#begged the question of why I needed therapy
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lightseoul · 4 months ago
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a/n. i really don't know where i'm going with this, y'all. but getting to role-play as a therapist and explore bakugou's psyche has been lots of fun, so bear with me. please let me know what you think and/or would want to see! maybe that'll give me an idea lol. (1.1k)
navigation. part 1, part 2, (you are here)
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“n-no.”
at that, the woman’s eyebrows shoot up, disappearing underneath her fringe. “no?”
“you heard me,” bakugou spits instinctively, immediately regretting how hostile that sounded not even a second later. “i mean, no, i didn’t.”
his therapist, apparently unfazed by his show of aggression—she must’ve gotten used to it by now, although he still feels bad when he gets testy—only jots something down in her clipboard before looking back up at him, an inexplicable expression etched across her features.
“do you have any ideas, then, why, for the first time in seemingly forever, you’re fixating on a particular social encounter?”
bakugou barely manages to bite back a scowl.
he hates it—this part. the part where his psychologist obviously has theories as to why he’s acting a certain way or how he’s actually feeling but chooses to ask him instead, in an attempt to draw it out of him.
as if talking about difficult shit in the first place isn’t already painful enough.
and isn’t that what he’s paying her to do? give him answers? why’d he have to be the one to wrack his brain for uncomfortable answers to uncomfortable questions?
“do you?” he then challenges, emboldened by that train of thought just now.
“yes,” she responds truthfully and without missing a beat it somewhat surprises him. “but as i’ve explained to you before, i think it’ll be helpful for you if we try a more active approach on your end so that any insights gleaned from our discussions become more personalized and stick with you longer.”
well, then. fuck.
the lady’s got a point.
“so,” she continues when he doesn’t reply, annoyingly aware her little spiel got to him, “any ideas? working hypotheses?”
“uh,” he starts begrudgingly, eyes roving over the bookshelves lining the room’s walls as he struggles to come up with another angle. then it dawns on him, and he looks directly at the woman. “i didn’t expect to see someone in here, and when i did, it caught me off guard.”
“that may be because most of our clients opt for virtual consultations rather than face-to-face ones.”
“yeah,” he piles on quickly, admittedly thankful for the validation, and for the fact. the absolute last thing he needs is to bump into some extras before and after therapy. “that must be why.”
“but how does that explain your, and i quote, ‘dumb as shit reaction’?”
bakugou instantly feels himself flame. he clears his throat, “i told you, didn’t i? it caught me off guard. how the fuck did you expect me to react?”
that must’ve been a reasonable point, thank the fuck, because the woman pauses in thought before nodding slowly. “i suppose you’re right.”
he narrowly bites back an of course, i am.
but then she’s spouting off again.
“although it’s interesting to me how your immediate reaction was to say hi, when that’s not really…how should i say, your style, based on our prior sessions and your personality test results.”
a pause.
bakugou scrambles for a bulletproof rebuttal. he comes up short.
the lady cocks her head to the side, curious. “how often would you say you mull over social blunders?”
never, he thinks to himself. because they never happen.
“i figured as much,” comes her unexpected reply, and only then does it dawn on him that he said the last bit out loud.
“can we talk about something else?” he finds himself suddenly asking, totally over this entire conversation. he can worry about being a loser and pathetically begging for an out some other time. right now, he just needs a break.
“actually, you’re in luck,” she checks her smartwatch, “the session’s just about to end.”
at that, his shoulders almost instantly sag in relief, which makes the woman laugh. he shoots her a half-hearted glare.
they spend the next few minutes summarizing what has been discussed, as well as the arrangements for the following weeks, with bakugou eventually throwing his bag over his shoulders and bidding her a mumbled goodbye. he tosses her a nod over his shoulder as he crosses the threshold of her office, mind already drifting to what he’s going to cook himself for dinner.
and that, for a typical session, he’s walking out relatively unscathed.
but then he does the stupid thing of looking up from where he was studying his trainers when a door creaks open, and he freezes.
because standing a few feet away from him, right beside the entrance to the restroom, is you, equally frozen.
he doesn’t know how much time passes with him just staring at you like a motherfucking idiot, and you, strangely enough, peering at him back, but it’s you who eventually takes a hammer to the silence.
“h-hi,” you offer, voice soft and quiet, just like how he vaguely remembers it from two weeks ago.
“hey,” comes his gruff reply, which would’ve been immediately followed by a wince at how rough his tone was just now had he not stopped himself in the nick of time.
at least he didn’t stutter.
“…b-bakugou, right?” you ask after a moment of neither of you saying anything, confirming his earlier suspicions.
“right.”
you nod, a polite yet somehow stilted smile on your face, and suddenly he’s mentally slapping himself. since when was he fucking bound to one-word sentences?
he decides then and there that this shit won’t do.
in an attempt to convince himself that no, this is just a weird outlier of an encounter for him, and that no, he’s not a fucking idiot like dunce face, and that yes, he is and is being perfectly fucking normal, he resolves to ask you for your name.
and he was just about to do that—he swears he was—when someone from the other side of the door calls out a name, and you whip to face their direction, breaking eye contact.
“yes, doc!” you holler back, and he watches you as you hesitate in place for a second, before turning to face him with an awkward smile.
“nice meeting you, bakugou-san.”
and then you’re off and shutting the door behind you.
he stands there for what feels like a few minutes, just blinking at the door in front of him, what must be your name echoing—again and again—up to the far recesses of his mind.
then: fuck.
he may or may not have just lied to his therapist.
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˖⁺‧₊ as always, reblogs, replies, and tags are appreciated <3 feel free to drop an ask, too—i'd love to chat with you. have a nice day!
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placeinthemiddleofnowhere · 3 months ago
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Reign Down on Me - Part 11
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Pairing: Ghost x Hybrid!reader (eventual poly!141)
No use of y/n or mention of gender/race
Summary: Reader is a wolf hybrid in a world that treats them like second class citizens, given a horrible start in life after being thrown into the military with no preparation. After years of struggle, they're finally taken away from their base by Ghost, now a permanent member of taskforce 141 reader struggles to come to terms with the fact that perhaps there's a life there for them - if only they reach out and accept it.
Warnings: hurt/comfort, Angst, abuse mentions, self doubt, violent scenes
A/N: Thanks everyone for sticking with me 💕
-🐺-
“So, Pup, now that we’re acquainted I want to start the session by doing a quick check in to see how you’re feeling. For the first few visits with my clients, I usually like to provide a sheet just to help you express yourself properly. So I’m gonna give you this and then once you’ve made your selections we can talk about them and I can answer any questions you have. Don’t be afraid to pick as many as you need to!”
You stared dead eyed at Dr. Beale, already plotting a bloody murder attempt on Price; one befitting of the betrayal that you felt by being subjected to a therapist with all her gentle tones and well meaning smiles. She appeared nice enough, dark coils of hair twisted into a bun, a bright watercolour patterned dress, a small pair of black rimmed glasses; she could’ve passed for a school teacher honestly. 
You decided you wouldn’t be fooled by her outward appearance though, plenty of people could put on a good front afterall. She was probably going to play mind tricks on you. That’s what everyone said about therapists, right? She was going to find out about the things you resolved to tell no one about…
Besides, It wasn’t fair! Surely everyone in the team had their shit to deal with. Why were they allowed to romp around and continue with normal training while you’d been dumped into the quacks office? An office beckoning secrets to march out in the dreary reality of it all. 
The room itself was painted a now worn yellow with a bobbly carpet across the expanse of it that looked like it was about to match the walls with just a little more foot traffic. Despite that, Dr.Beale had clearly tried to make her best effort to cheer the place up. A string of fairy lights glowed behind her across the wall, illuminating the colourful art that was pinned up all over the place. She’d stuffed a few pot plants by the one window that did its best to shine a little light into the room, and from your puffy old armchair, you could just see a ‘plant mother’ mug sat at her desk to the left of her. 
Plants and fairy lights or not, you still felt like you were in hell. Waiting to be condescended to, waiting to be told what your feelings are and how to deal with them as if you hadn’t been managing yourself your whole life. Not to mention be shaken down for that one thing you said you purposefully wouldn’t discuss with her. 
“Here you go! Circle the ones you think fit best right now.” 
Dr. Beale finished shuffling through the papers in her hands and reached over to give you the floppy laminated sheet she selected. After that you were handed a whiteboard marker and given an expectant smile. 
You sighed and looked down at the assignment, almost groaning out loud when you saw what was on it. A few rows of cartoon faces greeted you and underneath each was an emotion. At the top of the sheet was a big thick fonted title that read ‘today I feel…’ 
Today I feel like I’m gonna puke up breakfast, you thought. 
For a moment you considered walking out and begging Price to give you one more chance, to drop the whole therapy thing. However once you remembered back to Ghost dropping you off, you let your ears sag against your head and dismissed the idea. The last thing you needed was Ghost marching into the room and getting in the middle of it all. 
Besides everyone had their work cut out for them. That’s what you told yourself. Soap and Gaz had to train, Ghost was at a meeting about the parade and Price was busy fuming over dead end leads and uncooperative guests. 
With that in mind you circled the orange grumpy face that said annoyed, the grey neutral face and at the last minute, also circled the light blue embarrassed face. After your selections were made you handed the sheet back to Dr.Beale and watched as she studied it. Of course when she looked back up at you she greeted you with that same neutral little smile. 
“Ok, thank you so much for sharing that with me. Now why don’t we talk about this a little. Would you like to tell me why you’re annoyed?” 
You bit your lip, undecided if you’d be honest or if you’d try to brush her off. Once you looked into her steely eyes though, you knew she didn’t look like a woman that was going to be easily fooled. Besides, over the time you’d been with him, Ghost had hammered the need to be honest into you till you felt sore at the idea of deflecting anymore. Well, deflecting about most things anyway. 
“I don’t think I need therapy,” you shrugged. “I could be doing something worthwhile right now, training with my team, or helping Ghost, even the gym seems more productive. No one’s ever stopped to talk about my emotions before and I don’t get what use that’s gonna be now. It’s not like any of the others have to take time out to talk about their feelings, why should I be any different?”
“I see,” she nodded. “And is that why you’re embarrassed? You think that being away from your team and talking with me is something to feel ashamed of?”
You nodded. 
“Well, I can see why you feel that way, it’s valid from your perspective, but i think it’s worthwhile remembering that your team have different needs than you.”
“What, you think all hybrids need therapy?” You frowned. 
She laughed a little at that and shook her head. The silence of her pause rang out, prompting you to look away from her and focus on a leaf on one of the plants. You watched it bounce and sway with the slight draft that swept in through the window. 
“I meant that as an individual we have different needs, is all,” she finally said. “We all struggle with different issues, need a little help with things now and then. Can you think of a reason why your captain signed you up for your sessions with me? Is there something you need to work through that you need help with?”
“I uh…” you paused this time, recognising that her tone conveyed that she knew exactly what you were supposed to say, Price had already told her of course. “I…black out sometimes when I’m put to work. I give into my instincts and I stop- stop being myself.”
She nodded, giving you space to add anything else with a gentle smile. It unnerved you. Never in your long career had you ever been given the space to sit and tell someone all your problems before, and only in that moment did you realise how much you could actually talk about if you let the dam break. 
Everything rushed through your head at once, the pressure bursting through your skull and reverberating across your clenched teeth. Your parents leaving you, Maddox torturing you, moments where you had no one to talk to, no one to comfort you, getting practically thrown out of helicopters and Jeeps and sent into the line of fire, sweating for hours in hot climates and assisting aid workers till you passed out, shivering and breathing out fading pillars of steam in the Norwegian mountains because your clothing was in such poor condition, starving in the kennels, begging for medical attention-
“Are you alright? Would you like a cup of tea or some water or something?”
You blinked over at Dr. Beale. Suddenly you were back in your body and you realised you’d been clenching the arms of your chair so hard that your claws had stuck themselves into the puffy lining.
You apologised and asked for some tea in as even a tone as you could muster. 
“When Price reached out, he told me about the instinct driven black outs- said Ghost had been managing you mostly, but that in a recent mission you wouldn’t listen and you almost died,” Dr. Beale said, standing by the kettle you hadn’t spotted before as it rumbled to life. “He also said, despite the blackouts, you’d been enjoying your time with your new team, said your relationship with Ghost was solid. Is that how you feel?”
“Yeah.”
“Care to share more on any of that?”
You had to take a second to process what you were going to tell her. Words weren't flooding to you in those moments. Your mind was still busy turning different possibilities over, sifting through possible outcomes of telling her or not telling her certain things. Was Beale to be trusted, would she actually help you? Why would Price make you speak to someone who wasn’t being genuine in their intention to help? But then how well did he know this doctor? 
“I dunno, the 141 have been nice to me. They all look after me and I like that I get to feel…like a part of something.”
“That’s great! It’s important to have bonds like that in your line of work. It’s hard when you’re a hybrid though, huh?”
“Mmhm, I didn’t think I’d ever have a handler,” you shrugged. “I’m lucky to have gotten Ghost though. He’s been…really nice to me.”
She stirred the tea bag around in the mug a second, the tinkling sound of the metal against ceramic causing your ears to flick. After quickly asking if you wanted milk and sugar, you were soon handed the warm mug, giving your hands something to clench onto. The steam gave you a sense of clarity, reminded you to breathe more. 
“What kinds of nice things does Ghost do then?”
-🐺-
“Get your coat on, we’re heading out.”
You looked up from the colourful pages of your graphic novel and huffed out a sigh as Ghost passed by your room. The day after getting back from Mexico you had been looking forward to catching up on your reading and doing nothing for most of the day. Apparently Ghost had other plans though. 
He was already at the door getting his boots on when you emerged, your ears drawn back and mouth set in a firm line. Your fingers curled into the warmth of your jacket sleeves, waiting on Ghost moving out the way so that you could get your own shoes on. The hall was cold since the heating hadn’t been on and the smell of the recent rain fall had managed to permeate around the door all the while. You liked that smell, didn’t mind that Ghost took a few extra seconds. 
“Where we going?” You asked, only speaking once you started to do up your laces. 
“Out.”
“Why?” You tried again, smiling when you saw his own barely concealed grin in the crinkles of his eyes. 
“Because I found somethin’ you’d like.”
“And what is it I like?” You pressed, ears standing fully to attention now. 
“Asking too many bloody questions apparently, fuck me,” he chuckled.
He ruffled your hair and was rewarded with a growl for his effort. He didn’t back down though. You playfully went to chomp on the edge of his palm, trying to discourage him from messing up your appearance right before going, but he drew his hand back in time before your teeth could connect. Your fangs biting into air.
“Naughty.”
“You started it,” you said with a smirk. 
“And I’ll put an end to it too. Anymore tryin’ to bite me and I’ll bite ya back.”
You folded your ears back in fake alarm, but of course Ghost knew exactly what you were doing and laughed you off. After ordering you to get your boots on it didn’t take long before you were out the door and following him into the car. The destination was still a mystery and Ghost remained stalwart in refusing any clues. It was to be an off base trip, that much was obvious, but to where?
Once Ghost got driving the scenery flashed by like a rolling screen, the barracks houses soon fading to country lanes and then springing back up to houses, then blocks of flats, the familiar route to the city splashing out ahead of you. All the way through the roads, classical music played softly in the background, the dramatic violins willing the road to pass under the wheels faster and faster while the road roared above it all. You liked car rides with Ghost, appreciated that you got to sit in his quiet company while he concentrated on the drive. 
After about a half hour, once day had quickly faded into night like a blinking eye, the car rolled up and up until eventually coming to a stop in a tall parking structure. When you got out of the car, the chill of the air bit your cheeks and beckoned you to come closer into its winds. You peeked over the edge of the barrier, staring down over the solid fencing at the city below with a cautious head tilt. You thought of the many vantage points you’d waited at throughout your life and couldn’t help but wait to be told to track a target. 
“C’mon, Pup. This way.”
Ghost pulled up his neck gaiter, newly ordered for the parade, and marched off toward the doorway. He knew you’d follow. Both of you milling past cars and toward the doors of the shopping centre beyond. Through the frosted glass you could already see the beginning glow of the lights beyond, smell the scattered scents of different shops teas and perfumes and chocolates among the mingling aromas.
“Gonna take me on another shopping spree?” You enquired. 
“Oh yeah, gonna make sure we get you kitted out. Get you all the clothes you’ve been begging me for,” he deadpanned. “Little fashionista.”
His flat voice gave nothing away. Only the crinkle of his eyes indicated to you that he wasn’t serious. It was hard to resist playing along with the bit however. 
“You think I’ll finally get that cowboy hat I always wanted?”
“Mm,” he grunted thoughtfully. “Get you the boots to match too.”
“And a whip?”
“Now that’ll do, I’ve only got so much budget.”
Finally you both entered through the double doors, Ghost holding the door open for you and letting you walk into the warmth first. The twinkling lights were easy to see now, all brightly sparkling amongst the banners that rolled down  from the ceiling, all advertising great deals to be had and fun places to go to. A couple of the banners even seemed to show a few hybrids. You stood for a second to to take them in, still surprised that hybrids were shown on advertisements now, blinking up for a few moments before you followed Ghost again. 
“So where are we actually going?” You huffed, finally falling in line with his huge steps. 
“You’ll see soon,” he laughed.
He waved you off with his hand when you tried to whine at him. It didn’t matter what you threw his way, he was quite content to swat you off like a fly. At one point he started digging his hand into your neck just to make you laugh and distract you from asking any more questions.
After some amount of shoving from each of you, you soon ended up in front of a bookstore. It was one of the chains you were used to going to, the fuzzy purple carpet the same as all the others, the tall stacks of colourful shelves gleaming with promise of adventure, romance and cartoon ass kickings. 
“You were being all secretive about going to the bookshop, why exactly?” You asked, cocking an ear back in confusion. 
Not that you weren’t grateful. However you’d gone to the book shop before with him, it was hardly worthy of being a secret. Ghost was cryptic as ever though. He merely shrugged his shoulders and lead the way inside, already beelining for the graphic novels without any input from you. You followed after him with a shake of your head after. 
With the next three books in your favourite series secured, plus another novel ‘without bloody pictures in it’ at Ghost’s insistence, he took you out of the shop and lead you up to the food court afterwards. The ‘adventure’ wasn’t at an end yet. You stood on the escalator and looked out at the people walking around - all to absorbed with themselves to worry about you, you’d now learned. It wasn’t a very busy night either, as stairs flattened at the top, it was revealed the food court was much the same as the rest of the place. 
“What do you want then?” He asked, stopping at a pillar and letting you survey the floor while he leaned his back against it. 
All the usual offerings filled the place, random Chinese, Italian, and sandwich shops, chains dotted in between them, and of course some random desert stalls. The smells invaded your senses, most tempting you to choose them, until one particular one won out. Pizza.
“I’ll not bother asking what you want on it,” Ghost snorted.
You’d protest if you didn’t know your own predictability. Besides there were more important things at stake than a wrong order. Once you were situated behind a young couple, you couldn’t help diving into your bag of books and pulling out your new book. It’d been a while since you’d read something with full sentences, the graphic novels were too addictive and easy to read after a long day, but this story seemed interesting at least. 
“You’re a nonsense, you are.”
“What? You’re the one that was encouraging me to get the thing and now I can’t read it?”
“Didn’t say you couldn’t read it. Most people just wait till they’re sat down to read.”
“I’m not most people,” you shrugged, shooting him a sly smile and a flick of the ears. 
He didn’t protest that. In true Ghost fashion, he nodded and made some gruff comment about you being a ‘harmless weirdo’ at least. Which, of course, you wouldn’t let stand. Harmless? It would be an insult to let him call you harmless when he knew exactly what you could do. You gave him a flash of your teeth, but were quickly disarmed when he squeezed the funny spot between your neck and shoulder again. 
“Stop doing that!” you whined, slapping his arm.
“But it’s funny,” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “And you like it when I tease ya.”
“Do not.”
“Yeah you do. Your tail’s wagging.”
“That’s an annoyed wag actually. There’s a big difference,” you said, ensuring you weren’t looking anywhere near his eyes. 
If you had made eye contact you would’ve been afraid that Ghost would figure out you just liked it any time he touched you - no matter if it was teasing or not. After so long a time spent isolated and shoved away in kennels or bunks, every casual gesture felt like another drop in the cup that had been empty for so long. Now it felt like that cup was filling up more and more by the day, and you weren’t sure that there was an end, but knew that the bottom was just a bad memory now. 
The people ahead of you in the line stood off to the side a moment after, and soon you were snapped out of your thoughts and watching the Lieutenant. Ghost parted from you to get the pizzas and pay, quickly reeling off the order and tapping his card on the machine. He motioned his head for you to follow him to the next nearest pillar. His back once again easing against the solid surface. 
“You’re getting better at making shit up. Must be all that reading you’re doing,” Ghost noted, forcing you to remember what you’d just been talking about. “Or too much time with Gaz, cheeky bastard.”
He pulled you into him and mussed your hair, paying special attention to your ears. You whined but it didn’t matter. His knuckles relentlessly went on and built static between his skin and your hair and fur. Even without a mirror you knew that you were going to look a mess. You grabbed onto his hand and tried to separate yourself from the big lump holding you down, but it was no use.
“You’re not funny,” you huffed.
“Now that’s a lie,” Ghost laughed, finally letting you go. “Tails still waggin’ an’ all.”
“What my tail does isn’t any of your business,” you said petulantly.
“Everything you do is my business, Pup.”
“Oh yeah? Why that?”
“Cause you’re mine,” he said, a smile in his eyes while he smoothed the back of his hand across your jaw. 
In that moment, you couldn’t be more glad that he was called to go pick up the pizza, otherwise he might’ve caught the way your pupils expanded like a playful cat’s and the obnoxious speed of your tail. With a gulp and ‘get yourself together’, you walked toward a nearby table and waited for him to bring the food. There was no way you could muster looking toward him without crumbling into an overexcited bundle of nerves. 
“Excuse me,” called a small voice, capturing your attention.
You tilted your head and turned, soon finding the source of the sound. A small boy that had somehow materialised next to you on the bench that you’d chosen, his ears folded back and tail in his hand. At first you wondered where his parents were, worrying about what could happen to a hybrid child that found themselves missing, but then you remembered he’d tried to get your attention. 
“Are you ok? Do you need help?” You asked, still glancing around for a parent or some other family member who he might belong to. 
“No, no I’m fine,” he said, releasing his tail and sitting up tall on his knees. “I wanted to ask you something.”
You tilted your head again and looked him up and down. He was maybe seven or eight, quite tall even while on his knees on the bench, but he was all lanky and fluffy with his small age still. You weren’t much older than him when you’d been sent off to Branhaven. Had you looked so fragile and sweet once?
“What is it?” you finally asked, trying to forget about your own thoughts for the moment. 
“Are you a soldier?” he asked, pointing to the collar at your neck.
“I am,” you confirmed, a smile forming. “Why do you wanna know?”
“My daddy’s a soldier,” the boy shrugged, “he has a collar like that, but he only wears it when he has to work. Are you working?”
Now you could only frown. His father was a hybrid? And a soldier? It raised a few different questions for you, namely how could he have had a child with the lifestyle he led, and furthermore how could he be present when he’d be bound to a handler. Had you felt it appropriate, you would’ve thrown a thousand questions at the boy, but instead you answered him. 
“I’m not working,” you said. “I just don’t like taking it off.”
“Why?”
“I feel like I’m naked without it,” you shrugged.
The boy giggled at your answer, his bushy black tail wagging with delight. He was thoroughly impressed until Ghost walked over, sticking your pizza down and giving you a questioning look. Then the boy cocked his head, unsure of what to do. 
“Did you multiply while I wasn’t looking?” he asked, eyes crinkling.
The boy smiled again and wagged his tail, clearly sensing that Ghost must be safe. When you’d first met him it had taken a while to convince you of that, but then you supposed in his civvy clothes there was more of a softness about him. 
“Uh, kinda,” you said sheepishly, again wondering about where the kid’s parents were. “He was asking about my collar. Saying his dad is a hybrid soldier like me.”
“That right?” Ghost asked, taking the chair out across from you both. “What’s your name then?”
“I’m Ben Killroy,” the boy said proudly, puffing his chest up. “And I’m gonna be a soldier just like my dad and your hybrid.”
That made your stomach drop. A weight settling somewhere deep in your bones at the very idea of being driven down and delivered off into the same life you were. How long until that little smile washed off his face? A whole day or maybe just a few hours?
“That so? And your dad wants that for you does he?” Ghost asked.
“Well no,” he huffed, his ears folding back in annoyance. “Him and mum told me I’m not allowed to go, they keep saying I have to keep going to stupid school and get an education. Except they can’t tell me what to do once I’m eighteen, so then I can join!”
“School isn’t stupid, you’ll have a lot more fun there than the army,” you said sternly, firmly agreeing with his parents. 
“Ugh, you’re just like my parents,” he groaned, throwing his hands up. “School is crap! You have to sit in a room and pay attention to a stupid blackboard and you only get like… forty minutes outside. Plus there’s bullies that pull your tail and call you big ears in my school. If I went to a hybrid training program then no one would bully me for my tail or ears because everyone would have them! Except my dad says that’s not true and you do get bullied, but then when i ask him to prove it, he doesn’t tell me how its not true! That means he must be lying.”
At that you couldn’t help but snort, wishing you could pat his dad on the back. How right he was. Before you could tell him just how ludicrous the idea of not getting bullied in the army was, Ghost got in before you. Leaving you simmering to yourself.
“You know in the army you have to stay inside all day sometimes, and you have to sit in meetings for hours where you’re not allowed to speak or move?” Ghost said, peering over at you. “Isn’t that right, Pup?”
You nodded at him, watching as Ben narrowed his eyes.
“Why would you have to be in meetings not speaking or moving for hours?”
“Sometimes your handler has to be in them and talk about the mission you were on. You have to be there too, just in case you have to answer questions as well, but most of the time you’re expected to sit quiet and in the same spot without fidgeting- otherwise you get punished,” Ghost explained, nodding toward you. “Pup knows all about that, don’t you?”
“One time I had sit in a ten hour long meeting, and the one time I let out a yawn I got written up for it,” you said, full to bursting with unsavoury experiences you could regale him with. 
“But that’s not fair, ten hours is like…its like basically a whole day!”
“Uh huh, and after that I had to sleep outdoors all night,” you shrugged.
“You have to sleep outside? In the cold?” He asked, frowning deeper now and holding his tail again. 
“Yup. That’s one of the punishments you get the most when you’re in training.”
The boy didn’t look pleased about that at all. Though before he could question it any more a tall woman in a rain coat came by and snatched him by his hand. Not a hybrid, but still she clutched at him protectively and wore a panicked look in her eyes. 
“What has mummy told you about running off in public places, Ben! I went to the play area and got a shock when you weren’t there, that’s not very nice to mummy is it? ” She said sternly, ushering him to her side before addressing you and Ghost. “I’m really sorry about him. He always has to talk to every other hybrid he sees, even when he’s been told not to go wandering off.”
“Muuum,” he whined, ears glued to the side of his head. “You’re embarassing me in front of the soldiers.”
She raised her brows and looked properly at you both, eyes flickering to the collar around your neck and then over at Ghost. Knowing what you were, she seemed to tense a bit more.
“He hasn’t caused any trouble has he?” She asked, wrapping an arm around the huffing boy.
“He's fine,” Ghost said, dipping his head a little. “Was just telling us how he wanted to join up is all. We were saying that there’s no rush, school first.”
“Oh,” she said, relaxing again and smoothing a hand over her son’s head. “Yes, that’s very good advice. Do you hear that, Ben? School first!”
“But dad didn’t have to go to school,” Ben grumbled. 
“Well that’s because he didn’t get a choice, did he? C’mon, we’ve been enough of a distraction to these nice people. Let’s get you home, you little rascal,” she said sternly, looking to you for the last time she went on to say, “thanks for looking after him. You're a good soul.”
With that she ushered the protesting boy away and left you and Ghost to your food. At first the silence lingered between you both like a chasm, both of you digging in to your pizza. You staring off into the distance after the woman, while Ghost looked on at you with a calculating gaze. 
“You alright?” He finally asked.
“Mhmm,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes when he did nothing but raise his brows at you. “I just…I dunno. His mum was scared for him. She cares about him and wants him to go to school…”
Another moment of quiet passed. You chewed thoughtfully on a bit of pizza, barely tasting it, while figuring out what to say. Truthfully you didn’t really know how to put coherent words to what you were thinking beyond, ‘it’s not fair’. The beat of that particular drum almost outweighed all other thought. 
“And his dad… is like me. How does a hybrid soldier have a kid he’s raising?”
“Things have gotten a bit better the last few years. If you met someone and had a kid with them, you’d be given time off and be allowed to stay with them outside your work hours,” Ghost shrugged. “Did you not know that?”
“No… I suppose that never really applied to me till now though. Nobody ever took me off base, so it’s not like I would’ve met anyone.”
Ghost reached across the table and settled his warm hand on top of yours, his roughened thumb tracing the outline of yours. Your ears perked up at that. 
“Well it’s not like that anymore. You’ve got options, and people that care about you,” he murmured, his hand still caressing yours. “Just don’t go runnin’ off too quick. We’d miss ya.”
You smiled at that, a swish working its way back into your tail. The strange look Ghost wore on his face had a wave of giddiness washing over you. If you weren’t mistaken it was almost like…
“Are you jealous at the idea of me going off to live with someone else, Ghost?” You asked, tone light enough that it could pass for a joke. 
He snorted at that and drew back, looking away for a second before returning his eyes to yours. His stare was just as piercing as always. Vats of molten honey. 
“I told you in Mexico, I didn’t like it when you were gone. Feels wrong.”
“But you’d let me go if I asked?”
Ghost said yes. Tone clipped, shoulders hunched as he shovelled his way through another slice of pizza. He didn’t know it, but you smiled then and could hardly look at him as you thought about the possibilities that a lifetime with him could entail. 
“I don’t think I could imagine living with someone else now,” you said thoughtfully. “Not even the others. Especially not Price.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Too scarred after Mexico, the snore levels that man is capable of. I think health and safety should do a decibel test on him,” you said with a grin, watching on with glee as Ghost’s smile returned.
“It’s funny you say that because Price had similar complaints about you,” he said slyly. 
“No he didn’t!”
“Yes he did. Said you were squirmy and all, that you kept trying to shift yourself under his arms till he was cuddling you,” He laughed, pointing his pizza at you. 
“No I didn’t, that’s a lie!” you protested, a full whine breaking out into your voice.
Ghost’s dirty laugh came into full affect then, a full body thing that had your cheeks warming with the sound. Despite feeling mortified at the idea of unconsciously making Price spoon you, the fact that you were back on track with Ghost again couldn’t help but derail your shock. It was another moment of feeling normal, feeling almost human. It had you shaking your head at him instead and finishing your pizza with a little sigh of ‘unbelievable’.
“He didn’t actually say that, but you always do that with me.”
And thus the back and forth continued, the two of you fighting good naturedly while putting the pizza boxes in the bin, then still as you walked to the unknown next location and so finally stopping when you reached the cinema. The big dark lobby encased you, the dim lights making Ghost’s eyes sparkle all the more while he still refused to tell you what the big surprise was. 
Even when you reached the screen and sat in your big comfy chairs, you still couldn’t get the answer out of him, no more than a ‘wait and see’ was given. Not that it mattered to you of course. It had been many many years since you’d gone to the cinema and truth be told you were happy to watch just about anything. The smell of your popcorn filled your senses, while the low lights and quiet conversations lulled you into a relaxed state, drawing you closer and closer to Ghost’s chair next to you until you were leaning your head against the bulk of his shoulder. 
“I forgot how much I loved the cinema,” you sighed. “Thanks for bringing me.”
“S’alright.”
You were quiet a few moments more, watching with rapt attention even at the adverts, noting some of the trailers in your head for later so that you could see those movies later. A comedy that made you full on snort till Ghost was giving you a funny look, and a romance film that you would never confess to Ghost to wanting to see and would find a way to watch yourself, were among the few you’d catalogued away. 
Soon the lights blackened almost completely and any hushed conversations then died down. Your ears perked up when the screen went black and you tilted your head, waiting to read the title of the movie. When the screen showed, you blinked a couple times and tilted your head again. It was… the same title as the graphic novels you read. You frowned and turned to Ghost, waiting to see if your assumption was surely wrong, but the smile that inched onto his face told you otherwise.
“No way!” you whispered ecstatically. 
“Surprise,” he whispered back, bumping you with his shoulder. 
At that point you were sat up straight in your chair, full attention directed onto the screen as the opening music blared on and vibrant colours and shapes that seemed to have been pulled right off the pages of your books were dancing into life on the screen. Characters that you had spent hours thinking about began to appear, lines that you could remember reading and rereading were spoken and it was like magic itself was woven into the world in that moment. 
Ghost’s secrecy had paid off. Perhaps it had paid off a little too well - for hours after the film you were going on and on regaleing him about similarities and differences to the graphic novels, making sure he knew that one of the characters was different but so much better, that the ending of that film would lead to the next few comics in the series, that the lore of the world was worked into the film so well while covering the 3 books that it was based off. At times he would sprinkle in some questions here and there, but mostly you hit him with your full analysis until it probably felt like to him that you had seen the movie twice together.
Once you’d gotten home and into the bathroom, delving into your nightly routine, something in your chest simply wouldn’t let you settle into your own bed. Everything in you vibrated like a spring that needed to bounce, so much so that after trying to read the same line of your book five times, you admitted to yourself that you couldn’t get back into your routine after the day you’d had. And so you did the only thing you could think to do. 
Creeping into the hallway, you padded downward until you reached Ghost’s room, perking an ear up and listening for any sounds of sleep. Even with your superior hearing you couldn’t really make out much, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t already knocked out.
“Ghost,” you said, hoping your voice would pierce through the door just enough to hear. “Are you asleep yet?”
A moment passed. 
“Did you have another bloody thought about that movie?” came his bleary reply.
You grinned to yourself and opened the door, revealing Ghost propped against his pillows and sitting on his phone with the dull lamp on. His hair was fluffy with static, and his eyes betrayed his tiredness. Contrary to you, he looked like he could fall back and rest the second he could. 
“It’s not about the movie,” you affirmed, closing the door behind you and settling onto the foot of his bed. “I just wanted a minute.”
He grunted over at you, continuing to finish up whatever he was doing on his phone. You clutched your knees in your hands, in the meantime, looking around at all the familiar cracks in the wall and bits and pieces on the floor. It was warm that night, but even so you curled up into something small. 
“Come on up then,” Ghost finally said, chucking his phone to his bedside table before lifting up the sheet. “Might as well get comfy.”
Even worming your way into his sheets felt like a hug, his scent spilling from the cotton as if you were pressed in close to him. However, you remained across from him, propping yourself up on an elbow and looking up at him like a worshipper to a god. His pale chest was revealed now that the covers had shifted, and so while you stared at him your eyes lingered there while your mind whirred, not really sure what to say. 
“I wanted to thank you again for today,” you finally said, looking him in the eyes. “And I wanted to say that I really appreciate everything you do for me. I don’t think I ever would’ve been able to come up with anything like this if you’d have asked me where I’d want to be months ago and I just wanted to say that you’re amazing. I’m not sure what I did to deserve all this, or you, but I’m really glad I got to.”
He blinked syrupy slow and kept looking at you with an easy smile on his face, now turning to meet you in your sideways position. Ghost’s heat now began seeping into you, your heart rate thumping as he pulled you into his orbit. His own pulse danced in your ears and soon you were hypnotised by it, just looking his eyes while he looked into yours.
“You’re too sweet,” he murmured, reaching out and stroking your cheek with his thumb. “I’m glad you had a nice night. Though I’m not someone that you need to worry about deserving, darlin’.”
“Yeah you are,” you said breathily, smile growing.
In a moment of impish fun, you turned your head and pretended to bite his thumb, fastening your two sets of teeth around it and letting the points of your canines graze against his skin. He raised his eyebrows and used his other hand to grab your cheeks, giving you a warning squeeze. You let him go, but his grip still remained on you. 
“What’d I say about you biting me, you little shit?” he said, good humour still written on his face.
“You said you’d bite me back,” you shrugged. 
“Wouldn’t want that now, would you?” he grunted.
“Maybe I do,” you smiled, raising your eyebrows at him again. “What then?”
He shook his head, his teeth on full show from his smile. His full face seemed to glow like white gold, the lamplight casting its rays onto him. Things moved slow then, he got closer to you, breaking the space between you until he was pushed right up against you, releasing your face finally, but still keeping you pinned with arm against your back. He watched you carefully, and you stared right back, breathing slow but expression alight. 
“Feels to me like you’re after something else now,” he said as fact, you both knew it. 
Even if he didn’t need a response, you nodded slowly. Your heart was pounding like a train in your ears, body rattling with stray energy now that you were in a position you’d thought of only in daydreams. For a little second of panic you wondered if this was him about to admonish you of thinking such things. Though he didn’t let you worry long. 
“You sure?” he asked, voice thick with something you couldn’t explain.
“Yes,” you whispered.
He bit his lip, the scar there tightening with the action.
“Ask me.”
“What?” you frowned, shifting back and feeling his hand press into your back. 
“Ask me for what you want. Go on,” he said, an indescribable look crossing his eyes. 
“You want me to ask you for…” you trailed, waiting for him to interrupt, but he didn’t. “I want- for… you to kiss me.”
He chuckled at you stumbling on your words.
“You what now?”
You growled out a frustrated sigh and turned your face into his pillow.
“I want you to kiss me, alright?” you snapped, words muffled in the fabric. 
At that he ushered you out of the pillow and brought his lips to yours. His mouth hot and firm against yours as every little cell in your body seemed to dance. His hands gripped your waist, making sparking little fires dance across your nerves and his body pushed into yours once again. He allowed you to come back into your body, continuing to kiss you gently, until eventually your lips moved with his and soon enough opened so that your tongues could meet. 
A few seconds later and you were parting. Finally catapulting out from a stupor you soon opened your eyes and met his searching ones. Ghost breathed heavily, but then so did you and for a few seconds neither of you said anything. You simply weren’t capable. Your lips felt like they were tingling still. 
“You alright?” 
-🐺-
“Pup are you alright?” Dr. Beale asked, her worried expression dragging you back into the room.
Only then did you realise your chest was pounding and you accidentally squeaked, feeling as though her gaze was seeking out forbidden information. You cleared your throat, pretending that was all you were doing the whole time, and took a sip of your tea, thinking back to the last thing you’d told her.
Of course you’d regaled her about your trip out, about meeting the boy in the food court and going to your movie, however when it came to going home. You figured you’d skip that part. Instead you looked off into the room and shook your head. Your body dispelling the last paranoid nerves that told you she was psychic and knew your every thought. 
“Sorry… I just had a weird dream that night was all. Anyway, basically Ghost is really nice, yeah. What else did you want to know?”
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buttsmasher · 5 months ago
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Brett (Edited & Reposted)
Trigger Warnings/Tags: Face Farting, Farting on Tongue, Willing Victim, Mouth farting, Passing out from Farting, Gay Face Farting
Your hunger, it’s insatiable. This should disgust you but it’s all that you’ve ever wanted. You can smell his musk from here, and you’re literally salivating. You can’t stop yourself. You rip open Brett’s blue boxers and reveal his slightly fuzzy ass.The musk immediately intensifies and you dive in nose first.
You huff on his manly musk as you rub your nose all along his crack. “Someone’s excited.” Brett jokes as you continue huffing. “Don’t worry bud, we have all day. No need to rush.” He lightly scratches your head as you keep sniffing loudly.
PFFFFFFTTT PFFFFTTT
The first fart hits your nose and you sniff hard. All you want is that fucking scent in your body. You can’t get enough of the warm feeling on your face and you end up poking your nose right through his tight hole.
PFFFFBBRFFFTTTTT
The muffled fart shoots right up your nose and you feel your dick straining in your own boxers. You hungrily huff on that musky ass in front of you as your nose hairs burn from the toxic farts.
PFFFFBRBRB PFFFFTTT PFFFFTTTT
“I just don’t understand how you can be enjoying this.” He gyrates his hips and pushes your face around in his dirty crack. “I mean all the other faggots usually beg for mercy at this point. I’m not complaining, but you need some therapy.” Brett laughs lightly as he lifts his right leg up slightly.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRBRBRBRBFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT
Your eyes water as you inhale that long 15 second fart up your nose. Your whole body is shaking from the lack of fresh air getting into your system, and your eyes begin to cross. You briefly pull away sucking in a large breath before diving your face back into the disgusting ass in front of you.
You start licking up and down Brett’s crack getting to get a taste of the superior man’s musky ass. It’s disgusting, and you should be pulling away but you can’t stop yourself. It’s so addicting and that taste is overwhelming.
PFFFFFFFFBRBRBRFFFFFTTT PFF PFF
The farts hit your tongue as you start to swipe up your tongue. You didn’t think the taste could get worse, but as the farts burn down your throat you start to cough and gag. You pull away just for another second before pressing your nose right back against the dirty pucker. “Wow, took that like a champ didn’t ya. Open your mouth back up, I want you to taste this one too.” You quickly do as he says, even though you still feel like you’re about to throw up.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF PFFFFFFFFFFF
The farts are airy, not much sound to them, but that doesn’t affect the taste at all. You’re in pure pig bliss as you swallow the farts down. You pull away so you can cough. As you cough you continue to stare at his perfect manly ass.
“Good piggy. Let the fart flow through your body. Let it intoxicate your mind. My ass is your god.”
“Yes sir.” You manage to get out between coughs. “Your ass is perfect sir.”
“Yes it is.” He takes his hand and gently guides your face back to his ass. “Why don’t you praise it with your tongue.”
Your mind is hazy, but you get what he’s telling you to do. You lick lightly at his pucker, as your hand gently squeezes your hard cock. Your right hand squeezes his ass cheek as you make out with your god. “Good piggy. Show your god your devotion.” You take your hand away from your cock so you can pull his cheeks apart giving you better access to his musky hole. “You’ve been such a good little piggy. Lay on your back so I can reward you.” You do as he says without question.
He sits right down onto your face making sure that your nose pops into his hole. He sighs contently as a silent fart gets pushed up your nose. “Good luck tryin’ to get away from my ass now.” Not that you wanted to. “Let’s see how long you can last without passin’ out on me.”
PFBFBBBFFFFFTTT PFFFFRRRRTTTTT
Two more farts blow right up your nose and you swallow them with ease. You instinctively reach for your dick and he slaps your hand away. “No touchin’.” He grinds his ass down onto your face.
PFFT PFFF PFFFFF PRRFFFT PFFF
Short farts start to assault your nose and you feel Brett moving above you. “Fuck piggy, I can smell those up here. Get sniffin’, I don’t want to smell my brew.” You inhale loudly, losing any of the fresh air you had left. Your mind gets hazy as you wallow in his ass stench. “Better, but I can still smell my ass.” He grabs your cock. “Let’s make this more fun.” His hand strokes your hard cock slowly. “If you cum before you pass out, then I’m gonna have to lock your puny cock in the cage for a week.”
PFFFFFFFTTTTTT PFBRBRFFFFTTT
Your face is warm and you’re having a harder time focusing on his words. Mixed with the fact that his hand is skillfully working on your cock. You’re already close to begin, but adding Brett’s hand, it’s dangerous.
PFFFFFFBRBRBFFFF PFFFFFFFFFF
You physically lose the ability to inhale anymore, and you just feel yourself starting to black out. Your mouth falls open as you completely relax your head against the ground.
PFFFFFFFBRBRBRF PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT
You can hear Brett saying something above you but it doesn’t make sense. Then you feel it, you feel your balls start to constrict and you know you’re shooting your load. Your hips lift off the ground and you can feel cum land on your stomach. As soon as you’re gushing cum, everything fades to black. All you hear is Brett laughing and something about a cage. You probably won’t wake up for a few hours, but by that time Brett’s already shot his load all over your face and locked your cock in the tight cage.
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arsonlookers · 1 year ago
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✧ MS. THERAPIST Yandere Childe! Idea ✧
Case No. 1 : Yan! Childe x Therapist Darling
slight suggestive please be warned.
Yandere Childe! who becomes obsessed in love with you because you are his therapist.
Yandere Childe! got sentenced to jail for the same actions of being a total creep and a yandere. sentenced for murder, stalking, attempting kidnapping, assault, stealing, and many more gruesome acts he did.
Yandere Childe! who was very stubborn and murderous after going to jail. yelling that he needs to protect Lumine [the victim of his Yandere acts] and lumine not even planning to time visiting him in jail [i mean who would?]
Yandere Childe! who stops eating and taking care of himself being dishearten by not seeing lumine for the past month and starts starving since then. losing the reasoning to keep living.
Yandere Childe! who meets reader [you] in his 2nd week of staying becomes his personal therapist since then.
Yandere Childe! tried to kill you because he dont want to see anybody except lumine.
Yandere Childe! Who nearly did murder you if not for your fast instinct and taekwondo training you got as a child, and knock him off the ground he was not able to get back up again.
Yandere Childe! becomes more interested in you after that incident keeps apologizing about what happened before and keeps asking you to fight him. To strangle him with your thigh again.
Yandere Childe! who keeps dreaming about the incident and just wants to be in that position again. in between your plush thigh. starts to be more and more interested in your life for some reason
Yandere Childe! who keeps checking you out every time you are there or its therapy session.
Yandere Childe! Who keeps asking you if you have a boyfriend or husband, if you do what they look like, what are their names, The more he is around you the more his questions become personal and creepy.
Yandere Childe! who for some reason starts to become healthy again, and starts to work out inside his jail. starts to show off his hard work abs and all, for some reason starts to become more and more touchy and just keeps asking you to be inside in a room again promising to not hurt you ever again.
Yandere Childe! who now shamelessly dirty talks to you and keeps talking about everything like I mean every thing in his life and how he was obsessed and why he did all of it.
Yandere Childe! who opens up everything where he hides the bodies how he disposes of them, his past trauma, how he got kidnapped, how he stalks and keeps a altar for lumine, E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
suggestive warning ahead!!!
Yandere Childe! who shamelessly starts thinking about you in sensual ways, like how he likes to feel your mouth and all around his body. and absolutely in his mouth.
yandere Childe! shamelessly masturbates in front of you or in his cell. like "ahhh~ uggg~ I ~ keep talking!- AHhhh~~mmmm~ your so cute~~ " behind his cell, he is doing all those unholy things
Yandere Childe! keeps asking you to either strip, about your underwear, join him, shamelessly dirty talks while he is pumping his member keeps his eyes on your body and never looks anywhere. just in you and in your eyes, he just keeps talking about "I want to fck you~ mminside that hole~ AHHHhhhh~mmmm~ look at me darling~ look at how you made me feel~ you are making me feel so~ so~ goooood~~ my cute~ sexy! therapist~~ "
Yandere Childe! Who knows that You can't just leave him and ask other therapists to be his doctor because he tells you how he will kill them even behind these bars. if he knows that you actually wanted to leave him [ oh honey he will kill even if it meant to also be the reason of his death]
Yandere Childe! begging for you to just stay with him, "I will be your good boy~ pleaseee~ agggh ~ ummpphh~ " while keeping his hands on his member
Yandere Childe! If you will truly leave him he will find ways to break out of these prison cells. and will search for you even if it means to go travel around the world to search for you.
Yandere Childe! who is rich by the way like he truly has the money. and actually bribes some of the guards in the prison without you knowing. just to keep an eye on you of course .
Yandere Childe! Who actually starts to call you pet names shamelessly like "darling" "baby" "slut" "savior" and many more all these other pet names of his are getting worst by the day.
Yandere Childe! who enjoys how you also slowly start to enjoy his company even if some of it is just absurb and questionable. He also enjoys how he somehow did get you to talk about your past a little bit.
Yandere Childe! who is in prison but actually got some information about you from the outside. he will not tell you that of course.
Yandere Childe! who now found an interesting and lovely woman to obsessed with, to love, to keep him forever and ever may she like it or not. Yandere Childe! who promises you that you will be stuck with him forever. Yandere Childe! who now found another will to live this life of his, found his true purpose, he who accepts that everything that is happening now is FATE that you two are FATED to be together.
Yandere Childe! who behind the cells can still do anything to his power to have you, to control you, to make you stay, to make you love him, your oh so LOVELY PATIENT.
"ms. therapist ~ I need your assistance!~ I feel so lonely would you care to join hmm~ to help me feel better~ help this lonely patient of yours~"
Yandere Childe! will love you forever .,.and actually has a shrine for you outside this prison in his house so yeahhh. hahahaha.
YANDERE CHILDE! who is MADLY in love with you .
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so please take care of this sick patient of yours ok? ms. therapist~
✧ahhhh!! my first Yandere writing I never imagined I would write it I'm not really that confident about this one I'm trying something new other than angst so yeahh thank u for reading just a random idea really if there are any grammar mistakes sorry about it. it might be quite messy but I just want to share and had this idea of being his therapist and will be forever stuck being his therapist for life. hehe anyways bye~ - ars onlookers
"ART IS NOT MINE" -from pinterest
♡♡Reblogs and likes are much appreciated!!♡♡
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indiaalphawhiskey · 1 month ago
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Hello India, I hope you're doing well. I don't know if you're still answering questions, but I have one:
Don’t you feel even a little bit resentful toward harry for choosing to go solo, distancing himself from the boys, and basically taking the easy route?
I know a lot of people try to justify it by saying he was groomed by his current manager and his family, because of his age, etc., but I feel like sometimes they victimize him way too much :/ I don’t know… He was the chosen one from the start and always had the benefits. He had important people on his side, and I feel like he prioritized less important things over what truly mattered. And you can say he always enjoyed the attention and benefits he had.
Truth be told, I know this question isn’t sent it good faith, but I’m going to answer it in good faith, if only to break someone’s echo chamber, if not yours.
I don’t resent Harry at all for going solo. Which, btw, they all went solo — it wasn’t his decision. If you do a little research, you’ll realize the full circumstances of the hiatus, and the fact that the working situation they were in was completely abusive and untenable, the way most boybands were, but even more exceptionally so because of how much money they were making/how popular they were. Everyone was begging for them to be given a break, but many in this fandom need to find someone to blame when they don’t have the patience to do research and consider context, and Harry’s an easy target because by most objective metrics, his solo career has skyrocketed.
He hasn’t distanced himself from the boys. He was at Niall’s show, dancing and singing. He’s referenced the boys on stage several times and in his BRITs acceptance speech. He constantly collects (and wears) One Direction paraphernalia. Not to mention, he was at Louis’ show after Jay’s death and Liam’s wake. But I’m sure all of this is convenient to omit when you’re pedaling your own narrative of events. That’s your choice.
He hasn’t taken the easy way, though I don’t know how you define that. I suppose you mean because his struggles are less obvious and less relatable. To that, I say, I think your view of what consists as struggle is extremely narrow, but that doesn’t surprise me because I know from the language of your ask that you have no intention of being generous towards Harry as a person, so why on earth would you view him with the nuance and kindness you view whoever is your favorite? Why would you allow him the same grace as any of the other boys?
Neither do I resent him for being “chosen” or for enjoying attention/benefits that he, himself, has worked hard for. I know this is a tough thing to hear because many of you have lost touch with the reality of how capitalist industries work, but making music is, by and large, about making money. The people on the backend of music are not recruiting artists to entertain or because they believe in their voice, they do it because the artists they choose are those that will make the most money.
Harry said it himself in his Grammys speech: he’s aware of how lucky he is because he knows there are other people out there who are more talented than him who will never get the opportunities he has. That is the reality of the world we live in: you cannot take everyone with you, even the people you love the most. Even the people who also deserve it.
What Harry has done, however, is prove he was worth the investment and that he’s grateful for every opportunity he has, which is all any one human can do. He cancelled a show once in three years. He toured during a global pandemic. He constantly gives 500% in and out of his shows (exercise, eating habits, therapy, healthy boundaries with fans). Everything he does is aligned with the longevity of his career, which is as much for his real fans as it is for him.
So, no, I don’t resent a person who’s dedicated his life to providing me with art that has pulled me out of my lowest and most lonely. No, I don’t resent him for working harder than any of us can possibly conceive, personally and professionally. No, I don’t resent him for giving up his privacy and safety and his right to have a quiet personal life in the name of entertaining us. No, I don’t resent him for being rich or privileged, because I can name fifty people who have done so much less for so much more.
The bottom line is, you resent him because you don’t think he deserves it. Thats why you think he’s taken the “easy” way, that’s why you omit his connection to the boys, that’s why you want to characterize his choices as “things that don’t truly matter”, that’s why you want to blame him for “going solo” even if the hiatus was thrust upon them as a collective after Zayn left first. And that’s totally fine. Just say that with your whole chest, because it’s what you believe is true.
I, however, completely disagree with you and truly, earnestly hope no one in your life ever holds your character and ethics to the same standard to which you hold Harry’s. You’d fail, by each and every single one of your own metrics. We all would.
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yllwjktscult · 2 months ago
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this is a very very VERY long rant, but it needs to be said, so:
This a friendly reminder that THESE girls are 17-18 (probably some even 19 due to being stranded here for year and half and not being clarified when they were born), they are JUST kids (i feel like most people are forgetting about this fact that these girls are just teenagers who were so excited to play soccer at nationals and didnt know, that they will be stuck in the wilderness for 19 months, go thru hell and do things in order to survive).
Ofc they will do questionable things that would make you hate them/dislike them, they are just kids. they didnt even thought they would or could get rescued anymore. They had to adapt to their new life out there.
so heres a friendly reminder that:
!!! Spoilers for S3 in here so dont read if you havent seen it yet !!!
THIS is a 17-18 (probably 19 at this time) year old lottie without her meds who just killed a guy because she wanted to protect her friends (mind you shes schizophrenic and she probably thought they wanted to harm them. First human contact in months, that werent her friends. she thinks what she she did was right :( )
she saw the hikers as a thread to the way they live now. Lottie probably doesnt want to go home because back home, she was 'punished' for her visions, but here in the wilderness, they were appreciated and seen as truth (which some of them were). She was appreciated and be finally herself.
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THIS is a 17 year old nat who just killed her coach, who begged her for weeks to kill him. The only father figure she had, butchered him and got under a lot pressure of her friends for several things for months (she feels guilty for javis death, jackies death and now bens death. and as well the pressure of being a leader and before that, being the ones together with travis to be responsible for food)
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THIS is a 17 year old misty who HAD to fight for ben in trial, who she talked out of a suicide attempt before. Killed her best friend. Helped to give BIRTH as a teenager (and took a place as a 'nurse')
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THIS is a 18 year old Mari trying to redo whats done. The one shauna took her anger the most at. Knowing their way to back to society was just ruined because someone who she looked up to before just killed their ticket to home.
shes was a scared teenager who followed the one who leaded/was in "charge" because she was scared teenager girl who just wanted to survive and wanted to have someone to 'lean on' in this tough times, so ofc she will switch up when a new "leader" happens. She just want to live..
she didnt want to rat Ben out, she couldnt find a believable lie they would believe (and was intimidated by shauna). She voted him innocent the whole time. She saw him suffering and thats why she was glad Nat did what she did. She loved ben esp after spending time with him in the cave. She was glad he didnt have to suffer anymore.
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THIS is a 17-18 year old Shauna who was butchering for months, not only animals, but also a kid, a kid she was close with. Shauna who gave birth as a teenager in the middle of nowhere without medical help and lost her baby, lost her best friend forever due to an argument all in just matter of months.
Her hate and actions this season are very valid actually
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THIS is a 17-18 (also like Lottie, probably 19) year old Taissa who saw her soulmate (almost) die in front of her. Who developed probably DID due to the trauma and the evil Tai took over her to 'protect' her from it.
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THIS is a 17-18 year old van who got attacked by a wolf who almost killed her (in fact she did die for a while and almost got burned in a plane) who just wants to go home even if its her mother whos neglecting and abusing her.
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THIS is a 16-17 year old travis who got sa'd, lost his father AND a brother, had a pressure of being a hunter and provider of food together with Nat. Who got pressured doing shrooms as a form of therapy (and connecting to wilderness) and started his addiction here. He was an outsider, he didnt knew these girls as they knew eachtoher. He was all alone when his brother died.
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they were just kids. ofc they will act like how they did out there. Ofc they would start a 'cult'/their own society in here. They didnt thought they could get rescued anymore. They gave up hope on that months ago.
the concept of wilderness or it is the girls coping mechanism to deal with the fact, that they are stranded somewhere they have no idea where they are and the fact they might have never been back to society again.
They accepted that this is their life, so ofc they would react how they did when there was a possible change of that.
In fact, Ben indeed was their bridge to home. If Nat didnt kill him, didnt 'celebrate' his death and if they didnt sing, the hikers wouldnt find them.
So at some point, he indeed did save them, not right away, but eventually. Because the hikers will get missing and a rescue will come look for them (because they know where they went) and instead of the frog hikers, they will find the girls.
You can dislike the character but keep in mind, those girls are just teenager girls trying to survive what life throwed at them, aka, being in the middle of wilderness.
Hating a character in this show is too much imo. All of the characters are beautifully written and portrayed by the actors. If you hate the character i assume you dont understand them (which is fine!!) but i feel like the hate is actually so forced and people are forgetting THAT THEY ARE JUST KIDS who didnt even in their worse nightmares thought they will be stuck in the wilderness when the plane crashed.
yes, each girl did some questionable things that might have make you dislike them, each one of them has their pros and cons but THEY ARE JUST TRAUMATISED KIDS TRYING TO SURVIVE.
me personally i am not a big fan of shauna and taissa, both adult and teen timeline, however thats what makes them so interesting to me. I wanna learn more why they act the way the do so i can understand them more. And i know, over time i will.
Lottie, nat, mari and misty are my favourite since season 1 for multiple reasons, but mostly because i see myself in them, not completely but i see myself in them.
so over all, this is just a friendly reminder that these girls, the ones you are hating on, are just traumatised teenagers who tried their best to survive somewhere in the middle of nowhere without knowing they will get rescued one day.
it probably does not make sense, but my point was just to point out that they are just kids and the hate im seeing everywhere on each mentioned girl (and travis) is making me sad.
Like, are we all watching the same show? This incredibly amazing show, that shows how trauma and ptsd makes you act/develops you into a different person?
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logan-fields-official · 1 month ago
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Weird request? Idk. But could you please do sbg main 6 x reader. Like they're doing a hear my out cake and the reader puts one of the phantoms🙏🙏😔
Starting with this one because it’s goofy! This is probably gonna be short though or at least shorter then normal.
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SBG Main Six x Reader who’s hear me out is a phantom
Ashlyn:
Yeah you had fun trying to convince Ashlyn to do this. You kept on mentioning it to her and annoying her about it until she ended up saying yes.
That’s how you ended up with a grumpy Ashlyn doing a hear me out cake with you. Ashlyn refused to go first so you did end up going first and placing a phantom down.
She looked back and forth between you and the phantom before she just shook her head and got up. She needed a moment after that or she was just die of laughter.
Aiden:
It was so Aidens idea to play this, but Aiden didn’t want to buy a cake, he wanted to make one. That’s how y’all ended up with flour all over y’all’s faces.
After you and Aiden got your cake ready and your photos printed y’all started recording as Aiden wanted to send it to the others.
Of course Aidens first one was Ashlyn. I mean i think we all expected that. This irritated you just a hint, but you couldn’t deny the fact that Ashlyn was pretty. So in return you put Ben.
Aiden just giggle, but when your turn came around again Aiden was not expecting to see you to go ‘hear me out.. a phantom…  specifically this one…’ (yes it’s the phantom on the pole)
Aiden just stares for a moment and while giggling puts his hear me out down… turns out it was also a phantom. Y’all were laughing while the group was questioning your sanity when they saw the video.
Ben:
100% your idea. Ben decided to play because how bad could it be?… it was bad. Ben thought that y’all were just doing like actors and fictional characters so that’s all he put down.
But when you placed down a phantom.. he paused and stared. Then he gave you a ‘what the actual fuck’ look not like in a mean way just a questioning way.
He picked up his notebook and wrote something in it before showing it to you. ‘I think I’m bringing you to therapy with me next time. This is obviously a cry for help.’
Logan:
Again this was your idea. Logan was probably not into the idea of doing the hear me out cake. Why would he be? You were the first person to actually like him and not use him. He didn’t want to ruin that by playing this game.
In the end you did manage to convence him to play. Y’all probably made a cake because it seems like something he would like to do.
Logan was really shy about this. Not joking with you his hear me out was 100% you every single time. Then you laughed and placed the photo of the phantom. You did this while telling Logan to look at this handsome boy.
At first he immediately felt insecure thinking it was probably Barron. Though he immediately paused and looked shocked when he saw a phantom. He just asked if you were okay and if you needed some mental help.
Taylor:
Taylor would be up to do this with you. In fact it was probably her idea after seeing it online. She immediately brought it up to you and you were sure because what’s the worst that could happen?
Y’all had the cake and Taylor wanted to decorate it before the game so y’all did. Taylor begged you up and down to go first and after a moment you finally agreed.
She thought it was gonna be a good hear me out, but then you placed a photo of a phantom down and went *sigh* “hear me out… there tall and they have a nice smile.”
Taylor gave you an awkward stare before she decided to just nod slightly thinking about whether or not she should ask you about it.
Tyler:
Tyler was so against playing this. He was like why would I like anyone that isn’t you? Though after a while you managed to convince him it would be fun.
Y’all bought a cake and printed your photos. Tyler’s first one was actually Logan. You just started giggling and nodding agreeing that was a good choice.
When you said yours was a phantom and place down a photo of one his jaw dropped. A phantom? He stared at you like you grew two heads. You immediately start explaining yourself, ‘but Tyler… it’s so hot… and they have a nice smile…’
He seriously thought you belonged in mental hospital after that.
Don’t ask why it took me like 2 weeks to write this. I got distracted.
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heavyhitterheaux · 8 months ago
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On Bended Knee
First Lady of Private Garden Fic
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Synopsis: You and Jack go to a series of therapy sessions to talk about your marriage that you honestly feel in the back of your mind is going to lead to the two of you being separated and Jack is desperately trying for it not to happen
Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
Mentions of postpartum depression, death, and miscarriage
“So, what is bringing us in today?” Fatima, your therapist asked both you and Jack as the two of you were sitting at opposite ends of the couch in front of her.
Jack glanced over at you and you simply had your head resting on your arm as you looked straight ahead so he figured that he needed to be the one to speak first.
“We are at odds like we've never been before and I don't know what else to do. It seems like I take five steps forward and ten steps back when it comes to her. I love my wife and I can't see myself without her.” He quietly said as Fatima smiled at him and nodded. She then turned to you.
“Y/N? Would you agree with that?”
“To a certain extent, yes. But I reached my breaking point a long time ago.”
Hearing that made Jack’s heart drop.
“Tell me more.”
“The man who claims that he's my husband and sitting across from me is someone that I truly no longer recognize as far as some of his actions go. Because the Jack that I know wouldn't do those things in a million years.”
“Such as?”
“Making me feel that my thoughts and feelings are invalid. We've been together since we were fifteen years old, got married at 19, but something switched in 2022 when his fame went to an entire new level. Our relationship has been tested and I don't know if it's even worth saving at this point.”
Jack turned to look at you in disbelief because he couldn't believe that those words came out your mouth.
“Babe…��
“No. You begged me to come to therapy with you so you need to put your big boy pants on even if it's something that you don't want to hear. Because trying to talk to you at home is obviously not working. You asked for this so don't shy away now.” You told Jack as you finally looked at him. All he did was play with his wedding ring and nod before turning back to look at Fatima.
You and Jack had barely been speaking to one another and it seemed as if the arguments over little things were getting more and more frequent. You were sitting in the living room since you had just fed the triplets as Jack came and sat next to you.
You glanced over at him, but didn't speak as you turned back around to look at the TV. This was the first time you were able to have peace and quiet all day and the last thing you wanted was to argue with him again. Because at this point, you knew that the two of you were not on the same page.
“Baby?”
“What?” You said and it came out a little harsher than you intended.
“I don't want to keep fighting with you. We're on the same team.”
“Are we? Hadn't noticed since it doesn't seem like it.”
“Y/N, come on. You know we are.” He told you as he attempted to grab your hand. He was surprised when you didn't move away from him.
“Some of your actions state otherwise.”
“I want to fix this and I know you do too. I signed up for marriage counseling and we meet the therapist on Wednesday. I just…. We need to get on the same page if we want this marriage to last.”
You turned to look at him and simply sighed before crossing your arms over your chest.
“And if this doesn't work, then what?”
“Babe, that isn't an option.”
“And you didn't answer my question, Jackman. Tell me what will happen if it doesn't work?”
“I don't have an answer because I don't plan on that happening. We love each other and we’re going to get through this.”
“I'm not sure that I want to go.” You told him being completely honest.
“Can I ask why?”
“If you can't even listen to me when we're at home, what makes you think it'll be any different in therapy?”
“Y/N, you're shaking your head as Jack is talking. What are you thinking?”
“He remembers that a lot differently than I do. I told him not once, but multiple times that she made me uncomfortable, but he steadily ignored me. So much so that he actually asked her to be in his video for First Class.”
“But, you're in it, are you not?”
“Yes, only because I stopped what I was doing when I saw her post a picture of the both of them on Instagram and she was sitting in his lap.  He claimed that she took the pic so fast that he didn't even have time to react. I went to where they were shooting the video and told her to leave and made her delete the picture. Oh, and when I actually did fight her because this had been building up for months with her constantly harassing me, never not once did he ask me if I was okay. Instead he acted mean as hell towards me because the only thing he seemed to be concerned about was our reputation in the public eye and not my actual well-being. We were both at home for a few days after which ended in another argument and him leaving.”
“But you left out the part where you had talked to me the same day that it happened and said absolutely nothing and tried to hide it. I was in a whole different state when I found out and caught a flight to Atlanta to confront you about it because you had stopped answering your phone. There was no need to lie to me about that.”
“Yes there was because I knew you would lose your shit which you did when you came and saw me backstage before my show.”
“Because you could've gotten hurt!”
“Hmm, nice try. I think you meant damage your reputation because those words didn't even come out of your mouth when it happened.”
“Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean that I want any harm to come to you. You're my wife! Why would I want you to put yourself in a situation which could lead to you getting hurt? That's what I was mad about.”
“Wouldn't have had to be in that situation if you would have established boundaries with her from the beginning. I'm your wife. We share a last name. Not her.”
Therapy had been going steady for the first three weeks and Jack simply didn't know how to feel at this point. He wasn't able to read you as of lately and had it in the back of his mind that a divorce would be coming soon and you would be the one to ask for it. 
And that made him sick to his stomach.
When you were pregnant, it seems like everything was halted and the two of you put your issues to the side. But as soon as they were born and you had healed from it, everything had come back up to the surface. It also didn't help that Jack knew you were also going through postpartum depression.
It was one in the morning and he had gone for a drive after checking on you as well as the triplets and making sure all of you were okay. He didn't have an exact destination in mind, but he simply pulled out his phone and took a deep breath before dialing his mother’s number. He was absolutely desperate at this point.
Maggie picked up on the third ring and he could tell that she was still wide awake by all of the background noise which he assumed was the TV.
“Hey honey, everything okay?”
“No.” 
When Maggie heard how distressed her oldest child sounded she immediately grew concerned.
“What's going on? Are Y/N and the babies okay?”
“They're fine, but umm…” Jack trailed off as he struggled to say his next sentence.
“But what?”
“I honestly think deep down that Y/N is going to divorce me and I… can't live without her. I haven't had to do it in so long that I wouldn't even know where to start. She's the love of my life and the mother of my kids. I can't lose her.”
“What exactly makes you think that she will?”
“We're going to therapy but there's such a huge disconnect that I don't think we'll be able to fix. She didn't have high expectations going into it so…”
“Can I be honest?” Maggie asked and took a deep breath after doing so. However, Jack had a strong feeling that he already knew what she was about to say.
“You saw this coming, didn't you?” Jack asked as he turned onto Bardstown and was casually driving throughout the city.
“Yes from a mile away. I don't know what exactly happened, but 2022 was the start of the rift being made in your relationship with each other. And I've pulled you aside a few times and warned you that how you were acting wasn't a good portrayal of the person I raised you to be or the husband that I know you are towards Y/N. That girl basically worships the ground you walk on and you used to do the same thing. The fame got to you and you were starting to achieve your goals and she was supportive of you. You didn't give her the same support in return and now look where you two are.”
“What do I do to fix this? I need her to forgive me.”
“Then you need to remind her of how much you love and care about her. Because your actions haven't reflected that you do.”
“And what if that doesn't work?”
“Then you'll be signing divorce papers.” 
“Definitely can't forget how he thought I was cheating on him and he actually followed me to see what I was doing.”
“I apologized for that. I was paranoid. I had been gone a lot and missed you.”
“What did Y/N do to make you think that she was cheating?” Fatima asked Jack as he once again started to play with his wedding ring.
“Not spending time with me like she said she would when I finally got back home and she would lie about where she was going so I followed her.”
“And what came of that?”
“She was planning a surprise party for me because First Class had done so well. And she then explained who every single person was that she had met up with. She was just trying to keep it a secret as best as she could. But the day of the party unbeknownst to me of course, I confronted her about it and the look she gave me was utter disbelief and I then knew that I had fucked up. She did show up eventually to the party and then went on her festival run and left that same night.”
“Y/N, is that how you remember it?”
“Yes, I just couldn't fathom that he thought that I would ever want to do something to hurt our marriage. I haven't looked another man's way since we started dating and I still don't. He's everything that I ever wanted and more so what would be the point of that? It just really hurt me. I have this man's name tattooed on my body for everyone to see so why would I do that?”
“I can tell by the way you're talking about it that it still hurts you.”
“It does and the thing is that I am always putting everyone else's needs before my own. I have a big heart and that has always been the case. But I feel that Jack used that to his advantage.”
“How so?”
“If he called and said that he needed me, everything else would be forgotten at that moment. It doesn't matter anymore and we can go back to it once I go and make sure he’s okay. It didn't matter that I was trying to establish a career of my own. If my baby needed me, nothing was going to stop me from getting to him. It didn't matter how big or small the issue was and he knew that.”
“Hmm, Jack, what are your thoughts on that?”
“Now that she said it out loud, I can admit to taking advantage of her as horrible as that sounds. I never want to do that to my wife. I would call her because I know that out of anyone at the end of the day she has my back and my best interest. However, I also should have taken into consideration what she was trying to do for her career at that time because I was the one who pushed her to do it and make a name for herself.” 
“And I still put people's needs before my own. It's something that I have to learn to stop doing. That also takes me back to the whole Anitta thing.”
“What about her?”
“She threatened to release a portion of our sex tape in May and Jack didn't even tell me until December. That's when I called off the wedding, when I found out he lied to me.”
“Jack, why didn't you tell her?”
“I thought I could handle it on my own and simply make it go away. I wanted to shield her from that since a lot had happened between the two of them already. Not the smartest choice since it led to us not doing our big wedding for our five year anniversary.”
“And then I went on tour and found out I was pregnant…. With triplets.”
“And told me in a text message because we really weren't talking during that time.”
Urban glanced at you as you were feeding Autumn and called your name to get your attention. He had come over to check on you because you hadn't been acting like yourself and wanted to see if there was anything that he could do to make it better.
“Lil Bit.”
“Yes?” You answered as you looked up at him.
“Are you and Jack okay?”
“Depends on what your definition of okay is.”
“I… the two of you just seem sad and out of it lately.” Seeing his best friends’ marriage crumble before his eyes was not on this year's bingo card.
“Well we started going to therapy and Jack practically had to beg me to go. I don't know, Urban. I love him and we all know that's true. But the question is if our marriage is worth saving at this point?”
“Only the two of you are going to be able to answer that question at this point. I can't answer that for either of you. But I know that Jack loves you all the same and that he's doing everything he can to show you that he deserves another chance to get this right. He doesn't want to lose you.” Urban told you as you simply nodded and adjusted Autumn in your arms.
“My thing is that it should have never come to this.”
“I agree, but what's done is done and the only thing that the two of you can do is move forward. The triplets deserve to see a happy marriage between their parents and know what real love looks like.”
As soon as those words left Urban's mouth, it got you thinking that maybe he was right. You honestly couldn't see yourself with anyone except him despite all the two of you had gone through that year.
“But so much has happened and I… just don't know anymore.”
“You know that you love him. I know that loving someone isn't the only thing you need in order to make it work but it's a good start.”
“As the two of you sit in front of me, I've heard the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to your marriage, but I know one thing for certain. The two of you undeniably love each other despite everything that has happened. Yes, there were hardships and plenty of ups and downs, but Y/N, every time you even talk Jack lights up and looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. Usually in this room, it ends up being the complete opposite because by the time that couples get to me they are too far gone.”
She glanced at both of you and it looked as if you wanted to say something.
“Y/N? What's on your mind?”
“Um, I was just thinking that because of everything that happened, I wanted to separate from him for a while.”
Jack didn't dare let you see it, but tears had pricked his eyes.
“But, I have decided not to. If he's doing all of this and trying to put the effort in then I guess I can give him another chance. Because when I had suggested going to therapy and doing things to hopefully help us repair the relationship, he just waved me off. I feel as though this was too little too late but…”
“Y/N, it wasn’t too late because the two of you are sitting in front of me. That goes to show me despite it all, deep down you still had hope for your marriage too.”
“I have three kids to think about.”
“No, that's not it. Even though they deserve to see what love and happiness looks like, you also deserve the same thing. Jack, how does that make you feel hearing that Y/N wanted to separate from you?”
“It hurts. I've been in love with her since I first laid eyes on her. I know I've messed up and I can understand why she feels that way. I wasn't treating her how she deserved to be treated and it shouldn't have taken me almost losing her to realize that. She died in front of me not once, but twice. But I had already made it up in my mind that if I became a widow, there was no way in hell that I was marrying someone else.”
“And I'm not totally innocent either, but at one point I was damn near walking on eggshells and I shouldn't have to do that in my marriage. And you could have married someone else. I would not want you to be lonely for the rest of your life.”
“No, because I would always compare her to you and when it comes to you, no one comes close.” Jack said as he turned to you and took your hand in his.
“Besides, I was also scared that you were probably going to haunt me if I did.” He told you and a small smile broke out on your face. 
“So with that being said, I have homework for the two of you. If you want to start to repair this marriage and make it work, start dating each other again. It seems like ever since the triplets have been born that the two of you actually haven't spent time with each other with just the two of you. Let me know how this goes and I honestly can't wait to hear about it.”
The night was winding down at the Kentucky State Fair as you and Jack were sharing a funnel cake piled high with powdered sugar and strawberries. The two of you rode so many different things and decided that it was time for food before it was closing time. A few people had asked you and Jack for pictures, but for the most part they were keeping their distance and you almost felt normal. You guess it was the fact that they saw the two of you out and about so often. 
As the two of you were eating, you looked at Jack and giggled, noticing that he had powdered sugar on his nose.
“What? Why are you laughing at me?” He asked as he pinched your cheek.
“You have powdered sugar on your nose.” You told him as you wiped it off and then kissed the tip of it making him smile.
“Did you want anything else before we leave?” He asked and your eyes lit up as you looked towards the pigs that were across from the two of you. Jack followed your gaze and his eyes went wide.
“Baby, NO.”
“But….”
“I meant food wise! We have two pigs already! And the ones over there are huge! They're bigger than me!”
“Exaggerating much? Can't I just look!? Piggy Smalls and Pork Chop need a sibling.”
“They have one in the house already as in the bacon I ate this morning.” Jack replied as he began laughing.
“JACKMAN!”
“You can look from here. Now didn't you say you wanted fried oreos?”
“Yes, but you're forgetting something.”
“What's that babe?” He asked as he fed you the last of the funnel cake and made sure to get all of the powdered sugar off of your face. 
“You haven't won me a stuffed animal yet.”
“Let’s do it then. Which stuffed animal do you want?”
“The pig since you won't let me buy another one.”
“The two of you are smiling, so I take that as a good sign.” Fatima said as she looked at you and Jack and she that the two of you were basically sitting on top of each other and nodded.
“So, the dates went well?”
“Yes, we went bowling, he took me to the state fair, and we went to Vincezo's. We also had a cooking date where we made pasta from scratch. Surprised that Jack lived to tell the tale after that one.”
“HEY! I thought I did pretty good!”
“I mean it did end up being edible so I guess.” You told him as you laughed and he scrunched up his nose.
“We've come a long way. The two of you came to me about six months ago and Y/N was ready to call it quits. And now look at the two of you. Communicating how you should and taking the time out for each other. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you two and your well being gets put on the back burner. As of now, we can continue these sessions if the two of you want, but I truly don't see a need.”
“Oh, there was another thing.” Jack started to say and Fatima looked at him to continue.
“I played her ‘Down on Bended Knee’ because I feel that it summed up the point that we were at in our relationship. I was desperate and willing to do anything for her to forgive me and make her see that she is still the only person that I want to do life with.
“That’s an amazing song choice. I know you were at a loss. Dealing with her dying in front of you, the birth of the triplets and the possibility of losing your only son, the miscarriage, Y/N working her way through postpartum depression and that isn't even all of it. But the two of you pushed through all of it with the undying love that you share between each other and I'm so proud of the both of you.”
“Now, I feel like I can finally get the big wedding that I always wanted.” You said confidently as you twirled your wedding ring around your finger not knowing that Jack had already started planning it in the back of his mind.
Jack noticed how you were looking at him as the two of you were laughing on your first date night in a while since the two of you had been so busy with everything going on around you. The triplets were with Urban and the two of you had finally finished going to marriage counseling, however, Fatima told the two of you to reach out whenever you needed her no matter how big or small. 
The two of you were still seeing your regular therapists and it was helping you communicate better with one another to set up to have a positive household environment for the triplets.
“Why are you looking at me like that baby girl?” Jack asked as he stole a sip of your iced tea and then slid it back across the table.
“Nothing. I’m just really happy.” You said while smiling back at him.
“Why, is it because I rearranged your guts this morning or? I mean I can do it again once we leave here too, it’s not a problem. Just say the word.”
“Jackman! Shut up!” You responded and continued to laugh.
“What? I was just asking.” Jack said as he shrugged.
“You want me to be honest?” You said while starting to play with the fabric at the bottom of your dress.
“Of course I want you to be honest with me. That’s all I ever want.”
“I’m trying to think of the best way to describe it.”
“Take your time, sweetheart. We have all night.”
“Loving you feels lighter.”
“What do you mean?” Jack asked as he was trying to understand what you were saying.
“I just feel that before with all that we were going through, I felt a heaviness I guess I should say. Every day I woke up not knowing if our marriage was going to survive and I hated having that feeling. I wanted for us to be okay again.”
“And now we finally are. And I’m thankful that you gave us another chance.”
“I mean you got me fucked up if you thought you were getting rid of me that easily. Been together since we were fifteen and love like that doesn’t go away overnight.”
“I never want to get rid of you, you know me better than that. If anything, my love for you continues to grow every single day. It doesn’t matter if we have a bad day or not. It’s just knowing that I have you by my side makes it all worth it because I know we’ll do anything for each other and make sure that the other is okay. No matter how big or small the issues might be.”
“Okay that will be the second time you made me cry today.” You said as you could feel the tears in the corners of your eyes.
“Don’t cry, baby! I’m just being honest. I honestly don’t think there’s enough words in any language on earth that can describe how much I love you and care about you."
"Yep, now I'm crying." You said through your tears and Jack immediately grabbed your left hand to kiss the back of it as he played with your wedding ring.
"Putting this ring on your finger was the best thing I've ever done and you have my heart. Always."
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seattlesellie · 2 years ago
Note
hi angel i saw u say you wanted more fluffy ellie requests and i thought about maybe something along the lines of the cute pics she has of you two in her phone idk it’s just something i thought of u don’t have to write it if u don’t want to i just love ur blog and everything u write 💗💗💗💗🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
not about love ♡
pre-dating slightly loser college!ellie 🦕 incoming !! basically u go through ellies phone and find… something. part 1 of… maybe?
warnings: slightly mean ellie for a second, sexual tension, mentions of weed and alcohol.
part 2
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Tic-Toc, the gentle sounds of the ancient clock in Ellie’s room filled the thick air. a gift from Joel. It was a warm, lazy afternoon. You almost fell asleep, almost. Her bed smelled like her, so did the ruffled, Nirvana t-shirt you were laying on. Everything in this room practically screamed Ellie. The scent, the sketches on the wall — of Dina, and Jesse, and you. Why did she have more sketches of you than anyone else? A dinosaur lego, a miniature solar system, obscure band posters, Oh! here’s the pin you gifted her once!, two pairs of mismatched socks, a random rock (“It’s from like, the moon” she said. It was from the local science museum.)
“El” you whined, receiving a gentle hum in response.
“I’m bored” you exclaimed with a heavy sigh. It's not as if she owed you any attention, she told you she had to study. For some reason, some odd reason nor you or her could put your finger on, you had to be there with her. “Well” you excused. “It’s not like I have anything better to do, right?” A lie. What about your project due Monday? Nevermind.
“Catch this” she exclaimed, tossing a serene light blue stress ball directly at your face.
“Ow!” you whined, yet again. If only you knew what those whines did to her.
“Sorry bro, gotta finish this fucking question. She said, flexing her sore hand. “Fuck this fucking Prof, seriously” She mumbled, clearly annoyed, clearly frustrated. Ellie had this thing, well, if you could even call something that she only had specifically with you a “Thing” — where she had to call you by those stupid names. “Dude” “Bro” “Jeez man!” just to see you squirm. Youd flinch ever so slightly, a fleeting reaction that betrayed a hint of offense flickering in your eyes. Every time you couldn’t help but pout, couldn’t help but look a little bit hurt, it did something to her. It wasn’t because she liked hurting you, God knows she didn’t. It would give her a glimmer of hope, of light. Shed journal about it, too;
“I called her Bro again. She looked really sad. Why does she get sad? I’m so fucking stupid. It’s probably because no one else calls her fucking bro, I’m literally delusional. Also had expired fucking Pizza. Worst day ever. Shit. Not that bad because she smiled at batted her eyelashes. God Ellie you need therapy.” YOURE A DUMBASS!!!!”
Half an hour had elapsed, brimming with Ellie muttering to herself under her breath. lighting a blunt, burning the blunt, passing it to you, begging you to give it back after 3 seconds.
You were pretty sure you had gone through every single app on your phone five times already. Stalking rando’s on Instagram, watching ASMR tiktoks, talking shit with Dina in the groupchat. How much more of this boredom could you take? My god, you were humming a stupid melody to yourself.
“Griiiind boy you know I grind when I pull-“
“Shh”
Did Ellie just shush you?!
“Excuse me?” You said.
“I’m trying to concentrate. Also what the fuck is a Fartulum?” Ellie retorted, withdrawing slightly and punctuating her frustration with stomps on the floor. God, she was too fucking cute.
“Can I play on your phone?” You questioned innocently. One more opening and closing the same App and you’d have lost your damn mind. You could practically see the Candy Crush candies popping inside of your brain every time you closed your eyes.
“No” she answered bluntly.
“Why? you scared I’ll find your nudes? Not gonna look- Swear on my li-“
You could hear her eye rolling, somehow.
“I dont have fucking nudes” she affirmed with a touch of exasperation.
“Someone else’s?” you said quietly. Your tone almost exposed you. Almost.
“Psh… no” Ellie said in return, just as quiet. Her tone almost exposed her, too.
Wish I had yours. Shut it, Ellie.
“Then let me go on your phone” You whined, got off the bed and almost slipped on one of her belts that laid on the floor. So messy, so, so Ellie.
She cast a sidelong glance at you, her eyes darting from the corner of her vision. Her grip on the pen was incredibly tight. It happened every time you got near, got too close to her. Whether it was clutching the strings of her hoodie, her knuckles turning white with tension, or her toes curling in a clenched stance. Shed never ever admit it to herself, cool, calm & collected, but fuck did you make her nervous.
You settled yourself on the chair beside her, causing her to divert every ounce of her attention back to her assignment, shifting it solely onto you. You. You. You.
She gazed directly into your eyes, and a peculiar warmth flooded your face. Its funny how even after being friends for all this time, making eye contact with her managed to stir something within you. She asked you about it once, mid fight. “You never even look at me when we talk!” she huffed. “Yes I do!” no you dont. “No you don’t!” and when your lips quivered, turning you in, she left it at that.
Ellie scratched the back of her neck, her arms flexing subtly with the motion. You gave her that look, the look that made her cheeks go bright pink, her hands clam up. She bit her lip. “Fine”. You won, flashing her a toothy smile she couldn’t help but grin at.
And there you were, with Ellie’s iPhone 5C (Yeah, she never got that buying a new iPhone every 2 years phenomenon) laying on Ellie’s bed, in Ellie’s room.
“Ew - Ellie what the fuck? why is your screen greasy?!” You squirmed, fingertips grazing over her slightly sticky screen. Is that fucking chicken nuggets residue?
“Shut up, dude. You asked me for my phone so deal with the consequences”
Dude.
You rolled your eyes, proceeded to wipe the screen of her phone with the corner of her cozy flannel bedsheet. Her phone was really warm. One more month and it would probably set on fire.
“Password?” You questioned, and shifted to lay on your stomach, your cheek caressing the pillow. It had a little auburn colored hair laying on top of it.
Ellie huffed and waited a second before she responded, contemplating again. It’s harmless, fuck it.
“2222”
“Okay, seriously - you could get hacked with that dumbass password”
“Pffft” Ellie huffed. “I’d fucking beat them up if they tried robbing me” she said, ever the brave.
“I’m not… talking about robbers, Ellie. Like, hackers?”
“Same thing”
“You cant beat up hackers they’re- Nevermind” you sighed.
2222.
If the room was classic Ellie, god, so was her phone. Default Apple background, because she truly couldn’t be bothered. iMessage, Instagram with four pictures on her feed; One of her arm slightly flexing her tat (who the fuck was the bitch who commented “damn” under there?), one of a stray cat wearing her grey beanie, a meme that says “Fuck sex. Let’s do something romantic like play Fireboy and Watergirl on CoolMathGames.Com” (God, she thought she was so funny for that one. 6 Likes, one from you, one from Jesse, the fake Instagram account you and Dina created for Joel, her ex Cat, and one from Dina and a spam bot). Next to the Instagram laid the NASA app (of course), Call Of Duty for iPhone (Made her sleep for only fifteen minutes one night), calculator, 9GAG (People still use that?!), and… her gallery.
You pursed your lips, contemplating the situation. Should you?after all, Ellie said; No nudes. So what could possibly be on there?
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Of course.
You couldn't contain a soft giggle that escaped your lips, earning an inquisitive whine from Ellie. "What's so funny?" she grumbled, unable to resist her curiosity.
“Said you were studying, so study” You said, while scrolling through her gallery.
As you readjusted your position on the bed, you unintentionally swiped to the left, revealing her albums. Just harmless browsing, right?
“Screenshots”
“Funny memes”
“Pics to send Jesse when he’s being stupid”
“Dhhdjsjsou”
“Stink ❤️”
A picture of you, laying on the grass, a bright, toothy smile spread across your face. It was from your Instagram, the one you deleted because you thought you looked dumb. The one Ellie commented a for once unsarcastic “Woah” on.
The album was locked.
You felt your throat go dry, heartbeat speeding up. Your leg started shaking, and God, you hoped she would come and snatch the phone off of your hand.
But she didn’t. She just shifted in her sit, cleared her throat and resumed her studies.
You shouldn’t have. But you did.
2222
Unlocked. Success!
You felt like screaming at the top of your lungs. Was it even hotter in here now? Extra humid today? you bit your lip, it almost hurt.
A picture of you and Dina. A selfie you sent to the groupchat two weeks ago. Ellie doodled a green heart on it. You were sweating. A picture of you on Christmas last year. That same day you had your stupid fight on. You were wearing a Santa hat, mug of hot Coco and tiny white marshmallows in your hand.
Your stomach felt as if it were infested by a swarm of Ellie looking butterfly’s.
A picture of you sound asleep, in Ellie’s bed. She was mid-moving a hair strand away from your face. It was blurry. You recognized that top.
You were wasted that day. Blabbering uncontrollably about how you had to crash on her bed, because you were scared your new roommate would think you’re stupid, and dumb, and an idiot, for getting drunk at a frat party.
You couldn’t understand why Ellie didn’t want to help you. You almost kicked her when she said she couldn’t, that you’d be better off in your bed. “I snore. And I kick in my sleep - Seriously” You almost cried. You called her a bad friend, a fake one, because — isn’t that what friends are for? Shouldn’t they have your back when you’re a babbling mess? Hold your hair for you, put you to sleep, take care of you?
Ellie couldn’t sleep that night.
When you laid there, right on her bed, her face went so red and hot you could fry something on it. She almost hit herself in the face when her chest grazed your back. When your leg caressed her’s, and ended up on top of her thigh, she almost screamed. When you shifted to face her, an angelic, sound asleep expression on your face, she swore she almost died. The string of your top came off, revealing more of your shoulder, and the strap of your bra, Ellie turned around so fast she almost woke you up.
She slept for 20 minutes.
When she woke up, she had to make herself remember it. Remember you, laying with her.
So she took a picture. An innocent one.
You almost jumped when the pen fell slipped from her hand and she turned around to face you.
“What are you doing?”
Whats in her notes app?
part two
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inksoakedparchment · 8 months ago
Text
Your love is scaring me
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pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader
genre: fluff x tiny angst
trope: friends to lovers
word cunt: 792
tw: swearing, my english
summary: you confess your love in a heated argument with Bucky. he stays silent, looking at you for minutes then he turns around and leaves your room.
a/n: love him sm
song: Scary Love by The Neighbourhood
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“What the fuck is your problem, Y/N?” Bucky shouts with pure anger.
“You know what? I love you, that’s my problem because I don’t want anything else, just you!” you yell back, the confession slipping out of your mouth unexpectedly. He’s staring at you silently for minutes then he turns around and leaves your room. Your lips slowly part and you sit down on your bed, the world is spinning around you. It feels like you just ruined everything, you lost him because of your love.
After this ‘incident’, you don’t speak with each other for days. He ignores you, even when you want to talk with him. He just looks through you. But today, after six days he knocks on your door in the middle of the night.
“Come in!” you say louder than your average tone but not too loud because you don’t want to wake up the team while watching Criminal Minds.
“I’m going for a ride, want to come?” Bucky tugs his head into your room and you look at him with a surprised expression. His meaningful look says everything. It wasn’t a question, it was a demand covered in a question. You nod and go with him, still in your pyjamas - an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants.
He leads you to his car and opens the door for you, like a gentleman. He’s actually a gentleman, it’s stayed with him since the ’40s.
“Where are we going?” you ask with a sigh.
“You’ll see. You’re gonna like it, I’m sure,” his tone is softer than usual. “You’re gorgeous, doll,” he swallows. That’s the point when you know, he’s going to say something important. “Look, your love is scaring me. No one has ever cared for me as much as you do and I need you here. Drivin‘ through the city with me, just watching you glow. You’re glowing, more than the stars in the sky. It’s just, your love is scaring me, doll. I’m sorry for my reaction when you said the ‘L’ word,” he parks the car down and you just sit there with a dropped jaw.
“Doll?” he slowly lifts his gaze searching for yours. You just jump out of the car and you just walk where your legs take you.
“Y/N!” he yells and runs after you but you immediately stop when seeing the city lights. It’s beautiful. “Please say something,” he’s almost begging you.
“I don’t know what to say. It’s shocking. After six days without a word, you didn’t reject me or accept my love either,” you look at him confusedly.
“I could never reject you. But I can’t accept it, at least yet because your love is therapy, no drug can give me clarity. That’s why I’m scared of it,” he put his arm around your waist and the other is in his pocket.
“Scared of my love because it makes you feel good? Makes you feel important? Or it makes you feel scared because what if you’re losing me?” you ask with a swallow.
“Both,” he looks at you.
“If we fall apart, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. If we fall apart, it was our favourite dream. At least you should give a chance for yourself to be happy. And for me to try to make you feel loved and cared about,” you look into his ice-blue eyes. “Let me love you. Let me love your demons, nightmares, your darkest parts when you can only hate them. I already love them more than you can even imagine,” you step in front of him and wrap your arms around his waist.
“Don’t say things like that,” he swallows. “Don’t make me feel this way if you don’t mean it seriously,” he cups your face between his hands.
“I mean everything that I say. I love you, Bucky,” you smile softly. He hesitates for a moment but he finally leans down and presses a gentle kiss on your lips, which he deepens after a few moments. Your tongues are dancing with each other in harmony, and the world fades around you. You can only hear your heart beating rapidly, this is the effect you wanted to feel for a long time now. You got it. Bucky feels your kiss fill his ‘dark’ soul with light, the chaotic emotions slowly find their right place in his heart.
“I need you here, doll,” he pants on your lips after he pulls away.
“I’m going to be here ‘til my death. I promise,” you give him a smooch with a joyful smile.
“I love you,” he whispers and kisses you again.
You finally got your happy end with the man you’ve loved for years now. Your best friend, your soulmate is your boyfriend now.
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tag list: @sunkissedscribbles @kandis-mom @idkkkkkkk123lgb @yourwifewatersflowerss
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writeyouin · 10 months ago
Note
I love your writing so much! Honestly you need more credit. Could I get a request for a medic femme that died while saving another bot on a mission and their s/o (Rodimus, Rung or Whirl) had/is having a funeral service? Thank you so much and I hope you have an awesome day 💕💕
MTMTE / LL Bot X Reader Drabbles – Funeral
A/N – Hey, this was a long time coming, so I hope you’ve had many good days in the time you have waited for this.
Warnings – None.
Rating – T
RUNG
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Rung thought he knew what heartbreak was.
He has been around for a long, long Yet, he never felt old until now.
He has seen friends come and go. The deaths of so many people he knew, but he wasn’t close to any of them, or rather, not as close as he could have been.
He never lost an Amica Endurae, or worse… a Conjunx, until now.
So many of his therapy sessions revolved around him comforting other bots through the worst losses imaginable. He has seen this before, known what it looks like, and felt the related compassion, but to go through it himself? Nothing can compare to this feeling of emptiness.
You were a medic. You followed the rules. You really believed it when you said: “Do no harm.”
Rung had seen you do commendable things. You even had to be dragged from a DJD bot once because you refused to distinguish between any bot that needed medical care.
It was Ratchet who had dragged you away, knowing that you were wrong and that the bot wouldn’t be thankful for your help; he would have killed everyone around him as soon as you brought him back online.
You had cried for weeks after that, letting Rung comfort you over the loss of a prospective patient.
For you to die when you weren’t even fighting- For another bot to murder you while you were trying to resuscitate a fallen friend- It was unspeakable.
Rung removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his olfactory sensor, overcome by grief and tears.
He vented a few puffs of air through his systems and tried to compose himself, surprised when he felt a servo resting gently on his back.
He looked up to Drift, who nodded grimly at him, eyes alight with understanding.
Rung nodded back, replaced his glasses and stood up.
He would cry as soon as this was over, but first, he had to give a eulogy in your name as was his duty. It was the hardest thing he had ever had to do.
RODIMUS
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“You know kid, it’s okay to- Hell, to anything! Scream, cry, break something. Please!” Hound begs. He wishes that he wasn’t the one who had to tell Rodimus but he was there when you… When Rodimus’ Conjunx Endurae died.
Upon hearing it, Rodimus didn’t say anything. He sat down against the wall and looked to the floor. It’s like he hasn’t heard a word that Hound said, but Hound knows he did. Whether he’s processing it is another matter.
“Rodimus, I-”
“How did it happen?” Rodimus asks quietly, clutching at his knees hard enough to make dents.
Hound likes telling stories. He likes to tell bots what it’s like on Earth, about the best places he’s visited, hell, he even enjoys regaling the crew with his best fights, but this? The story of your death? He doesn’t want to recount it. It’s too painful for Rodimus to hear.
Instead, he shakes his head, “I don’t think-”
Rodimus shoots up, enraged and shouting, “HOW DID IT HAPPEN?! TELL ME. HOW DID-” His voice breaks as the coolant starts pouring from his optics, “How did (Y/N)- Why did it have to be (Y/N)? Why? WHY?”
Rodimus is being irrational. They both know it, but Rodimus is hurting too much to be reasonable, and Hound isn’t going to argue.
Hound hugs Rodimus, feeling awful for the young bot. He doesn’t exactly answer the full truth of what the DJD did to you for getting in the way of their mission, albeit accidentally since you didn’t know who the bot you were treating was, let alone that he was on the DJD’s list. Yet, without answering the full question, Hound gives a half-truth. “I couldn’t provide enough cover fire.”
That much was true, but Hound wasn’t the only bot with you. It had been Drift to call a tactical retreat, and by the time everyone had looked back, you weren’t with them. You had stayed with your patient, till the very end.
They went back for you, of course they did, but they needed backup and their communications with the Lost Light had gone down over a cycle prior.
When they found your body… Hound felt sick at the memory. Sufficed to say, there wasn’t much left to find.
“I’m sorry, kid,” Hound says, and he repeats the words over and over as Rodimus clings to him. Rodimus is also stuck on his mantra. “It should have been me. (Y/N) was too good. It should have been me.”
By the time your funeral rolls around, Rodimus is a disgrace. He doesn’t attend the funeral. He hates such events. Instead, he sits alone in his room, crying. Some people come by to try and coax him out, but he ignores them all.
He can’t bear to be around anyone.
Now, after the funeral, he hates himself. All he keeps thinking is that he should have gone. He should have been there, and now it’s too late.
WHIRL
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When Whirl is told about your death, there are bots on standby, waiting for the inevitable rampage.
Sure enough, it happens but at first, they leave him to it, seeing as Whirl is only destroying the furniture and given the circumstances, that’s reasonable.
Then, Whirl devolves into a shoot-the-messenger mindset, running at Rodimus with a knife he’d concealed in one of his subspaces.
Rodimus does little to defend himself. Frankly, he’s also in shock by your loss, and losing any crew member, especially one as sweet and kind as you takes a heavy toll on him.
But, that’s what the other crewmembers were for, and even though Rodimus never called for backup, they ran to defend him.
It takes Whirl a very long time to calm down, and he only does so because there’s nothing to destroy in the brig.
Whirl feels like shit. On the last day that he saw you alive, the two of you had been in an argument which he had started.
And even though he had been a complete aft, you still put your arm on his shoulder-plate to try and apologise, even though the argument hadn’t been your fault. Then Whirl shrugged you off and told you to join the slag heap.
He’d felt you sigh at that, but you somehow managed to put up with it. You told him you loved him, and to take care of himself, and- and that you’d be back soon.
Whirl can’t apologise for the things he said. Worse, he hadn’t even meant them.
The only reason he’d picked that stupid fight with you was because he was terrified of losing you.
That morning, you had brought up the subject of performing the Conjunx rites with him, and Whirl had this feeling of dread. Dread that you would be trapped with him, and by extension that he wasn’t good enough for you.
So, Whirl did what he always did. He fucked everything up and tried to push you away, even though he always wanted to be with him.
Then you had gone to work and- ARGH! Whirl didn’t want to think about how you died. You were gone and there was no bringing you back!
Still, that’s all Whirl can think about. He spends the next few cycles alone, stuck replaying the stupid argument in his head and wishing he was dead.
When Ultra Magnus has security cautiously let Whirl out, Whirl doesn’t bother to fight.
There’s no point.
Besides, he won’t do anything to jeopardise attending your funeral. It’s all he can do to make it up to you.
So, when the day of the funeral arrives, Whirl makes a speech, and for once, everybody listens to him. No hatred or derision, only sorrow.
Whirl speaks about your character, strength, and how in a perfect world, this wouldn’t have happened. He lists your greatest medical achievements, brings up your proudest moments, and shares some of his private memories of you.
Ultimately, Whirl gives the perfect eulogy. He had to. He owed you that much. It’s the only way he can think to apologise to you.
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depressopax · 1 year ago
Text
Dating Berlin headcanons
Fandom - La casa de papel/Money Heist
NSFW version
SFW version can be found here
Pairing: Andrés de Fonollosa x gender neutral reader Genre: Smut, headcanons Warning(s): Sexual content. Semi-public, oral, cuss words, degradation, penetration Words: 1.2K Summary: Dating Berlin/Andrés would include…  English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! AO3 link soon
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Andrés is a switch… You can’t change my mind
He loves being on top of you, making you beg for him and his cock
…But he also loves being under you, letting you have your way with him while he submits to all of your wishes.
It totally depends on what you like in bed
And what mood he’s in. 
He has much stamina and a high sex drive, but sometimes he just likes being lazy, letting you take control while he lays down.
Basically a bit of a “pillow princess” lmao
When he’s being submissive, you’re all his.
He appreciates you being loving, of course
But he also gets turned on by you being rough, with degradation/insults and moving in a fast pace
Fuck it, he gets turned on by you choking him and “light” slaps on his face.
As long as you don’t leave big marks on his skin, he doesn’t mind. 
When he’s in control, he has two moods: - Passionate and slow - Fast and rough - No in between, usually.
He loves seeing you all helpless underneath him, making you a moaning, whimpering mess with his hard thrusts and fast pace
Just slutting you tf out
Heads up - if you ask him to be rough, homeboy will NOT hold back.
Seriously, when he says: “I’ll fuck you so you can’t walk straight” He means it. 
But of course he also loves to show his love to you with slow, passionate love-making sessions, so he calls them. 
Long strokes, lots of praise and kisses
Sex with Andrés means a lot of foreplay and some damn good aftercare.
He likes to really prepare you before penetrating you.
…Which you probably need. He is bigger than other men.
Which he brags about. ;)
He could (and probably will) tease you for hours.
Foreplay with him is usually cheesy. 
He lights candles, gives you massages, kisses you and rubs you in oils 
He knows what he does with both his hands/fingers and mouth 👀
He takes lot of time to make sure you’re ready
He wants you to beg for his cock before he gives it to you.
He uses condoms, but only if you ask him too.
Otherwise, he probably “forgets”
But sometimes he simply skips the foreplay and goes straight to action.
Usually this is when he’s frustrated, angry or really excited to see you (after being away from you etc)
Where he takes you doesn’t matter
He’ll bend you over anything, at any time, thrusting his cock into you whilst whispering praise
Or while ranting about why he’s in a bad mood - using sex as “therapy”.
When he’s in the mood, he’s a needy/clingy bitch
Sorry not sorry lol
Kissing your neck, playfully spanking your ass… You name it.
Doesn’t matter if you’re around people, he will not hesitate to tell you just how horny he is.
He doesn’t hide his boner from you, either.
Stands behind you, his clothed erection against your ass
You think he’s being annoying? “Do something about it” He’ll murmur with a big ass grin
Won’t stop until he gets to fuck you
OR until YOU fuck him.
He likes riling you up, getting you a bit mad only so you’ll be aggressive with him in bed.
During sex, he is either very serious, but can also crack a joke or two.
He tries to be “funny” especially if you are nervous during sex etc.
Your comfort is his top priority.
Lot of reassurance and questions “You ok?” “Does that feel good, mi amor?” “We’ll stop if you want to.”
He also praises you a lot “Fuck… Taking my cock so well.” “You’re so beautiful. So damn perfect”
When it comes to oral, Andrés doesn’t really have a preference either.
Like I said, this man is a switch.
It’s pretty easy to make him submit to you
Definitely will get on his knees if you ask him too - ready to please your needs
He likes squeezing your thighs, slapping your ass or stroking your stomach and chest when his lips/tongue works down there.
When he gives you oral, he’s very passionate and teasing
But if he’s really turned on tho - he’s messy. 
Sloppy oral sex where he uses a bit too much tongue- (I’m sorry 😭)
He could - probably would too - spend hours between your legs, tasting you
…Talks a bit too much “I could spend hours between your legs” “You taste so sweet, mi amor.” “That’s it… Lay back down and let me take care of you.”
Hot, but sometimes annoying lmao
When he’s the one receiving it? Lord have mercy-
Berlin tries to be nice and wants you to feel comfortable.
But how can he not push your head a bit?
If he feels mean, he pushes his hips up, making you gag on his cock.
He likes hearing you choke on him, and the tears in your eyes is a turn-on.
He likes finishing down your throat, holding your head still and basically fuck your face
But if YOU take charge - he’ll lay back down and let you control everything
Just tell him to “Be still”/”Don’t fucking move” and he’ll obey like a good boy <3
This is also one of the times when he’ll whimper and beg for you.
He thinks you’re so damn good at blowjobs, and legit begs for them all the time.
He’s extra sensitive when your mouth is around his member, and making him whimper and moan is easy peasy. 
He’s very rewarding after you give him heads, too.
Andrés is a bit of a kinky mf.
He def has some kind of daddy kink, wanting you to call him “daddy” in bed.
Honestly? He wouldn’t mind calling you mommy/daddy in bed too (if you’re into that lmao) - or he will do so just to tease you
He’s into light BDSM, and owns some nice pairs of blindfolds, ropes/handcuffs, a gag and some whips- 
The scene where he was tied up? Homeboy enjoyed that a bit too much Iykwim ;)
Sorry, but Andrés is definitely into cockwarming 👀
After finishing, he usually doesn’t pull out but instead keeps his softening member inside of you.
If you are into that too, he suggests for you to cockwarm him during nights.
He just loves being inside of you
When it comes to aftercare, he loves it.
Running you a hot bath, giving massages etc.
He is not the guy that asks for aftercare from you, but he does appreciate you taking care of him after you’ve topped him.
He likes to cuddle you 
Also likes having late night conversations with you, talking about dreams and the future, or just random bullshit.
He is very affectionate afterwards.
He loves and cherishes you and always tries showing it to you.
But after sex he is extra loving, which you can tell by the way he looks into your eyes
Or his smile.
To summarize… This man appreciates you no matter what and doesn’t care if he’s over or under you. He is a very passionate man and loves sex with you.
Did I just spend like 2h straight on writing a very detailed Berlin smut? Yep. No regrets 😭
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death-ofpeace-ofmind · 1 month ago
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Noah Sebastian x reader
Burial Plot: Part Two
TW: Mentions of alcohol and drugs abuse, Mentions of domestic violence, mentions of PTSD, Noah slowly losing his mind? Anger issues?
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Banner: @xmads-omensx
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Taglist: @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @heyyoplayer @blade-dressed-in-red @lilgarbitch @lacy1986 @miwomens @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @saythatuwill @xmads-omensx @klutzy-kay24 @shayeanna-ashlie @supersquirrel1996 @collidewiththesav @dontwantthemoney @renegadebirch @chey-h
Y/N
“Has the medication helped your PTSD flashbacks since starting the medication, Y/N?” Dr. Robbins asked me. I had finally started therapy a month after leaving Noah. It had been almost three months since I left, but I was always haunted by the memories of him.
*Flashback*
“Noah! Stop! You’re drunk!” I yelled trying to get him off of me.
“No, I’m tired of you trying to fucking leave!” He snarled, his grip around my wrists getting painfully tighter. I could smell the alcohol on his breath
“I won’t try to leave! I promise! Just let me go please!” I begged with tears rolling down my face, he finally let go of my wrist and stormed upstairs, my back slid down the wall as I cried into my knees.
*End of Flashback*
“Yes, they have,” I lied to the question. In all reality, they seem to have gotten worse, but I wasn’t going on a third medication in almost two months. I needed to get past this.
I deserved a 21 gun salute for giving my heart to him, for every fucking thing he put me through. I couldn’t take it anymore, I waved my white flag high and escaped the hellacious lifestyle I had been accepting as my life. I never expected him to follow me though, that took me by surprise, I thought once I left, that it was over. It was far from over.
After my session, I returned home with Noah still lingering in the back of my mind. No matter what I did, his voice, rough touch, and scent was always lingering. I shook it off as I walked into my house. Locking the door behind me and went up to my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, not recognizing who was looking back at me.
*Flashback*
“Noah, I can’t do this anymore,” I pled trying to leave.
“No, please don’t, Y/N, I need you. Please, don’t do this” Noah begged with tears in his eyes, grabbing my wrist softly.
“Noah.. please.” I said with tears in my own eyes, “Please.. let me go..”
“Y/N, I can’t, please believe me when I say, I’ll get better” He said.
*End of Flashback*
That was my mistake, believing him. I should’ve never believed him. It would’ve saved me from sleepless nights, bruises, and a broken heart and soul. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I felt I had lost everything. He promised me forever. Forever’s come and gone. There was nothing left of us anymore.
I had tried to search for the meaning in the heartbreak, but I couldn’t find it. If I left him, why did I feel like this? Why was I missing all the good in our relationship. Why couldn’t I get him out of my goddamn head.
Noah
It had been three months since Y/N left. My mind was a wreck, my body was a wreck, my soul was numb. Everything felt hollow. All I was left with was memories. We were supposed to last an eternity, and I ruined it all.
*Flashback*
“Noah!” Y/N squealed as I picked her up and spun her around. Her laugh. Oh my god, her laugh was perfect to me.
“What, baby?” I said while chuckling, looking at her from over my shoulder.
“Put me down!” She exclaimed
“If I don’t?” I dared. She playfully rolled her eyes.
“I’m going beat your ass” She said, trying to be serious.
*End of flashback*
The flashback of her flooded my mind. I had them multiple times everyday. Her beautiful smile, her precious laugh, the way she would look at me if I said something stupid. Fuck, I miss her. I miss her so damn bad.
“Hey, you okay?” Matt asked, snapping me back to reality.
“Yeah.. yeah.” I told him, “I’m okay.”
“Really? Because you don’t look okay.” Nicholas chimed in looking up from his bass.
“You’re seeing her again, aren’t you?” Matt asked, he knows me too well to try and lie to him.
I sighed knowing I wasn’t going to escape this conversation. “Sadly.”
“Noah.. bro, you have to let it go and move on” Nicholas said.
“How can I let it go?! I let my own selfish habits get in the way and hurt the one person that ever gave a fuck about me. I lost everything, guys. I did this, this is all my fucking fault. I am so goddamn stupid!” My voice cracked at the end, finally the dam that I had built, broke. I started sobbing uncontrollably, letting my emotions get the best of me. In an instant, all of them were by my side trying to comfort me to the best of their ability.
“I can’t tell you that you didn’t fuck up, Noah, but you need to understand shit happens. Eventually the hurt will go away.” Matt said.
“That’s rich coming from you, you don’t know what I’ve done to her!” I said wiping my face, “I need a break, I’ll be back”
Without another word, I stormed out. I needed a minute to myself, to think, to breathe, literally any fucking thing. I couldn’t escape her, I found her in everything. I see her at the coffee shop we would go to, I would feel her in the bed at night, I would hear her over the music. No matter where I was, what I was doing, she was always there.
If there was a good in goodbye, I wasn’t finding it. I felt like i was losing my mind. Eventually, I snapped, my fist connecting with the brick wall in the alley beside the studio. I didn’t even feel the pain or notice the blood dripping down my hand. All I seen, was black.
Matt
“Yo, Noah’s been gone for a while, should someone go check on him?” Davis asked.
“I’m not getting involved with him like this, I know better.” Folio said, the rest of them agreeing, meaning the burden was left on me. They all looked at me.
“Man, fuck you guys.” I sighed standing up.
I walked out into the sunshine, feeling the warmth on my face before bracing myself to see Noah, but he was gone.
“Ah, fucking Noah” I said to myself before waking back inside.
“Well?” Jolly asked.
“He wasn’t out there.” I told them, a facial expression of worry on my face. “Where the fuck did he go?” David asked. I tried calling. No answer. I tried again but met with the same response.
“He’s not answering. Fuck!” I expressed, “I have no clue where he could have gone.”
Noah
Eventually, I seen the world again, but I wasn’t where I was beforehand. I was at a nice little neighborhood. I seen the familiar car, her car, in the parking lot. I remember where she lived before moving in, she must’ve came back to her old house that she never sold. Guess it’s a good thing she kept it. I stared at it for a second. Should I? I went against my better judgment and walked up to the door and knocked.
Within a second, she opened the door.
“N-Noah..?” She asked softly and quietly. Fuck, her voice.
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gabessquishytum · 1 year ago
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Time for some dreamling crack! I apologize for the length, it got out of control. Destiny is done. He's just done, okay? He's had enough of his parents who were never there, siblings who are constantly up to some shit, and his ultra-serious job with no vacations. Moreover, being constantly chained to a book (especially when it's such a huge and heavy book) sucks. So, one day he makes an ultimate decision to go on a holiday into some remote galaxy for a century or two, but first, he needs to complete one task that he actually assigned to himself. Technically, he's not supposed to intervene and all that cosmic bullshit, but he's Destiny, and that's his destiny, pun intended. He's the CEO! The year is 1389. Destiny calls Death and tells her they need to go to Dream asap. She's surprised and slightly worried but obeys without questions. Dream is even more surprised - Destiny normally never visits, so the circumstances must be exceptional. Which they are. Destiny is in no mood for pleasantries and gets straight to the business, informing Dream that he needs to get laid for the common good. Dream bluescreens, and so does Death. 'I beg you pardon?' Dream blinks. Destiny never jokes, and he must have misheard… But Destiny, in his impassive, 100% serious tone, repeats that Dream does need to get laid. To prevent the deaths of thousands of dreamers in the 20th century, to prevent the grudge with hell, to save multiple dreams and nightmares, etc., but ultimately, to save himself from the ill fate. 'All this can be prevented if I get laid?' Dream's metaphorical head is spinning. 'Yes,' Destiny deadpans. 'Okay...' Death interrupts cautiously. 'Why am I here, though?' 'Because he needs to get laid regularly, and there is only one human who can handle this task. He must be made immortal for this reason.'
Dream feels like the Dream.exe file has been irrevocably damaged. 'I need to get laid regularly?' He repeats weakly. 'Brother, you know how important my function is. I have no time for-' 'This is exactly why you meet your doom in all the futures but one.' '…where I'm getting laid?' Destiny nods. Death beams. Dream pales to a previously unexisting shade of white. Without further ado, Destiny takes them all to the White Horse, buys some ale (his vacation mood starts to kick in - he expected more objections from Dream), and nods at one table. 'Robert Gadling. He is the chosen one.' 'Brother, you surely do not want me to lay with a mortal who has fleas and hasn't bathed for Delirium knows how long,' says terrified Dream. 'I surely do. Fleas are the least of your potential problems, little brother.' 'Alright.' Death says. 'Robert Gadling is immortal now. Can I go?' Destiny nods again. Death smiles and, before disappearing, loudly whispers to Dream to invite her to the wedding. Dream glances one last time at his brother and approaches Robert's table. If this is his destiny...and it's for the greater good of the universe and dreamers...Besides, this Robert Gadling is quite handsome - well, unwashed and smelly, but handsome still. Destiny is very pleased. Now, he only needs to sign up Desire for a few millennia of uncancellable therapy, and he can go drink his cocktails in a galaxy far, far away!
I love this, thank you so much for writing it all out. It really made me chuckle.
I'm absolutely obsessed with the idea of Destiny just getting really sick of the universe and all the bullshit that it contains. He's the equivalent of a harassed middle aged working parent attempting to keep everything under control and inevitably watching it all go to shit. He deserves such a good vacation, I hope there's a really good spa in the galaxy he's picked out.
Being the oldest sibling is hard, even when you come from a family of cosmic entities. And honestly? Destiny kind of likes the look of his new human brother-in-law. If this guy can keep Dream from going off the rails then that's wonderful, but the fact that he's cute? Also helps. Destiny may be blind but he is not immune to the Hobpropaganda. He's actually kind of not dreading the next family dinner? He can already see that it's going to run a whole lot smoother with Hob around the table.
But first: bottomless mimosas in a different star system. Bye, losers!
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summercreolefanfictioner · 8 months ago
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the scent wafts in, her name making him beg on his knees chap 1.1
pairing: dabi / todoroki touya x fem!oc / reader (MODERN AU)
summary: He mentions her name after 6 months in therapy, absentmindedly narrating vivid memories of her. She was the only good thing during his darkest times.
(In which Touya returns home after rebelling against his family for 7 years. And no, it wasn't about forgiveness. He wanted to fix himself because of a certain someone.)
themes: nsfw, domestic abuse, violence, alcoholism, cigarette smoking, toxic relationships, mental health, co-dependency and other related themes (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)
notes: for this one, pls keep in mind that touya didn't have much scars on his face; mostly are on his body to accomodate the plot; charas might be ooc since this is modern au
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Todoroki Touya has returned; it wasn't a drill.
The eldest of the Todoroki family has returned, and it was all over the news like wildfire. Pictures of him were around tabloids and newspapers, imprinted on TV screens along with family pictures of his 13-year-old self as news anchors and writers all over Japan broadcasted about the Endeavor Corp. finally having its original heir back to where he belonged. Two years ago, Todoroki Shouto announced he wouldn't be the one to replace his father, Todoroki Enji as the owner and CEO of their family business. However, Shouto focused on one part of the Endeavor Corp., particularly their sports and training business, as he wanted to become a personal trainer someday.
Touya was aware of what was happening on the business side of his family despite his rebellion seven years ago. After all, he saw them all over the news, watched his father on TV, and observed how everything was faring for them. So when he returned to the main house, he was a bit surprised at a few details he had missed. For one, his mother, Todoroki Rei, had already been discharged from the mental ward, faring well and welcoming him back with a big, warm hug and fat tears rolling down her cheeks. It also seemed that things were a lot better between his parents, but some of them still held reluctance to forgive their father.
Particularly him and Natsuo.
Enji was aware of their hatred towards him, hence he would talk to them politically, as Enji the CEO of the Endeavor Corp., not as their own father. Touya believed it was only fair. He would've resorted to violence if that wasn't the case. Speaking of which, that was another reason, he returned.
"I have to settle things between this family and me once and for all," he informed them on the first day of his return. "I need to talk to Father."
He knew what Enji would say to him. His father will apologize and be remorseful over what happened. He will also mention about him being his successor in the future, even though he was having none of it.
"I don't need that title anymore," Touya coldly argued, resisting the urge to punch him in the face as he knew he wouldn't defend himself after everything he had done to them since they were kids. "Not from you, specifically."
Enji understood. Touya meant, "I will have that title by my own hands, not because you passed it to me cheap because Shouto didn't want it anymore." Afterwards, his father explained everything he was required to do before his first day in the company. He also mentioned something along the lines of, "You need to undergo rehab and therapy for a while. I knew what you have been up to these past seven years with your cigarette addiction and alcoholism."
Before, Touya would violently react, would be against his decision and say, "You're just scared because I might surpass you." Now, he just nodded at his direction much to Enji's surprise.
"Why are you so shocked? You think I will half-ass my return to this family?" Touya questioned, slightly mocking him.
"I know you wouldn't," Enji commented.
And before Touya left his office, he added: "Just so you know, I am not doing this for the family."
Enji raised a questioning brow.
"I'm doing this because of a certain someone."
------
The first few months of Touya's rehab and therapy were tough as shit, gnawing at him like sharp nails and digging his soul like he was trapped in darkness. He felt overwhelmed by everything, talking about his feelings all day, breaking out of his shell, and slightly wanting to just break things and be alone. Touya craved darkness at some point, the urge to be violent creeping on his shoulder like the devil even though a rational part of him warned him that it would not be the best choice. He wanted to destroy himself at this point, missing the familiar pain his piercings left on his ears and nose. He was breathing hard to calm himself, persuading his brain to shut its damn trap.
It's getting annoying, fucking shit. Everything's been chaotic.
The first few days were blank, spending it staring at mindless paintings and counting how many times the water from the faucet dropped in the sink. It was eerie yet relaxing, the silence enveloping him like a plague until it bit back to tell him how much madness he needed to unleash but couldn't. He secretly had his mp3 player in his pocket, and he would watch the door and the shadow underneath, checking if someone would come in. To this day, he still couldn't take it out.
He missed that damn voice, but he needed to be patient. He shouldn't miss her. He shouldn't think about her. This is nothing, he convinced himself. This is nothing compared to all the abuse I've endured before. The angry stare. The hateful remarks. The violent beatings. The disapproval underlying Enji's tone. His rough hand smacking him in the face. The burning scars left on his skin from the heating iron. The pitiful stares. The blood he spat from his mouth.
Everything.
EVERYTHING.
I WANNA DIE.
Out of panic, he quickly reached for the mp3 player from his pocket, a secret he kept from the treatment center. He wasn't supposed to have any gadgets with him, but he knew he had to. He couldn't drink alcohol. He couldn't smoke a stick to curb this annoying feeling. He cannot destroy shit. But he had to hear that soothing voice. He had to endure.
He put in the earbuds and played the audio, his breathing coming down in sighs as he felt himself relaxing.
"Touya..."
"Yes, call me that," he said to no one, tears streaming down as he smiled in satisfaction.
"Touya..."
"Touya..."
"Are you awake?"
"I made you breakfast."
"Touya..."
"Do you want me to take an off day from work?"
"Yes," he answered, hugging the pillow beside him and imagining it was her. "Just stay. Stay with me."
"Touya..."
"I love you..."
"Touya..."
I love you too.
------
Touya has learned something, and that therapy was another form of circle from hell, or that was just him. He heard people preach about therapy all the time, that undergoing therapy healed them, made them see the light at the end of the tunnel, and had them humbled in a way they could never explain. Touya wished it was the same for him, but nah. It wasn't. Therapy was another circle from hell. It made him too vulnerable, too open he could feel the burnt scars on his skin itching too much the more the therapist asked him about himself.
He also thought his therapist couldn't care less about his minimal responses, the first few days boring him as the man asked about his name, how old he was, what he did for a living after he ran away, what helped him cope—you know, the basic questions every therapist could ask for.
"Todoroki Touya. 26. I did odd jobs. Alcohol. Cigarettes. Fighting."
The therapist looked displeased, he noted. He probably wanted more answers than that.
"Have you been in therapy before?"
"No."
"What do you expect from this session?"
"I don't know."
"Why are you seeking therapy?"
If he was being honest, Touya's answer would be: "I don't know? Just to get this shit done, I guess?" Not like he would be rude now. After all, he returned as Todoroki Touya after seven years of rebelling. He should keep his damn trap if he wanted them all back.
Even her.
"Do you want to become a better person?"
"Yes."
next chap
masterlist
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saintkiri · 1 year ago
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summary: you felt numb after eren walked through your apartment door. you thought you would never find love again..well..eren wasn’t love. it was everything BUT love. he used you and ended up cheating. you have so many questions that you know you’ll never get the answer to. after a night out drinking with friends..you ended up finding love just outside the door where you watched eren leave.
content warnings: cheating, smut (begging, multiple orgasms, spanking, unprotective sex (wrap it before you tap it!), aftercare) toxic!eren, mentions of therapy, praying to God, anxiety, throw up (?). if i miss anything, lmk :)
wc: 5.6k
author note: …so it’s been 2 years since I’ve actually written and posted something. I meant to post this almost 2 years ago & I promised you guys I would post it & I never did. but, life was crazy and I am still adjusting. Anywhos, don’t expect much from me writing. I am glad to be back even tho I’m not 😭
part one (pls read so this can make sense)
taglist | aot masterlist
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When Eren walked past that door, you felt like you lost a piece of you. The last thing he told you made you feel even more stupider than you have ever felt. 
‘The moment I laid my eyes on her, I stopped loving you.’
That sentence kept repeating over and over again. 
You closed the door, and fell. Your back sliding against the door until you were sitting on the ground waiting for the tears to come. But, they never did. You were so numb and shocked, that you couldn’t shed a single tear. 
Your life and emotions relied on him. He made you feel everything you craved. 
It didn’t make sense. He stopped loving you the moment he laid his eyes on someone else. 
What made her so perfect? 
Eren would always made comments saying that you were the girl of his dreams. How could he say all the right things just to cheat? 
You lost track of time, you sat against the door in silence, watching the apartment go from dark to light. You were so numb, you couldn’t sleep. It felt like he drained every emotion out of you with a sentence. All it took was one sentence to change you. 
The memories of you and him kept running pass your thoughts. As you watched time go by, it was as if the ghost of you and him were running through the apartment. It hurt. You remembered all the laughs, all the times where he made your heart feel so warm and full. 
But now, how can your heart go from that feeling over never ending lust to feeling cold and empty?
~~
It’s been about six months since Eren. It’s been hard to say the least. For the first month, you couldn’t even recognize yourself. You couldn’t stop thinking about him all day. It was always either you replaying his last words to you, replaying the argument, or all the times you should have realized he was cheating on you. 
Slowly, you grew. It took you a while to get back up on your feet. It took you a while to get used to a life without him. You never really realized how much you relied on him. Your friends helped you move on and get back to your life. 
You would gradually throw away Eren’s stuff during the first three months. First, it was the pictures and little momentums. You burned and threw out all the polaroids, all the gum wrapper hearts he would make, all the receipts, and every physical memory. It was weird because when you and Eren broke up, you would randomly find those hearts wherever around the apartment. You would keep them in a jar on your dresser, and slowly throughout the relationship, the jar kept getting filled to the point where you needed a new one. After the breakup, when you would find one, you would throw it out. 
Every time you threw one out, a little piece of your heart went with it and you couldn’t explain why. 
The day you finally decided to move on hurt you just as bad as the day Eren and you broke up. You were burning away not only the bad memories but the core memories. The polaroid picture from your first kiss, the rose he got you for your first date, the first movie ticket. Every single physical memory was being turned to ash. Jean and Mikasa helped you light the match and watched everything burn with you. You didn’t cry at first, and you didn’t start crying until they both left. 
You closed the door, thanking them for being there for you..and for pushing you to move on. Although your heart was breaking, you still managed to smile. As soon as the door closed, you were back at the same position you were six months ago. Your back against the door, still somehow wishing that this was just some sick joke. 
Tears were running down your face. You would wipe them just for there to be more. You sobbed in the same position. At this point, it felt like a routine. You would try your hardest to get over Eren, no matter what you would do to get over him, the memories haunt you. 
Slowly, you stopped crying. You don’t know how long you sat there, it could have been minutes or hours. You eventually stood up, then you walked to your kitchen as if nothing happened. The first thing you grabbed was to go to your cabinet to get a glass when suddenly you heard someone talking on the phone outside of your apartment. The voice sounded familiar, it was deep yet somehow smooth. 
You put down the glass and walked back to the door. You then looked out of the peephole to see Jean sitting on the ground across from your apartment. Your eyes widened slightly, wondering why he was there. You opened the door, seeing Jean’s facial expressions. He looked tired, concerned, mad, everything you were feeling right now. 
“Jean?” You say softly, while you were watching Jean slowly get up. He walked towards your door not saying much. But yet, the silence says it all. “H-How long were you sitting there for?” You opened the door some more to let him in. “Just long enough so I know you stopped crying because of him.” Your heart dropped. 
How long has he been doing this? That was the first question that came to mind. You were having mixed emotions right now. How were you supposed to feel? Although your heart felt somewhat warm, you were also feeling untrustworthy. 
Jean walked to your dining table and leaned against it. He then crossed his arms. You walked to your kitchen, "Do you want something to drink?" It was the least you offer, especially since he was sitting outside for who knows how long. "Do you have any alcohol?" He joked, and a small chuckle left your mouth. You grabbed another glass, then walked over to your counter to grab some alcohol.
You opened the bottle, then poured some for you and Jean. You handed Jean his glass, "Why do you wait?" You asked while taking a small sip. Jean stayed quiet, most likely trying to think of an answer. There was this moment of awkward silence. 
Before you and Eren started dating, you and Jean were best friends. You and him have been friends for years, but when Eren came along, your friendship changed. Eren became possessive and toxic. He didn't like how close you were with Jean. So eventually, you stopped talking to Jean. 
But, when you and Eren broke up, Jean came running to be right by your side. Although you and Jean stopped talking, Jean never stopped wanting to protect you, he never stopped watching over you, and never stopped loving you even after seeing you with another man. 
Jean has had feelings for you since he met you. There's always been this little spark between the both of you. Eventually, that spark grew to be something more. He always tried to protect you. He would try to tell you what Eren was doing behind your back but you wouldn't listen to him in fear of Eren seeing you two together. 
"I wait because I'm worried, y/n." 
"Why are you worried, Jean?"
Jean took another sip of his liquid courage and walked towards you. You walked backward until you reached the counter. "Because you were crying over a man who didn't deserve you." Jean softly confessed. Your heart skipped a beat. Slowly, your eyes locked with Jean's hazel eyes. His expression was gentle with a mix of protectiveness..and a mix of love. "Then who deserves me?" You responded, feeling a rush of emotions come over you. 
Your heart started racing as Jean leaned in closer to you. Was it the alcohol? Was it the fact that Jean is right about you getting over Eren? 
Jean's hands were placed on top of the counter, cornering you. His right hand found its way to your hip. His lips inched towards yours, “You deserve someone who takes your breath away every time you look at him. Someone who makes you laugh, smile, feel every emotion that Eren didn’t.” Your eyes lock with his, feeling his breath against your lips. “I-I’t’s you..” You whisperingly confessed. Suddenly, he kissed you with passion, feeling sparks fly. Your noses bumped into each other as little giggles left your mouths. You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck. His lips tasting like the alcohol you were just drinking a moment ago. Your lips move with his, for the first time in what felt like months, this was the kiss you've been dreaming of. The kiss that makes you feel like you're on cloud nine, the kiss that makes time go by slowly, the kiss that makes all the others seem non-existent. 
You felt Jean's hands pick you up and place you on the counter, "Are you drunk?" You asked as his lips found their way to your neck, gently kissing and leaving hickeys. Jean stopped his movement, as a small smile spread on his face. The smile you missed, the smile you practically dreamt of, the smile that never failed to make you smile. "No." He answered, as he slowly dragged his thumb across your bottom lip, "Are you?" He asked in return, you nodded, not knowing how to respond. 
Jean's free hand moved towards your buttoned pants, "No answer?" He asked with a sly smirk on his face. Your mind went blank. His fingers played with the button as he leaned in to whisper in your ear, "I'm going to ask one last time, y/n. Are you drunk?" You coughed out a response, "N-No. No, I'm not, Jean." A laugh left his mouth. 
"Good, because I don’t want our first time to be while you're drunk." He whispered again. Just like that, his lips were on yours. This time, that once soft kiss was now a kiss full of meaning. You don't know what came over yourself...and right now you weren't thinking about that. You were thinking about how soft his lips were, how his lips were on yours, and how you felt at that moment. 
Jean picked you off the counter, and for a moment, all emotions that you had left for Eren had left your mind and all you can think about was Jean. 
That kiss made you realize one thing. 
It's always been...him. 
It's always been Jean since the first day you laid your eyes on him. You were blinded by Eren. You were blinded by the fact that a very popular guy finally chose you. You were wrong..and now you want to spend the rest of your life making it up to Jean. 
As he walked into your bedroom, your legs were wrapped around Jean's waist. He gently placed you on the bed, his lips finally leaving yours for a split second, "Finally, you're mine." You could cry with pure happiness. It was the happiness you never felt with Eren..but only with him. 
You gave him a small and gentle peck, whispering softly, "Finally." You both smiled as you went back to kissing. His lips never left yours. If they did leave yours, they would end up moving and peppering kisses on your neck, as he slowly ripped away each item of clothing off of your body. 
The tip of his index finger teased the top of your panties. You roll your hips, "J-Jean.." You moaned out softly, hoping he would get the hint. A sly smile grew on his face, chuckling slightly at how much you were begging for him. "God, y/n." He whispers in your ear as his lips move at a slow rate.
His fingers inch more and more towards where you wanted him to touch you most. You were getting impatient, all you wanted was to feel him. You moved your hands when suddenly Jean pinned them above your head. 
The sexual tension was so thick. As much as he wants to fuck you, he wants to take his time. 
Your eyes meet, "Please touch me, Jean." You begged. His eyes read yours, and that's when he lost all control. Fuck taking his time, he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. He moved his hand from pinning yours to taking off your panties. 
It all happened so fast. One moment Jean was taking his time, devouring you inch by inch, finally getting what he's been dreaming of since he realized he had a crush on you. 
Jean moved to the edge of the bed, and in one sudden motion, your thighs were wrapped around his neck. His lips peppered kisses on your inner thighs, moving closer to your aching clit. 
He flatted his tongue and in one lick, he had you melting and moaning his name. That one moan sent him over, he wanted to hear you say it over and over again. This moment will be embedded in his brain for who knows how long. 
Your fingers brush through his brunette locks, highly tugging at the roots, "Fuck, Jean." You moaned out as Jean's tongue circled your clit, making your mind and body melt. You felt his fingers add into the mix, moving slowly, pressing against the spot that makes you lose control. 
He was in between your legs, lewd noises were the sound that was echoing in the room, pleads, begs, screams and moans.
His long, slim fingers thrust into you, making you moan louder and louder. Jean was loving the way your moans sounded. It was like music to his ears. 
Over and over again, you were chanting Jean's name. It was every time he hit that spot, you would scream his name in pleasure. 
Jean replaced his tongue with thumb and admired the view ahead of him, "God, you're so fucking hot, y/n." He said as your eyes met with his. A sly smile spread on his face while watching your reaction to his compliment. Your lip slid between your teeth, trying your hardest to hold back your moans.
He replaced his thumb back with tongue, and your head fell back onto the bed, feeling his tongue explore your cunt again.  Your hands then roamed your body, finding their place over your mouth. You then began to slightly ride his mouth.
A familiar feeling began to stir in your stomach. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, your toes curled, feeling his finger movements begin to speed up. 
You were speechless, you couldn't spit out a word, it felt that good. Finally, you spit out the words, "W-Wanna cum, so-so bad." Jean sped up his movements, moving his mouth off of your core, then crawling in between your legs, moving up until you were face to face. 
His fingers didn't stop moving as he kissed you. Your moans were muffled by the kiss. "Cum on my fingers, y/n." He didn’t have to tell you twice. You came on his fingers, and instantly, your legs started shaking. 
Jean got off the bed, and you held yourself up with your elbows, watching him pull down his boxers, and your jaw instantly dropped. His dick was big, probably the biggest one you've seen. He was mesmerized by your reaction to his size. 
Your eyes locked with his as you sat up. You grabbed his arm and immediately pulled him into a kiss, your arms wrapped around his neck, feeling Jean slowly spreading your legs. 
His lips left yours for a split second, "Are you on the pill?" You nodded, "Are you clean?" You asked as his hand inching towards your aching cunt. He nodded, kissing you back in response. 
"Good, now I want you to beg for it, y/n." You smiled slightly because thought he was joking. You wanted him obviously, your body was practically begging for him. The tip of his dick teased your sensitive clit, and a quiet moan left your lips.
You lifted your hips, trying to get more out of him. Your smile disappeared when you realized he wasn't kidding, he was dead serious. You looked into his eyes, and his sparkle was gone. 
"P-Please." you said desperately. Jean raised his eyebrow, "That's all you got? C'mon, y/n. Your body is practically begging for me..." His lips inched towards yours, "But, I want to hear you beg for my cock." His words hit straight to your core. "Please, Jean. Please fuck me. I-I want you so-so much." 
Jean chuckled as he moved the tip of his dick in between your folds, “Where do you want it, princess?” He said as he kept teasing your aching cunt. You buck your hips against the tip of his cock, begging for some sort of friction. You look up and all you see is his desperate eyes on yours. “I want you to fuck me with your cock.” He chuckles, “Good girl.” he praised, and in one swift motion, he finally slid into your cunt. You both moaned. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and the bottom of your lip slid in between your teeth. 
He bottomed out, hitting the spot that made you scream his name. With each thrust, came a moan. "F-Fuck, Jean!" You said as he pounded his cock into you. 
You dug your fingers into his back, slowly moving them up, making sure to leave a mark. Jean inhaled sharply, "So fucking t-tight, y/n." Jean said as he kept bottoming out into you, hitting your g-spot over and over again. 
Jean's lips found their way to yours, the kiss was deep. It was almost like he was trying to devour you as if you were his last meal. Although the kiss was deep, it had a meaning. You were his, you belonged to him. And, you were okay with that. Jean moved his lips from your throat and then moved to his next position. He grabbed your ankles and placed them on his shoulder, hitting your g-spot at a different angle. 
He kissed your ankle as he kept pounding into you. The view in front of you looked so hot. He was hitting all the places that made your mind go blank. “Fuck.” Jean moaned. His moans made you want to exploded right then and there. He moved your legs and by habit you wrap them around this waist. 
“This pussy was made for me, y/n.” Jean expressed in the nook of your neck, peppering kisses, sucking softly. Your fingers raked through his locks, lightly tugging. “J-Jean..harder.” You begged. You wanted him to fuck you like no other could. You wanted him to make you forget about Eren. 
His thrusts slow down making you whimper. Jean flips you on your stomach, “Grab onto the headboard.” He demanded. You wrap your fingers around the cold metal bars, “Please.” You begged. Jean chuckled as you felt his dick slam into you again. You practically scream, feeling the bed shift slightly. Jean’s hands find their place in your hair. His finger wraps around your hair, making a make-shift ponytail, tugging at your roots. You moan feeling his dick hit a new spot from the new position he has you in. 
You suddenly felt a harsh slap on your ass, you wince from he pain..but, you wanted more of it. Sounds of slapping skin fill the room, “Keep milking my cock, y/n.” You clench around his cock with every thrust. 
You could feel your orgasm building up, feeling Jean’s hand leave your hair, then snaking to your clit. “You gonna’ cum, princess?” You nod, not being able to find the words. You felt another harsh slap on your ass, “Words.” He warned. Jean’s movements on your clit made your toes curl, making you moan loudly. 
“Yes, I-I need to cum..so so bad.” You felt his thrust fasten, knowing he was close too. He instantly flips you over again, feeling his lips on yours. You wrap yours around his neck, “Cum for me, princess.” That’s all it took. Your legs started trembling as your orgasm unraveled. Jean emptied his load into you, letting you ride out your orgasm. 
His lips found yours again as he pulled out. This kiss was different. This kiss felt like you were home..with him. 
Jean’s lips left yours as he got up and walked to your bathroom, leaving you absolutely speechless. You couldn’t believe that just happened..but yet, you were so glad it did. You turn your head to see Jean in the bathroom, running a washcloth under some water. 
Eren never did aftercare. He would just fuck you, and leave you hanging. Most of the time, you didn’t even finish..it was always about him finishing, his pleasure before yours, and that’s when your handy vibrator came into your life. Looks like you wouldn’t be needing that anymore with the way Jean just fucked you. 
You thought sex like this belonged in porn.
Jean walked out of the bathroom smiling, “What are you smiling about?” You questioned him as he bends your still trembling legs. He kisses the top of your knees as he cleans your most sensitive area, you wince feeling the washcloth on your clit. 
“You.” It was a simple one word..but, it made your heart melt leaving your very dirty thoughts behind. His fingers find your clit again, as that smile turned into a sly smirk. You moan, “Jean.” You warned softly, as he rubs it slowly.  His fingers slip into your hole, “Just cleaning you out.” He says, as his fingers hit your g-spot. Your hand wraps around his wrist, “Do you want me to stop?” You shaking your head, never wanting him to stop. 
He continues his movements, your legs squeezing together as his long, slim fingers continue to pump into you. You could feel your orgasm bubbling up. “Let go for me, princess.” And that’s all it took for your third orgasm to unravel, leaving you in a moaning mess. 
His fingers left your cunt as his eyes locks with yours. He licks his fingers cleaning, “Now, I’m actually going to clean you up.” A giggle leaves your mouth as you feel the washcloth sliding over your skin again. You could get used to this. 
You started thinking about life with Jean. “So, now what happens?” You ask out of curiosity. You were absolutely terrified of losing him. You didn’t know what was going to happen. Were you guys going to pretend this didn’t happen? Were you guys going to start a life together? Were you guys going to stay as friends? You had so many questions that were fueling your anxiety. 
He stops his movements, looking at you, “I said that I was never going to let you go, y/n. You’re mine.” Tears start to form in your eyes, “Losing you to Eren was my biggest mistake, I should have never let you go..I felt like I hurt you. If I would have kept pushing you, and telling you everything he was doing behind your back, I thought I would have lost you permanently.” He stands up and walks across the room, throwing the used washcloth into the hamper. Then walking towards the bed, laying next to you. He places his hand on your cheek, “I will never ever let you go..And I mean it. I will spend all this lifetime and the next proving it to you.”
As a tear escapes your eye, Jean’s thumb catches it, “Why are you crying?” And suddenly, there were more tears..too many tears for his thumb to catch. You roll over, placing your head on his chest. “I’m sorry.” You say in the midst of a broken sob, Jean doesn’t say anything, he just caresses your head and lets you cry. 
You wrap your arm around his chest, hugging him so tight, as if he was going to leave went you woke up. All this time, Jean waited for you. For all the years that you were with Eren, Jean was there waiting to help you when he left. 
The day that Eren left the apartment, you called Jean, and he ran to your apartment. You didn’t know who else to call, you wanted the one person who knew how to comfort you, your best friend. Jean helped you through all the stages of your break up. He was there when you needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there when you couldn’t find yourself. And now, here he was yet again, being the shoulder you cried on. 
“It should have been you, Jean.” You said through the soft sobs, “It shouldn’t have been Eren, I should have never been with him..it was supposed to be you.” Jean kissed the top of your head, comforting you. 
Jean kisses the top of your head, as you looked up at him, “Now we can make up for lost time.” His lips inched towards yours, “Starting now.” His lips connected with yours. 
This is what loves feels like..and it’s how it should have been from he start. 
Jean is your forever.
Jean is the missing piece to your broken puzzle.
Jean is the person you prayed to God for everyday instead of Eren. 
Jean is your other half. 
____
2 YEARS LATER:
“Here’s to your last day being engaged!!” Mikasa exclaimed as she jumps into your arms. You were out for brunch with all your girlfriends, celebrating your last day being an engaged woman. You never thought this day would come. 
Jean ended up proposing a year ago..and it was so romantic. You both knew you wanted to get married. Jean wanted it to be a surprise though. He had taken you to a romantic restaurant..which would have been very cliche of him. You and him would always joke about the cliches. He knew you wanted everything but the cliches. 
He ended up getting on one knee when you least expected it. He wanted to catch you off guard. You and him were going house hunting when he proposed. You guys were looking at a house and the moment you step foot into it, you saw your life with Jean flash before your eyes. Every corner you turned, you could imagine kids running around. When you went into the kitchen, you saw family dinners..just the thought alone brought tears to your eyes. 
It was when you guys walked into the backyard when you looked Jean in the eyes and told him exactly how you felt. That was your forever home, the place where you wanted to grow old and gray with Jean, the place where you wanted to start a family..that was where your future was. You turned around for a split second and when you turn back to face Jean, he proposed. 
You didn’t even let him finish talking. You knew you wanted to marry Jean for years. Even before Eren. 
Even after a year of him proposing to you, you still think about every single word Jean said. He said the same exact thing you were thinking while walking through the house. His dream was your dream. 
The wedding was around the corner and you couldn’t wait. It was going to be a small wedding. You and Jean just wanted something simple. You both agreed that the memories were more important than the big wedding. 
As you, Mikasa, and the rest of your friends leave after drinking one too many mimosas, you accidentally bump into someone. You instantly apologize, looking up to see the man who broke you in ways you thought couldn’t be fixed. This was the actual time you bumped into him. “Y/N?” Hearing your name leave his lips sounded like poison. It’s the one voice that still haunts you. 
You started to feel sick, feeling bile rising up your throat. His eyes inched towards your taken hand. You couldn’t find words. There were so many things you wanted to say..but, it wasn’t worth your time. Jean helped you move on, he put you back together when you couldn’t find the pieces. Eren took a piece of you that you were still trying to find..even after all these years. You slowly back away, calling out his name once. 
You walk past him linking your arm with Mikasa’s, “I’m sorry.” The two words stop your movement, you turn around for a split second, feeling Mikasa giving you and encouraging squeeze. “You’re not sorry, Eren. You never were..you ruined me. Y-You used me, cheated on me, fucking tore my heart into pieces.” You walked closer to him, “You don’t get to apologize, you piece of lowlife scum, I hope you rot.” 
Before he could say another word, you turned away linking your arm with Mikasa’s. You feel good. A smile spread on your face, “You feel good, y/n?” You nod, feeling a sense of relief fuel your veins. 
You never really got closure and that was something you struggled with for the longest. You still don’t understand why he cheated on you. The countless therapy sessions helped for a short period of time. But, this is your closure. You said what you said, and you feel good. This is what you needed to open the next chapter of your life. 
As you walk into your stunning house, you were immediately greet by the newest addition to your family, Remi. She’s a french bulldog you and Jean adopted when you moved into the house. She lights up your world. You and Jean are so grateful for her. After greeting your pup, you were greeted by your fiancee. 
You give him a soft kiss, feeling his hands on your waist, instantly feeling like you’re home. “How was brunch?” A smile spread on your face as you take off your coat, “It was a lot of fun! I wish you were there though.” You said as you were taking off your heels. 
“Yeah, I wish I went too. Connie is having a late dinner later to have a pre-celebration for tomorrow.” You roll your eyes with a smile, “Make sure you don’t drink too much, Jean.” A chuckle leaves his throat, giving you another kiss on the cheek. 
As you both walk towards the kitchen, you were thinking about how to tell Jean about your interaction with Eren. 
He opens the cabinet when you broke silence, “I bumped into Eren.” 
Jean turns around, placing both of his hands on the counter, “What happened? Did he do anything?” You shake your head, as a small smile spread on your face, “I got closure, Jean. I feel good.” You went onto telling him what you said and you both ended up laughing. You don’t have a mean bone in your body. So, telling him what you said made the both of you laugh. 
“I’m proud of you, y/n.” The four words made tears run down your cheek. Yet again, even after all these years, Jean is there to catch every single tear. “I’m glad you finally got the closure you’ve been searching for.” You wrap your arms around his waist, “Me too. I feel like I can let go of that chapter of my life.” 
Tomorrow was the start of a new chapter. 
Although you know your next chapter won’t be picture perfect, you were okay with that. As long as you had Jean on your side, you knew that it would be your version of picture perfect. And, that’s all you needed. 
__
As you’re walking down the isle, you think about everything you (and Jean) have been through to get to this moment. 
In a sense, you were grateful that everything happened, because it led you here, marrying your best friend, and you couldn’t imagine life go any other way. Jean has taught you that love is real, you just have to find the right person. Life has a funny way of showing love, it’s like a road to describe it the least. 
Life and love are both bumpy roads, there’s all these bumps, cracks, unexpected turns, things that get in your way. But, once you get past that, the road is smooth and clear. 
Today, you’re marrying your soulmate, your other half, your best friend, & you couldn’t wait to finally be Mrs. Kirstein. 
Jean didn’t lie when he said you were his. Since that day, he never left your side. He was there for everything. Every doubt, every cry, everywhere you least expected him to be. 
The six words you’ve been waiting for years for finally approached, “You may now kiss the bride.” Jean kissed you like your life depended on it..just like the first time he kissed you. The kiss that makes you feel like you're on cloud nine, the kiss that makes time go by slowly, the kiss that makes all the others seem non-existent. 
“I told you, you were always mine, y/n.” He whispered against your lips. A bright smile spread on your face. It was just you and him. You zoned out the crowd, as if time was going in slow motion. You stare into his eyes and see your future. You place your thumb under his eyes, collecting the tears that he’s always done for you. 
Inching your lips towards his, feeling the same emotions as his. You whisper, “Forever and always yours.”
The end. 
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Finishing note: thank you so much for all the love in broken promises! It’s been two years since I posted it and it’s still one of my favorites. I am very happy with how it ended. There were some bits and pieces in here that I took from my actual life. Remi is true!! She’s my baby🫶🏻..plus some breakup scenes were from my breakup😭. Anywhos, I hope to be able to get back into writing soon :)
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