#being so caught up in the euphoria of a good idea you don't think it through

[piromantic]

gender rambling

this isn't about how i feel on the inside or trying to sort out any of that stuff. the older i get the less i care about applying the gender dichotomy to my own feelings or trying to describe myself within this framework that doesn't really mean anything, like i'm myself and i'm good with that

however. we live in a society.

ngl for this being the 'burnt out gifted kid transgender' website i've never actually seen any discussions about gender within competitive academic settings. i've seen some mentions of how toxic masculinity presents differently in nerd spaces, but still permeates it just as much as any other space. but it took like, so fucking long to even recognize it in my own life, let alone unravel how it affected me.

i sometimes play video games with a group of guys from my major and for the last year and a half i was The Team Carry because i had a few hundred extra hours of practice on them. they're all nearly caught up to my level now, and even though they're all the pretty typical 'woo feminism' cis men and have never said anything towards me that was weird or discriminatory, i've started to feel afraid that i'm going to be mentally demoted in their minds as soon as i lose the status of 'carry'. which is irrational, but as i started dissecting where this fear came from it started unraveling like years of my life

it sounds absolutely ridiculous when typed out, but when i'm in my own head i keep going in circles of 'am i, personally, going to lead to the downfall of feminism by not being a woman'.

because i am studying in a field where there aren't many women in general, let alone visibly queer people. things have gotten better for sure but i have literally been in a class where i was the only person who wasn't a cis man in the whole room. so i'm viewed as someone setting an example and paving the way just by existing, which feels like i'm just pulling off a giant deception on people who see me as a sign of community, which feels awful.

but also, i think i became aware of this on a subconscious level YEARS before i realized it outright. like i think about this reaction i have to video games and it takes me all the way back to fourth grade, when i realized that girls were never going to accept me, but if i was mean and smart and loud about it, boys might. so i got really into the Act Of Appearing Smart, which manifested as just being... ridiculously competitive. oh i know more digits of pi than you. oh i can recite more of the periodic table faster than you. oh i can do integrals in my head faster than you. etc etc ad infinitum

when i think back, so much of my life was spent trying to like, win scraps of gender euphoria through 'proving' myself in the academic system. and like. ???? playing the misogyny game is still misogyny. i look back and wonder whether i had a missed opportunity to make these spaces better if i had just pushed back on them a bit more, and whether i was just perpetuating them by being like 'hey guys, no need to stop the toxic masculinity! i'm a girl, and i can succeed in here, so girls who don't succeed just aren't trying hard enough!'

or, put slightly differently: was i just perpetuating the idea that the only way to succeed in these systems was to be masculine.

over time i found that the way boys (and men, now) signify that i've succeeded is to allow me to be in their spaces. guys will tell me about the girls they find hot, forgetting that it's not socially acceptable for me to agree. guys will drop the use of female pronouns when i'm in the group, slotting me under 'boys' or 'king' like the rest of their friends instead of making exceptions. and it's like. if i was a woman i wouldn't let this happen, and i know they would respect that.

BUT I'M NOT A WOMAN. and these things are affirming, but i feel terrible for finding affirmation in them, because they weren't meant that way.

(and i can hear my mother's voice in my head like 'you're not trans, you just want male privilege', and no, i really don't think that's it. i had a friend that used to say misogynistic shit to be edgy when we were in like, elementary-middle school, and i always shut that down immediately. but it never felt like i was defending myself as part of that group. i've just always felt a bit of distance there)

i guess the issue i've been trying to articulate is that things are fine on the surface, but the context for them isn't. if people were treating me the exact same way because i came out to them, i wouldn't feel bad. but i'm a coward and i hate coming out because it usually goes badly for me, and i'd also feel bad about coming out in my area of study specifically because i'm already in the minority right now. (and i don't think it would go over very well, despite diversity trainings and whatever getting more popular.) like i don't want to be the SINGLE they/them in my entire department. that's too much stress for me.

and i have this fear that it would just come across as becoming a stereotype, or being misogynistic. like ohhhh you think you're a man because women can't do math or something. <- insane thing to worry about

idk i need to stop stalling and finish my conference presentation already. if you read this far idk why you would but thanks for making it through all that

[obxismylife2]

Best friends don't do a shit 2 (Rafe Cameron x reader)

For the rest of the day, me and Rafe just relaxed and watched TV and then went out and just talked for a while. It was nice just talking to him. We always have something to talk about. That's what I really like about him, that he's honest with me. He always confided in me about everything because he knew I was the only person who would back him up.

I'm in the shower right now thinking about what happened this morning, and I thought it might be a good idea to give him a surprise, too.

As soon as I got out of the shower, I put on a red thong and a beige sweatshirt and put my hair in a bun so it wouldn't fly in my face. I headed into the kitchen for a glass of water as soon as my lips touched the iced glass I felt two arms writhed around my waist.

"You smell so good," he murmured down my neck, giving me a light kiss on my cheekbone. "I've got a little surprise for you" I wouldn't call it a surprise but whatever. "You mean you only have the hoodie and the thong? I already know that" is he reading my mind? If yes than there's no surprise anymore. I gave him a puzzled look and turned in his arms to face him.

"I was gifted with the ability to see through clothes" he pressed his lips against my forehead, leaving a small wet kiss there, and continued down to my lips.

"So it must be exciting for you to see a woman, but I'm not sure if you have it the same way when you look at a man" I joked when we pulled apart and touched the tip of his nose with my index finger. "Very funny. No, I'm just kidding I was under the stairs when you were walking down" how typical from Rafe. Always looking but never being caught. I hit his arm lightly and laughed.

"You animal, but that wasn't the surprise" both of my hands rested on his hips, pulling him closer. I know how he loves when a girl grabs his hips, so this is a little clue to the surprise I have in store for him.

"So what is it then?" he looked at me in confusion and searched my face for the answer. I took his hands off my waist and led him into the living room. There I sat him on the couch and sat down on his lap. "Wow, what are you doing?" he stopped me when I wanted to touch his belt.

"You'll see, just sit back and relax I'm gonna show you that this throat" I pointed at my neck "isn't just for swallowing food," I put my finger to his lips, then kissed him gently and slowly. I slid from his lips to the right side of his neck, where I kissed him slowly and intensely to relax him and to remember that I could be very nice. Then I went to the left side and did the same, while my hand went up and down his chest.

"Damn, girl, you're making me horny," he panted, and under my touch, I felt his skin tremble as I ran my hand under his t-shirt. I laughed proudly, pulled away from him, and rose from his lap.

I knelt on the ground and tore his shirt with one movement, covering his amazing abs. My lips went back to his neck and continued down to his chest and stomach. "Fuck!" he groaned as I approached the bulge in his pants.

"Wait, please, Y/N, wait. I don't want you to do it just because I did the same thing, you understand I don't want you to think you owe me anything" Aww he's being polite. Fuck it! I want to please him, I want to hear him moan as his dick hit the back of my throat, I want to see how he shakes under my touch. I want Rafe Cameron to fuck my throat hard.

"I know, but I really want to hear you moan for me" I smiled mischievously and left a wet kiss on his lower belly, making him gasp at the touch. "You sure you want this?" he assured himself and I nodded.

"Yes Rafe" He smiled and pointed with his eyes at his lap, indicating that I was allowed to do it, and I unhesitatingly unzipped his trousers and pulled them down with one graceful movement, along with his boxers. I went back to his neck and began to slide my tongue slowly down to his dick.

"Oh fuck!" he groaned, tilting his head back caused by the euphoria I had caused him. I took his dick in my hand and began to drive my tongue around its tip, driving my hand up and down. When I saw that he was eager, I wrapped my lips around his cock and begun to suck and stroked with my hand what I couldn't fit in my mouth.

"Fuck, Y/N, I'm sure you've done this before because you're really good, oh fuck!" Logically, I couldn't answer, so I just grunted, which made him roll his eyes in satisfaction as I sent a vibrations through his body. Slowly I picked up the pace making him let out a breathy moan.

"Holy shit, your throat feels so good for my cock. Oh fuck" his hips started moving toward my head, his hands clasping my hair. He started to set his own pace to get closer.

Through my peripheral vision, I could see him gripping the edge of the couch in his hands, I knew he was coming, so I accelerated my pace even more making him shot his hot cum deep inside my throat with a loud moan of my name. I swallowed it obediently and felt his hand on my cheek, I stared into his eyes and wiped away the tear that ran down my cheek as his cock pounded deep into my throat making me choke.

"This was the best surprise anyone ever gave me. If this is always the reward for making you cum, then I should do it more often" he was out of breath, trying to catch it, not paying attention to my way up his chest with kisses.

"I told you my throat isn't just for food" We both laughed, and he kissed my forehead and put his boxers and pants back on. We sat together on the couch and continued watching TV.

[little-cereal-draws]

Goldilocks and the three bears crime family au

This au focuses on Baby and Goldi and is based off the part in Shrek 1 where we see the three bears in separate cages and then Mama later as a rug (rip you already know what happened to her)

The three bears got caught in Farquaad's fairytale purge and got separated. Crying in that cage was the last time Baby saw his parents. He's not sure what happened to them, but he got sold off to a circus bc everyone likes seeing baby animals do tricks, it makes good money. While he was there, he met a little orphan girl who was about his age in human years, five or six. She was also picked up because she made lots of money; she sold candy to people in the stands. No one wants to turn down a little girl!

They became fast friends. Goldi would wiggle between the bars of his cage at night and whisper stories of people she saw in the crowd and things she could remember of her parents. She liked telling stories about them. Baby didn't like to think about his parents, it made him cry, so he just made little quiet noises and pressed their heads together. They would fall asleep curled up around each other.

Fast forward several years, they're both preteens and have moved up in the circus. Baby learned english and Gold learned quite a bit of bear. She lost her baby face and was useless at selling treats now; she was going to get replaced but she begged to stay. Baby knew that she hated it there and was constantly thinking of ways to escape so it was obvious the only reason she stayed was for him. The ringmaster noticed their connection and put them in an act together. Goldi did flips and cartwheels on his back while they ran around the ring. They also came up with a plan where before and after shows, they would stand outside the tent and people could pay to pet Baby's nose. The idea was to save the money and strike out on their own when they had enough. They may have reached this goal a bit quicker than they should have due to many wallets falling victim to Goldi's sticky fingers.

Finally, sixteen years old, they decide today is the day. Their act has become much more complicated now and involves hoops and fire and all sorts of nail-biting objects. Halfway through the act, Goldi grabs a torch and announces they have had enough of being other's playthings and they're going to live their own lives. Baby rises up to his full height and with Goldi on his shoulders, they set fire to the tent. It's panic, it's mayhem, it's screaming and trampling crowds and bearing teeth and not being scared of whips or chains or anything else in the world. It's pure freedom. They run out off the circus grounds before anyone can properly stop them, laughing and cheering the whole way.

Here's where it starts to tie into the movie again (dw i didn't forget abt that lol) After the initial euphoria wore off, they decided to be professional criminals. They do a bunch of small scale stuff but they're pretty recognizable so it's hard to hit the same place twice. When they learn about the map to the wishing star, they absolutely must have it. It's at this point that they start to drift apart a bit. Goldi says they'll use the wish but secretly wants it to get her parents back. Baby is suspicious, she does talk about her parents more and more these days, but can't prove anything so he just goes with it.

Eventually, it gets revealed that Goldi wants the wish for herself and Baby is furious. They have a huge fight where so many hurtful things are said. Goldi accuses him of not caring about his family enough to try and find them. Baby says that it's because he cares so much, he doesn't want to learn what horrible fate befell them. He then says that Goldi shouldn't even bother with hers bc they clearly didn't love her, just abandoning her in the woods as a child. They both leave that fight in tears. Splitting up was discussed but honestly, they don't have anyone else in the world so they're both too scared to swing it alone. They keep going after the map but don't talk for days. After a while, there's an apology; a quiet one that is only half spoken because they both know what the other is thinking.

Ofc at the end, they help destroy the map and the star because Goldi's learned that she has all the family she needs right here and Baby's learned that maybe he should make some effort to find his parents. Who knows, they could be alive. He is. He tentatively asks Puss if he knows what happened to his parents, because he was also involved in the roundup, and Puss has to break the horrible news about his mom. There's lots of tears but frankly, Baby kind've suspected.

They go their separate ways from Team Friendship at the end and the idea of trying to find Baby's dad is briefly kicked around as they walk into the sunset. (Setting up a sequel lol)

[thedarklordsnicklefritz]

Okay I finally started actually playing bg3 instead of just messing around with the character creator. Here's my thoughts on the game so far until I had to stop from headache:

- The character creator is really cool, and probably revolutionary. There's like 350 skin color options. I appreciate that your gender identity is separate from the body type you choose, and that you can select any of the genital options with any of the the body types.

But I was kind of underwhelmed with the face options (although good on them for the diversity range of the face options they had) and that they were locked to the body types. And the body types basically boiled down to small feminine, small masculine, big feminine and big masculine. And the feminine bodies came with boobs, nonoptional.

I do get that there's a lot of limitations like with the facial mapping and clothes and hardware etc, the whole game file is like 10x as big as the largest game I have on the switch. So I don't think it's unreasonable that they didn't work more on that. But still. It would be nice to not have to have tiddies without also having to have ManFace™️ and more mixing and matching of features in general.

-I spent an embarrassingly long time deciding what I wanted to play. (I took a nap rather than make a choice. Twice.) Hopefully I don't regret going with the custom background instead of dark urge.

-I haven't played a lot of current video games. Or even in general. So it's a really weird mix of familiar since everything is based on 5e, but also in a very unfamiliar way.

It doesn't help that I'm using a switch controller so the buttons are labeled different

- I was so caught up in the euphoria of effectively playing d&d without having to schedule it with other people, that for a moment I forgot I had to play in the Forgotten Realms

- I'm really tired of "fantasy racism". It's not interesting or compelling. It takes a complicated and layered real world issue and boils it down to a charicature that absolves people of any self-reflection. (This isn't necessarily unique to the Forgotten Realms, but they're definitely a big contributor to the whole "Elves hate dwarves!" being so popular in the genre.)

- I'm very proud of myself for freeing shadowheart in the tutorial level. It's great having a cleric in the party. But *gestures above*

- I decided on playing a bard (that seemed like the most conducive for vampire pegging, plus I like having skills! And it seemed like for a wizard playthrough it's better to play as gale since you'd get more wizard specific content) and I'm just running around in my silly little outfit. No strength or constitution to speak of, but rolling great so far

-except when some kid pickpocketed me.

And then I tried to gently intimidate him and Wyll is like WOW are you proud of yourself for (unsuccessfully) scaring a child asshole?

I wasn't actually going to feed him to a bear! I was just messing with him and trying to rile him up a bit. I don't see you getting our stuff back!

-Wyll is very cool.

Or at the very least he's a nice break from the girls constantly fighting.

-I've only died once so far which is some kind of miracle

-But also this is like the first map and I'm already lost and I have no idea what I'm doing

-The headaches are probably going to be a recurring thing I may have to figure out some different settings or something

[agathaarts]

Been tinkering around in my old Legend of Zelda AU sandbox (LoZ: Melody of Memory), figuring out how things work in this story and with everyone involved. I haven’t quite finished nailing down Ganondorf’s deal, though it’s coming soon, but for now...some rough concept ideas for LInk and Zelda, bc costume design is hard and I’m going to keep struggling with it hhhh

The story in mind primarily follows the young Link about. Zelda’s already an adult by that point, their births staggered this cycle, but Link also has access to The Big Gameplay Mechanic of this run- and thus sections of the “game” or “story” or whatever are actually playing through the memories of a younger Zelda, during her own adventuring and heroism days. Though, it’s kind of obvious, Zelda in her adult years has some....things going on.

Not sure yet, exactly if this is how it’ll go down, but Zelda and Link first meet when Zelda is trying to cure herself by seeking one of the holy springs deep in the Lost Wood, but Link- knowing that the spring is corrupted and the surrounding area has become dangerous, tries to waylay her and interrupt the ambush set up for her. He has no idea she’s important or probably even what a princess is, he just doesn’t want this nice lady to get murderized on his watch!

She’s actually quite capable, herself, and well-defended once her Sheikah guard finds her, but she’s still impressed and amused by this weird little kid wearing a Korok mask and fearlessly trying to save her.

More detailed descriptions and whatnot of both of them under the cut, but if you’ve got characters or concepts you’d like to see let me know! Otherwise this all will probably go under #loz melody of memory or something like that!

LINK - For being raised by a hodgepodge of fairies, forest spirits (basically koroks and the deku), and a literal dragon, Link is astonishingly well-socialized, even if his grasp of private property can be a bit shaky at times and he is unable to speak aloud, generally relying on simple gestures or a fairy to translate his thoughts into words. He’s imbued with a powerful sense of heroism, which is a very nice way of saying that he doesn’t always think things through before he does them, and he can be found engaging in activities such as trying to get honey out of beehives, jumping on the back of bulbos and wolves to ride them, and hanging out with the spirits who raised him. His days, before the story begins, are filled with adventure and discovery and simple pleasures, but there’s a dark pressure oncoming that he’ll have to step up to handle before long...

As an adult, he’s got some other adventures and travels going on, but we won’t get into those just yet!

Zelda - Princess, divinely touched, daughter of the Hylian King and the Sheikah warrior he fell in love with and made Queen, Zelda spends her younger years torn between worlds. To the people of Hyrule, she’s a future leader, a chosen of the Goddesses, supposedly imbued with wisdom beyond all others. To herself, though, she’s clever and quick and feels a calling to shape the world around her. A capable Sheik in training (”Sheik” is just the singular term for an unnamed Sheikah), she follows the path of the Sheikah, who basically specialize in magitech gadgetry and the refinement of other abilities. I haven’t figured out how to draw her workshop outfits yet, but given her own choices she’d probably much rather be an inventor in a shop somewhere.

Of course, when Link meets her as an adult, she is still torn between worlds- but more...literally, at this point. An attempt to seal oncoming darkness and evil away has left her stranded, trapped half in the physical realm, and half in the spirit worlds, and she is slowly losing the fight to keep herself whole, becoming corrupted with a dark malice that is slowly sapping her strength, attempting to overtake her. She barely keeps it at bay, for now, but seeks to cure herself and finish her work to seal away the evil...

...but there are things out there who are seeking to recover the power she’s used herself to seal away, and they converge and grow in audacity.

Also a little glimpse of her once she’s been freed. She’ll remain scarred for the rest of her life, but she’ll grow healthy and her hair will start to return to brown again, though it gets cut for the first time in her life as a result of her being freed because I’m a sucker for a good metaphorical “dramatic hair cut”

[theaveragepsychoticbitch]

aaaaaaa if you’re comfortable hihi sub! OMG YOU MADE MY DAY SO MUCH THANK YOUUU

Coming right up<3

AFAB!Sub!Reader x Dom!Poseidon

⚠️Content warning for⚠️: Dacryphilia, size kink, oral (receiving), fingering (receiving)

(I have no fucking idea how to write size kink so I'm doing my best here)

An Ocean Between Your Legs

Once, when Poseidon caught you crying, he'd said, "Crying is a sign of weakness. Is my wife someone who would be weak in the face of a few insults?"

You would never, of course, otherwise this relationship would never have worked out. But was it still weakness when it happened the face of euphoria?

"Poseidon- My Lord- Please, have mercy..." Laying on your back, your hands gripped at the sheets as your legs squeezed tight around his head, hips thrusting upwards to meet his tongue halfway. Your choked gasps and cries for a break filled the room, covering the sound of his tongue's quick movements in and out of your hole.

It was all Hades' and Aphrodite's fault; under the guise of a meeting, Zeus had called the gods together to drink and party. And those two just had to get drunk and start insulting Poseidon's head-game.

"I bet he doesn't even know where the clit is!"

"You really think Poseidon of all people would give head in the first place?"

You had laughed it off, but Poseidon obviously didn't think it was so funny. It was true he didn't go down all that often, but when he did, you saw stars.

"Oh fuck, fuck me fuck me fuck, Poseidon!" It wasn't your first orgasm of the night, but it may have been the best. You don't know exactly what he did with his tongue just now, but gods did it send you over the edge. Your legs kept his face to your cunt as you came, back arching off the bed and eyes rolling back. Tears, fat, hot and salty, rolled down your face to stain the bed below.

When you finally relaxed, your breaths came in large, slow gasps. Your clit buzzed with sensitivity and your legs trembled, occasionally coming close enough to add fleeting pressure to the well-used spot. You hadn't even realized Poseidon had finally brought himself up from between your legs until you felt his breath on your lips.

He looked every bit as enchanting as the first day you laid eyes on him- no, more. His face glistened in the light, covered in your arousal, pupils blown large enough to take up the entire iris. Hair stuck to his forehead with sweat and his breathing, though quieter, was just as labored as yours.

Your breath caught when you realized you were trapped in his arms. On all sides of you, there he was, big enough to swallow your form with his. The warmth from his body made you hot in a way that sent another another wave arousal from your cunt, further soaking the sheets. One large hand cupped your face, swiping away a tear with its thumb. He brought it to his lips and tasted it, never taking his eyes off yours.

"Why do you cry?" It wasn't a question born of concern; no, rather, he asked out of sadism and pride. He wanted to see the way you blushed and squirmed when you told him that's just how good he made you feel.

A breathy chuckle, then, "I guess I'm just that weak for you."

The look he gave you alone made you moan, loud and shameless, right in his ear.

Fuck. It was all the young god could think.

"Just like that..." The way he said it, so close to a moan, "Keep being weak for me. I love it."

You could've came off those words alone; though the feeling they brought was greater than any orgasm you've experienced. He remained hovering over you, one elbow holding him up while his other hand reached down to your cunt. Three thick fingers, all at once, were shoved inside you as his thumb teased your clit just the way you liked. Embarrassment burned your face red as you yelled and gasped directly under his gaze, tears running hot down your face to stain the pillow bellow. Eyes cold as winter and blue as the ocean watched your expression change with an attentiveness unique to the gods, following each tear trail diligently, admiring the way your eyes rolled back and your moans became nothing more than breathy gasps as you got closer to the edge.

"My Lord, fuck, please-"

"Please what? Use your words."

The most you could manage was random babble. You felt so full from only a few fingers- you couldn't catch your breath. With the way he stared at you, so calm while you were falling apart time and time again, ever strong and firm and intimidating and big...

You glanced down, watching the way his hands stretched and rubbed you. You didn't know when he'd taken his dick out, but there it was, large and hard.

A single bead of precum leaked from the head, dripping down to land on your stomach.

It was too much. It was far too much.

You screamed as you came, and someone in the background of your euphoria, you could hear Poseidon's pleased humming. Your body went rigid, and then relaxed back into the bed. You could hear the wet sounds made as he removed his fingers from your hole, gasping as the cold air hit.

He used his tongue to clean his fingers off, laying beside you and pulling you into his arms. Exhaustion from such intense orgasms quickly pulled you under, and you fell asleep with the sound of his heartbeat in your ear.

-----------

A/N: It's way too easy to make ocean jokes with AFAB reader I need to put my phone down shdjdksh. And damn do I say "breath" "breathing" "breathy" a lot like damn I get it he intakes air.

Sorry if this is rushed I hate making people wait. That being said, I'm going the fuck to sleep. As usual, tell me if I made any grammar mistakes.

[scriptlgbt]

Question First of all, I'm coming at this from a cis woman (maybe? definitely trans misogyny exempt if not cis) perspective, but I'm writing a trans girl in a story I'm currently working on, and I have been tossing around ways to casually state that in the story so that it is firmly and explicitly stated but not falling into the traps of making her whole character be her gender. I've scoured your tags and most of the previous Qs I see seem to have to do with adult or at least older characters, and this character of mine is in elementary school (11 when introduced, to be exact), so I thought I'd ask. Context: the gist of it is that this character and her friends become magical girls, and she is introduced in the middle of the story as a new transfer student, so she is just meeting these other kids. This kid is fully accepted and her gender is affirmed by everyone in her life, no question, so I don't want to misgender her or use transphobia in anyway as a vehicle for mentioning it (e.g. via correcting pronouns misuse or deadnaming).  I've been stewing on this for a while and the idea I came up with was expressing her being trans in casual conversation while her and the central protagonist are bonding over their shared favourite in-universe cartoon. That is, the trans girl expressing casually in the conversation that connecting with the main character (a girl) of that in-universe cartoon helped affirm her sense of gender/gave her gender euphoria. And met with something to the effect of "oh that's neat!" and moving on to continue talking about the cartoon. If that's not a sketchy way to approach it, do you have any tips on how to phrase it perhaps? I don't want to get caught on a "good idea, bad execution" situation if it is appropriate. But if it's not, do you have any other suggestions about how one might express that at such a young age? A lot of the suggestions I saw in previous answers referenced things I think a character as young as mine wouldn't necessarily be experiencing yet (references relating to HRT, etc.) Thanks in advance, and I apologize for the length, I just wanted to be as specific as I could to narrow down the hypothetical work for you folks! 

Answer

IMO this is a pretty good way to do it! Another thing you could have her say are things about helping her figure out who she was. (Not necessary I think, just trying to give you more to go off of.) References to the past with the wording, "when people thought I was a boy" may be okay too, so long as it's very clearly in reference to the fact of it being incorrect, are also okay.

I think also for youngins you can still incorporate little references to trans pride. There are also events specifically for trans children and their parents that happen sometimes in bigger cities. My city has an "all bodies welcome" swim event specifically for trans people of all ages, but it's often marketed specifically as something parents can take their trans children to.

Depending how recent her trans identity was established, here's some other ideas for coming out to the reader.

references of receiving hand-me-downs as a specific gesture of gender affirmation/support by extended family, neighbours and such

a relative "mending" an embroidered baby blanket to have her current name on it

mentions of family-oriented pride events

mentions of relating to other trans characters in media, books, etc

bedrooms, photo albums, sentimental objects, may have references to birth assignment in things like blue or pink baby memorabilia (trans people feel a lot of different ways about childhood photos - I love mine and I think most trans people are neutral, but your mileage may vary)

Followers feel free to add other ideas!

mod nat

[imthebadguyyy]

A/N - based off of this sinful photograph

Suggested listening - Wildside by Normani and Kiss It Better by Rihanna

Wildside

Pairing - Lewis Hamilton x Reader (fem!littlemix!reader)

Fandom - F1

Summary - You've been on tour for a while, and you miss your loverboy. But when he surprises you on tour, its bound to get spicy.

Warnings - smut (not well written)

The snap of hips. The soft groans and moans. The sound of pants. The sound of Rihanna's 'Kiss It Better' blaring through the walls. The bed knocking against the wall as Lewis's hands squeezed your hips, the intensity of the thrust pushing the bed against the wall. The high pitched moan that left your mouth as you reached your high, eyes closing as stars exploded behind your eyelids, as your boyfriend came right after you, your walls clenching as he came. Even after reaching your high, you didn't want to open your eyes, far too consumed in the earth shattering pleasure that was coursing through your veins, until a soft hand reached to pull your chin up, soft brown eyes looking into your own, clouded with lust and euphoria.

Pulling your mouth into his in a heated kiss, Lewis moved his hand to rest on your bare stomach, squeezing your tummy softly as he deepened the kiss. Pulling away he let his head droop onto your bare chest. "That was.." he began, far too blissed out to think of an adjective. "Godly" you said, chest rising and falling rapidly, trying to come to terms with the intensity of your orgasm. Laughing he leaned back up to kiss your nose, before standing up and walking to the bathroom. You heard the tap running, and the sound of the dustbin opening and closing. You closed your eyes again, the aftershocks still coursing through your body.

Opening them again slowly, you saw Lewis walk towards you, towel in hand, and a lazy smile on his face. He gently cleaned your thighs, finishing with kisses on both of them. He reached up and wiped your torso, which was gleaming with a thin layer of sweat, before running the towel over your nose, cheeks, eyes and mouth. He dropped the towel in the clothes hamper near the bathroom door, pulling on his boxer shorts and and pulling out one of his t shirts from the cupboard. "What about the clothes on the floor" you piped up, finally beginning to wake up from your post pleasure state. "When did it get so messy?" He said, spotting 5 different clothing items in 5 different corners of the room. "When you decided to run your hand up my dress in a restraunt" you replied, throwing him a fake glare.

"You liked it" was his cocky reply, smirk spreading over his face as you flushed and ran a hand through your hair. "I did not" you lied, watching as he raised his eyebrows. "Oh really ? Thats not what you were saying 5 minutes ago- oh wait, you weren't saying anything at all. You were too busy moaning my name to say anything else-" "OKAY fine I loved it. Now shut up and bring your fine ass back for cuddles"

*-*-*

That was a month ago. Now you've been away for nearly one and half months, away with the girls on the LM5 tour. You loved touring, it was the best part of being a singer, getting to see the music you girls made together come to life on a stage in front of thousands and thousands of screaming fans. It was a thrill like no other. The only problem was that you were away from home. Distance was never an issue for the two of you, after all, he was a Formula 1 driver. It was very rare that he was home, except during the breaks and the gaps till race weekend, but ever since you two had started dating, he tried to be with you whenever you could. Sometimes, your shows would be in places where the races were too, and then he'd definitely turn up. But it was a difficult thing to do all the time, and some nights on tour were spent pulling all nighters as you talked to each other on the phone, till one of you eventually fell asleep.

But you knew when you started dating him, this wouldn't exactly be a regular relationship. The two of you were doing your dream jobs, and they were both extraordinary. And you were willing to put in the work you had to put in to make the relationship work, and you did. Yet here you were in Madrid, feeling heartbroken and desperately wanting your boyfriend by your side. It had been a rough couple of weeks, you were jet lagged and tired, and although this was the second leg of the tour, and you had had a break, it was tiring. It was hard going to bed every night alone, when all you wanted was to cuddle your boyfriend.

Little did you know, Lewis was feeling the same. In fact he had missed you so much, he had told Angela and his publicist to cancel all events for a week, while he flew out to Madrid to see you. He had missed you, he had missed you more than he could put into words. But he also wanted to surprise you. Pulling out his phone, he scrolled down to Leigh Anne's contact, and sent her a text.

Lewis, Leigh Anne

Hey. Is Y/N asleep ?

Hey! No, she's in an outfit fitting.

Okay that's good. I need your help with something.

Sure how can I help ?

I want to surprise her by coming to see you guys in Madrid.

Oh thats wonderful ! She's been a little down in the dumps. I think she misses you.

I miss her too.

Let me know when, and I'll send a car to pick you up.

I'll be there on Saturday. Landing at 3:15 and I should be at the hotel by 4:30. Then I can get ready and surprise her at the show.

Okay done. I'll send the car around 5:30,so you can rest for a bit. You should be here by 6. The show's at 6:15.

Thank you! Can't wait : )

I'm so happy youre coming to see her ! I'll let the girls know.

*-*-*

As soon as he had finished texting, Lewis decided to start packing, the prospect of seeing you again sending a buzz of happiness running along his veins. God, he had missed you a lot. He turned to Roscoe, the dog sitting by his feet, looking up at his dad with his head cocked to one side. "I'm going to go see Mumma, Roscoe" he explained, smiling as the doggo barked in response. He wouldn't be able to take him to Madrid, he'd have to leave him with a dog sitter, but he couldn't feel too bad about it, since he had had Roscoe with him even when you were gone. And besides, Roscoe enjoyed the dog creche. He couldn't wait for Saturday.

Later in the evening, he sat down with a glass of wine, while the ringtone of your FaceTime rang through the empty house. After a few more seconds of ringing, the call was picked up, your tired face coming into view. "Hi darling" he said, noticing the tiredness in your eyes, and how much you were struggling to keep them open. "Hi bubs. Did you finish eating?" You asked, rubbing your eyes. "No, I've ordered soup" (did anyone get the reference ;) "Oh okay" was the reply. "What about you? What time is it?" "Its 9:20 AM" you replied, gently rubbing your eyes again, forcing yourself to stay awake.

"9:20? Thats pretty late baby. Why are you still sleepy?" "We were recording till 4 AM, so Im functioning on like 5 hours sleep right now" "Oh damn. Go back to sleep then baby" "Can't, rehearsal" was you reply, making him furrow his eyebrows. "Okay I guess. But don't tire yourself out" "I won't" "I love you" he said, smiling at you. "I love you"

*-*-*-*

The Madrid show was always a fun one. The fans were loud and you loved it. They were one of the best crowds you girls ever played for, and the show had its own adrenaline and excitement. But it was difficult to give a 100% when you were tired, but you really tried, you did. During Power, you hit highnotes you didnt think you could, during Woman Like Me you danced like there was no tomorrow. During Wasabi, you brought your sass level up to a 1000. It was during Bounce Back that you caught sight of a very familiar face in the audience. Unable to actually grasp if you had actually seen Lewis, you turned to Jade, who was on your side, and looked back at the crowd and back to her, asking for confirmation.

The smirk she gave you was answer enough. After that, focusing on giving an excellent performance increased tenfold. Every swirl of your hips, every flip of your hair, every wink you threw at the audience, it was all five times sexier. In the crowd, your boyfriend was well aware of what you were doing, and it was fair to say that you were succeeding at it. He could feel an uncomfortable sensation around his pants region, as his cock twitched uncomfortably in his pants. He couldn't wait till the show was over, and you two could have a show of your own.

*-*-*

"That was amazing darling!" Lewis said, spotting the 5 of you in your dressing room. "Oh look its Mr. Loverboy!" Perrie said, cackling as you rolled your eyes at her, before running up to your lover and jumping into his arms. "Hiya Bub! I missed you!" "I missed you too love. That's why I surprised you. I couldn't stand another day without you at home" he said, wrapping his arms around your waist to keep you stable as you jumped into his arms. A chorus of "awws" echoed throughout the room, as the girls watched your cute little interaction. What wasn't cute however was the comment Lewis made in your ear, hiding his face in your ear so that the girls couldn't see. "I can't wait to get back to the hotel. I saw the performance you were putting on for me baby. You have no idea how hard I got, how uncomfortable I was standing in front of so many people when all I really wanted to do was fuck you"

You could feel your mouth become dry, and your heartbeat quicken, and you could feel the area between your thighs become wet. You tightened your grip around him, letting your crotch rub against his very softly. "I think it's time to go" you mumbled against his ear. "Okay girls, as lovely as it was to see you, I think it's time we go back to the hotel. I'm pretty worn out from travelling as well" "Yeah I'm pretty tired too" you replied, faking a large yawn. "Alright then, we'll see you guys tomorrow!" Leigh Anne said, leaning forward to give you a hug. After you finished hugging all the girls, the two of you made your way to the car, eagerly waiting to get back home.

The car ride home was tense. The tension was apparent in the air, reverberating through the air, choking you in a way you revelled in. The air was thick with tension, and it was suffocating you in the best way possible. It was almost too much to take. When the hotel came into sight, you practically leapt out of the car, and rushed to the door, an equally ruffled Lewis beside you. But he was not going to give in to you so easily. He enjoyed seeing you flustered. And he was not a person that gave someone what they wanted when they asked for it,no. He was going to have you desperate for it. Smirking to himself, he made his way to the reception, grabbing you by the waist as he went.

Throwing him a confused look you followed, slightly frustrated. "Hello sir, how can I help you?" the man at the reception asked, eyes going slightly wide as he recognized the two of you. "Hi! I just wanted to ask, till what time is your pool and spa open?" He asked, sliding his hand down to the back of your dress. "The pool closes at 10 pm sir, and the spa at 9 pm. We open the pool at 7 am and the spa at 11pm"he replied, struggling to maintain his professionalism as he spoke to one of the best drivers in Formula 1. "Alright thank you. And what time does breakfast start?" Lewis asked, hand pressing down on your ass, ever so discreetly. "Breakfast is from 6-10 am sir" "Thank you so much"

Next to him, you were fuming. Of course he was going to ask questions to which he already knew the answers to. A painful throb between your legs made you let out a small whimper, and the man at the reception looked at you with concern in his eyes. "Ma'am are you alright?" He asked, eyeing your stiff posture and tense state. "Yes, just tired, thank you" you replied, a little stiffly, but it was hard to concentrate when Lewis's promise of fucking you senseless kept replaying in your mind. "Alright then, good night" Lewis said, biting back a smirk at your flustered state. He knew getting you all riled up would lead to some seriously earth shattering sex, and he couldn't wait. But first, he definitely wanted to tease you, to push you over the edge, just a little more.

Your room was on the 16th floor, and as the two of you made your way into the elevator, he eyed you up and down, eyes lingering on the curve of your breasts. The minute the door shut, he pushed you against the wall, capturing your lips in a steamy kiss you'd be remembering the next day. His hands moved to your ass, squeezing hard, eliciting a moan from your lips. The moment your lips parted, he was pushing his tongue into yours, his other hand coming up to pull on your hair roughly, relishing in the gasp that left your lips. As suddenly as he started, he stopped, pulling back and standing almost nonchalantly against the wall.

Trying to wrap your head around what happened, you gripped the wall with your hand, feeling your legs grow weak to a point where you felt like you couldn't stand on your own. You could feel your wetness dripping, threatening to run down your thighs, as the throbbing became even more painfully exciting. You looked down at the floor, eyes closing as your frustration grew more and more by the second. Finally, with a little 'ding', the elevator stopped at the 16th floor. The moment the door opened you stepped out on wobbly legs, trying your best to walk properly. But of course, that wasn't going to happen. As you turned one long corridor, Lewis suddenly grabbed your waist, pushing you against the wall again, to reach down and suck on your neck. You let out a gasp, and tried to run your crotch against his, but the retaliated with a slap to your ass, smirking when a high pitched moan left your lips. Lifting you up against the wall, he mumbled against your ear "the key card" your clouded mind was unable to process the words, too consumed by slight relief you were getting. "Get the key card baby" he repeated. This time you noted it, reaching down to his pants pocket to pull out the key card. You couldn't resist running your hand over his cock, feeling how rock hard he was. The thought of him fucking you senseless returned, and you let out a groan.

Grabbing the card from your hand, he opened the door, propping you up against the door in your bedroom. His eyes were filled with a raw, animal desire, as he dropped the card on the floor and reached up to unzip your dress. He ripped the zipper down, your dress falling to the floor in a crumpled heap. He locked his eyes on your heaving chest, hand reaching up to grab your chin, pulling you in for a searing kiss. His hand slid up your torso, reaching behind to unhook the red lacy bra you were wearing, letting it drop to the floor as he took in the glorious sight in front of him. You waited, wanting him to just touch you, but he just stared, eyes looking into yours, clearly saying "beg for it"

You couldn't help the soft "please" that left your lips, too desperate for some sort of touch. "Please what?' Lewis said, tightening his grip on your waist. "Please" was all you could say again, nearly whimpering again at the rough look in his eyes. "Use your words baby. Now, please what?" "Please just touch me!" You finally gasped out, moaning loudly when he licked a stripe down your chest before taking your right tit into his mouth. His hand fondled the left one, running his thumb over your erect nipple, the rough pad of his thumb sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. His mouth sucked on the skin of your tit, before moving down to bite down on your nipple. You gasped again, pain and pleasure coursing through your body as his tongue ran over your nipple over and over till it nearly felt raw. He switched his actions, moving his mouth to your left tit instead, letting his hand harshly fondle the other. He continued the same process of biting, licking and sucking, till he was satisfied with himself. "I fucking love this baby. Seeing you all wet and needy for me. So what do you want? My mouth? My fingers? My cock? Or does my baby want them all ?" He asked, watching as your pupils dilated and you let out a strangled moan.

You let your crotch rub against his thigh, gasping when the friction went straight to your core. "Look at you darling. I asked you what you what you wanted, and you picked my thighs? Well, I want to see you dripping. I want to see you cum on my fingers, my mouth, my thighs and especially on my cock. I'm going to make you cum over and over and over again till you can't even stand on your own fucking legs. I want your thighs to be shaking around my head. I want to see you moan and groan and scream my name so loud, by tomorrow everyone in this hotel will know my name, because you'll spend all night screaming it" you moaned again, his words going straight to your core."Please Lewis, God, just make me cum please!" The desperation of your cry was enough for him to carry you to the bed, dropping your body onto the soft mattress.

He pulled of shirt, unbuttoning every button so you could see him do it. He could see your eyes grow dark, as his compass tattoo came into sight. You had told him it was one of your favourites, and he had used it against you ever since you had told him that. Smirking at you, he climbed onto the bed, lying down between your legs. You pushed yourself up against the headboard, spreading your legs wide for him. His eyes grew dark, as your core came into his view, shimmering with your juices. A near animalistic growl left his mouth, the sound hitting your core. He moved so that he was situated right in front of your core. He let his eyes take in the sight of you in front of him, snapping back to reality when you let out a groan of frustration. Throwing you a devilishly reassuring smile, he inched neared and nearer, till his nose was nearly touching your clit. Then he just lay there. Not moving. You could feel your heartbeat hammering against your chest, chest heaving up and down, an alarming intense feeling growing in your tummy. Finally, when it became too much you let out a small scream of frustration "Oh for fucks sake Lewis please just fuck me!" Your outburst brought a smile to his face. "Oh I will. Just not yet" and with that, he ran a finger along your slit, before finally slipping it into you. You let out a moan, finally getting the friction you had been desperate for. His fingers circled your clit, thumb gently pressing down, before he removed it,only to slam it back down on your sensitive clit, earning a scream of pleasure from you.

He slipped a second finger into you, scissoring around your clit, as your desperate cries of "oh, oh baby! Fuck, fuck lewis-" were lost in the heat of the moment. He leaned his head down to your core, letting his tongue run along your slit too, before licking around it, collecting your wetness on his tongue, before letting it harshly circle your clit. You bucked up into his mouth, feeling his tongue wrap around your clit. He sucked the nub harshly, his fingers still moving in and out of you. "Oh God, Oh GOD, Lew-I- oh! Oh God!" Your broken moans were music to his ears as he sucked your clit into his mouth. You could feel a strange intensity growing in your stomach, feeling a lot stronger than your usual orgasm. The band in your tummy was threatening to snap, but you needed that something more to help it snap. That something more came when Lewis sucked your clit into his mouth, letting it rest in between his teeth, before flicking it with his tongue.

With a cry of "Oh fucking hell, Lew-" you camr gushing into his mouth, your juices coating his fingers and gushing onto his tongue, as he let you ride out your orgasm on his deadly skilled tongue. Well, he had got his wish. Your thighs were shaking around his head, as your body tried to come to terms with the intensity of the pleasure coursing through your body. Looking down, you saw him with his painfully hard cock, grinding down on the sheet, as he let out a moan at the relief the bedsheets gave him. Raising an eyebrow, you patted your thigh, signaling him to come over to you. "You loved on me so well bubs. But I can see how hard you are. Do you want to use me to get off?" You asked, watching the effect you had on him. All he could do was nod, as you sat up on your knees. "Stand up" you ordered, getting up from the bed as well.

You walked over to the wall, letting your body rest against it. Somewhat confused, Lewis followed you, standing in the space between your legs. "I tried to get off using your thighs didn't I? I think you'll enjoy it as much as I did. So use me. Use my thigh. Get off" looking at you in pure shock, your boyfriend moved forward, groaning when you pushed your leg against his throbbing cock. He relished in the friction, slowly beginning to move against your leg, moaning when he began to rub against your leg. He began to hump your leg faster, as the pleasure began to build up in his body, before you reached your hand down to cup his length in your hands, moaning when you realized your fingers didn't quite meet. You ran your fingers along his length. You pumped him, letting your thumb circle his sensitive tip, eliciting a soft whine from him. You circled faster, moving down to your knees, and letting your tongue run up his shaft very softly. Above you, Lewis slammed his hands against the wall, groaning when you took him into your mouth.

But a part of him still wanted to cum inside when he was fucking you (in a condom, because wrap it before you tap it) so he pulled you back up, smirking when you whined. "I know baby, but I just really wanna fuck you now. Back on the bed please, unless you want me to take you here against this wall" practically running, you clambered onto the bed. You watched as Lewis pulled out a condom, ripping the packet open before climbing back on top of you. He let his hand rest on your hip, eyes temporarily losing some of the animalistic need that had been present in them. Leaning down, he connected your lips together in a kiss, a searing, intense kiss that took your breath away. "Ready love?" He asked, looking into your eyes, looking to see if there was even a slight hint that you didn't want this. But you did.

With a sudden jolt, he thrust himself into you, groaning when your warm walls clamped down on him. His hips thrust into you, starting off slow, letting you adjust to his massive length. "My sweet baby,taking me so well. Does it feel good?" You couldn't even respond, mouth agape, as his the pace of his thrusts increased. "Answer me" he said, suddenly stopping. Almost crying out at the loss of pleasure, you looked at him with desperation. "Yes yes, fuck it feels so good, please don't stop!" "Thats all you had to say baby" he said, before pushing in again, slowly. Then, he pulled back out. Looking at him in confusion, you gasped when he slammed back into you, a high pitched moan of "Lewis!" leaving your lips. He moved so that he had a better hold of your hips, rocking the both of you back and forth, the intensity of his thrusts was so much that the bed knocked back against the wall. What he wasn't expecting was for you to take his left thumb up to your mouth, running your tongue over it before sucking on it.

Moaning, he started thrusting into you even harder, shifting so that he was directly hitting your g spot. "Oh, God ! Oh fuck, Baby that feels so good please keep going keep-oh!" The cry that left your lips was so loud, you were sure Perrie in the room next to yours had heard you. "Fuck baby, you take me so well" Lewis said, as he nearly hammered your g spot. He was so, so damn close to cumming, and when you leant up and bit a sensitive spot on his neck, he came, gushing into the guard between you two, but he wanted you to cum to, so he reached down to pinch and rub your clit, still riding out his orgasm in you, moaning when you came with a scream. He winced when your core spasmed on his sensitive cock, and he pulled out slowly, before collapsing next to you. Panting, you curled up to him, letting your hand rest on his compass tattoo. "Okay that was Godlike" you said, earning a tired laugh from your lover.

"Yeah it really was. I missed you" he said, allowing you to nuzzle into his neck, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. "I missed you too" you replied, kissing the tattoo. "I love you too" As you lay there together, still revelling in the moment, your phone buzzed. Reaching over to check it, you saw your groupchat with the girls flooding with messages.

-*-*-

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - Y/N, I'm filing a noise complaint. 🍆

Jade ✨ - Pez 😂 let them be. It's been a while for her.

Leigh 🦋- She really got some tonight huh? 😏

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️- LOL she did !! And it was obviously some goooood 'some' *wink wink*

Jade ✨- I could hear em too, and Im on the other end of the hall.

Leigh 🦋 - I know I did too! Must be some damn good sex. 😏

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - Go Y/N !!

Jade ✨ - Can't wait till she reads this.

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - Are they still going?!

Leigh 🦋 - No 😂 she's reading the messages. Y/N!! Yoohoo!

You - yes I'm here 🖕🏽

Jade ✨ - Did you have fun babe 😏

You - ..... yes

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - babe you can't really say no because we heard you

You- Im not saying I didn't have fun. But you guys need to calm down.

Leigh 🦋 - But its funnn

You - okay byeeee ❤

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - Going for a round 2 😏?

You - okay I said bye.

Leigh 🦋 - she is !!

Jade ✨ - Go babe !

You - I need to leave this group.

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - No we love you !! ❤

Leigh 🦋 - Yeah don't leave us ❤

Jade ✨- Don't leave meee ! ❤

You - Haha I'd never leave you girls ❤ now bye.

Jade ✨ - bye babe !

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - bye you sexy minx 😏

Leigh - bye hun 💙

*-*-*

Smiling to yourself, you put your phone away, to see Lewis looking at you with a raised eyebrow. "Who was it?" "Just the girls" you said, cuddling back up to him. "What did they say?" Giggling, you looked up to him and kissed his neck. "They said they're going to file a noise complaint. And they asked me if we were going for a round two" "Were we really that loud?" He asked, looking at you in surprise. "Yeah, even Leigh heard us and she's at the end of the hall!" "Damn" Lewis said laughing. "Well," he said, looking at you again, with a cheeky look in his eye, "they were right about one thing" "And what is that?" You asked, smiling at him mischievously. "We are going for a round two"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

@maxverstappenx @grandestrategia (because you are worth it 🦋💙)

[ravenclaw-daydreams]

𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐦 | 𝐣𝐨𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐞

Warnings: smut, adult content, vaginal sex, creampie, oral (f and m receiving)

Summary: You ask Joe what he's been doing while he's been out for the past few nights, and you don't say it, but he knows what you're insinuating. You end up having him sleep on the couch, but in the morning, you wake up to a lovely surprise.

Masterlist

A/n: Needed something to satiate my joe cole yearning so here's some smut or whateva

It had been the third night in a row. The third night in a row where you sat in the exact same chair, trying to finish the exact same book, waiting for your fiancé to get home.

He had been busy the past few nights, that you could understand. But a triple offence of staying out past 3 in the morning didn't sit right with you. You even talked about it with your sister, and you already knew what she was insinuating.

But you continued to give him the benefit of the doubt. You trusted him with everything in you. You had to. You loved him so much, and you trusted that he would always feel the same, regardless of how long he decided to stay out.

But the thought still lingered. It ate at you like a termite to wood. The sudden opening of the front door snapped you out of your intrusive thoughts, your eyes flicking up off the words on the page you weren't even reading.

Joe came around the corner and muttered a small 'fuck' when he saw you sitting in your chair, the lamp next to you illuminating the worry on your face. You gently closed the book after marking the page and set it on the table next to you.

"I think you already know what I'm going to ask you, Joe," you were the first to break the ice, Joe taking his coat off and setting it on the arm of the couch, exposing his maroon cable-knit sweater.

"I just got caught up with my mates, darlin'," he tried to explain, his arms now crossed in defense.

"People don't come back from the pub at three in the morning looking almost completely sober," you were now crossing your own arms, not wanting to jump to conclusions this quickly.

"You know how they can get, I just want to make sure they get home alright."

"And I get that, Joe, I do. But this is the third night in a row you've been out so late," you pointed out, making the man across from you sigh.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I just get carried away sometimes."

You then approached him, letting out a sigh in defeat, now wrapping your arms around him and pressing your face into his shirt. That's when you tensed.

Before he could properly hug you back, you were pulling away, your brows furrowed, a look of betrayal flashing across your face.

"What is that?" you asked, tears welling up in your eyes in spite of yourself, "That perfume isn't mine, Joe, and I know it isn't your cologne, Joe, what is that?"

"What?" he asked, genuinely confused, "Darlin, I have no idea what you're talking about," a look of realization plastered itself on his features, "What are you getting at?" his eyes narrowed.

"Well think about it, Joe! You spend 3 nights taking your sweet time getting home and when you do get home, you smell like someone else!"

"You really don't think I would do that to you...?" he looked hurt, but you looked worse.

"I don't want to. I really, really don't want to, Joe, trust me, but... god I just," you took a second to wipe your tears, "I think it would be best if you slept on the couch tonight, yeah?"

Joe stayed silent as he nodded his head. And with that, he left your line of sight, off to fetch blankets and pillows. That's when you slipped away up the stairs and into the bedroom.

That's when the dam broke and you began to sob, tears you tried so hard to keep in finally being released, your form hunched over as you sat on the edge of the bed, still messy and unmade from your... activities earlier the past morning.

You ended up just changing into panties and one of Joe's band t-shirts, curling up under the covers, dreading the talk that you and your fiance were most likely going to be having when you woke up.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡　　　ﾟ+..｡*ﾟ+

The first thing you felt was warmth. A heat stirring in your core as you tried to brush it off as nothing more than a little morning arousal. But it wasn't until you felt the hand that wrapped around your thigh that your eyes started to force themselves open.

Once you opened your eyes, the sunlight that streamed through the curtains was the first thing that you saw. But then, you felt it fully, and you turned your head, met with the sight of Joe with his head buried between your legs, devouring you know that he knew that you were awake.

Your noises that were once gasps and heavy breaths were now multiplied into moans and whimpers as your fingers went down, gripping his locks as he continued to lick and suck everything he could reach with his mouth, his nose bumping up against your clit.

"Fuck, Joe," you whimpered out, your eyes rolling back as your body felt as if it were going to explode. The coil in your stomach was tightening without letting up, and Joe knew you were close.

To push you over the edge, you felt two of his fingers find their way inside your tight cunt, already wet from his current licking, and you moaned out loudly at the sensation of his fingers opening you up.

"Cum for me," his words were muffled, but the vibrations from his baritone voice sealed your fate, tipping you over the edge as your body tensed up and you whined out, your eyes clenched shut as you felt waves of pleasure crash violently over you.

He helped you ride out your high as your sleepy brain tried to focus itself. You finally were down to earth enough to look down at him, a lazy smile crossing your lips.

"Good morning, love," he started, before making his way up your body and kissing your lips gently, the taste of yourself on his tongue.

"Morning," you lazily smiled.

"You know, about last night,"

"I'm stopping you right there," you started, "Let's just... have our morning, then talk about this later."

Joe smirked and nodded, watching as you shifted yourself downwards, you and him finally realizing how hard he really was after eating you out.

His tip was bright pink and flushed, throbbing as precum leaked from it. You gently wrapped your hand around it. He let out a shuddered breath as he felt you grasp it, swallowing when one of your hands cupped his balls.

Suddenly, he gasped, your lips going around the tip, some tension released as he felt your soft skin against him. Your lips started to slip up and down his shaft, his lips parting as his eyebrows furrowed. His hands found their way to your scalp as you continued your movements.

Abruptly, you pushed yourself all the way down, taking him all the way in, relaxing your throat the best you could as you felt him stretch it out.

"Fuck, love, your mouth is so- fuck" he gasped when you pulled yourself back up, tears welled up in your eyes from trying to suppress your gag reflex.

Your hand continued to stroke him as you did your best to catch your breath, but Joe suddenly stopped you.

"Stop, stop," he panted, "Don't want to cum yet. Want to cum inside you, is that alright?" he asked politely.

Seeing as you were on the pill and he knew that as well, you smiled and nodded, moving swiftly up his frame as you were now face to face.

"Beautiful," he muttered as he raised his hand to caress your cheek as you began to hover yourself over his shaft.

You positioned yourself then slowly descended down, both of you gasping at the sensation of his cock seemingly splitting you open. You couldn't contain your moans as your eyes closed in ecstasy, trying your hardest to adjust yourself.

You struggled with your composure as you continued to bottom yourself out, hushed gasps and whimpers leaving your lips as you felt your tight heat completely cover his hard shaft.

At last, your body finally got used to the familiar feeling of him inside you, causing you to begin smooth and slow movements across his pelvis, making him groan out at the sensation of your heat dragging across his cock.

Up and down you went, doing your best to keep with a rhythm, Joe's groans of bliss driving you to go faster, harder.

Soon enough, you were disregarding the man underneath you, now using him to pleasure yourself as you lost yourself in your own ecstasy. You bounced on him with no motive other than to make yourself cum.

"Come on, love, use that cock," he gasped, "Use that cock to make yourself cum, come on."

His words of encouragement went straight to your core as you felt yourself get closer and closer to the precipice of pleasure. You couldn't help but keen for more, looking like an angel on top of him, sweat sparkling on your chest, your breathless expression enough to make Joe cum right then and there.

Finally, you felt the coil inside you crack like a whip, waves of heat and euphoria crashing over your body, making you tense and shake as you let go, your cunt clenching around your partner's cock like a vice, starting a chain reaction, the feeling of him cumming inside you while you orgasmed almost enough to make you build up again.

You panted as you dismounted him, slipping away to his side on your back, your chest rising and falling with each breath. He helped ground you, wrapping his arms around your blissed-out form, whispering sweet nothings of praise into your ear, telling how amazing you did and how lucky he was to call you his.

"Fuck," you managed to get out through labored breaths, your body still buzzing from your orgasm.

"Fuck is right, love," he smirked, letting his hand mindlessly drift up and down the bare skin of your arms.

After a prolonged silence, you finally spoke, "I trust you."

He looked down at you, grateful that you truly did trust him, trusting that he wouldn't ever do anything like what you thought.

"I love you," he muttered, now holding your face in his hands.

"I love you too."

[thevoidscreams]

I don't care which slashers/killers you do for this BUT...... May I have some killers hcs meeting their male s/o for the first time? 🥺👉👈

also I know I need to get through what little writings I have planned done and out so I can do these in return and maybe do somethin for ya

I really tried here, I'm sorry if it's not exactly what you wanted. I love these two and I wanted to write more for them. Please let me know if you'd like me to change them at all or if they seem wrong.

Ghostface:

Danny Johnson did not have a tolerant upbringing. His family, despite lacking any sort of faith, was a family built on the foundation that men only slept with women. That's just how it was and that that was how nature had kept things going. When Danny realized he didn't just get hard when looking at naked girls however, life became a lot harder. Literally.

Collage was the escape he needed. He took off and never looked back. Ghosting his family before it was a regular thing. He could finally be who he really was.

The first time he saw you was at a party and he knew something was different. Just introducing himself felt like a life or death situation, he couldn't fuck this up. Some deep part of him needed you to like him, needed you to want him. Danny man not have called it love at first sight but it was definitely something. When you left you took his number and promised to hang out later. You had similar schedules so it would be easy. Right?

You threw a wrench into every plan he'd set in place. All his aspiring affairs with other people died the moment you gave him your name. Your perfect name.

Danny begins every morning thinking about you and would lay down at night with you on his mind till he faded into sleep. Everyday for months you plague his thoughts. Your chill sessions are basically dates in his mind. Even if it's just bumming it on the dorm couches with Mariocart and eating cheap greasy pizza. He cherishes every moment. It has to be more, he thinks, your too nice, too friendly and some of your remarks could be taken as flirting. You're not like this with your other friends. Just with him.

He plans to ask you out but for the first time in his life he's scared by the idea of getting a no. The thought of being rejected by you makes him feel legitimately sick to his stomach. What if he's misread all your signals and your disgusted by his advances. What if you call him all the awful things his old high-school friends did when he came out to them. He needs you to know how he feels, keeping it all in is making him feel anxious.

He was mulling it over in his mind when he got a call, answering it to hear your voice caused a sudden feeling of euphoria within him. "Hey, can we meet up?" Your voice was shaky and you sounded unsure. But Danny agreed right away, assuring you he had the time and was happy to meet up.

You two got coffee together all the time but today there was something more to it. The way you laughed and bumped his shoulder with your fist, the way you smiled awkwardly like you were trying to keep something from him. Danny was getting worried as he looked down at you. "Is everything alright shortstake? You seem off today."

You took a deep breath and looked him right in the eyes. "DannyIlikeyou" you blurted out cheeks red and eyes wide in panic. "I'm sorry I just I couldn't do it anymore," you looked away, "keeping it all in made me feel so awful and I just needed you to know. I'll understand if you don't feel the same way about me and if you don't want to see me again I'll understand that too but-"

He kissed you, right there in front of all of the coffee shop patrons and employees. To his amazement a few people wooped and clapped.

Danny pulled away, he took his coffee in one hand and then your hand in his other.

"Let's go somewhere more private."

He led you to a little pond, there were ducks and water lilies. It was quiet, peaceful, the perfect place to have a heart to heart.

The talk that followed was long and he explained at great lengths how he felt about you.

You confirmed some of the things he suspected, embarrassed by how easily he read you. At the end of it all you were both a bit teary eyed.

"So I guess what I'm trying to say here is, I love you." You did cry after hearing that, so happy and relieved he felt the same way. You kissed him, and he responded in kind, with only the ducks as witnesses this time. They didn't make a peep about the kiss....but they did quack.

Thomas Hewitt:

Tommy knew something was different the first time he met you. You were just a new hire at the meat plant but he couldn't take his eyes off you. The poor thing didn't know what to do. So he just watched. Intrigued by the feelings he felt when he did.

"Good morning Thomas." You'd nod as you passed him to get to your work station. He'd grunt in reply and nod. Happy to see you.

"Hey Tom, lunch time! Thank God for lunch breaks am I right?" Your hand was firm as you passed him, clapping his shoulder. He liked when you touched him, no one ever touched him unless he was also being yelled at. But your touch was different and it was good.

"See ya tomorrow Tommy." You groaned tiredly after a long shift, promising to see him tomorrow. He hoped to see you everyday for the rest of his life.

It was a system, a pattern, it was something Tommy relied on, like a clock, you were on time and followed the routine.

Except this morning, you weren't here. The supervisor was passing by to inspect the work station.

"Where the hell is that freaky bastard at?" He asked pointing to your station. Tommy shrugged, he didn't know, probably the bathroom. "Yeah well you might want to keep your distance, I heard from some the other guys that he's one of them men lovers. If it were up to me he'dhave never come here, but the boss says we're 'short staffed'." The snicker that bubbled up from him was disgusting and he mouthed off a few insults and slurs before walking off to finished his rounds.

Tommy was angry, more than usual at least. He wanted to take that supervisor's head and crush it under his mallet. Instead he stripped his apron off and went to the bathroom. Still a tiny part of him was happy, glad to know he wasn't alone.

The bathroom was never locked, it couldn't be, the lock was broken and building management was too cheap to replace it. So Tommy pushed through the door and listened. A soft rhythmic sound greeted him. Soft uneven breathing, muffled by the walls of the stall. He knew that sound, it was all too personal to him.

He stepped in front of the stall and their sounds turned panicked like they knew they'd been caught.

He knocked on the wood so gently and as it swung open he confirmed his suspensions. Your eyes were red and swollen, a large bruise on your cheek. Tommy saw red as he looked over your generally disheveled appearance.

You were trying to hide the fact that you'd been crying.

"Hey Tommy, what's happening brother? The uh... supervisor send you in here to find me or something?" When you tried to push past him to get to the sinks Thomas stopped you with one big arm.

"Uh you good?" Your voiced trembled and it torn Tommy apart to hear the man he loved so distressed. His big arms pulled you in, holding your smaller body against his massive one. He just didn't care anymore, he didn't care if you knew, or if the whole world knew. People already called him a freak for the way he looked. They were wrong, Thomas wasn't a freak, not for the way he looked or for the way he felt. Neither were you for that matter. When you hugged him back his heart soared. "Thank you." You cried softly, face buried in his chest.

The gentle giant wiped a tear away, carefully as not to agitated the bruise. He grunted and ran his thumb around the edge of the darkening spot.

"Don't worry about that, some of the guys found out about my...well I'm sure you know or have at least heard." Thomas nodded, still holding you. "We should probably get back to our stations."

Tommy was hesitant but he let you go to wash your face and fix your appearance. Things were going to be hard for the both of you. But hard was nothing new to him he was used to fighting for equal footing with others, fighting to get what he wanted always fighting. But this time it really was something worth fighting for. This time it was you.

[rinstars]

pool party

pairing: suna x reader

genre: smut

word count: 2k+

tags: fingering, penetration, public sex, dacryphilia, size kink, a tiny bit of praise, degradation/humiliation, mention of toys, strangers/neighbors sex, overstimulation, multiple use of different names, kind of dubcon

description: when you decided to go for a swim in the middle of the night on the private pool of your apartment complex to relax and things took a different turn.

after getting through a whole week filled with nothing but paperworks, meetings, and deadlines – you need a good swim. that's what you tell yourself as you shuffle around your room to search for your phone and towel, setting it on the bed as you pick out a good bathing suit to wear for your little relaxing swim on the pool of your building.

it's close to midnight. surely, you would be the only one in the space, giving you the alone time you've been praying for the whole week. speeding along the hallways and into the elevator with your robe wrapped around your body, you feel excitement bubble through your stomach at the thought of finally getting rest.

you wait patiently, tapping your foot on the marble until the elevator opened, presenting you with a sight you did not expect to see. standing shirtless in the pool, with half of his body submerged into the water, is your neighbor suna rintaro.

the gasp that escaped your lips was unavoidable as you looked at the hard muscle of his abdomen littered with water droplets, his wet long hair pushed back from his face with a bored, nonchalant look. wetness started pooling on the bikini you're wearing, making you curse yourself in the head. truthfully, you haven't been able to release your frustrations for a whole week, so one could only guess how much you're aching to be touched.

refusing to look like a fool in front of suna, you decided against hopping back in the elevator and dismissing the idea of a swim. your nimble fingers reach the knot of your robe, undoing it before shrugging it off your shoulders and onto the floor. you didn't miss the way he watches you shamelessly, following your every move with a sharp gaze.

when you eventually dipped in the pool, you stayed as far from him as possible, scared if you were within close proximity, you would do something regrettable.

barely any light illuminates the pool, your bodies below the water almost invisible to the eye. an idea pops into your head, admittedly a stupid idea, but you couldn't ignore the throb between your legs. turning your back against suna, you let your fingers run from your stomach to the band of your bikini, slipping your fingers in and parting your folds open. you let out an inaudible gasp at the cold water enveloping your twitching bud.

you didn't move for a while, just letting yourself feel the cold water wash away the heat of your warm cunt. lost in the mild feeling of euphoria, you didn't hear the movement of someone getting close to you, the ripples he created in the water unnoticed. it wasn't until you felt someone grip your wrist from behind did you jump at the realization that suna must have noticed what you were trying to do.

wordlessly, he pulled your fingers away from inside your panties, tugging on the wrist he caught earlier. you let him, face flushed from combined embarrassment and arousal. his hard chest is pressed on your back, making you almost want to throw your head back and lean to him. he shifted a little, causing a hard muscle to bump in the middle of your thighs, making you to let out a disgruntled groan.

in your head, you thought fuck it and started to slowly push your behind to him, so your ass is resting on his hardening cock. however, cold and wrinkled fingers suddenly pressed on your clit, making you scream out. he slapped a hand on your mouth, pulling you closer to him as his fingers circle your clit with such ferocity.

"even the water can't wash away how fucking wet you are." he growls in your ear, nibbling on the lobe as he continues his torture on your twitching clit. you spread your legs father, allowing him to slip his fingers further in you. the pads of his calloused fingers reached your slit, pushing two fingers in it with warning.

"s-suna." you throw your head back, clenching your walls around him as he assaults your pussy with the repeated, harsh pumps of his digits. his tongue is latched on your neck, sucking bruises on the skin with his teeth.

"if you wanted me that bad, you should've just said so from the beginning, baby." he whispered with a teasing smile before inserting a third finger in you and stretching you out with his scissoring. you feel your legs tremble, losing the strength to stay still and standing, but the way he's ramming his fingers upwards keep you upright.

"you didn't know the walls separating us our thin?" he spoke with a teasing tone but you weren't able to catch on, until he continued. "you think i don't hear you moaning my name out as you pump toys in and out of your cunt, you fucking slut?"

you gasp, both at shock from the statement and the way he's fingering you knuckles deep now, with the addition of his thumb rubbing digits on your sensitive clit. you didn't know what to say at the statement. there's no point in denying something that's real.

instead, you rock on his finger, almost as if you're riding his fingers to orgasm. his other hand gripped your jaw, turning your face to him. you were going to close the distance for a kiss when he denied you and instead pushed your mouth open before spitting on it.

"swallow it, bunny." he instructs, watching you with animalistic eyes. arousal spreads through you even more as you swallow, eyes rolling to the back of your head in pleasure. he turns you on so much. you've been imagining his fingers in you since the moment he moved next door, the feeling of his beautiful athlete fingers splitting you apart.

you were about to release a large moan when he shushed you again, turning the both of you around. shock replaced the confusion written on your face as you heard approaching voices, eyes widening at the possibility of being caught.

"oh, you like that?" he laughed in your ear as his fingers started moving even faster than before (if that was even possible). "clenching at the thought of being caught, huh? what a dumb little slut you are."

it was all just too much – his dirty talk and long fingers fuelling your desire. your hips bucked for the last time as you cum around his fingers, coating his hand with your slick.

he retracted his hands away from your pussy but remained his hold around your body, facing the two other boys now swimming in the very same pool you're both in. you felt him nod in greeting as the others smiled back at both of you, noticing the way one of them stares at your breast a little longer than necessary.

they both swim a little closer to you and suna, starting a small talk you couldn't care to join in. not when all of your strength has been reduced to nothing just a few minutes ago.

you were nodding along to the conversation when you felt your panties being pushed aside, making you gasp when you realize that it is, in fact, suna's throbbing cock.

the guys snapped their attention to you when they heard you make the noise, asking you if you're fine. with a hard nod and a tight smile, you assure them it's nothing. with much effort, you feel the tip of his cock slip inside your tightening cunt, making you bite your lip to prevent a sound from escaping. in your head, you curse at the boys in front of you for making it way too difficult to act, but then you knew that this is exactly what suna wanted.

your harsh glare on the duo never faltered, not once, until one of them noticed and hurriedly tried to pull the other way, whispering something about how they're taking up too much of your time. a flood of relief washes over you, and the moment they're a good distance away, suna once again turns your back to where the audience are.

"what a good girl." his fingers brush the damp hair falling on your face. he angled his hips better before slowly continuing to ease in your little cunny.

you have always imagined suna was a big guy, from the way he's built and how ridiculously tall he looks. but what you didn't expect is that he was this huge. you have never failed to accommodate something when you're being penetrated, but half way in with suna and you're already overstimulated. by the time he's all the way in, you gasp as your fingers fly to your lower abdomen, feeling his tip all the way there.

"fuck, you're so – ahh, s-so big." you grip his forearms as he began slowly pushing his length balls deep. the coil in your stomach tightening by the minute as he continuously tortures you with the lazy buckles of his hips.

"please move faster, suna, p-please please." you beg him, tears lining the edge of your eyes and a broken sob makes its way out of your throat.

suna felt his cock twitching and hardening at the sight of your face, tears moistening your eyes with a pout etched on your lips. "when you imagine me fucking you do i go slow like this or do i split you apart with my cock, hmm?"

humiliation fills you at the thought of him hearing you get off to his name every night but you certainly can't stop now, not with his cock wrapped in your tightness at a public pool where people are also swimming. with a choke, "y-you split me apart your cock."

he didn't even need to reply after that as he pulls his cock all the way back before slamming all of him into you again. his tip repeatedly kissing the opening of your cervix, making you let out a rather loud moan. he pinched your clit at that, the other hand wrapped around your throat.

"do you want a show? make a sound again, baby, and i'll show them what kind of slut you are." he threatens, kissing your cheeks and temples as tears keep falling – from the pain of having to keep your voice down to escape humiliation.

the water below you is moving so rapidly that it's creating ripples and bubbles to the surface, paired with the squelching sounds from where your bodies meet each other. he fucks your cunt deep and hard, making you feel every protruding vein along with every inch of his skin.

"does this compare? to the toys you stuff your cunt with?" he taunts you, groaning as he feels you clamp down on him even tighter. when you refuse to open your mouth in fear of making a sound, suna pulls your bra down from your breast, exposing your nipples to the harsh cold air. you immediately trembled at the feeling, head falling down as your face contorts in bliss. you were sure if suna wasn't holding you by the neck, you would have submerged into the water already.

with a strained sound, you managed to say. "nothing c-compares. your cock is so fat, so g-good — a-ahh suna.. 'm so stuffed."

when his fingers swirl your nipples, pinching both sides as he pumps himself into you along with his whispered degradation in your ear, it was all just too much. you feel your vision turning white as orgasm bubbles through your body.

suna curses a string of fuck as he feels you squeeze the seed out of him, almost as if you're telling him to cum with you but refusing to let him go at the same time. "want to be my little cumdump, bunny? want me painting your insides white?"

you nod at him with eagerness, chin touching the knuckles of the hand on your throat as you cream around him one last time, releasing your sticky juice into his cock. soon after, he fills you up too. you feel the sticky liquid gushing and dancing inside you, trailing down your thighs as it overflows.

"no no no no, clench, my angel. don't let a single drop out." he hums in your ear before pulling away from you and placing your panties back in place after your bra.

you nod, clenching your walls before eventually collapsing in his arms from exhaustion. he wraps his arms around you and kisses the top of your head, "are we taking this to your house or mine?"

[thelittlepalmtree]

Okay, now that it's been a few hours since I got caught up on euphoria I want to talk about some of the concerns I have for the show.

Now the biggest concern I have which anyone who knows me will not be surprised is that this is a show about very diverse characters primarily about young girls that is written and directed by a white man. And I just think that sometimes we should step back and ask ourselves am I the person to tell this story? Because Sam Levinson is not the person to tell the story of a young black girl dealing with severe mental health problems and Severe drug addiction. Even if you have struggled with drug addiction which I'm not sure if he has he is still not the right person to tell this story.

And that is why it is giving off such glamorizing romantic Vibes around drug abuse. It is frustrating because I am almost always against the argument of like this TV show is romanticizing this issue that it just talks about. But like I've mentioned before my brother recently passed away he was an alcoholic he was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar like I am Gia in this story. And the way that all of this is portrayed makes you want to be in the story. Like you want to go to those parties you want to see the drama you may not want to be one of those kids but you want to live in the beautiful blue and pink world that is being portrayed in this show. The actual drug use especially is portrayed as very glamorous and beautiful sometimes being full-on music videos. And even the parts where it gets real are still incredibly glamorized with Roo being like kind of this Rebel slick character like a Captain Jack Sparrow type character. Like it's fun to watch her getting chased by the cops and it's fun to watch her sneaking out of things because you know ultimately she's going to be okay and all this suspense and cleverness that we get to see is very exciting for you as a viewer.

And then there's all of this like questions about like am I a good person? And no she isn't a good person. But within the show, everyone is a bad person there's not a single good person in the whole show. And it kind of makes it seems like well Rue is a bad person but everyone's bad so it's okay. We're like in reality like I'm a great fucking person like there are really good people in the world and those people are watching Euphoria and laughing at how crazy it is. And when you don't place any contrast to ruin the story you once again make her behavior seem more acceptable. The whole show seems to be about making this Behavior acceptable.

And began all of this seems to stem from the fact that I feel like the person who wrote the show does not understand the experiences that real-life people who live the lives of these characters have. In fact a huge joke amongst the fandom is how out of touch with reality Euphoria is. Like I have seen so many people joke about what it must be like to go to euphoria high school because that's not what real high school is like. And my high school is like known for having drug use in it like at one point there was an article in the local paper about how one kid had injected another kid with heroin in our gym and it was consensual because he was just trying to teach him how to use heroin. I mean people get in trouble for drugs in my high school all the time. And the school district I work at just recently had a stabbing. Like shit happens it's not that I'm living in like a boring vanilla life it's just that it doesn't happen the way that they are saying that it happens. The aesthetic of the show is what makes the show bad. And all of the real complex struggles that these characters are dealing with are reduced to these archetypes and tropes and very reductive ideas about gender and sexuality.

So like those are my concerns with the story but I also have a lot of specific concerns about how the show is being run. And this is just going off watching it like I haven't Googled anything but I could tell you right now I have a feeling that it's going to come out that Sam Levinson if not abused actors on the show definitely mishandled a lot of things because certain things just make me very uncomfortable in the show.

So first of all I feel like some of the child actors we're putting scenes that could be damaging to explain those Concepts to them. So like the little girl who played cat as a child is basically playing a character who was insecure about her weight at 11 and the girl who is playing her is a little bit chubby and is played up to be fat. I just don't understand how you have a little girl play that role and do those shots without imparting body problems on to her. I just don't understand how you have a little girl look at her stomach and see how big it is and be upset visibly upset even if she's acting and not take from that that being fat is damaging to you. I just don't understand how you could do that well. And I felt that way about the young boy who played Nate as well I think maybe you could get the reaction that you want by just telling the actor that he see something that freaks them out but to some extent I have to wonder how ethical it is to have those scenes in the show.

Another thing that upsets me about the way the show is shot is the way that Hunter Schafer is shot and the way that Jules is portrayed. I mean again that's another backstory we're like I just don't understand how you can have a little kid be in those shots and do the things that the character did in those shots and that not be damaging to a kid. And maybe that kid is older maybe it's like actually a teenager and they can handle it but that concerns me because of how graphic it was. But going more into Hunter Schafer so I already talked about this but in the beginning, a lot of our shots of Jules had Jules's penis in the middle of the shot. There were several shots right when we first meet the character of jewels in underwear and her penis is like in the middle of the screen. And this happened frequently when Jules was portrayed in underwear. I noticed it less as the episodes went on but that's still concerning. Another thing I don't like is that in season 2 a lot of Jules's makeup seemed to Highlights the more angular and masculine features of her face. Maybe that's just my point of view but I definitely felt like in season 1 Jewels was very soft and feminine looking and in season 2 Jules was portrayed much more masculine. And this is even confirmed when Elliot says that Jules is wearing a binder. And there's no indication in the scene that Jules is no longer identifying as a trans woman and is now identifying as non-binary. But it does kind of feel like Jewels decided to date a woman and then immediately had to take on more masculine qualities. And that just doesn't really seem right to me. And I also have to wonder if Hunter Schafer was considered you know how that would affect her. She is non-binary so maybe she doesn't care but I just think that it doesn't necessarily seem like the best take. And most notably she also gets very low billing like when they List the cast of the first one should be Zendaya which I think she is the first one and then it should be Hunter Schafer right but no Hunter Schafer is like way down the list.

I also want to point out that the actress who plays Cat on Barbie Ferreira is not plus size she is a size 12 according to a quick Google so feel free to correct me plus size is 14 and up. She identifies as a plus-size model but that probably just means that she models for plus-size clothing and most of the people who model for plus-size clothing are not actually plus size. So that sucks if you are going to have a character's entire existence revolves around the fact that they are fat maybe they should at least be a size 14. Especially if her whole character's storyline is that she hates herself because she's fat which seems to be her entire season 2 storyline.

I think the thing that is so disturbing about Euphoria is the fact that it very much portrays teenage girls as just so desperate and needy for love when of course some girls have that struggle but that's not the majority by far. Like as a former teenage girl you are not always thinking about that stuff. And every single character who acts badly traces it back to their father as their fathers are like these incredibly important parts of a teenage girl's life. And yes it is important to have a father in your life but like I know one person who acted like this when they were a teenager and she still acts like that but every other person I knew as a teenager would have issues would have conflicts but it wouldn't be like this the drama craziness would not be like this is.

The thing that makes this show watchable is the aesthetic and unfortunately, that's the worst part. I mean I pretty much hate it top to bottom no. I could go into every storyline I could go into every character and explain how bad the writing is for each of them but I think I kind of made my point here. I just want to again remind everyone that the person who has the earliest credits on the show is Sam Levinson a white dude. And I don't know much about him but I can tell you a lot about what kind of a person he is based on this fucking show. The actors are very good and they do bring a lot of life to these characters but in many ways, that uphold a show that should never have been made. It's a beautifully made show it's very high production value but the show itself the core is rotten.

[vivisextion]

I first saw Slipknot at age 14.

No one knows how I managed it. I'm not sure I even remember. These days, you have to be 16 or 18 to get into Standing areas. I do know I had to buy tickets on the phone, back in the old days (2005, that is). A singular ticket, too - none of my friends, not even the classmate who had gone with me to see Linkin Park the year before, was that into Slipknot.

But I HAD to see them. This was the Subliminal Verses tour cycle, and Vol. 3 was my first and favourite Slipknot album, even to this day. It's the reliable old warm blanket for my soul whenever I need it. It's on right now, as I write this.

My memory isn't that good, but luckily I unearthed a livejournal (livejournal!) diary entry about the event I made the next day.

August 16, 2005. I went right after school. I went to a very conservative Anglican secondary school, too. I tried not to get caught in the bathroom, as I coloured my nails black with permanent marker (I know, don't laugh) and changed into my standard metalhead baby outfit - Slipknot band shirt, black cargo shorts, and my pride and joy: steel-toe boots I somehow managed to cajole my parents into letting me own.

I caught the bus to the open-air war memorial park where the gig was going to be. I got there at 4pm, 4 hours early. A couple other maggots were already hanging around. I found myself surrounded by tombstones, and I read them all. It was the middle of the Hungry Ghost Festival, too - a very fitting time for Slipknot to pay a visit to this godforsaken hellhole of a small town I lived in. (Especially given the paranormal circumstances surrounding the making of Vol. 3.)

While I wandered around the venue (no security or sound guys were around at all), I spotted two white vans pull up to the stage, in the middle of a clearing. It was them! I spotted Joey and missed him by a hair's breadth. I was quickly ushered behind the stone archway entrance by security then.

(Funnily enough, while walking around, I got mistaken for Joey more than once. I am the same height as him, had the same long black hair, same pale skin, and was wearing almost exactly what he had been. One person claimed from behind, I was a dead ringer, apart from when I turned around, and they realised I was Chinese.)

It was soundcheck time. A sound guy testing the mics would say random things, like "testing one two three two one.... fudge fudge, I like fudge...." The band even did Purity, so us earlybirds were given a rare treat, and we screamed along from the entrance, and drummed our fists on the sides of nearby porta-potties. I hope no one was in there at the time. Whenever we got a glance of any of them, we'd scream and cheer. Finally they left again, but were soon to return.

This was the first time I'd been a part of the metal community. I was barely allowed internet in those days. But here, random strangers were friendly, striking up conversations like they'd been friends for years. Two big guys, called Trevor and Ted, looked out for me the entire gig after, keeping other big dudes from crushing me too much (I'm 5'3, remember). Other people commented on me being so baby, because I was only 14, and said they would take care of me.

When we were finally let in, right after the usher cut the rope, I ran in, screamed "WOOOHOOO!" along with a few friends I'd made. I only briefly stopped to receive this RoadRunner Records compilation CD from a roadie, then resumed running like a madman screaming and dashing into the VIP cage.

I was right up against the barricade - the first time I would ever be at a gig. People from assorted magazines and press took photos of us, and I think I got my photo taken about 10 times at least.

(This is how I got in trouble with my parents the next day. My photo had ended up in a local paper - you can see examples of that here. They had no idea what I'd been to see the night before, and were horrified when they saw what Slipknot looked like.)

We saw Sid filming us from the stage with a camcorder and screamed at him. We saw Jim and screamed at him too, and he flashed the victory sign back at us. I remember Metallica playing at the time, another one of my favourite bands.

The concert was a brutal religious experience I will never forget. People with their arms outstretched, crying and screaming out loud, moving like the devil possessed them.

The new friends around me made sure I was alright after every song! There were huge guys fainting behind us who had to get carried out, but I endured, a tiny 14 year old child. We got a family speech as per tradition, of course. "Are you guys out there all looking out for each other? We're all one big family, and we gotta look out for each other." What Corey said held true - strangers hugged, shook hands, talked, and made friends. I was heartened by how close-knit the maggot community was. It really did feel like a family, and it's felt like that ever since.

Of course, I did my first Jump The Fuck Up. It is possibly the most euphoria I've ever experienced all at one go. (Later, in 2020, I was extremely disappointed that I didn't get to do it again in London.)

They did the death masks for Vermilion, and I remember Chris helping Sid fix his mask and shirt when they'd changed back. Sid hung out near Clown's drums for most of the time too, and hugged him from behind and just latched on at one point. It was pretty adorable.

Fun fact: The version of Eyeless you hear on the 9.0 Live album is from Singapore, as is Eeyore. There are very few photos and videos from the crowd of this gig, because in 2005, very few people had camera phones. The crowd at the Slipknot gig in 2020 was a sea of arms with phones, filming the gig rather than experiencing it. Yes, I'm going to be that cranky old geezer who complains about the good old days.

Joey as usual, was fucking amazing and never failed. However, due to the fact that I was right up front, only his tiny head was visible behind his vast drum set, I couldn't see him the entire gig.

Amazingly, the government told Slipknot they were not allowed to do obscene gestures, curse, vomit (possibly due to the decomposing crow pre-show ritual), simulate humping on objects, throw faeces, or jump off stage (looking at you, Sid). I don't think our totalitarian government knew who they were dealing with, because watch what happens next.

Near the end of the gig, Corey tells the crowd “your government has given us a laundry list of things we aren’t allowed to do, your government has told us we are not allowed to swear”. Crowd goes “BOOOOOOOOO” and Corey goes “BUT WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!” And they launch into Surfacing, the last song. Everyone riots. Best night of my life.

You can find the setlist from that gig here. It had everything I wanted and more.

This story later got immortalised when Kerrang asked maggots for gig stories, for an article which came out in 2020. I had forgotten entirely, until people began messaging me to tell me, and one friend sent me a scan of it!

On the way out, I managed to get a shirt. I remember calling my best friend at the time, and got everyone at the merch booth to go "IF YOU'RE 555 THEN I'M 666" for her. This shirt has since been lost to the landfill, because my Christian mother took it upon herself to dispose of it the first opportunity she got. Needless to say, our relationship is not very good.

After that, I even managed to get that Roadrunner compilation album they were giving out signed. The band was staying at the Carlton. Unfortunately, Joey wasn't there, neither was Clown, and Mick was swarmed by guitar nerds so, 6/9 it is. It is a great regret of mine that I'll never have anything signed by him, nor will I ever get to see him perform ever again.

The next day, I went to school, my head swimming. Yes, I went to see Slipknot ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. I was a giant bruise, from my ribs and my chest, to my hips and knees, from being slammed into the barricade like a screen door in a hurricane. Most of all, my sore, headbanged-out neck could barely hold my head up. Classmates thought I had been in a fight. I was torn between battle-scarred exhaustion and hyperactive ranting about the most amazing gig of my short life (it still is, to this day). When teachers spoke to me, I wanted to reply, "Fuck trigonometry! I've just seen SLIPKNOT. Do you not understand that my world is different? Do you not understand that *I* am now different?"

My country was a small, conservative town that Slipknot had graced with their unholy presence. Corey Taylor once said that where he grew up in Iowa had a way of making a 16 year old boy feel like a 36 year old man (or something to that effect). I felt that in my weary bones as a teenager, being from a place just like that. Years later, Watain would run into worse trouble, and wouldn't even be allowed to perform. The Christian stranglehold is stronger than ever. It was a good thing that back then Slipknot had the element of surprise, striking serpent-fast and choking this society by the neck for a too-brief time, before they departed.

After that, my desire to play the drums only grew like a weed. Joey Jordison had, has, and will always inspire me as a drummer, and seeing the beast live (or what little I could spy behind the massive riser) had only spurred me on. I had always been a noisemaker, be it driving my parents mad with chopsticks on pots and pans, or driving my teachers mad with pencils on my desk. But of course, my parents wouldn't have any of it. I'd have to wait a good 14 more years before I'd be able to afford lessons and later, a kit of my own. Better late than never, right?

There will never be enough words to describe the impact Joey has had on my life. And it isn't just Slipknot, either. I could write another essay on his time with the Murderdolls and its influence on my own gender-non-conforming ways. Suffice to say, my wardrobe doesn't look too dissimilar to his during the early Dead in Hollywood days.

I told my boss I could not come into work today. I was grieving. I said that my music teacher died, as I didn't think she'd understand the magnitude of my loss. In a way, it's true. And I am not the only one Joey has nudged on the path to being a musician, that much is certain. To the rest of us, I wish strength and love for you in this difficult time. The best way to honour Joey, who truly loved music, both the creation and appreciation of it, is to pass that gift on. Teach it to someone. He is the reason I picked up the sticks in the first place, and one day, they'll be handed on, the heavy metal baton for the next generation.

And finally: remember that the ones we have lost are never truly gone.

Vinnie

P.S. See if you can spot me in the crowd photos in this post!

[lilallama]

Valentines Day

TW: Obsessive behaviour, mentioning of stealing and slight homophobia, proceed with caution!

"Taehyung sweetie, wake up.~"

I groan and turn in my sheets, slowly regaining consciousness. "I've prepared you breakfast. Get dressed and come downstairs." The clacking of my mother's heels echoed through the hall as she went away. Groggily I sit up and stretch. I push my bangs out of my eyes I stare towards the window to my left. The sun shines through the thin curtains casting an orange light on my bedroom wall. I yawn and stand up, pulling the curtains aside and flooding the room with light. I take a moment to look outside, admiring our beautiful garden before remembering what day it is. Today is Valentines day! My God/Goddess asked me to meet up with them. Oh, spending Valentines with my saviour is the best thing to have ever happened to me!

I rush to pick out a white dress shirt, a khaki sweater vest with a black pair of slacks. After also brushing through my hair to untangle any knots I opened my secret Y/n shrine. The picture of their smiling face makes my heart pound so fast. They are otherworldly, absolutely ethereal! I take out a shirt of theirs which I borrowed a while ago. If I close my eyes it still smells like them, it's addictive.

Just to make sure that no items were robbed from their place I go through all items once again. Five chewed on pencils, a small box of empty wrappers, my 20 most favourite photos of them, the candle they accidentally bit into because they thought it was edible, the borrowed shirt, a pair of their underwear, a bunch of pins and hair ties they touched, the bundle of 36 hair strands I managed to collect (I only collect the hairs that have fallen out, I would never dare to cut or rip out my God's/Goddess' hair) and my water bottle which they drank out of (I had to buy a new one to keep this in my shrine but it was so worth it). All my items were there.

Suddenly I hear clacking and a small thud. I turn around in confusion, what just happened? But then I hear Yeontan's bark from the other side of the door. He ran against the door again. I can't help but laugh as I go to open the door for him. He jumps up a bit so I kneel down to pet him. "I'm meeting up with Y/n today, isn't that exciting!" Yeontan immediately started yapping, he loved my God/Goddess almost as much as I do. It's really incredible what an effect Y/n has on everyone, they all seem to love them. Well, then again that is expected to be the case considering Y/n is such a godly being.

"Taehyung!" "I'm coming!" My mother called me again. "Come on, boy." I hurry downstairs with Yeontan following me. "Good morning, Ma. Good morning, Pa." My father nodded at me while my mother beckoned me to sit down and eat. While I finish my breakfast my mother was talking about a lot of stuff. "Have you heard, they're trying to make gay marriage legal here. That is complete nonsense! God created a man and a woman for a reason." I have no clue what my mother was raging about. I concluded that she's probably just misinformed, Y/n said that being part of the lgbtq community is completely natural and alright. I know they know better than anyone else. "What's so bad about it, Ma?" My mother looked at me with horror. "They can't help who they're attracted to. It's all natural, isn't it?" My mother shook her head. "No!" She exclaimed, "Being gay or trans or something is inherently selfish! Gays are selfish! Men and women were created by God to conceive a child and stop the human kind from getting extinct. Trans are selfish! God gave you a body and you chose to change it in it's entirety! Such behaviour is unacceptable." "But I thought God loves everyo-" "Where have you even gotten that idea? Maybe you should go back to homeschooling. Clearly these other kids are having a bad influence on you." I look over to my father who just continues reading the newspaper. I respect my mother but she clearly isn't ready yet for the wisdom Y/n has bestowed upon me. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. "Look at the time we'll have to go now." Right, it was Sunday which means we're going to church. I always like going there, the windows astound me everytime. And the pastor is always so welcoming and friendly. I vividly remember asking him about the lgbtq community after Y/n had told me about them. He said that God loves everyone regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. He truly is a wise man.

As soon as we returned my father got a call from a business partner. They said they'd have to go now and want me to take Yeontan with me to my meet up. While I was a bit saddened that I couldn't be alone with my God/Goddess I decided it wouldn't be a problem.

Yeontan excitedly trots besides me as I make my way to the place where my saviour and I would meet up. I debated getting them a bouquet of red roses for Valentines day, but figured that the 20 letters, 12 stuffed animals and 18 bouquets I gave them during the past week would be enough, for now. As I make my way there I couldn't conceal the excitement I felt. Getting the chance to spend time with my Master/Mistress was something I believed I'd only ever dream about. The euphoria I feel from the mere thought of getting to see them today is dizzying.

Suddenly Yeontan starts barking and storms off. He never leaves my side, that's why he's not kept on a leash. To see him run away from me like that was surprising at best. But then I notice the reason for his behaviour. The puppy ran towards Y/n who was waiting for me a few metres away. How could I have just ignored my saviour like that! What I did was unacceptable. I would punish myself, but it would likely ruin Y/n's day, I can't let that happen. So I run after Yeontan, towards my God/Goddess.

"Good morning, Y/n! I'm sorry about him." I look down at Yeontan who's still getting pet by Y/n. He better cherish that they're even looking at him. It's bad enough that he practically demanded pats from them. So disrespectful. "No worries. He's so adorable!" At least Y/n seemed to enjoy his behaviour. I doubt it would work if I behaved that way towards them, but that's for another day to find out. "I dearly hope you didn't have to wait too long." They smile up at me. Oh, their smile is to die for. So incredibly perfect! I feel my knees getting weak. "Don't worry about it. I just arrived too." Yeontan started barking again and was noe excitedly jumping around, making Y/n laugh. "Awe! Yeontan is so adorable. I didn't know you'd take him with you." "It was unexpected for me as well." They stand up and take my hand. My heart is beating so fast, I feel as if I'm about to explode. It's getting harder to breathe. "Let's go now!" We start walking along the path with Yeontan rushing after us.

We sat outside a small café and each ordered our desired dessert. "Have you ever been on a date?" That question caught me off guard. "Oh, no. I haven't." I believe that much was quite obvious, but perhaps I was mistaken. They look surprised, shocked almost. "Really? How come? Aren't you getting asked out left and right?" "I suppose I just never had interest in anyone. I barely know those who ask me out. They're all so shallow to confess without knowing anything about me." Just then the waiter returned with our desserts. We thank him before we start eating.

Both of us watch as Yeontan is running around and playing in the snow. I look over to see Y/n smile at him, leading me to also smile. I adore their smile. Everything about them is so perfect. I could stare at them for hours and never get bored. Each detail is something new, something beautiful to discover. Unable to take y eyes off them I-

"Excuse me." Who dares interrupt my special time with my God/Goddess?! Two girls stood next our table. One almost cowering behind the other and mumbling something along the lines of, "Oh my god, no. Jess, don't." But I really couldn't care less. "My friend thinks you're really cute and was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with her." So annoying. I eye them down and make one thing clear. "I'm not interested." The girl cowering behind the other looked disappointed, perhaps ashamed. Good. She should be. After they interrupted my date with the Y/n they can go burn for all I care. "Have a good day." After the girls back away with the other girl exclaiming, "What a jerk!" I turn my attention back to Y/n. "Uhm, wasn't that a bit harsh?" They looked unsure. "Was it? I thought it was reasonable. Better to tell the truth than lead them on, am I correct?" They took another bite of their dessert. "I guess you're right."

We had a grand time strolling through the park, even having a snowball fight. They won. Obviously I could not compete with my God/Goddess, no one could ever. Yeontan was also very entertained as he kept trying to catch the snowballs as they flew over his head. Soon the sun began setting. It was incredible how fast the time flew by. Both our clothes were slightly damp due to the snow. I didn't think much about it untill Y/n began shivering. No no no no! My saviour could get sick, or die! I couldn't let that happen. I take off my jacket and gently place it over their shoulders. "But, won't you be cold?" I give them a reassured smile. "Don't worry about me, my God/Goddess. If I may, I'd love to accompany on your way home." They let out a bashful chuckle, making me melt. I feel my entire body heating up from that gorgeous chuckle. Their power over me is simply astounding.

All the way home I keep my arm atound them in hopes of providing some form of warmth for them. I cannot bear knowing that they're freezing. Never would I be able to forgive myself if they'd catch a cold. Yeontan was also slowly getting tired, which was by bo means a surprise considering how he played and jumped around all day. "Thank you for bring me home, Taehyung." Hearing them say my name makes my entire body tingle and flutter. "You do not have to thank me, Y/n. It was an honour!" Whatever I expected, it was not feeling their lips against mine. My mind went blank and I could barely stand. I felt dizzy, yet so so good! They gave me my jacket back after the short peck and laughed. "Goodnight!" Then they went inside and closed the door. I stood there for a moment, shocked at what had happened yet freling absolute bliss. After a minute or so I manage to finally pull myself together. I put on my jacket, it smells like them! And then I picked Yeontan up and walked home.

Oh, this day was the best I've ever had!

If you liked my work please reblog! 💌

[shadowsinger11]

Golden Snitches And Old Wounds

Pairing: James Potter x Insecure Reader

Word count: 2787

Request: Hi! I hope you and your loved ones are safe and well. I wanted to ask you if your requests open. If so can i request a james potter imagine with a very self conscious reader? Thank you!

Warnings: Suggestive themes, references to anxiety and depression

A/N: I actually like how this one turned out. It's way sadder than intended but I hope you enjoy! If you want to be tagged, let me know! Requests are open!

Masterlist

Lily and you were sitting on a bench right on top of one of the twelve colorful towers around the massively wide pitch, waving your Gryffindor flags in excitement.

The scene before you represented a blur of scarlet and green and you struggled to spot your boyfriend of two years, James Potter, among the fourteen players. 

His leather-gloved hands gripped the handle of his broom tightly as he was swiftly avoiding bludgers and students, rushing to catch the quaffle.

"Potter, on your left!"

On instinct, James drifted to the right a mere second before his head managed to collide with a bludger. The boy kept soaring high up in the clear spring sky, eyes focused forward.

"Brilliant! Potter tossed the quaffle into the ring!" the speaker roared, "The score is 120:120. Will Gryffindor's Chaser be able to score another goal and give their Seeker an opportunity to catch the snitch?"

"Oh, I sure hope he does," you muttered, sitting on the edge of your seat, eyes focused on the Gryffindor Chaser.

The commentator excitedly shouted, "Robertson passes the quaffle to Smith, he passes it to Potter- no! It was stolen from Taylor, that Slytherin son of a-"

"Joshua!"

"Sorry, professor," the boy sheepishly smiled at McGonagall though he wasn't sorry at all, and returned to retelling the match. "Potter's caught the quaffle! He's swooping down, the three Slytherin Chasers on his tail…"

Over the noise you heard Lily exclaim, "What's he doing! He's getting further away from the ring."

"I don't know, I think he's trying to get rid of the Slytherins, distract them maybe?" you shrugged. You really hoped James was doing this for a reason but yet again, when has he ever thought things through?

Meanwhile you noticed Sirius, a Beater of the team, covering his buddy, making sure to guide the bludgers in the direction of team Slytherin. You had no idea if those two had planned this beforehand or if Padfoot was just improvising.

"A bludger knocked Taylor off his broom!" Joshua happily announced. "That's the moment for Potter to strike!"

And exactly then James swiftly turned around and sped up towards his aim. He threw the quaffle with all his might, the ball piercing the air and going right through the ring.

"Yes!! He did it! What a brilliant attack!" the commentator screamed. Lily and you squealed and clapped, cheering him on. "Now it's up to the Gryffindor Seeker to catch the Golden snitch and that'll be the end!"

James tried to spot you in the audience and when he did, his grin grew even wider. He threw a wink your way but he didn't have much time to celebrate because his task now was to make sure Slytherins didn't score another goal and maybe get another 10 points himself while he was at it. He drifted between teammates and opponents, the summer wind ruffling his hair. He prevented numerous attacks from the opposite team, winning a good couple of minutes where the score was even and Gryffindor had a chance to win.

"Where the hell is the Seeker!" Lily groaned, "It's a matter of time until Slytherin strikes a goal."

You understood her frustration but had faith. You always supported your boyfriend and his team during matches regardless of which house they were up against. You were aware of how much stamina James had, especially when it came to Quidditch, and even more so now that he could almost graze the win with his fingertips.

Suddenly, the Seeker emerged from the depths, a small ball shining in his grasp.

"He's caught the snitch! Williams got the Golden snitch, Gryffindor wins!" Joshua roared, rising to his feet.

The air shook with the screams and cheers of Gryffindors and Gryffindor supporters. Some students hugged each other, squealing in euphoria, others whined and screamed in frustration. The audience turned into a sea of scarlet flags, the iconic lion on display for everyone to see. Professor McGonagall smiled, something rare for a woman as stern and serious as her. The atmosphere buzzed with excitement.

Lily and you high-fived and rushed down the stairs, impatient to greet the boys. When you ran along the pitch, the team was already surrounded by fans and you saw Sirius carrying James on his shoulders, their other teammates doing the same with Williams. Slytherins were quick to exit the scene, muttering curses and complaints.

"Not trying to steal my boyfriend, I hope?" you asked Sirius and laughed.

"Boyfriend?" he feigned being shocked, "Why didn't you tell me there was someone else, James?"

James only rolled his eyes and his friend let him down. Potter walked up to you, standing tall in all his red leather glory. His chest heaved with every breath he took, his spiky hair was disheveled beyond recognition and his uniform was wrinkled and covered in dirt. He was a mess but still managed to look so perfect in your eyes, he was absolutely irresistible.

"Did you enjoy the show, babe?" he smirked as he placed his gloved hands around your waist, pulling you close. You giggled and pecked his nose, "Indeed I did. You're such a show-off."

"But you love me nonetheless," he mumbled, out of breath, and leaned in but you pulled away before he got to kiss you.

"I suggest you shower first, you're quite sweaty."

He frowned and pouted his lips but couldn't help but grin, caressing your cheek. You were staring into his hazel eyes and when they focused on yours, your cheeks turned the same color as his uniform. James was incredibly confident, charming and charismatic and he never failed to make your heart flutter every time you caught him glance at you.

He seemed perfect to you and your expression suddenly darkened when poisonous thoughts clouded your mind. He was perfect, but what about me?

Before James had the chance to ask what was wrong, his friends pulled him aside, "The coach wants to talk to us." He couldn't do anything except for giving you a sad smile and a wave as he left.

A tap on your shoulder snapped you out of your trance.

"Let's go to lunch, I'm starving."

You nodded and followed Lily out of the now empty pitch.

Prodding your salad with a fork, you were still processing your thoughts from earlier, replaying them over and over in your head. You couldn't get rid of the image of James. You were smitten by his messy hair, goofy smile, the way his uniform clung tightly to his body, highlighting his broad shoulders and strong biceps. His physique looked way more impressive and massive and the sight made you lick your lips.

Your daydreaming was interrupted when the doors of the Great Hall opened wide, the winning team walking through. The Quidditch players were greeted with loud cheers and clapping which some of the teachers joined too. Even in just his plain Gryffindor cloak James managed to look astonishingly handsome and he did it so effortlessly. His black robes were flailing freely behind him as he made his way over to you and sat down on your right.

"Clean and fresh just for you," he smirked and pressed his lips to yours, lingering for a bit more than you expected. After that, you proceeded to eat your meal while he placed a steak, some salad, sauce and other different kinds of food on his plate.

"You did an amazing job up there, really."

He smiled, taking a sip of his pumpkin juice, "Did you ever doubt me?"

Ah, that cockiness. It might have sometimes gotten on your nerves but it was a part of what made your boyfriend unique and you adored it. You laughed, trying to cover up how flushed he had made you, "Absolutely never, Potter. You're one of a kind."

"So are you."

His compliment caught you somehow unprepared and you slightly froze. You looked at him only to find him already staring at you with such loving eyes, it made you shift in your seat.

"What?" you giggled, dumbfounded.

"Thank you for being there. It really matters to me," he gave your hand a light squeeze.

Seriously, what did you do to deserve this guy.

He's amazing in so many ways, I just can't compare.

You noticed students sending you dirty glances from across the hall and you wished you could shrink in your seat. You lowered your gaze and silently finished your meal.

"Seriously, what's the difference between Felix Felicis and liquid luck? The professor crossed off "liquid luck" and replaced it with Felix Felicis! That's not fucking fair," you groaned, checking your graded essay. You were pretty sure you'd get an Outstanding but you only got Exceeds Expectations which you were slightly pissed about.

Lying on your boyfriend's bed, you were rambling on and on about school work, earning occasional chuckles from James as he was getting changed.

"I mean, Remus always gets the best grades, how on earth does he do that! I swear, he's like a walking encyclop-"

Your words got stuck in your throat at the sight of a half-naked James. His shoulders, toned arms, back and abs were on display while he paced around the room, trying to find his sweater. His muscles flexed under his flesh with every move and you could feel your mouth begin to water.

Once James found the clothing, he turned around. He grinned when he saw your blushing face and didn't miss the opportunity to put on a show for you - he slowly put on his sweater, his jeans falling low around his waist when he raised his arms above his head.

James wasn't only caring, loving and talented. He was also extremely hot. A kind soul wrapped in a pretty package.

Your mind started to wander and you thought about all the girls and boys who would die to be in your place; to be able to date the infamous Marauder and see him shirtless all the time like you got to. You knew many people envied your relationship and you tried not to care that much but you still somehow did. You always did.

"Are you alright, love? You're doing that again."

"I-uh… what?" you stuttered, embarrassed.

James, now dressed, sat in front of you on the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight, "You tend to space out from time to time, you stop listening to me. What's on your mind?"

You shook your head and started to rearrange your books, attempting to appear busy, "Yeah, I do that sometimes, sorry. It's nothing though, I just get lost in my thoughts."

James was eyeing up and down your stiff figure and his heart stung when you lied. One of the things he despised most was being lied to and it hurt him immensely when you did. He knew you meant well but he wanted you to trust him and talk to him like he did.

The boy abruptly but gently grabbed your trembling hands and you froze.

"Talk to me," he pleaded, looking into your eyes for a sign, any sign to reveal how you were feeling on the inside.

Your nervous smile faded and you dropped your gaze to where his hands held yours.

The room was ghostly quiet and you felt trapped, unable to run away or escape the situation.

You opened your mouth to speak but your lower lip quivered and no words came out. James simply stood there, patiently waiting for you to say something while soothingly rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles. After taking a deep breath, you choked out.

"Why do you like me?"

He seemed slightly confused but his expression remained calm, "What do you mean?"

You chewed on your lip, considering how to proceed. He deserved honesty and he was genuinely worried so it wasn't fair to keep secrets from him.

"It's just… I am…" you sighed, frustrated. "You're amazing, James. People love you. You're smart, athletic, outgoing and your personality lights up the room. You charisma is undeniable."

You stopped to inhale again, your throat tightening as tears blurred your vision. Your voice was shaking and so were your hands. James only listened. "You're an exceptional person yet you're with me. I-I don't get it. You could choose someone more impressive, someone whose abilities can compare to yours… Someone who's not me."

A tear rolled down your cheek and it pierced through James' heart like a burning blade. He brought your hands up to his face and softly pressed his lips to your knuckles. James let you cry it out first before he dared to speak, knowing you needed this moment to simply let yourself feel before anything else. There was time for figuring things out, but it was not now.

You sobbed and he reached to brush a piece of hair behind your ear, "I've got issues, James. I'm hard to deal with. I struggle with many things and I'm afraid I'm just being a burden to you."

James immediately pulled you into his embrace, arms wrapping around you as you hugged your knees. He rested his chin on top of your head which was leaned on his chest. The boy could not believe a person as breathtaking as you would think so lowly of themselves. You both stood there for awhile, not talking at all. James needed time to take it all in just like you needed time to calm down.

"What makes you think like that?" he hesitantly whispered, voice trembling.

You stared off into the distance, tired eyes unseeing. 

"I don't know. I just do. I've always been looked at as if I'm a disease, as if I'm wrong to feel happy," you muttered, using your sleeve to wipe your nose. "Something's wrong with me and I have no idea what. I'm just scared... and exhausted."

You heard James sob.

"How long have you been feeling like this for?"

You swallowed and took a breath, "Years."

James' arms tightened around you, sheltering you from the cold world. You took peace in the vulnerability, you had no strength to hide or pretend, you were free to simply exist.

"At some point I gave up on happiness. That was until I met you," you explained. "You gave me hope and though it was painful and risky for me, I decided to trust you. You never let me down but I'll always be afraid you'll leave me for someone less troubled than me. Like most people did."

"Then I'll always be here to remind you that I'm not going anywhere. I'll be by your side to help you."

You held onto his sweater, scared to let him go, "Thank you."

James rubbed your back up and down and pressed a kiss to your head, "You wanted to know why I love you?"

You hummed, turning to him.

He took a look at your bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face and he fell in love even more.

"I love you because of your pure soul. No one has ever treated me with such sincerity. You always support me, guide me and ground me when my head's up in the clouds. I'm far from perfect, I'm flawed just like everyone else. But you don't only make me a better person, you make me want to be better. For you."

A few tears rolled down your cheeks, this time from gratitude and love.

"I'm amazed at how torn you are, but still willing to give a part of yourself to those who need it. Your kindness knows no limits and I admire that in you. You might hate the hurt, damaged side of yourself, but I find its rawness to be astonishing. Because I love you. All of you."

Warmth spread throughout your body and for the first time you felt truly safe.

James slowly kissed your chapped lips. He stood still, just letting the moment take place. You savoured the feeling of his lips on yours and were surprised to feel something wet drip on your cheek. When you pulled away, you saw his glossy eyes.

"I love you too," you replied softly and nestled back into his lap. James hugged you, relieved to finally know what was going on with you. He vowed to himself to help you in any way he could and to constantly remind you that you're not fighting your battle on your own. You, on the other hand, were way calmer as well. It was refreshing to be understood and accepted, to not be judged or blamed for a change. You didn't have to act a role or lie. You let down your defences and let the rotten wound inside you bleed. And you smiled.

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[hwauas]

🕊️: "the lost prince" (7)

park seonghwa (박성화) - 2,949 words

“are you sure this is what you want?”

you asked Seonghwa with a little bit of worries in your eyes.

“i am. please.. i'm asking you one more time.. can you do this for me?”

“if that's what you want, i will.”

you took a deep breath. you were looking at your reflection in the mirror in the modest bathroom of Seonghwa's room. you were so nervous that you were a little bit pale, and shaking.

earlier today, you both got a mysterious letter. the bottom was signed by only a first name: Park. and as you both read the whole letter, you discovered it was someone who wanted to meet Seonghwa. your boyfriend was sure it was all about this family thing, that’s why he asked you to go and meet this person instead of him, in his name.

You couldn’t let him in this situation. you accepted. you had to meet this person for him.

“you’ll be alright, honey?”

you asked with the softest tone ever. you were feeling a little bit bad for letting him alone here, when you promised you would stay by his side as much as possible.

“i will, y/n. don’t worry about me, okay?”

your boyfriend gently pulled a strand of hair behind your ear, and kissed your forehead.

“you promise to stay safe..?”

“i promise, Hwa.”

Seonghwa told you he would meet this person only if you found out he had something to do with his family. it was a way for him to protect himself, a way for him to select who would approach him.

you were understanding of course his decision, and you respected it. you agreed to meet them first to judge whether it was interesting for Seonghwa to meet the stranger, or not.

you left the hospital a little bit earlier to have time to do a quick step to your place to change your clothes. you wanted to be a little more presentable for this person if you ever find out he or she is a relative to Seonghwa.

even though Seonghwa tried to reassure you, you still felt a little bit guilty for leaving him now, when you promised you would stay by his side, just as he wanted and needed.

when you felt like it was the right moment for you, you left your place. you walked up to the address which was mentioned in the letter. it was a beautiful park in the middle of the city. a huge space, with various plants and a multitude of trees around. the park was like a free time, a little break, in the middle of the euphoria of the city, in the middle of the tumult of the city.

alongside a path in the middle of the park, on a bench, a man was standing there, looking afar. the only indication you’ve got on the letter was that the person would wear a red scarf. and the man caught your attention because of this red scarf.

you approached the man, a little bit shy. you bowed in front of him, and showed him the letter.

“are you the one who sent this to Seonghwa?”

“i am. did you come here instead of him?”

“yes. i’m his girlfriend/boyfriend. he’s trying to protect himself in this tough step his going through. i’m here to meet you and maybe in the future, you will both meet.”

you sat next to the man, on the bench. you weren’t looking at him too much, but you did enough to know what the man was looking like. looking at both your shoulders, you could say he was taller than you. he had beautiful brown hair, pushed back with some gel. the few wrinkles were showing he was quite old already, and experienced a lot in his life already. you had the impression you’ve seen these eyes already in the past, but you didn’t know where, or when.

“how is he?”

the man was looking straight in front of him. you couldn’t say of it was because he felt awkward, was disappointed because you came instead of your boyfriend, or because of something else.

“he’s good, i guess. a little bit lost since he lost the only family he had. he was thankful when i recognise the woman he grew up with at the police station. he felt truly betrayed, and it was a way for him to move on. but now, he is quiet… anxious. i helped him by searching a few trails to find his family. his real parents. and i think, and the policemen too, he may be the lost prince. he’s very anxious about this.”

“he is? why? is there a reason?”

“he and i are very close to each other since the day we met. and we’re both madly in love with each other, even though things are official since days only. we’re not ready to leave each other if our worlds are indeed tgis different, and we don’t want to be ready to do that. a woman came yesterday and told us that even though our worlds may be different, we can stay together. it was as if she knew what she was talking about. but i’ve never seen a prince dating a random person, not even at a high level, with any title.”

“and you? what do you think about that?”

“i don’t know. i do want him to find his family, to find his relatives and to be happy with them. but am i ready to let him go for this? i have no idea… i honestly don’t think so…”

“i’m sure his parents, whoever they are, will understand your situation, will respect and so tolerate your relationship. i can already feel how much you love him, and how much you’re doing your best for him to be happy. you’re even looking after his family when you’re not ready to let him go. this is a beautiful proof of your love for him.”

“thank you.”

you weakly smiled, looking down at your feet.

“may i ask… for your name?”

“oh yes, sorry, i didn’t introduce myself. i’m y/n.’

“nice to meet you, y/n. i’m Chulmoo. Park Chulmoo.”

you both stayed quiet for a moment. it was a moment for you to think about what you talked about. they both said the same, and asked you both to stay positive. as if they knew his parents would no matter what accept you, your relationship with him.

maybe because it was clear for them both. but it wasn't for you. why would it be that clear for you they won't break you both apart? maybe because they both may have the sense of family and they wouldn't do this to their child, but so far, nothing was showing whether they were his parents or not.

“and now.. where is Seonghwa?”

the man broke the silence. for the first time, he was looking at you. his eyes were showing off worries.

“he's in the hospital. this is why we learnt her so-called mother was an impostor. because her papers weren't valid.”

“this will make things easier then”

“easier? what do you mean?”

“take this. and ask them to use their labs to do a DNA test with what's in this envelope.”

the man gave you a big brown envelope, and a little white envelope.

“and if they don’t agree, or say anything, give them the white one too. but do not open the white envelope if they don’t need it. just throw it away.”

you took both envelopes, a little bit confused. you even looked multiple times at the envelopes and the man’s eyes.

“aaand.. is there anything i needa say when i give them the envelope?”

“just tell them it’s for a DNA test, for Seonghwa.”

you looked down to the brown envelope, the one that should have the DNA samples in it. the answer was maybe be here. the answer was maybe between your hands. the answer you were looking for since days now. the answer that could give your boyfriend back his family.

your eyes landed on the man while he was looking afar, at nothing precisely.

“and.. for the answer..?”

“they'll know where to send it. don't worry about this. all you have to do, is to give this envelope to someone in the hospital to do the DNA test.”

“i will. you can count on me sir.”

your eyes were almost shining. all you fears left your body and mind, and the only thing that mattered was the answer you could have, and the family waiting for Seonghwa, somewhere in the country.

“can i.. go now? to give them now? or do you have anything else you'd like to talk about?”

“i don't know what you're still doing here. ah.. youth..”

the man giggled. this is exactly what you needed to know he was joking.

“fly. we'll meet again soon. i'm sure.”

you bowed respectfully to thank the man, and to say goodbye. but as you were enthusiastically leaving, the man called you one last time.

“y/n. one last thing.”

the man removed his red scarf, and gave it to you.

“give it to Seonghwa. and please… take care of him.”

“i will. thank you for everything. this may be very helpful.”

you bowed once again, and left.

on your way to the hospital, you texted Seonghwa just to tell him you were coming back with a lot of things to say to him. and also to reassure him: you were fine, everything was alright, he didn't have to worry more about you.

you also texted your mom. this meeting went so good, you were forgetting about your worries because all you could think about was Seonghwa and the happiness he would feel to know all this, that you were feeling surprisingly good.

once you reached the hospital, you went straight up to Seonghwa's room. he was sitting on a chair next to the window slightly opened to have some fresh air. you could tell the breeze was fanning over his face because a few strands of hair were slightly moving.

Seonghwa almost immediately turned his face to you, and smiled softly.

“wanna stay here? or going out to walk around the hospital’s garden?”

you approached him. you stayed on your feet, next to him. his head reached your chest, and he softly rested his head against it. his arms also wrapped around your waist to keep you close to him.

“we can go out. but first, i just want a hug.

“my baby is being cuddly..~"

“yeah..”

he kept you close to him for the next five minutes. he was listening to your heartbeat, and you could see how calm he felt to hear this. maybe your little kisses on his forehead, and strokes on his cheek helped him too.

“how was it?”

“it went well. it was a man. Park Chulmoo.”

Seonghwa nodded, and eventually let you go. he stood up, and took some things he needed outside - or didn’t want to let here, without anyone to look at, to be sure they didn’t get stolen.

before you both leave the room, you gave the Seonghwa the scarf the man gave you, and even wrapped it around his neck.

“don’t catch a cold. it’s windy outside.”

you smiled at him, and took his hand to go outside. you took again the two envelopes, knowing you would talk about this outside, and left the room. you closed the door behind you, and waked to the garden.

Seonghwa sniffed the scarf, and frowned. it was your scent, but it was something that wasn’t unknown to him.

“whose scarf is it?”

“the man gave it to me, and asked me to give it to you. why? is there a problem with it?”

“no, not really. it’s just that.. i know it’s not your scent. but this smell.. it’s like i’ve smelled it already in the past. it’s not unknown to me.”

“really? where could you have smelled it?”

“i have no idea.”

you both sat on a bench, quite close to each other. your hands were still linked to each other, and you even intertwined your fingers together. your hands were on his thigh, and the envelopes on your. you were holding them firmly, afraid they may fly away because of the wind.

“i guess you wanna talk to me about these two envelopes. you wouldn’t be holding them this way if not.”

Seonghwa giggles. he knew you pretty well already, and you couldn’t deny it.

“yes, i do.”

you looked down to the envelopes on your laps. the enthusiast side of you was no longer fighting with the sad one - at least, for now.

“the man gave me these two letters. and asked me to give the brown one to someone for the doctors, or at least scientists, to do a DNA test. with you. and he told me to give the white one if it even happens they say anything and don’t accept it.”

you rested your head on his shoulder. you were looking at your hands linked together, and tightened your hold around his.

“but i guess that.. before i give it to them, i have to ask you if you’re okay with it. if you’re okay with taking a DNA test. if the results don’t match, you won’t have to do it again. they’ll keep your DNA, and they’ll compare then. but of course, you have to be okay with giving something for them to have your DNA.”

“if i want to find my family, i have no choice, i guess.”

Seonghwa looked down to the envelopes on your thighs. he had a very little smile on.

“maybe you have the answer on your thighs. it almost sounds… unreal.”

“i know right..”

you started to rub his hand softly with your thumb. you wanted this moment to last forever. to never end.

“are you ready to do this step which may lead us to the truth?”

“i’m scared of a lot of things.. but i’m ready. plus, i don’t really want to stay there until i’m major. i’d like to leave the place before.”

“everything will be alright, Hwa. i promise.”

you both stayed on this bench, a little bit longer. you enjoyed each other’s company in this calm atmosphere. it was all you needed. it was like a break in these rowdy days. a break in the tumult.

you stayed there until the sun started to fall, when you knew Seonghwa would soon have his meal. you both stayed silent almost all the time, but your hearts were communicating together through their beats.

once you both reached Seonghwa’s room, it didn't take too much time for him to have his meal. and again, since the nurse you had a special link with was working tonight, she managed to get you a meal trail. you thanked her, with a bright smile, and ate with your boyfriend.

it was again a silent moment you both shared. but this time, your eyes landing on each other were enough to talk, and say to each other what you weren’t saying out loud, with words.

you never needed much words to talk to each other, and to understand each other. a natural alchemy between you was existing, and it was resulting of a strong bond between you both.

when the nurse came, about half an hour later to take your empty trails, you stopped her. you took the brown envelope. after a quick look at your boyfriend, you approached the woman.

“i received this envelope today from a man.. asked me to give this to someone to take a DNA test. i guess there are samples in it, but Seonghwa’s DNA. he’s okay to take the test.”

“things are working well for you, i see. i’m happy to know you’re having a trail.”

the woman took the brown envelope you were handing her.

“i’ll see what i can do. but since he’s a minor, this can be difficult.”

“about that.. the man also gave me this envelope. he told me if anyone is saying something, i have to give them this envelope. so.. maybe, take it and give it to whoever may help us with this.”

the nurse nodded and, took the second envelope.

“i’ll be back with a DNA test kit then. i’ll need some of your saliva, and a hair.”

Seonghwa nodded. a few minutes later, the nurse was back. you both helped Seonghwa with it: she used a cotton bud to have some of his saliva, and you took a hair. you giggled when he jumped because of the pain, and vigorously massaged his scalp.

“sissy.”

you giggled, and kissed his forehead.

“it’s done now, baby. and this will help us find out who’s your real family.”

you gently kissed him. he kissed you back, letting you know how much he loved you.

you both pulled away when you heard the nurse gasping outside the room, in front of Seonghwa’s hospital room. you looked over to her shape through the door, and frowned.

“is something wrong..?”

Seonghwa and you approached her. you were showing how worried you both were because of her reaction.

“the… what’s in the white envelope… it says it’s a royal order to take the test. and it’s signed with C.King…”

Seonghwa and you looked at each other, with big eyes. you were both shocked. you had a lot of questions in mind.

who was the man? who was it to Seonghwa? how did he get this from if he wasn’t his own letter?

but most importantly: what did that mean?