#being a small fry is a blessing in disguise in that sense

[burningcheese-merchant]

Hi Merchant! I'm someone who is still fairly new to the Cookie Run fandom. And the more I look into it, the wilder it gets. I had come from the Transformers fandom, so I was shocked to see how many people hate on Beast x Ancient. Seeing enemies to lovers in Transformers is very common and not really hated on, so I was like woah… I think It's okay to be uncomfortable with a ship, nothing wrong with that. But the full on hatred towards the shippers of BXA is crazy. A few times it had made me nervous to post my art publicly, as I'm afraid of people thinking I'm a proshipper or some dogwater like that. I really don't want to be compared to something bad like that. I've seen a lot of people say it's Abuser x Victim and that worried me. This fandom is kinda scary, I just wanna ship my burningcheese in peace man. Is it really so bad for me to do that? Not gonna stop me from making the art I want to though. I apologize if this seems all over the place, I'm even nervous typing this out. I don't send people asks much, so this is pretty new for me. (I'm not sure if you've been asked this kind of thing before or not, so I apologize if this is something you get asked a lot.) Also wanted to say I love your stories on Ao3, I had no idea it was you who wrote them at first. You inspire me a lot! .°✭

Omg I know you!!! I love your BurningCheese art sooo much, dude. You have no idea. The one where BS tapes a bunch of sharp objects to cheesebirds's heads to teach them to be destructive is still my favorite lol (also I just really love your art style in general! It's so interesting to me! It scratches an itch in my brain. Make more art pretty please)

I'm really happy you enjoy my works so much ❤️ it really does make my day when people come to tell me things like that. I'm not the greatest writer in the world, but I try my best. People expressing enjoyment means a lot to me

Beast x Ancient hate is crazy and crazy sad, yeah. I feel like Episodes 7 and 8 killed some of it (NO ONE can deny how fucking gay that was lol), but maybe I'm just delusional lol. I, too, wish to enjoy my Enemies to Lovers in peace and quiet. It's fine if you don't like it - huge shame imo, but suit yourself - but the vitriol I've seen being lobbied at the Beast x Ancient community is bonkers. I've gotten my fair share of asks about it, answered and not (I'll answer those eventually I promise, I feel bad leaving asks alonez it's the deep-rooted Catholic guilt), and some of them are extremely sad. There's really no reason to go that far to attack people for liking certain fictional characters together. Block tags and users if you must; anything beyond that is foolish at best and harmful at worst. They're talking cookies. Stop giving a shit and go touch grass lol

You'd think Enemies to Lovers/Hero x Villain/Toxic Yaoi or whichever way you want to put it would be as understood as it is old, but not in this particular fandom apparently lol. I think it's because a huge chunk of it are actual, literal children (and/or, perhaps, childish and immature adults lol) who don't know how to behave, don't have a fully developed Theory of Mind, have a shallow and naïve understanding of morality and don't know how to separate fiction from reality in a reasonable, healthy manner. Regardless, it's best to ignore them and go about your business as usual. Last thing you want to give people like that is attention. Give them an inch, and all that.

So don't be afraid! Post your art! Tell the whole world how much you love BurningCheese! Look at me, I'm cringe as hell and I'm happy about it! I will continue to write my dumb fics and post my dumb doodles and make them kiss and fuck and get married and have two cute kids and no one can do anything about it :D life is so much better when you stop giving a shit about what people have to say about you, especially crybabies with nothing better to do besides throw tantrums about cookies

(also, I, too, like Transformers. TFP is still my favorite series. And that fandom is rife with hero/villain ships (I'm guilty of shipping MegOp myself lol), looking at them and back at the Cookie Run fandom gives me so much whiplash lmao. It's always the cutesy games that bring out the insane asylum escapees)

[thiswasinevitableid]

any chance you could write some sternclay hannukah fic? as wholesome or naughty as you like

I certainly can! I went with fluffy, and I hope it turned out okay.

Joseph Stern does his best not to take personal offense at the existence of inanimate objects. 

But the “Merry Christmas” signs hanging down the entire main street of Kepler are on thin fucking ice.

He knows small towns tend to lean towards homogeneity. He knows that many municipal agencies treat Christmas as a non-denominational day celebrated by everyone.

The sign simply reminds him of being scolded by a grade school teacher for telling the other students that his family wasn’t visited by Santa, which suggested an inherent flaw in the idea of Santa’s existence. 

Or not being able to get the holidays he needed off of work during college, because those weren’t “real” holidays according to his boss.

Or not being allowed to have his mini T-rex menorah on his desk at the UP because it was a religious symbol and he worked in a government agency. 

He can’t shake the bad mood as he finishes his errands and heads back towards the lodge. Snow falls in clumps on his windshield as he pulls up in front, just in time to see Bigfoot and Mothman carrying a large pine tree into the lobby. 

Home sweet home. 

“Kay just, uh, hold it steady for a sec there ‘Drid.” Duck’s legs stick out from beneath the tree as he twists it into a stand, Indrid holding it upright while he does. Barclay sees Stern just as he slips on his bracelet, and by the time he’s kissing him he’s human again.

“Hey, babe.”

“Hi. Getting prepared for the season, I see.”

“Yep” Barclay grins excitedly, “finally found the perfect C-”

“Christmas tree, yes, I know, I’m Jewish, not oblivious.” Stern hears the bitterness, takes a breath and shuts his eyes, prepared to apologize for once again harshing others holiday cheer by reminding them that Jewish people exist. 

“No…” Barclay is making his worried-about-Stern face, “It’s the Candlenights tree.”

“Come again?”

“Did that plenty this morning.” Barclay bounces his eyebrows, and Stern rolls his eyes. 

“Candlenights is a winter holiday on Sylvain. It’s supposed to be a time of rest and warmth, of remembering that it’s alright to take time to focus on love and peace and comfort.”

“But that’s obviously a Christmas tree.”

Barclay shrugs, “You’re supposed to have a big piece of greenery as one of the decorations, a representation of the beauty of the land around you. Some families decorate a tree in their yard, or grow a flower bush specifically to use, stuff like that.”

“Mine had a blue mallow tree. It smelled like sugar. And the blossoms were delicious.” Indrid chimes in as he puts on his glasses.

“Is that why you put marshmallows on the tree in the apartment?” Duck brushes pine needles off himself.”

“Maybe.”

Barclay continues, “You decorate it with lights and flowers. And, well, the Christmas tree is a great way of having that tradition in the lodge without people wondering what the fuck we’re doing and asking too many questions.”

“So...Candlenights is tonight?” 

“It starts tomorrow. It’s kinda like Hanukah, but it lasts five days rather than eight nights. Each day centers around a concept: light, warmth, comfort, growth, love. Er, that’s the translation from Sylph, at least.”

“That sounds pleasant.” Stern smiles a bit, watches Hollis and Jake untangling strings of lights with varying degrees of success, “I’m, I’m glad you all are able to celebrate the way you did back home.”

“Me too. Uh, you know you can celebrate with us right? The lodge is your home too.”

“Thank you.” He kisses Barclays cheek and heads towards his room while the cook heads off towards the kitchen. 

It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the offer. And he’s actually curious about what’s essentially an alien cultural ceremony. 

But he wishes he had what he needed to observe Hanukkah. So that he could feel connected to his past, and his home, the way the Sylphs will tomorrow.

-------------------------------------------------

He’s up early the next morning, wanders out into the lobby with his coffee mug. It’s quiet save for the crackling fire and distant sounds of Mama in her office and Barclay in the kitchen.

The tree is lit with orange and white lights, and does look rather festive. 

But it’s something on the window near the tree catches his attention. 

It’s clearly supposed to be a serpent version of the Loch Ness Monster (Stern’s preferred version, given that the more popular pleisiosaur is the least likely of all explanations for the creature). 

And it has nine candle holders on it. 

“Happy Hanukah, handsome.” Barclay’s voice is a soft rumble in his ear as the taller man hugs him from behind, “Know it doesn’t officially start until tonight, but seemed like I oughta give you this ahead of time. Plus, it matches nicely with the first day of Candlenights.”

“True.” Stern murmurs, “Barclay this, this is wonderful.”

“Glad you like it. Had it made special.”

Stern turns in his arms, kissing him long and slow, not caring that the flour on his apron is now on Sterns shirt. He’s grown used to floury hugs and sugared kisses, Barclay stealing them from him in between moments at work. He wouldn’t trade them for the world.

-------------------------------------------

The next day, Stern nearly has a heart attack when he opens his bedroom door.

“BUNNY SWEATER TIME!”

“GAH!oh, hello Aubrey. Doctor.”

Aubrey grins at him, while Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD, attempts to chew his way out of his small, black sweater, emblazoned with flames. It matches Aubrey’s own. 

“I didn’t realize you two, or, ah, three” he waves to Dani, “were vising from Sylvain.”

“Just for today and tomorrow. Dani needs to give Barclay his gift.”

Dani proudly hoists a thick, knitted sweater that reads “Kiss the cook.”

Stern pads into the lobby, finds it more active than the previous morning. Sitting by his menorah is a flat box, wrapped in silver paper. When he opens it, he finds a thick sweater, and braces himself. More than once has he been given a holiday sweater that was blatantly Christmas themed. 

This one, however, is a tasteful, dark blue with silver snowflakes and UFOs patterned across it. Stern pulls it on, finds it fits perfectly. 

“Looking good dude!” Jake calls from his position teaching Dr. Harris Bonkers how to play on a Nintendo DS. Stern settles on the couch, picks up his paperback from where he set it yesterday.

“Ah good, Barclay took my suggestion.”

“JEsus.” Stern’s unprepared for the red glasses poking out of a nearby pile of fabric.

Indrid answers the question before he asks it, “Electric blanket, a gift from Duck. Barclay was torn between that sweater and a Bigfoot themed one. I foresaw you liking that option slightly better. It suits you well.”

“Thank you.” Stern rubs the soft fabric, feeling deeply cozy, and settles in to read. 

That evening, he’s getting ready to light the menorah when he spots Barclays reflection beside his own in the window. 

“Can, uh, is it okay if I join you?”

“Of course.”

Barclay watches intently, listens as Stern recites the blessing. When Stern is done he joins his boyfriend in a large easy chair.

“There anything else you miss from, like, celebrating Hanukkah as a kid?”

“How do you mean?” Stern rests his head on his shoulder with a sleepy sigh,

“Well, back on Sylvain, there are these almost scone-like things, made out of honeyberries. They don’t taste like anything you get on earth.  I smuggled preserved honeyberries through the gate every year around this time just so I could make some. Vincent never could turn down a Twinkie bribe to look the other way.”

“Sufganiyot. My mom always got them from a place called Greenbush back home.”

“Jelly doughnuts, right?”

“Yes. How did you-”

“Babe, do you have any idea how many cookbooks I’ve read? At this point I’m not sure there’s a pastry I haven’t heard of.”

“That...never occurred to me.” He yawns, unsure how a day of lazing by the fire can make him so exhausted (maybe it was having to prevent a talking rabbit and a seal disguised as a skater from lighting the tree on fire. Twice).

“Bedtime. C’mon, my little Sufganiyot”

“In what sense am I little-ah, hey!” Stern laughs as Barclay scoops him up in his arms.

“You’re ridiculous” He grumbles against Barclays chest.

“You love me for it.”

Stern nestles closer, “Very true”

----------------------------------------

The next morning, he steps out his door, only for the scent of sugar to draw him towards the restaurant. He can hear Barclay speaking from within the kitchen. 

“No, you can’t have any yet.”

“But, Uncle Barclay, look at how cute I am.” Dr. Harris Bonkers’ voice, if he had to guess. 

“Joseph gets the first batch.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s even cuter.”

Barclay steps out the kitchen door, plate in hand, and turns bright red.

“Oops, didn’t know you were up.”

“Dear, my alarm goes off at five every morning.”

Then he sees what Barclay is holding.

“Happy Hanukkah, babe.”

Stern grabs a doughnut from the plate and devours it in three bites.

“Please tell me you made more than two.”

“Aww, babe, glad you like ‘em.”

“I do. But, uh, that’s not why I said it.” 

He points to the restaurant door, where many more faces are peeking in, several licking their lips.

Barclay chuckles, “Whelp, better get frying.”

Stern grabs his usual apron from the near the kitchen door.

“I’ll help.”

Day four starts equally pleasantly, with him discovering a small, pleasingly round moss ball floating in a small aquarium sitting on his desk. The aquarium is decorated with a mini bigfoot figure and a mini FBI figure. 

“Dani suggested that for you. I know you like having plants on your desk, but don’t always have the best luck keeping them alive.” Barclay rubs his shoulders, kissing the top of his head as he sits at the desk. 

“I love it. Oh! Today is growth, right?”

“Yep.” Another kiss.

“Stay right here.” Stern rummages through the closet, pulling out the large, wrapped package he’s had for the last two weeks. 

“Merry? Candlenights, Barclay. I wasn’t quite sure when to give it to you, but today seems like the best choice.” 

Barclay unwraps the package on the bed, laughs delightedly when he sees what’s inside.

“Counter-top herb garden. Nice thinking, handsome.”

“You’re always saying how you miss not having fresh herbs to work with in the winter, so it seemed riiiight, oh lord, I, I have a phone call with Hayes in ten minutes, big guy, don’t start anything you can’t finish in that time.”

“Don’t worry,” Barclay rumbles from his new position kneeling on the floor, undoing Sterns pants as he kisses his stomach, “I’ll make real fucking sure you finish.”

------------------------------------------------------------

It’s day five, and for the first time there’s nothing greeting Stern when he wakes up. He’s not terribly worried, and anyway he has to finish the briefing instructions for the new agents being sent to guard the inactive gate (his notes make no mention of the new, active gate a mile away).

Barclay joins him, as he has the last three nights, to light the menorah before heading back into the restaurant to feed residents and winter tourists. He busies himself with chores and crossword puzzles until Barclay is done with the night shift. 

When his boyfriend finally joins him for the night, he has his hands behind his back and a smile on his face that puts Indrid Cold’s to shame. Wordlessly, he hands Stern a box covered in gold paper. 

“That’s certainly a hefty package” Stern smirks as he opens it, then gapes at the contents.

“It’s, how, where did, did you make this?”

“I had it cast so, uh, yeah? It’s for times when you get lonely, or like, have to go on business trips.”

 “Lord, Barclay, they even got the color right. Do they even know that they were making a toy from the real Bigfoot’s co-”

“No, and I intend to keep that way. Now…” Barclay crawls on top of him, fingers working his pajamas off, “how about we break in your new toy?”

----------------------------------------------

Stern rolls over in bed the next morning to see Barclay stepping out of the shower, towel around his waist. The Sylph notices him, comes to the bed to give him a kiss.

“Oh, here, wanted to give this to you before I go to work.” He holds out a small package, unmistakably the shape of a DVD box. Stern smiles excitedly to discover the entire X-Files series contained within it. Then he frowns.

“Wait, Candlenights ended yesterday.”

“Yeah. But it’s still hanukkah, right?” 

“Yes…”

“Babe, what did you think I was getting you those presents for.”

“I, well, I assumed you were trying to mesh my holiday with yours, so you’d only get me things during Candlenights-”

“You only give someone a gift on one day of that.”

“Really?”

“Yep. I just thought it would be fun to kinda tie my first five for you to Candlenights. Give you a taste of it without, like, pressuring you to be a part of it or making you give up something important to you. But I’ve had Hanukah stuff picked out for you since, like, September. And, uh, if there’s other stuff around it you wanna do or share with me, just say the word.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do that for me, it would have been easier just to do Candlenights. Lord knows it wouldn't be the first time my practices were overlooked, I could have handled it.”

“Because I love you, Joseph. I want you to be happy. When I told you the lodge was your home, and I meant it. And being home means having the space to celebrate things that are important to you.”

“You, I-” Stern shifts under the covers, feeling suddenly very vulnerable.

“Is my special agent speechless? Because that’d be a first.” 

“Yes, though the exact reason for it escapes me. Thank you, Barclay. For doing all this for me.”

Barclay nuzzles his cheek with a smile, “Any time, babe. And hey,” he tilts Sterns chin up so their eyes meet, “I love you.”

Stern’s smile is like a warm flame spreading across his face, “I love you too.”

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

Monomyth

A character distributes their weight (5 points) among seven Archetypes, governed by the seven astrological bodies. The Sun is Hero, for matters of virtue and the heart. The Moon is Trickster, for all stealth, deception and shenanigans. Mercury governs the Wanderer, Venus the Lover, Mars the Warrior, Jupiter the King and Saturn the Sage. Each Archetype in which a character has at least one rank can additionally divide that many ranks in Skills, defined by the character themselves. Making a roll consists of rolling dice equal to their rank in the Archetype, plus autosuccesses equal to applicable Edges.

In addition to these standard rolls, a character receives several Feats to enhance her actions. The precise number thereof depends on their Might, which starts at 2 and goes to 12. They receive that many Legendary, Epic and Mythic Feats. Feats can be used to enhance a normal action, or they can be used by supernatural miracles. A Legendary Feat adds a single success, an Epic Feat adds successes equal to the character’s Might, and a Mythic Feat adds that many successes squared. These also apply to miracles that use Feats; a miracle could use a Legendary Feat and only get a single autosuccess, or the same character using the same miracle could get (Might) extra successes. (This notation follows d19 convention; dice rolls are [number], while flat values are (number).) A character’s Legendary Feats refresh every scene, their Epic Feats refresh every session, and their Mythic Feats only refresh every story.

Miracles are special powers dependent on the Aspects. Anyone can use a Miracle if they have at least 1 point in its Aspect, and a Miracle always trumps mundane actions or obstacles. Opposed Miracles roll their attendant Aspects.

Mortals, extras, NPCs who are not miraculous enough to invoke the supernatural do not use these rules. They mostly get a single success for anything they could be expected to succeed at, with set dice pools for tasks they’re specialized in.

EDGES

Each Aspect comes with a certain kind of Edge involved. These may be bought at creation, or granted by certain Miracles. They may also be obtained naturally, but until the character pays XP to raise the relevant Edge and bind it to themselves, it just serves as stunt fodder. Edges are always linked to the relevant Archetype but may also be linked to other Archetypes or Aspects, serving as a source of Feats for that Aspect, sometimes with other bonuses. Total Edges cannot surpass the relevant Archetype. A point in an Edge may grant a Legendary Feat, two points an Epic Feat, and a similar scale for other bonuses to uses of the provided Feats.

Hero: Virtues

Virtues represent causes or beliefs that comprise the character’s identity, and can be used to resist mental attack or generally reinforce actions drawing from those Virtues.

Trickster: Tricks

Tricks are disguises or setups which allow the character to reveal that whatever just happened didn’t actually happen, and was actually this other thing all along!

Wanderer: Sancta

Sancta are safe places that give the character something they need: shelter, food, information. They usually require that the character be in them to benefit from them.

Lover: Companions

Companions represent pets and sidekicks who are capable of acting on their own or reinforcing the character’s own skills. They often offer the chance to substitute for other Aspects or opportunities impossible with a single character.

Warrior: Weapons

Weapons are meant to be used for conflict, even if not necessarily combat. A frying pan is stunt fodder if it’s just for cooking, but a Weapon if it helps in cooking competitions.

King: Support

Support represents favors you can command or demand from people you know, usually not other characters but people in the background and offscreen.

Sage: Skills

Skills represent the one thing a character is just really good at, for whatever reason. Not things like fighting or talking, but maybe firefighting or talking to children.

HERO MIRACLES

Sense Evil: Sense if anyone is planning to hurt you right now

Dramatic Speech: Grant a Feat to someone else

Pure of Heart: Perfectly resist a mental attack (Epic+)

Heroic Willpower: Get back up after a finishing blow (Mythic)

Channel Virtue: Get Legendary Feats out of a Virtue (Epic+)

Deep Bond: Act as a Companion for someone else

Holy Smite: Deal extra damage to something with opposing Virtues

TRICKSTER MIRACLES

Just Kidding: Take back something you said

Bavarian Fire Drill: Gain temporary Support, though you have to escape consequences later

Friendly Fire: Redirect something to someone else at random

Doppelganger: Appear as someone else

Black Hat, White Hat: Cause two characters to come into conflict

With Catlike Tread: Do something unseen

Disapparition: Leave the scene without being observed

Cross My Heart: Lie perfectly

Murphy’s Law: Something that can go wrong does

Outside the Box: Reduce the efficacy of Miracles that penalize you

Cover Identity: Establish a Trick as a persona that has its own stats, and assume that persona by spending that Trick’s Feats

WANDERER MIRACLES

Fastest Man Alive: Outpace anyone else who doesn’t use this Miracle

Flash Step: Instantly move to anywhere you can see

Water Walk: Move without falling through water, disturbing snow, etc.

Master Key: Open a lock, trap, binding or seal

Always Coming Home: Fit in no matter where you are

Opening the Way: Momentarily connect a doorway to a Sanctum (Epic+)

Lodestar Reckoning: Always know how to return to one of your Sancta

Hermit Crab: Temporarily claim a place as a Sanctum, for no more than a week. You must leave it after that time (Epic+)

Rainbow Bridge: Enter a spiritual realm such as the home of a god or the realm of dreams (Epic+)

LOVER MIRACLES

Cupid’s Arrow: Inspire an emotion in someone

Below the Belt: Perfectly manipulate someone as long as you use something they care about (Epic+)

Give and Take: Demand something in exchange for something, perfectly (Epic+)

Man’s Best Friend: Gain an animal Companion (Mythic)

Sexual Healing: Help someone recover, physically or mentally

Danger Sense: Be aware when one of your Companions or friends is in danger, and where they are

Reading the Room: Be aware of how anyone in sight feels about others, or how people feel about someone in sight

Heart’s Desire: Know what someone wants most

Sublime Performance: Put on a show (music, dance, speech, etc) so compelling that anyone who sees it is hypnotized and enthralled

Inspiration of the Muse: Let someone use your stats instead of theirs

WARRIOR MIRACLES

Lethal Weapon: Kill someone or destroy something (Mythic)

Unbroken: Survive a finishing blow (Epic+)

Berserker: Gain bonuses depending on how wounded you are

Knuckle-Cracking Show: Intimidate someone into backing down

Bullet Time: Act twice in a row (Epic+)

Fated Strike: Guarantee success in a combat round

Heavenly Ladder Style: Get a temporary +1 Weapon from the scenery

Iron Lotus: Attack multiple people at once

No Sell: Become invincible to attacks until you attack (Epic+)

Battle Cry: Enemies must resist or flee (Epic+)

Second Wind: Heal yourself (Epic+)

Scarred Over: Once you have been damaged by something, you cannot be hurt by it again while that wound remains (Epic+)

Lifting the Sky: Perform any feat of strength, or overcome the strength of anyone else (Mythic)

KING MIRACLES

Stonewall Jackson: Bring your whole party back to the fight

Take a Stand: Negate someone’s attempt at social influence

Power of the Purse: Evoke Support that doesn’t really apply, drawing on their resources

Human Chess: Change what your Support is from

Champion the People: Evoke your Support in combat (Epic+)

Judge’s Wisdom: People cannot lie to you, though they don’t have to tell the truth

Guards! Guards!: Summon a small group of NPCs

Sanctified Oath: Bless a promise or contract so it can’t be broken, including by yourself (Epic+)

Commandments: Speak a law that supporters must obey or be cursed (Mythic)

Provide for the People: Ensure that your supporters have enough to eat (Mythic)

Fisher King: Link yourself to your supporters, so you always know their opinion and so you are protected if they love you

SAGE MIRACLES

Just As Planned: Retroactively negate an obstacle by having planned for it

Listen to Teacher: Grant someone a bonus after instructing them

Jack of All Trades: Gain a point in a Skill you don’t have (Epic+)

Gut Instinct: Know the answer to a yes or no question (Epic+)

Art of War: Apply your Skills to combat, no matter what they are (Epic+)

If I Remember Correctly: Come up with a fact which doesn’t contradict previously established lore

Loremaster: A Skill involving information lets you know anything anyone knows about it; you know everything there is to know about History or Science or Anime Trivia.

Reading People: Ask something about a person and know the answer

Improvise Madly: Gain a bonus according to how hard an uncontested roll is

Prognostication: Know whether or not something is a good idea (Epic+)

Query the Universe: Ask a question about anything and know the answer (Mythic)

Monomyth started as.....jesus, i dont remember. an exercise in writing subtle powers (i used to be way big on flashy elemental stunts)? i think i made this around when heros journey was announced and i was real excited. the original version also had the equivalent of scion APPs but that made it literally just a weird scion homebrew so. bye to that

even as it stands most of these powers are mostly ripped from other games like godbound or the modern magician (though i guess that one doesnt really count as stealing). overall i would deem this a failure, though maybe the one redeeming aspect is using feats to pace power usage