#benlor my beloveds

[afrogwhocantdraw]

found a photo on Pinterest

It reminded me of letters in incognito so then I had no choice but to draw the sillies

@primalmagic @random-gamer1942

Og image below

[afrogwhocantdraw]

THEMMMMMMM

I CAN'T THIS IS ACTUALLY SO AMAZING

i love them smmm тгк: ноунейм художник

[iamumbra195]

SBG Hunger Games AU

Ashlyn, forced to survive and take on a leadership role she never wanted in the rebellion. Her parents teaching her to survive as best as they could in hopes that she could protect herself if she ever got hurt and refusing to let her put her name more than once for the reaping no matter how hard things got, only to watch her name get picked out of hundreds of others and not being able to do anything as their only daughter was thrown into a death tournament for the amusement of the rich and powerful. Ashlyn doing her best to survive the games and resenting Aiden for stepping all over her boundaries and poking his nose into her business but slowly learning to love him as time goes on. Her being forced into the arena of her nightmares a year after she and Aiden got out, knowing only one of them would walk out alive this time and she wanted it to be him. Her losing him despite doing her best to try and keep him alive.

Aiden, so hopelessly devoted to a single girl it destroys him. Aiden, the son of the mayor and his wife, whose cousin was reaped just two years before him, losing his voice and passion for singing in the process. Him watching the girl he liked (and was kinda obsessed with) get chosen for the games shortly before his name was pulled and finding it vaguely ironic because he'd always wondered what it was like to die but he'd never really expected that he would die this way. He was always testing the boundaries with the peacekeepers, seeking out dangerous things that he knew would get him in trouble. Aiden, who already knew what the outcome of the games would be because he would make sure of it himself-- make sure Ashlyn would come home even if he didn't. Him watching as she offers him the berries-- both of them go home or neither of them go home-- and falling in love with her all over again. Him volunteering for his cousin and swearing to make sure Ashlyn will be the only one to walk out all over again because he knows they won't get lucky again this time.

Ben, big and charming with a love for singing that helped him get sponsors when he was reaped, having his throat heavily damaged during the games by one of the careers. He beat them to death in his anger and his throat was fixed by the capitol but it was forever changed and artificial and Ben hated the sound of it so he never spoke or sang again, getting angrier and more defiant of the capitol until his family's home was burned down and he realized the capitol would kill them at any time if they wanted to. So he kept quiet and remained on his best behaviour, letting his hatred and anger fester inside him as other kids were reaped and then his cousin, his reckless stupid cousin was reaped and Ben knew he would die in that arena while he could do nothing but stand there with clenched fists and poisonous rage. But Aiden survived against all odds and there were whispers of rebellion and Ben began to hope-- until the victors are reaped and Aiden volunteers for him despite all his protests and he is forced to watch from the sidelines all over again, hoping that Jasmine and District 13 can extract them all from the arena in time.

Tyler, hardened and angry from loss, clinging onto the family he has left and volunteering as tribute when Taylor gets chosen so she never has to fear for her life only for her to get chosen again the next year as a punishment for his own defiant nature. Taylor, who manages to survive her games, watching her brother continue to suffer to protect her from the darker sides of being a tribute. Marianna, a victor who had a mental breakdown after the capitol killed her husband, watching her children go through the same trauma she went through and not being able to do anything about it. Tyler and Taylor being pulled back into that nightmare arena and Marianna volunteering for Taylor and dying in the arena to protect Tyler in the only way she could. Taylor, helplessly watching from the sidelines as her mother dies and falling apart at the seams when she realizes they didn't manage to get Tyler before the Capitol got to him.

Logan, intelligent and kind despite all that he went through, managing to get through his games by being underestimated and hiding with the career pack. His parents watching as he used their knowledge of botany (and drugs) to survive in a forest landscape where tributes from District 3 would generally struggle to survive and coming home despite all odds. Him being dragged into the games all over again barely a few years later.

Ashlyn, Aiden, Tyler, Marianna, and Logan being allies in the games. Ben, Taylor and the others working with District 13 to get the victors removed. Aiden and Tyler being the ones lost to the Capitol. Ashlyn, forced to be a symbol. Taylor becoming more angry and vicious because she has lost her whole family at this point. Aiden and Tyler coming back not quite right, not fully human. Alex Laurier taking on a bit of a mentor role for Ashlyn like Boggs did for Katniss, warning her not to trust Maverick.

Ashlyn and Aiden helping each other heal, the gang and their parents coming together in the end and helping each other heal because they were still kids by the end of it all, even if they were never truly allowed to be.

IT FITS THEM SO WELL, I'M GONNA GO CRY IN A CORNER WHY DID I THINK OF THIS? 😭

[mishoarts]

I made this yesterday in class

( based on that sticker when she literally lifts him )

girl being horrifically strong yet looking gorgeous doing it ✊✊

*picks the biggest guy out there and babygirls him*

benlor my beloveds,,

[afrogwhocantdraw]

Sporting that Benlor merch that doesn't exist

We're very normal about them

@primalmagic @random-gamer1942

[afrogwhocantdraw]

RAAAAAAA

THEMMMMM,I LOVE THIS, IM ACTUALLY DYING THIS IS SO AWESOME

@thurio-edau Thx for the idea!

Didn’t know how to draw the maskkk

[afrogwhocantdraw]

More random Benlor art!!

Did I mention I love them

^ Inspiration (found on Pinterest)

(@primalmagic @random-gamer1942)

[afrogwhocantdraw]

THIRD TIME REREADING THIS CAUSE IT'S SO GOOD!!

I'm actually obsessed I love it so much

Taylor is tired.

It’s Friday, which means that she is pretty much begging to get out of school. It doesn’t help that Tyler’s sick today, which in turn means there’s no one she can gossip to in this class. 

She closes her eyes and waits till third period ends, her eyes trained on the old wooden wall clock above her history teacher’s desk.

Her mind flickers back to a disturbing memory, one from… then, and she promptly tries to kick it out of her mind. Today wasn’t going to be any more of a bad day. 

“Class dismissed,” she hears Mr. Thomas say, his voice sounding somewhat foggy and faraway, “I will see you all on Monday. Please read pages 122 and 123 over the weekend.”

The bell must have rung, she thought. 

She moves, grabbing her calculator and notebook and stuffing it back inside of her already stuffed bag. Normally, she loved keeping it organized, but today was just not it.

“Taylor?” Aiden’s voice floats in from the doorway. His class is right next to hers, and normally, she’s the one out first, “You okay?”

She looks around the room, suddenly aware that there isn’t anyone else here. 

“I’ve been yelling for years-” He grumbles, rolling his eyes, but his shit-eating grin never disappears.

She can’t help but smile back softly, “Sorry, give me a second.”

She gets up, one hand slinging her bag over her shoulder and the other one with her still-open phone texting Tyler, and reaches where Aiden is standing- hands crossed and leaning against the doorframe, tapping his foot impatiently.

He punches her shoulder playfully, but lighter than he usually does, “Dude, you look like shit. Are you okay?” 

“Thanks Aiden,” she mumbles, and he grins back, “Tyler got sick as hell last night, and mom had a late night shift, so I guess I didn’t get to sleep at all,” She admits, one hand brushing her uncombed hair out of her eyes.

“You guess ,” He snorts, “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t remember,” she groans, as they approach the cafeteria.

“You don’t remember… if you slept or not?” He asks, raising his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh. On the positive side, maybe that’s a good thing? I mean, no more,” he shrugs, “Y’know.”

She does know. Nightmares. The ones that you remember every single detail from, the ones that still haunt you while you’re awake, the ones that have plagued every single one of them for months. 

She nods, so tired that she can barely hold a conversation.

Aiden frowns, “Hold up, I’ll meet you at the table.”

“Where are you going?”

“First, I’m going to grab you an energy drink. Then, I’m going to text Ashlyn to get out of the library, because I swear she always forgets that lunch exists. And then, we’re all going to live happily ever after.”

She laughs, “I don’t have any money on me though.”

“I’m not making the depressed mom pay for herself while she’s about to faint any second,” He scoffs, “How scandalous .”

She shakes her head, still smiling, “I’m pretty sure we all know that Tyler’s the mom here.”

“Well, of course, but he’s on leave, so you’re like, secondary mom. Do we need to make a ranking list or something? I’ll do that tonight.”

“Aiden no-” She doesn’t bother finishing, because Aiden is already running away. She chuckles, and, unbeknownst to herself, is somehow feeling a bit better.

—

When she reaches the table, two pairs of eyes look up at her in unison. 

“Uh, hey guys?” She waves, sitting down at her usual seat. 

Ben nods and gives her a soft smile- one that she sends back, then goes back to typing something on his phone, while Logan looks up and waves back.

She looks down at her own phone, and notices a few notifications from their group chat, sent only a few minutes ago.

dangeR, entr this at ur own risk

Aiden : beware: tay iz not doing well. 

Aiden : b nice.

(Logan reacted with :Thumbs Up:) 

Ashlyn : Bold coming from you. Are you okay, Taylor?

Aiden : meal

Aiden : *sean

Aiden : *mean

Ben is typing . . .

She smiles again, thanking whoever the hell gave her the best friends ever, then shuts her phone and pulls out her suspiciously light lunchbox- suddenly remembering that she’d somehow forgotten to pack her lunch as well. 

God, she was never such a scatterbrain, what was wrong with her today?

Logan wordlessly hands her an apple and frowns, “Aiden was right, you look like you haven’t slept for days.”

Taylor raises her eyebrows and takes the apple, silently thanking him, “You literally saw me yesterday.” 

“Yeah, but you look like you haven’t slept for days, today . What happened?”

She sighs, “Nothing much, my mom just had to go for a quick business trip yesterday and Tyler caught a bad stomach bug. He kept insisting that he was fine, but he was throwing up every hour and wasn’t able to sleep at all, so, well, obviously I stayed up as well.”

Logan’s brows furrow, “Is he home by himself right now?”

“Yeah, my mom is going to come back this evening, but Tyler refused to let me stay home with him ‘cause I had a big math test today. Kept insisting that he’s suffered through worse alone and that I need to stop worrying about him,” She groans, “Shoot, I forgot I had to meet up with the engineering teacher today after school. She’ll be so pissed I have to cancel on such short notice… I can’t leave Tyler alone though.”

Ben taps his screen, and an electronic voice buzzes out. Me and Logan can go after school and stay for a bit, if Logan’s up for it. I don’t have anything to do anyway.

“It’s okay,” Taylor smiles, “I don’t want to ask too much of you guys. I’ll figure it out. Besides, the weekend’s in only a few hours, it’ll be fine.”

Logan shakes his head, “No, no, I literally don’t have anything to do either. You’re not asking too much from us, besides, Tyler’s our friend too. Go figure out your stuff, we’ll head over with food after last period.”

He says it decisively, like he knows if he gives her an option, she’ll deny the help.

Ben nods, typing something else. Besides, you’d be doing us a favor. Ms. Smith is the last person on earth you want to upset. 

“I second that,” A familiar voice replies from behind her, “Don’t know what favor y’all are talking about, but she’s scary.”

She turns around right as Aiden and Ashlyn walk up towards them.

“Sorry we took so long, Ashlyn was having a very important conversation with a creep.” Aiden continues.

“He’s not a creep, idiot,” Ashlyn rolls her eyes, “He’s the TA. Besides, I’m trying to be less… standoffish, is the word you used? You’re the one that told me to interact with more people, and you never said who it should be. Suck it up and deal with it.”

She takes a seat next to Taylor, and hands her the energy drink. 

“Thanks,” she smiles, taking it from the girl. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Aiden frowns, “I’m the one who got it! Don’t I get a thanks too?”

Taylor laughs, “Thank you Aiden, really.”

He takes a seat, and begins ranting to Logan about being stuck with some idiot for a school project.

Something pokes her, and she looks over to see Ashlyn handing over half a sandwich. “Oh, no, I’m okay-” She tries to shake her head, but is rewarded with a slightly painful kick.

“Take it. I’m not that hungry.” 

She pauses for a second, studying her face. Taylor knows that’s Ashlyn’s way of caring, so she doesn’t try to fight it. “Thanks, Ash,” she nods after a heartbeat, taking the sandwich. She is, in fact, incredibly hungry- even after the apple. 

“Don’t mention it,” the other girl shrugs, going back to eating her own sandwich, “It’s not like you haven’t done the same before.”

Affection swarms inside her chest for all her friends, threatening to spill over the edge, “Thank you all so much,” she mumbles, “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”

“Don’t mention it,” Ashlyn repeats, smiling ever so slightly. Ben turns to look at her and hesitates, like he’s contemplating something.

He takes Taylor’s hand slowly, and places his phone in it- which, in hindsight, was completely unnecessary, as he could have played the sound from his own hand and she would have heard it, but she wasn’t exactly thinking at the moment.

Look, it’s natural, okay? It’s completely natural to blush when someone touches your hand. Especially with how Ben touches hers- lightly, calmly, like she means something. Like he cares that she’s upset and he’s trying to help.

The electronic voice speaks up again, and Taylor can only barely hear it above her overthinking.

We don’t know what we would do without you too.

—

When lunch ends, Taylor feels like only seconds have passed. But saying she felt better was an understatement, it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulder. She messages Tyler a quick reminder to drink water and eat something, because even though he knew how to handle himself, he was absolutely terrible at remembering that humans need water to survive.

He texts back within seconds, with a swift, Thanks . Logan already reminded me. 

There’s a pause, and then her twin is typing again. Saw the gc, are you okay? If you aren’t feeling well you should have stayed, I didn’t know you were sick or something too.

I’m okay, She types back, Just a little tired.

Tyler answers quickly, Are you sure? 

Taylor sighs at her brother’s stubbornness, Yes, I promise. Seriously, just take care of yourself. 

If you say so. Cya soon, sis.

She puts her phone into her pocket and speedwalks ahead, already slightly late. Walking to her next class always felt lonely, more so today, because the rest of the group all walked in the opposite direction to get to fourth period. It was so close to the end of the day, but so far.

Personally, she didn’t mind English class, but her teacher could get really boring sometimes. Actually, a lot of people thought she was quite good at the subject. Her teacher the previous year had tried to convince her to tutor, but she just didn’t have the time for it. She helped her friends out with papers whenever they needed it though.

It was a little funny, wanting to be a mechanic and loving english. Most people thought it just “didn’t fit” into her vibe, or whatever. Not that she cared- reading and writing were comforts she could never get rid of. 

She enters class a bit more rejuvenated than the morning, and notices her chair upside down in an odd position. It looked as if the person who had sat in her seat the previous period had knocked the chair over completely. Huh.

She shrugs it off and picks it up, sitting down at her desk and opening up her notebook. They’re analyzing more poetry now, something she quite enjoys doing. 

Her teacher walks up to the board, her heels clicking with a sharp ksh sound, scraping the floor little by little. “So, I know we’re in the middle of a unit, but I thought it would be cool to try something new. Bear with me for a bit Richard- we thought we’d add some more room for… well, creativity. Tommy, please be quiet. Our next assignment is going to be simple. We’re going to be writing… gosh, something you’d like to share with the class, Lily? No? Thank you! Anyway, we’re going to be writing letters.” She finishes in a quick breath, clearly reading to get this over with.

A chorus of confused questions arise from the class, and her teacher shushes them all, “It’s a simple project, truly. You write a letter to someone who is important to you. It can be anything. You write the letter simply as what you think, and then you compare the writing to what you would say to the person to their face. I’d like to read them all, but I understand that some could be private, so I would appreciate it if everyone kept theirs anonymous and didn’t write their name. I think it’s an interesting experiment that goes really well with the poetry anthology we’ll be reading next- which is more of a small collection of letters. Due date is by Monday- but I’m sure you can finish today.”

Well, Taylor wasn’t one to procrastinate too much, and she was rational enough to know she wouldn’t have any time or energy to do this during the weekend, no matter how easy the assignment was. So, she gets started.

Dear Mama,

I’m supposed to write a letter to someone who is important to me, and I chose you, I guess. I would show you this immediately, but I’m not allowed to show the letters to the person I’m writing them to- according to my teacher. Oh well. I know that what I would say to your face and what I am writing would be the same, because I always want to tell you how amazing you are. You’re the second strongest person I know, honestly, and you’re getting real close to Tyler too! Shoot, I’m so glad you’ll never see that. You both are so strong. Sometimes I wish I was as strong as you. I mean, Tyler’s the one sick, and I’m the one having a bad day? It feels weak.

She hasn’t meant for it to turn into a rant, and pauses suddenly, remembering the “anonymous rule.” She erases Tyler’s name and adds a few more sentences, random thoughts and emotions pouring out of her head she knew she could never tell her mother. Not because she didn’t trust her, but because Taylor wasn’t going to burden their mom anymore- not when she was already so hurt. 

The phantom realm scared her mother, a lot. 

Taylor remembers what she said once, I lost your dad, and then I almost lost Tyler. And then you, and then Tyler again? I’m not losing you guys again. I’m not doing it. Get away from the Ashlyn girl, if that’s what keeps you safe. God, just- just stop. Please, Taylor, Please.

It took a bit of explaining to get her to understand that there was nothing they could do but fight back. And it sucked, watching her mom always feel so skittish, always afraid that something was going to happen to them.

Taylor finishes the letter and folds it neatly, handing it to the teacher only a few minutes before the bell. She walks back to her seat and promptly lays her head on her hands, closing her eyes for as long as she can get.

That’s when she notices a white piece of paper- inside of the little cubby under the desk surface. She pulls her head up, shifting the desk in the process. The white crumpled ball falls out and onto the ground, rolling around in a slightly tilted angle.

She leans down to pick it up, as if it's trash, until she sees remnants of ballpoint pen on the outside.

That gets her curious.

Taylor unfolds it, hoping it isn’t someone’s History essay or adoption papers or something. That would be pretty unfortunate. But it’s crumpled up weirdly, like someone was about to throw it away. 

Good. Not important, The back of her mind supplies.

She then hesitates, because was this moral? She had a pretty strict moral code and wasn’t about to break it for anything stupid. What if it was something personal? A letter from a previous class period?

You’re overthinking , her brain supplies once more. Which leads her to slightly panic, and then slightly panic harder, because why was she overthinking overthinking ?

She forces herself to calm down, telling herself that it doesn’t matter. Besides, her “strict moral code” had been broken before. Nevermind that it was when they were almost being killed and attacked by phantoms, as well as forced to stay in weird correctional facilities. 

She gently opens it, her eyes focusing on the first two words on the page.

And drops it.

Because the first two words on that piece of paper are:

“Dear Taylor”

—

Her first thought is what the hell.

Her second thought is that maybe it’s a different Taylor. Surely there was another Taylor in this school- it was a pretty popular name, after all. 

Curiosity grabs a hold of her, and she opens it again, telling herself she just needs to make sure it isn’t about her.

Her eyes chase down the page, hands slightly chilly as she grips it.

Dear Taylor,

I wish I could tell you how pretty you are. And smart. You’re really smart. You are. I think.- It feels kind of weird to admit I like you in any other place than my head. It feels  It’s almost like it’s more real. Well, it’s always been real. I think. So might as well. Maybe. I really, really like you, Taylor Hernandez. I don’t think you feel the same way, and honestly, I don’t believe I’ll ever tell you. You’d probably hate me afterwards anyway. You’re one of the most important people in my life and I don’t think I could lose you. You’re always so 

The letter trails off, seemingly unfinished. It’s ripped at the edges and still crumpled, like someone gave up on it, and Taylor really doesn’t know how to feel about that.

She doesn’t know how to feel about anything.

Someone likes her.

Oh god.

Oh my fucking god.

Taylor Hernandez does not curse. Taylor Hernandez has cursed three times in her life, and all when someone she loved was in mortal danger. 

But that does not stop her from stating it out loud, in a weird monotone voice that is just so, so unlike her: “What the fuck.”

The bell rings at that moment, drowning her moment of revelation and shocking Taylor back into reality.

Someone wrote Taylor Hernandez a love letter.

And the culprit sat in her very seat, in either periods one, two, or three.

I’m dreaming, she thinks, because the letter makes her heart flutter and giggle and she doesn’t even know who wrote it.

Hell, it could be... Barron. Barron!

( Please don’t let it be Barron , she prays)

– 

The first thing she does after she rings the doorbell is text the group chat, because she has no clue what to do with the letter and what it means.

dangeR, entr this at ur own risk

Taylor : hypothetically, if i find out someone is apparently hopelessly in love with me, but i don’t know who that said person is because i probably wasn't even supposed to see their written confession that was crumpled up on my desk, what should i do?

Aiden : TAYLOR ARE YOU GETTING BITCHES

Ashlyn: Spill the tea. Now.

Tyler: Tay what the hell??

Taylor: tomorrow at lunch, i promise. i have to go rn.

The door doesn’t open, and she presses the doorbell again, the small voice in the back of her mind insisting that Logan and Ben forgot and left Tyler alone, and something terrible happened.

But naturally- and thankfully- she’s wrong. Ben opens the door half a second later, raising his eyebrows. She waves at him sheepishly, “Hey Ben. Where’s Logan?”

He pauses and reaches out for his phone- which is always in his back pocket- frowning a bit as he does. You just missed him. He left a few minutes ago- said his parents were calling.

She nods in understanding, “Yeah, sorry I got a bit late. Is Tyler doing alright?”

She walks inside as Ben closes the door. He’s fine. We played Uno for a while and then did homework. He says he’s feeling better.

Taylor raises an eyebrow, “Riiight. Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

She walks to Tyler’s room, careful not to trip on any of the random items thrown around the house. When she reaches their bedroom, she gives the door a soft knock.

More like three knocks, actually. Two quick, soft ones followed by one harsh, loud one. They’d started it when they were young, according to their mom- they’d gotten mad at their dad one day and refused to talk to him. He’d tricked Tyler into letting him in after pretending to be Taylor, which had infuriated the young child so much he wouldn’t answer to anyone. Eventually, the knock came into place, something that nobody else really paid enough attention to copy. Taylor doesn’t remember any of its origin, but that was alright. It was just… their thing.

“Can I come in?”

“Mh hm,” He mumbles, struggling to unlock the door from the other side. Once it’s open, Taylor is met with the slightly-green face of her older brother.

Yeah…

He was definitely not feeling better.

“What happened?” She sighs, pulling him onto his bed.

“I went to get groceries,” He groans, “And when I came back Ben and Logan were here so I just… tried to push away the sick? Bad idea, it came back to hit me tenfold.”

“Why were you getting groceries?” She huffs, “I told you to stay home.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t ever listen to me either, Tay,” he snorts, and then winces at the pain in his nose, “We didn’t have anything in the fridge and it was bugging me.”

He looks away, but Taylor knows what’s going on.

“I could have picked something up,” she says, softly.

“Didn’t want to bother you,” He slurs his words and falls into the mattress, “Logan said you were with Ms. Smith.”

“Ty…”

“Don’t,” he interrupts, “I know what you’re going to say- that I need to stop sacrificing myself and shit- but I’m not. Stop acting like my mother,” he grins as best as he can with the energy he has, and she drops it, because well… It's Tyler. If he’s done with the conversation, there isn’t much she can do.

“I’ll grab a glass of water,” she changes the topic, “Be right back.”

She walks slowly, each one of her steps feeling a little bit heavier.

It wasn’t right, was it, to feel betrayed?

That even after all this time, it was like Tyler still thought she needed to be protected. That she couldn’t help out as well. Instead, she was stuck in a constant cycle of watching him pressure himself too much and then blame himself for everything. 

It wasn’t fair. They’d gone through so much together. They’d literally gone through hell and back, but Tyler still wasn’t��done.

She wishes so badly that she could do something, that she wasn’t so. Fucking. Useless.

God, there was at least one thing her “secret admirer” had gotten wrong. Taylor wasn’t smart- she was just… ignorant. It was easier to manage things when you didn’t believe they were real.

She got to live her little daydreams and normal life while Tyler was faced with the real stuff. And it had been killing him, once.

It’s killing him now .

The damages done to their house and their reputations after the phantom realm only meant Taylor’s mom had to work harder to fix their mistakes, barely coming home for longer than an hour a day. That Tyler had to work harder to fix the gap she’d left beyond.

Everything was so goddamn-

Taylor?

She looks up suddenly, realizing that she's already in the kitchen, the counter’s cold marble digging into her hand.

You’ve been standing there for a while.

“Oh,” she mutters, “Water. Right.”

But Ben blocks her from the cabinet, hastily typing with one hand. Are you okay?

She nods, closing her eyes. “Yeah, yep, I just… tired, you know?”

She thinks that’ll make him drop it, but instead, he simply moves closer. I’ll get the water for Tyler. You should go to sleep now.

She shakes her head, "We share a room anyway, I’ll just give him the water. Thanks for offering though.”

Still, he doesn’t move.

You said he was up all night, right? If you sleep in the same room as him, you might not be able to rest again. 

“I need to be there for him, Ben,” she smiles tiredly, “He would do it for me.”

You’ll be a lot more help to Tyler if you’re not falling asleep in my arms. He raises an eyebrow, and Taylor turns feels a flush rise up her neck. 

“I’m not falling asleep in your arms !” 

Really? So I won’t have to carry you to the couch then?

She splutters, caught off guard, and Ben only smiles. Before she can process what’s going on, she feels arms around her waist.

Almost on instinct, she lets herself rest on his shoulder, feeling a little bit of tension disappear. He holds her for a few seconds, minutes, moments that feel like hours.

It’s a simple gesture, but it makes her feel so much better. Wrapped in his arms, she lets herself feel warm.

Ben is safe, she knows.

She is safe.

She’s not alone .

“Thanks,” she whispers, pulling away. His hands are still around her though, she notes. And then forces herself to stop noting because she highly doubts her mind can handle that right now.

She’s really fighting to stay awake now, and she knows Ben can see it. “Might have to take up your offer of carrying me,” Taylor jokes, “I think I might fall asleep here.”

She can’t hear him chuckle, but she can feel it, reverberating under her pulse.

She smiles as she looks up, "Anyway, I do really need to get that wat-” 

Oh.

Oh.

Oh my god.

It is safe to say that Taylor is caught completely off guard as Ben picks her up.

Bridal style. 

Oh.

She’s pretty sure she’s combusting. 

A few thoughts cross her mind, one of them being:

Oh, he’s strong. 

And:

He’s carrying me. Why? Right. I said that. Right. Fuck. Words. What do I say? Um.

She opts to stay silent, because any sound that leaves her right now will probably sound like one of Alvin’s chipmunks. 

He carries her to the couch, then settles her down slowly. Taylor watches him in a daze, feeling a little bit otherworldly- as if she’s watching the entire scene in third person- and is somehow more awake then she’s been all day.

Go to sleep, Tay. I’ll figure it out, alright? You deserve to rest.

Half of her tries to stay awake, but the other half doesn’t need to be told twice.

Her eyes close immediately, her mind focusing on the steady (but slightly rushed?) heartbeat of the boy next to her. She lets it drift her away, away from her exhaustion and into a dreamless sleep.

Before she falls, she swears she feels lips brushing her temple, a soft, sweet touch- one that reminds her of the kisses her mother used to give to her as a child.

She’s imagining it, she knows. But it makes her feel at home all the same.

– 

When she wakes up, it’s dark outside. The lights are dimmed and there’s a shawl wrapped around her. She looks up, and notices Ben is still awake, on his phone on the chair next to her. 

“Ben?”

Ben looks up, suddenly, as if he’s surprised she’s even awake. He flushes, I hope you don’t mind that I stayed. It was getting late and Tyler was having it rough. I can leave though, I don’t mean to intru-

She cuts off the continuing text-to-speech, and shakes her head, “No, no, it’s fine! I don’t mind. Is… is Tyler okay?” She feels her stomach clench, her fear of being asleep while her brother is hurting evident on her face.

He’s okay! He threw up a few times and then eventually went to sleep.

She groans, “You should have woken me up.”

Ben doesn’t reply to that, just shrugs and gives her a soft smile.

A few moments pass, and Taylor isn’t sure if this is what people call “comfortable silence”. It’s not awkward, sure, but she has an urge to fill the gaps- to say something , if anything.

“Have you ever thought of learning sign language?” She blurts out and he tilts his head, as if seriously considering it. He types for a second, then clicks the button.

Once in a while. But nobody would understand me unless they learned it too. And I can’t really ask anyone to do that for me. 

He looks upset, his eyes downcast, like he truly believes it.

“I would,” she blurts out again because he’s started to lean a little bit too close and her sleep-addled brain is screaming warning signs, “I would learn it for you. Uh, with you. I would learn it with you.” 

He smiles- a true, genuine smile that has her smiling too.

A few quiet seconds pass, as Ben makes his way from the chair to the coach, sitting down right next to her.

And then. 

Then he leans on her shoulder, his hair tickling her neck, and her heart just about combusts right there and then. Not able to help it, she utters out a simple “Um-”

He doesn’t move, but instead faces his phone to her, not bothering to make it speak out loud . It reads: Is this okay?

“Yep!” She laughs, a little too forcefully, “Peachy. Totally okay. I’m fine. You should, uh, go to sleep too. It’s late already and we have- oh shoot - we have school tomorrow. Are you sure your parents are alright with you staying over on a school night?”

She's rambling, but she can't bring herself to mind.

He nods into her shoulder, and Taylor tries to go through her options. 

Option one: She can let Ben go to sleep and then leave (awkward, because there’s no way he's going to sleep while leaning on her. Also, being awake means she’s going to stare at him the entire time, so…)

Option two: She can just get up and leave, go back to her’s and Tyler’s room, and let Ben fall asleep on the couch.

Option three: She stays. Which would be weird- and she doesn’t want to face that embarrassment in the morning.

“Do you, uh, want me to move?”

He sighs, then shrugs. She raises her eyebrows, “No? So you don't want to move?”

He looks a little lost, and then shakes his head, humming a slight affirmation. Still, she needs to make sure, “You sure?”

He nods again, and then squeezes her wrist, as if to assure her that it's fine. 

But right as Taylor is about to get up, he traces something with his index finger onto her arm. Letters , she realizes. Four letters. 

Stay.

It’s not as awkward as she thought I'd be.

-

reposting this chapter even though i've shared it before because i need motivation. thanks to everyone who liked it <33

here it is on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57313345

[afrogwhocantdraw]

I LOVE THISSSS

bc ive been procrastinating for so long since the last chapter (i have the entire last chapter written but cant show you guys yet i hate it), here's the beginning of chapter 2 of letters of incognito so you know ive definitely not forgotten abt this <3. very special thanks to @afrogwhocantdraw and @random-gamer1942 + everyone else reading for being basically my entire motivation haha.

-

Tyler is doing… better.

Would he be doing even better if he stopped pushing himself to his limits and actually took a break? Maybe. But it’s Tyler. Taylor knows no amount of convincing will get her brother to listen to anything she has to say.

She doesn’t really know what she was expecting, but nothing changed. The love letter just took a seat at the back of her brain, and remained there. Honestly, she’d have completely forgotten about it if it wasn’t for Aiden’s text earlier in the morning- screaming for answers.

Well, that was a lie. A few things changed. For starters, Taylor found herself swearing quite a bit nowadays. There just always seemed to be an fitting occasion for it, and she wasn’t exactly the best at thinking before she spoke. It just… came out. 

And another thing, Ben.

Maybe she was imagining it, but something was off.

He would hardly look in her direction all day, speeding past her in the hallways and ignoring her texts over the weekend. Maybe, maybe, she was thinking about it too hard. Maybe he was busy, or embarrassed about whatever happened Friday night (Taylor wished she could say she was too- but all she could think of was how badly she wanted it to happen again). She really hoped nothing was wrong.

School goes by faster than normal, and soon she found herself sitting down at their usual lunch table.

Today, however, all eyes are on her.

Aiden’s the first to talk, flicking a soggy fry in her direction, “Talk. Now.”

She stutters, pretending she doesn’t know what they’re talking about, “What- uh-”

Logan kicks her in the shin, “The letter? Or did you forget what you texted the group chat on Friday? Cruel, by the way. Making us wait the whole weekend? Absolutely evil. Didn’t know you had it in you, Tay.” He glares at her in scrutiny, but she knows him well enough to understand that he’s joking.

Right. The letter.

She groans, pulling it out of her backpack, ignoring her friend’s shocked stares.

When she brings it out, they all speak at once.

“You KEPT it??”

“Give me that.”

“Oh my god, I thought you were joking.”

“Finally!” (From Tyler, because Taylor had been adamant on not telling him anything until everyone was there. Even though we literally live in the same goddamn house, Tay…)

She sighs, passing it to Ben, “See for yourself.”

[afrogwhocantdraw]

IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE

here's another excerpt from my WIP benlor fic called "letters in incognito" <3. hope yguys like it !!

-

When she wakes up, it’s dark outside. The lights are dimmed and there’s a shawl wrapped around her. She looks up, and notices Ben is still awake, on his phone on the chair next to her. 

“Ben?”

Ben looks up, suddenly, as if he’s surprised she’s even awake. He flushes, I hope you don’t mind that I stayed. It was getting late and Tyler was having it rough. I can leave though, I don’t mean to intru-

She cuts off the continuing text-to-speech, and shakes her head, “No, no, it’s fine! I don’t mind. Is… is Tyler okay?” She feels her stomach clench, her fear of being asleep while her brother was hurting evident on her face.

He’s okay! He threw up a few times and then eventually went to sleep.

She groans, “You should have woken me up.”

Ben doesn’t reply to that, just shrugs and gives her a soft smile.

A few moments pass, and Taylor isn’t really sure if this is what she could call “comfortable silence”. It’s not awkward, sure, but she has an urge to fill the gaps- to say something, if anything.

“Have you ever thought of learning sign language?” She blurts out and he tilts his head, as if seriously considering it. He types for a second, then clicks the button.

Once in a while. But nobody would understand me unless they learned it too. And I can’t really ask anyone to do that for me. 

He looks upset, his eyes downcast, like he truly believes it.

“I would,” she blurts out again because he’s leaning a little bit too close and her sleep-addled brain is screaming warning signs, “I would learn it for you. Uh, with you. I would learn it with you.” 

He smiles, a true, genuine smile that has her smiling too.

And then. 

Then he leans on her shoulder, his hair tickling her neck, and her heart just about combusts right there and then. Not able to help it, she utters out a simple “Um-”

He doesn’t move, but instead faces his phone to her, not bothering to make it speak out loud . It reads: Is this okay?

“Yep!” She laughs, a little too forcefully, “Peachy. Totally okay. I’m fine. You should, uh, go to sleep too. It’s late already and we have- oh shoot- we have school tomorrow. Are you sure your parents are alright with you staying over on a school night?” 

He nods, and Taylor tries to go through her options. 

Option one: She can let Ben go to sleep and then leave (awkward, because there’s no way she’s going back to sleep with him leaning on her. Also, being awake means she’s going to stare at him the entire time, so…)

Option two: She can just get up and leave, go back to her’s and Tyler’s room, and let Ben fall asleep on the couch.

Option three: She stays. Which would be weird- and she doesn’t want to face that embarrassment in the morning.

“Do you, uh, want to move?”

He sighs, then shrugs. She raises her eyebrows, “What does that mean? No?”

He looks a little lost, and then nods into her shoulder, humming a slight affirmation. Still, she needs to make sure, “Is that a no? Are you feeling alright?”

He nods again, and then squeezes her wrist, as if to assure her that it's fine. 

But right as Taylor is about to get up, he traces something with his index finger onto her arm. Letters, she realizes. Four letters. 

Stay.

It’s not as awkward as she thought I'd be.

[afrogwhocantdraw]

@random-gamer1942 LETTERS IN INCOGNITO

AAAAAAA

BENLOR MY BELOVEDS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I LOVE THIS

kinda sad it's the last chapter but I don't mind because it's so SWEET AAAAAA

hi okay so here is the unedited version of the last chapter of letters written in incognito !! will post the edited version on ao3 / here tomorrow <3. enjoy!

-----

“What am I going to do?” She panics, walking back and forth in her room, “Tyler, what do I do? What if its a misconception or something, what if Barron sits in the seat next to me- or- or behind me? How can we be sure-?”

Tyler glares at the wall, “Every time I hear his name I want to strangle something,” He says, in a monotone voice, “Out of all the people I expected, he sure as hell wasn’t on the list.”

She freezes, “Expected?”

“Taylor, you aren’t subtle.”

“What.”

“I’m not blind! It’s kind of obvious you have a crush on Ben. Literally all of us can see it. Except for him, obviously.”

“I don-”

“You do.”

Goddamn it.

“Wha- why didn’t you say anything before??”

“I didn’t know I had to! I trust him, and I trust you. And then all this started and I could see the way you looked at him and… I don’t want you to be hurt again, Tay. I don’t want your heart to be broken by all of this. And then we find out that it’s most likely the guy we all, uh, dislike. And I don’t know, now it’s not some funny thing anymore? Because I know this is killing you, and I don’t… I don’t like seeing you upset.”

Taylor feels like she’s a little kid again, holding on to her brother and crying for hours.

“Oh.”

He gives her a burnt-out smile, “Yeah.”

A few seconds pass, the silence more anticipating than awkward. Finally, Tyler stands up, “How about I give you some time alone?”

“Okay,” she whispers.

He turns around, the silence almost unbearable to Taylor’s ears- and right as he’s about to leave their room, she speaks again.

“Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

Her voice comes out wobbly, cracking around the edges, “Can I have a hug?”

Tyler turns around, his eyes softening, “Duh.”

Wrapped in her brother’s embrace, she feels small again- in more ways than one. She feels small like a little kid, without the burdens she’d never even known had existed. She feels small like she’s insignificant, as if nothing matters anymore and it’s all just… stupid. She feels small like she’s been hit by a shrink gun, like no matter how much she yells for help, nobody is going to see her.

At least she’d always have Tyler.

“Sorry,” She mumbles, “I don’t want to stress you out or anything.”

He looks at her with a wry smile, “Don’t worry about that- I don’t think you can stress me out anymore than I already am.”

He means it as a joke, but she sees the way his face falls flat when he notices how the words affect her.

“Shit, no, I mean- Taylor, it’s not your fault. Seriously. Stop blaming yourself, alright? You’re doing the best you can, and that’s good enough. Don’t worry about me, kay?”

“You do more,” she murmurs.

“Good thing it’s not a contest then, eh?” He cracks a smile, “Goodnight, Taylor.”

She wants to argue, wants to say something, anything- but her body refuses to cooperate. She’s exhausted.

 “I guess. Goodnight Ty.”

– 

The next day in school is awkward. Hell, awkward is an understatement. The next day at school is a living hell. Logan comes up to her before the bell rings, fixing his glasses, “Hey, uh, how you doing?” 

He asks like she just suffered through a bad fever, and not that some annoying-ass kid that they all hated apparently had a crush on her. Which, by default, meant that she was being played.

Because there was no way Barron actually would write her a love letter, right?

It seemed to be the most plausible solution. 

He’d written it to get a rise out of them, watch them run in circles with no answers and then eventually reveal it is a joke.

It did seem like a very Barron thing to do. 

“I’m okay!” She smiles.

He looks taken aback, “Really?”

“Yeah! I mean, at least now I don’t feel bad about not reciprocating, right?” She shrugs, ignoring the sting in her stomach, “Good thing it ended up being a joke anyway.”

Logan sighs, “If you say so. You sure?”

“Mh hm.”

“Okay, then. See you at lunch?”

She waves at him, watching him walk away, “Bye!”

As Logan leaves, Taylor waits there, unsure, alone, for a bit. The bell would ring in five minutes, and Tyler was busy harassing Aiden- so she decidingly stayed away.

You seem happy.

She whirls around, noticing Ben leaning against the lockers, “When did you get here??”

Two seconds ago. Maybe three. Four now.

She snorts, “I got the point, thanks.”

He smiles softly, and it’s quite endearing, really. 

You’re happy it’s not real?

So he heard her conversation with Logan. He’d definitely not been here for only a few seconds.

She shrugs, “I mean, I guess so. It’s not like I was the burden or an issue then, you know? It was just Barron trying to get me mad. Besides, it was a longshot thinking someone would have a crush on me anyway, I didn’t even ever fully believe it.”

He shakes his head, I think someone wou-

“Oh!” She gasps, cutting off the text-to-speech. “Oh shit, I completely forgot. Guess what, I do have an admirer. And even better- he isn’t secret.” She grins, “You know Leon?”

No?

“Well, he’s been in a few classes of mine and he got me flowers yesterday! And he told me I deserved better than all this and I think he asked me out?”

Are you going to say yes?

“Maybe,” she shrugs, suddenly regretting telling Ben. He’s frowning, looking at her with an expression she can’t pinpoint just yet, and she’s pretty sure she doesn’t like it, “He’s kind of cute, I guess. And he’s really nice.”

He probably only confessed because you're popular right now.

She shakes her head, “I don’t really think so.”

Well, are you sure? Some people aren’t what you think they are.

She frowns, “Why are you being so hostile today? Are you okay?” She reaches out to grab his hand, but he jerks away.

I’m fine.

“Alright… hey, want to get ice-cream after school with me and Ashlyn? You never answered the text in the group chat.”

I’m good, thanks.

He looks sullen, and now that she’s really looking, tired. He has light dark circles under his eyes, and he’s basically slumped against the lockers. 

“Dude, did you get enough sleep last night?”

He doesn’t bother answering her in words, just gives her a curt nod and turns away, leaving her to stare after him in confusion. 

He’s mad… but why?

And why does it feel like her fault?

– 

Ashlyn catches her before lunch begins, dragging her into the nearest girls bathroom.

“Spill.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Spill.”

“Ash, what are you talking about?”

“Ben has been moping around all day, Aiden keeps stopping his sentences like he’s afraid he’s going to say something he’s not supposed to, Tyler’s been constantly distracted, and you… I’m not even going to start talking about you. So spill. What happened?”

“I don’t know,” she huffs, “Barron?”

Ashlyn scoffs, “Yeah right. I was there yesterday too. This isn’t asshole induced, trust me. Whatever the hell did you say to Ben to get him to change the topic every time we even say your name?”

Oh.

Well that hurt a little bit.

That was a lie, actually. It stabbed Taylor in the chest like a baseball bat.

And she was very familiar with stabbing and baseball bats, so she would know.

“I told him about the guy that asked me out,” She frowns, “He seemed fine, and then he got all annoyed and just left. I don’t even know why. He just… stopped answering me and walked away.”

Ashlyn looks at her for a solid second before groaning, “Jesus Christ.”

“What?”

“Everyone’s stupid. All of you. Dear god.”

“Ashlyn, come on,” She sighs, the crypidness already killing her.

“No, shut up. Listen to me, okay? You need to talk to Barron.”

“What the hell- no!”

“Yes. I don’t know, think of it as closure?”

“Ash, that’s insane. I can’t talk to him about this! It’s obviously a joke. Why don’t we just forget it ever happened and leave it at that!”

“Tay- I- god,” She tugs on her hair, obviously frustrated, “I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to listen, because I’m not repeating it again.”

“Uh- okay-”

“What if Barron did like you?”

What.

All the blood rushes from her face as she croaks out exactly that, “What.”

“You don’t want that. We don’t want that. So figure out what’s going on. What was his intention? Why would he do that? He’s not our mortal enemy anymore, he doesn’t have a reason to pull something like this.”

This is honestly the most Taylor has ever heard Ash speak directed to her, but she’s definitely not complaining. 

And it makes sense.

Why would he? Unless… god, she doesn’t want to think about that.

Ashlyn continues, “Maybe if you ask him, you’ll… you’ll find out something you didn’t know before. You can’t finish the puzzle without all the missing pieces.”

“Makes sense,” she admits, begrudgingly, “I guess I should talk to him, shouldn’t I?”

“Yes.”

Ash scowls at her, “And, also, I’m all for killing him, but Logan wants me to tell you not too. He said something along the lines of, ‘I’ll do it myself’. So yeah. Now go find him.” 

Logan? Wait a second-

She pauses. Of course they’d planned this together. No wonder Logan was all fidgety this morning

Wait.

“You want me to go now?”

Ashlyn’s already turned around, walking outside. Taylor runs after her, “I can’t- I can’t even find him- maybe later- how about-”

Ashlyn sighs, “Over there.”

Damn it.

– 

Taylor is internally freaking out. She grazes the crowd until she spots just who she’s looking for. “Aiden!”

Aiden turns around at her voice, “Oh, hey, Tay.” He sounds nervous, which is weird, because Aiden’s never cautious about things. And he’s definitely looking wary right now.

She’d have to decode that later.

“I need help.”

Aiden perks up, just a little bit, “You’re not mad at me?”

“What? No, why would I be?”

“About the whole school knowing thing, you never answered my texts and I didn’t see you at all this morning.”

She shakes her head, “I’m so sorry about that. I barely had time to be on my phone and I was talking with Ben until the bell rang. I didn’t realize I seemed mad.”

“Oh” He grins, “Cool.”

She smiles back, “Cool.”

“Sooo… what did you need help with?”

Right.

“Uh, okay, so I’m going to go talk to Barron. And I kind of have no clue how to do it. So, as my self-proclaimed detective, I kind of need your help? Something tells me this case isn’t quite finished yet.”

He shudders, “Righty-O, captain. I’d examine his fingerprints, but I’d need to be near him for that, so no-can-do. What’s the plan?”

“I- I just asked you for one.”

“Right. Okay. Let’s see,” He scrunches his eyebrows, eyes trained on the figure Taylor had been avoiding, “Target acquired. He’s exiting the lunch room. Odd. Possible illegal activity? Or maybe just no friends. If you go now, you can catch him near the hallway. Everyone’s getting lunch right now, so I doubt anyone will be out there. You can do all the interrogation there.”

“Huh,” she laughs, “That might actually work. Thanks.”

He nods, solemnly, “I’m afraid I must part with you here, for the road ahead is too dangerous for me to continue.” He tries to stroke an imaginary beard, and Taylor is kind of surprised he hasn’t broken character yet.

“Uh huh, sure. Thanks again, Aiden- I’m just gonna… go now,” She gives him a thumbs-up, which he returns enthusiastically.

“Safe travels, dear client!”

More like crash and burn an airplane, but whatever.

She was entering pretty dangerous territory anyway. 

– 

“Hey you!” She calls after him, running through the hallways, “Barron- you- stop!”

She catches up to him just in time, panting and gasping for breath, “Dear god, you walk fast.”

“Uh. What the fuck.”

She stands up, still breathing heavily, and points an accusatory finger at his chest. “You! Why did you pretend to have a crush on me?”

Barron looks at her like she’s grown two heads, “Excuse me?”

“You- you, wrote me a letter. Why?”

He blinks, caught off track, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Taylor wants to scream, “Don’t play dumb! You know what I’m talking about! The love letter! The one that I found on my desk? The one only you could have written because nobody sits their third period and the girl in first doesn’t even know my name!”

“Okayyy,” He groans, “We’re going to backtrack here because what. the. hell.”

She waits, glaring at him. “You better have a good excuse, idiot.”

“I don’t need an excuse!” He throws his hands up in exasperation, “I didn’t write you a love letter, and quite respectfully, I find it incredibly disrespectful that you think I would have a crush on you! I have standards, thank you very much.”

Why did Logan tell her not to kill him? She would like to kill him right now.

“What’s your point?” She grumbles, “It just… appeared out of thin air? Somehow?”

“No! I was getting to that,” He huffs, like it’s her fault he’s being so cryptic, “Because what the hell did you mean by nobody sits there third period? You’re little music nerd gets to class to put his stuff in the cubby while I’m packing up. And, well, it’s quite frankly annoying, so please tell him to stop it.”

Music nerd?

“You mean Ben?” she whispers, not even trusting her own voice, “You mean Ben wrote the letter?”

“It’s sure as fuck not me, so, yeah. What, did he not tell you he sat there or something? Of course he’d be all stupid about it and blame me. God, my reputation is ruined.”

Taylor does not resist the urge to say, “You don’t even have one.”

“Yeah, well, now it’s in the negatives! Thanks to you and your little gang of ghostbusters,” He shudders exaggeratingly, “Having a crush on you, though, ugh. I wish music nerd all the best.”

“Thanks,” she says, rolling her eyes and pulling out her middle finger. (She can’t resist it, okay?)

“And no thanks to you,” he scoffs, as he gives her one right back, leaving her alone with information that will soon completely obliterate her brain. 

She needs to find Ben. Right now.

– 

She doesn’t find Ben.

Ben finds her.

She’s walking as fast as possible, practically running to their lunch table, when she knocks into another student.

“I’m so so-” She starts, and then looks up. Ben looks down at her, sheepishly.

Sorry.

“It’s fine, I should have been looking,” she shrugs, looking away.

No, I mean… I’m sorry. For how I acted today. I was having a bad day, and I took it out on you. 

Oh.

“It’s okay,” She exhales, “I appreciate the apology.”

He’d clearly written it out beforehand, waiting to find her, and she feels oddly comforted by that. 

Aiden said you were going to talk to Barron.

She shrugs, “Yeah. He told me something really weird. You wanna know what?”

She notices how he freezes up, and looks at her with wide eyes.

That’s when she knows.

It really was Ben, wasn’t it?

What?

“He said that the person who sat in my seat third period was you. Isn’t that funny?”

Ben looks at her like a deer caught in headlights, frantically fiddling with his phone but not typing anything.

She snorts, “How about we go somewhere more private?”

He looks at her for a millisecond, and then grabs her hand. Heat flies up her hand, and she forces a blush down, because come on, this was not the time for that.

He leads her to a classroom, one that’s already been emptied for the day, considering it’s upturned chairs.

She tries to say something, but shuts up when Ben grabs a whiteboard marker… and starts writing.

Hey Taylor.

Oh.

The handwriting… that- that must have been what Ashlyn had seen on the letter. How could Taylor have not connected the dots? It had been right in front of her the entire time.

And here. Here was proof.

“It’s really is you,” she whispers, understanding dawning on her face, “You wrote the letter. And- and the second one?”

Ben nods, glancing at the phone shaking in his hands, but not feeling the need to pull it up and say anything more.

“Why play with me?” Her voice cracks, “Why get my hopes up and then make another one?” She repeats, feeling so utterly stupid. For a second, she’d felt hopeful. But maybe… maybe the second letter wasn’t a sign, it was a prank.

Of course it was. Who could ever like Taylor-Fucking-Hernandez.

Ben looks at her, alarmed, and takes a step closer. His hand drifts upon her shoulder, and he squeezes it ever so slightly, like he’s waiting for her to shove him off. 

She doesn’t. 

She doesn’t have the willpower to. Not when he’s so close and looking at her like she’s everything but she knows she’s nothing- but she wants, god she wants, to be everything. 

He brings his phone up, and tries to type on it with one hand. Taylor watches, quietly, waiting, waiting, waiting for something that will simply shatter her heart and leave her here to bleed.

She’s a moth to the flame, but the flame is a burning piece of paper meant to keep her away. 

She’s an empty river, giving, giving, giving- but never taking, even as she’s left open and bare and naked to the world.

She and those phantoms have one thing in common at least. They’re both pathetic.

Stop thinking.

She jerks her head up, trying to look at Ben, but he’s still typing, his hand still on her shoulder. It’s not fair- that he can make her feel so helpless. That he’s kept her in the dark for so long, knowing how much she’s been mulling over it.

I think I want to write you one more letter.

His eyes meet hers, and a traitorous part of her wants absolutely nothing more. But her rational mind warns her that he’ll say it now. He’ll say that it was just for fun, or he fell out of love, or the reason he crumpled the first letter up and never turned it in was because it was never real.

But she gives him a chance anyway, because that traitorous part of her mind still loves Ben- still can’t say no to him.

His hand leaves her shoulder to join his other, which is furiously typing, and her entire being feels colder and emptier than before- like a weight has been lifted, but she needs that weight to ground herself. She craves it, she realizes. She needs to feel his touch, and the comfort and security and safety it brings.

Minutes pass, feeling like hours and days and decades and longer than Taylor has lived. But then he looks up again, and the phone starts speaking, 

I owe you an apology, Tay. I’m sorry I let it go this far. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything and I embarrassed you and I was too much of a coward to say anything. I’m so sorry that I just watched. You didn’t deserve that. I’m so sorry. 

“Stop saying you're sorry,” She whispers, “And tell me why you did it. Why did you write them?”

He blinks, surprised.

Isn’t it obvious?

She snorts, “There’s a lot of mixed signals here, Ben.”

I wrote you love letters, Taylor. Obviously I love you. I have since you asked me about my music taste for the first time. I have since Tyler almost died and you let me help you bandage your cuts even when you thought asking for help was a weakness. Tay… I've loved you since I first saw you. Everything I said in every letter was real. I promise.

Ben looks away, like the confession shocks him too, and Taylor notices that his hands are still shaking. He’s scared, she understands. She is too.

“Then why did you lie? You knew I wanted to find out who it was, and you let me think it was Barron. And then I completely embarrassed myself by asking him!” There’s a bite in her words that isn’t normally there, because she’s still getting a little used to her world being turned upside down.

I was scared, I think. I’m not someone people usually want. I thought you wouldn’t like it if it were me. You deserve better. and I was so scared. I didn’t want to lose you as a friend, and I guess I didn’t think my selfishness would be worth it.

She takes the phone from his hands, softly, letting him have the choice to take it from her if he really wanted to. He doesn’t reach for it. 

Instead, he just looks at her, and Taylor feels like her insides have been turned out.

“You’re enough, Ben. For me, for everyone. You’ll always be enough.” She leans closer, and he simply watches. “Can I hug you?”

He nods eagerly, and Taylor giggles, enveloping the taller boy in a hug.

“I get it now… you were jealous of Leon, weren’t you?” She giggles, “And just for your information, I’m not going on a date with him. He’s great, but I think I might have found someone who fits me way better.

Yeah?

“Yeah. And oh, for the record, you’re not being selfish by loving me or writing me stupid letters while letting me think they came from Barron. Just evil,” she laughs.

Ben winces and squeezes her hands softly, and Taylor backtracks.

“Shoot, no, it wasn’t a stupid letter, It was just… I just- anything’s stupid when it comes to him.”

Ben gently pulls out his phone from her grip, and for the few seconds that he’s typing, everything is so silent Taylor’s voice is ringing in her ears.

I get it. Mind if we stop talking about Barron now? He grins, his eyes flickering down to her lips and back up to her eyes again. He lets the phone sink back into his pocket, and focuses his attention on her. It’s two parts unnerving and one part absolute heaven.

“I don’t know, it seems that there’s a lot to talk about,” She smiles back, and waits as they kind of just… stand there for a while, their hands clasped together.

He leans closer, as if asking a question, and she has a sudden urge to ask him one. “Can I… ?”

He nods again, but she doesn’t get to finish through with her request, because he does it first. He surges forward, lightly pressing his lips on hers.

And hey, maybe this is why people call love a drug- because it definitely feels like one. It feels like she’s floating and drowning, and flying and falling, and living and dying, and being. She wouldn’t trade it for anything in the entire world.

When they separate, it's quiet, but it doesn't feel like it. A thousand words run through their minds, shared by an invisible link. She sees him, she thinks, and he sees her.

They don’t need words to feel. 

But there are a few that she should say anyway.

“Hey, Ben?”

He makes a humming sound, and unclasps one of his hands from hers, using it to cup her cheek. She leans into it, closing her eyes for a split second because she can… she can finally have this now.

“I love you too.”