#being all intimate when its suposed to be just fucking

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

s7 starts by catching us up with all the families and obviously buck is in eddie's little family scene and it's like all the other buckley diaz scenes except they're both a little Awkward and then later when eddie walks buck out the door eddie looks around to make sure chris isn't here before kissing buck with a comment telling us that 1) they can't wait to be alone so they can fuck nasty, and 2) they've just been fwb for a while. you can see both of their hearts break in their eyes but they just smile and then buck leaves. :)

OH FUCK YOU I NEED THIS

send me s7 buddie openers

[cleverbarefoot-man-blog]

first day of school in a long time

hey, i have been to school today, fully motivated to go and to see where my limit was. i have not realized that i have stept over my own boundries untill now. today was ment to see how far i could push my limit, and i think i over did it since i still have a craving urge for attention and someone that views the world the same way i do. and maybe some recognition for the struggle i have been goin trough, i have been trying to externalise my issues and it feels bad, i want to be able to deal with these issues myself or with the people that are closes to me, even tho i dont feel anyone is getting close to me including myself. i guess i have a slight feeling of getting closer to myself day by day but i just dont like the person i am at this moment even tho all the effort i am putting in. i have such a hard time regulating my emotions and that is the biggest bothering part about it, it results in me feeling in certain ways that i think i shouldnt feel like. the book i am reading tells me to just accept it and listen to what the feeling is telling me, so i supose what this feeling is telling me (without context) not to talk about sex so much, or at least dont be overly interested in it. and that is hard since i have had a way of cooping with shit trough sex for about 5 years and now that i have to find a way to cope with shit in a healty way makes things very difficult, especially since i want to find a way to do it on my own, disregarding other people thier opinion that are currently close to me, i don't want to open up since that just makes me feel like i'm constantly giving away pieces of myself that for some reason i can't retrieve. something else, what i hate about intimate relationships the most is that once you are wheeled in, most people start to tell what there actual perspective is, this goes for almost all relationships for that matter, they agree along the way. you have some common ground to share but after a bit of time have passed that's when you learn the real perspective of people which usually is very different from when you first met them, I get that you change from perspective and that you don't involve everyone in that process, once people change from perspective in my experience. and this is a true change of perspective they are also capable of seeing it themself from how they looked at it previously, if they didn't and this is not based on anything but my own experience, I think it means they were not real with you in the first place. meaning that they are probably searching for themself more then you where searching for yourself. I constantly hear the thought pass in my head that either said "I hate people" or "I hate myself" its just a thought but pretty bothersome since I know this is not how I actually think about it, but this is how I feel now for some reason. I have read in the book that these feelings can be questioned and the base of this feeling should be anger I would say. well I can go on like this for some time, I have had a partial good day and I'm grateful to my friends for being there and putting up with my shit. if this is all I write for today I wish you all a very nice evening and I hope your process is worth the suffering. otherwise read the book "the subtle art of not giving a fuck" <3 Peace