#ben......... ive never wanted to be best friends with anyone quite so bad

[desire-mona]

"i thought of you today" did you know i would slaughter a village if you asked

[brelione]

Have You Ever Been In Love (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Warnings:Smut,fluff,mentions of really gross jellyfish stings

This is the first smut ive written so dont judge me pls

JJ Maybank had never been in love.He never wanted to be in love either.He had never seen it or understood how people could die for it.He had heard the story of Romeo and Juliet hundreds of times.How it had ended in a beautiful tragedy.Love was an illness that killed people.It was like a parasite that ate away at your heart and brain until there was nothing left.It sounded painful and he’d rather be set on fire then fall in love.He had convinced himself that he could never love anyone in such a way.He convinced himself that he’d only ever love someone like a sibling.He could never really fall in love.He had tried lying to himself over and over and had gone as far as to write it on paper over and over again.Nothing worked.He was sick with the plague of love.The first time he ever saw you he couldnt understand the feeling within him.He had been working at a gas station.That job had only lasted two weeks.His shift was from 12 am to five am and he hated it.It had been three in the morning when you walked in with your wet hair,slightly bloodshot eyes,bikini top and shorts.The terrible gas station lighting should’ve made you look like shit but you looked fantastic in his eyes.

You had waved to him quickly before heading to the back into the freezer section.You were limping ever so slightly,your flip flops echoing through the building.He kept staring at you,trying to figure out if he had ever seen you before.He saw the bright red lines across your thigh and shin.It looked gross and painful but you didnt even care as you grabbed a pint of ben and jerry’s icecream.You went over to the counter where all the coffee,syrup,sugar and cream was.You made yourself a caramel iced coffee before limping up to the counter.His eyebrows were furrowed as he looked down at you. “Hey,do you have like a band aid or something?”You asked.He frowned. “What for?”He asked,pretending he hadnt noticed the bright irritated injury.You grinned. “Um...jellyfish stings.”You answered.He shook his head. “Youre gonna put a band aid on a jellyfish sting?”He asked.You nodded,sipping the coffee and putting ten dollars on the counter.He leaned across the counter,glancing down at your leg. “Yeah,no.That’s pretty bad.You should clean that off and wrap it up.”He suggested.You bit your lip,shaking your head. 

“Nah dude,i’ve got ice cream for a reason.It doesnt even hurt that bad like its fine.”You answered,grabbing the icecream.He handed you two dollars back,telling you to wait a minute before putting his hand under the counter and grabbing the box of rainbow bandaids and handing you one.You smiled. “Thanks,JJ.”You took the band aid,holding it up to the light. “Ooh...a yellow one.”You mumbled,putting the band aid in your pocket. “Do I know you?”He asked.You shook your head. “But you knew my name.”He squeezed the counter,trying not to blush at all.You pointed to his name tag.He had completely forgot about it.He nodded,biting his lip hard and looking away from you. “So what’s your name?”He asked.You grinned,grabbing your coffee. “Wouldnt you like to know,pretty boy.”You smiled before walking out.He watched as you left,letting out a loud sigh.He let out a laugh,not understanding the feeling that was taking over his body.He stared down at the counter for a while,scolding himself for falling apart like that.Flirting had always come easy for him.He’d never met a girl that he couldnt charm with his looks and his words,except Kie,of course.

But even she had blushed a good amount of times when they first met.But not you with your jellyfish sting and your ben and jerrys icecream.It wasnt until about a month later that he had seen you again.He had lost his job at the gas station because he was caught smoking weed inside.He wondered if maybe you had come by the gas station looking for him since he had left.He kept thinking about you,wondering your name or if you had ever cleaned off your jellyfish sting.He had been at The Wreck as he stuffed his face with french fries and listened to John B. and Pope’s rambling about something scientific.The fries nearly fell out of his mouth when he saw you walk up to the counter. “Hey,hoe.”You grinned at Kiara.She gasped. “Dude-oh my god its been like three months!”She exclaimed,coming out from behind the counter and hugging you. “Hey.”You repeated,pulling out of the hug.She said something quickly to her dad before literally dragging you over to the table where your other friends sat. “This is (Y/N)!”She told them excitedly,shaking your arm.You grinned at JJ before saying hi to the group.Kiara explained that you had been staying with your father in Massachusetts for the last couple of months and that you two had been friends since like seventh grade and whatever.

JJ hadnt been paying attention to her,only focusing on you.The overwhelming desire to laugh and hug you was almost scary.He even knew your name now.It fit you quite well.You looked like a (Y/N) for sure. “JJ,what do you think?”Kiara asked.He frowned a bit,trying to figure out what she was asking. “What?”He asked.Pope laughed. “Dude,pay attention for once.”He sighed.Kiara rolled her eyes. “I asked if you think (Y/N) should join us on the boat today.”She repeated.JJ nodded. “Yeah,yeah definitely.”He blushed,trying not to look at you.You grinned. “Cool,I’ll see you guys later then.”You winked at JJ before getting up and walking out of the restaurant.Kiara snorted in a laugh as JJ smacked his head down. “Have you two met before?”She asked.JJ nodded,picking his head back up.Kiara gasped. “Oh god-did you two hook up?Please tell me you did not hook up with my best friend.”Kiara waited nervously for his answer.JJ shook his head. “I wish.”He replied.He ignored the feeling,telling himself that he was just too high for social interaction and that was the only reason he felt the way he did.

He hadnt smoked in hours.His mind wandered back to a month ago when he had seen you the first time.He had been getting dressed at John.B’s that afternoon,trying to make himself look nice for when he saw you.He had changed his sleeveless shirt for the first time in two days.He had taken a quick shower,brushed his hair and stared at himself for a good five minutes.He wasnt in love.There was nothing wrong with wanting to look nice for someone.Kiara had basically yelled at JJ on how to get to your house. “No-no you gotta-OH MY GOD JUST LET ME DRIVE!”She had shouted and ended up driving the boat.She pulled up to your personal dock,waiting for you after sending you a text.Your house had chipped paint and six chickens roaming around your backyard.His heart sped up,breaths getting a bit fast as he waited for you to come out.When you did he couldnt look away from you.Your hair was tied up,a yellow highwaisted bikini tight on your skin.You walked past your chickens,down the hill and towards the dock. “Hey,loser.”You grinned at Kie.She held out her hand to help you on to the boat,pulling you so you were sitting next to her. “Hey (Y/N).”Pope greeted. 

“Hey.”You grinned,fist bumping the boy.You leaned back,raising an eyebrow at JJ.He hadnt noticed that you were staring,to busy looking down where his eyes shouldn't have been.He licked his lips,looking back up at your face.You winked at him,causing him to blush and look away.He spent the whole day sending glances your way,glancing down at your thigh every once in a while.There was only some scratches left and a small patch of peeling skin on your thigh where the awful sting had once been. “So why were you in Massachusetts?”Pope asked,leaning his head on his folded shirt.You laughed quietly.That was a fun thing to explain to people when they had asked. “Well,you see,my half sister’s step mother’s cousin was getting married so I got invited.Obviously I decided to go but then like I got stuck up there because there was like a tropical storm or some shit and the wind was going ninety miles per hour and there were flash floods and the power went out and full as buildings like collapsed

.It was a huge mess and then like a couple days later it was negative ten degrees and all the water froze and I couldn't drive out cause of it and it sucked and I think someone like manifested bad luck on me.So it kind of sucked but then I got boba coffee in boston and I went to an aquarium and all these museums.There are so many hospitals in Massachusetts like it's kind of crazy.But then I ended up somewhere in the suburbs on my way back and I slept in my car for like four days until I got my car fixed and then I got here like a few days ago.”You explained,looking over at JJ to make sure he wouldn't say anything.Pope nodded. “So what museums did you go to?”He asked,continuing your conversation.JJ felt a bit jealous that you weren't paying attention to him like he was paying attention to you but he couldn't really be mad about it.He just wasn't your type.He wasn't in love.He just wanted you to like him.It had been two in the afternoon when they stopped in the middle of a clear bay.

JJ had watched to see if you were going to go into the water.He watched as you pulled your hair out of its tied up mess,nudging Kiara’s arm.She nodded,jumping off the side of the boat with you.JJ watched as you swam away from the boat around one hundred feet with Kiara close behind you.He watched the way your body moved in the water and how you kept purposefully splashing water into Kiara’s face.He listened to your giggles as you got back to the side of the boat,declaring that you had won.Kiara groaned,lifting herself onto the boat.JJ held out his arm for you to pull yourself up.He blushed a deep crimson as you squeezed his forearm lightly and thanked him.He watched as you and Kiara laid on your backs,basking in the sun while you had a small conversation.He had ended up jumping in the water with Pope,racing John.B and JJ to a buoy a few yards away.He had swam as fast as he could,saltwater splashing into his nose and mouth.He hoped you were watching.For eight months you had been part of the close knit friend group,officially being voted in in favor of everybody after a month of hanging out with them.While they all went to school you had just spent everyday at your house doing whatever you felt like doing.

You’d still swim and surf during the winter because the water wasn't even close to cold.You’d come around John.B’s house when he and the others were out of school.Sometimes you’d even spend the day at his house.Little did you know that JJ would skip the last half an hour of last period pretty often just so he could spend time alone with you.He’d announce himself as he walked in,his heart beating fast as he stood in the doorway.You’d always hug him tight and ask him how his day went and if he wanted to go surfing with you.He’d say yes every time and change into his bathing suit quickly.You’d get so excited to finally see everyone after they got out of school.Kind of like a puppy with separation anxiety.JJ would tell you everything about his day from what he ate at lunch to any jokes he had heard that he thought you might find funny.He’d tell you about a dog he’d seen walking around during P.E or an explosion in the teacher’s lounge microwave.He told you everything he could think of and made it sound as dramatic as possible just to see your reaction.You never questioned why he got back before the others every single day but it didn't really matter.You surfed for hours together before laying on your stomachs on your boards and floating across from each other. “JJ.”You sighed,putting your head down on your folded hands as they rested on your board.

He hummed,looking at you to give you his full attention. “Yeah?”He asked,waiting nervously for you to ask the questions you had.There were so many things you could say.Perhaps Pope had let something slip out.He had ranted to Pope about his feelings for you and how he couldn't understand.Pope tried to explain to him that he was in love with you but that wasn't possible.He wasn't capable of loving someone the way he loved you.He didn't love you.He just loved everything about you and wanted to be around you all the time.He wanted you to lay on his chest as he played around with your hair while you told him about your day.He wanted to take you on late night walks along the beach and collect seashells with you as you giggled about random things.He wanted to sing you silly songs as you whined for him to shut up.He wasn't in love with you.He just wanted you to love him and date him and be his.But that definitely didn't mean he was in love with you,right?You sighed as the sun beamed down on your skin,the water twinkling almost blindingly. “Have you ever been in love?”You asked him.

He bit his lip,glancing out at the horizon.He didn't know how to answer you or even how to react.You knew about his random hookups with tourons and how he was known as a bit of a man whore.He knew that you knew.But you didn't know that he hadnt hooked up with anybody since he had met you.He licked his bottom lip,looking back at you.You were looking at him,only your nose and eyes visible because the rest of your face was hidden by your crossed arms.He gulped. “Um...no.No.No i’ve never been in love.”He cleared his throat.You giggled,the sound echoing off your surfboard. “That was not convincing at all.Girl or boy?”You asked,interested in his story.He shook his head,grinning. “Nobody.”He answered,avoiding your gaze.You reached out,grabbing his arm. “Come on,J.Tell me about it.I’ll tell you first if you want.”You offered.His stomach churned at the thought of you loving someone.He didn't know why.Well,no,he absolutely knew why.He knew it was because he had a thing for you.

He didn't know what that thing was but he didn't really like it much.He nodded,waiting for you to tell the story.You sighed. “Alright.It was eighth grade and his name was Ryan.”You began.His eyebrows furrowed. “Ryan Field?”He asked.You nodded,making a look of disgust come across his face.You giggled. “You know what?Shut up because I was twelve,okay?So,anyways,he sat next to me in Geography and this was before I dropped out and I was barely paying attention.We’d pass notes back and forth and then I had his phone number and we’d text all the time and then we ended up dating.It was my first serious relationship and he broke up with me because he thought I wasn't like mentally stable enough for a relationship and I couldn't handle it.I guess he was right and it definitely hurt when it happened but thinking about it now I don't even know if I actually loved him or if I just was trying to like….convince myself I was happy,you know?I don't even know if love is even real because I used to believe in it when I was little but then I got into the real world and shit kind of just hit the fan.Its all just messy and it's probably all bullshit but it's nice to think that maybe there are people that we’re meant to be with.I don't even think I have someone im supposed to be with cause like,everyone i've ever cared about leaves me so now i'm constantly paranoid that you’re all gonna leave me so that's fun.”You spoke quickly and held up a peace sign.

His eyebrows knit together as he stared back at you. “You-you shouldn't feel like that about us.You know-you know that we'd never leave you.You know that we-that we all love you,right?You know that I love you and we all love having you around and that things wouldn't be the same without you.You know that,dont you?”He asked frantically,his hands tightening on his board.He couldn't believe everything that you just said.The atmosphere completely changed.It felt tense,the giggling and teasing from before had completely faded and was now replaced with nervousness.The clouds covered the sunlight,the air was cool and the small waves had calmed.You sighed quietly,sorting out what you wanted to say.He could've been lying about it.They all probably talked bad about you behind your back anyways. “We should get back to the house,looks like it's gonna rain.”You spoke quietly,paddling back to the shore.You sniffled as you walked on the sand,JJ jogging close behind you.

 “We should seriously talk about this.Why wouldn't you tell anyone that you felt like this?”He asked.You let your board fall to the sand,turning around with tears in your eyes. “Because I'm scared,okay?Im scared that he was right about me not being mentally stable enough for relationships and that i'm a bad friend and a bad person.I don't even deserve happiness or relationships or love,god,i don't even know if im capable of it-”You ranted,tears coming from your eyes when he smashed his lips against yours.It was rough and desperate as your shaky hands made their way around his neck.You couldn't even wrap your mind around what was happening.His arms draped around your hips and held onto you like you were a life line,pulling away for a moment to breath before kissing you again. “JJ.”You whispered,still holding him close.He panted,eyes still closed as his forehead leaned against yours. “JJ,what the fuck are we doing right now?”You asked,out of breath.He licked his lips,knees weak and his bottom lip quivering. “I dont-I dont know it seemed like a good idea.”He whispered,still holding onto you.You didn't know how to react or even what to say.You just stood their,hands on the back of his neck with water dripping onto your fingers from his hair.

 “Sorry,I shouldn't have done that.”His hands fell from your body.You pulled him back for another kiss,his hands on your waist as he pulled you impossibly close to him. “I meant it.”He mumbled before pressing a small kiss to your lips.You bit your bottom lip,letting out a small shaky breath. “What?”You asked.He gulped. “When I said we all love you...that I love you.I meant it.”He spoke quietly.He bit the inside of his cheek as he waited for you to respond.He was in love.Thunder rumbled loudly,the sky darkening as rain pounded down on the two of you.He didn't even care,only worried about what you were going to say.Your finger traced his jaw slowly,dragging your warm finger up to his temple and slicking his wet hair back.The rain sent shivers all over your body as you pulled him back down.He bit down on your lip,tugging it lightly before practically shoving his tongue down your throat.A moan ripped from your vocal cords as you pressed up against him.His lips traveled down your jaw and to your neck,kissing,sucking and biting.The rain became heavier and the air became colder. “JJ...J-we….we need to go-go back to the house.”You whispered,hand tugging at his hair.He let out a small sigh.

 “Please-please-I need you now.”He whimpered,pressing himself to you so you could feel how hard he really was.You bit your lip,looking up at him. “You can last five minutes.”You told him.He shook his head. “I cant-I cant do it-im so hard it hurts.”He whined.You picked up your surfboard. “Then you’re gonna have to run back if you can't last.”You smirked,jogging back up the hill.JJ ran after you with his surfboard under his arms,tossing it down in the backyard. “Hurry,please.”He told you.You grinned,seeing the van wasn't there yet.He dragged you into the guest room while you closed the door and locked it.He pressed you up against the door,kissing you hard and untying your bikini top.He let it fall to the floor before moving downwards.Your breasts were cold from the water but he didnt care,leaving deep purple marks all over them.You let out small moans as your fingernails scratched against his scalp.

You pushed him down on the bed,straddling him and pressing a kiss to his lips.You sucked hickeys along his jaw and collarbones. “Please…”He whispered.He had never been this desperate before.He had never let anyone be on top before either.You began to roll your hips slowly,grinding on him.He let out a loud,raspy moan as he gripped your hips to make you go faster.His mouth fell open as his head fell back.You leaned down to create a dark hickey on his neck.You slid his bathing suit down,licking your lips.He bit his lip as he waited for you to do something.He let out a loud gasp as you ran your fingertip along a pulsing vein. “You like that,JJ?”You asked.He nodded quickly,making you grin. “Words,baby.I need words.”You taunted.His eyes closed tightly as he let out a whimper. “I like it-I love it so much,princess.”He squeaked out as your hand moved faster. “Please-please-just-”His sentence was cut off by a loud moan ripping through his throat. “Please what?”You asked innocently.He bit his lip hard,trying not to let anything else slip out. “Please just-please I just need you.”He moaned,back arching slightly.You loved having this power over him as you watched him fall apart in front of you.

 “What do you need,J?Tell me what you want.”You spoke softly.He swallowed hard,sweat and water drops coating his forehead. “I-I want you to fuck me hard and-and I want to make you-make you feel good.”A half scream half moan left his mouth along with a string of profanities.You leaned down so you could whisper into his ear. “You wanna make me feel good?Oh,thats cute.”You whispered before sinking down onto him.He nearly screamed,eyes going wide. “Let it out,baby.No one can hear you.”You whispered to him.He let out a loud scream that was so loud it could break glass.You began to move at a hellish pace,letting out small moans. “Moan for me.”He told you,guiding you up and down on him.You let out loud moans,glad no one else was home.You were going so fast and so hard that you knew you probably wouldn't be able to walk properly tomorrow. “Im so close.”He whined.You went even faster than you thought possible,grinning as he let out a shout as he reached his high.You kept going after that,making him a bit confused but he didn't complain once he glanced down and saw as his member went in and out of you,your head dipping back as you let out a long,high pitched moan and squirted.He smirked,holding on tight to your waist before flipping you two over. “You’ve done so much for me today,baby,Let me help you out.”He spoke softly before kissing your forehead.His fists went onto the mattress next to your head as he began to pound into you ridiculously hard.Your fingernails dug into his back as he sped up,determined to make you come undone again.

It barely took two minutes for you to cum again,the juices leaking out and coating your inner thighs and his member.He pulled out,laying down beside you. “God,you feel so good.”He moaned quietly,arm around your waist.You grinned. “I know,baby.You’re so good for me.”You kissed his forehead.He leaned into your touch,burying his face in the crook of your neck.The storm was just calming down when you heard the door to the house open.You got up quickly,grabbing your wet towel from the beach to clean yourself out.You grabbed a random long sleeve shirt and slid on a pair of shorts,tossing JJ his pajama pants before tying your hair up to fix its messy state.You unlocked the door before sliding under the covers and resting on JJ’s chest. “Pretend to sleep.”You whispered to him when you heard footsteps coming down the hall.He nodded,placing his arms around you comfortably before closing his eyes.He heard the door open and a small gasp that had obviously come from Kie.He tried not to smile when he heard the loud click of a photo being taken before the door closed again.

[lettingmydreamsspeak]

The Heart Knows Best: Part III

Summary: They still can’t get each other off their minds. Little do they know that even though distance plays a huge factor in ever knowing one another, something is bringing them together.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Female Reader

Warnings: None

Word count: approx. 2300

Author’s Note: If this is your first time reading this series, catch up with Part I and Part II here. Thanks to those who have read the series so far and have sent messages. It is great to hear from those who are reading it. It is my hope to have Part IV up shortly. 

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You couldn’t be happier to be home. You already felt like you needed a vacation from your vacation, but the demands of work would quickly occupy your mind. As you turned on your phone upon arriving at the airport terminal, the number on your email app grew. It was your boss inquiring about the timelines for various projects. She must have tracked your flight and knew that once you arrived it would be hard for you to avoid all the emails that she would be sending. Since taking an entry level position as a junior illustrator for an international publishing firm, you had worked your way up the ranks to work directly with the lead art director, as the senior illustrator. Because of your talent and determination, this position allowed for you to gain some of the highest profile accounts that came through the firm, working with some of the most well-known authors. Who knew that all those years of drawing since you were a little girl, would lead to this dream job. Even though the demands of the job could be overwhelming at times, no amount of pressure would take away the love you had for it.

Your brother Ben offered to pick you up from the airport, knowing that you would like to see a familiar face at the other end of customs when you arrived. He wasn’t wrong. The two of you were only two years apart. He was older than you, and as a stereo typical older brother to a sister, he protected you. As you passed through the doors to find what seemed to be a sea of thousands of people, Ben’s smiling face greeted you.

“Welcome home sis!” 

Ben gave you the biggest hug, as if he hadn’t seen you for months on end.

“Thank you for coming to get me. I would much rather sit in the front passenger seat and control the music for once!”

You both had a good laugh, because you both knew all too well that you were the one that would control the playlists while on road trips with your family and friends.

As you slowly made your way to Ben’s car, you were a lot more quiet than usual. Ben was used to you talking his ear off, telling him all the stories of your adventures you had while you were away.

“Is everything ok, Y/n?”

You knew that he would ask you that very question and debated on whether you would tell him the truth, or tell him the smallest of lies. You felt compelled to tell him the truth, but it would take some time to get there.

“I’m definitely tired. Do you think that maybe we can go for ice cream? I’m not quite ready to go home and just want to hang out with you Ben.”

“I’ll never say no to ice cream! You must want to talk about something though; we never just go for ice cream. Wait a sec……what is his name and do I need to beat him up?”

Not sure how to respond yet again, you stop and look at him before crawling into the car. Looking at Ben’s stature, with was tall and skinny, you weren’t sure that he had the muscles to withstand a fight with anyone.

“You might not want to pick a fight with him, Ben. And if you really want to know, you already know him. His name is Chris…...”

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Chris laid down on the grass, staring up at the clouds through a clearing the in the trees that towered above him. Dodger ran circles around him, stopping every once in a while to lick his face or nudge him in the arm so that he would play with him. He was grateful for the energy of this dog, keeping him on toes and distracting him from what was really going on in his life. He was avoiding his phone and emails for the rest of the day, knowing that he had some work to do.

“Dodge, what am I supposed to do?”

He stopped making circles around Chris and proceeded to lick his face again. It’s like he knew that Chris needed a little extra love and support that day.

“Alright, that wasn’t really the answer I was looking for, but I appreciate all the love you are giving me today, bud. I need it.” 

Chris sat up and pulled Dodger in to give him a hug before getting up to make his way back into the house, where Scott just finished making supper for the two of them.

“Hey Dopey, are you ready to eat something?”

“Yeah.”

Chris quietly took a seat at the kitchen table as Scott dished out some food for him, one scoop at a time, seeing if he would tell him when to stop. Chris sat there just staring at the food piling up, as Scott captured it all on video, figuring that one day Chris will need a good laugh at his own expense.

“Do you know if the kids left any books around here last time they came to visit?”

“I’m pretty sure they did.”

“I need to pick out a children’s book to recommend and I would love it to be one that they like.”

“Why don’t you make it a little more personable and it be one that you always read to them. I’m pretty sure they left the books in your office on the bookshelf, thinking that Uncle Chris might need some easy reading material when they aren’t around. Also, you better eat entire pile of pasta…”

Chris looked down as he dropped his fork on the table, laughing at the sight before him, causing him to shake his head. He picked the fork back up, took a few bites and pushed his plate away.

“Thank you for supper Scott. Just leave the dishes and I will clean them up later.”

“You didn’t even really eat! I’m telling mom!”

“Go ahead!”

Chris left the table on a mission to let his mind escape. He entered his office and b-lined it to the bookshelf that lined the walls across the room from his desk. Starting at the middle of the bookcase, he scoured the shelves for the kids books. He stopped for a moment and realized he was looking in the wrong spot. He turned his eyes downward to the bottom shelf, where the kids could safely reach the shelves. There they were. Nicely placed, looking at if they were meant to be a part of the collection, standing upright thanks to the bookend. Chris sat on the floor against the shelf, looking through the books. There was something about those books that made Chris feel sentimental for a moment. He loved those kids and he loved those books. There was one in particular that stood out to him. It had a picture of a dog on the front that always reminded him of Dodger. The kids loved that book so much because of the dog in the story. You could see the love for that book with the bent corner and chocolate pudding stained pages. This had to be the book that he was going to use for his project.

Scott and Dodger snuck into the office and sat beside Chris, looking through the books with him, noticing the book that was in his hands.

“The kids really do love that book. I should record you reading this book and we should send it to them!”

“You know, that’s not a bad idea. They would love it. Funny voices and all.”

Scott pulled out his phone and started to record the video. Sounding very stately as he started reading; he introduced the author of the book, then the illustrator.

“This book is illustrated by Y/N  Y/L/N………I love how the dog in this book looks like Dodger!!! Here we go. Once Upon a Time…”

Without even noticing, he had said her name aloud. If only he knew…

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It was time for you to show your face at the office. You figured you could just sneak in without anyone noticing, as you were determined to have a productive day, without any distractions. You felt inspired and ready to create some images for the books that were coming across your desk prior to your vacation. Knowing that it would take a few hours to really get the ideas down on paper, you put your head phones on to help you focus. The hours passed without even taking a break. Your boss scared you out of focus as she reviewed your progress and was pleased with the results so far. She was always amazed with your work and your overall work ethic. As she left you to you continue with your work, you noticed that your phone screen was lighting up. It was best that you took a break for a late lunch and to catch up with the messages that were left for you. For the most part, it was your clients wanting to touch base and see how the illustrations were coming along. There were also a few messages from Haley. She usually sent you random jokes or quotes to help you get through your day, but it seemed as if there was something a little more urgent. 5 missed calls and one text stating that you should call her when you get the chance.

You were feeling a little selfish at that moment, but now was not the time for you to get into a serious conversation with her. You ignored her messages, placed the phone out of sight, and got back to work, knowing that all the drawings wouldn’t finish themselves.

************************************************************************

It was a new day, and it was certainly feeling like it for the first time in a few days. With an early start to the day, Chris was productive on answering a series of emails from producers and his agent. Taking a break from this work, he found a spot in the sun filled living room to do some recreational reading. His brother sat across the room from him, staring at his phone, as if he were in a deep text conversation with who knows who. With a lack of desire to spend his time catching up on social media, little did Chris know that Scott had made a little post that morning, captioning it: “Story Time with Uncle Chris”. 

Just as Chris had suspected, Scott was reading through text from friends and a multitude of messages in response to the post. There was so much love for this video, but who wouldn’t fall in love with Chris reading yet another children’s book. Sorting through his direct messages, he saw one titled “I Need Your Help…”. Typically these kinds of messages were from people asking for some kind of hand out to help with their cause and would easily be passed by, but for some reason Scott felt compelled to read this message.

Hey Scott, I know we don’t know each other, but we might have an unexpected connection that I need your help with. My friend Y/n happened to be in Manhattan recently, and was helped out by your brother Chris on a rainy morning in Central Park a couple of days ago. I know she is forever grateful for what your brother did to help out. If you can pass on her thanks to him, I know she would appreciate it. 

Thanks so much, Haley.

Ps. You know that book Chris is reading in your most recent post…Y/n illustrated it!

“Shut up.”

“I’m being quiet, why are you telling me to shut up?” 

“Sorry! I was just reading texts from friends. I thought I said that in my head.”

In complete shock of the message he just read, Scott started to formulate a reply to Haley. With zero confidence in what to say back to her, his response was short and to the point.

Hi Haley, we should chat…

************************************************************************

“You have reached Haley! Sorry I can’t answer your call right now. Either I’m ignoring you, or I’m actually busy. Either way, just text me and I promise to get back to you!”

Her message always made you laugh, as her phone went right to voice mail. She was actually busy on the other line. You felt a little anxious about what she needed to tell you. It was a long day and it felt like you needed a glass of wine to calm your nerves. A nice spot on your balcony looking over the waterfront was the solution. The perks of your job found you living close to the office, in a condo looking over Coal Harbour. It was the dream and you were living it. As you sat down and put your feet up, taking a deep breath, you saw that Haley was now returning your call.

“Hales, I’m sorry that I didn’t return your call earlier. It was a busy first day back at the office.”

“Hi to you too, can you please look at the text I just sent you. But make sure you have me on speaker…please!”

A little puzzled by her request, you put her on speaker and loaded her message.

“What the heck are you sending me? Is this just another gif of a cat dressed up at an old lady?”

“Just watch it.”

The video came up. It was Chris. A smile came to your face. You see him sitting on the floor of what seemed to be a home library or office, with Dodger snuggled in against his leg. He was holding what appeared to be a book. Not really paying attention to what he is saying at the start of the video, you finally focus in on it.

“This book is illustrated by Y/N Y/L/N………I love how the dog in this book looks like Dodger!!! Here we go. Once Upon a Time…”

Your heart stopped. He said your name without even realizing it. You sat in shock as you closed the video, not needing to watch any more of it.

“So…..?”

“He said my name.” 

Staring blankly at the phone, you aren’t too sure what to make of all of this. What were the chances that this would happen?

“Should I bring you more wine?”

“Yes please.”

To be continued in Part IV

[dearlazerbunny]

Ignite (Redux); Ch. 2 of 5ish

Pairings: Kylo x Reader

Genre/Ratings: T for intensely injured reader

Words: 1100

Summary: After an accident aboard Starkiller Base, someone unexpected proves invaluable.

This is a rewrite of Ignite, which I published two-ish years ago. Same story, incredibly expanded upon. Enjoy!

Requested Tags: @jellyfishpoptart, @starfishfaerie, @swagaliciouspupper, @jessiejunebug, @irrelevantbutembarrassing, @drawlfoy, @sunflowershine-s, @ben-plus-rey

You don’t remember much after that, other than a slew of strange fever dreams punctuated by sharp flares of agony. Occasionally something like lucidity will break through, and you can catalogue the clean whiteness of the medical wing with lazy eyes. Nurses bustle in and out- fiddling with machines, pushing syringes of clear liquid into the crook of your arm, wrapping and rewrapping bandages around your body.

Strangest of all is the man in black who visits you like clockwork. He’s in contrast to the soft nurses- all dark folds and sharp angles. He sits at your side like a statue, murmuring things you can’t understand but are soothing nonetheless. Everything hurts a little less, when he’s there. But he’s always gone too soon.

In the back of your mind, you know that things are… bad. The alarm bells in your chest are muted immensely by whatever drugs they’re pumping you full of, but are still very much alive and well. You’re not sure if you can say the same about the rest of you- you can barely wiggle your fingers, and everything is very, very heavy.

You let your eyelids slip closed, and decide to sort it out later.

But eventually, in excruciatingly slow form, you do emerge from your haze. The bleached sheets beneath you solidify into something tangible, the nurses’ faces sharpen into recognizable features. There’s more light than dark, and further stretches of consciousness between blinks and breaths.

“Are you awake, then?”

Lazily, your head tilts to the side and your eyes focus on the doctor standing next to you. “I… think so?” Your tongue is thick in your mouth, making your words thud onto the floor like clay.

The doctor makes a noncommittal noise and checks a bag hanging on a pole next to you. “Can you state your name? Where you are; your occupation?”

“Y/N Y/L/N. Engineering. On Starkiller base, First Order. What- what happened?”

Before answering, he shines a penlight into your eyes, leaving bright spots in your field of vision. “There was an accident,” he says gently.

An accident. With fire. And pain. So much pain. You can feel it now, as the vestiges of drugs slowly disappear- a white hot burn, dry as a desert planet. “Oh.”

“It’s been about two weeks. We kept you under to give you the best chance at healing. There- there will be some scarring, though we tried to minimize that as best we could.”

Your eyes widen. “Wait. What about newbie- Cole? Cale. Cale. Is he- did he-?”

Though he keeps his face neutral, you can see the grimace in his eyes. “He’s still in critical condition.”

Shit. You let yourself sink back into the thin pillows and crunchy mattress, almost wishing you were still unconscious so you wouldn’t have to deal with the ache in your chest. “So… what now?”

“You’ll be on medical leave for a good while-” Oh, Hux is not going to like that- “but we want you back in your own environment as quickly as possible. We’ll provide you with a schedule of physical therapy.”

Home is good- your bunk is more comfortable than this bed, and being surrounded by your friends will make everything easier to bear. You try to ignore the feeling of uselessness beginning to settle into your bones. You work, you’re a worker- always have been. What happens when you can’t do your job? Are you even worth anything anymore?

“Oh, um, doctor-” you stop him on his way out the door. “Did anyone come visit me?”

“Mmm, yes. Quite a few here and there.” He hands you a list of names and something warms in your chest to see the names of just about everyone in senior engineering; even some people you’ve trained and have gone on to bigger things. But you know these people, and none of them are tall and pale and shrouded in dark like the man visiting you in your dreams. Maybe he’s just that- a dream. A figment of your imagination to make you a little less lonely. Hallucination is also very likely, given the probably astounding amount of drugs you’ve been given. Hell, with that black cloak- you might’ve been visiting with the grim reaper for all you know.

None of those explanations sit quite right with you- it’s on the tip of your tongue, but your tongue isn’t working very well right now, so. Perhaps that’s a mystery best solved later. “So, when can I get out of here?”

“We’ll continue to monitor you for the next few days as the medicine wears off; see how your appetite and energy returns. We’ll also need to assess your physical state, and you’ll need to learn how to care for your bandages.”

“Right.” You flex your fingers slowly, now seeing the difficulty lies in moving the thick white cotton that’s been wrapped around your knuckles. “Will I-?” You pause. Take a breath. “I’m going to be okay. Am I going to be okay?”

Something like compassion flashes over the man’s face, and his eyes soften. “The burns were extensive. Nerve damage is likely, but we won’t be able to tell how much until you’re up and moving again. Later down the line you might consider skin grafts to manage the cosmetic side of things. We’ve salvaged as much tissue as we can, but- well. Medicine is as much of an art as it is a science. There’s never any guarantees.”

Extensive. Nerve damage. Skin grafts. As you take in his words, you let your hand wander up to the plasters covering your neck, just creeping up the side of your jawbone and onto your cheek. And for the first time, you think to yourself, stars, I must look hideous. “Well, I never wanted to be a beauty queen anyways,” you mumble, trying to cover your nervousness at the sudden realization that you don’t even know what you look like anymore.

“It will be an adjustment. But medical technology has come a long way. You’ll be much better off now than you would have been even a few years ago.”

“Thanks.” He nods. “Um, if I’m going to be here for a while- can you tell me if Cale wakes up?”

The doctor sighs. “He… wasn’t quite as lucky as you. But yes, I will keep you updated as much as I am allowed.”

When he leaves, and you’re alone again with only your thoughts and the soft chugging of an IV pump to your left, you find you can’t keep yourself from picking restlessly at the loose edges of your bandages- even as you fall back into sleep.

[solohux]

@anonymous submitted: That one time Ben Solo and Poe Dameron decided to go on vacation together and how it all went terribly wrong (Feat. Hux!)

Way back when, 13 year old Ben Solo was terribly stressed. While his Uncle was away on a cool Force-artifact finding mission (Ben was rather put out that he didn’t get to go), he was stuck babysitting a dozen of his fellow Padawans. This was intended to give Ben a taste of responsibility and be a confidence booster…. But mostly ended up being a nightmare for him. Looking after a dozen children would be a tall order for any young teenager to handle, let alone a dozen Force Sensitive children…. Some of whom weren’t much younger than Ben himself and thus weren’t inclined to listen to him anyway. 

  Ben was breaking down into a bout of frustrated tears and starting to pull his hair out when his next door neighbor and best friend Poe Dameron showed up! The sixteen year old may not have been Force Sensitive, but he was a natural with children (As the eldest child of the Yavin IV rebel colony, he’d had a lot of practice looking after his younger cohorts!) and the other Padawans both adored and respected him. He was older and thus considered “cooler” than Ben and even Ben himself secretly agreed with that assumption. Needless to say, Ben --sort-of-didn’t-but-really-did-- begged for him to stay and help him out. 

  Poe was happy to stay! He genuinely loved children and definitely loved Ben (Not that he would admit that!).... But after a week of Force related antics, even he was getting a little worn thin. So he did what most teenagers who grew up in a space-faring society would do, decided that he and Ben needed a vacation off-planet! Granted, they can’t go on a “real” vacation, but an overnight camping trip to one of Yavin’s other inhabitable moons should be do-able. Master Luke was due back tomorrow afternoon anyway, so surely the kids would be okay for just one night, right? 

  Ben was initially worried that his Uncle would be “disappointed” with him if he came back to find the Padawans abandoned and his nephew off camping with his “friend” *CoughBoyfriendCough* on some other moon, but Poe managed to convince him of the merits of the plan. So Ben put the eldest child in charge (Which that 12 and a half year old didn’t appreciate) and set off to the Dameron family farm with Poe. After puzzling over which ship they should use to blast off in, Poe decided that his late mother’s A-Wing would suffice. It might be a tight fit for two, but they aren’t planning to go far anyway. 

  (Ben: But won’t your father notice if that ship is missing? Poe: Nah, it’s usually parked in the old barn and Papa almost never goes in there. Besides, it’s technically my ship now anyway. Mama said that I could have it right before she… you know.) 

  And so, the two young teens prepped the old ship for flight, squeezed inside the cockpit and lifted off of Yavin IV. 

  They ran into trouble virtually as soon as they were clear of the moon’s atmosphere. 

The old A-Wing may have served Shara Bey well during the war, but her son… may have been a bit neglectful in keeping the old warbird in good repair after her untimely death. Not that Poe didn’t love the old ship! But like any teenager, he had a lot going on in his daily life and he was always eager to try incorporating the latest and greatest tech into the aging spacecraft, rather than checking to see if the original hardware was still totally functional. In any case, it was the engine that was the problem. 

  Apparently leaving the atmosphere was just too much for the old clunker to handle, because it coughed out one final breath and then seized up, leaving the boys effectively stranged. Poe did his best to keep calm, while Ben got nervous. But after much switch-flipping, wire-fiddling and even crawling under the seat to see if he (Poe that is, Ben may have been younger, but he was already taller than his friend and thus could not fit!) could reach the engine compartment, the boys realized that their was little to nothing that they could do to get the engine to restart. 

  So Poe resolved to use the computer to contact the Yavin IV authorities and ask for help. It was going to be horribly embarrassing to have his mother’s old comrades give him a tow back down to the surface --Not to mention, his father was certainly going to hear about it-- but he felt that their was no other choice. So he apologized to Ben about the vacation being cancelled, but reassured him that help would soon be on the way. Only opps, when Poe tried to use the computer, it didn’t work! It turned out that new upgrade he installed onto it last month wasn’t entirely compatible with the original operating system. So calling for help was not an option now.  

  Poe was now rather distressed himself, it wasn’t likely that he and Ben were in any real danger --The Yavin IV rebel colony received visits from all sorts of people and most any ship could give them a tow-- but it could be hours before anyone happened upon them! Maybe even a whole day! That meant not only no vacation, but a disappointed Master for Ben and an unamused father for him! Ben just grew sullen, it seemed that whenever he tried to do anything ever so slightly off the path set out for him, something bad happened. 

  But then! 

  A ship came out of hyperspeed nearly on top of them! After the initial “Oh Stars! That ship nearly crashed into us! We could of died!” reaction, the boys realized that they might be saved after all. The ship was small and unmarked, neither Poe nor Ben had seen anything quite like it. But they weren’t thinking about how odd that was, they were desperately trying to wave the ship down with flapping arms and hand signals. 

  They succeeded. The ship floated over towards them, coupled it’s airlock with theirs and the pilot called for them to come onboard. The boys looked at each other and beamed, maybe their vacation was saved after all! 

  Only that wasn’t the case, not at all. 

  Poe and Ben’s “savior” had no intention of helping them fix their ship or give them a tow home. 18 year old Armitage Hux, Cadet of The First Order was on the cusp of graduating from The Academy. He had come to Yavin IV to spy on the rebel colony and then report back to his father, Commandant Brendol Hux. All cadets of The First Order had to undertake a high-risk solo mission in order to prove themselves worthy of being sworn in as officers of The First Order. It was their equivalent of a final exam, the culmination of all that they had learned and worked for over many years of schooling.   

  And Armitage Hux had been the top of all of his classes and thus had no intention of failing. 

  Truthfully, Hux was prepared to shoot the A-Wings occupants dead if they proved not to be useful. He wasn’t pleased about nearly crashing into their ship (He was not about to die right before he graduated!), not to mention, their witnessing him entering the system in the first place put his mission in jeopardy.  

  So he made sure his blaster had a fresh charge in it and stepped out of the cockpit and into the ship’s foyer to meet his odd visitors.  

  He was not expecting two teenagers, the pair younger than him even! Ben and Poe were rather surprised to see the redheaded pilot didn’t have many years on them either. 

  Hux snapped at the pair to explain and identify themselves.

Poe immediately set about apologizing for the trouble, introduced himself and Ben and tried to charm the young man. Ben was rather smitten with Hux’s good looks too, but he barely even needed the Force to sense something concerning about the ginger’s demeanor.  

  Hux did his best to appear unimpressed, but once he heard the words “Ben Solo, apprentice to Jedi Master Luke Skywalker” he could barely contain his excitement. What luck! He had the child of Senator Leia Organa and the scoundrel Han Solo on his ship! This “Poe Dameron, son of Kes Dameron and Shara Bey” might perhaps be of use as well. He no longer needed to go down to Yavin IV and spy on the rebel colony, these two boys no doubt had all the intel he needed. Maybe they could even be of further use to The First Order after being rung dry off all that they knew! 

  So Hux changed plans. He would not shoot Ben and Poe dead, he would take them prisoner and whisk them away to the Unknown Regions. They would never see their friends or families ever again. 

  Hux pocketed the blaster and informed the pair that he would be happy enough to help them with their engine troubles, he even thought that he had the tools needed to make that a reality, but they were in back compartment of the ship and could they please help him get them. Poe eagerly agreed, Ben hung back uncertain. When he quietly brought up his concerns to Poe once Hux started leading the way to the other end of the ship, his friend protested. 

Hux may be a surly stranger with a strange ship, but he had offered to help them and he was likely their only chance to save their vacation and get back down to Yavin IV before anyone was none the wiser. Despite his concerns, Ben conceded to Poe’s thoughts of their situation. But he told Poe that if Hux tried anything suspicious, he would have to Jedi Mind Trick him into letting them leave. Poe agreed that was a solid back up plan. 

  But this point Hux had the door at the back of the ship open and dryly asked them if they were done discussing whatever it was they were talking about, because he had places to be and he could only take so much time out of his busy schedule to help them. If they wanted to dally around, then they could do so in their own ship. Poe quickly assured the redhead that it was nothing, that they had somewhere to be too, grabbed Ben’s hand and marched them through the door.  

  The room contained no tools, but it did contain an inactive energy shield. It was designed as a transport cell, almost every ship made by The First Order had one. And when Poe and Ben stepped over the threshold, Hux activated the energy shield via a subtly hidden button. The boys were now trapped! 

  Needless to say:- Hux smirked, Poe gaped at him in horror and Ben scowled at Poe for not really listening to him in the first place. Poe demanded to know what the hell did Hux think he was trying to do, and like any good villain Hux immediately launched into a monologue about his plans for them. He actually couldn’t contain himself entirely this time, because he gleefully rubbed his hands, but he did refrain from launching into an evil laugh. 

  Afterwards, Poe yelled at him that he was insane and did he really think that he would get away with kidnapping him and Ben? Especially Ben! The son of the much loved Princess of Alderann and the smuggler with a million different contacts and connections? The nephew of the legendary Luke Skywalker, who could probably find him with a mere thought? Plus his Papa would no doubt launch a rescue effort of his own and then Hux would really be in for a world of hurt if that happened!

  Hux just raised an eyebrow and asked him if he was quite done. At which point Ben called upon his connection to the Force and said in his most persuasive voice, “You’re going to disable the energy shield, allow us to walk off this ship and then lock yourself in this room”. It was a good effort for someone so young, Master had even praised Ben some time beforehand that he seemed to have a natural affinity for persuasive techniques.  

  But it didn’t work on Hux, because the boy who had endured a lifetime of abuse from his father, scorn from his instructors and jeers from his peers was anything but weak-minded. 

  Hux sneered at the two of them and went to close the door. Poe launched into another panicked triade about how “He’d be really sorry if he didn’t let them go!”, while Ben desperately tried the mind trick again. Nope, Hux still wasn’t intimated nor was he influenced.  

Realizing that perhaps they were in-fact about to be kidnapped, Ben and Poe looked at each other and changed tactics. Poe started pleading and claiming that Hux “Didn’t really want to do this, he didn’t have to be evil, the New Republic could help him”, while Ben gave Hux his best set of puppy dog eyes, reached out towards Hux and said “Please”. 

  Shockingly, these methods actually had some sway over the ginger. Perhaps his cruel youth hadn’t completely stamped out Hux’s heart after all.  

  But he averted his eyes, shook his head and closed the door to the cell anyway.  

  He could still hear Poe and Ben’s protests and cries all the way inside the cockpit. As he reached for the ship’s computer to chart a course home and tell his father the good news, he was suddenly struck with indecision. Should he really do this? He’d spent all of his life amongst people who hated him, but now he had the opportunity to escape the whole lot of them. And these sad, pleading eyes stared back at him every time he blinked…. 

  But he would finally make his father proud! And gain the respect and admiration from his teachers and classmates…. Right? 

  Would he? What should he do?

[douxreviews]

The Hollow Crown - Series Review

“Let us sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of kings.”

Occasionally, television reminds us that it can be a brilliant medium. It is easy to become cynical, believing that only a show that pretends to be reality or a comedy in which good actors spout terrible dialogue can be aired. Then, just as we despair, along comes something truly genius. The Hollow Crown is truly genius.

It is a series of four of Shakespeare’s history plays. Often performed together, these stories take us from the late years of Richard II’s reign through the reign of Henry V. Although we will never know if Shakespeare intended for these plays to be performed as a series, they work as one. The stories lead on to the next; characters appear in more than one; and, references are often made to earlier plays.

The BBC, once again, didn’t hold back when producing these four shows. Each has a dream cast and a dream director and they were all filmed on location in England. The music is gorgeous; the sets and the costumes are lush; the cinematography is stunning.

Shakespeare is not an author you can watch with one eye while doing the crossword. His language is dense and, because he wrote in the days prior to special effects, much of what is happening is spelled out in some detail. Your reward, however, for paying attention and concentrating on the play at hand is some of the most beautiful language ever written, at least in English. When that language is spoken by some of the greatest living English actors, it becomes magic.

Richard II

The story takes place over the last two years of Richard’s reign and shows us the rise of Harry Bolingbroke who will become Henry IV. The cast is magnificent, especially Patrick Stewart who, I would argue, is among the best of the RSC old guard. And, on a personal note, can I just say that James Purefoy in period costume works so much better than whatever it is that he is currently playing in The Following.

Like so much of Shakespeare, this play is much more complex than one would initially suspect. On the surface, it is about one king losing his throne to another. It is, however, so much more. It is the story of two men who face off against each other. One is a born leader; the other not so much.

Ben Winshaw, who deservedly won a BAFTA for this role, plays King Richard as weak and entitled, convinced by the divine right of kings that he is untouchable. As he makes the decisions he does, even without the benefit of history, we know that they are wrong and that he is making his downfall inevitable.

Rory Kinnear plays Bolingbroke, Henry IV by the end of the play. He plays the role with subtlety and grace, yet underneath it all is a man conflicted and tormented. He never wanted to be king; he just wanted back what was his.

The best example of this disparity is in the language used. Richard never strays from the royal plural; Bolingbroke never uses it once. Now Henry IV, Bolingbroke understands that the divine right of kings has been turned on its ear and his guilt at what he has done, both to his cousin and to the monarchy, is stunningly conveyed in the final scene.

This play is not performed often, but it should be. It is as strong as the three that follow it.

Henry IV, Part One

Many years have passed, and Henry IV is ensconced on the throne. He has aged and now is played by Jeremy Irons who is simply wonderful. “Uneasy lies the head” being a true statement, Henry has spent his reign wrestling with his guilt and with the constant threat of civil war as not everyone is thrilled about who is wearing the crown.

To make matters even more troubling for our king, his son and heir Hal is a right pain in the ass. Instead of hanging out with his father at court and becoming a mighty warrior, Hal chooses to spend his days hanging out in an Eastcheap tavern with Falstaff and other lowlifes. Tom Hiddleston plays Hal and does so with gusto.

Herein lies the tension of this play. Hal has two fathers; the king whom he disrespects and Falstaff whom he disrespects even more. Henry has two sons; Hal who makes him furious and Hotspur (one of the great Shakespearean names) who is not his son, but is the warrior supporting the crown. The problem is that Hotspur is hotheaded and feels that not only does he have a right to the throne as Richard’s true (and declared) heir, he has earned it.

The inevitable battle is truly epic and tough to watch. The producers did not hold back and the flying arrows and sword fights look amazingly real. Extras roll around in the mud and, at the end, all of our heroes look truly filthy and exhausted.

Hotspur and Henry face off and we see Hal become the true heir to the throne in front of our eyes. The language helps, but Hiddleston plays the scene to perfection as everything from the tone of his voice to the way he holds his head changes and becomes more regal.

Simon Russell Beale is the finest Falstaff, ever (he, too, won a well-deserved BAFTA). So many actors play the role going for the obvious laughs. Beale, on the other hand, manages to inject the character with pathos and humanity, and his paternal love for Hal is obvious to all. Admittedly, some of the humor is lost as a result of these choices, but I didn’t miss it. For maybe the first time ever, I understood what Hal saw in such a horror of a man.

This version is filled with wonderful character actors, too numerous to mention. However, I would be remiss if I didn’t send a shout out to Julie Waters who plays Mistress Quickly to perfection. These plays are slight on roles for women, but Waters manages to jump off the screen, going toe-to-toe with both Hiddleston and Beale and, more often than not, winning.

Henry IV, Part Two

This is my least favorite of the four plays, but I did like the choices that Richard Eyre (the director) made in his cuts. He turned what can be a turgid and, let’s face it, dull play into something interesting to watch. He turned it into a play about becoming old and facing death.

King Henry is approaching his death and he frets about the unsuitability of his son to wear the crown when he is gone. Although it takes a while to get there, the final scenes between Henry and Hal are mesmerizing. Irons and Hiddleston are wonderful as the mantle of power is passed, literally as Henry crowns his son. The very brief moment before all this happens, as Hal sits on the throne with his crown, tears running down his face, actually made me well up.

Hal’s other father is aging as well. Falstaff is completely deluded about what Hal’s becoming king will mean for his old friend. Convinced that a life of leisure and sack is just around the corner, Falstaff is biding his time. The scene in the tavern with Doll was tender and lovely. Here is an old man, aware of his mortality, trying to drum up sympathy for his plight. It is all too late, as his past actions are catching up with him.

Never do they catch up more than at the end of the play and Beale plays Falstaff’s final humiliation to perfection. Genuinely shocked by Hal’s change of heart, the emotion races across his face while the newly crowned king dismisses him out of hand. Hiddleston plays this scene extraordinarily well. It is clear that he is doing what he must and what he believes is right, but there are hints that he wishes he could have avoided this scene all together.

Henry V

The producers were up against it filming this play. Undoubtedly the best known of the history plays, it is filled with speeches that are so well known, they are quoted and paraphrased in nearly everything one watches. Additionally, every English actor worth his salt has performed the role at one point or another and Kenneth Branagh filmed a version that would be tough to beat.

It is also, arguably, the most English of all Shakespeare’s plays. By that, I mean it is patriotism in its purest form. The English king, a reformed bad boy, travels to France and, against all odds, triumphs over his adversaries. Throw in the St. Crispin’s Day speech, and I want to stand tall and salute the St. George’s Cross.

The Hollow Crown version, although not the best, worked in terms of the series. It brought to a satisfying close the arc of a weak king, succeeded by a stronger king, succeeded by the most famous king of them all. Hiddleston was better as the younger playboy than he was as a fierce warrior, but when Henry disguises himself to walk amongst his troops before the battle, he was believable -- we had already seen it.

The problem I had with this version is that Hiddleston is on his own, and he doesn’t quite carry it off. He does not have a Jeremy Irons or a Simon Russell Beale with whom to interact and his final scene with Princess Katherine should have at least some degree of sexual tension. This did not.

Having said that, I pity anyone who has to take on the St. Crispin’s Day speech and make it his own. This one was fantastic. Rather than shout it from the ramparts, the director chose to have Hal speak it to “a happy few” and to speak it from the heart. I found myself grinning at the end of it.

The end was also an interesting choice. The director chose to have Falstaff’s boy, who appears sporadically throughout the play, age and turn into John Hurt who had been voicing the role of the Chorus. He breaks the fourth wall in the final moments and it worked. It reminded us that we are watching is, indeed, history and that time passes for us all.

I’m convinced that if Shakespeare is looking down at some of the schlock being performed in his name, he is sighing with relief at these. I’d like to think that, like me, he wishes they hadn’t stopped, but had continued on with Richard III.

ChrisB is a freelance writer who spends more time than she ought in front of a television screen or with a book in her hand.

[grownups-are-the-real-monsters]

Heartache Tonight - The Kids Are Alright

Summary: “Somebody's gonna hurt someone before the night is through...”

Another one shot in the ‘Kids Are Alright’ Series

Words: 2,144

{Derry, Maine. June 28th, 1976. 12:47 P.M. Beverly’s room}

“Just squint your eyes and focus between your fingers…”

Beverly did as she was instructed, she focused on the white wall of space between her fingers on her outstretched hand. The world became fuzzy and blurred but outlining her hand was a thin line of color. She blinked, eyes back to normal as she hunched her shoulders to laugh. Her red ponytail falling loosely onto her shoulder. “Purple. My aura is purple.” She grinned.

Stan grinned at her from his seat on her bean bag chair. Richie held out his own hand and shrugged. “Mine’s still red.” He frowned with a look of suspicion. However Beverly grinned, reaching out to shake his thigh.

“What does purple mean?” She asked, eager to hear the answer. Richie shrugged, pushing up his glasses.

“Dunno.” He smiled and Beverly scoffed. 

“You mean to tell me that I did that for nothing?” She rolled her eyes and Stan crossed his legs to bring them up on the bean bag chair. The blob of green melded to his body shape and allowed perfect comfort. He wiggled a little in the new spot and tilted his head. 

There was an unspoken sort of tension in the room they were all separately aware of. Beverly frowned deeply and played with a loose thread on her jeans. “You wanna know about the date I had the other day, huh?” her voice, accusatory, carried loudly throughout the room. “I assume Richie blabbed to you, Stan?” 

The man in question shrunk back and picked at the rubber of his shoes. “Oh I dunno. I knew something was up without him having to tell me, I’m intuitive like that, y’know? I like to think I’m psychic too-” 

“Shut-up, Stanley.” Beverly laughed lightly to let him know not to take offense. But she had to stop his rambling before it went on forever like they all knew it would. “I wanna let you know right off the bat that it sucked. I sucked. And I would not like to discuss it further, ok? I’m gonna go make some popcorn and we’re gonna move on from there.” 

Beverly, uncharacteristically, shut them down completely and rushed out of her own room. When the door lightly tapped the doorway behind her, Richie and Stan shared the same guilty look. They let themselves sit in silence until they could her the girl moving around downstairs. Instead of breaking it with words, Richie came over and sat near Stan’s feet and tapped lightly on his leg like a child. 

“Hmm?” Stan raised his brow though he knew this little routine. He gave the guy a kind smile and shrugged. “I’m sure she isn’t all that mad about you telling me, Rich. Don’t let that bother you.” 

He advised his friend knowing full well Richie could not handle his friends being mad at him very well. Terribly, actually. He sure did hope this wouldn’t be one of the worst. He scooted off the bean bag and sat in front of his best friend with a smile. “Want me to read your palm?” 

“Yes please!” Richie happily held out his hand with a giddy look on his face. 

                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is everyone having s-s-sex but me?” Bill asked abruptly, cutting the silence that had been going on for the past twenty minutes. He laid in the back of the Vista Cruiser that was parked in front of his house while Eddie shuffled through the radio for a good station. 

The question sent Eddie into fits of laughter for what seemed like five whole minutes. Bill rolled his eyes and sat up to face the back of his head. “Why are you laughing?” 

Eddie wiped at his eyes and turned back to face him, elbow resting on the next seat. “Partly because of how dumb that question is and partly because it’s funnier when you stutter it.” 

Bill lightly chuckled and punched the kid in the arm, who recoiled and rubbed the hurt area. “I’m serious, Eddie.” 

The other boy sighed and decided to take his best friend seriously. “First of all, really think about that question, huh?” 

Bill looked at him blankly in thought before shrugging, deciding it to be a valid question for some reason. 

“Sure, Stan’s got a girlfriend but there’s no way that’s happened for them yet.” Eddie began his long answer that he hadn’t been prepared to have to explain. “Mike and Beverly barely talk to anyone besides us and last I checked neither of them have had sex with any of us.” He paused at his own little joke and chuckled. Bill did not seem even lightly amused with that comment.

 "And do you remember who Ben and I are? We haven’t gotten anywhere with anyone which sucks but we’re pretty awkward Bill.” He laughed. 

“What about Richie?” Bill asked. Eddie frowned. 

“What about him?” He sneered and Bill put a pin in that to make sure to bring it up the attitude he’d answered with again. “He’s not had sex yet or he’d be bragging up and down the street. Don’t you know him?” 

Bill realized how silly he’d been to ask but he was still annoyed. 

“S’not that big of a deal anyway.” Eddie spoke as he turned back and pulled his aspirator from the glove-box for safe keeping. “Sex is just sex. It’ll happen when it happens.” He put the car in drive and moved to pull out of the driveway. 

“Spoken like a true v-v-virgin, Eddie.” Bill joked and Eddie even had to laugh at that. Truthfully, none of them cared all that much about ‘doing it’ except maybe Richie. But even that was just some jokes here and there. But insecurity had risen in Bill ever since Disco night when Beverly rejected him. He had briefly wondered if he’d ruined their friendship. He’d also wondered if he just...’didn’t have any game’ in him. 

                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Mike, Bill, Stan, Eddie & Richie sat in Stan’s basement. The room is lacking smoke.}

“I hate to be a party pooper, though it is what I’m best at, but the smoke really is bad for my asthma.” Eddie paced behind the couch in Stan’s basement with a slight grin on his face. 

“Hey, I could fight you on that, I think I’m a champion at that too.” Stan cocked his head, resting it on the back of his couch as Eddie stood above him. He wagged his finger like a much older gentleman and Eddie giggled. 

“I’d be careful if I were you. Eddie’s real scrappy. Once, we were play f-f-f-fighting over the remote and he nearly kicked me in the eye.” Bill laughed and Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“Please. Don’t exaggerate.” 

Richie perked up and smirked. “Eddie, one time you punched me so hard I fell on the floor and had a bruise for like....ever.” Richie did not look too mad about it. He actually found it rather funny and possibly adorable. 

“It’s not like it came from nowhere. You were sitting on me.” 

Richie blushed slightly at the memory. Boy, had he regretted that move many times when they play-fought. But he always went for it without even thinking about it. He was actually glad Eddie had knocked him off that day. 

Mike hummed and looked through Stan’s record collection for some background tunes. “Violence does seem to be the way with you guys.” He pretended to scold them, although he truly didn’t quite enjoy violence himself. 

Stan allowed Eddie to playfully flick at his forehead and grinned. They were all silent for a few minutes before Mike finally decided on a record. More specifically, ‘Led Zeppelin IV’.

Everyone rolled their shoulders back with the same pleasure as the first song kicked in. A natural reaction, of course. 

They were quiet again, absorbing that special sound. 

“You know what would make this better?” Richie asked. 

“Hmmm?” Mike replied. 

“Weed.” 

Mike slapped his shoulder while Eddie playfully gave him the finger. Richie smirked at him. Things had been awkward for them ever since Disco night. Neither of them willing to bring up what happened ever since. Suddenly Richie found himself wishing Ben were there because at least he’d understand his sudden mood drop. 

                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Derry, Maine. 4:50 P.M.}

Beverly sat on the curb in front of the local pharmacy, smoking a cigarette and hoping her dull headache would not get any worse. The day was dragging on and she felt a little guilty for blowing Stan and Richie off earlier but she also wished she’d done it sooner. 

“Loitering is a crime, young lady.” A distant voice made her jump but as she turned her head, it was just Ben putting on her on as he nervously approached. 

“Sorry I thought that’d be funny but ummm- I don’t know why I did that, sorry.” Ben tried to mumble through an apology and she had to reluctantly smile at that. 

“It was funny, Ben.” She rolled her lips together and gestured for him to sit next to her. “Listen, I’m glad you’re here actually.” 

The comment itself made Ben want to smile but her tone and expression made him want to crumble right there in front of the store. She bent one of her knees and sat in a way to face him entirely. The golden sun dusted upon her freckled shoulders and warmed her hair. He could tell she was about to speak but he beat her to it. 

“You know about my feelings, huh?” He guessed because he was just too curious and worried to wait. The girl blinked, lashes kissing her face, and licked her lips in thought. 

“I know.” She nodded and Ben felt like he could throw-up in the sewer grate just to their side. They looked at each other for a few painful seconds. 

“So if I was to ask you-...” Ben couldn’t even finish. I’d be pitiful if he even tried so he let it hang in the air. By the way Beverly put her hand to her lips and turned to look away, he knew it was bad. “Yeah...that’s-that’s fine.” Ben scratched the back of his head and tried to shrug it off. 

“Look Ben, I’m not saying no forever.” She turned back with renewed energy that he wondered how she’d managed to pull. “But for now...” 

“It’d be a no?” Ben asked. She nodded and he found himself wondering if it had anything to do with Bill. He would have asked but he was not that insensitive. It wasn’t any of his business. 

“Please... don’t hate me.” Beverly reached out to pat his knee with genuine fear before pulling away like she was burned.

“Hate you?” Ben found the room to laugh. Beverly raised a frightened brow. “Never, Bev. Never in my life could I hate you. You’re one of my best friends.” He nodded and she felt fine again. Happy, even. 

They surrendered the conversation and picked up a new one. Though, both felt a little restrained. How long would that last...?

                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Stan’s Basement. 5:00 P.M.}

Mike, Bill, Richie, Eddie and Stan had gotten side-tracked by a Gilligan’s Island marathon on TV like almost every-time they hung out. As another plan to get off the island failed, Richie took a small chance and put his arm around Eddie but rested it on the back of the couch casually. 

Mike and Bill didn’t notice but Stan put all his attention on the two of them as if they were just as entertaining. He could tell Eddie had obviously noticed by the way he blinked and swallowed. He seemed to allow it before abruptly announcing he wanted a pop and stood to leave. 

Poor Richie looked as if he was punched in the gut as he lowered his hand back into his lap. Stan bit into his cheek and made to follow his short friend. 

He met him at the shockingly white fridge with a look of sympathy. He leaned his chin on the open fridge door and sighed. “Judging by the way you sprang out of there, you two haven’t talked about anything, huh?” 

Eddie jumped. Stan always loved his habit of entering a room mysteriously. It was truly a gift....a really fun gift too. Eddie slammed the fridge and shrugged. 

“We have not said a word about anything.” He paused and leaned back on the kitchen counter. “I just...I don’t want things to be weird.” 

Stan thought about the way Richie had looked like a kicked puppy earlier and shuddered. “I don’t know if you can avoid that, Eddie.” 

“I can try.” Eddie gave him a sarcastic and upset grin before completely brushing him off to head back for the basement. 

Stan shook his head. Life was going to get real complicated real fast. 

[artificialqueens]

party chapter thirteen - shalaska - pureCAMP

A/N - i know it’s been so long. in fact, it’s been about eight months. it became difficult for me to continue this fic after it coming under fire so much. i was told it was cheap and stupid and as a fairly young writer, it got to me. i lost all motivation.

but we were so close to the end. we were moments away.

it’s short. but this is how i envisioned it. i hope you enjoy, thank you so much to anyone who read this. it means a lot <3

Their cab ride back home had been spent in a relatively awkward silence. For one, it seemed as though Sharon was slightly more rattled from running into her ex than she wanted to let on. Her knee was bouncing, the bones prominent through the thin fabric of her jeans. Alaska just needed a moment to mull over what had just happened, from the encounter right up to the impromptu confession she’d made.

It wasn’t a big deal, right? That was what the whole debacle spanning several months had been about. Alaska loved Sharon. Sharon loved Alaska. It had, essentially, ruined a tour, Sharon’s health, and the peace of mind of nearly all of their friends. So it wasn’t a big deal, that much was clear now. They were in love.

And yet it still felt like one. Mark’s words rang in her ears incessantly.

You’re good at brainwashing people, Aaron.

Sharon wasn’t a bad person. A four year relationship and a friendship afterwards had cemented that fact in Alaska’s mind. But that didn’t change that Sharon had an ugly side, a darker side, beyond the one that was revealed under the influence of illicit substances. There was the side of her that was nihilistic, offensive, the side that didn’t give a shit because she didn’t have a reason to. That side of her was rare, but it still existed.

Surely Sharon wasn’t lying, though. They’d been through so much together. No matter how cheap and stupid it may have seemed, the hard times had brought them together. It had been a wake-up call in many circumstances, from relationships to just plain health. It wasn’t something Sharon could lie about.

As they walked towards the front door – Sharon having paid for the ride and taken hold of Alaska’s hand as soon as they stepped out – Alaska started to relax again. She was just getting stressed; it was natural after such a weird turn of events. To walk hand in hand in the streets of Pittsburgh, a city now infamous thanks to the pair of them, that in itself was enough to skew her mind a little bit. Mark and his stupid little mind games were just the cherry on top of the stress cake.

Sharon flung herself down onto her couch as soon as she got inside, too tired to even properly take her shoes off. Instead, she opted to kick and shake them off as best as she could as she sank into the cushions, pulling Alaska down with her.

“So, you just said you loved me.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did.” Sharon persisted. “I heard it. I heard it come right out of your little mouth.”

Alaska chuckled at the childish game. “You must have me confused with someone else.”

“Like who?” Sharon laughed. “Who could I possibly have you confused with?”

She pretended to think. “Hmm. A boa constrictor?”

“I prefer feather boas.” Sharon muttered decisively. “They’re prettier. I know I heard you, Lasky. I even said it back. Don’t deny it.”

“Well then,” Alaska replied smugly. “If you know you heard it, why do you need to mention it again?”

Sharon puckered her lips for a kiss. Alaska gladly obliged.

“To make extra sure.” She said. “You don’t think I spent so many months worrying about this not to double check it, did you?”

Alaska softened. “The worrying can stop, Noodles. No amount of ugly exes, past relationships or overdoses are gonna stop me from loving you. I’m not encouraging any of those things, but… they won’t stop me loving you the way I do. Things turned out okay in the end, didn’t they?”

Alaska knew the saying was ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, but she wanted to change it. Stronger was perhaps a better word. They’d broken each other down and built one another back up again over years and years, and if anything, their hearts were stronger than they’d been before. More in tune than they’d ever been before. It seemed a break was all they needed, and that was all it had been; a break, not a break up.

The pair were comfortably silent for a while. There was no need to dive on top of one another, ravaging each other with kisses and sex and hickeys and everything that the love novels suggested. Rekindling a fire never encompassed dumping a bottle of gasoline and a box of matches onto the wood. Like a fire, it needed to be dealt with slowly, carefully, bit by bit until they got it right.

They had all the time in the world.

-

(7) New Messages

Willam: Alaska

Willam: Alaska

Willam: Goddammit you fucking snake why are you never awake when important news is breaking

Willam: good luck when you wake up bitch

Courtney: bill! This is serious!

Michelle: Not sure if you’ve seen Instagram and Twitter, but I’d hurry there if I were you. I’m guessing you’re not awake, but…

- Michelle Visage has sent a link –

It had been so comfortable, sat next to Sharon on the couch in silence, that Alaska wasn’t even aware the pair of them had drifted off until she suddenly awoke. Sharon’s hand was resting on her thigh, her head on her neck, and in Alaska’s right hand her phone flashed continuously. Stirring herself cautiously, so as not to wake up Sharon, she unlocked it and groggily read her messages.

Oh for fuck’s sake, she thought to herself. Not again. Why is it that the moment I’m happy, the moment anything good happens, something appears online?

A feeble part of her brain tried to convince herself otherwise. Maybe it wasn’t what she thought? Maybe it was just some snotty club cancelling one of her gigs, another article proclaiming Sharon to be a drug-obsessed Nazi – something standard and easy to brush off. There was a good chance it was another fan taking a stab at finding proof of ‘shalaska’, which again was fairly easy to ignore, if slightly amusing. Some of their theories were wild and some of them were, well, hilariously accurate.

Feeling a little blasé about the whole thing, Alaska opened her twitter. Nothing unusual. Mrs Kasha Davis spreading her positivity. A naked black guy with a gigantic cock, with a small ‘liked by Coco Montrese’ at the top of the photo. Katya spouting strangely ominous nonsense. Phi Phi interacting with fans. Ultimately, nothing seemed out of place.

She clicked trending. Various idiotic topics greeted her as usual. A sporting event, the resignation of a famous player who played… something, a funny hashtag about describing your boss with a movie title, and –

Oh.

That was what they meant.

Despite the words seeming frivolous, Alaska’s heart rate sped up upon reading them. #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty was one of the few trending topics, with a couple of hundred tweets about it.

Heart suddenly filled with dread, Alaska clicked. The first tweet, the most liked and retweeted one of all, was from an oddly familiar source.

Mark - @thatmarkman – Feb 1st

Imagine your already-shitty boyfriend leaving you to go date/fuck the ex that he abused #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty @SHARON_NEEDLES

-picture-

Enlarging the image, Alaska saw it was of herself – blurry, and from the back, but most definitely her. Her hand was entwined with the hand of somebody who hadn’t quite made it into the picture, but she knew was Sharon.

She swiped. This time the two of them were in it, still holding hands, at a side angle that would easily clear any doubts over the first image. Sharon’s side profile was abundantly clear, Alaska’s face almost fully visible. It was incriminating evidence.

angie<3 - @katyasbabyslut2004 – Feb 1st

WHY IS @SHARON_NEEDLES TRYING TO RUIN ALASKA’S CAREER JUST LIKE HERS >:( #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty

Ben||3 days - @delanoactzamomattel – Feb 1st

Wow i sure do love unstanning racist nazi cheaters! #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty

Victoria Ulgard - @trixyalaska49 – Feb 1st

Sum1 tell me this is photoshopped #sharonneedlesisoverparty

56 days - @adoorcilantrosplaid – Feb 1st

Feel like ive waited years for this damn hashtag to be a thing #SharonNeedlesIsOverParty #FINALLY

AB - @kimorasblackk – Feb 1st

Ew shalaska really? #gross #sharonneedlesisOVERparty

Leon :D - @leoshakesqueere1 – Feb 1st

Can someone explain whats going on omg i thought they broke up bc it was abusive?? #shalaska?? #sharonneedlesisoverparty

They went on and on, each one slamming Sharon, or Alaska, or both of them. A few were kind, clogging up the negative tag with positivity, but it did little to fix the issue.

Everything was now out in the open.

This was the last thing Sharon needed, and Alaska knew it. The recovery would be, and already had been, rough. It wasn’t going to get any easier anytime soon, and she didn’t need the added stress of seeing people going bananas over something that didn’t involve them. Sharon was more private than she liked to let on – this would only stress her out.

“Lasky?”

Alaska had been so caught up in scrolling through the madness that she didn’t notice Sharon stirring on her shoulder until the older queen spoke. She was squinting, her glasses having fallen off into her lap, and her brow was furrowed down at her own mobile.

“Why is Michelle texting me?”

A heavy sigh escaped from Alaska’s lips. She couldn’t lie about it. It was inevitable that Sharon would find out; she might as well deliver the news as gently as she could.

“…Your asshole of an ex told the world about us.”

She waited for the reaction.

After a couple of seconds of silence, Sharon nestled down into Alaska’s shoulder again, her eyelids still heavy from sleep.

She yawned. “Is that it?”

Alaska shifted her arm to pull Sharon closer to her, appreciating the calming warmth of having another body by her side. Sharon dropped her phone into her lap, not caring about it, and opened her eyes momentarily to gaze into Alaska’s.

“The thing is…” She began sluggishly, clearly still half-asleep. “It doesn’t fucking matter… ‘cause, I love you baby. ‘N you love me too. The whole world don’t have to love us.”

Within seconds of soliloquising, her eyes were closed again, her body growing heavier against Alaska’s. She sounded so sure, so certain, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It didn’t matter, she was positive. All that mattered was their love shared, right?

Alaska wasn’t as convinced as she wanted to be. “I don’t know, Sharon… this could have repercussions. It’s so soon…”

“Trust me, pumpkin… you lose a gig, I lose a gig… doesn’t matter. We’re famous ‘n involved in a scandal. We’re hot shit.”

The words were so painfully Sharon that Alaska couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe she was right after all. Logically, she knew it wasn’t going to get any worse than this. Mean tweets, or perhaps a rude comment, or something snotty on Reddit – that would be the beginning and end of their troubles. Of course Sharon’s overdose would remain a problem, but at the same time, the news was dying down. It seemed as though, when it came to Ru Girls, everything flared up for days and then dissipated again.

It was cliché. Beyond cliché. But that didn’t matter. Alaska switched off her phone, putting it face down on the coffee table and gently stroking Sharon’s hair.

Gigs didn’t matter. Mean comments didn’t matter. Unkind tweet and speculations didn’t matter.

What mattered was happiness, love and health.

Happiness. Only months ago, Alaska had expected she wouldn’t find proper happiness again. Confusion shrouded her mind from the obvious, pulling her away from her instinctive thoughts. She stopped following her gut and started following her head, knowing in the back of her mind that this was the same head that caused her self-depreciating thoughts. The head that caused the meltdowns, the tantrums, the angry fits that made her appear overly-competitive and petty. In hindsight, she needn’t have listened to her head. Her heart knew what it wanted. Her heart knew what it needed.

Love. That had been the difficult one. She hadn’t even wanted to recognise the way she was feeling, and had just silenced herself in order to keep up the illusion. In a hotel years ago, she’d decided to listen to her heart and break away – and in another hotel later on, she’d decided not to. For so long she denied herself the very idea; love doesn’t die when a relationship does. It had taken a while. And maybe, just maybe, it didn’t feel as explosive and all-consuming and fiery as it had when they were young, dumb and broke. Maybe, just maybe, the gentle warmth and softness between them, the delicacy of Sharon’s sleeping face and the weight of her body next to her, was enough. Maybe, just maybe, that was love too.

Health. Admittedly, they weren’t doing too well at this one. But it was a start. Sharon was starting to get better. The problem was acknowledged, and being tackled. After one of her many mood swings from angry to guilty, she’d told Alaska she was going to limit her cigarette intake. Originally, she’d decided to quit completely – a resolution that lasted all of five minutes before a craving struck her. Still, it was something. Drugs were out of the window and cigarettes were slowly disappearing. It was something. Progression.

It wasn’t perfect. They would never be perfect. Alaska would always be sensitive, a perfectionist, and prone to reacting negatively when things didn’t always go her way. Sharon would always want to find solace in a bar, to block out the bad feelings with a substance or two, and revert back to her old ways. They would never be perfect. And love certainly wasn’t going to fix that.

But there was nothing they could do to change the imperfections.

So, with as much blasé as she could muster, a brief imitation of her old old friend, Alaska smiled to herself.

Party.

[acevity]

1-69 and 70 binch

01:  Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah a pretty decent one

02:  Who did you last say “I love you” to? @joshwydboy

03:  Do you regret anything?hmm yeah some things

04: Are you insecure?hell yeah i am

05:  What is your relationship status?single

06: How do you want to die?idk, probably quickly and without others watching me deteriorate

07: What did you last eat?an entire bag of ruffles cheddar chips and an offbrand oatmeal cookie

08:Played any sports? was interested in baseball

09:Do you bite your nails?nope

10:When was your last physical fight?dont think ive ever had one tbh

11:  Do you like someone? yup, two people actually.

12:  Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?nope but i have stayed up for 24 hours

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?i have issues truly hating people, but there is one or two people i very strongly dislike (of whom that ive met)

14: Do you miss someone?yeah, dont we all?

15:  Have any pets? a budgie and a daschund

16:  How exactly are you feeling at the moment?hmm content i suppose, a lil tired but null of emotions i suppose?

17:  Ever made out in the bathroom?considering ive never truly had a kiss, no.

18: Are you scared of spiders?they make me uneasy sometimes but i can deal w them (but not the fuzzy many legged fucker that comes out of my drains)

19:  Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?probably not. whats the point in heading back in time like????

20:  Where was the last place you snogged someone? never

21:  What are your plans for this weekend?                sit in my room unless we go to some store or somethin tbh

22:  Do you want to have kids? How many?    not particularly. i mean im fine with adopting a child i guess i mean im pretty indifferent, im just not pushing one out of me lmaoooo

23:   Do you have piercings? How many?nope but i want some lmao

24:What is/are/were your best subject(s)?hmm.. probably math, science (mostly zoology), and art ofc.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?                 not really

26: What are you craving right now?food and affection but not like just anyone’s affection yknow?

27:Have you ever broken someone’s heart?i suppose i have.

28: Have you ever been cheated on?nope

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?  unintentionally i think? not quite sure

30: What’s irritating you right now?this pain in my mouth

31: Does somebody love you?ive been told so

32:What is your favourite color?pastel colors, pink and blue

33: Do you have trust issues?yep. have trouble trusting people

34: Who/what was your last dream about? punny, @joshwydboy and i were dressing in hazmat suits to go fight this alien monster who looked similar to XLR8 from ben 10 and it was in this small dark building and there were demonic puppets following us and trying to kill us. it was odd.

35:Who was the last person you cried in front of?hmm… not sure.. i dont really let myself cry in front of people. i think the last that i can remember is in front of a friend bc i spilled her coffee on accident and thought she’d hate me forever

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? yeah

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? easier to forgive            

38: Is this year the best year of your life?       hmm. not quite, this year has had some good things but also many bad things so far.      

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?  never had one

40:Have you ever walked outside completely naked?nope

51: Favourite food?potato wedges

52:Do you believe everything happens for a reason?               sometimes.

53:  What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?               left the door cracked a bit since i was home alone so the dog would be able to leave the room if she wanted out

54: Is cheating ever okay?               no

55: Are you mean?               i try not to be. i hate being mean but sometimes i am snappy and rude

56:  How many people have you fist fought? none             

57: Do you believe in true love?     i mean maybe?         

58:   Favourite weather?              overcast skies/ lightly rainy days

59:   Do you like the snow?               not really

60:  Do you wanna get married?           idk maybe   

61:   Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?    no not really  it sounds kinda gross

62:What makes you happy?               @punnyneuroticand sweets

63:Would you change your name?              hell yeah

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?               uhm considering ive never kissed anyone no

65:Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?               if i dont like them back ill let them know it, its getting harder for me to have romantic feelings towards many people anyway

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?               hmm.. i dont think i have anyone who i can be completely myself around

67:  Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?               the cashier at the gas station

68:Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?  @punnyneurotic probably

69:  Do you believe in soulmates?   yup, to an extent. i especially like punny’s version of soulmates that we chatted about once 

70:  Is there anyone you would die for?punny, my sister/mom/dad,@joshwydboy, pretty much any of my really close friends.

[kathryncalls]

springboarding out of the friend zone

Yes, terrible title I know, but theres something I need to type out, something I need to air. Now I write this, it’s so horrendously typical but I’m still typing so lets see whether I can answer my own questions by writing it out. I feel like everyone else on the internet writes stuff that no one ever reads and it helps, so now its my turn.

I am so confused but so happy but so worried about getting my hopes up. Earlier I said that I’m so excited that I’m almost scared, and I know it’s because it’s too good to be true! You’re you and I still don’t know what that means. But you’ve been this ideal thing that I’ve always pushed aside in my mind, wanted to text because I just love speaking to you but have forced myself not to because we’re too good friends. Never in my life have I suppressed feelings because I genuinely couldn’t lose someone. If this weekend would never have happened then I don’t think I would’ve ever said anything. I know I’ve said 100 times that I don’t like her, but at the end of the day, if she was making you happy then I’m ok with that. It made me happy to hear you say that you were cutting the strings with her, I feel like you really do want me, which is so cool, honestly, it’s so surreal, and it’s stupid to say it’s surreal because surely surreal is going into freaking space, I don’t know it feels stupid to call it that either way. You told me how attractive you found me last night, which was adorable, I like that side of you, and I want to see more of it, but I’m still finding it weird. I want you be with you so much, and its something that Ive known would make me happy for a long time but it’s truly something that I’ve suppressed for years which feels weird to say, but I think that’s why I’m finding it weird to call you something less personal and stuff like that, and also to tell you how attractive I find you and what exactly I love about you. Ok, another thing, this is weird because at this point, we should be finding out about each other and getting to know one another, not telling you what I love about you, but because I’ve classed you as my friend for at least 18 months, I feel like we’ve jumped ahead 3 months… Its weird, I want you to take me on a date, but I don’t because its you, its us, but our first date would be so funny, so much fun, you make me laugh, you bring out the worst in me and your bring out the best, you make me happy to be me which is quite something. With him I felt like I was being someone that I was telling myself I wanted to be a little bit. He didn’t treat me like I wanted to be, but I held on and Im not sure why to be honest. I like to be treated like a princess, lets not lie, but I don’t like to be pandered too, I like to be strong in myself, I don’t want to be a house wife (that wasn’t a proposal, hypothetically) but at the same time, I want to cook you a nice meal for when you finish work, or iron your uniform whilst youre in the shower so you don’t have too. Im not a chocolates and flowers girl, Im a leave a note somewhere kind of girl, send me something that reminds me of us. I like to be a real unit with whoever I dedicate myself too, and I really do, when I dedicate myself to someone, now I know that you don’t do clingy, and I might end up coming across that way, its linked to the whole, me sounding pessimistic thing. I’m really really not feeling negative about any of this. I just do not want to screw it up, I can’t, for so many reasons! I can’t lose you as a friend regardless of what happens romantically between so I need to be careful how I tread here because I’m not prepared to lose you. See as I write that and think about it, maybe this is a bad idea because youre not as worried about our friendship as I am, you don’t seem to have these worries which could be such a bad sign, but at the same time, maybe its because you know exactly what you want? Another thing, you’ve told me multiple times that you’ve cheated before, never anything too serious but still, I cant cope with anyone doing that to me, let alone you, how am I supposed to maintain a friendship post breakup if you do that to me, I almost don’t want to give you the chance too…

Another thing. Distance. Realistically, we’ve both done long distance, and you say that the reason you cheated on her was because she wasn’t right, but you didn’t know that to start with, but now youre so sure, which is amazing, and I love that you think I’m right and that this is right, I agree so much, but again, I don’t want to ruin our friendship. ah shit I hate this feeling. And I keep having this argument with myself about whether its perfect or awful timing so here, pros and cons.

Great timing: You’re about to come home from spending 18 months in Spain, you’re not gonna be living at home, you’re probably going to be in London, you’ve got a job, you’re basically set

Awful timing: youre about to start your career, I’m about to move away from London, I’m about to go back into training, you might be miles away from London, our timetables might not match up

If you haven’t already got the jist, I am not letting this end sourly.

ah shit.

Anyway, finally, why I think you’re great: very intelligent, mature but immature, sociable, lovable, loved by mother, confident, amazing sense of humour, understands my love for the arts, cheeky, emotional, genuine, incredible gentleman and so so sexy, I don’t care how cringe it is, no ones gonna read this

we’re apart for valentines day too, which is weird because thatd be a great first date for us.. so do I send a card as a cute little joke, a serious card, or do I not even mention it? You know how much I want you to make all the first moves, I want to be asked out on date, I wanted to be kissed first, I want to be told I’m loved first ( a long way down the line)

Basically I just want to be excited about this and not have a million reasons why we cant do this cross my mind

we can do this,

no one is stopping us

theres no one to look over our shoulders when its just us, we live in the same town so visiting family together and Christmas wouldn’t be an issue

ahh stop taking everything so seriously, I try and run before I can walk, I think that’s where all the making the first move thing comes from, I don’t know

right now the best thing I could think to be doing is just isolating ourselves, running off to a city somewhere and submerging ourselves, without people watching, like you said, without people wondering why we look so happy, why I laugh at everything you say, why we lock eyes and pause for a little too long, (that’s another thing, when we went for lunch that time at Christmas, we kept locking eyes for just a few seconds too long, and please, I put a fucking dress on for you, you wore a suit, could’ve been taken as signs but I genuinely think we both, well I know for me this is the case, but I reckon we’ve deeply suppressed stuff for so long)

Ok ok, you wanna know when it really hit me that I wanted you for real… when you told me about A. Honestly. You’ve always been the one I’ve thought about when I felt shit in a relationship or when I’m alone, I mean please, ask K, he was sick of hearing about you no doubt, but I did love being with K before things got really hard, but that night when you told me about A in the pub, you know me so well, that ive no idea how you didn’t literally hear my heart sink. but again, supressed to and opted for ‘tell me more’.

I wish I could talk to you about all this, but its been a week since we kissed, that’s all, and 2 weeks ago you wanted to be single for a few years and now you want to be with me, easy for you to say when youre alone in a room in spain, homesick, will you say that when you move in with the boys and meet all the air hostesses, why the fuck do I think I can trust you? do I really think I can change you? like really? I want to think that youll dedicate yourself to me but I CANT LOSE YOU, I hope you understand how much this is paining me

you really don’t know this side of me, ive kept it from you on purpose

if I lose you I have no one

look who I turned too when I split up with H, and again with J and with K. you.

Who do I turn to when its you I split up with? Also, a huge part of my just wants a nice house out of the city where we can live together, with a puppy just us, but that's in the future...

Just come home Ben

(if anyone is still reading this, please, do share your thoughts - a very confused 20yo)

[newsbiteswithjennysok]

July 26, 2019

1. Jay-Z‘s got 99 problems but Woodstock isn’t one: The rap king has pulled out of the 50th anniversary Woodstock festival just weeks before the troubled event is supposed to take place.

A person familiar with the situation, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the person was not allowed to discuss the plans publicly, told The Associated Press on Friday that Jay-Z will no longer close the three-day festival scheduled for Aug. 16-18.

The news comes on the same day that John Fogerty, who performed at the original 1969 festival with Creedence Clearwater Revival, pulled out of the anniversary event.

Woodstock 50 has faced a series of setbacks in the last few months, including permit denials and the loss of a financial partner and a production company.

Bloomberg reported Thursday that the event will now take place at the Merriweather Post Pavilion, an outdoor amphitheater in Columbia, Maryland. A representative for Woodstock 50 told The Associated Press Friday that she couldn’t confirm the report and said the organizers had no further comment.

2. Netflix is set to debut The King, an adaptation of Shakespeare's Henry IV, Part 1, Henry IV, Part 2, and Henry V, at the Venice Film Festival.

Timothée Chalamet, 23, plays Henry V in the movie.

The first promotional still was released on Thursday, giving fans a look at the actor's hairstyle.

Some are calling it 'a dream,' while others are horrified.

It also stars Joel Edgerton as Sir John Falstaff, Robert Pattinson as Louis, the Dauphin of Viennois, Ben Mendelsohn as King Henry IV, Sean Harris as Michael Williams, Lily-Rose Depp as Catherine of Valois, and Thomasin McKenzie as Philippa of England.

3. The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation cast threw a fun filled bachelor party for Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino that included both strippers and a surprise appearance from his fiance Lauren Pesce.

And after Mike and Lauren reunited, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro was still worked up over Jenni 'Jwoww' Farley not talking to him about her divorce or anyone else with the cameras rolling.

At the campfire, Ronnie sat in silence as he was thinking about the fact that Jenni wouldn't open up to the group about her ongoing divorce.

Throughout their stay at the ranch, he had tried to get Jenni to confide in him about how she was doing, but to no avail.

As she watched Mike and Lauren kiss and hug, Jenni told Ronnie: 'Yeah, I don't have that. Swear to God.'

Ronnie answered: 'But that's how you fell in love, right?' to which Jenni shook her head no and said: 'I don't want to be on camera with this, either.'

He continued to push her: 'It's already out there, so just..' before she cut him off and said: 'We don't talk about it here, though.'

Ronnie got angry and said 'We're gonna talk,' but Jenni said: 'No, we're not talking about it!'

Deena Cortese told Ronnie after she overheard them talking: 'Don't do that here,' to which he answered: 'She does it to me.'

Hours later, after Jenni said she had to go back home to take her son to a doctor's appointment, Ronnie spoke to Angelina Pivarnick about her and how frustrated he is with her not wanting to speak about her divorce.

Angelina said: 'At the end of the day, there's a big, fat elephant in the room.'

He said: 'Cause she's f*****g fake as f**k. You're fake about your life, you're fake about everyone else's life. You're just f*****g fake.'

He then compared himself to Jen's estranged husband Roger Mathews: 'Stop acting like you're not hurting. That's what I'm saying. Stop acting like you're not hurting. There's no way this man is... I know what he's going through. To be with somebody that's so cold and shows no emotions and is just so... and all you do is give and give and give, like it hurts.'

Adding: 'How do you deal with someone that's f*****g fake and not in touch with their emotions and not communicative? Like I get it. That's why me and Roger are so close cause we've been dealing with the same person, where it's like, we're not asking for much, we're just asking for real-life emotion. That's the worst thing ever, to be with somebody and not know how they feel. Like you might as well be with a f*****g corpse.'

4. On Tuesday night, Kyle Richards fired off 29 tweets about her feud with former Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills co-star Lisa Vanderpump.

And not surprisingly, Vanderpump, 58, has some fire of her own.

The reality TV star clapped back on Thursday, responding to a fan's tweet: '...if I wanted to hurt any of them there were so many things going on, lawsuits, bankruptcies, shops failing, shows cancelled, loans in default etc and I never said a word.'

According to US Weekly, Vanderpump was likely referring to Richard's show American Woman, which aired for one season on Paramount Network, the closure of her shop Kyle by Alene Too, and a lawsuit Richards' husband Maurcio Umansky and his real estate company The Agency has been embroiled in.

'Me on the other hand oh I am a liar, coward, sniper, bad teeth, awful friend, terrible wine, the list goes on..awful really,' Vanderpump wrote in another tweet. 'Glad I stepped away. Also pump rules has been amazing this year.'

Their once close friendship broke up over the Puppy Gate drama on the show's latest season, which led Vanderpump to leave the reality TV series.

5. Lizzo, the 31-year-old hip hop artist proved worthy of the title once again as she released the music video for her latest single Tempo on Friday.

The eye-popping clip includes a lingerie-clad Lizzo dancing with legendary rapper Missy Elliot as they sing: 'Slow songs, they for skinny h*es, Can't move all of this here to one of those... I'm a thick b**ch, I need tempo.'

Meanwhile, the hitmaker born Melissa Viviane Jefferson has become music's It Girl this summer and her trajectory seems unstoppable.

But two years ago, the artist was ready to give up on her dreams after the poor response to her single Truth Hurts.

'I remember thinking, "If I quit music now, nobody would notice. This is my best song ever, and nobody cares,'" she explained to People on Wednesday.

'The day I released Truth Hurts’was probably one of the darkest days I’ve had ever in my career,' she detailed.

'I was like, "F**k it, I’m done." And a lot of people rallied; my producer, my publicist and my family, they were like, "Just keep going because this is the darkest before the dawn."'

The support was just what the songstress needed as the song was re-released on her 2019 album Cuz I Love You and recently broke the top ten on the Billboard Hot 100.

'It was a long road,' Lizzo added.

The renewed interest in Truth Hurts coincided with the song appearing in the Netflix romantic comedy Someone Great starring Gina Rodriguez released in April.

'What a moment in a movie can do for an artist is crazy. I had everything else: the hard work, the good music, touring — but then there’s that extra-special magic that nobody really knows what it is that can really change your life.'

[survivorwesteros]

Episode 10: the gag is you actually have to PLAY to succeed - Luke

Jordan Pines is mean to me. I love Drew. I love Luke. Steffen can eat a dick. Andrew is an icon. Darian is a mess.

Who is this Nic?

how do i feel? dead inside. i sent steffen receipts of jordan saying he wants steffen out cause........................................................................... why not i dont feel like i can trust jordan! and i still might vote steffen out cause i wanna win

I guess I've been playing like Tony? Only in the sense I'm trying to blindside people out of paranoia that theyre gonna blindside me first. 

I'm definitely not in power like Tony I'm more like... in the middle. I went from the bottom to the bottom of the middle... I'm shooting for atleast true middle.

Welcome to today’s episode of………….. 

DO WE FLIP ON JORDANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

(fans scream as Bob Barker rises from the not-quite-dead with his long-ass stick microphone) 

As mentioned in last week’s episode (although not really because I haven’t done a confessional that wasn’t Gilmore Girls related in weeks), flipping on Jordan would be a shitty thing to do. He and I have been playing together since the very beginning, he even let me off of the Others before him, which led me to Lannister to make the new tribes and just put me in the most amazing place ever. Find Luke, work with Ashley and Darian (rip the dead), get Jordan back, never lose a challenge, the joys and thrills of pitting Darian and Luke against each other. Since merge, we’ve worked through every plan together and been right about every vote except Lily, and we got immediate and swift revenge for that. We’ve planned every step together, he’s been in the vast majority of my alliances, he’s kept a hold on working with Nic while I have with Luke, which has gotten us to the point we’re at now, the chance to walk to the end. We play the tribal phase of the game so well but we’ve never made a merge together, and this game we’ve finally gotten the chance to play a merge together and it’s gone amazingly well. Like AMAZINGLY well. We ran this game from the second we pulled all the corners together and blindsided Ashley. It would be an amazing end to the story to get to the end together and fight it out. 

But. 

I think he beats me if he gets there with me. He has two practically built-in votes of Ben and Lily in a jury of eight. That’s terrifying. And if we’re at the end with Luke, he would get Nic too. I think he’s the only one here of the six who wins if he makes it. I could potentially battle him out and get Ashley and Darian, and possibly Brian, if any of them have forgiven me, but that’s three maybes against his three sure things. He’s got a good story of not even starting in this game and working his way in twice. He’s been strong, he’s been social, he’s done an arguably better job than I have in that respect. And he only needs to convince Steffen and Andrew of that. He deserves to win. And I think he knows he has me if we go together so he wants to play it out, because going against someone like Steffen who played a completely different game is going to be scarier to him than someone who’s played similarly but on a more limited scale. 

He just messaged me about how he had a revelation. Of why everyone’s just been letting us go through the game together. He says it’s because they’re waiting for us to turn on each other. They don’t want to deal with the fallout of coming for one and having to leave the other, so they’re waiting until we pull the trigger and start the war that they think is inevitable. Because they all think we can’t want to go to the end with each other. And they’re half right. Jordan still might turn on me but I think he’s genuinely not that afraid of fighting me in the finals. It’s not inevitable to him because he could want to go to the end with me. But I don’t want to go with him. Not in this scenario, not with this jury. 

It can’t be this week, Andrew should go now. It’s too soon to make the move because I lose the strong connection to Nic and then there’s nothing stopping Steffen/Andrew/Nic from teaming up to take us down. Luke and I would still have the idol on our side but one of us would NEED to win immunity or guess correctly on the idol (only a 50/50 guess but still). But letting him stay runs the risk of him winning his third immunity, or even his third and fourth immunity, and walking to the end anyway. He’s vulnerable now, in a way that I don’t know if he ever will be again. And passing up on that chance is scary, but for the rest of the layout of the game, it has to happen, because the only other number I’m confident with is Luke, and I’m not going into F5 with only a duo. 

So the answer is yes. We do flip on Jordan. Not tonight, but hopefully soon. And hopefully it doesn’t have far-reaching consequences. But yes.

hey confessionals......... long time no see.... 

so if this vote goes as planned i really did that i think jordans going home and tbh not to sound overconfident but its mostly from me

soooooooooo ill add that to my checklist of things i did

Love how Jordan has played off he's been saving me this whole time and trying to work with me and keep me in the loop like. Lmao I haven't believed that shit for a second. He's strong armed me going for the longest time and he's getting what he wants tonight so. Rip me. Out of two storybook games two days in a row. Honestly, who lets Jordan Pines get his way?

While I like to think of myself as an ok player, Ive spent the majority of this game screaming at the top of my lungs, first of all instant tribal is insane so the best thing to do is at least make sure that my ass isn’t grass, so I tried spending my time trying to get Darian out, but Jordan and Darian went to work targeting Andrew, thank god Andrew canceled every vote, thanks to the magical dragon egg that came out his ass.  So the revote comes around, Darian is after Luke and we’re like, PERFECT, but in the process of that night, Nic tells me that Jordan was targeting me, yeah thats great, wish I could fully care at this point, but seeing as I entered a truce with him, I’d hope he would keep promises this time before turning on me.  Now I’m done, you turn on me and thats your last mistake, now I’m out for blood, but I just got to push the right buttons now, so I got Andrew paranoid and I sent him on his way to talk to Nic, who magically “came up” with an idea to target Jordan, but we need Luke, and I’m here trying to make sure everyone is sane, and it turns that Jordan is after Andrew again, and it turns out Im lying to Drew again, but leaving him out of the loop may need to happen since he and Jordan are close, so we’ll see what happens, but I need betrayers gone, and if I need to betray in order to be in a favorable position, maybe thats not that bad.

bye guys......i cant believe im getting either rocked out or getting 5th place 

luke was supposed to vote jordan but i guess he wants that 2nd place... cant blame him i guess cuz i wanted it too 

WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE 

"When I asked Andrew what happened and how he got it to me you know what he said I couldn't betray Steffen and Nic was Nic so it wasn't like it was hard They don't want to allign with you They want to use you this round" - Jordan to me 

Jordan really knows how to play me!! it's thru pathos. What do i dooooo............................... YOU KNOW WHat steffen probbly knew about Andrew's advantage and voted Andrew because he knew andrew wasnt going home. Do Steffen and Andrew wanna make their final 2 any more obvious? We can name the chat topic HOUSE BOHN and he and andrew can be the admins cuz at this point.............why not anyway today has been a rough day. 

also speaking about obvious alliances let's call out lucas/drew/jordan perhaps

Guess whos back to square one? me. I have no close allies I just ruined all of them so xoxoxoxoxox............ Also all my confessionals have been so ugly and cringey its like looking back at your social media from 2011 except its a paragraph you wrote about an ORG a week ago

I'm really bored so I'll stop acting messy and compare everyone in this game to Abi gifs 

Luke- 

Steffen- 

Andrew- 

Drew- 

Jordan-

 Me:

After everything that Drew and I have done and planned in this game it could all be coming down to me potentially having to draw a rock. I can't believe that I could be WILLINGLY drawing a rock for JORDAN PINES (that's an episode title if I ever did see one tbh!).The same Jordan Pines that sent me to the wall way back when...like HOW does this happen..I'm shook. In the event that I do need to draw a rock and I do go home then I gave my idol to Drew so he's guarantee to make the final 4 because I really want him to win this game if he can't. In the event that I don't need to pull a rock and I stay then either Drew or I need to win next immunity so the idol can be played on the vulnerable person and we can make final 4. At that point it doesn't matter that our close bond would be exposed because the most that could happen at that point is a tiebreaker challenge which we could fight to win. An ideal scenario would be if it were final 2 and it was #Drewcas sat there but a final 3 with somebody like Nic or Steffen that haven't really done anything is idea so that one of us can win this game.

UMMMMMMMMMMM STEFFEN THINKS LUKE IS SO FAR UP JORDAN'S ASS THAT EVERYTHING IS OVER FOR HIM NOW I CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION

I repeat, up ******JORDAN'S****** ASS 

Me and Luke: have been best friends since I showed up on Lannister and he complained that he had no one to work with there and I was like "Fuck, me too!" Me and Luke: talk out every move of the game together Me and Luke: pass idols back and forth for safekeeping like it's a damn game of monkey-in-the-middle (and y'all really are the monkeys) Me and Luke: call each other almost every night for hours until the sun rises in England Me @ everyone every vote: "Let me talk to Luke, I should be able to get him to vote with me." Me @ anyone who asks: "Oh my god, I love Luke, he's literally the best." Me @ Darian: "Bye I'm not voting for Luke, that kid is so important to me." Everyone else: "zOMG I'M SO CONFUSED WHO IS LUKE WITH, IT MUST BE JORDAN, THIS MAKES NO SENSE, WHY WOULD HE DO THIS, THE WORLD IS ENDING, JORDAN PINES HAS HIS PUPPET!!!!!!!!!!" Me and Luke: 

Like BYEEEEEE the reason you didn't fight harder with me to get me to vote out Jordan is because you thought you already had majority without me, like I heard all about it, every step of the way. And now you're mad at me because I signed your death warrant??? I quite literally cried for this vote, don't put this part on me too, especially when you think you're in this shitstorm because you're reading the entire game incorrectly. Nic was the one Jordan thought he had and he lost that person, Jordan has no one now because after this vote, he doesn't have me, which means he doesn't have Luke. But I'm not gonna be the one to tell you that. Or tell Jordan that. Or anyone. Because somehow Luke and I have played this game lock-step since fucking Boat-O-Cross and no one took the time to notice. 

I don't think Steffen is actually going to take it to rocks. If Jordan was pulling one too then he might because that's the person he's really afraid of. But I don't think he'll risk a 1/3 chance of leaving himself to get a 1/3 chance of eliminating the person who Steffen thinks is Jordan's puppet, who in his eyes has already done his job of protecting Jordan when he was vulnerable.  So after ALLLLLLL the conflict of the past 18 hours, I should be getting what I want out of this tribal. The only thing that fucks me up now is if this actually goes to rocks and Luke goes home. But even then, I have his idol right now, so like....... one way or another, I'm making it to F4. Hopefully that's with Luke, Nic, and Steffen, which looks nothing like the final five I had planned so many cycles ago, but this is working out even better. If I can get rid of Jordan and make it to the end without him being too upset with me, I could very conceivably get Ben, Lily, Ashley, Darian, and Jordan to vote for me to win. Hell, Brian might too, and who knows what Andrew will do, or the other person to leave in that ideal scenario. But like I don't feel like I've burned any juror bridges. There are still two rounds left to go and a lot of shit can go down, like Jordan winning out, Luke and I guessing wrong on the idol and not making final four together, people in jury being more bitter than I'm anticipating or seeing someone differently than I'm seeing them and rewarding their game over mine, like I've seen it all before. But I feel good about this. The rest of this season? It's doable.

Steffen is going off at me for not telling him I was voting Andrew and I'm SCREAMING. Just because he's only just decided to wake up and start playing doesn't mean the rest of us have. We've actually been playing whereas he's just been like "oh well gosh golly I sure do hope the vote isn't against little old me!" And then doing nothing about it like....the gag is you actually have to PLAY to succeed

Drew and Luke can choke 

Luke is a patronizing asshole and I’d literally put my hand in a blender than speak to him again 

[12/10/16, 8:19:10 AM] Lucas: heY STEfFen [12/10/16, 10:39:50 AM] Steffen Bøhn: whats up [12/10/16, 10:40:46 AM] Lucas: oh nm :) you? [12/10/16, 10:41:05 AM] Steffen Bøhn: well you know got lied to so thats fun [12/10/16, 10:42:42 AM] Lucas: always fun [12/10/16, 10:43:21 AM] Steffen Bøhn: so like I was hoping you would try to explain why you were playing along with this “plan” the entire time when you could’ve just told me that you weren’t interested, I would’ve completely been ok with it, its better than this [12/10/16, 10:44:17 AM] Lucas: i mean, that's survivor. you have to play the game and you have to get information and play your cards right. it wouldn't be survivor if everybody just told the truth the entire time [12/10/16, 10:45:38 AM] Steffen Bøhn: Im sorry that came off as just patronizing if I’m being honest, like I want to hear this from your perspective cause I’m not seeing it now and I’d like to [12/10/16, 10:48:13 AM] Lucas: If I'd just been like "oh well I don't wanna vote Jordan out I'm voting Andrew out" you know damn well that you would have run straight to Nic and Andrew and been like "oh my god Luke isn't voting with us what are we going to do" and then have me be a potential target? It would have been stupid of me to have shown my cards to you at that point. Believe it or not I have been playing this game 

again rather would jump onto a bed of nails than continue this conversation