be sting by bees slowly 😒

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃 I for the first time don't even know where to start so allow me to be all over the place cause my emotions are also all over the place with this chapter ✌️

Ill start by y/n's dad caN GO FUCK HIMSELF? Like okay sir you might have fallen in love with our mom (ill give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his feelings) BUT SIR YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST? FROM THE BEGINNING? ALSO BRUH YOU KIDDING ME??? SIR YOU LEGIT ABANDONED YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND THEN YOU PROCESS TO 'LEAVE US' I- YOOOOO I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM I SWEAR!!

Also ALSO ILL SCREAM FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NO KID HAS EVER TO BE BLAMED FOR BEING BORN!! Y/n mom's line: 'we have to atone for our sins' its legit BULLSHIT it wad NOT y/n fault her DAD COULDNT KEEP HIS DICK INSIDE HIS PANTS NOR ITS Y/N FAULT THAT HER DAD CHEATED!!! ATONE FOR OUR SINS MY ASS!! the father is the one that has to take responsibility for all this shitty situation we do NOT nor any kid out there in this situation has to be taken accountable by this!!

And now Suna 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 bruh im just gonna cry... Everything he does just makes me heart swell i feel so cozy when i read his parts like how sweet and present he is I- bruh I never had that... Actually seeing y/n breaking up with him when shes clearly falling in love with him just breaks me cause Girl for real Suna would be there for you... I get it shes afraid and shes acting on that fear but girl... Pls he truly loves you deeply not everyone is like your dad. There are happy endings. There are good people Sunas one of them pls 🥺🥺🥺 also MY LOVE TSUMU BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVEN THO SUNA GOT THE GIRL BRUH TSUMU I FUCKING LOVE YOU MY CHILDISH YET ADORABLY SMUG BOY 😭😭😭😭😭

Nagisas a bitch btw ✌️ so far i see no redemption not excuse in what she did so far. I get her reasons but that does NOT excuse her behavior. She has to lash out at her cunt of a dad not at a innocent woman who was also a victim all along. Nor even her half sister. I get her mentality behind this but doesnt excuse her behavior at all- its basically the same as being a victim from a bully and playing bully after aswell.

Overall YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN SUKI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BUT ALSO UGH MY HEART SUKI!

[ from suki ] 

BROKEN RECORDS IS UR FAVE SERIES??? babe pls you’re gonna me cry !! nah nah fr his dishonesty caused all this mess. YEAHA SAKLAA tbh I love mama lucy but her words of ‘atoning for their sins’ or her mindset of ‘we don’t deserve to be happy when we’ve hurt others’ really messed up YN. she was only 21 and vulnerable with all the shambles happening in her family + the sudden assault from nagisa, that when her mother said those words, she struggled to let go of it. to her, it became like a final verdict that dictated how she lived her life.

SUNA URGHHH PLEASE GIVE SUNA A CHANCE HE HAS PURE AND GOOD INTENTIONS BUT I CANT BLAME HER EITHER AHSJAKA. and the comparison of nagisa being a bully’s victim only to become the next bully is true. nagisa should lash out at their shitty excuse of a father. ALSO AAAAHH THE NEXT CHAPTER (007) IS WORSE AHSJKAAL

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

I know shins attractive I mean mans perfect?? Does he even have any flaw?? And the way he cried when he got his jersey MYGOD FHDHFHFJSKS but I still look at him and im like.... Hmmmm nah i wouldnt date him its just not my... Do i dare say type? Cause i dont think i have a type ghfhfisofbd but like I just 🧍‍♀️

I love him i just dont love him i guess

The makeout scene tho ill give you that 🥵🥵🥵 made me bark (i would still walk out next day like was a good fuck kita byeeee🚉🏃‍♀️💨)

... More drama regarding mari... And you said this will have like 10 chapters... And from 8 on will be angsty.... 🙂 *traumatized noises*

[ from suki ] 

YUUHHH KITA IS PERFECT HERE AHSJKAA IDK MAYBE ITS MY SIMPING FOR NAOYA CONVERTED TO KITA ALREADY BEING PERFECT AS HE ALREADY IS AND I AMPED IT UP BCOS THE SIMP MODE IS ACTIVATED AHSKAA. the make out scene !! pls sir i’m on my knees spare some love in ur heart AAAAAAHHHHHH. also. i assure you. businessman! kita got game. he’s gonna make you walk funny if you give him the chance HSJKA

yeah i just finished writing the outline for track7 right now and the drama is HSJKAA it gave me a headache sobs 

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 006

I want to give you my usual thoughts on the new chapter and at the same ahm...

I just saw myself on Suna... Deeply....and it kinda slapped me harder than i was expecting...there were too many things from him giving himself to mari/treating her like he wants to be treated... To deleting his best friend from social media thanks to his girlfriend... And it really hurt me ahah..

I would vent but.. Yeah

But yes this chapter i saw myself in suna and i had to take quite the long breaks cause it was getting to me 😅😅😅 also if anything i learned from my experiences is that MARI SCREAMS RED FLAGS and even Osamu can see that pls

I would honestly end Mari there, i wouldnt even bother to just retort i would walk my way into to the damn apartment and fucking take Suna for myself cause Mari does not deserve him. Shes manipulative, and in a way abusive.. Not allowing him to keep contact with his best friend his a total redflag and o know its because Suna had feelings for y/n and vice versa but Suna never gave het a reason to distrust him.

The moment he said he was best friends with y/n and was single she immediately clinged himself to him and for what? To then dump him like he was trash...

He gave himself to her, he proved he was there for her he even took her back this boy deserves the fucking world and its not Mari...

I kinda want to say it's not y/n at this point either cause the way she broke his heart was kinda the same Mari did.. Y/n disregarded his feelings and just broke it up.. Mari disregarded his feelings abd broke it up... But y/n stated from the very beginning that she would eventually break up Mari just shrugged and didn't care so i can in a way forgive y/n i cant forgive mari

Besides y/n was supportive from the beginning while Mari was obsessive and controlling.

Another really insanely well written chapter as usual (albeit this one making me ball my eyes off harder because yeah) but yes~ eagerly waiting for the next one~

Take your time tho 😌🙌

Mari can go fuck off 💗💓💞💕❣️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍💯💝💖💋💅

Suna x y/n pls

Y/n deserves to have a healthy love life with someone she loves (hence why npt Kita) and loves her back

And Suna deserve the fucking world and be treated right

[ from suki ] 

NAHHHH cuz when you said suna was treating mari the way he wanted YN to treat her... that’s right. on point. they’re all so complicated sobs. MARI IS A WALKING RED FLAG THAT OSAMU CAN SMELL FROM A MILE AWAY. ALSO yes mari is manipulative and borderline possessive when it came to suna. like yeah, let’s be real, she could tell a long time ago that suna was in love with YN and it made her insecure / jealous, but the whole time, YN kept her distance. she was supportive over their relationship from afar as to make mari comfortable. suna also did everything he could to make sure she was well cared for. for three years, he was focused on her and only her. he gave love a second chance despite being brokenhearted. suna never mari a chance to doubt because he, too, was sure he could be happy with her.

until mari left him.

and now suna is back with YN because they will always have each other. but honestly,,,if we think about it, if mari never broke up with suna or at least gave him the chance to explain himself - if mari didn’t do the exact thing YN did to suna years ago - he honestly would’ve been really happy with mari. they were going well. like yeah mari has always been toxic by pushing suna’s boundaries and asking him to unfollow his own best friend on social media, but he did it anyway. because he trusted their relationship. he wanted the best for them. 

also yeah, the parallels between mari and YN were intentional !! 

HEHEHEHE THE KITA X YN SHIP everyone loves them im so happy about that bcos kita is so amazing in my eyes. PREACH FOR THAT THO !! SUNA DESERVES THE BEST. SUNA DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE

thank you for taking the time to send me this, kya, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to work harder on the future chapters !! <33

[authorofdanger]

Reason Of Survival Part 1

Genre:Angst

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, violence, kidnapping, and death.

Stray Kids Mafia AU

My breathing was ragged as I took another blow to my chest. It was another losing fight for me this week but what was the point in winning? Another day having the shit beaten out of me? To possibly having a full meal once a day and two smaller ones to try to motivate me more? Some clean water? A fucking shower? I dont have a good reason to keep fighting so I kept taking all the hits from my opponent. It felt like hours before I was on the ground with a broken wrist, fractured nose, bloodied face, cracked ribs, and bruises littering my entire body. It's not the worst I have endured in a fight but it's not my best either.

I was tossed back into my cell like a piece of meat and I could barely let out a cry from the pain of the impact. My hair was pulled up harshly which forced me to look my boss in his eyes. "The fuck is wrong with you? You were my top fighter for years and now you cant even win a single fight! And for what? Some cell mate you had for only a few months? Pathetic." My cell mate, Libby, died last week after losing her tenth fight. Boss decided she was no longer useful and.... well you can guess from there. She was my only friend in this hell hole and the only person I wasn't forced to fight. We took care of eachother and became eachothers motivation to keep going and keep winning. At this rate I'm not too far from joining her.

"I'm warning you. Either start winning or I will find better use for you," he warned before releasing my sore scalp and slamming my cell door shut. I crawled over to my personal first aid kit and cleaned myself up the best I could without water or a mirror. My wrist was going to have to wait until my weekly body check from my cell section's nurse. Leaning against the cool concrete wall I listened to the fights continuing the floor above me so I could have an idea of which cells would need to be cleared tonight.

*****

"Let me fucking go," a voice boomed down the hall which ripped my attention away from the fight. I glanced over through the bars and saw a boy being dragged this way by two guards. He looked young, possibly still a teen, but he was well built and looked to be a perfect candidate in the ring. His red hair was messy on top of his head and his clothes were ripped and bloody. He had to be new though because if he wasn't I'm sure I would have fought him by now. I pulled my legs to my chest to make myself small as the three of them stopped in front of my cell and the boy was tossed inside with me and locked in. "I swear to God your going to regret that when my team gets here," he yelled but the guards only laughed before leaving the hall.

I kept silent as I watched him curiously. Nobody in their right mind speaks to the guards like that unless you are a top fighter. A boy like him could get killed here and the boss wouldn't even bat an eye. He ran his hand through his hair before turning around and jumping at the sight of me. I relaxed my legs a bit when I saw all of the violence in his eyes be replaced with concern. "Are you okay," he asked. I let out a small painful laugh. "You're kidding right?" His eyes scanned around my body and stopped when it hit my wrist. "Its not nice to stare you know," I scoffed before shutting my eyes and leaning my head back, "you a new fighter or something?"

"Prisoner. I was captured while on a mission with my team." Prisoner? We dont have prisoners. We have fighters, sex workers, and the guards but not prisoners. "So a fighter? You look too innocent to be a guard and the boss doesn't typically want a baby faced male sex worker." My eyes shot back open in fear as I felt a hand gently grab my wrist but I didnt pull away. "I can wrap this. It might help." Without an answer he had a hold of my first aid kit and made a good makeshift cast. The entire time I kept my eyes on his face which held a sense of focus and care that kept me calm most of the time of contact. "You know it's not nice to stare," he mocked while finishing up. I rolled my eyes but chose to ignore his comment.

"What's your name?" "Y/N. Yours," I asked as he put up the kit. "Jeongin. How long have you been here?" To be honest I'm not too sure. One day I just woke up in this cell with no recollection of my past and I've been here ever since. "Years," was the easiest answer I could give him. I could see his shoulders tense up a bit but his face remained calm and held little emotion. It's odd seeing a newbie so relaxed after being brought in. Normally they would be screaming, fighting, and finding any way to escape. Jeongin on the other hand seems to accept his fate or maybe he has a plan that is bound to fail, either way it's too hard for me to read him quite yet.

"How old are you? I'm seventeen," he asked. He was probably trying to relax any fears I have of him and truth be told it was working but seventeen? And he was talking about a team and he is holding himself together? Something isnt quite right about him but how can I judge in a place like this. "I dont really know anymore. The boss has a file on me somewhere but I had a serious head injury a while back and all I remember is my name and a few scattered memories here and there. It's all a bit of a blur. Hey you said something about a team right?" His eyes shined at the question. Whoever this team is he must hold a good amount of fondness to them. "They're like brothers to me. There are nine of us in total and we run a pretty well known mafia group if I do say so myself. It's a tough job but it gives us all the thrill we have craved since birth. I'm their hacker, I can crack any passcode and hack any electronic device in minutes. Been doing it since I was about fifteen." His hopeful look dimmed as he trailed into a deep thought.

"I wonder if they know where I am." Against my better judgement I reached my hand out for him and led him to sit beside me and laid his head on my shoulder. I dont quite understand what he is feeling right now but I have a good idea. "I wont let anything happen to you Jeongin. Your brothers are coming and they will get you out of here, until then I promise I will keep you alive." Now the question was how was I going to do that? How was I going to protect another person when I can barely protect myself?

*****

The next morning we were woken up by the sounds of sobs and screaming, the usual sounds the morning after fighting matches. Today is the day where cellmates discover that their best friends, lovers, and family members are gone. Today is also the day where if we have any weak links we either move them to the sex worker section or they get killed off. It's always hard to hear no matter how long you have been here and I feel that these sounds will haunt me until the day I die. "What's happening," Jeongin whispered as I watched people being ripped from their cells and new people being added. "They're cleaning out cells. Removing weak links, adding new people, and moving people around. Dont think to much about it." He only nodded his head before taking his body weight off of me and looked around. He mentioned before that he was in the mafia, shouldn't this not bother him at all? "There's kids here too?" Does he expect the boss to have morals? If they can be of any use he will keep them. "Some were born here and some were taken. Again dont think to much into this stuff. It only adds to the depression." He turned his head and looked at me with an unreadable glare. "I'm going to get you out of here," he said more to himself but I only gave him a small smile before fear rose in my chest. I quickly got up and pushed him behind me as the boss opened my cell and slightly chuckled at my protectiveness.

"Well looks who is finally up and moving again," he said darkly while pulling a remote out of his suit pants pocket. I prepared myself for the electric shocks that were about to hit me through my shock collar but refused to stand down, he is testing me I know it. "So I see you have gotten to know our new little addition. I figured he would bring something out in you." I ticked my eyebrow up at him and listened carefully at every single word he was saying and being prepared for any questions he may ask. "I was thinking of adding him to this unit but maybe he would be better as-" "You wont take him," I interrupted boldly, "you want me to win then fine but you cant have him." I know his games and he has done things similar before. He wants his best fighter to win him big bucks in the ring and this is a sick way of doing it. A grin found it's way on his lips as he pressed the button on the remote, nearly bringing me to my knees if Jeongin didnt grab me by the waist to hold me up.

"How about we make a little deal then pet," he laughed before turning off the collar, "as long as you keep winning in the ring he doesnt have to even lift a finger. You continue your little stunt and your losing streak then I trade you two out. Maybe he can do better then you." Jeongin's grip on me tightened and he whispered in my ear "I can handle this. Dont do it." Closing my eyes and shaking my head I felt like there wasn't much of a choice. If I can help it I dont want anyone else in that ring even if it means I have to work myself to death. "He wont be in the ring? Or a part of the sex group," I asked as bravely as I could. "No. You will take up any and all of his jobs I would have pinned him to do. His whole life will depend on your actions." Could I handle that? The extra fights, possibly be in the sex ring as well, any and everything he would have to go through plus my own schedule? "Deal."

*****

"You didnt have to do that," Jeongin sighed while cleaning the dried blood off my face and body since we got our cleaning bucket. "You dont want to be out there. I've been doing this long enough to know what to expect. You just have to trust me on this." I let in a sharp inhale as the soaked rag swiped over my nose which definitely was broken. He mumbled out a few apologies but continued on until most of the blood was off of me and in the bucket. "We should be getting showers tonight for the selections," I explained as he examined the bruises and other various injuries I had. "Selections?"

"Other bosses from other districts come and decide who they want to pin against their own fighters. They also discuss which prize they want if they win. Sometimes its money and sometimes it's the losing fighter. Most of the others here I had fought at one time or another and my boss claimed. I could be fighting about four fighters if I'm lucky in the next three days."

"You call that lucky?" "Lucky as in minimum. Usually on my own I get between two or three and now that I add on your count," I began but stopped myself. I dont need him feeling bad about something that isnt his fault. "You wont be fighting. Chan and the others will find us by then," he assured quietly after a guard passed our cell. I could only give him an assuring smile. How long will it be before he gives up hope? I've been here for years and after a few months I gave up on the thought of escape. Once you end up in a cell there is no leaving, you are no longer a human in a sense but like an animal. Nobody really cares about you as a person anymore and you might as well be erased from the outside world.

"I bet Seungmin has already tracked my location by now," he added "and Chan is probably calling either Sungjin or JB! Oh or Woojin could be calling Jungwoo! It would be a mess if all of NCT came you know," he continued. At some point I zoned out of what he was saying so I myself wouldn't get my hopes up. I thought back to Libby and how right now she would be playing with my hair or how she would be trying to learn fighting strategies from me. Maybe she would have punched Jeongin in the face by now because of his optimism levels, she never was one to see the glass half full.

"Are you even listening to me," he chuckled which pulled me back to the present. "Kinda. Hey Jeongin can we not talk about escaping right now? Maybe you can tell me more about your friends in general?" As if he understood what I was getting at he nodded his head and began to ramble on about all the adventures he has been on through the years. Though he may be a little too hopeful and cheerful he is the perfect amount of light for this dark situation, and in my mind I vow to never let anything happen to him.

Even if it kills me.

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

PROMPT GAME #2

"You two really looked great together," another older couple beams at both Y/N and Taehyung after giving their greetings. The two smile and nodded, like they usually do for the millionth time at this kind of parties.

"And there goes another one, saying how great we look," Taehyung chuckled, passing her a glass of wine. Y/N just nodded and, smile, gulping down her drink. At the rate this party is going, she will be needing way more than just a glass for sure. "Aunties and uncles alert," Taehyung whisper and nudge her with his elbow and the two immediately puts on a smile at the two impecabbly dressed couple hewded their way.

"Taehyung, Y/N, you two look wonderful today. Taehyung, handsome as always," Y/N's auntie, her father's oldest sister smile and beams at the young man, and Taehyung flashed his charming smile, making the older lady blush.

"Thanks Aunt May. You look gorgeous as always too,"

"But not as pretty as Y/N here right?" She winks. "So, when are you two ever going to make it official? You wont have a secret engagement or anything right?"

"Aunt May!" Y/N os horrified. Why cant family members just be normal?

"What? Did I say something wrong?" Aunt May feign innocent, strongly believe that the two is a couple although theu have denied it too many times.

"Its definitely wrong! You know we are just friends!" Y/N protests. "We are just... friends," she repeated again, softly this time and sighed and Taehyung chuckled softly besides her at her flustered reaction.

"Young people these days. Is it so hard to woo a girl? Just take her out on a date and pop the question!" Uncle Kent gives out a booming laugh, making Y/N wants to face palmed herself. Thabk god Taehyung is calm and a good sport.

"It cant be that simple Uncle, its not easy to win Y/N's heart, I have to make up some super deliberate plan to woo her before she would ever say yes to me," Taehyung plays along and grab Y/N's hand, holding it tighr, causing her heartbeat to race.

"Well, then I wish you the best of luck son," Uncle Kent tapped his back and make their way to greet some other people. Y/N pulled back her hand the moment they left and pouts.

"What the hell is that Tae? Why are you giving them expectations? You know I dont like that. Now they will be telling asking my parents when we are getting married and the my parents will be asking me and when I tell then its a joke they will nag me about being single and say I'm waiting for a prince to fall down from the sky again!" Y/N grumbles.

"Are you?" Taehyung turns to look at her, smiling that stupid smile that makes Y/N goes crazy. "Waiting for a prince to fall down from the sky?"

"No. Of course not!" I am just waiting for you Kim Taehyung. Y/N wished she can just say it out loud. Oh if only she have that courage. But that will never happen. They have been friends for too long for her to ruined it. Too long. In fact, since the day they were born. Both born as the heir to the wealthiest empire in the country, their parents being close friends and business partners, they are bound to be best friends. Growing up with a silver spoon in their mouth together, some are even convinced that they will marry each other. Well, until Taehyung hits puberty and grew into his looks and turned into the number one romeo in the country. Making appearances at all the parties in town, having one night stands with girls he cant remember the name of and charming everybody socks off while Y/N, who although also grew into her beauty hides behind books and classical music, poetru and arts. Despite their differencesz at the end of the day, Y/N and Taehyung still turns to each other, which is why everybody thinks they are a couple, or want them to be.

Especially at a party hosted by Y/N's parents, filled with cloae relatives and friends.

"Well, you have been single for as long as I have known you Y/N. Which is.. hmmm... let me see... since forever?" Taehyung eyes her carefully. "I wonder who is it you are waiting for?" He smirks. "Is it by any chance, me?"

Y/N chokes on her water.

Taehyung laughs, sipping his drink while watching her closely.

"Ewww. No. Never! Never ever!"

"Oh come on. I am not so bad. What? You have never thought about us? We do make a great couple you know," he winks.

"W-well... I uh," Y/N wrecks her brain, trying to find an answer to this wkward question. Yes, Taehyung teased her a lot, thats what they do, teased each other, but the topic is never this. Never about her wanting him. Because to be honest, there is nothing in this world she rather want than him. "I would! If you are not the number one international player!" Sheaughs nervously, trying to pass it off as a joke, although deep inside it hurts to know how true that statement is. Taehyung will never see her like that. Not when he is surrounded by any girl he could possibly want.

"Really now?" Taehyung smiles and take a step forward, still holding her hand tight, squeezing it while the other cups her chin slowly do her eyes met his. "Then why are your hand sweating so much Y/N?" Taehyung smile, eyes never leaving hers. "You have never imagine us? Together? You have never..." he leans in closer lips only an inch from her, his breath warm on her face. Y/N can smell his intoxicating scent and her eyes flutter close, heartbeat racing like crazy. "Imagine me kissing you? My lips... on yours?" He rubs his thumb on her soft lips, slowly grazing it. Taehyung inched closer, almost closing the tiny gap between them ehen Y/N snapped into reality, realizing what she is about to do and who shes about to do it with. Her eyes opens immediately and Y/N shoved Taehyung away, hard, making him stumbled back in surprised and ran out to the enormous garden.

What is wrong with me? You know Taehyung is just playing. Stupid Y/N, stupid stupid, stupid!

Tears are already running down her face, cascading down her cheeks like endless waterfall. She can hear soft footsteps approaching. Footsteps that she can recognized anywhere.

Taehyung.

How can she forget. Taehyung knows this garden, her garden, as much as she does. He knows exactly where Y/N would hide herself away everytime she wanted some peace and quiet from all her troubles. Taehyung knows her more than she knows herself, so why dont he know how in lovr she is with him?

So in love. Definitely more than friends. Is she really not worthy in his eyes?

"Y/N?" Taehyung took a seat beside her on the cold stone bench, the air immediately turned wuiet as both trying to think of what to say. They have seen each other uoset beforex and Taehyung always seems to know what to say to put a smile back on her face. But not this time. This time, something feels off.

Did he say something wrong earlier?

"Hey Y/N... can you please look at me?" Taehyung whisper softly.

"Can you just please go away Tae? I have never asked you for anything, but just this once, please leave me alone," Y/N sobs.

"No. You need me Y/N..." Taehyung's voice is still soft and calm. "Just like I need you,"

"There you go again!" Y/N snapped and raised her face, eyes filled with anger like Taehyung never has seen before, her whole face dampen with tears. "You just say whatever you want dont you?! Without thinking about anyone elses feelings!"

"Y/N.. what are you talking about. I dont understand. Why are you so mad at me for?" Taehyung is utterly confused at all this anger directed towards him.

"You need me. Just like I need you! You have never imagined us together? You have neevr imagined me kissing you?" She mocked. "What the hell Taehyubg? You think feelings are some kind of a joke?!" Y/N screamed, no longer cared. Patience are running thin when her feelings are this vulnerable.

"You are angry at me because of that?" Taehyung looks at her in disbelief. "I am sorry if you think I crossed the line, but this angry?" Taehyung stands up and paced around. "Do you hate me that much that even the thoughts of being with me makes you want to scream in anger? Make you this upset? Am I that unworthy to you Y/N?"

Y/N was surprised. How can he thinks that way? For what its worth, its the other way around. She will never be good enough for the great Kim Taehyung, best friend or not.

"No Tae.. its not like that..." her voice softens at his sudden outburst.

"Then what is it? I am not good enough for you? Do you despise who I am to the point ot makes you cry? Do I-"

"Its because I love you!"

Taehyung stopped mid-sentence, turning around to face her, mouth slightly open.

"Got your answer now? Its because I fucking love you Tae. Deeply, sincerely in love with you. Has been for years," she laughed through her tears. "But you will never see me that way do you? I am just the bestfriend. The nerd, goody two shoes bestfriend. I understand, how can you even look at me that way with all the girls flocking you. You can have anyone and anyone is licky ro have you,"

"Y/N-"

"Let me finish!" Y/N raised a hand to stop him. It took me years to finally find this courage to say all this, so let me finish,"

Taehyung kept quiet, obliging to her demands.

"I love you Tae. Always have, always will. But I know we will never be. And i am fine with that. I have made my peace with that. But please stop humoring me by saying things about us together. I know its a joke to you but its like a bullet to my fragile heart. Atleast stop until I get over you,"Y/N sighed. "Its funny right? And pathetic. Not to mentioned cliche. Bestfriends falling for the other," she lets out a humorless laugh. "I just need to know one thing Tae. One thing and I promiaed we wont talk about this evee again,"

"What is it Y/N?" Taehyung took a steo and sits back down beside her on the bench.

"What do they have that I dont?" Y/N looks him straight in the eye. "All those firls you have been with, night after night, what do they have that I dont? Why wont you ever look at me Tae?"

Taehyung's heart breaks when Y/N aaked the question. The way her lips quiver, the way her eyes shines with tears, the look in her eyes thay shows him how she really believed that shes never going to be enough for him.

"Do you really want to know the answer? Are you ready for it?" Taehyung looks at her, unblinking and Y/N nodded, already bracing herself for an answer that will break her heart forever. "Then I am going to tell ypu what they dont have instead.."

Taehyung's face is serious as he takes her hand and places it in his.

"Well, for one... they dont have my heart. This heart that just automatically surrenders to you ever since I understand what love is," he smiles, his beautiful, charming smile.

"T-tae. W-what are you-"

"Shhh. I am not done," he puts a finger on her lips to quiet her down. "You talk to much, its my turn noe. Second, they dont have the permission of your parents to marry you..." he smile wider. "And third, they dont have this ring," he took out a diamond ring from his pocket and kneels down in front of her, making Y/N speechless. "That I have been carrying around for weeks, trying to find the right time to do this,"

"T-tae?"

"Y/N... baby," he grins. "Will you make me the happiest man alive by not just being my best friend for life, but also become the love of my life, my wife, my everything?"

"I-i..."

"I can help you with that. Yes would be great," he flashed her another one of his charming smile. The same smike that has made Y/N's heart race for years, but now she knows it fully belongs to her.

"Yes. Kim Taehyung. Yes. Definitely yes

[the-marvel-imagines-blog]

Madness | Chpt. 3

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Little Wolf”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 7,257

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of character death, survivors guilt.

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: Once again, ya’ll are amazing. Thank you so much for reading. If there’s something you like or don’t like, let me know. I always look forward to compliments or constructive criticism <3

Tagged: @teddyboobear (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

Our hands brushed against each other’s as we laid in the cool grass that had been shielded from much of the sunlight during the day thanks to the trees that stood almost as tall as the pillars in the throne room. The blades of grass seemingly sang to us as they brushed against each other with as much delicacy as my hand against his. As I craned my neck to the side, ignoring the stars in the night sky for a moment, I gazed into the eyes of the brightest star of them all. Loki. I didn’t know how long he had been staring at me, but it had been long enough for my face to flush with color. His lips pulled up into a cheeky grin, and I was reminded of a time when we were children. It was seldom that we didn’t watch the stars with each other at night.

When we were children, we both watched the stars together. As we grew up, we found ourselves watching each other more often than not. I loved watching him as he gazed up at the stars, amazement overcoming his features. To those who didn’t know him the way I did, Loki was cold and logical. I saw a different man. He was poetic and sensitive. He was beautiful and warm. In that moment, he looked at me the same way he used to look at the stars, with a burning question in his eyes that said, “how was something so perfect created from nothing at all?” And that was why I became bashful.

For a moment, we laid in complete silence just staring at each other. What started as a night of appreciating the beauty that nature had to offer was quickly turning into something so much more than that. When he noticed the glint of reluctance in my eyes, he silenced every doubt with a look of mischief and thrill as he intertwined our fingers. At the time, I was sure it was to cause me some sort of discomfort or to fuel the fire of embarrassment. However, it was because he wanted to feel me the same way I wanted to feel him. As those slender fingers intertwined with mine, I felt myself pushing my body closer to his, leaving almost no space between the God of Mischief and myself.

A piece of me tried to pass off the gesture as something much more innocent than what my own mind was trying to conjure up, but an even larger piece of me knew that this was the start of something I didn’t know if I was ready for. I didn’t know if I wanted to risk the relationship I had with my best friend for something that felt so trivial at the time. However, I could no longer fight off feelings that had been present since the very beginning. We had already pushed the boundaries too far on nights we were feeling unstoppable, and they were some of the best nights of my life. As he held my hand in his own, I tested the waters by giving it a gentle squeeze, seeing that the effect was a playful grin from him. The mischief melted away from his eyes, and he radiated the warmth and compassion I knew him for.

He rolled over onto his side, and I followed him, completely in sync with his motions. Our hands stayed connected and continued to rest in the grass. His other hand reached up to brush the stray strands of hair from my face as he gently caressed my cheek with every motion. His touch was featherlight and filled with tenderness and love. I leaned into his touch and reached up to rest my free hand against his cheek. My fingers danced along the soft skin beneath the tips of my fingers. I took note of his sharp jawline, his chiseled cheekbones, and every dip and angle in his perfect face. Each feature was burned into my memory from the countless years admiring him and touching him. There was only a single patch of his skin that my fingers hadn’t already travelled, and I was certain that the day would someday come for that as well.

“You are so beautiful, my lady,” he finally spoke, a voice that felt like velvet as the warmth of his breath cascaded across my face. He drew even closer to me as his eyes flickered over my face to see that my cheeks burned with diffidence. He knew what his words did to me, but he couldn’t help himself. I could feel that he was speaking his truth when words of praise spilled from his lips for me. I knew that he told me no lies, but I still felt like I was undeserving of his admiration. To me, no one would ever be deserving of something so pure from him, for he was the closest to perfect one could get. I wanted to keep him pure and unscathed, which was why I protected him. Maybe that was why he also protected me.

The sides of my lips tugged up into a shy smile, “you cannot admire the stars if your eyes are on me.”

He chuckled, “you act as if you don’t already know,” he spoke, pressing his forehead against my own. It was something he did often when we were alone. The closeness allowed me to breathe in the scent of him. He smelled of the breeze when it rolled through the forest, carrying the smell of nature with it. He smelled like life, which had no particular scent but freshness. I couldn’t help but close my eyes and smile as I felt our energies bleeding into one another. I nuzzled my face even closer to his, our noses grazing against each others. Sensing that there was still space left, he tilted his head ever so slightly to bring our faces impossibly closer.

When I realized what we were doing, I spoke, “what of the stars, Loki?” I asked, reminding him that his attention should not be wasted on me. Still, I didn’t move from my position, feeling alive once more as he held me.

I could feel the smirk on his lips before he spoke, “I care not of the stars when I look at you for you are brighter and far more beautiful than they could ever hope to be,” he said, causing my heart to swell with joy. His voice lowered as his lips brushed against mine, sending a current through my body, “besides, I have no great love for the stars, not like the love I have for you,” he murmured before pressing his lips to mine, allowing me no time to respond; however, as soon as his lips met mine, I didn’t care about anything else but him. His kiss was gentle, like the water lapping at your feet or the breeze in your hair on a warm night. It had not been the first time he kissed me. We began our love affair-if one could call it that-when we were still young. It was when we were no longer in our childhood, but we weren't quite adults yet. We were in the strange process of discovering our place in the world, and in the meantime, we discovered each other. I always figured that Loki just needed time to realize that he could have someone far greater than me, someone with a name and something more to give.

As our lips danced with each others-slow and steady, like our relationship-I heard him. I heard the thudding of his heart and realized that he was nervous about initiating the kiss, like he always was. I heard a gentle groan that was born deep within his chest. I heard the fluttering of his eyelashes, like the wings of a butterfly, and I realized that he couldn't keep his eyes closed. Instead, he opened them every so often and checked to make sure that he was not just imagining this. I only heard him. I only felt him. It was just the two of us in our own beautiful moment, and I realized that I was waiting for something that would not happen. I was waiting for Loki to figure out that he didn't want me, that he could do so much better, but I knew that the moment he left me, the moment he forsook me, would never come. I didn't know what I did to deserve a love so beautiful and so sweet, but I had him, and I was going to enjoy what time we had together because I loved him.

With the sudden realization that my feelings were reciprocated, my heart swelled with joy, and a lump rose in my throat. I pulled away from the soft and sweet kisses and opened my eyes, allowing the tears to form without feeling embarrassed about them. For so long, I was sure that the only love I would know was the love I had to give, but I never thought I could know a love so strong and so pure that was all for me. As those blue eyes fluttered open, they met mine with fear that he had done something wrong or that he had hurt me in some way. When he saw the tears in my eyes, his eyebrows furrowed, “oh, Eva, did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to. What happened?” he asked, frantically trying to figure out what was wrong.

I could only smile in response to his distress, laughing at how quick he was to assume that he had done something wrong. Even though it hurt to know that he thought of himself as a monster who could only bring suffering and pain into the lives of others, I couldn’t help but feel special in that he wanted to preserve me. Finally, words found me once more, and I said the words to him that he had said to me for years. I gazed into his eyes as the universe fell into place, “I love you, Loki. I have always loved you,” I professed in a voice low enough that not even the trees could hear. I wanted to shout my love for him from the highest mountain, but I wanted the beginning of-what would be-our whirlwind love story to be sacred between just us.

He was left speechless for a moment, but his disbelief faded slightly as tears of joy filled his eyes, “I love you, Eva.”

I smiled up at him, “I love you more,” I whispered, pressing a featherlight kiss to his lips.

It was the first time I told Loki I loved him, and it was the first time I saw him cry. It was the beginning of the centuries we would spend together before the fall.

*End of Flashback*

Heimdall’s deep voice brought me back to the present, “you think not of Hjalmar but of Loki. His darkness plagues you still,” he said, orange eyes staring out into the vast universe. He always seemed to be contemplating something, but at the same time, he was without all judgement. His dark skin glowed brighter than the golden armor upon him. He had the beauty of every warrior before him, but what made him more beautiful than so many was the way he viewed life. He believed that life was to be preserved no matter what, and it was our shared belief that drew us closer together. Just as I was about to argue with him, he spoke again, “you have visited me more times than anyone in Asgard. You have spoken my name more than the Allfather himself. You have spent more time looking out across the vast Universe with me than Thor, himself, a man whose love for the stars has always been insatiable. You have entrusted me more of your deepest and most personal secrets than the queen, a goddess who often stared across the universe with me while filling my ear with details of her life that almost no one else knew. All this, yet you do not think I can see right through you,” he remarked, stoically and without so much as a glance.

My eyes lowered as I processed his words. It was true. Heimdall had been one of the few people who could read me like an open book. He knew my every thought and feeling before it even occurred. It was worthless to attempt to hide anything from him, especially the truth, “I miss Hjalmar, but...I cannot bring him back to me no matter what I do. I cannot right the wrongs that led to his death. I do still feel like there is something to be done about Loki. I still feel like I can bring him back to me, which would right so many of the wrongs in my life. The memory of Hjalmar haunts me still, but I’m trying to focus my mind on something that I can fix,” I explained, gazing up at the strong features of the gatekeeper.

The sides of his mouth twisted into the subtlest grin I had ever seen, but it was still there, “what you fail to realize is that death is not something that requires fixing. You do not lack the ability to fix death because it is just as much a part of life as living,” he stated, finally peeling his steely gaze away from the universe and focusing it on me. When I gazed up into those bright and burning eyes, I was overwhelmed by the beauty in them. He had seen so much beauty and so much pain, and I witnessed all of it every time we locked eyes. He continued, “I can still see him, and he misses you more than you know. He misses you with the same intensity as you miss him. He waits patiently for you, though, because he knows that it is not your time to reunite with him just yet. While he yearns for your company, you should see his joy. He has been reunited with his family, and when you meet your heroes end, you will be reunited with him as well. This doesn’t mean you should ignore your blessings while you are still among the living, though,” he explained, hinting at the one thing that I had not brought up, the one thing I refused to call attention to.

I still had not been home to see Aaldir. I had not mourned the death of Hjalmar with him, and instead, I forced him to mourn alone. I could not face him, knowing that it should have been me. Hjalmar was the only son he ever knew, and I knew that Aaldir would be devastated. I just didn’t know how to go home after this. I stared back out into the dazzling universe, desperately wanting to change the subject, “how are they?” I asked, knowing that Heimdall would understand my vague question.

“They are all in stable condition,” he answered as I felt his gaze shift from me and back out to the stars. It was as if he was watching them as he spoke, “Agents Barton and Romanoff have not left each other’s sides since New York, and they manage to keep each other stable. I think that Captain Rogers is handling it better than all of them, considering that he was still trying to rehabilitate himself when he was pulled back into the fight. Still, he is lonely and...isolated. I believe he could benefit from your company. Dr. Banner is also handling the stress well, but he has learned to master his own mind,” he added before letting out a deep sigh-something he usually did before mentioning Tony Stark, the man I always worried about the most. Not many people could see it and understand it, but Tony Stark was the embodiment of all that I held dear in my life, and when I saw his eyes after his fall from the wormhole, I couldn’t hold back my rampant protective instincts. Heimdall focused his attention back on me, “Stark is having a...difficult time coping with what happened, but he grounds himself in his work as much as he can. His state worries me the most, but I keep a close eye on him, as you requested, and I know to inform you if any of them are in danger.”

I gave him a curt nod, “thank you, Heimdall, not only for your council, but for taking on yet another responsibility just to appease me,” I remarked, my voice filled with gratitude for the man who was not only the Gatekeeper to my home, but also one of my dearest friends. I remained silent for a moment, not even a breath escaping my lips as I thought of the one person he failed to mention. I was unsure if it was to keep from hurting me or if-because the previous time he told me of her-I shed tears in front of him, which was something I rarely did. I gazed out at the beautiful universe and wondered if she was just as fond of the stars as I was or...if she was gazing up at them as well, our souls connecting through them for just a moment. I felt the tears rising in my eyes and the lump in my throat, “and what of her?” I asked, unsure of whether or not I truly wanted an answer.

One of his strong hands disconnected from his sword, and it grasped mine, calloused fingers wrapping around my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. My bottom lip quivered as I thought of her, of all the moments we shared before I did to her what Loki had done to me, “you did what was right, my lady,” that deep and smooth voice reminded me, “she is safe. She feels lonely-isolated-but she is safe, which was what you wanted for her. She knows not why she feels such sorrow and loss, but she doesn’t think of you...if that is any consolation,” he claimed, knowing that it was, “they miss you, Lady Eva. They all do. The people of Midgard still celebrate your courage to fight in New York, but the ones you fought beside know just how much the battle took from you. If they had a Watcher, they would be keeping a close eye on you, too,” he reminded me, “but you have others here who need you. I beg you to remember them as well.”

I choked back the tears as I gazed out across the Rainbow Bridge that led back to the beautiful city that surrounded the palace. I shook my head, ashamed that I had been so selfish to ignore the man who gave up his life to raise me, a man who had lost so much already. I let my guilt stand in the way of me supporting him, and I didn’t know how to go back after that. I tried to swallow back the lump in my throat before I spoke, “the problem is that I do not know how to return home. I know the way, but I do not wish to see the table my family once sat around, now with another empty chair. I do not wish to be in a silent room that had once been filled with his laughter. I cannot stand the thought of facing the man who raised me because I failed to protect his son!” I exclaimed, allowing a stray tear to fall.

“Never has there been a moment more tragic than when a goddess cries,” he murmured in a low voice as he reached out to wipe the tear from my cheek. I was no goddess, but I wouldn’t argue with him, not after my outburst, “are you not just as much Aaldir’s daughter as Hjalmar was his son?” he asked, pressing me to contemplate my reasoning for avoiding Aaldir, “you forget that he is the God of Mercy. Even if he harbored ill will toward you-which he never has-he has forgiven every mistake and every misdeed you ever have and ever will commit. Do not doubt his compassion and love for you, Lady Eva. Go to him. Mourn with him. Comfort him in the way only you can,” he urged me, resting his hand on my shoulder and giving it a light squeeze.

I nodded my head, knowing that he was right. He made too many valid points for me to refuse his council, “if anything changes on Midgard or with...her...just-”

He cut me off, “you will be the first to know,” he smiled, knowing what I always made him promise me that before I left. I only wished to protect the ones I regarded as friends. I knew that Loki’s actions left a lasting impact upon the Midgardians, especially the Avengers. While I knew they didn’t need me to watch out for them, I needed to do that for myself. They deserved all the protection I could offer them because they chose to spare Loki when they could have killed him. I owed them everything. Tony was the most deserving of every ounce of my protection, for he took on the greatest responsibility of them all.

Knowing that Heimdall would keep his word, I turned away from him and made my way down the rainbow bridge, wishing for anything to stop me from making it home. Every step I took was another step closer to the place house Hjalmar and I grew up in, another step closer to the woods we used to play in every morning as children, another step closer to realizing that he was gone and that all I had left were memories. I didn’t allow the tears to begin falling until I reached the secluded woods surrounding our home. I followed the long path Hjalmar and I used to stray from because he had a strong belief that “adventuring is what makes life fun.” As soon as I dried the tears shed because of a beautiful memory, another memory would resurface, and more tears would fall. It was a losing battle, and upon realizing that, I allowed the tears to flow freely and without shame in them.

As I reached the end of the trail, I finally saw the modest cottage. My legs froze, and it felt like I was unable to breathe. I closed my eyes, the tears that budded on my eyelashes finally spilling down my cheeks. A whirlwind of memories flooded my mind. I could remember when Hjalmar was chased by a wild boar, and I refused to let him in the house because he was dirty and would ruin the freshly cleaned floors. I could remember when I was scolded by Aaldir for playing with the wolves outside, but I would still sing to them and bring them the food scraps whenever I could. Hjalmar knew about it, but he never told our father of it. I could remember Hjalmar breaking one of the branches of a tree whilst trying to climb it, and I cried so much that he planted a new one just for me. I could remember when my father presented me with my first sword, Thunderguard, Hjalmar practiced with me all day. He had been the one to inspire the name, telling me that I would someday fight on the battlefield with the God of Thunder, and it would be my sword to protect him. Aaldir made all of our weapons on his own, and he was the one who saw to it that my current sword, the one he presented to me when I returned from my first battle, was crafted perfectly by the dwarves of Nidavellir.

“Go inside.”

Hjalmar’s voice was soft but sure, and there was not a question in my mind that it belonged to him. I knew that voice better than my own. My eyes shot open, and I whipped around, frantically searching for him only to realize that it was merely a disembodied voice. When I turned back around, I noticed that the door into my childhood home was ajar, and Aaldir stood in the doorway. He didn’t move a muscle, but I knew it was merely out of shock to see that I had finally come home. As soon as I saw those soft brown eyes, the ones I had looked into all my life, I broke down. I no longer cared about what I would find missing within the walls of my home, but all I needed was my father.

As I ran toward him, he closed some of the space between us, arms wide open and waiting for me. I crashed into his body, throwing my arms around his waist, and knocking him back. Immediately after his strong arms wrapped around my frame, I buried my face into his chest and let the tears flow. His left arm stayed locked around my waist while his right hand rubbed circles on my back to soothe me. His body trembled as he choked back his own emotions. He always reminded Hjalmar and I that a true warrior is not ashamed of his own sorrow but embraces it when the time comes. I knew that he was desperately trying to ignore his own emotions to comfort me, but he was failing quickly.

“I tried to save him, but...I couldn’t. It should have been me!” I sobbed, pieces of Hjalmar’s final moments flashing across my closed eyes. I gripped my father’s shirt tighter, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” I cried, allowing myself to fall apart with the knowledge that he was the first person I ever trusted to do that in front of. I crumbled, and he picked up all the shattered pieces and put me back together in time with his unconditional love.

He peeled me away from him just enough to cup my face with his calloused hands that had seen thousands of years of war. Those deep and haunting brown eyes were stern when he caught my gaze. Before he could speak, the tears fell down his cheeks and were caught in his brown beard that had begun to turn grey with age. He looked like a broken man in that moment, a man I had never seen before. Even when Hjalmar and I returned from battle, riddled with injuries, he never allowed us to see this side of him. Now, I saw him in such a different light. He was afraid. His eyes searched mine as he spoke, “I never want to hear you say those words again. I never want you to think that it should have been you!” he exclaimed, his voice deep and filled with emotion, “in a perfect world, I would have both of my children in my arms right now, and even though I have a pain in my heart where Hjalmar once was, I still have my little girl. I don’t want to think of what it would feel like to have lost both of you, and if I know anything about you, I know that you would have gotten yourself killed trying to protect him. The fact that you’re here right now tells me that there was nothing to be done to save him. You have nothing to be sorry for, Eva. You came back home to me, and this is where you belong,” he murmured, ignoring the tears on his cheeks to wipe away the tears from mine.

“He should be here, too,” I noted, pressing my face back to his chest.

He sighed that very particular sigh that a father used when he didn’t know how to fix the broken heart of his child. Aaldir had done that many times as I was growing up, and one of the last times he did it was when Loki had fallen from the bifrost. Loki had been just as much a son to him as Hjalmar. Aaldir always showed the trickster as much compassion and love as Odin should have. Where Odin failed to see Loki’s many talents, Aaldir celebrated him. I could remember moments when Odin was too busy watching Thor train that he would brush aside a hopeful Loki who had only wished to show him the new spell he learned. Aaldir, however, would sit for hours and listen to Loki talk about books, the stars, magic, Frigga, and...me. My father saw something in the young prince that not many others did, and he did his best to pull Loki to the light. I saw the sorrow in my father’s eyes when Loki fell, almost like he had lost a part of himself, too. For months, he comforted me as I cried myself to sleep, as I mourned the loss of my love, and I heard that same sigh. This time, it was because he couldn’t bring Hjalmar back. He could not fix my broken heart, but I knew that it would mean he would attempt to fill it with more love than ever before.

In one swift motion, he scooped me up into his arms, “I’ve got you, little wolf. Everything’s going to be okay,” he promised, and in that moment, I realized that even though I didn’t know how to return home, I had a father who would never give up on me. No matter how frightening the path may be or how dark it may seem, he would always find me and carry me home. I didn’t need to know the way.

*Thor’s POV*

Eva’s long brown hair cascaded over her body as I carried her through the halls of the palace with my mother in tow. Ephinea had talked Eva into accompanying her to the celebration of Hjalmar. It was a party thrown in honor of him. While I expected Eva to be in attendance, she was adamant that she would not be going when I invited her a week prior. However, when Ephinea asked her, she seemed to have a change of heart. I half-expected her to pay tribute to him with a song, but she drank the same way he used to. Perhaps, she was honoring him by remembering the way he lived, or she was drowning her sorrows in the ale he loved most. Either way, the night ended with her singing on top of one of the tables as everyone cheered her on. When I finally managed to coax her off of the table, she sat down on my lap and promptly fell asleep whilst the crowd continued singing and drinking.

That led us to this moment. I carried her down the hallways toward Loki’s chambers, knowing that she would feel most at home in there. She had finally spoken his name after quite some time refusing to do so. I knew that the loss of Hjalmar only made the problems with Loki even more tender. It only made her fight even harder for his freedom. While I knew my father would not budge on the subject, I also knew that Eva would not take “no” for an answer when it came to him. She would get him out of his cell one way or another. If I knew one thing about her, it was that she was more willful than anyone else I had ever met in my entire life. I took pity on any man who stood between her and the ones she loved. I would take pity on my father when the time came.

Upon reaching the doors that I had opened without invitation time and time again when I was younger, my mother pushed it open for me, allowing me the space to pass over the threshold with Eva in my arms. I walked her over to the bed, laying her body across the sheets she had slept beneath so many times before. While I knew not of the extent of their relationship, I knew that Eva would often find herself in Loki’s chambers in the early hours of the morning. The two would often sneak back to the palace after staying out late and watching the stars. Some nights, they would fall asleep beneath the night sky, and I would not see him until the next morning. There were also times when Aaldir would invite Loki into his home. I had received such invitations as well, but Loki and Eva had a special relationship that I’d never witnessed between two people before.

As soon as I laid her down onto the bed, the unconscious beauty grasped onto his pillow tightly, never once waking up. She curled up into the vast array of pillows and quickly became entangled in the bedsheets. I smiled at the similar view. I had witnessed it once before. Loki, Eva, and I came back after a night of celebration, and Loki offered his bed to her. Of course, she took up the offer, as Loki’s bed had an unnecessary amount of pillows, which she loved. He never had that many when we were young, but he built up quite the collection, and upon realizing that she loved a bed filled with pillows, he only added more. On that night, Eva had been so tired that she laid down in the bed, tossed and turned until she was comfortable, and when she finally found the perfect spot, she was as still and unmoving as a mountain. Loki and I had shared a laugh at that. It was one of the quirks I watched him fall in love with, and it was something that made me love her even more-she made my brother happy.

Mother stood in the back of the room by the door, but I couldn’t leave the side of the bed to join her. Instead, I could only stare down at Eva, reminiscing of a time we all knew peace. As I stood, gazing at the woman I had fallen in love with years ago, mother’s voice pierced the silence that fell, “she misses him. I can see it in her eyes every day,” she noted with a bittersweet smile as she watched Eva cling to the few things that reminded her of my brother. It was much more than just the pillows.

I turned to meet her eyes, but she was watching the sleeping girl. Eva was a princess if there ever was one, and I believed we could all see it. Soft and flawless sun-kissed skin was dusted with the smallest imperfections across her nose and cheeks. They were barely visible, but once you were close enough, they were all you could notice. They were like stars dusted across the night sky. They did nothing to take away from her beauty but added to it. There were her angular cheekbones that could cut through a man’s heart, and there was the thin slope of her nose. Her hair was dark like the eyes of her father, but what took every man and woman’s breath away were those eyes. They sat below full brows that came to a soft arch, and they were more brilliant than emeralds, a green that matched the colors of spring. Her eyes were without imperfections. No other colors dared to taint the purity of that green. Every time she looked at me, I was left speechless. While I admired their hauntingly beautiful glow, they were filled with so much melancholy that it made me want to cry. I had never seen a woman more beautiful than her, so beautiful that even her tears were stunning, falling like twinkling stars from the sky. They shimmered and sparkled, making it impossible for me to look away and respect her grief, which I had seen on countless occasions.

As my mother gazed upon the sleeping princess, I replied to her comment, “she’s been missing him for some time now. He abandoned her more than a year ago,” I scowled, thinking of how my brother could do something so selfish to someone who gave him everything she had to offer. She bore his burdens, and she lost everything for him. She made sacrifices for him that he would never know, and she gave him a gift he would never receive because of his stupidity and selfishness. She loved him, and he tossed her aside. I knew what led to his ultimate downfall, but...they could’ve run away together.

“You honestly believe that?” mother asked, sensing what I had been feeling, “if your father denied Loki of his happiness before, do you truly believe that he would allow them to run away together? Do you believe he wouldn’t search high and low for them? Do you have faith that he wouldn’t wage a war against your brother to get her back?” she asked, finally meeting my eyes. I shook my head, shame overcoming me for even thinking that it could’ve been so simple. I knew that my father had compassion for Loki, but it wasn’t love, not like the love he had for me. If he did, he would’ve agreed to Loki’s offer just to see him happy. It was why my mother felt so much sympathy for him. He found the one thing worth living for, and Odin denied him of simple happiness.

She motioned for me to join her at her side, “you say that she’s been missing him for so long because he abandoned her a short time ago, but she never abandoned him. She mourned him the same as we all did when he fell from the Bifrost. She was the first to go to Earth when she found out he was there, and she reached out to him to give him another chance. She was the last one to leave the throne room when he was being sentenced, and she was the first one who spoke out against your father, her king, in an attempt to free Loki into her care,” she reminded me of all the times Eva has refused to give up on a man who hurt her with such brutal vigor. On Midgard, it was like he hurt her for the fun of it, like he found joy in bringing her pain and suffering, but she continued to fight for him. Mother continued, “she’s seen what he has done, and it has terrified her. I’ve seen how it shakes her, how the fear rattles her bones. I know who and what she is, and I know that she sings the songs of life. Wherever she goes, life and nature thrive like never before. People are happy, the music is more beautiful, the flowers bloom even when it is not the season for them. She values life, and to see the man who means so much to her threaten that, it tears her apart and terrifies her. However, she still believes there’s a piece of him that is good, like he can still be saved. She misses the man he once was, and she misses the love they once shared. While he did abandon her some time ago, it’s harder now than ever before because he’s so close, but she cannot be near him,” she explained.

“He doesn’t care about her anymore, so she’d be better off if she did let him go,” I scowled, still tense and upset about what he did to her. While I knew that my feelings toward him were born out of my love for her, I tried to understand why he acted out. I didn’t know how I would react in his situation, so I tried not to pass judgement on my brother.

My mother cleared her throat, gazing back at the sleeping girl, “just like you would be better off if you let her go,” she remarked, reminding me that my behavior was just as unhealthy as I believed hers was.

I shook my head, “it’s different. I would treat her well!” I exclaimed, trying to make my mother understand that there would never come a day when I would try to hurt her. There would never come a day when I would lay my hands on her unless it was out of love. On Midgard, Loki broke his code of honor when it came to her. I had the most vivid memory of finding him on Midgard and finding out what he had done to her. Of course, he was swallowed by madness at that point, and her presence only drove him further into the abyss. I could remember the horrible things he said to her, words I wouldn’t even recall in my own mind because they were so vile. He destroyed her on Midgard, but he also surrendered because of her. The moment he realized what he was doing was brought upon by her showing him the same compassion she always had as she was on the brink of death, and she would have let it happen. She never fought him.

Mother’s voice pulled me from my own thoughts, “Loki believes the only way he can protect her is by sending her away. That’s why he pushed her away before he fell from the Bifrost and before he turned against you. He wanted to protect her. Is he misguided? Yes. Does he believe he is doing the right thing? I think so. Your brother is sacrificing the one thing he cares for just because he doesn’t want to taint something so good, and he believes that his presence brings pain. A handful of us watched Eva do the same not too long ago,” she stated, sorrow in her voice, “I know of no one who can simply stop loving a person, and you should be the first to know what that is like,” she murmured.

“My feelings for Eva aren’t what we’re talking about,” I reminded her, never feeling like it was right to delve into my most private emotions. I loved her, but that was a secret I would bring to my deathbed.

“Are they not?” she asked, furrowing her thin eyebrows. She reached between us and grasped my hands in hers, “I see the way you still look at her, my son. It’s the same way you used to look at her when the two of you were younger. She is still the object of your affection. You have tried your best to move on with this Midgardian girl, and you have tried to forget the feelings you harbor for Eva, but you have seen that it’s not that simple,” she said, mentioning my failed relationship with Jane. While I had feelings for the Midgardian woman, they were nothing compared to the feelings I harbored for Eva, and it was unfair for me to pretend like they were. I fancied other women-Ephinea and Sif-but I was still “hung up”-as Tony Stark would put it-on Eva. My mother’s slender fingers stroked the back of my hand as I thought of all the time I spent wishing for just one chance with Eva, but I would’ve never tried to take that away from Loki. I still wouldn’t. Mother’s voice cut through my own distress, and her words brought me some solace, “still, just as one cannot stop loving another, one cannot force themselves to love another. Eva harbors that love for only one person, and even though she tries to deny it, we’ve always known that he would be her undoing, and she would be his saving grace.”

[amourtaes-blog]

love it if we made it

song choice - love it if we made it by The 1975

Kim Taehyung. The most beautiful man to ever roam this world, at least to me. Also goes by V, 1/7 of the K-pop boyband, BTS! Born in Daegu, South Korea on the 30th of December 1995 making him a Capricorn. Collector of ties and admirer of Sir Vincent Van Gogh. Known for his 4D personality and breathtakingly symmetrical face.  A burning passion to act as he was in the drama, Hwarang. Parades around in Gucci but was brought up on a farm with his grandparents keeping him humble. Adores his parents and is a family man. Has the cutest boxy smile and adoring personality, he's kind and a great best friend according to Jimin. However, Jungkook says his personality is indescribable. He finds the moles that decorate his body interesting, even turning one into an elephant and likes to entertain whoever is around and himself by playing music and making a live music video. He is the social butterfly of the group, always making friends wherever he goes. He's innocent and playful, stubborn at times but deeply cares for everyone's well being. Quite frankly, he sounds perfect. This description right here isn't enough to give you even a rough idea of what he's like. I could go on for days talking about him but for now, this can do.

It's the 20th of July 2018, a Friday. A new "The 1975" song was released, Love It If We Made It. The first line clearly shocked me causing me to stop listening after a few more seconds, "Fucking in a car, shootin' heroin," I clearly wasn't expecting that. The rest of the day went by as a blur. I did the occasional housework and moped about, still feeling upset and drained from the past events of the week. I've been listening to Ariana Grande's new song, God Is A Woman, although I wasn't keen on the title I gave it a try and found myself addicted. It was quite a boring Friday, a long day of nothing specific. Nothing, in particular, roamed my brain apart from a growing sadness that I chose to ignore. Yet, the banging drums of the new The 1975 song rang through the back of my head. No matter what I did or heard, it was all I could hear so I decided to give it another try. Of course, yet again, I loved it The 1975 never disappoint me and I always find myself loving their new music. But this. This was special. I say this with all of their songs but currently, it felt like it touched my heart in places I wasn't aware of. The chorus grabbed at my heartstrings making me feel so deeply in love and straight away my mind went to him.

It kept me awake for most of the night, not once did I get bored of this song. It made me feel everything at once and I love songs like that. Songs that make me feel uneasy because it's not easy to describe how they make me feel. The song wasn't even about love, but the vibe and beat made me feel like I was gonna run away with the love of my life and watch the sunset. Till 4, the song was on repeat, full blast as I got lost into the depths of Tumblr, adoring and examining his face. Every second passed and I hoped that I could run away but with him, watching the sunset and not giving a care in the world. Just focusing on each other.

Just before the sun started rising I started to head to bed, hoping to put myself at peace even though every cell in my body was awake, buzzing at the beat of the song. Yearning to hear it for "just one more time" but a light wave of sleep sat on my eyes, Very light actually, hardly 2kg. I packed up and headed upstairs not bothering to wash my face as my body ached with pain and sadness, still I ignored it. Crying for hours 2 days beforehand was enough to drain my body of any emotion.

Laying in bed was torturous, especially since the arms that engulfed me once provided me with tranquility but now the owner of the arms sat on the center of my mind. Multiple attempts to get a few hours of deep, comfortable sleep fell through quickly as I tossed and turned, my mind racked with everything but the need to sleep. The song also occupying my mind, the quiet of the room only making it amplify. It was all so noisy. The song and my troubles attacking me from every direction, not giving me any chance to fall into a much-needed slumber. Long sighs left my lips and the party beside me was not having it. He knew deep in my intellect was a bustling mess of thoughts. Curiosity got the best of him and he was speaking before he could register what he was saying in his head. "Something on your mind?" Gently I looked to my side, my vision being blessed with the heart-stopping view. "Is it that obvious?" I chuckled, now aware of how crazy I must've looked. His hand came to caress my cheek, the softest fingertips grazing over my flesh made me breathless. "Wanna talk about it babygirl?" He hummed, moving his hand down to my inner shoulder rubbing gentle circles to calm me down. I let out a big huff, I could keep this in and enjoy how his skin feels against mine or I could clear my head once and for all, it's not like I would get any sleep if I chose the first option. I bore into his eyes trying to figure out which option I should take, I was pulled out of my trance when I saw his eyes flick vigorously between mine; searching for my answer. "Sure," I cleared my throat and sat up, ready to let this out once and for all to the person I loved the most. He too sat up ready to listen and understand, compassion glazed over his eyes.

"No one loves me Taehyung!" I sighed feeling a small weight being lifted off of me. His eyes almost popped out of his eyes and he reached forward ready to interject, to tell me I'm wrong, "No don't," I stopped him "Let me," He sat back intrigued as to what nonsense I was mewing. "Repeatedly I've been told no one likes me or someone has a problem with me. My family said it and so have my friends over the years. Not one friend or family member I had didn't tell me they found faults in who I was. It got boring Tae and I started to believe it, I still do. Especially when you hear it from someone you love and trust fully. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much. I just feel unloved and that I've been lied to all my life. I feel useless and disappointed. Disappointed that I'm not enough for people and disappointed in myself for fully trusting people so quickly. I'm so lost and confused now, each day feels as if it has no meaning and I dont know if I wanna be here to deal with each day because all I can think about is what I did wrong and if I'll ever be able to be loved? I don't want to eat or sleep or interact with people that aren't my best friend. Each conversation I try to hold feels like a chore. I feel like I failed, I let people win over me, I called defeat while they carry on living their best lives. Now there's nothing left for me to do, I'm just living for the sake of it. Each day all I do is wallow in self-pity rather than moving on with the people who do truly love me because it's empty inside now, there's a big hole punctured in by the people who pretended to love me and care. If I think about my future I just think about running away from my current situation and starting afresh with my best friend. Going somewhere where I don't know anyone and starting new relationships but choosing carefully so I don't feel the same heartbreak again. I want a change, a new beginning, a fresh start." Tears pricked at my eyes as I poured out the worries that ached at my heart but a smile still creeping up on my face as I thought about being with people who truly love me.

"Leyya, I love you! More than anyone and I want you to know that. For me, you're everything and I mean that I promise." Tae lovingly confessed, his hands latching onto mine reassuringly. My smile slowly melted from my face, another worry itching at my head. "You don't Tae because you're not real! You aren't here right now; this is all a figment of my imagination. This is what I wish for every night, to be held in your arms and to hear your heartbeat right next to my ear as I sleep. To be your one and only, the love of your life. The only person you look at and the only person to be loved by you but that's not happening and it will never happen. You're Korean and 9 years older than me, a famous K-pop idol adored by many and you live in Seoul approximately 5,000 miles away from me. Lastly, you don't know me and you never will. Even if I do meet you, you'll see me as an ARMY, not as someone who you could possibly fall in love with. It sounds so ridiculous but this out of all things hurts the most, the harsh reality. I'm loving someone with my whole heart who doesn't even know I exist or how much I'm devoted to him. There are probably millions of people who feel the same, I'm nothing special just another in the mass of people. You made me fall in love with you from so far away and it wasn't how good looking you were or who you were. It was you, the real Kim Taehyung. I'm in love with how real and sincere you are, your goofiness and randomness. I love everything about you, the good and the bad, the ups and downs. I want to experience them all but I won't. Ever. It feels as if my heart is being ripped from my chest as I say this but its the truth and I have to face that I won't ever get you, I won't ever be lucky enough to know you personally. You will always be Taehyung; my bias from BTS who I love so dearly but no one understands because to everyone else I'm just a teenage girl going through her one of many phases. If it's a phase why does it hurt to love you?" At this point, tears were streaming down my face and I was holding onto Tae's hand for my dear life, he sat there watching me come undone not saying a word because I was right and he knew it. The Tae sitting in front of me wasn't real, I made him up to help comfort me.

My breathing started to steady itself as I took all the energy I had left to focus on my breathing. We both sat in a comfortable yet endearing silence, I was thankful he didn't push or question my words instead, he let me get all the shit I was bottling up out. The sun started to rise and I felt sleep descending onto my lids. Tae sensed my exhaustion and laid down with his arms open, inviting me to join him. Sighing contently, a sleepy smile overtook my face. I snuggled into his side and clutched onto his body with my dear life, not wanting the moment to conclude. For once I didn't feel as heavy but there was still something there, eating and gnawing at me but like I always do, I chose to ignore it. There was still something more, some unsaid words that I didn't choose to air, I can't air them because it hurts too much to talk about.

The chorus of the song played but this time faintly without a jumbled mess of worries interfering, it spread bliss throughout my body. "I'd love it if we made it!" The words lulled over again and again. Would I be able to make it? Will this emptiness be filled with happiness or more sorrow? I'm aware he isn't real but I love how warm he is, despite it being hot, his warmth isn't only in temperature but he makes me feel safe and wanted. He makes me want to cry and jump in joy that he's here but cry also in despair as he's not really with me. I'm just holding onto the fact that what my brain made could be real. His embrace was secure yet relaxing, it didn't feel forced, it felt just right. My eyes slowly blinked closed and my limbs fell free against his body. A neat kiss was sweetly placed on my forehead and collected breathing lay close by your ear.

"You are loved!"

(i made my mom cry pt2)

[shardclan]

The Sundial Brewery was different after Cassis left, but not half so much as it was after Shiraz had descended to take his place. While Cassis had been a jolly crooner that brightened the mood, Shiraz was an idol that could bring out a frenetic, edgy energy in the patrons of the Brewery. Both of them were natural born entertainers, but it was very obvious why Shiraz occasionally did concerts at Bramble Step while Cassis had been content to play soulful yet light-hearted music by the riverbend.

Carnelian and Arcanus sat with their backs to the bar, sipping thougtfully in the company of the equally bemused owners. Cloudwhyte and Alchemilla weren't used to this sort of energy. As far as they were concerned, they ran a quiet bar that happened to keep musicians on hand for mood music, but the vibe had suddenly become that of a concert hall. Shiraz was strutting and stomping and wailing all up and down a range that was bafflingly powerful at every note. Even considering he was a nocturne didn't make it less astonishing. Shiraz had taken his natural talent for mimicry and made something amazing out of it. The crowd around him seemed to lean back every time he released more of his voice, literally being blown away by it, and with every pause for breath they rushed back in for more.

And though Shiraz' performance was technically a Trickmurk event (for those who didn't have the fortitude for the kind of celebrations Bramble Step was having), right at the front was Stellaria, flushed, bright-eyed and dazzled in a way she usually only was after she'd gotten in a fight. Verbena and young Rebis were bouncing along to the music beside her on one side while on the other Xandina was showing a surprising lack of bodily coordination for a hunter. Eos had come with them, despite being totally out of their element. Shiraz' style was too much for their already high-strung and nervous baseline state and rather than join the thrashing crowd, they'd opted for a single glass of wine that had overpowered them in a very different way.

Carnelian leaned back and shouted over his shoulder to the owners. "Where's Merlot?"

"She's taken Cassis leaving pretty hard," Cloudwhyte answered with a shrug. "New partners are hard for skydancers. If she doesn't like what she feels from Shiraz or the energy he generates when they work together, she won't sing with him."

Carnelian glanced thoughtfully at Shiraz, and a moth-eaten memory of a very different musician arose. "How'd she get on with Rime?"

"Rime had nothing on Shiraz," Alchemilla balked. "Rime was a mad scientist hiding in a musician's body!"

"Doesn't answer my question."

"What? Oh, I dunno, they got on okay, I guess? Rime was a screamer and Merlot's voice sounds the way top shelf brandy tastes so it's not like they ever sang together."

Carnelian hummed into his glass and nudged Arcanus. "You'll bore a hole through her if you keep staring."

Arcanus ignored the jibe and kept his eyes on his niece. "I understand the two of you had a talk."

Carnelian pressed his lips together, and patiently reasoned to himself that Arcanus hadn't asked about Atsushi at all and that was behavior that should be rewarded. "We did. Ironed some things out."

"I gather. She looks happy." He smiled faintly. "You know Ashes is jealous."

"Of what?!" Carnelian snorted. "I'm not her dad!"

"When did I mention anything about her being your daughter?" Arcanus asked innocently, just barely hiding a smirk. "She knows who and where her dad is--it's not a hole that needs filling." He dipped his head over toward the snugly sleeping figure of Eos. "But she's been very fond you since the event with the pearlcatcher scroll."

"Fuck off, that girl doesn't love anybody as much as she loves her Uncle Arcanus."

"She relies on you," Arcanus pressed smoothly. "And that's something that Ashes can't say. He's great for an inquiry about magic, but no honest person would call him reliable."

Carnelian stared at his friend with a curled lip and a tight fist. He couldn't get a rise out of him tonight and it was starting to piss him off. Even though he smiled and talked and phrased his words in just the right way to pick at Carnelian's nerves, Arcanus was poorly concealing an unusual anxiety.

"You're killing my mood," he accused. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm not sure."

Carnelian drained the rest of his drink with a mutter curse before dragging Arcanus out of the bar onto the open streets of Noon Point. The crowds of celebrating shadow dragons were dying down for the day, migrating to Bramble Step where they could cut loose and cut throat if it came to that. The queen was likely around somewhere with Bestialcian in tow, but Trickmurk was the one elemental holiday she didn't offer any kind of official celebratory address. They didn't hatch shadow eggs either--the last one had been Ilkilides and that had been more than enough to let them know that Aphaster was on poor terms with the Binder. 

To keep out of the way of the milling crowd, Carnelian pulled them into the mouth of an alley where they could speak in private. "Did something happen between you and...?" 

"No."

Carnelian squinted at the way Arcanus very noticeably didn't turn red. "Holy shit, did you actually get over her--ah, wait, no, there it is, you're blushing. False alarm."

"There are other things I concern myself with!" Arcanus insisted with what remaining dignity he had.

Carnelian shrugged and pulled a cigarette from his pocket. "To me they don't exist until you tell me what they are."

Arcanus crossed his arms. "I don't know yet. I would express it to you if I could, Carnelian, as my confidante."

"Easy on the flattery,” he mumbled over the cigarette. “So you just got a bad feeling?"

"An uneasiness, yes. An agitation I cant soothe with will or distraction."

"Spring is coming." He held his hands up peaceably to fend off the weary glare Arcanus shot him. "I'm not joking. Spring gets weird when you care about someone."

Something about the way he said it left Arcanus faintly wondering when Ismene was born. He had never asked. He probably never would. "I don't think that's it," he murmured. "Lately everything seems..." His brow creased with the strain of finding the right word, but to no avail. "I'm unsure. All I know is that I feel relief seeing that both you and my family are settled."

"Okay, whats your best guess why that might be?"

Arcanus looked around while he thought, which was in itself a tell. Sure, he'd loosened up a lot since they became close, but he was still a knight. His day job was to be a menacing presence at the queen’s back while showing little to no sign of personal emotion about the politics.

Carnelian wondered, not for the first time, if Arcanus' emotional trouble wasn't just a side effect of boredom. The Isles were unpredictable, you could lose a charge permanently during a simple walk in the woods or forget entirely that you had one because of a bad storm near the Liminal Band. He probably never had the time to have a bad feeling over something that didn't make itself known within the next few hours.

"I dont want to say it," the guardian finally admitted. "I don’t want to speak it."

Carnelian bobbed his head. "Something that bad you don’t want to give the universe ideas? I get that."

"You should remember that the universe will get ideas whether you speak them or not."

Carnelian leaned out with a snarl on his lips and a curse on his tongue, and both fizzled when he saw the distinctive match of a water emblem over Arcane eyes. Kiele was perhaps the rarest seen of all the witches of the Starwood coven. Being water-touched and a choosing to live as a witch had left her in a similar position to Tungsten, but while Tungsten had to use carefully applied ice magic, Kiele had Faded. She could never know when a vision might suddenly strike, but she had eons worth of Faded's magic laced as delicate as frost over her mind. Neither of them had known much about her to begin with, but like all young dragons who became witches, she wasn't the same dragon she had been before. It was hard to miss the family resemblance she shared with Kea, but that was about all they had in common.

"I'm pretty sure eavesdropping during Trickmurk is considered sacrilege," Carnelian muttered, leaning back into the shadows.

"...I'm clairvoyant," she deadpanned. "I don't think I was ever gonna win any points with shadowlings." She tossed her chin at Arcanus. "Besides, the knight's right."

"Is he now." The flicker of a match momentarily lit Carnelian's dour expression. "Some more business with the spirits?"

"There is plenty on this plane to make a keen man wary. The boy agrees with me."

Carnelian and Arcanus both exchanged a look of confusion, and leaned out together to find Apokathisto idling in one of the charming little nooks in the cafe’s facade with a half-demolished slice of aggressively violet black woods cake. He had the look of someone who was deeply embarrassed but was trying to pretend otherwise--which, combined with the smear of blackberry preserves on his chin, only made him look more guilty.

"How long have you been there?"

"I-I'm sorry," he stammered. "I was just trying to eat my cake..."

"How long. Have you been there."

"...The whole time."

Both men glared accusingly at each other in a furious but silent exchange. Carnelian was a detective, he stalked people all the time, he should have noticed a gawky adolescent  hanging around; and Arcanus was supposed to be aware of his surroundings, he was the queen's knight after all. But it was a holiday and they were both a little drunk, so they made peace with a sigh.

"I thought it was odd to not see you around with Rebis here," Arcanus admitted. "Why aren't you in there with them?"

Apokathisto wilted and pushed sullenly at his cake. "There's no boys my age and I don't like the music."

It was hard not to sympathize with an answer like that. Even when they lived in the Isles, the clan had always had an unusually high number of female hatchlings, and that hadn't changed. Phage, Foster, Katiyana, and Lamium were the closest Apokathisto had to same-sex peers and they were, in order, a terrible influence, infamously shy, disinterested in dragons that weren't Zo or his relatives, and friendly but troubled. It shed a very lonely light on the situation.

Arcanus cleared his throat as subtly as he could, and Carnelian took the hint with a raised brow but nothing else. There was a short shriek as he threw Kiele under his arm and stalked off with her as though she were a just an unruly bag of potatoes, but it was quickly muffled by Shiraz' performance and the natural noise of the thoroughfare.

Not long ago, Apokathisto would have held Arcanus' hand as they walked, but he was getting to be that age where he felt such a thing was childish. It was often forgotten but Arcanus had been the caretaker and protector of dozens of hatchlings and watched over several into their adulthood. The behaviors of fledglings were no mystery to him, and the basic ability to respect their turbulent, often contradictory feelings made him very popular among adolescents. It was just rare anyone got to see it. But sure enough, as soon as they had passed beyond Noon Point and were alone on the walkways through the Summerlands, Apokathisto began walking a lot closer to him.

"You've been uneasy too?" the boy asked.

"I have," Arcanus answered honestly. "But I'm old and I've seen a lot and I have to wrestle with that myself. Children shouldn't be so troubled. What's wrong?"

Apokathisto grabbed a dried out stalk and snapped pieces from it as they walked. "I don't want to speak it."

"Has anyone harmed you?"

Snap. "No."

"Has anyone made you feel threatened?"

Snap. "No."

"Do you feel that you're in danger in any way?"

Snap.

Snap.

Snap. "I don't know."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Apokathisto threw the last of the stalk away. "I don’t know."

Arcanus stopped them both, and knelt to look into Apokathisto's eyes. The boy always wore difficult expressions, but he usually wore them openly--now he seemed evasive, as if he didn't want it to show that something weighed on him. "I won't press you. But if you think of anything I can do, I hope you'll tell me."

At that, the boy did meet his eyes. They were striking as always--with their blue-white streaks like shooting stars, and the intensity of them was enough to catch even Arcanus off guard. There was anger in him; confusion and fear. "Is something going to happen to me?"

"Something like what?"

"I don't know...!" he cried pitifully.

The boy's face was going red. Again, Arcanus felt a poignant sympathy for the boy. If he was dealing with the same worrying unease that Arcanus was, it wasn't a wonder he was so upset. He was already so wary by nature, and he didn't seem to have anyone to confide in. He was frustrated and frightened, and in that moment Arcanus knew what it felt like to be Hart--to want nothing more than to be at Apokathisto's side and reassure him that he was safe. But to promise that would have been to lie in the boy's face in his moment of vulnerability.

"You know that my charge must come first," he said apologetically. "I cannot vow to protect you from all things at all times. But I can swear to you that I would never ignore it if I so much as suspected anything was going to happen to you."

It wasn't the most reassuring answer, but it was the truth. For a boy like Apokathisto, that was far more important. Though he wasn't crying, Arcanus turned his back and let the boy have a moment to collect himself and rebuild his idea of a mature demeanor before they continued along the quiet footpath.

At some point, Apokathisto quietly took Arcanus' hand and didn't let go.