#believe me when i say shading that fur was Scrumptious

[emordnilap-fr]

Dirus for Trachynhawb / @pudgykookaburra! he was fun to draw, especially the shading! 👁️

(click for better quality since tumblr likes making everything crunchy)

[jubilantwriter]

Heart Shaped like Sea Glass

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Part 6 - Familiar Unruly Waves

Summary:  As Daniel paces and frets over these turn of events, another denizen of the sea reminds him that he’s not the only dweller living by the beach.

as requested, i’ll be making this a series on ao3 for easier updates!  i’ll still be posting updates on here in case people prefer reading on tumblr more so than ao3

// // // // //

The sea is calm tonight.  The waves crash lightly against his rocks as he sits quietly under the light of the moon, wings spread around him to protect from the cold winds.  A whisper in the wind presents him with a question: why is he upset?  To which Daniel growls and thinks that no, he's not upset!  The human wants to be his meal, he wants him to sing, he's a willing participant in his own death.  This should make Daniel happy - ecstatic, even!  He shouldn't feel these conflicting- no.  Confusing- no!  He shouldn't be feeling anything but full!  

(The ocean's spray gently splatters against his wings.  "Be calm," it seems to say.  But he's going against his nature- his instincts!  Surely the ocean would understand, but it can't.  Because it's not as if the ocean cared for his woes to begin with.  The ocean doesn't care for his kind.  It hates his kind.  He knows this.)

He stands up abruptly and screeches into the night.  It makes no sense.  It makes no sense!  Food is food.  He can't suddenly be picky - he was raised better!  When food was scarce, when his mother couldn't find the worms, the fish, the crabs, the birds, the anything - she showed him and his nest mates what magic their voices could do.  They were stronger than birds, more hypnotizing than mermaids, and they could breathe in the desires of mankind.

"Food," she said, running her talons through his feathers as she preened him, "is food.  When winter comes and you find yourself alone, you'll understand then, little chick."

That was ages ago.  And her words still ring true.  So he shouldn't be picky.  He shouldn't be hesitating.  And yet.  And yet!

(The human's eyes are filled with so much anguish; just looking into his dull eyes feels like a wave crashing down on Daniel.  But his feathers don't save him, and he's drowning in turbulent blues as he struggles to breach.)

He should just eat the human.  Get it over with.  Who cares if he tastes terrible?  Who cares if his song will make him taste like ashy bitterness?  Who cares if he smells like rot the entire time?

(Who cares if he'll never see what those blue eyes look like when they sparkle like Daniel's beloved sea?  Who cares if he'll never know who this mystery Davey is?  Who cares if the shack becomes empty and cold, and the beach becomes silent as he sits on his rock, alone, like he's always been?

Like he's always meant to be?

No one likes sirens, after all.

Not even the sea.)

He screeches again, the shrill cry piercing the cold air as no one comes to investigate.  Not even the ocean answers his cries as he paces about the rock's surface.  Daniel was never this indecisive.  There's no reason why he should be convincing himself to eat the human.  He shouldn't need to convince himself to eat the human!  Why is he being so difficult?!

A splash is the only warning he gets before a mischievous bark startles him out of his thoughts.  Grumbling, he gets on his knees and looks over the edge of his rock.  A seal blinks back at him, a curious smile on her face.  Another bark erupts from her as her eyes shine with knowledge.

You're being awfully noisy tonight, she seems to say.

"Damn you," he growls, swiping his talons at her.  She ducks under the waves and pops up on the other side of his rock.  "Mind your own business!  Why are you here anyways?!"

She tries to climb onto his rock, but he shoves her back into the sea with great effort.  Her head pops back up from the waves, staring at him with her big, round eyes.  He stomps on his rock, wings fanned out and held high above his head as he hisses at her.

"My rock."  He stomps again.  "Mine!  Go find your own!"

She snorts.  Treads water idly before splashing water at Daniel.  He yelps and hisses again.  How the ocean favors them over sirens is beyond him.  Quickly, he slaps the ocean to splash her back.  She merely lets out a bark of a laugh before ducking under the water.  A splash from behind gets his attention as the ocean waves crash higher onto his rock.  As the waves pull back, a young looking woman sits calmly in front of him, a fur coat wrapped tightly around her as she pushes the hood off her head, revealing hair the oddest shade of red.  He squawks and stomps his foot angrily.

"I told you to get your own rock!"

"Oh hush."  The selkie smiles as she settles on his rock, her accent softening her tone as she wraps her skin securely around her.  "I was visitin’ my old man when we heard you screechin' up a storm.  Hard to enjoy a good fish when you're soundin’ like a murdered lil pup."

"I'm not a pup."  He folds his arms and narrows his eyes.  "And I'm clearly alive, so get off my rock and leave."

"Hmm."  The selkie hums as the ocean whispers softly.  Daniel's feathers fluff out in embarrassment as her eyes grow large with amusement.  "The ocean tells me you’re conflicted."

"Nonsense!"  He glares at the ocean.  Of course it would say that.  Make the selkie believe that she has any right to know about his little... dilemma.  "The ocean doesn't know shit about my emotions."

"The ocean knows more than you’d like to believe."  The selkie chuckles as she kicks playfully at the waves.  "And judgin’ by your screechin’ earlier, I'm inclined to believe the ocean has every right to tell me that."

"You can't believe everything you hear."  He harrumphs and looks away from the selkie.  "Sometimes the ocean lies too."

(Like how the ocean once told him that it loved him too.  What a foolish little chick he was back then.)

"So then, the ocean is lyin’ when it says that you’re carin’ for a human?"  Oh, so there was more to her coming here than to invade his territory and harass him.  Of course she'd be interested in the human.  

"I'm not caring for him, I'm preparing him."

"Preparin’ him?"

"Yes."  He turns back to grin, flashing his sharp fangs as she watches him unfazed.  "He's going to be the most scrumptious meal I've had in moons."

"Is that so?"

"Of course, why wouldn't that be?"

"Sirens don't prepare their meals."  The selkie hums thoughtfully as she stares out towards the beach.  "Sirens devour their meals.  I'd know."

"Oh please," he huffs, ignoring how her eyes harden a bit when she turns back to look at him.  "You only know of one human that I've tried to eat, and I've stopped trying to lure your human, haven't I?  Old humans are too tough to chew and taste too dry."

"Hmhm."  As she continues to rest on his rock, the urge to push her off resurfaces.  Selkies are so annoying.  "If that's what you say, then why aren't you devouring that young one in the lil hut?"

"First of all, it's called a shack," he ignores her amused hum and lowers his wings, "and second of all, I already told you that I'm preparing him."

"And yet here you are screechin’ your lungs out."

"Preparing food is hard."

"So I've been told."  She stretches and gets more comfortable on his rock.  "Why is this one so hard for you though?"

"It's just- ugh, you wouldn't understand."  

"Try me."  She pulls her knees against her chest and rests her chin on them.  "My old man's taught me a thing or two ‘bout food preparation.  Lil ol’ tricks to make things tastier."

Daniel rolls his eyes as he puts his hands on his hips.  "Sprinkling dried leaves over him will not make his flesh taste better.  I've already tried that with other humans."

Her hand reaches up to muffle her laugh as she shakes her head.  "That's not what I mean.  You sirens use your songs to... flavor them better or somethin’?"

"Yes yes, don't make me explain it again."  He paces about his rock, knowing full well that she's watching his every move.  "But my song isn't doing that to him.  It's only making him worse.  Yet he asks for me to sing some more regardless.  Maybe he knows that I won't eat him if he tastes terrible?"  Except Daniel's eaten worse, so why is he being picky?  Why why why why?

"Hmm.  May I offer a suggestion?" 

He halts in his pacing to look to the selkie, an aggrieved sigh already leaving him as she giggles.  "You?  You're a selkie, what would you know about human meat?"

Another laugh escapes her as she shakes her head.  "Lil pup-"

"For the last time, I'm not a pup-"

"-maybe, you’re missing a lil somethin’ in your songs."

"Missing a little something?"  He narrows his eyes.  "Explain carefully."

She shrugs as she relaxes against his rock.  "Maybe your songs are too shallow."

"...Shallow?"  He scoffs once.  Twice.  And then thrice as he stomps his foot and juts his wings forward.  "My songs get to the CORE of human desire.  They are beautiful and melodic and FANTASTIC to listen to!  As if you have any right to call my songs shallow, Ms. Oh Look At Me, I'm a Selkie, Hear Me Sing!"  He sucks in a deep breath and tilts his head back as he pulls a guttural sound out from deep within.  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  He snaps his head back forward and yells angrily.  "That's what your singing sounds like!  It's terrible and how dare you call my songs shallow!"

A howl of laughter forces the selkie forward onto her knees, an arm wrapped around her stomach as she fails to calm herself.  Daniel squawks angrily and stomps his foot once more.  "Stop laughing!  I just insulted you!"

The selkie gasps for breath as she struggles to sit back up, giggles still escaping her as she wipes her eyes.  "Oh, oh Daniel, that was fantastic, you'd make for a lovely seal-"

"I would not-"

"-but that's not what I meant completely."  With another stretch, she regards Daniel in a quiet fashion as his wings are pulled back against his back.  "What I meant was, maybe you're missin’ somethin’ important to your human's... what do you call them?  A human's desire?"

"Yes, their desires."  He folds his arms.  "What do you mean, 'missing'?"

"Simply put, you must be missin’ somethin’ key to the human's desire.  You've barely breached the surface, I think, and the only way for your song to... work well with him is to better understand him."

Daniel nods for a moment, before shaking his head and staring at her accusingly.  "Why are you helping me?  I thought you liked humans."

"I like some humans."  She shrugs as she pulls her hood back over her head.  "But I also like havin’ my meals in peace ‘n quiet.  Maybe my bit o’ advice will be enough to calm you down a bit."

"If I want to make a fuss, I will do so."  At his declaration, the selkie merely rolls her eyes as she dips her feet into the waves.

"What a mighty fine pup you are."

"I'm not-"  Before he can finish his sentence, the selkie dips into the ocean softly.  A moment passes before a seal pops her head up from waves and barks a quick goodbye.  Without waiting for an answer, she quickly swims back to the fisherman's shack not too far from the human's shack, leaving Daniel alone with his thoughts.

He refuses to get over how... willing she was to offer him, of all creatures, advice on how to make the human taste better.  Get to know him?  As if.  Daniel doesn't plan on "getting to know" his prey.

(That would be a mistake, after all.)

But...  He thinks back to the fish, with the edges of it tasting like a bitterness that was barely palatable.  And he thinks back to the human, who's desire only seems to hurt him more and more, and of the stench of rot that grows stronger by the day.

Songs can be improved.  They can be better sung, better made.  Better reflect the desire his prey holds.  He doesn't normally do this, spending so much time thinking about his prey.

(He's only done it once, after the fact of course.  But the flavor lingered for days in his mouth, and he could never forget those parting words that had him avoiding humans for a good season or two.)

Daniel sits on his rock and reconsiders the selkie's words.

No, he won't get to know the human better.  He refuses to do that.  But.

Perhaps, he'll simply find a way to better understand the human's desire.  It's only in his nature to be curious, after all.

And the human's desire matches up wonderfully with his curiosity.  He smiles to himself as he eyes the human's shack from his rock.

Yes, it's about time he get himself more acquainted with the human’s desire.

[themurphyzone]

Nova Ch 4

AN: Just in time for the A!countdown! Looking forward to those sneak peeks next month! 

Ch 4: Extraterrestrial 

New Selenian Date 3015.4.21

 Though our voyage through space was more volatile than I expected, we’ve successfully approached Terra’s exosphere. Under other circumstances, it would be cause for celebration, but…

 Well, Snowball has only spoken to me for essentials during the past few days. Usually so he can update me while he raids the pantry for maza or to catch up on sleep.

Our argument has only served as a reminder that we’re not…as united in our mutual goal as much I want to believe.

It must the length of the journey. Access to only four rooms in a one week period can give anyone a serious case of cabin fever. He’ll get better once we land on Terra’s surface, I’m sure.

Signing off for now, the Brain.

o-o-o-o-o

Was it really April 21? Pinky hurried to the Mickey Mouse calendar pinned to the wall next to his cage. He really loved that picture of Mickey giving flowers to a blushing Minnie. They really were the perfect couple!

Pinky imitated Mickey’s pose, dropping down on one knee as if he was offering a bouquet of pretty daffodils…wait, no those were lilies. He rubbed his head, confused by the yellow flowers in the picture. Maybe it was the type with the really long name.

What was it again? Ah, yes! A lovely bouquet of Chris-and-his-moms for Minnie!

Egad, the picture was so pretty that he’d forgotten about the reminder he’d penciled in the box for April 21!

“Granny Smith at 9 pm?” Pinky tilted his head, trying to make sense of what he’d written. He didn’t know any grannies that well, nor did he know any Smiths. Besides, Pharfignewton was leaving the ranch tonight at 9 pm, and he was going to see her off before she was off to the races. “Poit! Oh yeah, the apple! An apple a day keeps the vets away!”

Pharfignewton needed the energy for the journey too. Kentucky was a long way from California. About nine inches according to his placemat of the United States.

Before he left, he needed to leave a response for his space pen pal. But they weren’t exactly using pens. Maybe space radio pals was better.  

Pinky went back to the Walkman. It made a bunch of crackling noises, like the Brain hadn’t turned his equipment off yet.

“Hi, the Brain!” Pinky grinned. The was such a funny first name. “Glad you could make it to Earth! Or Terra! Whatever you wanna call it! Wherever you land, I hope you and Snowball enjoy yourselves. Definitely try strawberry cheesecake sometime. It’s delicious!”

The static continued.

“Anyway, Pharfignewton’s leaving for the Kentucky Derby tonight, so I can’t chat for long. Maybe tomorrow? I’ll spend twice as much time talking to you tomorrow! Fig’s been practicing super extra hard. She’s gonna win the Derby and get that Triple Crown! That’s her dream, you know! Dreams are a wish your heart makes, zort! Cinderella said so!”

Pinky put his hand over the Walkman’s speaker. “Your dream is taking over Terra, and mine is being surrounded by cheese from around the world! Or maybe that’s just my stomach. I can never tell for sure.”

The clock chimed eight, its little pendulum swinging to and fro in a dizzying pattern.

He had to say goodbye now.

And say goodbye again later.

“Alright…well, I’ll let you go. I bet you have some important Conquesowhatsit things to do. Bye, the Brain. Glad you could make it to Terra. You and Snowball are gonna love it. Ooh, there I go again. Bye for real this time.” Pinky slowly turned the dial down, past tinny classical and pop music stations, until the Walkman was off.

Dreams were always nice, even if Pharfignewton and the Brain had to travel far away to make them come true. Pinky’s parents were probably making their own dream of eating gourmet food pellets real as well. Sis didn’t have one yet. She was still torn between professional hairdressing and getting a cooking show on Food Network, but she was young and had plenty of time to grow up.

Now that he thought about it, maybe Sis was right. He didn’t have to decide on a dream for himself yet. Well, surrounding himself with provolone, cheddar, mozzarella, camembert, and all the other yummy cheeses was still a wonderful dream for now.

“A world of cheeses, deliciously made for you and me…” Pinky sang, the air conditioner providing a nice background instrumental as he went to the breakroom to fetch Pharfignewton’s apple.

o-o-o-o-o

Carting the Granny Smith apple to the ranch took more time than Pinky imagined. Running on his wheel along with those upper body strength VHS tapes helped him for most of the trek, but there’d still been one scary moment where he’d leaned back too far to see the pretty full moon. Luckily, the apple wasn’t too bruised from tumbling downhill.

By the time Pinky arrived, Pharfignewton was already in her horse trailer. Her owner sat on a nearby bench, his brow furrowed as his thumbs tapped rapidly on his cell phone. A white pick-up truck sat in front of the trailer, though the latch to connect the vehicles hadn’t been hooked yet.

The door to Pharfignewton’s trailer was wide open, the ramp still on the ground. Delays were good. It meant he could hold off on saying goodbye a little longer.

“Fig, I got you an apple! A sweet and healthy Granny Smith!” Pinky exclaimed as he ran up the ramp. Before he could get to the top, Pharfignewton bent down and grasped the apple in her teeth, nearly chomping down on Pinky’s hands as she lifted her head. Pinky’s feet left the ground, and he gripped the apple with both hands, almost sliding off the smooth surface.

He couldn’t resist a tiny nibble. Pharfignewton wouldn’t mind.

Pinky climbed onto her muzzle just as the apple was crunched into mush. Pharfignewton whinnied in delight, her eyes shut from sheer happiness. He stroked the fur between her eyes and hummed Camptown Races because it was her favorite song. She always got excited to race when she heard it.

Pharfignewton’s hooves clopped against the floor rhythmically, her head bobbing up and down.

“-gonna run all night! Gonna run all day!” Pinky sang, grabbing her soft mane and hauling himself up. He clung to her ears for balance. “I’ll bet my money here on Fig, cause she’s gonna win this May!”  

Pharfignewton neighed, her tail raised proudly.

Her owner looked up from his phone. His bushy beard quivered as he chuckled and waved at her. A van pulled up to the curb, the window sliding down to reveal a man in a funny white cowboy hat. The owner shouted and pointed to the newcomer’s hat.

“What a fashion icon, Fig! Rodeo style hats at the Kentucky Derby. Why didn’t I think of that?” Pinky asked. “Egad, I need to make my own hat for the Derby! A derby hat! With fancy ribbons and dandelions and those little beads on sombreros!”

Cowboy Man clapped the owner on the shoulder as he climbed out of his van, the owner playfully shoving him in return. The back doors of the van were opened, and they started loading the pile of heavy feed bags and horse care equipment into the hollowed out space, trading good-natured jabs while they worked.

Pinky glanced at the starry night sky, scratching the back of Pharfignewton’s ear. “I almost forgot. The Brain made it to Terra. He said so in his message tonight. Told him he should try strawberry cheesecake. I don’t know if they have that in space.”

Pharfignewton snorted.

“Oh, you and your homemade apple strudel,” Pinky grinned. “Tell you what. Win the Triple Crown and I’ll bake the most scrumptious, most mouthwateringest apple strudel you’ve had in your life! Oh wait, no, how ‘bout I just bake it when you come back? Whenever that will be. Maybe soon?”

However long she’d be gone, Pinky hoped she’d call or write or keep in touch some other way. Well, sending a postcard might be a little tricky with hooves. How was she ever gonna apply the stamps?

Pharfignewton neighed, her front hooves knocking against the floor in worry.

“I’ll be okay, Fig. I can wait ‘til August. There’s lots of fun things to do in the summer. Like playing water polo, air hockey, capture the flag...”

Except those games all needed two players.

And while Monopoly game pieces and dominoes made for great substitutes when he couldn’t round up the checkers and marbles, it just wouldn’t be the same without Pharfignewton.

Pinky’s tail started to cramp.

He hadn’t realized he’d wrung it between his hands so hard. It wasn’t the fun sort of pain either.

Outside, the men finished loading their supplies. The van doors were shut, and Pharfignewton’s trailer was hitched to the truck.

Their boots loudly thumped against the ground with every step.

Pinky slid down Pharfignewton’s long muzzle, his feet resting against the back of her nostrils. He gripped her face and looked at those gorgeous blue eyes. They were the same shade as his turquoise crayon. He wanted to remember that.

Pinky rested his jaw on Pharfignewton’s fur, trying to keep the tiny quaver out of his voice. “Well…guess this is it, huh?” he murmured. “You have a good trip now. You’re the best racehorse I’ve ever met. Course I don’t know any other racehorses, but you’re gonna win the Derby, Fig. I know you will. Just keep in touch, ‘kay?”

She knickered softly, her breath stirring Pinky’s fur as she lowered him to the ground outside her trailer. Her breath smelled just like applesauce. She carefully rubbed the underside of her jaw against Pinky’s head, nuzzling away tears that made his vision a little blurry, then slowly raised herself to her majestic height.

“Poit. Really, Fig.” Pinky tilted his head back so the tears just pooled in his eyes instead of trailing down his cheeks. “You’ve got a dream ahead of you.”

Pharfignewton stomped her hoof.

But Pinky shook his head. True, he could go with her, but who was gonna keep his cage clean and his wheel oiled if he wasn’t around? Besides, Pharfignewton would have so many new horse friends. She was gonna be a celebrity by association.

Pinky wiped a tear away with his tail. “I don’t wanna distract you or anything. Meet someone new! Who knows? You might even be fast friends!”

Then Cowboy Man and the owner walked past, too engrossed in their conversation to notice Pinky. Pharfignewton craned her neck, trying to see above Cowboy Man while he folded the ramp. Before she could reply, her owner gently shooed her further into the trailer while Cowboy Man finished up.

Once the trailer door was shut and locked, the owner and Cowboy Man took some time to stroke Pharfignewton’s face. The window bars were wide enough to allow almost her entire muzzle through.

They promised good things for her, win or lose. She’d be eating her fill of apples and carrots for sure.

She’d be happy out there, running like the wind to her heart’s content.  

Ten minutes later, Cowboy Man drove away in his supply van. Pharfignewton’s owner started up the truck.

Pinky quickly climbed up a fencepost and waved to Pharfignewton, wishing he’d brought along a handkerchief to blow his nose into or flutter in the air like a proper movie goodbye.

Pharfignewton stretched her neck as far as she could.

“Bye! Adios! Sayonara!” Pinky called, cupping his hands as the truck slowly inched onto the side road’s pavement. The trailer turned slightly with the movement, and Pinky quickly hopped to a fencepost within Pharfignewton’s line of sight.

She looked happy enough to get the show on the road, but her whinnies were still worried.

He had to cheer her up! She couldn’t travel to Kentucky with that frowny face!

“Camptown ladies! Sing this song! Narf!” Pinky panted, taking only a moment to catch his breath, the song choppy as he ran the length of the fence. But even with the truck’s slow crawl, he couldn’t keep up, and the truck disappeared over the hill, pulling the trailer and Pharfignewton along with it.

He didn’t slow down in time. Pinky stumbled over the last fencepost and fell into the springy grass below. The thud knocked his breath away for just a moment, but he shook it off quickly.

It was nothing really.

“Camptown racetrack’s fi-five thousand miles away…”

Pharfignewton shouldn’t worry.

He had the small, boxy TV that the lab couldn’t afford to upgrade to a flat screen. The NBC channel always showed the Derby.

And it was enough for him.

o-o-o-o-o

Had the stars always been that far away? They seemed much lonelier than usual.

Pinky tilted his head as far as he could, taking in the navy sky above. There was no moon and no way to spot the Brain’s old home tonight. He was probably somewhere on Earth by now.

Paris was nice at this time of year. Maybe the Brain would get all the cheese and baguettes he could eat. The city of light and love was absolutely splendid and heavenly. Pinky had never been there, but the landscape seemed so pretty at night in Ratatouille. Parisian rodents must be excellent chefs. Pinky would have to find one someday.

If only he could walk into a giant cabinet that would magically transport him to a riverboat cruise on the Seine. He’d only gotten a mouthful of cobweb the last time he’d tried that.

Oh dear.

Pinky twirled in place, taking in the enormous apartment complex to his left and the grassy hillside across the street, both of which he didn’t recognize.

“Narf! Silly me.” Pinky bonked his fist against his noggin, leaving a slight ache behind.  “One of these days, I’ll definitely remember that ol’ left turn on Albuquerque Street!”

Well, the only thing he had to do was retrace his steps.

But he didn’t have sidewalk chalk or a pencil.

Pinky scratched his head. This was a lot harder than he thought. He was outside, so he couldn’t exactly follow the left wall of the maze until he got un-lost.

His stomach growled, and he had a sudden craving for between-twilight-and-midnight food pellets.

“Hush now, tummy. You’ll get your food pellets as soon as I find the lab again,” Pinky said, patting his growling belly.

A bowl of smoked food pellets seasoned with paprika and rosemary sounded good right about now. With a side of smoked cheddar too!

Pinky laughed. “You’ve really got a craving for smoked food, tummy! Can’t blame you there. Those smoked chicken wings on Food Network were absolutely mouthwatering yesterday. I’m so hungry I can smell those food pellets!”

And the food pellets smelled delicious indeed.

Pinky took a deep whiff, standing on his tippy-toes to drink it all in.

Until the scent changed and it smelled more oily than the yummy sort of smoke.

Pinky’s nose wrinkled. A faint plume of smoke rose from behind the grassy hill, but it was still a little early in the year for anyone to hold a campfire sing-along with s’mores.

There didn’t seem to be a fire. Or slightly burnt marshmallows for that matter.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Pinky crossed the street at the crosswalk because he was a good pedestrian and not a jaywalker. That was just silly. He was a mouse, not a blue jay.

He ran to the top of the hill and perched on a tree root, heels rocking back and forth for a moment until he found his balance. Then his jaw dropped at the sight of a gray and silver futuristic-y UFO just beyond the hill’s base. It had to be the size of two cages combined, maybe a little more.

He wasn’t really good at judging size, but the UFO thingy was ginormous.

Dirt piled high around its battered surface, like it plowed right into the ground at Pharfignewton-like speeds. Smoke trailed from two long cylinders that arched above its back, though there were no flames.

At least Smokey the Bear wouldn’t have to worry about any wildfires.

Pinky approached the wreckage, circling it twice out of sheer fascination. He didn’t see any string though. No wonder the UFO crashed. It didn’t have any string to hold it up.

“Hello, Mr. Alien!” Pinky shouted, hoping his voice carried through the metal to whoever was inside. He leaned against the UFO with both hands, placing all his body weight on his tiptoes. It felt great. He hadn’t stretched his shoulders like this in a while. All his focus had been going to strengthening his thighs recently. “I just wanted to let you know that your UFO string is missing! But it’s okay! I have an extra long ball of yarn back at the lab! Will that do?”

There was no response, though Pinky heard a plip-plop of dripping water when he pressed his ear against the UFO.

Suddenly, the metal hissed and shifted under his palms.

“Narf!” Pinky yelped as he pitched forward into the opening. His jaw thwacked against the floor, and he giggled at the tingly sensations that shot to the top of his head.

Propping himself onto his elbows, Pinky found himself in a room that was just as big on the inside as it seemed on the outside. Except everything seemed a little smashed up. Broken computers tilted against one wall, the screens cracked and displaying a random string of numbers and letters.

Orange soda dripped from an open panel to his left, forming a bubbly puddle on the floor. Pinky almost drank it, but figured it was a terrible idea because of the little metal bits mixed in. Orange soda went with pizza, not metal.

Pinky stood up and dusted himself off, then walked over to what seemed to be a smashed-up bedframe. There was an upturned mattress and a crumpled white blanket next to it. When he tried to turn them over and arrange them into a less messy position, he found they were rather scratchy and definitely uncomfortable for sleeping in. Whoever used this bed must’ve woken up every morning with a backache the size of Alaska.

As he tucked the last corner of the blanket into the mattress, several tiny blue things slipped out from the folds and bounced off his foot. When Pinky glanced down, he found there were a lot of tiny blue things scattered throughout the room.

He picked one up out of curiosity.

No, it wasn’t a thing. More like a tiny blue star. He touched it with his tongue, a sweet flavor taking over his taste buds entirely. It really packed a wallop. His tongue hadn’t felt this tingly since the time he’d eaten two entire packs of lemonheads! He popped several more tiny stars into his mouth, hugging himself from sheer bliss.

For a moment, it seemed like there was another voice agreeing with him on how fantastically delicious these tiny stars were.

Then it cut into a low groan, which didn’t sound like someone enjoying a snack at all. Pinky quickly swallowed the tiny stars and listened for the source of the noise.

“Narf! Hello?” Pinky called. “Are you an alien ghost? Or a ghost alien, Mr. Alien?”

Another groan. Maybe Mr. Alien didn’t know how to play Twenty Questions.

One of the computers shifted and crashed onto its side, a blue screen flickering in and out of existence. Parts of the splintered bedframe laid among the mess. A small, black-gloved hand poked out from among the tangled wires before falling limp again.

Pinky poked the hand.

It twitched.

“Awful hard to sleep under all those wires, don’t you think?” Pinky asked. “I mean, it would be so electric-y under there! Unless you’re an android ghost alien! Electric sheep only works for androids, I think. The rest of us count woolly, fluffy sheep.”

The mass of wires trembled, the hand closing around Pinky’s wrist. Though it was probably meant to be a tight grasp, it wasn’t a very good hold. A single movement could shake off the alien’s hand.

But Pinky stayed still. Something didn’t seem quite right.

The alien lifted his head, a pair of antennae with bouncy red orbs perking slightly.  

Antennae was a good name now that he thought about it.

“N-no’all?” Antennae murmured, the wires slipping off his large, chubby head. His bleary pink eyes stared through Pinky with desperate hope. Soot stained his messy fur with varying shades of gray, his pointed ears drooping and floppy.

“Poit. Do you not speak English?” Pinky asked. Antennae continued to stare, not seeming to understand. “I could get my language book from the lab. It’s got Spanish, French, Sea Lion, and Legalese! I’m learning a lot! Maybe it’s got your language too?”

Then Pinky snapped his fingers. Why hadn’t he thought of this sooner? “Wait, no! Maybe kissing would be much faster? That way my English flows into your mouth and voicebox! Is that how it works? I’m pretty sure that’s how it works…”

Antennae’s grip tightened, his lower half writhing in the wires until he shook himself free. From the neck down, he wore a sleek black bodysuit with red highlights that really made the color of his antennae and tail orbs pop.

Egad, he was tiny. Even Antennae’s antennae barely rose above Pinky’s chin.

Something green and golden glinted in the hand that wasn’t holding onto Pinky. Antennae stumbled as he got to his feet, wincing as he tried to put his weight on his heels. His eyes widened in panic, and he quickly let go Pinky, breathing rapidly as he wrapped both hands around the weapon’s handle.

Balancing on his toes, he shakily pointed the weapon at Pinky. He was trying to shove the red bulb into Pinky’s nose, which was a little rude to be honest, but couldn’t do much more than a light tap.  

“Are you okay?” Pinky asked, lifting his head so the bulb wasn’t smushing his nose. “Soot’s not really good for your complexion. Gives you all sorts of pimples and zits. That’s what Dr. Oz says, anyway.”

There were several clicks as Antennae repeatedly pulled a switch on the handle, but nothing happened. It clearly wasn’t working the way he expected. He growled in frustration, lowering his weapon and opening a compartment along the top. Then his eyes flicked to the puddle of orange soda on the floor and back to Pinky.

For the first time, Antennae noticed all the tiny blue stars that littered the ground. He whipped around in surprise, staring since he still didn’t understand, but the sudden movement made him lose his balance. Pinky caught him by the arm before he fell flat on his face.

The weapon slipped out of his grip, clattering to the floor. He cried out and swung his crooked tail into Pinky’s side.

“Zort!” Pinky yelped, more from the literal shock he’d received, than actual pain. His fur stood on end, like he’d just rubbed a balloon against it. When he pressed it down again, several tingling tickles lingered on his hand, making him giggle.

When he looked up, Antennae had limped over to the damaged remains of a shelf. But even walking across the room was too much, and he collapsed again.

The bodysuit had rips along the heels, exposing several painful looking cuts. Pinky couldn’t blame him for trying to stay on his tiptoes, even if it was a very awkward way to walk.

Antennae needed help. Pinky would have to carry him to the lab.

Pinky followed. He knelt and picked up Antennae, who weighed only slightly more than the small batteries Pinky liked to use as weights, since dumbbells were unfortunately too large for him. Antennae loosely held a baggie of the tiny stars close to his chest. There were several ripped baggies surrounding them. This seemed to be the only one that remained whole.

Cradling his head and back, Pinky set the baggie on top of Antennae’s chest, making sure the baggie was sandwiched between them before he set off.

Antennae’s head lolled against Pinky’s neck. The antennae orbs lit up with tiny sparks for just a moment, though Pinky didn’t get another burst of static. They faded back to a normal red within a few seconds.

He seemed…almost relaxed. At least his face wasn’t scrunched anymore.

As Pinky exited the UFO with his bundle, something bonked into the back of his head.

“Ouch!” Pinky nearly dropped Antennae and baggie in surprise. A tiny camera with a spinning propellor zipped into the night sky, recovering from its collision course quickly.

Some sort of alien tech too otherworldly for a regular genetically altered Earth mouse to understand? Pinky longed to ask, but he didn’t want to disturb Antennae.

Besides, he looked adorably pudgy while he slept.

Antennae made a small noise in the back of his throat, but he didn’t seem to be waking up anytime soon.

The camera didn’t matter as much. Not when he just discovered that aliens snored.  

Pinky set off for the lab, determined to get the directions right this time.  

o-o-o-o-o

Good thing the dark, narrow alley filled with dirty cardboard boxes had been there! Pinky never would’ve known it was a shortcut to the lab if it hadn’t been for that stray cat. It was a miracle that Antennae hadn’t woken up once, or that the baggie survived the chase without any rips or spilling tiny stars.

The cat had given up the chase, deciding that whatever was in the dumpster would be more of a yummy meal.

Really, Pinky didn’t imagine he’d taste too good. He tried to lick his elbow a few times and all he got was a mouthful of fur.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to try to climb up to the mail slot. The door was slightly ajar, just enough for him to squeeze past, even with Antennae’s chubby head.  

Pinky shifted his hold to one arm, then grabbed the handle of the nearest drawer to pull them up to the counter. He had to set the baggie down, but Pinky could easily grab it once Antennae was settled comfortably in the cage.

It took a few unsuccessful tries of hauling himself up while holding onto Antennae before he realized it wasn’t going to work.

“Psst, Antennae,” Pinky hummed, gently shaking the alien’s shoulder. It would be a lot easier if Antennae clung to his back. “Wakey-wakey…”

Antennae’s face scrunched again, then he yawned and nuzzled into Pinky’s chest instead.

He looked so peaceful. It would go against Pinky’s little shoulder angel to wake him up now. What had he been thinking?

After a few minutes of searching through bottom drawers, Pinky found a soft kitchen sponge that hadn’t been removed from its packaging yet. It would make a perfect bed. Pinky pulled it out of the package, carefully maneuvering it out of the drawer while trying not to jostle Antennae too much.  

Another drawer had several white, fluffy hand towels. They seemed clean enough, so Pinky slung two towels over his free shoulder and climbed out.

He laid one of the towels on the floor, then pushed the sponge on top. Cold feet weren’t fun in the morning nor in show business. Then he laid Antennae on the sponge and covered him with the second towel.

Antennae’s hand clung to Pinky’s fur, so Pinky loosened the grip and tucked the wayward hand under the towel.

“You’ll be alright,” Pinky whispered, stretching out his sore arms. Maybe he’d carried Antennae for a bit too long. But Pinky’s arms would be ready for more wheel-running tomorrow.

Now that both of his hands were free, Pinky grabbed a bandage roll which had been lying near a Bunsen burner. He’d have to thank Mr. Bunsen for letting him borrow these bandages later.

Pinky carefully removed the socks – maybe they were more shoes? Oh, well. He removed the shoe-socks from Antennae’s feet and laid them on the towel-rug. Since Antennae hadn’t been on his feet since the UFO, the cuts seemed to be healing just fine.

Pinky carefully bandaged the heels and folded the towel-blanket over Antennae’s feet once he was finished. Then he brought the baggie of tiny stars over and placed them next to the shoe-socks.

He climbed up to the counter briefly to wash his hands, humming Happy Birthday as he lathered with the honey-scented soap.

“Thank you, Silver’s Anatomy,” Pinky said to the TV remote, which teetered over the edge of the VCR. He turned to Mr. Button, still lying on his straw bed in the cage. “Sorry, Mr. Button. I’m sleeping elsewhere tonight. Here, you can have Nicholas so you won’t be lonely. Try not to keep him up too late, okay?”

He rolled Nicholas the Nickel into the cage and settled him near Mr. Button. They seemed happy. Mr. Button would no doubt be gossiping about the ballpoint pens again.  

Pinky yawned and went back to the floor. It had been an eventful day, and he was very tired.

The towel-rug seemed very inviting…

Pinky buried his face into the towel fluff. Antennae had been twitching throughout Pinky’s counter business, but he stilled again once Pinky curled up.

Pinky fell asleep, dreaming of cheese and Pharfignewton and a deep, faraway voice. It was a lovely dream, except the voice couldn’t join Pinky and Pharfignewton in their little cheese and apple picnic. It seemed unwilling. Pinky made sure to save a few slices of cheddar and provolone for him. Maybe he’d take it afterward.

o-o-o-o-o

When the sunlight hit his eyes, Pinky leapt with joy. Early wheel runs were the best! So were mid-morning runs, and noon runs, and evening runs!

Except he couldn’t move. He could still wiggle his fingers and toes, but his hands were tied behind his back, purple yarn binding his ankles as well. His entire tail was still free though. He swished his tail just to be sure.

He shimmied over to the drawer and pressed his back against it, managing to sit up. Though he wanted to run on his wheel, being tied up was a fun game too.

Antennae wasn’t on the sponge bed though. Where was he? He was missing out!

Pinky wondered if he should just untie himself and find Antennae. The knots didn’t seem that hard. Though it was hard to tell for sure if it was a slipknot or an overhand knot. He really should’ve paid attention in knot-tying class.

Five minutes later, Antennae stomped over in his ripped shoe-socks, though little strips of bandage poked out.

Pinky smiled. If Antennae was stomping, his feet must be healing fast. And then he’d be okay again.  

However, Antennae didn’t seem to think so.

“Wipe that ridiculous expression from your face, Terran,” Antennae scowled, his foot tapping impatiently. “Hand over all the information you know. I want answers, and I want them now.”  

AN note: I’d like to give credit to @pluto-art for her wonderful drawing of Brain as a cute little alien.  With the way she posed him, I knew I wanted to incorporate that somewhere and this chapter seemed like a good place to do it! I meant to credit her last chapter for the blaster idea but I forgot so I’m rectifying that now.  

Fig’s off to the races! Literally.

After the wringer I stuck him through last chapter, Brain seriously needed some cuddles. He’s a little touch-starved. Also, he’s a bad guest. Don’t tie your friend up, Brain. That’s just rude.

[howellrichard]

Creamy Vegan Pasta Salad (Perfect for Summer!)

Hiya Gorgeous!

Here in the US, we’re about to celebrate one of the biggest holidays of the season—the Fourth of July. That means fireworks (don’t forget to care for your fur pals who might be afraid of the loud noises!), swimming, parades and extra time with the people we love most. And did I mention food? Cookouts/barbecues/feasts of all kinds, here we come!

Pasta salad is a must-have for any summer gathering, but it’s often heavy and laden with not-so-healthy ingredients. I believe that comfort food can be satisfying, indulgent, delicious AND great for you… and this Creamy Vegan Pasta Salad from my Test Kitchen is proof!

It’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a vegan pasta salad and more…

Packed with fresh veggies

Indulgent but won’t weigh you down

Perfect for meal prep or a make-ahead dish

A crowd-pleaser

Gluten-free, and can be made nut and night-shade free

Easy to make

Creamy and smoky

Fresh and summery

Loaded with plant-powered nutrients (more deets in a bit!)

Cheesy (sans the dairy)

And cool with a kick!

Here are some of the superstar ingredients in today’s recipe:

Chickpea pasta: Who says pasta can’t pack a protein punch?! We used Banza’s rotini, which has a whopping 14 g of protein in each 2-oz serving. You should be able to find Banza at your local health food store (especially at a place like Whole Foods), or you can order it in bulk here. This stuff makes a fabulous pantry staple!

Jicama: I was so excited when the Test Kitchen Tuesday crew suggested we feature this starchy root veggie in our vegan pasta salad recipe! Jicama was originally grown in Mexico, and it’s mild, subtly sweet flavor make it super versatile. It’s full of antioxidants like vitamins C and E, selenium and beta-carotene. Plus it contains inulin, a prebiotic fiber that’s good for your gut!

Corn: This gorgeous veggie has gotten a bad rap because of how it’s often farmed here in the states, but corn has a lot of nutritional value (not to mention flavor!) to offer. Just make sure to opt for the organic, non-GMO variety. Sweet corn is a good source of folate, potassium and lots of other wonderful nutrients.

Roasted red pepper: Red bell peppers aren’t just beautiful, they’re also great for you! They’re one of the richest dietary sources of vitamin C, which plays an important role in iron absorption, immune function and many other bodily functions. And roasting bell peppers is one of my favorite ways to eat them because it brings out their natural sweetness and adds a touch of smoky depth—the perfect addition to our vegan pasta salad!

Comfort food can be satisfying, indulgent, delicious AND great for you… and this #TestKitchenTuesday Creamy Vegan Pasta Salad is proof! Get the recipe!

And here’s my favorite part about this scrumptious recipe: It was inspired by elote, aka Mexican street corn. If you’re not familiar with elote, it’s a whole ear of corn grilled, covered with toppings like butter, chili powder, mayo and cotija cheese, and served on a stick (source). Some of those ingredients aren’t so Crazy Sexy friendly (though I have seen plant-based versions available at some restaurants—yay!). But we love the smokey, summery flavor profile of elote, so the Test Kitchen Tuesday team and I dreamed up this tantalizing twist!

Without further ado, let’s get to cookin’, good lookin’!

Creamy Vegan Pasta Salad

Serves 8 (about 1 cup per serving) | Prep time: 15 min | Cook time: 30 min

Pasta Salad Ingredients: 8 oz (224 g) gluten-free chickpea rotini pasta 3 tsp oil, divided 4 ears non-GMO corn (about 2 cups or 270 g kernels) 1 large red bell pepper 1 cup (180 g) halved cherry tomatoes 1 cup (120 g) chopped jicama or radishes 1 Hass avocado, chopped ¼ cup (4 g) chopped fresh cilantro 2 green onions, thinly sliced ½ fresh jalapeño, minced (optional)

Cashew Crema Dressing Ingredients: ¾ cup (90 g) raw cashew pieces, soaked, drained and rinsed 2 Tbsp nutritional yeast 1 garlic clove 2 Tbsp lime juice (about 2 fresh limes) ½ cup (120 ml) water ½ tsp smoked paprika 1 tsp salt ¼ tsp black pepper

Instructions: 1. Prepare pasta according to package directions. Strain, rinse with cold water until completely cool and thoroughly drain.

2. Preheat oven to 425°F (220°C). On a baking sheet coated with 2 tsp oil, place ears of corn, husked and cleaned. On a separate baking sheet coated with 1 tsp oil, place red bell pepper. Roast for 30 min, rotating vegetables halfway through, until lightly charred all over.

3. While the vegetables roast and pasta cooks, prepare Cashew Crema Dressing. In a blender, combine all dressing ingredients and purée on high speed until completely smooth. Set aside.

4. Place roasted pepper in a paper bag and seal the top by rolling it closed. Let steam for 15 min before peeling the skin, removing the seeds and roughly chopping.

5. Using a serrated knife, slice kernels off each corn cob.

6. In a large bowl, combine pasta with corn, roasted pepper, tomatoes, jicama or radishes, avocado, cilantro, green onions and jalapeño (if using). Toss together with the dressing and serve immediately.

Notes: Storage tip: Keep in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 3 days.

Simplify this recipe: Substitute ¾ cup vegan mayonnaise (such as Earth Balance’s Mindful Dressing and Sandwich Spread) or plain, unsweetened vegan yogurt (such as Kite Hill’s Plain Unsweetened Almond Milk Yogurt) instead of soaked cashews and water. Use frozen roasted corn and jarred roasted red pepper instead of roasting them yourself.

Make it nut-free: Substitute raw, shelled sunflower seeds for the cashews.

Make it nightshade-free: Substitute lightly steamed chunks of zucchini for the tomatoes. Opt for radishes instead of jicama.

Make-ahead tip: Store the salad and dressing separately, mixing together just before serving. You may need to add an extra splash of water to blend smoothly. Keep uncut avocado separate to avoid browning, chop and add to salad just before serving.

Nut soak note: If you have a high-speed blender, you can skip soaking your nuts or seeds. If you don’t have a high-speed blender, you can either soak your nuts or seeds in water for 4 hr, or you can do a “quick soak” by covering them with water in a pot and bringing it to a boil. Once the water boils, remove them from the heat and let them sit for an hour.

Calling all recipe lovers!

Whenever I ask this incredible community what kind of content you want to see more of, one of the top responses is always (without fail)… MORE RECIPES! I love that you enjoy playing in the kitchen as much as I do. After all, preparing tasty, nutritious home cooked meals for yourself is one of the greatest acts of self-love.

My Crazy Sexy Recipe Club is the place to be for exclusive recipes, cooking tips, and other free goodies that’ll help you make your time in the kitchen simpler and more fun. And I’m excited to announce that my team and I are cooking up some really exciting stuff for the Recipe Club, which is coming your way soon. So if you haven’t yet, now is the time to become a member! Trust me, you’re not gonna want to miss this.

Become a Crazy Sexy Recipe club member + get your free Recipe Club Starter Pack:

Hungry yet? Me too! Let’s see that vegan pasta salad!

Before it gets gobbled up (and it will!), I’d love to see your cheffy skills! Snap a pic of your very own vegan pasta salad and share it on Instagram or Facebook with #TestKitchenTuesday. Don’t forget to tag me at @crazysexykris—I’ll share my faves with our spectacular community!

And finally, a very special thanks to the incredible Hannah Kaminsky of Bittersweet Blog and the rest of the Test Kitchen Tuesday crew for helping to create this spectacular dish!

Peace & pastabilities,

The post Creamy Vegan Pasta Salad (Perfect for Summer!) appeared first on KrisCarr.com.