#being perceived in any capacity is mortifying

[oi-mauve]

i desire the gratifiation of sharing my drawings with The Public but i also fear the mortifying shame of its flaws and shortcomings being percieved

[fulltransmetalgenderist]

Hi! Will you stop taking T before you reach a point where you cannot be perceived as a butch lesbian anymore or is that not something that would be a problem for you ? Because when I think about it my dyke ass would be mortified to look just like your average grown straight man. And even when comparing it to my attraction to women (which doesn’t really include straight women anymore) I would understand them all not being into me because I’d look too much like what they aren’t into, so there’s a balance here to find. But maybe that’s not the case for you?

i’m going to assume that this is asked in good faith, so let’s engage - because I feel like this is some rich queer theory to dive into

first off: it’s not just transmasc lesbians that struggle with the straight man dysphoria (yes, anon, that’s what you’re describing, dysphoria: an unhappiness with society and one’s perceived place within it). i’m sure you can imagine that tma lesbians must particularly struggle with this - and perhaps a way to ease that dysphoria a little for the trans dykes in your life is to refrain from admitting your disgust at the idea of looking like a huge percentage of the world’s population. and instead remember that straight men have the capacity to love and uplift women just as lesbians have the capacity to hurt the women in their lives. perhaps it would be easier to then recognize straight men as potential collaborators in the fight for women’s liberation.

And it’s not the end of the world to be mistaken for a straight guy. no one can take my dyke card away, I know who I am and where I’m coming from. And hey, I think I would rather be mistaken for a random straight man than be mistaken for Ellen, and I would rather be mistaken for a random cis guy than Buck Angel. Every identity group has their annoying fucks no one can stand.

So to address your question anon - will I stop taking hormones? the answer is I don’t know! So much of the anti trans rhetoric right now revolves around the “irreversible” changes of HRT and the “regret” that may follow. I worry that we, as trans queers, have taken some of that propaganda to heart; I sense this fear amongst other trans people that our future selves may rue and lament the ways we build our bodies today. What if I want to detransition later and hate myself for what i’ve done/become? And I’m all for being cautious and making sure you truly want something before diving head first - but I want trans people to extend grace towards themselves, to practice loving ourselves in the here and now and not worry what a future version of ourselves may want. Regret is an unavoidable emotion in life, it’s okay to feel regret, I know that if I end up one day regretting taking testosterone I will survive.

So for now I have no plans on stopping testosterone. I don’t have any benchmarks I want to hit before I know it’s time to stop or anything. I’m just going to keep taking T for as long as it feels good to do so. That may be for as long as I live, that may be until next month - I have no idea. I know that no matter what, I am a working class queer latino butch anarchist. I am very secure in that identity and I don’t need anyone to validate it for me—i’m living it every day.

and as far as attracting other lesbians - i’m mainly t4t so it’s not much of a problem, other trans people get it, and we’re all horny for each other. and there’s definitely no shortage of queer cis women who are into me (albeit a little fetishistically). really who i’m struggling with is the femboys! let me take care of you and buy you cute lingerie PLEASE I swear i’m butch enough 😫

[meatball-headache]

Once upon a time, in the dead of night—when worlds could have night—there was a truck named Mister Bonjour, and he was the first one in line at the soda fountain at Dough's Pool 'n' School, still the finest library on Elm Street, and extant as well. Mister Bonjour, as oblong as a steer that called in sick on a Sunday, ordered not coffee nor tea but a banjophone that could see the stars for what they are. This banjophone—Camro the Tube, by name, date, and serial number—had no luck at the slots and so enjoined with Mister Bonjour as they traveled to Vermont, for reasons left behind from last time.

"We're making good time!" said Mister Bonjour, under the mistaken compression that they were making good time.

"We'd make more if we had the money," said Camro the Tube. "Look there! Aside the road, a mailman's hovel!"

"As foretold by prophecy," said Mister Bonjour. "Park in his pool and let's get what's coming to us!"

They parked their go-kart—some things never change—in the pool, to the foilation of that other guy, I forget his name. He's not in this episode, due to budget cuts.

The mailman met them at the back door.

"You come to my zone," said the mailman, "not to hit? Then, what deign you to reap from me? I have no alm, and my presence is mistaken—drink up, fair bets, and take hope home, back whence you came, or else stiffer than is adjourned!"

Mister Bonjour and Camro the Tube exchanged a glance, and did not share it with the mailman. How rude.

"Fair 'man," said Mister Bonjour, "we come not to squat, but to squawk! Give us a shade of redemption and we'll be as like to cross out without waiting! Or, at least, say names, as best you can."

"You hardly drive a bargain," said the mailman. "I'm as tempted as a radish, and without sleeves. To think they call this music!" He kissed the air and let his lips take him away. "Then, let's wring you out. Behold yonder steel's mill! It lies in a spot of faith, and I would be a bull. Can a parsine be any more direct?"

Mister Bonjour gazed thereward, at the steel's mill, and shuddered at the nature of the place. "You speak of points," he said.

"Aye," said the mailman, "but not those. Don't infer overmuch. You've got a due date and a deadline—don't let them collapse."

Mister Bonjour and Camro the Tube donned their hats and careened to the steel's mill, damageless. This was the trek of years, but its conclusion proved its tale—or tail—as good as grass. There was no pool to park in, so they sold their go-kart to a passing wallaby.

"This, too, shall fetch thruppence on the bl'market," said the passing wallaby. Shortly thereafter it encountered a dog.

The steel's mill was surrounded by no moat bridged by no drawing, and at its gate was a piece of toast, as unignorable as a platitude, and entirely horizontal.

"If night's permitted," said the toast, "then a nap's overdue. I'll take one for everyone, lest my blood run gray."

Mister Bonjour perceived the toast and said to Camro the Tube, "There lies a foe. What capacity toward vengeance has been brought?"

But Camro the Tube was unable to answer, for at that moment he thought of a metal room, and knew that one side was adorned windowly—but what of the other? He wracked his memory for imagery, but the lights he saw were not his, despite how high he could count, for he knew there was too-far above him.

This delay was costly indeed, for upon that very week the toast perceived them in return, and called its manger.

"What did you call me?" said the manager, coating in wax its rage.

"By pieces, at worst, and best," said the toast. "I can't see the eye of a needle now—but that's sparkling! What has a crown and a blue eye, anyway?"

"Make your point!" said the manager.

"All the points," said the toast. "I'm quailed with terror, the mortifying experience of being seen—known! Can you stifle the world once more?"

"Oh!" groaned the manager. "Oh!" grinned the manager. "Oh!" grained the manager, for at this exclamation it had turned into a rice, as we all must. "Oh," greened a rice.

"I guess we're playing ball..." said the toast. "We could do with one!" It hung up the phone, and beheld Mister Bonjour and Camro the Tube, standing where the sky and the soil were complete, and the steel's mill made no complication. It had to have slower music, and the haste of the search would disperse the quarry—if it could wait that long. It couldn't, and the name of the song was never buried.

Mister Bonjour stuck a crowbar between door and jamb and wrenched it open. No darkness came out to greet them, but waited patiently inside for their approach, which they then did do.

"Be more wary than usual," said Mister Bonjour.

"There's no limit to terror," said Camro the Tube. It shed a tear for legends lost. "Say, did you ever learn to walk?"

"No," said Mister Bonjour. "I wasn't given the clarity. But soft—behold!"

Over there was a meteor compressor, captivating stardust and increasing distance in all directions but one, and, for its convenience, ignorant of coordination, and acquiring by definition. The meteor compressor saw them coming, but its work could not wait—indeed, as they approached, it hastened, scale manipulation increasing unfairly until the flicker blended smooth and its action undetectable.

"Surely," said Camro the Tube, "the Colossus of Rhodes could be no more dainty, nor a charade tell a better truth."

"Then, we've seen enough," said Mister Bonjour. "Let the gates be closed! Let ignorance be bliss!"

At that moment the toast arrove, its motorcycle dashing window-glass and calling forth the snow, its beastly roar air-filling, and with typical dynamism it took a finale pose. With diligence, the toast removed its helmet, placing it on Madeline's pillow.

"You're crimers," said the toast, "and unworthy of this diatribe, but I won't spare you. What geode pulls your strings? What fox smartens you? And I had a third question, but I wrote it in pencil and it got all smudged."

"We're bucked," said Mister Bonjour, "but not in those ways. We'll form mountains—this is the only course."

"And how?" said the toast. "Your flaming whip? Your pitched fork? And, again, the third thing is grayed out, but I digest. Your concoction is frayed, with no thread at hand."

Mister Bonjour could only smile. "Lies unsaid are no value at all," said he, and with that he drew forth a solid gold revolver, upon which the sunlight and moonlight shone, and took aim at the toast. "Let some value be gleaned from waking."

O! What dramatisos transpore that day! Indeed, the clash between the toast and Mister Bonjour was truly the stuff of the five o'clock news, and schoolchildren all over the block repeated the tale in rhyme for centuries hence, in melody suffused with grandeur and holility, until the sun burned red with the fall of night, and the moon glew white with the end of days. In later times, when a scant nomad sifted the world for a concept, not a trace of the mailman's pool nor the steel's mill were found, but unbeknownst where the notes still played by a closed mouth, that the legend went forgotten and unending.

[nikialexx]

all of your WIPs sound amazing and I am here to request details on the dark academia/fwb and/or the young royals/RWRB fic are you kiddinggg both sound genius <3

(obligatory apology for how long its taken me to get around to this  <333) 

I’ve already answered the young royals/rwrb one here, so I’ll tell you about the dark academia/fwb fic!! 

I'm still working out the details of this one, specifically that pesky little detail called a 'plot', but I think I can share a few of the general ideas:

It's a bit canon-divergence in that Remus is not turned into a werewolf at five, he (and Lily) are sorted into Slytherin, the two of them are best friends with Snape, and Remus and Sirius have been rivals for about the entire time that they’ve known each other. 

(They’ve also been sleeping together for the better part of a year, but no one else needs to know about that, especially since they will swear to anyone that asks, and themselves, that they actually hate each other. The sex is just for practical reasons, you see ;))

It does, however, make things complicated when Remus is attacked by a werewolf the summer between sixth and seventh year-- and Sirius, of course, finds out about it. 

The fic is going to follow them throughout the entirety of their final year at hogwarts and deal with fun things like self discovery in the wake of having your entire world turned upside down, the thin line between love and hate and obsession, the mortifying ordeal of being known best by the person you hate most in the world, the inherent eroticism of having an academic rival, and my favorite trope ever: 'only i'm allowed to hurt you and i'll kill anyone else who even tries <3'

here's a snippet!!

"Nox," Sirius murmured, and the light at the end of his wand went out. 

The hallway was cloaked in darkness again, the two of them more than well-hidden from anyone that might pass them by, but Remus could feel that Sirius was still unsettled. The taut way he held himself hadn't let up even after Severus' departure, as if the mere fact that he was in such close proximity to the Slytherin Common Room in any capacity caused him tremendous pain.

Remus almost asked him if he wanted to move, just to spare Sirius some of that obvious torment, but he held himself back. Meeting up in empty classrooms and sneaking into each other's dormitories was okay, but Remus would not ask Sirius Black to accompany him on a midnight stroll across the castle grounds. That seemed a step too far- and likely to get him laughed at, if he knew Sirius at all.

"You really should make better friends, Lupin," Sirius said, tilting his head back against the wall with the infuriatingly casual air of someone who was having their time reluctantly encroached upon, instead of the other way around.

Remus wondered if it was possible to hate someone so much it felt like your lungs were on fire whenever you were near them. 

"I could say the same to you,” he said, instead of any of the numerous curses that had pushed themselves temptingly to the forefront of his mind. It was an honestly miraculous display of restraint, in his opinion.

Sirius laughed, “Is this about James again?"

"You don't complain about my friends,” Remus said, “And I won't complain about yours."

"Your friends deserve the complaints," Sirius said. Purposely, he glanced in the direction Severus had just walked off to, "Ask me who I saw lurking around the restricted section of the library earlier."

Remus forced himself not to react- at least not in any way that could be perceived by Sirius. He couldn't really help the way his insides seemed to turn to molten lead at Sirius' words.

So he'd been right then.

The fact that Severus had been making use of his time by visiting the restricted section was not surprising. But that he had lied about it?

Remus needed to get back to the dorm.

Sirius, however, was still looking at him, using those maddening few inches of height he had on Remus to stare Remus down like he was both the most fascinating subject in the world and also the most uninspiring.

Remus held his ground, and stared back.

"What were you doing there?" he countered, "I’m starting to get concerned, Black. Do you just make a habit of spying on people?”

Sirius smiled. It was entirely without humor. "Only the suspicious ones."

"Is that what I am?"

"Well not anymore,” he pointed out, waving a hand dismissively, “I already know all of your secrets. Now I have all the time in the world to dedicate to your awful friends.” 

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius had seemingly been as helpful as he intended to be for the night, and despite Remus' newfound confirmation that Severus was, in fact, closer to uncovering the truth about him, it didn't exactly help him in any way to stand about discussing that with Sirius, of all people.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his robes and turned to walk away, "Goodnight, Sirius."

Sirius reached out and grabbed his arm before he’d even fully stepped out of their shared space, firmly yanking him back in, "Wait."

"Sirius," Remus warned, even as the other boy crowded him back against the wall and Remus made no real effort to escape, "I have to go. Severus will-"

"Don't," Sirius groaned, "Don't say his name. Nothing kills the mood faster."

"Severus will come looking for me," Remus said, enunciating the word just to see Sirius grimace again.

Sirius, the infuriating arse, didn't give him the satisfaction.

"So let him," he said instead, "He can watch. I'm sure he could use the lessons, Merlin knows he won't be getting them anywhere else. It will be my act of community service this week, helping out the less fortunate."

"Salazar, you're insufferable."

“Me?” Sirius glared at him. "Have you forgotten about your little werewolf situation?"

"Fucking hell, Sirius,” Remus snapped, shoving him back, “Can you keep your voice down?"

"Are you hearing me at all? Snape is starting to suspect you.”

"I can take care of myself-"

"You share a room with him," Sirius reminded him, as if Remus could have forgotten, "All I'm asking is that you be more careful around him, since I don’t presume you’ll agree to my original plan of throwing him into the Black Lake."

"I don't understand why you even care so much."

Sirius sighed, long and low, as if Remus' general presence took out an extraneous toll on his sanity.

"Your other friends might be insufferable gits who'd turn on you in less than five seconds, Lupin," Sirius said, with the exaggerated patience of someone speaking to a five year old, "But Gryffindor's have more honor than that. I look out for my friends."

"We're not friends," Remus felt it necessary to remind him, and ignored the voice at the back of his head that insisted on asking stupid questions like, well, what are we then? "We fuck each other, and when we're not fucking each other you're going out of your way to annoy me."

"Or protect you, as the actual evidence suggests.”

“I don’t need you to protect me,” Remus said. He pushed Sirius away from him again, and took the split second of opportunity it provided to slip himself out of the corner and into the hallway. “Are we done here?”

Sirius watched him, his lips pressed thinly together, something unreadable in his expression.

Finally, he nodded. Remus held his gaze for another second before turning away.

"Lupin?" Sirius called.

Remus, hating himself more and more, turned.

Sirius raised a brow. Whatever had been clouding his gaze just a few seconds ago was gone already, replaced by his usual bored arrogance.

He smiled, "Our usual time tomorrow?"

[albino-whumpee]

Impostor syndrome is a nuisance but also really put a lot of things in harder mode for no reason.

You may be able to do the things you mistrust your own capacity to accomplish, you may even learn how to be better later on, but the sheer terror of disappointing someone who trusted in you, is too much.

Impostor syndrome is not about actually lying about how you are or not capable of something. It’s about knowing you could do it, but being mistaken once is enough to say you’re not, because someone else saw potential in you you didn’t meet.

It’s kinda silly.

You may be able to draw or write or program or cook or have a way with words that amuses everyone you talk to, but if you even think you have stuttered, made a line wonky, a senseless phrase, an error in syntax or make your eggs a little bit too salty, it’s doom. It’s tiny, but mistakes are mistakes regardless of size and importance, right? If you have mistakes, the only thing you have in your hands is a ball of lies you have the gall to give to someone else.

That’s a cruel line of thought, don’t you think?

I get it. I really do. 99% isn’t 100%, a single mistake breaks the image of perfection. But it also breaks idealization and brings it down to reality.

Once someone drops the ideals they’re forced to face the truth, but somehow, it’s ourselves who we berate for that unfortunate event of not meeting expectations that were not fully explained to us.

You’re not made to know how to meet expectations you don’t know about. You’re also not made to overcompensate because you’re “lacking”, so you gotta work yourself to the bone to meet “everyone else’s starting point”.

Maybe the feeling you have right now about being a fraud was born from an old mortifying feeling of having disappointed someone without knowing exactly how.

Like when caregivers expect so much from us, the pressure of doing your best and not be enough for their standards, crush you. But sometimes it did work to satisfy them. And like any 50/50, the chances of being a good result in contrast to an unpleasant one are the same. There’s nothing but anxiety as the chances of either happening are exactly the same unless the environment surrounding it changes to favor one.

Of course, that anxiety only increases if your perceived chances of a good result are not concrete. Things like idealization of one’s capacity’s, even when it’s your own, are the hardest things to make peace with when you have imposter syndrome.

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[shadesofdistortion]

RULES: repost, don’t reblog. just pick a muse of yours and fill it out.

MUSE: Loki

— basics

▸ is your muse tall/short/average? Tall, 6′3″

▸ are they okay with their height? He does, on rare occasions, wish he was just a touch taller. He would be even with Thor, and yet would still be small enough that his height would not indicate his heritage. However, it isn’t a major insecurity or anything. 

▸ what’s their hair like? His style tends to vary based on the weather and his activities, but its nature remains the same: inky black, with a slight iridescence like a starling’s feathers under the right lighting, and wavy/curly (type 2 curl pattern range). Some would say (and have said) that it looks greasy, but in reality, it is simply well-moisturized. In fact, those who have the rare joy of touching it in any capacity will see that it is wonderfully soft. 

▸ do they spend a lot of time on their hair/with their grooming? Compared to the average Midgardian man, he does indeed spend quite some time and effort on his hair, and his overall grooming. He never allows his hair to be tangled for long, and he only uses the very best products on it. In terms of the hair not on top of his head, he keeps his beard/mustache/etc area clean shaven, for he doesn’t believe beards suit him. As for the rest of himself, he likes to overall be noticeably tidy. However, he will go through stretches of time every now and then in which his routine of self-care in terms of appearance falters, and he starts to look rather scruffy. 

▸ does your muse care about their appearance? Very much so. Appearances are everything to him, whether it be his style, his grooming, or even his very facial expressions. He likes to look expensive, intimidating, respectable, and mentally unshakable. To be seen when he is not presenting himself in such a way is absolutely mortifying to him. 

▸ does your muse care about what others think about them? It depends. When it comes to close family and friends (few and far between as they are), he has always held their opinions in high regard, even when it is destructive to his own self-image. Although he has settled into his own identity more and more as he’s aged, he still has quite a few deep insecurities, which he tends to keep hidden so that others don’t know how to target his vulnerabilities. In terms of everyone else, he only cares how they perceive him on the off chance that they may be of use to him later. He feels a need to be on everyone’s good side, or at least be a neutral party to them, in preparation for whatever situations may arise. You never know when a stranger might need to suddenly be a friend. 

— preferences

▸ indoors or outdoors? Outdoors ▸ rain or sunshine? Rain, but only if it isn’t thundering ▸ forest or beach? Forest ▸ precious metals or gems? Both, but metals are more practical ▸ flowers or perfumes? Flowers ▸ personality or appearance? Is appearance not sometimes a result of personality? ▸ being alone or being in a crowd? Alone ▸ order or anarchy? They both have their place ▸ painful truths or white lies? They both have their uses ▸ science or magic? They are one in the same ▸ peace or conflict? Depends on the source of each ▸ night or day? Night ▸ dusk or dawn? Dusk ▸ warmth or cold? Cold, so long as it’s above freezing ▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends?  Few close friends ▸ reading or playing a game? Reading feeds the mind, playing feeds the heart

— questionnaire

▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits? God, he has so many. He has a significant substance abuse issue, he tends to lie his way out of any situation he finds uncomfortable, he always bottles up his true feelings when they are inconvenient, he can at times be impulsive, but at the same time can also sometimes be too controlling of himself or others....the list is long. 

▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them? how has it affected them? The loss of his mother, certainly with the knowledge that he was the one to unwittingly point Kurse in her direction, is unbearable to even consider. He would prefer to pretend, in his own mind, that she is still alive and well, simply...physically absent. The absence/loss of his children also pains him greatly, though he has been more able to accept the truth of what happened to each of them. 

▸ what are some fond memories your muse has? The majority of, if not all of, his fondest memories are from his childhood and teenage years in Asgard. Although he’d always felt as if he wasn’t quite like anyone else in his home realm, he didn’t have any evidence to back it up, and still had the naive hope that the populace would “come around”. There were many days spent among books, as well as days spent lightheartedly sparring with his brother, Sif, and the Warriors Three, and many adventures had out in the wilderness of Asgard. He often yearns for such an age in which he didn’t have such a weight on his mind. 

▸ is it easy for your muse to kill? He would prefer to, through whatever means necessary, let his enemies live and teach them and their allies a lesson, but he knows that death is at times the only realistic and timely option. He has found that murder is simply an unfortunate reality. However, when it comes to protecting his loved ones, any guilt he might otherwise have about taking a life is nonexistent. 

▸ what’s it like when your muse breaks down? ((This and the next two are a little too in-depth for the amount of muse I have right now, so I’m gonna skip them and maybe come back to it if anyone’s really really interested))

▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life?

▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love?

Tagged by: @lokatattur ((a BABE))

Tagging: @of-witches-n-tricksters @techmagiclightxnshieldedsoldier @thedemonhunterscousin @for-the-love-ofscience @ahawkinthevents and anyone elseeeeeeeeeee who wants to <3333

[ratcaulker]

 ✍ + all the numbers?

1) …their sleep schedule.

Naturally an extremely light sleeper, but able to nap whenever needed. He’s adapted to a ship’s schedule in the last few years, so his sleeping times are a little more disciplined than before. Four hours at a time between shifts.

2) …being touched.

I headcanon him as being tactile about emotions, so he’d enjoy touching people, patting their backs, holding hands with someone he fancies, etc. Likewise, that he’d enjoy being on the receiving end of physical signs of affection or sympathy.

Rats do like to cuddle, after all.

3) …how long they hold grudges.

For ever and ever!

A grudge won’t stop him from getting along with someone he finds useful, but Hickey’s not one to ever forget any detail of a wrong that he perceives was done to him.

4) …how sensitive they are to insults.

Very sensitive, but masks it with a kind of careless attitude, one that’s cheerful insolence at best and stone-cold uncaring at worst.

Hickey seems very touchy about matters of rank, very resentful of his social limitations and is thus begrudging of any remarks against his character - which we do see from his confrontations with Crozier, Irving and even Gibson.

5) …being complimented.

Again, very sensitive. I’d even say unrealistically optimistic as to what weight a compliment might carry. I headcanon he’d be more exuberant over compliments if it’s a person of importance giving them, but that he privately preens over any situation where he feels he’s shown himself as a Someone.

As a side note, I feel Hickey has poor understanding of the nuances of the rigid social structure he lives in aboard the Terror. He interprets Crozier’s tepid offer of a drink as a definite sign of his imminent going up in the world, to the point where it actually causes him to disregard orders and he ends up punished for that.

6) …being alone.

I’d say he’s pretty good at being alone in the everyday sense, since he’s probably used to shedding people from his life and only really looks out for himself. I can see him as fully retaining his capacities if he was, say, sent to the brig as punishment, because he can spend his alone time scheming and thinking up future acts of revenge.

But in the situation of utter loneliness, such as being the last man left alive, I’m going to go with a little bit of the (dreadful) book!Hickey here for my headcanon and say he’d eventually go mad. He’s a social creature at heart and does not work well in a setting where he can’t bounce off other people, for good or bad.

7) …meeting new people.

Very good at it, since he adapted to a wholly new environment and career without sticking out much (until things got extreme). I’d say his everyday social skills are good enough to make him reasonably likeable as a casual drinking buddy or coworker, but that people of a sharper understanding of others would see right through him.

8) …getting sick (a cold, flu, etc.)

He’s very cautious about getting ill. Look at how he avoided even being near David Young when the poor boy started spitting out blood.

I headcanon Hickey as a very whiny patient: he’d let everyone know if he was feeling too unwell to work. I also believe his low status means he’s full aware of the horrors of ye old Victorian diseases and their consequences.

On the other hand, I headcanon him as keeping his illness super quiet and invisible if he thinks it’ll endanger him (such as being left behind in case of something contagious).

9) …eating.

Um. Definitely NOT a picky eater. He’ll eat leftovers, he’ll eat boiled boot, he’ll eat his coworkers, he’ll eat his ex, he’ll eat a giant demonic bear if given the chance…

10) …their handwriting.

I’d say very simple and carefully stamped out, as if he can’t write too well but is mortified of the thought of anyone looking down on him for it.

11) …how easily they make friends.

Fairly easy, for shallow friendships, given that he’s capable of flattery and making himself agreeable. He has enough of a way with people that they’d follow his terribly ideas, even if they don’t particularly trust or even like him as a person.

12) …how educated they are.

Not educated at all, but he does know how to read and has a good visual memory, so expect that he got some minor schooling. My headcanon is that he spent time at a workhouse as a child.

13) …the type of music they like.

Nothing very refined. I’d expect he’d enjoy a rowdy tune like a shanty, especially if accompanied by a drink.

14) …a beloved toy or pet they had as a child.

Squeaky the plush rat.

I can’t see Hickey as having had many toys or having the emotional capacity for a pet that’d just use up limited resources.

I do headcanon him as being fond of particularly mean alley cats. He’ll shoo them away or throw water at them, but he grins like a fool if he sees the cat scratching up a big dog or stealing a fish from the market. He just likes the thought of a little guy standing up against an unfriendly world.

15) …where they see themselves in ten years.

On a tropical island where he doesn’t have to do any hard work. Alternatively, wrecking havoc as lord and master to a sentient polar bear.

…I don’t know. Mr Hickey’s future plans are the stuff of nightmares.

16) …what really scares them.

I wanted to say death, but he doesn’t actually show much fear in the face of life-threatening situations.

I’d say loss of control over his own fate. He can’t abide going down without having done everything he could to establish his mastery over the situation, even if it is realistically the worst possible route for everyone else involved.

17) …how good they are with technology.

Not particularly good. Mid 1800s tech was limited to higher classes, and my headcanon is that he’s more eager to cosy up to someone who knows how to use tech than to try learn it himself.

Unless he thinks he can use that tech to his own ends in some underhand way, then he’ll do his damn best to try figure it out.

18) …how they would describe their personality.

Hickey would think of himself as very clever and cunning, capable of doing whatever needs to be done. He’d think of himself as an eternal victim of circumstances, as a charming fellow who just needs a lucky break.

Other people would not describe him in the same way.

19) …what makes them happy.

A little ironic considering Irving’s words of Christian pleasures, but Hickey seems happiest in the midst of other people in social situations where there’s drinking, singing and free food to be had.

He’s also pretty happy to spend quality time with a boyfriend.

If the above sources of joy are unavailable and the going is a bit rough, he’ll make do with scheming, commanding a ragtag crew of desperate men or knifing people he hates. Grave-robbery is also a fun hobby.

20) …what they think the meaning of life is.

To survive for as long as you can, whatever the price!

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