#begging someone on this show to tend to SAM'S emotional needs for once he does it for everyone around him w/out being asked

[ardentpoop]

he's the entire heart of this show and i'll say it a million more times idc

[twstwonderlandstuff]

Sleep depravity

You feel like shit.

Flashback

Ahaha, the new year! A time for fun and festivities! Surely, that’s what YOU’RE going to be doing, right?

Wrong.

Well, I mean right, but it’s not fun by what most of NRC calls as. So imagine this, right, you’re sitting in yo damn class doing your damn shit when suddenly, your classmate whispers to you from behind.

“Hey.” You nudge an elbow, to show that you’re listening. 

“You should watch ‘Tales of the Seven Lords’. It’s a really good series.” You nod in thanks at the recommendation and your classmate retreats back to his seat. 

And the day goes on as usual: Running around campus doing your part-time jobs, occasionally talking to your friends and seniors, feeding Grim, appreciating how fine everybody looks today- pardon me.

So now, it’s bedtime and you’re there listening to Grim talk as you do your homework. Then, he says: “Oh yeah, someone said something about a recommendation, right?”

“Right, I forgot about that.” You nod, finishing your homework in time. “We should check that out to watch for New Years. It’s in a few days.” You sigh, bouncing your leg. 

See, unlike from where you’re from, NRC has a different curriculum, where the OFFICIAL tests come out somewhere in the 3rd and 9th month of the year, not the 6th and the 12th, so this is just cooldown time for you to kind of chill and relax. 

“Right, holidays~~~ We don’t need to listen to Vargas anymore!” Grim hums cheerfully, and you nod. He’s already loud and super annoying every time he meets a slightly muscular kid, but add THAT with him rambling about safety protocols? Nah, man, ya can’t.

"Ah yes, the holidays where everyone goes home and leaves us here to wail and stay all alone with nobody- I mean I got you but you know- nobody and probably have to clean the school.” You take a deep breath. “Lovely.”

"That annoying guy is going to do something like that...” Grim complains, rolling over to flop on your stomach. “I don’t wanna!”

“Same...” You reply lazily, fist bumping Grim’s paw. “Hahah... hah...”

Despite your complaining, you feel a little giddy. I mean, come on, you get the FUCK around the school, all day by yourselves! What’s not to love about that? And the series is sure to keep you entertained.

Flashback end.

‘That was a terrible, terrible thing to think about.’ You thought blearily, thoughts swirling around your head as Grim falls asleep on you, *heetos and dorr*tos all over your body, making you feel sticky and gross. 

It’s now the actual new years, where everybody’s gone home and like you predicted, Crowley did assign you to tasks- fucking bird, so you and Grim’s ass didn’t do what he told you. Fucking hell, the school’s been functioning DAMN well without you, surely the tasks not THAT big of a deal, right?

After goofing around for a few days, you’re getting bored, so you drag your lazy self to Sam’s store (where his friends from the other side are tending it for him) and rent out a DVD- Crowley didn’t gift you a phone, unfortunately (but still fixed that old TV set??? Man’s got some weird priorities)

You bring this news to Grim, who immediately begs and whines for you to open and watch the show. So you did.

The first episode, you were intrigued, but only a little bit. The same went for the 2nd and 3rd episode. You’re about to call it a lame series when you hit... the 4th episode.

It was a wild ride of emotions and wow... that scene where Henry helps the king really brought you and Grim to tears. 

You were hooked. Or in other words, you were fucked. Fucked because now, you can’t THINK of anything BUT the series, which forces you to stay at home and watch the entire god-damn thing and now its 2 days after that.

At... you blearily open your eyes and notice the cracks of light shining through the curtain. “Oh god...” At somewhere around 8 am in the morning.

“Fucking hell... I’ve gone and fucked up my sleep schedule... shit...” And for some reason, tears began running down your eyes. What the fuck? Are you THAT tired that’d you’d cry over your SLEEP SCHEDULE?

Yes. Yes, you are.

You hear a knock at the door. “Oh my fucking god.” You curse, rolling down the uneven wooden floors, wincing as you get splinters. You lethargically stand up  and open the door and look up to see...

HEARTSLABYUL

Someone 5 cm taller then you- oh screw off, you’re 145 cm, its okay to be pissed, you know?

“Happy new year, prefect-” You interrupt him.

“Oh.. you’re cute!” You grin gleefully, pinching the red hair’s cheeks.

“U-unhand me at once!” The guy with red hair shouted, forcibly taking your hands away. “Or its off with your head!”

"What, you’re gonna- you’re gonna tie me up~?” You tease, punching the guy’s shoulder. “That’s kinky dude... like tone down the horny ya know...”

2 guys with red-orange hair and other with blue starts laughing loudly in the background and you laugh too.

The guy with red hair STARTS turning red- oh my fucking god, people can turn red?

“OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!” And a collar winds up around your neck.

“Eh????” You ask, lightly tugging at the collar. “What the fackin hell is this shit? Y’all really out here puttin’ collars and shit on people... in the middle of the day too... wow...”  You mutter, slipping into a country accent.

Flash! You hear a snap of a camera and turn to look at another person with a feather duster on his head- why does he have a feather duster- you know what, its cute, and you like it. You reach up and begin petting it, effectively blocking the phone he’s holding.

“Eto, prefect? You’re kinda- woah!” You look at him with a glazy eyes from those 2 days of non stop watching.

"Are you a...” You ponder, biting your lip as you blink repeatedly. “Are you... a fuck boy?”

(“CATER’S A FUCK- CATER’S F-FUCK- AHAHAHAHA-” Ace wheezes in the background as Deuce starts laughing harder, neither of them caring that they have collars on their first day back.)

Fuck boy has a bewildered look on his face, but before you could see his reaction, another hand goes to tug you back. You look up and... is that... is that lettuce, you see? No no way, it... it kinda looks like broccoli, though..

“Let’s get you to bed, prefect.” The broccoli tells you firmly, but like hell are you listening to a broccoli! Fuck man, you got higher standards then that, come on!

“No! I’m not listening to a broccoli!” You duck, effectively pulling out of his grasp and ran inside to wherever room you’re in and slam it shut. “YOU’RE NEVER GETTING ME, BROCCOLI MAN!!!”

(”Bro---brocoll-” This time, it’s Deuce’s time to collectively pound weakly at the dirt, one hand holding onto Ace’s shoulder as he looses it.)

Eventually, you slump on the ground and slowly... you don’t hear the brocolli’s voice anymore.. which is good (but like, why does his voice sound so... sexy??? Like, why??? It doesn’t make any... sense...)

---

Ace and Deuce finish from their laughing stock, having to hold on to the third years to get up from their position. “We’ll go check on the prefect.” Deuce tried to say, a snort or two making its way to the sentence.

“HAH- KINKY- KINKY FUCK BOY BROCCOLI--- AHAHAHAHAHA-” Ace was still loosing it as he walked inside, a tear streaking down his face. “I love the prefect so fucking much.”

Laughter bubbles up against Deuce’s throat as he walks in. “F...Fuck...boy...”

“W-where is the prefect, anyway?” They immediately see you, slumped against the hallway, snoozing away. With their strong powers, they gently lift and place you on the sofa, amidst all the gunk and shit that’s piled up.

“Ew, what were they even doing?” Ace cringes, looking at the mess. “It smells like shit.”

“They’re watching ‘Tales of the Seven Lords’- oh.” Deuce nods, in extreme understanding. He too, has pulled all-nighters with his gang to watch this series... oh how they cried like mad.

“Oh, that show... it’s bad. I don’t like it.”

“What?!” Deuce swiftly turns around. “But its really good!”

“No, it’s not, what? You got some poor taste, Juice.”

“It’s Deuce, not Juice! And you’re the one with poor taste!”

They bicker all the way, until they’re lovingly threatened by Riddle to NOT say a word, or its way more then off with your head, got it~?

SAVANACLAW

An extremely good-looking lion man- lion man, the fuck???- who lazily looks around at your dorm. Behind him is an EVEN better looking man, this one with a very fluffy tail and BEEG ears and BEEG body and my god, wow... he also sexy- like, sexier then lion man.

“Furry?” You mutter, your eyes falling onto another boy with animal-like ears and tail, except he’s shorter then the two, but his eyes seem to have more light in them.

“Happy New Year, prefect~!” He cheers on, his small tail wagging- oh that is cute oh my fuck- oh shit-

“...what the fuck? Why the fuck are there furries?” You gasp in alarm, running your hands through your hair in a frantic manner. “HAVE I MISSED A FUCKING GENERATION OF FURRIES?!”

“NONONONO NO NO NO THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY- NO-” You scream, falling onto the floor and grabbing a piece of your hair.

A shadow seems to loom over you, and you can feel something fluffy- or maybe that’s just you. “Prefect, are you okay- not like I’m worried, or anything, but...?” That line seems like something you’ve heard, but from where?

“Has the herbivore lost their mind?” Sexy lion man can be heard asking in the back, his voice quickly slipping into a yawn.

“Are ya worried, Leona?” The smaller guy teases, a ‘shi shi shi’ going past his lips.

“Tch.”

Well they seem like good friends- nice.

“I’m fine-” You look up and BAM WOAH WHAT IS THAT- SOMEONE’S PANTS AREA THING NOPE-

“I’M NOT FINE FUCKKKKKKK!” You scream back. The guy jumps back.

“Prefect, are you possessed?”

“By this stage? I might as well fucking be- HAH!” And you snort at that- it’s not even funny, you moron. “Oh, and also sexy lion man- yeah I’m talking to you, yeah you-” You point at said man. “I’m not a herbivore, okay? Like, I’m not a vegan (NO OFFENSE TO THE VEGANS OUT THERE), umm...” You slip into a dramatic accent where everything becomes more pronounced.

“I’m a fucking omnivore, and if you wanna like, insult me, please do it right. Thanks.” You pose, your hands making a heart shape, before slumping onto strong boy’s arms.

“Pfft- AHAHAHAH-” And Ruggie’s gone and lost his shit, because what’d you expect, right?

Leona looks surprised, before becoming very irritated, dragging Ruggie by the scruff/neck and walking away, leaving Jack to deal with you.

His seniors out of earshot and eyeshot, he glances at your sleeping form, which was nuzzling up to him, sighing in bliss as the warmth surrounds you.

He lets out a snicker despite his best efforts not too. Goodness, you surprise him every day.

He easily brings you inside with a princess carry, making sure to respectfully touch only your legs and you back to support you.

He glances at your sleeping form- what on earth were you doing that could keep you up so late, anyways? Oh, he finds out by passing through the living room, TV still on.

He finds your bedroom and lays you down there, not bothering to bring Grim inside- just kidding, he absolutely brings Grim in because he knows how much you love each other, but you didn’t hear that from me~

He glances at your form again and brushes some hair out of your face. The steady rise and fall of your chest eases him. Maybe he should stay here, just in case you wake up and act like THAT again and that’s something he’s sure a lot of people aren’t ready to witness.

He takes a chair and sits in front of you, once again having his eyes trained on you, seeing he has nowhere to look at.

A content smile passes your lips, and he smiles at that. What kind of dreams are you having, he wonders? (Little did he know its about him)

Wait.

If he’s waiting for you like this, isn’t that what you usually do for friends?! He stands up immediately, regretting his actions just as fast as he notices you squirm, sighing in relief as you settle back down onto your dazed state again.

“Happy New Year, prefect. Let’s make more memories together.” He mutters lowly, far too low for you to hear but somehow, you smile at just the right moment.

He leaves quickly, a red blush adorning his cheeks. No, that does NOT make him happy in the slightest! His tail isn’t wagging, his ears aren’t red, you’re lying!

Right?

Wrong.

Yeah, right.

Oh, god damn you and making him so confused!

OCTAVINELLE

An incredibly good-looking gent, with a smile on his face that doesn’t look as nice as it should. And look, he’s got a fedora! That speaks fancy~

“Happy New Year, pre-” You take the fedora and slap it onto your head, to the surprise and subsequent irritation of this man.

Or octopus. Honestly, they radiate the same vibe, so you wouldn’t know.

Then, you began doing the Orange Justice (cringe) as you hum- “Mhph, then you break it down! Down! Down! High! Down!”

“Is shrimpy-chan okay?” Oh what the fuck he’s so tall- THERE’S ANOTHER ONE YOU’RE SEEING THINGS-

“Oya oya.” HE HAS ARA-ARA ENERGY OH MY GOD YOU CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS- NONONONONO-

“Ara ara? Ara ara ara~ ara ARA!” You reply in kind, switching to a weird boogie as you sing offkey about a song.

“Under the sea~~~ under the sea~~ something, something, du do do do, under the sea~ under the grass, and till they fall~ ahhhh!!!” You grab the gent’s hands and drag him to you, paying very close attention to your feet as you attempt to tap dance.

The gent splutters indigation, so you leave him be and focus on your feet.

“Ne, that sounds fun!” The 1st double says, following you to dance- except he’s doing way better then you.

“Wha- how the fuck- that’s good! How the fackkkk... fuck... fucking... fucking fucking wop wop!” You giggle, trying to imitate his dance.

“Hehe, shrimpy’s funny when they’re tired!” Double 1 says, grabbing your waist as you shout in fright.

“Jade, maybe we should-”

“Let them be, Azul.”

Upon closer inspection, you realize that this ‘Jade’ has resonating vibes with Sebastian from Black Butler- wait, is this the twin cliche?! Where there’s the crazy one and the other’s the sane one?! But then again, he has that scary smile on his face... hmm, maybe that theory should be left alone.

You, still Double 1′s arms, shout: “Come on butler man! Join us!!!”

“Butler... are you referring to me?” He sounds surprised.

“Yeee! Come on dude,let’s vibeeee-” You stop mumbling and began singing again. “Oh oh, I’m a rebel just for kicks now! OWAH!!!”

“Owah~~” Double 1 joins, and Jade with a grin, joins in. “Owah~”

“...owah...” The gent also joins, albeit in a softer tone.

“What else, shrimp- eh??? They’re asleep!” Floyd pouts as he gazes at your non-moving body. “No fun.”

“Oya, maybe we should bring them back to their couch. It looks like a nice place to be.” Jade remarks, looking at the pile of chips and snacks on the floor. Floyd shruges, dropping you with a thud, but you don’t seem to wake up. Jade picks you up for Floyd and brings you to the couch.

Azul cringes at the sight of messy chips. “It’s giving me heartburn just looking at it.”

“Don’t lie, Azul. We saw you eating the same thing yesterday~” Floyd teases, a wide grin placate on his face.

“...I could’ve sworn nobody saw me! How...” Azul mumbles to himself, a red flush on his face.

“They’re asleep. We should leave them be.” Jade suggests, walking back to the group.

Azul nods. “There’s nothing I can make a deal about, anyway. And, the benevolent sea witch wouldn’t agree with that, wouldn’t she?”

"Yeah! Goodnight, shrimpy!” Still, you don’t reply, but Floyd looks happy enough since he hoists Azul up from his stand and walks out with him, princess style.

“F-floyd, put me down!”

“Nah, Jade looked really happy holding Shrimpy, so I’ll do the same to you~”

“Floyd!”

Jade walks behind them, watching as they have their fun.

Did I really look that happy? He glances back at your living room and gives a rare, sincere smile to the dimly lit room.

“Goodnight, prefect. I hope to get along with you better.” He whispers to himself, before closing the door gently behind and catching up to his brother.

SCARABIA

Sunshine??? in the form of a... homo sapient???? and a snake??? why the fuck-???

“Happy New Year, prefect! I brought you some food, a few blankets and oh!” The sunshine greets, giving you things, which you don’t have the strength to take, but nod as thanks anyways. He hands you a carpet, incredibly soft, 100% quality. “A carpet- eh, prefect?! Are you okay?!” The sunshine fusses, grabbing your cheeks in worry.

You melt, easing into the touch. “I’m okay now.” You lazily reply, giving him a slow wink. “Haha, get it? Cause- cause you’re here, and you’re the sun, and you’re cute, so like... haha? No?” You don’t let him reply as you sigh and nod, taking his hands of your cheeks. “Alright.”

The sunshine grins at your attempt. “I don’t really know what you mean, but thanks!” Oh my god he’s so cute-

“...hopefully, these things can dress up your broken- er, rustic house.” The snake replies, watching your behavior with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

You son of a bitch-

“Look, snake-man. No no no no, look at me. Watashi no eyes, you look at eyes- you see my eyes?” You stalk towards the snake, squinting at the bright sun (2 suns) as you trudge towards him. “Y-you see? Yeah, these eyes have tried their FUCKING best to fix up this dorm, so please, bro, please don’t like, mock it cuz like-- it’s really fucking hard- and you know why?!”

“Why?” The sunshine questions, just as you hope (but for some reason, the snake has backed away and is guarding the sunshine. You wonder why.)

“Lemme tell you why- lemme tell you why. So, this bird-man bitch boy I don’t fucking know, right-” The snake sort of laughs at this description as sunshine nods. “This guy, right, leaves ALL this SHIT to me- like BITCH, did you see the fucking state of this... I don’t know, um, SHACK?!” You point aggressively at the house. “Yeah man, it was SHIT! Like, there were holes, rats on the ground, and there were a insects everywhere...” Oho, snake seems to tense up at this, walking towards sunshine in a scared manner.

“The wood was rotting, it smelled like mold... the couches were moldy, the BED was moldy... it was... it was FUCKING shit mate, like the fuck?! You expect me to clean up that shit in what, like...” You bring up your fingers, not even counting. “Three fucking days? Like what the fucking hell, bitch? I’d like to- to- to know what the fuck crossed his mind, like the fuck, you know?”

“That seems hard, prefect. Do you want us to help?” The sunshine offers, but the snake interjects, saying: “Kalim (oh, so his name is Kalim, huh? Cute name for a cute guy!), how many times do I have to tell you? Don’t-”

“But it looks like they’re having a really hard time!” Kalim argues, pouting and looking at you pitifully, and you give the snake a woeful mourning face. The snake glares at you, before sighing heavily. Ah, damn, you feel kind of bad.

“Nah, it’s okay sunshine, I can handle it. Oh, by the way, have ya seen my baby?” You say nonchalantly, describing your feline friend.

“Baby?” The snake pales. “You have a baby?!”

“Prefect, why do you have a baby?” The sunshine panics too, eyes widening, forgetting the nickname you gave him.

“Yeah, I do! Wanna see-” Slump! You fall onto the ground before you can finish your sentence, leaning across the snake’s legs.

“Oh... they’re probably talking about Grim...” Jamil realizes, sighing in relief at the thought.

“Oh yeah, that’s probably it! Hehe, we think alike, Jamil!” Kalim grins, much to the chagrin of Jamil.

“Yeah, yeah, we do. Now come on-” Jamil lifts up your body, princess style and grunts. “Help me open the door.”

“Sure thing!” Kalim hums, opening the door. “What do you think they were doing, looking so tired?”

Jamil shrugs, walking inside ASAP, first giving the dorm a quick sweep with his eyes- he isn’t quite sure how to feel about the bugs you said. They pass by the living room and upon seeing the disarray, nod in understanding.

“Kalim, can you clean it while I put the prefect back in their room?” Kalim nods and gets to work, rolling up his sleeves.

Jamil smiles, nodding as he walks towards your bedroom, opening it with his foot. Surprisingly, it looks WAY cleaner then your living room- you really did stay up all night to watch whatever show was on, huh? The bed isn’t even creased.

Jamil sets you down gently, and you immediately roll to the side, sighing in comfort. He watches as the crumbs of snacks fall onto the bed, and thanks the graces that its not Kalim’s, or his bed that got the food spilled, phew.

Speaking of Kalim, how is he faring? Jamil walks back to the living room, fully expecting to see Kalim get distracted, but much to his ACTUAL surprise, the room is a quarter cleaned. The crisps are thrown in the trash bin and the blankets are folded up, albeit not neatly.

Jamil smiles, a little bit proud of Kalim. “Kalim?”

“Here. Shh, not so loud. Grim’s sleeping.” Kalim whispers back, waving from the kitchen. “I’m trying to clean the dishes, but...”

“Here, let me teach you.” And so, they two do their best to help clean the living room until it’s up to Jamil’s standard.

“I bet they’ll feel surprised when they wake up!” Kalim giggles, happy that it’s clean.

“I hope so, it’ll be a waste if we did all this and they didn’t notice.” Jamil frowns, crossing his arms, satisfied. “I’m sure they liked the gifts, Kalim?”

“Really?! I didn’t go overboard, right?!” Kalim worries, looking at Jamil in concern.

“You always do.” Was Jamil’s snide remark.

“Jamil!” Kalim pouts, and Jamil nods.

“It’s true.”

“Aww... I thought I really... aww...” Kalim shakes his head, cheering up immediately. “There’s always next time! Let’s visit Heartslabyul next, Jamil!”

“Let’s go.” And Kalim rushes out, shouting a ‘Happy New Year!’ to the dorm, despite his previous warning. Jamil says nothing, echoing his behavior as they walk out.

(And it’s true. After 14 hours or so, you wake up, walked towards the living room, and cried the SHIT out of your eyes. It really was nice to see, you know?)

DIASOMNIA

 You can’t distinguish who the fuck this person is, but they’re definitely tall. 

“Who the fucking hell??? Is so fucking tall?” You ask in a whisper. “Hello?”

“Don’t talk to Malleus-sama that way, human!” A guy that looks similar to a cucumber yells. 

“Shut up, my guy. Oh shit, sorry I probably sound really fucking rude hah.” You snort, pinching the nose of your bridge. “Um, what can I do for you? Or something?”

“You look pale.” A softer voice comments. You turn to look at him and oh fucking HELL he looks so... soft??? Princely???

“Woah.” You breathe, grabbing his face. He quickly pushes you off, but you don’t mind. “What the fuck... Your face??? Is?? Nice???” 

“Thank... you...?” He says strangely, stepping away. “Da- LIlia-sama, I think we should leave. ___ doesn’t seem to feel well.”

“Nonsense, ___’s fine. It’s probably just lack of sleep.” You let out a bark at that. 

“Hah, lack of sleep. More like lack of heat!” You giggle at that- why did you giggle at that it literally makes no sense. You turn to look at this ‘Lilia’ person and holy shit, is that a d i l f ?

“...Dilf?” You mutter, stetching out your hand to touch this short emo man. “Emo???”

“What is a dlif?” Emo man’s face contorts into confusion, one that is not often seen in his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that phrase...”

“Dad’s I’d Like to Fuck, because damn bro, you look- you look like you raised hot kids and set them on a frying pan do you get me, cuz like you’re also sexy? I don’t... yeah.” You nod  heavily at your sentence. 

Emo man and prince-looking guy’s face contorts into a grin and a horrified look respectively. Tall man seems to have the same face as prince-looking guy, while Cucumber just... freezes. 

“Are y’all okay??? You know what, I don’t- I don’t have- I’m not- I’m- I’VE GOT THE APPLE BOTTOM JEANS, BOOTS- BUTTS- BUTTS WITH THE FURRR, THE WHOLE CLUB WAS LOOKING AT HER~” You break out into a song, changing your voice to a country accent. 

“SHE TOOK THE FLOOR AND GOT THE JEANS AND WENT LOW LOW LOW low low low low...” You sync in with the music, going lower to the beat until you lay your body on the ground and slowly lose sight (or blurry shapes) in front of you.

You don’t know what happens next, but you do know that someone’s riding a small cow. With big horns. And hair? With the bit of consciousness you have left, you reach up to touch the cow horns. 

“Sick...” You mutter, and your hands fall slack on the small cow’s horns and you finally fall into well-deserved sleep.

EXTRA

“Lilia.”

"SEE SILVER, I TOLD YOU THAT PEOPLE WOULD-”

“I DON’T NEED TO HEAR IT, DAD!”

“NONE OF US DO!”

“Lilia.”

“I- I’M A DILF- I- I’M A DILF- HAH, I’M- OW OW OW... ow.. my back... oh, yes... Malleus?”

“I’m bringing the human inside.”

“Sure..- argh, ow ow ow... Silver, Sebek, come help me!”

“Yes, old man...”

“...”

“Pfft... a dilf... a dilf....” Malleus snickers at your naming choices, lighting up candles that you’ve strategically set. Once the lights are on, he can’t help but squint at the messiness of your dorm. He walks past the living room and opens your simple bedroom door, placing you on your bed. You don’t seem to be unbetrubed, but you squeezing something in the air. Ah, perhaps you’re looking for the cat? 

Poof! Grim instantly nuzzles into you, and you both sign at the warm heat between you. Malleus smiles at the sight and leans closer to you, and whispers: “Happy New Year, child of man. Let’s make more memories together.” He gazes at your simple room, and his eyes falls at your bedside table. He smiles fondly at the picture on your bedside table. It’s you, Grim and him in Ramshackle’s living room, you making flower crown as you bitch on about physics, Grim agreeing and complaining as well. 

He gives you a small pet on the head and disappears in neon butterflies. 

“Shall we go?”

“Oh, young whisperer, you’re back. I take it ___ is back in their bedroom?”

A smile blooms on Malleus’ face. “Yes, now let’s go.”

“Dilf.. dilf...”

“I can’t... dilf... I can’t.. no...”

*

I don’t fucking know what this is

I just thought--- lilia... is a dad.... and he sexy

and memes... and i created this fic

please enjoy it

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon back with ANGST at the very last question on part 2. Im honestly not positive myself how im gonna fix it. I have ideas but still. Hopefully this isn't to long.

Rans life at Mizu: For Mizu I've changed it a bit, history is still messed up to a point. But other people like Technoblade, Philza, Sam, Foolish, etc are now included with their own rooms. Ran idolized/choose Technoblade to follow. Followers of Technoblade are the only people in the City (expect for guards or police type people, though they also tend to be followers of Techno) that are allowed to freely carry weapons (after the proper training of course). Ran choose Technoblade because he wanted to protect those he loved and he was always interested in the art of fighting. He had two mentors, a women named Alma, she mostly did hand to hand combat and defense training with Ran, while a man named Fermin was a historical teacher, and taught him the history of wars and weapons more indepth than regular classes did. He had quite a few friends, though only a few close friends he often went to play games with or have sleepovers with (if you want angst, Ran was actually the one who discovered two of his friends bodies and had to report them, forcing him to go back a few times to see their bodies). Im pretty sure I mentioned it before but the brothers had a family of 6! Their mom was Ranya and was a 20% enderman hybrid, their dad was Seth and was a normal human, of course you know the brothers, their younger brother (14 years old upon death/a year younger than Ran) was named Lias and was human, and their younger sister was Memi (10 years old upon death) and was human. Ran was close to his parents, often having Ranya read him to bed and riding Seth's shoulders when he was young. He also baby sat Lias and Memi when everyone else was out, also helping them with homework and letting them sleep in his bed when nightmares happened. He loved his family and its when the murders and sabotages started happening did he choose Technoblade as his idol, to protect his family and seem intimating to whoever was doing the sabotages. 

1: When the carriage finally stopped Cletus jumped out and faceplanted onto the ground, screaming about how he was finally free and away from all the awkward tension. Grievous, Jackie, and Isaac where all close behind, all having a similar reaction. While Watson, Charles, and Benjamin had a calmer reaction simply walking out and stretching. Ran was the last to get out, and he had to be dragged out by Watson, but he fought being dragged out. He grabbed the edges of the carriage and screamed while being forced out. Ranbob was calmer, and while jumping out he accidentally landed on Grievous, forcing his head back into the dirt, who then let out a muffled shout of alarm before immediately getting up and confronting a nervous and apologetic Ranbob. 

3: He isn't the fastest at evaluating a situation, and needs ample time to make decisions. He also isnt the best at understanding emotions at times and sometimes needs a little push in a direction to understand. Also at points he gets into situations he doesnt know how to handle at all, at those times he almost shuts down with overwhelment, and the leadership tends to go to Benjamin for a while during it. 

5: Their healing potions, so they work over time, slowly working with the body to heal and regenerate, so they take longer to fully work. Poitions work generally the same (ingredient wise), but theres more steps. For a potion of harming, first you crush up and gently mix in a spiders eye into a Awkward potion, then put it on the brewing stand for 10 minutes, then after the Poison potion is made, you get another spider eye and roll it in sugar cane until the general texture changes into a more wrinkly and powder like texture, then crush that up and mix it into the Poison potion, put it in the brewing stand for at least 30 minutes, then it makes a harming potion. The process its generally the same for all the rest of the potions, though it depends on ingredients and how long they must stand on the brewing stand. 

7: I'll try doing that, thank you! Cause Grievous is a lil shit at times and encourages  violence as long as its not against him. I know you probably expect a deep answer but thats purely the only reason Grievous encourages it. It depends on what was said to Jackie, if its something that deeply and emotionally hurts Jackie, than he'd likely discourage him, instead comforting him and convincing him if he attacked the person he'll just feel worse. But if its something he knows Jackie can handle, he'll encourage Jackie to beat em up. 

8: Watson went almost everywhere, the only places he didn't go was The End, Mushroom Islands, Badlands, Ice Spikes, and Gravel Mountains (he saw them he just didn't wanna go in them), and thats because he never came across them or traveled there. He has a long bamboo that he uses to wack people over the head with when their being idiots, he has a framed nether star fragment that he found in a ruined and abandoned village (he doesnt know what it is he just knows its shiny and cool), he has some fur-lined outfits from the time spent in Tundras, and he has a book where he records locations of interesting formations he found and just a general record of stuff (how much food he has, the season, days until winter, when he should go on a supply run, etc). When Watson still lived as a kid in a village, he often went to watch the blacksmith (also the farmers, clerics, and others) and when he was old enough the blacksmith showed him how to make a multitude of weapons with different materials. And now he pushes the limits of what he's learned from that and over the years to make brand new weapons. And since I'm not sure if you where also asking about Ran, Ran only went to Plains, Covered Forest, Tundra, Savanna, and Tagia biomes. He has a dagger (specifically a Zorlin Shape dagger) that he took off of a hunter when he killed them, has parts of iron armour (shoulder and chest pieces, with the pieces that go on his shins), again some fur-lined clothes from his time in the Tundra, a selfbow, and also has a book similar to Watson's, but his has notes of potion affects,crafting recipes, mobs to avoid, etc. Visiting the nether is not common at all! Infact no vists it expect travelers or people who get hired to go in for potion ingredients and building supplies. Jackie does eventually give up painting, and instead picks up the hobby of annoying people and just training. It actually goes pretty well, there are rules put in place during it to protect them, but other than that its generally the same as the one played in our world. Jackie wants to vist those biomes because he thinks there cool, and thinks their good starting biomes to vist for a beginner adventure. Yep, Ran says its way to dangerous to go to the nether, especially with almost no one knowing how the nether works. Though actually Watson wants to bring the others into the nether, saying its a good learning experience and no one will learn how to survive if they dont go. Ran still agures its too dangerous though, citing the Piglins and Ghasts as evidence, but eventually, after much begging and negotiations, Ran agrees to let them go. They just need to listen to Ran and Watson teach them about the nether and follow everything they say to a T while in the nether. 

9: Jackie screamed while being thrown, but after that and a bit of stunned silence, he jumped up and demanded for Ran to throw him again. So he enjoys being thrown, and sometimes he specifically requests to be thrown, so he can curl into a ball and slam into people like a goddamn canon ball. Porkius was also shocked into stunned silence, but after he saw Jackie get back up and demand to be thrown again, he just started bellowing in laughter, you could hear his laughter even echoing a bit outside of the Pit. 

10: Then you may be happy to know, but I believe at the end I'll make it so after the brothers have fixed their relationship, their still being haunted by Dream, and eventually the decision gets made to go back to Mizu and face him. Where Dream has actually escaped (Due to a big group coming in, and him being able to convince them to take the Mask with them) so now they have to hunt him down. And when they finally find him you can bet someone (or multiple people) are going to punch him. 

12: He does tell the fishermen about these thoughts once, but the fishermen sadly fail at comforting him and changing those thoughts, so he decides to keep it inside and suffer in quite. Though 2 people do see his suffering, Ran and Grievous. Grievous is debating if he should step in and ask what's wrong and if he can help, while Ran just watches (though he does feel some hurt watching his brother suffer, though he denies it). 

13: They all had a blast there, Charles showed Jackie how to make flower crowns, then they went and made one for everyone else, Ran just laid in the grass and tried to relax, Ranbob eventually joined in with the flower crowns, Watson was telling Grievous all the meaning of flower colors and what certain flowers stand for, while Isaac and Cletus chased eachother around and eventually got Jackie, Grievous, and Watson involved in a game of chase. They did leave after a General battle, as that was one of the things they had to do for Porkius to approve of them leaving. Porkius still wants them back in less than 5 years, though they can take like a year or 2 longer max. Jackie is technically a general, though the general title he has is specifically only for the Pit matches and instead is more of a like final boss title. 

14: Again its very much like a abusive relationship. Ranbob believes Dream has changed because of distant whispers from Dream (only happened while they still lived at the fishermen house which is kinda-close to Mizu) promising he has changed and he truly wants to help Ranbob, and saying how he can help Ranbob be of more use to the fishermen and since Dream did actually help Ranbob at first, he wants to believe him. But once they get futher away from Mizu, the whispers disappear, only rarely appearing in his dreams. Cletus doesn't really help, not because he doesnt care but more because he doesn't know how to help, he knows its a very delicate situation and saying or doing the wrong thing could hurt more than help, so he decided to play it safe. Charles tries to help, though he provides more physical help, like hugs to ground him or showing him how to breath again, while Benjamin and Isaac tackle the more internal issues and do so comfortingly and gently. Making it so Ranbob only notices their actually helping when he starts to do things on his own and no longer has such strong and often urges to return to Dream. 

15: One night when Ranbob is off getting firewood and Ran is off checking surroundings to make sure its safe, the Hunters actually get into the camp and holds everyone at sword and bow point. Ran sees them when coming back and actually, though hesitantly, decides to wait for Ranbob to come back. And once Ranbob is back the two make a plan to rescue them, which goes mostly well. Ran gets shot in the stomach and Ranbob gets a sword through his arm, but other than that they do manage to rescue them. Watson jokingly says how they've finally made progress and that they can now work toghere without fighting now, Ran growls at this and storms away, denying it, but Ranbob just nervously shuffles and sits down, letting Charles tend to his wounds, as Jackie chases off after Ran to tend to his wounds. I really want them to stumble across the Wild West ruins and maybe The Masquerade ruins but im not sure how I'll get them to either. 

1: Haha, ouch. Poor Ran. Nice backstory though. I can only imagine how he must have felt, coming across those. Does him choosing Techno have anything to do with him choosing to enter the Pit? Also how did Ranbob feel about killing his family? We’ve talked about the guilt about hurting Ran and stuff, but about the ones who weren’t as lucky to escape?

2: That sounds like...a scene. Funny, but probably not until a few days after it happened for the people who actually had to go through it.

3: Is Isaac the type to get overwhelmed easily? But very nice to see Benjamin helping out! 

5: So basically just tossing some real life logic in there? Hmm, interesting.

7: Hope it helps! Nope, no deep answer. That’s about what I expected actually. Grievous has that energy, y’know? Also, very sweet of Ran to comfort Jackie. Does he ever get revenge on Jackie’s behalf? He doesn’t strike me as the type to let that go, especially if it actually hurt somebody he cared for. Him otherwise encouraging it..yeah, sounds about right. Gremlin children.

8: Sounds like he’s really been a lot of places! He must know a lot, huh? Also, he just...wack? Cause that’s kind of funny. He watched others beside the Blacksmith? Did he learn anything from them? Ran personally sounds very intimidating. Though if he has potion notes, does he often make them? Is there a particular reason Nether travel is no longer common? Also, would the gang ever happen to stumble across ruins from the time of the Smp? Cause that’d be kind of cool. Jackie’s new hobby sounds very nice, I hope he has fun doing it. How long does it take before Ran deems everyone ready for the Nether? And do the Fishermen also go through, or do they prefer to stick to safer grounds?

9: I bet the first time the fishermen saw that show they were surprised. And honestly, Porkius, I’d laugh too. 

10: I am happy to know that! Well, not the escape bit, but the punching, for sure! You go, guys, punch that neon green slimeball!

12: Oh no. Does Grievous ever step in?

13: Sounds like they had a good time, I’m happy for them. And a final boss title? Is Jackie like a final boss? What differs between them fighting as the general, and as a typical gladiator?

14: Hm, that’s not good. What is good is that he’s getting away from Dream’s influence. Did that have anything to do with the group deciding to head to Subbin? 

15: Well, progress is progress! Surely it’s a step in the right direction, right?

Also, not really a Brothers AU question, but as you may have noticed, I pinned a post of all the AUs on here, and I was wondering if you’d like me to put yours on there too. Obviously, I’d put it as yours. I wanted to earlier, but I figured it would be better to ask, so tell me your feelings on that.

[slversoul]

* archie renaux, demi male + he/they | you know samson reed, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, seven months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to age of consent by new order like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole standing in a room completely empty except for a crucifix on the wall, smoking only to step away from the crowd, standing still in the ocean from sunset to sunrise while staring at the horizon thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 4th, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( corny collins, 20, pst, she/her )

hey besties, this is my new child samson. very new muse and i’ll be taking things slow with him bc i’m still perfecting his voice (read: pretentious and annoying), but still want all the plots :) 

tw: violence, drugs, neglectful parents, affairs, emotional manipulation

born in bakersfield, california to aspiring theatre actress lorraine and retired veteran-turned-firefighter jeffery. 7 year age gap between the two. they were separated for long periods of time. samson would be left with lorraine’s parents while she commuted to la for shows.

once jeffery retired from the army, he got a job as a firefighter, and he and his wife moved to la. lorraine put her acting on hold to raise samson, until he went to preschool and she was hardly around anymore. 

he was always the first to be dropped off and the last to be picked up, but everything seemed okay with the young couple because they had a second boy, daniel, when samson was six.

samson was decidedly convinced he understood the meaning of life by age seven. everyone was searching for a way to leave a legacy behind, whether through people or acts of kindness or acts of violence. he made no effort to make friends. he didn’t have much to say to them, didn’t know how to have fun or how to emote. 

daniel and sam didn’t look much alike. everyone assumed daniel favored their dad and samson their mom. until it came out that lorraine had an affair while jeffery was away, and samson wasn’t even his kid. jeffery took dan and left.

lorraine and her remaining child moved to the cecil hotel, but it was unsafe, and they moved back in with her parents in bakersfield.

a long, drawn out custody battle ensued, and two years later, the family was reunited. jeffery dropped his brother off, never to be seen again except for his name on the monthly checks he sent.

having been separated for so long, the brothers became inseparable to make up for it. samson was his brother's protector, beating up daniel’s bullies on the playground, threatening anyone who wouldn’t play with him. 

lorraine got the lead in a huge play! they moved back to la, which gave both of the kids a fresh start.

 he was 14 and started high school, no longer at the same place as his brother. forced to branch out, he actually made friends. sure he didn’t say much, but his friends said enough for him. students flocked to him. he’d sit in the back of the classroom, raising his hand only to correct a teacher or spout some nonsense about how life was meaningless. the other kids constantly wanted to know what he was smoking. he would chuckle and say something about how he’d seen the future and it was just as bleak as the present. 

daniel was miserable and had no friends.

samson’s best friend was in love with him. he never saw it coming when she confessed. sure, he could tell how two people at a party were secretly pining for each other, but he could never tell how people felt about him.

he stayed home instead of going away to college because his brother asked him to, begged him not to leave. samson took firefighter training classes as a sort of rebellion, a cry for his mother’s attention. she had a new boyfriend. one they hadn’t even met. she was at his place more than she was at home. his friends left and went away too, but he still had his brother, making everything okay.

one day, his brother came up bruised and scratched up. samson was thrown into a rage, punching a hole in the living room wall. two weeks later, the kids his brother said beat him up were in the hospital. nobody knew he did it. nobody laid a hand on his brother and got away with it.

somehow, samson found more friends. going to concerts in his spare time, sharing his acid with the other people there, made him a lot of friends. and they’d sit around in their parents basements doing kafka readings and debating the existence of god. even there, he hardly spoke. when he did, everyone hung onto his every word because they thought it was so profound. he cut them off when daniel told samson that those same people had called him disgusting names.

at 22, running into some kids from high school, they caught up, and it came out that daniel had never been beaten up. in fact, he regularly beat up other kids and threw temper tantrums. nobody liked him, and he’d lied about it all to keep samson attached to him.

 the next day, he confronted him. he started crying, and he longed to comfort him, but he couldn’t give in. with a fuck you, he packed up his stuff, and left, no destination in mind, just the overwhelming emptiness of needing to get away.

he moved to massachusetts, and worked as a firefighter there. moved down to irving after his brother sent him an apology letter. he wanted a change of scenery anyway.

PERSONALITY 

he’s so pretentious it’s unreal. that’s all you need to know. just kidding, but that statement still stands. 

he sees people more as abstract ideas than as physical thing with thoughts and feelings and a beating heart. makes him really good at reading people. he was a big matchmaker back in high school, and a few weddings have resulted from it. 

he is quiet and reserved, keeping more to himself, but when he does speak, people tend to hang onto what he says. he doesn’t really let people in, but when he does, he dives in headfirst. it was how his brother took advantage of him. samson was so desperate to love and protect him, he was blinded to all the bad things he was doing. 

he is apathetic and nihilistic. despite his carelessness and distaste for life, he enjoys the little things. sitting on the beach. stealing fruit from the neighbor’s plants. going to a concert and meeting your best friend, only to never see them again. 

he doesn’t have much to say, and it’s hard to tell what he thinks of someone, but if he cares, he’ll reach out with no warning. it’s not uncommon to be met with radio silence, only to get a call from him at 4:28 pm asking if they want to go drive three states over. somewhere, deep down, he cares. i promise.

HEADCANONS

his favorite author is bertolt brecht. he read the three penny opera and vera; or the nihilist in 5th grade, and took them way too much to heart, and shaped his personality around them.

he actually enjoys being a firefighter. it started out as a joke, but if he is going to be on earth, he feels he might as well help people while he’s at it. sure he thinks everything is worthless in the end, but he knows not everyone things that way, so he tries to help save what he can.

two of his fingers on his right hand are crooked. his mom had guests over and he climbed high into a tree to read without being seen. he fell down and landed on his arm, shattering it. it healed except for the two fingers.

got his right ear pierced at some party.

is not on social media. is hardly on the phone at all.

secret talents: dancing, gardening, archery, carving. the only visible one is gardening and his care of plants. the others he doesn’t talk about or show unless he really cares.

this is the condensed version oops :// 

[fanfic-corner]

Writer Castiel

4/12/20 - I have wanted to be a writer since I was ten years old, so maybe I’m biased here, but I absolutely adore the idea of Cas being an author if he lived a different life!

Tabula Rasa by Dangerousnotbroken on AO3. (78,240 words).

Tags: Writer Castiel, Bartender Dean, Past Relationship, Pervasive Themes of Memory, Magic, Canon Typical Violence, Mentions of alcoholism, Mentions of Past Child Neglect, Mental Illness, Witches, Ghosts, Bi!Dean, Bi!Castiel, Referenced Past Minor Character Death, Angst, Slow Burn, Memory Loss.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Once upon a time, Castiel Novak had everything. He had a happy home life, a full scholarship, and, if he played his cards right, a promising journalism career. And on top of all of that, he had Dean. Then tragedy struck, as it tends to do, and Castiel lost everything. At thirty six, he’s got none of those things. He’s got no family to speak of. He’s got a job investigating purportedly true tales of the supernatural for a magazine no one reads. And worst of all he hasn’t seen Dean in nearly twenty years. So when research for an article turns him on to a witch who apparently grants wishes in exchange for stories, Castiel figures it’s worth the risk. If making a deal with a witch can get him Dean back, what has he got to lose?

Notes: This was absolutely amazing; both written beautifully and with a fantastic plot.

the inexhaustible silence of houses by Askance on AO3. (31,820 words).

Tags: Horror, Psychological Trauma, Domestic Violence.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Almost two years after the world doesn't end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh. But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.

Notes: Excellently written, made me cry, and the ending was brilliant. Technically it isn’t tagged as Cas being a writer, but he does write some poetry throughout, and I couldn’t help myself.

Lost and Found by whelvenwings on AO3. (7,762 words).

Tags: Writer Castiel, Mechanic Dean, Demisexual Castiel.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: “Chuck Shurley? Sure, I’ve read his books. Kinda Vonnegut, but like, Kilgore-Trout Vonnegut, you know?” Dean took another gulp of his whisky, and smacked his lips like an adult. The guy sitting beside him at the bar, however, did not look suitably impressed. In fact, he was staring down into the bubbles of his cider, not even noticing the way that Dean was smiling at him, giving him the eyes. “I thought his stuff was pretty good, in a kinda metamodern way,” Dean added airily, and a little more loudly. The guy only nodded gloomily. Dean almost clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth in frustration. C’mon, dude, I’m trying to impress you. Twenty minutes of talking and all Dean had to show for it was a weird first name, a series of dour stares and the strangest need to know more about this – Castiel.

Notes: This was written so well that I wanted to cry at Cas’ story of the stars, even though it wasn’t particularly sad. Now I want to go and stargaze with someone.

The House on the Ocean Road by coffeeandcas on AO3. (111,351 words).

Tags: Single Parent Castiel, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Hurt Dean Winchester, Writer Castiel, Car Accidents, Past Character Death, Adopted Children, Mentions of Suicide, Slow Burn, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Near Death Experiences, Hospitals, Explicit Sexual Content, POV Dean.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester is on the run from his life. He's done something unforgivable, and can't face his family or friends ever again. So he does what any rational person would do: fakes his own death and vanishes into the ether. Wandering aimlessly along country roads, he succumbs to the elements during a violent storm and wakes up hours later in the home of a stranger: a single dad living alone in an isolated beach house, with a haunting past of his own. Cas is sweet and shy, but welcomes Dean into his home and tells him he can stay as long as he needs, never prying into his life or asking him to spill his secrets. As they rapidly forge a close friendship, Dean finds that the quiet life by the ocean with Cas is exactly what he's been dreaming of. He only hopes his past never catches up with him.

Notes: This was so gorgeous and the plot was fabulous! Also, I loved Jimmy, and Dean and Cas as parents were adorable. Weirdest use of Cole’s character that I’ve ever seen though.

What Can’t Be Seen by destieldrabblesdaily on AO3. (2,639 words).

Tags: Soulmate AU, author!Cas, Strangers to Lovers, First Kiss.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Written for this prompt: Soulmate AU where you first see color after eye contact: Cas is a famous best selling author and he’s promoting his book, so he’s talking to a crowd of people and suddenly his world is in color, and a lot of his fans pretend to be his soulmate. A Cinderella type situation ensues.

Notes: This was really cute and such a sweet and funny idea.

(un)conventional by imogenbynight on AO3. (6,100 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe, mechanic!Dean, Writer!Castiel, Conventions, Fluff.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Spec Lit Con--Speckly Con, to it’s regular attendees--is an annual weekend-long event held in Chicago, dedicated to science fiction, fantasy and otherwise speculative literature. This year Dean's favorite author, C.J. Novak, is appearing as a panelist. Naturally, he shells out the cash for an all access pass.

Notes: This was so adorable that I nearly screamed in the corridor outside my computer science lesson. Plus, the writing was absolutely gorgeous! I miss conventions :(

I Think That’s Mine by palominopup on AO3. (6,804 words).

Tags: Fluff, AU, Reporter!Dean, Writer!Cas.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: A mix up at the Atlanta Airport places Dean Winchester's laptop in someone else's possession. A series of calls and texts bring two men together.

Notes: This was so cute, Cas was so sweet, and Dean was an icon.

‘Star Wars is Overrated’ by leftdragonpainter on AO3. (38,186 words).

Tags: Soulmates, Pining, Drinking, Writer Castiel, Mechanic Dean, Neighbours, Swearing, Winchester Logic, Clueless Dean, College Student Sam, Awkward Dates, Dean Cooks, Castiel in Glasses, Slow Burn, Injured Sam, Fixing Cars, Smut, Costumes, Drunk Texting, Temporary Amnesia, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: When Dean Winchester turned sixteen he was disappointed by the words that appeared on his chest. He never expected that it would take so much to find his soulmate. He never expected to not remember meeting them...

Tags: Every time I thought I knew what was going to happen in this fic, something completely different happened, which I loved. 

Event Horizon by Winglesss on AO3. (6,442 words).

Tags: Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Dean, Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Past Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Texting, Sharing a Bed, Happy Ending, Veteran Dean, Doctor Dean, Writer Castiel, Strangers.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Castiel couldn't have helped his sister. That's why being offered a chance to help somebody else dealing with suicidal thoughts he took it without hesitation. When he gets the first text from someone who needs his help, nothing goes as he expected.

Notes: I don’t know if that kind of suicide prevention scheme exists, but this fic is very sweet. 

Darkly Dreaming Dean by Duckyboos on AO3. (29,008 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Alternate Universe - Police, Detective Dean Winchester, Writer Castiel, Serial Killer Dean, Alternate Universe - Dexter, Established Relationship, Murder, Top Dean, Bottom Castiel, Anal Sex, Innocent Castiel.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester has the perfect apple pie life with his shy-but-sweet boyfriend in the suburbs. He has a steady, well-paid job with the LAPD and he’s charming and attractive. Really, he’s living the American Dream. It’s his extra-curricular activities that some may disagree with, as he’s also an accomplished serial killer. To date, his kills amount to around 36 and he’s never been caught. He’s employed by the law, remember? He knows how these things work.

*

A new serial killer arrives on the scene and despite the sloppiness of their work, Dean is intrigued by them and what they're trying to achieve, because their MO is the same as his; killing bad people. He makes it his mission to track the other killer down before the police do, and he’s left reeling when the 'Basin Vigilante' turns out to be someone a lot closer to home than he could have ever imagined.

Notes: I sort of watched Dexter a few years ago, and I absolutely love the idea of Dean as a vigilante serial killer. I only wish that the synopsis was a bit different, so the end was more of a surprise.

Finding Home by Desirae on AO3. (42,828 words).

Tags: Baker Dean Winchester, Writer Castiel, PTSD, Past Childhood Trauma, Childhood Kidnapping, Mistaken Identity, Dean Whump, Castiel Whump, Best Friends to Lovers, Emotional Sex, Fluff, Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester lived a quiet life running his bakery. Aside from family, Dean had no desire to let anyone inside. The more people you cared about, the more you had to lose; A hard lesson he'd learned at the tender age of eight when Dean’s best friend was kidnapped right before his eyes. Dean was forever haunted by the event, although he hadn’t realized quite how much until Emmanuel James Milton breezed into his life; waking his sleeping heart with a complete lack filter and achingly familiar eyes. An author, with no family and traumatic past of his own, Emmanuel never felt like he belonged anywhere until he walked into The Honeybee Bakery and met Dean. It’s not long before they find out that there is a reason for their profound bond.

Notes: It was obvious what was going on here from the start, but that just made it even cuter as they fell in love again.

I think it is a shame we didn’t get more human Cas content, but I guess it is too late now. I hope you enjoy these fics, and if you ever have a specific list you want me to make, feel free to ask!

[dandy-writes]

Crowley x Reader - Chapter Nine

Chapter Eight

Crowley sat on his throne as one of his many underlings droned on before him. He was sure that if he thought about it for long enough he’d be able to remember their name, but at the moment, he didn’t care enough to. The reports were always the same, the only difference being the numbers, but those were falling further and further out of interest for Crowley as of late. It’d been over a week since he’d left Y/N in the bunker after tending their wounds, and he hadn’t gotten the opportunity to visit them since. Yet another rogue sect of demons had sprung up in Hell, a problem which had required immediate and thorough attention. But now it was over with, and still he found himself bored to pieces regarding the more underwhelming affairs of Hell. He didn’t really care how many souls they were pulling in each week; it never seemed to matter in the long run.

The buzzing of Crowley’s cell phone came as a welcome interruption, even more so when he read the caller ID shining up at him. Lifting a hand, he silenced the demon mid-sentence and picked up the call, holding the phone up to his ear. “Hello, kitten.”

“Hey Crowley,” Y/N responded on the other end. “How, uh… How’s Hell?”

“Oh, boring as usual.” Crowley smirked as the demon’s face fell. “How’s the bunker?”

“Not that interesting either,” They laughed lightly. “But, y’know, I keep myself occupied. So…” Y/N cleared their throat. “So you’re not busy then?”

“Not with anything that can’t be postponed. Why, did you have something in mind?” He glanced back at the demon, whose expression had by now turned to one of frustration, and gestured for them to leave.

“Oh, not really. I just… well, I’ve had this bottle of Craig lying around for a while, and I was going to open it up by myself, but I remembered that Sam mentioned it was one of your favorites, and with the boys out on a hunt…” They paused. “I don’t know, I thought you might want to share.”

“I’d be delighted to. I’ve got a few matters to finish up, but I’ll be over in a few minutes. Talk to you then, darling.”

“See you,” Y/N replied and hung up. Crowley smiled down at the black screen; finally.

~ ~ ~

Y/N was standing at one of the library’s several tables, two glasses and a bottle of Craig set down atop it. They were leaning forwards slightly, both palms pressed against the cool wooden surface, fingers tapping absentmindedly. Crowley would be arriving any second now, and the anticipation was messing with their nerves. For what felt like the billionth time they took a look around the room, only to once more find it empty .

Body still twisted to their right, Y/N paused and let out a sigh. Maybe the business he needed to wrap up was taking longer than he’d thought it would. Maybe something else had come up. Maybe he simply wouldn’t come.

“Something troubling you, darling?”

Y/N turned quickly, the movement causing a sting of pain in their still somewhat tender stomach. Crowley was standing directly to their left, amusement glimmering in his eyes. 

“You’ve gotta stop doing that,” They huffed, furrowing their brow slightly.

He merely grinned before looking down at the table. “Shall I pour our drinks?”

“Sure,” They said before pulling out one of the chairs and taking a seat. After he’d finished with the drinks and slid one over to Y/N, Crowley did the same.

“Cheers,” He said, raising his glass. “To your health. I take it you’re feeling better?”

“Yes, very much so,” They smiled and lifted their own, clinking them before taking a sip. “Thank you for helping me. Well,” They paused, looking down at the scotch thoughtfully. “For saving my life, really.”

“No need to thank me, love. All in a day’s work,” He winked at them. They averted their gaze, laughing a little. He raised a brow expectantly. “What’s so funny?”

“Crowley, you’re the King of Hell,” Y/N glanced up at him, and something in their expression shifted. “It’s not ‘all in a day’s work’. It’s the opposite, really. I may not exactly be a hunter, but -- I mean, I work with the Winchesters of all people. So…” Their smile faded. “Why?”

“Well…” Crowley started, but he’d found that the words had dried up in his throat. The way Y/N was looking at him, it was as if they were pleading with him. Begging him to say… to say what? He cleared his throat. “You… intrigue me, Y/N.” When they didn’t respond, he proceded. “You’re right, you’re not a hunter, and you’re nothing like those bloody Winchesters. And yet here you are, working with them, helping them however you can. Thrusting yourself into a dangerous life that tends to end only in bloodshed, something you’ve experienced firsthand.”

“I want to help people,” Y/N interjected, but their tone was soft.

“That much is clear, but Y/N, I’m not ‘people’.” He kept his eyes locked on theirs. “I’m a demon. The King of Hell, as you pointed out yourself, but you still treated me with kindness, right from the very beginning.” He laid an elbow on the table, resting his cheek against his hand as he watched Y/N. “Why?”

“I mean, I’d just met you. I didn’t know you, I wasn’t about to be rude,” Y/N reasoned.

“The Winchesters would’ve been, after learning my occupation. In fact, they were, if I recall correctly.” He smiled, almost sadly. “You know demons don’t express emotions, don’t you?”

Y/N broke eye contact, looking down at their hands which lay in their lap, fidgeting with the hem of their shirt. “I always kind of thought that was a little exaggerated.” They frowned. “But I guess I wouldn’t know.”

“That’s another reason why you’ve fascinated me,” Crowley continued. They shifted their gaze to meet his. “I can’t quite explain why or how, but for whatever reason, I’ve found that with you…” Leaning forwards a little, he raised his other hand and brushed it over Y/N’s cheek. “It’s different. I’m different.” He paused in thought. “I feel when I’m with you, Y/N. Do you have any idea how strange that is?”

They blinked at him incredulously. “I don’t understand. You--”

“It’s alright if you don’t feel the same way, kitten. I just thought you should know.” Crowley looked away, beginning to remove his hand from their cheek. But before he could, Y/N clutched it in their own, drawing his focus once more.

“No,” They blurted. “No, I…” They found their eyes darting around the room, their mind unable to find the right words for what they so desperately wanted to say to the demon sitting before them. But the feeling of his hand on their skin kept them grounded. “I do. Feel the same way, I mean.”

They looked into his eyes. Suddenly they realized how close the two of them were -- they’d both subconsciously been leaning in towards each other this whole time, and now they could almost feel one another’s breath.

“May I?” Crowley asked, voice quiet.

Y/N simply nodded.

The hand on their cheek slipped further back to cup the back of their head, pulling their lips to his. The kiss was warm and gentle; not quite what Y/N had been expecting from a powerful demon, but it was welcome nonetheless. His scruff rubbed against their cheek lightly, leaving a faint burning sensation as he pulled away.

“Darling…” He muttered against their lips. “I’ve been wanting to do that for quite a while now.”

“Is that so?” Y/N smiled playfully. “Then why don’t you do it again?”

“Happily,” Crowley replied, tugging them towards him. Just as they began to kiss again, the sound of a ringtone came from Y/N’s back pocket. They leant back a little, shooting Crowley an apologetic glance as they did so. Taking the phone out of their pocket they glanced down at it.

“It’s Sam,” They sighed and picked up. “Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N. How’re you doing?”

“Good, y’know. Same ol’, same ol’.” Crowley rolled his eyes dramatically, forcing them to stifle a giggle. “How’s the hunt going?”

“Good, good. Definitely a vampire nest. It’ll take us a few more days to clear it all up.” He paused. “Say, Y/N… Crowley hasn’t dropped by, has he?”

They felt their heart drop. Turning slightly from Crowley, they frowned. “Crowley?” In their periphery they could see the demon’s brow furrow as he heard his name. “No, why?”

“Well, this is the first time you’ve been alone in the bunker since you were attacked.”

“And?”

“I just…” He sighed. “Dean and I have been talking, and… Y/N, we don’t know what he wants from you.”

“What do you mean? He saved my life,” Y/N replied, trying their best to sound calm. However, Crowley clearly wasn’t believing it, and scooted his seat a little closer to them.

“Exactly. He had no reason to do that. He might use this to ask you or us for some favor or something in return, I don’t know.”

“I--” They exhaled sharply. “Maybe he was just being nice.”

“I know you like to see the good in people, Y/N, but he’s the King of Hell. Just, if he does show up--”

“Give me the phone,” Crowley said quietly, one hand outstretched. Y/N frowned at him, but didn’t move to do as he’d said.

“Y/N? Are you with someone?” Sam asked, voice laced with concern.

“No, it’s just the TV.” Y/N replied, but there was no hiding the nervousness in their tone now.

“Y/N,” Crowley insisted.

“Who’s with you? Is it Crowley? Y/N, if you need help, just--”

“No, Sam, I’m alright, I promise.” They took a moment, closing their eyes. “I… Sam, you trust me, right?”

“Of course I do, Y/N, but--”

“Then trust me when I say that I trust him.” They reopened their eyes, staring down at the table. Laying their free hand on the wooden surface, they saw that it was trembling. Quickly, Crowley held it with his own.

Sam was silent for a moment. “You’re not going to change your mind about this, are you?”

“No, probably not.”

“Listen. I…” Faintly, Y/N could hear a door closing on the other end, accompanied by a voice. “I’ve got to go, but we’ll talk about this when Dean and I get back, okay?”

Y/N furrowed their brow. “Okay.”

There was a click, and then nothing. Y/N placed the phone on the table and looked back at Crowley. He squeezed their hand lightly, a concerned look on his face.

“What’d he say?”

They let out a long breath, turning their head to better face him. “That we’ll talk more when they’re here. They don’t even…” They swallowed. “They’re already so upset, and they don’t even know that--”

“Darling, listen to me,” Crowley moved towards them a little, tilting his head slightly as he did so. “It’s going to be alright. If they’ve got any sense at all in their heads, they’ll listen to you.” He glanced at their interlaced fingers. “And if they don’t, I’ll handle them. You don’t have to worry.”

“You’ll be here? When they get back?”

“Of course, kitten,” He smiled softly. When their worried expression didn’t shift, he tugged their hand gently. “Come here.”

Y/N leant forwards, letting him wrap them in his arms as he pulled them in for a hug. Resting their head against him, they closed their eyes, letting themselves be soothed by the rising and falling of his chest.

“Everything’s going to be alright.”

AN: Thank you all so much for reading! This is the last chapter of this story. I wanted to leave it a little bit open-ended for y’all to think about what might happen next! I’m definitely planning on writing some more fanfics in the future (probably more crowley x reader lol), so look forward to that. See y’all then :]

[shirtlesssammy]

14x08: Byzantium

Then: 

Jack’s all better, guys.

Oh, wait..

Now:

Our nougat boy is dying, guys. Dean “Free Will” Winchester is beside himself--for not being able to help his son and because he can’t seem to stop the inevitable. As Jack lies coughing his last coughs, Dean leaves, unable to handle it anymore. Once in the hallway he looks up (like, was he even humoring the idea of asking for help? In any event, Chuck ain’t listening, but Cas comes to his side.)

Sam stays by Jack’s side. Jack tells Sam to assure Dean that it’s ok. Then he asks what will happen next “for someone like me.”

As many times as Sam has died, and as many realms that Sam has explored, he doesn’t know. “Then it’s gonna be an adventure.” Well, the ugly sobbing for this episode started way too early for my taste.

In the hallway, Dean turns from Cas when he comes up to him. Dean just can’t process what’s happening.

For Concerned and Slightly Irritated Husband Science:

Cas makes it clear to Dean that Jack needs him by his side. They head back into Jack’s room. Sam informs them that he passed. AND WHAT? I was fully prepared for Jack to die, but right away?! Gah.

Sam, Dean, and Cas plan Jack’s funeral (pyre, hunter style).

Sam leaves the hallway conversation, and Dean lets him.

Dean reaches out to Mary, letting her know that Jack died. It kind of breaks my heart that Dean reaches out to his mother at this time. I really like Mary, but she is not the nurturing type, and yet Dean still tries to get some kind of motherly comfort from her, and I HURT.

Cas watches Sam take off, only to have Dean ask him where he is. Uh, oops?

Together, they take off in Cas’s (new?) truck to track down Sam. (This was glorious, by the way. Cas has never driven Dean anywhere before.)

They find Sam slumped against the Impala and Dean and every audience member ever scream, “Tell me you didn’t make a deal!” That’s what it looked like, but no, Sam was just taking out his frustration and sadness in the form of misguided tree chopping. So, in the dark of night, the brothers and Cas try to process their grief. Tomorrow they will say goodbye to Jack, but tonight Dean suggests they get loaded.

What follows is a glorious, fourth-wall breaking montage that is just a wonderful moment to witness for Team Free Will. This show is always so good at giving us a little happy with heaps and heaps of sad.

I love Cas drinking from the bottle vs Sam and Dean’s glasses. And Dean’s unanswered “We did everything we could, right?” is just beautiful.

Jack’s Good Place is traveling to Dodge City with Sam, Dean, and Cas. ALL THE HEARTS. Dean flickers in and out and the sun dims. Jack realizes that this place isn’t real and finds his way to the white hallways of Heaven. As he’s walking, a black goo rushes for him. He runs.

The next morning, Dean awakens to a knock-out hangover, and the voices of Sam, Cas, and Lily Sunder in the war room.

(Sidenote: The actress playing Lily has been steadily acting since the 1950s! I recognized her from the X-Files but she’s been in everything! Amazing.)

She’s older (as Dean so tactfully points out), having given up magic. Sam called her for help on Jack. Dean also points out that she tried to kill Cas. (Lol, I imagine Dean has an Arya Stark list of people who’ve wronged Cas. He’s just biding his time to cross off some names.) Sam wants Lily’s help with the angel tablet. She’s not a prophet, but she knows a lot about angels. She can’t read the tablet translations, but she does have another idea: use her magic and a part of Jack’s soul to bring him back. She just wants to get into heaven in return. Easy Peasy.

Team Free Will discuss. Sam’s “I know how important a soul is. Believe me, I do” punched me in the gut a little. He’s all for saving Jack though. They need to figure out how to get Lily into heaven before trying this little plan. Time to summon Anubis, Guardian of the Dead.

Meanwhile, in heaven, Jack finds his mom. Blarf, bringing back Kelly and having them meet just hurts so much. Kelly’s realization that Jack is dead is SO HARD TO WATCH.

Dean is still not on the Lily Sunder Plan Train, but his argument with Sam is interrupted when Cas comes in to tell them that Heaven is in trouble. All of Heaven’s gates are open. Cas heads to Heaven.

Dean continues to be the cantankerous worrier of the trio, complaining about the plan to resurrect Jack while he and Sam prepare the bunker for the ritual. Dean's seen way too many bad resurrection side-effects, man. But it's okay, because Cas is back!

Only...Cas reports that angel radio is just a distress signal on repeat, and all of Heaven's gates are wide open – including the ones closed by Metatron. Iiiiinteresting. Dean and Sam let him go. Cas will head up to Heaven and they'll pray to him when the ritual is ready. What could go wrong?

So Dean apologizes to Lily, but he does a “Dean” apology which tends to be half accusatory. He wants to know why Lily's using the Enochian magic again if she quit doing it. She tells Dean that if she preserves a piece of her soul, that she might make it into Heaven and finally see her daughter again.

Up in Heaven, Cas finds puddles of black goo and two apparently dead angels.

Dumah wakes up in a gasp, and asks Castiel why he's isn’t on Earth. (A question which will be important later.) He's there to find Jack. Dumah begs to go with him, and they head off to Jack's heaven together. Jack's adorable paradise is empty. Oh WAIT Naomi is there. She tells them that Jack is gone – perhaps the “angel side” of him knew how to get out. Naomi informs them about the nature of the goo. It's the Shadow from the Empty, and he wants Jack because of his half-angel nature. (Side note: also Cas is the only one to ever escape. Good job, bby!) Naomi encourages Dumah and Cas to give Jack over to the Empty. Jack's soul can't possibly be worth more than the safety of all the other millions and billions of souls in Heaven.

Cas refuses to help her, and Naomi gets enveloped by black goo. She urges him to run.

Downstairs, the Winchesters and Lily summon Anubis. Dean's a little salty, given the number of times he died and, oh yeah, went to Hell that one time. “Pushing pencils, damning souls,” Dean summarizes about Anubis's work. Anubis laughs (it's my personal headcanon that he rather likes salty Dean). Lily asks Anubis to tell her where she's going after she dies and Anubis glances at the Winchesters and accedes. He pulls out an abacus, which begins to calculate Lily's worth. The chips fall and show that she's headed to Hell.

Dean and Sam threaten Anubis with a trap of palm oil which they “just happened to have laying around.” Our headcanon: Dean bakes, okay? Anubis tells them that neither he nor God have the power to shove somebody upstairs or downstairs – the human decides where they go based on their choices. If they keep him there or try to kill him, they can't save Lily (but they might damn themselves). It's a compelling argument, and Anubis goes free.

Cas tracks down Jack in Kelly's heaven. They share an emotional reunion. (Boris: Crying noise. Crying noise.)

Cas apologizes to Kelly for failing her, but she tells him that he raised Jack well. Jack learns about their resurrection plan and how they'll just use a leeeeetle tiny piece of Jack's soul for it. Kelly's concerned about this plan, but the Empty's attack has added new urgency to the resurrection plan. If Jack's alive, the Empty can't claim him.

Dumah slinks in from the back of the house and turns out to be – Old Man Smithers from the abandoned carnival! J/K, friends. Dumah is now the Empty. Well, fuck.

In the bunker, Lily packs her bags to leave. If there's no hope for her, then the deal's off. Sam shouts after her, telling her that they're trying to save their kid. And she should really empathize with that. Dean skips past empathy and goes straight to accusing Lily of being essentially a monster. To him, her chopped up soul and willingness to leave them in the lurch is ample evidence of that fact.

The Empty is ready to take Jack. Kelly's ready to cut a bitch.

Erica Cerra as the Shadow does an amazing job of showing a completely cracked up facade, reveling in the pain that the Shadow brings her denizens. She tosses Cas across the room...

In the bunker, Dean's aggressive guilt trip has convinced Lily to help them after all. She reflects on the photo of her daughter, and then they begin the ritual. They pray to Cas, who is still mid-fight with the Empty.

It's go-time, and the Shadow has hold of Jack, so Cas offers himself. “Take me in his stead,” he demands. CAAAAAAS! “I'm the one you want. I'm the one who woke you up,” he tells her. The Shadow turns on Cas, enticed by the offer. Cas sweetens the pot. He's destined for the Empty when he dies, yes. But it might be years or aeons until that happens again. OR the Empty could have him now and without a fight.

We...had many emotions about this.

For Science (and get your minds out of the gutter) (Boris: Imma stay in the gutter, please and thank you):

Cas closes his eyes for the blow (get your MINDS out of the GUTTER) but the Shadow wants him to “suffer.” The Shadow will claim Cas when he finally gives himself “permission to be happy.” Daaaaaamn.

We...had MANY EMOTIONS ABOUT THIS.

Cas agrees and the Shadow fucks off, leaving Dumah alive after it's departure. (Phew) Cas explains to Jack why he made his choice. He loves Jack, and so do Sam and Dean. They're working right now to bring him back to life.

Cas asks Jack not to tell the Winchesters what he did. “I don't want them to worry,” Cas tells him, and Jack promises not to tell them, THEREBY COMPOUNDING OUR PAIN.

Jack and Kelly say goodbye – Kelly telling him to have a wonderful life and she'll see him when he comes back to Heaven. Cas sends Jack's soul back to his body.

In the bunker, Jack wakes up. Sam gets him to read the rest of the spell and as he reads it, Lily looks weak and walks away to sit in a chair. Life returns to Jack completely. He seems whole and healthy and all it cost was...

Dean thanks Lily for her help, then realizes just how much she helped them when he finds her dead in the chair. She used the last shred of her soul to save Jack, rather than cut into Jack's soul.

Lily finds herself in Anubis's office. He pulls out his abacus.

(Guys, look at his office, I love him!)

The calculations progress and show that Lily's moved the balance of her fate. “Did you know what doing the spell would cost you?” She totally did. <3 I love Lily.

“Say hello to your daughter for me,” Anubis tells her with a gentle smile.

Cas makes his way out of Jack's heaven, his memories clearly wiped by now. Confused, he's met with Naomi who thanks him for saving Heaven.

Naomi gives him a reward for his help – Michael's location. Cas returns to Earth victorious! I guess.

TFW 2.0 share emotional burgers now that Jack's resurrected. Jack's wrapped in Dean's robe. They're all happy. I'm...it's...this is all very, very good and touching.

We end the episode on a hopeful note, ready to find Kaia, tackle Michael, and WIN. Go, team! Nothing can hurt us now. NOTHING.

Natasha: Man, I loved this episode. I’m so excited to see how this bears fruit later on!

Boris: This episode! This. Episode. I just watched All Hell Breaks Loose (and Dean’s demon deal), and I’m just amazed how one episode is able to juggle 14 years of story threads while introducing really intriguing new story potentials. And we got a seriously good amount of TFW. Yep. 

Everything’s fine and nothing quotes:

Everything we've got – the spells, the lore, what good is any of it if we couldn't even save him?

Old school! A real map. Let's find our way to Dodge City!

When God left – sorry, long story – we needed a new judge and Anubis was the obvious choice

I don't like rolling the dice on the word of a psycho ex-angel-killer

Why risk going to Hell if you don't have to?

Where I'm taking you is worse than Hell, because at least Hell is something

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[idontneedasymbol]

A few thoughts on season 9 and the Gadreel arc

I wasn't in the fandom when season 9 aired, but that doesn't mean I don't have thoughts about it. It does mean that all my thoughts have probably been had before, but in my reading of the more contemporary meta, there are a few points I haven't seen raised. And since that conversation is going around again as per the last couple episodes, I figured now is as good a time as any.

(This is largely looking at it from Dean's perspective, rather than what Sam endured. Dean obviously did a terrible thing, and a terrible thing to Sam. But it was a complicated situation that doesn't map clearly to any real-world ethics, so taking it as a straightforward case of black-and-white, obviously right or wrong choices, is flattening a story with much more dimensions.)

I'll start with my biggest and probably most controversial argument: Dean's mistake wasn't getting Sam to accept Gadreel.

There are two commonly expressed arguments about why what Dean did was so morally reprehensible, that are both somewhat inaccurate.

The first is that Dean went against Sam's wishes to save his life -- basically, an issue of medical consent, violating a "do not resuscitate" request. Sam himself raises this point when he argues with Dean later in the season, that he was willing to die, had the right to make that choice, and Dean forcibly stopped him.

But that's not quite what happened. Sam is the one who chose to live. Both in the season 8 finale (Dean could've knocked him out, or threatened him to stop, but he doesn't -- he just asks, and Sam decides to stop. And maybe Dean would've taken more drastic steps if Sam hadn't agreed, but he didn't have to.) And again in the season 9 premiere.

It's possible Sam doesn't remember making this second choice, as he was in a coma. But Dean (or Gadreel pretending to be Dean; it's never clear) in Sam's head asks Sam to choose life. "But you got to let me in, man. You got to let me help." And Sam does, voluntarily. He doesn't know the price -- but he doesn't demand the price before he says yes. He willingly agrees to let "Dean" save him.

The second argument is that by Dean's own accounting, Sam would never willingly say yes to an angel. Except that isn't Sam's stated wish (as far as we know they don't have living wills with angelic possession clauses) but Dean's assumption. And the evidence suggests that Dean was wrong about this.

The rules of angelic possession are somewhat vague. The vessel's technical consent is required, but we know that consent can be coerced -- if you say yes because someone is threatening to murder your family, that still counts as consent. However, from what we see, consent can't be entirely tricked, either. It's not enough for someone to just say the word "yes," or Lucifer presumably would've tried it. He couldn't come to Sam in the guise of Jessica, ask, "Do you love me?" and have Sam's "Yes" count; there needs to be actual permission granted.

The only way Dean's ploy with Sam can work is because Dean asks Sam for blanket, carte blanche permission to do whatever it takes to save Sam.  Anything, up to and including him accepting an angel. And Sam says yes.

The bitter and awful irony is that maybe it only works because Sam believed Dean wouldn't do such a thing to him. "I can't trust you, not the way I thought I could, not the way I should be able to," Sam says later.

Or maybe Sam would have said yes anyway, even to an angel, if Dean begged him to. One of Dean's biggest failings has always been that while he trusts Sam with his (Dean's) life, he doesn't trust Sam with Sam's own life.  Sam chose to stop the Trials, and maybe he would've chosen Gadreel's bargain in the hospital, for the chance to live. But in that moment, after the angst of Purgatory and Sam not looking for him, after weeks of the Trials when Dean was effectively helping his brother to his death, after hearing Sam's suicidal confession in the church and being shown him talking to Death himself, Dean couldn't trust Sam would stay for him.

But that's not where Dean really fails. He makes the decision to help trick Sam into accepting Gadreel in a moment of extreme duress, to save Sam's life. And that was a terrible choice, but there were no good options. (Besides letting Sam die -- and that wasn't what Sam wanted, in the end.)

Dean's mistake, probably his biggest failure in the show either morally or as Sam's brother, comes after this. It's when he chooses (and keeps choosing) not to tell Sam what he did.

If Dean had been honest with Sam when he first woke up and confessed what he'd done, most of the problem of Gadreel wouldn't have been an issue. With the question of permission, Sam would have been given the choice of whether to accept Gadreel's help or not -- a slightly delayed decision, but it would be comparable to an emergency medical intervention to allow for more complete, consensual treatment later, or for that treatment to be refused. According to Gadreel himself, it wouldn't have been difficult for Sam to cast him out (because Gadreel is weak? Or because the consent was so dubiously obtained, it wasn't as strong?)

So Sam might have rejected Gadreel, booted him out even if it meant his death. Or he might have accepted his help. Even that wouldn't have gone so wrong, though, because even if Gadreel did start trying to take control, Sam would have been aware of it, would have understood what was going on. Practically speaking, in "Road Trip,” Sam has little trouble identifying and ejecting Gadreel once he knows he's there. After Lucifer, one imagines no regular angel is that great a challenge. The danger Gadreel presents, the control he exerts, is only possible because Sam is unaware of him.

Keeping that secret was not Dean's original decision -- Dean wasn't ever intending to keep Gadreel's presence from Sam. In fact, he didn't realize that was an option. Dean, like the audience, had seen angelic possession before, and as far as we know, because it requires the vessel's consent, the vessel always knows it's happened. Gadreel's stealth possession is a whole new deal, not what Dean was expecting. But he's already gone this far -- in for a penny, in for a pound. And Gadreel -- the angel who let the snake into the garden, who watched the original seduction of man -- is as good at pitching as any crossroads demon:

EZEKIEL (GADREEL) IN SAM'S BODY: He will not feel me, no. There is no reason for Sam to know I'm in here at all.

DEAN: You're joking, right? No, this is---this is too big.

EZEKIEL (GADREEL) IN SAM'S BODY: And what will he do if you do tell him he is possessed by an angel?

DEAN: Well, he'll have to understand.

EZEKIEL (GADREEL) IN SAM'S BODY: And if he does not? Without his acceptance, Sam can eject me at any time. Especially with me so weak. And if Sam does eject me, he will die.

DEAN: Then we keep it a secret for now. Or until Sam's well enough that he doesn't need an angelic pacemaker, or I find a way to tell him, I--I'd... As for him being in a hospital, I'll have to figure something out.

EZEKIEL (GADREEL) IN SAM'S BODY: I can erase it all, if you like. He will not remember any of this.

Gadreel has specific motives both to want to be in Sam (for the protection Dean offers against other angels), and for Sam to not know about him (would Sam have realized the angel in him wasn't Ezekiel?) But Dean, not knowing any of this and relying on Cas's confirmation of Ezekiel's character, agrees to it, filled with misgivings but trying to make things right.

Gadreel has only known Dean for a few hours, but that's enough, especially when he's inside Sam's head. Dean is easy enough to manipulate, if you know what strings to pull. And Gadreel has hold of the strongest one of all -- Sam's life.

He's also playing on Dean's guilt, of course. Dean is prone to avoidance; he's tried to keep things from Sam in the past -- though it rarely lasts for long, because Dean also experiences a lot of guilt about lying, and Sam tends to notice. This is the longest lie Dean manages to maintain, and that's only with Gadreel's memory erasure, and Sam still realizes that something is off. (Sam himself is quite a lot better at lying to Dean.) And Dean himself eventually breaks and tries to tell Sam the truth anyway (notably, before he learns the truth about Gadreel; Dean doesn't change his mind because he's distrusting Gadreel but because he feels so guilty about what Sam is going through) -- but by then it's too late; Gadreel is strong enough to stop Sam from hearing it.

There's another factor, too, in that it's not just that Gadreel is manipulating Dean. He's manipulating Dean using Sam's voice, in Sam's body. And yes, this is absolutely, undeniable horrific for Sam, to have his bodily autonomy so thoroughly stolen. (It's a tossup whether it's that or the memory erasure that's worse; both are fundamental assaults on one's self.) And it's a horror that Dean doesn't know personally; he's never been fully possessed.

But part of the terror of possession is having someone you know be not themselves. Dean knows Gadreel isn't Sam (most of the time, anyway, until the end), and it's Dean's fault; but it doesn't change the innate horror of it (which Dean well knows; he is the character most prone to being physically assaulted by external forces using his loved ones' bodies.) Or the mental and emotional confusion of having "Sam" assure him that Dean is doing the right thing, that he is acting out of love. However much Dean consciously knows it isn't Sam, subconsciously it would be hard not to react, to trust Gadreel more than he should, when he's in such a familiar guise.

The next points aren't about Gadreel specifically but the aftermath. Part of why this arc engenders such strong and irate opinions in fandom is because, unlike many of the previous times when the brothers hurt or betray each other, there isn't much in the way of satisfying resolution. Extra-story, I'm inclined to think this is partly because that was more Dean's story -- while Sam was the one who suffered, Dean was the one who took on the burden of the plot by making the choices that drove it, and Dean's story arcs are less likely to get resolution or follow-up than Sam's. I suspect it’s also because the Gadreel story went so dark that the show shied back from exploring or acknowledging the worst implications of it (I don't think Dean was meant to be doing as bad a thing as what he actually ended up doing to Sam. And that he wasn't aware himself how bad it would be only goes so far to exculpate him.)

In practice this meant that the second half of season 9 tried to portray Sam and Dean's conflict as more equal than it obviously was, and to do so the show undermined Sam's side, making a lot of his anger about Dean saving him when Sam ostensibly didn't want to be, rather than what Dean did to save him, or the continuous lying and collaboration with the entity manipulating Sam's mind. Gadreel's betrayal and Kevin's death just muddied the waters further, as something for them both to feel guilt about but was only indirectly either of their faults, so sidestepped placing blame.

But there was another, in-canon reason for their quarrel to be twisted, for Dean’s guilt and responsibility to never be fully addressed: the Mark of Cain.  Dean is on the Mark for the entire second half of season 9, and while it doesn't become apparent until "Blade Runners" how powerful an effect it has, he's different from the moment he gets it. When he leaves Sam with Cas in "Road Trip," Dean is crushed under the weight of what he's done -- in particular at the time, Kevin's death and the agony Sam endured to be freed of Gadreel; but also all the guilt of the months before that he was trying to hide from Sam.

But by the time he meets up with Sam again, Dean has the Mark, and with it a much less remorseful attitude. Instead he's driven, sure of his goals; rather than considering the pain he caused, he's focused on what he accomplished, saving Sam. Their argument in "The Purge" is a clear case of this, because Dean says outright that what he did, he'd do it again, and that Sam would do the same for him. Which Sam denies (a lie, if to himself as much as Dean) -- but the truth is, Dean wouldn't either, not the exact same thing, certainly not when it led to Kevin's death.

And Sam mostly puts aside his anger when he realizes the effect the Mark is having. It's not clear how much this is out of worry for Dean, or because Sam realizes Dean's not exactly in his right mind to be held properly accountable (and as a former addict himself, Sam can understand how sometimes accusations and forgiveness have to wait until recovery). But by the time the Mark is removed, the show is a full season past Gadreel, and rather than revisiting the old storyline, they simply let it lay. (Until 12x19, when they decided to pull up one plot point from the arc and clumsily, inadvertently dragged the rest of the baggage up with it.)

I think there is one more reason why this arc is so painful and contentious, and that is the nature of the story itself, which makes the audience partially culpable. A lot of Supernatural's appeal is that Sam & Dean, for all the wild and crazy crap they endure, are relatable; most of the time you understand why they do what they do, even if you know it's wrong.

And the season 9 arc plays on this completely. Because if you like Sam as a character, you sympathize with his pain. But at the same time, you want him to continue being a character. What Dean does is presented as the only way to save Sam. So the more you like Sam as a character, the more you should want Dean to go ahead with it; the more you can understand Dean's decisions, and how Gadreel was able to convince him. No matter how deeply you disapprove of what Dean did morally, from a story perspective, it's what you wanted him to do.

Likewise, you feel an echo of the same conflicting emotions Sam himself feels. Because if there is any part of Sam that wanted to live (and I think that's his largest part; that's what he's chosen, time and again) then he must feel some gratitude to Dean for saving him. Which doesn't do anything to alter the betrayal and anger, not to mention the added guilt that Kevin might not have died had Sam died instead (and that was what Sam wanted more than anything, Death's guarantee that he wouldn't hurt anyone else.)

I have doubts the show is ever going to directly address the Gadreel story again (and am unconvinced they actually could do a resolution justice). But, though I’m not particularly unhappy to have missed watching season 9 in all its pain in real time, and while while I wish some aspects (especially the aftermath) had been handled differently, I find a lot of it compelling drama, painful in different ways for both Sam & Dean, and a fascinating leg of the journey to where they are now.

[kiss-my-freckle]

I presumed that there was an order to things, that there was ... that if I nourished and protected and taught the child, she would be safe ... and happy. - Red 

My latest dig for dialogues. I’ll be editing to add as I gather more.  

Nourish

Red: I agree with you completely. But it is a restaurant, and it is dinnertime.

Red: I brought you a souvenir. What’s your feeling about guava?

Red: If I tell you, you have to promise me you’ll try the fertilized duck eggs. It’s a daring and unique dining experience. You’ll think you’ve died and gone to hell.

Red: I come bearing gifts - pimento cheese sandwiches, toasted with the crusts cut off. 

Paris: Shall I set a third place for lunch? Liz: No, thank you. Red: You may want to think twice. He’s making a turbot with a matsutake mushroom broth.

Red: I hope you have indigestion. Liz: No. But if it makes you feel better, I’m in a bad mood. Red: Excellent! Dembe: He’s making fenugreek porridge. My ancestors learned that it can cure a troubled stomach and soothe aches and pains. Red: Medicinal South Sudanese cuisine. 

Red: Elizabeth. To what do we owe the pleasure? I hope it’s a hankering for roast goose. Succulent doesn’t begin to des -

Protect 

Red: How did things go with Agent Keen? Zamani: Paid her a visit, like you asked. Red: And the husband? Zamani: Like you asked.

Garrick: The girl. The agent. I want to know who she is. You came out of the box for her. Traded your life for hers. Red Reddington placing somebody else’s life ahead of his own. What makes her so special?

Red: She’s nothing to you. A distant, confused memory. I’m the one you want. Kirk: What I want is to put a bullet in your head before I die. Red: Then do that. An even trade. Kirk: With the FBI wanting to ambush me the moment I give her up, I don’t think so. Red: You set the terms. However you want, I’ll do it. My life for hers.

Red: Elizabeth? Sutton Ross: Your life for hers. Red: Done.

Red: Please understand I want more than anything to help you. It’s the reason why I’m here. But I won’t say another word until the terms of my deal are met. I’m so sorry to bother you with these trivial details, but it’s a simple yes or no.

Red: You know the problem with drawing lines in the sand? With a breath of air, they disappear. You may not like me. You may not understand how or why I do what I do. But I’m here because you want answers to questions you haven’t even thought of yet. Now, if that doesn’t matter to you, the solution is simple - I get in this car and I disappear. Liz: You have a deal with the government. You have a tracking device in your neck. Red: You don’t believe Raymond Reddington could cease to exist in 60 seconds? I offer that particular package to clients. Liz: You’re offering to walk away? Red: I’m not going to beg you to allow me the privilege of helping you. So, say the word, and I’m gone. Tell me to go, Lizzy. Then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.

Red: As soon as the name “Masha Rostova” hit the 24-hour news cycle, they came for her. I thought I could protect her. I did protect her, all these years. I’ve anticipated almost every threat. But this one. A medical complication in childbirth.

Red: I’ve spent 30 years building an intelligence network of spies, informants, patriots, traitors. I’ve used it to build an empire that exists for only two reasons: To keep me free and you safe. 

Kate: So you want me to join you in organized crime to protect Elizabeth. Red: Yes, Kate. Help me protect the girl we love.

Red: As I feared would happen, elements from Katarina’s past are circling Elizabeth like a pack of wolves in the night. I put Tom Keen in her life to keep an eye on her, and he married her. Kate: This isn’t about Tom Keen. It’s about your need for control. Red: Indeed. I need to control the danger to Elizabeth. I’ve built a vast criminal network predicated on that very principal. It’s time to live up to my mission statement. 

Red: She was wrong to think Elizabeth and her child were safer without me in their lives. But in the end, she was -she did what she did out of love for the little girl she swore to protect what seems like a lifetime ago.

Liz: Tom. Red: What I did was for your protection. Liz: Taking his job away. Red: I’m not a threat to your safety, Lizzy. Or your child’s. On the contrary. I can guarantee it, but I cannot do that if you run away.

Red: Four years ago, I surrendered to protect you. From Tom, Berlin, Cabal. And now you may go to jail because of me. It appears Kate may be right after all. Maybe I am the person you need protection from.

Liz: You did it once. Red: Yes. When you were a child, to protect you from the memory of killing your father. I hired Krilov once. Never again.

Red: Elizabeth is who she is, Kate. She’s not Masha anymore. With little to none of my presence or influence through the years, she has grown up to be Special Agent Elizabeth Keen. Her area of scholarship and expertise is the study of criminals. The habits and inclinations, the curiosities and proclivities, the psychiatry of criminals. That’s who she is. That may be the world she was born to, but it is most certainly the world she has chosen to live in. I can continue to give her more distance, but she is going to continue to be who she is. And I’m not going to stop watching out for her. So either you go and save yourself, or this ends right here. Now.

Red: Your curiosity is understandable. A mysterious suitcase bequeathed to you by a dying woman who insists that Elizabeth must be apprised of its contents. But what if instead of happiness or closure, giving it to her has the opposite effect? 

Teach

Red: You won’t find the girl until you learn to look at this differently. Liz: And how should I look at this? Red: Like a criminal. May come easier than you think. Shall I show you?

Liz: Great plan, except, as I have said, I know nothing about encryption. Red: You’re a very quick study.

Red: I don’t know about serial killers, but I do know about torture, and there is no one-size-fits-all. If you really want to hurt someone, you need to tailor your attack specifically to that person. Perhaps the killer’s methods, the injuries he inflicts tell you less about him and more about his victims. 

Red: That’s what he does. Who is he? Liz: He’s nobody. He’s a lab rat. He’s a lab rat. 

Red: You’re so linear.  Liz: What’s that supposed to mean? Red: The FBI and the police - the way they teach you to think never ceases to amaze me. Lizzy, not every missing child is on the back of a milk carton. Liz: Who wouldn’t report a missing child? Red: People who won’t or can’t go to the police.

Red: This brute they call The Deer Hunter isn’t a buck at all, but instead a delicate doe. Liz: A woman? I disagree with you. Red: Okay. But your killer attacks from a distance, indicating the predator’s smaller, perhaps unable to overpower their prey. Men tend to kill in close proximity - strangulation, blunt instrument, a knife. By contrast, women tend to favor weapons that can be used from further away - poison, a gun, a crossbow. Liz: Richard Kuklinski was 6’5″, 300 pounds, and one of his favorite weapons of choice was cyanide. Red: Yes, but male serial killers are predominantly, overwhelmingly sexually sadistic. In this case, there is not the slightest indication of a sexual motive. Liz: Aileen Wuornos was a prostitute who lured her victims in with the promise of sex. Red: The Deer Hunter has been active for over a decade, from the truck driver in Des Moines in 2003 to the doorman in Adams Morgan last night. That’s 12 years. The average length of a killing spree for a man is two, perhaps three. Yes, Agent Keen, for every rule there is an exception. Each factor, taken separately is not conclusive, but put them together and it’s clear - you haven’t found your man because he’s a woman.

Red: I’m apologizing for telling Garvey that I would kill him if he ever came after you. Liz: And why would you apologize for that? Red: Think like a criminal, Lizzy. Liz: Because by threatening him, you told him how important I am to you.

Red: My mother understood the problems of the human heart in conflict with itself. So she understood everything. I’ve taught you to think like a criminal. I should’ve taught you to think like her. 

the child

Red: Fine. You can be my daughter.

Liz: Are you scolding me? Red: Yes. Yes, I’m scolding you. Liz: What are you gonna do? Ground me? Take away my phone privileges? 

Liz: Are you my father? Liz: Why? Because he’s a fugitive on the “Most Wanted” list? 

Liz: Don’t speak to me like I’m a child. 

Red: You will always be her father, Sam. I can only hope to love her and protect her [as you have].

Katarina: If they get to me, if they take me, take care of Masha. Ilya: Like she was [my own].

Liz: You won’t stay angry with me. I know you think you will, but you won’t. Parents don’t stay angry with their children. Or their grandchildren. And that’s who you are to us. It doesn’t matter who you were. This is who you are [and who you’ll always be].

Advice & Emotional Support

Red: Be careful, Lizzy. Because the truth of it is, once you start down this road - there’s no logical place to stop. You can see to her education, health insurance, housing. You can watch her or have her watched. Keep her safe. Try to ascertain her hopes, dreams, desires. Pull strings, call in favors to discreetly smooth the path. And for the first few years, it may work. You’ll draw some measure of virtue from being her invisible benefactor. But that won’t last. It’s all a fraud. That it’s really not about her at all. That it’s all about you. And you’re just going through the motions to salve your own guilt. Look - all the money, all the time and effort, all the favors in the world cannot possibly equal what you took away from her. Everything else is just a nice gesture.

Red: People say youth is wasted on the young. I disagree. I believe wisdom is wasted on the old. All you can do is part with it, but very few will take it. Least of all, the people closest to you. They want no part of it. No matter how often I warn you about Tom, you seem intent on discovering those perils for yourself. I know I say things that unsettle you about the dangers that lie ahead. I know I anger you with things I say about Tom. But if I’ve ever given you the impression that you won’t survive this, that you and your child aren’t going to have the simple life that I know you long for, I’m sorry. Because you are going to have that, Lizzy.

Red: Is a child really what you want? But a baby won’t fix what happened in the past.

Red: You’re arriving at a point of no return, Lizzy. If you have any doubts about your husband, you can’t go through with this adoption. When you get there, if there is even one shred of doubt ...

Red: It was the right decision not to have the baby. I’m sorry for your suffering.

Red: When you love someone, you have no control. That’s what love is. Being powerless. Liz: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Red: There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you.

Red: I understand what it’s like to be drawn to something that is unhealthy to a part of yourself that you are afraid of. But I want you to remember what your life really was with him, and imagine all that it could be without him. 

Red: I think you’re running away from your problems when you should be facing them. I’m sure it feels like you’re staring into an abyss, but until you mourn, you won’t be able to cross it.

Red: Don’t just go off and hide in the dark. Wherever you go, look for some light.

Praise & Encouragement

Red: “It was only through the efforts of an FBI profiler that suspicion began to fall on Hector Lorca, leading to his arrest and indictment.” Well done, Lizzy. Very impressive.

Red: How did things go with your case? Congratulations. I’m proud of you.

Red: It’s the children whom the world almost breaks who grow up to save it.

Red: You look strong.

Red: You disappoint me. And yet, somehow, at the same time, you impress me. You persevere.

Red: If you’re asking whether it was a surprise that you became an FBI agent, the answer is no.

Red: What is your fantasy? Liz: It’s been the same thing for as long as I can remember. I’m walking in a park with my husband. In between us is our little girl. I’m holding her hand in mine and I never let go. - Red: It’s your fantasy. Liz: What about it? Red: It’s as it should be.

Liz: I shot a cop. Red: Yes, you did. Liz: And killed the Attorney General of the United States. Red: Yes. And when you did that you crossed a threshold, leaving your world, entering mine. Bad things are gonna find you now, Lizzy. This life has a mind and a momentum of its own. That’s a reality you need to accept. Bad things happen to good people. Liz: Am I a good person? I’m not so sure anymore. Red: I’m sure.

Fulton: “Fidelity. Bravery. Integrity.” This is the Bureau’s motto. Do you honestly believe a child of yours can honor that? Red: Would you honestly believe any answer I gave? Fulton: I doubt it. But Agent Keen’s future with the Bureau depends on you giving it your best shot. Red: No. Elizabeth’s future with the Bureau depends on her giving it her best shot. And your willingness to judge her on her merits, not mine. Push her. Provoke her. Figure out a way past her grief and anger, and you’ll see her for who she really is. Fulton: And who is that? Red: Everything that I am not.

Bits of Sam

Red: Sam did what I told him to.

Liz: I know this song. When I was a little girl, I had these terrible nightmares. I remembered flashes of - of fire and smoke. God, so much smoke. My dad would lay in bed with me and hold me in his arms and hum that song. He’d tell me I was safe - that everything was gonna be okay. You spent days building that damn thing. You knew about the song. My father. You knew I’d find out the truth. And you wanted me to know ... Red: ... that everything is going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.

Red: I’m sorry about your father. How was the funeral? This is going to be a difficult time. The best way to keep the memory of your father alive is to talk about him. Tell me some stories.

Red: What I do know is this - Sam’s involvement was as your father. And no one can pervert or distort that.

Liz: What’s this? Red: You don’t remember, do you? Liz: What? Red: The grapevines. The ones you and Sam harvested. Liz: Of course. I - I remember. Along the garden fence, we would pick - Is this from - Red: A bottle of wine you made with Sam when you were a child. Happy birthday, Lizzy. You’ve become everything Sam dreamed you would and more. Share it with someone special. That said, it’s probably undrinkable by now, so I also brought you an ’82 Brunello as a backup.

Bits of Katarina

Red: Katarina Rostova was the cleverest, most resourceful woman I have ever known. Liz: What are you saying? Red: No matter how dark the moment, she could always find her way through. Liz. She was a Russian spy who I never knew. Red: No, you didn’t. But that doesn’t mean your mother is gone. I see her in you every day. She’s as much a part of you as the air you breathe.

Red: Lizzy, I misspoke earlier about your child. I said that having it would be inconvenient. When your mother was pregnant with you, it was terribly inconvenient. The Cold War was ending. Her country was falling apart. Everything she had ever known. She dreaded having a child. Almost aborted it. Not one day of her pregnancy did she ever think of you as anything but a curse. And then, from the second you were born - there was never a day when she thought you were anything but a blessing. In my experience, there is never a convenient time to have a child. It certainly isn’t a convenient time for you. But if in saying that, I left you with the impression that I didn’t think you should have your baby, I’m sorry for that. Because nothing could be further from the truth.

Red: Your parents loved each other very much. The Cold War was hard - too hard for your father. When the Soviet Union was collapsing, he took you from her. She gave up everything to follow him, to follow you. Your mother, despite what he’d done, she wanted him back. She wanted them to be a family. As much as it pains me to say it, he was probably the only man she ever really loved. Your mother was never the same after that. The man she loved killed by the child she adored - it was just too much. Two months later, she went to Cape May and left her clothes on the beach, walked into the ocean and was never seen again. Liz: So, that night, I killed both my parents. Red: You were a child. There should never have been a gun for you to grab. Looking back, I’m not sure I shouldn’t have raised you myself. I don’t want you looking back with that kind of regret.

Red: You remind me so much of your mother. I don’t remember if I’ve ever told you that before, have I?

Liz: I don’t know how I can feel so relieved and so pissed off at the same time. Red: Don’t judge her too harshly. Liz: I don’t think I could judge her harshly enough. Whoever you are today, whatever you’ve become - It’s because of the lies she told. Red: She was between a rock and a hard place. Liz: That’s no excuse for framing someone for a crime they didn’t commit. Red: It’s easy to think that now. Back then - things were - complicated. Liz: I grew up believing Raymond Reddington was a traitor. Red: Well, now you know the truth. Liz: I know a truth. Red: You know that your parents loved you very much. And that’s the only truth that matters.

Red: Your mother was not as bad as - I understand why you might think she was, but she wasn’t. She was a young woman trying to make sense of a world that was falling apart around her. She was on one side of an unbridgeable divide. Your father was on the other. And you were in between. Over the years, your mother’s legend has grown. Mythic spy. Bloodless turncoat. In the process, people forgot the person behind the legend, but I haven’t. If she were here, I’m sure she’d tell you she made so many mistakes. She was scared and uncertain and just trying to do the best she could. Bring Agnes home, Elizabeth.

Red has all the right

More right than Sam

Sam: I need to tell Lizzy. Red: No. Sam: I know what we agreed, but before I go, I have to tell her. Red: I can’t let you do that. Sam: She deserves the truth.

Red: Listen to me. I’ve been friends with Sam for all of yours and most of my life. He was dying. Every part of his body was failing. He was impatient for it to end. He’d asked to be disconnected from all the machines. He was in pain and suffering. And he wasn’t thinking clearly. If he were, he would never have chosen to tell you any of it. It wasn’t his choice to make. We said goodbye and I put him out of his misery.

Red: I killed Sam because he was in pain and he wanted to die and because I had to protect you from the truth.

Red: I loved Sam, Lizzy. Taking his life was of all the difficult things that I’ve done that may may be the most. But I did it to keep you from learning the name of your real father, to protect you. And you must understand - having done that, I’m certainly not going to tell you who he was now.

More right than Dom

Dom: Well, that’s wonderful. Now I am a great-grandfather. Red: I came here to tell you that. Dom: Sure. I’m sure you did. Right there on your desk calendar.

Dom: I had to make do with photographs of Masha. Did you even tell her about me?

Dom: Don’t start with me. You were the architect of this charade. Cost me my daughter and, up until now, my granddaughter and my great-granddaughter.

Dom: Masha’s alive. My granddaughter is alive. How long have you known this? How long you let me sit here, thinking that she was - You told me she was dead! How could you lie to me like - 

Dom: I went into hiding, gave up my home, my granddaughter. Masha doesn’t even know I exist. 

Dom: Relax. She doesn’t know Oleander’s me. I certainly didn’t tell her. And since I know ­all you care about is yourself, you can stop worrying. I didn’t say a word about you. My own granddaughter three feet away after almost 30 years, I couldn’t say a damn thing to her. Red: I can’t talk about this now. Dom: You should tell her. Enough secrets. She deserves to know. Red: We can talk about this later.

More right than "Katarina”

Dom: I never heard from Katarina after she left for America. What really happened to her - I think there are some people who want to keep that information a secret. And I think they will do whatever is necessary even now to keep it that way.

Liz: Can I ask why? You’re my grandfather. Why would you want to hide that from me? Dom: Because I made a promise a long time ago.  Liz: A promise to lie to your granddaughter? Why would anyone ever ask you to do that? Dom: To keep you safe. Liz: You know his identity. Dom: I do.

Dom: A few months after I made it to America, Katarina met me here on that sidewalk. She handed me a key to box 642. Liz: The letter. This is where you picked it up. Dom: She gave the key to her mother too. She told us that, when she resurfaced, she would make contact with us. I got this 28 years ago. And in 28 years, there was not a week that has passed that I haven’t tried to use it. I’d say a silent prayer first hoping, praying to find something from her. Liz: And did you? Dom: Last time I saw my daughter was in this rearview mirror nearly 30 years ago. If my Katarina was still here, she would have let me know. Liz: But the letter you picked up in February - Dom: Katarina’s mother sent it to her. A letter in a bottle, cast into the ocean by a mother on her deathbed, hoping against hope that somehow the letter would find her daughter alive. I picked it up because I knew it never would. Liz: Thank you for telling me. Dom: I wish I had a different story, but -

but Red has all the right.