#before that happened I felt it was weird bc she called me her bestie but avoided telling me about her relationship until after everything

[amohyunwoo]

Catching y’all up on my life tea I guess so this is going to be long notes post can ignore if u want lol. 🤗✍️

[melodic-haze]

if you dont mind me asking, what happened between you and 🎀?

no need to answer if you dont wanna :)

Naw it's okay I can talk ab it :3c I can bitch about anything and everything HELP I'll just put it under the cut bc it's long as hell though. If I somehow sound toxic I AM SO SORRY

It's umm. I guess it all basically boils down to the fact that we basically jumped the gun with our relationship? LOL cuz there was that whole thing when I was flirting with the anons jokingly and then we found out I was in the same area as them this one day, and then we started talking from there but I shit you not it did not take us long to get into a situationship (basically less than a week into talking) and then a relationship (a month in)

We were talking nonstop until sometime in November when she got extremely busy with uni work, and there was this. Whole thing where I got really. Safe to say I wasn't GREAT, like I was saying that I'd happily be patient and wait for them but I got so restless that I started taking little things as an issue (tell me why I got jealous of the constant thirsting for fictional characters). And then it sort of exploded bc they forgot details and crucial shit about me (what tipped me the fuck off was them forgetting my HYPERSEXUALITY, which is like. One of the biggest things I need someone to remember bc it's really not easy), and then they ghosted me for a while (like completely aired me while I was going through the stages of grief), and then I was an absolute mess, and then when I was in a call with one of my besties they came back extremely nonchalant they said some shit ("I liked the time away from you") because they're an avoidant and I shit you not??? I feel bad for the bestie I was on call with because I was in such a state that I think if she wasn't there I genuinely would've attempted

But after that, the relationship just felt weird. Like even though I kept asking if they really wanted to stay in the relationship with me, they said yeah but it was just. Yk when you realise the whole thing's kinda doomed to fail now, no turning back? Yeah it felt like that. But I genuinely wanted to make it work because everything was great between us before!! They were like essentially the first person I genuinely fell for despite not being the first person I've dated cuz I don't??? I don't fall for anyone usually, so I think that had something to do w me crashing out. Like I looked back at my priv twt and felt BAD for myself. It didn't feel like they were putting in the effort though, but I tried to be understanding cuz they were busy!!! Much busier than I am

But it's the fact that this was a long distance relationship 💀 and it never became anything beyond that. There were times when we both were like "LET'S MEET UP" and talk about hypothetical plans but they either forget or back away. Which I get it for them bc they don't deal well with change and unfamiliar territory, but still it was a bit. Sigh. I think that's what drove me wild. Like as much as I wanted to be patient, and I really did try, but it was the constant bringing-up and getting my hopes up bc I really wanted to be with them. NOT EVEN A LONG DISTANCE AWAY MIND YOU IT'S BASICALLY A FEW HOURS, MAYBE LESS

BUT anyway. So that's the background right. Skip to December, where they're still busy but that's bc they went to a different country to visit family for Christmas. Or at least that's what I assumed anyway. Still low effort replies, and if they ever talked to me, it was never about stuff that relates to us, but moreso about either their friends (which fair enough friends are important to her) or Arcane (oh this was annoying. Cuz this was basically when they started to lose their attention on me. OVER FUCKING CAITVI?????) so I kinda. Got jealous. Which was so fucking stupid what is wrong with me 😞😞😞😞 but at the same time we barely talked, they barely asked if I was okay and everything, and only really talked if I did for a good while

One of the days, like literally a day before Christmas Eve, I was going on about how I missed them and that I hoped we'll be texting more after the New Year cuz I understood that they weren't free bc I mean. It's Christmas, and they adore their cousins and stuff and I wanted them to enjoy it esp when they LOVE the holidays. I just wanted to tell them like I felt sidelined recently bc we hadn't talked to each other fully in a while and I missed it. But I shit you guys not 😭 tell me why 😭 while I'm working 😭 they send me 😭 AN ENTIRE FUCKING ESSAY??????

The summary (iirc bc I'm not looking at that again bro) was basically that they apologised for making me feel sidelined, but this whole time they hadn't been hanging out with friends and stuff bc THEY TRIED TO DECIDE WHETHER TO BREAK UP WITH ME OR NOT??????? Bc of personal stuff in the past they'll never be healrd from and that committment was always gonna be an issue in our relationship. Said smth about how they were ready to be with me, but realised that they?? They basically said they couldn't handle my freak (and not the fun kind) EVEN THOUGH I TOLD THEM I WAS FREAKY BOTH WAYS 😭😭😭😭😭😭

And then they then say like they think it's best for us to go NO CONTACT. And I told them that one of the worst things that someone could do for me is decide in my stead. They did that anyway lol. This is so funny too bc I remember checking our social medias together after reading and finding out that they blocked me on every fucking thing (even SPOTIFY) like immediately. I could not say SHIT to them bro. They said smth about how we were two broken people trying to make it work, along with some flowery shit and how it'd be best if we went our separate ways and we'd be happier bc we really weren't meant to be (idk man we had like really coincidental shit going on like birthdays and stuff idk). And then at the end they left this Christmas gift which was this site thing with a bunch of songs that reminded them of us

Needless to say I was destroyed lol. I couldn't do anything or say anything and I genuinely think if we just talked it out, we'd still be talking bc I thought it was just massively blown out of proportion—not as a couple, probably, but still friends. I was absolutely gutted and the worst part was I couldn't let myself process anything bc at that time, I was at work 🤷‍♀️ and my house has really thin walls so everyone can hear me cry if I did

But tbh I could never hate them. Dislike the things they did? Yeah absolutely but not hate. How could I hate the person who made me happy for basically near half a year? Maybe in another universe, we're more stable and we met up and we're in a happy relationship, but not in this one ig!!!!! I know I'm not getting in another relationship again though HAAHHAA absolute hassle

Dude I can't even hoe around bc I'm introverted as fuck and I'm not classic beauty standard level holy fuck god hates me??????????

[joonberriess]

vent warning - sorry, you’re just my comfort account on here and i don’t have anyone else to talk to. I’ve just seen other people rant to you before so i thought it’d be okay? if it’s not i totally understand, you can just ignore this. but I apologize for bothering, i just need someone as of now.

so my ex-best friend replaced me for a girl she’s only known for 1-3 months and she’s known me for a over a year.

today, I texted her that I didn’t wanna be friends with her no more because what can I do about being replaced?

she asked me why, I told her, and a few mins after we talked, she posted a video with the girl she replaced me with. mind you, that video was made on a DIFFERENT day. she could’ve posted it any offer day but she decided to post it the day I talked to her about how I felt about being replaced.

so, I said fuck it because that’s petty and she knows what she’s doing. mind you, my paragraph was sincere and genuine. It was passive aggressive nor rude. she said no “beef” either but she knows what she’s doing posting that on the same day when the vid was recorded on a different day?

so I told her I just don’t wanna be friends with her at all. At first, we settled on being acquaintances, but since she did that I just didn’t wanna be her friend no more.

she said that she’s “sorry” and she “understands” why I don’t wanna be friends with her no more. by the way, the ratio between my texts & hers was literally insane because she was giving me one sentence per text and I was giving paragraphs and multiple texts…

and she decides to act “nonchalant” and she’s one of those people who think that nonchalant people are weird? yet she’s doing that to me?

basically, ever since she became friends with that other girl, who is a bad influence, she stopped caring about every other friend around her, including me, who was her closest.

she’s also changed a lot and she’s grown meaner. she also rubbed their friendship in my face whenever me and her used to call.

im so sorry, I just really needed someone to talk to because it just pisses me off and hurts me a lot. im the only one affected by our friendship being thrown away while she couldn’t care less.

honestly fuck her u deserved better and STILL do. fren im feeling as if she secretly been like this all along, but my thing is bitches like these piss me off cause like what are you her little lapdog? idk how she might have been before but this person just brought it out of her lol, like her true self. good that u cut things off with her, let her have her new friend and let her slowly realize on her own how everyone else is gonna leave her behind and she’s gonna b stuck with her new bestie bc she chose to cut everyone off with her weird ass behavior. im sorry this happened to you lovely, and i do sincerely hope that you can meet someone else who will make you feel better and won’t treat you like she did. 🫂🫂🫂🩷

[taylor]

If the following situation happened to you, how would you feel? Because I’m really hurt and pissed but maybe I’m missing something obvious?

- Last Tuesday, my friend Jordyn invited me and another friend to a bar this weekend on Saturday (last night).

- Saturday morning (yesterday) she texts the group chat and verifies we’re still down for the night - the plan at this point is meet at Jordyn’s house at 7 to leave together to the bar.

- It’s 6:30 PM and I’ve been cleaning the house and realize I’m going to be late, so I call Jordyn to let her know I’ll just meet her at the bar. She doesn’t answer, so I check my texts and see that I missed where she said at 3:40 PM in the group text: “Change of plans no bar tonight the vibe is weird”. I reply back asking about the vibe being weird and she texts me one on one saying she’ll call me in 10 minutes and I’m like sweet cool that’s fine - that’s at 6:30 PM. (for context, she was at a friend’s graduation, and had to see a girl she’s been in a semi-fight and big misunderstanding with, so my assumption is the “vibe” being off was due to this other girl and her boyfriend, who Jordyn had been somewhat involved with at some point.)

- I’m not the kind of person who thinks 10 minutes HAS to always mean 10 minutes, so I continue cleaning and an hour and 20 minutes go by and I decide to text her like bestie what’s the tea i’m so curious (this is at like 7:50 PM i think?) and right after i send it I open my find my friends app and I see Jordyn literally pull up at the bar, like the timing was insane to actually see her pull up like that.

- So she’s at the bar, that she said earlier tonight wasn’t happening anymore. I’m pissed because I feel like somewhere along the line she lied to me and I don’t understand why. Either she lied about me being invited to the bar in the first place, which doesn’t make sense, or she lied about it being cancelled, or just lied by omission. I ended up checking her location like 4 hours later and she was still at the bar (she’s home now so she didn’t leave her phone there like she’s done before lol).

…would y’all feel the same anger/resentment/sadness/etc that I feel? Because Jordyn and I recently got into a huge argument where I told her I felt she didn’t value our friendship because she kept cancelling plans last minute and I just wanted to hang out with her and it felt like I didn’t matter enough to her for her to always come up with an excuse for why today wouldn’t work - to her credit, though, when we finally talked things through 2 weeks later, she apologized for always cancelling or changing plans and said she’d try to be better about it (which is all anyone can ask for, for someone to TRY, and the result is MORE time with my bestie, which I always want). Then this happens not even a week after we reconciled over her CANCELLING AND CHANGING PLANS ALL THE TIME? like maybe i’m just an idiot but it seems to me like maybe not ideal to cancel plans with someone only to keep those same plans actually and just lol never reply to them?

Also, I texted her a few minutes later after I saw her get to the bar and I suggested seeing a movie or going to the bar anyway - I didn’t wanna be the weirdo who’s like I SEE YOURE AT THE BAR WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT but honestly i was hoping she’d just say “omg come on by, the plans are back on!!” bc i was literally ready to go out and have fun, and i wanted to even try to give her an “out” where she could see i was still trying to make something happen, but wasn’t calling her out (even tho i probably rightfully could have). so anyway, i did text her at 8 pm with that idea and then at like 12:45 she’s still at the fucking bar and has yet to text me back, which will probably happen tomorrow but until then i’m just left to sit here and wonder what the fuck just happened and maybe she just doesn’t want me around? am i oblivious to this and maybe i’ve been recently annoying her and she felt like she had no option but to not re-invite me? or had no option but to lie? she’s like my best friend irl and so i don’t want to lose her but i don’t like this icky feeling i’ve got going on

[evansbby]

like when I lived in Pakistan I had NO CLUE the west hated us so much and thought we were some backwards people when really we’re not at all!//

Bestie we’re living the same life because I thought this as well!!! Like I moved to the UK from Morocco when I was around 8 or 9 and I never realized how much the west actually hated us. It only really dawned on me when my mum picked me up once from school and other parents were looking at her weird and LITERALLY pulling their kids to the side as if she had some disease. It broke my heart because she’s the nicest woman ever and to see people just blatantly have so much hatred for her because she’s wearing the hijab makes me so sad.

When I still used to live in Morocco, I’d see tourists from the west sometimes, and I remember one woman who asked me for directions and she was so nice to me that I immediately thought that everyone must be this nice from the west….I was HORRIBLY wrong💀 I was more surprised that she could speak Amazigh so well instead of if she was wearing a hijab or not, because that’s literally the first thing western people see, a piece of cloth wrapped around my head.

Also about that magazine cover??? Wtf😭 How did they not think that shit was, I don’t know, maybe VERY islamphobic??? (also how did your teacher react to your essay? I know my friend also did something similar and she had to redo it because ‘University isn’t the place to discuss these matters’💀 the teacher is very ignorant and racist so it didn’t really surprise me tbh)

I can go on and on about how the west RUINED peoples views of muslims, because it actually makes me so mad and so sad that this is the world live in rn😕

That’s so awful and I feel so bad for you bc it’s genuinely such a shitty thing to go through 😭😭😭 For me it wasn’t as bad of an experience, bc as I said before I don’t wear hijab, so most people don’t even think I’m Muslim (and this is a different topic but I found that so strange, bc where I grew up in Pakistan, most everyone was Muslim and not many people wore hijab? But when I moved to the UK I saw many more hijabis than I ever did in Pakistan).

Anyways, bc I didn’t cover my hair, they’d treat me fine, but then I’d hear the way they spoke about Muslims and I’d be so disgusted… like they have this inner hatred and you get this helpless feeling as if you can’t do anything to change that bc it feels like it’s in their DNA to hate us 😭😭 it fucking sucks! It especially hurts when they pick out random crimes committed by random men who happen to be Muslim and they’re like “see!!! This is the so called religion of peace!1!1” bestie I HATE when they do that! They lump as all in as one and it’s like nothing we say or do can change that even thought all we’re doing is existing!!! (I say “we” but please understand that I know the plight is worse for hijabis and they are treated worse!)

My professor was actually a middle aged white man and he loved the essay bestie 😭😭😭 he gave me a first (A*) and I got very good feedback and it’s an essay I was very proud of bc I felt vindicated that this white man understood what I was saying 😭😭😭🤧🤧🤧

Also when I moved to the UK, the kids in my class thought Pakistan was a barren desert 💀💀💀 they literally don’t see anything outside of themselves bestie they don’t know shit 🤧🤧

[ethaninthewilde]

SO I have now watched the first 2 eps 4 times, and on the 4th time I was taking notes on my thoughts so I present to you: ethan's PJO brainrot (warning: there's a lot)

EPISODE ONE

- Percy is given the sword early. I don't love this change but ok, not a big deal

- I love the rep of Nancy's subtle bullying. so much bullying shown in tv is the classic shoving against lockers, give me your lunch money, beating up the weird kid, etc., but it is not all that. the much more subtle emotional bullying is just as harmful. especially the "Percy's special" which was used against me so many times in school. struck a chord. love to see acknowledgement of hat type of bullying on screen.

- "no, no, if there's one thing I know about bullies it's that you never, ever want to stand up to them" Grover uhhhh idek where to start with that 

- the Mrs dodds scene seemed pretty anticlimactic?? in the books it felt much more bigger, like much more of a turning point for Percy, but in this it just was like, ok, that happened, next 

- not only that but Percy was much more open to Sally about what had happened with Mrs dodds. he didn't give her the specifics, ofc, but it was still much more than book Percy telling Sally nothing had happened and he was fine bc he didn't want to worry her. 

- it didn't change anything in the narrative, but it was an interesting choice by the directors to change it 

- when Percy's passed out on the floor after he kills Alecto there's this one kid that just goes "is he dead?" and idk I just found that funny

- ok I understand why he did it but damnn Grover a snitchhh I would've been so mad 

- eddie in the books is one of gabe's poker buddies but in the show he appears as a plumber? that change confused me a little bit. in the book Percy gets home to Eddie and gabe and another friend (forgotten his name) playing poker and gabe is asking for whatever money he has and Eddie goes "he just got home. go easy on the kid". now with this change I'm wondering when Percy goes to see the oracle, who will deliver the prophecy lines? it's supposed to be all 4 of gabe's poker buddies who say one line each but now??? I guess we'll see

- also on the topic of gabe--if he's not employed, will we get the "I'm sure he will want to reward everyone in this wonderful city free appliances from his store, here's the number" scene? or maybe he will get a job halfway through the season or something? idk

- I wonder if they will elaborate on gabe's character before the end of the season where he gets turned into stone or if that's all we really see of him. I really hope they portray the extent of gabe's abuse, because it was really important to both Sally and Percy's characters, and also young kids watching this show for the first time need to know that this type of abuse is not okay. 

- ok moving on from gabe now

- the choice to play Olivia Rodrigo in the first scene we get of Sally? top tier. I don't think Sally would listen to Olivia but as backing music it works.

- I feel like Sally's character in the show is more tough than anything. In the book she is characterised by her kindness, her devotion to Percy. you do see her devotion and kindness but in the book she is more silently strong than outwardly. I have mixed feelings about this, but she delivers anyway. 

- "you fell in love with God? like--like, like Jesus?" had me CACKLING 

- Percy's conviction that "there's something wrong with my brain" as a young kid with learning disabilities got me. I cannot elaborate on this right now but it hit as someone who used to be absolutely convinced of the same 

- really wanted to see Percy call Grover a donkey, but alas, I shall live

- love that they kept the minotaurs underpants joke 

- in the midst of the car crashing and them being chased etc., Percy's like "what's  ahead of me?" and Grover just goes "I'm actually 24" like bestie hon you cannot just slip that in casually your best friend is already losing it

- Sally making he Minotaur get hit by a truck was INSANE. I love her so much. badass 

- no no no no "you're gonna need to be brave now. remember what I taught you. remember the stories ... Perseus! listen to me. you are not broken. You are singular. You are a miracle. and you are my son. hold fast. brave the storm. I love you." LITERALLY HAD ME IN TEARS IN TEARS 

- "you are not broken" 

- ANNABETH ANNABETH ANNABETH ANNABETH ANNABETH 

- HE MUST BE THE ONE 

- the credits are so pretty I want prints 

- love that we get post credit teasers like cable 

EPISODE TWO

- annabeth standing over Percy's bed in the infirmary in the first scene of Ep 2!!! that's our GIRL

- "where am I?" "you drool when you sleep" SCREAMING 

- Percy's first question being about his mum : 0

- "your job was to get me here alive. so your job is done." Grover honey I'm so sorry you did your best and we love you

- "it was so important bc of my father. so I'm gonna go find him" yeah that's actually not at all how it works sorry good luck tho

- MR D IS PERFECT 

- "PETER JOHNSON IS HERE"

- "yeah, I heard him the first time" "but did you???" OBSESSED 

- "excuse me, your highness" LMAOOOO just thinking about Percy looking back on this in five years and just hating himself for it 

- "actually, I think I can ... Son" "dad???" "yes, Peter" I love him, fav 

- just this entire scene was amazing 

- I wanna make a map of camp 

- THE OWLS IN THE TREES

- "check ur pocket" "no, I-" "check. ur pocket"

- the cabins look so cool

- THE BLUE JELLYBEANS. ITS GONNA BE OKAY PERCY BABY

- nah bc how am I supposed to hate Luke when he looks like THAT and acts like THAT. he's so kind to Percy and it's like he's genuinely wants to help and feels bad for Percy. ugh he deserved so much better

- also Percy looks so SMALL next to Luke. a literal child

- background grover lore?? is that his mother?? 

- "I assume they'd get really squishy like- like an old banana maybe?" Grover so silly so goofy love <3

- "but you haven't told him anything?" "no, and no one is gonna tell him anything" I feel like this is the scene where you can see that mr D really is a god. there's power in his voice and his eyes. the room LISTENS to him.

- gods I still cannot believe I'm actually getting to watch this show after literally so many years of being with Percy 

- Luke I'm in love with you

- "spend too much time trying to figure out why the gods do what they do, and you'll drive yourself crazy" we're so early in and already Luke's character is LAYERED in foreshadowing I love it 

- Luke's speech about glory!! I love that we're really getting into his character and his thought patterns 

- I would let Clarisse shove me into the ground any time ngl

- this convo between Luke and Percy makes it so easy to see how Percy could have gone down Luke's path. you can see his anger. his spite. his pride. if he had been left unclaimed, he very much could have followed Luke. this is where their paths split. this is how Luke's narrative started. 

- WHEELCHAIR USER REP. upset that they left out grover's crutches but at least we got this

- BECKENDORF?? THAT YOU???? 

- run Percy run get outta there u did nothing 

- Chris Rodriguez my child 

- "they like the smell of begging" well he's not wrong 

- Luke I'm in love with you 

- Percy burning his Jellybeans had me shaking 

- "I'm gonna make him come down here. I'm gonna make him see me. I'm gonna make him see both of us" CHILLS. see above 

- ANNABETH AND PERCYS INTERACTIONS ARE EVERYTHING I COULDVE ASKED FOR 

- "I can explain" "no you can't" "I know you" "no, you don't" "you were there that night" "yes" "are you stalking me?" "yes" I love her so much 

- artemis statue? Athena? 

- "whose side are you on?" "oh, hers, always" ARE YOU THO? ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? but also, correct answer 

- SO glad they went the little sister path instead of the weird crush thing in the books. so glad 

- I feel like Luke has a much more major mentor role in this than he does in the books. he takes quite a bit of what Grover and Annabeth were doing in the books. I do really like it though, as I think it will really work to drive his betrayal home much more when it happens. I also appreciate being able to see more of his character, his values, his attitudes, than Percy did in the books.

- I might write an essay on Luke's character arc check back with me in a week 

- So happy we got to see capture the flag on screen 

- The way annabeth just COMMANDS even though she's literally twelve, a baby, and everyone respects her 

- FIXING HIS ARMOUR 

- the combat choreography is SO good 

- Luke and Chris: "when it's time, he's gonna be ready. I know it" foreshadowing? 

- god I love women

- "who's Sally Jackson?" oh do NOT say that to him

- I really love that they emphasised how Percy only took the quest to save his mother. the quest was never actually about the bolt, not to Percy. it's about a boy's love for his mother. that's the most important thing. 

anyways that's all for now!! be back tomorrow when I've watched it again. sorry not sorry, gonna go finish house of hades now 

(hit me up if you wanna overanalyse percy jackson with me)

@goinginsaneinthemembrane

WATCHED THE FIRST 2 PJO EPISODES @goinginsaneinthemembrane AND I AM LOSING MY ACTUAL FUCKING SHIT

pjo tv spoilers //

- DIONYSUS' "hello son" "you're my father?" "yes, but ah--before we talk can you fetch me that bottle of wine?"

- ANNABETHS PERFECT CASTING

- "have you been there the whole time?" "yes" "are you stalking me?" "yes"

- LUKES SCAR. THE WAY HE ACTS LIKE AN OLDER BROTHER.

- PERCY TALKING TO HIS MUM THROUGH THE FLAME. "i think i've really made some friends here" TALKING ABT LUKE AND WE JUST KNOW HES GONNA BE BETRAYED AND IT HURTS SO GOOD

- CAMP!! SO PRETTY!!! SO PRETTY!!!!!

- GROVERS LIL HORNS

- PERCYS ANGER AT HIS FATHER. PERFECTLY PORTRAYED. AND YOU CAN SEE PERFECTLY HOW IT COULD ESCALATE TO LUKES ABSOLUTE HATRED OF THE GODS

- "hold fast. brave the storm" GOT ME SOBBING

- THE MINOTAUR IN HIS FUCKING UNDERWEAR

- god i love this show

- everything about it is perfect perfect PERFECT

- "is there a greek god of disappointment?" "well, technically-"

- mythomagic

- percy fucking FLOSSING. taking a nap. petting a lizard.

- THALIAS NAME PRONUNCIATION. I WAS RIGHT. I WAS RIGHT YALL. YALL TOLD ME I WAS WRONG WHEN I WAS LIKE 12 BUT I WAS RIGHT

- annabeth shoving percy back into the water instead of him just being there is lmaoooooo

- THEME SONG THEME SONG WE GOT A THEME SONG

(edit:)

- WAIT I FORGOT I FORGOT HOW COULD I: "you are your father's son." "i am sally jackson's son." HIT SO HARD

- "you drool when you sleep" SHE SAID THE WORDS SHE SAID THE WORDS WE GOT TO SEE THEM ON SCREEN. WE GOT TO HEAR THE WORDS.

--

only complaints:

- didn't get to see the fates

- gabe seemed less confronting than i feel he should've been, but i understand he is a character that is hard to capture, especially in a PG show

other than this everything i could've hoped for. i cried so much. 9 year old me is finally content.

brb gonna go rewatch and update this

[trauma-aquarium]

Okay brace yourselves, folks, this is the story of how I discovered owls living in my stove exhaust thingy on the upper floor and how I saved them from death by the hands (claws) of crows, and they became my guardians.

It all started when I was in my backyard and by chance, saw an owl peeking at me from the exhaust outlet on the upper floor.

Sorry for the low quality I had to zoom a lot from my sorry excuse of a phone. 

Anyways, this is mommy owl and she had given birth to a lot of noisy kids which we could hear and smell (fowl smell) from the kitchen, and it was really hard to go to the upper floor without wanting to throw up. My father insisted we call someone and get the owls out and leave them in a yard or something.

What my father didn’t know was that me and my elder brother are softies when it comes to birds (he’s a softie for birds, i’m a softie for all animal-kind). So this man comes and after much struggle and a screeching mother (and a possible father), we manage to take out the owls.

And as you can see, they were very angry. These are the kids, mind you.

Anyways, me, the only one in the family with actual empathy for animals (and less empathy for humans bc why) and a brain that works when it comes to their care, I took these little owls to the balcony, quite close to the exhaust outlet you just saw, hoping their parents would come and maybe take them or whatever. Only then I realized that the parents themselves were smol, and couldn’t quite possibly take them anywhere. So here they are, in my balcony, defenseless, especially during the day.

And they were FIVE OWL BABIES. I was suddenly a single mother at the age of 20. 

Anyways, I pet them, they try to bite me and I’m okay with that, my softie brother also gets scared easily so he just watches me do my thing- that being making them feel comfortable and safe, providing food which they didn’t quite eat bc babies. 

But then I had to be on guard duty because of the damned crows who came in groups (freaking murder of crows) and tried to attack/literally murder or eat alive the poor babies. And I was having none of that.

In the hot month of May, I was on day duty scaring off crows and praying the mother would return at night. Oh, and she did. Probably cursed at me for wrecking her home (sorry but it was inevitable) and shouted at me to leave, and I did, fearing what tomorrow held.

But tomorrow was the same.

So the mother and the possible dad disappeared during the days, but the babies were active (somewhat) probably because of all the noise me and the crows made. I did my thing- petted them, gave them water, played with them if they felt like it. They gave me rashes but I was okay.

Days passed, and the owls were entering pre-teens (judging by how they started rebelling and fighting with each other) and finally came out of the little tub on their own. I felt so proud. Now they had the whole balcony all to themselves (and me, of course). And they were scared of me no more. I would help them in and out of the tub if they wanted. 

They would sleep near the stairs and I’d caress their heads and they’d give me a smile (no i didn’t imagine that). And the crows would come and they would get scared for a second and look like this:

Yellow eyes. So cute.

Anyways, the mother owl and I had an understanding now too. Where she previously used to scare me when sunset approached and screech at me, she would now simply come and sit at one of the wires in front of my house and watch me pet her children and say NOTHING. And then I would wave at her and go inside and she would come and feed her children. She wasn’t all that bad. And the possible father would guard or something- I could see them from downstairs if I walked in front of my house.

This whole ordeal lasted for two months before the kids were finally old enough to fly, and I may have cried happy tears. I thought it was over now- they would move away and we’d never see each other again. But then-

I saw this from my window, my room being downstairs (don’t mind the wires, it was to keep robbers out bc robbers suddenly decided our housing society was a good place to collect money from). So everyday sunset, I’d draw my curtains apart and they would come and sit right outside my window (look at how grown they are!) and we’d screech at each other which was our love language.

So whenever I went out for a walk, there would be 5 kids and sometimes, their mommy, my guardians now. They would walk with me (fly with me, actually.) They would jump from wire to wire and occasionally, when they didn’t feel shy, they would scoop really low, circle around me and go back.

Yes. I was their Disney Princess, and I fucking felt like it too.

I called them ‘my owl friends’. I’d go out at night, look around and say ‘my owl friends, where y’all at?’ and they would come, making weird owl noises, circle around me and walk with me.

It was truly magical, and though I’m a huge cat person, I wouldn’t mind living with owls (even though they’re extremely smelly sometimes and want to eat me sometimes bc meat).

Here’s a last cute picture of my owl besties

I love them so much. I moved houses (only like three streets away but the owls couldn’t have known... could they?) and had to leave them behind, but here’s where a plot twist happens.

I think they might have put in a good word about me in the owl community, because the owls- different ones- occasionally come by. And they only come to ME.

Like this one time I was in the front yard of my house and two owls paid a visit.

Or this one time I was walking in the park in front of my house and two owls circled around me, ignoring my mom and little brother, and sat on a tree, watching me the whole time.

Either I’m a Disney Princess or these owls are planning some weird shit. Whatever it is, I’m in for it.

[dxncingwithastrxnger]

el and lucas will definitely be besties in S5 and i will live for it. they cry each other's shoulders and read stories to max together.

lucas now knows more than ever what mike went through when he didn't know if el was still alive and el now holds and kisses him tighter bc she feels bad that she didn't even give him a sign back then. after all, unlike max, she was able to do it.

Oh, they most definitely will!! They're definitely gonna spend a lot of time at the hospital together in Max's room, taking turns reading and both of them crying every so often as they talk about different things. Despite the circumstances of it, I'm really glad they'll be able to get some of that bonding time in, tbh 😌

Yeah, I think both Lucas and El are gonna have a whole new level of respect for Mike and see him in some whole new lights that they weren't really able to see him in before because they didn't fully understand until now because of what's going on with Max, honestly. Lucas and Mike are gonna talk about it at some point and Lucas is going to reference a good point. The rest of the party never fully realized how upset he was back then when El was gone. They all thought he had been pretty happy and okay, all things considered. Yeah, he'd act a little weird sometimes and he wasn't doing as great in school, but for the most part, with the rest of the Party, he was his normal self. And then Mike explained that it's because he didn't want to tell anyone. Half the time, he felt like he was going crazy and sometimes he wouldn't even be sure if El really was still alive or if he was just lying to himself. But either way, he knew the others wouldn't believe him and he didn't want to deal with that. His friends were happy. Will was back, Halloween was coming up, one they'd been planning for for ages, and things were good. And then he tells Lucas that truthfully, he was actually getting in trouble a lot, and in a lot of ways, he was kind of miserable. Lucas feels bad about it but Mike tells him to shut up, it's in the past, and "Hey, at least I was right in the end, anyways. Would've been great if I had been able to rub that in your guys' faces, but oh well, at least I got her back." and it's all gonna be good.

And then with El, she's just gonna go up to Mike at some point and just say, "I'm sorry" and Mike's just gonna be like, "????" And then El's gonna tell him that she's sorry for not sending him a sign all the way back then, when she was living in the cabin and he called her everyday. She said that she should have, because she was able to, and it wasn't fair for her to leave him hanging, when she knew fully well that he was alive. And then when her eyes start tearing up, Mike just pulls her into his arms and holds her close, kissing the top of her head and telling her that she doesn't need to apologize, because despite everything, she needed to be safe, and he knew that if he had gotten that sign from her, then he would of went out and tried to find her and he wouldn't stop until he eventually did and he could've lead others right to her location in the process and who knows what would've happened then. It was good that she didn't give him a sign, in the long run, and it doesn't even matter anymore because he got her back and he has her here right with him and she's never going away again because he's never going to let her go ever again and better be ready to deal with that. And then El laughs a little through her tears, the whole thing muffled because her face is buried in Mike's chest and she squeezes him, her arms wrapping around his waist a little tighter as she says, "I am not going anywhere ever again. I will never leave again unless you are with me this time. And if people think that I am dead again, I will make sure you know that I am not. I promise." And Mike then just smiles and buries his face in her hair and says, "Good. I promise the same." and then they just stay there holding each other for a little while <3333

UGH, I want all of it so badly, man. Thank you so much for sharing this all with me!!! I absolutely love it and I appreciate it so much!!!! Hope you're have a great day/night!!! 💜💜💜

[leahblackk]

Hello so for Halloween angst i had two ideas

1. Y/n and spencer have been besties forever and he gets a girlfriend and then the story tells how y/n suffered and then he is getting married and the rest is up to you! (happy ending hopefully)

2. Y/n and Spencer are having an affair bc he's married to Maeve and it's very angsty

Hello! No one of these has happy endings so I gave the second a twist. I would never let Spencer cheat on my girl Maeve.

Warnings: Mentions of affair but nothing actually happened. Please don’t see Maeve as the bad one here, she’s just so amazing.

As Halloween came to the door, Y/n was excited to celebrate with her boyfriend, Spencer Reid. Both of them were fans of the spookiness and the cold breeze of October.

She walked through the streets of DC while a coat held her trying to prevent the cold from freezing her bones, and then she saw a little store of sweets. Y/n excitedly entered the shop sounding the little bell above her head and made her way through the store to then to her apartment.

She softly entered thinking that it only was her. She left her coat and shoes and walked around with her mismatched socks up to her room to eat her sweets and watch some spooky movies, but he heard Spencer talking.

“Yeah, I’m glad we can talk,” he spoke moving around. Y/n stopped from opening the door and coming in and stood up outside with a smile hearing her boyfriends voice, “Oh yeah, I just came in actually,” he spoke again.

She wondered who was the other person in the other line, “No, she’s not here apparently,” he said, and Y/n frowned and Spencer chuckled, “Yeah Maeve, but is a shame we can’t meet.”

She stood frozen. Maeve? Who was Maeve?

Y/n finally open the door and Spencer looked at her with a smile with his phone still on his ear, “I’ll call you later, bye,” he said and put the phone down looking at his girlfriend. She looked gorgeous, “Hi angel,” he greeted.

Y/n didn’t know how to react. She didn’t want to make a scene about it, after all, she didn’t know who Maeve was. But, it hurt her just to think Spencer could fall for someone else. She knew he wasn’t capable of cheating, he just wasn’t like that. But the wonder still remains.

“Hi,” she said with a small smile stepping in and sitting in the bed with the bag.

“What’s that?” Spencer asked trying to make more conversation as he saw his girlfriend weirdly. There was something about it that wasn’t right with her, but he couldn’t figure out what just know.

“Some sweets. I didn’t know you were here so I planned on watching some movies and eating them,” she spoke, her voice almost a whisper looking at her hands as she feared her voice would break.

“What’s wrong, angel?” Spencer asked as he heard her. Getting closer to her, but she didn’t let him, standing up.

“N-nothing. Don’t worry, I’m just really tired. Did you eat anything?” She softly asked looking up at him looking at his concerned eyes.

“Yeah, I did. We all ate after the case. Why? Are you hungry? I can make you something or we can order some take-out, your favourite food,” he asked trying to take care of her. To ease her worries. But that didn’t work.

“No, it’s okay. I’m not hungry, I just wonder. So I have some work to do so I’ll be out there if you need anything. Y-you should rest,” Y/n was out of the room before she heard Spencer’s response and went to the small balcony they had, closing the door and locking it. She turned around while the wind violently moved her hair and left her tears out, looking back from time to time to see if Spencer wasn’t there looking at her.

…

Spencer wonder what happened for her to act so distant, so worried and the pain in her eyes it really broke him. Was it him? Or something happened when he was away? Or maybe she was falling out of love?

He didn’t know but either way, he was really worried. He needed to talk to her.

Spencer walked to the balcony, where he knew she was, she always work there or when she’s upset. He tried to open the door but then realized it was locked and there it was the confirmation to his doubts; Y/n was definitely upset.

Spencer knocked on the glassed door waiting for her to open it and hopefully she would hear the knocking and she did. She hugged herself while she opened the door, and Spencer felt the cold air when it touched his skin, “Y/n are you out there with this cold and without a cardigan or coat? You’re gonna get sick,” he said taking her arm and letting her step inside. She didn’t say anything, she just gave him her back.

Spencer closed the door and looked at her. He walked to her putting his hands on her cold arms and caressing them, “What’s wrong, angel?” He asked once more, but there was no response.

He put one hand on her waist turning her around, and he saw the tears falling down her cheeks, “Angel,” he whispered voice full of pain to see her in such a state, “What’s wrong? Please please talk to me. I wanna help you,” he pleaded, hugging her, but she didn’t hugged him back. Spencer had to ask now, the question that haunted him, “I wanna know. Did something happen when I was away? A-are you? Um, don’t you love me anymore?” He asked, voice breaking in the process.

She looked up at him with confusion, “What?”

“Yes, you’ve been acting weird since I came home. You didn’t let me touch you or get close to you and it worries me,” he said looking at her trying to read her.

“Spencer if you want to break up with me do it know, seriously. I can’t with this anymore,” now Spencer was confused.

“Why would I break up with you?” Y/n looked down and didn’t say anything, “Angel please talk to me.”

“I-I just,” she sighed, “I don’t want to be jealous or possessive or anything at all, but I’m just worried and when I came home I heard you talking with someone, M-Maeve. And you said it was a shame you couldn’t meet, and that got me thinking that maybe you are the one who fell out of love. And believe me, I-i don’t judge you at all, I just wished you could’ve told me sooner, and if Maeve makes you happy then I’m happy for you,” Spencer’s heart broke.

He couldn’t shake his head fast enough, “No, angel no,” he said trying to make her look at him, “I would never fell out of love with you, in fact, my love for you grows every day with everything of you and I would never want anyone else, let alone cheat on you. Maeve is a doctor, she’s my friend and she had helped me with my migraines and I wanted you to meet her but things are complicated with her right now, and I really appreciate her but, she’s not you,” Spencer spoke. She didn’t look at him, she was ashamed. “look at me, please,” she didn’t follow so Spencer grabbed her face with both hands and put their forehead together, kissing her cheek, “I would never fall out of love with you, angel. No one compares to you, I’m so in love with you, you have me wrapped around your finger and if you want to see me happy as you said before just look at me,” Y/n did, Spencer caressed her cheek giving her a quick pick on the lips, “There she is. The prettiest girl in the world,” he kissed her cheeks and then her lips, taking his time, “My pretty girl,” he repeated between kisses.

“I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions,” she whispered. Spencer shook his head.

“You actually acted very maturely. I would’ve begged you not to leave me if I ever heard you talking like that with someone else,” she shook her head.

“I love you,” she spoke.

“Hm, you love me?” She nodded, “Guess what? I love you so much more. More than anything, you know that right?”

“Yes.”

“Good. But I will keep reminding you for the rest of my life if that’s okay with you.”

“Only if you let me do that too.”

“It would be an honour,” he said kissing her while they smiled in the middle of the kiss.

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 6

a/n: DKFJSLDKFSJ OMG YOU GUYS IVE LTR BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS FOR SO LONG AACCKKK!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also, omg im screeching bc BAHAHAHA THERE IS GOING TO BE A SLIGHT PLOT TWIST YOU GUYS!!!!!

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

- Ever since yn got lost during a trip to another school, the team made the rule that she has to hold one of their hands. Its probably so small compared against the boys. She got lost cause babie saw a cat

SKDLFJLSDKFJ EWWWWWWWW IM SCREECHING IN DISGUST RIGHT NOW LIKE THATS SO DIS COS TANG OIKAWA TOORU LIKE LEAVE MY GUY ALONE!!!!!!! #LETMAKKILIVE

lmao yep this is really happening

okay so anyways

you guys know how seijoh is like known around the prefecture right?

and we all know that nekomata and old ukai are like besties so they were talking over the phone right

and nekomata was complaining that his players were already fed up with playing against the same people and they wanted to be challenged and wanted new exposure to other players and all that jazz

old ukai was cackling at the other side bc haha youre actually begging me to find you new teams now?

but anyways

theyre like besties forever so ofc old ukai would help

and by help, he turned to poor zaddy keishin and told him to look for teams that could be sent up to tokyo and play against nekoma

‘what?! im already busy and i dont have time to scout-’

‘YOU WATCH YOUR TONGUE BOY! I CREATED YOUR FATHER AND WITHOUT HIM, YOU WOULDNT BE HERE TODAY!’

‘BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I WANTED TO BE ALIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!’

family goals 😍😍😍

but keishin still listened to his grandfather and recommended seijoh as being the one to go as they are one of the hardest to beat opponents in the preferecture

but its more like he wants to hear about nekoma being destroyed by oikawa’s service aces and grovel at their feet since naoi always made fun of them saying country boys arent as good as city boys

LIKE PLEASE

anyways!!!!!!

nekomata got word of it and immediately phoned aoba johsai and talked to the coach 

‘yes, i heard from an old friend of mine that you are quite strong’

nekomata praised, wanting and desperate to have them come up

‘and do you think your team is good enough to beat us?’

LMAO YESSSS GRANDPA IRIHATA!!! DRAG THEM KITTIES!!!!

WAIT NO THAT SOUNDS WRONG

but they settled on their disagreements and decided yep they were going to go up there and have a practice match

however

irihata and nekomata wanted their boys to be kept in the dark about who this team is as knowing them, they have sources to find them tapes of old plays

they wanted it to be a fair match

even the managers were being kept from it as they could easily be influenced by the players for that information

irihata walked into the gym and announced a team meeting to which they stopped

you sat down next to kyotani, who pulled you beside him and wrapped a protective arm around your waist

‘we have a practice match against a prominent team up in tokyo in 3 days. make sure you have your plays right and pat down as they are known to be quite an opponent’

the boys shouted a determined cheer and they all hussled back to practice

you were running around, tending to everyone with towels or medical tape

once you finally sat back down on the bench, you noticed your phone screen light up, indicating someone sent you a message

it was natsu

you swiped open and smiled softly at his picture

it a selfie of him in front of his school as you told him to send you a picture that he arrived safely

‘got here in one piece since im not ready to meet daddy satan yet’

i hate him you guys

after receiving news of his mother gaining custody of him, he cheered and was able to go back to tokyo without his father in the picture

lets just say,,, hes not nice

anyways

you were sad to let him go but you understood he missed his friends and his almost-boyfriend so you were able to say goodbye easily at the station

‘gross but im pretty sure katsuki would blow satan to smithereens’

‘hehe ;) he would’

‘N A S T Y’

you cringed but giggled and the team noticed so they tried hard to gain your attention back on them

‘aaa!!!!! y/n-chan!!! my leg!!!!’

‘i think i chopped off my finger!!!!’

‘my head snapped off my body!!!!!’

you rolled your eyes and placed your phone down before walking over to mattsun to help him snap his head back on his neck

finally, it was the day of the match

you were arranged to stay the night at tokyo to have a few practice matches with this unknown team

the team was arranged to meet at the train station at 9:45 since the train leaves at 10 

you arrived the earliest to keep track of everyone and just because you were actually kinda excited

theres this weird feeling in your stomach that isn’t exactly bad but its,,, giddy

you sat on the bench, waiting for the team 

they all started arriving one by one and you were doing a headcount for everyone but you were missing one

you checked your phone and you noticed he was getting late

it was already 9:54

you hate it when people are late to meeting time so you were slightly irritated

you dialed up your captain’s number and you stood up, pacing around

‘hello~~~~ y/n-cha-’

‘oikawa-san! do you know what time it is?! you were arranged to come here at specifically 9:45 but its 14 minutes passed that so where the hell are you? you better have a good excuse you piece of-’

‘aww y/n-chan oikawa-san is sorry’

someone whispered in your ear from behind and you flinched, surprised at the sudden person

oikawa wrapped an arm around your waist while his other hung up the call and you turned around, arms crossed while pouting at him

‘sorrysorrysorry!’

he apologized and you rolled your eyes

‘i swear, oikawa-san. if i find out it was because of your hair again-’

‘oi shittykawa! your sister just called me and you left the curling iron on, you stupid bastard!’

iwaizumi’s shout made oikawa sweat and pale 

your eyes glinted dangerously 

‘this is the last straw, oikawa-san’

you growled and he shot down to his knees and was about to start praying to you when the coach decided he had enough entertainment for the day and called everyone to gather around

‘heres your tickets. this train will get us there around lunch time so dont worry about getting hungry’

the shinkansen train had 2-person seating so everyone fought secretly amongst each other to sit next to you

literally, their private group chat was blowing up until early this morning at the shouts and yells of everyone caps locking their arguments as to why they deserve to sit next to you

the only one who didnt was mattsukawa issei

bc quite frankly, he didnt care who he sat next to and although it sounds nice to be next to you, he isnt exactly the comfiest to sleep on due to the obvious size difference

lmao like your head probably wouldnt reach his shoulders bruh

now youre not oblivious

or blind

so you noticed the glares of everyone as you all stood for the train to come

and you also noticed mattsun just standing there, bored, so you sneaked over to him, wrapping your arms around him

‘arent you excited, mattsun-san?’

he gasped quietly at your sudden appearance but he smirked

‘its nothing special. just another team that we’re going to beat’

you giggled at his confidence and you walked in front of him so you could properly be held by him

it was practically second nature now by the way he just opened his arms and you crashed into them, his own wrapping around your shoulders to hold you tight

‘i love your confidence so much mattsun-san’

he flushed red and furrowed his eyebrows, head turning to the side to hide the obvious effect you had on him

‘whats the point of playing when you cant be confident’

‘aaaa why are you looking away mattsun-san!!!’

lmao when the team saw you sitting next to mattsun, they all felt so betrayed like bruh

ltr kyo and iwa were about to go feral

oikawa was like ready to screech his ass off but one look from you made him shut up

‘i sincerely, really, truly hope youre just complaining about the seat hurting your flat ass, oikawa-san’

KDFJLSDKFJSDL Y/N NO STOP IT

it was kinda funny actually bc everyone was all pouting and sulky while you just have mattsun who’s smirking like ‘beat that’

SDKFJLSDKF I LOVE MATTSUN’S SMIRK LIKE PLEASE OMG

ofc he let you sit at the window bc you love window seats

like iwa, he also pulls up the arm barrier thingy and you shuffle closer to him and mattsun practically combusts

the ride isnt expected to be very long but you still found yourself sleeping during it

mattsun has his arm around your shoulder while your head is leaning against his peck man boobie 

omg its so cute like he actually slides lower on the seat to help you reach his shoulder and hes slouching and back is hurting just for you

;’)

he was awake the whole time bc he couldnt sleep with his heart beating so hard it might rip out of his chest

ew thats kinda gorey

your hand was gripping his own and to pass time, he found himself fiddling with your fingers 

an unknown smile appeared on his face at the obvious size difference between yours and his

a finger traced different and foreign shapes just to feel the softness of your hand and he combusts again when you unconsciously squeeze his hand

mattsun couldnt help but bring your linked hands up and kiss the back of yours

it was soft, gentle, and his lips lingered there for more than a second

then a sudden feeling of fatigue washed over him and he leaned his cheek against the top of your head 

the last thing he remembers is the smell of your f/s (favorite smell) shampoo

then you guys arrived in tokyo

irihata had to personally wake you all up because even naoi fell asleep and everyone fell asleep

irihata gently shook mattsun awake and when the boy opened his eyes, the older man nodded over to your form

‘gently wake her up’

as if mattsun didnt already know

thats why he softly ran the pad of his thumb on your cheek that was exposed to the air

‘y/n~~’

he coos and your nose twitches, in between the border of dreams and reality

‘darling, wake up, baby bear’

FSDKLFJSDLKSDJKFJDSKLFJSDLFKSJDLF YOU GUYS I CANNNNTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also im listening to kataomoi by aimer  so that kinda influences the ‘darling

his deep voice that surprisingly reaches a level of quietness made your eyes flutter

your whole face scrunched at suddenly being woken up but the sight of mattsun’s genuine smile made you mirror it and cuddle closer for an extra dose of warmth

‘hmm, is my baby tired?’

he teasingly whispers and you nodded, snuggling even further and he gently cups your face

his hold had made your cheeks squeeze slightly together and your pout increased the cute factor 

‘nwoooo dont skweeze demmm’

you slurred and he chuckled

‘hai hai’

��kwiss it better’

you demanded and he full on laughed before moving his hands to your jaws so he could plant many kisses on your cheeks

the repeated kisses tickled so you giggled and squirmed

‘aaaaaa mattsun-san it tickles!!!’

your playful protests forced him to stop and allow you to actually sit up

as usual, your hair was a bird’s nest and mattsun attempted to settle it out

‘hah, y/n-chan your hair is like another being itself’

he choked out and you pouted at him

‘so mean! mattsun-san is so mean! baba-san! rescue me!!’

yahaba was known in the team to be the one who fixed your hair and you trusted him the most with it

hearing his name being called, the pretty boy dashed towards you and mattsun’s seats

‘is senpai giving you trouble again? come, honey, come to baba-san’

mattsun gave him a look for the younger’s passive agressive tone

oikawa immediately dashed over right next to yahaba

‘oh? y/n-chan! oikawa-san is here!!’

iwa and kyo growled

‘SHUT UP SHITTYKAWA!’

meanwhile irihata and naoi were just done

they just wanted to get off the train like is that such a big favor?

finally!!!!

seijoh was able to actually make it to the city and ngl, despite living in sendai, you were actually overwhelmed by the bustling city of tokyo

there were people all over the place and many cars and you were being pushed around

it didnt help that it was ltr lunch hour and a flurry of business people just flooded out of their buildings

you unconsciously gripped your bag and focused on just not tripping over people so your eyes were trained on your feet 

then in the corner of your eye, you saw a tiny animal that was in danger of being stepped on so you ofc had to go chase after it

you shouted at some people to watch out and to not step on it

but then it disappeared

the moment you looked up, everyone was gone

you panicked and your head was turning from side to side

‘MATTSUN-SAN?! IWA-SAN?! KYO-SAN?!’

you shouted but it seems your voice wasnt loud enough

GIRL YOU GOTTA MANIFEST THAT BULLHORN VOICE

worry and dread bubbled inside of you but you stopped, just trying to calm down and think

then you saw the flash of white again so you hurriedly ran after it, not knowing that you were straying away from the city and towards the suburbs

you noticed you were now lost at the less amount of feet walking and this wasnt the city and you were now away from the team

taking yoru eyes off of the cat, you looked around to confirm your fear and that gave the cat an opportunity to disappear again

yoo crookshanks

huffing a curse, you pulled your phone out of your bag and dialed each 

your phone wasnt reaching the boys and no one was picking up

what the heck

you ended up at some quieter and less crowded spot 

like a neighborhood

you contemplated calling natsu as he lived in tokyo but tokyo was a big city and you were at some neighborhood so its highly unlikely he would know where you are

so you just walked around, looking for a place to sit and think like a park

then you heard a distressed meow

you were just walking and hearing that loud cry of help made you stop and immediately follow the sound

‘kitty? kitty?’

you called out even though you knew fully well they didnt understand you

but the cat cried even louder and you heard another cat

it was less higher pitched and honestly, you just felt like there was another cat

as you looked around, you saw the same cat you followed after and it bobbed its head at you as if asking you to follow him

‘you want me to go with you?’

the cat blinked then turned around and started walking

‘okay then’

you took the time to inspect the actual color of the cat

it was dominantly white furred but it had multiple colored spots, mainly yellow and brown

you eventually ended up at a large tree with a cat shivering on the biggest branch

it was black and had some fur sticking out at the top of its head and it looked young so its probably a kitten

you tutted and reached out your hand but it recoiled, hissing at you

BOI SHE TRYING TO HELP YOU WHAT

‘hey, i want to help you’

you softly said and maybe youre just doctor dolittle? 

bc it stopped hissing and started whining instead

‘kenma-san! i swear i saw it just now-’

a sudden foreign voice made the black haired cat hiss again and this time, even you were counted as a threat

the appearance by the corner of two boys made you glare at them

one was freakishly tall with grey hair and scary green eyes while the other was shorter and had bleached hair that grew out

they both wore running shorts and black shirts and they looked like they were on a run or something

then you had a thought

this guy was tall

he could help

‘hey! you!’

you waved and the boys stopped, eyes wide

they pointed to themselves and you nodded

‘yes, silly! especially the tall one!’

the other had a flash of a glare that disappeared almost immediately but the ‘tall one’ happily skipped over

‘oho, hello chibi-chan’

KDFJSLDFKSDJLFDKSJ YES IM CONDENSCENDING

you puffed your cheeks out in anger at the nickname but this was not the time

‘that kitty up there is stuck. and i cant help it because its scared. and its all the way up there’

you pointed and he nodded

‘i followed that cat here too but i needed someone else. thats why i brought kenma-san’

your eyes shifted to ‘kenma-san’ who was focused on the other cat who also stared back at his spot by the tree

hmmm, they look kinda similar

‘well! we need to help it,,,,,, grandpa-san!’

taken aback by the nickname, the tall guy gasped while the blonde boy choked out a sudden laugh and you giggled

‘GRANDPA?!’

‘yea. you know cus you have gray hair’

you reasoned and he was about to retort when he stopped himself

‘no. we have more important matters in hand. kenma-san, come stand on my shoulders. chibi, use my jacket to catch it if it falls’

you scrambled to do your task but you heard kenma-san mumble

‘you cant tell me what to do’

‘oh hey! whats your name?’

you asked and the tall guy waved

‘im lev. haiba lev. first year’

‘kozume,,, kenma. im a second year’

‘oh! then nice to meet you! im l/n y/n!’

introductions had to be cut short as you all assembled

kenma wobbled while lev cringed at the obvious pain but they gritted their teeth and kenma lunged to grab the cat 

but the cat jumped away, falling to the ground where it was caught safely by you

thankfully the jacket saved you from scratching but after a few soft whispers of reassurance, the kitty calmed down and it resulted in just shaking

‘its okay. we’re okay. i got you’

you were completely oblivious to the fact that kenma and lev were on the ground, bleeding after falling, or the shout at the distance

‘kenma! lev!’

‘Y/N-CHAN!’

you three turned to see two groups of boys coming from two directions

on the right had a guy with black hair similar looking to the cat on your arms 

while the left had your familiar looking captain

‘oikawa-san!’

you shouted and he ran up, eyes wide with worry

‘where were you?! why did you run off?! you shouldn’t-’

he rambled but your eyes stopped at the appearance of your familiar pink-haired cousin

‘natsu?!’

you shrieked and he had an equally surprised expression

‘y/n?!’

he shouted 

‘what-!’

he started but you beat him to it

‘why are you here?!’

you pointed to the people behind him

‘im,,, a manager. im a manager for my volleyball team’

‘volleyball,,,’

you trailed off

‘VOLLEYBALL?! NEKOMA?!’

you knew of your cousin’s school but you didnt think you guys would meet here

‘shes your cousin?’

someone piped up from the back and natsu nodded, still looking at you

‘oya? the apple doesnt fall far from the tree, then. hello gorgeous, the names kuroo tetsurou’

KSLDFJDSK I HATE THIS LIKE PLEASE HES JUST A NERD YET I WRITE HIM LIKE THIS I HATE MYSELF

‘HAH?! YOU BACK OFF!’

kyotani started but you caught him in time, holding him in your arms

‘nooo,, calm down, kyo-san’

natsu’s nose crinkled and his mouth curled

‘ugh, nice to see you too, brat’

‘BRAT?! YOU BASTARD!’

‘IM A THIRD YEAR, YOU BASTARD!’

kyotani was held back by oikawa and iwa while your cousin was with that kuroo guy and lev

you hurried back to the rest of the team and they each glared at you but they had an obvious expression of relief

‘do that again y/n-’

‘i know, makki-san. youll use a leash backpack’

lets just say its not,,, the first time youve been lost

‘new team rule. youre holding someone’s hand at all times. no matter what, always hold us’

yahaba scolded and watari nodded

meanwhile, mattsun grabbed your hand and gripped it tight

‘youre never leaving my sight again’

his tone was different from his usual playful and teasing voice 

you knew he was very worried and that made you feel really guilty

‘im sorry’

you whispered and he pulled you to him, hugging you tightly

‘its okay. youre here right now and thats all that matters’

you nodded and you turned your head, leaning on his chest to watch oikawa yelling and shouting at this kuroo guy while your cousin and kyo were arguing and you chuckled

this was,,, chaos

‘dear god, you shouldve let me be lost for a few more hours’

you mumbled, smiling lightly when mattsun’s chest vibrated as he laughed

‘take me with you next time’

‘i will’

you hummed

‘Y/N-CHAN! YOU ARE NOT GOING NEAR THIS-THIS MONGREL!’

oikawa screeched, stomping his way over to you

you smirked

‘oi kuroo-san! lets hang out after the match!’

oikawa screamed

a/n: now that my nekoma manager is out, i can finally have a manager x manager interaction and uwuwuwuwu just wait until i finish the others and ill do that req anon sent in ;) if you sent it in, you know what im talking about ;)

[poguesofthebau]

dance partners

requested by: @danicarosaline (literally forever ago bc i suck)

summary: you and jj had been besties for as long as the rest of the pogues, but everyone always thought it was strictly platonic. one night at a kegger, though, your relationship with the blonde changes drastically. (we love a lil friends-to-lovers moment!) word count: 2.9k

“this is gonna be an epic night, guys.”

“jj,” you said, rolling your eyes with a light laugh. “you say that on the way to every kegger. we all know you’re just excited to get fucked up.” the rest of the pogues chimed in, agreeing with you as jj flipped you off. the walk to the kegger was longer than most people would be willing to trek, but it was always your favorite part of the night. walking from the Chateau to the Boneyard was one of those little things that probably wouldn’t mean much to anyone else, but times when you could simply bicker and laugh with your best friends meant the world to you.

“y/n, you need to learn to look forward to these kinds of things. you only live once, you know.” he reached out to you, wrapping one arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his side as the other hand, in the shape of a fist, lightly ruffled the top of your head. you grabbed the hand that was resting on your shoulder, spinning yourself out of his gentle grip and conveniently forgetting to remove your hand from jj’s when you were free of his hold. to your left, kie, pope, and john b were exchanging suspicious glances, immediately noticing the lingering touch between their friends. kie snorted in surprise, but other than that, they all kept their mouths shut.

soon enough, the five of you had arrived to the scene of the party. within a few minutes of getting there, you all had red solo cups in hand, spreading out on the beach to mingle a little. after kie got her first refill, always having been the quickest drinker of the pogues, you two broke off from the boys, arms linked together as you roamed around the beach. somehow there was music flooding the beach, and neither you nor kie could stop yourselves from letting out a few dance moves to the songs you knew. you chatted and laughed at the antics of the already drunk teenagers scattering the sand, pointing out those who were doing the funniest shit. “okay, wait. we can’t laugh at those girls,” kie said, nodding toward two kook girls who were clearly too far gone, dancing messily with each other. a small flock of guys had begun to cheer the two on, but they seemed too busy enjoying each other’s company to notice. “that’s gonna be us in like, an hour.” you both laughed loudly, clinking your cups together before downing the rest of their contents without anymore words.

once you had emptied your cup, you turned to figure out how far you’d strayed from where the keg sat. as you scanned the beach, your eyes met jj’s, immediately earning a smile from your friend along with a raise of his own cup. you flipped yours upside down with a joking pout, indicating to the blonde that you were already out of ammo. he waved for you to come over to him, and you nodded with a smile before holding up a finger and turning back to kiara. before you could say anything, you noticed the sudden amused glint in her eye and she began to talk. “pope and jb are making fools of themselves again. i’m gonna go get in on that. i’ll catch up with you later?” you laughed at the two boys she had pointed out, both seemingly trying to limbo without reason.

“yeah, i got jj, so i’ll find you later. good luck with the other morons!” and with that you were parting ways, kie heading straight as you turned and made your way over to jj. “you gonna get me a refill or what, pogue?”

jj bowed sarcastically, grabbing your cup and falling into step beside you as you moved toward the keg. “it’d be my genuine honor, princess.” you scoffed at the nickname, bumping jj’s hip with your own. once again, his arm found its way around your shoulders, and the two of you swayed clumsily over to the source of the beer. “two refills, dude,” jj called to the kid manning the keg. once your cups were full again, you and jj found yourselves a seat in the heart of the chaos, perched on a fallen tree branch that some other pogues were standing in front of. as you laughed at the scene playing out before you (a bunch of touron guys standing in the middle of a circle of people doing ‘parkour’), jj watched you with a smile. the two of you bantered a little, mocking the actions of the people around you as you tried to ignore the feeling of his eyes burning into you. after a few minutes of trying to avoid his glance, you finally gave in. when you caught his eye, the glance you expected to exchange was not at all what you got. in all honesty, you’d never really seen jj with that expression. he looked... smitten. you raised your eyebrows at him, laughing again. “are you laughing at me now? don’t you know better?”

your eyes widened at the question, your cup-less hand immediately coming up to his chest to hold him back from any attacks. “no,” you corrected. “i’m laughing at your face, because i think it might be broken or something. you can’t make a face like that and expect me to take it normally. don’t you know better?” you were leaning into him tauntingly as you spoke, smiles spreading across both of your faces as you did.

“y/n,” jj teased back. “are you trying to get me to kiss you? hm?” your hand then fell from his chest, and you let out a scoff. jj, on the other hand, wasn’t satisfied with that being the end of the conversation. he lifted a hand to flick back a piece of hair that had fallen onto your shoulder, and that same hand somehow found its way to the side of your face. though you were still smirking confidently and comfortably, your insides were getting all sorts of twisted up. what was he doing? was this whole thing still just a joke? “i don’t know if you know this, but, if you are, you don’t have to try that hard. kinda don’t have to try at all.” jj was now wearing an expression you recognized. it was his i’m hot, and i pull girls, and i know it expression. for some reason, that pissed you off a little. slightly offended, you knocked his hand away from your face, turning back to face the tourons. you felt his gaze linger on you, but before either of you could do or say anything else, the rest of the pogues had materialized before you.

all three of them decently drunk at that point, john b and kie were laughing hysterically as pope dazedly looked between you and jj. hopping down from the tree branch and taking a step toward them, you decided to ignore pope’s obviously noticing that something had just happened. “what’s so funny?” you asked, internally hoping whatever they were giggling at would be enough to lift your spirits again. while they explained the joke they couldn’t get over, you essentially downed your second drink. at the tail end of the explanation, jb and kie both broke into more laughter, and this time you joined them. when the laughter faded, you spoke again, this time only to kie. “come get a refill with me?”

kiara looped her arm through yours, nodding with a smile. “of course! we’re off!”

after one more fleeting look at jj (a glance he caught, and even tried to hold), you and kie were walking away. against your own will, you let out a sigh, shoulders slumping a little as you replayed the past few minutes in your head. this time, you got a refill and remained standing by the keg, kie next to you with a drunk but concerned pout on her face. ignoring her, you downed your third drink within a minute, quickly stepping back up for another. that’s a bit better, you found yourself thinking as all the drinks seemed to hit you at once. turning to kie, you smiled insincerely. “what are you thinking about, my little drunk?” her eyebrows knitted together at the question, her head tilting knowingly. she was asking you the same thing. letting out a puff of air, you rolled your eyes but explained yourself nonetheless. “i’m fine! jj just like... implied that he wanted to kiss me or something. i’m just confused, i guess.”

“honey, i just watched you down a cup and a half of beer that you don’t even like. i may be a little bit drunker than you, but i think you’re something other than confused.” her arms crossed insistently across her chest, some of the liquid in her cup falling onto her arm in the process. she giggled at her own mistake, trying her best to wipe the drink away and looking back to you expectantly. “are you gonna explain, or should i go ask jj what he did to you?”

at that, you were vigorously shaking your head. “no, no, no. it’s not that big of a deal. it was just unexpected. i mean, jj hitting on me? that’s weird, isn’t it?” kiara simply shrugged, letting you continue the tangent she knew you were about to go off on. “it’s kind of annoying, too. i’m his best friend. at least, one of his best friends. and now he’s gonna try to, what, conquer me? like he does with the desperate tourons? i’m not a fucking touron. it could’ve been a really sweet moment if he hadn’t--”

“wait, a really sweet moment?” kie interrupted. “oh my god. you wanted him to kiss you!” without hesitation, your hand was clamping over her mouth, both of your eyes wide. peering over your shoulder, you caught eye contact with jj once again from across the beach. he waved nervously, and you threw him a tight lipped smile in return. easily distracted by the boy, your hand fell from kie’s mouth. when she realized she had some leeway to speak, she lowered her voice so only you could hear her words. “awww, you guys are so cute! seriously, since when was this a thing? and how come you didn’t tell me?”

you shook your head lightly, eyes fluttering shut for a second before you answered. “it’s not really a thing. i mean, i don’t think it is? i’ve had this little crush on jj forever, but i never let myself feed into it because it’s jj, you know?” kie nodded sympathetically, tossing a comforting arm over your shoulder. “but now he’s acting weird, and i don’t know what that means.”

taking a deep breath, kie forced you to fully face her, placing a hand on each of your shoulders. (actually, she had one hand on one shoulder, and the other held her full cup, which was being balanced on top of your other shoulder, but it was close enough.) “here’s what i think you should do,” she began, grabbing your full attention at the implication of a solution. “be you. it’s jj, y/n. he’s fucking weird. but, i don’t think you should assume he hasn’t had a little crush on you forever, too, because i’d say he has. but don’t tell him you got that knowledge from me.” you raised your eyebrows, opening your mouth to question her so-called knowledge but being cut off by your friend. “so what i’m saying is, just do what you always do. don’t freak out, or start avoiding him, or any of that shit. just be y/n, be normal, and i’m sure jj will be jj, in that terrifyingly concerning jj way. if something’s gonna happen, it’ll happen. and if not, you’re still y/n and jj, right?” you nodded slowly as you took in her words, your subconscious registering them as the truth. “oh, and one more thing: get drunk with me, please!” even when she was drunk, kie knew just what to say in times of distress. so you listened to her.

you took a few more seconds to let the nerves leave your body and mind, but soon enough you were back with the boys again, in that same spot next to jj. he seemed a little surprised by your return, but didn’t verbally question it. you bumped you shoulder against his with a smirk, and when he concluded that you weren’t upset, his arm was tossed back around your shoulder like nothing had happened.

within thirty minutes, you’d almost forgotten how weird jj was acting. instead, you were focused on being with your friends, and having fun. kiara, pope, and john b eventually began dancing foolishly, tripping over each other and laughing at their own actions. you and jj remained perched in your seats, both swaying and singing along to the music surrounding you. after a few songs of simply watching your friends’ drunken dance moves, jj was hopping down from his spot and putting a hand out for you just as the song changed. you looked at him hesitantly, laughing when he impatiently shook the hand that he wanted you to take. “c’mon, princess. you’re my dance partner. let’s go!” succumbing to his persistence, you put your hand in his and let him pull you from your seat and move you a few steps closer to the source of the music.

conveniently enough, jj had chosen a decently scandalous song for the two of you to dance to. the movements between you were goofy and innocent for the first few moments of the song, but when the bass dropped just before the first chorus began, you felt like every ounce of alcohol you’d had that night was hitting you at once, and your body was basically moving itself. you let jj pull you flush against him as your hips swayed with the beat, your back pressed firmly against his front. he followed your movements, one hand in yours as he tried not to focus too much on the way your ass was moving against him. with one particularly powerful roll of your hips, you had jj lightly groaning behind you, drawing a chuckle out of you as you spun in his arms. “what, you wanted me to be your dance partner and now you can’t handle it?” at that point, you were unbelievably aware of how close your face was to jj’s, but kie’s words were ringing through your head loud enough to keep you from moving away. if something’s gonna happen, it’ll happen.

jj’s arm snaked around your lower back as the two of you continued to dance while you quietly talked. “oh, no, princess. i can handle it.”

“then what’s the problem, dance partner?” your free hand came up to jj’s shoulder, fingers lightly grazing the nape of his neck, and you gave him a small, satisfied smile. maybe kie had told you to act normal, and this wasn’t normal, but it was fun, and you had gotten just as drunk as she’d wanted you to, so who was complaining?

“no problems here. absolutely none,” jj insisted quietly. suddenly, that smitten look from earlier was back on his face. before you could react, the hand that had been stationed on your back was moving to your cheek. he tugged you a centimeter closer, studying your face as he did. when your expression didn’t change, your eyes just flickering down to his lips and back to his eyes, he knew what his next move was. without giving himself another second to overthink it, his closed the gap between your mouths, both of your eyes now shut as you melted into each other. the music was long forgotten, and the (extremely loud) hoots and hollers of surprise from the other pogues were ignored. the hand you’d had around his shoulder was now raking through his hair, and his was holding the back of your head steady. neither of you moved away from the other until the song was changing, and you both realized that the volume of your friends would soon draw a lot of attention to the two of you. when you pulled back, you locked eyes with jj for a few seconds before breaking into laughter and burying your face in his shoulder. “what? am i that bad? you laughin’ at me again, princess?”

you pulled yourself away from the shelter you’d found in his shoulder to look at him again with a surprised smile. “that’s your main concern right now, jj?” he laughed with you, pulling you back into a hug. “by the way,” you murmured in his ear so none of the eavesdropping pogues could hear. “we’re gonna have to talk about that ‘princess’ thing, because i don’t know if i can handle it.”

jj released you from the hug, smiles plastered on both of your faces as you finally turned to face your friends, who were full-on applauding at that point. “we can talk about the ‘princess’ thing later, princess. let’s take a walk first.” and just like that, you and jj were waving sarcastically to your friends, refusing to otherwise acknowledge them (or answer any of the burning questions they were throwing at you), and heading off to a quieter part of the beach. the walk to this kegger had been fun, but you doubted anything could top the walk you and jj were taking now.

tags: @baby-bearie @g4bster @danicarosaline pls lmk if u guys wanna be tagged in all my stuff :) 

[yyxgin]

have 😡 you 😡 had 😡 your 😡 first 😡 day 😡 yet

bar i thought i told you i was a libra 😭 oh well we can have it here officially 🥺 yesterday my manager pointed out that the barman is a libra and we were having a giggle at his expense about his new hair and how she thinks he thinks he’s impressing the girls (i don’t think he does but we move) bc we all talk to him (she was in a good mood) n i saw him today from a distance (i took a couple of my friends to try the food on my day off) n wow he’s so cute i wanna squish (i also accidentally sprayed cleaner sanitizer in his mouf yesterday 😩 he fuckin coughed and i was like OH MY GOD DID I— IM SORRY OH GOD)

no bar… bar, oh god, oh fuck… oh my god im so, so down bad it’s almost illegal.

i have to explain my next train of thoughts so here goes: my driving instructor rang me while i was out today and told me he isn’t going on holiday (awh) so i can use his car for my driving test (yay) unless he books a country on the green list that’s relatively cheap for short notice but he would still help me find an instructor who’s car i could use if he manages to get a holiday (yay for me and him). the next part of the story is now im thinking shit i gotta start saving my money and stop spending it on drinks bc then i can buy a car n insurance n stop worrying about missing the g o d d a m n bus! and then my next train of thoughts happens when me and my friends were walking back through our home town through the dodgy area that thé barman lives in after catching the train home and i was just thinking about how i can give him a lift home legit every day bc we both going to the same place and it’s like a two minute drive away from my house… my thoughts be going wild i have more than enough motivation to save my money now

i offered to stomp on a girl who argued w my supervisor (supervisor got sent to a different branch bc they have a lack of staff n one of their staff is supposedly moving n joining our branch) and i was v serious. my airforces are good for stomping people. i’m from the ghetto (compared to the other girls) and i will squish this girl like a fly if she were to come to our branch n disrespect literally anyone on site 💗 my supervisor threatened to get me on one of the other girls as a joke afterwards bc she came back for a day to get some stuff n go back… i think i made it 🤩 then i offered we get the barman to run her over w his electric scooter (this convo sounds familiar, have i already told you?) i’m so giddy right now as i went through a real-time realisation literally minutes ago.

i also think i made one of my friends mad bc i friend zoned him (i think???? i mean i called him bestie n he stopped talking to me 😅😭) this is how i find out about all the boys who have crushes on me. i’m so frickin oblivious you basically have to tell me you like me i’m AWFUL for things like this n i always feel bad afterwards bc i don’t see what i’m doing until it’s too late. btw this is the same friend i thought i made a dick appt w n we just went drinkin instead. my head rn is spinning. i don’t know what else to say?? i’m laughing so much at myself i’m so stupid sometimes 😭 oh well coochie go 🦋🦋🦋🦋💕🦋💕🦋💕🦋🦋 over muster jungkook instead n call it a day ~🌻

I CAN NOW PROUDLY SAY I DID HAVE MY FIRST DAY TODAY 🎉🎉🎉it was kind of weird ngl but at the same time it was okay so me happy ??

ALSO YES I REMEMBER NOW 😭😭 WE ACTUALLY DID ESTABLISH THAY U ARE A LIBRA I JUST FORGOT FOR A SEC. crying why are the two of you so cute you are so in love i cant 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 my new otp also how did u manage to spray a sanitizer into his mouth thats-

aaah i hope you pass your driving test !! i actually went to learn to drive w my dad for the first time today and it didnt go as bad as i thought. he even told me i did a good job so i am feeling very satified even tho i ran over a tire and scraped the bottom of the car a lil but oh well he should have expected that.

XHSJSK i actually friendzoned one (1) !! guy before and it felt weird. i was 15 and he didnt even talk to me irl even tho we were literally classmates and i was lowkey a lil bullied and he confessed to me over facebook messenger🥰🥰 also i kind of "friendzoned" a guy or so i thought the moment he asked for my german homework and when i said no he acts like he doesnt know me now in the school halls so thats fun too. good to know what i was worth of !!! 🥰🤩 also he is now into my best friend insecurities go brrrr

are we talking about black hair all tattoos out jungkook bc if so then same bestie, same.

[the-froggy-jester]

Entry #33, 14/4/20

I’m so sorry I stopped updating! I kinda forgot I had a blog--- but I’ll try to remember and update more often from now on!

Anyway... a quick summary of what happened (of course with the help of my diary because I forget everything way too fast):

1.: Me and my ‘‘best’‘ friend Cel stopped talking. She barely has any time anymore, so I gave up on trying to contact her. I told her how i felt about the whole situation, and kinda--- emotionally detached from her again?? I came to terms with the fact that we won’t talk anymore, but instead of breaking off contact I decided to keep her as a ‘‘friend’‘ for roleplaying, cuz she’s the only one I have a bnha-roleplay with.

2.: The guy from the German equivalent of child services was here twice, and we’ll probably get the family-helper peeps after this whole ‘‘situation’‘ with the pandemic is over.

3.: Pesto (my ex-bestie) texted me a while back. I said i would give him a second chance, but honestly... I was really disappointed when I found out he hadn’t killed himself. I tried to make him do it passive-aggressively, but he got a gf and his mental health was very good in general, so I’ll just wait until he has another depressive-episode (he’s bipolar)...

4.: A guy from my school, that I literally talked to once before and that we’ll call Dennis, asked a good friend of mine (Freddie) if he could get my number. Freddie told me and asked if I was okay with him giving Dennis my number, I said yes... big mistake. Dennis started texting me every twenty minutes, it got really annoying, but I was too scared to hurt his feeling, so I didn’t tell him off. He started talking to me in school too, gave me a drawing (a bad one at that) and just made me really uncomfortable in general. After getting a bit of advice from a couple other girls I told him I was uncomfortable with texting him, he said he understood, but was clearly hurt by what I said (I tried to be as nice as possible!). Anyway, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with him right now... >~<°

5.: I got an interview for a politics-project I need for school. It went well, I got all the info I needed, yeet.

And since I’m a meanie, I saved the best for last:

I got a girlfriend!~~ (31.3.20 UwU) She’s in all of the discord servers I’m in, and even before we got together we talked super often and complimented each other constantly... She’s super cute! Whenever I talk to her I feel so much lighter, happier and just overall better...~ and if you’d have asked past me if I could ever imagine getting a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend as my first ever relationship, I’d have shouted ‘‘No way!’‘- and now look where that got me. It’s not even like I was homophobic, I just thought it was weird for me to like a girl because that’s just how I was raised. (My gramps was a really religious christian, and of course the whole ‘‘very religious grandpa’‘ stereotype wouldn’t be complete without a heaping pile of homophobia...) Now I’m happily in love, I even imagined how awesome it would be to move in together, adopt a kid and get married... which I never could before (with anyone, not just girls) without feeling a little weird about it. But now I can imagine all I want and even feel like it’s the right thing to do!~ God, I could go on and on about how much I love her... <3

There’s something else I want to address as well tho, so no can do. I got into a fight with my mother just a couple days ago, and I’m giving her the Todoroki-Treatment again (I talk to her as little as possible, and when I do, I have a monotone voice and neutral expression). She accused me of so many things I didn’t do, and even said to my face that I was born as [deadname] and will always stay [deadname]. I’m using the word deadname not because I’m trans (cuz that’s where it’s actually supposed to be used), but because I hate the name I was born with and don’t want to be addressed with the name that I link so many bad memories with. The very next day, she took away my phone and laptop because I was ‘’disrespectful’‘. The day after that, (12.4.20, Easter+ my little sister’s b-day) she wanted to talk about what happened again and admitted she was wrong. She apologized, even wrote ‘‘Mary’‘ on an egg custom-filled with chocolate to ‘‘buy’‘ my happiness in a way. Didn’t work. She was just being really pathetic... like always after a fight when she ‘’regrets saying those things and that she actually didn’t mean them’‘. I’m just in complete control whenever that happens, and it’s really awesome bc I can make her feel really bad by just not talking to her lmao-

Anyway, that was all that happened. I’ll let you know when something interesting is going on. Bai! ^^

[allhallowsreid]

just lots and lots of very long-winded, random thoughts about last night’s finale and the show itself...

so obvs no one has to agree with me on any of this, i just feel like there likely ARE ppl who feel like this and it’s easy to get shut down on tumblr for having different opinions, and i mostly just need to gather my feelings and thoughts in one place.

-ive seen a handful of ppl upset that the last ep centered around reid, but if you were to take 10 fans of this show, it’s a pretty good chance that 8 or 9 of them would say reid is their fave character. that isn’t me trying to insult any of the other characters, that’s just the way it is. whether it’s bc of his looks (and my lord was he gorgeous in this finale ep), or that he’s your typical cute white boi, or more organic reasons like he’s been there since day 1 and we were able to watch him change and grow, and he’s the opposite of the typical male characters we often see, especially on cop shows.. whatever the reason, he is a VERY popular tv character. and if it weren’t for that character, for better or worse, this show would have ended a long time ago.

-the ending itself.. i just feel like i don’t know what ppl were expecting?? this is not a show like supernatural or dexter or a show that has had a fluent overarching story to tell from start to finish. the story continues without us watching it. it’s another day at the office for them. was it a great ending? no, but it was fine. we see where all of them are headed. endings are so difficult, i’m just glad they didn’t kill anyone off or some garbage like that.

-so damn happy they hooked up luke and garcia. i have had such issues with garcia’s character since morgan left, i feel like she became a caricature, where she just overacts and i recently read an article with kirsten where she actually admitted that when shemar left she really didn’t know what to do with her character anymore. honestly? it showed. the obnoxiousness to luke was cute at first bc she obviously had a crush on him, but then it just became mean and out of character. this season i was happy to see her get a little bit more back to herself. all this being said, they were very clearly headed towards getting luke and garcia together this season with the overt flirting and one on one convo’s, i’m so glad they went through with it instead of leaving it open ended. and i will admit that of all the characters, i didn’t think garcia would be the one to leave, but it made sense. garcia is tough as hell, much tougher than she gives herself credit for, but like luke said, she can do this other job without the gore that she cringes over in literally every single episode of the show. also loved jj saying garcia was the glue of the team. so true, so well said. and side note, kirsten does a hell of a job writing these characters that she knows all too well, the other writers should’ve just let her take over in later seasons.

-prentiss... i love my emily so dang much, but man they give her the absolute worst dialogue. she gets stuck with all these long sentences that just.. they just don’t flow?? and it takes me out of the show so often. this has been since s12 when she became unit chief. there has been a handful of times since she became the boss that we have had flashes of old school smartass goth girl emily, and i cherished each moment, but it wasn’t enough. somewhere along the way they forgot how to write into the show that their characters had PERSONALITY. just as an example of the stupid dialogue she gets.. the end of the ep where it’s intended to look like rossi’s retirement party. then, idk who it was, emilys boyfriend maybe(?) says some dumb comment about oh gee i thought this was dave’s retirement! and then emily starts some awkwardly long line that could’ve been summed up in “dave decided not to retire afterall” and it was just soooo... weird?!!? if we are agreeing that A MONTH has gone by.. you are to tell me that it never once came up that dave said he was gonna retire and then changed his mind!??! that night, one month later, is the first that this discussion occurred!!?!?! and all of these dumb lines come out sounding so robotic, and i can’t blame paget, bc the lines are boring as hell. also unless i missed something i can’t rule emily out of being the next director, especially since their profile ended up being correct, lynch and the mom didn’t kill themselves, so i’m sure when that all came out, the next hurdle emily would have to clear is how they just blew up their very expensive jet right after having a budget meeting 2 episodes ago!!

- i’m gonna lump the newer characters together.. and just say that it was all too little, too late. they tried to give matt and luke more this season, and the ep’s centered on them were great, but it all felt forced to me. all this character development should’ve started as soon as they came onto the show. the relationships between the new and original characters also feels forced a lot of times, barring relationships like rossi and his boys, luke and garcia, tara and emily.. i mean that’s kind of all, right? we never saw much off-the-job, personal interactions between them and the rest of the characters, did we? and the way tara was treated on this show is inexcusable. aisha’s talents were so underused on this show it was criminal (pun intended). and actually, the above stuff i said about emily getting nonsense dialogue, you can throw matt in there too. his dialogue was friggin god awful at times on this show. in the words of early seasons reid, maybe try to be more conversational, writers!!

-man oh man was jj a badass and a half in this finale. tbh i always enjoyed liaison jj more than ssa jj, but when badass jj comes out i get all excited. i do feel like she would be the best fit to take over if emily left, she’d stepped into that role before and excelled. but she is another character that at times i think the writers just forgot how to write her personality somewhere along the way. i understand that the reality is that people change over time, but there were times that she was written like a typical high school mean girl, and that was just an insult to the character they created. the whole jeid thing was severely overblown and unnecessary. i don’t hate the idea of them being together, but why wait til s14-15 to deal with this? in the end i thought it was handled okay, i personally didn’t feel like it ruined their friendship or stayed awkward, which i appreciated, it was just a storyline that wasn’t needed and wasted time. also, ppl griping about “oh but she clearly loves will, if she loves spencer then she can’t love will!” i mean, actually, ppl are capable of loving more than one person at a time, hate to burst that bubble for ya.

-this seems like a good moment though to pause and just get this out about will lamon-fuckin-tagne jr... this guy is too good for jj lol, i am sorry but he is such a great guy. and can we review some things about will and his wife’s bestest friend, godfather to his children, spencer reid?? when will and spencer first met, it was during an unbelievably personal case to will, i mean his father died sending him a message about this case that the fbi was called in on. and his first intro with reid?? let’s see, reid spent that ep strung out on drugs, and full on abandoning the case to go hang out with his friend at a club/bar/lounge/whatever. ok, so that’s will’s first impression of jj’s bestie, and will STILL okay’d him being the godfather of his kids. not to mention, can you imagine your wife has been gone in the damn middle east for who even knows how long, then when she finally gets back and you think you’re gonna have her to yourself, but oh no, here comes jj’s friggin bestie again to come cry on the couch every night for several weeks!!!! and he gives zero indication of not liking spencer, in fact he seems rather fond of him. will is the most patient man ever, i swear.

-ok that was an unexpected side track. moving onto rossi. not sure why they were all like oh pfft this guy will never retire. the dude literally retired before the show started lol. if he retired once, when he was fairly young, why is the idea of it happening again so impossible? again, dumb dialogue. i loved the stuff with him and young gideon (i may be biased tho bc i’m just so damn proud of ben savage), i loved that rossi knew more about the jet than the others, however that was an inconsistency bc when rossi came back from retirement, he couldn’t believe the bau had its own jet. unless i just misunderstood what emily meant when she said it all started with rossi and gideon. i felt like lynch was a very underwhelming villain. super forgettable. there was no charisma like foyet or cat adams, there was no creep factor like mr scratch, there was no mystery like the replicator or the fisher king. his whole story just fell flat, and if there were anything interesting about him whatsoever, it’s bc of what rossi brought to the table, not the “chameleon”.

-my boy reid. he has several lifetimes of baggage to unpack, and i think of all the characters on this show, no one hates unpacking their trauma more than reid. i feel like it was so relatable that he could barely speak in this ep without sounding on the verge of tears, like every sentence was painful to even get out bc of how much hurt is stored up inside him. his trauma has defined him for years now, and if they had ended the show without addressing even some of it, the show would’ve been incomplete. i understand that actors schedules just don’t work out sometimes, but idk what the point was of having strauss and foyet be his devil and angel. and foyet’s long explanation of how bc he changed hotch, he changed the team was so convoluted that he may as well have just said “they couldn’t get james van der beek or the dude who played mr scratch, so im here instead”. i liked what they did with reid and maeve, and i actually don’t mind that there was no mention of max. they’re still very early in their relationship, and i feel like him coming out with some “wait i think i love max!” revelation would just be too fast and ooc. we already know that the relationship between them is growing, it doesn’t need to be said. and can i get an amen that maeve and reid didn’t kiss bc god that would’ve been weird as hell.

- i hate that we couldn’t have hotch or morgan or blake or elle or any of the main characters that helped make this show what it was, but i’m still grateful for the crumbs they gave us if the actors just couldn’t be booked for whatever reason. i’ve seen many shows at their end just try to pretend their previous characters never existed, so that we got some flashbacks with them was appreciated.

- RIP bau jet. i wiiiill reMEMber youuuuuuu.

-the song choice of david bowie’s Heroes was perfection. strangely, when i was driving home from work yesterday that song came on my playlist and i blasted it on repeat and performed a car concert for my fellow drivers on the road, and thought to myself that this song would be great for cm to end on. never thought they would actually do it since they had previously used the song in penelope’s ep. but what a great scene of all them dancing and singing and laughing like the bunch of nerdy idiots they are.

-i came late into the game with this show. ppl have been telling me for years to watch it and i only picked up watching in s13, after i read a spn/cm crossover fic and became super curious about who all these awesome characters were. with that said, i’m aware that since i haven’t invested years of my life in this show, that my feelings and thoughts about the ending will be different than those who have been hooked on this show for over a decade. i’m still just so thankful for the family portrayed by this show, and these characters i fell in love with, and episodes i’ll never forget.

[iphgenias]

❧ you say wicked like it’s something bad, but you still can’t help but watch me do it ❧

❝ I dream nights and girls like tigers, claws and teeth on both. ❞ LULU ANTARIKSA? No, that’s actually IPHIGENIA ‘GENIE’ ROWLE. A SEVENTH YEAR student, this SLYTHERIN student is sided with THE DEATH EATERS. SHE identifies as CIS WOMAN and is a PURE BLOOD who is known to be PETTY, VINDICTIVE, and UNSCRUPULOUS but also VIVACIOUS, CREATIVE, and PERCEPTIVE. { JANE, TWENTY TWO, NZT, SHE/HER }

here comes the demon

meet genie rowle, daughter of cadfael rowle and deianeira urquhart

in greek mythology, iphigenia is the daughter agamemnon offers in sacrifice —- this iphigenia has no intention of being anyone’s sacrifice, but she’s not opposed to the idea of anyone sacrificing themselves for her

the urquharts have like... this thing of naming themselves after greek mythological figures, but like, exclusively ones with a tragic ending

which.... ya they don’t unpack that fdshjksahj

an actual conversation cadfael & deianeira probably had abt naming genie: cadfael: how about ariadne— deianeira: too happy of an ending cadfael: she got left behind on an island by the man she betrayed her family for deianeira: what’s your point

anyway the rowles go for Welsh™ names usually but cadfael’s whole generation sorta just went fuck that and took other naming traditions, resulting in lo and wes having largely normal names, and then genie’s branch deciding to take her mother’s naming traditions (weird as they may be) & also there’s another branch that married a cornish pureblood and went exclusively w hectic cornish names

probably an only child, though it’s possible genie’s mother is her father’s second wife, and there could be an older half brother (would probably need to be younger than lo, though, who’s 24, and definitely younger than wes, 26) running around, but he’d need to be #Committed to the DE life —- we already have one rowle risking it all as a double agent, and this family (esp genie’s branch) is Too Extra™ to have multiple

genie is spoilt, petty, vindictive and has... pretty much no moral qualms. she’s generous, though, with her friends, and fiercely loyal to her family. 

when she was younger, she had a... rebellious streak might be too generous a term, because no part of her ever felt any inclination to contend with her privileged position, but there was a certain freedom to her position in the family, the youngest of the cousins and a girl —- whereas all eyes were on wes, the heir, the truth, genie was allowed to run a little more wild. nothing not befitting a rowle, of course, for that would not do, but she had more freedom to act as she pleased, to say whatever she liked, to keep her running muttered commentary going during the galas, to suggest wicked plots for her own amusement. genie rowle was always unconcerned with what was fair or right, but she was fun and clever and wicked funny, and was willing to put all her devilish tactics to the good use of entertaining a friend when the fancy took her. children are often vaguely terrible, and these privileged purebloods more than most —- genie was far from an exception, and when she was your friend, she was easy to love for it

hogwarts, though, that’s where the naughtiness thrives

slytherin through and through —- not necessarily a bad thing, but on genie, this looks like the worst thing

most frequently can be found alongside gemma gamp ( g&g! ), her partner in crime, and the rest of the mean girl gang: odilia travers, sarah’s-tbd, maddison bulstrode & leonie-tbd. also often fucking around w people

bullying tw // luvs psychological warfare and the ‘hot & cold’ method, which is what she uses against ppl like isa weasley: flusters her w her presence and prettiness & then calls her by the wrong name and says undermining things to first turn her on and then remind her how meaningless she is! ( viv vc: fuck OFF leave isa ALONE // james vc: ??? constantly amazed by how wrong some ppl are // katya vc: ah, bullying. something new and exciting from my dormmates ) // end tw

but also just. is mean. hot n cold is one fun way 4 her to garner entertainment from ppl but rly, whatever takes her fancy is how she’ll go for it

usually it’s just for fun bc she gets a kick out of it but! she’s coming 4 u annie delacour-bardon for thinking u can move in on gemma’s territory! who cares if gemma didn’t want scor anymore, obvs nobody else could have him either

also she’s part of the DEs, so her various talents are available for their use —- while she is not a leader, she’s part of the same crew as all the current leaders, which suits her perfectly, tbh? she doesn’t want to be a leader... but she does love the clout that comes with being close to them & also using her position to push people to do things to ‘prove themselves’ without them rly having a chance to push her back (ofc, they’re welcome to —- it’s just a) easy for her to prove herself bc like... she doesn’t care abt the well-being of some mudbloods lol and b) given that she’s so tight with the leaders, pushing her to ‘prove herself’ in response to her suggesting you ought to is more likely to cast aspersions on your trustworthiness than hers)

just like wes, prefers getting other people to do her dirty work for her... she’ll do all the psychological stuff and bullying for sure, but she’s less inclined towards physical violence or anything or the like —- that’s more odilia’s or sarah-tbd’s domain? also even just minor things, she likes getting other people to do things for her, it’s a power thing (not her girls — well, maybe maddison — but like... weaker people DFJHSJH)

anyway she’s the fucking worst

the mean girls r demons!

death tw // the rowles are pretty hardcore —- wes and lo are (currently unbeknownst to wes) locked in a war that. well wes is a DE and lo is doublecrossing the DEs so! anyway either lo survives the war w/o being found out or wes is gonna organise her murder when he finds out and he’ll do it by playing the long game, pretending to her face that they’re still fine, all the while plotting her death. SO. that’s one half of genie’s fam! // end tw

the other half are the urquharts, who’re known for obtaining objects for the underground market, particularly historical wixen artefacts. traditionally, the eldest male has been the ‘face’ of the family, being respectable in public and also being the one who handles transactions and makes deals and sells off their findings or obtains requests for them. either a secondary branch or a younger sibling has traditionally been the head of expeditions, sent all around the world to uncover these things for this illegal trade. crime & curse breaking, therefore, have always run in the family.

her uncle, orpheus urquhart, was recently violently attacked (he’s a DE supporter/benefactor in terms of bankrolling things so like.... he’s gross!) & catch her in the lockdown being both outraged ppl would have the audacity to attack him and have room in her naughty self to be absolutely awful to poor yuri

she’s pan w/ a pref for girls, but rly anything goes. uses sex and associated affections for two main purposes, enjoyment & manipulation

nsfw // genie vc: my pussy is a power move // end nsfw

i imagine she primarily considers the mean girls her friends now, but certainly when she was younger, going back to that paragraph i wrote above, there’s like... more room for camaraderie? like w charles, they were friends when they were younger and now... both slythersevenths but she’s a demon! so there’s room for that kind of thing, and also ya sexual situations, and genie is always down to have fucked w someone, which could absolutely be emotionally —- she’s definitely the type to use sympathy/affection/gestures associated w humanity to like... manipulate people

just. the worst

no wonder violet wants to punch her

tragically is the safest / has best chance of survvial & well-being of all my characters, which is so cursed

calls al potter “daddy” bc obvs she doesn’t consider him a viable sexual prospect ( genie vc: he acts like a 90yo man and isn’t even as rich as one??? pass, so boring ) but it makes him way more uncomfortable than it bothers her to think of him as a sexual prospect, so! prime time 4 her

she’s basically awful to everyone the rest of my characters love w their whole hearts, and then she only cares abt the ones they don’t like

she does have this like... not caring exactly but for people like charles, who was her friend once, and the other slythersevenths she considers part of their crowd (esp seeing as the girls hung out w the slytherin sports boys before gemma/scor broke up), there’s a sense of almost. possessiveness? like, she’s not nice to them, but they’re largely hers to fuck with... so watch her be a total demon to vi when varlie happens

anyway i have to be up in 6 hrs so! this will have 2 be enough, sorry abt her, she’s a demon, but i hope she can be helpful 4 plots alongside her other demon besties

[katie-----luv]

ANSWERING QUESTIONS FROM THORAYA MARONESY

Can you describe someone you love?

He’s tall. He’s so dumb sometimes. Very very handsome. He makes my heart beat so hard that i feel like i’ll throw up if i stay around him. Even if I'm just thinking about him or have something of his, i feel absolutely crazy about him. I can't tell anyone who it is, but i want the whole freaking world to know how much i love this person because of how amazing he is. He wears his heart on his sleeve and gives up so much to make others comfortable and happy. He matches his clothes well haha and when he smiles, he makes me wanna stare forever. I could literally look at him all day. He asks me things that no one else cares about and he makes me feel so welcome. Even though I literally cannot be with him for so many reasons, he will always be the one that i will love more than anyone in the entire universe and i hate it but it is reassuring that I can love someone so much. He’ll never leave too. And the best thing about him is he gives the most amazing hugs. Long, amazing hugs. Middle of the night or 4 am, he always wants a hug from me. And no matter why or what happened, i will always want a hug from him. Because he just makes me feel everything. I love him so much that even if it's indescribable, i still try because it's worth it for him. Even if these words barely light the candles on the cake. 

What's the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

I think my sister. We’re sisters, ya know, we hate each other one second, but the next, she is as amazing as she was before. I think she is the most beautiful because of how she deals with life. She always questions, she gets deep. She isn’t simple-minded at all, very talented in art. She is the smartest person I've ever known personally. And I love how free she is. In a sense where she doesn't want to be like everyone else. She deals with her own crap like everyone else but at the end of the day, she is still getting back up and laughing. And she is so weird too haha. She likes things like care bears and wants to move to a billion different places and do a billion different careers and marry an Australian man. Her goals and personality just crack me up.

Can you define love?

Love doesn't really have a definition in my opinion. If you really love someone, you’re left speechless, you don't have the words to define what you feel because of how overpowering it is.

Can you define hate?

Hate is a major pain that is..like it feels like someone put a blanket on your heart and took swings at it until whatever or whoever you hate walked away. It's a pain that makes you feel more angry at one thing than anything else i guess.

What's your biggest regret?

I have plenty but I guess the one that sums them all up would be ever lying. Lying is what gave me more regrets. If not lying then maybe falling in love. No one really thinks i have ever been in love but i was in love with someone and they were in love with a made up version of me pretty much. I miss them everyday and i lost them bc i lied. So yeah, goes with lying but i hate that i ever fell in love with them whether it was real them or just a lie too.

Kindest act?

When i was in 3rd or 4th grade, I had a bunch of money saved up, close to $200 from birthday money and other holiday money. I spent some. I didn't know what to do with the rest, so I gave it to my school counselor to give to the leukemia charity that they were funding for the month. When they announced on the announcement that i was the biggest donator, they got my name wrong and called me Kayle instead, but I didn't care because I knew I did something good. It was $97.

Wildest dream?

I’ve had some crazy ones so it's hard to choose or remember all of one.

Biggest fear?

I used to think it was being murdered or kidnapped or maybe even spiders. Now i know that it's of being hurt. I've been hurt by lots of people before and ive cried so many times alone but didn't wanna tell anyone and pushed it down. It ended up making me do some things that i shouldn't have because I didn't wanna think about being hurt and i feel like if i have to keep pushing things down, ill continue to be afraid to speak out and be sad for a long time again.

Best and worst quality?

That's kinda hard because i have a lot of both. I guess I'll just pick at random though because i can't chose. I have a quality that can be good and bad at the same time. It's that I'm forgiving, i don't know when to give up on people. It's good because I can give people chances which makes a good friendship bc i dont just drop them. But it's bad because sometimes i give the wrong people too many chances and get hurt over and over. But when i try to figure out when to let go and give up, i do it at the wrong time and make more issues. So it's complicated.

When have you felt the most alive?

If I'm choosing a whole time period, up until 4rd grade. A moment in the times I remember, when I dropped someone holding me back. I say up until 4rd grade because all times before then, I didn't care what people thought. I was never hurt like i have been since. I was a happy kid who played with littlest pet shop and had a billion besties. And i say when i dropped someone holding me back i mean that i was hung up on someone I thought loved me unconditionally and I loved them so much. He ended up not caring about me anymore which was understandable. But later on when I finally told him to go away because all he did was make me hurt, I stopped talking to him, and I was so so so SO free.

What's the best advice you’ve been given? 

You have to love people for who they are. My mom told me this. I don't like judging people or making people hurt or uncomfortable. But sometimes people have qualities that I just can't stand but they are some of my closest friends. So when my mom told me this, I felt like if i can't love them past these qualities, maybe i need to realize whether or not i love them really, because I can't change them to fit my needs or wants.

What's been your biggest obstacle?

Trying to get passed drama whether it was created by me for myself or drama with everyone. I made mistakes, I'm human, but it's been tough trying to learn from them. Now, I'm starting to see where I went wrong and moving past it to grow. 

Most embarrassing story?

I have a lot and I physically can't make myself type any bc they're so bad.

Your perfect life partner?

Someone who doesn't care when I'm being a bum. Someone who loves me and respects me. I'm not big on too much PDA. every once in a while, i'll kiss or hold someone's hand but usually, i feel embarrassed for whatever reason. So id like them to remember that and ask or hint first. I dunno.

What does beauty mean to you? 

Beauty means personality and looks to me. It doesn't mean hot or pretty. To me, beauty is how you describe someone that's indescribable.

Favorite memory?

Well i have a lot of memories that make me smile so much. But the one that I can think of off the top of my head is probably when I went up to Ohio where my cousins live around x-mas. The year before, my little cousin Silas passed away on New Years eve. We all went to this thing where they sang xmas music, had santa, and lit up some building. Me and all my cousins had our arms around each other and we were all singing together. It felt good that even though only a year before, we lost someone so young, we could all still smile and stay strong, together.

A moment that moved you?

I was at bob evans once with my mom and sister and a random old man paid for our meal and came to us saying he just wanted too. I never forgot that old man and that happened back when I was maybe 5 or 6 and i'm way now.

What would the title of your movie be?

hm...Self-inflicted because i self inflict too many issues for myself.

How have you changed?

I’ve learned so many lessons that I needed to learn.

What do you wish you said?

I wish i apologized about so much. I also wish I told my parents why I made so many mistakes. If i had done both of those things then I wouldn't have so many regrets because I would have had less drama and maybe some support or help.

Your last words?

I'm sorry i pushed it all down.

One thing you would change about yourself?

Maybe some of the things that go through my head. I can be really rude or sound super depressed. I would change how I handle that in my head.

Biggest pet peeve?

Matching and lint/hair on clothes. If you don't match or are covered in lint/hair, it makes me feel so anxious.

What's your purpose?

I think I may actually be too young to answer, but i'll tell you when i know.

Your one simple rule?

I think I have too many to answer that.

What are you looking forward to next?

Moving away. I have so many bad relationships with friends and ive lived in the same place for my entire life. I feel like i live in a box and i need to experience other places. I want to grow in life but is hard when i'm in the same place everything has happened. So moving will help me grow a lot.

What are you most proud of?

My academic achievements. I still suck at math but I'm hoping that I can fix that and maybe I'll really have all honors classes. As of now, I have almost all honors, just missing math.

What do you miss most in life?

Feeling happy for more than a short period of time. I'm not as sad as i used to be. But back when i was always depressed, i was the definition of pushing it all away around my family. I never told my parents and still haven't told them how sad I really always felt, only the jist, because of school and life. And now, i have better things that make me happy but at the end of the day, I always feel worthless and drained.

How would you like to be treated?

I would like to be treated like i'm as equal as everyone else. My close friends know that I haven't been in a good place for a while, i went through family drama because of me for a while and i'm starting to finally fix my mistakes but it's tough because they all treat me like i can't be told about their problems since it might make me worse i guess. And I think that's also why they treat me like the ‘leader’. Out of pity. It's been that way my whole life. Even as a little kid. And i hate it. I just wanted to be treated like i'm a friend not like what i need matters more than anyone else's needs because i have ‘issues’.

What do you want to let go of?

Everything that's been put in the past. I know it's been put there for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. I want to let go of the mistakes I made in the past because I opened my eyes and saw that that's what they are, mistakes. And even if it happened yesterday, i wanna let go, because it's time to move on if it's not happening.

What does the world need?

A big slap of sense. So many are oblivious to the issues we cause to the world and what issues are just happening to the world. While some things are serious, there are bigger problems than what celebrity slept with someone last night. Things such as suicicide and global warming are real and everyones too busy worrying about chris hemsworth’s abs and so and so’s herpes. I'm guilty of it too, but more and more I realize that there's serious things happening and no one is doing much. 

What makes you happy?

There's a few things but for some reason, my cousins makes me unbelievably happy. When I'm around them, they're not my cousins. They are the best best friends I could ever ask for. I have never loved anyone more than I love all of them. When i hear i get to see them, I'm on it! I hope for the words ‘we’re going to ohio’ every second. I absolutely love them to death, even the ones who are slower than turtles. If they were my siblings, I would want to be home daily with all of them. I cant even explain how much my heart screams to be around all of them and i have no idea why. They're all so amazing. And so are their parents and grandparents and all of them. When my family is with them, i see how much fun they have and it makes me even happier because my parents don't hangout with too many friends or close family. But with them, they talk and laugh as much as I do and I love seeing them so happy.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

OH YEAH! By friends, crushes, family. I guess if I chose one from each category, friends would be when one of my closest friends told my whole school that i had leukemia and i was getting treated. So many kids asked if I was okay and I was all, ‘what?’ when I found out, I confronted her and she lied about it. And when i didn't accept her apology, I did say some uncalled for things, but she made me feel like she could just throw away friendships left and right and she didn't care what happened. But when she lost all her friends, she cared, and she put us all on a bully form because we decided we didn't need a friend who would do something like that. And it was hard watching it happen because we’d been friends our whole life. For crushes, when I was in 5th grade, I was finally in class again with a life long crush. But he played me a bunch of times and bullied me along with his friends. That stuck with me, everything they said and did, but i only cried about it alone because I didn't think it was that serious that they bullied me. Now i see it was. For family..i think when my little cousin silas passed, I realized how serious death was because I was in 6th grade at the time, I understood it all completely. It broke me big time because id met him once and he was a sweet kid. While it brought our entire family together because of his funeral, I bawled the whole time because i felt like i could've done more to interact with him even though I never had the actual chance really. 

The hardest question I've asked?

Thats hard to answer. I think when I had to ask myself if I thought being alive was worth it. I never thought i'd be the person to have to ask myself so when i did, it hit me hard and I had to take it seriously. 

What's beautiful about you?

I think it's that i always want change and am almost always willing to change. Yeah, i'm a person so sometimes I don't want to change anything. But to me, change is so good and the fact that I'm always growing because I'm constantly needing change is beautiful because it makes me mature rather than be naive forever.

How did you find out Santa isn't real?

Oh haha. My sister. We had an elf on the shelf and her and I touched it to test if it would move still. It did. So i question if Santa was real because the elf wasn't. And i would hear people moving all the time when i went to bed x-mas eve. Yeah, i took it easily. But in the back of my head, i was always kinda salty that my sister ruined the fantasy for me. But better now than never.

How do you get through hard times?

I cry. I don't like talking about problems, I feel embarrassed and alone when I have them. So I write and I cry. Which is probably one of the worst ways to deal with it all, but music also helps and I think plenty use music to get through things.

When did you realize you weren't like everyone else?

When i realized how sad i always was. And maybe when i saw how i wasnt a super skinny kid. I'm not fat. But i'm not a stick like all these girls. And i noticed that. But yeah, when i started to feel more and more sad as I got older. And I saw how not too many others were like that.

Worst decision?

Lying because it only made life worse.

1 strange fact about me?

I have a weird birthmark where my leg starts to lead up to my underwear line on the left side. I hate wearing swimsuits like underwear because of it. It's dumb.

Most complicated question ive asked?

I honestly don't know about that one.

What do you look for in a man?

I look for a deeper part of them. I look for things like the nerdy vibes. I like nerdy or depressed guys. I don't like depressed dudes because they're depressed but because they’re the ones with the deep, interesting thoughts. And nerdy because i think dorky guys are adorable. But either way, I like when they listen and their understanding and sweet. I like when they talk a lot, but not more than me. When they make dumb jokes and do more than play video games, i like that. And when they have fashion sense. And shower.

What are you scared to share with people?

Probably what my mistakes actually are.

Earliest memory?

I have a few that I remember being super young but i don't know which one was the first one but one that I like a lot is when I was really young my mom would throw my sister and i big birthday parties and I had a close friend named Gavin Bush. he and I were close because his sister Emma was besties with my sister. But i remember at my birthday party, we were eating rice krispies together and laughing. He had a huge crush on me for the longest time and I always feel bad that I didn't notice much. But i mean, laughing with him was one of my favorite things to do back then. 

Most painful thing you've ever been told?

That i lost all trust. I lied too much and my parents told me that i lost any trust they had in me. But i try everyday to build it back up.

Kindest thing you’ve been told?

That i keep people happy, even when I'm going throw something myself. My friends have told me that even when they're mad or upset, I still make them laugh and while it pisses them off, they love that about me.

What are you ashamed of?

My body. I love some things about it and hate others. I hate my thighs and stretch marks but i remember that someone out there could care less and only cares for my mind and i feel better.

Worst thing you've done to please someone?

Lied about my whole life pretty much. Or said someone said one thing when they said the opposite to protect their feelings.