#before you ask yes im insane highlighter yes im trying to get it under control no its not going well

[yugocar]

misha glenny, the balkans: nationalism, war and the great powers 1804 -2012

[mrsjokerphoenix]

CH. 1 Primed for Sin

Notes: This is my first fanfic so it’s probably not so good LOL its a bit personal and inspired by my own story of losing the love of my life. I was also listening to Slow dancing in a burning room by John Meyer to set the mood. Im open to constructive criticism so I can improve and make chpt 2 better. Enjoy

Ch. 1 primed for sin

This was your final walk down this hallway in Arkham hospital. The same hospital you came to a year ago looking for adventure and to escape the rut of all the daunting paperwork. When you were first hired by the CIA 6 years ago you naively thought it would be like a oo7 movie or spies you see in Hollywood movies. You couldn’t be more mistaken. A chuckle escaped your mouth as you signed in the sign in sheet. You could start to feel your legs getting heavier and heavier with every daunting step you took.

“Is Dr. Quinn in there? You asked the guard. Taking a drink of your black coffee. Bad idea your anxiety was already Moments away from becoming a panic attack.

“Yes, she’s waiting for you.” He answered in his usual bored monotone voice.

“Thank you, once she leaves bring in Arthur please and then you’re free to go as well until our session is over.” Quinn was Arthur’s state psychiatrist. You had paid her off so you could meet with Arthur privately. It had been a year and half since Meeting with Gary about a possible operation. Get his “lad” as he like to call Arthur, out of Arkham. Your specialty was arms deals but something in you wouldn’t let you turn it down.

You were able to pull some strings and be assigned as Arthurs new Doctor with the help of his current one. As a rogue agent you naturally distrusted her. Luckily she didn’t want the case and You were able to pay her off so she would leave during our sessions. Today would be the last one and by tomorrow Arthur or rather Joker would be a free man. You could feel your throat closing up. That lump in your throat threatening to suffocate you. No matter how much water you drank or coughing you did it persisted, reminding you just how much you had helplessly fallen in love. There was a chance you will never see each other again. It took every ounce in you to keep it together and not breakdown crying. You broke your most important rule “never fall in love” and now there was no going back. The realization of this left you breathless.

“ good job y/n” you mumbled sarcastically while setting everything down on the old warn down table. Arkham desperately needed to refurnish.

“How do you manage to get more beautiful every time I see you?” You had been so deep in thought, organizing your paperwork, and fighting back tears you didn’t notice Arthur walk in.

“Good morning to you too Arthur.” You grinned from ear to ear as he made his way to give you a hug. “are you ready for tomorrow?” You asked looking up and admiring how beautiful this man was. His salt/pepper hair slicked back leaving his features highlighted. The way his full brows made his green eyes so intense you could get lost in them forever. You had to look away. Never before had you seen eyes that held so much beauty and danger.

“Lets not talk about that kitten, I want this hour to be special. It is our last time meeting you know.” He said shooting you a half smile that made you weak in the knees. But you could see the sadness that decorated his face. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Arthur was so worried about you. Sweet Arthur if only others could see the real you. They would love you as much as I do.

“Look at me please” he ordered. “Youve been crying haven’t you?” Shaking his head

You wanted to lie, deny the whole ordeal, brush it all under the rug but you couldn’t lie to him and you fell into his arms. “Im going to miss you so much. I love you and I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I know we cant be together right now but it hurts. It hurts so much I cant breath.” Body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears.

He pulled you into his arms. His warmth would seep into your being and he comforted you without ever opening his mouth. You felt one of his tears cascade down your shoulder.He was intoxicating and every cell in your body craved him like an addict craves his fix. “Im sorry doll” his voice was heavy with pain, the same way guilt weighed down upon his shoulders.

“I know and i will be ok as long as you are safe, that’s all that matters to me Arthur” you replied forcing your voice to sound as normal and not break in the same way your heart was shattering with every second that passed.

He held you tightly. Hands on the small of your back while you wrapped your hands around his neck and face resting on his chest. The two of you danced with grief in the tiny white room in Arkham. Where it all begin. Unforeseen by you meeting him for the first time was like coming out of a hibernation you didn’t know you were in. His eyes green like spring breaking through winters snow. The same room where you had laughed, cried, and talked about the future together. You felt so complete in his arms. He took away the emptiness that like an abusive partner threatened to never leave and you a patient with Stockholm syndrome Obeyed finding comfort in it. You wanted to melt into him and become one so that nothing could ever tear you apart from him.

“We will see each other again I promise.” trying to not only convince him but convince yourself as well.

Arthur started humming the tune of one our favorite songs we slowly danced in a burning room. He whispered those dark silly jokes he was so proud of and knew would get a chuckle out of you. Oh how you prayed time would stop this instant and you could keep experiencing his velvet soft touch. Arthur was your home and soon you’d find yourself homeless once more.

A knock on the door jerked us back into reality. “Its time to take Mr.Fleck back to his room” you heard from across the door.

“Yes gives us a minute please!” You shouted resentfully. It wasn’t the guards fault but you had to take it out on someone. Grasping at any sense left of control.

“Time flies when you’re having fun” he said taking a seat across from your desk. It would be the last time he would sit in that chair. The chair that was a witness to our love story. Once comfortable he gracefully put a cigarette in between his lips and lit it. You found yourself Getting lost in his graceful confident movements. The opening of the box. The click of the lighter. The slight tilt of his head. Crisp burning of a cigarette. First small inhale. Exhale not letting it reach his lungs. The lift of his neck. Long drag. Exhale. It was as if time had slowed down. almost as if the universe was gifting you this so you could take it all in only for it to be preyed away from hands. Only leaving with you those haunting memories of what no longer is. Grieving for what will never be. Oh bittersweet universe. You cruel bastard.

“Yes, sorry” you said. You could feel your cheeks turn cherry red.

“You can stare at me all you want doll.” He insisted.

“Cocky arent we now.” We both broke into laughter. It seemed to lighten the air in the room. Thank God, those sinister white walls felt like they could collapse on you at any second.

still standing leaning on the desk. you turned to pick up the folder on the desk. You had gone over the plan several times and you were confident things would run smoothly. “Gary did a great job putting a team together for you” You advised.

Arthur reached to grab the folder not saying a word. “All the documents to your new properties, weapons bought. Also the names of politicians, law enforcements and agents that will be working for you are also included. Just incase they want to cause problems.”

“I love you y/n always remember that” he finally said.

“I love you too Arthur, Good luck tomorrow everything will work out as planned.” Arthur leaned in for one last tender passionate kiss. His honey sweet tongue dancing with yours to a tune only you two were privy to. Suddenly the guard barged in to take him.

“Im sorry to interrupt but its time” walking towards Arthur. If looks could kill you would have killed him a thousand times over.

You watched as he was handcuffed again and lead out of the room. Arthur never taking his eyes off of you. As soon as the door closed your legs betrayed you as you feel to your knees. The pain flooded every inch of your body like a dam unable of being contained any longer. Tears stinging as they made their way down your cheeks. “Comeback please!” You tried to yell in vain. Unable to find the strength to let it out. “Why do you always take from me God, everything I love gets taken” you cursed at the sky. You had not felt such intense pain since the passing of your mother. Finally finding the strength to pick your shaking limbs off the floor, you noticed a folded note on the desk.

“I was never really insane, except on occasions where my heart was touched.” Go with me doll, i cant do this alone. meet me at the warehouse. We leave at 9. Joker

[skymade]

Willow Gone

   A drabble from Willow’s best friend, Eryk’s, point of view. It’s long, I’m sorry. These are the texts pertaining to this. 

   “Errie, how about today?”

   Eryk is lain across their bed, staring at the prune colored ceiling for the five-millionth morning in a row -- or so it feels. Little appears to be able to rouse them from their state.

   Their mother, aquamarine with cavernous holes littering her face -- a Meldonian -- stands at the doorway. Her tight, bright green hair curls with the consistency of seaweed fall from the crown of her head. They are the same curls that pull at Eryk’s own blue head. Her mouth is nothing but a large slit in the center of her face, but Eryk can understand both her question and the implications deep beyond it.

   They do not answer. Normally, Eryk’s love for their mother overrides all else, but now their love for someone else holds them, like chains, in their bed.

   “We love you, Errie,” she says, for the five-millionth morning in a row, circular fins with holes reaching towards them. Her voice always sounds as if it comes from deep underwater. “Whenever you're ready, you know. Seconds will wait for you.” She touches them, once, on the leg, then retreats. The door clicks behind her gently.

   Eryk closes their eyes and sees her. Not the mother they love -- their best friend. Dark curls, murky eyes, bright purple skin -- one of many things she was mocked for. Willow sky. She was their best friend, from the moment they met to the moment their mother told them she was gone.

   In a flash, Eryk can see their entire friendship. The moment she, in a flurry of curls and laughs, sat down next to them during lunch, introducing herself though uninvited. Trekking the mountains of Amyr, them wheezing and her laughing. Her splashing purple water at them and sticking out her tongue when they protested. Her hanging upside down in their hiding place, the storage unit, singing out of tune and changing the lyrics to fit her mood. The last time they saw her -- late at night, under the velvet sky, with stars sprinkling above them, her winking playfully at their gaze.

   Their eyes shut tightly at the images. Each memory is another chain that drags them down to their bed, leading with the terrifying crash of the moment Eryk woke up and saw their mother there. Their mother had never been allowed for extended stay upon planet -- Amyr rules -- and instantly, Eryk had felt sick.

   Dad’s dead, was Eryk’s first thought. I did something wrong. I failed my tests for Seconds. Mother is dying.

   But they had never expected the words that had come from their mother’s mouth, starting simply and gently.

   “Errie… when was the last time you saw Willow?”

   She was gone.

   Eryk presses their hands against their eyelids. Why hadn’t they told anyone when they saw the bruises on Willow’s skin? Why hadn’t they reported their fear for her life? Why didn’t they try harder? What if she were dead, as dead as her mother must be? And the most terrifying thought of all: What if she went off to Travel?

   She wouldn’t be able to survive. Not for a minute. Willow would have no idea what she’s doing. Though all evidence leads to her being upon another planet -- the loss of her mother’s tokens -- Eryk has been stubbornly refusing to believe it.

   Even with the possibility of her escaping with Tallow -- what her father currently believes -- Tallow can not care for Willow. What if he abandons her? What if he hurts her? What if she feels trapped?

   These thoughts have been circling in Eryk’s head for the eons it feels she’s been gone, but they haven’t abated, yet. Every day, Eryk wakes up to hear them repeat in perfect clarity.

   They’re sure they’re going insane.

   Eryk’s communicator chirps next to them. They never get messages. Curiosity wins over depression for the moment. They reach up, grabbing it off of the ivory table, and flip out the keyboard, making the screen light up.

   the will of the sky. (in range) 1 NEW MESSAGE.

   Eryk cannot stop the tears that immediately pour through their eyes as they select the message, quickly, shakily. They have always had what Willow called bleeding eyes, but they were sure the Terran expression was bleeding heart. And now, they are choking on it.

   It is a message from Willow.

   trvling mkes me ocean sick T_T ;-; ;(

   The words are so uniquely Willow -- down to the very last mark (or lack thereof) that Eryk begins sobbing harder.

   In a perfect world, they’d take time to control themselves. They’d wait until the feelings abated and let them breathe to reply. But they have not seen the words “in range” next to Willow’s name for a long time, so long they are afraid if they don’t reply immediately, she will disappear.

   Fuck you

   It’s all they can think to say.

   The response is so fast. 

   aw!! ;( dont b meeeeeeeean!!!

   Eryk is attempting to type a response, when another of Willow’s comes.

   i knw. i knw.

   Willow never left spell check on. Most Amyra didn’t. It came with switching languages -- it was easier to just type without having to change languages each time they wished to.

   Eryk closes their eyes, pushes their head towards the screen. Willow hardly types as… seriously… as her last message was.

   Eryk stares at the small, purple picture of Willow next to each message -- heart-shaped sunglasses, smiling at someone off-camera. Eryk took that picture for her. Eryk can still taste the air from that day, can still feel the grass beneath them. Of course, she’d taken the picture of the smoke that Eryk had always used as their picture. How many times had Eryk seen a message from Willow? Thousands. Millions. Almost constantly. Willow almost never stopped texting. But this message... these words... had such a new weight to them. 

   They hardly think as they reply.

   Where are you

   Because, of course, Eryk has to come get them. They’re already thinking to ask if they can borrow their mother’s ship when Willow replies, lightning fast as ever.

   u knw y i cnt tell u that ;C

   Just like you didnt tell me you were leaving, Eryk’s hands answer for them. They almost put a question mark -- they normally don’t because they feel it leaves the statement too hard -- but they choose not to in the last instance.

   u knw y i had 2 do that 2.

   Maybe I dont Willow, they reply. After hitting send, they add on in a new message, If you wanted to run away with someone you were dating, thats fine but you still could have told me first.

   Eryk locks the screen, sits up in finality after the period. They brush their hands at their face when another message lights up.

   ?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? the fck r u tlkin about???!?!?! Im not d8in ny1!!!!!!!!!!! >:(

   Yeah. Like Id know that. Because you keep me so updated with whats going on in your life right

   It feels right, now, to be angry. Eryk hasn’t been angry this entire time. Only scared -- only sad. This feels right.

   At least there is some relief. Willow is not dating Tallow. Hopefully, he is not treating her the way others have treated her here.

   skies i mssgd u cuz i missed u!!!!! >:( >;c wht is ur problm????!!

   My problem is that my best friend left planet without saying anything and is now trying to pretend it isnt a big deal

   i ddnt have to mssg u u knw!!! i culdve stayed quiet!!!!!!!!!!! D:<

   Moments later, she’s back.

   lol… yes i did. ;c of course i hd to mssg u. ur my best friend eryk. still.

   And, in true Willow fashion, she launches into a tirade. They can just see her in their mind -- tongue out, concentration coursing through her body, bent over the screen as her fingers fly.

   mr. doom && gloom is gttin on my fckin nerves. im so done with him. D:<

   Officials think you ran off with Tallow, they reply.

   off. r rite. but only bcuz he hs a staff. eryk the nly reason i ddnt tell u ws bcuz i knw ud rate me out

   She means ‘rat me out’. Eryk feels more tears coming at just reading the words. They are trying to hold on to the good things: she’s alive. Tallow hasn’t abandoned her. She might be okay. They are trying not to think how far away she could still be -- trying not to wonder how close she may be to them for the first time in forever. 

   Holy skies Willow. I missed you

   i miss u 2. ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;((((((((((((((((((( emoticons arnt strong enuf :(

   I know what you mean, they type through their tears. They have to move their communicator far away enough to escape the downfall of water.

   When are you coming home, they add.

   There’s a pause.

   ……………………. eryk i cnt come bck 2 amyr. id be put to death for leavin

   Please, they try. Eryk has never been overly selfish before, but they cannot stop it. How can they live without their best friend?

   But when minutes pass and they get no response, they let out a breath of air and say, Are you happy

   its better than being on amyr if thats what you mean lol

   Her grammar improved. That means she had to think deeply about that reply. Eryk hesitates. Maybe she truly needs their help?

   I guess that is what I mean, they try. They don’t know what to say -- she said it was better than on Amyr. Better than when she was with Eryk. Better than when they were close.

   A long pause. Eryk doesn’t know what to say, but, as always, is saved by Willow.

   i hv a confession 2 make

   Okay

   i ddnt mssg u bcuz i missed u. tho i do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dnt get me wrong!!!!!!!!! fckin FCK i miss u!!!!!!!! but i mssgd u… 2 say srry. ;C ;C  4 not saying gdbye. :c :c

   Eryk sighs and closes their eyes. Willow has never been very good at saying sorry.

   I dont know if I fully forgive you yet

   i knw. dnt blame u t_t

   They release a soft breath at the emotion -- runs their fingers over the image. If they had more Amyra in them, maybe they’d be blinking in and out from the intense feelings. They close their eyes and pray -- though praying was never something they did before Willow disappeared. Now, however, it seems to highlight their life. Almost every moment is spent in it. Willow believes so avidly in the sky -- it has to save her, doesn’t it? 

   Their phone chirps, calling them back. 

   mr. doom && gloom wnts 2 leave here soon.

   Eryk knows what that means before Willow types it, and immediately responds, Please

   im srry eryk

   Please dont go. Not yet

   pls dnt tell any1 i mssged u

   I wont, they type back, oh skies I wont just promise you wont go

   They will promise anything, now. Tears rolling down their face -- choking on them -- the volume of their sobs rising so much they hear their mother swaying up the stairs, coming to check on them.

   im so srry. i cnt do nythin. gates up. i love you eryk.

   She never types out ‘I love you’. Never. Never. Never.

   I love you too Willow. Please dont leave me

   bye

   “Willow!” They’re screaming at their phone, shaking it. “Willow!”

   Willow come back

   Willow please!

   Their fingers shake as the letters light up on the screen.

   Please please please. I cant do this without you

   WILLOW!

   And then the dreaded three words light up next to Willow’s name -- out of range -- and Eryk collapses as their mother throws open the door and wraps her arms around them.