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danielxrk · 6 years ago

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✞ MGA SEASON 4 - ROUND 2

⊰ be my escape (acoustic) (:00-1:17; 3:05-3:15) ⊱ ⊰ skills: singing, guitar (and english) ⊱ ⊰ #4050 ; kang daniel ⊱

daniel doesn’t even watch the first episode of the mgas when it airs. he’s busy with work, and even though he took his exams and finished his classes for the summer, he studies, just because he doesn’t have anything better to do-- even signed up for a summer class to fill his time, because daniel doesn’t know how to function with free time, and he fully expects to put the mgas behind him. auditioning was interesting, and life experience he doubts he’ll ever need again, but that he’s glad to say he did regardless, but he's to move on and never acknowledge it again.

the indicator that he made it onto the show comes in the form of a text message from sungwoon, and then daniel’s reliable friend panic makes its grand return.

he goes over to sungwoon’s place, where they watch one of the reruns of the season premiere while stuffing their face with snacks to cope with the lurking stress of having to prepare new performances. their resident lead guitarist in all of his weirdness pokes his head in a few times to make fun of them, then eventually joins them to watch the rest of the show and steal their snacks. (woojin, conveniently, is still nowhere to be found. daniel pretends not to notice, and pretends not to be burdened.)

he returns home like nothing is different, on a casual look out for any differences in behavior from his family to indicate whether they saw the episode or not. he stays on guard over dinner, and mina gives him a pointed look that makes his blood run cold, but she doesn’t say a word, leaving her expression to haunt him with questions of what she meant by it that he’ll never ask out of fear. aside from that, the first five minutes pass without incident, and he relaxes as much as he can, realizing rather quickly that if they did see anything, his mom would’ve confronted him right away without a problem. mina, his little sister, is the one he realistically has to worry about-- the only one in the family that’s the type to keep up with idols thanks to her dancing, but she carries on conversation like usual, her normal snippy self bordering on a bad attitude, even as she casts glances at him across the table. daniel doesn’t know if he’s just paranoid or if she actually knows, but either way, he trusts her not to tell their parents. they’re good at keeping each other’s secrets. maybe she’s just upset that he didn’t tell her he was going to audition, or take her with him.

and so the next week commences with more of sungwoon as part of daniel’s schedule than ever before, and even more strangely, without empty enigma to bring them together-- performances and rehearsals on hold while half of the band occupies themselves with another musical venture instead. (daniel tries not to feel guilty about it.)

instead, it’s daniel and sungwoon, way in over their heads, in an unfamiliar environment, trying to prepare for something they’ll never really be prepared for. at least in this chaotic adventure, they have each other for support and solidarity, and daniel’s glad he made it onto the show for that reason, if nothing else. it’s a different side of sungwoon that daniel sees-- nervous, maybe, a foreign concept as far as daniel knows of him, so used to sungwoon as the stable frontman of empty enigma and someone he can always count on and lean on. still, he covers it up well, with plenty of encouragements for daniel, and it’s all he can do to give it back and try to provide sungwoon with strength in turn.

they rehearse together sometimes, two boys and their guitars, working out which performance will show the best sides of themselves, and daniel decides on his performance for the second episode quickly. the benefit of missing the ‘no instruments’ memo for the first audition performance is that now, he still has something prepared that he didn’t get to show. instead of stressing out, trying to put a new performance together, he refines the one he already planned from the start, grateful, and dare he say a little excited to have the chance to show what he’s really capable of, just this once.

daniel arrives early, a habit drilled into him by an over-bearing mother of the mind that manners are everything. when he does, he’s directed backstage, where a talkative makeup artist befriends him. she talks in abundance, about the show, how the filming will work, rumors she’s heard, the histories of all of the ceo judges, and asks him questions-- is he excited, is he ready to perform, what’s his favorite part of the show so far ?--and he stays mostly quiet, listening to her with rapt attention, offering replies when she expects them: nervous, as ready as he can be, being able to see so much talent in person, maybe.

when she’s done fussing over him and moves on to one of the other contestants, daniel finally gets a proper look in the mirror, and the sight that greets him is a strange one. it’s far from the first time he’s been in stage makeup, but this time, it’s without the accompaniment of silver hair and the dark accents that mark cameo. this time, he’s just daniel, and yet so unlike his typical self: something in between cameo and the life he lives daily, a third identity carved out here, thanks to mnet and their studio and baffling decision that they wanted kang daniel on their audition show for reasons still unknown to him. it’s something new to process-- something new to accept.

when he sits in the chair the staff directs him to beside the stage, he still has plenty of time to take in the surroundings. it’s flashier than anything he’s ever seen, like another world compared to the stages of empty enigma venues-- bright lights and the promise of countless eyes on them tonight, surrounded by cameras in addition to the audience that will be in attendance. daniel’s anxiety builds and then ebs as more of the contestants filter in, taking their seats, and then builds again as the reality of the situation sets in, and on and on like waves that grow and crash on the shore before drawing back once again.

when sungwoon appears, taking the seat next to him, daniel grins, familiarity bringing comfort and putting him a little more at ease, even for as out of his element as he feels. on his other side is a woman he doesn’t know, intimidating in her beauty, but he remembers her as one of the dancers from the first episode, and she proves kind to offset the coolness of her looks, and ultimately he’s grateful.

they’ll take the stage the latest in the show, so as it begins and the cameras roll, daniel stays on his best behavior, at least pretending to watch intently. in reality, he has plenty of time to work himself into a tizzy imagining all of the possible ways his parents will see him on this show and cast him out of their family for not only wasting his time on something pointless, but lying to them as well, and how every second he and sungwoon spend on stage is one second closer to people making the connection between them and empty enigma, unmasking their identities, spoiling their well-kept secret.

the introduction of the ceos taking the stage, and then the judging panel, is enough to interrupt daniel’s thoughts, and he pays attention, if only because jihoon insisted they were so cool over text messages. daniel doesn’t keep up with the entertainment companies they run, but he’s appreciative enough to be in the presence of such well-respected people, and he thinks maybe this alone would be enough to satisfy his mother.

the first performance starts and ends without him paying too much attention, busy consumed by his fears, but the clapping shakes him out of his thoughts, as does sungwoon’s voice beside him, and daniel laughs, thankful for the distraction. “i don’t know, they’re professionals. they’ve probably seen it all. you just have a special talent in your back pocket to bust out once everyone else has already shown everything they have to offer,” daniel comments with a sage nod. “picture it: episode 3 or later, ha sungwoon performing dream on by aerosmith, finally showing korea the true extent of his lung capacity.” it’s a joke, but only partially; daniel would be lying if he said he didn’t think sungwoon could pull it off in seriousness, too.

early on in the performances, daniel settles into a comfortable position-- a pocket of assurance where he feels well-prepared for his performance, and can ignore the inevitable crushingly overwhelming feeling of standing on the stage while it still feels far away and out of reach. in between the performances, he takes in the sight of all of the other contestants, and their candid expressions and reactions to their peers and competition. like this, reality sets in more surely, and he counts the familiar faces: haknyeon, of course, one of his best friends-- miraculous that neither of them even spoke about this to each other. then there’s sua, and somi, and jinsoul, and doyeon, and even the young kid that’s an empty enigma fan (daniel remembers him from when he tried to break into their backstage area.)

an empty enigma fan. the prospect of his two worlds crossing paths like this wasn’t something daniel entertained until now, and the likelihood of him noticing the likeness between sungwoon and squall and daniel and cameo after these performances is high, especially with all the time the pair of them spend together. it’s not enough for daniel to ignore sungwoon from this point forward, but it is enough to usher in new dread.

and then comes sungwoon, smacking daniel’s arm in excitement or frustration or god-knows-what, and daniel can’t find it in him to dwell in darkness for too long. “what’s wrong with you?” daniel laughs, rhetorically of course, not expecting to ever find the answer to ha sungwoon’s problems or why daniel is both his support system and apparent punching bag. he doesn’t question it-- supposes he signed up for this when he dragged sungwoon into auditioning and followed after him. whatever makes him feel better, really. it doesn’t stop daniel from alternating between patting sungwoon on the shoulder or back whenever he slumps dejectedly, or swatting him childlishly in return for every smack sungwoon gives him.

“if you hit me one more time i’m going to grab your hands and hold them,” daniel threatens, about 3/4 of the way through performances, and he thinks he’s kidding, even for as fiercely as he says the words. sure enough, sungwoon is undeterred, and his little short man hands smack daniel’s arm again, and he grabs them, holding them hostage for the entirety of the next performance. when the performance ends, daniel can picture it: the contestants applauding while he and sungwoon are here looking like fools, but it’s what ha sungwoon deserves; he should probably thank daniel for the potential of additional screentime. daniel finally lets go, then returns to clapping like nothing even happened, lop-sided grin on his face.

before they know it, it’s sungwoon’s turn to perform, and the tension rises and settles somewhere in daniel’s chest, nervous for both his friend and himself. still aware of the cameras on them, when sungwoon stands up and turns to him, daniel returns sungwoon’s thumbs up with a wink that he can only hope looks charming if it makes it onto tv, and otherwise displays his sheer confidence in sungwoon’s ability to own the stage-- which he has, in abundance.

he holds his breath for half the performance, trying to will sungwoon to perform the song the best he ever has for the country and future adoring fans to see, and finally breathes once enough of the song passes to assure a solid performance. a smile works its way onto his face, and stays there until after the performance is over, and daniel claps until his hands hurt. it only fades halfway through the next performance, with the realization that it’s his turn next, and focus takes its place.

then, they call his name and number, and he jumps to his feet with a heavy sigh, grabbing his guitar from its spot on the floor and swinging it over his shoulder. he doesn’t look back at the other contestants, instead, choosing to keep his eyes on the stage, not wanting anything to shake the fragile strength of the mentality he pieced together for this moment.

he skips up the steps, and when he takes his place behind the microphone, it’s so much: the lights, the audience, the cameras. his eyes undoubtedly sparkle in awe of it all in the first few moments of his time on stage. daniel has never stood on such a stage by himself, and he doesn’t know how he’ll face the challenge of filling it up alone. he’s better off as a supporting character, carrying some of the weight of the band and the beat with his bass, a driving force of support, but in this moment, all eyes are on him; he is the sole star. his eyes dart toward the other contestants, finding haknyeon and then sungwoon for added strength, and he draws on his past experience, even if it’s different-- even if nothing up to this point compares.

“hi,” he greets everyone watching, smile working its way onto his lips, lopsided and a little teasing-- the ghost of cameo’s confidence combining with daniel’s natural innocence and boy-next-door aura to create a new entity, and someone strong enough to hold his own in a place like this. “i’m kang daniel, #4050, here to raise the bar a little bit with every performance. last week was 40, and this week is 50; maybe by the end, we’ll make it to 100.” he pauses-- one strum of his guitar. “that sounded better in my head,” he admits with laughter.

he considers introducing the song he’s performing, and making some joke about it representing his feelings about being on this show, but he decides against it, as talking has never been his strong suit. instead, he leaves it at that, and decides to let the song speak for itself. he makes eye contact with the camera, a simultaneously shy yet fearless smile, and his gaze shifts to the judging panel before it turns to his guitar to make sure he’s ready.

he begins, fingers falling into the frets on the guitar, the other hand poised with a pick, and he launches into the intro. relying on the instrument puts him at ease, and squelches his fear under the reassurance of getting to show the world where his real talent lies. where other singers frame their singing as the main event, daniel places his voice and guitar on equal footing, if not putting more attention on the way he plays the notes. and he sings,

i've given up on giving up slowly, i'm blending in so you won't even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate

this performance is one daniel put his heart into, eager to display the essence of his character while he has the chance; he doesn’t expect more than this. it’s another song with christian roots, addressing struggles with faith, but the original version has more of a rock flair. daniel broke it down for an acoustic version, and subsequently, a performance that places him right in the middle of the two worlds he staged, perhaps right where he belongs.

this one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption because i know to live you must give your life away

it’s a song daniel relates to on more than just the spiritual level-- him and his relatively subdued existence, finally stepping out of his shell and putting himself on display in such a large way. as he moves into the pre-chorus, he taps at the body of his guitar, providing a steady beat in between his strumming.

'cause i've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and i've been locked inside that house, all the while you hold the key and i’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me and even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise i'm going because

it’s a song about his life, a lifetime of choking down his own desires and living to please others, doubting his faith and path in life and everything he is, imprisoned by it. they’re all feelings he felt strongly before empty engima and the outlet it became, but that still haunt him as he tries to find his place in all of the chaos of the world, and now it’s a vow, on this stage, for everyone watching, that even though he doesn’t know his path, he’s going. he’s trying, and he’ll see where this journey takes him, even if he expects it to be short-lived. he’ll take it for what it is; he’ll enjoy it-- in this moment, he’ll live.

i gotta get outta here i'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake i gotta get outta here and i'm begging you, i'm begging you i'm begging you to be my escape

it feels so personal to confess to the entire nation, the depth of his struggle and how trapped he feels in his day to day, but he knows he’ll regret setting foot on this stage with anything half-hearted. no, it must encompass who he is, and challenge daniel’s private nature, and in singing all of this here, he hopes to break some of the chains in his life and find freedom. he’s not begging the mgas in particular to be his escape, but music, and in doing so, he feels a rush. it’s like a close cousin of the feeling he gets performing in empty enigma, but a little different-- something all his own, in this moment he created, suspended eternally in time, here and now.

i gotta get outta here and i'm begging you, i'm begging you i'm begging you to be my escape

he repeats the most important part of the chorus to close the song out, and just like that, it’s over, and for a moment, he feels relief, and maybe just a hint of something else: satisfaction.

#rkmga4panel #rkmga4 #rkxsungwoon #haknyeonrk #irenerk #( * can u believe i almost took a nap #good thing i didn't i would've died w this deadline #icb i've done this he's now the kk slider of rookiesrp #this solo is p much the daniel and sungwoon show #that's what u get #putting them next to each other like this #my writer's block is so bad i'm sad but w/e )#( * somi doyeon sua hyunjoon jinsoul briefly mentioned super briefly )#;solo #;bemyescape

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