#ben willbond is way to hot

[thekingofspin]

This scene had no right to be so hot.

AND THIS OUTFIT.

I was not prepared for this ambush.

[reluctantjoe]

Mathew Baynton: ‘I’ve never done any Shakespeare – although I’ve played the man himself’

Best known as part of the troupe behind hit TV series Horrible Histories and Ghosts, Mathew Baynton tells Fergus Morgan about returning to the stage – in the RSC’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream – and how his Bottom will be sweet and sincere

Actor and writer Mathew Baynton will be familiar to most from his screen roles – as Deano in Gavin and Stacey, Simon in Peep Show and as lovelorn 19th-century poet Thomas Thorne in BBC One’s much-loved and recently concluded sitcom Ghosts. In fact, television has taken up most of Baynton’s time lately. When he steps on stage as Bottom in the Royal Shakespeare Company’s new production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream later this month, it will be his first theatrical role in more than a decade.

“I never made a conscious decision to do less theatre,” Baynton says. “There has been stuff that never worked out, some near misses that didn’t happen and it ended up being 10 years. I love Shakespeare but I’ve never had the chance to do any, although I’ve played the man himself a couple of times. I have had that Uncle Monty realisation from Withnail and I that I will never play Romeo or Hamlet, but there are loads of great Shakespeare roles that I want to do, such as this one.”

Born in 1980, Baynton grew up in Southend-on-Sea. He was “comedy obsessed” as a child – “I used to have everything from Blackadder to French and Saunders on VHS,” he remembers – then became interested in the physical theatre comedy of troupes such as Peepolykus and Spymonkey. He completed a degree in directing at Rose Bruford College, then travelled to Paris to train at the prestigious Ecole Philippe Gaulier school. 

In 2009, he collaborated with five other comedians – Simon Farnaby, Martha Howe-Douglas, Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard and Ben Willbond – on the CBBC sketch show Horrible Histories. The six of them subsequently formed the collective Them There, and went on to create the series Yonderland and Ghosts. Baynton also co-wrote the 2013 comedy The Wrong Mans with James Corden, and stars in recent blockbuster Wonka as a conniving chocolatier. He lives in London with his wife and children.

“Every influence I’ve ever had is in there somewhere,” Baynton says, when asked about his approach to comedy. “In some ways, though, the older I get, the more I think that being funny is almost innate. It feels like a rarer quality than any other. It is hard to teach someone who has no funny bones to be funny. Ultimately, I just like collaborating in a room with like-minded people, trying to make stuff funnier and better. It feels natural to me. It feels not dissimilar to playing in a band.”

What production made you fall in love with theatre?

I had a wonderful theatre studies teacher called Mr Valencia, who borrowed the school minibus and drove us into London to see shows. He took us to some absolute crackers. One that stands out in particular is Complicité’s The Street of Crocodiles. That blew my mind.

What are you finding inspiring at the moment?

I’m an avid consumer of all kinds of art. I like discovering new things. I don’t get to the theatre as much as I’d like to, though. The most amazing show I saw recently was Accidental Death of an Anarchist starring Daniel Rigby and written by Tom Basden. That was completely inspiring.

What do you wish you could change about the performing arts industry?

Firstly, tickets are way too expensive. Secondly, access to our industries is really difficult. We lose an awful lot of voices that would enrich our industry because they can’t afford a career in the arts.

What is the worst thing that has happened to you on stage?

I can’t think of anything off the top of my head. On television, you can corpse and do another take. On stage, there is that hot panic when you realise you can’t hold on. I don’t think it will matter too much if that happens in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. It would be different if I was playing Macbeth.

What is the best thing that has happened to you on stage?

I’m lucky that I have been able to work with some of my heroes. To pick a recent example, on the first day of shooting for Wonka, I was in a green room at St Paul’s Cathedral with Rowan Atkinson. I was sat there with Blackadder. That was a pinch-me moment.

What role do you really want to play?

There are loads. I’m hungry to do lots of stuff, not just comedy. I’d love to play Malvolio one day. I was asked this question on the red carpet for Wonka, and I said that I would love to play Jack Skellington if they ever did a stage adaptation of the Tim Burton film The Nightmare Before Christmas.

What projects are you involved in at the moment?

I’m playing Bottom with the Royal Shakespeare Company until the end of March. My Bottom does have some similarities to Thomas in Ghosts. I look a lot like him, I suppose, and I’m playing him with sincerity, too. Bottom is just really, really keen on putting on a show and there is something sweet and interesting about that.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream is at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre, Stratford-upon-Avon from January 30 to March 30: rsc.org.uk

[tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine]

okay but the way cap lies on his bed in the pillow scene is so very much

paint me like one of your french girls

but also

it's very aesthetically pleasing ; he looks so good in this scene like damn son

[ladyaj-13]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2021

Thank you so much for the tag @haztobegood! It was really interesting reading all your thoughts. I love this kind of thing!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 19

2. Word count posted for the year: 98,352

3. Fandoms I wrote for:

One Direction, Radio 1 RPF (in connection to 1D), Ghosts/HH/Bill/ThemThere/Whatever those guys are called now RPF

4. Pairings (some are secondary pairings):

Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson

Niall Horan/Louis Tomlinson

Zayn Malik/Liam Payne

Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson

Niall Horan/Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Greg James/Louis Tomlinson

Gen fic! Big up the non-pairing stuff too :)

Larry Rickard/Ben Willbond

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments:

Can’t Buy My Love, Can Buy Me Dinner (not really a surprise. It’s Larry :P)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

It’s tempting to go for the longest as I tend to be a short fic writer, but honestly, it’s probably Blow Me Away? It was a total experiment to see if I could write anything above a very soft M rating and I think it worked. I don’t think I’ll ever be known for my explicit sex scenes, but I feel more confident about including one now if I want to!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Hold On. It was my first in the fandom and for me that’s always just testing out my grasp of the ‘canon’ and characters, but it’s definitely the fic I reread the least. There’s nothing wrong with it, and it served its purpose at sucking me in as a 1D writer, I just don’t think I’ve done anything particularly interesting with it.

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

Such a hard question - I love every review! I notice the people who come back again and again, so shout out to those (adorelouis for instance), and any of the podcast reviews are so awesome. Something about listening to people’s voices just makes it all hit so much harder. I listen when out walking and probably make some pretty weird faces as I try not to combust with joy/cry in public. Also @zanniscaramouche left me a lovely page-long review on Let Me Kiss You the other day, which I haven’t even replied to yet, but pulling out all their favourite bits (which I LOVE). It was for a Merlin fic I wrote last year, but also in summer one person told me they have synaesthesia and when writing is really good they can ‘taste’ the words, and that happened with my fic Lay Me Down (which isn’t even one of my better received fics in that fandom). That one is going to stick with me, I want to hug it.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Generally when writing is hard I put it aside and do something else! The time I pushed through most was for Rising to the Occasion, where I had real trouble getting it to flow and handling the large cast (as a Bake Off non-AU, every scene was in a tent that housed Harry, Louis, Niall, Liam, Noel, Paul and Prue), but wanted to hit post before Louis’ fish finger cooking video came out and disproved my headcanon he was a kitchen disaster. Turns out I gave him far too much credit in my fic.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

The whole output of 2021. In December 2020 I couldn’t even name all five members of 1D and a year later here we are…!

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

Liam’s POV, from my Lilo fic Caught in the Rainstorm. I also adore the Liam and Harry phone call in this fic but that excerpt would be huge.

He’s not sure how long they dance for. The songs meld into one another, the DJ a master at easing from track to track until time seems immaterial, and he’s right in the hazy, alcohol-soaked sweet spot where he thinks he could do this forever. Lucille’s an excellent dancer too, and he’s caught more than one envious look thrown his way when she drapes her arms around his neck or shimmies along his front.

It’s hot though, close and crowded, and as he draws back to say they should probably get some water, his eyes catch on her upper chest. She’s sweating - they both are - and a rivulet gathers, snaking down from her neck and into her cleavage.

A little water droplet falls from Louis’ nose and his brain slams the brakes on.

Shit. No.

He’s here with a hot woman - and not just a hot woman, but actual girlfriend material - and… Louis. Dripping in his entryway, leaving wet sockprints on his floorboards, retching at sugary tea, his hair fluffed up from a towel, keeping the remote hostage, eating Liam’s naan bread when he said he didn’t want any, sleeping in his spare room and leaving without his socks.

Louis.

It thrums through him, a physical thing that starts in his stomach and works it’s way up until it’s hard to breathe.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I think I got more comfortable with trying different things. Certainly RPF, which I hadn’t written or even really read before, but also omegaverse, which I never expected to write and which ended up being my longest fic of the year. Plus the aforementioned smut. And I now make moodboard/fic posts!

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’d like to get better at developing longer fics, 15k+, and holding both the focus for finishing them and all the threads of the story. I have so many ideas! (And so many partly written stories…)

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

I’ve got to say @lululawrence. She left such a wonderful review on one of my fics back when it was still anonymous, then just as I got up the nerve to come off anon I discovered her podcast and literally teared up hearing her say such lovely things about my story. When I told her I’d come off anon, she followed me, encouraged me, subscribed, reblogged my fic posts, told me when I’d left off the link (it happened twice!) and continued to read, review and podcast about my stories. I tend to hop around fandoms and I honestly think 1D might have been a flash in the pan if not for the welcome she extended my way. This is true of the 1D fandom as a whole though - I’ve never been part of a fandom which is so dedicated to supporting and reccing other people’s fics via Tumblr.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

My fuzzy blue blanket. Louis’ mum has one in A Kiss for Christmas and Nick has one in Little Saint Nick. Nick also has one in the next bit was spanners to my plan.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Never assume you'll remember that great idea that popped up while walking/showering/etc. Always write it down! And don’t be afraid to run with something if inspiration hits, even if you think it’s stupid. My last one of those has ended up being my big bang for next year…

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Fingers crossed, my big bang! Otherwise, I have a poly Blind Date AU which I would love to see the light of day. Also a canon Lilo set Feb 2022 so it would be good to finish that off by then if I can… Beyond that, there’s a Larry canon-divergence where Louis isn’t put in the band, a Ziam tattoo shop AU, an omegaverse Larry fic, a Ziam canon wooing fic, a Tomlinshaw/Ziam/Payneshaw(fake-dating) thing that I would really love to delve into, a Ziam Bachelor AU, a Zouis kidfic, a canon Tomlinshaw with cookery videos, a Ziam bakery AU, someone stop me this isn’t even everything I have ‘in progress’ let alone the 20+ cards on my ‘ideas’ list…

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I’m not sure who’s already been tagged and who hasn’t, but I’ll try @lululawrence, @allwaswell16, @thestylinsons, @laynefaire, @a-brighter-yellow, @chloehl10, @londonfoginacup and @parmahamlarrie.

[dex-xe]

I respect you entirely but there is no way alexander the great is that high up. I also believe ben willbond is smoking hot but no excuses maxy boy

ex- exCUSE ME????

I will hunt you down and ensure that neither side of your pillow is ever cold again, bitch :P

You cannot even begin to convince me that Alexander the Great isn’t the most fire song on this planet?? AllexxAAAHHhHHAHAAANNNNNDerrrrrrrrr! FULL TIME FIIii-IIIIiiiiiiiIIIIII-IIIIiiiiIIII-GHTERRRRR! Fucking banger????

And yes Ben Willbond is hot but that didn’t factor into my decision at all... AT ALL!! Well, not much but not AT ALL!!

Anyway yeh we’re discussing HH songs, thoughts??

[sambinnie]

1. On bank holiday Monday I woke two of the housemates at 4.15am, and we made a pan of hot chocolate and opened the door to hear the dawn chorus. One of them sensibly remained on a chair in the garden, insulated against the early May morning with a duvet and blanket and thick onesie; the other walked out with me, into the dark, and we tramped the streets together, along the silent pavements, towards the river and fields.

We discovered that a large ivy-covered tree is home to a bat colony, members of which flapped silently about our heads in their haste to return before full dawn. A cuckoo was audible across the water. A starling clicked its beak and jittered up and down the branch. The housemate called me a boomer.

Of all the odd things I miss from last year, it’s the silence of the roads that is the greatest loss. At 6 o’clock in the morning there would be almost no traffic at all; now the birds are almost drowned out by the constant roar, even some distance away. Whether it’s hormones or poor emotional processing or a rational reaction to a damaged world, I feel angry at the traffic. I’m not saying it would necessarily be a 100% smooth process, but I do wish the world could be run by peri-menopausal, menopausal and post-menopausal women for a year or two. Just to see.

2. I am still obsessed with Orlando Wood’s short book Lemon (I was banging on about it back in February), and am so grateful to have so many people in my life who care about those same ideas. We’re in a left-brain cycle of culture at the moment, he explains: the left brain has a tendency to “isolate parts from the whole and to see them in the abstract… It likes to break things up into smaller parts, to categorise, and therefore favours the familiar, consistency, repeatability and predictability”. It also “prefers to see things in terms of simple and linear cause and effect. It prizes utility, power and control, and its ability to abstract and isolate things from their context enables it to manipulate the world”. What’s that you say? Wider cultural discourse and rights of individual groups, inability to have dialogues about, you say? Mmm. 

My favourite part of the book is when Wood breaks down two adverts: Heineken’s ‘Water in Majorca’ from 1985, and GoDaddy’s 2018 ‘Make Your Own Way’ ad. Remember that? No, me neither. ‘Make Your Own Way’ is full of colourful images, isolated people, or tiled with images of themselves to make a ‘conveyer belt’ effect, and clean-face words which could be applied to almost any product or company (watch it to cure your insomnia/trigger a panic attack); everything is buzzword-y, inspirational, keynote, statement, unilateral, and utterly, utterly devoid of humour, humanity, or engagement. 

One of the most striking things about Wood’s ad breakdown is that, once you’ve read it, you can’t stop noticing how in, say, three ad breaks within an hour-long programme, there might be one advert at most which doesn’t fit this left-brain pattern. Adverts for products as diverse as cars, period reusables, white goods, clothing catalogues, insurance, snack food, and supermarkets all, to some extent or another, fit the mould: bright images, little human connection, bland Instagram visuals, large slogans, spoken-wordlessness (better for the global market), a vague puff of do-gooding, and absolutely no wit at all. The only one I’ve seen recently attempting anything different is Maltesers, about a breastfeeding mother and her mother-in-law, which I admired for the milk-leak and loathed for the Hahahaha, aren’t women awful to each other?.

It’s draining to imagine the flat meetings and endless audience segmentation that enabled this ad trend: this sector engages on social media in the evenings and this demographic prefers a friendly looking home and our audience here is more about food as a pleasure. I’m loathe to break it to them, but for all that laser-focused research you are all making the same ads. And as Wood exposes so brilliantly, those ad campaigns are costing more and more to receive less and less engagement. Congrats, lads. 

3. Speaking of left- and right-brain world views, as so often happens this episode of Hidden Brain popped up serendipitously, with the wonderful host Shankar Vedantam interviewing Iain McGilchrist about his 2010 book The Master and His Emissary. It’s just over 45 minutes and is worth every second — McGilchrist is so clear and insightful about how to tell what type of brain is leading at any given time, what we lose in a left-brain society, and what we need to do about it. (I went back and checked and only then saw the book is in Lemon’s bibliography. Bliss.) 

4. For various reasons, a small toilet room here has been stuffed with balloons for the last week. It’s absolutely staggering both how not one of us thought to remove the balloons, instead bobbling through them to reach the facilities at any given hour of night or day, and also how immensely relaxing it is to go in there since they’ve been removed and humanely destroyed (I assume). It’s A Squash and a Squeeze in action, a life philosophy I cling to pretty robustly and find pays dividends. A housemate pointed out recently that whenever they are travelling in my car, they play a game to see if they can ever see another car in worse condition, and they say they never, ever can. It’s the Squash and a Squeeze philosophy that, in part, enables me to drive the dented, rusting, bubbled, scratched, lichen-furred, beloved piece of garbage I do, having previously had no driving license for almost two years after my seizure. It’s such a delight to drive any car at all. 

5. We’re rewatching Ghosts, which of course I recommend, and I suddenly realised that the Captain (Ben Willbond) is the speaker of possibly my favourite newspaper-based gag in the entire run of The Thick of It. Please watch all of Ghosts and all of The Thick of It, then perhaps The Death of Stalin? All thoroughly excellent, and the latter two contain my favourite kind of Muriel’s Wedding-type comedy, where I am tearfully wheezing with laughter one moment, then gaping with discomfited horror the next. 

6. I made Nigel Slater’s cardamom-spiced rice pudding this weekend, (although I times everything by 1.5 except the rice, which I up to 200g) and it was as good as always, if I say so myself. Cardamom, like capers, coriander, and pistachios, is an ingredient I’ve only come to love as an adult — I often long to make cardamom buns but am in such an emotionally entangled relationship with my sourdough starter that I never have yeast in the house, so have to rely on my favourite local coffee shop for a hit every now and again. If someone wedges themselves against the fridge door this weekend, I might attempt these. 

[theniftycat]

Ghosts liveblog liveblog starting with 1.04

"Actors! Lounging about the house, learning lines, wearing makeup trotting around the place in the loin clothes, topless, oiled up, kissing each other!" There there, Captain, don't get so aroused

Captain's kink is discipline and honestly, who wouldn't want some these days

Wow, Toby is an ass

Metal cow, worms, tiny people dance the memories. It's genius.

Oh Captain my Captain

***

Being an old man shouting "Bitches! Bitches!" sounds like a goal

Does Simon Farnaby get cold without trousers?

I honestly so wouldn't trust Mary with cooking, it's painful

Robin is so sweet

***

Robin misses eating bum. Enough said.

Kitty is my actual favourite, tbh

***

Onto season 2 and it's way too cute how Allison helps everyone to get their mornings started

OH MY GOD THE GHOST EVIDENCE

PSOGGER

FANNY'S EXPOSED

***

The plague village hits too close

Oh my god does she have the rona

Oh, it's just hungover

Oh yeah Captain, wouldn't you like to give in to the gay abandonment

I can't believe Allison said Thomas that, he'll never let it go

Is2g if Mike dies

***

OH NO CAPTAIN'S BROKEN HEART

I just fucking nearly died because of heartbreak

I even got over the fact that I first saw Ben Willbond in The Thick of It where he was playing an ahole. He just acted his ass off in like 90 seconds. This is love.

OH NO FANNY HAS HOTS FOR MIKE

No, DON'T SHOW THE CAVEMAN CONSPIRACY THEORIES! He was so smart, a true intellectual

Head volleyball. Fine

I can't believe you nearly made me cry, show. But I'll just bury my feelings and let them rot, haha

[lace-anne]

Each Season of Horrible Histories as Ranked by Me

Season 1)

The OG of the series

Literally looks like a film project done by high school students who were strapped for time and cash

Hilarious skits, though

My main man Terry Deary makes several guest appearances

Nostalgic for me bc I watched it during it's hey-day in 2010

Still a little bit underdeveloped in writing/acting/filming

Bob Hale performs the Macarena

“ORCHESTRA - PLAY SOMETHING SAD!”

7/10 rating

Season 2)

Better film quality; very nice!

Every song is an instant classic

"All hail the king of bling!"

Memorable sketches that I love, love, love to quote/reference

The debut of the gems that are Historical Masterchef and Historical Come Dine with Me

Mat Baynton in drag on more than one occasion

"Clifffff Whiiiite-Liiiiie!"

Basically everything awesome about Horrible Histories started with this series

9/10 rating

Season 3)

Mat Baynton as Dick Turpin (AKA the first time my ovaries exploded)

This season helped me learn all the kings and queens of England, which I can still recite today over seven years later

Cliff Whiteley continues to be an absolute fucking gem of a skit series

“Noooo... And what did they do with all the jelly??”

Mat Baynton as Emperor Elagabalus (AKA the second time my ovaries exploded)

The English Civil War song has actually helped me with my A-Level History assignments - thanks, HH!

“ONLY IN ZIS WEEK’S DANKE! MAGAZINE”

Admit it - Boast Battle made rap battles cool again

No complaints about this season at all tbh

10/10 rating

Season 4)

Fantastic writing; so many classic quotes that I continue to use almost every single day

"HOLA! INDIA! HOLA! INDIA!"

Thanks, HH, I now have a crush of Cesare Borgia: one of the most evil men in history

THE RETURN OF THE COMEDY QUEEN SARAH HADLAND

"ENGERLAND! ENGERLAAAND!"

The songs are just perfect, hit after hit after hit

Parodies of my favourite artists: The Monkees, David Bowie, Queen, etc.

This show is like wine by Series 4, only getting better with age

The Victoria and Albert song made me ugly cry

Ben WIllbond is just really fucking hot in this season for some reason

9.5/10 rating

Season 5)

The show starts delving into more modern history, which is GREAT!

They cover touchy topics like slavery and civil rights, all in a very mature and factual way

Rosa Parks is a QUEEN and the HH writers MAKE THAT KNOWN

Again, all songs are total bops

Vikingland is such a clever concept (also I'm a sucker for Simon and Garfunkel, so maybe I'm biased)

TERRY DEARY IS BACK FOR ONE LAST CAMEO, MOTHERFUCKERS

The final song made me cry the first time I saw it - so fuck HH for playing with my emotions

My favourite series by far

10/10 rating

Season 6)

Some of the OG actors stayed on for this series (incl. my main men Jim Howick and Simon Farnaby!)

Chatty Death was a pretty good end segment

Skits weren't all that funny

Songs were forgettable (except for Norman Style - always manages to crack me up)

SIMON DIDN'T REPRISE HIS ROLE AS WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR - TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS

Although I love Lawry Lewin to death, his Oliver Cromwell performance wasn't great

A false start as revival series go

4/10 rating

Season 7)

The best "new" cast so far

Ryan Sampson

Great episode topics covered in really fun and engaging ways - almost like the OG series

A fantastic Beach Boys parody

Ryan Sampson

Actually acknowledges LGBT history (namely the Spartan army fighting battles as couples)

TOM STOURTON KISSES HIS MALE CO-STARS IN A SKETCH AND CAUSED EVERY GAY NERVE IN MY BODY TO BE SHOT

Reduced me to tears bc of the Heroes song

The Beatles and Elvis Presley are mentioned. Automatic win.

RYAN. FUCKING. SAMPSON.

9.5/10 rating